From the onset, I want to make one thing perfectly clear,
Knowing for sure, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that your husband is gay is next to impossible until it’s a reality!
Take me for example, and many of the “married but gay” clients that I work with until we grow the balls to say, “Frankly my dear I’m gay,” it was pretty hard for most people to see it. Of course, there’s a whole subconscious layer of denial that prevails in the “gay but married to a heterosexual” world — for all concerned!
Most straight spouses who’ve been married to someone who finally ventures out of the closet (or is on the ‘down low’) will admit upon reflection that they had some inkling that something just didn’t fit in their relationship – no pun intended. Simply acknowledging a disconnect or a misalignment in the relationship doesn’t necessarily mean he’s gay.
However, in most cases, there are signs that heed the warning that the man you love is more attracted to men than to you.
The Definitive, Un-definitive Guide To Knowing If Your Husband Is Gay
1. He’s overtly homophobic.
As the media has shown us over and over again, many a man “comes out” by being forced out due to their blatant disdain towards homosexuality. Tangled in their own web of lies Mark Folley, Ted Haggard, Phil Hinkle, Jim McGreevey all played their “no gay me for me cards” only to be caught with their pants down with individuals of the same sex!
While not a 100% guarantee that your man’s playing for the other side, it does make you wonder, “Is he really that insecure, or is it a cover-up?”
2. He’s overly evasive or secretive.
Whether it’s protecting their emails and texts, or always changing the subject about where they’ve been, if your man is uber-sensitive in these areas, then there’s a good chance that one of two things is up:
He’s having an affair or
He’s gay and hiding his truth
(Of course, the third possibility is he’s gay and having an affair with a man.)
No matter what the reality is, something’s come up and it’s getting in the way of your relationship, so it’s time to get to the bottom of it – for the good of both of you!
3. Lingering and longing.
This one’s pretty straightforward – you catch your man checking out other men. Doesn’t matter if it’s in public, pics in magazines, or on the 52” screen of your home theater. When his eyes linger with hunger and desire on a fine specimen of the male species… something’s stirring (admittedly, it could be a simple “Bromance” — man-to-man admiration).
4. No more rocket in the pocket.
Erectile Dysfunction (ED) is either self-induced or the real deal. In the case of a man who’s fighting his core sexuality, it’s not uncommon for his spouse and her desires for sexual intimacy to be told to take a number and wait. Even special occasion sex (of the birthday and anniversary kind) gets wrapped up in the excuse of “Not now I’m really tired!”
Regardless of the reason, doing a little extra homework in this area to uncover the true reason for the lack, will help to reveal the truth and might just provide some intimate fun along the way.
5. Al Bundy Makeover
Even Peg Bundy would have perked up and thrown her sexual overtures at Al if he’d strutted into the room looking like Ryan Reynolds or Bradley Cooper. Often, his slightest shift in grooming, clothing style, and time spent at the gym leads to an extreme makeover that still doesn’t guarantee that Al’s heading back to your boudoir.
If your man’s looking finer than he ever did in college, leave some room for his own desire to better himself, but don’t be so naïve that it’s all just for his own good. He may be making himself good for the other man in his life!
Regardless of the reasons that are causing you to believe your man may be wandering to the other side of the fence (check out “No Hiding Your Gay” over at Truth Talks Blog), the sooner you get to the bottom of the situation the sooner you can release the suspicious energy. This is catabolic energy (destructive) that tears your energy stores down and prevents you from being able to manifest higher levels of anabolic (building energy).
For you men navigating this world of “straddling the sexuality fence,” I only share these observations with your female counterparts as a means to bring you both to a place of clarity. It’s your health and mental well-being that is at risk each day that you live hidden in the shadows of your truth. Regardless of how painful you may believe it to be “on the other side of the closet door,” truth is, it’s more painful and stressful to lead the dual life.
It’s tough to part ways with a partner at any stage of a relationship, even in the early days. But if you go through a breakup after ten years together, it can come with a new set of difficulties. First of all, “a breakup after having been together for around a decade is a substantial change,” Lauren Cook, MMFT, a clinician practicing emotionally-focused therapy, tells us. “Not only is it a loss of a romantic relationship, but a friendship, partnership, and general sense of comfortability.”
By the ten-year mark, you’re way past the honeymoon stage, which Cook says can last for up to two years, and well into the committed, companionship stage. You aren’t just dating anymore, but have truly become a solid part of each other’s lives — with a shared routine and shared goals for the future — making it more difficult to adjust to a new life.
There’s also the fact that the longer you’re in a relationship, the closer and more interconnected you become as partners, Dr. Carla Marie Manly, clinical psychologist, and relationship expert, tells us. “On an emotional level, one key factor is that couples who are together longer are more likely to have experienced significant life events together — whether it be job changes, moving, illnesses, family issues, etc.”
Going through these things together forms bonds that become key elements within your psyches and the relationship itself, Manly says. You don’t just know each other, you really know each other, so the idea of no longer having that connection can be incredibly painful and disorienting.
To add to this, there’s all the growing you did as individuals, as well as a couple during this time. You’ve not only gone through a lot together but are entirely different people from who you were when you first met. “Even more so than five years, a decade is a transformative period of time,” Cook says. “Chances are, your life looks considerably different than it did 10 years ago and if you have a partner who has seen you through all of those seasons, it is a tremendous change.”
Maybe you grew up together, and went through a lot of firsts, like new jobs and big moves. Or maybe you helped each other overcome obstacles, in order to learn more about yourselves. While all of that is still true, and it still happened, it can be tough to look back on the time spent together. In many ways, when a breakup occurs, it might even feel like you’re losing all your memories, Manly says, and all that history.
To untangle your lives at this point can also be tough logistically. “Often, your finances have become merged, you may have shared a living situation, and your other relationships with friends and family are intermingled even more so than in a shorter-term relationship,” Cook says. “Rewiring all of this takes time and processing.” It may be a while before you settle into a groove again, or figure out how to move through life without each other.
Of course, it’s always possible to amicably part ways and feels ready to move on, no matter how long you’ve been together. But many times, “recovering from a breakup of a long-term relationship can take quite a lot of time, particularly if the breakup was sudden,” Manly says. “If one or both partners are resistant to the breakup or shocked by a toxic issue (e.g., infidelity), the adjustment andhealing time may be significant.”
Whatever the case may be, if your relationship is ending after ten years, it’s possible to make it easier on yourself, usually by quite literally taking it easy. “Part of the recovery process includes adjusting to a new normal, which means knowing that things will not feel normal for quite some time,” Cook says. “The important thing is to engage in self-care strategies, including spending time with family and friends, picking up a hobby, and getting enough sleep, exercise, and proper nutrition.”
It may even help to chat with a therapist, as they can be “incredibly helpful in addressing underlying issues such as anger, sadness, and grief,” Manly says. You can also talk with friends and mentors about your emotions and progress, she says, and any sense of “stuckness” you may be feeling.
Breaking up after only a few years together can be extremely difficult, but make it to that ten-year mark and you may find that it’s even trickier to part ways, and find your footing again. Since the process will likely be different, be sure to take your time, talk about it, process your feelings, and you will eventually be able to adjust.
When you’re in school and there’s a threat of a snowstorm, it’s a joyous occasion. Nowadays, they’ll close the school for some flurries and a little bit of ice. But back in the 60s and 70s, you needed at least 6 inches for them to close the schools.
I’d be home watching TV the night before and I would head downstairs every hour or so to look out the front porch windows. I’d look up at the street lights to see if any flurries were starting to fall. If they had begun then there was a good chance the snow was on, but more times than not, it didn’t. We’d go to bed and hope for the best.
The next morning I’d wake up and look out my bedroom window. I couldn’t see much because I slept in the middle room of our house. All I could see was the house next door. So, I’d flip on the radio just like I did every morning to listen to music to start my day.
Listening to music on the radio is where we got most of our music back then. Two stations. WMMR and WYSP. It was all rock and it’s where I found about whatever was popular at the time. I remember hearing the song, Roxanne by a new band called The Police back in 1978. We Will Rock You, and We Are The Champions by Queen were also a pair of firsts on the radio one morning.
But today I would flip the switch on my clock radio to AM from FM to get the local news. KYW News Radio 1060 was the go-to station for all local and national news. Normally on a snow day, they would list all of the schools and state-run buildings that were closed that day. The announcer would read through a list of dozens and dozens of school numbers to say which ones would be closing due to the inclement weather.
But the one thing we wanted to hear was this statement: “All public and parochial schools are closed.”
When you heard those words, you went from a sleepyhead kid who didn’t want to go to school, to a completely energized youngster with sudden boundless energy and excitement.
We all usually played outside as kids, but when it snowed, it was as if our neighborhood was briefly transformed into a day with endless possibilities and fun.
I’d call my friends and we’d make our plans for the day. The schools were closed to keep children safe and off the streets during inclement weather. But we did the exact opposite.
I’d get dressed and come downstairs to have breakfast with my sisters. Captain Crunch cereal, bacon, toast, and a small glass of orange juice to start the day, all courtesy of mom.
After breakfast, it was time to suit up for the day ahead. Heavy coat, hat, boots, and gloves.
Within an hour I’d meet up with my friend Michael and we’d head down to Rising Sun Avenue. Trudging through the snow with our snow shovels. We’d inquire inside a couple of small businesses and ask to shovel their sidewalks. It was an easy gig because there were no steps or driveways to shovel. Quick and efficient, we’d make between $5 and $10 each. Then we’d stop at the little corner store on the corner of Rising Sun and Gilliam Streets, called Kushners. We’d buy some cigarettes and candy. Cigs back then were $0.60 a pack. $0.51 at Rite Aid! Super cheap!
Once we were finished shoveling a couple of walks we’d head back home and drop off the shovels with no thought of doing our own steps or driveways. I’d go into the garage and grab my sled.
I had recently gotten it for Christmas and it was a beautiful Flexible Flyer. An elegant vehicle you could steer that was sturdy and swift. To add to its ability to dash down a snow-covered hill, I’d take an old candle and rub it along the blades of the sled. This made it even slicker and faster.
My little sisters would be out in the driveway, completely bundled up and they would ride their little sleds up and down the driveway. But the older kids knew of a place where the real fun lived on a snowy day.
My friends and I would walk south on Hasbrook Avenue to Levick Street. We’d walk west until we reached the crest of the hill that bordered Cheltenham. Across the bridge, over the railroad tracks, and around the cyclone fence that led into the Melrose golf course. It was obviously closed this time of year because the whole place was buried under a blanket of snow. I’d only seen it once before not covered in snow.
When we got there it was already full of kids and families from all over who also knew about our secret. The whole course was somehow built on an enormous series of hills. Easily a quarter mile to the bottom down to Tookany Creek. I don’t know about other parts of the country, but I’ve never seen a better place to go sledding in my life. The hills were enormous and steep!
The cool thing was, you saw everybody who knew about this place from around your neighborhood. There were no bullies, no victims, no school rivalries. Just kids all playing together with one goal in mind. Have the best day ever in this winter wonderland made just for us.
Folks were sledding down the slopes on everything imaginable. Mostly standard sleds, but there were some people going down the hills six-strong, on toboggans. The crazy brave on their plastic or metal disks, flying over the moguls sometimes backward!
I even saw some kids all piling onto an old car hood flying down the hill to certain disaster. It was insane!
Think of the exercise we were getting back then as kids. Sledding down huge hills and then dragging our sleds back up the steep hills to do it again and again. All-day long!
We’d immediately get down to the business of having a great snow day. There were several different hills of varying sizes, so there was something for everyone there. Technically it was private property but in all the years we went there, we never had any problems. We’d start off with some of the smaller, less busy hills and then move over to the one main area where most kids were playing. It was an amazing hill. It began with a steep decline so you’d build up speed rather quickly. Midway through the folks who had to build the course had cut a road horizontally through it for the golf carts to navigate along. So this road created the first jump, so to speak.
So when you hit it at high speed, you’d literally become airborne for a few seconds. You had to hold on tight.
Then the descent became even steeper and you flew down the final few lengths. Near the bottom was a couple of inverted moguls in your path. So, basically, you could go around them or be bold and run right through them. The spot was so famous it became known as The Nutcracker. Because if you hit those dips at high speed you dipped into the first one and then became airborne only to land in the second one with a bang. Hence the name coined by the boys in the area.
It was a large course so we were always looking for new hills to sled down. On one trip we happened upon a spot south where you could sled along the golf cart road they had cut through the hill. It zig-zagged down the hill diagonally and then continued on a sharp curve just as it came to a flat wooden bridge for the golf carts to cross over a small brook. The brook led down into Tookany Creek that ran north and south a quarter of a mile west of where we were.
The hill hadn’t been done before because there weren’t any footprints or sled tracks in the area. So we would be first that day. Me being the cautious one was apprehensive about traversing unknown and potentially dangerous obstacles. But fortune favors the bold and my fearless friend Michael on his tiny, lightning-fast sled said he’d go first. God bless him!
It was a small sled, and he had to lie on his belly, bending his knees, curl his legs back towards him. Not only did he have the guts to go first, but he also got a running start. Holding his tiny sled in his hands he dashed towards the edge of the slope. He threw it down, leaped upon it, and began his rapid descent down this uncharted hill.
We all cheered him on as he flew down the hill, zigging and zagging along in perfect formation. We watched in amazement as he perfectly navigated what seemed like a very tricky hill. He got smaller and smaller as his distance increased from the hopeful onlookers.
His ride was brilliant and we all couldn’t wait to take our turn.
That is until Michael reached the flat wooden bridge. You see, the thing about bridges is they are free-standing structures. The rain, snow, and wind whistle around them and they are not only colder in temperature than the surface of the land, they usually freeze.
So, Mike hits the bridge, and instead of going across it, the moment he exits the curve and his tiny sled hits the frozen surface, he flew right off the side of the bridge and disappeared.
It was a terrifying moment as we all ran down the hill to see what had happened to our brave companion. When we finally reached the bridge, there was Michael climbing up the other side of the embankment. He was a little banged up but no worse for wear. He had flown off the side of the icy bridge, didn’t hit the water, but was going so fast, crashed into the opposite side of the embankment. A brilliant “Evel Knievel” moment. We all helped pull him back up to safety.
The world needs kids like Michael. Those in the tribe who are willing to risk life and limb and leap forward to explore new ground. But the world also needs people like me, to stay behind in case something happens to him. I can live another day, to spin the tale of the great Michael around the fire to the surviving tribal members.
We’d stay on those hills and sled most of the day. Sometimes staying out in the cold for more than six hours. You started to know when it was time to go home. Your whole body hurt from being battered on the slopes, and your speech became slurred because your face was so cold. (Either that or we were in the early stages of hyperthermia!)
We’d all trudge home and go to our respective houses to dry out and rest. I’d lie on the floor and put my stocking feet against the radiator in the living room. My feet actually started to itch from the blood and nerves returning to my frigid limbs.
But it was all worth it. A day off from school to spend with my friends going on a snowy adventure. Satisfied, I’d quietly reflect on the day and sip a mug of hot cocoa provided by my mom.
I miss Michael. He was a good friend.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
Are you attracted to a girl but don’t know how to get her interested in you? Use these 10 ways on how to make a girl want you sexually to do just that.
Here’s a piece sent to me by one of my readers. It seems interesting and worth running on the blog today. You can always learn something new.
Girls may get drawn to a guy for his personality.
But even if you’re a guy with a great personality, it’s easy to end up becoming just a friend instead of a lover. If you want to make a girl fall in love with you, read these.
But if you want to make a girl want you and desire you sexually, read on.
Girls love great guys who are a lot of fun to be with. But then, there are a lot of great guys all around. And when you’re attracted to a girl who is drop-dead gorgeous and can get the attention of any guy she wants, it’s not easy to make her desire you sexually.
But there are ways, really easy ways.
Most guys are too afraid to make a move on a girl who’s very good-looking because they’re afraid to get spurned.
Don’t be one of those guys.
But when you’re trying to impress a girl you know, don’t make it obvious that you like her too soon either. If she doesn’t like you yet, she may end up distancing herself from you to avoid any awkward moments.
Instead, behave like a friend.
10 steps to making a girl want you
If you find yourself getting really attracted to a friend who’s getting a lot of attention already, you can definitely make her desire you and want you. All you need to do is play it safe and slow by using these steps to turn her on and make her want you.
#1 Be a good friend. Sometimes, behaving like a friend can be the easiest way to a girl’s heart. But there’s a very thin line between being a friend that she’s attracted to and being a friend she considers a brother.
If you want her to want you, be a good friend who’s there for her, but don’t always be there for her. Speak to her when she’s around, but make sure she sees you flirting with other girls now and then too. Don’t be the friend who’s going to give a shoulder to lean on. Instead, be the friend who talks about current events and fun things.
She’s got to love your company to start with, but she should never feel like you’re an indispensable friend. If you go wrong here, you may just end up getting into her friend zone and lose all hope of sleeping with her.
#2 Flirt with her. Try to spend time with her when she’s alone. If her other friends are with her, you can avoid her or just wave a hello and move on after a quick chat. The more you hang out with her as just a friend, the lesser the chances of you ever making her desire you.
Spend time with her only when she’s all by herself. That’ll give you enough time to date talk to her and discreetly flirt with her. Flirt with her, make her feel warm and awkwardly nice while hanging out with you. And treat her just like you would treat your girlfriend, but don’t ever call her your girlfriend though.
#3 Don’t be possessive. You may like her a lot and hate all the other guys that flirt with her. But you know what, you don’t own her. And she’s not your girlfriend. So never behave possessively or prevent her from meeting or talking to other guys. You’ll end up losing her because you’ll become a creepy guy.
Instead, have your own life, but give her your time when you bump into her or have some alone time together. Don’t be stuck at her hip. She’ll never fall for you and you’ll end up becoming her doormat.
#4 Be her secret life. As I said earlier, spend a lot of time with her and flirt with her, but do that only when she’s by herself. Create a secret relationship that no one knows about other than the both of you. By doing this, you’ll make the relationship more exciting and thrilling. Become a part of her life, text her often at night when you know she’s alone, talk about personal issues, and indulge in everything a couple would do. But keep the relationship a secret.
#5 Make her miss you. Now, this is tricky but also a lot of fun. Once both of you are closer and like spending time with each other, call her every night for a week or so. And then, don’t call her one day. If she meets you or texts you the next day asking why you didn’t call, she obviously missed you and wanted to speak with you!
Flirt with her and charmingly ask her if she missed you because you didn’t call. Use different ways to make her miss your company and constantly create scenarios where you force her to realize that she actually likes you and misses you when you aren’t around.
#6 Confession time. Confessions are the best way to open a girl up. Of course, she won’t start confessing about her sexual escapades to you just yet. You need to warm her up to it. During one of your late-night calls, tell her that you bumped into one of your exes who was a horny wild cat.
The girl you like will obviously be curious and would want to know more about your ex. Use this excuse to go into the details of your sex life. Be patient and start funny, and get more descriptive and add explicit horny details as the conversation goes on. If you play this game carefully, speak softly and make sure you describe the events like an erotic story, she can’t help but visualize you naked. And chances are, she’ll also be wet down there just listening to you!
#7 Talk sex. If you’ve pulled off your sexual confession without a hitch and she liked what you had to say, she’s definitely turned on now. Ask her about a horny experience from her past. She may hesitate at first, but pester her just a bit. If she’s horny, she definitely wouldn’t mind getting into details. And as she tells her stories, gasp and talk like you’re imagining the whole thing. It’d be a huge turn-on for both of you.
#8 Get her to talk dirty with you. You may wonder if all these steps are even possible, but you won’t believe how easy it is to get a girl talking dirty in a nighttime conversation until you’ve tried it. Trust me, it’s really easy, as long as you’ve warmed her up with your horny stories. Now that you’ve got her confessing all her dirty deeds to you, it’s time you get yourself into the picture.
Compliment her for being such a naughty girlfriend, and discreetly tell her how awesome it would have been if you were her boyfriend. Saying that will definitely spark a fire of lust because she’ll know exactly where you’re going with the conversation. Speak softly, don’t get overexcited, and don’t stop with the dirty questions.
#9 Have phone sex. If you’ve used the list of dirty questions while talking to her, chances are, both of you are already really horny. Now start creating imaginary situations to turn her on even more. Tell her something like “I wish I was there right now, there’s so much I would want to do…” And when she whispers back softly and asks you what you’d do, you’ve hit jackpot.
Describe what you’d do to her in detail, starting off from kissing her neck to taking her top off to whatever else you have in mind. Avoid talking about kissing her on the lips straight away though, it’s too personal and straightforward for a few girls. And before you know it, both of you would be talking dirty and having phone sex with each other!
#10 Ask her out. Well, so now you’ve made her want you and crave for you sexually. But what’s next? You just had phone sex with her. You’re on a high, but don’t end it right there. Ask her if she’d like to meet you, or go out on a date with you the next day. She’d be too horny to resist.
And when both of you meet up on a date, it’ll probably end with both of you having sex or falling in passionate love. Either way, you’ve got the girl of your dreams wanting you and craving for you sexually. Could you ask for anything more?
If you want to know how to make a girl want you and think of you sexually, use these 10 steps I’ve mentioned. If you play it calmly and safely, you could be in bed with the girl of your fantasies in a couple of weeks!