The 3-Day Rule Is the Worst Piece of Dating Advice, and We Should All Stop Following It

Picture it: You go on a first date, the conversation is flowing, and you can already tell you have some sort of connection with this person. They’re someone you hope to see again, and you’re pretty positive they feel the same way. However, there’s just one thing — you have to wait three days to talk to them again. Why? Well, because of the well-known and long-standing (but pretty much outdated) three-day dating “rule.”

If you like someone, tell them. If you didn’t feel a connection on the date, tell them. Talk to them when you want to talk to them instead of waiting because of some stupid rule

The guideline came about to direct people on how to handle communication following a first date. After all, you couldn’t possibly contact someone too soon without running the risk of looking desperate, especially a woman reaching out to a man first (the scandal!). Texting or calling someone the day after a date? Forget it. What about the second day? No, you still look too eager. But day three is just right, according to this rule.

This led to the mentality that you have to keep a person guessing how you feel about them, because if they knew how much you liked them, or that you even liked them at all, that would come off as unattractive. This kind of childish thinking is what can kill a potentially good relationship. These days, with social media, texting, and a culture that’s seemingly always connected, why are people still fueling an I’m-so-cool-I-didn’t-contact-you outdated game?

When I used to be on dating apps, I thought if a conversation died down for a few days, at least one of us wasn’t really feeling it. That was fine, but then if the person reappeared, well, that was just a back-and-forth situation I was not there for. The truth is, with so many options at our fingertips (thanks, Tinder), how do we know if someone is actually following the three-day rule or just forgot about you for a minute while they talked to someone new?

Let’s keep it simple: the three-day dating rule is straight up a waste of time. If you like someone, tell them. If you didn’t feel a connection on the date, tell them. Talk to them when you want to talk to them instead of waiting because of some stupid rule. There’s no benefit in playing hard to get if you, in fact, want some sort of future with the person. So let’s make a new rule: if you’re into someone, don’t be afraid to be the first person to reach out following a great first date. Life is too short to play unnecessary games. The worst that could happen is they don’t feel the same way, and if that does happen, you can rest easy knowing you didn’t waste more time thinking about someone who wasn’t right for you. It’s a win-win.

 

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What Is Glamboozling? This Dating Trend Is Unbelievably Annoying

I kind of like saying the word, Glamboozle…

With all of the wacky dating trends that happen in the world, I feel like I’ll never run out of material for this blog!

It sucks being all dressed up with nowhere to go. But do you know what sucks worse? Getting all dressed up with the intention of going somewhere, only to have your date cancel at the last minute. If this has ever happened to you, then I’m sorry to say you’ve been subject to a dating trend called glamboozling. Glamboozling means that you’ve blown out your hair, given yourself a mani, and even spent 30 minutes perfecting your winged eyeliner only for your date to send a text saying, “Sry. Can’t make it tonight.” And honestly, I can think of few things worse than wasting a great cat eye because of an unreliable date.

According to Plenty of Fish, a staggering 58% of singles have been glamboozled. As Anita Chlipala, licensed marriage and family therapist, previously told Elite Daily, canceling plans on the day of should only be done if you have a really valid excuse — and if you don’t have one, then your date deserves more notice. “[You] should have a good reason to cancel a date last-minute, because otherwise, that’s just rude and inconsiderate,” she said. And not only does flaking on a date pose an inconvenience — it’s also a terrible waste of makeup.

Glamboozling is a new dating trend
Ashley Corbin-Teich/Image Source/Getty Images

Luckily, if you want to avoid being glamboozled, there are a few signs that indicate your date is likely to cancel. According to Julia Armet, Head of Matchmaking at Tawkify, if your date has already postponed your meet-up once, there’s a good chance they’ll do it again. “Avoidant types have trouble solidifying plans,” Armet previously told Elite Daily. “Interestingly, you’ll also see the same ‘postponement’ mentality in people who have commitment issues. That can emerge deeper into relationships. Odds would say for these types: they’ll flake on you.” So basically, you shouldn’t get dressed up in your best outfit if the person taking you out has asked for a rain check in the past.

Another sign your date is probably going to flake: They’re difficult to get a hold of the day of the date. If you haven’t heard from them at least an hour before your date, then you might want to wait before curling your eyelashes. And if you want to make sure you’re not stood up, Armet suggested texting or calling your date ahead of time to make sure they’re still on board.

Glamboozling is a new dating trend
visualspace/E+/Getty Images

Of course, the reason glamboozling stings so bad doesn’t just have to do with wasting a good hair day. As Dr. Alexandra Solomon, clinical assistant professor in the Department of Psychology at Northwestern University, previously told Elite Daily, when a date cancels on you, it can ignite feelings of vulnerability, whether it’s your first date or your 100th date with someone. You might feel as though your date doesn’t value your time or prioritize your relationship, no matter how serious that relationship may be, and that’s not a great feeling.

My advice: If you’re glamboozled, find an opportunity to show off your outfit anyway. Rather than sulking, the best way to beat this dating trend is to call up a friend and make other plans. You can’t always prevent a date from being canceled last minute, but you can decide how you’re going to react.

 

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You’ll Never Find True Love If You Keep Making These 11 Mistakes

here’s a reason you keep attracting the wrong people.

When it comes to love and being in a relationship, attraction plays a huge role.

Are you trying hard to find love and build a healthy relationship but nothing you do is working?

You may be doing a bunch of things that are blocking genuine and true love from entering your life.

So, if you’re asking yourself, “Why can’t I find love?” and “Will I ever find love?”, you need to be aware of what you’re doing wrong and what healthy relationships really need.

So, here are 11 fatal attraction mistakes that stop you from finding love and building a genuine relationship.

1. Holding on to old relationships

Always let go and move forward from past relationships. Holding on only blocks you from moving forward. Focus on the lessons you learned from that relationship and bring that with you but leave the rest behind.

Don’t treat new relationships any different because of past hurt. Don’t take out previous pain on a new partner. Really work that out before you move on. Take the lessons you learned but leave the rest behind and start fresh with each new person.

You want to move forward and not stay stuck in the past. You can never do that if you are replaying the past and criticizing past mistakes. Either regretting the past or wishing you were still in it will always block you from moving forward.

If you are hanging on to old relationships you are closing the space for a new love to come in. Work through and fully grieve old relationships so you can open up space to move forward with a new love.

2. Lack of self-love

It’s so important to love yourself first because if you don’t love you, you cannot attract others who will love you. If you aren’t treating yourself right you won’t attract others who will treat you right.

Take a good look at how you are treating yourself.

Negative self talk? That will attract others who will talk down to you. Not trusting or believing in yourself? That will attract others who won’t trust you or that you won’t trust.

3. Living in energies that repel love

Before you can attract anything into your life, you must add more of that same energy to your life. Are you looking for stability when it comes to love? If so, look at where you are unstable in your life and make changes.

If any element of your life is unstable, it’s very important to work on that. Instability will only attract someone who is unstable. Really look closely at each area of your life and take new steps to work on any areas that aren’t stable.

This goes for anything you are looking for in love, fun, comfort, etc. Whatever it is you are looking to attract in a partner, really focus on, adding more of that into your life in all areas.

We are whole beings and must align every area of our life to what we want, not just the one area we are working on.

4. Too much focus on everyone else’s problems

Don’t focus on other people and what they are doing to you. Focus on what you are doing to attract them in the first place. We only have control over ourselves, no one else.

Nothing ever just happens to us, we create everything in our life with our choices. The good news is by making some new choices you can get what you want.

5. Feeling desperate

Desperation when looking for love will only lead you into desperate situations and attract those who will only hurt you.

Know that happiness can only be found in yourself. Do not expect love to fill your happiness need. Yes, love can make you happy but it’s the cherry on top after you have found your happiness inside of you first.

Being happy within yourself and not needing love to fulfill you is the best way to attract love to you. Looking for anyone else to fulfill you will never lead to anything and will only leave you empty inside.

The beautiful thing is that you can find love and happiness within yourself without needing anyone else. Focus on your passion and your purpose and that will lead you there.

6. Not fully expressing yourself

When you keep things in and don’t express yourself you aren’t being your genuine self and can never attract real genuine love.

Be yourself and say what you feel when you feel it. You want to attract someone who will fall in love with you, not with who you are pretending to be.

7. Seeing yourself as having baggage

We have all made mistakes and have a past. See it as all learning experiences that made you the wonderful person you are now.

When you see it as baggage, a weight, or a problem, you put out to the world that you aren’t worthy.

Instead, be thankful for all you have learned and gained from those experiences and put that foot forward.

8. Only focusing on the negatives in your life

Focusing on the negative will only attract more negative to you, especially in relationships. Every negative thing you go through is there to teach you something to lead you to a better place.

Look for the lessons in these negative experiences and make new choices to get out of them instead of just dwelling and lingering in them. They are always a tool to move onto a better life but you must look deep and find those lessons and make the necessary changes.

There is always a new choice you can make as a step out of any situation. Focus on the positives and what you do have so you can attract more positive into your life.

This especially applies to negative thoughts about yourself. Being happy with yourself is so important in attracting the right person for you. If you aren’t happy with yourself, the person you attract cannot ever be completely happy with you either.

9. Not having fun in your life

Fun and laughter are big love attraction magnets.

Think about it: aren’t you more attracted to someone who is happy and having fun? Purposely find ways to have more fun and laugh in whatever way works for you.

10. Not taking care of yourself

Nurture and be sure not to neglect yourself. When you neglect yourself you can only attract those who will neglect you as well.

You must always put yourself first so you will have more to give to others. Always put your oxygen mask on first.

11. Expecting love to save you

Love is two whole people who come together to make things even better for each other. Never expect someone to come in and save you or make you feel fulfilled inside.

Only you can find your own happiness and fulfillment. No one can magically do that for you.

But, once you have found that in yourself, love can help that grow even more and it’s the perfect cherry at the top of the sundae. But you must build that sundae by yourself first!

Kristine Carlson is a psychic medium, an Advanced Soul Realignment Practitioner, and author. If you would like some answers about your love life or anything else, you can get a convenient, personal email reading or clearing from Kristine on her website.

 

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7 Things You Need to Know If You’re Dating Someone With Kids

How to Approach Dating a Person Who Has Children from Another Relationship

Dating someone new definitely has its challenges: assessing your compatibility, getting comfortable enough to let your guard down, discovering your differences, and coping with new relationship anxiety. Add a kid or two into the mix, though, and it’s a whole different ball game.

“Dating someone with kids is a package deal,” says NYC-based relationship expert Susan Winter. “Even when your date has limited or partial custody, their children play a significant role in their long-term partner selection process.”

Not only will their kids probably play influence who they allow into their lives, but it’ll probably affect how they function in a relationship, too.

“They have people that physically and emotionally need them in order to survive,” explains Mike Goldstein, founder of EZ Dating Coach. “You will always be priority number two, no matter how hard you fight for the top spot.”

So if you’re in the midst of getting to know someone with children from a previous relationship, here are a few different things to kind in mind before you get too deep.

1. You may not get as much quality time alone as you’d like

If you’re the kind of person who requires a lot of attention from your partner, you’ll need to come to terms with the fact that other people are also vying for their time. Just how much room they have in their calendar for you will depend on how many kids they have, as well as what their ages are.

Chances are you won’t be able to plan date nights as often as you’d like. Keep in mind, however, that this could also be a positive thing.

“If you love your alone time, this will be a huge bonus for you,” says Goldstein. “And if you enjoy planning, this will be a great exercise in coordination to work around each other’s schedules.”

2. Keeping it casual probably isn’t an option

Point blank, a single parent is more likely to be looking for something serious when dating around.

“Dating involves the possibility of integrating a person into the family system,” explains Winter. “This is done with caution, over time, and with much consideration.”

This is why you should be sure to clarify your intentions early on before you meet their kids.

“It’s important that their kids not be exposed to many people coming in and out of their parent’s life,” adds Dr. Gary Brown, a prominent couples’ therapist in Los Angeles.

On the plus side, as those dating with kids tend not to take the situation lightly, you can rest easy knowing that they’ll be in it for the long haul.

“You get the almost automatic benefit of knowing that the person you are dating is into you because time is precious in their lives, and they will likely not want to spend it with you unless they think there is something meaningful there,” adds Brown.

3. You probably won’t meet the kids right away

Don’t be alarmed if your partner isn’t ready to introduce you to their children right away. After all, they will likely want to make sure the relationship feels stable and you’re both on the same page about the future.

“Parents are naturally protective of their kids and need to screen who they are dating before introducing them to their children,” explains Brown. That’s why he says to make sure you “avoid the tendency to try and push for a premature commitment on their part.”

“You will likely need to take things somewhat slower.” adds Brown.

Rather than pressuring them to let you meet the kids, focus on doing whatever you can to build trust. By doing that, you’ll help them feel ready to take that step.

4. Be prepared for plans to change on a dime

Kids add a certain element of unpredictability to life, so at some point, your partner may need to bail on date night at the last minute.

“Anything can happen that will alter your plans unexpectedly,” explains Winter. “Health issues, school or behavioral problems can eliminate that romantic holiday you booked months ago. That’s why you have to have a flexible disposition to date someone with kids.”

Try not to take it personally when they need to take a rain check. It’s not that they don’t value their plans with you … it’s just that their kids come first.

5. Being spontaneous won’t be easy

And speaking of plans, the best way to handle dating someone with kids is to choose specific dates and times to meet up. As much as you may want to whisk them away for a weekend, that probably isn’t realistic. After all, they may need to make special arrangements in order to spend time with you.

“The two of you may not be able to act as spontaneously as you might like,” says Brown. “That doesn’t mean that you can’t have a night out or a weekend away. It simply means that you will have to take the logistics of child-care into consideration.”

6. The way to their heart might be through their kids

When you start connecting with your partner’s children, don’t be surprised if you see a smile whenever you’re around the little ones. Basically, that twinkle says they’re falling, as for most parents, seeing someone bond and build trust with their kids only strengthens their decision to be with you.

“Your [partner] may very well appreciate it if you take a genuine interest in their children,” says Brown. “This will likely earn you bonus points as their children are very central to their lives.”

On the contrary, Winter notes that if you don’t get along with your partner’s children, that could create some friction that jeopardizes your relationship. While you don’t need to win them over right away, you’ll eventually need to be able to coexist peacefully.

7. Don’t expect constant contact

With technology at our fingertips, we’re used to getting immediate replies to texts, social media messages and so on. But when you date someone with kids, you’ll need to adjust your expectations for response times a bit.

“When you’re a parent, your time isn’t always your own,” notes Brown.

There may be times when your partner is tied up caring for a kid who isn’t feeling well, or helping them with their homework. That means it’s important to understand that they won’t always be able to get back to you right away.

Clearly, there are distinctive drawbacks that come with dating a parent, but there are also numerous benefits as well. Goldstein notes that parents often have a certain level of patience and selflessness that can definitely play to your advantage in a romantic relationship. Not only that, but Brown points out that you’ll have the opportunity to see a different side of your partner. Their title as a parent will allow you to learn a lot more about their character and values early on just by observing how they interact with their children.

“There is always the possibility that you may fall in love not only with the person you are dating, but their kids as well,” adds Brown.

Dating someone with kids can be an incredibly unique and rewarding experience — as long as you keep these particular considerations in mind. And remember: A parent has already given their heart to their children. Now, they have to decide if there’s room for you, too.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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15 (Hilarious, Kind Of Sad, But Also True) Signs It’s Time To Get Laid

We all go through dry spells. We all know what it’s like. So let’s give ourselves permission to laugh about those moments when you realize it has been entirely too long since you last had sex. Here are 15 signs.

1. When you feel around on the empty half of your bed, you find a single snow boot, a Life Magazine from 1967, and a half-eaten animal cracker that you swear is judging you with his frowny circus animal half-face.

2. You didn’t know “condom dust” was a thing, until you checked the hidden pocket in your wallet.

3. You’ve stopped saying uber-confident stuff to your friends like, “Tonight, I’m going to Bonetown, Virginia!” and now mutter quietly to yourself about how you yearn for physical intimacy. And then you shed a single tear, unbeknownst to the revelers around you, who are, in fact, there for your birthday party.

4. Your mom’s like, “Are you getting enough sex, dear?”

5. Your friends don’t even ask anymore.

6. You’ve kind of pretty much totally forgotten how to lip-kiss.

7. You have not plucked your Creepy Nipple Hair since before Carly Rae Jepsen was a thing.

8. You have looked at your naked reflection, stood tall, and said aloud, “I’m not that bad.”

9. You have looked at your naked reflection, stuck out your stomach, jiggled it around, frowned at your bellybutton, then ate ice cream in bed until you fell asleep.

10. You have almost successfully convinced yourself that nobody else in the whole world is having sex when your roommate — who has the same name as one of your parents — comes home with the loudest. One night stand. Of all time.

11. You know what’s better than sex?! Cheese. And RPGs. And watching Louie on Netflix, alone, in bed, with a box of white wine. Seriously, you all are missing out.

12. You’ve envisioned telling your next sex partner how long it’s been since your last sexual encounter, in case you do something severely incorrect.

13. Sometimes it feels like you are being beaten in the genitals with a wooden plank, but when you look down, nothing’s there.

14. Sometimes you forget you have sex parts.

15. You take comfort in knowing that you went 16 years without sex. Granted, that was from age zero to 16, but dammityou can do it again if necessary!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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7 Signs Your Relationship Won’t Last After The First 3 Months Of Dating

It’s so easy to get swept up in the rush of lovey-dovey feelings you get from dating someone new. But according to experts, it’s pretty important to stay grounded during the first three months of dating. Because as amazing as those new love feels are, those first 90 days can determine whether or not your new relationship is the real thing or has an expiration date.

“The three month-mark in a relationship is usually when you either take the relationship to the next level and become more serious, or you decide that love isn’t going to grow and you break ties,” dating coach, Anna Morgenstern, tells Bustle.

Although every relationship differs, three months is considered to be the average length of the first stage of a relationship. According to psychotherapist and relationship coach, Toni Coleman, LCSW, you should be ideally making that transition from “casually dating” to “exclusive” around that time. But again, this varies depending on how much time you actually spend together and how much distance is between you two.

According to Coleman, many believe that “losing interest” is the reason behind why some couples can’t seem to make it past three months. But that’s not entirely the case. “It’s not so much losing interest in one another as it is making a decision that this relationship is not one they want to invest more in and deepen,” she says. “They simply don’t feel that the friendship, connection, attraction and interest are strong enough.”

So will your new relationship make it past those crucial first 90 days? According to experts, if your partner hasn’t done these things in that time frame, it may not.

1. Your Partner Can’t Be Consistent With Their Communication

A person who wants a serious relationship with you will be consistent with communication early on.

Shutterstock

At the beginning of a relationship, texting, calling, and messaging typically happen very often. There’s a lot of back and forth flirtation, and you pretty much expect it. But if your partner is no longer predictable or consistent with their communication, Emily Pfannenstiel, licensed professional counselor who specializes in therapy for women, tells Bustle, that’s not a great sign.

“As your relationship progresses, your communication should be too,” Pfannenstiel says. “They should be excited and wanting to talk to you! Playing coy is one thing, but if you feel like they go MIA on you every couple days, that’s not good.” According to her, it may take some time to get used to each other’s communication styles. For instance, one partner might not like texting all day, while the other does. But in the early stages, it’s especially important to check in and show some investment in the new relationship. If you’re unsure of your partner’s level of interest, Pfannenstiel suggests matching the level of communication they give you. If they’re barely communicating, you may need to have a discussion about it.

2. Your Partner Isn’t Their Genuine Self Around You

By the three-month mark, both you and your partner should feel totally comfortable being yourselves around each other. According to Samantha Daniels, dating expert and founder of Samantha’s Table Matchmaking, it’s a time when you stop worrying about scaring your partner off with talks about the future or bringing up issues that need to be discussed.

“You should feel no boundaries when it comes to texting when you feel like it, introducing them to your family, and being mad if they hurt your feelings and saying so,” she says. “The three month mark is when the dating games should be stopping and you can both be your genuine, honest, real true selves.” For some people, it may take a little longer to open up and be truly comfortable. So you may have to be a little patient, depending on how your partner is. But it shouldn’t take any longer than six months for them to be themselves around you.

3. They Don’t Invite You To Hang Out With Their Friends

If someone sees a future with you, they will want you to meet their friends.

Ivanko80/Shutterstock

If your partner starts making more plans with friends and isn’t making the effort to include you, Morgenstern says, that’s an early sign your relationship may not last. When this happens, the tendency is to cling onto the relationship for fear of losing it. You may text them more or request to spend more time together. But as she says, “that is the absolutely worst thing to do.”

Instead, let them be. Maybe they need space to figure out their feelings in order to move forward. “Plan a trip with friends for the weekend and have an amazing time reconnecting with your inner circle. Coming from a place of self love and inner confidence will save your relationship,” Morgenstern says. “And if your partner does break it off, you’ll be setting yourself up to walk away from the relationship as a whole person, not a broken shell of yourself.”

4. Your Partner Doesn’t Find Small Ways To Keep Moving The Relationship Forward

In order to create a well-balanced and healthy dynamic early on, you shouldn’t be initiating everything as your relationship goes on. If your partner’s interest in the relationship isn’t strong enough to take it to the next level, they may take less of an initiative, be less affectionate, and show less physical closeness. In short, there’s going to be distance and you’re going to feel it.

“Couples should want to see each other, especially in the beginning,” Daniels says. “So if you feel that your partner is straying away or they’re coming up with invalid reasons to cancel plans, then this may be a sign they are losing interest.” If this is an issue, you should discuss this with your partner. You can even offer up a plan where you come up with something to do one weekend, and they come up with something to do the next. But if nothing changes and you’re still the only one moving the relationship forward, they may not be as invested as you are.

5. Your Partner Can’t Be A Shoulder To Lean On

If your partner can't be there for you when you're having a bad day, your relationship won't make it after three months.

Shutterstock

If your partner can’t listen to you and be your shoulder to lean on in those first three months, Daniels says your relationship may not make it long-term. You shouldn’t necessarily dump all your deepest and darkest fears on them right away. But if you’re going through something at work or with your family, they should be there to talk and listen to you.

“This kind of thing is what takes your relationship to the next level,” she says. “It establishes a level of trust and strength for both of you to feel comfort when seeking comfort.” If your partner can’t be that for you, that’s not a great sign. The same goes for them choosing to lean on you during tough times. If you’re not the first person they go to when they hear bad news, they need to vent, or they need someone to lean on, they may not see the relationship as something really serious.

6. They Don’t Make Solid Future Plans With You

A partner who sees a future with you will hint at it through the words they use. Even if they aren’t thinking marriage at this point, they may talk about a future trip that they want to take with you or plans for your birthday in a few months. It’s equally important to pay attention to the follow-through. It’s one thing to say that you should go away together for the weekend, and it’s another to actually book everything and hash out the logistics. If your relationship is one that is destined to get stronger, Coleman says you will make solid plans for the future together. For instance, you may not meet their family within those first three months, but you can make plans for it. But if your partner can’t even commit to making dinner plans for next week, that’s not the best sign.

7. They Don’t Make Your Relationship A Priority

If your partner isn't prioritizing the relationship early on, your relationship isn't going to last.

Shutterstock

“There is much more that goes into maintaining a long term partnership; it’s not just be all about lust and pheromones,” Susan McCord, dating coach and talk show host, tells Bustle. “Relationships take work and need to be nurtured.” As you go further along in your relationship, your partner should be putting a good amount of effort into the relationship. The “busy” excuse won’t cut it. If someone wants to be with you, they’ll make time. You will be a priority.

It’s tough to realize that the person you’re dating isn’t putting in enough effort to be in a committed relationship with you. But as Coleman says, “You can’t keep someone interested if they’re not.” Besides, why waste your time and effort trying to make a relationship happen if it’s not meant to?

On the other hand, it’s so easy to get hung up on timelines, especially when you first start dating. There’s no shame in wanting commitment and exclusivity once you’re realized your feelings. But just remember, every relationship is different. For some, life circumstances will only allow them to have two or three dates over the course of three months. For others, getting engaged after three months just feels right. If your relationship is making you feel anxious because you haven’t done this, this, and that, by your third month together, don’t panic just yet. If you and your partner can openly communicate about where things are at and where it’s going, you’re on the right track.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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4th of July Date Ideas (That Won’t Break the Bank)

Here are a bunch of fun ways to ignite some sparks of your own.

1. Plan an outdoor picnic. We know, it may sound a little clichéd, but grab an American flag blanket at a cheapie store (c’mon, show your patriotism), a bottle of wine, and some American fare to share with your guy. You can bring along a Frisbee or Nerf ball to toss around after lunch. Outdoor eating can be much more relaxed and romantic (not to mention more affordable) than your typical dinner and drinks.

2. Hit up a rooftop bar with your guy. You’ll get to enjoy cocktails in the breezy summer weather, and you might even be able to spot a nearby fireworks show — minus the crowds and mobs of children.

3. Go on a romantic “getaway.” Almost every town has its appeal on the 4th, so head to your local tourist hot spot. Breaking your usual routine and taking advantage of what your town or city has to offer will make you feel like you’re on a mini vacation. Plus, experiencing new activities with your guy is exciting.

4. Bake a 4th of July cake. Don’t go all Betty Crocker on your guy, but baking a festive cake with him can be a flirty, fun way to get some one-on-one time. Top the cake with whipped cream, blueberries, and strawberries. Hint: If you happen to buy too much whipped cream, you can always find, um, other uses for it.

5. Head to an outdoor concert. A lot of cities host 4th of July concert and firework shows (what’s not to like about two-for-one dates?). Check out your local paper to see what’s going on nearby. Don’t feel like springing for tickets? You can usually mingle your way close enough to the concert stage, but outside the seat parameter, to listen to the live music for free.

6. Host a BBQ. We all know guys like to barbecue, so let your man be manly as he grills up the hamburgers and ribs. A casual cookout can be a great way to break the ice and introduce him to your family or friends. Don’t forget the festive cocktails!

7. Do something historic. Google your town or city to find out what local American memorials or museums you can visit. You’ll both learn a bit about the past and get a renewed appreciation for your heritage.

8. Get wet. When we think of July we think beaches and bikinis. If you don’t live near a beach, find a friend with a pool or buy a day pass to a public pool. Upload summer tunes to your iPod and have your guy rub you down with sunscreen and cocoa butter. You two can even sport those corny American flag bathing suits if you feel so inclined.

9. Have a movie night. If you’re far away from the beach and fireworks, invite your guy over for a movie night, 4th of July style. Pick out a few festive flicks and cozy up in front of the TV. Some suggestions: Born on the Fourth of July, Independence Day, and The Patriot.

10. Bond over a bonfire. You could always forgo the fireworks and curl up around a campfire with him. Bring along sparklers to get into the spirit.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy my new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

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7 Reasons Why the Women Men Date Aren’t the Ones They Marry

Everyone can probably recall a situation when a couple broke up after a long relationship and then the man proposed to the “next girl he met.” This behavior is really surprising and it raises a legit question: why does one woman not get the diamond ring after many years spent together while the next one becomes a bride almost immediately after they meet?

We at Bright Side decided to try and understand men’s logic and find out the answer to this burning question that has been bothering several generations of women across the world.

1. There’s no such thing as “the right woman.” The most important thing is to be with the man at the right time.

In social media, someone posted the opinion that men get married not when they meet “the love of their life” but when they are ready to start a family. A Twitter user got really interested in this theory and asked men to comment on it. And almost unanimously, men admitted that they had a relationship they regretted ending but it didn’t stop them from getting married when they had a fitting woman to become their wife.

There’s another popular thing that triggers men to get married: if a woman they’ve wanted to get with for a long time gets married, they want to get married as well. In this case, they feel that there’s no chance with that other women and if the loneliness becomes unbearable, the unlucky guy chooses among his available options. So, it seems that men don’t wait for the “right woman” and whatever girl that is ready for marriage at a certain time will get the proposal.

Scientists say that the best age for starting a family is from 28 to 32. After this time, the chances that a man will want to get married will drop and after the age of 42, the chance is almost 0.

2. There’s no way to build a family based on physical attraction.

Studies show that couples with a woman that is more attractive than the man are the happiest. But as John T. Molloy (the author of the book Why Men Marry Some Woman and Not Others) said, the appearance of the woman shouldn’t be vulgar. John asked more than 3,500 men to describe their brides and only 20% of the fiances used adjectives that had to do with their appearance (like gorgeous, attractive, or sexy). And the other 80% mentioned the woman’s character traits. Men said that being clean and presentable is very important but didn’t want them to look over-the-top. The most popular opinion was this: a woman should look so that it’s not a shame to appear with her in public.

3. The opinion of friends and parents can affect the decision.

Even if a man looks very independent, who he chooses as a wife will be influenced by those close to him. That’s why friends play a huge role in the beginning stage of a relationship and their opinion may speed up the process of falling in love. Additionally, a man’s parents’ approval may also be a decisive factor in the proposal. You probably have seen cases where a parent’s expectations are different from the girl their son brings home.

4. Men are sure that women are totally satisfied.

To be more specific, women may just pretend that everything is okay when really, they don’t want to get married. However, if a woman never voices her opinion about wanting to get married, her boyfriend will never know that she is expecting some kind of gesture from him because men are bad at reading between the lines. But men are good at making conclusions. So, when this girl loses her patience, packs her stuff and leaves, the man will analyze the situation and when he meets the next woman, he will be quicker in his decisions and will propose to her before she leaves him.

Psychologists claim that couples that have few conflicts in the very beginning don’t have a future so people shouldn’t be afraid of expressing their opinions. The women that prefer to be silent about their wishes never actually get the wedding ring. 73% of future wives admit that they pressed their significant others and insisted on getting married instead of just waiting for their boyfriend to propose to them on their own.

5. Living together decreases the chances of getting married by 50%.

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Psychologists warn women that they should be very careful about the idea of living together before marriage. Most men make a proposal 22 months after the beginning of the relationship and after this period, the chance decreases by 20% and 3 years later, this number is only 50%. And after 7 years, the chances of getting married are at 0%.

But don’t forget about the difference in perception: women think that living together is the first step to marriage and men, on the contrary, “forget” about the necessity to register the relationship and already think that they have a family.

6. A woman is convenient for this period of time but not for the future.

Sometimes, men want to get married but only when they achieve certain things in their lives like a promotion, an apartment, a house, and so on. They don’t want to stay alone during this difficult life period while he’s pursuing his goals, so he looks for a woman to support him — but only temporarily.

“A convenient” woman who doesn’t require much and that will always meet him halfway is not enough for the life he wants. She doesn’t challenge him or encourage an addiction. And if a man becomes successful, they want to stay in shape and in this situation, he needs a woman that will challenge him all the time, helping him to achieve more and more.

7. Not all relationships are supposed to end with a wedding.

From early childhood, girls are taught that any boys that pay attention to them automatically become their “one and only.” Very often, relatives joke about this and ask girls when the wedding is going to happen. But year after year, this question becomes more and more serious. And girls grow up with the stereotype that if the relationship is long, it can only have one end: the forming of a family. But men rarely have the same stereotype, so there’s a big misunderstanding between the sexes.

Of course, people regret any time they wasted dating and often try to hold on to significant others. But then they have to live with the notion that this person is only with them because they feel they need to be, not because they want to be. Also, men rarely give up on their wishes and if they’re certain in their choice, they won’t wait too long or avoid having the conversation. There’s no such thing as a true bachelor (right, George Clooney?), there are just women that men don’t want to marry but are too afraid to say it.

Maybe, you have your own thoughts and experience on this topic and the men you know proposed or (didn’t) for other reasons. Share your ideas in the comment section below.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

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Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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How To Break Up With Someone You’re Still In Love With, Because Sometimes, It Just Doesn’t Work

One from a female reader…

My last breakup was with someone whom I still cared about, and it sucked. I loved my boyfriend very much, but the relationship started to feel stagnant, and it was time to move on. We were moving forward, but not as a couple. We were growing in separate directions that had caused us to feel more like friends than lovers. It’s hard to know how to break up with someone when you still love and care about them very much. The moment never exactly feels right, because you don’t want to hurt someone you care about, and you don’t want to stop hanging out with each other either.

When my ex and I broke up, he came over, and we had a long discussion about how we weren’t compatible for one another at this point in our lives. He was struggling in his career and felt the need to concentrate on it in order to feel happy and stable in his life and, thus, couldn’t give his full attention to me. I cared about his happiness and couldn’t continue to feel neglected in a relationship. We broke up, cried a little, watched a movie, and then, he slept over (bad decision). Yes, we hooked up. Then, the next morning, I left for work, and I never saw him again.

Winter depressed sad girl lonely by home window looking at cold weather upset unhappy. Bad feelings stress, anxiety, grief, emotions. Asian woman portrait.

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When I got home that night, he had left love notes all over my apartment, telling me he would miss me and how much he cared about me. He also stuck a note on the fridge saying, “Remember when you cooked that horrible dinner,” and one on the toilet that said, “Remember how embarrassed you were when you clogged this on our third date,” which made me smile… but also miss him. It’s easy to break up with someone you hate or to move on from a relationship that’s broken. That’s why they’re called breakups after all, right? But breaking up with someone you still care about is hard. You don’t want to do it, even though it’s the right decision.

Phicklephilly spoke to two experts about how to break up with someone you’re still in love with, even when it hurts. Because you deserve to have it be as painless as possible.

1. Do It In Person

So many of my relationships have ended over text or on the phone, and I think that’s why it took so long to get over them. The book felt unfinished. I never got closure, and things felt unresolved with those partners. I wanted to ask my exes questions or see their expression when things were ending, but all I was left with was the crying emoji instead. Every time I’ve ever broken up with someone over the phone, text, or email, the subsequent months are filled with plans to finally meet up in person and discuss what happened. But if you do it in person the very first time, you can have a clean break from the very beginning.

“The most important thing you can do for them to show compassion is to explain why,” Dr. Joshua Klapow, clinical psychologist and host of The Kurre and Klapow Show, previously told Elite Daily. “If you can answer the question for yourself then you should offer that to them.” If you and your partner are still in love but it’s time for your relationship to end for other reasons, then you at least want to give your significant other the respect of breaking up in person. It will help to give both of you closure and allow for an honest and thorough conversation that can help both of you move on.

2. Be Strong (And Also Don’t Hook Up)

If you’re still in love with the person you’re breaking up with, then you might be unsure about your actions. Should we really end things, or can we work this out? Maybe we’re just having a bad day, week, or month. Can we get over this? Is moving on a mistake? But if you’ve thought about this thoroughly and you’re sure the relationship is not right for you, then be strong and resolute in your decision, and don’t get swayed into staying together.

“Ask yourself this: ‘Why do I not want this and what would make things different?'” Dr. Klapow said. “Ask yourself: ‘Have I had the conversations clearly and specifically about what is not working and what is working?’ If you love the person, then you need to be very sure that you are very clear about why you don’t think it is going to work.” Be firm that things are ending, and, no matter how tempted you are, do not have breakup sex. It’ll only end up leading both of you on and keep you wondering if you’re making the right decision. Overall, it’s just bad news.

3. Set Boundaries

After a breakup, it’s important to set boundaries and clarify breakup behaviors. It’ll make the transition to friends (or strangers) easier, and boundaries can help you from getting hurt even more after a breakup. I remember after I broke up with one of my exes, I was really hurt when I found out he had hooked up with someone else. The reason I felt hurt was because he and I were still talking every day, and it felt like we were still very much together, even though we weren’t.

“There is not an easy way to break up with someone you love,” Dr. Klapow said. “Recognize that there is a decent chance you are going to hurt feelings.” Establishing boundaries between you and your ex can save you a lot of heartache and help to clarify the role you play in each other’s lives. Are you going to stay friends on social media? Are you still going to talk, and if so, how often? Are you going to see one another in real life? What’s the rule about hooking up with each other? Are there certain things you don’t want to talk about with one another?

Sad disappointed european man can not forgive his african girlfriend infidelity, the girl is sitting next to man having apologetic guilty look, trying to make peace with man. Relationships problems

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4. Take Time Apart

If you’re still in love with your significant other, that’s not going to end right when you break up with them. You’re still going to miss them. You’ll want to call, text, and talk with the same frequency as you always do. You’ll still want to hang out. In my last relationship, after we broke up, I remember how badly I missed my boyfriend on the couch every night, sitting next to me, watching our favorite shows. I knew we weren’t right together, but couldn’t we still hang?

The answer is no, not so soon. Right after a breakup, you need to take some much-needed space to heal and actually get over one another. You can’t go from lovers to friends immediately just because you’ve said the words “we’re done.”

“It’s useful to initiate the breakup conversation at a time when you all have space during/afterward to respond to your subsequent feelings and reactions,” James Guay, a therapist who specializes in high-conflict couples, previously told Elite Daily. “In other words, don’t start the conversation right before you each have to go to work or to an important event.”

You need time to actually get over one another, or you might just end up back together again — or back in bed at least. And if you prolong the breakup, you’re only prolonging the time it takes for you to finally start moving on and feeling better.

Breaking up is hard to do, especially when you’re doing it with someone you still care about. But if it’s the right decision for you, then you have to make it. Be firm and direct, and make sure you establish proper boundaries after you’ve decided to part ways.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy my new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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Guy Talk: The Real Reason Women Shouldn’t Make The First Move

Maybe you catch him standing at the other end of the bar, slyly checking you out. Maybe you met him before and flirted with him, but he never asked for your phone number. Or, maybe you’ve already hung out with him a few times, but a casual arm flung over your shoulders is about the extent of the physical contact he’s made so far.

So, you saunter over to him and say hi.

Or, the next time you see him, you say, “So, are you ever going to ask for my phone number?”

Or, as you’re sitting on the couch next to him, streaming yet another movie on Netflix, you turn to look him in the eyes, and you decide to just go for it and kiss him.

Like that daydreaming moron you’re stuck behind at the busy intersection, these are the guys who make you throw your arms up in the air and yell, “You’ve got the green light! Just go already!”

Yes, there are a lot of timid guys out there.

But now, I’m going to let you in on a little secret: Timid guys aren’t as numerous as you may think. In fact, that cute guy who flirts with you and acts interested, but never actually does anything about it, can turn out to be a totally different breed of guy. He’s not timid, or awkward, or nervous. He’s manipulating you.

This is the guy who’s not looking for anything serious (or, more specifically, not looking for anything serious with you), but wouldn’t be opposed to a casual fling. This may also be the guy who prides himself on being a “good guy.” And true to his self-professed nature, he doesn’t want to play you. That’s why he never comes right out and makes any overt moves on you.

On the other hand, if you initiate all the moves, he’s certainly not going to stop you. And whether consciously or subconsciously, that’s the trap he has set for you.

How do I know so much about this guy, you ask? Because I used to be him.

You see, if I let the girl make the first move, then I don’t have to be the douchebag who acts interested, gets the girl into bed, then dumps her immediately after.

If she makes the first move, then I’m the one being chased. And if I’m the one being chased, then I’m the one who was never sure about hooking up. And if I’m the one who was never sure about hooking up, then I have a perfectly valid reason to pull back at any time.

Let me repeat that last part: at any time.

Yes, some guys are douchebags to the core. They sleep on king-sized douchebag beds lined with satin douchebag sheets lathered with the essence of douchebag body spray. They’ll say whatever it takes to get you into bed, and they’ll feel no shame pulling the fade-out after they get what they want.

But, most guys aren’t assholes of such cartoonish proportions. I think most guys actually try to do “the right thing.” And on a conscious level, they know it’s not cool to feign interest in a girl just to get her naked, especially if it seems like she wants more than just a fling.

And that’s when the subconscious rationalizing begins:

“Well, I’d sleep with her. And I’m pretty sure she’s interested. But, I’d never want to date her….”

“Alright, be cool then. Just talk to her and be friendly….”

“Oh, look at that. She just kissed me. Hmm….”

“Alright, Conscience. Look, dude, she freaking just kissed me! You can’t possibly expect me to turn her away, right? As long as she kisses me first, then I can totally hook up with her, and you won’t lay all that guilt on me afterwards, right? Right?”

“You won’t? Game on!”

And once that rationalization train gets going, the excuses just keep on chugging along:

“I had fun with you, but I just don’t want anything serious right now.”

“I’m sorry, I should’ve been more clear what I was looking for before we hooked up.”

“I’m just not ready to commit to anyone at this point in my life.”

Any of these lines can be spoken by the guiltless douchebag as he’s in the process of dumping you. And you’ll hate him.

But, if you’re the one who made all the moves, if you’re the one who pursued him, do you see how the self-professed good guy can say these same exact lines and still come across as the innocent victim while he’s dumping you

In his arsenal, the self-professed good guy even has lines the supersized douchebag could never use. Like this one:

“I’m actually kind of old-fashioned and like to take things slow. Don’t get me wrong—last night was amazing. But, I was caught up in the moment, and I think we definitely moved too fast.”

See? It’s your fault you jumped into bed too soon, because you put the moves on him. And now, he gets to walk away with nary a scratch on his shiny armor.

I admit, I did all this subconscious rationalizing for years before I realized what I was actually doing. Once my conscience made that shady back room deal with my lust, my hypocrisy became all too easy to ignore.

Yup, all my life, I prided myself on being a decent guy. But, it turns out I was a douchebag all along. And unfortunately, I think every guy has some amount of douchiness in him (if, by “douchiness,” we mean the desire for easy sex).

Here’s the bottom line:

If I really like a girl, I’m going to make the first move.

So, go ahead. Make the first move on that cute, coy guy if you want. Just remember the Get Out Of Guilt Free card you may be handing him if you do.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy my new book, Angel with a Broken Wing on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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