Cherie Chapter 69 – I Don’t Know What to Do

“I don’t know what to do at this point so I don’t know what what to say to you.

“I know we’re both busy and you’re under a lot of pressure right now. But just know that I love you and I’ll provide you with all of the time and space you need. I’m patient. I love you, Cherie.

“I love you too but I honestly just don’t know what to say anymore.”

A week later…

“If you can take off I’d like you to come to my graduation next Friday at 9:30.

“What’s the date?”

“May 11″

Where is it being held?”

Liacouras Center.”

“And that’s at 9:30am?

“Yes”

Final transmission….

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

Cherie – Chapter 68 – So Here We Are

“I don’t know what to do at this point, so I don’t know what to say to you.”

As bad as things are between me and Cherie. This week of Phicklephilly is chock filled with fun, frolic, and frivolity!

Stay indoors!

And as my mom would say… Wash your damn hands!

Enjoy!

 

“I don’t know what to say at this point, so I don’t know what to say to you.”

This is the wrong response for Cherie. She has the opportunity to be mature and accept that we have chemistry. There is the distance factor. There is the extreme differences in our lives, ages, and lifestyles.

But we’re good together, but maybe the strain of her life and the stresses of being a parent and coupled with work and school, has become too much.

“I know we’re both busy and you’re under a lot of pressure right now. But just know that I love you and I’ll provide you all the time and space you need. I’m patient, Cherie. I love you.”

“I love you too, but I honestly just don’t know what to say anymore.”

I don’t understand this. How does an adult in a relationship have no words? This tells me something about my mate.

Then there’s this sudden reveal.

“If you can take off I’d like you to come to my graduation next Friday at 9:30.”

“What’s the date?”

“May 11.”

“Where’s it being held?”

“Liacouras Center.”

“And that’s at 9:30?”

“Yes.”

And then it’s just radio silence from there.

Should I go see her graduate from Temple with her BS in Psychology?

It hasn’t been going well. The sex is always amazing, but what else do we have? She’s beautiful and sweet but we’re in two different places in our lives.

Should I be proud that a 28 year old woman loves me and rocked my world and my bed? I am that the old horse still had some great races left in him, but do I want this?

When I started writing phicklephilly, it began as a tome about the crazy women and dates in my life. Then it grew into settling the relationships in my past. Then I started telling stories about my life and it felt so good. By writing about everything I settled everything in my mind and expressed it in my art.

It was incredibly liberating in a way I never suspected. It brought me a clarity and peace I had never experienced in my life.

I’ve enjoyed my time with all of these people and there’s so many more stories to come. My life is rich in history and I’m glad I’m making new exciting memories everyday. I truly am blessed with a life that’s fun to wake up to every day.

Two years ago I started writing a dating blog. It was about how fickle I am and how I fall in love every day. But that’s not true. I fall in love with being alive every day. To no longer cling to the bars of anxiety, depression, low self esteem, bad relationships, child support, debt, and all of the rest of the horrors of adult life for some us.

I live a simple and elegant life now in middle age. I don’t want anything.

We come from a dark and embarrassing past in this country. My current girlfriend (for the moment) is black. All of her ancestors came here as slaves.

At least they knew they were slaves.

Today we don’t even see that we’re all slaves.

We can’t live without our cell phones without having a panic attack. We have 20 different products that were once separate items we had to buy at Radio Shack in our cell phones now.

Social media is obnoxious and self absorbed. It’s all nonsense. Why do you need to see what I ate for lunch today or where I am on vacation?

None of it brings you joy. I know for a fact that all of this technology had dumbed down all of us as a culture.

People still call the salon and can’t find it. They’re calling me from the greatest piece of personal affordable technology homo sapiens have ever possessed and they still can’t find the place.

I come from an analog world and I’m proud of my mind. I work hard and came from a place where you never got a pat on the back or a trophy for participating. You failed and you felt the consequences of that failure. That’s evolution.

Now everybody’s so buried in their phones, they can barely communicate with the people around them of navigate their own lives, (Don’t even get me started on spatial awareness)

But I digress…

Once I started writing phicklephilly, I knew I had to start dating again. I needed content.

If you go back to the early posts you’ll see me struggling on shitty dates with sad leftovers.

I didn’t know. I tried the dating game, but at my age met a bunch of women that I didn’t really feel a spark for.

I met Cherie and all of that changed.

But it was because I was trying again. Like I did with Michelle, Annabelle, and others.

I’ve learned something along the way, and I think I’ve finally arrived at the elegant answer.

So many men never evolve and are stuck in their development. I know a couple that I haven’t cut off and it’s pathetic. You really need to come to know yourself as a man as you grow older. If you don’t you’re a fucking asshole.

No, you really are and you’ve squandered your life and those around you because they hate you or secretly hate you.

Here’s my revelation.

I absolutely adore women. I’m great at charming and courting women. I’m great at dating. I’m a gentleman, and know how to treat a lady to make her feel special. I’m a good father. I know that based on how Lorelei has turned out and my relationship with her.

But I like to be alone. I enjoy your company but I need my alone time. I’m not good at being a boyfriend or being in a relationship. I can’t do it.

I can write a dating blog, and dole out relationship advice but I can’t be in a relationship.

I want to be alone.

I realized that this last relationship worked because Cherie was never around.

Even my close friends said it was the perfect relationship for me because of my personality.

Cherie is young, beautiful and often unavailable. Me too. It was perfect. The sex was mind bending, and then I take her to breakfast and she’s off the property.

I tried to be married and be in relationships but I just don’t like it. I like to be free. To come and go as I wish with no ties.

When I’m with you, you’re the only person on Earth and I’ll give you a show you won’t forget, but I need you to go after a few hours.

Sorry. That’s me.

Not sorry. That’s Chaz.

I’ve found in middle-age I want to work. I love to work. Not in a shitty job where I make high 5 figures and am beholden to some asshole that is only there to justify his shitty existence, just to simply work.

I get my energy from people.

Picasso was found dead at 92 working on a sculpture. I want that in my 70’s! (If I make it)

My social life is so rich. I have so many wonderful people in my life that I do my best to squeeze in around my work. (Thank you one and all that you still want to spend time with me)

I was always prepared for Cherie to leave me. I established that on our very first date. I vowed to never fall into the dopamine induced stupor I fell into with Annabelle (See: Annabelle – Guy walks into a bar)

I have a friend that’s a workaholic. He’s a millionaire at 50 but he has squandered real living for really living. He’s my best friend and I love him, but he’s on his own journey. (See: Duncan)

I just what my simple happy life here in Philly.

I don’t know what’s going to happen with Cherie, but it looks like it’s dead.

I’ll have to see if I’m going to attend her graduation.

I’ve never met her family and I’m sure they’ll all be there. (Meet the old white guy)

I think the saddest thing about all of this after 60 plus chapters, is that I feel nothing.

I think her indifference killed it in the end. How she was chilly to me during our last two encounters.

Normally I’m sad for a long time after the demise of a relationship, but not this time. Maybe because I went into it with my eyes open and my dopamine in check.

 

I never flew too close to sun, but loved I her just the same.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

Liz – Chapter 1 – Coffee Meets Bagel

I’ve been on all of these dating sites for years now.  (ok, five) I realized when I started writing phicklephilly I knew I had to start dating again. It’s be a daunting endeavor that has brought me joy and frustration. Like everything else in my life.

But that makes life interesting.

There’s a girl that comes in the salon that uses the dating app, Coffee Meets Bagel.

I don’t know anything beyond, Tinder, Bumble, Clover and OkCupid. But apparently there is another one.

She hasn’t had much luck and has decided to create a fictional boyfriend who’s a tall handsome accountant so her friends will stop bugging her to get out there.

I think it’s brilliant and creative. Because they don’t really care, they’re simply curious and you can give the gossips what they want and be done with it.

I actually got her number and thought we should hang out to get away from it all.

I tried Coffee Meets bagel, and it seemed like bullshit.

But, lo and behold it yielded me a match.

I was skeptical because I didn’t know the platform.

Liz had two pics and they were both good, but I wasn’t thrilled. But I have to think they swiped on me, how thrilling am I?

Let’s take a look at her profile:

She goes by LD

She’s fit.

46 years old.

Height: 5’5″

Ethnicity: Black/African Decent

Occupation: Working

Employer: PA

Education: Hard knocks/MBA

I am…

A pretty happy person. I like to meet new people.

I like…

Karaoke, festivals, drinking wine.

I appreciate when my date…

Is comfortable with himself. I like confidence and love a fun and funny guy.

That’s her profile.

So on the site the prompt her: “Liz said, I was born and raised in philly. Ask her about it.”

So off we go….

“Hello Liz, I was born in Philly too!”

“What part?”

“Northeast. Currently in Rittenhouse. Let’s meet up and have a glass of wine!”

“I’m not far far from Rittenhouse. Sounds good.”

“May I have your number.”

“I’m Charles. What’s your name?”

“I’m Lynn. I’d rather meet first before the number exchange. Okay?”

“Okay, Lynn. When are you available.”

“Friday after 6 or Sat between 1 and 3.”

“I can do Friday after 6, Lynn. Marathon. 16th and Sansom.”

“Perfect.”

“Putting it in my Calendar, Lynn.”

“Awesome. I’ll see you there at 6.”

“Cool.”

“We can still chat here until then if you’d like.”

“Oh yeah. That sounds good. So how long have you been on the site?

“I guess a month now. How about you?”

“I started a few days ago. I’m new to this site, but I’ve been on OKC in the past.” (OkCupid)

“I’m glad we matched. How was your OKC?”

“It was just okay. I think a lot of people are really interested in a relationship, but they aren’t ready for one. ”

“So OkCupid was just “ok” lol What are you seeking?”

“I’m looking for a guy who isn’t playing games. He’s interested or not. I’m looking for chemistry.”

“Me too. Chemistry is key.”

“It really is.”

“May I have your number? Just so I can text you to confirm our meeting.”

The next day I got this message on the site from Lynn.

“Charles, I need to reschedule. My co-worker took her life last night last night. I thought I would be better by now, but it’s still pretty hard.”

FUCK!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

Cherie – Chapter 65 – Words and Feelings

“I feel like we’re getting lost.”

“I never feel lost but it seems you’ve lost interest in me. The last two times I’ve seen you you’ve been cold to me even though I’ve tried to be warm. It’s been hard to be with you when I saw you. I was doing all I could and you were cold. I tried to take you on dates (because I love dating you love!) but you were cold. If I could put this in basic terms… if you and I were making love on the regular, things would be better. When we’re together on a regular basis our relationship sings. But we’re both so busy with school and work it’s been killing our face time. Cherie, I love you. Since we shared an umbrella in the rain. Club Quarters. You’re my mate. I’m so happy with you in my life. I’m working my ass off and I don’t know what to do. I would be honored just to eat some tacos with my pretty baby. I miss you everyday. I love you. I hope you can hang in there with me dear.”

” I love you and miss you and I do enjoy our time together, but this distance with both of our schedules is killing me. I tried not to be cold but couldn’t because I’ve just been so annoyed that we’ve been apart and I’m not used to it and I don’t like it.”

“So when can I see you again Cherie?”

“I don’t know. I work Saturday.”

“Me too.”

“Yea. I don’t know then.”

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy the book, Phicklephilly now available on Amazon!

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=phicklephilly&ref=nb_sb_noss_2

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=phicklephilly&i=instant-video&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to Phicklephilly LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly       Facebook: phicklephilly     Twitter: @phicklephilly

Cherie – Chapter 63 – I’m Kind Of Mad

“So I’m kind of mad.”

“What happened?”

“I’m horny and angry because I can’t have any.”

“I think it’s good you’re horny again.”

This is the nymphomaniac girlfriend that had hit the kill switch a month ago.

“Well I’m mad.”

“I love you no matter what.”

“I know. I love you too.”

The day passes, She sends me and emoji of a girl humping a rock.

“That rocks!”

“Me… all day.”

“Aww! You need to take care of that, dear!”

“No. You do.”

“I promise I will, sweetheart.”

“I can’t wait. It’s too long and my hormones are raging.”

“It’s been pretty sudden. What brought back your sex drive?”

“I’m horny. I don’t have time for games.”

I don’t know what this means and she hasn’t answered my question.

“But what brought back your drive?”

“I’m off my period and I’m horny. I need to feel you inside of me.”

This is all wonderful news to me but she’s been chilly to me last weekend. I need to pay close attention to her cycle. She gets moody, gets her period, is chilly and then changes back into the woman I fell in love with a year and a half ago.

“I love it! My girlfriend!”

I love the nympho Cherie with the insatiable lust for sex.

“The suspense is killing me. This is my problem. I need it all the time.”

She’s back. Cherie the sexual animal has somehow returned. Problem is the beast returns and I won’t be able to see her and be with her to satisfy her lust for two weeks. I kind of don’t like that she does this a lot. She puts me off and then I get all of these super horny texts how she can’t live without sex and we’re two weeks out of any feasible contact.

It’s like she’s not thinking any of it through, but…. She’s a great girl and I love her so I’ll put up with whatever she’s going through.

But the crazy horny texts become tiresome when you know it is crystal clear that there is nothing I can do to satisfy her lust in this moment.

Why would you lay all of that sex on your man 40 miles away when you know there is absolutely NOTHING he can do about it?

She does this all of the time. It just makes me feel bad I can’t bang the frustration out of her and give her what her mind and body SO desires.

I know… you’re reading this and you’re all probably like: “Oh, this middle aged fucker with is sexual problems with his hot, fit, smart 28 year old girlfriend that he can’t get to out of distance. If I could have such problems.”

Cherie’s been distant and things are not completely even right now, but we’re fine.

But it actually makes me feel bad when her young libido kicks in and there is NOTHING I can do to help her with her plight. It sometimes almost feels a little bit selfish to tell me she needs me and she’s so suddenly so super horny and we are 10 days out of seeing each other.

But again… I look at guys my age and they don’t have these problems. So I will navigate this for the blog and because of who I am.

I’m blessed and so grateful to have sweet Cherie in my life.

“You’re an amazing girl! Perfect!

“No.”

“Well, I love you”

“I love you too, but I’m fucking horny.”

What 55 year old man wouldn’t love this from his 28 year old girlfriend? But there’s nothing I can do. Time, schedules and geography keep us apart. I have a clear understanding of all of this. She is simply torturing me and doesn’t even realize it. She’s simply being honest and raw in her emotions. I love her so much, and admire her raw response, but there’s nothing I can do to satiate her.

“I’ll take care of you.”

“But you can’t now.”

“I’m sorry honey.”

“I need to fuck so bad.”

This is coming from the girl I took to the movies on Saturday and was frosty to me for the second time.

“What are you going to do until he next time we meet on the 24th?”

“Cry.”

That’s killing me a little bit because I know Cherie’s back and she’s still a prisoner to her sex drive. I just need to channel her and please her. That’s all I can think of to do.

I take a risk.

“You should have last Saturday. You know I don’t mind swimming in the water during Shark Week.” (She was on her period so we went to the movies. Her idea, not mine. I like it all no matter how messy. I’ve seen it and done it all.)

“I didn’t want to and gross… I need it now.”

“I don’t know what to do Cherie. If you have any ideas, let me know how it can happen sooner than the 24th.”

She sends me a sad emoji. I decide to let her have it.

“What can I do??? You’re cold to me and then 2 days later you’re super horny and there’s nothing I can do but feel bad about it.”

I needed to draw the line. She’s done this shit before.

Cherie: “I’ve jerked off everyday since thinking about having sex with you. I can’t cum. Well, I can’t hit my climax.”

Okay. At this point she’s totally forgiven because this is my nyphomaniac girlfriend completely back. She’s ignored my admonishment and has responded with her brazen hoensty about how she is absolutely insatiable to be with me. My God. I love this girl and her devotion. She is completely devoured with thoughts of sex with me. I couldn’t pay someone to give me this at my age. All is forgiven. I am one lucky man.

“I feel sad, Cherie. I wish I could help you, Cherie.” (weak)

“I love you too!”

“If you can get down here before the 24th I’ll make that happen.”

She’s gone from the frigid girlfriend to the wanton animal. (I do love all of this thrust and parry)

“I’ll try to get down to Philly.”

Me: Heart emoji (weak)

“I need to fuck you so bad. I need to feel you inside me.”

“I’ll give you my best, love.”

“Promise.”

“I promise.”

“Ok.”

 

And it ends there for the night. It’s been a fascinating journey in this relationship. I love Cherie. She’s been the perfect girlfriend for me. Young, fit, smart, sexual athlete, and doesn’t want any more kids and most of all…hardly around.

I like to work and be busy and love my alone time. Cherie fits the bill for the perfect girlfriend for me.

But will I be able to sustain this?

I think I can. This love affair is unlike any I’ve ever known and Cherie is maybe the best woman I’ve ever met. There is a simplicity and calm in our life together. She has a complicated and busy life that is full of school, work and child rearing.

I, on the other hand have a simple singular life filled with work, social life and creativity.

Could Cherie and I ultimately work as a couple? No idea. I would probably stop smoking and drinking. That could be hard, but at my age I should probably give that shit up anyway and it wouldn’t be too difficult.

Cherie has such a good heart and has her education firmly ensconced along with her foothold at CHOP. She has a great future ahead of her. If she can pull it off and become a doctor she’ll live her dream.

What if I’m the one guy she met that was sweet to her and really loved her? I treated her well for years and she and I could be a couple? What if I finally met my soul mate? What if that happens?

There was that one time in Rittenhouse we were walking. She was wearing that outfit and she was half-naked. Back out. Sweet luscious legs out.

I looked at her and thought:

Wife.

Okay… Lets see what happens on the 24th.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Listen to Phicklephilly LIVE on Spotify!

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly