How to Avoid the Friend Zone and Make Her Desire You

Afraid you’ll end up being just a friend with the girl you like? Use these tips on how to avoid the friend zone if you want to get into her pants.

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The friend zone is a tricky place to fall in.

You may be trying hard to get close to a girl, close enough to tell her that you like her, but one fine day she turns around and tells you that you’re such a great friend, or worse, you’re just like a brother to her.

Ever been there?

I hope you haven’t.

Guys find themselves falling into the friend zone almost all the time.

It’s frustrating and demeaning, and at times, inevitable.

You may get really close to a girl with all the hopes of getting into her pants, but somewhere along the way, you may have taken a few detours that led you right into the friend zone.

What is a friend zone?

A friend zone is a happy place for a girl. It’s a place where she and a guy can sit together and talk about anything and get real friendly with each other.

For a guy, a friend zone is the worst place to be in, especially when he likes the girl who behaves like a friend.

In a friend zone, the two involved friends of the opposite sex are just friends and nothing more. They project no sexual interest towards each other and behave in a completely platonic manner.

But can any guy ever be friends with a girl he finds sexually attractive? Or course not. He can try to be a friend with the hope of getting an occasional cuddle or a warm boob pressing hug now and then, but he’s always going to be just be a friend while she dates every other guy in the yearbook.

How do guys end up falling into the friend zone?

A guy falls into a friend zone for very obvious reasons. He behaves like a friend. And he never lets the girl know that he has more than friendly intentions on his mind.

And soon enough, the girl loses all realization of the fact that this guy has a package down there. And he just becomes another sexless thing she hangs out with all the time as a platonic friend.

So why do some guys end up as friends instead of boyfriends or sex buddies? Here’s why.

#1 They get too close. Getting too close to a girl on platonic grounds will never help you. You may assume that it’s the easiest way to get a girl to know you better. She’ll definitely get to know you better, but only as a friend.

#2 No sexual chemistry. If a guy likes a girl, he has to make it subtly obvious that he’s sexually interested in her. If a guy behaves like a pushover and a doormat, no girl will feel even a tingle of sexual chemistry.

#3 The girl’s not attracted to the guy. This sucks, but this is the most common scenario. The guy’s probably creepy, annoying or just not good enough to be her boyfriend.

#4 The guy thinks she’s too good for him. At times, a guy may genuinely believe that the girl he likes is way too good for him. And instead of hitting on her, he secretly lusts for her, but gives up on pursuing her. Could you ever live with yourself by just being the friend of a sexy girl who dates every other guy but you?

#5 He plays the true friend card. It works in the movies all the time. The girl has a best friend who’s always there for her. She goes ahead and dates every single guy in the world, and finally, at the end of the movie she sees her true love in the form of her best friend. How touching! And that’s why they call it the movies. In real life, you can’t become a girl’s boyfriend just by behaving like a best friend.

How to avoid getting into the friend zone

It’s really easy to avoid the friend zone. All you need to do is drop a few hints now and then to let her know that you’re really into her. Use these easy tips to get the message across and get her to desire you while you’re at it.

#1 Be a friend without behaving like her other friends. Don’t talk nonsense for hours or spend time talking about her problems in life. Talk about places she visits, movies she’s watched, and her plans for the weekend. Talk date talk and she’ll sense the chemistry in the air.

#2 Try to talk to her when she’s alone. If her other friends are around, talk to her if you must or just avoid her. You can’t really hit on a girl when she’s surrounded by a bevy of friends.

But when you find her alone, make sure you turn on your charm and impress her. See her alone? Chat her up. And if one of her friends come by, grumble audibly in a funny manner and say something like “just when I thought I was going to get some alone time with you, this guy pops up out of nowhere!” and just laugh. She’ll be confused and wonder if you’re being serious or just joking.

But she’ll get the hint that you like spending time with her alone. Make it obvious that you like spending time with her in whatever way possible, but don’t ask her out or tell her you like her just yet.

#3 Compliment her when she deserves it. Flatter her pants off. If she looks good, tell her she looks hot. If you see a hint of cleavage and she catches you staring, just laugh, apologize and tell it you couldn’t resist it. Add a few funny sexual remarks and you’ll never get into the friend zone.

#4 Touch her and treat her like your girlfriend. But do it respectfully though. Clasp her hand while crossing the street and open doors for her when it’s just the both of you. Make her feel like a queen, and she’ll love the attention. But when her friends are around, don’t give her any preferential treatment. Let her realize that you’re special to her only when it’s just the two of you.

#5 Make her feel special and exclusive. Gift her something small and personal, but tell her to keep it a secret. When you create secrets, you build sexual chemistry and suspense which leads to romance.

#6 Ask her out and change the topic. When you’re talking to her for a while, ask her out for lunch or coffee. See how she responds. But within a second, change the topic. Don’t wait for her to answer. It’ll seem like a joke, but it’ll still make her wonder if you really do want to date her. Don’t make things awkward by waiting a while before saying something else. Keep it simple, keep it funny and yet reveal all the dirty thoughts in your mind, and change the topic immediately.

Wondering how to avoid the friend zone? Just understand these pointers and use these tips. You’ll never fall into the friend zone with any girl ever again.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

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Secret Signs a Woman Wants You

You probably already know about the obvious signs that a girl wants you such as laughing at your jokes and playing around with you. But there are more subtle signs that you may not be fast to notice.

Kezia Noble is a known dating expert for men and we got the secret signs that a woman wants you from one of her expert videos. Check them out below:

1. She seeks your validation

Couple(Hot 963)

 

If a woman is always seeking your approval, and may be altering what she had said earlier in order to be in your line of standards, then she wants you. If she had stated swimming as her hobby, she might change or say that she also likes going for movies if it’s one of your hobbies.

2. You have her full focus

We are living in the age where people pay more attention to their phones than to what the other person is saying to them. If you are talking to one of those girls who are always glued to their phones but they focus all their attention on you, Kezia notes that this is a good sign that the girl is interested in you.

3. She tries to resurrect the conversation

Couple talking

We’ve all been there and it feels awkward when you have nothing else to say to each other. According to Kezia, “If she is trying to resurrect that conversation, she is trying her best to stop the fizzle from happening, that’s another good sign.”

4. She is always hanging around you

It’s not just a coincidence that you find her around you every now and then. If you think it’s just a coincidence, try looking for more signs and you might be surprised that she actually wants you.

5. She is distracted by you

Flirting(Giphy)Flirting(Giphy)

She could be talking to other people but once in a while, she is stealing glances at you. This a sign that she probably wants you.

6. She extends a compliment

If she tries to challenge your compliment or seems like is trying to gauge it genuineness, no doubt she is interested.

7. She excuses your bad behavior

Okay gif(WiffleGif)

This is not an excuse to go acting like a jerk. But if a girl doesn’t seem to mind your bad behavior or even giggles about it, she could be interested in you.

8. She responds to your lazy text messages  

Girl texting(Fortune)

Especially if you just met her and you send her a basic ‘hi’ or ‘how are you doing’ text message, Kezia says this is a very good sign that she is interested.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy my new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is on Amazon!

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How to Know if Someone Is Thinking about You Sexually & Desires You

You like them, but you’re unsure how they feel about you. Do they see you as a friend only? This is how to know if someone is thinking about you sexually.

You’ve met someone that you can’t take your eyes off of, but you’re not sure how they feel about you. Figuring out how to know if someone is thinking about you sexually will help you plan your next steps. If you don’t know, it can be a little bit of a problem, especially if you want to take the next step forward.

You’re sitting here with all these feelings and emotions coursing through you. You have butterflies when you see them, and your mind goes blank when they talk to you. We all experience these nerves around someone we really like.

The question is, are these feelings reciprocated? Or are you the only one who’s feeling this? It’s a good question to ask, and something to figure out for your own peace of mind.

How to know if someone is thinking about you sexually

So, how do you know if someone is thinking about you sexually? Not all of us want to wait around to see. Many of us are impatient and need some hint that our feelings aren’t one-sided. So, it’s time we figured this out. Because, if you’re like me, the waiting and anticipation are killing you.

The good thing is sexual attraction can’t be faked. If the signs match up, then it’s probably true that they think about you sexually. This is good news, right? Right! So, let’s get started. Seriously, it’s time to know.

#1 You feel it. What you’re feeling is chemistry. When you’re around them, there’s this feeling that you are more than just friends. If you have a feeling that they’re looking at you in a sexual way, well, don’t doubt yourself so quickly. Your intuition is probably right.

#2 They hang around you. When people are sexually attracted to someone, they stay close to their crush. But by close, I mean close. They want to be in your personal space. This is normal when it comes to sexual attraction. If they’re not into you, they’ll keep a distance from you because they’re not interested.

#3 They’re touchy. I’m not talking in a harassing manner. Whether it’s a woman or man, they love to touch the person they’re into… subtly. Maybe you made a joke, and while laughing, they touched your arm. See, if someone didn’t like you, they wouldn’t touch you. This is a huge sign to determine someone’s thoughts about you. People don’t touch people they don’t like.

#4 Eye contact. I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again: eye contact is everything. Your eyes can tell someone countless things. If someone likes you sexually, you’ll see it in their eyes. They’ll hold eye contact longer than usual and give you flirty stares. They’ll make sure to check you out whenever possible.

#5 They’re flirting with you. Okay, some people do flirt for fun, but even those people have an underlying attraction to you. People do not flirt with people they’re not interested in. It’s that simple. If they’re flirting with you, they’re trying to build sexual tension and chemistry. This is a great sign that you’re on their mind sexually.

#6 They’re nervous around you. When someone likes you, of course, they’re going to be a little nervous around you. They don’t want to screw it up and ruin their chances with you. Plus, since they want you, they’re trying to calm themselves down and act as normal as possible.

#7 Lip licking. Who would have thought lip licking would be a sign! Even though it’s a subtle act, lip licking is a huge sign they’re sexually attracted to you. Both men and women will instinctively lick their lips when they see someone they like or are thinking about a sexual act.

#8 They try to prolong interactions. When you chat, even though it looks like it’s about to end, they talk more. They don’t want to let you go. It’s cute *but if you really need to go, it can be a little annoying*.

#9 They suggest hanging out alone. Maybe you usually hang out in groups, but recently, they’ve asked to hang out alone with you. Well, this one isn’t rocket science when it comes to figuring out how to know if someone is thinking about you sexually. If someone is thinking about you sexually, they want to hang out with you alone and create a connection, maybe even try to make a move.

#10 They care about their appearance. Before they met you, they weren’t into their appearance. But since you have started hanging out, they’re more fashion-forward. They want to look good for you and impress you. Both women and men want to look their best in front of someone they like sexually. 

#11 They’re all smiles around you. When you hang out, whether alone or with other people, they’re always smiling. Both men and women smile a lot when they’re around someone they’re interested in. I mean, there are a couple of different smiles. You have the “boy/girl next door” smile and then you have the “I want to rip your clothes off” smile. Both are good.

#12 They tell you. If someone tells you they can’t stop thinking about you or you’re always on their mind, it’s not because they think about you as a friend. It’s because they’re sexually attracted to you. They want a chance to make a move. 

#13 There’s a lot of fidgeting. When you’re next to them, they play with their hair, a napkin, scratch their leg. There’s always some fidgeting going on. This isn’t because they’re bored if that’s what you’re thinking. Rather, it’s because they’re sexually attracted to you, and they’re nervous.

#14 Fixing themselves. Whether man or woman, they adjust themselves around you. If it’s a guy, he’ll move his junk around. If it’s a woman, she’ll fix her cleavage or hair. Since they’re sexually attracted to you, they’re nervous about what you think of them. Also, the guy could have a boner. Sorry, just had to say it!

Learning how to know if someone is thinking about you sexually is a little hard to decipher, but by using these signs, you’ll be able to put the pieces of the puzzle together.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

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10 Things That Make Men Catch Major Feelings For You

These tricks can make guys catch feelings really quick.

If there’s one thing that’s hard for most girls to figure out, it’s how to get a guy to like you and legitimately care about you.

The truth is that it can take a bit of effort to make a guy want you as more than just a quick lay, especially if they’re a bit obtuse.

That being said, getting a guy to care about you — and maybe even fall in love with you — might be possible if you know what to do.

Here are 10 of the easiest ways to make him chase you in a loving, caring way.

1. Talk to him about intimate details of your life, and ask him about his.

Tell him funny stories from your childhood. Ask him about how he got that one scar.

Show that you are interested in him as a person and things will go far.

2. Show him your vulnerable side.

The key thing here is to make him want to protect you, not make him want to call a therapist.

A little vulnerability (not insecurity) is good. Too much will make you look like a clingy, desperate mess.

3. Hold eye contact.

Studies show that prolonged eye contact makes men more likely to fall in love with you.

4. Make a nice meal for him.

You know how older women always tell girls that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach?

Well, they’re not lying.

Showing off your domestic goddess side will make most men think about you in a different way.

5. Back off if you think he’s taking you for granted.

The easiest way to make someone realize what they’ve lost is to remove it from their lives, even if it’s temporary.

When you make yourself scarce, he ends up realizing that people like you don’t come around every day.

That makes him care more than hounding him for attention.

6. Use a Pavlovian training method.

Pavlov was a smart man. He trained dogs to drool by associating a reward with a sound.

You can take a cue from his training by trying to get guys to associate good feelings or feelings of empowerment with you.

By giving them compliments and showing your desire for them, they start to want to be around you more and more.

7. Have sex regularly and frequently.

Ever notice how people who have sex frequently tend to end up in a relationship?

If the sex is good, chances are that his hormones might kick into “caring” gear rather than just “gratification” gear.

8. Act like a friend, too.

The last thing that guys want to have around them is a girl who acts like she’s more interested in a relationship than she is in the guy she’s talking to.

If you want him to care about you, treat him like a friend that you’re also sexually interested in.

9. Hold his hand.

This simple gesture actually releases hormones that spark love in men.

10. Communicate your desire.

The one thing men want more than anything else is to be wanted.

Showing him that you want him will likely make him care for you.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

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Cherie – Chapter 63 – I’m Kind Of Mad

“So I’m kind of mad.”

“What happened?”

“I’m horny and angry because I can’t have any.”

“I think it’s good you’re horny again.”

This is the nymphomaniac girlfriend that had hit the kill switch a month ago.

“Well I’m mad.”

“I love you no matter what.”

“I know. I love you too.”

The day passes, She sends me and emoji of a girl humping a rock.

“That rocks!”

“Me… all day.”

“Aww! You need to take care of that, dear!”

“No. You do.”

“I promise I will, sweetheart.”

“I can’t wait. It’s too long and my hormones are raging.”

“It’s been pretty sudden. What brought back your sex drive?”

“I’m horny. I don’t have time for games.”

I don’t know what this means and she hasn’t answered my question.

“But what brought back your drive?”

“I’m off my period and I’m horny. I need to feel you inside of me.”

This is all wonderful news to me but she’s been chilly to me last weekend. I need to pay close attention to her cycle. She gets moody, gets her period, is chilly and then changes back into the woman I fell in love with a year and a half ago.

“I love it! My girlfriend!”

I love the nympho Cherie with the insatiable lust for sex.

“The suspense is killing me. This is my problem. I need it all the time.”

She’s back. Cherie the sexual animal has somehow returned. Problem is the beast returns and I won’t be able to see her and be with her to satisfy her lust for two weeks. I kind of don’t like that she does this a lot. She puts me off and then I get all of these super horny texts how she can’t live without sex and we’re two weeks out of any feasible contact.

It’s like she’s not thinking any of it through, but…. She’s a great girl and I love her so I’ll put up with whatever she’s going through.

But the crazy horny texts become tiresome when you know it is crystal clear that there is nothing I can do to satisfy her lust in this moment.

Why would you lay all of that sex on your man 40 miles away when you know there is absolutely NOTHING he can do about it?

She does this all of the time. It just makes me feel bad I can’t bang the frustration out of her and give her what her mind and body SO desires.

I know… you’re reading this and you’re all probably like: “Oh, this middle aged fucker with is sexual problems with his hot, fit, smart 28 year old girlfriend that he can’t get to out of distance. If I could have such problems.”

Cherie’s been distant and things are not completely even right now, but we’re fine.

But it actually makes me feel bad when her young libido kicks in and there is NOTHING I can do to help her with her plight. It sometimes almost feels a little bit selfish to tell me she needs me and she’s so suddenly so super horny and we are 10 days out of seeing each other.

But again… I look at guys my age and they don’t have these problems. So I will navigate this for the blog and because of who I am.

I’m blessed and so grateful to have sweet Cherie in my life.

“You’re an amazing girl! Perfect!

“No.”

“Well, I love you”

“I love you too, but I’m fucking horny.”

What 55 year old man wouldn’t love this from his 28 year old girlfriend? But there’s nothing I can do. Time, schedules and geography keep us apart. I have a clear understanding of all of this. She is simply torturing me and doesn’t even realize it. She’s simply being honest and raw in her emotions. I love her so much, and admire her raw response, but there’s nothing I can do to satiate her.

“I’ll take care of you.”

“But you can’t now.”

“I’m sorry honey.”

“I need to fuck so bad.”

This is coming from the girl I took to the movies on Saturday and was frosty to me for the second time.

“What are you going to do until he next time we meet on the 24th?”

“Cry.”

That’s killing me a little bit because I know Cherie’s back and she’s still a prisoner to her sex drive. I just need to channel her and please her. That’s all I can think of to do.

I take a risk.

“You should have last Saturday. You know I don’t mind swimming in the water during Shark Week.” (She was on her period so we went to the movies. Her idea, not mine. I like it all no matter how messy. I’ve seen it and done it all.)

“I didn’t want to and gross… I need it now.”

“I don’t know what to do Cherie. If you have any ideas, let me know how it can happen sooner than the 24th.”

She sends me a sad emoji. I decide to let her have it.

“What can I do??? You’re cold to me and then 2 days later you’re super horny and there’s nothing I can do but feel bad about it.”

I needed to draw the line. She’s done this shit before.

Cherie: “I’ve jerked off everyday since thinking about having sex with you. I can’t cum. Well, I can’t hit my climax.”

Okay. At this point she’s totally forgiven because this is my nyphomaniac girlfriend completely back. She’s ignored my admonishment and has responded with her brazen hoensty about how she is absolutely insatiable to be with me. My God. I love this girl and her devotion. She is completely devoured with thoughts of sex with me. I couldn’t pay someone to give me this at my age. All is forgiven. I am one lucky man.

“I feel sad, Cherie. I wish I could help you, Cherie.” (weak)

“I love you too!”

“If you can get down here before the 24th I’ll make that happen.”

She’s gone from the frigid girlfriend to the wanton animal. (I do love all of this thrust and parry)

“I’ll try to get down to Philly.”

Me: Heart emoji (weak)

“I need to fuck you so bad. I need to feel you inside me.”

“I’ll give you my best, love.”

“Promise.”

“I promise.”

“Ok.”

 

And it ends there for the night. It’s been a fascinating journey in this relationship. I love Cherie. She’s been the perfect girlfriend for me. Young, fit, smart, sexual athlete, and doesn’t want any more kids and most of all…hardly around.

I like to work and be busy and love my alone time. Cherie fits the bill for the perfect girlfriend for me.

But will I be able to sustain this?

I think I can. This love affair is unlike any I’ve ever known and Cherie is maybe the best woman I’ve ever met. There is a simplicity and calm in our life together. She has a complicated and busy life that is full of school, work and child rearing.

I, on the other hand have a simple singular life filled with work, social life and creativity.

Could Cherie and I ultimately work as a couple? No idea. I would probably stop smoking and drinking. That could be hard, but at my age I should probably give that shit up anyway and it wouldn’t be too difficult.

Cherie has such a good heart and has her education firmly ensconced along with her foothold at CHOP. She has a great future ahead of her. If she can pull it off and become a doctor she’ll live her dream.

What if I’m the one guy she met that was sweet to her and really loved her? I treated her well for years and she and I could be a couple? What if I finally met my soul mate? What if that happens?

There was that one time in Rittenhouse we were walking. She was wearing that outfit and she was half-naked. Back out. Sweet luscious legs out.

I looked at her and thought:

Wife.

Okay… Lets see what happens on the 24th.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Rebecca – Chapter 4 – Cypress and the Oak

Another tale of one man’s journey through the dating scene in Philadelphia, searching for true love.

It had been a while since I had heard from Rebecca. She certainly made an amazing impression upon me on our first date. It didn’t make sense that she “ghosted” me after our very first meeting. It felt like it had been a couple of months, and all I heard was the deafening sound of crickets. I did text her twice in that time to meet up for a drink and just never heard back. This has happened before. I know this other little hottie that is always saying she wants to meet me for drink, but can never pull it together.

But then out of the blue she texted me. “Sooo sorry for being off the grid. Can we meet up for a drink soon?” I told her I could do Monday or Wednesday. She picked Monday. I liked that because it was sooner. I asked her if she had any preference. She said for me to pick the place. I wanted somewhere that was nice, but not some place where we’d stick out like a sore thumb. I had a few days to figure it out. I have to come up with a place where they knew me, but I’d have some privacy. I decide to meet her at 1 Tippling Place at 6:30 the next Monday. “Great! I always wanted to check that place out!” was her reply.

1 Tippling Place is a really cool, living room style cocktail bar. It’s located at 20th and Chestnut streets. The outside is really nondescript. Just a glass and steel door, next to a large window. If you blinked or sneezed while walking by you’d miss it. But inside there is all kinds of neat comfy furniture and coffee tables. The artwork is eclectic and the room as a whole is nicely appointed with interesting artifacts. The cocktails are first-rate. They really don’t serve any food. I mean they have some little hors d’oeuvre, but that’s about it. You go there for the quality drinks and the atmosphere. I also enjoy the snarky attitude of the lead bartender. When you first meet him you think he might be gay. Then in walks his smoking hot girlfriend. It’s one of my favorite bars in the city because it’s an original that has real character.

I arrive early. I always like to get to a place early to scope out the scene and get the lay of the land. I chat with the owner. She’s awesome. Normally she’s in and out during the day, and then leaves around 7pm. We’re pretty tight. I’ve even walked her home on occasion. I normally don’t order off the cocktail menu. I just tell the bartender that I want something dark and spirit forward. They make it and I drink it. It’s always good. I will say that the place is a little expensive. Most of the drinks cost between $12 and $14.

I look at my watch. 6:20. Hope she isn’t late.

Hope she shows up.

Five minutes later the door opens. It was like one of those moments in those 80’s teen comedies, when everything moves in slow motion and they play some cool song. Rebecca enters the bar. I take a deep breath. Her dark hair is up, which always looks so sexy on the right woman. Her ripe lips an exquisite pout. She is wearing a burgundy cocktail dress. It comes to mid-thigh. She is wearing black sheer stockings and elegant black high heels. She looks amazing. I’m blinking my eyes trying to focus on this vision.

I immediately stand to greet her. She hugs me, and I am more intoxicated by her beauty and lovely fragrance than any cocktail that could be crafted at this bar. “Rebecca,” is all I could say. “Shall we get a table?” she replies. I nod, and guide her to a quiet table in the corner so we can chat. “You look lovely. I feel under dressed ” I say. “Well I haven’t seen you in a while and I like to dress up.” she responds.

We order a round of drinks. I have my usual dark power, and she goes with something equally strong. Interesting. That’s either a good thing or a bad thing. Maybe she likes a heady drink or maybe she needs a bit of courage. We chat about what we’ve been up to and she’s telling me about work, and some of the challenges she obviously faces in the medical industry. Then she says, “I suppose you’re wondering why you haven’t heard back from me in a while, and I am sorry about that.” I tell her it’s okay and I’m just happy that she is here tonight.

“Remember how I told you that I went out with that man who was older than me and I didn’t feel any chemistry after four dates?” “Didn’t that guy get married? He didn’t try to…?” “No…no. Nothing like that. I just wanted to preface what I was about to tell you, that it doesn’t feel that way with you.” she says. Now I’m getting a little worried and a little confused. “Do you mean you do feel chemistry with me or you don’t?” I ask, feeling a slight searing heat in my heart. This could go be a short date.  She smiles and takes my hand. “I do like you. It feels different just being around you. You’re not like anybody else I know.” I visually sigh in relief and she reads my expression. I need to be cool. “Don’t worry, I’ve thought a lot about where my life is and it sometimes can be confusing.” I reassure her that whatever she is concerned about I understand, and will listen.

Women don’t want men to solve their problems. Men are all about solutions. They like to fix things. Women are more about their feelings. That’s why men define themselves on what they do, and women define themselves on who they know. The way to a woman’s heart is really quite simple. Don’t tell her what she should do, or how she should do. Just listen. I’m just happy at that moment that I am the one who is present to listen to whatever it is she needs to get off her chest.  I just hope she can’t hear my heart beating.

Rebecca takes a sip from her drink, not breaking her gaze with me. Looking into me with those brilliant emeralds. “Two years ago I met this guy on Tinder named Derrick. He was around my age. As you know guys my age basically suck for the most part. They don’t know what they want or who they are yet. But he ‘Super Liked’ me on Tinder. And… I did the same on his profile so I thought it was kismet. I know now I only did that because he was really cute and not much else. Isn’t that why most people swipe right for the most part anyway?”

“I suppose. But I’d like to think that some of us are more thoughtful when it comes to matters of the heart.” I reply. (Bold faced lie.) She seemed smart in her profile, but I know I swiped right because she was smoking hot.

“I know right?” she exclaims. “Thank you! But I guess I was dumb and just being superficial. So we exchanged numbers. It all happened so fast. We met up, and it was fun. He seemed kind of full of himself and his band. But he was good really good-looking. He invited me to come out and see his band play and we’d hang out after their set. So I get dressed up and go to the bar where their playing. Derrick was the lead singer. I was kind of hoping he’d take me on a proper date, but I thought that would happen after we got to know each other. I suppose it’s not a bad way to meet someone for the first time. You’re in a bar surrounded with people so it’s not like you’re meeting a stranger in some isolated place. I also prepared myself for the fact that he was the singer in the band and usually they are surrounded by willing girls. I mean, you told me you used to play guitar in a band in L.A. Weren’t you always around a bunch of girls?”

“Sure. There were a lot of girls and guys at our shows. We played hard rock, so our audience skewed more male than female. But I had a steady girlfriend at the time. I was committed to my relationship with her.” (Bold faced lie)

“Well you’re one of the rare ones.” (I wonder if she can see the devil horns sticking out of my head?) Anyway, so I’m at the their show. I didn’t want to go to a bar alone, so I took my roommate Amber with me. We had an agreement that if things went well with Derrick she’d either hook up with someone there or UBER it home. I mean it wasn’t a real date so I don’t think there was anything wrong with bringing my friend with me as backup.”

“What kind of music did they play?” I ask, hoping to get insight about the boy through his musical tastes.

“It wasn’t emo, but it sort of sounded like that. I guess it was more post hardcore.”

This guy already sounds like a douche, I thought. She takes another sip and this time her eyes are down. I can see this is hard for her. “Okay. Please go on. I’m listening.”

“So they end their set and we’re hanging out. Me, my friend Amber, Derrick, and his lead guitarist, Simon. We’re drinking and laughing and having a good time. We’re at this table all the way off to the back. I’m sitting next to Derrick and Amber is across from me with Simon in a booth. Amber likes to party. Simon is ordering shots and beers and we’re all getting pretty buzzed. I feel like I’m really liking Derrick. He’s going about how important the music is and all of that stuff, but I don’t care I just think he’s hot. Next thing I know Amber is all over Simon. I look at Derrick and he’s on me. We’re just making out like crazy. Normally I’m not like that but I think it was the drinking that made it easy. Plus I wanted him cause he was so good-looking. It was fun.”

At this point I’m wondering where all of this is going. We order another round.

“So we decide we want to go someplace else. We leave the bar and start walking. Simon pulls out a couple of joints and we’re all smoking. Just smoking weed walking down the street. We didn’t care. We’re all giggling and Derrick has his arm around me. We end up some really dark bar. I don’t even remember where it was. We’re drinking and we’re all pretty messed up. The place is full of people. We’re in the back. Derrick is like, Do you ever go skiing? and I’m like, yea, I have been but I’m not that great at it, but I have good balance. Then he pulls out this little bag with white powder in it. I assume it’s cocaine. I go, Oh… skiing. I had never done coke before, but I know Amber has and she says it’s great. So they look around all paranoid and shit, and literally start spooning it out. Derrick does a hit and then offers me a bump. I just do it. I don’t know why. Amber’s like, “gimme some!” Then she and Simon do some. I couldn’t believe it. Doing coke in a bar? It felt cold in my nose, and I could feel this clear euphoria. It almost felt sobering to do it. But different. Higher. Intense. I can see why people love it so much. You were in a band in California. You must have done it right?”

“I saw what drugs did to my peers. I was more of a beer and whiskey guy. I smoked weed occasionally but never really liked it. A little drugs an alcohol can loosen the mind to create, but I knew people who did loads of drugs and it literally sledgehammered their talent and destroyed them. So no. I steered clear of coke.” (White lie) Get it?

“Oh well that’s good. But anyway, I know I’ve been blabbing on about this. Long story short, these guys come back to our place and we end up fooling around with them. It was crazy. I guess we were all just caught up in the moment. I think we stayed up most of the night. Well, Derrick and I ended up being boyfriend and girlfriend after that. It felt like he really loved me. I loved him.” She takes a sip and a deep breath, looking off into the distance, as if trying to visualize a faded past. An image that vanished in her rearview mirror long ago.

“What happened?” I say, concerned.

“We went out for about a year. It was intense. We moved in with each other. Amber had gone off to school anyway so it was perfect timing. Things were great at first. But they always are in the beginning. We always did things together and went places together and partied together like a really great couple. I know he was focused on his music and really wanting to make it. But there were a lot of times when he wasn’t around. Times I wouldn’t hear from him and couldn’t get in touch with him. A girl starts to wonder what’s going on. I even started spying on him. Going to places they were playing. He wouldn’t see me, but I wanted to know what he was up to. I wanted to trust him, but you know when you get that weird feeling in your gut that something’s wrong. Well, his behavior had become more and more erratic. I know he was doing drugs but I just wasn’t into it like he was. We just weren’t connecting like we did in the beginning. Like maybe he was just tired of me.”

“Sometimes he would even get really mad about things that didn’t make any sense. Well, one night I followed him after he left me to do a show, and I saw him making out with this redhead at a bar. He wasn’t even playing with his band that night.  She was like all emo or whatever with tattoos and shit. I was devastated. I just jumped on the train and went home.”

“I’m sorry I’m telling you all of this.”

I could see that her eyes were wet with the beginnings of tears. “It’s okay. You can tell me. I’m here.” I took her dainty hands in mine. She sniffed and nodded, holding back the tears.

“That night he had the gall to come home and try to do it with me. I pushed him away. He got all mad at me and I told him what I saw. He denied it at first, but I told him I followed him and saw him. He got really mad and started throwing stuff around. He broke this little snow globe he gave me in the beginning. At that moment I didn’t even care about the globe. He had already broken something far more precious than that stupid thing.”

Okay, now I was getting upset. “My God, Rebecca. I’m so sorry.” Tears rolled down her cheeks. She took a healthy sip of her drink. I wiped the tears from her face with my thumb. She hugged me. “It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s not your fault, Rebecca. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

She sniffed and I offered her a cocktail napkin. (Note to self: Start carrying a clean handkerchief in your lapel pocket.) She wiped her face, and her nose. ‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

My bartender showed up at the table. “Is everything okay?” he asked. “Yes…yes. She’s just suffering a loss.” I replied. “I’ll bring you another round, yes?” I glance at her. “She smiles and blinking her eyes, nods in affirmation. He quickly returned. “These are on me guys.”

My man at Tippling is always on point.

“Okay, so that was over a year ago, right?”

“Yes. He took his stuff and left me. I was crushed. Destroyed. I cried for months. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat. I drank so I could get some sleep. When I would wake up in the morning, I’d  just go to the bathroom and dry heave over the sink.”

I could see she was struggling. “So did something happen recently?”

Heavy sigh. “Yes. He reached out to me on social media. I had blocked him from Facebook and in my phone, but I was on Instagram and he got to me that way. I had a panic attack when I saw his name.”

“Let me guess. This happened sometime after you and I went to the Museum.”

“Yea. I know it’s so stupid. He said how he missed me and how he was wrong and had grown so much. And like the idiot, I unblocked him in my phone. We met up and as crazy as it seems I was actually happy to see him. He looked a little older and a little more haggard, but it was still my Derrick. We were at a bar up in Northern Liberties. Things felt different. Time had passed. Too much time. I had grown and healed. But old habits die-hard. I just wanted to take a look at him. He said he was really sorry for what he had done. He said it hadn’t worked out with the redheaded slut. She actually ended up cheating on him with some drummer in a band that opened for them. I was actually kind of glad to hear that. But I’m sure he didn’t feel the loss that I had experienced. I had scar tissue on my heart from what he did to me. But I couldn’t let him tear open the sutures and open my old wounds. I work in a hospital emergency room. That shit hurts!”

Rebecca actually laughed at that moment. It had been the first time the whole night. That sound was like magic to my ears. I smiled a knowing smile. Because she didn’t know that I have been down that road twice in my life, and it’s a nightmare.

Love is a many splintered thing.

“So yea, that was a two months ago. I told him that I’m glad he was doing well, but I had moved on after a year and that I was in a relationship with a really nice guy in financial services.” She laughed again. “I could see he was disappointed, but I couldn’t let myself go through that shit again. It was a small chapter in my life and I had to draw the curtains on that dead body. He had me, and he squandered it. I think in that moment he realized that it was really over for good. It was hard to do, but I told him I had to get home to Cole, my investment banker boyfriend. He hugged me, and I knew I would never smell him again. it was like pulling the plug on a fatally injured patient.”

“So that was it?” I took a sip of my rye infused medicine.

“Yea. I went home and put on and episode of Stranger Things and ate an entire pint of Ben and Jerry’s and had a good cry. So… that’s why I disappeared for a while. I just needed to think about some things and move forward with my life. So, I’m glad you met up with me tonight. I’m sure you never expected our second date to be this confessional. I really appreciate you listening to all of that, but it felt really good to get it out. I was like a little tree blowing back and forth in the wind, but now I feel more calm. Like the storm is finally over and I’m safe.”

“Well, I’m glad you trusted me enough after one date to see me again and confide in me, Rebecca. Like my profile says, I’m a good listener.”

“Yea…Thank you.” Taking my hand again in hers. “You’re like a strong tree. Good roots  with unwavering branches.”

“Yea, and my bark is worse than my bite!” I snapped. She cracked up. Rebecca was back.

“You’re awesome.” she said as she again hugged me tightly. Oh, that lovely slender neck and her fragrance was sobering.

We had our intimate moment and then paused.

“Are you hungry?”

“I’m starving!” she laughed.

“There’s a great bar called Mix that is one block from here that has delicious 12 inch brick oven pizzas.”

“That sounds like the greatest idea I have heard all day! Do you think I’m over dressed or pizza?”

“I’m sure you’ll pass they’re rigid dress code, Rebecca.”

And with that she pulled from her hair the thing that was holding it in place, and those rich ribbons of dark chocolate tumbled over her lovely shoulders.

It’s hard to believe that this story could get any better at this point, but it does. The bill came and my guy placed it on the table. I reached for it to access the catastrophic damage to my bank account that 6 drinks at 1 Tippling Place would cost me… plus tip.

But Rebecca was faster, and she grabbed it first. “Uh uh. This is on me.”

I was in shock. My face, a mask of disbelief and mute protest. “Are you sure?” She looked at the bill. “Yep.” She whipped out her credit card and stuck it in the flap, as she nodded to the bartender.

I instinctively reached for my wallet. “Can I at least help with the tip?”

“Put your wallet way.” She said firmly, giving me a wry smile.

“Will you at least let me buy a lady some pizza?”

She ran her fingers through her hair, fluffing her dark locks. “I’ll think about it.”

The bill returned. She signed it and handed it back. ” Come along, Sir. I’m hungry.”

I liked that she called me Sir. I also like that she took my hand, and led me out of there. When we were outside she locked arms with me. I was in heaven. We’re on our way to eat delicious pizza.

 

Tune in for The Return of Rebecca, Part 2 in Two Weeks!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday at 9am EST.

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Maria – Chapter 2 – Amor en Vano – Part II

Another tale of one man’s journey through the dating scene in Philadelphia. Searching for true love.

In our last episode, our hero was meeting with Maria at a coffee shop to find out why she had been let go from her job. But does he have ulterior motives?

Maria stated that it was one incident on a Saturday night where she did one shot with a table of people. But she said some of the other servers said she was drinking all night long, and that simply wasn’t true. (I believe her) I was just happy that she was talking to me and meeting with me over coffee. I asked her what was she going to do now and she said she had already gotten another job at a nicer restaurant. I was surprised it happened so fast but in that industry there is always turnover, and they always need experienced help. (And because she’s smart and understands the hospitality industry) Maria lamented that she’d have to learn a new menu but other than that it was a decent gig. I had been to the new place when it opened and I thought it was a great spot in a good area. The food was good, so she’d probably do well there.

And that’s when I said the following. “Maria, I have something else I need to share with you.” She crossed her arms. I’m really good at reading people’s body language so I tried to put her at ease. I told her that I had real feelings for her. You have to be willing to take risks like this if you want the better rewards in life. But I will tell you, sometimes you roll the dice and your number doesn’t come up. Maybe on a later roll, but sometimes you leave the casino alone and broke.  She said she didn’t want to be misconstrued on how she was when she would serve us at the restaurant.

I understand if a server is sweet and a little flirty it helps garner bigger tips. It’s just human psychology. I told her she was just being friendly and that it was her personality that shone through. I told her all of those times we came into the restaurant all I wanted to see was her. The weekends I would spend at my office working on ad copy. I would text her and say “I’m burning so many calories banging my head against the wall trying to come up with an idea for this ad campaign it’s making me hungry. Should I come see you and have some delicious sliders?” That was the sort of thing I would do but it was all about wanting to see her.

She responded, “Do you think we’d be compatible?” And I said, “We went to the flower show, that was great and you don’t know if you’re compatible until you spend time with someone.” I simply told her how I felt about her. I think she was surprised, but at least I know it’s out there now and I’ve said it. I know she’s sporty and I’m more of the arts guy but who knows? Stranger things have happened. (Please continue reading this blog each week and you’ll know!) She was on her way to the new job when she met me, so I bid her farewell and told her I’d stay in touch. We hugged and she was gone. At least now she knew what I felt for her.

I told Maria that me and my colleague were going to boycott the old place for firing her by never going there again, but that clearly wasn’t happening. The food is delicious there and we still love the lunch hostess, Mary (See: Mary – Unexpected Table for Two) and a couple of the other servers there!

Tune in tomorrow for the conclusion!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am EST.

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