25 Signs You’re Not Actually Dating

Remember when you were in high school and college and dating really just meant “hanging out”? Once you reach a certain age—ahem, 21, when you can legally go out to a restaurant and order a bottle of wine—the definition of dating becomes much, much simpler. In order to be dating someone, you need to be going out on dates, among other things.

After the jump, 25 signs you’re not actually dating.

  1. You’ve never hung out before 10 p.m.
  2. All of your plans arise out of spontaneous run-ins.
  3. He’s married or has a girlfriend.
  4. You’ve been out more than five times, but have never had a meal together—it’s been all liquid.
  5. You don’t know his last name—let alone his middle!—or where he lives.
  6. You’ve gone out more than five times and haven’t so much as held hands or kissed. (You’re just friends, homie. Or he’s Amish.)
  7. You’ve only hung out in a group in public; the only alone time you have is in bed.
  8. You have to make all attempts at contact—except those late-night booty calls.
  9. You’re sleeping together, but he’s never slept over.
  10. You haven’t had brunch the next day.
  11. You’ve been “hanging out” for a month but have never done so in the light of day.
  12. If you meet his friends, they have no reaction to hearing your name.
  13. You meet up places—he never officially makes plans, like, “Are you free Saturday to see ‘Hot Tub Time Machine’?”
  14. It’s been less than a week since you began seeing him.
  15. It’s been more than a week since you’ve heard from him.
  16. When he sleeps over, he always sneaks out in the morning without saying goodbye.
  17. You only communicate through text messages and email.
  18. In fact, you met online and all of your “dates” have been via Skype!
  19. He leaves a $100 bill on your nightstand before he takes off.
  20. Your friends refer to him as a nickname instead of his real name.
  21. When you ask him to hang, he says he can’t because he’s got a date.
  22. His concern over you having the flu only extends to his inability to get laid, not to your physical well-being.
  23. When you go out for drinks, you always go dutch. Literally, you don’t even switch off buying rounds.
  24. It’s been a month and he doesn’t know how you like your coffee.
  25. He is having dinner, buying drinks, sleeping over, and making plans with someone—it’s just not you. If he’s “dating” someone else in a way that’s above and beyond the way he’s dating you, you’re not actually dating, sister.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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How to Tell if Your Boyfriend Loves You: 16 Sure Signs He’s Smitten

You’re madly in love, but sometimes you catch yourself wondering how to tell if your boyfriend loves you too. By looking at the signs, you’ll know.

He loves me… he loves me not… wait, he probably loves me… he has to love me, right? I know exactly how wondering how to tell if your boyfriend loves you feels. And it’s a nerve-wracking experience.

You’re there giving him everything while at the same time, you’re wondering if he even feels the same way. Deep down you know how he feels. When you start looking at the signs and paying attention to your intuition, you know what’s going on.

How to tell if your boyfriend loves you

When it comes to people, specifically men, you can never really know what they’re thinking. A guy can tell you he loves you and not mean it or not tell you anything and secretly love you for years on end.

Ideally, just ask him how he feels about you, but I know how scary that can be. So, instead, why not look at how to tell if your boyfriend loves you?

There are only so many signs a person can give you to show that they love you. All you need is to look at the right signs for a hint about what’s going on in their mind.

It’s time to find out how to tell if your boyfriend loves you.

#1 He told you. Of course, some people just say ‘I love you,’ when they feel any positive emotion. And they may not necessarily mean it. But, if he says it and you truly feel that it’s genuine, then you’re not wrong. You have your intuition and trust me, you should listen to it.

#2 He checks up on you. Listen, when it comes to the human race, we’re pretty selfish. We put ourselves first and make sure we’re taken care of. But, when we’re in love, things change. Yes, we’re still a priority, but now, there’s someone else who’s equally as important. If he’s checking up on you throughout the day, it’s because he cares and worries about you.

#3 He lights up when he sees you. When he sees you, his face completely changes. It’s like you instantly bring sunshine into his life.

And you know what, that’s because you do. Love is pure joy and happiness. When he looks at you, he can’t help but smile. If you see his eyes light up when he looks at you, it’s because he loves you.

#4 He sends you good morning text messages. Not a morning goes by where he’s not sending you a good morning text message. If he’s doing this, he’s completely hooked on you. Love is intense; it’s an obsession and not necessarily a bad one. If you’re the first person he thinks of when he wakes up, he’s in love with you.

#5 He gets into your life. He’s in your life. He knows all your friends and family, he goes to every dinner, he even will attend your brother’s soccer games on the weekends. In other words, he’s making sure he has a strong presence in your life. If he’s making this much effort, it’s not just to get in your pants.

#6 He goes out of his way for you. Maybe he already had plans or has been busy at work, but he’ll rearrange things around just to get a chance to see you. Whether he sees you for a couple of hours or minutes, he will go out of his way to spend as much time with you as possible. What do we call that? It’s love, baby.

#7 He treats you as a priority. We usually put ourselves first before other people. And, let’s not be naive, he still puts himself first, but he also prioritizes you. When he’s making decisions, he includes you in them, making sure you are on the same page. This is because he loves you. 

#8 He genuinely listens to you. When he asks you about your day or any question regarding your feelings, he listens. He doesn’t just ask it to fill time, he’s asking you because he genuinely wants to know how you’re feeling. A man who loves a woman is a man who cares about her feelings and all the small details happening in her life.

#9 He doesn’t give up. It’s normal for couples to argue and disagree on things, but that doesn’t mean the relationship is supposed to end. Whatever problems you’re having, he doesn’t throw the towel in and call it quits. He puts 100% into the relationship every single day and never doubts that you two are going to make it.

#10 He asks for your opinion. But not only on simple questions like “does this shirt look good on me?” or “should I get the new iPhone?” I’m talking about real questions, questions regarding his job, family, or friends. If he consults you before making a decision, he respects your opinion and values what you have to say.

#11 He’s there when you need him. If a guy didn’t love you or at least wasn’t interested in you, he wouldn’t be there when you need him. But if he loves you, no what you need, he’ll go out of his way to make it happen. Whether your car broke down or you’re sick and need soup, he’s there. Now that is what we call love.

#12 He introduces you to his family. Let’s not ignore this one. Okay, if you met his family once, then don’t assume he’s madly in love with you. But if you see other signs and notice he’s taking you more to see his family, then he’s clearly developing some strong feelings for you. He wouldn’t be bringing you into his close circle unless he felt you were the one.

#13 He makes sure you’re in the loop. He is always making sure you’re updated on everything going on in his life. Even if it’s something you didn’t need to know, he makes sure you’re informed. When a man loves you, he wants you to be a part of his entire life, not just a piece of it. 

#14 He sees you. When a guy doesn’t love you, he doesn’t really see you. Okay, he sees you in the literal sense, but he misses the small details like the way you laugh or the face you make when you’re sad. When a man is in love with a woman, he notices everything. And when I say everything, I mean everything.

#15 He misses you when you’re not around. Whether it’s for five minutes or a couple of days, when you don’t see each other, he’s sad. Typically, men fall in love with a woman when she’s not around. You know the saying, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

If he’s always texting or calling you when you are apart, he probably can’t get enough of you.

#16 He focuses on making you happy. What could say love more than this? If his main goal is to make you happy, he clearly loves you. No man would waste their time making sure someone is happy unless he truly cared about the person. If you’re doing something that makes you unhappy and you tell him, he’ll change it right away.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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Here’s How To Digitally Disconnect From Your Ex After A Breakup & Recharge

In the early 2000s, dealing with a breakup meant packing up all of the photos and mementos from your relationship, throwing them in a box, and hiding it all away in your closet. In 2020, however, recovering from heartbreak often looks more like establishing some boundaries from your ex’s social media. Whether you turn your phone off or put your old boo on mute, knowing how to digitally disconnect from your ex after a breakup can help you start to heal ASAP.

“After a breakup, I always recommend my clients start with removing all of the emotional triggers around them,” Pricilla Martinez, CEO of Regroop Life Coaching, tells us. “Nothing is more detrimental to your healing than thinking your ex moved on from you when you’re still in the middle of dealing with all of your pain.”

According to Martinez, looking at your ex’s social media can give you the impression that your ex wasn’t affected by your breakup as much as you were. While everyone handles heartbreak differently, no one wants to feel like they’re competing for the title of “Who Cares The Least.”

If you need to recharge after heartbreak, here are 12 tips to digitally disconnect from your ex.

Unhappy woman reading bad news on cell phone and crying while sitting in the bedroom.

Shutterstock

1. Limit Your Contact With Them

For Trina Leckie, host of Breakup BOOST podcast, the best way to disconnect after a breakup is to limit all the digital contact you have with your ex, from texting and calling to looking at their social media. “You have to accept that the relationship has come to an end and make your healing the priority,” Leckie tells us. “When you keep someone top of mind, you don’t give yourself a chance to distance yourself to get your emotions in check and get the clarity you need.”

2. Mute Their Account

If you find you keep peeking on your ex’s page or you can’t resist clicking on notifications from them, Martinez suggests putting your ex on mute. “I would say you should mute their account until you are fully ready to unfollow them,” Martinez says. “If you aren’t ready to completely cut them off, mute their account, so it doesn’t pop up on your feed.” Putting their texts on “Do Not Disturb” may also help you, so you don’t get a notification if they do reach out, and can choose to respond on your own time when and if you feel ready to.

3. Consider Unfollowing Them

If you’re still following your ex after a breakup, it can be easy to catch yourself lurking on their page a little bit or overthinking everything they’re up to. As Martinez shares, showing your ex the digital door, (i.e., unfriending or unfollowing them on social media) can help you get some final closure. “If you’re not interested in having a connection with this person, then why follow them?” Martinez says. “If you really want to close that chapter, you don’t need an update on their next partner, their job, or what they had for dinner.”

4. Don’t Be Afraid To Block Them

If your relationship ended badly and you never want to talk to your ex again, or you’re really struggling to get over the heartache, Leckie says it’s OK to fully block your ex from social media and from texting or calling. “The goal is out of sight, out mind,” Leckie says. “That way, you aren’t tempted to check on them, and you won’t constantly be wondering if you are going to hear from them.”

5. Archive Your Pics (Or Fully Delete Them)

Honestly, bless Instagram’s archiving feature. If you’re tired of seeing old couples pics of you and your ex but aren’t quite ready to delete everything, archiving your photos is the IG equivalent of throwing a box under the bed. You don’t have to see it, but it’s not gone forever. Of course, if you’re really feeling done, it’s OK to delete photos, too.

6. Kick Them Off Your Netflix/Amazon Prime/Hulu Account

If you and your boo shared a bunch of online accounts, consider this the time to change all your passwords. You don’t need to see what movies they’re watching or what annoying things they’re buying on Amazon Prime.

Profils of a sad woman checking smart phone online content in the street

Shutterstock

7. Stop Sharing Your Location

Seeing that your ex is getting sushi at that place that you told them about is just going to make you upset. Disconnect from Find My Friends, Snapchat’s Snap Map, or anything else that tells you exactly where they are.

8. Unfollow Or Mute Their Friends

Know what you don’t need to see? Your ex’s best friend’s IG Story of your ex out at the “club.” If you follow a bunch of your ex’s pals, consider unfollowing or muting them for a while. Or forever.

9. Unfriend Them On Venmo

You may think this is extra, but what’s really extra is going on Venmo to pay your roomie for your electricity bill and seeing your ex Venmoing that person you always used to fight about (because they would flirt in front of you) for “drinks” at your favorite bar.

10. Get Them Off All Your Astrology Apps

I don’t care what Co-Star says, they are not your perfect match, and you don’t need to see what intentions they are setting for today.

11. Unfollow Their Spotify

You may have forgotten that you even followed them on Spotify, but you will always remember spitting out your coffee at work when a playlist titled “Screw My Ex” came up in your Spotify friend activity.

12. Don’t Forget Finstas

Your Finsta, their Finsta, their friends’ Finstas… when you start muting or unfollowing, don’t forget about everyone’s second account. You won’t regret it.

Recovering from a breakup can be hard for everyone. Still, getting some digital distance from your ex can help you heal faster. And sometimes, emotionally recharging means letting your phone die for a bit.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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13 signs he disrespects you and does not deserve you

If he is the right guy, he will treat you with respect. If he doesn’t he simply is not the guy for you.

Love is simply not enough to maintain a relationship – a foundation of mutual respect is equally, or perhaps, more important. A disrespectful spouse can disturb the healthy dynamics of a relationship. If he does not respect you, he does not deserve you. Remember those disrespectful relationships (the ones without respect) are never able to survive the test of time. Every couple has arguments and fights, but sorting the differences respectfully is the only way to save your relationship. If he disrespects you then the signs are always there.

What does respect mean in a relationship?

Respect in a relationship does not amount to subjugation of one partner by the other. It actually means admiring one another and understanding each other in such a way that differences of opinions do not disrupt the health of the relationship. Both the partners are able to appreciate one another’s perspective on life and do not impose anything on each other, because the relationship is characterized by mutual respect.

There are signs he disrespects you

Why do men disrespect women?

First, let us not assume that all men disrespect women, as that will be our biggest mistake and sometimes circumstances are such that men might unintentionally disrespect women. Now after this clarification, we can give a snippet of the reasons which prompt disrespectful behavior in a man towards a woman.

  • Those men who have issues of self-esteem and who think they are superior to others end up disrespecting females
  • Some may have suffered at the hands of a mother, ex-girlfriend or a lady in their lives, because of which they fail to respect other women
  • There are some men who might have never been in a relationship and do not genuinely know how to deal with women, so it seems as though they are disrespecting them

If you are in a relationship with a man who falls in any of these categories, then you must be aware of the signs of disrespect that your partner might exhibit, so that you can tackle the situation accordingly.

13 signs he disrespects you and does not deserve you

When your boyfriend/husband shows you respect, you will feel treasured, important and dignified. However, if your man disrespects you, then you will feel exactly the opposite. We give you 13 signs which will convince you that he does not respect you and definitely does not deserve you. It can be a suffocating experience to be with someone who is controlling in nature. In fact, a relationship marked with disrespect soon turns abusive. Once convinced, you can decide for yourself whether you want to keep swallowing your pride and continue the relationship or keep your dignity intact by walking out of the relationship.

1. You doubt your potential because of him

Instead of being confident in what you do or say, you keep doubting your potential. This is because your boyfriend or husband has instilled that doubt in you by disregarding your thoughts and opinions. You keep questioning your dreams, your future and your life all day long, which is a sign that your partner is not supportive and probably disrespects you.

2. He seems distracted when you talk to him

Whenever you get the opportunity to talk to him, you do so enthusiastically and expect him to pay attention to you. But if you often notice that he seems distracted when you talk to him and he hardly seems interested to hear your opinions, then it means he is failing to respect you. Getting your husband listen to you seems like a mammoth task because he clearly is not interested in you. This is downright disrespectful behavior.

There are signs he disrespects you

3. Your boyfriend does not keep his promises

A disrespectful man will not make any efforts to keep his promises to you and will disappoint you again and again. He will keep forgetting things you had told him to do, like calling you back when he is free or meeting you somewhere. All this is enough to give you the signal that you cannot depend on him and you are probably not that important in his life.

4. He makes fun of your professional goals and dreams

No matter how absurd and weird your dreams and profession are, your partner is supposed to encourage you. If your man is making fun of your career and goals in life, then he is being selfish and has no right to judge you. He is disrespecting you by not valuing your vocation.

5. You hardly have any personal space and time

At times, if he surprises you by visiting your workplace or when you are out with friends, it is okay. But if he does this way too often and keeps continuous tabs on you, then there is something definitely wrong with him. Your man might actually not respect you enough to trust you and give you your personal space and time. This is a sign he disrespects you.

6. He exhibits narcissistic tendencies

His desires, needs and wishes take top priority in his life and he is willing to do all in his power to ensure that his wants are fulfilled. The center of his universe is himself and he does not bother about how he behaves with you. Your partner admires himself and considers you to be inferior to him. Living with a narcissistic spouse can screw your happiness and peace in no time.

7. Your boyfriend does not apologize

When it comes to apologizing to you for his mistakes, he is absolutely stubborn. He does not admit his mistakes and probably starts blaming you for everything that is wrong. In order to avoid any criticism from your side, he will keep making lame excuses to convince you that he is not wrong.

8. He becomes super secretive around you

In a relationship, it is extremely essential that both partners remain honest to one another. Then only will the relationship last long. But if you find your boyfriend keeping secrets from you and perhaps even lying to you, then it is a sign of disrespect and you must not tolerate this.

There are signs he disrespects you

9. You are forced to transform yourself

Making smaller changes in your life to ensure compatibility with your man is a good thing to do. On the other hand, transforming yourself completely and forgetting who you really are as a person just to please your partner is something serious. It means he is not valuing you and you are also disregarding yourself. Everything in a relationship is not worth compromising on.

10. He looks down on you in front of other people

As a partner, he should make sure that only your good qualities and positive attitude is highlighted in front of the other people. But if your man does not pay attention to you, looks down upon you, portrays you as a stupid person and acts as if you embarrass him in front of others, then he definitely does not respect you. He is one selfish spouse and he does not deserve your love and care.

11. There is lack of commitment from his side

When problems arise in your relationship, you do all you can to sort them out, because you value your relationship. However, your man will not show genuine commitment to the relationship but lets things pass, because the relationship and you are not his priority. It seems that you give your 100%, but he does not even give his 10% to make the relationship work smoothly.

12. Your boyfriend does not hesitate to give silent treatment to you

Giving you silent treatment means not respecting you enough to share with you the cause of resentment and to give you an opportunity to clear the misunderstanding. By exhibiting this disrespectful man behavior, he tries to manipulate and control you according to his wishes.

sad couple sitting

13. He flirts with others in front of you

You should get the hint that your man does not respect you truly when he flirts with other females in front of you. Even if he jokingly mentions being attracted to someone else, you must know that it is impolite and your feelings probably do not matter to him any more.

If you are facing disrespect in your relationship, then talk about it with your partner. If he willingly listens to you and agrees to improve himself, then there are chances of saving your relationship. However, if he becomes defensive and disregards your concern, then he does not deserve you and you must be prepared to move on. Be in a relationship with someone who respects who you are, encourages you to become a better human being and deserves you, and not with someone who controls and inhibits your growth.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

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If Your Ex Texts You Randomly, Here’s How To Stay Cool & Handle It

Nothing catches you off guard quite like an unexpected text from an ex. Whether you broke up three weeks ago or three years ago, seeing their name pop up on your phone screen out of the blue is sure to send you for a loop. Are you supposed to feel excited? Hopefully? Angry? An even better question: How the heck are you supposed to respond, if at all? Knowing how to react when your ex texts you randomly always depends on the situation, like the length of time that has passed since you last spoke or why exactly you two split in the first place. In any case, you’ll probably want to find a middle ground between, “I never stopped loving you,” and “New phone, who dis?”

“A text from an ex you still care about may send you into a serious session of overthinking and wondering what it means (i.e., do they want to get back together? Did they realize it was a mistake?),” licensed psychologist Dr. Joy Harden Bradford previously explained to Elite Daily. So before you fire back a response, think carefully about what it is you want from that ex, which is likely one of three things.

If You’re Open To The Idea Of Getting Back Together

Woman texting on the smart phone walking in the street

Shutterstock

Perhaps the breakup was amicable. You decided you were better off as friends, or that you wouldn’t work out in the long run, and you mutually decided to part ways. But now that ex is suddenly hitting up your phone, and you’re wondering whether you two may have made a mistake by calling it quits. First things first: Figure out if your ex is thinking that, too, or if they’re just looking to hook up.

As Bela Gandhi, president at Smart Dating Academy, previously told Elite Daily, “If they’re texting you that they want to hang out, that they miss you, that they’ve made a mistake… then they want to get back together. If someone is only texting you between 10 p.m. and 1 a.m., this is probably not a person who’s looking to be in anything serious with you.”

If your ex’s text seems to suggest the former, go ahead and reply, but be sure to manage your expectations and keep your response (somewhat) casual. By saying, “Hey, stranger. Long time no chat. I’ve missed talking to you,” or, “It’s great to hear from you. We should catch up over coffee,” you can express your interest without coming on too strong and facing potential disappointment.

If You’d Like To Be Friends Eventually And Nothing More Than That

If the first thing you feel after receiving an old-of-the-blue message from an ex is nostalgia rather than longing, it’s possible you miss them as a friend, but not a lover. As tricky as it is to stay friends with an ex, it can be done. Even if your old partner’s text seems to suggest they want something more than friendship, you are not obligated to return the sentiment. Remember what you want, and respond in a way that makes your intentions clear.

Samantha Burns, dating coach and author of Breaking Up & Bouncing Back, agreed that “it’s definitely possible to cultivate a friendship with an ex.” As she explained it, “You’ll know you’ve moved on when you can treat texts with your ex with the same expectations of any other friendship — without all of the amped up emotional reactions.”

If you feel confident that staying on good terms with you ex is not only possible, but desirable to you, respond in a way that is friendly and free from suggestiveness. Try, “It’s so weird that you just texted — something hilarious happened the other day and I almost texted to tell you about,” or, “I’m glad you texted. I’ve been dying to discuss the new season of our fave show with someone.” Make it known that you miss the friendship aspect of your relationship, but you don’t have any desire to rekindle the romantic aspect.

If You Want Nothing To Do With Them

It’s possible that a message from an old SO pops up on your phone and the only thought you have is, “Nope.” Whether you were hurt by that person, you’re still trying to get over that person, or you’re totally over that person for good, you’ll want to find a way to shut that convo down before it can begin. I’m always in favor of taking the high road — there really isn’t anything to gain from being nasty. Just keep your respond brief, detached, and straightforward, and they’ll likely back off.

To make it known you’re not open to starting up a relationship again, platonic or romantic, text back in a way that is short but not-so-sweet. Saying, “I’m not sure it’s such a great idea for us to keep talking,” or, “I need some space, and I would be grateful if you respected that,” lets your ex know you aren’t necessarily bitter, but you’re definitely not interested.

However, as Burns told Elite Daily, you may be better not responding at all. “A breakup impacts us on a neuropsychological level similar to drug withdrawal,” she pointed out, “so sometimes even sending a short text can be like showing up to the bar when you’re trying to get sober.” If ignoring that text message is what’s best for you, then just delete that text and move on.

 

In responding to an unexpected text from an ex, you’re opening a can of worms, and no matter your intentions, you should practice caution. “I think it’s important to be gentle with yourself and your feelings,” Bradford said, “so if the text brings up some stuff for you and then the day goes downhill after that, allow it to happen and then develop a plan for how you’ll try to have a better day tomorrow.”

If responding will bring more harm than good, it’s probably better not to respond at all. But if you think you might be ready to give your relationship another try, even just as friends, then choose your response carefully and see what happens.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy my new book, Angel with a Broken Wing on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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