The Most Unattractive Online Dating Mistakes Women Make To Cause Men To Swipe Left

Avoid these as much as possible.

Online dating and dating apps are all the rage these days. You no longer need to write long-winded paragraphs about yourself and your dream fantasy person.

Nowadays, if you want to go on a date, all you need to do is go to Bumble, Hinge, Tinder, and the countless other dating sites and just write a few sentences about yourself, do four or five photos, and off to swiping we go.

Brilliant.

You don’t have to read anything.

But — and here’s the big ‘but’ — those few sentences could also be enough to turn off the majority of men. I’ve seen it happen so many times.

What you say in those few sentences on a dating site can determine whether a man swipes right or swipes left. It can determine whether or not he wants to get together with you at all.

Women often make these 3 fatal mistakes in online dating — and they’re usually all in the same profile.

1. Saying you’re career-driven

As a man, I don’t need to know that. Do you know what the phrase “career-driven” triggers in a man?

He thinks, “She’s going to take charge of the relationship. She’s career-driven. She’s forgotten how to be feminine.”

Or, “She’s not a nurturing type of woman. She’s going to work late all the time and not really be feminine in a relationship.”

Career-driven — writing that alone triggers those kinds of thoughts in a man.

Most women desire a king. The king doesn’t care what you do, he cares about how you treat him.

Career-driven triggers the wrong things. How you formulated your career or how you make your money — men don’t need to know that. It doesn’t matter.

This is dating, not an interview. When women say career-driven, it shows me that you’re still in the interview process. You’re treating dates like interviews instead of romance.

2. Saying you don’t need a man

Usually, this comes after career-driven — “I don’t need a man in my life, but I would like one.”

Men like to feel needed and desired.

Nobody needs a man. And I don’t need a woman.

But, what I need and desire in a partner.

When someone says they don’t need a man, what that says is that you’re bitter. You’ve had bad relationships so you don’t need a man.

You had a dominating mother who castrated your father right in front of you and told you that men suck and you can’t rely on them.

So that one statement tells us that you’re not going to be feminine in a relationship. You don’t need us so you’re not going to fall for us. We’re not going to be able to romance you.

3. Saying, “My life is full of adventures. I live life to the fullest”

You’re telling us right then and there that you have no idea how to be vulnerable.

Living life to the fullest means that you have filled your life with other things besides romance and intimacy.

You have filled your life with toys and games and trips and everything else.

You’re telling us you really don’t need a man, you’re career-driven, and you live life to the fullest. It tells men — plain and simple — that you don’t get what being vulnerable and intimacy are all about.

Just three statements but they’re fatal.

They are so simple but women say them consistently.

Are you looking for love? Create a profile that attracts quality men that are desperate to date you by using language that triggers men in a positive way.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

When Should You Talk About Politics While Dating? It’s Earlier Than You Think

If you’re a young person in America, your political views are probably something you hold close to your heart, no matter where you fall on the spectrum. That being said, matching with a moderate hottie who voted for Donald Trump in 2016, or a snack who refuses to vote in 2020 if their candidate isn’t the front-runner is terrifying — but it’s also very possible. These conversations can be dicey and maybe even mood-killing, despite being so d*mn important. So, you’re stuck asking yourself a very valid question: When should you talk about politics while dating?

You’ve probably witnessed the explosive potential of talking politics with your family, and needless to say, that’s probably not the vibe you want for a first date. But even though bringing up politics early on while dating may seem too personal, you’re better off just ripping off the Band-Aid, says dating expert Julie Spira — especially because our country is so divided.

“For the first time, differing politics has become the number one deal-breaker in relationships,” Spira, author of Love in the Age of Trump: How Politics is Polarizing Relationships, tells Elite Daily. “Since politics is so much more than supporting a party, and the issues at stake are severe, [dating success] really comes down to finding someone with shared values.”

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“If your partner doesn’t feel the way you do about women’s rights, children separated at the border in cages, and healthcare, your values won’t be aligned,” Spira continues. Someone’s political views can say a lot about them, from their soft spots to their privilege to their views on equality and conflict.

Even the decision to be apolitical can be a point of contention in relationships. So if you wouldn’t be cool with dating someone who’s apolitical or don’t want to waste your time on someone with totally opposite views, it helps to be upfront about these potential deal-breakers.

“Since we’re in an election season now with primaries and debates filling the news cycle, not having an opinion isn’t an option anymore,” she says. “My research shows that 87% of singles won’t date someone who didn’t and won’t vote, showing that being a voter is actually a sexy trait.”

So, apart from worrying about what you’re wearing or if your date is as cute in-person as they are on Tinder, you’ll probably have to prepare for questions like, “Who are you voting for?” If you’ve got your answer ready, don’t shy away from giving it and explaining which issues are a deciding factor in your endorsement.

“If you prefer to have a date in a politics-free zone, then treat it the same way as if someone starts to talk about their ex,” Spira explains. “I recommend politely, saying, ‘Oh, I don’t talk about politics until the third date,’ and smile or wink at your date.”

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If you’re only just right of center or you’re still heartbroken about Elizabeth Warren dropping out of the race, you can eliminate a lot of heartache (and headache) by putting your political affiliation in your dating app profile. “It’s simple to show so by wearing political swag such as a MAGA hat or ‘vote blue no matter who [apparel] in your profile photos,” Spira says. “On your profile, you can add, ‘Swipe left if you voted right,’ or ‘Must support our president.'”

You might also end up dating someone who you disagree with on certain issues, but align with on core values. “Finding a compatible date doesn’t mean you should only be interested in a mirror-version of yourself,” Spira offers. “Learning another point of view can enrich your life, and having a lively political debate, as long as you’re not attacking each other, could make for an interesting night on the town.”

You’ll know in your gut who feels like a good fit politically and who doesn’t. As hot and exciting as your date may be, do both of you a favor and don’t be afraid to jump right into the political conversation. It might make things uncomfortable for a moment, but you’ll thank yourself later.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

If You Miss Using Dating Apps Now That You’re In A Relationship, Here’s What To Do

After all of that swiping, matching, chatting, and meeting, you’ve finally landed yourself a keeper. You’re in a relationship with a great person, but sometimes, you still miss using dating apps. You may be wondering whether having the occasional urge to swipe is something you should be concerned about, which is a totally valid question. It turns out that there are a number of reasons why you might miss dating apps. The explanation may be as simple as you’re easily bored and you miss having a mindless activity to distract yourself with, or it could be more complicated — and could potentially be an indicator that you’re unhappy with some aspect of your relationship.

I spoke to Dr. QuaVaundra Perry, a licensed psychologist who specializes in couples’ therapy and relationship distress. She explains that there are a few things to consider if you’re in a relationship but find that you miss dating apps. She provided a list of questions to ask yourself, which, when answered honestly, can help determine if there is an unresolved issue within yourself or your relationship. Before you start to panic, you should ask yourself the following four questions. Then, evaluate your answers based on Dr. Perry’s expert advice.

1. What is it about dating apps that you miss?

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This is the first and most important question to ask yourself, according to Dr. Perry. She explains that the specific type of dating app that you miss can help shed some light on your situation.

“If you miss being on sites aimed to connect people looking for long-term relationships, it may mean you are unfulfilled with respect to your partner’s goals and values,” says Dr. Perry. “However, if you miss being on dating apps that are designed to promote casual sexual hookups, it may indicate unfulfilled sexual desires in your current relationship or differing views on monogamy.”

Depending on which category you fall into, you may need to have a serious conversation with your partner about your needs that are not getting met, and how this could impact your future together.

2. When and why did you use dating apps?

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It’s also important to evaluate when and why you visited dating apps or sites in the past because that can help explain the reasons behind your current urges to get back on them.

“Do you notice that you browse the sites mindlessly out of habit when you are bored or do you visit the sites when you feel rejected and alone?” says Dr. Perry. The former isn’t as big of an issue as the latter and can be more easily addressed and rectified. Consider downloading a few games on your phone. That way you can still be entertained, but without any consequences in terms of your relationship.

3. Are you happy in your relationship?

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“Another issue can be taming the mindset of finding the one,'” says Dr. Perry. “Oftentimes people are happy in their relationship but may feel compelled to continue using dating apps in case they are missing out on the perfect mate. Do you find yourself browsing out of curiosity?”

This is a common obstacle to finding a relationship on a dating app or at least getting someone to fully commit. It’s not out of the ordinary to question whether there is someone else out there for you who might be “better” than your current partner. This question of “What if?” may explain your reluctance to stop swiping.

4. Are you secure with yourself?

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Finally, ask yourself whether you are secure and confident in yourself. How is your self-esteem? Do you tend to get your confidence boosts through compliments from other people, or does that love come from within? This may be the hardest question to answer honestly, but it’s so important.

“At times, you may find yourself missing dating apps because it gave you a sense of validation and attention, even if short-lived,” says Dr. Perry. “It may be worth exploring whether you are looking outward for comfort and praise that can only be fulfilled within.”

There are a number of possible explanations why you might feel the need to use dating apps even though you’re in a committed relationship. Before you act rashly, though, consider what is missing from your relationship — and whether your current partner is able to help meet those needs.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Do You Have Chemistry In Real Life? 3 Signs It Only Works Over Text

You’ve been texting back and forth for days, and you’re already smitten by their flirty remarks and sharp wit. “Could this be the one?” you ask yourself, blushing by the glow of your phone screen — that is until you meet your date in person and your dreams are instantly crushed. Now, you’re wondering: Do I have chemistry in real life, or only over text?

I’ve witnessed this dating debacle firsthand.

“I don’t get it,” my girlfriend Angie* told me, as she lamented about yet another disappointing Tinder date. “We had this amazing back and forth banter going all week, he was super confident and funny. Then we finally meet up and it was awkward AF.”

It’s no secret that our phones play a massive role in dating nowadays — not only are we using them to meet people, but we’re also using them to get to know someone and assess whether they’re a good match. The problem with this is that our communication over text isn’t necessarily a solid indicator of our actual chemistry in person. By the time we meet up with someone, we’ve often already built up an understanding of who they are, based merely on the messages they’ve been sending — and that picture isn’t necessarily accurate.

“I have clients who spend two weeks texting because they want to get to know a person — but the only way you get to know a person is by meeting face to face,” Fran Greene, Licensed Clinical Social Worker and author of The Secret Rules of Flirting, tells Elite Daily. “It creates a sense of false intimacy, which can lead to a huge disappointment. The only way to gauge chemistry is to meet in person.”

Wondering whether your digital chemistry doesn’t quite translate when you’re face-to-face? Here are some signs that the sparks are flying on your phone screen, but not IRL.

You feel like your texting partner and your date are two different people.

You can’t count how many times your date’s texts had you sending the heart-eyes or smirk emoji. Undoubtedly, they have some serious digital game. When you meet in person, however, it’s a whole different story. That flirty charm is nowhere to be found.

“It can go from very affectionate texts to a very reserved and even distant feeling,” says Greene. “This can happen if the ‘vision of your crush’ is nothing like what you imagined even if you have exchanged photos.”

Sometimes you may have to be the one to make some moves to knock down your crush’s walls a bit. You can try breaking the touch barrier by putting a hand on their shoulder or knee while you’re laughing, and see how they respond. Still, if you feel like they were pretending to be someone they’re not, there’s a chance you fell for your texting partner and not your actual date. Maybe over time, your date will be able to open up and show their true selves, and you’ll finally be able to tell whether that chemistry is still there.

You’re doing far more of the conversational work in person.

Over text, your convo felt like a tennis match, with thought-provoking questions and clever responses being tossed back and forth — easy, natural, and equal. In-person, your conversation feels like throwing a tennis ball into the abyss, only to get nothing back. What gives?

“The conversation just flowed over text and when you meet in person, the silences are agonizing,” says Greene. “In-person, your anxiety can influence your spontaneity, and having a warm body in front of you changes everything — it becomes real!”

If it’s the first date, try to keep in mind that your date’s lackluster responses may be a matter of nerves. There’s a chance they might open up over time as they become more comfortable with you, and your in-person convos will match the ease of your texting ones. They could just be a little shyer when it comes to face-to-face interactions — or, of course, you could just have better texting chemistry than you do IRL.

They took their sweet time texting back.

When you’re texting, you have the advantage of taking a long pause to craft the perfect response. That’s not the case IRL — which is why you may feel like the chemistry that was explosive over text simply doesn’t exist in person.

“It’s often easier to text than talk,” adds Greene. “You can add and delete words and use emojis when texting.”

If your conversation is lacking in person, think back to when you were texting. Did it seem like there were some pauses in between their responses? They may have been editing their texts to perfection — and now that you’re making eye contact, they don’t have that luxury. Keep in mind that many of us can’t summon quite the same witty responses on the spot that we can come up with over text. The reality is, however, that your perceived chemistry may be rooted in their ability to edit their messages, which they can’t do IRL.

If you suspect that your texting chemistry isn’t quite matching up IRL, don’t stress. First of all, this is a super common conundrum.

“Because your expectations are off the charts, the likelihood of being disappointed even just a little is the norm,” explains Greene. “The best thing to do is to take a deep breath and don’t be so hard on yourself or your date. You both may be a little nervous because you thought you both found a match — and maybe you did!”

This common dating debacle is why Greene recommends waiting no longer than a week to meet up after you begin texting with your crush. While there may be extenuating circumstances sometimes that delay your date, it’s best not to wait weeks before you hang out IRL.

“It is a huge waste of your time to spend days texting as if you were long-lost lovers,” she added.

Remember: It’s a lot easier to be the best version of yourself over text. Not only do we tend to be more confident behind a screen, but we have plenty of time to weave together smart, quippy responses. The best thing to do is not to make any snap judgments on a first date, as there are lots of factors (mainly nerves) that can come into play and throw off your chemistry. Give your date a chance to relax, and time will tell whether or not the chemistry is still there IRL.

*Name has been changed.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please like, comment, share, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Facebook and Instagram: The Silent Relationship Killers

As Generation Y-ers, you all use social media. It’s a way of life. Where would we be if we didn’t constantly know what everyone in our lives was doing? Social media is an excellent way to stay connected with our peers, but sometimes the use of social media sites, such as Facebook and Instagram, can lead to trouble.

Particularly, when it comes to relationships. When someone has easy access to their significant other’s photos, conversations, etc, it can lead to a bit of an obsession. Constantly checking in on your partner is never a good thing, and new studies are starting to prove that.

New research from the University of Missouri School of Journalism has confirmed that too much social media can screw up your relationships, to the point that excessive use makes relationship conflict more likely, which can then lead to cheating and breakups.

Um, no thank you:

“Previous research has shown that the more a person in a romantic relationship uses Facebook, the more likely they are to monitor their partner’s Facebook activity more stringently, which can lead to feelings of jealousy. Facebook-induced jealousy may lead to arguments concerning past partners,” says doctoral student Russell Clayton, who led the study. “Excessive Facebook users are more likely to connect or reconnect with other Facebook users, including previous partners, which may lead to emotional and physical cheating.”

This doesn’t just apply to Facebook and IG, of course. Chronic social media stalking of any kind is detrimental to a relationship. Learn how to trust, and learn how to put away your iPhone for a while. If you’re looking for something, I guarantee that you’ll create a problem.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1