13 Reasons Why The Older You Are, The More You Hate Everyone

Here’s a post a friend of mine on here sent me. She describes herself as a cranky, jaded introvert. 

But I agree with her on many of these points. I ran into a woman I haven’t seen in probably two years. She looked healthy but seemed exactly the same as she was when I met her over five years ago. Fifteen minutes into the conversation I was already bored. Without the distraction of other people at a bar or the excitement of attending an event, she seemed dull. I’ve come to realize how rampant mental illness is in today’s world.

I believe as we age we need to continually evolve to be better. But I think we can all agree that during this pandemic we really found out who our real friends are.

Anyway… Take it away, Donna!

I used to be one of those girls who was absolutely desperate to be popular, have friends, and be around people.

As I get older, I’ve realized that I’ve turned into a grumpy, crotchety lady who really doesn’t want to be around people.

“Generally, people become more emotionally stable, agreeable, and conscientious as they leave their youth behind,” says Jenn Granneman, author of The Secret Lives of Introverts, “They also become quieter and more self-contained, needing less socializing and excitement to be happy.”

To a point, it’s becoming more of an introvert is a natural process that can’t be helped.

Here’s why you become more introverted and start to hate everyone as you get old — and why I’m OK with turning into a misanthrope.

1. The older you get, the more often people have let you down.

All those Disney songs about having friends who never disappoint you or bail on you clearly haven’t taken into account the majority of the human race.

By the time that you’re 20, you’ve probably been dealt major blows by people you never thought would hurt you, and that makes you really jaded toward people.

2. As you age, the fun of being around people begins to disappear.

Popularity stops being cool when you realize how much money it costs to be popular, and how much of a time-waster it is.

3. You learn over time that people ruin the coolest things.

Ever notice how it only takes one stupid person’s actions to ruin a good thing? Ever notice how many good things get ruined this way?

This is why we can’t have awesome things: stupid people!

4. You find that most people you meet are boring as hell.

Their entire lives revolve around things that aren’t important. They don’t really make you think about anything in particular. They are boring, and there’s a certain point where boring becomes a reason not to talk to them.

If I do hang out with people, I want them to have a real spark inside them, and that just doesn’t really happen too often.

5. You discover that ninety-nine percent of the people you meet are fake.

I hate the fact that most people I’ve met can’t talk about how they really feel, what they’re really going through, or what they honestly think about you.

At the end of the day, most people will sugarcoat things that shouldn’t be sugarcoated, and most people won’t tell you the full truth, even if it’s an absolute necessity.

6. You realize that dealing with people’s drama is exhausting.

I’d rather watch TV.

The drama is more entertaining and it won’t negatively affect me.

7. You find that most get-togethers quickly become incredibly boring.

Let’s face it: most people don’t want to go to those tired dinner parties thrown by their bosses anyway.

8. As years pass, your tolerance for people judging you and telling you what to do shrinks to zero.

People always love to get angry when you don’t live the way they want you to live.

I’m too old to have people judge me, try to control me, or tell me how to live my life. Shouldn’t others be more worried about their lives instead?

9. The longer you’ve been alive, the worse people treat you in general.

When you’re a kid, everyone coos at you and coddles you. When you’re a teenager, everyone hates you. When you’re an adult, everyone hates you and expects you to do stuff for them.

I don’t recall signing up for this BS.

10. By the time you’re 30, you realize that your pets are more mature than the people you regularly talk to.

That might be why I prefer to drink wine with my cats.

11. There’s a certain point where you can’t deal with people’s shallow behavior.

If I was 300 pounds, I could guarantee that men wouldn’t want anything to do with me and that people, in general, would make mean comments about my weight.

Knowing this made me really worn out when it came to talking to people. I don’t want to bother with people who would discard me based on how much I weigh, what I wear, or how I look.

12. People have really messed up expectations about how others should treat them, versus how they treat others.

With most people, manners have gone the way of the dodo, but they have no problem expecting others to be nice to them.

I’m so over it.

13. When push comes to shove, getting older also means that you realize that most people aren’t worth it.

This makes the few people who are worth talking to all the more precious.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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If You Get Bored Easily In Relationships, Experts Say These 7 Reasons May Be Why

Feeling bored at some point in your relationship is normal. Once the honeymoon period ends, you’ll enter into the comfortable stage. While it may not be as exciting and new as it once was, you and your partner have the opportunity to deepen your bond and solidify your commitment to each other. But boredom in a relationship can be a problem if it happens to you all the time. According to experts, if you constantly find yourself getting bored easily in relationships, there may be something deeper going on.

“Getting bored in one relationship might be a sign that your partner isn’t a good match for you,” Elizabeth Earnshaw, LMFT, certified Gottman couples therapist and clinical director of A Better Life Therapy, tells Bustle. “However, having a pattern of getting bored in relationships over and over again may be a sign that you have an insecure attachment style.”

Your attachment style is developed in childhood and is based on how your parents or primary caregiver interacted with you. If your parents were emotionally unavailable or were inconsistent with their affection, you may have developed an insecure attachment style. According to Earnshaw, you’ll likely feel avoidant and withdrawn when you sense strong feelings of intimacy.

“While pop culture likes to call these people commitment-phobes, in reality most people that struggle to commit and feel bored in relationships are actually just struggling with feeling safe and secure in a relationship,” she says. “They often find that once they begin to feel intimately close to someone, they start to be hyper aware of flaws like boredom.”

Here are some other reasons behind why you easily get bored in relationships, according to experts.

1. You’re Used To More Dramatic Relationships

Young lesbian woman gets mad and jealous of her girlfriend, partner using a smartphone and not paying attention to her. The woman is in a bad mood because friend spends too much time in social media

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“People with a more anxious or activated attachment style might be uncomfortable in ‘safe’ relationships that provide security because they’re used to chaos,” Earnshaw says. Instead of looking at a peaceful relationship as something that’s good and healthy, you’re more likely to think of it as a relationship that’s become stale or boring. According to Earnshaw, this can lead you to feeling trapped and you may even convince yourself that this is something you need to escape. “If this is a disruptive pattern in your life, learning to identify your attachment style and working towards getting comfortable with what it means to be securely attached in relationships is the way forward,” she says.

2. You’re Not Allowing Yourself To Be Vulnerable Enough

Relationships are meant to grow over time. As Dave Wolovsky, relationship expert and positive psychology coach, tells Bustle, “They grow when both partners become more vulnerable with each other.” When you’re able to be open and vulnerable, you’ll gain a greater sense of intimacy and connection with your partner. Your relationship will evolve as your bond depeens over time. But when you’re closing yourself off to that kind of connection, Wolovsky says you’re not only limiting yourself, but the growth of your relationship as well. “This eventually causes a stagnation of their own personal growth and that of the relationship, which makes it boring,” he says. Opening up takes time. But if you trust that your partner won’t hurt or judge you, revealing more of your inner thoughts and feelings here and there can be helpful. It’s OK to start slow.

3. Your Communication Skills May Need Some Work

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Good communication is an essential part of any relationship. Learning good communication skills takes time. As Bobbi Palmer, relationship coach and founder of Date Like a Grownup, tells Bustle, “A person who is trying to make a relationship work for the long-term will be open to and encourage discussion that helps them learn about their partner’s background, wants and needs, and dreams for the future. The ability to share these types of things is what helps a healthy relationship grow.” A part of being good at communication is being a good listener. If you don’t practice active listening in order to really understand your partner, it’s hard to move your relationship past the superficial. When you aren’t connecting with your partner in a deeper way, it can make them and your relationship seem boring.

4. You Have Unrealistic Expectations For What A Relationship Should Be

For the most part, relationships are great at the beginning. But maintaining a good relationship long-term takes work. If you’re looking for that perfect partner to sweep you off your feet and make all your romance dreams come true, you’re just setting yourself up for disappointment. “This isn’t real life,” Palmer says. “They’re bound to get bored quite quickly and move on.” When you’re seeking that perfect relationship, you’re likely to develop a pattern of jumping into a relationship and losing interest once it’s not exactly how you wanted. “The reality is that a healthy, grown up, mutually satisfying relationship requires equal give and take,” Palmer says. “Both partners show up with realistic expectations of one another, and of themselves.”

5. You’re Not That Into Your Partner

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If you find that you get bored in relationships quickly, you may want to look at the types of people you’re choosing to date. “Bored is relative to interest,” Paul Bashea Williams, LCSW-C LICSW, relationship specialist and owner of Hearts In Mind Counseling, tells Bustle. “If you really want to keep the relationship going, you’ll explore new things with the same person as opposed to exploring new things with a new person.” You want to explore why you’re getting bored in relationships. One way to figure this out is to write down what you liked about your previous relationships and what you didn’t like. Take time to really dive into each of your past partners and your feelings about them. If you notice that they have similar traits, you may want to consider dating outside of your usual type.

6. You Think You Know Everything There Is To Know About Your Partner

“It’s too easy to imagine after a while that your partner has no more surprises to offer,” Tom Ella, dating expert and one of the hosts of The Undesirables dating podcast, tells Bustle. “You’ve heard all their stories before, you know all their favorite moves, and ultimately there’s just nothing to look forward to anymore. But that’s simply untrue.” People change all the time, and it doesn’t have to be anything drastic either. For instance, they can have new interests or opinions about what’s going on in the news. There’s always something new to discover about your partner no matter how long you’ve been together. “You need to reshape how you view partner,” Ella says. “You need to see them as a person again, not ‘just’ your partner you’ve seen a thousand times.” If you’re not open to learning more about people, you’re going to be bored every time you get into a relationship.

7. You’re Not Ready To Be In Anything Too Serious

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If you really aren’t ready to make a commitment to someone, you may start to check out once things start getting serious. “The slightest conflict, being asked to do something that isn’t what they want to do, or just talk of a long-term commitment can send them fleeing,” Palmer says. When you’re serious about wanting to be in a relationship, you won’t get scared about the work that you’ll have to put in. You’ll likely put in the effort to get creative to find ways to keep yourself from feeling bored.

Again, boredom in a relationship is normal. But it shouldn’t be something that happens all the time and in evey relationship you’re in. If it is, the first step is to figure out why this happens. Is is attachment issues or the partners you’re choosing? Once you figure out your reason, you can make adjustments. Don’t let boredom prevent you from having a healthy and happy relationship.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

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10 Virtual Escape Rooms For 2 People That’ll Kick Your Boredom To The Curb

Imagine this: It’s a rainy day and you’re texting your bestie. In between various emojis and pics of your island on Animal Crossing: New Horizons, you’re saying how you need some new ideas of things to do at home. Why don’t you team up for a rad adventure and check out these virtual escape rooms for two people? They’ll kick boredom to the curb and challenge you from the comfort of your bed.

It may sound too good to be true, but you really can enjoy these escape rooms in a pair of sweatpants and with a cup of coffee by your side. You don’t have to travel to a city where these excursions are on every block, or even necessarily make a reservation with a company in order to have this unique experience. Instead, you just need a laptop or tablet and the determined attitude that’s needed to solve epic puzzles and reveal wild mysteries. Of course, you also need a pal who’s willing to spend an hour online with you, tag-teaming a storyline that’s based off of Harry Potter or a gang of superheroes very similar to the Avengers.

Finding a bestie who’s down for a spontaneous at-home adventure likely won’t be hard, though. After all, everyone in your group is saying they’re ready for a new challenge or for some fun. Check out these 10 virtual escape rooms for two people.

1. Unlock Disney World Virtual Escape Room

A young woman sits on the floor of her loft with a cup of coffee and her laptop.
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First up, if you and your bestie are diehard fans of Disney, then you’ll want to play the Unlock Disney World escape room. This virtual experience is entirely up to you to navigate, and is easy to access, thanks to Google Slides. Just text your BFF the link to the slides, call them up, and then conquer this storyline together by clicking on the same pieces of the puzzle. You’ll start at the Haunted Mansion and work your way to it’s a small world.

2. “Save King’s Landing” Escape Room

Have you ever dreamed of saving King’s Landing from Game of Thrones? This escape room gives you the chance to do it, with a series of online puzzles and the help of Tyrion Lannister. If you solve the puzzles with your bestie, then you two will rescue the city. Be sure to book your time slot in order to play. (Right now, this escape room costs 60 euros for two players on two different devices.)

3. “Defeat Thanos And Save The World” Escape Room

The “Defeat Thanos and Save the World” escape room is really a race against the clock. You and your bestie are given the task to stop Thanos, the strongest villain in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, from destroying your beloved city. Experience what it would be like to fight alongside your favorite Avengers, and celebrate your victory with a Captain Marvel watch party and some popcorn.

4. “Oscar’s Stolen Oscar” Escape Room

The National Aquarium in Baltimore, Maryland joined in on the virtual escape room fun with “Oscar’s Stolen Oscar” Escape Room. According to SimpleMost.com, this experience allows you to help Oscar, the fish from Shark Tale, in a quest. To solve the mysteries, you must navigate the virtual tour of the aquarium that’s located on their website, and use all the information buttons to crack puzzles and find clues.

5. Esscape Room’s “The Real Kitchen Nightmare: Silent Partner Edition”

A young woman with blue-green hair plays an escape room on her laptop and eats a slice of pizza.
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On any given day, you and your BFF may typically order pizza and watch a movie. Your next hangout will be a little different and might include Esscape Room’s “The Real Kitchen Nightmare: Silent Partner Edition.” It’s a live, online experience that you have to book in advance, but is well worth it because of the nail-biting storyline. The word on the street is that you’re looking to hire some new employees for a world-renowned restaurant in the city with a chef who’s troublesome. Grab a slice and get ready for a true adventure.

6. ‘Shrek’ Escape Room

If you’ve ever watched the Shrek movies and jammed out to “All Star” by Smash Mouth with your bestie, this super sweet Shrek escape room is for you. It starts with you waking up in a dimly lit room to the bold smell of earwax (Was there an ogre here?), and having to read a scroll. The rest is for you to find out and enjoy while on FaceTime with your BFF, eating waffles that are approved by Donkey, and playing the films in the background.

7. “Welcome To The Snow Ball” Escape Room

Stranger Things fans, unite! This virtual escape room, titled “Welcome to The Snow Ball,” will only take you 30 minutes to complete, but will be loads of fun. You’ll start trapped in the gym with your crew, frantically looking for an escape. But, if you translate the Russian memo sent to your phone then you may be able to find your way out with ease. Jot down answers and team up with your BFF to make it happen, OK?

8. ‘Schitt’s Creek’ Escape Room

Are you watching every episode of Schitt’s Creek on Netflix? Check. Trying out this Schitt’s Creek-inspired virtual escape room? Well, that’s next on your at-home bucket list. To be honest, you didn’t know such a beautiful excursion existed, but now you’re excited to tackle all three levels of gameplay — named after the characters, of course.

9. Escape Room L.A.’s “Escape From Planet X”

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A vacation in space sounds pretty cool, right? You would likely lounge with the aliens and teach them about the constellations in the sky. During Escape Room L.A.’s “Escape From Planet X” experience, you may change your mind, as it becomes your mission to get your spaceship up and running before aliens attack you. The experience lasts an hour and can be played with your bestie by booking a slot with a live host for $15 per person.

10. Ultra Mega Super Death Escape Room

Give the Ultra Mega Super Death Escape Room a try when you’re kicking your boredom to the curb with your bestie. It’s not as scary as it sounds, and has a storyline you’ll likely find #relatable. You and your bestie are in quarantine — as you may be now — and you have to unlock a secret stash of Nintendo Switches. If you get to the stash, your character will be able to ditch TV episodes they’ve seen already and go play Animal Crossing: New Horizons instead.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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17 Questions To Ask Your Partner During Quarantine To Fight Off Boredom

If the anxiety stoked by the coronavirus wasn’t stressful enough, you’re probably also dealing with the pesky boredom of quarantine life. At the beginning of the pandemic, more time to read, relax, and be creative probably felt like an unexpected gift. But after awhile, the endless rounds of learning TikTok dances, baking bread, and watching Instagram Lives can start to feel monotonous. A meaningful way to mix up your routine is to reconnect with loved ones — DM old pals, jump on Houseparty with your crew, call your grandma, and spend time asking your partner thoughtful questions during quarantine.

It’s easy to forget that feeling bored during a pandemic is a privilege. Thousands of essential workers are still risking their lives to keep society afloat. So if you find yourself looking for ways to pass the time, try to make the most of it. Depending on your circumstances, you might be hanging out your SO via FaceTime, or you might be quarantining together. Whichever scenario you find yourself in, the following questions can help you get to know each other a little better. They can serve as insightful conversation-starters, and prime opportunities for you and your partner to feel more connected.

1. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?

2. What would you do if you won $1,000,000 right now?

3. Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

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4. If you could write a letter to your younger self, what would you say?

5. What’s something you want to do that we’ve never done before?

6. If you could change one thing about your childhood, what would it be?

7. When is the last time you cried?

8. If you could visit anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?

9. When did you know you were in love with me?

10. What’s your favorite thing about me?

11. If you could have dinner with one person, dead or alive, who would it be?

12. What’s something that no one else knows about you?

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13. What is the most vulnerable you’ve been in our relationship?

14. What’s the most valuable thing you’ve learned from your ex?

15. What are the three things you’d save if your apartment caught on fire?

16. What’s one thing you want to cross off your bucket list as soon as social distancing is over?

17. What accomplishment are you most proud of?

Not only can these questions help keep you and your partner engaged during quarantine, but they can also help you get to know each other more intimately and intentionally in the process. Who knows? You might even end up emerging from this crisis a stronger couple than you were before.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

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