It’s the start of a new decade, baby, and that means coming at dating and relationships with some extra intentionality. While New Year’s resolutions can look different for everyone (and you don’t need to change yourself just because another 365 days have passed), thinking about some dating goals for 2020 can help you feel empowered and inspired as your mix and mingle your way through the year.
From expressing your needs to working through healthy conflict, creating and maintaining a relationship with someone can take a lot of work. Though movies may depict dating as serendipitous (think: meeting someone in a coffee shop and running off into the sunset while a Norah Jones song plays in the background), in real life, connecting with someone you care about can mean putting yourself out there and constantly striving to maintain an open mind. While it’s important to check in with yourself all year long, the start of a new year can be an extra special moment to look back at past relationships and think about how you want to move forward in your love life.
I asked 10 people about their romantic goals for 2020, and what they said will have you dating more deliberately for the rest of the decade.
1. Date Someone Who Goes To Therapy
This year I want to find a nice person with shared interests, who asks me questions and texts me first, reciprocates my kindnesses, is emotionally available, and goes to therapy. That’s my goal.
— R.J., 27
2. Be Single
Honestly, my ‘dating goal’ is to not date for a while in 2020. In the past, I’ve gone from relationship to relationship, and I haven’t taken time to just be with myself and see what I really want. This year I want to try being single for a while or see people casually without getting so emotionally invested.
— Charli, 23
3. Pour My Heart Into It
2020 is the year of eager boyfriend energy. I want to be an eager boyfriend. Literally, all I want is someone to accept gifts from me and to kiss my face in public. I want to love fully and really show up for people.
— Sarah, 26
4. Embrace My Independence
I guess my serious goal is to gain independence within my relationship. Because I’m dating my best friend, we can get a bit insular, really ‘us against the world,’ and the reality is we both need other friendships outside our workplace and our romantic relationship. I want to value my friendships the same way I value my romantic relationship.
— Luna, 23
5. Be Unashamed Of Vulnerability
My dating goal for 2020 is to be unashamed of my vulnerability and allow myself to be indulgent in my emotions. Basically, I’m trying to get my heart broken in 2020. LOL, but actually? To really feel every moment of my relationships without fear.
— Kaylee, 21
6. Know When Something Isn’t Working Out
I tend to stick around in relationships that I’m not really happy in because I think, ‘What if I’m not really giving them a chance?’ I think my ‘goal’ for 2020 is to be better at balancing my intuition around feeling like a person or situation isn’t right for me.
— Lyndee, 30
7. Go On More Memorable Dates
My goal is to go on more memorable dates with people, even if we’re not ‘seriously’ dating yet. You don’t need to be seriously committed to someone to have a fun night out or go on a unique date that isn’t drinks or dinner. I want to bring more people flowers and make more people playlists. I want to go on hikes and road trips and do fun things with the people I’m casually seeing.
— Campbell, 22
8. Advocate For My Needs
I want to learn how to better advocate for my own emotional needs instead of only prioritizing my partner’s, or the people I’m seeing. I love how much I care about people, and I think it’s really special that I can be so attentive, but I need to make sure my own needs are getting met as well.
— Georgia, 25
9. Use More Lube
Use more lube. 2020 is the year to use. More. Lube. By that, I really mean, I want to communicate better during sex. Say if something hurts. Say if I’m not into it. Prioritize my body and comfort.
— Rebecca, 23
10. Heal From My Breakup
My dating goal for 2020 is to allow myself time to heal from my breakup, to be patient, and if I happen to meet someone I like, to take things slow and not rush into something just to fill the void of my breakup. And to remember to have fun!
— Shell, 28
11. Stop Trying To Force Things
I think my biggest goal for dating or anything relationship-wise is to remember that you can only control what you do. I want to stop bending over backward for people and working so hard just to get a kernel of attention from someone. It can be tricky to remember in the moment when you have a crush on someone, but if you have to try so hard just to get their attention, it’s just not going to be worth it. You don’t need to force anything.
— Jenna, 28
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
How do you like my new Homepage pic? In the last few years the skyline here in Philly has dramatically changed. The town has really boomed in the last 12 years I’ve lived here. So I figured the pic should reflect how lovely our city looks now as we enter a brand new decade!
I’ve been writing Phicklephilly for over 3 years now, and it’s been an incredible journey of dating, love, relationships, and new discoveries!
I’d like to first express my incredible gratitude to everyone who has chosen to read, like, comment, and most of all, follow my blog. I appreciate every one of you and will always try to respond to any of your comments on any of my stories.
Can we talk numbers for a moment before I get to the good stuff?
Here’s where we are as of this writing. Over the last 3 years, I’ve had over 55,000 visitors to the site, and over 100,000 page views! I can’t believe my good fortune.
Thank you all!
I started this blog back in the Fall of 2016 with a single post on a Monday about a date I went on. After writing it, I thought… How the heck am I going to come up with something for next week? But I wrote something else and was on my way. It was a very long and slow progress in the beginning. (The only way to become a writer is to simply write!)
Then I’d do an update on the occasional Wednesday. Then came Tales of Rock. Then Crazy Dating Stories from my past. What followed was Dating and Relationship Advice. What was once a once a week thing has grown to a daily forum!
Top Blog Posts of 2019
You want to know what’s weird? Out of everything I’ve written on here, (1800 posts!) the most popular thing I’ve ever composed is a post entitled, Asian Massage Parlors – The Fun Part. It’s had over 2700 page views in the last 2 years! People all over the world read that piece every day! I don’t know why, but it’s an odd anomaly based on what phicklephilly is usually about.
Another strange phenomenon has been the success of articles I’ve written about two actresses that were on a wonderful program from the BBC. Death in Paradise. It’s a great little series that takes place at a fictional resort. The local police force solves a different murder each episode. Actresses, Sara Martin, and Josephine Jobert have both been on the show at different times. I was completely taken with both of these lovely, talented women. Well, apparently, so is the world. Anything I’ve written about either of them have been some of my most successful posts ever! (2400+ views each!) You’d think a Dating and Relationship themed blog wouldn’t get that kind of traction writing about actresses that aren’t even popular here in the US. But apparently, globally these ladies are beloved. Congrats ladies! Thanks for making my blog great!
There are several other posts that are wildly popular as well, but mostly people like stories about my teenage years. One of the most popular ones is about a young lady named Lola whom I had the pleasure of having as my little girlfriend back in the 70’s. It’s a sexy, fun tale that has somehow caught the imagination of my readers. (1200 views!)
Also, it seems anything sexy seems to generate quite a bit of buzz. One of the top performers is entitled, Hookers on Tinder. (All time views: 3200!) I’m still a bit surprised by all of this, but I promise to keep trying to create quality, fun content that people like to read.
This kind of data tells me that the people have spoken, and maybe I need to dig deeper into my checkered past and pull out some more stories from my youth!
I’ve written so many heartfelt pieces about my life, family and feelings. No one really cares much about me working through my issues as a kid. They love the crazy, sexy stories and dating advice! (I don’t really mind what you like. Just keep reading folks!)
Anyway, let’s talk about what’s coming up on Phicklephilly in 2020.
Dating and Relationship Advice
This series began back in 2017. I would publish content on the weekends. It just seemed like a natural progression for the blog to take. I wrote about dating and relationship tales from my own life, and thought, why not give a little advice to help others?
It was okay for awhile, but then a friend of mine was going through a difficult separation from his wife and I wanted to help. I of course, rallied around him to assist. But I also thought, what if I try to write something every day that references dating and relationship guidance? I’ll do it every day for 30 days and he can read it, and it’ll help acclimate him to the new dating world after being off the market for 12 years.
Well, that turned into 90 days. Then I simply pushed on and kept researching and writing, and before I knew it, it became an everyday thing.
But… after a year I realized he was too busy to read it and it felt like a waste of my time. I also wanted to focus on the things I wanted to write about in my own life. I was tired of having to edit 14 posts for over 3 hours every Sunday night, just to be ready to publish for the upcoming week’s material.
But then something magical happened.
My daily traffic DOUBLED!
I liked that very much. But after a year and a half of that I decided around the end of the third quarter of 2019 I was sick and tired of writing dating and relationship advice every day. I decided to stop doing it by year end and focus on stories that were exclusively about my life experiences from then on.
But… it got to be about a month ago and I realized that dating and relationship advice had become the bedrock, the foundation of the blog itself. It seemed people loved reading them and always enjoyed the content and commented to let me know that it was helping them in their daily lives.
So… Happy 2020! I will continue to try to bring you the best and most interesting dating and relationship content I can for at least another year. (Knowing me, I’ll probably never stop writing about the subject because there’s so much to tell!)
Thank you for all of your words and support. Dating and Relationship Advice is here to stay!
Did you know there’s a Language Translation widget on here now? It’s really increased my global reach, and I like that people everywhere in the world can now enjoy my stories in their native language. Phicklephilly can be read in any language with a simple click of a button! (Now you have no excuse not to read my blog!)
These stories will continue to be told through 2020 but probably not much further than that. If you keep reading the blog you’ll find out why. However, I’ll be introducing some new people that have come to work at the salon so we’ll see how they work out. The lovely Amelia and Eileen come to mind. I hope you enjoy reading about these great women whom I’ve had the honor to know.
Crazy Dating Stories
I’m almost out of gas on these stories. They’ve been fun to recount, but there are only so many in my memory. I’m sure there’ll always be some crazy story to tell based on who I am, but for the most part, they’ve been exhausted at this point. I will eventually tell the tales of my young life in New Jersey with some legendary people, but there are still some from my time in California in the early Eighties, but beyond that not much is left. Which brings me to…
California Dreamin’ 1982-1984
I really enjoyed writing about the journey on the road to Los Angeles back in those days. I think I did justice to the trip itself, but I know there’s so much more to tell. I still have more stories to tell, but they’ll no longer be running every Friday anymore. I’ll probably write a few more and run them on Saturdays. I’ll compose them as the memories surface, but I’ll write them when the mood strikes me. I promise they’ll be interesting, but for now I need to focus on the things that are happening in my life right now. (So, they’re not going away, just published a little less.) Spoiler Alert: George Carlin and Arnold Schwartzenegger will both be making appearances, and I have proof that I’ve met them both!
I tried my hand at writing erotica in 2019. I thought this would be a fun foray into something a bit more racy than the usual Phicklephilly dating fare. I worked hard on creating rich stories with solid plot lines and characters with a bit of sex. I thought they’d be a big hit with my readers.
I was dead wrong.
Murder Mystery Weekend, Another Life, A Unique Gift and The Beach House all withered and died like a house plant that gets no light or water. I get it. No one read any of them. (Okay, like one guy read maybe one or two of them, but that’s just not enough for me to continue these erotic series) Frankly, I liked the idea of A Unique Gift. (The whole mind control thing tickled me.) I loved writing The Beach House and thought it would make a solid book, or movie. But alas… all of it failed miserably. I appreciate anyone who took a look, but I get it. It just didn’t work.
All of that content and more sexy, NSFW stories can be found on the following site:
So, going forward, the only things that will run over on that site (La Petite Mort) will be content that’s too racy for phicklephilly. I’ll post a NSFW link on any given story and you’ll be able to click on it and go read the story over there. I’d simply abandon the site, but based on recent events, I think I’m going to need that it to be able to publish some of my upcoming adventures. But for now, Erotic Fiction is done on Phicklephilly.
This was a monthly series where I collected funny, crazy dating profiles from online dating sites. Frankly, I don’t really use those sites anymore and got tired of collecting, and cutting and pasting all of that nonsense into my blog. So they’re also sadly dead on this site. You can always go back and read the old ones. They’re pretty funny!
Phicklephilly and Sun Stories published as books on Amazon Kindle
I tried to get two books published over a year and a half ago and ran into so many technical difficulties with the team at Amazon, I decided to scrap the idea. However, I’d like to try again in 2020 and also have another work of fiction entitled, Angel with a Broken Wing, I’d like to try to publish this year. So, fingers crossed! I’m going to give it another shot! Wish me luck!
Tales of Rock
I still love researching and writing this column. As a musician and a fan of music, it’s fun to dig up these stories about the musicians we all love and hate. They’ll continue to run every Sunday at 8am through 2020. I’ve also added another feature entitled, The Best Band You Never Heard. It’ll run on the first Sunday of every month and introduce you to just that. Great bands you may never have heard about that rock! Tales of Rock is here to stay!
Phicklephilly the Podcast
I’ve done a few of these on Spotify and enjoyed making them. If I have time I’d love to do a podcast series about a former love of my life, Michelle. I still miss her friendship and would like to create a kind of audio book type thing so you can hear my stories in my own voice. I’d also like to have guests on and interview interesting people about a myriad of different subjects. Please stay tuned, this is new ground for me and any feedback is always welcome!
There’s one person’s blog I’m interested in promoting this year on Phicklephilly. I enjoy supporting other artist’s work. I’ve done it in the past. But here’s the thing. It has to fit with what I’m creating on this forum and sadly, I really have little time these days to add anything other than the content I work to publish here everyday. I’m not ruling it out, but I just don’t want to bite off more than I can chew this year.
The core formula of Phicklephilly has always been my personal experiences here in Philadelphia. Although Dating and Relationship Advice has become the foundation of the blog that carries it forth, I believe the stories about my life lie at the center of its existence.
I live a quiet and private life now, but have always believed in absolute transparency in the words that I write here. I have no illusion as to who I am, or what I am in this world. I’m not ashamed of anything I’ve done, and it’s all from the heart.
Let’s review what’s been happening.
She was my girlfriend over 10 years ago. I still sometimes think about her, and you can read her series on Phicklephilly from 2016-2017. Originally there were only about 15 chapters but it will probably swell to 24 based on events and time. But I assure you, Michelle is not coming back. I miss her and wish her well, but it is what it is. Michelle is the one who got away.
Cherie is my lovely girlfriend I started seeing near the end of 2016. That relationship has weathered time, distance, and my dalliances with other women. The issues in this union have been ongoing. The distance factor: She lives 40 miles away in Pottstown, PA. Our age difference: 30 years. Our work schedules: We both work crazy hours. Her family obligations: Lives with her parents and sister and has a young son. We rarely see each other. It sucks, because she’s a wonderful lady.
Sadly, when I look back on the last year or so, our tender relationship has been reduced to little more than a series of booty calls due to the sheer lack of time either of us have to see each other. Cherie is a great girl, but I have a feeling that in 2020 this relationship will sadly meet it’s end. (But, I could be wrong!)
She’s the Asian girl I met a year and a half ago at the tanning salon. A lovely, sweet girl trying to navigate her life at college here in Philly. (You can go back and read the entire sordid odyssey on this blog.) I never saw any of this coming and feel bad about it. We dated a little bit, but it felt more like a mentor/student relationship that recently spun out of control in glorious fashion. To be honest with you, at the time of this writing I don’t know if I’ll ever see her again.
This has been a recent, unexpected development. I don’t quite know what to make of this Persian beauty. Her appearance has been quite unexpected and I have no idea where this one will lead me. (Probably into trouble!)
Ah… last but certainly not least is the ethereal, Rebecca. I met her back in 2016 on Tinder when I first started writing this blog and got back into the dating arena. She predates Cherie, but disappeared for a period of time. I found her absolutely enchanting despite her then chaotic lifestyle. She recently resurfaced, and I decided to rerun her original series from the Fall of 2016.
At the time, she drifted in and out of my life. But I met Cherie and she took precedence. Cherie quickly became my main squeeze and I gave little thought as to what happened to Rebecca. I was sort of falling for her back then, but she was so flaky it was hard to lock on to her in a meaningful way. I get it. A young lady with a busy life. But there was just something wonderful about her that I could never quite possess. That obviously made her even more desirable to me.
I wanted to go back and release the original series and publish everything that happened leading up to her doing what she did. I had some drafts that I never published back then and wanted to tell the whole story now that she’s appeared back in Philadelphia. I was too busy with my new love, Cherie to even think about her back then. I hope you find her series as interesting as I do. I loved writing about her back then and I guess I just felt the story needed to be told once and for all. At this point it’s more of a nostalgia piece than anything.
Other than that I’ve been leading a pretty quiet and uneventful life. I like to work and stay busy. I feel like old Ben Kanobi from Star Wars, A New Hope, Episode IV. Not Obi Wan out fighting the Empire, just old Ben hanging out in his little house watching Netflix.
Sometimes I feel like all of my memories are here on phicklephilly and scattered in a bunch of letters and photo albums in my house.
But… I’m still alive and well and I’m sure there’ll be some new adventures I’ll explore in this brand new decade!
Thank you again for reading Phicklephilly loyal readers!
Onward and upward into The Roaring 20’s!
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.