California Dreamin’ – Ashley – 3 Strikes – Part 3

Wildwood, NJ – 1984

When I got back to Wildwood, NJ I would write letters and sometimes talk to Ashley on the phone. One night I had been drinking while I was on the phone with her and the conversation turned to sex.

Ashley became enraged, that I was gone from her life and all I wanted to do was talk about how great our sex had been. She yelled at me and told me she never wanted to speak to me again. She was peevish, ex-lover spurned with jealousy and rage.

I was fine with that. I was already seeing someone else by then.

Philadelphia, PA – 2008

25 years later, I’m living in Rittenhouse with my girlfriend, Michelle. One day I go on Facebook, and I have a friend request from Ashley! I was happily surprised to hear from her after so long. Facebook was still pretty new back then and people were reconnecting with all of their old friends from the past. Whether that’s a good idea or not, I don’t know. I’m going to say it’s a good thing. I’ve been able to chat with many of my old friends and it’s nice to see some of them after all of these years.

But after about a week or so, Ashley writes me a message that I’m not being a good Facebook friend and she’s cutting me off. I didn’t understand what that meant. I guess I was supposed to be more attentive on this social media platform. It seemed weird to me at the time, but after all that time I didn’t care. She just seemed crazy. Mental illness is an insidious thing. I’ve met enough crazy people here in Philly, and I just don’t care anymore.

Philadelphia, PA – 2020

Here we go again. We’re all in lockdown due to the global pandemic. Out of the blue, I get a message on Facebook from Ashley. Now it’s been 37 years since I laid eyes on her.

She and I would message each other on Facebook. It was nice to chat with her again after all of these years. We had a shared history from a long time ago when we were young and free in L.A. in the early 80s.

She had been to school and became a chef, married for over 30 years, had no children and had been living in Italy for many years. It was fun to catch up.

But after a short period, I started to notice a very angry tone in her messages. She seemed bitter and preachy about certain subjects. I’ve been around for a long time and have a wealth of life experience. I can pretty much read people through the written word as if I’m listening to them in person. It sounded like when she’d get mean in her messages, she was drunk.

I think she searched my blog looking for some heartfelt story about her and there just wasn’t any. I wrote about a bunch of wild things that happened to me and the boys when we got to LA but never got around to writing about her.

She gave me a really hard time about some of my posts. I felt violated and insulted by how corrosive her words were about my blog. So many cruel, words. It hurt, but I’m accustomed to trolls by now. I’m sure it was just her drunken bitterness coming forth from a life not lived. Just silly, juvenile, embarrassing behavior from a middle-aged woman.

It’s a shame when you find out a person has lived over half a century and hasn’t ever evolved as a person.

I have a low tolerance for drunk people even though I have a high tolerance for alcohol. (Not anymore, thank you) But she seemed drunk and rambled on in some of her messages. It felt uncomfortable and I felt bad for her. When I looked on her Instagram it was just a bunch of pictures of locations where she lived. She seems lonely. That’s the vibe I got. No kids, married for 30 years and has almost no info or photos of her husband.

I suppose what happened to her is that she’d sadly lived a life that’s been unfulfilled. She speaks and acts as though she hasn’t grown as a person or matured as an adult. She was still pissed about me leaving her back in 1983!

We spoke on the phone one morning and it was lovely. But she wanted to chat so much on Facebook messenger that it started to feel like too much. She said, “Promise me we can do this every week.”

Who says that? Promise me? I’m not making any promises to some 60-year-old woman who lives on the other side of the planet. I haven’t seen her in 37 years! Anything we ever were was finished a long time ago.

I also noticed how she would message me on Facebook, and if I didn’t respond, she would delete them all which seemed juvenile and weird. Sadly, Ashley’s never matured as a person and hasn’t evolved through the years. I can’t relate to any of that nonsense.

I think poor Ashley’s bored in her life and where she’s ended up, and has turned to alcohol for solace. But that never works. That’s just a band-aid covering up your real issues.

I spoke to my daughter about it and she said it all seemed kind of weird after all of this time.

I would have been happy to chat with her ocassionally on messenger. That would have been nice. But I don’t want to be in constant touch with someone and have them sending me clips of a bunch of music and songs I have zero interest in. It all seemed juvenile. I guess if you marry too young and don’t live a full life, you kind of get stuck behaving a certain way. I don’t know how her husband has put up with all of this childish behavior for so many years. I’d have divorced this woman/child years ago. But that’s his life, not mine. I don’t know the man.

So, at one point she sends me a message about how it’s been great talking to me and hopes I have a nice life. I saw it and didn’t respond. I could tell it was just an attempt to get my attention. But I simply don’t care. I feel nothing for this person.

There were a few more drunken messages that were later deleted. I’m assuming she writes a bunch of wild things when she’s half in the bag, and then the next morning when she’s sober, takes them down.

I figured she’d wait until the end of December of last year. If she hadn’t heard from me, she’d cut me off for the third time.

Had she just reached out to chat and behaved like an adult, we could have remained friends, but she hasn’t the ability to do that. I’m thinking possible bipolar and alcoholism at this point. But I’m not spending any time thinking about it at all. I’m too busy.

I was promoting some of my stuff on Facebook the other day, and I noticed the message chain from her was gone. I thought, “This is it.”

I searched for her on Facebook. She didn’t cut me off or block me, but she had unfriended me. So silly.

So, 3 strikes and it looks like I’m out.

But… like I always say. No matter what happens, good or bad… at least I got a story out of it…

 

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Men Who Attract “Crazy” Women: It’s All Your Fault

I’m truly fed up with men complaining that they always wind up with “crazy women” or saying that all of their exes are “crazy.” You want to know why I’m fed up with it? Because when men say this, they are taking no accountability for their own actions. They are refusing to see that they are the common denominator in all of their relationships with these alleged “crazy” women and are unwilling to admit that if they don’t like what they attract, it’s probably because they don’t like themselves. Water seeks its own level aka crazy attracts crazy. The use of the word “Crazy” is also very derogatory, and that’s frustrating in and of itself. But, if you are a man who continues to attract women who wind up being rather unstable, do not complain that that “just happens” to you. You’re causing it. Here’s how.

You first comment on looks

I’ve noticed one thing in common with every man I know who claims he “attracts crazy women”: the stories of how they first pick up these women involve these guys laying on the compliments about the women’s appearances—heavily. Those first interactions are all about telling the woman she’s really hot. Unfortunately, only women who do have some personal emotional work to do would ever go for this. Emotionally healthy women would not like that all of the focus and attention is on something superficial.

And go after the very put-together women

And, to add to that last point, these men who claim to attract unstable women only go after extremely hot women. I mean that level of hot that is only achieved through $500 haircuts, hours of makeup, every waist cincher and bust lifter available, extensions, and freshly manicured nails. Every day. I’m sorry to say it again but there is often a personality type (hello: high maintenance) that comes with this look. But these silly men who “attract crazies” are just drawn to that look, and aren’t perceptive enough to pick up on the beauty of women with a more subtle appearance aka ones who are stable enough to not overdo it on the hair/makeup/designer clothes thing.

One male acquaintance starts every relationship by showering the woman with monetary items. Whether that’s highly expensive jewelry, meals, or trips, the money is obvious and everywhere. I still state again that, gentlemen, if you want to attract a woman who is down to earth, you won’t find her on the other end of a Ferrari wrapped in a ribbon.

This is so common: a man seduces a woman out of a relationship she’s already in, into a relationship with him, and then things turn out to be toxic and turbulent. Oh wow, no way? A woman who was willing to cheat and relationship jump isn’t stable? You’re kidding me. Who would’ve thought?

You like women who mimic your personality

The man who winds up in these turbulent relationships also tends to like this trait in a woman: she mimics his personality. She’s a chameleon. Whatever hobbies or restaurants or people he loves, she loves, too. This is where a man’s ego can really get him in trouble. I have news for you, men: if a woman seems to love everything you love, it’s an act. And if there is some sort of act going on now, there will be some sort of drama going on later. Stable women will have their own personalities and interests. They won’t pretend to love everything you love.

You demand all of their time at first

Funny enough, the men I know who later claim their exes were “crazy,” are usually very needy in relationships. I see them calling and texting a new interest constantly, wanting to see her regularly, and always wanting to know where she is and who she’s with. Another newsflash, men: if a woman tolerates all of that jealousy and paranoia it’s because she’s also going to exhibit it. Men, if you want a woman who is laid back and not controlling, you yourselves must be laid back and not controlling.

Then you’re shocked when they demand yours

These same men are also completely shocked when they go from calling a woman every hour to ghosting her for weeks and she goes a little nuts. What did they expect? They gave her the impression this was going somewhere and then they disappeared. That would make anyone upset.

You move too fast

I know one guy who falls into this same pit over and over again. He always wants that next thrill (it’s just a form of running from himself and some serious healing that needs to happen). So he’ll move fast with a woman, wanting to live with her or get engaged within just a few months. Again, I will state that, as a man, if you try to move fast, you should know any woman who goes along with it will not be stable. Stable women take things slowly.

Then you abruptly put on the breaks

Then, once these men decide that their new, shiny toy is no longer that new or shiny, they put on the breaks abruptly. One month it’s, “Move in with me” and the next month it’s, “Why are you always in my space?” And, shocker, this can result in some “crazy” behavior on the female’s part. Who wouldn’t be upset by that total 180?

You want something all-consuming

Every relationship that ends up in flames begins as a “whirlwind romance.” Have you noticed that? If two people just take the time to get to know one another, see each other at a reasonable frequency in the beginning and still maintain their individuality, nobody winds up slashing tires or burning down houses. But the men I know who claim their exes are “crazy” always dive into things head first, are attached at the hip with these women, and go totally MIA on the rest of their friends while in relationships.

But stable women aren’t about that

Emotionally healthy women want to maintain their individuality. They want to keep up with their own social lives. They want time to themselves. So, fellas, any woman you meet who is willing to dive into this relationship that consumes the both of you probably won’t be, um, emotionally stable.

You’re looking for a massive ego boost

So, here’s the thing: I’ve noticed that the same men who call their exes crazy also like women who are highly impressed with their money, status, fame, and other superficial elements. These men are deeply insecure and must rely on superficial things to get attention. So they wind up with women who are equally insecure and drawn in by that BS.

Again, stable women won’t give you that

Again, a healthy woman will be repulsed by a man who tries to use his status to gain affection. Sorry, guys, but if you’re going to find quality relationships, you can’t take the easy way of flashing your money around.

You either like extreme partiers

I’ve also noticed that the men I know whose relationships go up in flames are often drawn to women who are huge partiers. These men are usually insecure, and to compensate for that they like the competitive nature that comes with dating a woman who is out at clubs each night. They like to pick fights. They like a reason to be possessive. And women who spend most of their nights partying until the sunrise probably aren’t on the most stable ground right now, either.

Or extreme introverts

The other personality I see these men attracted to is the introvert. Again, men who “just happen” to fall into turbulent relationships (again, it’s totally their own fault) are often controlling. So many of them like women who are introverted and very shy because they know they can trust them to just stay at home and wait for them. But if a woman is so introverted that she’s essentially a hermit, she will likely develop codependency issues on the one relationship in her life. I mean really men what do you expect?! You actively seek out these unstable relationships and then play the victim card when things get unstable.

 

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Men Describe The Creepiest Girl They’ve Ever Met – Part 2

The world is full of creeps, and if you’re not careful then you might end up being the unwilling object of a particular creep’s affection. Check out these Reddit-approved stories of possibly insane women who creeped dudes out. Some of these stories will make you afraid to ever talk to another human being again.
Drinking Games Don’t Have To Be PG
“Was out in San Fran for GDC a few years back. Stayed in a hostel with a whole bunch of my classmates since it was much cheaper than a hotel.

First few nights we were hanging out in the common room, playing drinking games, and meeting people from around the world. However, there was this older Asian woman who would float from group to group trying to join in and steal a beer or two. No one really complained at first.

On the third night, five of my buddies and these four Aussies decide to play Kings (or Kings Cup). Well, this lady joined and we tried to be nice and teach her the game. She pulled a king, which is rule master. We explained the rule and gave her some examples: must have your drink in hand at all times, laugh a certain way, no eye contact, etc.

She takes a few seconds to think and looks directly at me and says ‘Take off your pants!’ I just sit in disbelief and my buddy right away starts laughing. One of the Aussie chicks explains it doesn’t work that way. The woman then starts yelling other things at me. ‘Show me your butt! Let me see c*ck! Give me dance!’

At this point, I am trying to laugh it off, but I’m super embarrassed too. We ended up kicking her out of the game and then she was kicked out of the hostel the next day because she was found to be sneaking into other people’s rooms at night.”

The Choke And Vomit Experience Gets Zero Stars
“Well, I was at a party when this girl that I went to university with (and I only treated as a classmate) tried to choke me into telling her the name of the girl that I was seeing so that she could in her words ‘help’ me, and only let go when she threw up on herself.

That was pretty traumatic and creepy, 0/10 would not do again.”

Friend’s girlfriend randomly shows up for sex

“My buddy’s girlfriend showed up at my front door drunk and ready to bang. She professed her love for me and had built up this secret relationship between the two of us in her head. Like, we had our song and stuff like that. She said that the only reason that she was still with him was so that she could see me. I was pretty creeped out.

I was polite but told her that I wasn’t interested in any way. I made sure that she got home safe and then called my friend to tell him what happened. When he confronted her, she said that we had slept together that night. He called me on speakerphone in front of her and asked what happened. I told him the same story I told him the night before. He broke up with her right there and threw her out of his house.

She emailed me about six months later to tell me that she missed me. I did not respond.”

A Narrow Escape From An Unspeakable Crime
“So the other day I’m casually sitting in the cafe inside my gym, waiting for my friend who was just showering. I was literally just sitting at a table with some coffee and playing games on my phone.

Then out of nowhere this woman comes and sits next to me, I look up at her, and she stares intently into my eyes. ‘Hey honey do you mind if I sit here?’ she asks. ‘Umm, yeah sure go ahead’ I told her rather confused.

Now, I should let you know, I’m a 17-year-old white Jewish kid and she’s a black woman in her 30s. I could never see what she’d want with me.

She slowly stares me up and down and asks if I want to join her for her workout, I declined, telling her that I just finished actually. She says something along the lines of ‘I can sure see that,’ with a wink. Now it’s getting even creepier as she tries to nudge closer to me and as she stares deeply into my eyes. I just nervously smile.

Then out of nowhere, this hulking black guy appears behind her, my first thought is that this guy is about to fuck me up. He’s about to open a can of whoop-ass on me. He extends his hand. Whelp. Then he shakes my hand and says to what I have now figured is his client, ‘Is this young man joining us today?’ Before she can even answer another woman joins the duo, she too is staring intently into my eyes.

For a few moments, they all just stand there, smiling at me, then staring only to look at each other and smile more. This is beyond awkward.

Then they all just nod at me and leave.

I have no idea what they wanted, but something tells me they were scouting for someone to join their threesomes, someone ironic, and they all wanted me.”

Mom Pulls A Mrs. Robinson — On Two 11-Year-Olds
“I was 11 and at a friend’s place when his mother came from the tanning bed, opened up her robe and asked if we boys thought her tan was nice (she was nude beneath the robe).

Really creepy.”

You Can’t Be Too Careful When You Live In A #MeToo World
“A female coworker had a crush on me, and ‘accidentally’ ran into me (literally) at the public mall when I was in the middle of a conversation with a friend. She then proceeded to ask me if I was going to rape her. Specifically, she said ‘So are you going to rape me now?’

No context, or even sexual talk having ever occurred between us that might justify it, or make it potentially an (unfunny) joke, or anything. It was just out of nowhere.”

Self-Mutilation Doesn’t Hurt When You Do It For Love

“I had a girlfriend when I was young who carved a heart with my first initial inside it into the flesh of her hip.”

A Terrifying Gesture Of Goodwill
“One time I went shopping at my local goodwill. When I got home I had a friend request from my cashier. I never gave her my name…

Stop asking if she was hot. It doesn’t matter, it’s still not ok.”

Only A Creeper Would Say That

I was 26 or something at the time, the girl was 31 and hot for me – she was reasonably good looking – we worked at the same company. I was thinking of sealing the deal at least casually.

So we were drunk at a pub (every Friday after work) – she started telling me about someone her mum knows that has cancer. She ends it by saying ‘he deserves it anyway.’

I said, ‘WHOA? what the f*ck does that mean? Did he do something wrong to you or your mum?’

She says, ‘Nope, everyone that gets cancer has done something evil in their past to deserve it. It’s like bad karma.’

Knowing the perfect comeback that logic can’t defeat I say:

‘Bullsh*t. What about sweet, innocent two-year-old kids with leukemia? They haven’t been able to do anything evil to get cancer.’

She says: ‘No, they have done something evil also.’

I say: ‘You mean in a past life?’ (think she may be Buddhist with the karma talk).

She says: ‘No.’

So I nope’d the f*ck out of there.”

Someone Got A Little Carried Away With The Twilight Series
“Not exactly romantic, but the first night I was hooking up with this beautiful girl, she wanted to prove how dirty she could be. I had told her that I liked to try interesting things in bed, and she said ‘Yeah well, I’m up for anything. See this scar?’ (Points to her left clavicle.) ‘That’s where I cut myself so my last boyfriend could drink my blood.’

But… she was still super hot so I pretended that was totally normal.”

Can’t Hang With Dead People — Or People Who Can See Dead People

“My ex says she saw dead people. At a party, she said there was a dead man in the house wanting us to get out. She sat on the bathroom floor for 20 minutes staring into nothing. Then she let out a big breath, lowered her head, and started crying… then we left.

She was a really nice girl but that particular side of her was creepy.”

Let Them Have Cake With Their Erotic Literature
“I met a girl on a bus in Manchester, UK. She approached me and asked if she could have a Jaffa Cake (she saw the box protruding from my grocery bag), so I said sure. As I leaned down to get the box and open it she proceeded to tell me she wrote erotic fiction, as I offered her the Jaffa Cake she handed me a notebook filled with filth.

I quickly made my excuses and got off at the wrong stop just to get out of the situation.”

Will Do Anything For Booze
“Not so creepy, just sadder: Was at my local pub a while back and a young woman came and sat down with me. She has obviously drunk already but while entertaining her small talk she kept trying to steal my pint, which I didn’t let happen.

Over the course of about the next 15 minutes she still tries to go after my pint, then keeps asking me to buy her a drink (I declined), then offered to ‘service’ me for a drink (definitely declined), then started to get upset with me and telling everyone near that I was her boyfriend and was being an asshole and violent. Luckily it’s my friend’s pub. We called her a cab and sent her on her way.

She wandered back in 15 minutes later and started the same routine with another man sitting a few stools down from me who had witnessed the previous incident…”

What You Lookin’ At?
“One time at work I was outside pushing carts when this middle-aged woman in her car with a glass of wine in hand said ‘Are you wearing underwear?’

I replied, ‘Umm yea.’

Then she said, ‘Huh doesn’t look like it,’ and drove off.

Men Describe The Creepiest Girl They’ve Ever Met – Part 1

The world is full of creeps, and if you’re not careful then you might end up being the unwilling object of a particular creep’s affection. Check out these Reddit-approved stories of possibly insane women who creeped dudes out. Some of these stories will make you afraid to ever talk to another human being again.
A Long, Unhealthy Obsession Can Only Predict A Terrible Ending
“When I was 19 I moved out of my parents’ house and got an apartment. It was in a relatively safe neighborhood, but still affordable. One bedroom, one bath. Very modest. Nothing fancy.

Anyway, I was on the second floor, above an old man who couldn’t hear anything and below a couple in their early 20s who fought and screamed all the f*cking time, and when they weren’t fighting they took turns having loud, obnoxious sex in the wee morning hours or rolling giant f*cking boulders around the floor at all times of day apparently.

One day, the boyfriend gets violent and the cops take him away. The girl continues living there, but she comes down to me to let me know he’s gone and because I was a relatively big guy then (300+ lbs) she said he’s not supposed to come by, but can I have your number in case he does? This was before cell phones, so I gave it to her.

I should mention that I had a girlfriend (Sue) at this time, and she did not like upstairs girl (Jen).

Anyway, Jen calls me one night right before midnight. ‘Are you okay?’ I ask. ‘Yeah. What you doing?’ She asks. ‘Getting to bed, I have to be at work at 7. I work early.’ ‘Wanna come f*ck me?’ She says. Very direct.

‘Uh, I’ve got a girlfriend Jen. Talk to you later.’

Two hours later, she calls me and wakes me up. She’s crying. ‘Why don’t you think I’m attractive? Why don’t you want to f*ck me? I saw your girlfriend and she’s fat. Why don’t you want to fuck me? I swear I won’t tell anybody. But you have to break up with her. It won’t work. She doesn’t love you like I do.’

Keep in mind all those words came out at lightning speed and she was drunk. She just kept prattling on like that, I couldn’t get a word in edgewise. Finally, I ended up just hanging up. 30 seconds later she’s banging on my door. I decided to ignore it. She starts yelling. It’s almost two AM. She’s screaming. Crying. Banging on the door.

I do the only thing I can think of – I call the police. They say it’ll be 45 minutes.

It took them an hour, and she was banging on the door screaming and crying for the entire hour. They take her back to her apartment and calm her down. An officer takes a statement. He keeps asking ‘Was she ever in this apartment?’ and questions like that. ‘At no point did you allow her to enter the premises?’

She’d never, ever been inside my place. She told the cops a very different story – that we’d been intimate, that I’d kicked her out in the middle of sex without her keys or her wallet. I told the cop he was free to search. He looked around for about 10 minutes, seemed satisfied, and then thanked me and left. At this point, it’s near four AM.

4:30 rolls around, and she calls me and wakes me up. She’s apologizing. She’s crying. She’s so sorry she got like that, but she just misses him SO MUCH. At this point, I tell her I think it’s a bad idea that we talk anymore. I tell her I understand how hard it is, but that I’m going to miss work and I can’t afford to miss a day’s pay.

She seems to get that and hangs up.

I go to work after getting maybe 2 hours of sleep in total. I’m a zombie all day. I get home at 4:30, ready to crash. Sue, my girlfriend, was going to bring dinner by after she got off work at eight. I have 4 or so hours to sleep.

My apartment is completely spotless. Somebody came in and cleaned it. Better yet, they vacuumed, and I still didn’t even own one yet. There are freshly made cookies on the table. Sue must have gotten off early, I think. ‘Sue!?’ I say and walk to the bedroom. There, of course, is Jen. Naked except for thigh-high stockings and a hair tie. She’s lying on her back, and as I come in she pulls her knees back to her shoulders, smiles at me, and says ‘Shove your f*cking cock in me until I cry.’

I just turned around and ran out of my own apartment. Scared like a little boy. I would have run all the way to the office but I was in terrible shape so I walked. In the lobby I called the police again, they came and arrested her. Charged her with some minor things like B&E or trespassing (forget which) and she spends a couple nights in jail since her parents/friends don’t bail her out.

Behavior like this happens for weeks. I have some friends stay at my house, including Sue, during this time so I’m never alone because I’m worried she’s crazy and might do something weird.

She’s constantly knocking on the door and arguing with the people staying at my place. She offers to ‘Share me’ with Sue, offers to go down on Sue, then eventually tries to get Sue to leave me and move in with her and that they’ll be like the lesbian Bonnie and Clyde.

A week or two later she is being evicted (I guess they were late on rent already by like two months and eviction had begun) and as some form of weird protest, she paints her upper torso and face bright pink with some kind of body paint and wears a green bikini top as they drag her kicking and screaming out of the place. Police end up arresting her again for something.

My six months lease is up and I’m uncomfortable with her knowing where I live, so I move. I get an unlisted number/address. I am about 10 miles from the old place. A couple of months after I move in, there’s a knock at the door on a Saturday afternoon. It’s Jen. She followed me from my work during the week, then waited until Sue left and now she wants to apologize. She says she’s medicated, she wants to apologize. I tell her I can’t let her in, and that she needs to leave. I tell her I hope she’s better, but I can’t let her in.

Predictably, she goes nuts. Another call to the cops as I lean on my own door to keep her from pushing it in. Another arrest.

For a while, I didn’t hear from her. Six months, a year. I moved three states away, broke up with Sue (unrelated to this), and was single. It’s been about three to four years, and suddenly I get a MySpace friend request from her. I ignore it. Then I get a tirade of emails. Long-winded, lacking punctuation. Stream of consciousness. Clearly mentally ill. I just ignore them, what else can I do?

This is about 2002.

It dies down a bit. 2005, I hear back from her on Facebook. Same thing. I ignore it again.

2006, Sue messages me out of the blue. Haven’t talked to her in like eight years. She says Jen came into her work and wanted info on me, where I was, what I was doing. She was dragged out by security.

2008, Jen finds my little brother’s Facebook while he’s in college. Makes a road trip across three states to find him at school. Finds his dorm and goes to talk to him. He has no idea who she is. She threatens him, he and two friends kick her out of the dorm. He calls me, I explain. He calls the cops. They do nothing.

Six months later she accosts him at his work – a bar – his boss (female) punches her square in the mouth during a fight to get her out of the building and Jen loses two teeth. She sues the bar, the owner counter-sues, and Jen is found mentally incompetent and placed under some form of mental hold in a facility.

2012 – Jen is out of the mental illness facility and heavily medicated. Her ‘counselor’ contacts me on Facebook. ‘Would I like to help her put her past behind her?’ she asks. She wants to set up a face-to-face. I have a wife, I have a kid. I say no thank you. ‘Counselor’ gets very frustrated and tells me I’m a terrible person.

2013 – Jen commits suicide by jumping off a cliff somewhere in Arizona. Her body is found months after the fact and identified by a wallet.

Part of me wonders what I did to cause this? I literally never did anything out of the ordinary or said anything out of the ordinary to her. I was her downstairs neighbor for a couple of months by the time this started – and it caused over a decade of fixation. Mental illness is a hell of a thing.”

What, You Don’t Think A Boiling Oil Enema Sounds Sexy?
“I’m a pretty easy-going guy and make friends easily. There was a 45-55-year-old woman that got friendly with me and would talk with me almost daily at lunch. She said some pretty odd stuff at times…

For instance one day she told me she murdered a man. Totally seriously and dead pan delivery. I really didn’t know what to say and probably made the mistake of continuing speaking to her asking her questions about why the f*ck she killed someone and how. I didn’t believe her. Well, basically she told me that it was her ex-husband and he was abusive to her and she killed him with a shovel and buried him in the woods. She claimed no one ever found his body.. Weird right? F*cking threw me for a loop.

About two sentences later she tells me, ‘I want to take you home, tie you upside down between two metal poles and pour hot oil up your ass.’

It made me so uncomfortable hearing this… needless to say when I told my girl what happened she refused to let me keep working there.

A Violent Nose Lick Shows The Most Affection, Right?
“I was having lunch with a couple of friends when a woman my mother’s age sat down next to me at our table and started rambling about how beautiful she thought my face was. I was weirded out but flattered until she asked me if she could touch my face. She claimed to be a sculptor. She said it would help her recreating my face for an art piece she was doing. I told her no, but she proceeded to grope my face anyway. My friends [burst] out in hysterical laughter as I was trying to get her off of me.

Suddenly she started to violently lick my nose and trying to tongue f*ck me in my nostrils. This is when a waiter pulled her off me and dragged her out of the restaurant. She waited for me outside in her car, took a picture of me when I left the restaurant over an hour later, and quickly drove off.”

A Fairy Creeper
“There was this girl, we’ll call her Cherry, I was in a dance class with. Very attractive, lots of tattoos, incredibly flirty, but she had a boyfriend so I brushed it off.

Well, the story starts when I broke her boyfriend’s ribs (by accident). She starts texting me later saying she thought it was super hot (should’ve been the first clue). We start texting back and forth, it’s getting more aggressive. Then I find out they’re in an open relationship and she has permission from her boyfriend to do whatever with me. Weird, but being a 20-something guy I’m okay with it.

So we’re fooling around for a few weeks and it starts becoming clear that something weird is going on. I came home a few times to find Cherry and her boyfriend drunk on my porch writing me weird love notes.

Then one night she’s trying to get me to go to her boyfriend’s birthday party. I had other plans so I just said no but she was being very persistent. I go do my thing, ignore her texts, go home and pass out around 1am.

I wake up around five am and there’s someone standing at the foot of my bed. I can see the outline of fairy wings. At first I think I’m hallucinating but then the figure moves a little. Obviously it’s Cherry. She had decided to come to see why I had stopped responding and climbed up into my second-story bathroom window. wtf possesses someone to do that?!?

I escorted her out of the house, double and triple checked that every door and window was locked, and never talked to her again. Luckily I also moved halfway across the country later that week. Crazy fairy girl with boyfriend climbs into my second story bathroom window at five am to find out why I stopped responding to texts.”

Just Show Up On My Doorstep, Why Don’t You
“A girl I knew from the class got my phone number somehow (I didn’t give it to her) and started texting me incessantly. Constantly asked to hang out, no matter what. Now, though I wasn’t particularly fond of her, I didn’t want to be rude, so I would make excuses. I once told her that I had lots of families over, so I was too busy to hang out with her.

10 minutes later I get a text. It was a picture. Of my empty driveway. At my house. She found out where I lived, drove to my house, and took a picture to prove that I was lying.

I came outside to tell her that I didn’t have time and that she should go home. She refused to accept that, going so far as to sit in front of my door, not allowing me to go back inside my own home.

I walked around the house, went in a back door, and texted her that I never wanted her to contact me again.

She sat there for about 20 minutes before she left.”

One Day Feels Like A Lifetime When I’m With You
“This happened when I was 16.

I worked at a grocery store and on my first day on the job this girl, who I only said three sentences to handed me a note before she left for the day and told me not to read it until she was gone.

Well, I thought a note was a bit weird since that was grade school stuff but whatever. I open the note and it says things like:

‘I love you, I want to be with you, we need to have children together even though we’re both only teenagers’ and it just prattled on and on. My overly attached girlfriend has nothing on this chick.

So the next day at work she asks sheepishly if I’ve read her note and I said yes but I wasn’t really looking for a relationship at the time. Her face lost all expression for a second and then she smiled and said something to the effect of ‘No worries, I thought I’d try’ and we continued on working.

That night, when I left work there were about 50 notes taped to my Jeep. LONG notes too! I have no clue how she wrote this much in a day. The notes said things like ‘I hate you you’re a fucking asshole I hope you die’ and other notes said things like ‘I’m sorry for writing that note that called you an asshole. I really like you and want to be with you <3 <3 <3’

She would then try luring me with innuendos. When she was on her lunch break she would do things like buy these huge dill pickles that we sold (making sure to come through my line) and say things like ‘Do you think this pickle is for lunch or personal pleasure?’ gag

She would also still put notes all over my Jeep. Eventually, after a few months, she lost interest in me and started chasing a new guy that started.”

Creepy Stranger On A Train
“I’m on the train. This girl behind me is having the most boring phone conversation I’ve ever heard. Some guy she thinks is cute or something. I keep listening though, mostly because she’s too loud to block out… And things get weird. The guy she’s describing sounds pretty physically identical to me.

So I turn around, and this girl says ‘Oh. He’s looking at me now. I wonder what he’ll do. I wonder if he likes me.’

She also DOESN’T HAVE A F*CKING PHONE.

Yeah, I got off at the next stop and put a whole train between me and that weirdo.”

This Guy Survived An Attempted Kidnapping By A Girl

“When I was at a party a few years ago, it was right after I’d had a fight with my then-girlfriend and I was drinking kind of heavily (I’m generally a heavyweight but I was drinking a lot and fast). This one girl was constantly around me all night and I was warned by a couple of people that she was going to hit on me. Whatever I can deal with it. She was flirting with me a little bit and I made sure to add my girlfriend to the conversation topic so there was no misunderstanding. Didn’t matter. Every time I went to talk to someone else I would feel a small butt grab, and when I looked around she was backing up giggling. Once it started getting not-so-lightly I straight up told her to stop, I had a girlfriend.

Anyway later in the night when I was significantly drunk I was sitting down on a chair while most people were off in another room doing something else. Well, she comes in and I guess decides this is the perfect chance. She sits on my lap and starts trying to kiss me and every time I move away she bites my neck. She starts to grab at my crotch too, and even after I hit her hand away it goes right back (remember I’m significantly drunk so not all my coordination is all there).

The last thing I remember is trying to get up to get her off my lap and then I wake up the next morning in a friend of mine’s room on the floor (one of the hosts). I walk out and ask her what happened and she told me the girl was trying to walk me out of the door, telling the others she was just taking me back to ‘take care of me’ at her apartment. My friend said no dice and locked me in her room (while checking on me relatively often) so that the girl couldn’t sneak in and try anything. The girl apparently got very upset when this happened and stormed out.”

A Stranger’s Armpit By Any Other Girl Wouldn’t Smell As Sweet
“As you can imagine, the subway was used by everyone and it’s always packed. Like a permanent peak hour. I’m tall and skinny so I don’t take much space and always manage to get in. So the train arrives, I get in…

A girl ends up between me and the [door]. I always take care of not rubbing other people but it was very packed. I was wearing a shirt with rolled-up sleeves and nice cologne girls said it smelled good on me before.

So the girl was facing forward with me behind her with my extended arm next to her. Then she puts her face next to my forearm but I think nothing of it since there was no free space to move around.

This is where things get weird. The girl turns her head towards my arm and starts vigorously sniffing my forearm. Like she is tasting my skin and the cologne through her nostrils. I freak out a little but say nothing, after all, there is nowhere I can go and it would just make things weirder.

I get off the train in the next station while wiping her nasal mucus off my arm and wondering wtf just happened.  A crazy woman sniffs imaginary lines of coke from my forearm on the subway.”

Microbiology Class Is A Petri Dish Of Oddities
I dunno if she suffered from 2edgy4uitis or what, but I sat behind the creepiest chick in my Microbiology class. Some of her greatest hits include:

Invading people’s personal space and softly growling.

Disrupting lectures with anecdotes completely unrelated to Microbiology. For example, she interrupted our professor discussing necrotizing fasciitis to talk about her fanfiction.

Began wearing cat ears and this tail thing and meowing at people.

Wore a bazillion bracelets on each arm because ‘they cover up all my scars. People can’t handle me.’

Licked a petri dish that had strep culturing and then claimed she got cancer.

She also smelled like she had never bathed or showered. A musty, nauseating aroma of bo, rancid vag and unwashed ass.

When confronted about her weirdness or when told to knock her behavior off, she would start breathing hard and saying, ‘I’m so triggered by this.’

There’s more if anyone is interested.”

More tomorrow!

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Tales of Rock – Wild Stories Of Rock Stars Taking Their Fame Way Too Far – Part 2

11. Van Morrison Recorded 30 Songs In One Day
If the rumors are true, that would have meant that Van Morrison recorded a more than one song every hour. Given that your average track is only 3-4 minutes long, it’s certainly not unfeasible. Especially not for Van Morrison who has always been somewhat of a prolific and brilliant singer and songwriter.
In 1967, we’re pretty sure he broke the record for the most songs recorded (to any discernable quality) in one sitting. The reason why he did it is even better! Morrison was tied into a pretty miserable record contract that wanted 36 tracks out of him before he could escape. In a genius move he smashed out 30 in a day, although not all of them were all that great, it’s still ridiculously impressive. Hell yeah!
12. Michael Jackson Wrote Music For Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Did the greatest Popstar of all time write the music for one of the most successful video game franchises of all time? It turns out that he did! Michael Jackson was the magnificent mind behind the music for the iconic 1993 console game Sonic the Hedgehog 3. Now that you consider Michael Jacksons’ quirky nature, it doesn’t seem all that out there to consider the fact he created one of the most infectiously catchy theme tunes of all time!
The rumor started when one MJ superfan found a strange similarity in sound between the game’s music and MJ’s famous style. The rumor floated around the internet for years before being confirmed in January 2016 by the composers of the soundtrack of the Sega game.
13. David Bowie Can’t Remember Recording One Of His Albums
At the point in time when David Bowie recorded Station to Station, it’s easy to see he was in a pretty dark place. The recording happened during all-night sessions in the studio when Bowie was living a somewhat vampiric existence and eating a ridiculously small amount of food daily.
Somehow, he made it through the hazy experience in 1976 in a Los Angeles studio with a rather blank recollection of the entire process. Looking back, it is easy to see that Bowie was suffering from pretty severe cocaine psychosis, making Station to Station potentially one of the darkest albums ever recorded. Bowie may not be able to remember, but we’ll never forget the iconic masterpiece that stemmed from his delirium. (God, we already miss him.)
14. Keith Richards Doesn’t Sleep
Surely this one can’t be true, can it? No, not quite, he is human after all – just about. Keith Richard’s sleeping patterns do almost defy human physiology, though. In an interview, Keith Richards told an interviewer that he basically runs off the fumes of adrenaline.
The longest that Keith Richards has gone without sleep is nine days, which we suppose is almost as impressive as not sleeping at all, considering the amount of awesome music he created in the times he was at his most sleep-deprived. If his 1978 track, Before they Make Me Run, from the album Some Girls sounds a little otherworldly, now you know why. He was also prone to collapsing at a moment’s notice against speakers. That’s not quite as Rock n Roll is it?
15. Gram Parsons’ Body Was Stolen
First things, first. Yes, it’s absolutely true. After the sad death of Graham Parson, his corpse was exhumed. After receiving high acclaim as the man that brought the Byrds into a brand-new arena of sound, he tragically died aged 26 on September 19th, 1973. What happened to him after death was almost as exciting as the raucous adventures he got up to when he was alive.
Gram had previously expressed his wishes to be cremated instead of buried, however, his father decided on funeral arrangements that weren’t in keeping with his son’s. Therefore, fellow road manager Phil Kaufman and his assistant took it upon themselves to steal the body and set alight to it in the desert. More surprisingly, there were no criminal charges and only a $300 fine.
16. Prince Went Door To Door As a Jehovah’s Witness In Minnesota
This one won’t be much of a surprise to hardcore Prince fans who knew at a time that his religion meant everything to him. Imagine opening your door and seeing Prince standing there, ready and willing to teach his faith.
Before his untimely death, Prince once went under the guise of ‘Brother Nelson’ and not so coincidentally ended up getting spotted by a fan. His church elder James Lundstrom recalled that Prince, we mean, “Brother Nelson” was a very shy man, but a member in good standing. Considering most of the reasons why rock stars are on this list, we’d say Prince’s are the most respectable, even if they are somewhat conflicting with his overtly sexual on-stage persona. He also cared a lot for ‘God’s Kingdom’.
17. Axl Rose Recorded Himself Having Sex For Rocket Queen
Yes, that’s right, the sex moans on his track Rocket Queen weren’t fake. Axl Rose enlisted the help of keen groupie Adriana Smith, who agreed to enter the studio with Axl and the other legendary musicians to create the track. She was certainly very brave!
Alongside Axl Rose’s steamy moans you will also be able to hear Adriana having quite a bit of fun with the vocalist. She has recently come out and admitted her role in the track after keeping pretty quiet about her involvement in the production. It sounds like Slash didn’t want to get left out after Adriana told the Mirror that a threesome also happened that evening. Axl and Adriana romantically met whilst she was working as a stripper in the LA club, Seventh Veil.
18. Rick James Was High As Hell On American Bandstand
Considering the X-rated nature of Rick James’s memoirs, this should really come as no surprise, and we’re not actually sure it’s the most ludicrous rumor in circulation about the legendary artist. The artist, who died in 2004 of a heart attack, posthumously released the accounts of his life, and it’s not for the faint-hearted.
James made his national TV debut on American Bandstand where he performed his most acclaimed singles, You and I and Mary Jane, along with an hour-long interview with Dick Clark, who he later referred to as “one of the nicest cats he’d ever met”. We suppose everyone seems pretty nice when you’re high, though, don’t they? James’s cocaine high didn’t go unnoticed by Dick Clark or the millions of viewers watching.
19. Rapper Danny Brown Received Oral Sex While Performing
Following on from the Wyman scandal, this one almost seems tame – well at least it’s almost legal. We’re guessing rapper Danny Brown didn’t get prosecuted for indecent exposure after his X-rated performance, which pushed the idea of embracing sexuality on stage just a little bit further.
Elvis may have once shocked the nation in the 50s with his gyrating hips, yet Danny Brown showed how far sexuality in musical culture has evolved when he allowed a female fan to give him a blowjob on stage back in 2013 when he was performing live in Minnesota. We’re just amazed that he could carry on hitting the notes during his performance. If there was ever a sign of a true rock star, we think this is it.
20. Ozzy Osborne Snorts Ants
Ozzy Osborne has gained his third entry on the ridiculous rumors list, making him the most prolifically anarchistic rock star in our minds. Sadly, it’s yet another incident that meant the death of innocent life. We can’t imagine any of these acts won him any favors with animal rights groups.
Whilst it’s not uncommon for rock stars to put things up their noses, this is an extreme by anyone’s standards. The incident happened when Ozzy found himself in the company of Nikki Sixx from Motley Crue on tour. When Ozzy heard they were all out of cocaine, he snorted what he believed to be the next best thing, making Motley Crue look rather tame in comparison to his little escapades. We can only imagine how much it stung the next day.

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Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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