Women Can Tell You’re Insecure if You Do These Things

As we continue to have more complex conversations about what it means to be a man today, the more our old-fashioned ideas of masculinity come into question. In a recent thread on Reddit, women started sharing some of the things that they’ve noticed straight guys do that are meant to show how manly they are… and how these traits more often than not just betray their insecurities.

Feigning ignorance of things considered “beneath” them is a common one, especially when it comes to pop culture. “My slightly older coworker never misses a chance to mention he doesn’t know who Drake is or what Snapchat is because he likes to hate on the younger generation as much as possible,” reads one comment. “It’s super cringy.”

This lack of knowledge is almost always fueled by some form of elitism, and among guys often extends to an exaggerated ignorance of all things “girly.” As one commenter recalls: “I had a friend who basically had a whole performance to show how little he knew about makeup, nail polish, or clothing. I don’t expect people to know a ton about makeup, but pretending you barely know what lipstick is takes things a bit far.”

While such feigned cluelessness sounds silly, it can also be some pretty regressive ideas about gender roles. This is especially harmful if that aversion to feminine-coded things is passed down from parent to child. “I work in a childcare and there are always dads who get super insecure when their son wants something pink or girly,” said one commenter. “I got chewed out because one kid begged me to let him wear the pink pull-ups instead of the boy ones. His dad was so mad at me. Like I was trying to turn his son gay or into a ‘sissy’ or something like that. Your kid picked them out, not me!”

Perpetuating sexist or misogynist behavior doesn’t just let down the next generation, it also holds back the guys doing it, says one commenter, who bemoans the idea of men policing each other’s masculinity: “When they avoid something they enjoy (or would likely enjoy based on other things they also like) because they’re worried about how others will judge their manliness if they do. When they do things they clearly hate/resent because they’re afraid their manliness will be called into question if they don’t. Whenever they judge other men for doing things that aren’t manly. When they get irrationally upset at somehow being exposed to something “girly” even if by accident (freaking out about using the wrong shampoo for instance).”

Another misguided, toxic masculine idea is that being an “alpha” is all about domination and making others look weak.

“Genuine leaders don’t tear anyone down, they don’t try to make themselves look big either,” reads one comment on this topic. “People respect them for the way they act towards others and follow them because of it.”

 

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Romantic Thanksgiving Date Ideas

A lot of people believe that Thanksgiving isn’t Thanksgiving unless you spend it stuffing yourself silly with food, surrounded by annoying uncles and aunts. But for couples without children or whose families are far away, Thanksgiving can be a wonderful opportunity to spend some romantic time together without distractions. So skip all of the stress this Thanksgiving and plan a special day for just the two of you with one of the ideas below.

Cook a meal together for two

While playing hostess to your in-laws and simultaneously cooking a Thanksgiving meal for 10 may seem like a recipe for a panic attack, cooking a turkey together with your best guy is filled with sexy opportunities. Envision sipping wine together as you stir the cranberry sauce and let your imagination run wild!

Have someone cook a meal for you

For those of you who think cooking is a chore rather than a delight, there’s nothing like enjoying a Thanksgiving dinner out on the town. Simply make a reservation, show-up and voila! While other women are spending the day slaving over a stove, you and your man can enjoy all of the pleasures of eating a five-course, candle-lit meal with none of the work.

Stay at a B&B

Holidays are so few and far between, why not extend your Thanksgiving into a Thanks-weekend and spend four days being thankful you’re not at home?

Go somewhere warm

Or even better, chuck the idea of a traditionally chilly Thanksgiving and relax the weekend away, basking in the sun at a tropical resort. The trees may not change color in Florida or the Bahamas, but there is still a lot of holiday cheer to be found there.

Watch a parade

You don’t even need to go anywhere to enjoy a romantic Thanksgiving. Sipping hot chocolate and holding hands together while watching a local parade can be just as lovely.

Or snuggle on the couch

Don’t even get dressed! Thanksgiving is one holiday that’s made for sleeping in, so don’t hesitate to ignore that alarm for once. You can always TiVo the parade and watch it later.

Volunteer at a soup kitchen

For couples in pursuit of the true meaning of Thanksgiving, soup kitchens and charity organizations are always in need of volunteers on the holiday when attendance is even higher than usual.

Go see a movie

One of my favorite Thanksgiving traditions is going out to the movies with my boyfriend, just the two of us.

 

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10 Ways to Woo a Girl the Right Way

The early days of dating are always the fun part. It’s where you can’t stop thinking about your girl and how you can make her happy. From flowers to chocolates and balloons, you have a lot of plans that are guaranteed to put a smile on her face.

However, as courtship ends, you feel less and less enthusiastic about wooing her. And that’s where problems happen and relationships break apart.

To keep your relationship in the best condition, here are some tips on how to woo a girl:

1. Be Genuine

We live in a world wherein being genuine has become such a rare quality. People are always being fake, pretending to be someone they’re not in order to impress the girl. Just think of online social media platforms where single men and women create “images” of themselves.

In-person though, a discerning eye can tell real people from fakes. Be genuine and be appreciated for who you truly are.

2. Be chivalrous

I would strongly like to believe that chivalry isn’t dead. Be polite, open doors, walk on the traffic side of the road, and escort her and her friend’s home.

You may think these are small things but these small gestures will never go unnoticed. It’s not that she can’t do these things by herself but it is always good to know that there is someone who’s looking out for her.

3. Give her your undivided attention

Get off that mobile phone of yours when you are with her. You will have plenty of time to check game scores or reply to your messages and emails when you are home. Unless it is extremely urgent, it will always be appreciated if you can give your phones a rest and give your undivided attention to her.

4. Notice her and likes & dislikes

Always take mental notes of her likes and dislikes and surprise her when she least expects it. Take her to her favorite concert, order her favorite drink when she’s running late, notice when she gets a haircut or wears something different.

She will really appreciate the fact that you are taking a keen interest in her and what she likes, and it will make her feel very happy.

5. Be there when she needs someone

You sure as hell don’t need to be a girl’s doormat but you definitely want to be her shoulder to cry on when she needs it. If she needs someone by her side, make sure it’s you. It will show her how committed, dependable, and serious you are about having her in your life and wanting to be in hers.

6. Don’t keep talking about yourself, learn to listen

No one likes a person who only talks about themselves and shows no interest in learning about the other person. If you are only going to keep bragging about yourself and your life, rest assured she will not turn to give you another look. Show a real interest in getting to know her better; it will take you a long way.

7. Make her feel special

If she is having a bad day, let her vent to you and be supportive about it. In fact, all you probably need to do is to listen.

Remember small dates like the first time you’ve met or the first time you took her out on a date. Make an effort to celebrate these with her. Do whatever is in your power to make her feel loved and cherished.

8. Keep that element of surprise

Now that you have learned about what makes her happy, surprise her by using that information to your advantage. If she has a fantasy of a perfect date, make it happen for her. If she’s feeling low, show up on her doorstep to take her for a drive. Keep the element of surprise alive in order to keep her wondering and the excitement going.

9. Let her know that you are thinking about her

Drop her a message in the middle of the workday to check how her day is going or pick her up from work so that you’ll get that extra 30 minutes to spend together. Message her good morning first thing when you wake up or send her flowers or any small memento that makes you think of her.

Whatever big or small it may be, show her that you are thinking about her.

10. Open up to her

Many men are brought up to avoid being vulnerable in front of the girl. However, think about it. You only open up in front of people you truly care about and are truly comfortable with. If you talk about your fears or your problems or what makes you sad, it will show her that you are really invested in her and are not there just to pass your time.

We live in a world where women are strong and independent. They don’t need a man to be able to provide for them. They don’t need someone who can pay for a date. They are more than capable of doing that themselves.

Instead, how about a man who can treat them right because somehow that breed has become very rare in the 21st century. Make her feel loved and special. Always think of being in the wooing phase even after being in a stable relationship for a while.

This way you will never take each other for granted. Often, spontaneity is the key to a happy relationship. Be on your toes and keep her on hers. In turn, she will surprise you with her love and loyalty as well.

As Marilyn Monroe says, “A girl doesn’t need anyone who doesn’t need her.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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13 Types of Men You Shouldn’t Date if You’re Looking for True Love

Not to call out men, but some of them suck. So, ladies, here are the types of men you shouldn’t date and fend off heartbreak.

Here’s another one submitted to me by a female reader. Thought it worth sharing…

Thank you, Sylvia!

Take it from someone who has dated her fair share of the types of men you shouldn’t date. If I can prevent you from going through what I did I will do everything in my power to make that happen.

Ladies, we are smart. We know what we want. But, we are not perfect and we often let men get into our hearts and mess with our minds. It isn’t our fault. I blame it on biology.

For any men reading this, I do NOT mean all men. As the title clearly states, this is about certain types of men you shouldn’t date, not all men. With that being said, any man who ever questions something you say with, “not all men,” is probably a type of man you shouldn’t date.

There are types of men you shouldn’t date?

As open-minded as I like to consider myself to be, yes, there are types of men you shouldn’t date. There are types of men you shouldn’t even get near. And yes, ladies, there are types of women that men shouldn’t date too. 

Is this a punishment for people that mistreat us? Not exactly, it is self-preservation. It is a way to protect ourselves from trauma before it happens. I know that we cannot prevent heartbreak. It will happen to the best of us.

But we can prevent unnecessary heartbreak and pain that was avoidable. There are men that should not be allowed to date us. They should be forced to wear a sign that says, “do not date me.” But, since that isn’t a law *yet*, we will have to do the work to weed out the bad ones ourselves.

Types of men you shouldn’t date

I hope I didn’t scare you too much, but just enough to focus on you. Women should not have to put up with men that mistreat us. But, there will always be some of us who get swept up or stuck in manipulation.

This is for those of you on the lookout for types of men you shouldn’t date and those who aren’t sure at all what to look for or where to look. Everything from red flags to subtle behaviors can pinpoint the types of men you shouldn’t date, so bear with me.

#1 The Procrastinator. A guy that puts off everything until the last minute is not just doing so at work. He pays his bills at the last second or even late. He is generally irresponsible. Not to mention, he cannot make you a priority.

This is the type of guy that promises you will do something great for your anniversary but continues putting it off until you are too old to leave your front porch. You do not want to end up with this guy. So, why date him now? You want a man that can keep his promises.

#2 The Charmer. A charming guy is great. He makes you less nervous. He knows the exact right thing to say and exactly when to say it. And that is what makes him so dangerous. I’m going to pull from Disney for this metaphor, but remember Frozen? Well, Hans is this guy.

And Anna’s lack of knowledge about men she shouldn’t date almost led to the downfall of Arendelle. Before getting sucked into the charm of a man like this, remember you don’t want a guy who is perfect. If he is, he is hiding something. You want a guy that is real.

This a real-life Kristoff. He may have some quirks and woes, but he cares and is there for you.

#3 The Generalizer. This is my personal favorite. This is what I dealt with for four-plus years. So I am an expert on this type of man you shouldn’t date. This is the guy that sort of says the right thing. You like him, and you think he likes you but are never quite sure.

He gives you just enough hope to stick around, but never enough to feel confident in the relationship. He doesn’t call you his girlfriend or introduce you to his friends or family, but he does show signs he likes you.

If he cannot be straightforward with you one way or another, it will never go anywhere past his confusion, so get out now, before you are too hooked. 

#4 The Love Bomber. A love bomber is dangerous. This is someone that rushes into things really quickly. This is someone that says I love you early. They spoil you and treat you how you always wanted to be treated. Sound great, right?

No. A love bomber is on the hunt for someone looking for acceptance and wants to be validated, and they do that. They love bomb you and smother you with amazingness so that you crave that feeling. And they do it just long enough to trap you.

Then another side of them comes out. The bomb goes off so to speak and this love bomber can become controlling, abusive, and even violent. This is a master manipulator. So, look out for a guy who loves too much, too fast. He cannot love you if he doesn’t know you.

#5 The Avoider. Much like the procrastinator this man is emotionally juvenile. He may like you, you may have a great time together, but anytime you want to take a step forward he avoids it like the plague.

He will make excuses not to meet your friends or family. He won’t make room for your toothbrush and and extra set of underwear at his place. He is pretty much avoiding commitment. Think of him as Chandler Bing from Friends before Monica.

He has potential, but you deserve better. You do not want to be his Janice.

#6 The Secret Keeper. A guy who keeps secrets cannot be trusted. Relationships are not just about communication, but honesty. And if he is shady, there is a reason for it. Ladies, we have a sixth sense, we can smell when something fishy is going on.

Instead of second-guessing yourself, second guess him. Do not go through his drawers or his phone. I am not telling you to be a crazy jealous person. Instead, confront this guy. Ask him for straight answers to the things he has been hiding. If he cannot be upfront with you, you can do better.

#7 The Pathological Liar. My most recent ex was this guy. For the longest time, I rolled my eyes and kept on dating him. He was a pathological liar. And this isn’t someone who lies about cheating necessarily, but about everything.

At first, he told me he got into a prestigious school and had this awesome job. When I found out it wasn’t true I didn’t push, I assumed he was just trying to impress me and moved on. But these small fibs and random and almost pointless lies continued.

For a while, it just seemed like this odd yet harmless thing to me until I uncovered some truths about his past. The lies carried into every aspect of him and our relationship. If someone lies with no purpose, they have no problem lying to anyone. 

#8 The Cheater. ALERT! ALERT! Once a cheater always a cheater is not just a saying. This person has a track record. You wouldn’t take a job with a CEO that has a history or embezzlement, so why date a man that has a history of being dishonest?

We all hope we can be the one that he will stay with and won’t cheat on. We even tell ourselves we are the real deal and the other girls are just for sex. But do we believe that? Even if we did, we deserve better. We deserve a man that is loyal and devoted.

If you know he cheated before, calculate your risk. If he cheated once in high school or college and regrets it, go in with caution. But if he has cheated in the last three years, turn the other way. This is the type of man you want to avoid.

#9 The Misogynist. If he doesn’t treat women equally, he won’t treat you equally. If he is only respectful to women he finds attractive and not anyone else, he is a misogynist.

No matter how much good you see in him and how successful or funny he is, a misogynist will never let you soar. He will never let you do better than him. He will not consider your feelings or opinions. He may be damn good at pretending, but a misogynist is not a man, he is a coward.

#10 The Green-Eyed Monster. Jealousy is ugly, my friend. We all get a taste of envy once in a while and that is normal, but when it gets out of hand, you shut it down. I, myself, had trust issues due to past relationships. And I knew I needed to take a step back from dating or else I would be a jealous mess.

As someone who has dealt with this personally, I can tell you someone who is jealous was likely burned in the past. This doesn’t mean you should feel sorry for them and let them control your life. It means, if you like them, give them a chance to get over their trust issues on their own.

If they are jealous either way, you do not need that in your life. Jealousy doesn’t just drive them nuts, but it drives you nuts. You want to prove you are honest and loyal, but shouldn’t have to. Jealousy means there is no trust, and you cannot date someone that doesn’t trust you.

#11 The Hulk. A man who has anger issues is the type of man you shouldn’t date. This is a man that cannot control himself. Whether he punches walls or gets in fights in bars, there is no saying if or when that anger will make its way back to you.

Save yourself the trouble. There are plenty of not violent men out there that are still passionate.

#12 The Dude. The man that is a child is not the man for you. You should not have to care for the man you’re dating. If he can’t hold down a job, do his own laundry, and cook at least three different meals, he needs to grow up.

A man who is lazy in life is lazy in love. 

#13 The Ghost. The Simba of twenty-first-century humans. This is the man that disappears without a trace. Maybe you chatted for a week, maybe you went on a great date, maybe you have been dating for months, then he just dropped off the face of the earth.

No one is unreachable in this day and age. He is making the choice not to talk to you and not to answer you. Whether he haunts your Instagram or keeps up on your Snapchat, he is not interested in you at the level you deserve. Even if he comes back to life and messages you, he does not deserve your attention.

There are men out there with the respect to actually talk to you, find one of them.

It may take a little longer to find your Prince Charming when you cut out the types of men you shouldn’t date, but it is well worth it!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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8 Scientifically Proven Ways to Become a More Attractive Man

For most men, being attractive is extremely important. Being pleasant to look at can also play a major role in how successful a man becomes. After all, as the old saying goes; look good, feel good. Meaning that if you are confident in your appearance, you become more confident overall. Thanks to some research from Men’s Health and IFLScience, here are a few science-backed ways to become a more attractive man.

GROW A BEARD

Growing a beard is the basically one of the best things you can do for yourself, a study from the University of New South Wales found that, to women, the most attractive men are those who have heavy stubble. “Facial hair correlates not only with maturity and masculinity, but also with dominance and aggression,” the authors, Barnaby J. Dixson and Robert C. Brooks, wrote. “An intermediate level of beardedness is most attractive.”

WEAR SUNGLASSES

Ever wondered why sunglasses suddenly make anyone more attractive? Vanessa Brown, a lecturer at Nottingham Trent University, has a few explanations. First of all, sunglasses make you mysterious, which is always sexy. “The eyes are such a tremendous source of information-and vulnerability-for the human being,” she told The Cut. Furthermore, sunglasses also cover up any facial asymmetry, which also makes you attractive since facial symmetry is important.

HOLD YOUR CHIN UP, LITERALLY

According to a study titled “Facial Attractiveness: Evolutionary Based Research,” women find secondary sex characteristics, like a large jawbone and defined cheekbones, super sexy on men, because they suggest genetic strength, high testosterone levels, and masculinity. And we all know masculine men are sexy. That said, tilting your face up a little bit and holding your chin high highlights your jaw and cheekbones, as well as psychologically makes you seem more dominant, both of which make you look attractive.

BE AN ACTUAL NICE GUY

study conducted at the University of Guelph and Nipissing University asked 800 people about their sexual history, as well as how likely they were to engage in selfless acts, such as charity work and donating blood, in order to understand if there was a correlation between altruism and the amount of sex people have. The study found that people who were more selfless had more sex and dated more people than those who were selfish.

HAVE OPEN BODY POSTURE

A study from the U.K. found that men who have open, dominant body language and sit with open body posture-meaning legs spread and arms stretched out-are seen as more attractive than those who don’t.

LOOK PROUD

A 2011 University of British Columbia study found that the most attractive facial and body expression was that of pride, and bafflingly, the least attractive was happiness. A truly interesting and frankly odd revelation, but OK. With that said, look proud when you’re talking to women…or any other time, for that matter. It’ll do wonders for your life.

WALK CONFIDENTLY

Aside from looking proud, another physical mechanism you should perfect is your stance, because ladies love a man who looks confident, stands confident, and walks confidently. Self-confidence is, after all, one of the first things people notice about you. According to R. Don Steele, author of Body Language Secrets: A Guide During Courtship & Dating, “Confident people are not in a hurry, but there’s a difference between meandering and walking slowly with purpose. Always walk as if you know what you’re doing and where you’re going.”

TAKE CARE OF YOUR TEETH

Lastly, let’s state the obvious: Having a nice set of teeth is crucial for attractiveness. A study from the University of Leeds and University of Central Lancashire found that teeth are “the human equivalent of a peacock’s tail.” So, brush, floss, whiten, do whatever you need to do to get your smile looking absolutely amazing.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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4 Mantras To Recite Before Breaking Up With Someone, So You Can Let Go

There are few things harder than making the decision to end a relationship, especially when your partner doesn’t see it coming. Regardless of what your reasons might be for the breakup, you may catch yourself second-guessing and questioning your decision. What if you’re making the wrong choice? What if you’re not as happy without them? Dwelling on these questions may make you spiral, so in order to keep your head above water, it’s helpful to have a few mantras to recite before breaking up with someone.

Now that cuffing season is officially in full swing, it can be easy to get caught up in the idea of being in a relationship. Having a special someone to come home to and marathon cringeworthy Hallmark movies with can provide a huge source of comfort during the holiday season. However, this time of year, some people may feel more inclined to stay in a relationship that they know deep down isn’t totally fulfilling them. If you fall into this category, you may be dragging your feet when you know your connection is at a dead-end, and sometimes, you just gotta rip the band-aid off. To help you do that, here are some mantras to keep in mind.

I fully trust myself and my instincts.

Reflection of a young attractive caucasian woman looking to mirror. Wearing casual, beautiful blue eyes, serious look. Indoors, copy space.

Shutterstock

If you’ve been going in circles trying to decide whether or not to break up with someone, it can feel almost impossible to get out of your own head and look at things objectively. There’s always going be what-ifs and unanswered questions, but the key is to have faith in yourself and your instincts. This is especially important to keep in mind if the breakup isn’t mutual, and your ex-partner tries to convince you that things are better with them than without them.

Nicole Richardson, a licensed counselor and marriage and family therapist, recommends taking a step back and remembering why you wanted to do this in the first place. “It is important to have a list of all the reasons you broke up,” she tells Elite Daily. “And remind yourself when your brain starts to play the tape of all the ‘good ol’ times.’”

I’m focused on prioritizing my happiness.

Pain is a given after any breakup, and if you had deep feelings for each other, it may not be an easy transition at first. Because feelings don’t just fade away the day after a breakup, getting to a point where you feel OK again may be hard on both of you. If you’re someone who’s prioritized your partner’s feelings instead of your own in the past, try to switch mindsets and focusing on your own happiness and well-being. Take some time to really think about what makes you happy, whether it’s hanging out with your friends, trying a new workout class, or eating your bodyweight in double-stuff oreos (all three are equally valid options, IMO).

It’s OK to care about someone and move on without them.

This mantra can be the hardest to internalize. When you’re so used to having your life intertwined with someone else’s, it can be extremely difficult to imagine yourself moving on without them, especially if there’s no bad blood between the two of you. Just because you want to go your separate ways doesn’t mean you don’t still care about each other — it can just means that you’re ready to start a new chapter in your life and figure out who you are as an individual.

I deserve to be in a relationship that fulfills me.

We’re all tired of hearing the cliché: “there are plenty more fish in the sea”, but sometimes, it really can help put things in perspective. Currently, there are over 7.5 billion people on this planet, so your odds of finding a relationship that’s fulfilling, exciting, and uplifting are fortunately pretty high. Keep reminding yourself that there’s probably someone better out there, and that you deserve to love and be loved unconditionally.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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6 Mistakes You Make That Land You In The Friend Zone

The Friend Zone is a place we all have dreaded to visit. But you could accidentally land up just there.

You try to play it cool on the first few dates because you don’t want to be deemed “needy”, “high maintenance”, “aggressive”, or “desperate”.

You make a point at highlighting your common interests. You both like football, you both like the art fair on Sundays, you are both foodies so you stay on that common ground of topics because they are safe and surface and fun and easy to talk about.

At the end of the date, you go “dutch”, hug, say goodbye, and you feel like you had a pretty great date. And it was a great time…for friends.

Where is the romance? What happened to the wooing?

Beware: you very well could be on the brink of falling into the friend zone!

Knowing how to get out of the friend zone is all about setting the precedent from the onset.

Here are the 6 mistakes, each of which could land you in the friend zone:

1. You went “Dutch”.

Do you want a friend, a colleague, a business partner or do you want a relationship partner?

He is paying for dinner. Paying = providing (masculine). Cooking/gifting = nurturing (feminine). We will go more into this (plus alternative ways that the woman can “pay”) in a future article.

2. You talk about fun and surface topics.

If you eventually want the clothes to come off, you’ve got to dig beyond the exterior by being real and getting raw. That’s how you stand out and create a heart connection.

3. You forgot to flirt!

It’s about the little things — the side glance, the “secret smile”, the little touches, and the flirtatious and slightly (but not overtly) sexy comments.

4. You act like a buddy.

Hanging out at sports bars, not putting effort into how you look, going dutch; these are all symptoms of friendships. It’s OK to share the same interests.

Women, it’s OK if you are a huge sports fan. But remember that you are looking for a boyfriend, not a buddy. You can still be sexy and cheer on your favorite team.

5. You think you’re being sarcastic, but you’re actually being a bitch or a jerk.

I know you want to be witty and always have a comeback, and I agree! That banter can be extremely sexy and can be a great technique when it comes to flirting.

But there is a difference between sarcastic and being bitchy or a jerk, and it’s too often confused. Take the edge off. Imagine that they said to you what you said to them.

How does it sound?

6. You’re easy going…too easy going.

You don’t require dates. You just kind of “hang out”. You’re missing the chase and moving right into what you consider to be “relationship mode”. But you’re wrong. You’ve been friend zoned.

Honestly, a lot of it is about gender roles. Be feminine. Be masculine. Be in your gender power!

The more feminine you are, the more masculine he feels. The more masculine you are, the more feminine she feels.

Stop being androgynous. I know. it’s a modern world. But you have more power in your gender role than you ever allowed yourself to embrace.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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11 Psychological Tricks That Make Him Want You so Much More

Sometimes you just need a little strategy …

I honestly believe that love is something that can be cultivated … to a point.

There has to be a spark of interest there at first, but how deep someone falls in love with you will often be a result of the effort you both put forth to make that feeling happen.

Though you can never force a person to like you (and should never try, even if you could), there are definitely some psychology-based dating tips and methods that can help you learn how to get a guy to like you — and make people think of you more highly in general.

These psychological “mind tricks” are even backed by science.

If you’re trying to get his attention but aren’t exactly sure how to get a guy to like you, give these psychology-based dating tips and tricks a spin.

1. Ask him for favors.

Studies have shown that people tend to like people who they do favors for, even if they initially hated them.

This is because we subconsciously make ourselves believe that the person would do the same for us as we did for them.

This reverse psychology phenomenon is known as the Ben Franklin Effect, since the Founding Father himself was the one who discovered this strange trick. As he wrote in his autobiography: “He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged.”

2. Compliment him … just not all the time.

Most guys don’t get complimented frequently, so when they do hear a compliment, they tend to eat it up.

The only problem is that compliments lose their significance if you hear them all the time.

By spacing out compliments to a max of once per day, it keeps him on his toes.

3. Prolong your eye contact just a little bit longer.

It’s true. Studies have found that prolonged eye contact increases the likelihood that two people will fall in love.

The man behind the groundbreaking research on this subject, social psychologist Arthur Aron, says, “the two biggest factors to falling in love through eye contact are i) the other person is reasonably appropriate and desirable, and ii) there is reason to think they might be interested in you.”

4. Use his name.

The names we’re given are music to our ears.

Hearing your name being said by someone is an ego boost, albeit a small one.

Studies have shown that hearing your own name has a unique effect on brain activation, as our “brains involuntarily respond to the sound of our own names, even in a state in which we are unable to respond to or act on anything else. What could be more powerful than that?!”

5. Mirror his gestures.

One of the most common ways that people show a connection to someone is to subtly copy their gestures.

This is actually done on a subconscious level when it’s a seriously natural jive.

Psychologists have noticed that you can actually create a closer bond by mirroring someone, even if those gestures are done totally consciously.

Who knew?

6. Don’t be afraid to show him your flaws.

A lot of women tend to want to hide their flaws and look “perfect” as a way to attract men.

Though you definitely don’t have to show all your flaws immediately, showing him that you occasionally goof up makes you human to him… and it also shows him that you’re not a fake.

7. Expect good things from him.

Among psychologists, this is known as the Pygmalion Effect and it says that we tend to mold to the expectations that people set for us.

If you think he’s a jerk, then you’ll behave in a way that will encourage him to be a jerk, even if it’s on a subconscious level.

So, expect him to be good to you and he will be better to you than if you expected him to be a twerp.

8. Let him talk about himself.

People love to talk about themselves.

We are our own favorite subjects, even if we aren’t narcissists by nature.

By asking him questions about himself, what he does for a living, and getting him to open up, you’re getting him to like you more by indulging him in his favorite topic of conversation.

9. Have a life outside of him.

You know who loves having a woman who has her man as the center of her universe?

Abusers and people who are way too insecure to have a healthy relationship.

By showing him that you’re balanced and not desperate, you’re giving him the green light to pursue you without worrying of you becoming a Stage 5 Clinger.

10. Show that you have similar values, hobbies, and traits to him.

Studies show that we tend to fall in love (or associate) with people when we share similar values and backgrounds as them, a phenomenon known as Similar/Attraction Theory.

So, if he’s a rebel, show your rebellious side.

If he’s a family guy, talk about how important your parents are to you.

11. Be ready to walk if he still doesn’t reciprocate.

Nothing is as sexy as a girl who values herself enough to stop chasing a man.

Be ready to walk if he doesn’t reciprocate feelings.

You never know; he might come around.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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Lorelei – Happy 24th Birthday!

Lorelei,

I love the originality of you..

Your willingness

To stand out from the crowd.

Your unique Perspective

On what’s happening in your world

 

I love the wisdom of you…

The way you trust your intuition…

Your unfailing commitment

To doing the right thing

 

And most of all,

I love your heart…

The genuine compassion, empathy,

And friendship you offer,

To everyone you know

 

You have made me a better person,

And I’m grateful everyday you’re in my life.

 

I love you,

 

Dad

 

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=kat+wiedenmann

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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10 Shocking Things Guys Wish Girls Knew

You’ve probably heard it before—boys love to complain about how confusing girls can be. But us girls know firsthand that understanding guys can be just as complicated. In hopes of helping girls better understand the guy’s point of view, we surveyed 150 guys about a way-worthy topic: you! What do guys wish you knew?

Here’s one from one of my female readers I thought was worth sharing…

1. Texting does not mean what you think it means.

“Please, tell me why a girl thinks texting or snapping her equals I want her to be my girlfriend,” says Mikey. Blunt, but we like blunt. Mikey is in the majority when it comes to flirting. Nearly every guy we talked to says when he texts, he’s really just trying to get you know you better. A text is just a text, not a confession of love. “It’s like texting a girl means I’m admitting I like her, but that’s not what’s up,” explains Mikey. “It’s more like I’m texting because I might like her. I hate it because the next day the girl acts like she owns me. Or, if she’s shy, suddenly she can barely talk to me because she’s scared. It’s stupid.”

Basically, a text or a snap from a guy isn’t some hidden signal to decode. “I’m just texting because you’re cute or nice or whatever,” says Jordan. “If you treat me like I’m a dog just because I think you’re cool enough to text, that’s not cool.” In other words, exchanging texts with a guy isn’t a reason to change your behavior. Just be yourself, take it slow and feel out the situation. Sure, a text could lead to something more, but for now, it’s just a text, so there’s no need to stress or DTR right away. And if you’re feeling nervous? Keep your cool. Texting your crush can be just as easy as talking to your BFF.

2. You don’t need makeup to impress guys.

Judging from our survey, boys just don’t get makeup. In fact, a lot of guys even complain about it. Sure, they all like pretty girls, but they also have a problem with a face that looks full-on painted.

“Why do girls think they need to have so much crap on their faces?” asks Billy. “Girls at my school wear all this black crap on their eyes, and their lips are, like, thick with brown goop. It’s ugly. Do they really think that will get them a guy?”

Don’t worry, we set Billy straight about one thing: Girls don’t apply makeup to “get them a guy.” We wear makeup because we like it, full stop.

Still, guys’ hatred for cosmetics is no joke. But remember, boys are not the authority on fashion and beauty. You may be a girl who prefers to go au naturel every day, or you may love using every shade of eyeshadow in your Naked palette on any given Tuesday at school. Either way, you do you, girl! Sure, it’s good to know that you don’t need to put in a ton of effort every morning to impress someone, but it’s your choice if you want to apply enough purple mascara to impair your vision. Go for it.

3. A lot of times, guys’ are at a loss with girls’ emotions.

“What is up with girls hopping up and down when they’re happy about something?” asks Pete. “I really do want to know why are girls so excited about normal stuff,” says Pete. “Every other thing, it’s like, ‘Ohmigosh! No way!’” Clearly Pete just doesn’t get that a new season of your favorite show or the return of the PSL are pretty much the best things since sliced bread. But really, what Pete’s saying is something a lot of surveyed guys struggled with: unpacking how girls are feeling, and why.

Colin, a self-described shy boy, has an interesting theory: “I think girls like attention, and being excited about something makes people look and wonder what she’s so happy about.” Hmm…While Colin the amateur psychologist has certainly thought a lot about the topic, we’re not sure he’s cracked the case yet.

Arnie, a jokester, has a theory of his own: “I think girls are just different. You’re raised to let your feelings out, even if they’re bad. I’ve never seen a guy friend cry, but I’ve seen a chick fall apart because some dude she liked didn’t pick her for his volleyball team in phys ed.” Arnie may be onto something. It’s true that because girls are viewed as more emotional, our emotions are seen as more acceptable to express in public, while phrases like, “Man up!” tell boys to keep their feelings, whether it’s sadness or excitement, hidden away.

Here’s the deal: boys are just as emotional as girls, but a lot of times, they don’t show it. That may explain why our guys are so confused about girls’ displays of emotions. Hang in there girl, and remember, there are some things guys just don’t get.

4. Gossiping and being mean to others makes *you* look bad.

“Girls are always passing notes around or texting each other in class, and it’s just so friggin’ dumb,” says Joey. “Or they’ll look right at me, then whisper to each other and laugh. Do they want me to think they’re talking about me? ’Cause I do. And if it’s really true and they are talking about me, then that’s just lame.”

Rude is the word, actually, Joey. Whispering and gossip can seem pretty immature, especially when you’re spreading rumors or being mean to another girl. “When I hear one girl talk trash about another girl, it’s like I can’t believe it,” says Dominick, “like I’m in a bad movie about how mean girls are. If I heard my friends were talking about me like that, I’d transfer schools.”

So don’t trash talk or put down other girls to seem cool. Guys certainly aren’t impressed, but more importantly, you don’t want to hurt others. Sure, people talk about other people. That’s life. But there is a big difference between gossip and character assassinations. You wouldn’t like it if the gossip was about you. It’s bad form to let anyone believe you’re saying negative things about him. If you absolutely must exchange information, be discreet. Oh, and be sure that the “information” isn’t going to hurt someone’s feelings, OK?

5. Boys worry about what you think of their hair, skin, weight and clothes.

“My best friend is a girl, and the other day she said my hair looks exactly the same every single day,” says Luis. “I couldn’t believe it because some days my hair is jacked up.”

Guys may not talk about their insecurities to girls, but they totally think about their appearance even if they don’t say it out loud. “I had to ask my mom to take me to the dermatologist because I was breaking out on my cheeks and back,” says Jay. “I couldn’t stand it.”

His friend Robert has a different issue: “Girls like guys with good bodies but, when I try to get six-pack abs, it never works. I just feel like I have a spare tire all the time.”

If you could get a view of Robert, you would tell him what we told him: He’s out of his mind—the boy is a total babe! But here he is worrying about looking like a model. Moral of the story? Boys have body image issues, too. Isn’t it a relief to know that?

6. PMS is no excuse to be mean.

“I know girls get weird when they’re on their period, but I don’t get why they have to act like I’m their worst enemy,” confides Sean. “Sometimes, my sister acts like she wishes I were dead because I won’t give her the remote control, but all that’s going on is she’s PMSing. Screaming at me and freaking out on me isn’t right.”

We know what you’re thinking: Boys just don’t understand what it feels like to wake up with serious cramps, bloating, breakouts and headaches. So, yeah, we feel your pain—and we really mean feel it. But that’s the point: Boys don’t.

Let’s face it—the hormones that come with menstruation affect moods and being cranky around your time of the month is beyond understandable. But that doesn’t mean you should take our your pain on anyone, much less a guy who doesn’t get it. The best thing you can do is take care of yourself. Just deal the best you can by taking care of yourself. Avoid things that aggravate physical and emotional symptoms like caffeine, sugar and greasy foods. Ever wondered what your cravings mean? We’ve got all the answers. But seriously, get plenty of sleep, drink loads of water, get some exercise and take lots of warm baths—yes, even in the afternoon when you get home from school. Soaking in bubbles while daydreaming is a girl’s best friend.

We’re not saying you should become a recluse just because you’re wearing a maxi-pad. But don’t feel bad for bowing out of a social opp if you’re really not up to it. What’s the point of going to a party if you’re not gonna have a good time? Oh, and if you do snap at your boy for no other reason than those nasty hormonal intrusions, a short, simple apology (“Sorry—I was in a bad state of mind yesterday”) could go a long way. No lengthy, drawn-out explanations necessary.

7. Guys care way less about your body than you think.

“If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s when a girl asks me if she looks fat,” says Stephen. “I don’t know if you’re fat.” And a lot of the boys echo his sentiment. The truth is, you’re a way harsher critic of yourself than a guy will ever be. Guys can’t tell slight differences between sizes, and honestly, they don’t really care.

All guys have different tastes when it comes to the feminine physique. Some guys like booties. Other guys like their girls thin as a fence post. Who cares? You are what you are. Worry more about your own health and happiness and less of guys’ opinions on your looks. Need some self-image pick-me-ups?

Whether you’re questioning a guy friend for his honest opinion or fishing for a compliment from a guy you like, asking about your body is usually a no-win situation. You’re just putting the guy on the spot. And, guess what—if a boy likes you, he likes you for the way you are right now, this second. A shy boy named Paul says it awesome: “Girls’ bodies are an endless mystery to me. I think you’re all beautiful.”

8. Don’t feel pressure to wear revealing or tight clothes just for guys’ attention.

“I think girls get mixed up because of how how people dress on TV,” says Matthew.

Matthew’s not wrong, fashion on TV is all about skimpy looks and attention-grabbers. But remember, the fashion you see on TV are really just costumes designed for performing. The point is, girls should wear what they feel comfortable in, not what TV or movies tells them to wear and definitely not what they think guys are looking for. If you’re still wondering what guys look for in a wardrobe, the truth is, it depends.

“I like the way my last girlfriend dressed,” says Miguel. “She wore some stuff that showed off her great athletic body, but it wasn’t like all hanging out. Sometimes she wore baggy pants and just a little of her belly showed. Or sometimes, if she wore those tight jeans girls always wear, she wouldn’t have her boobs all out.”

In other words, for a lot of guys, less is more. You don’t have to look like a pop star or a character from Riverdale, you just need to wear clothes that make you comfy and happy. And if you’re feeling yourself, the right guy will too!

It’s good to know that guys aren’t looking for runway models, but some guys just don’t get fashion altogether. I mean, you wouldn’t let your brother pick out your outfit, would you? So who needs them to tell you what to wear?

“My sister complains that boys always stare at her boobs, but she wears tight shirts that totally show off her boobs,” says Chad. “I’m confused.”

Ugh, Chad, girls’ fashion choices aren’t an invitation to stare. The truth is, a lot of guys are not fashion experts, and they won’t be impressed just because your outfit shows a ton of skin. Bottom line? You do you girl, and the rest will fall into place.

9. Most boys are looking for the right girl.

Daniel puts it so eloquently: “I would love to find a girl who’s cool.” Being “cool” does seem pretty vague, but our guess is that Daniel is looking for a girl who can be herself around him.

Whatever he means, Daniel is not the only boy looking for a girl to like! Don’t believe it? “I’m sick of everyone acting like boys aren’t as mature as girls,” says D.B. “It’s just that we also think about other stuff. If it happens, it happens, but I’m not going to talk to my friends on the phone about girls every day.” So even if a guy plays it cool about girls, it doesn’t mean he’s not interested. The truth is, a lot of guys are just as interested in finding the right person as girls.

That doesn’t mean all guys are as mature as D.B. His friend Raymond, for example, gives another, ummm, interesting perspective. “So many girls at my school are hot, but me and my friends just wait for them to figure out who they want because that’s what girls seem to do at my school. It’s like they’re all spazzed out about finding a boyfriend all the time. We just have to wait and see.” Hmm…Seems like Ray might not be ready for a relationship.

A lot of surveyed boys agree with Ray on one count, though: some girls may put too much emphasis on finding a boyfriend. As Eric says, “Do girls want any guy or the right guy?” Sending signals to the guy you like is different from going full boy-crazy. Do you and your squad constantly discuss guys? If so, maybe scale it back a bit, and not just because of what boys think. Remember, you have so much more interesting things to explore than “who-likes-who,” as fun as that can be sometimes. Plus, it wouldn’t hurt to show guys (like Ray) what’s really on girls’ minds.

10. If you like him, just tell him.

There was one major statement that kept popping up on our surveys: “Girls should not flirt and act like they like me, and then later ignore me.” Maybe the flirting thing is to girls what the phone is to boys: You’re just flirting to feel him out, and it doesn’t mean you want a relationship. We get that.

Sadly, guys are obviously confused, and sometimes take your friendliness as flirting. Can we trust guys to know the difference? “There is a big difference between just being cool and flirting,” says James. “I can tell if a girl is just talking to me or if she likes me.” A lot of surveyed guys aren’t as confident as James. You may be feeling confused if he likes you, and chances are, he’s in the exact same boat.

So what do you do when you want to make friends with a boy, but you’re worried that striking up a random convo could be misinterpreted as major flirting? Just be honest. “If you like me, just tell me. If you don’t, say you’re not into me like that,” says Ray. It may seem tough to tell a guy you’re just not into him like that, but in the long run, he’ll appreciate knowing the truth instead of feeling led on.

OK, just telling a guy you like him isn’t as easy as it sounds. But all the guys agreed on this one, which means it should work. Courage to be honest? You can do it. Plus, telling your crush how you feel can be a major confidence booster. You can offically consider yourself fearless.

What do you think girls? What surprised you the most about what guys think? Let us know in the comments!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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