If Your Ex Texts You Randomly, Here’s How To Stay Cool & Handle It

Nothing catches you off guard quite like an unexpected text from an ex. Whether you broke up three weeks ago or three years ago, seeing their name pop up on your phone screen out of the blue is sure to send you for a loop. Are you supposed to feel excited? Hopefully? Angry? An even better question: How the heck are you supposed to respond, if at all? Knowing how to react when your ex texts you randomly always depends on the situation, like the length of time that has passed since you last spoke or why exactly you two split in the first place. In any case, you’ll probably want to find a middle ground between, “I never stopped loving you,” and “New phone, who dis?”

“A text from an ex you still care about may send you into a serious session of overthinking and wondering what it means (i.e., do they want to get back together? Did they realize it was a mistake?),” licensed psychologist Dr. Joy Harden Bradford previously explained to Elite Daily. So before you fire back a response, think carefully about what it is you want from that ex, which is likely one of three things.

If You’re Open To The Idea Of Getting Back Together

Woman texting on the smart phone walking in the street

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Perhaps the breakup was amicable. You decided you were better off as friends, or that you wouldn’t work out in the long run, and you mutually decided to part ways. But now that ex is suddenly hitting up your phone, and you’re wondering whether you two may have made a mistake by calling it quits. First things first: Figure out if your ex is thinking that, too, or if they’re just looking to hook up.

As Bela Gandhi, president at Smart Dating Academy, previously told Elite Daily, “If they’re texting you that they want to hang out, that they miss you, that they’ve made a mistake… then they want to get back together. If someone is only texting you between 10 p.m. and 1 a.m., this is probably not a person who’s looking to be in anything serious with you.”

If your ex’s text seems to suggest the former, go ahead and reply, but be sure to manage your expectations and keep your response (somewhat) casual. By saying, “Hey, stranger. Long time no chat. I’ve missed talking to you,” or, “It’s great to hear from you. We should catch up over coffee,” you can express your interest without coming on too strong and facing potential disappointment.

If You’d Like To Be Friends Eventually And Nothing More Than That

If the first thing you feel after receiving an old-of-the-blue message from an ex is nostalgia rather than longing, it’s possible you miss them as a friend, but not a lover. As tricky as it is to stay friends with an ex, it can be done. Even if your old partner’s text seems to suggest they want something more than friendship, you are not obligated to return the sentiment. Remember what you want, and respond in a way that makes your intentions clear.

Samantha Burns, dating coach and author of Breaking Up & Bouncing Back, agreed that “it’s definitely possible to cultivate a friendship with an ex.” As she explained it, “You’ll know you’ve moved on when you can treat texts with your ex with the same expectations of any other friendship — without all of the amped up emotional reactions.”

If you feel confident that staying on good terms with you ex is not only possible, but desirable to you, respond in a way that is friendly and free from suggestiveness. Try, “It’s so weird that you just texted — something hilarious happened the other day and I almost texted to tell you about,” or, “I’m glad you texted. I’ve been dying to discuss the new season of our fave show with someone.” Make it known that you miss the friendship aspect of your relationship, but you don’t have any desire to rekindle the romantic aspect.

If You Want Nothing To Do With Them

It’s possible that a message from an old SO pops up on your phone and the only thought you have is, “Nope.” Whether you were hurt by that person, you’re still trying to get over that person, or you’re totally over that person for good, you’ll want to find a way to shut that convo down before it can begin. I’m always in favor of taking the high road — there really isn’t anything to gain from being nasty. Just keep your respond brief, detached, and straightforward, and they’ll likely back off.

To make it known you’re not open to starting up a relationship again, platonic or romantic, text back in a way that is short but not-so-sweet. Saying, “I’m not sure it’s such a great idea for us to keep talking,” or, “I need some space, and I would be grateful if you respected that,” lets your ex know you aren’t necessarily bitter, but you’re definitely not interested.

However, as Burns told Elite Daily, you may be better not responding at all. “A breakup impacts us on a neuropsychological level similar to drug withdrawal,” she pointed out, “so sometimes even sending a short text can be like showing up to the bar when you’re trying to get sober.” If ignoring that text message is what’s best for you, then just delete that text and move on.

 

In responding to an unexpected text from an ex, you’re opening a can of worms, and no matter your intentions, you should practice caution. “I think it’s important to be gentle with yourself and your feelings,” Bradford said, “so if the text brings up some stuff for you and then the day goes downhill after that, allow it to happen and then develop a plan for how you’ll try to have a better day tomorrow.”

If responding will bring more harm than good, it’s probably better not to respond at all. But if you think you might be ready to give your relationship another try, even just as friends, then choose your response carefully and see what happens.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy my new book, Angel with a Broken Wing on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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Signs That You Love Your Boyfriend Too Much

It’s totally okay to be in the honeymoon phase and crazy for your new man, but make sure it’s healthy and not a weird obsession… Becoming obsessed with your significant other can go wrong in dozens of ways from driving them away to just being plain unhealthy for you. Here are some of the ways people say I love my boyfriend that others look at as obsession.

1.YOU DON’T TALK ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE

Everyone talks about their relationships. However, when you don’t talk about anything else, ever, it’s one of the biggest signs you are obsessed with your boyfriend or girlfriend. If your friends constantly roll their eyes because every sentence out of your mouth begins with “My boyfriend and I…” or “We had so much fun…” then you may have a problem. When everything interesting you have to say involves your significant other, you’re a little too involved. Take a look at your social media timelines as well; how many of your status updates involve your partner?

2.YOUR THUMBS ARE ON THE TRIGGER

Are you constantly texting, Facebooking, or tweeting your significant other? If you can’t go five minutes without sending a text, a selfie, a poke, or a SnapChat, you’re going overboard. This is especially true if you get upset when your partner fails to answer within five seconds. Sending messages is okay in moderation, but you have to draw the line somewhere. There’s a difference between wanting to talk to them and saying I love my boyfriend and being weird about it.

3.SERIOUS SEPARATION ANXIETY

Missing your partner is perfectly natural as well. If your boyfriend heads to band camp for a few weeks or your girlfriend goes on vacation with her family, of course you’ll feel a little lonely. However, if you suffer serious separation anxiety for long and short separations, you need to check yourself. You might actually have sweaty palms, an accelerating heartbeat, and even exhibit the symptoms of a panic attack. That’s too much, especially if all of this comes with a certainty that your partner is cheating with you or plans to break up with you, just because you’re in two different places.

4.YOU NEGLECT YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY

Obsessive behaviors often manifest outside of your relationship. For example, if you’re neglecting your family and friends in favor of spending time with your boyfriend or girlfriend, you’ve got a big problem! When your significant other takes up your entire life and you no longer have time for anyone else – and worse, when you no longer have a desire to spend time with anyone else – you’re exhibiting symptoms of obsession and not cutely wanting to say I love my boyfriend by being with him too much. Everyone needs personal space!

5.THERE’S NO PRIVACY

Do you snoop? If you find yourself sneaking peeks at your boyfriend’s phone or trying to read your girlfriend’s diary, your behavior is unmistakably obsessive. This is especially true if you’re doing it because you’re paranoid or suspicious. Everyone deserves their privacy. Don’t betray your partner’s trust by snooping through his or her things, and respect him or her enough to respect these boundaries.

6.YOU GIVE UP YOUR INDEPENDENCE

Do you define yourself by your relationship? If you willingly give up your independence because you want to spend every waking moment with your partner, there’s a problem. When you can’t do anything by yourself, or refuse to go out by yourself or with friends because your partner isn’t coming along, take a long, hard look at yourself, your relationship, and your motivations.

7.YOU’RE JEALOUS OF EVERYONE

You get jealous of random people who may or may not be looking at your partner, as well as people he or she has known forever. You always suspect your partner of cheating or worry that he will automatically return every come-on or flirtation; that’s not I love my boyfriend that’s just plain psycho… Where’s the trust? Obsession often comes from insecurity, and there’s no need to feel jealous of everyone who even glances at your boyfriend or girlfriend unless you feel extremely insecure.

You can be close to your partner; you can be affectionate, interested, and even occasionally clingy, because we all get in those moods – but “occasionally” is the keyword here, and you can’t take it too far. There’s a fine line between I love my boyfriend and obsession which isn’t healthy for anyone involved; nor does it lead to a strong, long lasting relationship. Have you ever gotten obsessed with your boyfriend or girlfriend? Has someone you’ve dated been obsessed with you?

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing publishes of Amazon June 20th!

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Michelle – Chapter 21 – Ghosted

“I’m just a soul whose intentions are good. Oh Lord, please don’t let me be misunderstood.”

This post was written in 2019. Due to scheduling restraints of more relevant content, it’s been delayed and is being published now.

If you’ve been reading this blog you’ll have read the Michelle story. Although not the inspiration for this blog like Maria, it’s one of the cornerstones of this publication. Michelle is one of the most important people I’ve ever met. The great thing is, you can simply type in her name in the search bar and read the whole story of our relationship. (Or buy my book, Phicklephilly, on Amazon!)

Sadly, she and I had always wanted to write about our legacy in this great city of Philadelphia, but never did. We collected bullet points and events on paper ,but like most people in love, we were having too much fun to record anything we did.

I did my best here to piece together out greatest hits on phicklephilly. I know Michelle had some fear about what I would publish on this blog because of her present situation.

Read Michelle before you read this piece because it’ll help you understand the full scope of what this relationship was.

Michelle and I had a very special relationship. It was more unique than any I had ever known, and I’m sure I will not experience it again. I’m lucky to have had my time with her. I always said; “You’re the nicest, pretty girl I ever met.” Because beautiful women don’t need to be nice. They just need to show up.

But Michelle always was.

I was blessed to have her as my girl. I was a 40 something loser from a failed marriage and working in New York in the world of finance. I got laid off with a team of other talented guys and needed a job. I ran out of options in NYC and turned to Philly. (The city I’m from) By some miracle, I landed a job in advertising at the news of record for Philadelphia.

Michelle worked in billing. I couldn’t imagine why such a beautiful women ended up in such a shitty department. But she eventually wanted to get into sales, and since my manager was secretly in love with her, he acquired her. Much to my delight. I was just happy to be near her and work with her. Incredibly pretty, but so nice. A rare combination.

We became friends.

Read Michelle. Then you’ll know what we were to each other.

Michelle kept in touch with me long after our breakup. One of the most extraordinary aspects of or relationship, is that we were able to stay best friends after our break up.

It was a classic phicklephilly breakup. “You aren’t going to marry me and give me kids, so goodbye.”

I get it.

I’m not doing that ever again. No bitterness, just can’t risk that again.

Michelle and I have been friends, longer than we’ve been lovers. (Which has so much deeper value)  I’ve never experienced that with anyone I’ve ever known. That seems odd to me, but I simply accepted that miracle for what it was.

That went on for years.

After all of that…

She sold all of her stuff, quit her job, and flew to California and went on to marry her high school sweetheart. She knew we didn’t work, and was done with dating all of the idiots out in the world so she retreated to the known. The guy from high school who she originally loved. They were both out of options so they decided to settle.

“He became the man I hoped he’d be” she said.

She settled for the American Dream.

The American Dream. I have lived that and I have nothing but the taste of ashes in my mouth for that life.

Michelle has been sold a bill of goods, that told her she needs to find a safe man by her 30’s, and get married and have kids. That is a sour lie told to every woman in this country, from the time they hit puberty. Maybe even before that. She’s a kid born out-of-wedlock. Adopted by assholes who have no idea who they were. They don’t even know who they are or why they want a kid, but they can afford you, so you get rescued. But from what? Death, then into the frying pan of these two idiots?

It happened.

But you’re smart and oh, so beautiful. Beauty goes so far in this world.

I only ever saw your kindness and sweetness and till this day I am astounded by you.

When everything in your life no longer makes sense you go for the American Dream.

(Never do this fair readers)

Marriage and settling on a guy that is reasonably handsome and can hold a job and is in the range to give you kids. You hated taking care of your cat, why in the fuck would you ever want to have kids? Kids are a fortune (I have the receipts. My beloved Lorelei cost me over $170,000)

He takes her camping, hiking, and hang gliding… Kill me now. Come on….She likes hanging out, and sipping chardonnay, and smoking cigs with interesting people.

Or does she? Maybe she’s ready to adapt to the safe option.

I know all of the above gets boring, and I don’t even do that anymore, but has she simply settled for mediocrity? But maybe by doing all of those mundane things they’ve saved her from a rich, exciting life, and she’s healthier for it. It’s all about her health. Right? I get that.

I haven’t heard from her since my birthday in 2018. That’s okay. Because on the day she left, I was fine with her leaving. I understood, and I knew where she would go. She’d retreat to her high school boyfriend.

And I get why she’s ghosted her best friend. Because she needs to be the wife to her husband, and the mom to her kids or whatever it is she’s doing. It just sucks that we all know who her best friend is, and that person is not allowed to be friends with her anymore. Simply due to the insecurities in her current. If you’re female, you can be friends with Michelle. If you’re male. No dice.

Hell, I ghost people. They need to be cut off. I just can’t have them in my life anymore.

I get it.

But I think this is it.

She was always texting me and face timing me for the last 5 years since she left. I think she finally found the assumed moral compass, to stop talking to the love of her life, so she could dedicate her life of what happiness is supposed to look like with her husband.

I get it. He always loved to control her. Control is weakness and insecurity. Relax Dave…you’ve won.  I just hope she can find some parcel of happiness in the choices she’s made.

Figure it out and you can still come to Janice’s house at Christmas!

(Kidding!)

Your hubby wouldn’t allow it!

Things are going well for Lorelei and me here in Rittenhouse. She’s doing great in her career and has been in a relationship with Ethan for over 5 years now. I’m managing a restaurant in Rittenhouse now and I love it.

I don’t go out anymore. Only occasionally with a close friend. The old crew has moved on, like they always do. I hope you’re doing well with your husband, and your job and family and life because that’s all I can hope.

I know I can leave this world knowing I helped one person.

I hope it was you Michelle, and I will always love you. No matter where you go, or what you do, I will always love you, and our time together.

Because it was magical and real.

And nobody can every take those memories away from us.

 

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy my new book, Angel with a Broken Wing on June 20th, on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

13 Signs Your Ex Is Confused about Your Breakup: What About You?

Breakups aren’t easy. Usually, we end up more confused after the relationship. What do the signs your ex is confused mean for you and your relationship?

If your ex is telling you they want you back, don’t rush into it. You need to take a step back and see the signs your ex is confused. That way, you’ll know what to do next.

After my long term relationship *four years!*, it took me a while to get over my ex. Throughout the relationship, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be with him, and my emotions and self-esteem got the best of me. I didn’t think I could find someone who would love me the same way and make me feel happy, even though I knew my ex wasn’t the one for me. So, I stuck it out and stayed in the relationship.

But, eventually, it came to an end. Going through a breakup is really hard, and during the process, it makes you think about your ex in a different light. On the nights where you’re sad and lonely, you think about the good times you had—and it sucks you back in.

How to interpret the signs your ex is confused

My ex and I were off-and-on for a couple of months after the breakup. Even though we both knew the breakup must happen, you struggle with separating for good. This was someone you called your best friend; someone you shared laughs and memories with. I was definitely confused and highly emotional when wanting to go back to my ex.

And these emotions just made the breakup even harder for both of us. Don’t get played by emotions if it isn’t the right thing for you.

#1 What does your gut instinct say? When it comes to your gut instinct, your body knows when something isn’t right. If your ex gives you all the right words, but you feel something is off, then listen to your gut. If what they’re saying or doing isn’t making you feel good, then it’s not for you.

#2 They’re hot and cold. When you talk to them, they’ll be happy and flirty one day, and the next, moody and antisocial. They’re clearly confused with how they’re feeling about the breakup. They’re not sure what to do and struggling emotionally to make a decision.

#3 They mention how much they’ve invested in you. When you talk with them, they bring up how much they invested in the relationship. This could be seen as a positive, but also negative. If they feel they’re invested a lot, getting back together could be because they don’t want to waste what they put into the relationship.

#4 They’re angry. Anger is usually a common emotion after a breakup. If your ex feels indifference, then that’s a sign they’re over the relationship. But anger shows that they’re not over the breakup; they’re not over you. Although, it doesn’t mean you should get back together. 

#5 They don’t try to reconcile. It doesn’t matter who’s at fault for the breakup, the point is, they don’t push to reconcile. They won’t even bring up the reason why you broke up. If they’re not willing to work on reconciling the relationship, then they’re not ready to be in one. 

#6 They tell you they want you back. But when it comes to committing, they don’t jump right in. This is because they’re unsure about the relationship. They may tell you they want you back, but if they’re not ready to commit, they’re just confused.

#7 They make up reasons to talk to you. Your ex always has an excuse to talk to you. Even though they don’t directly bring up getting back together, they focus on talking about memories or things you like.

#8 They’re dating other people. Even though they’re casually dating others, how can they get back together with you at the same time? If they really wanted to be with you, they wouldn’t be dating other people too.

#9 You’re getting mixed messages. They’ll drop subtle hints about wanting to get back together with you, but then the next day they mention wanting to move on. And every day, it’s something different. The messages you get aren’t clear, if anything, you’re more confused now than you’ve ever been. Well, if you’re confused, they’re confused.

#10 They attempt to make you jealous. Your ex does their best to make you jealous, and sometimes it works. When you confront them on what they do, instead of taking action, they play games. See, they’re not really interested in getting back together with you; they just don’t want your attention to move from them to someone else.

#11 They keep communication open. When someone is ready to move on, they cut ties with their ex, at least, until they’ve moved on. But your ex still lingers around, liking your posts and chatting with you via text. They want to keep the line of communication open, just in case.

#12 They try to publicly humiliate you. When your ex tries to put you down in public, they’re hurting. This isn’t an excuse for their actions. All this shows you is their immaturity and they’re confused with their emotions.

They don’t know how to handle their emotions, so they put their anger onto you. If this happens, it’s a clear red flag.

#13 They tell you they’re confused. If you’ve confronted them about their actions, good for you! If you’re confused, talk to them about it and see how they feel. If they tell you they’re confused, you now know where they stand. And if they’re confused about their feelings for you, then they don’t want to be with you. They just don’t know how to move on.

Now that you know the signs your ex is confused, what do you think? Is your ex really confused or do they genuinely want to get back together with you?

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

How To Get A Boyfriend

Do you feel like you’ve been single forever? Do you feel like you scroll through social media and find yourself sad and envious of those in relationships, engaged, getting married, etc. and you feel stagnate in life? If you ever sit and think I want a boyfriend, you’ve come to the right place. Here are my top ten tips on how to get a boyfriend…

1.REMEMBER THAT BEING SINGLE IS OKAY

If you are frantically waiting for that special someone, you might be coming across as desperate and that is instantly off-putting to guys. Take some time to enjoy yourself, and remember why you are so amazing. If you love yourself you make it much easier for others to love you too.

2.THINK ABOUT WHO YOU WANT

Now you know who you are, think about what you want. Write down what is really important out of a mate and what can be negotiated. This will stop you settling for anything, and ensure that you look for people who you could actually have a future with!↓

3.SPREAD YOUR WINGS!

Join a club that you love, get involved in a sport, learn a new skill. Don’t join just because you expect to meet people, join to enjoy yourself, boost your confidence, and act as a distraction while you are waiting for Mr. Right!

4.BE CONFIDENT

Been checking out that guy for a while? Go and introduce yourself. No other way to stop saying I want a boyfriend than just go out and get one. It might be scary, but you’ll demonstrate confidence and self reliance which are both very attractive qualities!

5.GET TO KNOW THEM

Before you fall in love with every guy you meet, talk to them and see if they match your list. Look for similarities and differences and see how you get on together. Just because he matches your list verbatim doesn’t mean the chemistry is there. It’s important that you know the man himself so you know whether or not you need to readjust your list.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Listen to Phicklephilly LIVE on Spotify!

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly

15 Things to Know Before Moving in With Your Boyfriend

Are you moving in with your boyfriend? Well, good for you! But here are a few things you need to keep in mind to have that perfect romantic start.

Moving in with your boyfriend can seem more like fun and less like a big life altering decision.

While moving in is fun, it’s also something you need to give a lot of thought.

So do you know if he’s a great guy?

Do you think both of you will have a perfect relationship after you move in?

Will you moving in lead to a proposal and babies soon?

The only way to really know for sure is to try it, right?

Moving in with your boyfriend

No relationship is the same, and when it comes to moving in too, no experience will ever be the same.

But there are a few things that are common while moving in together.

There are right moves. And then, there are a few wrong moves.

If you want to make sure that both of you set off on a perfectly romantic start after moving in together, here are a few things you need to talk about with your boyfriend, and ask yourself the real answers.

5 THINGS TO THINK ABOUT BEFORE MOVING IN

If you haven’t moved in just yet, give these pointers a deep thought. Sometimes, it’s the little things you overlook that can play the biggest part.

#1 Set ground rules. It may seem trivial and unnecessary, but it’ll save both of you from confusions and frustrations later. Setting clear ground rules can help both of you talk about faults and confusions without arguments. Unless you make rules, there’s no way to tell why the frustrations began in the first place.

#2 Be sure of your decision. Are you completely sure you want to move in with your boyfriend? Take time to decide about it and weigh all the options. It’s alright to feel confused as long as you’re excited about moving in together. Don’t let infatuation cloud your judgment though.

#3 Consider your independence. Moving in together is something that is inevitable when you’re in love. It can happen now or it can happen a few years down the lane. You may be in love with your sweetheart, but are you in the right frame of mind and have the intellectual maturity to give up on your own freedom just to share some bedroom space with your lover?

#4 How is your boyfriend really? Is he a great guy? Do you really see yourself walking down the aisle with him years from now? If your boyfriend’s gentle and considerate of your feelings, it’s a safe plunge. But if he’s domineering or wants things his way, ask yourself if he’s really the one for you.

#5 Can both of you take joint decisions? The decisions in the relationship have to be taken jointly no matter what. Both of you should agree on that before moving in. Everything from deciding on monthly expenses to hanging out with friends has to be taken jointly without arguments.

10 THINGS TO THINK ABOUT AFTER MOVING IN

Have you moved in already? It’s not too late. Here are a few more things you should consider to have a perfectly romantic relationship.

#1 Be prepared to see his not-so-nice side. All of us show off our good sides when we’re with someone. But it takes living with someone to see their real side. Your boyfriend may have a few flaws or differences from your behavior. It’s not weird. He’s just being himself.

#2 Split the household chores. Give this a serious thought even if it’s toe curling and awkward to talk about. Create a list of necessary chores and split the chores right down the middle unless one of you is willing to take on more responsibility. But unless there’s a real good reason to unfairly split the chores like one working partner and one homemaker, try to keep it balanced.

#3 Take time to settle in. Dating is very different from moving in together. When you move in, you’re practically living with each other 24/7. Accept the fact that the relationship can feel different at the beginning. He may have pampered you like a princess until now, but now that you’ve both moved in, he may expect you to be more handy and less like a damsel in distress.

#4 Talk about the differences. You and your boyfriend are not two peas in a pod. Both of you are two individuals with different wants and interests. So talk about your differences and lifestyle choices with your boyfriend. When you move in together, both of you have to make a few compromises, be it watching a favorite show on the television or deciding how many times to go out in a week.

#5 Learn to forgive. When you move in together, there are bound to be a few differences and misunderstandings at the beginning. You and your boyfriend have to take the pains to go out of your ways to help the other person feel comfortable in the new environment. And if mistakes do happen, learn to forgive.

#6 Always communicate. Talk about your feelings, it’s really the right thing to do after moving in together. Forgive those little mistakes, but talk about it with your boyfriend and let him know what’s on your mind. Misunderstandings are good, because they help your boyfriend understand you better. But conflicts just aren’t any help in the relationship. Avoid conflicts, but communicate each other’s thoughts.

#7 His friends and yours. Both of you have to avoid bringing friends over to your place often for a couple of weeks or months. Take time to understand each other and live with each other before bringing confusions and new people into the house.

#8 Avoid creating insecurities. You may be dating for a while, but moving in together is a fragile stage in the relationship. Can you stop calling or texting other guys late into the night if it makes your boyfriend uncomfortable? Sometimes, insecurities in a relationship increase when people move in together. It takes a few sacrifices, reassurances and communication to test the waters of moving in together.

#9 Talk about money. Talk about money, individual savings and expenditures. Some things are better left out in the open than brushed under the carpet. Moving in is like a little marriage experiment. It can help both of you experience the reality of marriage before taking the plunge.

#10 Be serious. Living together with your boyfriend is no joke, and it shouldn’t be taken lightly. It’s better to consider it seriously and live seriously than look at it as an easy way to spend more time with each other or have more sex. Making any mistakes here will only force both of you apart. Be serious about the relationship and work together as a couple instead of two individuals.

Moving in with your boyfriend is just like getting married, without the license. Keep these 15 tips in mind and your next step together will be a walk in the clouds. Get these wrong, and one of you could nip a perfect relationship in the bud.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

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These Boyfriends Reveal What They Do When Their Gf’s Mad At Them And It’s Brilliant

 

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Things Not to Share with Your Boyfriend

When it comes to relationships, there are always boundaries. Whether you like it or not, they are there and it is your job to make sure you don’t overstep yours. I don’t believe you should ever intentionally hide anything from your man, but there are a few things you should never share with him. Read on to discover what they are!

1.YOUR BODILY FUNCTIONS

Yea, everybody farts. And everyone has to go poop. And shockingly, every person in the world has belched at one time or another. But men like to think of us as ladylike and feminine. After all, isn’t that what attracts them to us in the first place? So don’t give any raunchy details about your period or your stomach flu. Save all that for your diary!

2.YOUR GIRLFRIENDS’ SECRETS

This really is a no-brainer. Your friends confide in you and expect you to keep that confidence. After all, they do the same for you, right? So keep their trust intact. You have no idea how hard it is on a guy to hear us dish about all the latest gossip when all they want to do is rest after a long day. And if the secret you are telling is one of your close girlfriends who happens to have a boyfriend that your man sees everyday, it may be hard for him not to let it slip.

3.YOUR TOOTHBRUSH

Yes, I know you kiss him and you both drink from the same glass occasionally. But we live in a civilized age and hygiene is a little more obvious now than it was 200 years ago. Toothbrushes only cost a few dollars. Buy your own!

4.YOUR PASSWORD

Unless you both share an email account, or you’re married, this is a big no-no. Giving him your password may encourage him to “check up” on you, and all that’s going to do is raise insecurities on your part and feelings of distrust on yours. Not good for a healthy relationship. Plus, he may find out about the surprise party you were planning him for next weekend!

5.YOUR DISLIKE FOR HIS MOTHER

There will always be a few of us who can’t stand or get along with our in-laws. But that doesn’t mean you should give him a highlighted, detailed list of the 492 reasons why every time you have to be around them! He may feel pressured to choose between you, or he may get aggravated with you and put a strain on your relationship. If the problem is too big to be ignored, gently state your case. If he doesn’t see it your way, give him some time and in the meantime, learn to bite your tongue and keep your cool.

6.YOUR INSECURITIES

If you think your thighs are too fat, your hair is too curly and your teeth are too crooked, try to refrain from bringing it up every 3 to 4 hours. Men get tires of hearing about our horrible bodies. He thinks you are beautiful. He’s with you isn’t he? And if he accepts you, you can certainly accept yourself! Besides, you drawing attention to your “flaws” may make him notice it when it never really stood out before.

7.YOUR PAST…IN DETAIL

While it’s never OK to lie or hide your past from someone if you are in a committed relationship, it’s also not OK to tell your significant other how many times a day you kissed each one of your exes or give him the livid details of what you and your girlfriends used to do to get back at all the guys who broke your hearts. Guys just don’t need to know that sort of stuff. They always wonder if they measure up or if you regret choosing them. Don’t give him reason to wonder!

You CAN have an open, honest relationship with your man. All you need to do in order to achieve it is be kind and thoughtful and think about what you say before you say it! Do you ever share things with your sweetie that you probably shouldn’t?

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Annabelle – Epilogue

“’Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” – Alfred Lord Tennyson

It was about 6 months later until I saw her again. I was working for a local publication, and my boss asked if I’d check on their booth at an event in University City. It was on a Saturday in the spring of 2015. They would normally have a booth set up at some sponsored events, and they’d have a couple of interns man it.

Since I was new no one would recognize me there, so I could see that the magazines were displayed and the swag was out, and that the interns were doing their jobs.

I met with my friend Carla for a few drinks that evening at The Continental bar in midtown. Now that I think about it, I had spent the day with Kylie, (See: Kylie – Broken Wing) and had to ditch her to go meet up with my good friend Carla.

We had a couple of drinks and wound up chatting with a couple of gals we would meet up with later. After about an hour we hopped in an UBER and headed out to University City. We got there and when you live in Rittenhouse in center city, going out to University City is like going to a different planet.

I was expecting a straight up festival, with beer and food, but all that was out there was a bunch of families, a Ben & Jerry’s ice cream cart and a big stage set up. Oh, and our little booth off to the side.

Carla and I were clearly disappointed. We thought we’d be chugging free drinks and stuffing our heads with chow. We go over to the booth and check it out. I chat with the interns and everything seems to be in order.

The show starts and it’s some sort of musical number.

“Carla. I need to get out of here now.”

“This thing sucks. I agree. But it seems like something’s bothering you.”

“See that girl right there? The one on the left in the show.”

“Yea.”

“That’s Annabelle. My ex-girlfriend.”

“Oh the girl who was standing over there before, staring at you since the minute you got here?”

“She was?”

“I didn’t even see her. How did you…?

“Women can sense these things.”

“Let’s go.”

The next time was  a month or so later when I went to a beer garden that was my account at the publication. They invited me down to their place of business for some free drinks. I can’t pass that up.

So I get there and have a few drinks at the bar, and who the hell comes out to entertain everybody?

Yep. Same musical troupe, and there’s Annabelle. I watched the show a little bit, but it was so awful, I had to get out of there. Their stuff is so silly it’s absurd. I think the only reason the troupe exists is so the lead guy can run around in public in a fucking dress.

It was killing me to see her and I needed closure. I texted her and said I wanted to meet up and chat. We set it up and I met her at a bar in Northern Liberties. (Which I hate)

I had one before she arrived. She gets there and we go to a table and sit down. She orders a drink and said her stomach has been bothering her. She says it’s from all of the junk food she’s been eating down at the beer garden where her troupe has been performing all month. I think she’s full of shit. She always pulls health issues or headaches to get out of stuff.

I begin to recount all of the stuff she did after she broke up with me, and how much it hurt me, and how adults don’t do that to each other. I told her how much that hurt me for months, having her rip open the sutures that were trying to heal in my wounded heart.

She said she was sorry she hurt me, but really didn’t show any real emotion. I believe simply because she isn’t capable of it. When you don’t know who you are, where you’re going, or what you want in life, how can you possibly know what anyone else around you is feeling? Annabelle only sees what she wants. She hasn’t a clue that her selfish actions can really hurt a person that is close with her.

She told me that she had moved, and was going to buy some shitty house but her parents told her they didn’t want her living in that neighborhood, so they bought her a nice house in a better part of town. I suppose since they’re rich and she’s the only one of their kids that’s a financial failure, they felt they had to step in. So she lives on the first floor, she has taken in a roommate who lives on the 2nd floor and uses the basement for her photography stuff.

She has the roommate because she obviously can’t afford the mortgage. Who has roommates in their thirties?

“I don’t really have to work that hard anymore or make a lot of money. Because I don’t have the bills I used to have.”

(Yea, because your parents bought you a fucking house.)

She left after the one drink and I walked her outside and she got on her bike.

“You’ll have to see my house.” she said as she rode off.

No thanks, I thought to myself.

Well, so much for closure.

Her apology was hollow.

About a year later this woman I know who works in the arts hit me up at the publication I worked for at the time. Trixie wanted some love from our magazine to promote a little art performance she had written. I asked her if there was any budget to advertise and of course she said no. These “artists” never have two shillings to rub together.

So I talk to my editor and since we support the arts, she said she’d be happy to write a little piece about it and put it in our events calendar.

I called Trixie and told her that the piece would run for the two weeks before the event. So it would be in our magazine twice. She was very happy and thanked me for the free support/advertising.

So on opening night of the show I decided to check out what I had promoted for the last two weeks. I like Trixie and I decided to take my good friend, Carly (See: Carly – 2013 to Present – The Mad Baker)

Carly always comes through for me in the clutch. She’s one of my favorite people in Philadelphia.

We plowed some vodka before the show in case it sucked. We hop in an UBER and head down to the show. We get there. It’s some little installation in South Philly. We go in and there are only maybe between and 20 or 30 people there. We grab a pair of wines (Box wine!) and head into the show.

It starts with some woman doing some sort of weird slow dance on the floor. I don’t get it. Then they have us all head upstairs for the 2nd part of the “performance.”

I have the sudden realization that it is a two woman show starring Trixie and of all the fucking people on the Earth… Annabelle.

I’m an artist. I’ve been an artist my whole life. Started drawing as a child. Art major in school. Won art shows, and drew comics. I have sold my art work and even had it stolen. So my shit must have been good. I taught myself how to play guitar. I started out as a singer in the choir and then a lead singer in my first band. Then guitarist in my 2nd and 3rd bands. Philly, Jersey and LA. I’m a writer and a huge film guy. I love all kinds of music from Sinatra to Slayer and everything in between. I love the ballet, the orchestra, the arts in general. So I have a pretty good idea what is good art and what is absolute shit.

What I witnessed that evening may as well have fallen out of a dog’s ass and hit the pavement in a steaming pile of awfulness.

It didn’t make sense. It was poorly written. Horribly acted. Trixie has a great ass though. That’s all I can say. She looked hot. Annabelle was like a scientist in the beginning and then changed into a bird of some kind. It made no sense at all. Annabelle literally wrapped in saran wrap with feathers covering her sort of non nipples and hippie bush. It was a revolting mess.

I’m grateful that I had the lovely opportunity of plying myself with alcohol before the “show.” (more like, abortion)

After that massacre, Annabelle came right up to us and I told her it was really good. It was either that or just simply throw up on her in disgust.

I introduced her to Carly and I’m sure she thought Carly was my main squeeze. Oh, by the way, Carly looked amazing. Black Versace cocktail dress, black sheer hose and black pumps. She looked smoking hot.

Annabelle told us she was going to have to get out of the polyurethane feather nightmare that she was wearing and would chat some more. We told her great job and we’d be downstairs sipping free boxed wine.

We went downstairs and grabbed more wine and went outside to smoke.

“What do we do?”

It was starting to rain.

“We get the fuck out of here. Trixie ambushed you and got free advertising for her shitty show that no one went to see. We’re going.”

I hit the UBER app and we were back in Rittenhouse in 15 minutes.

This is an entirely different epilogue that Michelle’s (See: Michelle – 2007 to Present – A Brand New Day) This is all I have to wrap up the tattered mess that was my short nine month relationship with Annabelle.

In hindsight, should I have ever gotten involved with Annabelle? No. She was too young, and too naive about herself or even the world. It was an absolute mismatch. I once made a list when it was over of all of the thing I liked and didn’t like about Annabelle.

On the GOOD list there were only 3 things. Youth, sex, and nice to be with when we were together just doing things. (ie: dates, museums, dinners, etc.)

Just think. Two of the 3 things she almost had no control over.

The BAD list had over 15 things that I didn’t like about her on it. That my friend, is a strong indicator that it was an absolute mismatch and maybe she was just with me due to her distant daddy issues and I was a novelty to her. A new toy. The latest shiny thing that had attracted her attention like a squirrel.

I remember she told me she once slept walked and went into the bathroom and cut her bangs off. When I met her that second time at that shitty bar where she worked I thought her hair looked a little weird. She had to go to a hairdresser to try to fix that mess. I think it may have something to do with stress.

One time she slept walked and got scissors and cut up a dress that she was supposed to wear to some event for her sister. This chick has real issues or maybe even a real mental disorder. When I look at my relationship with her now, I can’t even believe I stuck around as long as I did. I should have cut her loose way earlier than when it ended. I should have seen the crazy. But you know, I did. I just put up with it because I loved her.

I didn’t love her. That just sounds nice. That’s why people put up with shit. No. People put up with shit because their minds are clouded with society’s norms. If you can take a step back, (Most men can’t. Actually most people can’t) you’d see that you’re in a relationship with someone who is absolutely not right for you. I know some idiots that are doing this right now!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not bitter. But you can think about your mistakes with people. You can talk to your friends and family about your mistakes, but when you take the time to actually WRITE them down, you see the truth. The truth “that your own rod licks you the hardest.”

My mother used to say that, and it’s so true. Think of all the fucked up shit that has happened to you in your life. The bad stuff. You did that. You were probably the architect of that madness. You made that. You at least helped. You brought that nightmare into your life.

It’s okay. I’m not here to hurt anybody. I just want you to think. “Doing the same thing over and over and thinking you’re going to get a different result is madness.”

I’ve done that. We all have. I have to evolve up and out from this relationship. I will. I will never get mixed up aith a girl like Annabelle ever again. I’d rather die alone than go through something like that with such a mixed up emotionally bankrupt, lost soul like Annabelle.

You gotta cut your losses and go.

Everybody’s different and we all go through our own shit in our own way. You can tell your friend that he should leave his cheating wife who hasn’t fucked him in two years but he has to exit that burning building in his own way. All the while wasting years of living he should be enjoying and not going to fucking meetings and therapists.

Drop the clutch and GO!

It’s like telling someone they should get in better shape.

You try to change your own mind and body.

That shit’s hard. How are you going to change another person?

You can’t. They have to do it their own way in their own time.

Anyway. No more artists or failed actresses. I just can’t.

Annabelle was texting after the show and thanking me profusely for my support. Sadly, she seemed so scared and unsure of herself. I guess now that I was standing outside the gates of Annabelle Asylum, I had a different perspective. I could see clearly she was just another lost soul of the arts community here in our fair city

I had some great dinners and some decent sex with her so there’s that. But I would erase it all if I could have the opportunity to never have met Annabelle. But I’m wrong in my thinking. I had to meet her. I had to experience this so I could learn more about myself. I’m still on the journey to find real and genuine love in this city.

But now based on these experiences I’ve had I now have a clearer idea of what that should look like. I have learned much.

And for that I am grateful and I continue to evolve and grow as a man.

That show was the last time I ever saw Annabelle.

But last year on my birthday, she messaged me on Facebook.

“Happy Birthday, Charles, I hope your life is going well.”

I waited a day and thanked her and wished her a happy birthday too. (Hers is July and mine is August 9, both Leos)

 

That was the last I ever spoke to her. I’ve never seen or heard from her again. (Thank goodness!)

 

Will I ever find a girl who is a good match for me in this city that will stick around?

 

My heart is always open, and we’ll have to see what happens. Thanks to you all of my readers. We’ll get there together!

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish Monday through Friday at 8am EST.

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