Here’s How To Bring Up The Future To Your Partner In A Non-Scary Way

Undefined relationships or “just seeing where things go” can be all fun and games until you’re a few months in, wondering, “What is this?” or “What are we doing?” Even if you’re enjoying each other’s company, there’s still a chance you might ultimately want different things. Because of this, bringing up the future with the person you’re dating can be daunting AF. But talking about the future doesn’t necessarily have to be scary. For one, examining the bigger picture of why you’re scared can help you gain perspective on the situation. According to Dr. Alexandra Solomon, a licensed clinical psychologist and relationship expert, some of your fear might stem from the way young people have been socialized to approach dating.

“The current dating climate tends to skew toward a vibe that is low accountability, low vulnerability, and high ambiguity,” Solomon tells Elite Daily. This causes people to shy away from asking important questions, including whether or not your partner sees a future with you. “People tend to have this question on the tip of their tongue for a long time before they take the risk of asking the question,” Solomon says.

That being said, there is no perfect time to ask the other person about the future. When you find you’re biting your tongue about what you want and where you see the relationship going? That’s when you should have the conversation.

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“This is especially true if the reason you’re suppressing the urge is that you are afraid of coming across as ‘drama’ or ‘high-maintenance’ or ‘needy,'” Solomon says. “If you stay silent when you want to speak, you’re teaching yourself to settle for ambiguity when you want clarity.” Holding your tongue can also stir up feelings of resentment.

Not only will it be helpful to clear the air before any bitterness kicks in, but chances are, your partner might also be nervous about asking the “future” question. “Keep in mind that if you’re sitting with this question, the other person is likely sitting with it, too,” Solomon says.

She recommends picking a time when you’re both relaxed and feeling present enough to talk. One concrete example of how you can start is: “I think you’re such a wonderful person, and I’m really enjoying the time we’re spending together. Can we talk about where this is going?” Framing it in this way invites vulnerability and collaboration, Solomon explains. Approaching the other person in a positive and curious way can go over so much better than saying something accusatory or stress-inducing, like, “I guess I have to bring up our relationship status since you don’t want to,” or “All my friends what to know what’s up with us.”

If your partner does see a future together, you can get the ball rolling on “defining the relationship.” If they say that they don’t, Solomon says, “Your job is to assess the degree to which the other person is in their integrity.” For example, your partner might say they’re enjoying your time together, but they need to approach the next level of your relationship slowly because of trauma, their current stage of life, or the self-growth that needs to take place. Or your partner might say they simply don’t see a future with you because they’re just having fun.

“In the first example, the person is in their integrity,” Solomon continues. “They are honest about enjoying what you’re building, they are taking responsibility, and they are wanting to make sure the situation feels tenable to you. In the second situation, there’s low accountability and no space for empathy. The consequence of continuing to see someone in the second scenario is self-abandonment.”

If you do decide to continue dating this person even if they don’t want to define their relationship with you, Solomon recommends asking yourself, “What beliefs do you carry that allow you to accept less than what you want or need?”

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Even if the other person says they don’t know whether they see a future together, you can still find nuance in their answer. An “IDK” that translates to “Stop asking about the future and take what I’m offering you,” is different from an “IDK” that translates to, “I’m speaking my truth, but tell me what you want and need from a romantic relationship right now.” If your partner means the latter, Solomon says “Their transparency and honesty might help you feel calm, connected, and ready to remain for a while in a space of exploration, connection, and possibility.”

Apart from taking the time to talk, listen and see what’s up on your partner’s end. Again, don’t forget to examine your own feelings. That includes the bigger picture, like the state of your current relationship, but also the smaller (but still very important) picture, like your true desires. Forget what the “low-accountability, low-vulnerability, high-ambiguity culture” has told you: What do you want out of the situation? It’s easy to get caught up in whether the other person likes you, but don’t forget to advocate for what you want, too.

 

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How to Make the Laws of Attraction Work Every Time

How do you make the Law of Attraction work every time? The secret is to discover one’s unconscious thinking in relation to what one desires to create consciously. If the unconscious thinking is in opposition to one’s desires, amend the counterproductive thinking into something that will align with one’s conscious desires. These easy steps will guide you through the process.

Steps

Be aware of what you are feeling, and through that, what situation or expectations you are creating. The most important thing is to always know and be aware of how you are feeling. In simple terms, if you are feeling bad (sad, mad, angry, stressed), that will attract bad things (more sadness, more madness, more anger, and so on). In the same aspect, if you are feeling happy and good, it will bring more happiness and good things or situations. While it is definitely not easy to always be feeling good, you just have to remind yourself that whatever you’re feeling will become your reality.

Breathe in deeply. This enables you to connect to what you are creating. On the exhale, expand to create more room for the connection. Surrender to what you are currently creating. Let go.

Take responsibility for what you are creating. Own it. Use the phrase “I want to experience (place here what you are experiencing)” because on some level you do want to experience it or you wouldn’t be experiencing it.

Visualize what you want, it could be anything from money, relationships, better health, a good grade on your paper, a new job, etc. You need to truly visualize and picture yourself having what you want already. Feel what it is to have what you want. The most important thing to remember about visualizing is you do not need to understand or think about how these good things will come. You only need to think about already having them, the rest will fall into place; just wait and see!

Find acceptance. Drop judgment of what you are creating to realize it is simply a creation. Discharge the energy or judgment typically associated with things that you don’t want. These unwanted things have been called negative, wrong, or bad.

Become aware of any unconscious thoughts creating against what you want consciously. Go through the first four steps with each unconscious thought that is hidden and in conflict with your conscious desires.

Make peace with the inner conflict about the situation. Bring both sides of your thinking together. Harmonize your conscious and unconscious thinking. Let them both speak and feel. Indeed two parts of you can be in disagreement with each other. Come to a place of being okay with each of them and feel the resulting peace.

Recreate. With awareness, acceptance, and peace brought to all parts of you regarding a situation, you have the power to recreate the circumstance and with a higher probability of long-lasting success.

Be grateful and actually happy with your current situation. Find whatever bright side there is to your situation. Even little things, for example, You are late for an appointment and there is no parking, but suddenly someone pulls out of the first spot and it’s yours! While many will overlook that, it’s a great example of something to be thankful for beyond the obvious things of being healthy, having family around you, being able to keep a roof over your head, etc. What you are grateful for will vary from person to person. If you can continuously be grateful day after day and truly feel good even amid the negative things around you, you will prevail.

Some examples

  • Bills: Your bills are piling up and there’s no hope in sight. Picture all those bills disappearing and money coming in instead (remember you don’t and shouldn’t think about how it will come, just that it will come).
  • Job: If you absolutely hate your job and your boss is just terrible and you’re constantly bogged down with work, try this. Picture your dream job or situation, visualize it every day and believe it’s possible. Who knows––your boss could get transferred and you can receive a promotion, whatever you want to happen!
  • Happy relationship: You really want to be in a healthy and happy relationship but you are not optimistic because you have only had bad experiences. Use the law of attraction for love! Picture your perfect situation, your perfect partner, feel what it is to be in a great happy relationship. Really believe it exists, daydream if you will. You never know! Your next trip to the grocery store, to Starbucks, or anywhere else for that matter could lead you to bump into the person of your dreams.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

What Does ‘Submarining’ Mean?

Ever since digital technology came along to enhance and further complicate our lives, modern romance has seen an influx of new dating terms and behaviors. The most famous of these is, of course, ghosting: when the person you’ve been seeing cuts off contact without warning. Other variations of this include love-bombing, when somebody inundates you with messages and attention, then goes AWOL , and fizzing, where the communication simply peters out, often mutually.

And then there’s submarining.

Also known as “zombie-ing,” submarining is a form of ghosting where a person drops off the grid, only to then get back in touch months later—perhaps just as you were finally getting over being ghosted in the first place. It’s pretty poor dating form, and it’s likely that more than a few people have experienced a submarine while in lockdown.

“People may choose to resurface for a lot of reasons, but more often than not, it’s out of insecurity or boredom,” says Gigi Engle, a certified sex coach and author of All the F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life. “Maybe they just stopped seeing someone, maybe they’re sick of being trapped indoors, or maybe they just need some validation and are hoping to get it from you. Whatever the reason, it’s pretty unlikely that it’s because this person actually cares about you. It’s more likely that they want someone to talk to and make them feel good about themselves.”

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Submarining is no better than traditional ghosting, because it involves the same apparent lack of awareness or concern for other people’s feelings. The internet disinhibition effect theorizes that the anonymous nature of instant messaging means we sometimes forget there is a real person on the other end of the screen, leading to us neglecting to extend the same empathy or consideration that we might in a real-world interaction.

Not that this is an excuse.

“If someone is actually into you, they don’t disappear out of nowhere,” says Engle. “If someone did just get ‘scared’ or whatever and disappeared, that’s a red flag in itself. Someone who doesn’t have enough emotional intelligence to at least send a polite text that they aren’t interested in moving forward is probably not someone you want to get serious about.”

As for what to do when someone reappears unexpectedly, that’s your call. Maybe they have an explanation for why they dropped off your radar completely for so long. But if you do decide that they’re worth a second chance, don’t forget that you’ve already witnessed them pull off that disappearing act once before.

“You can respond however you see fit. If you really want to give this person another chance, that’s up to you,” says Engle. “Just be aware that this is likely not going to end well for you. I would advise not getting involved again, as it’s likely to wind up ending in disappointment again. If you’re feeling gutsy, you can reply to their submarine text and tell them that this is a lame thing to do and if they wanted to chat with you, they shouldn’t have been so rude to you.”

Breaking things off with somebody is never easy, but having that conversation is an important step in giving both parties closure. And if the thought of composing a “we need to talk” message brings you out in hives, you can always use a chatbot simulator to practice.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

10 Couples Tattoo Ideas Without Initials, Just In Case

Relationships don’t always last forever, but tattoos certainly do. If you and bae can’t wait to seal your love with some matching ink, there are so many creative ways to commemorate your ‘ship. But going all in and getting each other’s names or initials might be risky if the relationship doesn’t go the distance. Luckily, whether you want a bold design or something a bit more subtle, there are plenty of couples tattoos that don’t have initials you can base yours on. Naturally, there will always be naysayers who can’t get behind the idea of having matching tattoos with a partner. But if you and your SO are both on board, follow your bliss.

Thankfully, couples tattoos aren’t limited to just hearts or the date of your anniversary in Roman numerals. Any shared memory, hobby, or passion can be transformed into a cool design that’ll always make you think of your partner. As with any tattoo, the most important step is finding a tattoo artist whose work you’re both excited about, and doing plenty of research. Your tattoo artist should be working at a credible shop that follows the proper health and safety regulations. Also, it’s important that you and your partner can decide on a design, you both love. It’ll be on your body forever! Depending on how complex your tattoo idea is, it might take some ongoing discussion between you and the artist to fine-tune the final design, and that’s OK. Here are some fun design ideas inspired by couples tattoos done right.

1. Something To Commemorate Your First Date.

These little Ferris wheels are a great example of a minimalist design done well. Maybe it’s a nod to the location of their first date or kiss.

2. Something That Pays Homage To A Character, You Both Love.

If you and bae your partner share a love for the same character, movie, song, or superhero, this can also be incorporated into a sweet tattoo.

3. A Symbol That Reflects Your Connection.

These baby lightning bolts are too cute. Even though they’re in a prominent spot, they can be easily covered by the strap of a watch for work environments that might not be tattoo-friendly.

4. A Classic Motif With A Twist.

If you want to incorporate traditional elements into your tattoo design, adding a second meaning makes it unique.

5. Something In A Meaningful Spot.

These ring finger dots are as subtle as it gets, but their placement gives them added significance.

6. Reminders Of The Promises You’ve Made.

Meaningful words or phrases you and your partner have exchanged are also a good route to take. For all the Harry Potter fans out there, these elegantly penned “always” tattoos are the perfect nod to the series.

7. Two Elements That Interact In A Clever Way.

This hoop and basketball design shows how effective the interaction between two totally different tattoos can be.

8. Something With Complementary Symbols.

These tattoos are another great example of how you can use different designs to complement each other. The sentimentality of sharing ink still rings true, and these tattoos can easily stand on their own post-breakup.

9. Designs That Are Similar Enough, But Still Different.

If you want the focus of your tattoos to be the same, but are open to small details that differ, consider something like this (or the more traditional yin-yang symbol).

10. Something That Nods To A Shared Interest.

If you have a shared interest, like astronomy, it’s easy to extract inspiration for beautiful tattoos.

Couples’ tattoos can be a creative way to express your utter devotion to an SO. That said, to avoid regrets, spend time thinking through any pros and cons. With the right prep, you’ll have a beautiful reminder of a meaningful relationship that will last a lifetime.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

25 Funny Instagram Captions To Use After A Breakup That Show You’re OK

If your Instagram looked like #relationshipgoals up until your recent breakup, you might feel compelled to share the news of your split with your followers. (If Miley Cyrus can do it, why can’t you, right?) But if long, vulnerable captions aren’t your style, you might want to opt for funny Instagram captions to use after your breakup to convey that you’re newly single and going to be just fine.

If you’re not exactly feeling super funny today, don’t worry. This list has got you covered. Whether you want to just go with a hilarious Lizzo quote that shows how fabulous you are or you want to get some people sliding in your DMs as soon as humanly possible, this list is filled to the brim with options for every mood.

Rather than blowing up your group chat trying to come up with the best caption, let this list do all of the heavy lifting for you. Read each one of them and copy and paste whichever feels the truest to how you’re feeling onto your next Instagram post. Are you ready for this?

Summery young woman smiling and texting on cute bicycle in sunny city

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“My DMs are open for sliding. #letthegamesbegin”

This is a not-so-subtle and hilarious way to announce that you’re back on the market. Get ready for your followers who have been silently thirsting after you to pop out of the woodwork.

“Does anyone have Tyler Cameron’s number? Asking for a friend (that friend is me).”

Or sub in Travis Scott, Kristen Stewart, etc…

“You coulda had a bad b*tch, non-committal.”

As if this list would be complete without at least one Lizzo quote. If you want to send your ex a hilarious but also majorly passive-aggressive message, I’d go with this one for sure.

“no ring, no prob”

Pair this with the most DGAF picture you have for maximum LOLs.

“🎼 AND IIIIIIII-IIIII-IIII WILL ALWAAYS LOVE MEEEEE 🎼”

Give your own single-person spin on the Whitney Houston classic.

“PSA: I’m back on the market.”

I mean, the public really deserves to know this information. So, why not announce it PSA-style?

“I am Beyoncé always.”

Michael Scott has gifted the world with plenty of great quotes, but this may be one of his best. Quote the GOAT in your caption to let people know that you’re thriving on your own.

“FYI, Grandma you can stop asking how [ex’s name] is doing.”

Again, this is a little petty. But sometimes being a little petty is funny.

“Realized I’ll probs never find a love like the one I have for pizza & am totally cool with that.”

If you’re a pizza lover, go with this caption to let people know you’ve still got your bae.

“You used to be my cup of tea, but now I sip Champagne.”

I saw this on a t-shirt once and am just still not over it. So petty. So hilarious. So great.

“Made like Elsa and decided to let it go.”

Why not throw a little Frozen reference in there?

“Like Halsey, it turns out I’m bad at love… but I’m good at taking shots so who’s down to meet me at [insert fave bar here]?”

If you’re trying to party, go with this caption. Invite your friends out for a night of celebrating your newfound single status.

If someone is dishing out compliments, experts say it may be a sign they're into you.

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“thank u, next-ing & thriving”

Nothing like a good old-fashioned Ariana tribute.

“I’m good on my own.”

You came into this world alone and you’ll leave it alone, so being single is only natural. Let people know you’re back to being solo and loving it.

“Back together with my Day 1 (me) & we’re happier than ever.”

Just wait for the praise-hands emoji comments to roll in.

“We (are) on a break!”

Obvs, we had to throw a Ross/Rachel tribute in there for those of you who are, in fact, on a break.

“Who wants to help me come up with a fire Tinder bio?”

This is funny but it also shows you’re actively moving on.

“Back to doin’ what I do best: me.”

A little spicy.

“Hot take: There is no greater joy in life than sleeping sprawled out starfish-style in the middle of your bed.”

Have you ever tried doing this? It’s truly one of the greatest spoils of being single.

“singlin’ & minglin'”

You’re not just single and “ready” to mingle, let everyone know you’re out there actively mingling.

“Being a ‘relationship person’ never really quite felt on brand, anyway.”

This is a pretty cheeky way to announce that you’re really embracing and loving the single life.

“Single until I find a human I love more than chicken fingers.”

This will likely be never and I totally get that.

“Still not sure why I’d want a [BF/GF] when no human could ever be as loyal (or gorgeous or smart or cool) as my dog.”

True.

“Imagine waking up in the morning and getting to do WHATEVER YOU WANT without taking ANYONE ELSE into consideration… That’s pretty much every day of my life now, so I’d just like to publicly congratulate myself on that here.”

Ah, nothing like a good, old-fashioned congratulatory post.

OK, now take your pick and show the world just how fine you really are.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1