Chinese Chicken Salad

“Because of him I learned that if you’re funny, the kids on the corner won’t beat you up or pick on you anymore. Why kill the lowly jester? He makes us laugh. He entertains us. Let him live another day.”

Lawndale, Philadelphia – Mid 1970’s

When I was a kid I remember hearing my first Bill Cosby record. I don’t remember what it was called. I think it was my friend R.J who brought it over my house. But we may have listened to it on a little record player out in my garage. They were recordings of his stand up routines. When we were kids there were few places to access audio entertainment. The radio was one of the main sources, and any records our parents and older brothers and sisters listened to. That’s how we got our music back then. It was the Sixties and Seventies and resources were limited.

I think I only knew Bill Cosby from an animated show called Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids that was on TV on Saturday mornings. It was a cute show about this massive fat kid and his friends. There was always a heartfelt lesson at the end of each show. Bill Cosby even hosted the animated series. I watched it every Saturday around lunchtime.

Bill was a beloved figure in the entertainment industry. A comic who always worked clean and never blue. His stand up routine consisted of these long story pieces that were vivid and absolutely hilarious. We kids loved them. He had so many cool tales about his childhood. Chicken Heart, Ice Cream, and a trilogy about Noah and God. Just fantastic. Fun entertainment fit for everyone’s ears.

Other comics in the industry looked at Bill like he was a deity. A guy that could get up on stage for a solid hour or two and just kill with his delivery and stories. A wholesome man that was loved by millions. He was the first African American entertainer to ever star in a dramatic series in the history of television. A national treasure. America’s dad.

The First African American to Co-Star in a Dramatic TV Series

I remember for Christmas I would always get a Bill Cosby record. I remember getting, The Best of Bill Cosby, Wonderfulness, Bill Cosby Is a Very Funny Fellow, Right? and Why Is There Air? Just to name a few. All brilliant. Loved them all!

But as you get a little older, your tastes change. And this story is not about Bill Cosby.

One day my friend Jimmy Hunsinger came over and he had a George Carlin record. He was also a comedian. We had never heard of him before. I think we were all around the ages of fourteen through sixteen.

I remember Jimmy had a record by George called FM & AM. We popped it on the little green and white record player in the garage and let it roll. We had never heard anything like it. This comic talked like we did. He said a lot of curse words. Back then, most boys that age all spit, smoked cigarettes, giggled at anything remotely sexual, and cursed like sailors.

Carlin’s bits were absolutely stunning. He quickly became my favorite comic. His material was so irreverent and funny, you just lost your mind laughing at his bits. He wasn’t afraid to use the ‘whole language’ as I say.

I quickly absorbed all of his skits and could perform them verbatim. I remember the gang of big kids that hung up the corner would ask me to do his comedy for them. I would stand there and perform Divorce Game like a young George Carlin impersonator.

Because of George I learned that if you’re funny, the kids on the corner won’t beat you up or pick on you anymore. Why kill the lowly jester? He makes us laugh. He entertains us. Let him live another day.

It really worked!

I saw the power of comedy in George Carlin. Not just that he was hilarious and brilliant, but he knew how to use words and his wits to make things that were normal, really funny. He had a gift for seeing the world a bit differently than everyone else and was fearless in his delivery of the truth. Just an incredible, unique mind.

I acquired his record albums, FM & AM, Occupation: Foole, and Class Clown. All brilliant works. Writing this makes me want to go find all of those recordings and listen to them again. I bet I’ll be able to perform those bits right along with George because his words are so ingrained in my mind. (All on YouTube, no doubt)

 

Let’s jump forward to 1983. Santa Monica, California.

Now I’m twenty-one years old. I’m working at a place down by the beach on Main street called Merlin Mcfly’s. I have a previous post about it. It’s part of the California Dreamin’ series. You can read it here:

https://phicklephilly.com/tag/merlin-mcflys/

I started out working there as a cashier. I’d gotten a job there thanks to my buddy, Frank Roberts. He had worked there until he returned to his home in Belfast, Ireland. When he left I simply took his place. I would work from 4pm until midnight at the front of the kitchen ringing up food sales. I remember it was a big old upright cash register, where you would push big buttons and ring up the sales.

The Cash Register

I was making $4 an hour plus tips. When I say “tips” I mean a big jar I set on the counter with a sign on it. I would charm tips out of the customers. They would be split between me and the two cooks I worked with in the kitchen. If we each walked away with an additional five or ten dollars a night we were in good shape. That would buy cigarettes and beer.

But before Frank left the states, he told me about a thing he used to do that he learned from someone who worked there. He called it, The Moves. The moves were performed on a couple of cash food sales a night. Instead of ringing up the sale, you’d punch it in, then clear it, then simply hit the CASH button, and the register would open. This way, that particular sale was never recorded on the internal tape inside the machine. You’d take the customer’s cash, put it in the drawer and give him the appropriate change. At the end of the night when you were upstairs counting your drawer, there would be some ‘extra’ cash in there. Your drawer would be over by maybe twenty dollars. I would take that overage and split it among the two cooks. They never questioned their portion of the tips I gave them. But it was a way to skim a little extra cash out of the company and help out the hard working guys. It sounds bad, but at the time we were earning so little, a few extra bucks a night wouldn’t hurt anybody. We never got greedy, so we’d only take a little each night. This went on for some time.

There was a chef that worked during the day, named Smedley. Her real name was Brenda but for some reason everybody called her Smedley. I never found out why. I do remember she made all the soups. So pound for pound, she was the best chef employed there at the time. Her sister Lisa had recently come out from New York and needed a job. Management approached me and asked if I wanted to become a cook. I came from a world where my mommy made all of my meals for the first 20 years of my life. I couldn’t cook a damn thing. But they told me it was $5 an hour, so I leapt at the opportunity to increase my earning power by a dollar at this fine establishment. Lisa became the new kitchen cashier and ‘the moves’ went away. Too risky.

Lisa became known as ‘Lis’ the Piece’ because she was a provocative and sexually aggressive girl. She fit nicely into our rock n’ roll world. I have fond memories of my time with Lisa. There’ll be a future post about her and it’ll be quite lurid. But let me focus on the story at hand.

In the kitchen, I worked what is called the cold side, as opposed to the hot side of the kitchen. The more experienced cooks always worked the hot side. Which was primarily the grill. Burgers, chicken and steak. The cold side was less glamorous and actually a bit more complicated than the hot side. I was in charge of making all of the salads, sandwiches, anything fried, and other assorted tasks. (French brie in the microwave topped with toasted almond slices!) I remember one night after work I met this girl at a party in Venice. She said I smelled like fried food. I told her I had just come from working in the kitchen at Merlin’s and she laughed and said, “You’re cute and I love chicken strips.”

I think that’s the first, and last time smelling like delicious appetizers ever worked in favor of anyone’s romantic endeavors.

Working in that kitchen actually taught me how to become a proficient cook. It’s a talent I’ve carried with me my entire life. I’m grateful for the experience, but vow to never work in the hospitality industry ever again. It’s brutal work.

The great thing about working in the kitchen was, you could eat whatever you wanted on the menu. The rest of the staff had to eat the employee meal, and if they wanted anything better had to pay extra for it. So being a poor musician in LA, I knew that at least I would get one nutritious hot meal every day. Which is sustaining for a young lad.

I remember we had this really big guy that was a doorman. His name was Mike. Picture a good looking, muscular guy that was easily 6’6″. I think he did gigs as a stunt man. He would come up and usually order the same thing… the Chinese chicken salad. But he would say, “Can you throw a little extra chicken on that?” Of course I would always oblige, because when he came to pick it up he would grab the big wooden bowl, and drop a couple of joints on the shelf. I would stuff them in my pocket and smile. The same would go for certain cocktail waitresses we liked. They’d get a little extra something and bring us a coke spiked with rum. It’s just what we did back then to help each other. Trade and barter. I’m sure as you’re reading this, someone is pulling some sort of a move in a restaurant at this very moment.

Chinese Chicken Salad - Damn Delicious

One night, I was just working my shift and one of my favorite waitresses, a honey blonde named Colleen, came to me with some news.

“Do you know who’s sitting over in that booth?”

“I can’t really see from here.”

“George Carlin!” she whispered.

My heart began to flutter and I got really nervous and excited. Fame is a strange and unnatural thing. You experience the same dopamine drop meeting your favorite celebrity as you do when you’re about to see someone you’re falling in love with. But you don’t know the celebrity. It’s an odd feeling, but exhilarating nonetheless.

“What did he order, Colleen?”

“He got the Chinese chicken salad.”

Oh my god, he’s my favorite comedian of all time. I love him! Is he finished eating?”

“Yea. They’re just sitting there chatting.”

“Do you think I could go over and meet him?”

“Give it a shot, Chaz.”

Thinking quickly, I grabbed a guest check and a pen and headed over to the booth where my idol was sitting with his wife and another couple. I cautiously approached the table.

“Hello, sir. Excuse me. How did you like your salad?”

“It was great.”

“I made that for you.”

“Well, it was terrific, thank you.”

“Mr. Carlin, I love all of your work. I have all of your albums. I used to perform your bits like Divorce Game and Hal Sleet, The Hippy Dippy Weatherman for the big kids up the corner so they wouldn’t kick my ass. May I have your autograph, sir?”

“Of course! What’s your name?”

“Chaz.” (hands him the guest check and pen.)

He signs it and hands it back to me with a smile.

“Thank you Mr. Carlin. It’s been so nice to meet you.”

“You too, Chaz. Next time make it George.”

“Okay, George!”

And that was it. I walked back to the kitchen clutching the signed guest check like it was the Rosetta Stone. It was a magical moment in my life and I’ll never forget it.

Sometimes when someone tells me an extraordinary story, I always wonder about the validity of the details.

That’s simply not the case here.

 

That sacred artifact still hangs on my living room wall to this day. I’ll never part with it.

Thank you George Carlin for all of the joy and laughter you’ve brought to me and the world. You’ll never be forgotten.

Take it away, George…

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

15 (Hilarious, Kind Of Sad, But Also True) Signs It’s Time To Get Laid

We all go through dry spells. We all know what it’s like. So let’s give ourselves permission to laugh about those moments when you realize it has been entirely too long since you last had sex. Here are 15 signs.

1. When you feel around on the empty half of your bed, you find a single snow boot, a Life Magazine from 1967, and a half-eaten animal cracker that you swear is judging you with his frowny circus animal half-face.

2. You didn’t know “condom dust” was a thing, until you checked the hidden pocket in your wallet.

3. You’ve stopped saying uber-confident stuff to your friends like, “Tonight, I’m going to Bonetown, Virginia!” and now mutter quietly to yourself about how you yearn for physical intimacy. And then you shed a single tear, unbeknownst to the revelers around you, who are, in fact, there for your birthday party.

4. Your mom’s like, “Are you getting enough sex, dear?”

5. Your friends don’t even ask anymore.

6. You’ve kind of pretty much totally forgotten how to lip-kiss.

7. You have not plucked your Creepy Nipple Hair since before Carly Rae Jepsen was a thing.

8. You have looked at your naked reflection, stood tall, and said aloud, “I’m not that bad.”

9. You have looked at your naked reflection, stuck out your stomach, jiggled it around, frowned at your bellybutton, then ate ice cream in bed until you fell asleep.

10. You have almost successfully convinced yourself that nobody else in the whole world is having sex when your roommate — who has the same name as one of your parents — comes home with the loudest. One night stand. Of all time.

11. You know what’s better than sex?! Cheese. And RPGs. And watching Louie on Netflix, alone, in bed, with a box of white wine. Seriously, you all are missing out.

12. You’ve envisioned telling your next sex partner how long it’s been since your last sexual encounter, in case you do something severely incorrect.

13. Sometimes it feels like you are being beaten in the genitals with a wooden plank, but when you look down, nothing’s there.

14. Sometimes you forget you have sex parts.

15. You take comfort in knowing that you went 16 years without sex. Granted, that was from age zero to 16, but dammityou can do it again if necessary!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

Tinder Moments – 18 Strange Tinder Profiles To Make You Cringe Your Face Off

I haven’t done one of these in a while, but why not? These are crazy!

picture someone in spiderman costume above city tinder spider-Man, 37 Crime fighter at The Avengers less than a kilometre away. Friendly, sensitive, strong sense of responsibility, liberal sexual attitude. Two previous Itrs, neither ended particularly well so now I'm looking for that special someone to hang around with. Good with heights and basic first aid deal breaker ed but not a EDIT INFO

 

18 Strange Tinder Profiles To Make You Cringe Your Face Off

Tinder is a place where people should express themselves, because if you’re looking for a partner for sexy time, or a partner for the not-sexy-times too (which we call a relationship), you should just get it over with and show off your weirdest quirks straight away. Right?! Well that’s what these Tinder people did, and… actually maybe I change my mind. Don’t do what these people did, because people (like us) will laugh at your f*cking weird Tinder profiles. Sorry not sorry. Heh heh.

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    Selfie girl with glasses blur lips tinder- Done Kelly, 20 24 miles away Active 1 week ago About Kelly Im sentient trash. nonbinary femme queer (im not a woman and don't call me one). I like lots of other stuff: bedroom pop, cartoons, food, puppies, aliens, u name it. STRANGEBEAVER.cOm X

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    picture man wearing backpack in muddy field tinder Mark, 36 McMaster University less than a kilometer away I'm looking for a girl to dress up like Garfield and eat lasagna off my chest. No weirdos. 102 Friends for Common Connections ID

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    picture girl long red hair tinder Vegan, feminist, I only date guys with muscles and an income. Anti vaxination. I am a vegan. If your not an atheist you need to check yourself. You know my name, not my story. X

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    picture blonde girl tinder i love me a guy in a fedora:) just kidding if u wear a fedora don't FUCKING message me RECOMME SYDNEY X

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    picture girl bright orange hair tinder I'm a chubby non-binary vegan queer. I sling vegan baked goods for a living. I reference Harry Potter on the daily. If you're not down for polyamory then we probably won't get along. Xearning ve only make frie e since M

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    girl wearing glasses red lipstick tinder About Mary Feminist, vegetarian, journalist, music junkie.

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    tinder messages Perrity YOU MATCHED WITH PERRITY ON 13/2/17. k-konnichiwa cutie chan; 33 *tips fedora and blushes* *hides behind corner waiting for m'lady to respond* Sent Okay wtf is happening Type a Message... Send GIF

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    guy taking selfie glasses blue shirt tinder- Tim, 23 Sam Houston State University 40 miles away lost my watch at a party once. An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was harassing Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched some woman at that party. him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch X ored Panda/ Tinder

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    selfie girl hair tinder Done Sydney, 24 18 miles away Active 33 seconds ago About Sydney The only reason I want a boyfriend is so that when I'm singing Fergilicious and it's at the part where she says "I be up in the gym just workin on my fitness he's my witness" I can point to him and he'll do the little "WOOOOH" part because right now I have to do both parts by myself and it's stressful because right after the WOOOOH part I have to get right back into rapping and the transition is hard

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    girl taking selfie looking drunk tinder Vanessa, 19 18 miles away If what you look for is a girl with personality then you're in luck because I have multiple Don't listen to her X BoredPanda/ Tinder 3

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    picture girl eating burrito sky tinder - Rachel, 20 1 mile away active 14 minutes ago About Rachel tbh I just want to get some free chipotle out of this

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    picture pretty girl smiling in tree tinder Megan, 24 37 miles away Active 9 hours ago About Megan I prefer my men out of shape and overly sensitive. X

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    selfie girl smiling tinder Alessandra, 27 10 miles away Active 1 hour ago I'm married and not interested. I just think Tinder is a fun activity while l poop.
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    picture girl black hair tinder Nicole, 19 43 miles away Active 41 minutes ago I'm 5'11, and if you couldn't tell I have long brown hair and huge tits

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    picture blonde girl tinder Chelsea, 23 25 kilometers away Active 1 hour ago If you like celery in soup, I hope you like celery on your children's graves because ur weak, ur bloodlines weak, and you'll never survive the winter

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    picture girl black hair tinder Samantha, 21 7 miles away Active 1 day ago Standing tall at 5'2" I want to do adult things with you.. "whispers* taxes "panting softly* pay the mortgage *moans* make sure we turned off all the lights, our utility bill was fucking $300 this month

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    picture girl hose water spraying into mouth tinder Courtney 21 Distance: 14 miles away Active: 51 minutes ago Tagline How would I describe myself? Three words: hard working, alpha male, jackhammer...merciless...insatiable... Shared Friends

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    picture someone in spiderman costume above city tinder spider-Man, 37 Crime fighter at The Avengers less than a kilometre away. Friendly, sensitive, strong sense of responsibility, liberal sexual attitude. Two previous Itrs, neither ended particularly well so now I'm looking for that special someone to hang around with. Good with heights and basic first aid deal breaker ed but not a EDIT INFO

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

 

55 Hilarious Pick Up Lines for Tinder

Whether you are in a relationship, out of a relationship, or trying to get into one, you are likely already acquainted with pick-up lines. And if you have an active profile on Tinder, you’ve perhaps even used or come across a few pick-up lines today.

Pick-up lines serve numerous purposes in the dating world. You can use them to get the girl you’ve matched with to develop an interest in you, break the ice in a deadlocked conversation, or simply liven up an otherwise boring talk.

When using pick-up lines, the unwritten rule is that the cuter and more hilarious the lines are, the higher your chances of winning the girl.

The following are some of the funniest tinder pick-up lines you can use to win a girl over.

Best Pick up Lines

Young Man Using Tinder to Find Women

1. Are you a bank loan? Because you have my interest.

2. Are you a Middle Eastern dictator? Because you’re causing a political uprising in my pants!

3. Are you the SAT? Cause I’d do you for 3 hours and 45 minutes, with a ten minute break in the middle for snacks.

4. Are you the square root of 1? Because you seriously can’t be real!

5. Can you stop staring at my profile and message me already? I don’t bite unless you ask.

6. Damn, you have a dog! Does that mean I’ll never win the “best ever cuddler” title?

7. Damn, you’re a knockout. Was your father a boxer, or did you just get lucky with the gene pool? ???? I bet you a cocktail your personality is even better than your looks too! ?

8. Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

9. Did you have lucky charms for breakfast? Because you look magically delicious!

10. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should we match again?

11. Do you believe in love at first swipe?

12. Do you ever just lie down at night, look up at the stars and think about all the messed up things in the world? Like why is there a ‘D’ in ‘fridge’ but no ‘D’ in ‘refrigerator’?

13. Do you have a personality as intriguing as your eyes?

14. Do you know the best thing about kisses? If you don’t like them, you can always return them.

15. Do you like sleeping? Me too, we should do it together some time.

16. “Have you ever been to Antarctica?”
“No, why?”
“No way neither have I, we have so much in common!”

17. I’d say you’re the bomb, but that could turn into lethal conversation…

18. “I’m writing a book”
“Fantastic, what about”
“About how beautiful girl like you can stay for so long before meeting smart dudes like me”

19. Hey gorgeous, will you be my Tinderella?

20. I don’t flirt but I do have a habit of being extra nice to people who are extra attractive.

21. If a thousand painters worked for a thousand years, they could not create a work of art as beautiful as you.

22. If beauty were time, you’d be eternity.

23. If I were to ask you out on a date, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?

24. If we were at home, cuddling on a rainy Sunday morning, what would we have for breakfast? a) American pancakes b) French crèpes c) waffles d) omelette e) something else?

25. If you look that good in clothes, you must look even better out of them.

26. If you were a triangle you’d be acute one.

27. If you’re as good at cuddling as you’re good looking, I’m signing myself up on the waitlist for a date. ?

28. I’m sure you get this all the time but you look like a mix between Fergie and Gandhi.

29. I’m accepting applications if you want to apply, requirements include your phone number.

30. I’m new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?

31. Is your name Earl Grey? Because you look like a hot-tea!

32. I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I have yours?

33. I value my breath so I’d appreciate if you’d stop taking it away.

34. Maybe you can help me. I forgot the password to my account, and when I hit ‘password hint,’ it keeps telling me ‘Jessica’s phone number.

35. My mom told me not to talk to strangers online, but I’ll make an exception for you.

36. My nickname at school was “the truth” girls just couldn’t handle me, what was yours?

37. On a scale from 1 to 10, you’re a 9 and I’m the 1 you need.

38. Since distance equals velocity times time, let’s let velocity and time approach infinity, because I want to go all the way with you.

39. So, are you the kind I’d find climbing mountains and acing the diamond slopes, or chilling on the beach with a glass of wine?

40. Sorry it took me so long to message you, I was at Whole Foods trying to figure out what you like for breakfast.

41. Sorry, the position for Spanish teacher has been filled. What I’m looking for at the moment is a bedroom acrobatic teacher.

42. Tell me, what can I say to impress you?

43. They say Tinder is a numbers game… so can I get your number?

44. This is so us. Me doing all the talking. You sitting there looking all cute.

45. We matched! Does that mean you’re coming over to my place tonight, or should we meet and establish we aren’t serial killers or living with our parents first?

46. When I was younger my fairy godmother said I can have a long penis or a long memory, I can’t remember my response.

47. When our friends ask us how we met, what are we going to tell them?

48. What’s a smart, attractive, young… man like me doing without your number?

49. You look like you have great energy, I’m curious, where do you get it from? Yoga? Sports? Dance?

50. You must be a small amount of red phosphorus and I must be a tiny wooden stick… Because we’re a match.

51. You sound busy…any chance of adding me to your to-do list?

52. You’re going to have to delete tinder, you’re making the other girls look bad.

53. You’re seriously cute, but here’s the dealbreaker: do you, or do you not eat marmite?

54. You’re so beautiful you just made me forget my pickup line.

55. You’ve got the best smile on tinder. I bet you use Crest.

There goes our rundown of the most hilarious pick-up lines on Tinder. Add more glamor to your Tinder dating experience by implementing some of these cute and creative liners.

 

50 of the Most Miserably Unfortunate Names Ever to Bestowed Upon People

Having grown up with a last name that is often mocked for having components of phallic innuendo, I can relate to these poor souls a little bit. Like I can’t even imagine what kind of verbal abuse they went through growing up.

I like to imagine each of them lead lives similar to the Boy Named Sue.

From Ben Dover to Richard Johnson, and every name in between, some parents just didn’t have enough forethought when they were choosing baby names, or they really didn’t care that their kid was going to get bullied constantly. But either way, its the parents’ fault. But if you thought these were bad, you should see how some of these people named their cats.

 

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    funny names - Face - ARRESTED CRYSTAL METHENY for launching missile at car and not for having a funny name

  • funny name - Facial expression - Mr. Perv's Fifth Grade INS

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    funny name - Media - Hesk VANESSA TOBACCOJUICE @CBCSask cBc news University student Connect SAMSUNG nerenire

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    funny name - Hair - Charity Beaver Vote for Charity Name: Charity Beaver Age: 24 Occupation: Personal Trainer Why She's a Finalist: This woman deserves votes for her name alone. On top of that, she's doing her part to help women fit into their skinny jeans. The Archer City native moved to Dallas last year for an internship at Cooper Clinie, and she's managed to make friends and build an impressive clientele in that short time. She divides her time between Cooper, the Dallas Country Club, and Equ

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    funny name - Hair - FOX 11 KASH REGISTER nyfoxla.com 12:01 60 EXONERATED HE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT FOR PERMISSION TO USE A

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    funny name - Photo caption - MacDonald-Berger

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    funny name - Hair - Deja Viau

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    funny name - Technology - Gay Neighbors Assistant to the Registrar

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    funny name - News - W DICK SWETT (D) Former Congressman

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    funny name - Spokesperson - ESr Tokyo Sexwale Ex-Robben Island Prisoner

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    funny name - Text - Dr. Shit Fun Chew, Undersung Scientist Investigator Eileen Peters alterts us to the fact that Dr. Shit F. Chew-our Undersung Scientist of the Month back in December 2004 and again in February 2010 now lists her complete name on her web site. Her complete name is Dr. Shit Fun Chew. Dr. Chew now becomes our first three-time Undersung Scientist of the Month. Here's a repeat of our 2010 report, when Fun was represented only by the initial F: This month's Undersung Scientist is Dr

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    funny name - Facial expression - HITLER MUSSOLINI DIR. GERAL DA POLICIA CIVIL DE GOIAS

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    funny name - Grandparent - ORAL

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    funny name - Text - INIC y Gay Saylor Jackson Woman's Club President 1952-1953

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    funny name - News - t NEW POPET ELECTED OLD ELECTION OF THE POPE LIVE DR.JOELLE ROLLO-KOSTER UNIVERSITY OF RHODE ISLAND

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    funny name - News - ARRESTED Donald Duck SOURCE: STARK COUNTY SHERIFF S11 ACTI NEW 81 19 19Actionft. ER FUN DEALS FOR THE

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    funny name - Hair - PAUL TWOCOCK Stonewall, Gay rights charity BBC SOUTH EAST TODAY

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    funny name - Player - REA FRL C BROWNS SOCIALHUSE VISION CLIR DOCTORS OF OPTOEIn arantor bai CATED AT OLD CASINO OUTHOUSE (30

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    funny name - Poster - CHIG 8 AGOSTO, ORE 21.15, CHIESA DI S.AGOSTINO KIM KASHKASHIAN viola J.S BACH KURTÁG J.S BACH Suite n. 1 in sol magg. BWV 1007 Selezione da Signs, Games and Messages Suite n. 2 in re min. BWV 1008 Suite n. 3 in do magg. BWV 1009 Selezione da Signs, Games and Messages KURTÁG

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    funny name - Text - BARRY SHITPEAS Also Historian

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    funny name - Text - 201-ART MR. BUTT

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    funny name - Face - JIMMY Cherries Waffles Tennis LIVE!

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    funny name - Text - Offender Detail TYRANNOSAURUS REX MULLENS County: ELKHART Address(es) Home MAP TYRANNOSAURUS REX MULLENS 1701 1/2 MORTON AVE ELKHART, INDIANA 46516 County: ELKHART Male Age: 66 Sex: Race: White Complexion: Light Weight: Hair: Status: ACTIVE 182 lb Height: 5 08 Registration Type: Sex Offender Offender Type: 10-YEAR NOTIFICATION Eye Color: Hazel Gray or Parialy Gray SightSim/Thin Build: Released: 10/08/2004 End Reg. Date: Next Reg. Date: 10/08/2014 Aliases: JAMES E GRANT 09/02/

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    funny name - Screen - COOKIE FACEY PARENT HD

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    funny name - Advertising - THEOKI $1000 Weekly Gas Giveaway! Use Any of Our No Surcharge ATMS and You Could Be this Week's Winnert TransFund Sparkle Titsworth Northwest OKC

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    funny name - Newsreader - Beautiful Existence SEATTLE(YES, THAT IS HER LEGAL NAMEI) 4

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    funny name - Text - ПОМЬ» DЕРОР THE Dick Burger Appliance Speeialist Fax www.bomedepot.com

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    funny name - Text - Find Movies, TV shows, Celebrities and more... All IMDb Movies, TV & Showtimes News& Celebs, Events & Photos Watchlist Community SEE RANK Yolanda Squatpump Make Up Department Miscellaneous Crew Music Department Contribute to IMDb. Add a bio, trivia, and more. Update information for Yolanda Squatpump Known For Exig Greggi D Besie PUPPET MASTER Ustal Suspects the Sank nig candy NEAMESIS the silence of Ihe hams Puppet Master II Makeup Department (1990) The Usual Suspects Makeup

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    funny name - Text - MOE LESTER In loving memory of my husband, who slipped away from us August 11, 2008.

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    funny name - Child - DIN MARIAND MARCOS Depεν ELEMENTARY SCHOOL S.Y. ESTIOCO, LORD VOL DEMORT R. II VIOLETS IN CASE OF EMERGENCY PLEASE NOTIFY: CNDY RFERNANDEZ OCTTED -E RMANCO RD 8C ANY

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    funny name - News - Saad Maan tagesschau Sprecher irakische Armee TLEPUNKEN

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    funny name - Team sport - RED BARONS Steve Sharts Pitcher Scranton-Wilkes Barre Red Barons

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    funny name - Banner - For Sale REMAX MLS B.J. WORTHY 758-1200 REMAX On Track 409-5605

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    funny name - Newspaper - B.Ruth Boring July 30, 1924 - April 01, 2016 B. Ruth Boring, time resident of Clanton, Clint" to his friends of ome to be h 30, 2016. g. 29, 1934, as, to Lila Clanton. death by na G. omas J. ving his all six of ers; and er and rvived s (Lin- di A. arbon- y L. ; and .S. U.S. et the egon Grove commur Friday morning, A at the Providence Medical Center in A celebration of held at 2:30 p.m April 9, 2016, at t Rose&Hoyt Funer 2308 Pacific Ave., Grove, with Pasto Giles, retired

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    funny name - Motor vehicle - WENDY WACKO Your Community Realtor ROYAL LEPAGE 225-5000

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    funny name - News - Tues JOCK STIRRUP CSPAN Chief of the Defense Staff

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    funny name - Face - Dick Paradise Dick Paradise is a retired American ice hockey player who played 144 games in the World Hockey Association for the Minnesota Fighting Saints between 1972 and 1974 Wikipedia Y

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    funny name - News - Trustee Justice MIKE WIENER THEA BEAVER VILLAGE ELECTIONS VOTE MARCH 15

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    funny name - News - Mister Love SEX OFFENDER ARRESTED CHARGED WITH FAILING TO REPORT WLWT.COM

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    funny name - Text - N175 Mr. Sackrider

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    funny name - Text - REED COLLEGE Portland, Oregon 97202-819 3203 SE Woodstock Blvd. Sirius Bonner Assistant Dean & Assistant Director of Multicultural Recruitment E OF SION

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    funny name - Facial hair - Dr. Whet Faartz 1 COMISARIO DE LA EXPOSICION

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    funny name - Movie - 232 Co-Producer SPEED WEED

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    funny name - Green - CRYSTAL COKER H&R BLOCK TAX SPECIALIST 3 H&R BLOCK

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17 Clever Insults to Keep Cretins Out of Your Life

Try them out on your friends!

 

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    People - I'll bet you're the kind of guy who sets fireworks off in the middle of the day so they're .easier to see.

  • 3
    Dish - You're like the end pieces of a loaf of bread. Everyone touches you, but nobody wants you.

  • 4
    Clothing - You're not pretty enough to be that stupid.

  • 5
    Text - Look at you, standing there with your elbow half way up your arm/and your teeth in wigh ide your mouth.

  • 6
    Text - If I wanted to kill myself, l'd climb up your ego.and jump to your lO 60 80 100 120 140 IQ

  • 7
    Text - Tenvy everyone you have never met.

  • 8
    Talent show - brought to you by FOR THE TATHERNE would love to insult you but rt Come I'm afraid I won't do it as well as nature did.

  • 9
    Text - Somewhere out there, there's a tree whose single purpose on edrth is to replace the oxygen you waste... Go find it and apologize.

  • 10
    Incandescent light bulb - You're not the brightest bulb in the box, butyou are the sharpest.

  • 11
    Text - EUSO Not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.

  • 12
    Text - I can only explain it to you. I can't understand it for you.

  • 13
    Performance - Life is full of disappointments, just ask your parentş.

  • 14
    Submarine - You're about as useful as a screen door in a submarine.

  • 15
    Helmet - Go get your helmet and wait in the car. 10 Ue

  • 16
    Text - Like Ron Swanson oncesaid, just call them the wrong name. It lets them know that you do not care enough about them to remember what their name is.

  • 17
    Wicker - Cupcake. Nobody likes being called cupcake when they're pissed off.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Phicklephily – Tinder Moments

 

Here are even more crazy Tinder posts!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Phicklephilly – Tinder Moments

More crazy online dating profiles!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Phicklephilly – Tinder Moments

Here’s another batch of interesting characters I found in the online dating community!

 

Enjoy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Amazon Customer Review

“This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.”

I read this recently and nearly died laughing. I know this isn’t the usual phicklephilly fare, but it was just so glorious and brilliantly written I had to share.

Happy Friday!

Enjoy!

Customer Review

Veet Hair Removal Gel

5.0 out of 5 stars
A warning from across the pond…
By: A. Chappellon July 3, 2012

Format: Health and Beauty

After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus’s birthday as a bit of a treat.
I ordered it well in advance, and working in the North Sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews, and wrote them off as soft office types…oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen.
I didn’t have long to wait. At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn’t featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel off in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the drain with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen. By this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me.
The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned. Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn’t managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the drawer for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found its way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running its engines behind me. This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.
The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before. Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering…” Ooooh that feels good “.

Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn’t heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn’t the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn’t improve my status…So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self-respect…:)

 

The original can be seen here for validity: https://www.amazon.com/review/R2QP56S5P2DEGA

 

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