11 Psychological Tricks That Make Him Want You so Much More

Sometimes you just need a little strategy …

I honestly believe that love is something that can be cultivated … to a point.

There has to be a spark of interest there at first, but how deep someone falls in love with you will often be a result of the effort you both put forth to make that feeling happen.

Though you can never force a person to like you (and should never try, even if you could), there are definitely some psychology-based dating tips and methods that can help you learn how to get a guy to like you — and make people think of you more highly in general.

These psychological “mind tricks” are even backed by science.

If you’re trying to get his attention but aren’t exactly sure how to get a guy to like you, give these psychology-based dating tips and tricks a spin.

1. Ask him for favors.

Studies have shown that people tend to like people who they do favors for, even if they initially hated them.

This is because we subconsciously make ourselves believe that the person would do the same for us as we did for them.

This reverse psychology phenomenon is known as the Ben Franklin Effect, since the Founding Father himself was the one who discovered this strange trick. As he wrote in his autobiography: “He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged.”

2. Compliment him … just not all the time.

Most guys don’t get complimented frequently, so when they do hear a compliment, they tend to eat it up.

The only problem is that compliments lose their significance if you hear them all the time.

By spacing out compliments to a max of once per day, it keeps him on his toes.

3. Prolong your eye contact just a little bit longer.

It’s true. Studies have found that prolonged eye contact increases the likelihood that two people will fall in love.

The man behind the groundbreaking research on this subject, social psychologist Arthur Aron, says, “the two biggest factors to falling in love through eye contact are i) the other person is reasonably appropriate and desirable, and ii) there is reason to think they might be interested in you.”

4. Use his name.

The names we’re given are music to our ears.

Hearing your name being said by someone is an ego boost, albeit a small one.

Studies have shown that hearing your own name has a unique effect on brain activation, as our “brains involuntarily respond to the sound of our own names, even in a state in which we are unable to respond to or act on anything else. What could be more powerful than that?!”

5. Mirror his gestures.

One of the most common ways that people show a connection to someone is to subtly copy their gestures.

This is actually done on a subconscious level when it’s a seriously natural jive.

Psychologists have noticed that you can actually create a closer bond by mirroring someone, even if those gestures are done totally consciously.

Who knew?

6. Don’t be afraid to show him your flaws.

A lot of women tend to want to hide their flaws and look “perfect” as a way to attract men.

Though you definitely don’t have to show all your flaws immediately, showing him that you occasionally goof up makes you human to him… and it also shows him that you’re not a fake.

7. Expect good things from him.

Among psychologists, this is known as the Pygmalion Effect and it says that we tend to mold to the expectations that people set for us.

If you think he’s a jerk, then you’ll behave in a way that will encourage him to be a jerk, even if it’s on a subconscious level.

So, expect him to be good to you and he will be better to you than if you expected him to be a twerp.

8. Let him talk about himself.

People love to talk about themselves.

We are our own favorite subjects, even if we aren’t narcissists by nature.

By asking him questions about himself, what he does for a living, and getting him to open up, you’re getting him to like you more by indulging him in his favorite topic of conversation.

9. Have a life outside of him.

You know who loves having a woman who has her man as the center of her universe?

Abusers and people who are way too insecure to have a healthy relationship.

By showing him that you’re balanced and not desperate, you’re giving him the green light to pursue you without worrying of you becoming a Stage 5 Clinger.

10. Show that you have similar values, hobbies, and traits to him.

Studies show that we tend to fall in love (or associate) with people when we share similar values and backgrounds as them, a phenomenon known as Similar/Attraction Theory.

So, if he’s a rebel, show your rebellious side.

If he’s a family guy, talk about how important your parents are to you.

11. Be ready to walk if he still doesn’t reciprocate.

Nothing is as sexy as a girl who values herself enough to stop chasing a man.

Be ready to walk if he doesn’t reciprocate feelings.

You never know; he might come around.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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How To Flirt In 2020: A Modern Manual

Flirting should be as intuitive as a call of nature. Both are driven by basic urges, and both can bring some of the greatest satisfaction known to man. But while our bathroom technique grows ever more comfortable (aloe vera paper, come to papa), flirting can feel like that moment you discover the roll is bare and not even Alexa can help you.

So, what’s changed? For starters, our wingman. Back in ancient times – so, around 15 years ago – your wingman was an actual man, whose bar chat set a benchmark to beat. Today, the third party connecting you to potential dates is a software company, which increases findability and speed but decreases the social cues, like facial expressions and body language, that let you know if someone is really into you.

“When messages and apps reduce this feedback, our brain fills in the gaps. If our brain is horny, this can create confusing and inappropriate situations,” explains Dr Bernie Hogan, who researches personal social networks at the Oxford Internet Institute. “We’ve gone from the romantic subtleties of touching someone’s leg during a movie on a third date to thinking, ‘Do they want sex or not? I’ll send them a dick pic to find out’.”

 

Making your intentions clear, without overdoing it, is now more complex than how much Dior Sauvage to apply with your date night outfit. “Post-#MeToo, some men feel reticent to make a move at all,” comments dating coach, Hayley Quinn. While an instantly-at-your-palm porn culture breeds frustration when real-life encounters fail to match the zero-to-bedroom-hero theatrics of the laptop screen.

“We now have more single people who’ve never had sex than in the history of sex studies,” confirms Dr Hogan. “People oscillate between dating’s fear of rejection and the easy self-gratification of porn. But there is a middle ground, where a little seduction will go a long way.”

Smart flirting is your GPS there. The good news is that you already have all the tools you need, and none of them come from your crotch. There’s a reason why that area is nicknamed your junk.

How To Flirt: A Modern Manual

Do Take Flirtation Offline

In-person flirting might feel like the landline of the dating world, but it’s the only effective signal-reading test. Dr Hogan encourages people to go IRL with date ideas, ASAP.

“Whether it’s a coffee, a walk in a park or dinner, you get a shared context to talk about as opposed to ‘we’re on a dating app, we share images of each other’.” Stay digital and your inner sleuth (AKA your inner crazy) will search the internet to fill in what you don’t know about the other person.

“You think it’s harmless, but you’re building up a picture which may not be what they want to share with you. This creates distance, not closeness.”

Don’t Bombard Their Social Channels

Proof that we’re the luckiest and laziest generation in history: you don’t even need to join a dating site to find millions of images of potential singles. But are social platforms like Instagram, or even LinkedIn, fair game?

Dr Hogan’s research found that acceptability varies by culture. More gregarious countries – Brazil, Spain, Italy – were much more likely to use social networks than ‘quieter’ cultures, such as Nordic countries, which preferred very structured dating apps. “The problem is when you cross a context that someone doesn’t expect,” he heeds. Take LinkedIn.

“Contact someone solely because you find them attractive and it’s very easy to push too hard, making them feel disempowered instead of respected and autonomous.” On image-heavy platforms like Instagram, it’s even easier to decontextualise someone to the point where you’ve liked 170 pictures, doused them comments like you were throwing salt on your chips, and you haven’t just slid into their DMs, you’ve vomited all over their inbox.

“This intensity can come across as obsessive. It’s not just unsuccessful, it can be threatening.”

Do Pay Attention To Feedback

It’s the most important F-word at work (even if a shorter, ruder one sometimes springs to mind), and feedback is equally pivotal in dating. Why? “Because there is no chat-up line in the world that is so wonderful that it can persuade someone of something they don’t feel, or aren’t open to,” says Quinn.

“Interactions are co-created, and if the other person seems disinterested or uncomfortable, take the feedback and leave it. If you send a DM and don’t get a response, move on.” It’s not a case of rejection, it’s about prioritising and investing your time in people who want to reciprocate.

Don’t Get Graphic With Compliments

Used subtly, compliments are a natural in. Speak from the pants, not the heart, however, and you’ve fast-tracked yourself to sleaze. Firstly, implied beats explicit, urges Quinn. ‘I just had to come and talk to you…’, which implies attraction, is less invasive than a comment about their legs.

Next, keep it simple. ‘You have a great smile/accent’ is less creepy than gushing, ‘I really like how you’re so XXX, that’s just so amazing,’ which feels too intense. Thirdly, focus on personality. “It’s a lot more meaningful when someone validates who you are versus what you look like,” she adds.

Do Use Touch…

…but look for reciprocation. Quinn has a great way of viewing physical contact: “Touch is a conversation between two people,” she explains. “It should never be a man repeatedly touching a woman to try to turn her on.” Start with a light, brief touch to someone’s arm.

If reciprocated, move a little closer or hold the touch longer. It’s also fine to ask, ‘Can I give you a hug? I didn’t want to overstep the mark’, which is far better than assuming and lunging. Done right – and reciprocally – touch aces connection and trust.

Don’t Say ‘Hey’

According to Alex Durrant, CEO of dating app, Jigtalk, ‘hey’ is the most common opening line on apps – but also gets the least responses. You get out what you put in, and a one-worder – or, worse, one waving emoji – will not cut it.

For the first contact, personalise your message towards something on the person’s bio – say, ‘I bet you’re into cooler music/films/sports than me’, which invites a response. Once the ice is broken, have some get-to-know-you questions on hand to kindle the chemistry.

Madeleine Mason Roantree, a dating psychologist at London matchmaking agency The Vida Consultancy, directs clients to 36 Questions In Love – a ready-made list of conversation prompts, such as: Would you like to be famous? What is your most treasured memory? What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

Do React To Social Media Stories

“People use Instagram Stories and Snapchat to pour out their emotions. React or reply to these – which tend to be more personal than curated Posts – and you have a higher chance of building up a meaningful connection on these channels,” suggests Celia Schweyer, a dating expert at DatingScout.co.uk.

Keep contact casual and focused on things you have in common – ‘I really like this too’ (about a favourite food, say) or ‘I didn’t know you were into this! Same!’

Don’t Get Naked

Not, like, ever. But all of our experts agree that a nude photoshoot is best confined to a relationship, “where both parties are mutually interested and comfortable receiving images,” says Mason Roantree. Memes (clothed ones) and emojis express interest without offending the other person or being too explicit. In short: don’t be a dick, or send one.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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Take It From Him: 4 Compliments That Guys Take As Insults

Men can be remarkably thin-skinned. Sometimes even a compliment will send us reeling. We think things through too much (which might not ring true with what you think of guys, but stay with me here). Even the nicest thing can be misconstrued as an attack on our manhood and genitalia, which are inextricably linked, and we’ll retire to hours of crying on the couch while drinking and watching football, thinking about the horrible, horrible things that you’ve said.

Well, maybe not to that extreme. I can promise you that we will drink and watch football though. Here’s a look at some common compliments that guys will often take as insults.

1. “You’re not like my old boyfriend.” It doesn’t matter if your last boyfriend was Jeffrey Dahmer, guys just hear this compliment as “I was interested in this other guy, but now you’re here.” The more specific you get with the compliment, the more our little self-conscious minds will read into it. Especially avoid any sexual comparisons—even if you say something nice, we’ll wonder why the hell you brought it up in the first place. Never compare our anatomy (out loud, anyways). If you haven’t figured it out by now, men are overly sensitive about their private parts.

2. “You’re so sensitive.” Guys don’t want to be thought of as sensitive, especially, ironically, the sensitive guys. We want to be tough badasses. We want to be Patrick Swayze in “Road House,” not Patrick Swayze in “Ghost.” If you call us sensitive, we’re just going to cry about it. Try tempering the compliment with this instead: “Oh, you’re really sensitive underneath that rugged exterior and those strong arms that could probably disembowel a man in about two seconds if given the chance! I’m really sexually attracted to you.”

3. “You’re very thin.” This seems backhanded to guys. We don’t want to be thin; we want to be big, rippling, bulging sacks of muscle and grit, regardless of how unappealing that might seem. We don’t want to be a stick. Even if you’re just trying to tell us that we look pretty good with our shirts off, it’s better to say that we’re “fit.” That way, we can look in the mirror after you leave the room and try to look at our scrawny biceps and think about how we could conceivably make a play for the UFC featherweight title.

4. “I enjoy sex with you, even if I don’t have a big O.” Guys are incapable of believing that sex can be good without that O moment. It’s how we approach sex, as a means to an end, and most guys can’t get it through their heads that sex is fulfilling by itself for many women. If you’ve had great sex, but you didn’t get there, just don’t bring it up. Guys won’t read into it unless you call attention to what they’ll see as a “lack of satisfaction.” And by the way, I apologize for our lack of biological knowledge. We’re really trying. Really.

What compliments have you given guys that backfired? Post below.

 

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