What Makes a Man Attractive? 15 Traits Guys Should Focus On

What makes a man attractive may be the million-dollar question, but it’s not that hard to answer. It could be you just need to shift your focus a little.

Many men write to me, asking me about what makes a man attractive to a woman. Now, it’s a pretty broad question to ask. Every woman is different. Some like their guys with a sense of humor, other women like their men shy.

Before we proceed, it’s important to know that there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. That being said, there are general traits which a majority of women look for when trying to find a suitable partner. And these traits have nothing to do with you looking like Ryan Gosling or a million dollar pay check every month.

What makes a man attractive?

In my own experience, what I found attractive in men was basic. I wanted a talkative partner with a good sense of humor and who is calmer than me. I’m usually wired like an Energizer bunny, and if my partner was the same, we’d be in big trouble. But this doesn’t mean my best friend or the girl down the street wants the same thing.

No one said finding a partner was going to be easy, especially because everyone wants different things. But alas, here we are, and there are some traits that most women can all agree are desirable. So, if you want to know what makes a man attractive, keep reading. It’s time to find out!

#1 Your face isn’t the ticket. Yes, women would love to have a chance with Ryan Gosling or Chris Evans, but in reality, women aren’t that interested if you’re better looking or not. Women usually opt for more attractive men for flings. However, when it comes to serious relationships, they’re not interested in finding the hottest guy in town.

#2 Women want to laugh. At the end of the day, we want a partner who’s going to make us laugh. A sense of humor is extremely important, and it should be a must-have trait on your list as well. Can you imagine being with someone who doesn’t make you laugh? Men who are found to have a good sense of humor appear more intelligent.

#3 It’s all about kindness. Though the bad boy may look appealing, they’re not long-term partner material. Instead, when women want to settle down, they look for altruistic men who are interested in helping others and doing good things.

#4 Hygiene. So, appearance does matter, but probably not to the extent you’re thinking. You don’t need to wear the latest brand names or have an expensive watch to seem attractive. But, women are looking for men who are well-groomed and hygienic. No one wants to date a stinky man. Taking care of yourself on a basic level is attractive to women.

#5 Beard or no beard? Many men wonder if having a beard affects their interactions with women. Well, having a beard or no beard is largely based on personal preference. So, facial hair can make you attractive, but it can also act as a repellent. Choose what you like when it comes to facial hair.

#6 Confidence. When it comes to attractive men and women, they’re usually the ones exuding confidence. No matter what you look like, confidence is the key. It’s sexy, there’s no denying it. This has nothing to do with looks, rather purely on how you carry yourself in front of others. Stand up tall, shoulders back, and own yourself.

#7 Manners. I remember watching my date burp in my face over dinner. Needless to say, that was the last time I saw him. Manners are extremely important because it shows her what kind of person you are and how you were raised. These are things women pay attention to when on the dating scene.

#8 Active listening. Men are often teased about their poor listening skills. But, if you’re wondering what makes a man attractive, this is one trait that women are looking for in a partner. They want a man who’ll actively listen and provide input when needed. An attractive man is someone she can talk to and doesn’t feel like she’s communicating with a wall.

#9 Feeling of security. Women want to feel safe. I’m pretty sure everyone wants to feel safe around their partner. This is something to prove to a potential partner. Does this mean you look like the hulk? No. This isn’t about muscle mass. It’s about giving her the feeling that you can protect her. That’s attractive.

#10 Responsibility. So many people are scared to admit when they made a mistake. They are unable to apologize if they did something wrong. But apologizing and taking responsibility for your actions doesn’t mean you’re weak. A man who can take responsibility for himself is highly attractive for a woman. It shows maturity and personal growth.

#11 Connected to his feminine side. Many men are terrified of connecting with their feminine side, but this is what women are looking for in a man. They want a partner who’s well-rounded, empathetic, and kind. Sure, we like the idea of being with “a man,” but you can’t be alpha all the time. It’s exhausting. 

#12 Independence. No woman wants a mama’s boy. Yet, so many men are unable to cook and clean for themselves. A man who lives independently is an important trait women look for in a man. And it’s pretty hot to come home to dinner. A woman is looking for a partner, not a fully grown child.

#13 Knows how to have fun. Women want a guy who’s not always so serious. He knows when to separate work from play, and when he does relax, he enjoys his time and knows how to have fun. Being serious can be sexy, but only up to a point. Women want to enjoy their life with someone who knows how to.

#14 He has brains. Who doesn’t want an intelligent partner? When it comes to brains, intelligent men are sexy. A woman wants to know she’ll have a partner by her side, not someone she carries through life. A man who’s well-read and educated is really sexy.

#15 Appreciates women. No, I’m not talking about a Casanova type of guy. But an attractive man is someone who appreciates and respects women. Have you ever seen a man with mommy issues? It’s not attractive, and if anything, women stay far away from those guys.

You don’t need to look like Ryan Reynolds or Brad Pitt to be considered attractive. Most of what makes a man attractive to women has to do with your characteristics and your game.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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The Chill Way To Ask Someone Out Is Even Easier Than You’d Think

Having a secret crush can be fun for awhile, but until someone makes a move, it can’t possibly go any further. Maybe there’s someone you’ve had your eye on for months, and you want to gather the courage to ask them out on a date. But how can you do it in a way that doesn’t freak them out? The chill way to ask someone out all comes down to confidence… and being straightforward about what you want.

Ambiguous relationships are everywhere today. Dating apps give people the ability to meet someone new at the flick of the thumb, and so often, new relationships get caught in the trap of “casual” dates and hookups where neither partner wants to express what they really feel. “People are often afraid that their partner doesn’t think of the situation the way they do, so that could lead to some hesitancy when it comes to giving it a title,” college student Mhaya Polacco told us in a roundtable conversation about modern relationships. If you blatantly express interest, you’re placing your emotional cards on the table, and thus opening the door for a relationship — but also a potential rejection.

This isn’t to say that casual, no-labels dating isn’t great, if that’s what you’re looking for. But unfortunately, it’s easy to get so caught up in being “chill” that you hide your real feelings for someone. If you do want to pursue a relationship, the very best thing you can do is just tell the person you’re interested in them. It’s that simple! If your crush is the right person for you, they’ll find it sexy that you told them how you feel, point blank.

Happy young interracial couple pretty african american woman and caucasian man boyfriend laugh flirt enjoy fun conversation on first date, mixed race teen girl in love talking having fun at meeting

Shutterstock

When you’re ready to make the first move, remember that regardless of the outcome, you should be proud of yourself for being honest. The more you can let go of anxiety, the more confident (and yes, “chill”) you’ll come off. “Remind yourself that you may like this person and feel really excited about them, but you do not need them to say yes,” confidence coach Dr. Aziz Gazipura told us. “Paradoxically, the more you let go of needing them to like you, the more relaxed you become, and the more likely it is they indeed will like you!” People are attracted to effortless, positive energy, so if you put that out into the world, you’ll be naturally charming to everyone around you.

Before you ask your crush on a date (whether it’s over text or IRL), ease into it with a casual conversation about your shared interests. “Starting a casual conversation about anything light and easy … will ease your way into asking the question,” explained life coach Susie Moore. “Just getting started is what matters! Remember that people are just people, and they don’t have to make you nervous. And if you don’t ask — the answer is always no!”

Simply saying, “I’d love to get to know you better. Would you like to have dinner/drinks/coffee?” is probably the chillest, most attractive way to tell someone you’re into them. Showing your emotions in a vulnerable way is sexy, and anyone who makes you feel like you can’t express yourself isn’t worth your time. If you ask a direct question, you’re more likely to get a direct answer, so you won’t get stuck in the loop of “are we or aren’t we” that plagues so many people trying to gauge one another’s interest.

As much as you and I may have been led to believe that “chillness” means “ambiguity,” I think it’s time to reclaim the word to mean “honesty.” Because what’s better than being straightforward about telling someone, “I’m into you”? Relationships are built on vulnerability, so if you start things out by being brave, you’re setting the stage for an open line of communication down the road. And if it doesn’t work out, then hey — at least you got clarity so you can find a fresh start.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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Scientists Claim Men With Dad Bods Are More Attractive To Women And Live Longer

While the plus-size and curves craze have taken over women’s perceptions of beauty on social media, men have quietly been staging their own physical attractiveness revolution. Introducing: the ‘dad bod’.

Ever wonder how Leonard DiCaprio and Vince Vaughn always end up with ridiculously hot women? Dad bod. How Rober De Niro continues to swoon and father children at the ripe age of 73? Dad bod. Yes, packing a little extra weight around the midriff has gone from being considered as something you need to sort out to incredibly sexy.

Image Source: Pinterest
Image Source: Pinterest

In fact, it’s so ‘in’ at the moment, that entire social media pages have dedicated themselves to promoting the dad bod.

It’s not just a trend, scientists have proven that having a bit of a beer belly can and does attract women. According to Richard Bribiescas, Professor of Anthropology at Yale University, older, slightly overweight men with children are the most attractive to women.

Now for the science part: Men who already have children suggest virility – the fact that they have children means they’re capable of reproducing, a factor that has kept our race going since the first human beings roamed the earth. The added weight gain after fatherhood occurs due to a decrease in testosterone levels. While this might sound like a bad thing, it actually strengthens the immune system, making men less susceptible to heart attacks in the future.

In his book ‘How Men Age: What Evolution Reveals About Male Health and Mortality’, Bribiescas states that being “macho makes you sick.”

“While men are on average larger and physically stronger than women, men have a considerable weakness.

 “We have a harder time fighting off infections and illness compared with women, and… men simply do not take care of themselves.

“[One] effect of lower testosterone levels is loss of muscle mass and increases in fat mass.

“This change in body composition not only causes men to shop for more comfortable trousers, but also facilitates increased survivorship and, hypothetically, a hormonal milieu that would more effectively promote and support paternal investment.”

It might sound crazy, but it does make a lot of sense. Fitness is no longer an evolutionary factor when it comes to the rules of attraction, because we don’t have to fight for meals anymore. What’s far more important for the survival of our species is for men to live longer and to be faithful partners who stick around.

So when it comes to New Year’s resolutions, forgetting renewing your gym membership and pile on a couple of extra pounds instead. More to love, that’s what we’re saying!

**We should probably point out that Leonard DiCaprio is also an avid humanitarian and environmental activist, which probably plays a major part in his overall attractiveness…**

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Phicklephilly 2 is coming soon on Amazon!

 

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Whether You’re Single Or Married, These Are 11 Facts About Flirting That Everyone Should Know

People flirt for six different reasons.

flirting whispering secret couple date

Bobex-73/Shutterstock.com

In a 2004 review of the literature on flirting, Northern Illinois University professor David Dryden Henningsen identified six different motivations for the behavior:

• Sex: trying to get in bed
• Fun: treating it like a sport
• Exploring: trying to see what it would be like to be in a relationship
• Relational: trying to increase the intimacy of a relationship
• Esteem: increasing one’s own self esteem
• Instrumental: trying to get something from the other person

In that study, Henningsen asked 101 female and 99 male students to write out a hypothetical flirty conversation between a man and a woman, then identify the motivations for the things they said.

The behaviors broke down along gender norms: Men were significantly more likely to have a sexual motivation, while women tended to have a relational one.

Couples need to flirt, too.

happy couple

Getty Images

Like Tinder, cats, and dying alone, flirting is usually associated with single people.

But couples need to know how to flirt, too.

After studying 164 married people for a 2012 study, University of Kentucky researcher Brandi Frisby noted that most of them flirted — by playing “footsies” or whispering in their partner’s ear, for example — as a means of maintaining and emphasizing intimacy. Oftentimes, she wrote in her paper, married couples flirted to “create a private world with the spouse.”

People feel connected when they get past the small talk.

couple talking on steps

PH888/Shutterstock

You probably already know that asking questions of the person you fancy is a good idea.

But it’s all about the kind of questions you ask.

According to a widely cited 1997 study by State University of New York psychologist Arthur Aron, people feel more closely bonded when they ask each other intimate questions, as in “What roles do love and affection play in your life?” and “What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?” 

Six months later, two of the participants (a tiny fraction of the original study group) even found themselves in love — an intriguing result, though not a significant one.

Men overestimate how interested women are.

facepalm

jazbeck / Getty

Evidence from multiple studies supports the idea that, among heterosexual people, men tend to over perceive sexual interest from women, while women tend to under perceive sexual interest from men.

A 2014 study published in the journal Evolutionary Psychology surveyed hundreds of undergraduate students from Norway, which according to the UN is one of the world’s most “gender egalitarian nations.”

Researchers found more women had been subject to instances where men over-perceive sexual interest from them than men. Young, single, and sexuality-fluid participants also experienced being over-sexualized more often.

The most attractive characteristics depend on gender.

jay beyonce

Win McNamee / Getty

According to a 2011 study led by University of British Columbia psychologist Jessica Tracy, heterosexual men and women diverge greatly in the facial expressions they fancy.

After showing 1,041 people images of different facial expressions, Tracy found that:

• Happiness was the most attractive female expression, but one of the least attractive for men.
• Pride was the most attractive male expression, but one of the least attractive for women.
• Interestingly, an expression of shame was relatively attractive on both men and women.

Flirting can enhance your attraction.

University of New Mexico evolutionary psychologist Steven W. Gangestad told Psychology Today in 2016 that flirting is a “negotiation process” that happens after the first moments of attraction.

It’s a subtle sort of testing the waters. You don’t just say “I’m attracted to you; are you attracted to me?”

“It works much better to reveal [your attraction] and have it revealed to you in smaller doses,” Gangestad says. “The flirting then becomes something that enhances the attraction.”

It’s not about being the most attractive person in the room.

Aishwarya Rai

Reuters

It’s about signaling that you’re available.

According to research from Webster University psychologist Monica Moore (who studied people’s flirting behavior at singles bars, shopping malls, and other places where young people meet), women who smiled and made eye contact with others were more likely to be approached than those who were simply good looking.

There may be five main styles of flirting.

When it comes to flirting, everyone’s got a different M.O.

In 2010, Jeffrey A. Hall and Chong Xing published research that suggests there are five different styles of flirting. In 2015, they followed up on this research by breaking down each style into a series of verbal and nonverbal behaviors.

Here are some key behaviors of each type, as described by Susan Krauss Whitbourne on Psychology Today:

• Physical flirts tend to subtly touch the person they’re interested in.
• Traditional flirts believe men should make the first move.
• Sincere flirts get other people to open up to them.
• Playful flirts see the interaction as a game and may be using the flirtation as a means to another end.

You can take a quiz, developed by Hall to figure out which style best describes you.

The best flirters shift their strategy depending on context.

If you’re flirting with someone perceived as higher status than you, being more subtle will lead to more success, according to research.

A 2014 study conducted by University of Pennsylvania professors found flirters who can adjust how overtly they flirt will have the best success. “Presence of rivals, the potential for an advance to be considered inappropriate, or the higher social status of the receiver” are all situations where you’re better off being more subtle.

If successful, flirting can lead others to think you are also funny or creative, as well as attractive.

If you’re flirting on an app, there are some words that work better than others.

Compliments over text go a long way, dating website Plenty of Fish finds.

The website analyzed 60,000 messages on dating apps to find the words that got the best responses. For men, calling a woman “beautiful” led to a conversation 20% of the time. Women messaging men first receive responses less often, but using the word “nice” works best.

Flirting could be all about biology.

couple bed sex unhappy

Vasiliy Koval / Shutterstock

Flirting may have less to do with words or body language, and more to do with biology.

Scientists have long speculated on how pheromones, or chemicals released by your body that have an impact on people around you, contribute to physical attraction. A 2011 study out of Florida State University found men who were exposed to pheromones released by ovulating women were more likely to drink alcohol and flirt with women.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

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13 Signs of Strong Physical Attraction that Reveal a Mad Attraction

Signs of strong physical attraction are extremely powerful. If you’re showing any of these signs, you’re giving off seriously hot signals!

We’ve all been there. You meet someone who you simply can’t stay away from. They seem to have a certain allure and it’s like a magnet to you. To quote Edward Cullen from Twilight *of all things*, they are your own “personal brand of heroin.” It’s that magnetic, that powerful, that overwhelming. They are the signs of strong physical attraction.

You want them badly. It’s not going to go away until you’ve had them. It’s both a wonderful, exhilarating feeling. It leaves you vulnerable and open to hurt and anguish too. If you can keep it on a physical level for now, and avoid daydreaming about wedding aisles and long futures, this could be a fun way to get to know someone new. If it works out, great. If it doesn’t, well, you’ll have had a great time finding out!

13 signs of strong physical attraction you can’t miss

So, if it’s you giving off the signals, or you’re noticing them coming your way, what should you be looking out for exactly? Let’s check out 13 signs of strong physical attraction, which can only lead to one outcome: the shedding of clothes.

#1 An undeniable urge to touch them, in any way at all. If you simply want to reach out and touch them, perhaps move that stray hair from their face, or make an excuse to brush an invisible piece of fluff from their shirt, you’ve got it bad! A desire to reach out and touch is one of the main signs of strong physical attractions. You might have to sit on your hands to keep your urges to yourself!

 #2 A racing heartbeat. Does your heart rate pick up a few notches whenever this person is around? Can you hear the thumping and feel it in your chest? Does it reverberate around your entire body? Playing a special drum orchestra only you can hear? Again, a surefire sign that you want to take things to another level with this person. The attraction is super strong!

#3 Noticing your palms are sweaty. Do you get sweaty palms whenever this person is around? This the body’s natural nervous response, but it’s also linked with attraction. There is a very fine line between the two feelings. If you’re noticing that your hands become something akin to a sweat slick whenever this person pops into your space, that is one of the firm signs of strong physical attraction.

#4 You feel nervous generally. If you notice butterflies in your stomach, and a strange feeling of nervousness for no reason whatsoever, that’s your body telling you that it wants this other person, and not in a pure way! You have a true physical attraction to this other person. These nerves are your body’s fight or flight response kicking in.

#5 Dry lips. Do you notice that your mouth and lips go dry? Do you instinctively lick your lips? If you’re doing this while looking at the other person, lost in the moment and your thoughts of what might happen, you’re leaving them in no doubt about what you’re thinking! Again, one of the biggest signs of strong physical attraction, and one the other person can’t help but notice!

#6 You can’t get your words out. Do you stutter around this person, suddenly become shy and start blushing? You could be the most confident person in the world. But whenever this person is around, you turn into a bumbling mess. This can be a sign of true physical attraction, because you’re worried they can somehow read your mind and they know about the thoughts you’re having!

#7 A desire to look your best. Whenever this person is around, you want to look your very best, perhaps showing a little more skin than you would normally, and really letting them see you at your very best. This desire to look good isn’t simply for your confidence levels. It’s because you want this person to want you back.

Similarly, if you notice someone else always looking their shining best whenever you’re around, perhaps that’s a sign of them wanting something from you!

#8 You can’t tear your eyes away. Everyone knows that eye contact is a sign of desire, but if you simply can’t tear your eyes away from this person, whether you’re in conversation or you’re simply watching them walk, move, or carry out a task, you’re seriously attracted to them on a very physical level.

#9 A desire to tease them. We’ve all heard the old adage that you pull the pigtails on the playground of the one you like, and this goes back years and years, but it’s actually true. When you like someone, either emotionally or physically, you’ll probably revert to teasing them. This is a fun way to build a connection, but it’s a way to build up sexual tension at the same time.

#10 Your voice changes when you talk to them. Does your voice suddenly turn into a whisper or take on a somewhat erotic tone? If so, your voice is giving you away, and that’s one of the biggest signs of strong physical attraction. Your voice might suddenly go husky, and a little breathy, and you’re telling the other person what you’re thinking without using words.

#11 You don’t notice anyone else. The room could be full of other people but your attention will be solely on the person you have a strong physical attraction towards. You only want to look at this person, see what they are doing, and you only want them to notice you back.

A person can be talking to you, but if you’re busy gazing at your beau, all your attention will be on them, and your imagination will probably be running wild at the same time!

#12 Mirroring. Movement mirroring is one of the biggest and most obvious signs of strong physical attraction. It’s something we do without even realizing it. In this case, you will mirror the movements and standing/sitting position of the person you’re attracted to.

If they’re standing with their body angled towards you, you’ll do the same. And if they sit with their legs crossed, you’ll do the same, etc. This is a common body language trick that speaks volumes.

#13 You just can’t move away. Do you feel yourself rooted to the spot? You feel you can’t tear yourself away from this person. Almost as though you’re under a spell? That’s because you’re  physically attracted to this person. You want them badly! It’s chemistry. As we mentioned before, it’s like a drug reaction, a need, a really deep-seeded want.

How many of these signs of strong physical attraction can you agree with? Is there a person who you can’t get out of your head? Let’s hope they feel the same way and you can move onto something more!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy my new book, Angel with a Broken Wing on June 20th, on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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