10 Texts To Never Ever Send Your Ex (+5 He May Actually Want To Read)

The first few days after you break up with someone can feel pretty weird. You were used to texting this person all the time (with cute emojis included), telling them your every thought, and of course, hanging out with them regularly. Now, all of a sudden, there’s radio silence and all you can think about is what went wrong.

When you’re looking at your phone and wondering if it’s alright to get in contact with your ex-boyfriend, there are definitely some text messages that are totally cool… and some that he would frown at. In the art of breaking up, there’s a fine line between friendly and awkward.

Here are 10 texts to never send your ex, and five that he may actually want to read.

15. Never Send: ‘Who’s That Girl In Your Profile Pic?’

There’s really nothing worse than seeing a photo of your ex-boyfriend with another girl. You might be tempted to text him and ask who the girl in his social media profile picture is.

The problem? This will make you look kind of bad since you’ll look super jealous. This is a text message to never send your ex.

14. Never Send: ‘Remember When…?’

You might also be staring at your cell phone, wondering if you should text your ex and ask him, “Remember when we ate pizza for a week straight?” or “Remember that crazy vacation where everything went wrong?”

You don’t want to text him this, either, because it would just bug him.

13. Want To Read: ‘Want To Come To My Birthday Party?’

On the other hand, when it comes to text messages that your ex-boyfriend might actually want to read, asking him if he wants to come to your birthday party is one of them.

Maybe you said you would stay friends but haven’t made good on that promise. This would be a nice thing to do and a way of breaking the ice.

12. Never Send: ‘What’s Up?’

You never want to send a text that says “What’s up?” This is especially true if it’s late at night. This sends the message that you want to hang out and that you might still have feelings for him.

Even if that’s true, things might get awkward fast, and you probably would rather avoid that.

11. Never Send: ‘I Bumped Into Your Friend The Other Day’

You also don’t need to text your ex and mention that just the other day, you ran into one of his super good friends.

This is a totally unnecessary text message since he’ll probably hear about it. And he might think that you’re just trying to get in touch with him, not really saying anything.

10. Never Send: ‘I Love Your New Haircut’

If you texted your ex that you love his new haircut, that would creep him out. He would wonder how you knew since you haven’t seen him lately, and then he would realize that he posted a new photo of himself on social media.

You know that you check him out online… but you don’t want to make that super obvious to him.

9. Want To Read: ‘No Hard Feelings, Let’s Be Friendly’

Your ex probably wouldn’t mind if you texted him, “No hard feelings, let’s be friendly.” This is a particularly great text message to send if you two have mutual friends or run into each other on a regular basis.

No one likes an awkward breakup, and this would help with that.

8. Never Send: ‘Are You Dating Again?’

You don’t want your ex-boyfriend to ask you if you’re dating again, so you really don’t want to ask him this question, either. The truth is that you don’t need to know this information. You two broke up.

He’s not going to want to give you a straight answer, anyway, and then you’ll get even more frustrated.

7. Never Send: ‘We Need To Talk’

Rehashing the breakup is never a good idea. Yes, even if you thought of the perfect comeback to something that he said, or you think that you can “win the breakup.”

It’s not the best idea to text him “we need to talk.” He’s probably just going to say that he doesn’t want to.

6. Want To Read: ‘I Heard About This Great Job’

Your ex might want to read a text from you saying that you heard about an awesome job that could be his dream one. Maybe you can help him out and refer him for a position that you heard about.

If you two are on good terms, there’s no reason not to send this text message.

5. Never Send: ‘I’m Still Annoyed With You’

If you ever want to text your ex that you’re annoyed with him, that’s not a great idea. You also don’t want to text something that continues the argument that you had or whatever caused the breakup.

This will just start a fight or make him upset, and that’s not that productive, right?

4. Never Send: ‘Did I Leave Any Stuff At Your Place?’

If you text your ex that you wonder if you left anything at his apartment, he’ll be able to tell that you’re looking for an excuse to get in contact with him.

If he’s a decent person, he’ll definitely let you know if you did leave stuff there, so this is kind of unnecessary.

3. Never Send: ‘How’s Work Going?’

This isn’t the best text message to send, either. He’ll be confused that you’re getting in touch with him and he won’t want to tell you too many details.

After all, you’re not together anymore, so you both need to find other people to talk to regularly and confide in.

2. Want To Read: ‘I Just Wanted To See How You’re Doing’

Did you break up on friendly terms? Maybe it’s been a while and you really are curious about how he’s doing. It’s totally okay to check-in and it’s okay to ask him about his life these days.

He’s going to appreciate it and he’ll want to know how things are going for you too, for sure.

1. Want To Read: ‘I Miss You’

Your ex-boyfriend might actually want to read a text from you that says that you miss him. If you really think that you have a chance of getting back together, why not go for it and take a chance?

You never know… he could be waiting to hear this from you, and maybe he was too shy to text you the same thing.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

18 Sexy Movies On Netflix For Couples To Watch On Date Night

Netflix isn’t just for marathoning New York-set comic book adaptations and cherry-picking the most comforting episodes of your favorite sitcoms. The streaming service also has a nice cache of romantic movies that drift towards the sensual. So when you’re spending an evening in with your significant other, there’s no reason to look to outlets that specialize in that kind of thing. Netflix subscribers can access lots of sexy films — some unrated — with just their regular monthly membership fee. But since some of these movies are foreign-made, independent, or otherwise off-the-beaten-path, you may not come across them while casually browsing. So here’s a helpful primer of 18 dirty movies on Netflix that couples can watch on date night.

You may have seen a few of these movies already. Some were major theatrical releases; others are critically acclaimed. But I hope you’ll find some hidden treasure in this list of psychological dramas, hotter-than-average romantic comedies, and pleasantly silly erotic thrillers. With these movies, you and your partner can lose yourself in another romance for a while, experience something new together, and ideally be inspired to get creative and stay connected. You could watch these 18 Netflix movies alone, but wouldn’t it be more fun if you had some company?

1. Y Tu Mama Tambien

Childhood friends Gael Garcia Bernal and Diego Luna broke out in this life-affirming road movie about two bros who take a trip with a mysterious older woman and end up shattering the boundaries between them.

2. Nymphomaniac, Volume 1

This Lars Von Trier sex odyssey is not for the faint of heart and probably requires a pre-game talk to make sure that both of you are on board with what you’re about to see.

3. Nymphomaniac, Volume 2

Ditto on this second installment, which continues the story of the first. The director’s work is an acquired — or, in some cases, never acquired — taste, so if you weren’t down with Volume 1, Volume 2 will just give you more of the same.

4. Last Night

Kiera Knightley and Sam Worthington have a blissful marriage in this romantic drama by writer/director Massy Tadjedin. But they learn the limits of their happiness when they each have the opportunity for an extramarital tryst. Eva Mendes and Guillaume Canet costar.

5. Clouds Of Sils Maria

Kristen Stewart is the assistant managing the charged rivalry between an aging beauty (Juliette Binoche) and the ingenue threatening to replace her (Chloe Grace Moretz). The sexual tension is palpable across all three of them.

6. Blue Is The Warmest Color

Infamous for its lengthy and realistic sex scenes, Blue Is The Warmest Color is also a touching and troubling story about all-consuming first love. Léa Seydoux and Adèle Exarchopoulos were both celebrated for their performances and the film won the coveted Palme d’Or at Cannes.

7. Newness

Like Crazy filmmaker, Drake Doremus brings his dreamy style to a feature about apps, hookup culture, open relationships, and the millennial pressure to want to participate in all of those things. Nichola Coult and Laia Costa lead the 2017 film.

8. Ibiza

This Netflix original comedy about three girlfriends who take a trip to Spain includes a sexy romantic subplot between Harper (Gillian Jacobs) and a hot DJ played by Richard “King in the North” Madden.

9. Love

Gaspar Noé’s erotic drama isn’t particularly positive or heartwarming, but it has sensuality in spades as one man remembers his rollercoaster relationship with the love he lost.

10. You Get Me

This trailer about badly behaving teens (including Bella Thorne and Halston Sage) features lots of partner switching, lies, and artfully constructed drama. And pools!

11. Indiscretion

This erotic TV thriller isn’t good, by any means, but sexual obsession and a forbidden tryst add some excitement. If you’re not necessarily looking for a compelling plot, this will do the trick.

12. Below Her Mouth

Despite boasting an all-female crew, this sexually-charged drama about a same-sex affair has only a 22% aggregate rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Those less-than-great reviews include descriptions like “an undeniably steamy effort” and “sexually frank,” so at least you know what you’re getting.

13. God’s Own Country

A British sheep farmer and a Romanian migrant worker find a connection against the stark backdrop of a farm in this Sundance breakout by first-time feature director Francis Lee.

14. Palm Trees In The Snow

There’s nothing like a long, weepy, bodice-ripping historical drama to put you in the mood. (If you’re still awake by the end of it.)

15. Bull Durham

Whether you’re into baseball or not, you’ll be seduced by this very sexy rom-com about a love triangle between a rookie (Tim Robbins), the catcher who’s supposed to get him up to speed (Kevin Costner), and a super-fan (Susan Sarandon)

16. Blue Valentine

While, yes, you do have to watch the relationship between Michelle Williams’ and Ryan Gosling’s characters implode, you also get to watch the start of it, when their chemistry overwhelmed and no problem seemed too big to overcome.

17. Ex Machina

The literal self-actualization of the femme A.I. played by Alicia Vikander is very sexy, as she blows past her creator’s hope for her and takes control of her life. As man-made as it is, it can’t stay that way.

18. Duck Butter

Two women played by Alia Shawkat and Laia Costa (on the list for a second time) decide to test their instant chemistry by having sex every hour, on the hour, for a full day. Will it push their relationship to the next level, the way they hope?

And that’s your next 18 date nights planned. The couple that streams together stays together.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

HIS & HERS – Bored In The Bedroom

This is the third installment of a new Dating and Relationships column I’m attempting to create here on Phicklephilly. My friend Jackie and I have been kicking around the idea of writing an advice column together. We actually came up with the idea a few years ago. We wanted something that gave advice from a man’s and a woman’s perspective. We’re going to try to publish this column at least once or twice a month for now. If it catches on, we’ll probably run every week.

Welcome to: HIS & HERS!

Here’s a little background on Jackie.

Jackie Rupp grew up as a very sheltered only child, having parents with mental illness and few friends, she’s always been fascinated by the human condition and all our unique quirks and idiosyncrasies. She often writes about wrestling with social anxiety, fumbling through relationships, and ways to improve outlook. As a marketing consultant and founder of CAT creative agency, she helps businesses develop better content and branding messages and is always taking on new clients. A proud mom of two, she’s also passionate about pancakes, kittens, and exploring new adventures in handmade crafting.  

https://www.linkedin.com/in/jackie-rupp-content-queen/

Okay, let’s get to the business at hand. Here’s our newest question.

Bored In The Bedroom

Question:

Help guys, I’m bored in the bedroom and want to add some new things to our repertoire but I don’t seem to have the guts to bring it up! I’m a straight female in a happy monogamous relationship. I’d just like to explore more but I don’t know what, how, what I’m comfortable with, or what my bf would be comfortable with. The thought of him not being into something I suggest scares the crap out of me. Are there any baby steps I could take to add the spice without the scares? 

Jackie: 

Thank you, wonderful human. You said what so many of us are feeling. Because sex doesn’t get talked about (honestly) between all but the best of friends generally (and even then sometimes we try not to listen to what we’re hearing) many times we’re left with unrealistic FOMO that everyone is having open, wild sex but us. Actually, a lot of us are just fumbling through. 

Even though you might be able to talk to your partner about that weird bump on your ear and point out their boogers without hesitation, sometimes sex can feel not as easy to discuss. And, I’ll add that the longer you’re together, the more difficult to change things up, because there’s this huge elephant in the room of “that’s not the way we’ve always done it.” Change is hard. But there’s no need to go it alone. You have a partner so you don’t have to. 

You can try to approach it like a team by just dropping a small conversation starter like, “I was wondering if we could talk about sex.” or “I’m curious to explore some sexual variety together.” Now, if those sentences sound too hard to blurt out, it always helps to preface something that you’re having trouble saying by being honest about it being a challenge to say. 

Trust me, if you say something like “This has been on my mind and I’m having a hard time figuring out how to say this to you…” it’s gonna be one hell of a relief when the topic you want to talk about is sex and not breaking up or revealing that you’re moving to New Zealand to join a LOTR-themed circus. 

And then there’s the old-stand-by option when something is too scary to say face-to-face, you could always send a text to it’s been on your mind that you’d like to get to know his fantasies better. Probably the best text he’ll get all month or probably all year for that matter. 

Keep in mind, this is a good thing, a fun thing, and something you’re doing to make your relationship better. So frame it as such so you can go into it not-so terrified.

Another option to consider is to buy one of those “adult” board games or fill out a Yes, No, Maybe quiz together that covers all types of sexual activities and fetishes so you can explore together. It’s an easy way to take the pressure off of yourself from carrying the conversation and let it happen on its own. 

One more suggestion is if you’re both comfortable with porn and watching it together to browse some sites together and see what strikes your fancy. What could be easier than clicking on a video!

Charles – Answer:  

In most long-term relationships, sex is not always spontaneous and effortless. The initial burst of excitement we experience during the honeymoon phase can fade, and couples have to prioritize sex just like any other part of their relationship.

The good news is that being intentional and communicative about your sexual relationship can bring back elements of surprise, experimentation, and variety.

When lulls in a couple’s sex life occur, it’s the responsibility of both partners to address it together; it’s best not to criticize or assign blame to your partner.

Be sure to first highlight the positives. You can say, “I love it when you do …” Then make a suggestion — not a complaint — about what you would like to see more of. Keep the conversation brief and the suggestions specific.

Consider aspects of your lives that could indirectly be affecting your sex life, such as work stress, conflicting schedules, medical issues, or child-rearing. It’s not just about “spicing things up,” but thinking through what could be getting in the way of a satisfying sexual relationship.

It’s extremely important to express genuine curiosity about what your partner would like in the bedroom. This approach invites collaborative conversation and communicates that you value your partner’s sexual needs and desires as much as your own.

The way you provide feedback is so important when you’re dealing with a sensitive topic and when you don’t want to hurt your spouse.

First, make sure you have good timing; I wouldn’t wait until you are in bed. Pick a more neutral time and place.

I would recommend starting on a positive note. You can describe some things you like about your lovemaking, and then you can add some ideas to spice it up more.

Ask your partner if he or she has any ideas too. Approach the topic as a fun “project” you can both embark on together.

Jackie Comment: 

I love the idea of a neutral place! Sometimes if you wait until sex is happening or getting started, you can be so distracted trying to bring up this new concept or initiate something new that it takes you out of the moment. 

Was this helpful? Let us know in the comments section!

Do you have a dating and relationship question you’d like answered?
Send it to me in the Contact section of this blog, and Jackie and I will answer it in a future post!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

If He Doesn’t Do These 5 Things For You, Let Him Go

Sadly, the need for the latter is often mistaken as the more important one instead of the former.

But of course, that’s not how it should be.

It’s great to have a boyfriend but it is more important to have one who’s not just in your life for the fun of it.

So if you have one who doesn’t do any of the following five things, he’s no better than just an unnecessary piece of furniture on an already crowded surface. You really need to let him go.

1. Support you

If your boyfriend isn’t a believer in your abilities or in the things you do and spend most of your time and energy on, it’s grounds enough for him to be dumped. You need someone in your life who pushes you with his actions and encourages you with his words.

2. Respect you

Respect is far too important to take with a pinch of salt. So if yours is a man who needs to be taught the basic things about respect and he’s not even catching up, you’re free to let him go.

Every man who considers himself old enough to be in a relationship shouldn’t have to be taught how to respect and treat a woman right. If he fails on this front, every self-respecting woman knows better than to constantly battle for respect and fair treatment, especially from the man she calls her own!

3. Respect your family

His respect should not be limited to just you particularly when your relationship is marriage intended. He doesn’t need to love your parents and family members. That’s a demand too much to make of him. But of a necessity, he must respect them – every single one of them.

This is an unbendable rule. Don’t sell your folks and siblings cheap. Demand this at all times and let him go if he feels too big to comply.

4. Doesn’t let you express yourself

Refusal to communicate with you or allow you to express your thoughts, emotions, and feelings in a relationship is a grave offense that you really should not take lightly.

The operative word here is stonewalling, and where this is the order of the day, it’s difficult to imagine such a relationship growing or blossoming into anything magical or enviable.

If he’s closed off and habitually shuts down communication, it’s pointless trying to make things work with this guy. Let him go.

5. Doesn’t put in enough effort

If you have repeatedly tried to make him put in more effort into pleasing you sexually, treating you right, and other reasonable demands you may have, you need to let him go if he refuses to do just that.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Is My Partner In Love With Me? 9 Unconscious Things They’ll Do If They Are

It can be fun to look for signs your partner is in love, especially if they aren’t really the type to say it out loud. Not everyone, after all, feels comfortable expressing those three big words — “I love you” — or sharing their feelings. And that’s OK.

These can also come in handy at the very start of a relationship, before you both come out and say how you feel. There might be clues that mean your partner is in love, including the little unconscious things they’re likely do and say throughout the day.

Whether it’s the way they look at you, the questions they ask, or the ways they help you out, it can all point to love. You can still confirm it in other ways, however, if you’re wondering how they truly feel, in order to ensure you’re both on the same page regarding the status of your relationship.

“It’s always fine to ask what your partner is feeling in a relationship, especially if you are reading signs, but receiving very little direct communication,” Jonathan Bennett, relationship and dating expert at Double Trust Dating, tells us. Sometimes, you just need to say it out loud so you both know. But until then, keep an eye out for the unconscious things your partner might do if they’re in love, according to experts.

1. They’re More Affectionate

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“A partner who is truly falling in love might unconsciously be more affectionate in very tender ways,” Dr. Carla Marie Manly, PhD, a clinical psychologist, relationship expert, and author of Joy from Fear, tells us. “As defenses are reduced by emotional connection, physical displays of affection often naturally — and unconsciously — increase.”

They might lean in for kisses more often, tenderly brush your hair back from your face, or even wipe food off your lip. And you’ll probably feel compelled to do the same. These gestures show you’re comfortable around each other, and want to make each other feel secure and happy.

2. They Like To Be Close

In a similar vein, you might notice that they look for ways to be closer to you physically, in sweet ways. “This isn’t just during sexual contact, but even casually and subconsciously, like holding your hand while sitting, putting an arm around you when walking, and so on,” Bennett says.

If you two kept some distance before — possibly by walking side by side or feeling nervous about holding hands — you might be more into the idea of closing that gap, simply because you both want to.

3. They Help You Out In Small Ways

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You know someone’s in love if they suddenly want to run boring errands with you, just because it means spending time together. But the same can be true if you notice a shift from your partner focusing solely on themselves to focusing more on your needs, too.

“Love can be unconsciously displayed through increased awareness of the other person’s needs — both emotional and physical,” Manly says. “True love for another person unconsciously changes one’s orientation away from the self and toward the other person, and this results in thoughtful actions that are reflective of loving awareness.”

Instead of just making coffee for themselves, for example, they’ll begin to unconsciously pour two cups. Simple moments like these can reveal a lot.

4. They Start Saying “We”

“Love often translates unconsciously into inclusive, couple-type actions that generate more of a sense of ‘we’ rather than ‘I’,” Manly says. So if you notice that your partner starts speaking about you as a unit, take it as a sign.

“Vocabulary may unconsciously shift accordingly to reflect an orientation toward partnership,” Manly says, “such as ‘Maybe we can plan on going camping this fall?’ or ‘Wouldn’t it be great if we could find a dog to adopt someday?'”

This shows they’re thinking about you as a duo as well as looking towards the future, which is a path you’ll be way more likely to head down as a couple, if you’re both madly in love.

5. They Make More Eye Contact

Alexander Ishchenko/Shutterstock

Eye contact can be pretty intense between two people who love each other, so if you notice your partner staring deeply into your eyes, there’s a good chance they’re in love.

“This can include making eye contact, but also simply looking at you randomly,” Bennett says. “If your partner can’t stop looking at you and even can’t seem to help staring, it’s a clear sign of intense attraction and love.”

You might catch them gazing at you from across the room, even when you aren’t doing anything particularly interesting. If they have feelings, their eyes will naturally settle on you more often, without them even realizing it.

6. They Prioritize Hanging Out

People want to hang out with those they care about, Bennett says, so if your partner wants to be around you more often — even if it’s just to do nothing — that can be a sign of love. And the same is true if they start choosing to hang out as a couple over other activities.

While it’s always good to have your own lives and hobbies going on outside the relationship, being in love can mean wanting to spend all your time together and prioritizing the relationship, especially in those early days.

7. They Call With Big News

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Whether it’s good or bad, it shows you mean a lot to your partner if you’re one of the first people they call with big news, and that’s because it’s a sign “they feel connected and safe to be vulnerable with you,” Christine Scott-Hudson, MA, MFT, ATR, a licensed psychotherapist who specializes in creative healing and art therapy, and owner of Create Your Life Studio, tells us. “If your partner makes you and your relationship a priority and treats it as such, they likely value you and what you have together.”

8. They Ask Lots Of Questions

You might also notice a shift in the conversation leaning more towards what you want and what you think. And that can be yet another sign your partner is focused on you, wants to know more about your inner world, and that they’re making you a priority.

“If your partner wants to know everything from your favorite color to your deepest secrets, it’s pretty clear that they can’t get enough of you,” Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking, tells us.

9. They Light Up When They See You

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“Whether or not your partner realizes it, the way they react to seeing you walk into a room says a ton about the way they really feel about being around you,” Trombetti says. “It can be something as big as a hug or as simple as a smile. All that matters is that they show some enthusiasm to see you.”

Without even realizing it, your partner may start to do these things as they fall in love, and as your relationship grows. Holding hands, making more eye contact, and putting you first can all point to how they feel, even if they haven’t said it out loud.

You can, however, always confirm your hunch by asking, as well as talking about where your relationship is going, in order to make sure you both share strong feelings — and want the same things.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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