Why Is Getting Over Someone Who Cheated So Hard? Here’s What Experts Say

Most of us have been, or will go, through a breakup (or, you know, a few) in our lives. None of them are especially fun, but there is something exquisitely painful about having your relationship implode because a partner cheated. The confusion, the pain, and — let’s be honest — the anger in this situation can be really intense. None of this is made any easier when you’re faced with actually having to get over someone who cheated and move on for good, which can feel like it’s even more impossible.

Here’s the silver lining: If it feels like moving on from a cheating partner is harder than the other breakups and heartbreaks you’ve endured, it’s definitely not just you. “It’s really challenging to move forward when you’ve been cheated on,” life coach Nina Rubin confirms to Elite Daily. But why is it so much more difficult? It turns out that not all forms of heartbreak are the same, and the effects of infidelity can last much longer. Here’s what the experts have to say on why the pain of cheating lingers, plus how to move forward and put that hurt in the rearview mirror.

Cheating Undermines Your Ability To Trust

When a relationship ends due to a partner’s infidelity, there is another layer of betrayal, and that, Rubin explains, is what destroys the faith you had in them. “Physical and emotional affairs cut the main artery of a relationship: Trust. When you’ve been cheated on, you can no longer trust your partner,” and that, she explains, can be incredibly painful.

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“Affairs bring with them extremely complex emotions and thoughts of anger, hurt, shame, embarrassment, self-doubt, humiliation, confusion, and fear,” explains Dr. Gary Brown, a prominent couples’ therapist in Los Angeles. But it’s not just the pain that makes moving on from a partner who cheats difficult. There are also feelings of anger to heal from, as Cherlyn Chong, a dating and breakup recovery coach for professional women, tells Elite Daily. “It hurts to know that your ex has broken their promises to you and wasted your time and energy,” she explains.

Infidelity Can Undermine Your Self-Confidence

Perhaps the most insidious part of breaking up with someone who was unfaithful is the way that their betrayal can undermine your self confidence. Chong warns against falling into the trap of comparing yourself to the person your SO cheated with. “Not only do you have the loss of the relationship to get over, you also have the shame of feeling replaced by someone ‘better.’ You’re constantly wondering if they were better-looking, taller, funnier or even better at sex than you,” says Chong. Not only will these kinds of comparisons increase your own pain, but they aren’t even the reality of the situation, Chong explains. “It’s never because you weren’t good enough,” says Chong. “Nor was it something you did that caused them to cheat. Cheating is their decision, and their decision alone. Cheating is multifaceted, and sometimes the reason for cheating can be deeper and more complex.”

How To Get Over Someone Who Cheated

Understanding why getting over someone who cheated is so difficult is one thing, but knowing how to actually do it is another. The first step is to make a conscious decision to move forward, says Chong. “If you have determined that the relationship is broken beyond repair, the most important thing is to simply decide that you will move on,” she explains. That also means sticking to this decision even if the cheating partner decides they want to keep trying. “If the person has broken up with you due to the other person, you must ‘reject the rejector’,” Chong says. “If you have broken up with the person, you must decide that you will not accept that person back, because they have broken your trust and that can never be replaced again.” By staying firm in your choice, Chong says you can actually speed up the healing process. “Set a goal, figure out how you will get there, and then push yourself to get there. Take time to grieve, but don’t stay there too long,” she advises.

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How long is too long to grieve a breakup? “It takes as long as it takes,” says Rubin, although she adds that the time you take needs to be constructive. “The best thing you can do for yourself is process the pain and learn more about your triggers. Keep holding your head high.” It’s also important to note that, as you continue to heal, the feelings of betrayal left by cheating can create lasting emotional scars. “You may have triggers in your next relationship,” says Rubin. “This is normal. If you start feeling anxious or paranoid that your partner is going to cheat on you, this is a cue to get help and talk to them about your concerns.”

While there is no way to entirely avoid the pain that follows infidelity, the most important thing to remember is that healing is possible. “You can move forward. You can have a great life post-infidelity,” assures Dr. Brown. So hang in there and make your focus about self-care and self-love. You’ve got this.

 

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How To Tell If Your Girlfriend Is Cheating: 14 Signs Most Men Miss

When you meet the woman of your dreams, the last thing you are thinking about is what happens if she cheats on you.

Typically, people come together with a common goal of sharing their lives, but sometimes, for reasons people don’t always understand, one partner strays from the other.

Why is it easier to cheat than to just break up and start clean? Nobody really knows, but it is common enough that the other partner is left wondering what happened and if it’s really true.

It is common for the other partner to get a sense that something is wrong long before they know that their partner is cheating, but it’s difficult to confirm without actually coming out and asking!

Here are seven ways to tell she’s cheating on you.

1) She seems distracted.

Your once attentive girlfriend barely seems to look you in the eye these days. You find yourself repeating things to her because she’s not listening.

It’s hard for her to stay in the conversation and she is always looking over your shoulder. If she’s cheating on you, you’ll find that she has disconnected from your relationship in many ways.

According to family therapist David Klow, “if your partner’s actions start changing, then it might be a sign of infidelity.”

This is not to protect you, but to keep her from feeling guilty when she finally breaks things off with you: if she’s pushed you away already, it will be easier for her to say goodbye.

Or, if she decides she doesn’t have the guts to leave, pushing you away makes it easier for you to call things off. She’s pushing you away for a reason.

2) She’s dressing differently.

If your girlfriend suddenly cares about her appearance again after years of just bumming around in a t-shirt and jeans, lazing on the couch with her hair in a messy bun, and not putting much effort into a night out, something is definitely wrong.

Jonathan Bennett, a certified counselor and co-owner of Double Trust Dating, says that if your partner has had the same haircut for a long time but suddenly has a bold new haircut “this could indicate an effort to impress another person.”

According to Dr. Phillips in us, you may also want to have a look for a change in their grooming habits:

“If your partner comes home and jumps right into a long shower, they may be washing away any evidence of cheating.”

Sure, it might be that she is finding her confidence in herself again – or for the first time ever – but there might be a different reason for the change.

If you suspect it’s because she is seeing someone else and wants to look good for them, you may be right.

Change begets change and if she is running around on you, she might put a lot of effort into her appearance so she can be attractive to her new man.

3) She doesn’t invite you out with her friends.

One sign that your girlfriend might be cheating on you is if she is suddenly spending more time with friends, but leaving you at home.

If she isn’t inviting you out or is insisting that you stay home and watch the game, you might be right to be concerned.

According to Robert Weiss Ph.D., her friends be may be uncomfortable around you because they know what’s going on:

“The cheater’s friends often know about the infidelity right from the start, and your own friends are likely to find out long before you do. This knowledge typically causes these individuals to feel uncomfortable around you.”

She’s not giving you all the details about the get together either: not sure who will be there, not sure what time she’ll be home, not sure what the plan is.

These are all signs that she is trying to play innocent and hide her affair.

If you insist on going, she’ll get mad. It’s easier for her to keep you away from what’s really going on.

4) She has started to talk about the future in a different way.

If she used to talk about the future and use the word, “we”, but now talks about things she wants to do alone, that’s not good.

Even if she tells you that she didn’t mean to be selfish about her plans, be wary that she may just be covering her tracks.

According to clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula in Oprah Magazine, “A major commitment makes it more difficult to pull out of a relationship quickly.”

If she isn’t including you in her plans, there’s a good reason for that. Part of the trouble with suspecting that someone is cheating on you is that your partner may be very good at explaining away why things are the way they are.

If you aren’t vigilant with your relationship, it may just walk right out the door without you.

5) She pays a lot of attention to her phone.

Sure, everyone pays a lot of attention to their phones these days, but if she is choosing to scroll through social media or respond to text messages instead of talking to you, you would be right to question her motives.

According to counselor and therapist, Dr. Tracey Phillips, hiding things from you on their phone may be a sign of cheating:

“They could be trying to avoid receiving any questionable calls or texts in your presence.”

It could be that she doesn’t even realize she is doing it, but if she is having an affair, you can bet that she will get defensive and insulted by the assumption that she is doing anything other than updating her latest selfie pic.

Psychologist Weiss explains the possible scenarios in Psychology Today:

“Cheaters tend to use their phones and computers more frequently than before and to guard them as if their lives depend on it.

If your partner’s phone and laptop never required a password before, and now they do, that’s not a good sign. Your partner suddenly starts deleting texts and clearing their browser history on a daily basis, that’s not a good sign.

If your partner never relinquishes possession of their phone, even taking it into the bathroom when they shower, that’s not a good sign.

6) She’s not interested in getting physical anymore.

A roll in the sheets used to be a regular occurrence in your relationship, but lately, you feel like it’s getting more difficult to get her interested in sex. This can be a sign of infidelity.

Sex expert Robert Weiss explains why:

“Both decreased and increased levels of sexual activity in your relationship can be a sign of infidelity. Less sex occurs because your partner is focused on someone else; more sex occurs because they are trying to cover that up.”

Relationships have their ups and downs, but if you feel like she is pulling away from you and not wanting to be intimate, there’s a reason.

Body language expert Patti Wood, says:

“What you’re generally looking for is a shift from normal behavior. So, if they used to kiss you all the time and suddenly that behavior disappears it’s a shift from the baseline.”

It’s a good idea to talk to her about your concerns with physical intimacy and ask her what’s going on.

You’ll be able to tell whether or not she’s cheating on you by her response: she’ll either tell you that she’s having a hard time right now or something to that effect, or she’ll get angry that you bring it up at all and not want to talk about it.

Also, according to relationship and betrayal trauma-focused life coach, Karina Wallace you may also notice a drop in public displays of affection:

“If they do not hold your hand when they usually do or would usually invite you out but no longer do, they may be pulling away emotionally and physically.”

7) She’s too busy for you.

If she’s got a full plate and no room for you to spend any time together, but you used to spend all the time together, something is wrong.

According to relationship and betrayal trauma-focused life coach, Karina Wallace:

“They may play it off as just a preference but if you have been together a long time and this is not normal then its something to pay attention to…It alone is not saying they are cheating, but it can be a good indicator if there are a few things changing concurrently.”

She may even be too busy to talk with you properly.

People who might be cheating “tend to engage in sins of omission,” psychologist Ramani Durvasula says. “They operate on a ‘need to know’ basis, which is not healthy for a relationship.”

8) She doesn’t make time for you anymore.

What was once an intimate and fun relationship is suddenly so cold you need a sweater. If your girlfriend isn’t looking to spend time with you or asking you about your schedule, it might be because she is filling her days up with the company of others.

According to Robert Weiss Ph.D., MSW in Psychology Today:

“Flat tires, dead batteries, traffic jams, spending extra time at the gym, and similar excuses for being late or absent altogether might also signal infidelity.”

When you ask for some of her time, she may get angry and call you needy. Of course, it’s just her defenses to keep you at bay.

Also, according to Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D. in Oprah Magazine, if they stop sharing about their day or their whereabouts, something may be up:

“The most interesting aspects of their day may relate to their new flirtation…This can be more devastating than sexual infidelity as it implies the intimacy of day-to-day life is now being shared with someone new.”

While she doesn’t want to be with you, she also doesn’t want to hurt you and so that comes out all wrong and leaves the two of you feeling even further apart.

9) She won’t accept your marriage proposal.

You love her. You thought she loved you. You proposed and it was a hard no on her end. While you may be shocked by her response and certainly feeling rejected, there may be bigger reasons for that.

According to Everyday Health if a person had doubts about moving in or getting married, it could be a sign of cheating.

Maria Bustillos, author of Act Like a Gentlemen, Think Like a Woman, says someone who is not invested in the relationship, may always be looking for an exit, making them more likely to not commit.

If she’s cheating, she doesn’t see the point of getting married. Why she doesn’t just break things off with you is another issue altogether.

You may have to consider the point of carrying on in the relationship if you want to be married and she doesn’t.

And anyway, perhaps you don’t want to marry her if she’s been cheating.

According to therapist Kurt Smith in Huffington Post:

“While I disagree with the saying, ‘Once a cheater, always a cheater,’ there are always some significant mindset and behavior changes necessary to prevent this behavior from repeating…These new changes should be proven before getting married.”

10) She is talking about “her” future.

When you talk about the future, you notice that her use of the word “we” is inexplicably missing. She may laugh about it and say that she means the two of you, but people who are in love include one another in their plans.

According to Yvonne Filler, who runs The Affair Clinic in London:

“A couple we’ve been seeing for a few months explained the affair was suspected when the man kept making excuses not to discuss future plans.

“His wife found he wouldn’t commit to the big things like the loft conversion but also wouldn’t pay up front for holidays.”

In fact, it’s one of the easiest ways for you to tell that someone loves you before they say it: if they include you in their future plans.

11) You’ve caught her telling lies.

It might be hard to trust her anyway if you have already caught her telling you lies about who she is with, or where she has been.

“The human body is amazing in its capacity for discerning the truth in others,” certified coach, Shirley Arteaga says.

“There are usually signs of a cheating partner, and if you trust your gut, you will be able to learn the answer quickly.”

For whatever reason, women try to hide these mistakes instead of just owning them. Although, men do the same.

People don’t want to be exposed as liars and sometimes it’s just more comfortable to continue the ruse.

12) She doesn’t tell you where she’s going.

She’s all dolled up and ready to hit the town, but you have no idea who she is going with and she just brushes it off with a short answer like “just a few friends.”

It’s not that you need to know her every move, but it is common to ask questions and have an interest in what your girlfriend is doing.

Psychologist Paul Coleman, PsyD, says to Prevention that “someone who must ‘work late’ all of a sudden at times that go beyond a reasonable explanation may be cheating.”

If she used to tell you but now she is keeping you in the dark, she may be cheating on you.

13) She gets mad when you ask questions.

If you have gotten to the point of frustration and feel like you need to talk to her about what is going on, she’ll be angry when you start asking questions if she is cheating on you.

Caleb Backe, Health and Wellness Expert for Maple Holistics, tells us, that unexplained mood swings could be a sign of cheating.

Or, if she is even thinking about it, she’ll lash out at you and somehow make it your fault that you would even ask those questions.

According to Robert Weiss Ph.D., MSW in Psychology Today, she may be pushing the blame onto you:

“Cheaters tend to rationalize their behavior (in their own minds). One way they do this is to push the blame onto you.

“Often, their internal justifications for cheating leak out, and they behave judgmentally toward you and your relationship. If it suddenly seems like nothing you do is right, or that things that used to not bother your partner suddenly do, or as if you’re getting pushed away, that could be a strong indication of cheating.”

People who are lying and trying to hide the truth will go to great lengths to keep themselves and their integrity safe. It’s not personal. It’s about their inability to face the truth.

14) She’s on edge all the time.

Even if you are just hanging out, she seems cranky or nervous. She might be having major feelings of guilt about her actions and she will project those feelings onto and try to make you feel bad for the way you are.

According to Lillian Glass, Ph.D. in Oprah Magazine, you can tell if your partner is hiding something if “they are rocking back and forth” when they are chatting with you.

This shows a sign of nervousness.

It’s a defense mechanism that many people employ to protect themselves and the other person.

Despite cheating on you, she still cares enough to try to protect you from what is really going on.

In Conclusion

In going through the above signs, it’s important to recognize that “your significant other could display all…these signs and still not be cheating”, according to Robert Weiss Ph.D., MSW in Psychology Today.

“It might not be cheating, but there is almost certainly something that you and your significant other to talk about.”

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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3 Ways You’re Driving Your Husband To Cheat On You, According To A Former Escort

You might be pushing him towards infidelity.

If you’re worried about your husband cheating on you, whether it’s “micro cheating” or a full-blown affair, then you may not realize that there are behaviors you may be doing that are driving him away — even if he’s cheating on you.

When you’re so busy looking for signs of cheating in your spouse and asking difficult questions like, “Is he cheating on me?” you’re missing out on behavior you could be doing that is distancing and hurting your relationship even worse.

As a former high-end escort, I met many cheating husbands and found myself in unique situations with these men. And surprisingly, some of the more common reasons that men cheated actually began long before they started cheating to begin with.

If you’re worried that you’re married to a cheater, you may be missing some huge red flags in your own behavior that are actually leaving your relationship open to an affair because of your fear.

Here are 3 things women do when they’re afraid their husband is cheating that actually push him away from them:

1. You expect more from him when it comes to communicating (with less room for messing up)

You may often feel jealous or out of control because your man doesn’t communicate with you the way you think he should.

Men can seem dismissive, distracted, and unresponsive, and women may take that to mean you’re being dismissed, you’re unimportant, and you aren’t being heard. None of those feelings build trust and intimacy.

It’s not hard to go from that point to, “He must be hiding something from me,” which makes you insecure in your relationship and concerned that he’s cheating.

This in turn may lead you to lashing out or accusing him of something when you’re angry or upset.

Most men have tunnel vision when on the computer, watching television, or reading … and they are multi-taskers. It’s not because they’re lazy or self-centered; it’s the way their brains are “wired.” This might lead to them seeming dismissive when you talk.

Make sure when you approach him with an issue, you have his undivided attention. A quick, “Hey honey, can I talk to you for a sec?” is typically all it takes.

When you call him, ask if it’s a good time to talk. Don’t assume that he can get into a whole conversation just because he answered.

If he’s busy — especially at work — he may have to interrupt you, which never feels good to either of you … even when it’s for a legitimate reason.

Many men only answer because they see that it’s you and think the call might be urgent. Others may only pick up because they’re afraid of the flack they’ll get if they don’t.

Give him the space to let you know if he talk at that moment.

If you think about it, these are things you’d do with any of your friends, clients, coworkers, your boss, or anyone you were showing consideration to. A simple check of, “Can you talk for a minute?” might save you both a lot of heartache down the line and not leave you open to worries that he’s cheating on you.

2. You take out your insecurities and jealousness on him

Jealousy can also cause double standards in communications. Men shared with me that women were open to talking about everything under the sun, but when it came to sexual needs, they often felt shamed and shut down when they tried to bring up their desires.

For instance, if your man asks you to dress up for him, perhaps put your hair up and dress like a high-powered executive, or even that you wear some sexy yoga gear while you walk around the house, you may be concerned that he’s dressing as someone that he “actually” wants to sleep with or is having an affair/fantasies of cheating with, but this often isn’t the case.

If he’s comfortable enough to ask you to do special sexy things with him, then you’re doing something

By going along with the fantasy (only if you’re OK with what he wants) you have his attention, trust, and sexual energy. Jealousy will only ruin this bond.

3. You’re not actually listening when he speaks to you

Women like to think that they’re the great communicators in relationships, but good communication starts with good listening. Many men I met with as an escort didn’t feel that the women in their lives were good listeners at all.

As a woman, you may tend to personalize ( or make up stories about) what men share instead of just listening.

You may think think if he wants you to participate in a certain activity, then it must mean you aren’t good enough as you are.

If you can take that “it’s all about me” mindset and put it aside, you can learn about your man in every way — not just sexually.

One way to open the lines to deeper communication right away is to admit when you feel jealous without blaming him for how you feel.

Try something like, “When you talk about me dressing up like a businesswoman, I couldn’t help but think you wanted me to dress like someone you’re attracted to at work. As silly as it might sound to you, I felt so jealous!”

Don’t worry about being right or wrong or look for comfort from him. Instead, state your feelings without accusation or looking for him to fix or justify what he said.

You can then start to focus on enjoying that he shared something he finds arousing with . Whether you agree to his fantasy or not, he’ll feel connected to you because you allowed him to be open without judging him.

Don’t let miscommunications and worries about cheating drive a wedge between the two of you.

Although super simple, these potent methods can help you find your peace, keep your power, and bring your man that much closer.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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JUST DESSERTS Woman Finds Out Husband Is Having An Affair After Restaurant Critic’s Review Features An Image Of Him On A Date

Unless it is essential to know a partner’s sex, why bother?

A RESTAURANT critic appears to have unwittingly exposed an unfaithful husband after his wife read a review and recognized him in an accompanying photograph.

The wife took to the comments to thank food critic Tom Sietsema – who works for Washington Post – for exposing her husband’s cheating.

The husband was caught out after he appeared in a photo alongside the review

The husband was caught out after he appeared in a photo alongside the reviewCredit: Getty – Contributor

“Well Tom your latest review is accompanied by a picture of my husband dining with a woman who isn’t me!” she wrote on Tom’s column.

“Once confronted with photographic evidence, he confessed to having an ongoing affair.

“Just thought you’d be amused to hear of your part in the drama. This Thanksgiving I’m grateful to you for exposing a cheat!”

Tom appeared to be horrified at the comment and replied to say he hoped it was a “crank” post.

The woman left a comment on the review

“Please, please, please tell me this is a crank post,” he wrote.

“I’d hate to learn otherwise. I file two reviews a week, for Food and the Magazine, so I’m not sure which restaurant this is.”

Tom later shared the comment on his own Twitter account, explaining: “So, this popped up on my live online food chat today. Cheaters, take heed!”

Tom Sietsema

@tomsietsema

So, this popped up on my live online food chat today. Cheaters, take heed!

View image on Twitter

Others were utterly shocked, with one writing: “Does this mean the cheating husband is finally having his just desserts? Sorry, I couldn’t resist.”

While another said: “A former colleague of mine got similarly caught out.

“His wife was flicking through a holiday brochure and was stunned to see a pic of her husband poolside at an upscale Spanish resort with another woman. They divorced soon after.”

 

7 Dating Sites For Married People (Seriously)

As unbelievable as it may sound, it’s real.

A study led by John Cacioppo of the University of Chicago’s Department of Psychology found that “More than one third of U.S. marriages begin with online dating, and those couples may be slightly happier than couples who meet through other means.”

But there’s a darker flip side to online dating sites and popular apps like Tinder and Bumble — specifically, “married dating” sites, where cheating spouses-to-be can search for a willing partner in infidelity on the down-low.

Husbands and wives may vow to be there for each other, forsaking all others through sickness and health, until death do them part, but statistics show married men and women alike are cheating more frequently now than ever before. And naturally, online dating platforms are well aware of this fact.

While we can’t blame the online dating sites for creating this dilemma, the fact that there’s actually a decent market for dating sites dedicated to married people wanting to have affairs baffles me a little. Why even get married if you’re just going to be cruising around the dark online world of married dating sites?

Cheating is never OK, and IMO, this seems a little too far out the box, even for a social-media based society. But as unbelievable as it may sound, it’s real.

Ashley Madison isn’t the only site where you can get your cheating on, as evidenced by the following list of successful dating sites for married people.

That’s why we rounded them all up for you — because we’re helpful like that.

Here are 7 dating sites for married people that you’d have to see to believe:

1. Marital Affairs

Marital Affairs promises discretion and even gives some pointers for how to get the most effective results out of your affair.

Summary from the site itself: “Dating a married man or woman can be a dangerous and risky affair, but with us? Privacy is king. If you are looking for a secure form of adult dating then married dating with MA could be ideal. Just sign up and the risk and danger is limited to pleasurable amounts that come with the fast paced and sexy world or married dating.”

Wow.

2. Married Secrets

Married Secrets looks pretty tacky, but I don’t imagine that anyone browsing on this site would really care.

Summary from the site itself: “If you’re married, but looking, Married secrets can help you find discreet married affairs that you take as far as you want, whether just a little flirting, a passionate encounter, romantic married affairs, married dating or affectionate companionship.”

3. Victoria Milan

Simple and to the point, Victoria Milan offers some pretty snazzy features — one being the ‘panic button’ (and yes, it’s exactly what it sounds like).

Summary from the site itself: “We show you other members near you, setting you up for those delicious, spontaneous, casual encounters.”

4. Hush Affairs

While the name Hush Affair says it all, the motto says so much more: “Your desires are our secrets.”

Summary from the site itself: “Friendship and even innocent flirt [sic] are just the beginning of the unforgettable experience our site will offer you. Here, you can find yourself a Partner of your dreams! Once you complete your profile, our unique system to assess mutual compatibility guarantees the best match for you.”

But as Pretty Little Liars taught us, secrets are never kept for long.

5. Illicit Encounters

Illicit Encounters is the largest online dating site in the UK. That says quite a lot, I think, and none of it good.

Summary from the site itself: “Warning: Not everyone is suited to having an affair. They are not an alternative to working on or ending a marriage. Not all affairs have a positive effect on a marriage. Some can be very damaging. Always consider other people and if you are going to have an affair, please select your partner wisely.”

The more you know …

6. Find New Passions

Find New Passions … Because the old one died and an affair is the solution, right? Of course it is!

Summary from the site itself: “Most of us have always wanted to have a few extra-marital affairs every now and then. You need a time out from your difficult, sexless or loveless marriage … Whether you are looking forward to indulging in exciting affairs with married men or women, keep it safe and confidential with Find New Passion. Are you married and looking? Ready to turn your fantasy into reality? Why not start with a married dating website that gives you a chance to reignite the spark of passion and feel alive again?”

7. Gleeden

Gleeden is the first extramarital site made by women only. And yes, they are very proud of that fact.

Summary from the site itself: “Whether you are looking for an affair in your area or a lover miles away from you while on a trip, Gleeden.com gives you a specific platform to safely get in touch with members worldwide! Let’s go! Gleeden.com is run daily by a 100% female team: women are empowered for ultra-discreet encounters!”

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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5 Cheating Wives Reveal Why Women Cheat On Their Husbands

People cheat for different reasons.

People cheat on each other. This much is true. Whether it’s through long, drawn-out emotional affairs or drunken aberrations not to be repeated, statistics suggest some 25 percent of men have cheated while in relationships and women cheat at a rate of about 13 percent.

While those numbers aren’t wildly scientific (people are probably not dying to admit they’ve betrayed the trust of a partner or spouse), they suggest that cheating is widespread.

The reasons for why people cheat are varied: some people are bored, others are trying to escape emotional abuse, still others are just falling into an affair without fully realizing it. But the reasons are often also the same: people are looking for something different.

Fatherly talked to five cheating wives who were looking for something different themselves to find out why women cheat. Some of their names have been changed.

1. “My husband was like my roommate.”

The first affair partner I ever had, it wasn’t intentional. I was not searching to have an affair. That was not my intention at all. It just kind of happened, spontaneously. He was living in another country at the time, we had never met face to face. It was just like, a cyber friendship that turned into something that was a lot more. We eventually made plans to meet each other after eight months.

I still keep in contact with him. I still text him almost every day. My husband remains a good friend, but it’s essentially like living with a roommate. It’s not really a marriage anymore. So, that’s really what I’m seeking with other affair partners. Just a physical relationship.

I’ve considered getting a divorce. It’s just a long process. My home life isn’t bad. It’s not like a combative or argumentative relationship with my husband. It’s just not intimate anymore. — Anna*, 36, Illinois

2. “My husband was in deep denial for years.”

I never intended to cheat on my husband. But things happen. We are parents to three, one who has autism and ADHD. My husband was in deep denial for two years and became emotionally abusive. I didn’t feel guilty at all about having the affair because it saved me.

It ended when my affair partner committed suicide. I was completely shattered. My husband found out by going through my phone not long after things began in 2013. He didn’t know everything until after Jacob’s death and I was in therapy. My therapist recommended that I tell him everything to help both of us move on. It was a hard discussion.

I was a week from filing for a divorce when Jacob died. He wasn’t a reason for the divorce. I had plenty of other reasons. But I stopped the proceedings, went into therapy, and decided to stay in the marriage and give it a chance. Three years later, things are okay. My husband trusts me again. We worked through a lot. — Wanda,* 50, Kentucky.

3. “He became so controlling.”

When we got married, he became very controlling and jealous. I put up with it. I wasn’t fooling around — he just didn’t want me to talk to any men or even go out to lunch with girlfriends.

And then I fell in love with a guy I was working with, about eight years into the marriage. Our marriage was really falling apart. The affair made me feel more loved and more confident. I didn’t feel good about it at the time, but in retrospect, I don’t have any regrets.

I never dated the man I had the affair with after the marriage ended. My ex-husband asked me after the divorce if I had an affair, but I didn’t tell him who with. I’m single now and I’m fine with that. I’m happy to be out of the marriage. I don’t think I would have done anything differently. Maybe I would have ended my marriage sooner. But I was concerned about my children.— Tegan,* 48, Nevada

4. “My husband was pulling away and dumping all of his problems on me.”

I was just looking in the mirror and realizing I was getting older and older every day. I had settled into a routine. My husband at the time was having some difficulties with work, and mental illness. He was pulling away and dumping all the problems on me. It got to the point where I felt I could handle everything: the bills, the investment accounts. I could handle all that. I’m well-educated and I have a college degree.

He didn’t want to get help. I just looked at him one day and thought, He doesn’t get to have my entire life. I thought there had to be someone out there who could have a conversation with me, who found me attractive, who was missing what I was. I started going on dates.

My husband and I got a divorce. We could not solve our problems. I talked to him, before, about an open marriage. But he wasn’t okay with that so we got a divorce. I’m fine with what happened. I don’t have any regrets — at least not about that part.— Tami, 61, California

5. “My husband got sick and became a different person.”

My husband has Alzheimer’s. He became a totally different person. The person I lived with was not the person I got married to. I became severely depressed. There was no one but me to do anything and everything.

I decided there had to be some outlet for me. I don’t really even know why or when I decided, but I did at some point. I went on Ashley Madison. I started just going on simple dates; it was fun. But then I met someone. We’ve been in a relationship for over a year now. I’m not dating anyone else but him now. It’s helped me a lot.

Now, I’m able to take care of my husband in a much better frame of mind. He’s no longer living with me, because it came to the point where I couldn’t do that, but he’s in town and I visit him all the time, check in on him, and do things with him.

He has no memory at all. I tell him something and five minutes later he’s not going to remember it. So I’m happier now. I grieved the loss of my marriage. The loss of my husband. The loss of the life that I had. The life that I thought I was going to have as I got older. I just got to the point where I knew it was gone, it wasn’t coming back, and he wasn’t going to get better. It took me quite a while to accept that. — Jean,* 58, Kentucky

 

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Yes, People Are Still Having Affairs in Quarantine

Cheating is a little trickier when you’re on lockdown with your spouse, but where there’s a will there’s a way

“Are you going to have to start having sex with your wife?” is a question I asked a friend about a month ago, after he mentioned that the many lockdowns then just going into effect around the country had put a damper on his regularly scheduled extramarital dalliances.

A serial cheater of at least a decade whose work typically provides a handy excuse for frequent travel and nights away from home, John, a 50-year-old from Boston, had suddenly found himself quarantined with the wife he hadn’t slept with in years, unable to even meet up with a local stripper he’d met online.

“Coronavirus is cock blocking me on multiple fronts,” he told me over text.

But not even a cock block of COVID proportions could necessitate a return to the marriage bed. Instead, John had already resigned himself to a sexless quarantine. “RIP to the next girl I have sex with,” he texted, kindly adding droplets and a crashing wave emoji in case I really wanted to visualize what he was getting at.

While it may be nice to imagine quarantine conditions pushing cheating or distant spouses back together again, Parent Trap-style, the reality may be the exact opposite. As predictions of a looming post-COVID divorce spike suggest, quarantine is likely to challenge many marriages, so it’s hard to believe those already dealing with infidelity will fare much better.

“This is not going to suddenly create better wives and husbands simply because they’re on forced lockdown,” says Paul Keable, Chief Strategy Officer at extramarital dating platform Ashley Madison. In fact, as cheating spouses lose access to the sexual and emotional outlet of an extramarital affair, already strained marriages may only be more likely to see increased tension.

“The reality is, if you were already looking for or involved in an extramarital affair, suddenly being put on lockdown with the individual you’re looking to escape from on some level is not going to be beneficial,” Keable tells InsideHook. “Those issues were already there, and before, you had a number of distractions to avoid thinking about them. Now you don’t have any of those things. So it’s probably going to be worse for a lot of people.”

While quarantine may make it more difficult to connect with an extramarital partner, a recent spike in new Ashley Madison users suggests plenty of people are up for the challenge. According to Keable, the site is averaging over 16,000 new signups per day, up from 15,000 in 2019, and those numbers appear to be rising as quarantine drags on. When I spoke with Keable last week, he told me the platform had seen 17,900 new signups the previous day alone.

Keable compares the current quarantine spike to an increase in user signups Ashley Madison typically sees in the first few weeks of January, after an extended period of time spent home with family over the holidays may have exposed and deepened the fractures that often cause people to begin dating outside their primary relationships. “What’s happening here is that same sort of phenomena writ large,” says Keable, adding that he expects to see site traffic continue to increase “exponentially” as lockdowns persist.

However, as John realized once canceled flights and work-from-home orders made it nearly impossible to arrange an extramarital tryst, quarantine conditions pose some significant challenges for those looking to begin or maintain an affair.

For one thing, hooking up with a stranger isn’t exactly what we might call social distancing, but even if you’re willing to accept the COVID-related risks, trying to arrange a clandestine hookup amid a lockdown is a logistical nightmare. Many hotels are closed, and with work-from-home orders eliminating any pretense of working late, business dinners, company happy hours or work-related travel, a good excuse for leaving the house is hard to come by. Moreover, while most singles or partners separated by quarantine at least have the option of remote sex, sharing close quarters with a primary spouse makes a secret phone or video sex session tough to pull off.

“The lack of privacy makes video calls impossible, so I stick to sexting and emails,” says Rose, a 43-year-old Ashley Madison user from New York currently quarantined with her husband. “Being quarantined with my spouse has made our relationship more tense. He used to travel extensively for work, but now he’s around all the time,” she tells InsideHook.

Like John, Rose, who began using Ashely Madison within five years of her marriage, finds that quarantine conditions haven’t done much to rekindle the flame with her husband. “My spouse and I haven’t been together sexually in a while and quarantine hasn’t changed that,” she says, adding that the only thing that has changed is her “freedom to date and have sex with others.”

While Keable suggests that many people joining Ashley Madison in lockdown may simply be looking for an outlet in the form of a virtual connection, he admits that it often “becomes challenging to maintain a relationship without the possibility of in-person communication.” As John texted me last month, “It’s so hard to maintain relevance in a FWB [friends with benefits] relationship from a distance. My text charm only goes so far.”

Unsurprisingly, then, some people are still taking their extramarital connections offline, quarantine be damned. Rose tells InsideHook she recently met up with a new partner from Ashley Madison in a park for a clandestine date, though she says they’re “being safe.”

“Virtual relationships are all novelty and fantasy, which is great,” she says. “But at some point you want the real thing with face-to-face interaction.”

Meanwhile, John, now over a month into his coronavirus sex cleanse, has also begun to wade back into the extramarital dating pool, though he insists sex is still off the table. Last week, he told me he had plans to meet up with — and remain six feet apart from — a new woman he’d met online, though he’d traded his usual Fort Lauderdale resorts for a more humble destination.

“Literally a Dunkin’ Donuts parking lot,” he told me when I asked where the socially distanced tryst was to go down. “She was so down to meet. She didn’t care where.”

“Former NFL cheerleader,” he added. “How can I pass?”

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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15 Things A Guy Will Do…When He’s Got A Side Chick

Hands down one of the worst things that can happen in a relationship is finding out he’s got someone on the side. No girl wants to imagine their man has eyes for anyone else but her, let alone if he has a consistent side chick he keeps going back to.

Of course, if he’s stepping out on his woman then the problem is with him, not her. But that doesn’t mean she’s not going to feel hurt by his actions. These 15 signs can indicate if a SO is, in fact, seeing someone else. While these hints may not mean anything on their own, if he’s showing a variety of these signs, then it’s likely that’s something is up.

It’s always best to trust our gut and confront him if we think something is up. The truth always comes out, after all!

15. He Suddenly Cares More About His Appearance

When someone suddenly takes more of an interest in their appearance it can be a sign they have someone they want to impress. If your man is putting more effort into his clothing choices and styling his hair, it could be a sign he’s developing feelings for someone else.

Then again, this isn’t always a sign your man has strayed. Perhaps he’s just feeling more confident than usual.

14. He Never Lets Her See His Phone Screen

One of the tell-tale signs that your significant other has someone on the side is if they’ve become protective of their phone. Maybe he always puts his phone face down when he puts it on the table or he’s careful to not leave it alone with you.

This could be a sign he’s worried you’ll see a message or photo of someone that he doesn’t want you to know about.

13. There Are Women’s Things In His Apartment

If you find a lipstick or scarf at your man’s place that isn’t yours, then you’re going to be highly suspicious. He might claim to have a legitimate excuse, like the item belongs to his sister, a female friend, or even his roommate’s girlfriend. There might be situations where this is, indeed, the truth.

But if something tells you his story isn’t adding up, then the item may actually belong to a romantic partner.

12. He Can Easily Lie About Small Things

If you’ve noticed that your SO has no problem fibbing about small things, then it’s likely he can also lie about bigger stuff, too. If he’s been dishonest with you in the past (even if it’s about something trivial), then it’s understandable why you may have a hard time trusting him.

Trust your gut if you think he’s spinning you a fake tale.

11. He Overcompensates By Being Too Nice

When someone feels guilty about something or they’re worried you’re becoming too suspicious of them, they’ll likely go out of their way to convince you nothing is up.

If you feel like your man has been extra nice, to the point where it’s abnormal, he may feel like he has to make up for something. While he could feel bad about all sorts of things, it’s very possible he’s been seeing someone else.

10. He Always Has To Stay Late At Work (So He Says)

Whether he says he has to stay late at work or makes up some other excuse to bail on your plans together, this isn’t a good sign. Granted, life may just be extra busy for him.

But if he’s acting strange about what he has going on in his personal or professional life, it’s likely he’s not giving you all of the details. Trust yourself if you feel like things aren’t adding up.

9. He Makes It Seem Like His GF Is The Problem

A classic move someone will make if they have something to hide is trying to turn things around on the other person. If you’ve questioned his whereabouts or even asked him if he’s got someone else, yet he always deflects by acting upset that you don’t trust him, then he probably does have something he’s not telling you.

He wants you to feel like it’s all in your head so you’ll stop digging for answers.

8. He Doesn’t Take His GF Around His Friends

Regardless of what your man might say, it’s not normal to never hang out with his friends, let alone never meet them. If your guy has another girl on the side, it’s likely his best buddies know about it.

So, of course he wouldn’t want you to hang around his pals since there’s a chance they could spill the beans.

7. He’s Defensive When She Asks Where He’s Been

Someone who has something to hide is immediately going to go on the defensive. If they act upset or offended by your questions, their hope is it’ll convince you that they could never be dishonest (and that you should feel bad for questioning them).

However, if someone knows they’ve done nothing wrong, they’ll have no problem staying calm and collected.

6. He Seems More On Edge Than Normal

When someone has something to hide, there will likely be a shift in their behaviour. They may seem more anxious or defensive. Of course, there could be other things going on in his life, but he might have someone else.

If he’s exhibiting this sign along with any of the others on this list, then it’s understandable that you might question his intentions.

5. He’s Stepped Out In Previous Relationships

Everyone makes mistakes, so you can’t always judge someone by what they’ve done in the past. Similarly, simply because someone has never stepped out on a previous SO it doesn’t mean they won’t in the future.

But many times, patterns are repeated. So, if your man has a history of stepping out and your gut is telling you something is up, then you might be correct.

4. He Either Replies Right Away Or Not At All

If your man struggles to be consistent when texting, it could be a sign something is up on his end. If he’s away from his phone for long periods of time, it could mean he’s with someone that you don’t want to know about.

And if there are times when he seems to reply too quickly (like if you ask him what’s up), then he might be trying to overcompensate for something.

3. He’s Been Acting More Distant Lately

If you feel like your significant other has been pulling away or is emotionally unavailable, it could mean he’s investing himself elsewhere – like in a side relationship!

When someone acts distant, it’s usually a sign that something is going on behind the scenes, even if it doesn’t have to do with being disloyal. If you think something is up, ask him about it right away.

2. He’s Getting More Attention Online From Girls

If you guy’s social media habits have changed, then it’s likely that something else has changed in his life. If you notice he’s getting more female attention than ever before, it could be a sign he’s being flirtatious when offline.

It’s an even worse sign if he’s engaging with the online attention or, at the very least, doing nothing to shut it down.

1. He’s Lost His Passion

Sometimes, when a guy has lost his passion and enthusiasm, it can be a sign he’s getting his fix with someone else, which is why he’s less interested in doing things with you.

However, to be clear, just because someone seems less interested in fun or hobbies, it doesn’t automatically mean they’re having fun with someone else. There can be a variety of reasons why things may not be as interesting.

The best thing is to simply ask him about it, and gauge his reaction.

 

How to tell if your boyfriend is cheating: 10 signs most women miss

It’s thought that around one in three couples are affected by cheating. That’s a lot of people.

Many of us have been cheated on, or suspected we have been. We all have friends who’ve been cheated on and we’ve helped them mend their broken hearts.

Cheating is so common that everyone knows the hurt it can cause. It’s a scary thing to think about, but if it’s going to happen to you, it’s better that you know about it so you can take action.

In this article, I’ll take you through 10 key signs that your boyfriend might be cheating on you. You should never assume that because your boyfriend is doing one or two of the things on this list that he’s cheating. Even if he’s doing more than two of them, there might still be another explanation.

It isn’t always easy to tell. Most of the tell-tale signs of cheating can have completely innocent explanations.

It’s still important to make sure you’re aware of signs of potential cheating. Use this list to guide you and if you think you have reason to be suspicious, just keep watching and waiting. He’s sure to trip himself up at some point, and you’ll be ready.

1. A change in phone habits

Smartphones mean it’s easier to cheat, but it’s also easier to catch people cheating. A change in their way your boyfriend uses his phone is a big giveaway that he might be cheating.

If your boyfriend is suddenly on his phone much more than usual, he might just be engrossed in a game or busy on work emails.

Ask him casually why he always seems to have it in his hand. His reaction will tell you a lot about whether he might be cheating or not.

If he’s secretive with his phone when he never has been before, that’s also a really clear signal that something’s up.

According to counselor and therapist, Dr. Tracey Phillips, hiding things from you on their phone may be a sign of cheating:

“They could be trying to avoid receiving any questionable calls or texts in your presence.”

If he used to happily leave it lying around in the living room, but now puts it in his pocket wherever he goes, you should wonder why.

Also, look for him turning the screen away when you’re nearby or not wanting to charge it overnight by the bed.

These things too could have completely reasonable explanations. He might be turning the screen away because he’s planning a surprise for you, for example.

But be aware of changes and keep an eye out for patterns.

2. Less or more sex

If your boyfriend’s having sex with another person, he’ll probably change the way he has sex with you.

Some men will end up not wanting sex with you if they’re cheating. They might even feel as if having sex with you is ‘cheating’ on the other person.

Or they might just have lost interest because there’s someone else on their mind. If he stops initiating and starts to avoid situations when you might initiate (like early nights) then think about why.

Other men will want sex much more when they’re cheating. Having sex more means it’s on their mind, whoever they’re with.

Sex expert Robert Weiss explains why:

“Both decreased and increased levels of sexual activity in your relationship can be a sign of infidelity. Less sex occurs because your partner is focused on someone else; more sex occurs because they are trying to cover that up.”

They might also be feeling guilty and trying to cover up their cheating by being ultra-affectionate.  This can be especially cruel if you’d been going through a bit of dry spell.

The cheating re-sparks their sexual appetite, but you don’t realize it’s not because their feelings for you have strengthened.

Another thing to look out for is men who start doing things in bed they’ve never done before. Where did they learn it from, if not from you? Could be porn, but it could be another woman…

3. Constantly mentioning someone…or stopping mentioning them

When you’re into someone, you tend to talk about them all the time, often without really realizing it.

If your boyfriend is cheating, it’s a weird irony that he might find himself ‘telling’ you about it by talking about his new interest all the time.

If a woman’s name keeps cropping up in conversation, then you have cause to be concerned.

When this happens, it’s often a work colleague or someone he’s met in a totally innocent context and this means that he doesn’t realize there’s anything strange about talking about them. In his mind, he’s not talking about the other woman, he’s just talking about work.

If he mentions a woman all the time and then suddenly stops mentioning them, that’s even more suspicious.

It’s a good indication that something that started out as a crush or a bit of flirting has now moved on to something physical.

Once he’s actually having an affair, he’ll usually realize that mentioning her all the time isn’t a great idea.

4. Making a sudden effort with appearance

Many men don’t bother too much with their appearance once they’re in an established relationship (beyond the basis of showers and clean clothes).  What should you think if your boyfriend suddenly buys himself a new wardrobe, or develops a complex new skincare routine?

If this happens, it’s certainly possible that he’s just trying to impress you, or that he’s having a quarter or midlife crisis.

But there’s also a strong possibility that he’s doing this to impress someone else. Think back to the first few months of your relationship.

Did he make more effort then, compared to recent times? If his new-found focus on appearance is similar to how he was when you first got together, then you have cause to be worried.

It means he’s doing the things he naturally does when he’s in a new relationship…except this time, the relationship is not with you.

Jonathan Bennett, a certified counselor and co-owner of Double Trust Dating, says that if your partner has had the same haircut for a long time but suddenly has a bold new haircut “this could indicate an effort to impress another person.”

According to Dr. Phillips in Bustle, you may also want to have a look for a change in their grooming habits:

“If your partner comes home and jumps right into a long shower, they may be washing away any evidence of cheating.”

5. Money disappearing

Cheating can be expensive. There will be meals out, drinks and maybe hotel rooms. If the woman he’s with is cheating too, they won’t have anywhere to go other than out and that costs a lot of money.

Even if she’s single and has her own place to take him to, he’ll want to impress her and that will usually mean expensive dates, flowers and gifts.

If your boyfriend earns well, or you don’t have joint finances, you might not notice the extra spending straight away. But over time, the costs will start to add up. Look out for letters from the credit card company landing on the doorstep – they might be reminders because he’s late paying the bills.

If he seem short of money all the time, when he never used to be, that’s another clear sign. Maybe he’s stopped suggesting your usual Friday night pizza, or he buys you a cheap gift for your birthday.

There might be little signs at first  – simple things like buying a cheap bottle of wine rather than an extravagant one when it’s date night.

If those little things start to add up, and you can’t think of any other reason why he’d be worried about money, then you might have a problem.

6. Working more or developing new hobbies

Many men meet the person they have an affair with at work, so spending more time at work is a good indication there might be something up.

According to Robert Weiss Ph.D., MSW in Psychology Today:

“Flat tires, dead batteries, traffic jams, spending extra time at the gym, and similar excuses for being late or absent altogether might also signal infidelity.”

Everyone has times when they need to work a little harder than usual, but if he’s working lots of overtime for no apparent reason, be worried.

This is especially true if his job hasn’t demanded this before. Also remember that overtime usually leads to something.

Either a promotion, or more money, or a big new project. If none of these things seems to be happening, it’s time to ask him why he’s working so hard and what he’s working on.

If he doesn’t have an answer, then it’s quite likely that he’s not actually working when he says he is.

Another thing to look out for is big new hobbies that take up lots of time. It might be that his new hobby is something his other woman also does and that he’s got into it with her.

It might also be that it’s completely made up, and is simply an excuse to spend time away from home.

Look out for anything  – work or hobby related  – that takes him away overnight or at weekends. It might be that he’s making it up and he’s not where he said he’d be.

Or it could be that the promotion he got that means work travel, is one he went for because of the travel…with her.

It might be that he’s not really that into triathlon, but she does it and being part of her triathlon club means weekends away competing.

If you’re suspicious, suggest coming with him next time and see what happens.

7. Ducking out of social or family events

We all have times when we don’t really feel like seeing friends or family, but cheaters often take that to another level.

This might be especially true if they think your relationship has probably run its course, but don’t have the courage to own up to it.

According to clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula in Oprah Magazine, “A major commitment makes it more difficult to pull out of a relationship quickly.”

If he is still happy to see his own friends and family but is avoiding events with yours, then it might be that he’s cheating and slowly withdrawing from your life.

Even if he’s not cheating, it’s usually bad news if a man who was previously happy to socialize with ‘your side’ decides he isn’t happy with that anymore.

Be careful that you don’t assume anything, though, as this can be a tricky one.

Sometimes, people alter their social habits because they’re struggling with anxiety or depression, and men often don’t find it easy to talk about their mental health, even with those closest to them.

It might be that he’s willing to socialize with his own friends still because he’s more comfortable with them. Tread carefully, but don’t be a pushover.

8. Moodiness

When your previously lovely, happy guy starts being grumpy and difficult to please, then you definitely have a problem of some kind.

It might be that there’s something deeper going on for him, so do bear that possibility in mind.

But there will be a reason why he’s changed the way he interacts with you.

When men cheat, they sometimes begin to feel resentful of their girlfriends. He might feel that he;s met someone – his affair partner – who he really wants to be with.

And while it’s hugely unfair, he might feel that you are holding him back from being with that person.

This can happen even if your relationship was previously really solid and you were making plans together for the future.

He might still be happily making plans with you now, even as his mood and body language are telling you a different story.

Just because he’s having an affair and considering moving on to someone else, doesn’t mean that he’s sure of what he wants.

If he’s moody, it might be because he’s confused and hasn’t yet made up his mind about who he wants to be with long term.

It could also be more calculated than that. He might have already decided that he wants to move on, but hasn’t got the courage to tell you and own up to his affair.

Instead, he’s behaving badly in the hope that you’ll end it before he has to.

9. Lots of attention

Not every cheater wants to end their primary relationship. It might be that your boyfriend is cheating, but in the hopes that he can have a bit of fun while still staying with you.

If this is the case, it’s quite likely that he’ll become more attentive rather than less. He’s feeling guilty and wants to make himself feel better by showering you with attention.

Maybe he’ll book a romantic weekend away, or come home with flowers when he never has before.

Perhaps he’ll step up his game when it comes to Christmas or birthday presents and buy you something far more expensive than he ever has before.

Of course, it might just be that he’s been thinking about the future and realizes he wants to pay you more attention and commit to you more than he has before.

That does happen when relationships step up a gear.

But if you don’t think that’s what’s happening, and he’s super attentive out of nowhere, you do have reason to be wary.

10. You know something’s up

If you get that gut feeling that there’s something wrong, it’s probably because there is.

Intuition allows you to pick up on small clues about your boyfriend’s behavior. There might not be anyone big thing that’s changed that you can analyze rationally.

But you know that things are different from how they were and you’re wondering why.

It is important not to allow an openness to intuition to become insecurity, though. Be really honest with yourself.

If you have a history of being suspicious of other people but never being proved right, it might not be your intuition speaking, but your insecurity.

That’s nothing to be ashamed of, but it is something you should be working on.

If you know that you’re not generally insecure, and you have an overwhelming feeling that there is something wrong, then you’re probably right.

You know your boyfriend better than anyone.

Most importantly, you know exactly how he is when he’s in the first flush of lust with someone, because he did that with you.

There is absolutely a reason that you’re feeling what you’re feeling. It might not be that he’s cheating, but it’s absolutely right that you try and find out what is going on.

Don’t assume, but be aware and start to ask questions.

Conclusion

Even those who are really determined to hide their cheating will nearly always give it away somehow.

Not many people are capable of cheating without any change showing in the behavior.

If you feel like you might be being cheated on, your intuition may tell you before anything else does.

If you get that feeling, start looking out for concrete clues.

These can include:

  • Using his phone differently.
  • Having sex more or less often, or changing the way he does it.
  • Talking about a woman all the time, or not mentioning someone he used to talk about.
  • Stepping up his grooming habits or buying new clothes.
  • Spending more money.
  • Being out of the house more often with work or hobbies.
  • Not being interested in doing things with your friends and family.
  • Being moody or grumpy.
  • Giving you lots of attention.

Some of the signs of cheating are contradictory. Which signs your boyfriend displays will depend on his personality and the nature of his cheating.

He’ll behave differently for example, if he’s having a series of one-night stands than if he has a long-term affair partner.

Keep an open mind, keep an eye out for evidence, and when you’re sure you know, confront him.

 

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How People Are Maintaining Affairs While Social Distancing

When Melissa*, 43, began social distancing with her spouse, she knew she’d quickly grow restless in her relationship. What she didn’t anticipate, however, was that her long-term affair would begin to thrive. While self-isolated, she’s been sexting an old lover, sending them daily pictures and videos, unbothered that her husband could be peeking over her shoulder. “I would say the cadence is freer, lighter, more intimate, and filled with deep longing,” she tells Bustle. “It’s all oddly romantic, like a fairytale, or a dream of a magical reunion.”

Melissa, who reconciled with her lover amid the pandemic, says the mutual acknowledgment that the two will be unable to see each other face-to-face has added a “sexy element” to their relationship. But she isn’t sure the affair will last in the long-run, once quarantine is over. “I sometimes wonder whether or not I am in it for the build-up to the post-isolation hookup, or if I really care [for them],” Melissa says. “It’s been hard for me to distinguish between the two.”

It’s that excitement — the longing for physical contact, the edging without a release — that has many igniting old flames or embarking on new affairs. According to a representative from Ashley Madison, a dating site for married individuals that has long helped facilitate infidelity, over 17,000 new members have joined daily since shelter-at-home orders began across the United States.

If you’ve been in sweats for more than four weeks, it can be reassuring to meet someone online to flirt with who can make you feel sexy.

“People are curious and looking for something to distract them from their current state of lockdown,” Dr. Tammy Nelson, Ph.D., a sex and relationship expert and author of When You’re the One Who Cheats, tells Bustle.

According to Nelson, joining a site like Ashley Madison, swiping right on a dating app while fielding texts from your partner, or simply sexting with an old acquaintance while on a Zoom call with your SO can add an element of intrigue and a much-needed twist to an otherwise mundane and predictable daily schedule.

“If you’ve been in yoga pants or sweats for more than four weeks, it can be reassuring to meet someone online to flirt with who can make you feel attractive and sexy,” Nelson says.

The allure of an affair may be even more intense for those who are not getting along with their partner while sheltering at home together. Ashley Madison reports that 41% of its members have become less attracted to their spouse while quarantining, and 62% are no longer having sex. Nelson says this comes as no surprise. “If the isolation of social distancing at home isn’t helping your sex life, it makes sense that you might try to find it elsewhere,” she says.

But William Schroeder, LPC, NCC, a professional counselor and co-owner of Just Mind, believes that emotional or physical cheating while confined to a small space might not be worth the cost of a cheap thrill. With so many people’s routines disrupted, so little space for direct contact, high stress levels, financial concerns, and family pressure, the ability to maintain an affair may cause more grief than relief. In fact, some folks won’t have the energy to commit to multiple relationships.

We have been maintaining [our affair] through daily phone calls, disguised as meetings.

But others are bored, horny, and coming up with clever ways to cover their tracks. “For people who are currently having affairs, it makes sense that Zoom provides a virtual outlet to cheat,” Nelson says.

That’s exactly what Julia*, 28, has been doing to communicate with her lover. “We have been maintaining [our affair] through daily phone calls, disguised as meetings,” she tells Bustle.

Social distancing has also offered people different avenues to experiment with infidelity if they’ve always been curious about having an affair, but aren’t ready to fully commit. While unable to leave home, people have the time to reach out, form cyber relationships, and test the waters of infidelity, without having to risk actually meeting up in person, or charging a hotel room to your credit card.

But in spite of the temptation to continue thrill-seeking, Schroeder says some couples are also using the time at home to focus on their relationship, and iron out problems. It’s when all else fails, and there’s nothing left to say, that eyes (or, rather, mousepads) begin to wander.

“I feel like I finally have something exciting to look forward to,” Melissa says.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly