20 Easy-To-Miss Signs You’re In Love With The Wrong Person – Part 2

11. Their Behavior In Public Sometimes Embarrasses You

If you have a partner who is unable to act like an adult in public, you may be with the wrong person, Rappaport says. Maybe they have an annoying habit of getting super rowdy or maybe they don’t show respect for servers. “You don’t want to be apologizing for your partner’s bad behavior,” she says. If you find yourself in situations where you feel the need to make excuses or apologize for your partner’s behavior, you’re probably in love with the wrong person.

If this is happening in your relationship, talk to your partner about it. Don’t bring it up at the moment, and berate them like a child. Instead, wait until you’re alone together and have a serious talk. “Wait until you’re out of the situation, your emotions have neutralized and you’re in a private space to tell your partner that they embarrassed you and why,” Campana says. If it goes well, you can use this conversation as a way to understand your partner and possibly bring you closer together. If your partner can’t take the conversation seriously, it’s a telling sign that they’re not serious about you.

12. You Don’t Feel Comfortable Talking To Your Partner About What You Really Want In Bed

The definition of “good sex” varies from person to person. As Ricciardi says, “It’s unrealistic to think you’re going to be craving your partner’s body 24/7, 365 days a year like lovebirds do in the movies, but having a healthy sex life with lots of passion and desire is super important.” If you find that your partner isn’t as interested in things that you are in the bedroom or you find yourself not being sexually pleased, she says you may have fallen in love with the wrong person. Sure, many people have different libido levels or want different things in bed. Although communication is key, you need to have that level of intimacy in order to feel comfortable enough to tell your partner what you really want. “If you’re with the right person, your pleasure should be important to them,” she says.

13. You’re Having A Lot Of Sex Without Any Intimacy

If sexual compatibility is the only thing keeping you together, you may not be with the right one.

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“Most people think that regular sex with your partner means a healthy relationship, but not always,” Ponaman says. Instead, “emotional, connected sex” equates to a healthy relationship. If you’ve fallen in love with the wrong person, you may have this idea that having more sex is the key to keeping your relationship alive. According to Ponaman, many couples unconsciously shift from sex with an emotional connection to sex for necessity. “If it becomes something you pencil into your schedule, it’s no longer an act of love but a ‘to-do,'” she says. If sex is the only thing keeping the two of you together, that’s a sign you may be with the wrong one.

14. You Overthink Everything You’re Going To Say Because You Worry About What Your Partner Will Think

While it’s important to watch what you say, it’s even more important to have the freedom to express your feelings. When you’re in love with the wrong person, you will have a hard time being your true self around them. As Ellen Bolin, certified professional relationship coach, tells us, “You’ll never want to disappoint or ‘rock the boat,’ so you worry about how your partner is going to react to what you may want or need.” The right person will make you feel 100% comfortable being yourself. You’ll be able to say whatever you want without feeling like you’re going to be judged or ridiculed. If your partner triggers your deeply rooted insecurities or fears, reconsider whether this is a relationship that’s worth staying in. “Every relationship brings out different sides of our personality,” Campana says. “The most important thing is that the sides our partner brings out are the sides that we really like.”

15. They Like Having Things Go Their Way

“If you have a partner that is a bit selfish and has to have their way all the time, you may be … with someone who has not grown up sufficiently enough to be in a relationship,” Rappaport says. A healthy relationship with the right person is one where there’s compromise. You should be able to feel like your voice and your opinions truly matter to them. If you don’t, you might have fallen for someone who’s all wrong for you because they don’t respect you enough to see you as an equal.

16. You Don’t Care If Your Friends Or Family Like Them

Your friends and family can see things about your partner that you don't.

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As Samantha Daniels, Dating Expert and Founder of Samantha’s Table Matchmaking tells us, this is a big one for the majority of people in relationships. “The blessing of your friends and family can make or break any relationship,” she says. But if you find yourself thinking that you don’t care if your friends and family like the person you’re in love with, this may be a sign you’re in love with the wrong person. “This typically indicates that you might not feel as strongly about this person as you thought because if you did, then you would seek validation from your friends and family members.”

17. Being Around Their Family Makes You Uneasy

“I’m not saying this is a deal-breaker, but it certainly can be,” Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking, tells us. This is especially true if the family is super important to both of you. So if you just can’t stand their family (or vice versa), you may have picked the wrong person. “Chances are, no matter how crazy or wrong your partner’s family might be, they love them,” Trombetti says. “You may need to find someone to be in love with whose family is a better fit for you.” According to her, sometimes it happens. This is one of those things you really need to decide if you can live with.

18. They Are All About You And Your Needs Only

Having a partner who’s all about your needs may seem like a dream situation to some. But as dating coach Julie Spira says, this is an easy-to-miss sign that you’ve fallen in love with the wrong person. For example, when you and your partner are trying to choose a restaurant for dinner, your partner is the type to always (or most of the time) say, “I don’t care, you choose.” As Spira says, this constant catering to your needs could indicate that they don’t feel comfortable speaking up for their own wants or needs. “They may not feel comfortable enough to be themselves in the relationship or they struggle with their own feelings of insecurity and desire to please others,” she says. You should be with a partner, not someone who’s just going to wait and take orders from you. That is not the person you may want to be in a relationship with.

19. Your Relationship Makes You Feel Emotionally Exhausted

If your partner is emotionally exhausting, your relationship may be more trouble than it's worth.

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Nobody says relationships are easy. But it shouldn’t be so difficult to the point that you’re completely drained. As Daniels says, “a good relationship should leave you feeling energized, not drained.” If you realize that being with your significant other makes you feel emotionally exhausted, you may be in love with the wrong person. “This sign typically indicates that you don’t feel emotionally free and stable around this person, therefore you have to put up a front when you’re with them, leaving you emotionally drained,” she says.

20. You Love The Potential More Than The Reality

“​If you find yourself imaging who the person could be rather than who they actually are, this is a huge red flag,” Matlin says. ​In other words, you’re creating a fantasy scenario in your head while ignoring the realities of the situation. “Sometimes we love potential more than reality because we are actually scared of true vulnerability and commitment,” she says. “But this is self-sabotage in the making.” So if you find that your fantasy about your relationship doesn’t quite match up to reality, you may be in love with the wrong person.

It’s easy to beat yourself up when relationships fail or you keep going back to the same types of people that aren’t the best for you. But as Ponaman says, always have compassion for yourself.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, and this says nothing of your worth or ability to attract someone great,” she says. “This simply means you’ve made choices that are not aligned with who you truly are. If you want to find someone right for you, go back to square one. I know it’s hard to start over, but trust me, it’s worth it.”

Letting go of a situation that seems right but isn’t truly what you want can be hard. But if you can muster up the courage to do it, you can be in a relationship with the right person who loves you and who you love in return.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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20 Easy-To-Miss Signs You’re In Love With The Wrong Person – Part 1

For the most part, you can’t really choose who you happen to fall in love with. You can definitely choose what you want to do with those feelings, but you can’t force yourself to have feelings for someone and you can’t really force yourself to stop. As a result, it’s so easy to find yourself in a situation where you’ve fallen in love with the wrong person.

More often than not, these situations never really end well. If you think you’re in love with the wrong person for you, relationship experts Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola, authors of the upcoming book, How To Keep Your Marriage From Sucking, tell us, you’re in great company. “Almost all of us have been there, too,” they say.

Just think about it. If we all fell in love with the right person right away, none of us would have to deal with the pain of going through a breakup. You wouldn’t have to worry about whether or not your partner would cheat or why they seem to be checking out. You certainly wouldn’t have to look for the various signs that they’re “The One,” because you’d just know.

Oh… good show by the way.

The One (TV Series 2021– ) - IMDb

Sometimes knowing you’re in love with the wrong person will be obvious and sometimes it won’t be. So here are some easy-to-miss signs that you might be in love with the wrong person, according to experts.

1. You Communicate Your Concerns But Nothing Ever Changes

When you're in love with the wrong person, they won't change their behavior for the better no matter how many times you ask.

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“Waiting for your partner to change is a recipe for heartache,” Caitlin Killoren, relationship coach at relationship training app, Relish, tells us. In a healthy partnership, you and your partner will express your individual concerns and find a way to tackle issues together. But if you love the wrong person, you can have all the tough talks you want, and communicate your concerns as often as you like, but nothing ever changes. That’s because you can’t ever really expect to change a person. As Behrendt and Ruotola say, most people are reluctant to change on their own accord. In situations like this, it’s important to realize that this might be a long-drawn-out breakup in disguise. “Eventually you will need to be honest with yourself about where this relationship is or isn’t going,” they say.

2. Your Schedules Don’t Line Up

Have you ever fallen in love with someone who lives across the country in a different time zone or who works overnight, while you work a regular nine to five? If so, Bethany Ricciardi, a relationship expert with Too Timid tells us, you could be head over heels in love with the wrong one. Being in a long-distance relationship or having completely different work schedules doesn’t give you much time to spend together. Although these can work out with the right amount of trust and communication, there’s a reason why many of them don’t. “We all have wants and needs,” Ricciardi says. “Sometimes I like to think of us as flowers; we need to be given a little bit of sunshine and water every day. So who’s giving that to you when you and your partner never see each other?”

3. You’re Spending A Lot More Money For Your Relationship Than Your Partner Is

You may enjoy paying for everything in your relationship like date nights, dinners, surprise trips, or even a Netflix account. That’s totally fine. But as relationship coach Jenna Ponaman, CPC, ELI-MP tells us, “If your partner doesn’t make the effort to share in the responsibilities, this may be a sign of codependency.” The relationship has become more about necessity, and less about desire. If this continues, you may begin to feel a sense of imbalance. According to her, the relationship can become filled with resentment, arguments, and dissatisfaction. If paying for everything doesn’t seem like a bad sign to you, those are clear and obvious ones to pay attention to.

4. You’ve Started To Adopt Unhealthy Lifestyle Habits

If you started to adopt unhealthy habits after being with your partner for some time, they might not be the right person for you.

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If you used to practice self-care a lot, made sure to get a good amount of exercise weekly, and ate healthy before your partner and suddenly it changed, Ponaman says you may have fallen for the wrong person. “This varies from person to person, but healthy eating, for example, allows the body to feel rejuvenated, energized, and good,” she says. “If you were once a healthy eater and decided to ‘ease up’ on the lifestyle after you began to see your partner, it shows you and your partner’s lifestyle habits may not be fully aligned.” It really comes down to the reason behind why you decided to make the change. If it’s to make you two seem more compatible, you may have fallen for the wrong person.

5. Your Relationship Is A Never-Ending On-Again, Off-Again Saga

On-again, off-again situations may make you feel hopeful that one-day things are finally going to work out. But as Jenna Matlin, Clairvoyant Intuitive of The Queen of Wands Tarot tells us, “​The danger with on-again, off-again relationships is that you are inadvertently training yourself to return to the very thing that does not work.” So if you’re stuck in a cycle where you keep breaking up and getting back together, you may be in love with the wrong person. “[If] you find yourself in this situation, you have to break the cycle and go cold turkey if you can,” Matlin says. Furthermore, trying to maintain a friendship might not work either because it can lead you right back into that mess.

6. You Barely Spend Any Time With Your Friends And Family

Your life can change when you finally meet your match. But as Ponaman says, that’s not always a good thing. “Good change is when you make a choice that is clearly for your highest good, but if you feel like you’ve sacrificed something to make this person happy, sometimes this isn’t the healthiest of choices,” she says. For instance, if your relationship is causing you to spend a lot less time with your friends and family, you may have fallen for the wrong person. “In most cases, we tend to make these sacrifices to spend more time with our partners,” Ponaman says. “But this only happens because we don’t feel that we have had enough attention from our mates.” When you’re in a healthy relationship with the right one, she says you wouldn’t need to change your pre-relationship lifestyle to accommodate theirs.

7. They’re Not Into “Labels”

If your partner isn't into labeling the relationship but you are, it might be a bigger compatibility issue.

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Not everyone is big on labels and it’s not uncommon to be in a situation where one partner just wants to “see where it goes.” But if you’re in love with someone who hasn’t given you any signs of commitment and that’s what you really want, you probably fell for the wrong one. “That’s a pretty big disconnect,” Ashley Campana, certified matchmaker at Lisa Clampitt Matchmaking, tells us. “It’s reflective of a major difference in values.” If this is the case, communication is key. Tell your partner that putting a label on what you have matters to you and be clear on why. You can even start the conversation by talking about your boundaries for the relationship. “If your partner isn’t into it, you need to think about what that means for you,” Campana says. “What are your relationship goals and will your goals align with this partner? If not, then bye.”

8. You’re Only With Them Because It’s Comfortable

​Being in a relationship with someone who’s been around you for what seems like forever can make you feel comfortable. “But just because a person has been in your life for a long time and it feels comfortable, it does not mean that they are a good fit for who you are now, or will contribute to your growth moving forward,” Matlin says. If you feel like that passion and desire for your partner is lacking, she says you need to be willing to “step out into the wilderness” and trust that the right person will come to you. “Be willing to embrace ambiguity,” she says. “Trust the unknown. Be radically honest with yourself and what you truly want.”

9. You’ve Confused Being In Love With Having A Crush

Having an intense crush on someone may seem like love, but it’s important to differentiate the two. According to Matlin, a crush is sometimes one-sided. “It’s often an obsessive, overly emotional, and idealized focus on another person,” she says. Most importantly, there’s a huge distance between you and your person of interest. When that crush turns into unrequited love, you know you’ve fallen for the wrong person.

Loving someone, on the other hand, is to see the person for who they are and loving them for the good, bad, and ugly. As dating and relationship coach Rosalind Sedacca, CLC, tells us, “It’s usually based on a deeper sense of respect for who they are. We feel more accepting of and tolerant about their behavior, even when it doesn’t please us. We find a way to still love them, even when we don’t love their decisions and choices.”

10. Your Partner Isn’t The Type To Apologize

If your partner isn't emotionally mature enough to apologize, they are not the one for you.

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It’s important to remember that all couples get into disagreements. But how you choose to respond to each other at the moment can determine whether your relationship is right for you or not. “If your partner does or says something that hurts you deeply and is unable to apologize, this is a sign that they are uncomfortable admitting any wrongdoing,” relationship expert and spiritual counselor Davida Rappaport tells us. This is a major sign of emotional immaturity.

Saying “I’m sorry” is so simple and shows that you can take responsibility for your actions. “Without accountability, there can be no improvement,” Killoren says. If you’re with someone who can’t say sorry after doing something hurtful, you might have fallen in love with someone who’s possibly immature and most likely not right for you long-term.

I’ll have the rest of this article out by noon today!

Stay tuned!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Romantic Thanksgiving Date Ideas

A lot of people believe that Thanksgiving isn’t Thanksgiving unless you spend it stuffing yourself silly with food, surrounded by annoying uncles and aunts. But for couples without children or whose families are far away, Thanksgiving can be a wonderful opportunity to spend some romantic time together without distractions. So skip all of the stress this Thanksgiving and plan a special day for just the two of you with one of the ideas below.

Cook a meal together for two

While playing hostess to your in-laws and simultaneously cooking a Thanksgiving meal for 10 may seem like a recipe for a panic attack, cooking a turkey together with your best guy is filled with sexy opportunities. Envision sipping wine together as you stir the cranberry sauce and let your imagination run wild!

Have someone cook a meal for you

For those of you who think cooking is a chore rather than a delight, there’s nothing like enjoying a Thanksgiving dinner out on the town. Simply make a reservation, show-up and voila! While other women are spending the day slaving over a stove, you and your man can enjoy all of the pleasures of eating a five-course, candle-lit meal with none of the work.

Stay at a B&B

Holidays are so few and far between, why not extend your Thanksgiving into a Thanks-weekend and spend four days being thankful you’re not at home?

Go somewhere warm

Or even better, chuck the idea of a traditionally chilly Thanksgiving and relax the weekend away, basking in the sun at a tropical resort. The trees may not change color in Florida or the Bahamas, but there is still a lot of holiday cheer to be found there.

Watch a parade

You don’t even need to go anywhere to enjoy a romantic Thanksgiving. Sipping hot chocolate and holding hands together while watching a local parade can be just as lovely.

Or snuggle on the couch

Don’t even get dressed! Thanksgiving is one holiday that’s made for sleeping in, so don’t hesitate to ignore that alarm for once. You can always TiVo the parade and watch it later.

Volunteer at a soup kitchen

For couples in pursuit of the true meaning of Thanksgiving, soup kitchens and charity organizations are always in need of volunteers on the holiday when attendance is even higher than usual.

Go see a movie

One of my favorite Thanksgiving traditions is going out to the movies with my boyfriend, just the two of us.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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The 3-Day Rule Is the Worst Piece of Dating Advice, and We Should All Stop Following It

Picture it: You go on a first date, the conversation is flowing, and you can already tell you have some sort of connection with this person. They’re someone you hope to see again, and you’re pretty positive they feel the same way. However, there’s just one thing — you have to wait three days to talk to them again. Why? Well, because of the well-known and long-standing (but pretty much outdated) three-day dating “rule.”

If you like someone, tell them. If you didn’t feel a connection on the date, tell them. Talk to them when you want to talk to them instead of waiting because of some stupid rule

The guideline came about to direct people on how to handle communication following a first date. After all, you couldn’t possibly contact someone too soon without running the risk of looking desperate, especially a woman reaching out to a man first (the scandal!). Texting or calling someone the day after a date? Forget it. What about the second day? No, you still look too eager. But day three is just right, according to this rule.

This led to the mentality that you have to keep a person guessing how you feel about them, because if they knew how much you liked them, or that you even liked them at all, that would come off as unattractive. This kind of childish thinking is what can kill a potentially good relationship. These days, with social media, texting, and a culture that’s seemingly always connected, why are people still fueling an I’m-so-cool-I-didn’t-contact-you outdated game?

When I used to be on dating apps, I thought if a conversation died down for a few days, at least one of us wasn’t really feeling it. That was fine, but then if the person reappeared, well, that was just a back-and-forth situation I was not there for. The truth is, with so many options at our fingertips (thanks, Tinder), how do we know if someone is actually following the three-day rule or just forgot about you for a minute while they talked to someone new?

Let’s keep it simple: the three-day dating rule is straight up a waste of time. If you like someone, tell them. If you didn’t feel a connection on the date, tell them. Talk to them when you want to talk to them instead of waiting because of some stupid rule. There’s no benefit in playing hard to get if you, in fact, want some sort of future with the person. So let’s make a new rule: if you’re into someone, don’t be afraid to be the first person to reach out following a great first date. Life is too short to play unnecessary games. The worst that could happen is they don’t feel the same way, and if that does happen, you can rest easy knowing you didn’t waste more time thinking about someone who wasn’t right for you. It’s a win-win.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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What Is Glamboozling? This Dating Trend Is Unbelievably Annoying

I kind of like saying the word, Glamboozle…

With all of the wacky dating trends that happen in the world, I feel like I’ll never run out of material for this blog!

It sucks being all dressed up with nowhere to go. But do you know what sucks worse? Getting all dressed up with the intention of going somewhere, only to have your date cancel at the last minute. If this has ever happened to you, then I’m sorry to say you’ve been subject to a dating trend called glamboozling. Glamboozling means that you’ve blown out your hair, given yourself a mani, and even spent 30 minutes perfecting your winged eyeliner only for your date to send a text saying, “Sry. Can’t make it tonight.” And honestly, I can think of few things worse than wasting a great cat eye because of an unreliable date.

According to Plenty of Fish, a staggering 58% of singles have been glamboozled. As Anita Chlipala, licensed marriage and family therapist, previously told Elite Daily, canceling plans on the day of should only be done if you have a really valid excuse — and if you don’t have one, then your date deserves more notice. “[You] should have a good reason to cancel a date last-minute, because otherwise, that’s just rude and inconsiderate,” she said. And not only does flaking on a date pose an inconvenience — it’s also a terrible waste of makeup.

Glamboozling is a new dating trend
Ashley Corbin-Teich/Image Source/Getty Images

Luckily, if you want to avoid being glamboozled, there are a few signs that indicate your date is likely to cancel. According to Julia Armet, Head of Matchmaking at Tawkify, if your date has already postponed your meet-up once, there’s a good chance they’ll do it again. “Avoidant types have trouble solidifying plans,” Armet previously told Elite Daily. “Interestingly, you’ll also see the same ‘postponement’ mentality in people who have commitment issues. That can emerge deeper into relationships. Odds would say for these types: they’ll flake on you.” So basically, you shouldn’t get dressed up in your best outfit if the person taking you out has asked for a rain check in the past.

Another sign your date is probably going to flake: They’re difficult to get a hold of the day of the date. If you haven’t heard from them at least an hour before your date, then you might want to wait before curling your eyelashes. And if you want to make sure you’re not stood up, Armet suggested texting or calling your date ahead of time to make sure they’re still on board.

Glamboozling is a new dating trend
visualspace/E+/Getty Images

Of course, the reason glamboozling stings so bad doesn’t just have to do with wasting a good hair day. As Dr. Alexandra Solomon, clinical assistant professor in the Department of Psychology at Northwestern University, previously told Elite Daily, when a date cancels on you, it can ignite feelings of vulnerability, whether it’s your first date or your 100th date with someone. You might feel as though your date doesn’t value your time or prioritize your relationship, no matter how serious that relationship may be, and that’s not a great feeling.

My advice: If you’re glamboozled, find an opportunity to show off your outfit anyway. Rather than sulking, the best way to beat this dating trend is to call up a friend and make other plans. You can’t always prevent a date from being canceled last minute, but you can decide how you’re going to react.

 

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