5 Reasons Physical Attraction Alone Isn’t The Most Important Thing In Your Relationship

Looks fade, but the emotional connection is everlasting.

Looks may be what initially attracts you to your significant other, but physical attraction alone is not enough to sustain a relationship. Connections made based on personality are, in fact, what keeps relationships alive.

To get into a relationship based just on looks isn’t wise. Physical attractiveness only allows you to see who the person is on the outside, not where it matters most.

That’s why looks alone are not the best indicator of long-term success in relationships.

Whenever we think of a couple’s likelihood to last, we think of how well they get along and their chemistry. Their collective attractiveness is what we tend to look at first, but not the main reason we think they’ll last.

There’s nothing great about having an attractive boyfriend if you don’t connect on an emotional level. You need to be able to feel comfortable enough to be your authentic self with your partner, and that means being able to laugh, cry, and eat chicken wings around them without worry.

Thankfully, long-lasting relationships aren’t solely built on looks because we don’t control our looks. Our genetics do, so how we look is completely out of our hands. Also, what we find attractive is sometimes subconscious.

Having binge-watching the reality series, Love Is Blind, on Netflix, it got me wondering whether this show was on to something. Is love truly blind? Can you really fall in love with someone based solely on the conversations you’ve shared with one another?

The answer to both questions is yes, but you do have to be attracted to your partner on a physical degree.

Although small, physical attraction does play a role in the success of the relationship, it’s still not the most important aspect.

Everyone should find their partner attractive enough to be able to enjoy the physical aspects of a relationship. When we get in relationships, we all want our needs to be met, so not finding your partner physically attractive could easily end the relationship, like not having an emotional connection.

When you’re choosing your next partner, be sure to keep in mind that physical attraction isn’t the only thing you need for a happy and healthy relationship.

1. Just because he’s physically attractive, it doesn’t mean he’ll have character.

Him being attractive doesn’t tell you anything about how he’ll treat you. You can think of quite a few boys who were extremely hot and complete f***boys and jerks. Just because he’s hot, that doesn’t mean he’ll treat you in the manner you deserve to be treated.

After the novelty effect of your partner’s looks wears off, you’ll be left with who he really is. That’s when the importance of personality and character will really hit you.

2. And it doesn’t mean he’ll be smart.

There’s nothing wrong with being a pretty boy. But in this day and age of girl bosses, intelligence is more important than ever.

Women want men who can have deep conversations ranging from business topics all the way to personal tragedies. And men who don’t have the intellectual capability of holding a conversation isn’t exactly your cup of tea.

3. His appearance doesn’t mean he’ll be loyal.

Not all men are cheaters. Some men are very upfront and transparent in that regard.

But it’s undeniable that the more attractive a man is, the more women will be interested in him. When you have more options to choose from, it makes it easier to cheat.
4. Physical attractiveness doesn’t equate to financial stability.

Financial stability is really important in relationships, especially if you’re at the stage of moving in together. But being attractive doesn’t mean he’s knowledgeable about budgeting.

Unfortunately, being attractive doesn’t pay the bills… unless he’s a male model or influencer, of course.

5. All that attention based on his looks might make him self-centered.

Being attractive can really cause some people to become cocky and feel entitled. No one wants to date a guy who’s self-centered because he thinks the whole world revolves around him!

Within a relationship, it’ll become very evident that he views himself as superior to his significant other.

The Absolute Dater – Making Online Dating Easy Again

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Women Who Do These 9 Things Don’t Get Played by Men

Ever.

If you really want to know how to get a guy to like you and find true love, the only way to make that happen is by dating with an open heart.

But I know what you’ve been through.

You’re tired of investing time and energy in the wrong men, only to end up frustrated, hurt, and empty-handed again and again.

You’ve worked hard to finally find peace and a sense of happiness in your life, so there’s no way you’re going to let someone come into your life and mess it all up.

And yet … you don’t want to give up on the possibility of finding your one true love.

You want to meet the right man — someone who makes you feel challenged, inspired, and adored. But understandably, you’re scared.

After everything you’ve been through, you’re not sure which dating tips to follow in order to keep from getting played or wasting valuable time.

How do you put yourself “out there” and open yourself up to love while also protecting your heart and the peace you’ve worked so hard to cultivate in your life?

The answer lies in openness coupled with boundaries. Yes, it’s possible!

If you want to know how to get a guy to like you for you and finally find true love, here are 9 things you can do to make sure it’s safe to be vulnerable opening your heart again when dating.

1. Avoid guys with obviously low self-esteem.

If he doesn’t love and value himself, he probably can’t love and value you in a healthy way.

Find someone with high self-esteem. This is so important.

2. Make sure his values regarding family and relationships match yours.

Take a close look at the life he has created. Does he have healthy long-lasting relationships with friends and family? Does he have his finances and responsibilities in order?

Does he have a good relationship with the ex and kids? Make sure his life is running smoothly before you invite him into yours.

3. Don’t accept his bad behavior.

Think about the behaviors that hurt you in past relationships, and write them down. Was your ex passive-aggressive, negative, critical, non-communicative, or cold?

If your current beau is repeating some of the same behaviors, ask him to stop. If he can’t (or won’t), move on. You deserve to be treated beautifully.

4. Pay attention to what he does not what he says.

His actions show that he cares about you, more so than his words.

Does he make time for you and stay connected when he’s not with you? Does he make promises and then follow through?

A boyfriend who’s thoughtful, caring, generous, consistent, and kind will someday be a husband who’s thoughtful, caring, generous, consistent, and kind.

5. Make sure he includes you in all aspects of his life.

Over time, he should start to include you in every aspect of his life, without exception. He welcomes you in his home and office. He invites you to spend time with his friends and family. And he’s proud to show you off!

If he’s excited to have you in his life and wants to include you in every aspect of it, he’s a keeper.

6. Be sure he’s into you.

If a man’s into you, he’ll make you a priority. He’ll ask to spend time with you consistently, and he’ll tell you what he likes about you.

You won’t have to wonder how he feels or wait anxiously for his call.

Bottom line — if he’s into you, you’ll know it. And if he’s not, go find someone who is.

7. Advocate for yourself.

If something is bothering you, tell him. If he dismisses your feelings or gets defensive, that’s a red flag.

Only date someone who’s able to assess his own behavior and make changes when necessary. Date a man who owns up to his mistakes and who values your feelings (and do the same for him).

8. Wait to have sex (the right one will wait!).

Sex is awesome, and I’m all for it. But when you’re serious about finding “the one”, it’s a good idea to wait. Waiting until you’re in a relationship gives the two of you time to create emotional intimacy first, which is a smart strategy.

If the man you’re dating is genuinely interested in you, he’ll wait until you’re ready. If he’s more concerned about sex and not you, then he doesn’t respect that boundary.

9. Make sure you feel relaxed and happy when you’re with him.

If you feel stressed, anxious, or have to walk on eggshells when you’re dating, something’s wrong. Trust your gut and keep track of how you feel. If there are more bad days than good ones, it might be time to move on.

When you’re in the right relationship, you’ll feel happy, relaxed, and comfortable. I hear this from happy couples all the time!

With strong boundaries and high expectations, you’ll know when it’s safe to open your heart.

And when you’re all in — when you’re authentic, generous, warm, and loving — that’s when love will show up. That’s when the magic will happen.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, share, and most of all, follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

What Makes a Man Attractive? 15 Traits Guys Should Focus On

What makes a man attractive may be the million-dollar question, but it’s not that hard to answer. It could be you just need to shift your focus a little.

Many men write to me, asking me about what makes a man attractive to a woman. Now, it’s a pretty broad question to ask. Every woman is different. Some like their guys with a sense of humor, other women like their men shy.

Before we proceed, it’s important to know that there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. That being said, there are general traits which a majority of women look for when trying to find a suitable partner. And these traits have nothing to do with you looking like Ryan Gosling or a million dollar pay check every month.

What makes a man attractive?

In my own experience, what I found attractive in men was basic. I wanted a talkative partner with a good sense of humor and who is calmer than me. I’m usually wired like an Energizer bunny, and if my partner was the same, we’d be in big trouble. But this doesn’t mean my best friend or the girl down the street wants the same thing.

No one said finding a partner was going to be easy, especially because everyone wants different things. But alas, here we are, and there are some traits that most women can all agree are desirable. So, if you want to know what makes a man attractive, keep reading. It’s time to find out!

#1 Your face isn’t the ticket. Yes, women would love to have a chance with Ryan Gosling or Chris Evans, but in reality, women aren’t that interested if you’re better looking or not. Women usually opt for more attractive men for flings. However, when it comes to serious relationships, they’re not interested in finding the hottest guy in town.

#2 Women want to laugh. At the end of the day, we want a partner who’s going to make us laugh. A sense of humor is extremely important, and it should be a must-have trait on your list as well. Can you imagine being with someone who doesn’t make you laugh? Men who are found to have a good sense of humor appear more intelligent.

#3 It’s all about kindness. Though the bad boy may look appealing, they’re not long-term partner material. Instead, when women want to settle down, they look for altruistic men who are interested in helping others and doing good things.

#4 Hygiene. So, appearance does matter, but probably not to the extent you’re thinking. You don’t need to wear the latest brand names or have an expensive watch to seem attractive. But, women are looking for men who are well-groomed and hygienic. No one wants to date a stinky man. Taking care of yourself on a basic level is attractive to women.

#5 Beard or no beard? Many men wonder if having a beard affects their interactions with women. Well, having a beard or no beard is largely based on personal preference. So, facial hair can make you attractive, but it can also act as a repellent. Choose what you like when it comes to facial hair.

#6 Confidence. When it comes to attractive men and women, they’re usually the ones exuding confidence. No matter what you look like, confidence is the key. It’s sexy, there’s no denying it. This has nothing to do with looks, rather purely on how you carry yourself in front of others. Stand up tall, shoulders back, and own yourself.

#7 Manners. I remember watching my date burp in my face over dinner. Needless to say, that was the last time I saw him. Manners are extremely important because it shows her what kind of person you are and how you were raised. These are things women pay attention to when on the dating scene.

#8 Active listening. Men are often teased about their poor listening skills. But, if you’re wondering what makes a man attractive, this is one trait that women are looking for in a partner. They want a man who’ll actively listen and provide input when needed. An attractive man is someone she can talk to and doesn’t feel like she’s communicating with a wall.

#9 Feeling of security. Women want to feel safe. I’m pretty sure everyone wants to feel safe around their partner. This is something to prove to a potential partner. Does this mean you look like the hulk? No. This isn’t about muscle mass. It’s about giving her the feeling that you can protect her. That’s attractive.

#10 Responsibility. So many people are scared to admit when they made a mistake. They are unable to apologize if they did something wrong. But apologizing and taking responsibility for your actions doesn’t mean you’re weak. A man who can take responsibility for himself is highly attractive for a woman. It shows maturity and personal growth.

#11 Connected to his feminine side. Many men are terrified of connecting with their feminine side, but this is what women are looking for in a man. They want a partner who’s well-rounded, empathetic, and kind. Sure, we like the idea of being with “a man,” but you can’t be alpha all the time. It’s exhausting. 

#12 Independence. No woman wants a mama’s boy. Yet, so many men are unable to cook and clean for themselves. A man who lives independently is an important trait women look for in a man. And it’s pretty hot to come home to dinner. A woman is looking for a partner, not a fully grown child.

#13 Knows how to have fun. Women want a guy who’s not always so serious. He knows when to separate work from play, and when he does relax, he enjoys his time and knows how to have fun. Being serious can be sexy, but only up to a point. Women want to enjoy their life with someone who knows how to.

#14 He has brains. Who doesn’t want an intelligent partner? When it comes to brains, intelligent men are sexy. A woman wants to know she’ll have a partner by her side, not someone she carries through life. A man who’s well-read and educated is really sexy.

#15 Appreciates women. No, I’m not talking about a Casanova type of guy. But an attractive man is someone who appreciates and respects women. Have you ever seen a man with mommy issues? It’s not attractive, and if anything, women stay far away from those guys.

You don’t need to look like Ryan Reynolds or Brad Pitt to be considered attractive. Most of what makes a man attractive to women has to do with your characteristics and your game.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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The Chill Way To Ask Someone Out Is Even Easier Than You’d Think

Having a secret crush can be fun for awhile, but until someone makes a move, it can’t possibly go any further. Maybe there’s someone you’ve had your eye on for months, and you want to gather the courage to ask them out on a date. But how can you do it in a way that doesn’t freak them out? The chill way to ask someone out all comes down to confidence… and being straightforward about what you want.

Ambiguous relationships are everywhere today. Dating apps give people the ability to meet someone new at the flick of the thumb, and so often, new relationships get caught in the trap of “casual” dates and hookups where neither partner wants to express what they really feel. “People are often afraid that their partner doesn’t think of the situation the way they do, so that could lead to some hesitancy when it comes to giving it a title,” college student Mhaya Polacco told us in a roundtable conversation about modern relationships. If you blatantly express interest, you’re placing your emotional cards on the table, and thus opening the door for a relationship — but also a potential rejection.

This isn’t to say that casual, no-labels dating isn’t great, if that’s what you’re looking for. But unfortunately, it’s easy to get so caught up in being “chill” that you hide your real feelings for someone. If you do want to pursue a relationship, the very best thing you can do is just tell the person you’re interested in them. It’s that simple! If your crush is the right person for you, they’ll find it sexy that you told them how you feel, point blank.

Happy young interracial couple pretty african american woman and caucasian man boyfriend laugh flirt enjoy fun conversation on first date, mixed race teen girl in love talking having fun at meeting

Shutterstock

When you’re ready to make the first move, remember that regardless of the outcome, you should be proud of yourself for being honest. The more you can let go of anxiety, the more confident (and yes, “chill”) you’ll come off. “Remind yourself that you may like this person and feel really excited about them, but you do not need them to say yes,” confidence coach Dr. Aziz Gazipura told us. “Paradoxically, the more you let go of needing them to like you, the more relaxed you become, and the more likely it is they indeed will like you!” People are attracted to effortless, positive energy, so if you put that out into the world, you’ll be naturally charming to everyone around you.

Before you ask your crush on a date (whether it’s over text or IRL), ease into it with a casual conversation about your shared interests. “Starting a casual conversation about anything light and easy … will ease your way into asking the question,” explained life coach Susie Moore. “Just getting started is what matters! Remember that people are just people, and they don’t have to make you nervous. And if you don’t ask — the answer is always no!”

Simply saying, “I’d love to get to know you better. Would you like to have dinner/drinks/coffee?” is probably the chillest, most attractive way to tell someone you’re into them. Showing your emotions in a vulnerable way is sexy, and anyone who makes you feel like you can’t express yourself isn’t worth your time. If you ask a direct question, you’re more likely to get a direct answer, so you won’t get stuck in the loop of “are we or aren’t we” that plagues so many people trying to gauge one another’s interest.

As much as you and I may have been led to believe that “chillness” means “ambiguity,” I think it’s time to reclaim the word to mean “honesty.” Because what’s better than being straightforward about telling someone, “I’m into you”? Relationships are built on vulnerability, so if you start things out by being brave, you’re setting the stage for an open line of communication down the road. And if it doesn’t work out, then hey — at least you got clarity so you can find a fresh start.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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Scientists Claim Men With Dad Bods Are More Attractive To Women And Live Longer

While the plus-size and curves craze have taken over women’s perceptions of beauty on social media, men have quietly been staging their own physical attractiveness revolution. Introducing: the ‘dad bod’.

Ever wonder how Leonard DiCaprio and Vince Vaughn always end up with ridiculously hot women? Dad bod. How Rober De Niro continues to swoon and father children at the ripe age of 73? Dad bod. Yes, packing a little extra weight around the midriff has gone from being considered as something you need to sort out to incredibly sexy.

Image Source: Pinterest
Image Source: Pinterest

In fact, it’s so ‘in’ at the moment, that entire social media pages have dedicated themselves to promoting the dad bod.

It’s not just a trend, scientists have proven that having a bit of a beer belly can and does attract women. According to Richard Bribiescas, Professor of Anthropology at Yale University, older, slightly overweight men with children are the most attractive to women.

Now for the science part: Men who already have children suggest virility – the fact that they have children means they’re capable of reproducing, a factor that has kept our race going since the first human beings roamed the earth. The added weight gain after fatherhood occurs due to a decrease in testosterone levels. While this might sound like a bad thing, it actually strengthens the immune system, making men less susceptible to heart attacks in the future.

In his book ‘How Men Age: What Evolution Reveals About Male Health and Mortality’, Bribiescas states that being “macho makes you sick.”

“While men are on average larger and physically stronger than women, men have a considerable weakness.

 “We have a harder time fighting off infections and illness compared with women, and… men simply do not take care of themselves.

“[One] effect of lower testosterone levels is loss of muscle mass and increases in fat mass.

“This change in body composition not only causes men to shop for more comfortable trousers, but also facilitates increased survivorship and, hypothetically, a hormonal milieu that would more effectively promote and support paternal investment.”

It might sound crazy, but it does make a lot of sense. Fitness is no longer an evolutionary factor when it comes to the rules of attraction, because we don’t have to fight for meals anymore. What’s far more important for the survival of our species is for men to live longer and to be faithful partners who stick around.

So when it comes to New Year’s resolutions, forgetting renewing your gym membership and pile on a couple of extra pounds instead. More to love, that’s what we’re saying!

**We should probably point out that Leonard DiCaprio is also an avid humanitarian and environmental activist, which probably plays a major part in his overall attractiveness…**

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Phicklephilly 2 is coming soon on Amazon!

 

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