Tales of Rock – Ratt Star In New GEICO Commercial

The current lineup of Ratt recall their blockbuster hit song “Round And Round” in a brand new television commercial from the insurance company GEICO.

The song originally appeared on the band’s 1984 debut full-length album “Out Of The Cellar” and the insurance company bills the clip as “New homeowners rave about the character and detail of their new home. Although, they do have a small Ratt issue.”

The new commercial features the current bandmembers frontman Stephen Pearcy, bassist Juan Croucier, guitarist Jordan Ziff and drummer Pete Holmes. Watch it below:

 

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California Dreamin’ – 1982 to 1984 – Tim’s Wife Donna

It was the summer of 1982. I was living in Los Angeles. Me and my bass player Frank were hanging out at our friend Tim’s house just chilling out, drinking and heating up the BBQ Pit. We and the band met him one night at Gazzari’s on Sunset Strip. Tim used to play guitar in the band Scandal before they made it big. (Which sucked for him, but he made a pretty good living as a session man in the music industry.) Tim went in to grab a couple of beers. He came out and said his wife was taking a bath and the door for it was in his garage in need of repair.

He had been drinking most of the day and dared me to quietly go to the doorway and watch her until she sees me and tells me to beat it. I think back now and a lot of the people I met in California in those days were kinky and crazy.

I always enjoyed a good dare and gladly accepted. Frank’s just sitting there laughing his ass off.

Tim’s wife Donna was smokin’ hot. I couldn’t believe my good fortune.

I remember walking through the house and by Tim’s studio. I’ll never forget that he had a white Marshall amplifier. I had a Marshall back then, but I’d never seen a white one before. (His had four 12 inch Celestion speakers in them.)

I got to the door and saw her laying back with a wash rag over her forehead & eyes. I decided to venture further. I quietly went in and sat on the toilet about 3 feet away. A couple of minutes passed and she sat up and removed the cloth. She let out a little scream.

“What are you doing here, Chaz?”

Her husband Tim would be pissed off.

“Tim dared me to come in here and watch you until you made me leave.” (I’ve never seen her nude)

“Is that so? I bet he assumed I would yell and scream and run you out of here.”

“I’ve already been watching you for several minutes and you’re even sexier than I’d imagined.”

She just then realized I could still see her.

“I guess I have no reason to cover up now.”

“So what do we do?”

“Hmm… How would you like to help me turn this around on him?”

I’m not sure, Donna. Tim’s half in the bag and what if he tries to kick my ass? I can’t let anything happen to this face.”

She winked at me. “I have an idea. You’ll get to watch me nude until he finally comes in to see what’s up.”

I was immediately game.

Her idea was to get out of the tub and dry off. She said it would take her about 10 minutes to blow dry her hair. If he still wasn’t in she would put make up on, etc. in the nude until he did. She stood up and my excitement meter went from half mast to full mast by the time she was dry. I had gym shorts on and she made a few joking comments about how aroused I was. I was in a band and I’d already seen many things in my short rock and roll life, but I started blushing and my heart was pounding. This was a gorgeous 28-year-old woman.

I was but a boy.

A bad boy.

She then began blow drying her long dark hair. She was now purposely teasing me as she leaned over to dry the back with her bottom staring right at me with a nice view. She turned around smiling, and now I knew she was enjoying the show she put on for me. (Was Tim’s wife into me?) She finished with her hair.

“Follow me.”

She sat at her make up table. I was literally trembling as I sat on the edge of their bed.

Donna turned to face me and started rubbing lotion on her arms, shoulders and breasts which were as erect as I was.

“If he doesn’t come in soon he’ll wish he had, Chaz.” and laughed.

She was now rubbing lotion on her belly. “You should really enjoy this.”

With that she lifted a leg and slowly worked her way up to her hips. In this position I could see everything wide open in front of me. What I’m seeing could only be described back then as two slices of rare roast beef between two hot dogs that had been dropped on a barber’s floor.

Beautiful in 1982. Women still had hair down there back then. My young mind was melting down.

“I’m actually in pain, Donna.”

She laughed. “You can’t leave me until he comes in.”

She then shifted her other leg up and when she got to her knee, Tim walked in. What he saw was me sitting on the edge of his bed with a woody impossible to hide and his wife about 3 or 4 feet in front of me spread eagle and smiling ear to ear.

At first he was pissed off. “What the fuck?”

“Tim, you dared me to watch your nude wife until she made me leave. She never asked me to leave.”

I’m thinking I’m probably going to get my ass kicked and the friendship is over and Frank and I will be running down the hill to my VW mini bus.

“Donna… why the fuck did you think it was okay to spend about a half hour in front of Chaz nude with your legs wide open towards him?”

“I asked him why he thought it was okay to sneak in and watch me nude. He told me that you dared him to come up and watch me nude. I figured if you didn’t come up and tell him to get out, you apparently wanted me to be naked in front of him.”

Is this really happening?

He then laughed, (Thank God) “You turned the joke around on me and I guess I deserved it.”

He then went to her. “Weren’t you embarrassed to have him watching you?”
“I was at first but the thought of getting even made it worthwhile and that other than the big woody, Chaz was a good sport.”

She looked down at him. “It looks like you have the same problem now.”

We decided that they were going to make use of their bed and suggested I could sit in the chair she was in and relieve myself at the same time.

WHAT?

I declined, and let them have at it.

I limped out of their bedroom, and went back to the party out back.

Frank sees me.

(In his thick Belfast accent) “Where the fuck’ve you been, mate?”

I’ll tell you on the way home. Hand me one of those beers.

 

What a crazy time it was back then.

But this wouldn’t be the last time there would be an altercation with Tim’s wife, Donna.

 

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California Dreamin’ – 1982 to 1984 – Lux – It Started With An Entire Bottle Of Champagne

I was having a beer at the Roxy in West Hollywood. I see this hot girl who looks a little older than me. Maybe 22 or 23. She has tan skin and an exotic foreign look. I can see she’s checking me out and I send her a drink.

She immediately comes over and sits next to me at the bar. We chat for a bit and she likes that I’m a musician. She suggests brunch at Cafe Casino in Santa Monica.  We hop in my ’69 VW minibus and she says she has to stop at her apartment. Her apartment is in Brentwood. Nice place, beautiful, lots of high-dollar stuff, no roommate.

We go to Cafe Casino at 1pm. During brunch she drinks an entire bottle of champagne by herself. We leave, and in the van she says she wants to stop by a shop in Westwood. I park in the parking lot and get out. I look for her and don’t see her. I hear a noise, so I look around my van and she’s squatting next to the wall peeing on the ground.

We go into the shop. She takes a few dresses into the changing room and tells me to come over. I stand outside the changing room and she pulls me inside. Lux completely undresses, gets in the clothes, asks me what I think, undresses, gets in more clothes, etc. That was super hot to me at the time and probably would be today.

She takes about $400 worth of clothes to the counter and tells the cashier she really has to pee. Cashier says sorry. Lux begs, so cashier relents and takes her into the back, but it’s too late. The damage is done. So she also buys a new pair of pants.

We’re back to her apartment, she answers a call and starts talking in a foreign language that I can’t place. Couldn’t even guess the continent. (Maybe Iran?) She’s very nervous and upset. She hangs up and tells me she has to go to her other apartment at the Wilshire Palisades. She asks me to go in with her.

We go into her apartment which is also completely beautiful and belongs only to her. This chick is some sort of rich heiress. She has a badass telescope that I start playing with. In the mirror, I see her open a safe and put something in her purse. She tells me we need to leave and asks me to take her to my apartment.

We go to my place and she instantly passes out. She stays like that for about 6 hours. When she wakes up, Lux wants Dairy Queen. It’s closed and she starts crying. I take her to Carl’s Jr. She gets a cheeseburger, a chili dog, cheese fries, and a sundae. We come home, she eats it and throws up. Passes out on my couch again. I read and go to sleep.

Next morning she asks if she can stay and watch TV. I tell her I have plans and need to take her home. She says she can’t go to either of her apartments. I tell her too bad, I have plans, and drop her off.

She called a few days later asking when we could see each other again.

I told her no.

 

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Tales of Rock – Nikki Sixx Had A Lethal Overdose

“Motley Crue: the band responsible for literally every stereotype about hair metal that you know.”

Judging by the above, the most dangerous profession in the 1980s — aside from pulling double shifts at Chernobyl — was being a rock star. After all, there’s Guns N’ Roses, Van Halen, Aerosmith, and, last but not least, Motley Crue: the band responsible for literally every stereotype about hair metal that you know.

In 1987, while touring with Guns N’ Roses, Motley Crue bassist Nikki Sixx teamed up with Slash to unwind by shooting some heroin, presumably because Game Gear hadn’t been invented yet. Unfortunately, because opiate fans aren’t renowned for their measuring skills, Nikki ended up overdosing and dying in Slash’s shower. All things considered, this is the closest thing to a hero’s death that Nikki Sixx could hope for.

Except, as the world would come to learn, Nikki Sixx cannot be destroyed by heroin. He was revived after two minutes of clinical death by two shots of adrenaline stabbed directly into his fucking heart. Ordinarily, this would be followed by a long period of bed rest and some self-reflection. For Nikki Sixx, this meant escaping his ambulance, hitchhiking back home, and shooting up more heroin. The incident resulted in Motley Crue’s Grammy-nominated song “Kickstart My Heart” so … win-win, we guess?

 

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Tales of Rock – Bowie and Jagger in Bed

David Bowie is an innovative English musician that has sold over 140 million albums. He is an extremely popular singer and has done a lot of work to help fight important world issues. In 1972, Bowie became one of the first popular singers to reveal to the public that he was bisexual. Bowie gave an interview that was broadcast around the world. Since that time he has bounced back and forth on the issue and remains married to Somali-American model Iman.

In 1970, David Bowie was married to a woman named Angela and the couple divorced in 1980. In 1990, after a ten-year gag order ended, Angela Bowie appeared on The Joan Rivers Show and gave some controversial details about her time with David. She is quoted: “I caught him in bed with men several times. In fact the best time I caught him in bed was with Mick Jagger.” At this point, Howard Stern, who was involved with the interview, asked Angela if Jagger and Bowie had their clothes off. She said: “They certainly did.” The accusation became international news and Jagger released a statement that dismissed the claim.

A week after the interview, Angela Bowie went on television and said that although she had seen Mick Jagger and Bowie naked, it didn’t necessarily mean they weren’t sleeping. She clarified: “I certainly didn’t catch anyone in the act.” Some people have linked the event to the 1973 Rolling Stones hit song Angie. However, David Bowie said it best: “About 15 or 16 years ago, I really got pretty tired of fending off questions about what I used to do with my penis in the early ’70s. My suggestion for people with a prurient interest is to go through the 30 or 40 bios on me and pick out the rumor of their choice.”

Check out the video below.

This is the gayest thing I’ve ever seen.

Enjoy!

 

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