COMING SOON… PHICKLEPHILLY 2

“He found love… but can he keep it?”

Love at First Swipe! 

Phicklephilly 2 is the sequel to the best selling book, Phicklephilly: One man’s journey to find love in Philadelphia. In the first book, our hero returned to the city in search of the perfect girlfriend. It was a funny, and sometimes heart wrenching tale of a man trying to navigate the pitfalls of the modern dating world. 

After two failed relationships, he turns to online dating. He goes on several crazy dates, but finally finds a woman he really likes. She’s a bright, unique beauty, but like all relationships, they face several challenges.

Phicklephilly 2 continues his journey and shows you what it’s like being in a relationship, and the dynamics that play out living in the city. But several factors work against them both at every step. Will the couple survive the pitfalls and demands of being in an exclusive committed relationship?

He doesn’t always do what’s right, but neither does she. This is his intimate story of what that’s been like for him. Join him to see if he wins… or loses again. 

There’s always three sides to every story. His side, her side… and the truth. 

 

PHICKLEPHILLY 2 will publish on September 14th!

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

7 Mistakes To Avoid Making On Bumble

Bumble, which by many has been labeled “The Feminist Tinder,” is not only one of my personal favorite dating apps, but it’s also one of the best downloads for single people who identify as women. Unlike Tinder, Bumble allows women to have more power when it comes to their matches. You’re still meant to swipe left or right, but if you match with another person, it’s up to you to message them within 24 hours, or else the match disappears (and poof, no more chance to talk!). For women seeking other people who identify as women on the app, either person has 24 hours to make the first move or that connection will disappear, too. (Bonus: It also boasts a female founder, Whitney Wolfe, who was an executive at Tinder before launching Bumble.)

But like most dating apps, there are still plenty of mistakes to be made when swiping along. One of the most obvious? Treating Bumble like it’s Tinder. Yes, the two are very similar, but the app was specifically created by Wolfe, Tinder’s co-founder, to give people who identify as women a dating platform of respect and autonomy. So you shouldn’t be using it just like you use Tinder, even if all the swiping makes you feel as though the two are similar.

Similarly, David Bennett, dating expert and founder of Double Trust Dating tells Bustle it’s important to take swiping through Bumble seriously. “Some research shows that a lot of people get on dating apps for weird reasons: attention, wasting time, ego boosts, etc.,” Bennett says. “Unfortunately, many people view Bumble and other dating apps as something to do to waste time. However, this isn’t going to lead to meeting a great person. Just like anything else, if you want to meet someone high quality, then it will require thoughtfully engaging people on the app, in a timely manner.”

To give you an idea of what to avoid doing, here are a few mistakes most of us are guilty of on Bumble.

1. Not Talking With Your Matches As Soon As You Get Them

Since you have limited time to talk to your matches on Bumble, it's important to message them as soon as possible.

Ashley Batz/Bustle

One of the best things about Bumble is that you are the one who can start the conversation as you choose. But if you wait too long, your matches will disappear. Jennifer Stith, the VP of communications and brand development over at Bumble, tells Bustle that the whole purpose of the app is to encourage you to say something.

“The ephemeral nature of the app means you’ll have less time to sit on your hands and will really be presented with a small amount of time to decide who you really want to talk to. We’ve found that this leads to more confident connections,” Stith says.

If you get notifications sent to your phone, the app will let you know when a match is about to expire. But to prevent this from happening, message them soon after you become a mutual match. This way, they will know that you’re interested in pursuing a conversation, and you don’t run the risk of losing out on a potentially cool person.

2. Neglecting To Read Their Bio

This is a common mistake when it comes to dating apps. You’re swiping along, making quick judgments based on a person’s pictures, but disregarding common interests or the few sentences they’ve decided to write about themselves. Dating apps are designed to be easily navigated and quick, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take a moment to find out who you’re matching with. We’re not given many words to share our life stories, so whatever words they put there, take an extra second to look. This way, you may have a conversation starter for when you do match.

Similarly, don’t forget about yours. “Take the time to fill out a bio,” Stith says. “A little humor always goes far.”

3. Treating Bumble Like It’s Tinder

Bumble was designed very differently than Tinder, so the two apps shouldn't be treated the same.

Ashley Batz/Bustle

Like I said, Bumble isn’t Tinder, and it was specifically designed to be something a bit different. So don’t fall into the “swipe right to everyone” trap you may fall into when you’re Tinder-ing, and don’t sit and wait for someone else to make something happen. With Bumble, it is completely up to you — which, yes, can be scary. Wracking up matches for the sake of it also isn’t an option, because not speaking to your matches means they won’t be there the next day. Unlike Tinder, this app gives you little option but to get to know people, so embrace that!

4. Being Too Negative In Your Profile

While striving to be authentic in your bio is always a good thing, it’s important to steer clear of being too negative. This can ward off potential matches, and not give them the impression you’re actually trying to achieve.

“One of the biggest issues I have seen is that many people use their profile to list out the things they don’t want in a partner or just send out a negative vibe,” Bennett says. “While this is understandable since many people are trying to repel incompatible people, it actually has the opposite effect. This creates an overall pessimistic vibe that may cause good people to swipe left, and invite matches with people that don’t care if your bio is negative.”

It’s important to be discerning, and be clear with what you want — especially on dating apps where people are often not on the same page — but a brief, humorous bio can take you a long way. Once you match, use your conversation as a gauge for whether or not you may be compatible.

5. Starting A Conversation with “Hi”

Starting a conversation on Bumble with "hi" will rarely lead to an interesting conversation.

Ashley Batz/Bustle

This is a rule of thumb for dating apps/websites in general. Starting a conversation with “Hi” is boring and unoriginal. And if the person does answer you, they’ll likely have nothing original to say back.

“On Bumble women make the first move, and despite many women lamenting that most people can’t be bothered to say more than ‘hey,’ many women open with something just as disengaging,” Bennett says. “If you want to stand out to the person you’re messaging, open with something unique. I usually suggest asking a question or making a comment about something in the person’s profile. If you’re going to just say ‘hey’ at least add an emoji with it.”

It’s hard to develop an interesting conversation from that, because you’ve already started on a pretty mundane note. You don’t have to be the most clever person that ever graced Bumble, but if you start a convo asking them about a picture, or their “about me” (which you read), you’re sure to get a more interesting response.

6. Being Too Strict With Filters

While filters can definitely help tailor your search to someone you’d find compatible, it’s important to keep your options open as well to not exclude potentially good matches.

“This may seem like it’s not a mistake, but when I work with my coaching clients, many of them describe their real life crushes, and in many cases their Bumble filters would actually exclude many of the people they really like,” Bennett says. “I suggest being more generous in your filters so you can give a variety of people a chance to see if a connection might happen. This is how love works in ‘the real world.’ This is especially true if you meet a lot of ‘duds’ whom you are finding through your strict filters. Maybe you don’t even know what you want, and you’ll find it better if you are more generous.”

7. Taking It Personally When Someone Doesn’t Answer

It's hard not to take it personally if someone doesn't answer, but it's important to try.

Ashley Batz/Bustle

Because the shoe is on the other foot for women seeking men with this app, you may begin to notice that you’ve started some conversations, and people just aren’t answering you. Don’t take it personally. Ghosting is pretty common on all dating apps, but it’s especially felt on Bumble. For whatever reason, the person just didn’t decide to answer. So what? Keep on swiping, and talk to the other new matches you’re sure to get.

But when someone does answer you, be sure that the conversation eventually goes beyond Bumbling. “The ultimate goal is for both parties to feel comfortable enough to perhaps exchange phone numbers as a first step and then, ultimately, to meet in person. If too many messages are exchanged without this happening, it’s easy to meet a dead end,” Stith says. So don’t be afraid to ask for their number, and start things outside of the app.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Phicklephilly 2 is coming soon on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

Dating experts offer tips for lovelorn singles over 50

Carol Greenfield, 68, has had her share of bad app dates. She misses meeting people in person: Chemistry, she says, is hard to capture on a screen.

Over 50, single and ready to mingle? Here are some online dating tips, profile pointers and meetup guidelines from experts who know how to get seniors back into the matchmaking game.

Don’t fudge your profile photos

“Authentic dating profiles get the best results, and in midlife, no one expects a six-pack or perfect body,” says Julie Spira, a relationship expert with senior dating app OurTime. So opt for pics taken in 2019 that capture how you’d actually show up for a first date: in nice clothing, at your current weight and without a filter erasing your crow’s feet. A full-length body shot is essential, Spira adds — people will pass if they think you’re hiding something. And limit yourself to one group shot.

Don’t play it coy

“It used to be that once you connected with someone, you waited three days to get in touch again because you didn’t want to seem overly interested,” says Spira. “Technology has made that obsolete. If you don’t respond in three hours, your hot lead for romance is going to go cold.”

Raise your age cutoff

Many 50-plus singles vainly reject the idea of dating older, severely limiting their potential mates. Psychologist Chloe Carmichael recommends that people be open to dating those who are as much as five years their senior. That way, she says, you can greatly expand your dating pool without creating major age gaps.

Keep it brief

Most older singles have had rich life experiences, but the “About Me” section isn’t the place for your long-winded memoir, says Spira. Aim for three to five sentences that focus on your present life, possibly with a funny quote or a few emojis to quickly convey hobbies and passions.

Steer clear of TMI

Your matches are sure to ask about your relationship history, but that’s not an invitation to divulge your ex’s five-year affair with the dog walker. Be ready with a simple, blame-free sentence. For example, “The marriage ended a few years ago because we ultimately developed some trust issues, and I’ll be happy to tell you more down the line.”

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

8 Guys to Avoid in Online Dating

The best part about using dating apps is you’ll have the opportunity to date every day if you like, and there’s no doubt about it that no two dates will be the same. When you’re searching for love online, you’ll find men from every walk of life and varied personal backgrounds — that means you will also encounter the spectrum of different personality types.

Many single women who use online dating sites and apps report they have, on occasion, come across badly behaved guys online or when they arrived at the IRL date. Here are eight types of guys you should look out for — and avoid.

1. The Cheap Guy

Dating can be expensive, and no guy wants to break the bank and go to fancy restaurants without a return on his investment. But there are creative and affordable ways to go on dates. For example, you can get to know someone over a cup of soup or pizza at lunch, and if it works out, you can schedule a second date.

However, you might come across someone who doesn’t want to invest in a date. Typically, these guys suggest meeting for coffee, which represents an inexpensive date and a quick “out” if they don’t feel any chemistry.

Dating is a commitment of both time and resources. It takes time to get to know someone, so I’m not a fan of coffee dates. I’ll give you a few examples of coffee dates gone bad from my experience as a dating coach.

On one date, a guy suggested meeting for coffee and brought his own bottle of water. He refused to order a $4 coffee for his date or even buy her water when he arrived. It showed a complete lack of respect for the woman he had invited for coffee. In that case, the woman cut the date short and left.

Photo of a man with a piggy bank

On another date, a guy ordered his coffee from his Starbuck’s app in advance, so by the time his date arrived, he was happily sipping his cup of java. He could have sent her a text asking what she’d like to order, but made it clear they were going Dutch, or she’d be going home thirsty. She asked him why he didn’t offer to order her a coffee, and he replied with “I pre-ordered mine.” She opted to leave.

The guy another dater was meeting sent a text saying he had arrived, and the woman sent a reply that she was three minutes away and asked that he order her a latte. He said OK, and when she arrived, he had ordered the smallest size for less than $3 for her and ordered the largest size for over $4.50 for himself.

He also ordered food for himself in advance, including a croissant and banana because, he told her, he was hungry. In total, he spent $8 on himself for three items and $2.75 for her. As she sipped her small coffee, shaking her head in disbelief, she wondered why he hadn’t ordered the same size beverage for both of them. Needless to say, it was another one-and-done date.

When it comes to coffee dates, if you’d like to have a more meaningful conversation with someone, I suggest making the investment and going to a casual cafe. I’d also carefully vet the person on the phone in advance to avoid disappointment.

2. The Angry Guy

When I’m reading through profiles in search of matches, I often come across a profile of someone who sounds like they have a chip on their shoulder. Usually, their profile comes with a disclaimer, which is a big red flag.

A woman I know said she encountered one disclaimer that had written in capital letters “You are not authorized to share, reprint, or use my profile for any reason, and if I find out that you do, I will report you and get you banned.”

Photo of an angry man

I find this to be arrogant and offensive. If someone views your profile and thinks you’d be a good fit for a friend of theirs, why not let them make the introduction on your behalf? This verbiage gave the impression that her potential date would be an angry and threatening guy, so she took a pass.

Another profile said “Don’t contact me if you aren’t thin, don’t look like your profile photos, and lie about anything at all, including your age.” Since he gave a list of reasons not to contact him, his message was clear, and the woman didn’t. She wondered whether she would have been on the receiving end of his criticism if she’d gone on a date with him.

3. The Donnie Downer

It’s not unusual to get online dating fatigue or dating burnout if you’ve been swiping left and aren’t connecting with anyone. But you need to bring your A game to every date; you need to push the restart button and start anew.

Photo of a sad man

A few profiles I’ve viewed were over 500 words long — way too long-winded. Some people talk about how awful online dating has been for them, while others say they haven’t met anyone yet worth pursuing IRL. One person even said they had trust issues after getting out of a relationship with a partner who had cheated on them.

None of these rants belongs on a dating profile or should be discussed on a phone date or first date. If you come across a profile that has someone talking about losing their job, how their ex ran off with the neighbor, or how they’ve been depressed, take a pass and find someone who will be happy about meeting you.

4. The Narcissist

Occasionally, you’ll meet someone online who acts superior to others. These guys think so much of themselves that they will think very little of you.

Photo of a man looking at himself in the mirror

An example would be someone who is vain and says they’re a great catch because they’re handsome and are financially secure. This person will brag about their Ferrari and exotic vacations they’ve been on because it’s all about them.

You’ll rarely see them talk about the desire for a “we” because it’s all about “me.” These guys are charming but live in a fantasy world. It’s quite likely they can’t afford the lease payments on the Ferrari, or they’ve borrowed a friend’s car for a photo opp.

5. The Hookup Guy

Most singles are looking for meaningful relationships. In fact, in the Match Ninth Annual Singles in America Study, researchers found 75% of singles in the study said they are hopeful about finding love, with only 9% of singles looking to date casually.

Photo of a couple in bed

However, women often fear men are looking for a hookup, and, depending on which apps they are on or whether they’ve received a random dick pick, they have reason to worry.

If a man’s profile mentions sex, or if he comments on your photo and says you’re sizzling hot, chances are he’s looking for a hookup. Other signs include scheduling a late-night date, so if someone wants to meet for a drink at 10 p.m., make sure you’re unavailable.

6. The Classic Player

Finding a Casanova online isn’t unusual. He’s the guy who makes you feel like you’re the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen, and he’s as handsome as can be. He exudes confidence and sexuality, and if you meet, you may melt in his arms like butter.

The problem with this sexy guy is he will probably have you in rotation. You’ll never know for sure if you’re the Friday night date or the Saturday night date, but you’ll never get both nights in the weekend because his date card is full.

Photo of a man with two women

If you ask him if he’s seeing anyone else, the Classic Player will get defensive and tell you he’s so wrapped up with work these days and spending all of his free time with you.

If you become sexually involved, he’ll bolt in the morning for a “family event” and never take down his profile. Even if his romantic, over-the-top date night with you included saying he thinks he’s falling in love with you, it’s the line he uses to bed you and leave you.

7. The One Who isn’t Over His Ex

They say when one door closes, another opens. While I find that to be true, others say to get over someone you need to get under someone else.

When you meet someone who isn’t over his ex, you’ve got a living ghost in your relationship and are in a no-win love triangle. The tell-tale signs are quite obvious: He has photos of her everywhere on social media or on his phone; he is still connected on Facebook and Instagram; and he starts comparing you to her.

Time does heal, and it’s essential to find out if the person you’re meeting with is ready to date. For some, it’s immediate because the previous relationship was on a downward slant for a long time, and they mourned the loss as it was ending.

Photo of a man crying with a wedding ring

For others who have been jilted by an ex, they may still have them on a pedestal, and you might fear they could get back together again. Wondering how you’re matching up to the one who got away can make you feel anxious, and that is unhealthy.

On a dating profile, men often say they’ve just become single after a long relationship ended. On one dating profile I reviewed, a man had written in the first line that he knew the moment he met his ex-wife on their first date that he was going to marry her.

While that sounds romantic, and you can wonder if that would happen to you, it’s a clear sign that he’s not over her, and even though she’s gone, you could end up in the second position in his heart.

8. The Rescheduler

There are many reasons why people have to reschedule that are valid. Some include a business trip, a funeral, or a child who has the flu. In these cases, it’s important to show compassion and reschedule a firm date to get together when the dust settles.

However, there are a group of men who are on dating sites for the ego boost. They want to see likes on their photos by women. They love swiping right to get a mutual match on Tinder or Bumble, and they schedule dates with you that they have no intention of going on.

Photo of date night on a calendar

Perhaps they’re still in a relationship that’s about to run its course, and they want to check out the options. Or they have a habit of digital window shopping. In either case, you’ve got an unavailable man on your hands, and aren’t you worth meeting someone who has a clean slate just like you do?

Remember to Watch Your Behavior, Too, and Realize That There are Other Fish in the Dating Sea

If you meet someone who fits the description of any of these personality types, know that you’re not alone. And, if you heed our advice and take swift and determined action, you’ll be dodging a bullet. Once that’s resolved, don’t worry. With millions of singles dating online, it’s just a matter of time before you meet someone respectful and kind who is worthy of a woman with your qualities.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

The Dos and Don’ts of a One-Night Stand

Have you ever had a night out with your girls and wanted to take a guy home later for some real action? Well, I haven’t. But that’s only because I’m not into smashing and dashing. But there are plenty of women who are—they just don’t know how to go about doing it.

Have no fear, because I’m going to give you a few tips on having a successful one-night stand. Hey, just because I don’t do one-night stands, it doesn’t mean I don’t know what you should or shouldn’t do. Trust me, living vicariously through my friends has come in handy. Alas, here are the rules:

Do be safe

Having sex with a complete stranger is one of the riskiest things one can do. Your number one priority in a one-night stand is to make sure you’re safe before all the fun begins.

This means, make sure at least one of your friends know your whereabouts (iPhone has made it easy with sharing your location), and stay strapped—don’t depend on him for condoms. Bring your own.

Don’t rely on beer googles

Too many times we think a guy is cute after having one too many. If you’re going to be knocking back shots of Jameson all night, make sure you pick out your guy first. That way, you’ll know that he’s actually attractive and it isn’t the whiskey talking.

Do be honest

If you’re going to do this, be honest in knowing that you’re entering a sex-only zone. Know that he won’t be calling you after this and there will be no strings attached. If you’re all about the fun and not the feelings, do the damn thing! If not, step away from your thoughts.

As for him: Though it doesn’t seem common, there are some guys who are looking for more than a smash and dash. Be honest in telling him what you’re looking for, or in this case, what you’re not looking for. If he seems like the clingy type, GET OUT.

Don’t do it if too drunk

If you’re down to hit it and quit it, chances are you want to remember the experience. Drinking alcohol will lessen the nerves, but don’t get too drunk. No one wants a sloppy sex partner. And like I previously stated, you want a night to remember.

Do get out fast

You’ve both been drinking, which ultimately led you two to the bed. But when the morning comes, so does logical thoughts. Before you can even give yourself a chance to ask, “WTF just happened?” or “Who are you?” just go.

There’s nothing worse than embarrassment and regret, and not to mention, that notorious walk of shame. Make sure you keep a get-out-quick scheme in your back pocket.

Do follow-up

If you exchanged numbers with your hook-up, send him a quick, little courtesy text, telling him how much fun you had. Nothing more, nothing less.

Don’t leave anything behind

Before darting out of there, make sure you have all of your belongings. Double, even triple check for everything you came with. And last but certainly not least:

Don’t try to take it further

Well, this is a tricky one. If you’re feeling the chemistry between you and there can possibly be something more than sex, by all means, go for it—just not while you’re in bed the morning after.

You guys just had a wild night of random fun, don’t ruin it with serious talk. Wait after a few dates to spring it on him. But if he seems the least bit interested, GO THE OTHER WAY.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

Tinder Moments – 18 Strange Tinder Profiles To Make You Cringe Your Face Off

I haven’t done one of these in a while, but why not? These are crazy!

picture someone in spiderman costume above city tinder spider-Man, 37 Crime fighter at The Avengers less than a kilometre away. Friendly, sensitive, strong sense of responsibility, liberal sexual attitude. Two previous Itrs, neither ended particularly well so now I'm looking for that special someone to hang around with. Good with heights and basic first aid deal breaker ed but not a EDIT INFO

 

18 Strange Tinder Profiles To Make You Cringe Your Face Off

Tinder is a place where people should express themselves, because if you’re looking for a partner for sexy time, or a partner for the not-sexy-times too (which we call a relationship), you should just get it over with and show off your weirdest quirks straight away. Right?! Well that’s what these Tinder people did, and… actually maybe I change my mind. Don’t do what these people did, because people (like us) will laugh at your f*cking weird Tinder profiles. Sorry not sorry. Heh heh.

  • 1
    Selfie girl with glasses blur lips tinder- Done Kelly, 20 24 miles away Active 1 week ago About Kelly Im sentient trash. nonbinary femme queer (im not a woman and don't call me one). I like lots of other stuff: bedroom pop, cartoons, food, puppies, aliens, u name it. STRANGEBEAVER.cOm X

  • 2
    picture man wearing backpack in muddy field tinder Mark, 36 McMaster University less than a kilometer away I'm looking for a girl to dress up like Garfield and eat lasagna off my chest. No weirdos. 102 Friends for Common Connections ID

  • 3
    picture girl long red hair tinder Vegan, feminist, I only date guys with muscles and an income. Anti vaxination. I am a vegan. If your not an atheist you need to check yourself. You know my name, not my story. X

  • 4
    picture blonde girl tinder i love me a guy in a fedora:) just kidding if u wear a fedora don't FUCKING message me RECOMME SYDNEY X

  • 5
    picture girl bright orange hair tinder I'm a chubby non-binary vegan queer. I sling vegan baked goods for a living. I reference Harry Potter on the daily. If you're not down for polyamory then we probably won't get along. Xearning ve only make frie e since M

  • 6
    girl wearing glasses red lipstick tinder About Mary Feminist, vegetarian, journalist, music junkie.

  • 7
    tinder messages Perrity YOU MATCHED WITH PERRITY ON 13/2/17. k-konnichiwa cutie chan; 33 *tips fedora and blushes* *hides behind corner waiting for m'lady to respond* Sent Okay wtf is happening Type a Message... Send GIF

  • 8
    guy taking selfie glasses blue shirt tinder- Tim, 23 Sam Houston State University 40 miles away lost my watch at a party once. An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was harassing Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched some woman at that party. him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch X ored Panda/ Tinder

  • 9
    selfie girl hair tinder Done Sydney, 24 18 miles away Active 33 seconds ago About Sydney The only reason I want a boyfriend is so that when I'm singing Fergilicious and it's at the part where she says "I be up in the gym just workin on my fitness he's my witness" I can point to him and he'll do the little "WOOOOH" part because right now I have to do both parts by myself and it's stressful because right after the WOOOOH part I have to get right back into rapping and the transition is hard

  • 10
    girl taking selfie looking drunk tinder Vanessa, 19 18 miles away If what you look for is a girl with personality then you're in luck because I have multiple Don't listen to her X BoredPanda/ Tinder 3

  • 11
    picture girl eating burrito sky tinder - Rachel, 20 1 mile away active 14 minutes ago About Rachel tbh I just want to get some free chipotle out of this

  • 12
    picture pretty girl smiling in tree tinder Megan, 24 37 miles away Active 9 hours ago About Megan I prefer my men out of shape and overly sensitive. X

  • 13
    selfie girl smiling tinder Alessandra, 27 10 miles away Active 1 hour ago I'm married and not interested. I just think Tinder is a fun activity while l poop.
  • 14
    picture girl black hair tinder Nicole, 19 43 miles away Active 41 minutes ago I'm 5'11, and if you couldn't tell I have long brown hair and huge tits

  • 15
    picture blonde girl tinder Chelsea, 23 25 kilometers away Active 1 hour ago If you like celery in soup, I hope you like celery on your children's graves because ur weak, ur bloodlines weak, and you'll never survive the winter

  • 16
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Tinder Is A Waste Of Time For Most People

Dating apps won’t help you much if your goal is to have more relationships. You would probably succeed just as well—or poorly—without it.

“For people who don’t pull off one-night stands without using Tinder, Tinder doesn’t offer much in the way of new opportunities,” says postdoctoral fellow Trond Viggo Grøntvedt in NTNU’s Department of Psychology.

He is the first author of a new article in Evolutionary Psychological Science that deals with the use of Tinder. If you’re failing outside Tinder, then you don’t have much to gain from using Tinder, either.

“For people who actually have sexual relations outside Tinder, Tinder use only provides a limited increase in the number of one-night stands,” Grøntvedt says.

Same people succeed both ways

“Most of the people who succeed on Tinder have casual sex and hook-ups otherwise, too,” says Professor Leif Edward Ottesen Kennair at the Department of Psychology at NTNU.

The researchers have previously found that Tinder use did not lead to an increase in one-night stands.

“We have found little reason to claim that dating apps lead to more short-term sexual relationships than before,” says Associate Professor Mons Bendixen, also in NTNU’s Department of Psychology.

There is thus no reason for any moral outrage from anyone.

Swiping

Tinder is one of several match-making apps. It uses location services to find other users nearby and then tries to match users with each other.

Selecting someone is simple and effective: candidates pop up with a picture and some information on the screen. Swiping to the left means you’re not interested in a meet-up. Swiping to the right means you would like to meet the person. If two people swipe right on each other, the app can help them meet.

But sweeping and searching on Tinder has very limited effectiveness for the vast majority of users, who will probably succeed just as well by meeting live people instead.

Lots of hits needed

A lot of hits are needed on Tinder before any lead to a meeting. And even more hits are required before any kind of relationship can happen, whether we’re talking about a one-night stand or a meeting a partner with the aim of having a long-term committed relationship.

Men and women tend to use Tinder and other dating apps differently. Most women take more time to evaluate potential matches and are more often looking for a relationship, whereas most men are quicker in their assessments and swipe to the right far more often in the hope that a high enough number will result in at least one hit.

80 percent achieve nothing

About 20 percent of users had one-night stands after using Tinder. The vast majority of them had only experienced this once. Thus, eight of ten users never have sex after using the app.

“Tinder may offer new sexual opportunities, but these appear to be very limited,” says Kennair.

Only a tiny group of seven people, between two and three percent of the study participants, had one-night stands exclusively after meeting someone through Tinder. The rest achieved this by traditional dating methods as well.

Age and attitudes matter

Participants were asked to evaluate how physically attractive they found themselves to be. How physically attractive users are can predict the extent to which they succeed in having short-term sex when using Tinder.

“But this also applies when you’re not using dating apps. Some people get a lot, and a lot get none,” says Kennair.

“Both age and attitudes towards casual sex affect how often you actually achieve a one-night stand after using Tinder. But these are the same factors that play in elsewhere as well,” Grøntvedt says.

If you are more comfortable with casual sex, you’ll also have it more often.

“But there’s also a connection between a high interest in short-term sex encounters and less chance of meeting someone interested in a long-term relationship through the use of the dating app,” says Bendixen.

Not effective for long-term relationships either

Female Tinder users are, on average, more interested in finding long-term relationships than men are. This also applies to encounters without using dating apps.

But according to this and previous studies, Tinder is not a very effective way to meet a long-term partner, either.

Ernst Olav Botnen had the idea for this study. He is currently a clinical psychologist at Lovisenberg Diakonale Hospital in Oslo.

“It’s interesting to see how the behavior we see in other arenas, like bars and nightclubs, is reflected in dating apps,” says Botnen.

Of the 269 study participants who were active or former Tinder users, 62 percent were women.

“Since the participants in our selection are university students in their early 20s, it will be interesting to see if our findings apply to other groups and age ranges in future research,” Botnen says.

 

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Why Modern Dating Sucks

Introduction

Why does dating nowadays suck so much? If you’ve ever had this question or wondered how your parents managed to meet someone they liked enough to marry, you’re not alone. If the end of your twenties is approaching, or has come and gone, and you’re still single, congratulations! You are, in all likelihood, a hopeless romantic who is more than deserving of the relationship you crave. I write this in hopes of helping you understand why your dating life so far has completely sucked. Maybe understanding will help you turn the tide and meet the love of your life! If so, don’t forget to invite me to the wedding.

If you are someone who found your husband or wife on Tinder or Plenty of Fish, this article is not for you (but I’m happy for you). I realize there are always exceptions, and nothing is black or white, but I only have my perspective. To be fair, an instance of organically meeting someone is included in this consideration. It doesn’t seem to matter how the meeting occurred – the behavior and character of relationship was essentially the same in my experience. It completely sucked! Read on to find out why.

The charming days of your beau calling your landline phone and having to speak to your mother first are long gone.
The charming days of your beau calling your landline phone and having to speak to your mother first are long gone. | Source

Real and Meaningful Communication Has Become a Rarity

I love technology and the ability to e-mail and text. I prefer texting to talking aloud. I have always been a quiet but expressive person, and despite my soft-spoken nature, I still like to communicate in ways that resonate with me. I am not much of a talker, but I have always been a writer. It is primarily through my writing voice that I touch other souls and let them know what’s happening inside my head.

I see ads for Tinder or other dating apps where two people communicate purely by emojis, and it disgusts me. After my mom passed away, as I was going through her house, I found a Sephora box full of love letters in my room that I had kept from guys I dated during my school years. It was sad when I realized that my boyfriend in my junior year of high school had more game than the guys I’ve seen more recently, since my mid-twenties. My high school boyfriend wrote me letters of several pages where he would talk about his day or where he wanted to take me on a date. They were sweet, innocent expressions of love where he shared what was going through his mind and how he was feeling.

While I do my best to communicate meaningfully through text, that’s not everybody, if my few experiences with guys are an accurate representation of the rest of them in the dating pool. The lack of communication affects not only the phone and text, but real life as well. I find myself wondering if it started with texting.

I understand the dread factor that a ringing phone can evoke, but at least when we had no choice but to call the other person, we held on to our communication skills and consideration for the human being on the other side of the line. It was easier to pick up on how the other person felt through their tone of voice, and there was not so much evasive behavior as there can be these days when most communication is via text. In my school days (the days of landline phones), yes, sometimes it could be really awkward when conversations were more difficult or heading toward a breakup, but at least we still had to communicate enough to get that sense of closure if things were over. Or if things were going well, we knew that better too.

When you text, especially if you haven’t met in-person yet, you’re less of a human being to the other person. They feel like they can say anything they want, as indicated by some of the horror stories people on dating apps have shared.

Rather than using text meaningfully, most people use it to hide.

It sort of makes me wish I had kept the love letters in that Sephora box, not for sentimental reasons, but to give me hope when someone can barely spell “cat” or uses emojis like hieroglyphs.

Swipe, message, meet, fizzle out, repeat.
Swipe, message, meet, fizzle out, repeat. | Source

Dating Apps Can Be Overwhelming, Used for the Wrong Reasons

The desire to be loved, truly and deeply, is universal across all human beings.

The problem with technology influencing romance is that it can be overwhelming and encourage unhealthy, attention-seeking behavior. Mix a dating app with low self-esteem, lack of self-discipline and self-control, and you have a dangerous cocktail that will damage yourself and others. On most of the dating apps I have seen, there is no limit on how many people you can match with at one time. Before you know it, you’re getting a lot of interest in your profile, which can feel very good at first. Unfortunately, it quickly becomes just another distraction. Your notifications on your phone start vying for your attention, even if you’re out with one of your potentials.

Rather than your focus being on the people you’re meeting and understanding your level of interest in them, it’s about the attention you’re receiving and how validated you feel. As a result, you don’t get a good sense of any of the people you meet. Connections crash and burn, or they fizzle out entirely for no particular reason.

Of course, this isn’t the fault of the dating app. It’s all down to how a person chooses to use it, but perhaps the developers putting a few restrictions on them (for instance, only being able to match with 1-3 people at once, so that yeses are used more wisely) wouldn’t hurt. I have been off dating apps for a couple of years now, so maybe this feature does exist somewhere and I’m just not up-to-date.

Having an endless stream of matches that never go anywhere or even remotely toward getting to know another person in any depth can create jaded, bitter people who are convinced that there are no good men or women left in the world.

We all want love, but we are going about receiving it in the wrong ways. We equate “likes” with love, and the more that we get, the better. But we don’t stop to consider that the “like” or “yes” on our profile was only a momentary response. We focus more on the fleeting approvals than long-term connections, and then we wonder why we feel so empty.

Has this happened to you, too?
Has this happened to you, too? | Source

It’s Too Easy to Run Away

When it comes to online dating especially, it can sometimes be good that we don’t run much risk of seeing certain people in our day-to-day lives. The ability to block people who are harassing or otherwise abusive is good too. For most others in situations that don’t work out, at least caring enough to give a reason for breaking things off or saying goodbye and sending well wishes is a nice gesture. Unfortunately, this is a gesture that often is missed. It can really mess with people.

A friend of mine met a woman at a speed dating event and felt like they were hitting it off pretty well. They were laughing and relating to one another a lot. At the end of the event, each person turned in a list of the people they liked and got notified if the feeling was mutual. When my friend learned that his lady of interest marked “yes” for him, he sent her an e-mail, then never heard from her.

Granted, sometimes e-mails don’t go through. But how many people hide behind technological mishaps just because they’re too afraid to be honest or have a challenging conversation? Why is it so hard to say, “Hey, I really enjoyed getting to know you, but after giving it more thought, I don’t feel ready to date anyone”? It would save the other person the unpleasant experience of obsessing over what they did wrong or what happened when things seemed to be going so well before.

When we don’t have much chance of seeing a person face-to-face, whether at work or a chance encounter at the grocery store, again, maybe they feel less human. It is easy to “ghost” and forget common courtesy, because we don’t have to confront the consequences of our actions. We don’t have to see the human, emotional side of the other person, so it’s like we forget it’s there or it’s easier to disregard.

The golden rule is drilled into us when we are children, but still, we manage to forget it.

Tips for a Better Experience

I have been guilty of all the above vices when it comes to dating, so I am not saying I am an angel or was never a part of the problem. But awareness is part of resolving the problem.

Modern dating sucks for many reasons, and this could be part one in an entire series if enough people enjoy this article and let me know that. It doesn’t have to suck, but we need to become more aware of the ways we’re treating others that we don’t want to be treated. We have to become aware of how we’re pushing away love or failing to love ourselves when we’re desperate for “likes” and comments on photos.

If you meet someone and really like them, let them know it. Pick up the phone and actually call them sometimes. Be communicative and express your feelings. This isn’t true just for dating, but for all relationships where there is a sense of disconnect.

Be open and know that it may take a few frogs before you find your prince or princess, but don’t get lost in swiping through an endless stream of profiles and pictures.

If you feel comfortable, please share your experiences with this subject in the comments below and what your takeaway from it all has been.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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5 Tips For The Best Tinder Profile

At some point during online dating, you become so desensitized from all the swiping, that it’s hard to remember you’re looking at actual people.

It’s like in that season of The Bachelorette where literally every guy looked the same.

Dating apps can start to become a lot more about quantity over quality. So to separate yourself from the pack, it’s important to create a quality profile. You know, one where you’re not just doing yoga on top of a mountain like everyone else.

It’s easy to get matches on Tinder, but it’s hard to get actual messages that turn into dates and dates that turn into relationships — if that’s what you’re looking for.

So how can you create the perfect profile?

I asked Meredith Golden, dating coach, online dating expert, and owner of SpoonMeetSpoon, about some tips to make your Tinder profile really stand out. Here are her suggestions:

1. No Sausage

Think you need to be a vegetarian to snag a date? No, that’s not what Golden means.

She explains, “I see a ton of too-tight clothing that simply isn’t flattering. A single girl doesn’t need to be a double zero to get a swipe right, but she does need to look good. Clothing that is too small is unflattering.”

My opinion? In the long run, you want your relationship to be built on connection and compatible personalities. So while an attractive photo might get you more right swipes, body positivity and respect is incredibly important for both you and anyone who will love you.

You should wear whatever you feel most confident and happiest in, and post those photos if that’s true to yourself.

2. Smile

Would you want to go out with that guy who is pouting or posing in every one of his photos? Probably not. But I have to admit, I am very guilty of putting pose-y pictures up on my profile.

I think I look goofy when I smile! I don’t like what it does to my nose!

But Golden says, “You have a nanosecond — LITERALLY — to make a positive impression. A picture showing your beautiful smile conveys happiness. Happiness attracts happiness, and this will increase your chances of a swipe right.”

If you have a happy pic, a guy will envision a happy date, a happy relationship, so on, and so forth.

3. Be Short And Sweet

I don’t go on Tinder to read a novel. Full disclosure: It’s been a while since I’ve read a novel in general.

Golden says, “Long-winded is unattractive on apps. How many times have you been stuck in a conversation with a talker, smiling on the outside, but cringing on the inside, trying to plan your exit. Well, same goes for dating apps, but there’s no need for social graces. Instead, you’ll just get swiped left.”

To summarize? “Short and sweet wins,” she says.

4. Be Positive

No one wants to date a Negative Nancy! Or a Depressing David! Or a… I ran out of names.

“I can’t emphasize this enough. A fair amount, I’ll see, ‘If you don’t plan on ever meeting, what’s the point?’ in a blurb. This is a repellant. Just because you think it, doesn’t mean you have to say it. You catch more flies with honey,” Golden notes.

You might think you’re setting a boundary with a comment like that, but instead, it sounds like an aggressive ultimatum before you’ve even met someone. And that is a red flag.

5. Have Interests

Listing a few interests is better than having no bio whatsoever.

Golden says to have around “three interests” laid out in your profile:

And have a witty and charming anecdote to back up each. These interests are often used as a springboard for exchanges on apps. He swiped right because he thinks you’re cute; influence him to ask to meet because of your witty and charming messages.

I once swiped right on a guy who said he loved string cheese. I asked him if he strings it or bites into it, because only sociopaths bite into string cheese. And tomorrow, I have my third date with him. So voila! Write down your interests! Be interested in string cheese!

Golden gives a few more ideas: “For example, if you say you love adventure, have a great story to back this up: ‘This one time, I was climbing Mount Kilimanjaro…’ not ‘this one time, I was so adventurous, I took a cab instead of an Uber.'”

To summarize, it’s important to be positive. Smile, post photos where you are your best, most authentic self, and make sure to list a few of your interests. But don’t overshare — leave something to talk about once you start messaging.

After reading this, it might be time to redo my own profile.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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9 Guys To Avoid When You’re Online Dating

Who’s worth your time?

If you’re new to online dating and you’re not sure which men are worth a right-swipe, a nod, a wink, or a message, you need to pay attention to the red flags.

Who’s not worthy of any of your attention, at all? When you learn the red flags to watch out for from the beginning, you’ll save time and heartache (or worse) later on.

When you’re in the first flush of attraction, it can be ever so easy to ignore or rationalize red flags. All the information you need is right there on the dating sites.

So, take this dating advice to heart: don’t ignore the signs that should be setting off alarms, bells, flashing lights and sending you running for the nearest exit.

Here are the 9 men you’ll find when online dating who loudly scream red flags.

1. The Flim-Flammer/Scammer

This is an important red flag: no man looking to date you should be asking you for money or favors. No. Man.

Never give money to anyone you’re chatting with on a dating site or app. If a man asks you for money, stop talking to him. These predators use online dating sites to take advantage of women who are lonely for attention and looking for love.

This guy will say anything to build your trust. He’ll try to make you fall for him. It’s all manipulation meant to get his hands on your hard-earned money.

He needs to attend a family member’s funeral. He is late with his rent because his paycheck got lost in the mail. He’s interested in moving to the U.S. from another country.

That kind of help is what friends and family are for — not the woman he’s chatting with online and hoping to date. Your wallet and bank account are not a part of the package.

2. The Love Bomber

Attraction at first sight? Sure. True love at first sight? And from a glimpse at your profile picture? Um, not so much. This guy uses excessive texting, e-mailing, or phone calls to tell you:

No one falls in love based on a picture, a profile, or a brief message.

Relationships take time to build. Players, narcissists, and sociopaths have agendas with their partners. They often appear intense and deep. They move fast and get serious way too soon.

This guy wants to convince you he’s madly in love with you. He’ll do his best to intensify the relationship so you feel breathless and swept off of your feet.

I know a guy like this. I recently cut him off.

3. The Hair Trigger/Rusher

This guy gets angry or annoyed in a hurry. If you don’t respond to his message immediately, he sulks or complains about it. Or, he may pressure you into meeting right away. Like 15 minutes after you first exchange messages. If you won’t (and you shouldn’t!) he may pout or try to wheedle you into changing your mind.

This guy may be needy, controlling or jealous. Or, he may want to get together for a brief sexual fling rather than develop a relationship.

If this man is looking for something serious, he’ll take the time to have a few conversations with you. He’ll also give you a chance to get to know him before trying to see you.

4. “Only here for the…”

When a guy states “not looking for anything serious” on his profile, believe him.

He is not here to find his soul mate. He’s not interested in a long-term relationship. He wants to casually date, and have some fun. That’s no crime.

But, unless you too are only out to have some fun and casually date, don’t waste your time. You’re going to change him.

5. The Playboy/Player

This guy will have plenty of pictures of himself on his dating profile. With other women. Lots of them.

He’s out to show the world — and you — that he gets around and is proud of it. It’s unlikely he’s looking for a serious relationship. And if he should tell you the women in the photos are friends or his relatives, .

6. Mysterio

The guy with no pictures of himself on his profile. Or, his photos are dark or blurry. He’s wearing sunglasses and a hat. What’s he hiding? Is he shy?

Mysterio may be in a relationship or married and looking to cheat. Or not, but do you want to hang around to find out?

7. The Sexter

The Sexter can hardly wait to send women nude pictures of himself or shots of specific parts of his anatomy (a.k.a. a di*k pic).

He will also ask you for the same. As the name implies, the Sexter is looking for sex.

Men who want to get to know you and form a relationship do not immediately want to show off their package. Nor are they focused on your womanly attributes.

If you’re looking for more than a casual sexual relationship, don’t waste your time with him.

8. The Party Boy

A picture or two of a man having drinks or dining out with friends is fine. More than that, and you’ll see that his profile looks as though he’s still in college, living the frat boy dream.

If you’re looking for a mature man who doesn’t party every night or every weekend, skip the Party Boy.

9. The Imaginary Lover

You can start out believing this guy is worth a second look or meeting in person. He sends interesting and witty emails and/or texts. He’s well-spoken and polite. He can talk about any subject under the sun, but he never makes plans to meet.

Unless you’re looking for a 21st-century pen-pal or you are endlessly fascinated by his spiel, move on.

For your own sanity’s sake, decide on a set number of texts or e-mails you’re prepared to exchange. It should be 4-6. This number is for you, not him. When it’s been reached, tell him you’d like to chat on the phone and make a date to meet. If he won’t or he stalls, move on.

When you’re still learning how to date, especially online, it’s important to stay safe. Be happy. Enjoy dating for what it is — a great way to get to know a person.

Online dating isn’t so different than any other kind of dating. And it’s not meant to remain online. You want time to get to know someone before you’re involved and committed.

By knowing how to spot the types of men to avoid, you can focus on meeting men who are worth getting to know. Lastly, don’t ignore your gut instincts and intuition. If something feels wrong or creepy — pay attention!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing publishes of Amazon June 20th!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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