20 Easy-To-Miss Signs You’re In Love With The Wrong Person – Part 2

11. Their Behavior In Public Sometimes Embarrasses You

If you have a partner who is unable to act like an adult in public, you may be with the wrong person, Rappaport says. Maybe they have an annoying habit of getting super rowdy or maybe they don’t show respect for servers. “You don’t want to be apologizing for your partner’s bad behavior,” she says. If you find yourself in situations where you feel the need to make excuses or apologize for your partner’s behavior, you’re probably in love with the wrong person.

If this is happening in your relationship, talk to your partner about it. Don’t bring it up at the moment, and berate them like a child. Instead, wait until you’re alone together and have a serious talk. “Wait until you’re out of the situation, your emotions have neutralized and you’re in a private space to tell your partner that they embarrassed you and why,” Campana says. If it goes well, you can use this conversation as a way to understand your partner and possibly bring you closer together. If your partner can’t take the conversation seriously, it’s a telling sign that they’re not serious about you.

12. You Don’t Feel Comfortable Talking To Your Partner About What You Really Want In Bed

The definition of “good sex” varies from person to person. As Ricciardi says, “It’s unrealistic to think you’re going to be craving your partner’s body 24/7, 365 days a year like lovebirds do in the movies, but having a healthy sex life with lots of passion and desire is super important.” If you find that your partner isn’t as interested in things that you are in the bedroom or you find yourself not being sexually pleased, she says you may have fallen in love with the wrong person. Sure, many people have different libido levels or want different things in bed. Although communication is key, you need to have that level of intimacy in order to feel comfortable enough to tell your partner what you really want. “If you’re with the right person, your pleasure should be important to them,” she says.

13. You’re Having A Lot Of Sex Without Any Intimacy

If sexual compatibility is the only thing keeping you together, you may not be with the right one.

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“Most people think that regular sex with your partner means a healthy relationship, but not always,” Ponaman says. Instead, “emotional, connected sex” equates to a healthy relationship. If you’ve fallen in love with the wrong person, you may have this idea that having more sex is the key to keeping your relationship alive. According to Ponaman, many couples unconsciously shift from sex with an emotional connection to sex for necessity. “If it becomes something you pencil into your schedule, it’s no longer an act of love but a ‘to-do,'” she says. If sex is the only thing keeping the two of you together, that’s a sign you may be with the wrong one.

14. You Overthink Everything You’re Going To Say Because You Worry About What Your Partner Will Think

While it’s important to watch what you say, it’s even more important to have the freedom to express your feelings. When you’re in love with the wrong person, you will have a hard time being your true self around them. As Ellen Bolin, certified professional relationship coach, tells us, “You’ll never want to disappoint or ‘rock the boat,’ so you worry about how your partner is going to react to what you may want or need.” The right person will make you feel 100% comfortable being yourself. You’ll be able to say whatever you want without feeling like you’re going to be judged or ridiculed. If your partner triggers your deeply rooted insecurities or fears, reconsider whether this is a relationship that’s worth staying in. “Every relationship brings out different sides of our personality,” Campana says. “The most important thing is that the sides our partner brings out are the sides that we really like.”

15. They Like Having Things Go Their Way

“If you have a partner that is a bit selfish and has to have their way all the time, you may be … with someone who has not grown up sufficiently enough to be in a relationship,” Rappaport says. A healthy relationship with the right person is one where there’s compromise. You should be able to feel like your voice and your opinions truly matter to them. If you don’t, you might have fallen for someone who’s all wrong for you because they don’t respect you enough to see you as an equal.

16. You Don’t Care If Your Friends Or Family Like Them

Your friends and family can see things about your partner that you don't.

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As Samantha Daniels, Dating Expert and Founder of Samantha’s Table Matchmaking tells us, this is a big one for the majority of people in relationships. “The blessing of your friends and family can make or break any relationship,” she says. But if you find yourself thinking that you don’t care if your friends and family like the person you’re in love with, this may be a sign you’re in love with the wrong person. “This typically indicates that you might not feel as strongly about this person as you thought because if you did, then you would seek validation from your friends and family members.”

17. Being Around Their Family Makes You Uneasy

“I’m not saying this is a deal-breaker, but it certainly can be,” Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking, tells us. This is especially true if the family is super important to both of you. So if you just can’t stand their family (or vice versa), you may have picked the wrong person. “Chances are, no matter how crazy or wrong your partner’s family might be, they love them,” Trombetti says. “You may need to find someone to be in love with whose family is a better fit for you.” According to her, sometimes it happens. This is one of those things you really need to decide if you can live with.

18. They Are All About You And Your Needs Only

Having a partner who’s all about your needs may seem like a dream situation to some. But as dating coach Julie Spira says, this is an easy-to-miss sign that you’ve fallen in love with the wrong person. For example, when you and your partner are trying to choose a restaurant for dinner, your partner is the type to always (or most of the time) say, “I don’t care, you choose.” As Spira says, this constant catering to your needs could indicate that they don’t feel comfortable speaking up for their own wants or needs. “They may not feel comfortable enough to be themselves in the relationship or they struggle with their own feelings of insecurity and desire to please others,” she says. You should be with a partner, not someone who’s just going to wait and take orders from you. That is not the person you may want to be in a relationship with.

19. Your Relationship Makes You Feel Emotionally Exhausted

If your partner is emotionally exhausting, your relationship may be more trouble than it's worth.

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Nobody says relationships are easy. But it shouldn’t be so difficult to the point that you’re completely drained. As Daniels says, “a good relationship should leave you feeling energized, not drained.” If you realize that being with your significant other makes you feel emotionally exhausted, you may be in love with the wrong person. “This sign typically indicates that you don’t feel emotionally free and stable around this person, therefore you have to put up a front when you’re with them, leaving you emotionally drained,” she says.

20. You Love The Potential More Than The Reality

“​If you find yourself imaging who the person could be rather than who they actually are, this is a huge red flag,” Matlin says. ​In other words, you’re creating a fantasy scenario in your head while ignoring the realities of the situation. “Sometimes we love potential more than reality because we are actually scared of true vulnerability and commitment,” she says. “But this is self-sabotage in the making.” So if you find that your fantasy about your relationship doesn’t quite match up to reality, you may be in love with the wrong person.

It’s easy to beat yourself up when relationships fail or you keep going back to the same types of people that aren’t the best for you. But as Ponaman says, always have compassion for yourself.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, and this says nothing of your worth or ability to attract someone great,” she says. “This simply means you’ve made choices that are not aligned with who you truly are. If you want to find someone right for you, go back to square one. I know it’s hard to start over, but trust me, it’s worth it.”

Letting go of a situation that seems right but isn’t truly what you want can be hard. But if you can muster up the courage to do it, you can be in a relationship with the right person who loves you and who you love in return.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

20 Easy-To-Miss Signs You’re In Love With The Wrong Person – Part 1

For the most part, you can’t really choose who you happen to fall in love with. You can definitely choose what you want to do with those feelings, but you can’t force yourself to have feelings for someone and you can’t really force yourself to stop. As a result, it’s so easy to find yourself in a situation where you’ve fallen in love with the wrong person.

More often than not, these situations never really end well. If you think you’re in love with the wrong person for you, relationship experts Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola, authors of the upcoming book, How To Keep Your Marriage From Sucking, tell us, you’re in great company. “Almost all of us have been there, too,” they say.

Just think about it. If we all fell in love with the right person right away, none of us would have to deal with the pain of going through a breakup. You wouldn’t have to worry about whether or not your partner would cheat or why they seem to be checking out. You certainly wouldn’t have to look for the various signs that they’re “The One,” because you’d just know.

Oh… good show by the way.

The One (TV Series 2021– ) - IMDb

Sometimes knowing you’re in love with the wrong person will be obvious and sometimes it won’t be. So here are some easy-to-miss signs that you might be in love with the wrong person, according to experts.

1. You Communicate Your Concerns But Nothing Ever Changes

When you're in love with the wrong person, they won't change their behavior for the better no matter how many times you ask.

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“Waiting for your partner to change is a recipe for heartache,” Caitlin Killoren, relationship coach at relationship training app, Relish, tells us. In a healthy partnership, you and your partner will express your individual concerns and find a way to tackle issues together. But if you love the wrong person, you can have all the tough talks you want, and communicate your concerns as often as you like, but nothing ever changes. That’s because you can’t ever really expect to change a person. As Behrendt and Ruotola say, most people are reluctant to change on their own accord. In situations like this, it’s important to realize that this might be a long-drawn-out breakup in disguise. “Eventually you will need to be honest with yourself about where this relationship is or isn’t going,” they say.

2. Your Schedules Don’t Line Up

Have you ever fallen in love with someone who lives across the country in a different time zone or who works overnight, while you work a regular nine to five? If so, Bethany Ricciardi, a relationship expert with Too Timid tells us, you could be head over heels in love with the wrong one. Being in a long-distance relationship or having completely different work schedules doesn’t give you much time to spend together. Although these can work out with the right amount of trust and communication, there’s a reason why many of them don’t. “We all have wants and needs,” Ricciardi says. “Sometimes I like to think of us as flowers; we need to be given a little bit of sunshine and water every day. So who’s giving that to you when you and your partner never see each other?”

3. You’re Spending A Lot More Money For Your Relationship Than Your Partner Is

You may enjoy paying for everything in your relationship like date nights, dinners, surprise trips, or even a Netflix account. That’s totally fine. But as relationship coach Jenna Ponaman, CPC, ELI-MP tells us, “If your partner doesn’t make the effort to share in the responsibilities, this may be a sign of codependency.” The relationship has become more about necessity, and less about desire. If this continues, you may begin to feel a sense of imbalance. According to her, the relationship can become filled with resentment, arguments, and dissatisfaction. If paying for everything doesn’t seem like a bad sign to you, those are clear and obvious ones to pay attention to.

4. You’ve Started To Adopt Unhealthy Lifestyle Habits

If you started to adopt unhealthy habits after being with your partner for some time, they might not be the right person for you.

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If you used to practice self-care a lot, made sure to get a good amount of exercise weekly, and ate healthy before your partner and suddenly it changed, Ponaman says you may have fallen for the wrong person. “This varies from person to person, but healthy eating, for example, allows the body to feel rejuvenated, energized, and good,” she says. “If you were once a healthy eater and decided to ‘ease up’ on the lifestyle after you began to see your partner, it shows you and your partner’s lifestyle habits may not be fully aligned.” It really comes down to the reason behind why you decided to make the change. If it’s to make you two seem more compatible, you may have fallen for the wrong person.

5. Your Relationship Is A Never-Ending On-Again, Off-Again Saga

On-again, off-again situations may make you feel hopeful that one-day things are finally going to work out. But as Jenna Matlin, Clairvoyant Intuitive of The Queen of Wands Tarot tells us, “​The danger with on-again, off-again relationships is that you are inadvertently training yourself to return to the very thing that does not work.” So if you’re stuck in a cycle where you keep breaking up and getting back together, you may be in love with the wrong person. “[If] you find yourself in this situation, you have to break the cycle and go cold turkey if you can,” Matlin says. Furthermore, trying to maintain a friendship might not work either because it can lead you right back into that mess.

6. You Barely Spend Any Time With Your Friends And Family

Your life can change when you finally meet your match. But as Ponaman says, that’s not always a good thing. “Good change is when you make a choice that is clearly for your highest good, but if you feel like you’ve sacrificed something to make this person happy, sometimes this isn’t the healthiest of choices,” she says. For instance, if your relationship is causing you to spend a lot less time with your friends and family, you may have fallen for the wrong person. “In most cases, we tend to make these sacrifices to spend more time with our partners,” Ponaman says. “But this only happens because we don’t feel that we have had enough attention from our mates.” When you’re in a healthy relationship with the right one, she says you wouldn’t need to change your pre-relationship lifestyle to accommodate theirs.

7. They’re Not Into “Labels”

If your partner isn't into labeling the relationship but you are, it might be a bigger compatibility issue.

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Not everyone is big on labels and it’s not uncommon to be in a situation where one partner just wants to “see where it goes.” But if you’re in love with someone who hasn’t given you any signs of commitment and that’s what you really want, you probably fell for the wrong one. “That’s a pretty big disconnect,” Ashley Campana, certified matchmaker at Lisa Clampitt Matchmaking, tells us. “It’s reflective of a major difference in values.” If this is the case, communication is key. Tell your partner that putting a label on what you have matters to you and be clear on why. You can even start the conversation by talking about your boundaries for the relationship. “If your partner isn’t into it, you need to think about what that means for you,” Campana says. “What are your relationship goals and will your goals align with this partner? If not, then bye.”

8. You’re Only With Them Because It’s Comfortable

​Being in a relationship with someone who’s been around you for what seems like forever can make you feel comfortable. “But just because a person has been in your life for a long time and it feels comfortable, it does not mean that they are a good fit for who you are now, or will contribute to your growth moving forward,” Matlin says. If you feel like that passion and desire for your partner is lacking, she says you need to be willing to “step out into the wilderness” and trust that the right person will come to you. “Be willing to embrace ambiguity,” she says. “Trust the unknown. Be radically honest with yourself and what you truly want.”

9. You’ve Confused Being In Love With Having A Crush

Having an intense crush on someone may seem like love, but it’s important to differentiate the two. According to Matlin, a crush is sometimes one-sided. “It’s often an obsessive, overly emotional, and idealized focus on another person,” she says. Most importantly, there’s a huge distance between you and your person of interest. When that crush turns into unrequited love, you know you’ve fallen for the wrong person.

Loving someone, on the other hand, is to see the person for who they are and loving them for the good, bad, and ugly. As dating and relationship coach Rosalind Sedacca, CLC, tells us, “It’s usually based on a deeper sense of respect for who they are. We feel more accepting of and tolerant about their behavior, even when it doesn’t please us. We find a way to still love them, even when we don’t love their decisions and choices.”

10. Your Partner Isn’t The Type To Apologize

If your partner isn't emotionally mature enough to apologize, they are not the one for you.

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It’s important to remember that all couples get into disagreements. But how you choose to respond to each other at the moment can determine whether your relationship is right for you or not. “If your partner does or says something that hurts you deeply and is unable to apologize, this is a sign that they are uncomfortable admitting any wrongdoing,” relationship expert and spiritual counselor Davida Rappaport tells us. This is a major sign of emotional immaturity.

Saying “I’m sorry” is so simple and shows that you can take responsibility for your actions. “Without accountability, there can be no improvement,” Killoren says. If you’re with someone who can’t say sorry after doing something hurtful, you might have fallen in love with someone who’s possibly immature and most likely not right for you long-term.

I’ll have the rest of this article out by noon today!

Stay tuned!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

18 Science-Backed Ways Men Can Appear More Attractive To Women

  • Romantic attraction is complicated.
  • Lucky for us, scientists have generated insights over the years into what might make men attractive to women.
  • Men who look older, sport a light beard, or do volunteer work are generally considered more appealing.

Romantic attraction is a complicated thing that scientists still don’t completely understand.

But, through research and experimentation, they’ve come up with many ideas about what draws one person to another.

Below, Business Insider has rounded up some of the most compelling scientific insights about the traits and behaviors that make men more appealing to women.

None of the items on this list require you to get cosmetic surgery or do a major personality overhaul; we’re talking small tweaks, like acting nicer and swapping your deodorant.

Read on for simple ways to step up your dating game.

Look for the universal signals of flirtation.

wolf of wall street margot robbie

Mary Cybulski/Paramount Pictures

Rutgers University anthropologist and best-selling author Helen E. Fisher says that women around the world signal interest with a remarkably similar sequence of expressions.

It goes like this:

“First the woman smiles at her admirer and lifts her eyebrows in a swift, jerky motion as she opens her eyes wide to gaze at him. Then she drops her eyelids, tilts her head down and to the side, and looks away. Frequently she also covers her face with her hands, giggling nervously as she retreats behind her palms.

“This sequential flirting gesture is so distinctive that [German ethologist Irenaus] Eibl-Eibesfeldt was convinced it is innate, a human female courtship ploy that evolved eons ago to signal sexual interest.”

Look for someone “in your league.”

Master of None

Netflix

Men — and women — are attracted to people who are as attractive as they are.

In one study from 2011, researchers at the University of California at Berkeley looked at the behavior of 60 heterosexual male and 60 heterosexual female users on an online dating site.

While the majority of users were inclined to reach out to highly attractive people, they were most likely to get a response if that person was about as attractive as they were (as judged by independent raters).

“If you go for someone roughly [equal] to you in attractiveness, it avoids two things,” Nottingham Trent University psychologist Mark Sergeant, who was not involved with the study, told The Independent. “If they are much better-looking than you, you are worried about them going off and having affairs. If they are much less attractive, you are worried that you could do better.”

Many men are delusional of their own worth. Many aim too high but fail to realize they lack the ability to acquire a woman that is far out of their league.

Present yourself as high status.

Bentley Continental GT

Bentley

A 2010 study from the University of Wales Institute found that men pictured with a Silver Bentley Continental GT were perceived as way more attractive than those pictures with a Red Ford Fiesta ST.

And a 2014 study from Cardiff Metropolitan University found that men pictured in a luxury apartment were rated more attractive than those in a control group.

Interestingly, men don’t seem to be more attracted to women when they’re pictured in a high-status context.

Grow a light beard.

david beckham beard

Larry Marano / Getty

In a 2013 study from the University of New South Wales, researchers had 177 heterosexual men and 351 heterosexual women look at images of 10 men in one of four conditions: clean-shaven, light stubble, heavy stubble, or full beard. Participants rated the men pictured on several traits, including attractiveness.

Women said the most attractive beard length was heavy stubble.

“Facial hair correlates not only with maturity and masculinity, but also with dominance and aggression,” write authors Barnaby J. Dixson and Robert C. Brooks.

“An intermediate level of beardedness is most attractive,” they add.

Build muscle (but not too much).

Steph Curry

Ezra Shaw/Getty

In a 2007 study from University of California, Los Angeles, 286 women looked at pictures of shirtless men and indicated which ones seemed like they would make the best long- and short-term partners.

Results showed that women were more likely to want short-term relationships with the guys who had big muscles.

The evolutionary signal that might be at work here?

Characteristics like muscularity are “cues of genes that increase offspring viability or reproductive success,” say authors David A. Frederick and Martie G. Haselton.

But Frederick and Haselton took away another telling finding: Less-muscular men were thought to be a better fit for long-term relationships. So if you want to catch a woman’s eye and hold her attention, you may be better off not going overboard.

Be kind.

ryan gosling omg

Rommel Demano / Getty

One of the best documented findings in psychology is the halo effect, a bias where you unconsciously take one aspect of somebody as a proxy for their overall character. It’s why we think beautiful people are good at their jobs, even when they aren’t necessarily.

As psychologist and writer Scott Barry Kaufman notes, the halo effect works in other ways, too.

In a 2014 Chinese study, more than 100 young people looked at images of men and women’s faces and rated them on attractiveness. Each face pictured was paired with a word that described either a positive personality trait — like kindness or honesty — or a negative personality trait, like being evil or mean.

Results showed that the people described with positive traits were rated more attractive.

“Even though beauty is an assessment of fitness value, there is no reason why assessment of fitness needs to be purely physical,” Kaufman writes, meaning that acting kind can make you appear more attractive.

Wear red.

will smith red

Mike Coppola / Getty

A 2010 cross-cultural study — with participants from China, England, Germany, and the US — found that women are most attracted to men wearing red.

In one experiment from the study, 55 female undergrads looked at a color photo of a man in either a red or green shirt, and then rated the man’s attractiveness.

Sure enough, the man was rated significantly more attractive when he was wearing a red shirt. The results were similar when researchers compared the red shirt to other color shirts as well.

Interestingly, participants generally weren’t aware that the man’s clothing color was influencing their perceptions of his attractiveness.

Make your partner laugh.

couple on date

Shutterstock

Multiple studies indicate that women are more attracted to men who can make them laugh. Interestingly, men generally aren’t more attracted to women who can make them laugh.

In one 2006 study published in the journal Evolution and Human Behavior, researchers asked undergraduate students (who didn’t indicate their sexual orientation) to say how much they valued a partner’s ability to make them laugh and their own ability to make their partner laugh.

Results showed that women valued both their partner’s sense of humor and their own ability to make their partner laugh; men valued only their own ability to make their partner laugh.

Walk a dog.

Dog

Fiona Goodall/Getty Images

In a 2014 experiment from the Ruppin Academic Center in Israel and the University of Michigan, 100 Israeli women read vignettes about men.

Some of the men were described as “cads”: They would cheat on their partner and get into fights. The other men were described as stereotypical “dads”: They would work hard at their job and take good care of their kids.

Whenever the story featured a cad who owned a dog, women rated that man as a more suitable long-term partner than a cad who didn’t own a dog. Cads with dogs were even rated slightly more attractive than dads with dogs.

The researchers concluded that owning a pet signals that you’re nurturing and capable of making long-term commitments. It can also help you appear more relaxed, approachable, and happy.

Play good music.

ed sheeran

Joel C Ryan/Invision/AP

In a 2014 study, researchers at the University of Sussex asked about 1,500 women (whose average age was 28) to listen to simple and complex pieces of music and rate the attractiveness of the composer.

The results showed that women preferred the more complex music, and said they would choose the composer of the more complex music as a long-term partner.

Practice mindfulness.

In 2015, Australian researchers studied undergrads participating in a speed-dating session, and found that mindful men tended to receive higher attractiveness ratings from women.

Before the session began, 91 students were asked to fill out a mindfulness questionnaire in which they indicated how much they agreed with statements like:

  • “I perceive my feelings and emotions without having to react to them.”
  • “I notice changes in my body, such as whether my breathing slows down or speeds up.”
  • “I’m good at finding the words to describe my feelings.”

After each interaction with an opposite-sex partner, students privately indicated how “sexy” they found their partner and how much they’d like to date that person.

Results showed that men were generally more drawn to physically attractive women. (Independent coders had rated the students’ attractiveness beforehand.) But women were generally more attracted to mindful men.

Play extreme sports (carefully).

Hiking up a snowy mountain skiing

Doug Pensinger, Getty Images

A 2014 study led by researchers at the University of Alaska at Anchorage found that women are attracted to men who take what the researchers call “hunter-gatherer risks.”

More than 230 undergrads filled out questionnaires about how attractive they would find a partner who engaged in certain risky behaviors, as opposed to a partner who engaged in low- or no-risk behaviors.

Hunter-gatherer risks included mountain biking, deep-sea scuba diving, and extreme rollerblading. “Modern” risks included plagiarizing an academic paper, casually handling chemicals in a lab, and not updating the virus-protection software on your computer.

Low- and no-risk behaviors included biking along paved paths and carefully handling chemicals in a chemistry-lab class.

Results showed that women said they would be more attracted to men who engaged in hunter-gatherer risks — the kinds that were similar to risks faced by ancestral humans. Women said they would be less attracted to men who engaged in modern risks, which might seem just plain dumb.

Wear a scented deodorant.

Simply knowing that you’re wearing a new fragrance can make you act more confident, and even make you seem more attractive to other people.

In a small 2009 study published in the International Journal of Cosmetic Science, researchers gave one group of male undergraduates a spray with antimicrobial ingredients and fragrance oil, and provided another group with an unscented spray that didn’t contain antimicrobial ingredients. Over the next few days, the men who used the scented spray reported higher self-confidence and felt more attractive.

The strange part? When a group of women were shown silent videos of the men, they found those who were wearing scented spray more attractive, even though they obviously couldn’t smell them. The researchers determined that the men using the scented spray displayed more confident behavior, which in turn made them more attractive.

Chow down on garlic.

Ken Christopher holds a garlic plant at Christopher Ranch in Gilroy, California, U.S., March 29, 2019. Picture taken March 29, 2019. REUTERS/Lucy Nicholson
Ken Christopher holds a garlic plant at Christopher Ranch in Gilroy 
Reuters

The smell of garlic on your breath is generally regarded as an instant romance killer. But a series of studies from researchers at Charles University and the National Institute of Mental Health in the Czech Republic and the University of Stirling in the United Kingdom suggests a different story when it comes to body odor.

In one study, eight men ate a slice of bread with cheese and 12 grams of fresh garlic; another eight ate bread and cheese without any garlic. For the next 12 hours, the men wore cotton pads under their armpits and were instructed not to use any deodorants or fragrances.

The following day, all the men returned to the lab, where 40 women sniffed the pads and rated the odor on pleasantness, attractiveness, masculinity, and intensity. Results showed that the garlic group was rated more pleasant and attractive and less masculine and intense.

Do volunteer work.

Diego Prada (C), Maria Luisa Pombo (L) and other volunteers of the Make The Difference (Haz La Diferencia) charity initiative prepare soup to be donated, at Maria Luisa's kitchen in Caracas, Venezuela March12, 2017. Picture taken March 12, 2017. REUTERS/Marco Bello

Thomson Reuters

A 2013 study from UK researchers found that women find men more appealing when they do volunteer work.

About 30 women looked at a picture of a man with a brief description of his hobbies, which sometimes included volunteer work. The same procedure was repeated with about 30 men looking at a picture of a woman. Everyone rated how attractive they found the person pictured for a short- and long-term relationship.

Both genders rated the person pictured as more attractive for a long-term relationship when they were described as a volunteer — but the effect was stronger for women rating men.

Show off your scars.

Heidi Klum Seal Thumbnail

Getty

That scar on your chin from when you fell off a bike could help you attract a mate.

In a 2009 study, researchers at the University of Liverpool and the University of Stirling took photos of 24 male and 24 female undergrads. They digitally manipulated half of the images so the subjects appeared to have facial scars — for example, a line on the person’s forehead that looked like the result of an injury.

Then the researchers recruited another group of about 200 heterosexual male and female undergrads to rate all the people pictured based on attractiveness for both short- and long-term relationships.

Results showed that men with scars appeared slightly more attractive for short-term relationships than men without scars. Women, on the other hand, were perceived as equally attractive regardless of whether they had scarred faces.

Use open body language in your online dating photo.

flirting

Getty Images

A 2016 study — from researchers at the University of California, Berkeley, Stanford University, the University of Texas at Austin, and Northwestern University — suggests that we’re more attracted to people who display expansive body language.

In one experiment included in the study, the researchers created profiles for three men and three women on a GPS-based dating app.

In one set of profiles, the men and women were pictured in contractive positions — for example, by crossing their arms or hunching their shoulders.

In the other set of profiles, the same men and women were pictured in expansive positions, like holding their arms upward in a “V” or reaching out to grab something.

Results showed that people in expansive postures were selected as potential dates more often than those in contractive postures. This effect was slightly larger for women selecting men.

Look proud.

Oscars

AP/Jordan Strauss

A 2011 University of British Columbia study revealed a curious finding: heterosexual men and women prefer different emotional expressions on potential mates.

In one experiment included in the study, researchers had nearly 900 North American adults look at photos of opposite-sex individuals online.

The researchers were specifically comparing people’s perceptions of expressions of pride, happiness, shame, and neutrality (other people had already identified the emotion behind the expression in the photo). For women evaluating men, the most appealing expression was pride, and the least appealing was happiness.

Even weirder, an expression of shame was relatively attractive on both men and women.

 

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7 Signs Your Relationship Won’t Last After The First 3 Months Of Dating

It’s so easy to get swept up in the rush of lovey-dovey feelings you get from dating someone new. But according to experts, it’s pretty important to stay grounded during the first three months of dating. Because as amazing as those new love feels are, those first 90 days can determine whether or not your new relationship is the real thing or has an expiration date.

“The three month-mark in a relationship is usually when you either take the relationship to the next level and become more serious, or you decide that love isn’t going to grow and you break ties,” dating coach, Anna Morgenstern, tells Bustle.

Although every relationship differs, three months is considered to be the average length of the first stage of a relationship. According to psychotherapist and relationship coach, Toni Coleman, LCSW, you should be ideally making that transition from “casually dating” to “exclusive” around that time. But again, this varies depending on how much time you actually spend together and how much distance is between you two.

According to Coleman, many believe that “losing interest” is the reason behind why some couples can’t seem to make it past three months. But that’s not entirely the case. “It’s not so much losing interest in one another as it is making a decision that this relationship is not one they want to invest more in and deepen,” she says. “They simply don’t feel that the friendship, connection, attraction and interest are strong enough.”

So will your new relationship make it past those crucial first 90 days? According to experts, if your partner hasn’t done these things in that time frame, it may not.

1. Your Partner Can’t Be Consistent With Their Communication

A person who wants a serious relationship with you will be consistent with communication early on.

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At the beginning of a relationship, texting, calling, and messaging typically happen very often. There’s a lot of back and forth flirtation, and you pretty much expect it. But if your partner is no longer predictable or consistent with their communication, Emily Pfannenstiel, licensed professional counselor who specializes in therapy for women, tells Bustle, that’s not a great sign.

“As your relationship progresses, your communication should be too,” Pfannenstiel says. “They should be excited and wanting to talk to you! Playing coy is one thing, but if you feel like they go MIA on you every couple days, that’s not good.” According to her, it may take some time to get used to each other’s communication styles. For instance, one partner might not like texting all day, while the other does. But in the early stages, it’s especially important to check in and show some investment in the new relationship. If you’re unsure of your partner’s level of interest, Pfannenstiel suggests matching the level of communication they give you. If they’re barely communicating, you may need to have a discussion about it.

2. Your Partner Isn’t Their Genuine Self Around You

By the three-month mark, both you and your partner should feel totally comfortable being yourselves around each other. According to Samantha Daniels, dating expert and founder of Samantha’s Table Matchmaking, it’s a time when you stop worrying about scaring your partner off with talks about the future or bringing up issues that need to be discussed.

“You should feel no boundaries when it comes to texting when you feel like it, introducing them to your family, and being mad if they hurt your feelings and saying so,” she says. “The three month mark is when the dating games should be stopping and you can both be your genuine, honest, real true selves.” For some people, it may take a little longer to open up and be truly comfortable. So you may have to be a little patient, depending on how your partner is. But it shouldn’t take any longer than six months for them to be themselves around you.

3. They Don’t Invite You To Hang Out With Their Friends

If someone sees a future with you, they will want you to meet their friends.

Ivanko80/Shutterstock

If your partner starts making more plans with friends and isn’t making the effort to include you, Morgenstern says, that’s an early sign your relationship may not last. When this happens, the tendency is to cling onto the relationship for fear of losing it. You may text them more or request to spend more time together. But as she says, “that is the absolutely worst thing to do.”

Instead, let them be. Maybe they need space to figure out their feelings in order to move forward. “Plan a trip with friends for the weekend and have an amazing time reconnecting with your inner circle. Coming from a place of self love and inner confidence will save your relationship,” Morgenstern says. “And if your partner does break it off, you’ll be setting yourself up to walk away from the relationship as a whole person, not a broken shell of yourself.”

4. Your Partner Doesn’t Find Small Ways To Keep Moving The Relationship Forward

In order to create a well-balanced and healthy dynamic early on, you shouldn’t be initiating everything as your relationship goes on. If your partner’s interest in the relationship isn’t strong enough to take it to the next level, they may take less of an initiative, be less affectionate, and show less physical closeness. In short, there’s going to be distance and you’re going to feel it.

“Couples should want to see each other, especially in the beginning,” Daniels says. “So if you feel that your partner is straying away or they’re coming up with invalid reasons to cancel plans, then this may be a sign they are losing interest.” If this is an issue, you should discuss this with your partner. You can even offer up a plan where you come up with something to do one weekend, and they come up with something to do the next. But if nothing changes and you’re still the only one moving the relationship forward, they may not be as invested as you are.

5. Your Partner Can’t Be A Shoulder To Lean On

If your partner can't be there for you when you're having a bad day, your relationship won't make it after three months.

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If your partner can’t listen to you and be your shoulder to lean on in those first three months, Daniels says your relationship may not make it long-term. You shouldn’t necessarily dump all your deepest and darkest fears on them right away. But if you’re going through something at work or with your family, they should be there to talk and listen to you.

“This kind of thing is what takes your relationship to the next level,” she says. “It establishes a level of trust and strength for both of you to feel comfort when seeking comfort.” If your partner can’t be that for you, that’s not a great sign. The same goes for them choosing to lean on you during tough times. If you’re not the first person they go to when they hear bad news, they need to vent, or they need someone to lean on, they may not see the relationship as something really serious.

6. They Don’t Make Solid Future Plans With You

A partner who sees a future with you will hint at it through the words they use. Even if they aren’t thinking marriage at this point, they may talk about a future trip that they want to take with you or plans for your birthday in a few months. It’s equally important to pay attention to the follow-through. It’s one thing to say that you should go away together for the weekend, and it’s another to actually book everything and hash out the logistics. If your relationship is one that is destined to get stronger, Coleman says you will make solid plans for the future together. For instance, you may not meet their family within those first three months, but you can make plans for it. But if your partner can’t even commit to making dinner plans for next week, that’s not the best sign.

7. They Don’t Make Your Relationship A Priority

If your partner isn't prioritizing the relationship early on, your relationship isn't going to last.

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“There is much more that goes into maintaining a long term partnership; it’s not just be all about lust and pheromones,” Susan McCord, dating coach and talk show host, tells Bustle. “Relationships take work and need to be nurtured.” As you go further along in your relationship, your partner should be putting a good amount of effort into the relationship. The “busy” excuse won’t cut it. If someone wants to be with you, they’ll make time. You will be a priority.

It’s tough to realize that the person you’re dating isn’t putting in enough effort to be in a committed relationship with you. But as Coleman says, “You can’t keep someone interested if they’re not.” Besides, why waste your time and effort trying to make a relationship happen if it’s not meant to?

On the other hand, it’s so easy to get hung up on timelines, especially when you first start dating. There’s no shame in wanting commitment and exclusivity once you’re realized your feelings. But just remember, every relationship is different. For some, life circumstances will only allow them to have two or three dates over the course of three months. For others, getting engaged after three months just feels right. If your relationship is making you feel anxious because you haven’t done this, this, and that, by your third month together, don’t panic just yet. If you and your partner can openly communicate about where things are at and where it’s going, you’re on the right track.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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If You’re Losing Hope About Finding Love, This Advice Is A Must-Read

As someone who spent the vast majority of her life single, I know how fun it can be. That being said, I also know firsthand what losing hope about finding love can feel like. Spoiler: It’s not great.

For those of you who haven’t been there, let me paint you a picture. You’ve been single for what feels like forever. The last person you met was really great and you even saw a future with them. The two of you continued to see each other for weeks, months, or maybe even years until you mustered up the courage to tell them how you felt. At that point, they offered up some excuse about why they’re not looking for anything serious. This wouldn’t be quite so tragic if this was the first time this ever happened. Unfortunately, that’s not the case here. In fact, different versions of this same story have happened to you so often that you’ve resigned to the idea that maybe you were just destined to be single forever. And that thought can be catastrophically painful. I mean, what’s the next step after you’ve given up on love entirely?

Well, in a recent Reddit AskWomen thread, ladies who have been there share their best advice for getting your groove back when you’re starting to lose faith in love.

Happy woman hiker doing selfie at the top of Reinebringen hike above Reine village in the Lofoten archipelago, travel to Norway

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Treat your body like the temple that it is.

Start working out, eating healthy, getting 8 hours of sleep most nights, bathing daily, brushing your teeth twice a day, start reading a book at least a little every day and join a club for something you’re interested in. Work on you, put your best foot forward. Stop looking for a man and just gobble up the best life has to offer. Men will find you. Don’t settle for the first one unless he fits. Find someone with aspirations, a good kind sense of humor, intelligence, a clear criminal background and a similar take on life as you.

/u/PhyliA_Dobe

(This advice holds true for relationships with people of all genders, as does every other piece of advice in this story!)

Try changing your perspective for what a partner should be.

My dad told me recently, “You don’t look for a soul mate, you look for a teammate”. It completely changed the way I looked at dating.

/u/Latias

Don’t put so much pressure on marriage.

Stop worrying about it. You don’t need to get married, just concentrate on you!

/u/WeeRower

Enjoy life.

Enjoy the f*ck out of your life. For all you know, you get one go on this planet and i for one would feel like i wasn’t doing that justice by being sad about not having a man.

Sure it sucks sometimes. But he’s more likely to come a long if you’re enjoying all that life has to offer. He’s more likely to be compatible with you too.

/u/LokisLocksmith

Outdoor portrait of beautiful happy mixed race biracial African American girl teenager female young woman smiling with perfect teeth wearing a blue hoodie

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Live in the now.

When I was going through that, I just put it in the back of my mind and did what I could to help myself be happy in the moment. I spent a lot of time with my closest friends and worked on developing those relationships.

/u/NinjaShira

Consider your alternative.

I mean I get down about it from time to time, but I do tell myself it’s better than being in a miserable relationship. That is a lot more stressful.

/u/innerjoy2

Become the best possible version of yourself.

Enjoy your own company. Make yourself the most interesting person you know and like doing things by yourself. Because you never know, even if you find a partner, if they will be around for the rest of your life so might as well make the only person you’re guaranteed to have (yourself) fun and awesome.

/u/Alexander_dgreat

Find a hobby.

Hobbies. Hobbies. Hobbies. Then finding social outlets for those hobbies. And everything else just happens on its own.

/u/anzuj

At the end of the day, all you can do is be grateful for the life you have and the people you are surrounded by. Make the most of what you’ve got.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly