Tinder Moments – 18 Strange Tinder Profiles To Make You Cringe Your Face Off

I haven’t done one of these in a while, but why not? These are crazy!

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picture someone in spiderman costume above city tinder spider-Man, 37 Crime fighter at The Avengers less than a kilometre away. Friendly, sensitive, strong sense of responsibility, liberal sexual attitude. Two previous Itrs, neither ended particularly well so now I'm looking for that special someone to hang around with. Good with heights and basic first aid deal breaker ed but not a EDIT INFO

 

18 Strange Tinder Profiles To Make You Cringe Your Face Off

Tinder is a place where people should express themselves, because if you’re looking for a partner for sexy time, or a partner for the not-sexy-times too (which we call a relationship), you should just get it over with and show off your weirdest quirks straight away. Right?! Well that’s what these Tinder people did, and… actually maybe I change my mind. Don’t do what these people did, because people (like us) will laugh at your f*cking weird Tinder profiles. Sorry not sorry. Heh heh.

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    Selfie girl with glasses blur lips tinder- Done Kelly, 20 24 miles away Active 1 week ago About Kelly Im sentient trash. nonbinary femme queer (im not a woman and don't call me one). I like lots of other stuff: bedroom pop, cartoons, food, puppies, aliens, u name it. STRANGEBEAVER.cOm X

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    picture man wearing backpack in muddy field tinder Mark, 36 McMaster University less than a kilometer away I'm looking for a girl to dress up like Garfield and eat lasagna off my chest. No weirdos. 102 Friends for Common Connections ID

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    picture girl long red hair tinder Vegan, feminist, I only date guys with muscles and an income. Anti vaxination. I am a vegan. If your not an atheist you need to check yourself. You know my name, not my story. X

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    picture blonde girl tinder i love me a guy in a fedora:) just kidding if u wear a fedora don't FUCKING message me RECOMME SYDNEY X

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    picture girl bright orange hair tinder I'm a chubby non-binary vegan queer. I sling vegan baked goods for a living. I reference Harry Potter on the daily. If you're not down for polyamory then we probably won't get along. Xearning ve only make frie e since M

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    girl wearing glasses red lipstick tinder About Mary Feminist, vegetarian, journalist, music junkie.

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    tinder messages Perrity YOU MATCHED WITH PERRITY ON 13/2/17. k-konnichiwa cutie chan; 33 *tips fedora and blushes* *hides behind corner waiting for m'lady to respond* Sent Okay wtf is happening Type a Message... Send GIF

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    guy taking selfie glasses blue shirt tinder- Tim, 23 Sam Houston State University 40 miles away lost my watch at a party once. An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was harassing Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched some woman at that party. him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch X ored Panda/ Tinder

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    selfie girl hair tinder Done Sydney, 24 18 miles away Active 33 seconds ago About Sydney The only reason I want a boyfriend is so that when I'm singing Fergilicious and it's at the part where she says "I be up in the gym just workin on my fitness he's my witness" I can point to him and he'll do the little "WOOOOH" part because right now I have to do both parts by myself and it's stressful because right after the WOOOOH part I have to get right back into rapping and the transition is hard

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    girl taking selfie looking drunk tinder Vanessa, 19 18 miles away If what you look for is a girl with personality then you're in luck because I have multiple Don't listen to her X BoredPanda/ Tinder 3

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    picture girl eating burrito sky tinder - Rachel, 20 1 mile away active 14 minutes ago About Rachel tbh I just want to get some free chipotle out of this

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    picture pretty girl smiling in tree tinder Megan, 24 37 miles away Active 9 hours ago About Megan I prefer my men out of shape and overly sensitive. X

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    selfie girl smiling tinder Alessandra, 27 10 miles away Active 1 hour ago I'm married and not interested. I just think Tinder is a fun activity while l poop.
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    picture girl black hair tinder Nicole, 19 43 miles away Active 41 minutes ago I'm 5'11, and if you couldn't tell I have long brown hair and huge tits

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    picture blonde girl tinder Chelsea, 23 25 kilometers away Active 1 hour ago If you like celery in soup, I hope you like celery on your children's graves because ur weak, ur bloodlines weak, and you'll never survive the winter

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    picture girl black hair tinder Samantha, 21 7 miles away Active 1 day ago Standing tall at 5'2" I want to do adult things with you.. "whispers* taxes "panting softly* pay the mortgage *moans* make sure we turned off all the lights, our utility bill was fucking $300 this month

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    picture girl hose water spraying into mouth tinder Courtney 21 Distance: 14 miles away Active: 51 minutes ago Tagline How would I describe myself? Three words: hard working, alpha male, jackhammer...merciless...insatiable... Shared Friends

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    picture someone in spiderman costume above city tinder spider-Man, 37 Crime fighter at The Avengers less than a kilometre away. Friendly, sensitive, strong sense of responsibility, liberal sexual attitude. Two previous Itrs, neither ended particularly well so now I'm looking for that special someone to hang around with. Good with heights and basic first aid deal breaker ed but not a EDIT INFO

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55 Hilarious Pick Up Lines for Tinder

Whether you are in a relationship, out of a relationship, or trying to get into one, you are likely already acquainted with pick-up lines. And if you have an active profile on Tinder, you’ve perhaps even used or come across a few pick-up lines today.

Pick-up lines serve numerous purposes in the dating world. You can use them to get the girl you’ve matched with to develop an interest in you, break the ice in a deadlocked conversation, or simply liven up an otherwise boring talk.

When using pick-up lines, the unwritten rule is that the cuter and more hilarious the lines are, the higher your chances of winning the girl.

The following are some of the funniest tinder pick-up lines you can use to win a girl over.

Best Pick up Lines

Young Man Using Tinder to Find Women

1. Are you a bank loan? Because you have my interest.

2. Are you a Middle Eastern dictator? Because you’re causing a political uprising in my pants!

3. Are you the SAT? Cause I’d do you for 3 hours and 45 minutes, with a ten minute break in the middle for snacks.

4. Are you the square root of 1? Because you seriously can’t be real!

5. Can you stop staring at my profile and message me already? I don’t bite unless you ask.

6. Damn, you have a dog! Does that mean I’ll never win the “best ever cuddler” title?

7. Damn, you’re a knockout. Was your father a boxer, or did you just get lucky with the gene pool? ???? I bet you a cocktail your personality is even better than your looks too! ?

8. Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

9. Did you have lucky charms for breakfast? Because you look magically delicious!

10. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should we match again?

11. Do you believe in love at first swipe?

12. Do you ever just lie down at night, look up at the stars and think about all the messed up things in the world? Like why is there a ‘D’ in ‘fridge’ but no ‘D’ in ‘refrigerator’?

13. Do you have a personality as intriguing as your eyes?

14. Do you know the best thing about kisses? If you don’t like them, you can always return them.

15. Do you like sleeping? Me too, we should do it together some time.

16. “Have you ever been to Antarctica?”
“No, why?”
“No way neither have I, we have so much in common!”

17. I’d say you’re the bomb, but that could turn into lethal conversation…

18. “I’m writing a book”
“Fantastic, what about”
“About how beautiful girl like you can stay for so long before meeting smart dudes like me”

19. Hey gorgeous, will you be my Tinderella?

20. I don’t flirt but I do have a habit of being extra nice to people who are extra attractive.

21. If a thousand painters worked for a thousand years, they could not create a work of art as beautiful as you.

22. If beauty were time, you’d be eternity.

23. If I were to ask you out on a date, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?

24. If we were at home, cuddling on a rainy Sunday morning, what would we have for breakfast? a) American pancakes b) French crèpes c) waffles d) omelette e) something else?

25. If you look that good in clothes, you must look even better out of them.

26. If you were a triangle you’d be acute one.

27. If you’re as good at cuddling as you’re good looking, I’m signing myself up on the waitlist for a date. ?

28. I’m sure you get this all the time but you look like a mix between Fergie and Gandhi.

29. I’m accepting applications if you want to apply, requirements include your phone number.

30. I’m new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?

31. Is your name Earl Grey? Because you look like a hot-tea!

32. I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I have yours?

33. I value my breath so I’d appreciate if you’d stop taking it away.

34. Maybe you can help me. I forgot the password to my account, and when I hit ‘password hint,’ it keeps telling me ‘Jessica’s phone number.

35. My mom told me not to talk to strangers online, but I’ll make an exception for you.

36. My nickname at school was “the truth” girls just couldn’t handle me, what was yours?

37. On a scale from 1 to 10, you’re a 9 and I’m the 1 you need.

38. Since distance equals velocity times time, let’s let velocity and time approach infinity, because I want to go all the way with you.

39. So, are you the kind I’d find climbing mountains and acing the diamond slopes, or chilling on the beach with a glass of wine?

40. Sorry it took me so long to message you, I was at Whole Foods trying to figure out what you like for breakfast.

41. Sorry, the position for Spanish teacher has been filled. What I’m looking for at the moment is a bedroom acrobatic teacher.

42. Tell me, what can I say to impress you?

43. They say Tinder is a numbers game… so can I get your number?

44. This is so us. Me doing all the talking. You sitting there looking all cute.

45. We matched! Does that mean you’re coming over to my place tonight, or should we meet and establish we aren’t serial killers or living with our parents first?

46. When I was younger my fairy godmother said I can have a long penis or a long memory, I can’t remember my response.

47. When our friends ask us how we met, what are we going to tell them?

48. What’s a smart, attractive, young… man like me doing without your number?

49. You look like you have great energy, I’m curious, where do you get it from? Yoga? Sports? Dance?

50. You must be a small amount of red phosphorus and I must be a tiny wooden stick… Because we’re a match.

51. You sound busy…any chance of adding me to your to-do list?

52. You’re going to have to delete tinder, you’re making the other girls look bad.

53. You’re seriously cute, but here’s the dealbreaker: do you, or do you not eat marmite?

54. You’re so beautiful you just made me forget my pickup line.

55. You’ve got the best smile on tinder. I bet you use Crest.

There goes our rundown of the most hilarious pick-up lines on Tinder. Add more glamor to your Tinder dating experience by implementing some of these cute and creative liners.

 

50 of the Most Miserably Unfortunate Names Ever to Bestowed Upon People

Having grown up with a last name that is often mocked for having components of phallic innuendo, I can relate to these poor souls a little bit. Like I can’t even imagine what kind of verbal abuse they went through growing up.

I like to imagine each of them lead lives similar to the Boy Named Sue.

From Ben Dover to Richard Johnson, and every name in between, some parents just didn’t have enough forethought when they were choosing baby names, or they really didn’t care that their kid was going to get bullied constantly. But either way, its the parents’ fault. But if you thought these were bad, you should see how some of these people named their cats.

 

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    funny names - Face - ARRESTED CRYSTAL METHENY for launching missile at car and not for having a funny name

  • funny name - Facial expression - Mr. Perv's Fifth Grade INS

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    funny name - Media - Hesk VANESSA TOBACCOJUICE @CBCSask cBc news University student Connect SAMSUNG nerenire

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    funny name - Hair - Charity Beaver Vote for Charity Name: Charity Beaver Age: 24 Occupation: Personal Trainer Why She's a Finalist: This woman deserves votes for her name alone. On top of that, she's doing her part to help women fit into their skinny jeans. The Archer City native moved to Dallas last year for an internship at Cooper Clinie, and she's managed to make friends and build an impressive clientele in that short time. She divides her time between Cooper, the Dallas Country Club, and Equ

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    funny name - Photo caption - MacDonald-Berger

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    funny name - Hair - Deja Viau

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    funny name - Technology - Gay Neighbors Assistant to the Registrar

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    funny name - News - W DICK SWETT (D) Former Congressman

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    funny name - Text - Dr. Shit Fun Chew, Undersung Scientist Investigator Eileen Peters alterts us to the fact that Dr. Shit F. Chew-our Undersung Scientist of the Month back in December 2004 and again in February 2010 now lists her complete name on her web site. Her complete name is Dr. Shit Fun Chew. Dr. Chew now becomes our first three-time Undersung Scientist of the Month. Here's a repeat of our 2010 report, when Fun was represented only by the initial F: This month's Undersung Scientist is Dr

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    funny name - Facial expression - HITLER MUSSOLINI DIR. GERAL DA POLICIA CIVIL DE GOIAS

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    funny name - Grandparent - ORAL

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    funny name - Text - INIC y Gay Saylor Jackson Woman's Club President 1952-1953

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    funny name - News - t NEW POPET ELECTED OLD ELECTION OF THE POPE LIVE DR.JOELLE ROLLO-KOSTER UNIVERSITY OF RHODE ISLAND

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    funny name - News - ARRESTED Donald Duck SOURCE: STARK COUNTY SHERIFF S11 ACTI NEW 81 19 19Actionft. ER FUN DEALS FOR THE

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    funny name - Hair - PAUL TWOCOCK Stonewall, Gay rights charity BBC SOUTH EAST TODAY

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    funny name - Player - REA FRL C BROWNS SOCIALHUSE VISION CLIR DOCTORS OF OPTOEIn arantor bai CATED AT OLD CASINO OUTHOUSE (30

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    funny name - Poster - CHIG 8 AGOSTO, ORE 21.15, CHIESA DI S.AGOSTINO KIM KASHKASHIAN viola J.S BACH KURTÁG J.S BACH Suite n. 1 in sol magg. BWV 1007 Selezione da Signs, Games and Messages Suite n. 2 in re min. BWV 1008 Suite n. 3 in do magg. BWV 1009 Selezione da Signs, Games and Messages KURTÁG

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    funny name - Text - BARRY SHITPEAS Also Historian

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    funny name - Text - 201-ART MR. BUTT

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    funny name - Face - JIMMY Cherries Waffles Tennis LIVE!

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    funny name - Text - Offender Detail TYRANNOSAURUS REX MULLENS County: ELKHART Address(es) Home MAP TYRANNOSAURUS REX MULLENS 1701 1/2 MORTON AVE ELKHART, INDIANA 46516 County: ELKHART Male Age: 66 Sex: Race: White Complexion: Light Weight: Hair: Status: ACTIVE 182 lb Height: 5 08 Registration Type: Sex Offender Offender Type: 10-YEAR NOTIFICATION Eye Color: Hazel Gray or Parialy Gray SightSim/Thin Build: Released: 10/08/2004 End Reg. Date: Next Reg. Date: 10/08/2014 Aliases: JAMES E GRANT 09/02/

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    funny name - Screen - COOKIE FACEY PARENT HD

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    funny name - Advertising - THEOKI $1000 Weekly Gas Giveaway! Use Any of Our No Surcharge ATMS and You Could Be this Week's Winnert TransFund Sparkle Titsworth Northwest OKC

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    funny name - Newsreader - Beautiful Existence SEATTLE(YES, THAT IS HER LEGAL NAMEI) 4

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    funny name - Text - ПОМЬ» DЕРОР THE Dick Burger Appliance Speeialist Fax www.bomedepot.com

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    funny name - Text - Find Movies, TV shows, Celebrities and more... All IMDb Movies, TV & Showtimes News& Celebs, Events & Photos Watchlist Community SEE RANK Yolanda Squatpump Make Up Department Miscellaneous Crew Music Department Contribute to IMDb. Add a bio, trivia, and more. Update information for Yolanda Squatpump Known For Exig Greggi D Besie PUPPET MASTER Ustal Suspects the Sank nig candy NEAMESIS the silence of Ihe hams Puppet Master II Makeup Department (1990) The Usual Suspects Makeup

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    funny name - Text - MOE LESTER In loving memory of my husband, who slipped away from us August 11, 2008.

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    funny name - Child - DIN MARIAND MARCOS Depεν ELEMENTARY SCHOOL S.Y. ESTIOCO, LORD VOL DEMORT R. II VIOLETS IN CASE OF EMERGENCY PLEASE NOTIFY: CNDY RFERNANDEZ OCTTED -E RMANCO RD 8C ANY

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    funny name - News - Saad Maan tagesschau Sprecher irakische Armee TLEPUNKEN

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    funny name - Team sport - RED BARONS Steve Sharts Pitcher Scranton-Wilkes Barre Red Barons

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    funny name - Banner - For Sale REMAX MLS B.J. WORTHY 758-1200 REMAX On Track 409-5605

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    funny name - Newspaper - B.Ruth Boring July 30, 1924 - April 01, 2016 B. Ruth Boring, time resident of Clanton, Clint" to his friends of ome to be h 30, 2016. g. 29, 1934, as, to Lila Clanton. death by na G. omas J. ving his all six of ers; and er and rvived s (Lin- di A. arbon- y L. ; and .S. U.S. et the egon Grove commur Friday morning, A at the Providence Medical Center in A celebration of held at 2:30 p.m April 9, 2016, at t Rose&Hoyt Funer 2308 Pacific Ave., Grove, with Pasto Giles, retired

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    funny name - Motor vehicle - WENDY WACKO Your Community Realtor ROYAL LEPAGE 225-5000

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    funny name - News - Tues JOCK STIRRUP CSPAN Chief of the Defense Staff

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    funny name - Face - Dick Paradise Dick Paradise is a retired American ice hockey player who played 144 games in the World Hockey Association for the Minnesota Fighting Saints between 1972 and 1974 Wikipedia Y

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    funny name - Signage - DR. PORNSAK & ROOM CLINIC FOR RENT TR PEnrasion ENDD THAI FOOD NDIAN THAI FOO ATM EXCHAN DILADM

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    funny name - News - Trustee Justice MIKE WIENER THEA BEAVER VILLAGE ELECTIONS VOTE MARCH 15

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    funny name - News - Mister Love SEX OFFENDER ARRESTED CHARGED WITH FAILING TO REPORT WLWT.COM

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    funny name - Text - N175 Mr. Sackrider

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    funny name - Text - REED COLLEGE Portland, Oregon 97202-819 3203 SE Woodstock Blvd. Sirius Bonner Assistant Dean & Assistant Director of Multicultural Recruitment E OF SION

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    funny name - Facial hair - Dr. Whet Faartz 1 COMISARIO DE LA EXPOSICION

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    funny name - Movie - 232 Co-Producer SPEED WEED

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    funny name - Green - CRYSTAL COKER H&R BLOCK TAX SPECIALIST 3 H&R BLOCK

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    funny name - News - VOICE OF FOX 13 JANICE KEIHANAIKUKAUAKAHIHULIHEEKAHAUNAELE HAWAII RESIDENT 83 10:53

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    funny name - News - AMERICA'S ELECTION HEADQUARTER 2016 FOX KRYSTAL BALL WS ACTIVIST&SENIOR FELLOW, NEW LEADERS COUNCIL WE FRI BY GOV ANDREW CUOMO (D) AUTHORIZES FINES OF UP TO $7,5

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    funny name - Text - Pacific Centre Sam Sung Specialist 701 West Georgia Street Suite G030 Vancouver, BC V7Y 1G6 778 373-1800 www.apple.com/ca/pacificcentre

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    funny name - Advertising - DICK ASSMAN IS HERE Full Serve SLEEK

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    funny name - Forehead - (10 CHRISTIAN GUY Centre for Social Justice O min BBCNEWS SAMSUND

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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17 Clever Insults to Keep Cretins Out of Your Life

Try them out on your friends!

 

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    People - I'll bet you're the kind of guy who sets fireworks off in the middle of the day so they're .easier to see.

  • 3
    Dish - You're like the end pieces of a loaf of bread. Everyone touches you, but nobody wants you.

  • 4
    Clothing - You're not pretty enough to be that stupid.

  • 5
    Text - Look at you, standing there with your elbow half way up your arm/and your teeth in wigh ide your mouth.

  • 6
    Text - If I wanted to kill myself, l'd climb up your ego.and jump to your lO 60 80 100 120 140 IQ

  • 7
    Text - Tenvy everyone you have never met.

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    Talent show - brought to you by FOR THE TATHERNE would love to insult you but rt Come I'm afraid I won't do it as well as nature did.

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    Text - Somewhere out there, there's a tree whose single purpose on edrth is to replace the oxygen you waste... Go find it and apologize.

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    Incandescent light bulb - You're not the brightest bulb in the box, butyou are the sharpest.

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    Text - EUSO Not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.

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    Text - I can only explain it to you. I can't understand it for you.

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    Performance - Life is full of disappointments, just ask your parentş.

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    Submarine - You're about as useful as a screen door in a submarine.

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    Helmet - Go get your helmet and wait in the car. 10 Ue

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    Text - Like Ron Swanson oncesaid, just call them the wrong name. It lets them know that you do not care enough about them to remember what their name is.

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    Wicker - Cupcake. Nobody likes being called cupcake when they're pissed off.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Phicklephily – Tinder Moments

 

Here are even more crazy Tinder posts!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly   twitter: @phicklephilly

Phicklephilly – Tinder Moments

More crazy online dating profiles!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Phicklephilly – Tinder Moments

Here’s another batch of interesting characters I found in the online dating community!

 

Enjoy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Amazon Customer Review

“This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.”

I read this recently and nearly died laughing. I know this isn’t the usual phicklephilly fare, but it was just so glorious and brilliantly written I had to share.

Happy Friday!

Enjoy!

Customer Review

Veet Hair Removal Gel

5.0 out of 5 stars
A warning from across the pond…
By: A. Chappellon July 3, 2012

Format: Health and Beauty

After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus’s birthday as a bit of a treat.
I ordered it well in advance, and working in the North Sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews, and wrote them off as soft office types…oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen.
I didn’t have long to wait. At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn’t featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel off in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the drain with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen. By this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me.
The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned. Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn’t managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the drawer for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found its way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running its engines behind me. This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.
The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before. Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering…” Ooooh that feels good “.

Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn’t heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn’t the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn’t improve my status…So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self-respect…:)

 

The original can be seen here for validity: https://www.amazon.com/review/R2QP56S5P2DEGA

 

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The Briddler

“What do you call a black man flying a plane?

“I don’t know.”

“A pilot! What are you, racist?”

If you’ve been reading this blog, you’ll know I spend a lot of time outside in the nightlife scene of Philadelphia. If you’ve been here for any period of time you realize the homeless situation here.

You’ll see it in Philadelphia, just as you’ll see it in Detroit and Los Angeles and D.C. That omnipresence can make it easy to perceive homelessness as a thing that just exists — a problem cities have that they all treat the same way.

But the way the city of Philadelphia approaches homelessness is different than the way it’s approached in Detroit and Los Angeles and D.C. The root commonality in fighting homelessness across U.S. cities is that they all get funding from HUD. It’s the way those funds are deployed that differs from city to city.

Here’s a glimpse at homelessness in Philadelphia, and how it’s being approached.

First, let’s put things into perspective. Of 1.6 million people living in the city of Philadelphia, 400,000 were found to be living below the poverty line in 2015. Compare that to the city of Los Angeles where, out of 3.9 million people living in that city,  approximately 873,600 are living in poverty.

Yet in Los Angeles, 21,338 homeless individuals were counted as not having shelter earlier this month. Philadelphia’s 2016 Point in Time count registered 705 unsheltered homeless individuals inside the city, according to Office of Supportive Housing Director Liz Hersh.

As of 2014, OSH tallied 3,644 beds across emergency, transitional and permanent housing facilities. Still, there are concerns that that number just isn’t enough.

“We don’t have enough,” said Misty Sparks, director of entry-level programs at nonprofit Bethesda Project. “I don’t think anyone should ever have to sleep outside, but if every homeless individual wanted to come into shelter on a given night, we would not have enough beds.

“I’m a firm believer that we always have 700 to probably 1,500 homeless in and outside of the city. In the winter the homeless count is much lower. In the summer it’s much higher.”

The homeless do get turned away when facilities are full — even youth.

It’s pretty sad and I am looking into some things I can do around the city to help solve this situation. The best one can do is to volunteer to help at one of the local shelters or for the publication One Step Away published by Resources for Human Development.

One Step Away is a newspaper that is written by homeless people and former homeless and contributing journalists. I may even write a piece for them.

But out of all of the homeless people I encounter on a daily basis, there is this one guy who always seems to pop up whenever I step out of a bar for a smoke. He’s sweet and articulate, and always has a joke for me. He normally does two or three and always has new material. As I said before, I don’t give money to the homeless people on the street. It doesn’t solve the problem. I’ll give food however, because food can solve an immediate need.

But this slight black man is different. He’s not panhandling like the rest of them. He’s making me think and making me laugh. So it’s not begging, I see it more as “street performance.”

There’s a difference. He does his bits, makes me laugh, I hand him a couple of bucks and he always tells me about the special at MacDonald’s that he’s going to spend his loot on.

I don’t even know his name. I really should ask him. Right now I refer to him as the Briddler. (the Black Riddler)

I saw The Briddler last weekend around Square 1682. He rolls up and opens with:  “What do you call a black man flying a plane?

“I don’t know.”

“A pilot! What are you, racist?”

Oh, and then he always smiles and sings a little tune: “doo doo do doo doo.” After each punchline.

“How do you know if Will Smith has been walking through the snow?”

“I don’t know. How?”

“Fresh prints!”  “doo doo do doo doo.”

“What did one testicle say to the other testicle?”

“What?””

Ya know, just between you and me, that guy’s a dick.”

So that’s a couple of his bits. They’re cute and funny. But the other day he approached my buddy Church and I and did a different kind of riddle.

“What goes through water but doesn’t get wet?”

We both thought for a minute but couldn’t come up with an answer between the two of us.

“Light.” doo doo do doo doo.

“Good one, dude.”

“What lies on water but doesn’t get wet?”

This time I had an answer. “Oil. Because that creates and emulsion.”

“Or a shadow… doo doo do doo doo.”

“You’re killing me today with the science riddles, dude.”

“What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?”

“No clue.”

(He just starts gagging)

*That’s a fellatio joke for those of you that are a bit behind.

The Briddler is not a panhandler. He’s a street performer.

Apparently the owners of the popular nightclub, Rumor paid a years rent for him in an apartment. That’s incredibly generous, and will keep a roof over his head for a while.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish Monday through Friday at 8am EST.

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Annabelle – Chapter 6 – Mia Ling: A Solution During Indecision

Another tale of one man’s journey navigating his way through the dating scene in Philadelphia.

If you’ve been following phicklephilly, and reading the Annabelle series, you’ll realize that pretty Asian girl isn’t Annabelle, but this is Chapter 6 of Annabelle. You’ll soon see why.

I was sitting at the bar at Crow and the Pitcher having a drink when I got the text. It was Annabelle. She said that with everything going on with her birthday this week, would it be alright if we didn’t do the comedy club thing this week.

I felt the pain hit me. I turned to the one person who could help me in this moment.

The bartender.

Who happily, was female. I told her my plight. She said what Annabelle wrote wasn’t a no, it was just a delay. She may really have a lot going on this week. Her birthday was on Thursday and that’s when we were supposed to go out. The bartender told me to text back that it was fine, and that I have some other ideas, and what days she’s available. She gets back to me, and it looks like Sunday will work.

“But I already bought the tickets to see Natasha Leggero at Helium this Thursday.”

“I’ll go with you.” comes a voice to my right.

I look over and there sitting at the end of the bar is a lovely Asian girl. “Are you serious?”

“Forgive me for eavesdropping, but it sounds like whoever you were going to take, passed up a great opportunity.”

I turn to the amused bartender. “Get her another of whatever she’s drinking.”

I walk down and sit next to her at the end of the bar. I introduce myself.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Mia.”

We chat and I don’t tell her I really like this other girl, I just kind of play it off as not a big deal. But if she wants to go to the show with me, I’d be happy to take her. She’s into it and I get her number, and we discuss where and when we’ll meet to go to the show. I can’t believe my good fortune. I would obviously rather spend time with Annabelle, but like the song says, “If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one your with.

She tells me she works at an art appraisal company. She is Chinese. She tells me her specialty is asian art in particular. She’s pretty. Fair skin, about 5’5” tall, dark brown hair and brown eyes. I like that she was forward about wanting to go to Helium. “I like to laugh, and I’ve seen her on Chelsea Lately.” she says.

After another drink, I have to leave to attend an event. I say goodbye and tell her I’ll text her the day of the show. I’m walking across town and check in with my friend Alice. (See: Alice – 2012 to Present – The Cute Recruiter) I wanted to get a second opinion from a young woman. I tell her what I’m up to and she agrees. She says, if there is a guy she likes, and she sees him on social media with another chick, it makes her want him more. This confirms that what I’m doing is right. I hope it doesn’t backfire on me.

The night of the date, Mia and I meet at El Rey before the show. We’re sipping our margaritas and laughing. She thinks I’m funny, and I feel like the warm up act before the headliner. We finish up and head over to Helium.

There actually are two comics that come on before Natasha. They’re both solid. Then she comes out and she’s really funny. Mia is laughing so much I hope they don’t make any jokes about Asian people.

After the show, Natasha comes out into the lobby and people are talking to her. I walk up and ask her if we can get a picture with her. She’s very sweet and agrees. She comments how cute Mia is during the pics being taken. I tell her thank you, and that I rescued her from human trafficking. Natasha cracks up and so does Mia. Everybody wins!

I post the pic to Facebook, and let it fly. I thank Natasha and Mia for a lovely evening. I walk Mia to her train, give her a smooch, and off she goes.

I pulled it off. I hope it works. Comedy show, seen. Arm candy, documented. Met the headliner and have the pictures to prove it.

I’m walking home, and I text Annabelle that when we were talking she mentioned that she likes seafood. (She’s pescatarian) I suggest we meet at Devon in Rittenhouse on Sunday at 6pm. She says that sounds great.

So there you have it. Everything is going well. I just hope we make it to Sunday with out any more cancellations. Fingers crossed.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday at 9am EST.

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