Phicklephilly Has Gotten 50,000 Page Views In 2020!

History is written by winners, baby…

Wow! Thanks so much folks!

2020 has had it’s challenges, but we continue to march forward here at Phicklephilly. When I look back on how the site has grown over the last four years I’m pretty amazed.

Back in 2016, I started the blog in May, but really didn’t start writing anything until late August of the year. I got a total of 963 page views for that year.

In 2017, I increased my content and added some new subjects and features. My page views for that year came in at 17,000. An incredible increase!

In 2018, we hit 33,000 page views, nearly doubling the previous year’s views!

By 2019, we closed out the year at 43,000 page views. We added another 10,000 pages views that year.

Here we are in 2020… 6 months into the year, and we’ve already hit 50,000 page views for the year so far! Crushing last year’s number! I love it!

So that brings us to over 143,000 pages views since inception!

I couldn’t be more pleased! Thanks to everybody for visiting my little blog here in Philly. I look at the stats. It’s nice to see what people from all over the world like to read.

Okay, stay safe and healthy everybody. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and practice safe social distancing.

It’s been hard writing a dating blog and not being allowed to go out and date! I feel like I’m grounded!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy my new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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How To Keep Your Breakup From Making You Literally Sick

One from a female reader!

The first time I ever smoked a cigarette was the night my fiancé broke up with me over the phone. After he told me he didn’t love me anymore and that I could keep my engagement ring, I hung up, went into the kitchen, and grabbed a cigarette from an open pack that belonged to my dad. I didn’t think twice — I just needed to burn something.

The end of that relationship was so sudden and unexpected that I didn’t know how to process it. So, I smoked cigarettes and started drinking alcohol excessively. Hanging out in bars and getting wasted had never appealed to me, but I had just turned 21, so I figured, why not? For a few brief hours every Friday and Saturday night, three or four Long Island iced teas could help me forget how devastated I felt the rest of the week.

“Breakups are painful — literally,” says Rosie Shrout, a postdoctoral researcher at Ohio State University who studies the intersection between health and romantic relationships. “Just like any other stressful experience, breakups can cause a psychological and physiological stress response, meaning our bodies produce stress hormones that wear and tear on our mental and physical health.”

Too often, we turn to behaviors that affect our physical health — such as binge drinking, smoking, using drugs, or exercising too much — to help cope with the aftermath of a relationship ending. We may view these behaviors as a way to get back at our ex, or we may turn to them because our inhibitions are lowered or our self-esteem has been damaged, Shrout says.

That was Penny’s* experience. The 31-year-old says she started drinking heavily, getting high, and hooking up with people who didn’t make her happy after she discovered her boyfriend had cheated on her. “Drinking and getting high numbed me, and sleeping around gave me validation,” she says.

Shrout says that while these types of responses are not uncommon, they’re also not great coping strategies. You might feel better in the moment, but these behaviors “don’t treat the emotional distress from the breakup and can even contribute to long-term health problems.”

Research shows that romantic relationships play a role in a person’s overall health — and not always for the better. One study found that people who said their closest relationships (including those involving an S.O.) were filled with conflict had a 34% higher risk of developing heart problems, even after adjusting for things like age and overall health. Another study found that people who were married and unhappy had higher blood pressure than those who were single. Researchers have also found that women who’ve dealt with multiple breakups have worse mental health than women who’ve managed to avoid heartache by staying single or sticking with their very first romantic partner.

But let’s be real: The chances of that happening in 2019 are pretty slim. We will all likely experience a bad breakup at some point. Knowing that, here are a few ways to stay healthy during those tough times.

Unfollow your ex.

To preserve your well-being, Joy Harden Bradford, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist in Georgia, recommends disconnecting from your former partner on social media — at least for now. “A lot of times when we’re trying to stay connected with the ex, we’re trying to answer questions that social media will not give us the full answers to,” she says. “We’re trying to see if they’re hurting as much as we’re hurting or if there’s somebody new that they’re dating.”

This can create more emotional distress than forcing yourself to let go. And, as Bradford explains, that distress can manifest in physical symptoms, such as headaches, stomachaches, random pain or tension. Thanks, but no thanks.

Stay active.

Working out might be the last thing you want to do after getting dumped, but exercise has been proven to reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety and increase self-esteem. “It doesn’t have to be full-blown Orange Theory every day,” Bradford says. Even a walk around campus or a few yoga poses while you binge on “Stranger Things” can be beneficial. The endorphins you get from exercise can help stabilize your mood — and yes, that’s true even when you’re convinced you’d rather spend the next six hours with your face in a tub of popcorn.

Get nutrition.

It’s not uncommon to lose your appetite post-breakup, especially if you’re really sad. The stress of a broken heart can unleash a swell of hormones and put your body in survival mode. As a result, the urge to eat becomes secondary — even a plate of authentic savory tacos from your favorite Mexican restaurant can look unappetizing. (The horror!) If that’s the case, Bradford recommends a smoothie or meal replacement shake. “Sometimes it can feel really hard to eat,” she says. “I typically will recommend people drink because that’s a little easier.”

Find a voice box.

Showing up to a party without your ex will likely raise questions, especially if you’ve been joined at the hip since day one. If it hurts too much to talk about the breakup, ask someone you trust to give people the heads up on why you’re riding solo. “When you are telling the story over and over again, sometimes you get stuck there,” Bradford says. “You can’t move on to the healing place if you are stuck in the reporting place.” Ask a friend to simply tell it like it is so everyone can move on: “Yes, they broke up, and no she doesn’t want to talk about it. How was your week?”

Allow yourself to feel all the feelings.

Everyone deals with painful events differently. Avoidance, however, is not an effective coping mechanism. “Those feelings don’t go away because we’re distracting ourselves,” says Bradford. “[It’s important to] really allow yourself to sit in the depth of those feelings, even though it sounds really miserable. There is no way for them to go away unless you actually allow yourself to experience them and then come to realize you can come out on the other side of this.”

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy my new book, Angel with a Broken Wing on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

Tinder Moments – 18 Strange Tinder Profiles To Make You Cringe Your Face Off

I haven’t done one of these in a while, but why not? These are crazy!

picture someone in spiderman costume above city tinder spider-Man, 37 Crime fighter at The Avengers less than a kilometre away. Friendly, sensitive, strong sense of responsibility, liberal sexual attitude. Two previous Itrs, neither ended particularly well so now I'm looking for that special someone to hang around with. Good with heights and basic first aid deal breaker ed but not a EDIT INFO

 

18 Strange Tinder Profiles To Make You Cringe Your Face Off

Tinder is a place where people should express themselves, because if you’re looking for a partner for sexy time, or a partner for the not-sexy-times too (which we call a relationship), you should just get it over with and show off your weirdest quirks straight away. Right?! Well that’s what these Tinder people did, and… actually maybe I change my mind. Don’t do what these people did, because people (like us) will laugh at your f*cking weird Tinder profiles. Sorry not sorry. Heh heh.

  • 1
    Selfie girl with glasses blur lips tinder- Done Kelly, 20 24 miles away Active 1 week ago About Kelly Im sentient trash. nonbinary femme queer (im not a woman and don't call me one). I like lots of other stuff: bedroom pop, cartoons, food, puppies, aliens, u name it. STRANGEBEAVER.cOm X

  • 2
    picture man wearing backpack in muddy field tinder Mark, 36 McMaster University less than a kilometer away I'm looking for a girl to dress up like Garfield and eat lasagna off my chest. No weirdos. 102 Friends for Common Connections ID

  • 3
    picture girl long red hair tinder Vegan, feminist, I only date guys with muscles and an income. Anti vaxination. I am a vegan. If your not an atheist you need to check yourself. You know my name, not my story. X

  • 4
    picture blonde girl tinder i love me a guy in a fedora:) just kidding if u wear a fedora don't FUCKING message me RECOMME SYDNEY X

  • 5
    picture girl bright orange hair tinder I'm a chubby non-binary vegan queer. I sling vegan baked goods for a living. I reference Harry Potter on the daily. If you're not down for polyamory then we probably won't get along. Xearning ve only make frie e since M

  • 6
    girl wearing glasses red lipstick tinder About Mary Feminist, vegetarian, journalist, music junkie.

  • 7
    tinder messages Perrity YOU MATCHED WITH PERRITY ON 13/2/17. k-konnichiwa cutie chan; 33 *tips fedora and blushes* *hides behind corner waiting for m'lady to respond* Sent Okay wtf is happening Type a Message... Send GIF

  • 8
    guy taking selfie glasses blue shirt tinder- Tim, 23 Sam Houston State University 40 miles away lost my watch at a party once. An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was harassing Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched some woman at that party. him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch X ored Panda/ Tinder

  • 9
    selfie girl hair tinder Done Sydney, 24 18 miles away Active 33 seconds ago About Sydney The only reason I want a boyfriend is so that when I'm singing Fergilicious and it's at the part where she says "I be up in the gym just workin on my fitness he's my witness" I can point to him and he'll do the little "WOOOOH" part because right now I have to do both parts by myself and it's stressful because right after the WOOOOH part I have to get right back into rapping and the transition is hard

  • 10
    girl taking selfie looking drunk tinder Vanessa, 19 18 miles away If what you look for is a girl with personality then you're in luck because I have multiple Don't listen to her X BoredPanda/ Tinder 3

  • 11
    picture girl eating burrito sky tinder - Rachel, 20 1 mile away active 14 minutes ago About Rachel tbh I just want to get some free chipotle out of this

  • 12
    picture pretty girl smiling in tree tinder Megan, 24 37 miles away Active 9 hours ago About Megan I prefer my men out of shape and overly sensitive. X

  • 13
    selfie girl smiling tinder Alessandra, 27 10 miles away Active 1 hour ago I'm married and not interested. I just think Tinder is a fun activity while l poop.
  • 14
    picture girl black hair tinder Nicole, 19 43 miles away Active 41 minutes ago I'm 5'11, and if you couldn't tell I have long brown hair and huge tits

  • 15
    picture blonde girl tinder Chelsea, 23 25 kilometers away Active 1 hour ago If you like celery in soup, I hope you like celery on your children's graves because ur weak, ur bloodlines weak, and you'll never survive the winter

  • 16
    picture girl black hair tinder Samantha, 21 7 miles away Active 1 day ago Standing tall at 5'2" I want to do adult things with you.. "whispers* taxes "panting softly* pay the mortgage *moans* make sure we turned off all the lights, our utility bill was fucking $300 this month

  • 17
    picture girl hose water spraying into mouth tinder Courtney 21 Distance: 14 miles away Active: 51 minutes ago Tagline How would I describe myself? Three words: hard working, alpha male, jackhammer...merciless...insatiable... Shared Friends

  • 18
    picture someone in spiderman costume above city tinder spider-Man, 37 Crime fighter at The Avengers less than a kilometre away. Friendly, sensitive, strong sense of responsibility, liberal sexual attitude. Two previous Itrs, neither ended particularly well so now I'm looking for that special someone to hang around with. Good with heights and basic first aid deal breaker ed but not a EDIT INFO

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

 

4 Dating App Profile Red Flags To Watch Out For

Meeting people on dating apps has become the norm when it comes to finding love. Chances are, you and most of the people you know have gone on at least one first date with a match you swiped on. Although there’s no denying how much online dating has improved people’s access to nearby singles, it’s also made it trickier to identify folks who may not be compatible. Keeping an eye out for dating app profile red flags is the best way to avoid ending up in an uncomfortable or potentially dangerous situation. According to Joshua Klapow, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and host of The Kurre and Klapow Show, you can’t always accurately judge someone based on their dating profile, but it’s important to trust your gut.

“A dating app profile can absolutely provide some information on a person,” Dr. Klapow tells Elite Daily. “However, they should never be considered the definitive source of a good or bad match. They can give you a gut response (good or bad), which may be accurate or inaccurate. If you’re lukewarm, it’s a reasonable idea to proceed with a phone call or video chat to clarify your feelings. That being said, if your gut response to their profile or communication style is negative, it’s time to move on.” Here are the tell-tale signs from someone’s dating profile that you probably won’t be compatible.

1. You Have Contradicting Morals Or Beliefs.

As you move through the online dating sphere, it’s important to remember that core values and beliefs aren’t universal. So, if someone’s profile suggests fundamental incompatibilities, this is enough of a reason to swipe left. “If there’s anything in the profile that repulses you, or if you see something that is fundamentally opposed to your morals, values, or beliefs,” Dr. Klapow recommends seeking out a different match.

2. They Come Across As Self-Absorbed.

Awkward unimpressed woman with Afro hairstyle, pulls palms towards camera, refuses something, rejects proposal, wears green neck sweater, stands over crimson wall with empty space. No, thank you
Shutterstock

Let’s be real: Online dating is inherently designed to reward those who can present themselves well, even if the representation is technically inaccurate. However, there’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance. “If someone seems over-the-top to the point that they come across as self-absorbed, this is a red flag,” says Dr. Klapow. There’s nothing wrong with a profile that highlights someone’s accomplishments and positive attributes, but if it leaves you with a bad taste in your mouth, this could signal incompatibility.

3. Their Interests Concern You.

If you’re firmly against the Second Amendment, dating someone who’s a gun enthusiast could be problematic. Similarly, if recreational drug use is something you have a problem with, it may not be a good idea to date someone who experiments with substances. “Mystery can be attractive, but fear is not a good thing,” warns Klapow. “Although a bit of danger may seem interesting or fascinating, if their description of who they are or what they do scares you, don’t misinterpret that as attraction.”

4. Nothing About Them Entices You.

“If you have no interest in them or aren’t attracted to anything in their profile, don’t talk yourself into a date,” says Dr. Klapow. “They may be attractive, and even have objectively ‘good’ and ‘positive’ characteristics, but if you read the info, looked at the pictures, and still can’t find anything you’re drawn to, they probably aren’t a good match for you.” Even though it can be easy to let logic override your initial gut reaction, this isn’t always a good idea. Again, if you’re unsure, it might be worth having a conversation to see if your feelings change. However, if something about them makes you feel even the slightest bit uneasy, it’s probably best to keep swiping.

In the end, there is no fool-proof way to accurately judge someone purely based on their dating profile. Sure, dating profiles can provide helpful insight into who someone is, but sometimes, these depictions simply aren’t accurate. That’s why it’s important to be careful with who you decide to ultimately meet up with. And if do agree to a date, you should always meet in public until you’ve established a sense of trust.

 

8 Rules of Texting While Dating

Did you know it was Swingers who created the law of waiting three days before texting your date? Though it potentially separates the cool ones from the clingy ones, this rule of dating texting is outdated in the current dating scenario. Considering how well connected we are now, thanks to technology, this thumb rule of dating is sort of backdated. I mean we all know how many hours we spend looking at our smartphones.

Yes, you read that right. There are rules of dating texting that can actually make of break your relationship. Texting etiquettes are ever evolving. Texting is the pre-game shenanigan. Monosyllabic replies don’t always mean disinterest. In the same time, little to no time replies does not necessarily mean they are super interested in you. Dating texting is an upgrading game you need to keep up. If you have been out of the game for a while, chances are you missed out on a few upgrades.

But not to worry. We have got you covered. We have researched far and wide to get you the 8 priceless rules of dating texting, so you know what are the right keys to press.

8 Golden rules of Dating Texting

Here are a few rules for texting-while-dating. These rules of dating texting will get you in the game and keep you there.

1. Plz do nt type lyk dis

A major turnoff. Considering how fast you are on the keyboard, you can spend a few extra minutes to type out the complete words, instd of lyk dis. Unless you are attempting to crudely execute the Thesaurus and your date’s interest in you, avoid typing abbreviations – spend a few extra minutes to spell out the entire word.

Check for your autocorrected words. Don’t let excited become irritated.

give attention to grammar while texting

Check if they are meme-friendly. If they do respond with the same enthusiasm with the millennial culture, start incorporating them slowly into your texts to keep things cool. Do not make texting an excuse to misspell words.

2. No overloading of texts, please..

Picture this:

Hey!
?
What’s up?
Busy?
Where you gone?

No one wants to open text messenger to find multiple text messages from the same person. It is suggestive of a clingy character and your date will slowly retreat to ghosting you if you flood their inbox with unread messages. Word of advice: When they don’t text back, wait. Chill. Grab a beer. Slow down, Flo Jo!

Under no circumstances are you supposed to overload them with your concerned messages. You are their date, not their mother. (Or something worse, an insecure partner!)

3. Alcohol + texting=No good

So when to text and when not to? In the initial stages of dating, you might feel like talking to your date all the time. Keep in mind, your date still does not know the neurotic, clingy person you really are yet. So, if you have alcohol in your system, texting long paragraphs with typos is not a sexy thing. Apart from the fact that you might spill some crazy details that might turn them off completely, it also shows how well you can handle alcohol.

Big rule: Do not drunk text.

drunk texting

Likewise, there are no more rules about the man making the first move after a date. 21st century do not dictate women to stay-at-home or only respond when talked to. Text first if you want to talk. But also take care not to initiate the conversation every time. Let your date do it sometimes.

But know when to text a girl. Stick to texting at daytime, rather than after 11 pm, unless you are looking for a booty call.

There is no necessity to text every day. Elite Daily points out, “Talking constantly builds co-dependency” and it’s true. You keep looking for notifications because you are so indulged in gratifying yourself when they text. Not dishing out every aspect of your day means you will have things to talk about on your dates.

4. No calls without prior notice

Just because someone is texting you at the moment, does not mean they are free to take calls. There is also no need to respond to a text by calling them. Introverts will dodge them like deadlines. Even if there is need to clarify something (like explaining which route to take to reach a club), ask them if it’s okay to call them before speed-dialling them.

5. Response to the text

Text response time etiquette is to be acquired over time. The golden rule to this is: If it takes your date one day to respond to your message, do not respond to it immediately. It just shows you have been sitting by the phone for a day for them to reply; and you don’t want to give them that power over you yet.

Likewise, you should not take hours to respond to a text, unless you are swamped throughout the day.

Also, not all texts need a response. Something like: “I am on my way to the theater. Meet you there” does not need a response. An emoji might be okay. Might.

6. Chemistry is everything

There is a thing called texting chemistry, one where you can feel the chemistry between two people while texting. If you are jumping back and forth between “Good night” and” Good night” that can get too boring too fast. If you lack in chemistry, there are ways to build it up. “I normally text a lot of people on Tinder and get a hang on before proceeding to talk to the person I really want,” says Annie.

If the conversation seems to get stagnant, you can share a bit of your personal stuff and see how they react. If they want to click with you, they might share an embarrassing public incident from when they were 10. And that’s a win!

7. No texting serious stuff

Texting is the pre-game. More of a savvy flirting before being on dates with each other. Serious, personal stuff should not be exchanged on texts. Get the information you need on the actual date. So don’t ever text: “Are you monogamous? Did you see any close person die?”

texting serious stuff

Also, put the brakes on the sarcasm or other literary devices you want to incorporate in your two worded-texts. They might not like it and will genuinely think of you as a sarcastic person. Or worse, think you are not funny or smart (sarcasm is the lowest kind of wit). Basically, keep the texts as simple as you can to convey emotions plainly. Measure the water you are dipping your feet in before being the freest self.

8. Is sexting okay?

Before you delve into the sexy world, make sure your date is comfortable with it. If a semi-nude photo is replied with an emoji, dial down on the sexting. Some people take their time to send out nudes, or get comfortable with sexting.

But semi nudes are not the only way to set the ground for sexting. You can also blame autocorrect if you are in a dilemma.

Have a few golden rules of texting to add? What do you feel the topmost rule of texting is? Let us know in the comments below.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy my new book, Angel with a Broken Wing on June 20th, on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

People Who Have Good Relationships Don’t Have To Tell Everyone on Facebook

What makes a good relationship? If I asked this question a few decades ago, you would have started listing: love, care, respect, understanding.

If I asked you the same question forty or fifty years ago, I would have been told that a good relationship is based on respect, loyalty, shared family values, and similar social backgrounds.

There is no need to delve into it anymore, as things have changed. A lot. Nowadays, no one will believe you are happy in love in case they do not see it on social media.

People think you are avoiding commitment in case you do not show them off regularly on social media, and thus causes a strain on the relationship. Actually, new couples officialize their relationship when they post their first photo on Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, and the like.

Jane Greer, Ph.D., a New York-based relationship expert and author of What About Me?: Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship, says:

“This is a violation of both your partner’s and relationship’s privacy and only shows your desperate need to feel important and be noticed. It’s more important to look at your relationship through your own eyes than portray it for the world to see and judge.”

Experts agree that in case you constantly feel the need to post about your relationship with your partner, you feel insecure as an individual or in your relationship.

Rori Sassoon, premier matchmaker and CEO of Platinum Poire, maintains:

“Commenting and including your partner on everything you do is what an insecure or codependent relationship looks like. And if it’s your partner who is constantly commenting and including you on everything he or she posts, he or she is either trying to claim you as his or her property or showing signs of codependency.”

The most disturbing truth is that people have become so addicted to social media, that it seriously affects their life.

Jonathan Bennett, relationship expert, life coach, and certified counselor in Columbus, Ohio, explains that people are constantly being shown images of what the ‘ideal’ relationship looks like, and it can put a lot of strain on relationships that don’t live up to “the ridiculous standards set by celebrity couples”.

While seeing all those “happy” people out there, many become depressed and anxious, as they could never afford a luxurious life, and many stay in a toxic relationship just to impress their followers.

A change in the relationship status or deleting all photos with your ex quickly causes a scandal, so you need to explain things to everyone.

Keeping up with the image one has created on social media is difficult and exhausting.

In reality, most truly happy couples spend as much time as they can together and do not worry about what others think of them.

On the other hand, a pair that looks perfectly on social media could be highly dysfunctional in real life. Many people who constantly post inside jokes, pictures of themselves doing romantic activities, and confess their love for each other, are actually doing it to convince everyone else they’re in a happy and healthy relationship, to trick themselves into thinking they are in a happy and healthy relationship.

According to sexologist Nikki Goldstein, people who post the most are the ones are seeking validation for their relationship from other people on social media.

The likes and comments can be so validating that insecure people get their up from them, not the person making the gesture, but what other people will say about it.

According to a 2016 survey of 170 undergraduates in relationships that investigated “the relationship between online self-presentation and offline relational characteristics” found that couples who focused on making it work in the real world, instead of on the social media, were more likely to stay committed and happy in their relationships.

Therefore, you need to break free from the pressure the new era has put on us, and work to make your relationship succeed.

You should not get upset if your partner does not like to post a new photo of you two together, or if you do not chat all the time. What is important is to pay attention to the things that matter, talk face-to-face and spend your free time together, loving and caring for each other.

You do not owe anyone to show that you are happy, you should feel happy instead. Focus on your intimacy, not on the image other people have for you.

Be open with your partner, talk about your desires, plans, problems, ambitions, and dreams. Be honest from the start, as nothing can be created based on lies and pretending. Be yourself instead.

Spend time on your favorite locations, plan your dates, and make sure you have good communication.

Don’t be afraid to forgive and apologize, as everyone makes mistakes. Celebrate each other’s achievements in life, support your partner, and motivate him/her to pursue his/her dreams.

Everyone will post lovely comments on the photos of you two together, but no one will genuinely care when you argue and face difficulties. therefore, make sure you strengthen your relationship regardless of the opinions of others and make sure your partner knows she/he can always lean on you.

Remember, you need to care for the needs of your partner as well, and not only for your own. Pay attention not to stay distant in your relationship our of the fear that you will end up hurt, as in this way, you will both be dissatisfied and unfulfilled.

Honor your relationship to create a healthy base, and enjoy a loving, faithful, and meaningful relationship that will make your life beautiful.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

Feeling Calm During The Coronavirus Pandemic Is A Valid Reaction, Experts Say

The news is full of advice on how to stay calm during the coronavirus pandemic — but what if, actually, you’ve been feeling pretty OK? Psychologists say that keeping your cool isn’t an inappropriate reaction to what’s going on right now, even if you feel like everyone around you is in panicking. People who feel less rattled than they think they should might be reacting in line with their temperament, their experience with previous traumas, and their overall panic levels over time.

“While the impact of coronavirus is global, the reactions are decidedly individual,” Dr. Gregory Nawalanic M.D., a clinical psychologist with the University of Kansas Health System, tells Bustle. “There is no specifically ‘right’ way to respond to a pandemic.” A person’s reactions to extreme situations tend to moderate over time, and you may feel more relaxed now if you were initially very worried. “The folks who initially panicked trend toward a calmer space of acceptance, in the same way that those who initially dismissed the potential impact will trend toward activated understanding,” he says. Or so we hope.

Some people are also inherently calmer than others in the face of threats or anxiety-provoking events. “Everyone has their own innate temperament, how they are wired, so to speak,” Dr. Nadia E. Charguia M.D., a psychiatrist with the Department of Psychiatry at University of North Carolina Health, tells Bustle. “We all are on a spectrum when it comes to our character traits,” she says.

A woman bakes bread at home. If you're feeling calm during the coronavirus pandemic, experts say that's okay
miljko/E+/Getty Images

You may also be finding some aspects of isolation soothing, especially if you’re introverted by nature. “The reduced interactions, and not needing to be ‘on our top game’ socially, can give us a sense of safety, familiarity, and calmness,” Dr. Joshua Klapow Ph.D., a clinical psychologist, tells Bustle. “We are reminded that we can be in our pajamas, take off our shoes and sit in our favorite chair.” The familiar things in your environment can be really effective in calming you down.

Previous experience with trauma can also make people more chill. “Many people have had prior exposure to highly stressed situations, and as a result, may no longer exhibit a stressed, strained or anxious response,” Dr. Charguia says. If any part of this experience feels familiar,  you may feel more relaxed about living through it.

That said, some people might be feeling extra calm because they’re repressing their anxiety. Dr. Nawalanic says that if you’ve been feeling oddly detached or unemotional, your anxiety might be manifesting itself in other ways, like mood swings, sleep problems, depression, or strain in your relationships. If you’re repressing your feelings about coronavirus, he says, it’s likely they might bubble up after the situation is resolved, and you could start feeling really anxious once lockdown is over.

“Those who appear strangely calm in the face of loss and hardship right now might be more in need of mental health support than those who are appropriately acknowledging and expressing their feelings,” Dr. Nawalanic says. If you’re concerned that your no-worries demeanor is covering up deeper feelings, talk to a supportive person in your life, or try reaching out to a therapist.

If you’re feeling pretty OK about things right now, though, try not to stress about it — some people just deal with upheaval in their own, calm way.

If you or someone you know is seeking help for mental health concerns, visit the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) website, or call 1-800-950-NAMI(6264). For confidential treatment referrals, visit the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) website, or call the National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP(4357). In an emergency, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK(8255) or call 911.

 

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60 Conversation Starters For Dating Apps During The Coronavirus Pandemic

Though you can’t go out for drinks, your love life is still open for business. As more and more people hunker down in their homes, hitting it off with a new match can be just one click away. While the grocery store may be out of toilet paper, rest assured, there’s no shortage of conversation starters for dating apps during the coronavirus pandemic.

According to Jaclyn Lopez Witmer, licensed clinical psychologist at Therapy Group of NYC, while it’s important to remain informed about the spread of coronavirus, it can also be beneficial for your mental health to talk to about other things, too.

“Focus on aspects of your life that are going well and that you feel you have some control over,”Lopez Witmer tells Bustle. “Part of staying healthy is maintaining connection, intimacy, and sex. These things boost mood and help release those feel-good hormones in our brains!”

If you just made the best coconut chicken curry or can’t stop learning all the TikTok dances, bonding with your crush about random topics other than the virus can help you both relieve some COVID-19-induced anxiety.

Here are 60 ways to start a conversation with a new match during a global pandemic.

PeopleImages/E+/Getty Images

Rather Than: “Hey”

1. What’s your go-to quarantine outfit?

2. Tell me about the best meal you’ve cooked so far.

3. So, what’s the most annoying thing your roommate has done since quarantine began?

4. Have you started any new projects or hobbies?

5. What made you laugh today?

6. When’s the last time you called your family?

7. What was the highlight of your day? Mine was walking from the kitchen to my living room.

8. I’ve rearranged the furniture in my room three times. What indoor activities have you been up to?

9. I keep a phone charger in the living room and another one in my bedroom, so I don’t have to go back and forth when my phone dies. What’s your best quarantine life-hack?

10. OK, I am attempting to make my own cold brew. Stay tuned.

11. You’re lucky you caught me, I’ve been unbelievably busy these days, with all the TV-watching and pajama-wearing.

12. Settle a debate: My roommates are wondering if a cheese quesadilla can be considered a meal or a snack?

13. Does swiping through this dating app count as “indoor exercise”?

14. What’s the most impulsive thing you’ve done during quarantine? I cut my own hair last week, and we’re not going to talk about it.

15. My roommate’s cat has been giving me life these past weeks. Do you have any pets? (Or plants!)

16. What are you making for dinner tonight?

17. So, have you also gotten into baking sourdough bread?

18. I don’t know how everyone on the internet seems to be doing crafts and making things! I’m exhausted just from playing on my phone.

19. Do you find that working at home is better or worse than going into your office?

20. So, when’s the last time you showered? Be honest.

Rather Than: “What’s up?”

21. What’s the last book your read?

22. Are you listening to any good podcasts in quarantine?

23. OK, I’m desperate for a new corny movie or bad TV show to get into. What have you been watching?

24. What songs are on your quarantine dance party playlist?

25. I’m going through old photos and thinking about all the places I want to go to when this is over. Where’s the best place you’ve ever traveled to?

26. Ugh, remember going to bars? What’s your go-to spot to get a drink in the city.

27. I would give anything for an oat milk latte from Starbucks right now. What’s your favorite coffee place?

28. I can’t decide what I should wear to this virtual dance party tonight, can I get your opinion on these two outfits?

29. What are the three places or group activities are you missing most right now?

30. I’m thinking about turning my kitchen table into a mini-office. Do you have any work-from-home tips?

31. Hmmm, should I make pasta with pesto or pasta with red sauce tonight?

32. Currently taking any and all funny video recommendations. Please send anything that made you laugh today.

33. Love that photo of you on a hike! Are you finding ways to stay active during quarantine?

34. That’s so cool that you’re a yoga teacher — do you have any live-stream classes that you recommend?

35. I love that sweatshirt in your first photo, where do you buy your comfy clothes? I’m always looking to add some flare to my quarantine uniform.

36. Please tell me you made that amazing dinner in your second photo. What are you cooking during quarantine tips?

37. If you could go anywhere right now, where would you go? I would ride the subway just to ride it.

38. What’s something small about life before quarantine that you miss? I miss drinking coffee in a to-go cup and getting honked at by cab drivers when I’m crossing the street.

39. Do you have any tips on making my living room a better place to work out in?

40. OK, for my next Zoom meeting, do I make my background the coffee shop in Friends or a Beyoncé album cover?

Rather Than: “You’re cute.”

41. You know what they say — (social)distance makes the heart grow fonder.

42. Are you a hardware store or pharmacy? Because I want to get all up in your essential business.

43. Maybe if we hit it off, we can go back to my Zoom.

44. Excited to have some quality (Face)Time with you.

45. Did the sun come up, or did you just smile? No really, I haven’t been outside in four days and don’t know if the sun is up.

46. I’ve lost track of what day it is, but you matched me at just the right time.

47. I’ll put on my nicest sweatshirt for our FaceTime date.

48. I can’t take you out, but I can send some delivery to your house.

49. It’s a good thing I didn’t meet you at the grocery store today because I don’t think I could stay six feet away from you.

50. What’s the worst first message you’ve ever received on this app?

51. I need to be honest: I’m happy you get to see these cute pics of me because I haven’t worn real pants in a month.

52. So, where should we go on our IRL date? We have all the time in the world to plan it.

53. If we were safe to go out and about right now, where would you be taking me?

54. You’re so sexy. You’re like straight out of my quaran-dreams.

55. I bet you look cute even when you don’t shower for three days.

56. If I met you out in public right now, what would you be wearing?

57. Did you see the NYC Health Department statement on sex and COVID-19? It’s worth the read.

58. You’re a sight for quarantined-eyes.

59. If I could rearrange the letters in “quarantine,” I’d put “U” and “I” together.

60. You don’t have to be six feet tall, but you do have to be six feet away.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

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14 Opening Lines To Use On Dating Apps While Quarantined

There’s nothing quite like a global pandemic to put a serious damper on your social life. But if there’s one positive thing about being in quarantine 24/7, it’s the opportunity to step up your dating app game, beginning by brushing up on your icebreakers. After all, your dating life doesn’t have to end in quarantine, it just has to adjust a little. Honestly, we could all use a laugh right now, and having a few flirty opening lines to use on dating apps while quarantined is a great way to not only to put a smile on someone’s face, but maybe even score you a FaceTime date with a cutie.

Taking that first step and reaching out to someone can sometimes be the hardest part, so if you get writer’s block when it’s time to make the first move, no worries. Here are some opening line ideas to help get you chatting.

1. Just so you know, I’m the total package: beauty, brains, and hella toilet paper.

2. Most important question ever: Team Joe Exotic or Team Carole Baskin?

3. Hey, you’re cute… wanna Netflix Party and chill?

4. Quick! What are your top three favorite things about being in quarantine? Go!

martin-dm/E+/Getty Images

5. I’m just looking for someone who enjoys sweatpants, Uber Eats, and taking long walks around the living room together.

6. If I said I wanted to quarantine together, would you hold it against me? And by it, I mean you.

7. You’re cute! I could see us getting SOCIAL in the not too DISTANT future.

8. What’s the best thing you’ve marathon-watched today?

9. I know we’re on lockdown, but I was hoping you’d want to open up to me.

10. Corny jokes are the quickest way to my heart. Tell me your best quarantine joke!

SimonSkafar/E+/Getty Images

11. It’s a good thing we’re in quarantine, because I don’t think I could stay six feet away from you otherwise.

12. I could definitely see myself practicing social ~closeness~ with you after all this.

13. What’ve you been doing to stay sane? I hit up this cutie on [insert whatever dating app you’re using here] and it’s definitely helping.

14. Hey! We should talk, because between you and me, it’s getting pretty boring having conversations with myself in here.

Get out there and start chatting — from a responsible social distance, of course.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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How Involved Should Our Friends and Family Be In Our Dating Lives?

I think we’ve all experienced a time in our lives when we dated, or even married a person that our friends and family were less than happy with.

But when the people in our lives don’t like the people we’ve chosen to date or with whom to be in a relationship, what does that do to our decision making process? Does it have some effect on us?

We all sometimes think that the decisions we make belong only to us. But in reality, our romantic connections are connected to our close friends and family lives.

Our romantic lives, and the choices we make are improved when our friends and family approve of that person. There have been times I’ve seen that if my friends and family don’t like her, that relationship can begin to deteriorate.

Many times, the approval of our friends and family members in regard to our romantic decisions, actually enhance our chances for success. If your friends and family like your current choice for a potential mate, you may actually have a more committed and sustaining relationship with that person.

This works across all types of relationships. It transcends race, same sex, religious beliefs, age gap and even national origin.

For the most part, we care about how our friends and family feel about our romantic relationships, and our perceptions of their approval or disapproval can influence how we feel about the relationship itself.

Many years ago, one of my sisters was in a relationship with a man the family sort of didn’t approve of. She has a strong sense of identity, and has always been fierce in her beliefs and her choices in life. She’s always been an independent thinker, and didn’t care what others thought of her decisions. She wasn’t affected by her family’s approval or disapproval of her romantic relationships. Sometimes we actually thought that she liked to do the opposite of what we expected her to do. (“She’s just being contrary.” my mother used to say) She remained in a committed relationship even when friends and family disapproved. The marriage worked, and we eventually grew to love him, but it was only after he proved he was industrious and became more ‘like us’ that we approved of him.

This is more of an anomaly than how things usually work out, but it bears mentioning. Most times, these types of relationships crumble under the stresses of life because they’re not a match. There’s a reason your friends and family don’t approve. But when you’re in love with someone, you don’t always see what’s obviously clear to those around you who truly care for you. (Notice how we only accepted him after he fell in line with our lifestyle and value system?)

The people we choose to spend our days and nights with aren’t really exclusive. Our friends and family’s feelings about our romantic partners can influence how we feel about our relationships. We feel more connected to partners to the extent that others approve of them, and less connected to the extent that they don’t. 

However, our personal characteristics, the ways of viewing the world around us that we inherently carry with us… can alter the extent to which our feelings for our partners are influenced by the approval of others.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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