10 Shocking Things Guys Wish Girls Knew

You’ve probably heard it before—boys love to complain about how confusing girls can be. But us girls know firsthand that understanding guys can be just as complicated. In hopes of helping girls better understand the guy’s point of view, we surveyed 150 guys about a way-worthy topic: you! What do guys wish you knew?

Here’s one from one of my female readers I thought was worth sharing…

1. Texting does not mean what you think it means.

“Please, tell me why a girl thinks texting or snapping her equals I want her to be my girlfriend,” says Mikey. Blunt, but we like blunt. Mikey is in the majority when it comes to flirting. Nearly every guy we talked to says when he texts, he’s really just trying to get you know you better. A text is just a text, not a confession of love. “It’s like texting a girl means I’m admitting I like her, but that’s not what’s up,” explains Mikey. “It’s more like I’m texting because I might like her. I hate it because the next day the girl acts like she owns me. Or, if she’s shy, suddenly she can barely talk to me because she’s scared. It’s stupid.”

Basically, a text or a snap from a guy isn’t some hidden signal to decode. “I’m just texting because you’re cute or nice or whatever,” says Jordan. “If you treat me like I’m a dog just because I think you’re cool enough to text, that’s not cool.” In other words, exchanging texts with a guy isn’t a reason to change your behavior. Just be yourself, take it slow and feel out the situation. Sure, a text could lead to something more, but for now, it’s just a text, so there’s no need to stress or DTR right away. And if you’re feeling nervous? Keep your cool. Texting your crush can be just as easy as talking to your BFF.

2. You don’t need makeup to impress guys.

Judging from our survey, boys just don’t get makeup. In fact, a lot of guys even complain about it. Sure, they all like pretty girls, but they also have a problem with a face that looks full-on painted.

“Why do girls think they need to have so much crap on their faces?” asks Billy. “Girls at my school wear all this black crap on their eyes, and their lips are, like, thick with brown goop. It’s ugly. Do they really think that will get them a guy?”

Don’t worry, we set Billy straight about one thing: Girls don’t apply makeup to “get them a guy.” We wear makeup because we like it, full stop.

Still, guys’ hatred for cosmetics is no joke. But remember, boys are not the authority on fashion and beauty. You may be a girl who prefers to go au naturel every day, or you may love using every shade of eyeshadow in your Naked palette on any given Tuesday at school. Either way, you do you, girl! Sure, it’s good to know that you don’t need to put in a ton of effort every morning to impress someone, but it’s your choice if you want to apply enough purple mascara to impair your vision. Go for it.

3. A lot of times, guys’ are at a loss with girls’ emotions.

“What is up with girls hopping up and down when they’re happy about something?” asks Pete. “I really do want to know why are girls so excited about normal stuff,” says Pete. “Every other thing, it’s like, ‘Ohmigosh! No way!’” Clearly Pete just doesn’t get that a new season of your favorite show or the return of the PSL are pretty much the best things since sliced bread. But really, what Pete’s saying is something a lot of surveyed guys struggled with: unpacking how girls are feeling, and why.

Colin, a self-described shy boy, has an interesting theory: “I think girls like attention, and being excited about something makes people look and wonder what she’s so happy about.” Hmm…While Colin the amateur psychologist has certainly thought a lot about the topic, we’re not sure he’s cracked the case yet.

Arnie, a jokester, has a theory of his own: “I think girls are just different. You’re raised to let your feelings out, even if they’re bad. I’ve never seen a guy friend cry, but I’ve seen a chick fall apart because some dude she liked didn’t pick her for his volleyball team in phys ed.” Arnie may be onto something. It’s true that because girls are viewed as more emotional, our emotions are seen as more acceptable to express in public, while phrases like, “Man up!” tell boys to keep their feelings, whether it’s sadness or excitement, hidden away.

Here’s the deal: boys are just as emotional as girls, but a lot of times, they don’t show it. That may explain why our guys are so confused about girls’ displays of emotions. Hang in there girl, and remember, there are some things guys just don’t get.

4. Gossiping and being mean to others makes *you* look bad.

“Girls are always passing notes around or texting each other in class, and it’s just so friggin’ dumb,” says Joey. “Or they’ll look right at me, then whisper to each other and laugh. Do they want me to think they’re talking about me? ’Cause I do. And if it’s really true and they are talking about me, then that’s just lame.”

Rude is the word, actually, Joey. Whispering and gossip can seem pretty immature, especially when you’re spreading rumors or being mean to another girl. “When I hear one girl talk trash about another girl, it’s like I can’t believe it,” says Dominick, “like I’m in a bad movie about how mean girls are. If I heard my friends were talking about me like that, I’d transfer schools.”

So don’t trash talk or put down other girls to seem cool. Guys certainly aren’t impressed, but more importantly, you don’t want to hurt others. Sure, people talk about other people. That’s life. But there is a big difference between gossip and character assassinations. You wouldn’t like it if the gossip was about you. It’s bad form to let anyone believe you’re saying negative things about him. If you absolutely must exchange information, be discreet. Oh, and be sure that the “information” isn’t going to hurt someone’s feelings, OK?

5. Boys worry about what you think of their hair, skin, weight and clothes.

“My best friend is a girl, and the other day she said my hair looks exactly the same every single day,” says Luis. “I couldn’t believe it because some days my hair is jacked up.”

Guys may not talk about their insecurities to girls, but they totally think about their appearance even if they don’t say it out loud. “I had to ask my mom to take me to the dermatologist because I was breaking out on my cheeks and back,” says Jay. “I couldn’t stand it.”

His friend Robert has a different issue: “Girls like guys with good bodies but, when I try to get six-pack abs, it never works. I just feel like I have a spare tire all the time.”

If you could get a view of Robert, you would tell him what we told him: He’s out of his mind—the boy is a total babe! But here he is worrying about looking like a model. Moral of the story? Boys have body image issues, too. Isn’t it a relief to know that?

6. PMS is no excuse to be mean.

“I know girls get weird when they’re on their period, but I don’t get why they have to act like I’m their worst enemy,” confides Sean. “Sometimes, my sister acts like she wishes I were dead because I won’t give her the remote control, but all that’s going on is she’s PMSing. Screaming at me and freaking out on me isn’t right.”

We know what you’re thinking: Boys just don’t understand what it feels like to wake up with serious cramps, bloating, breakouts and headaches. So, yeah, we feel your pain—and we really mean feel it. But that’s the point: Boys don’t.

Let’s face it—the hormones that come with menstruation affect moods and being cranky around your time of the month is beyond understandable. But that doesn’t mean you should take our your pain on anyone, much less a guy who doesn’t get it. The best thing you can do is take care of yourself. Just deal the best you can by taking care of yourself. Avoid things that aggravate physical and emotional symptoms like caffeine, sugar and greasy foods. Ever wondered what your cravings mean? We’ve got all the answers. But seriously, get plenty of sleep, drink loads of water, get some exercise and take lots of warm baths—yes, even in the afternoon when you get home from school. Soaking in bubbles while daydreaming is a girl’s best friend.

We’re not saying you should become a recluse just because you’re wearing a maxi-pad. But don’t feel bad for bowing out of a social opp if you’re really not up to it. What’s the point of going to a party if you’re not gonna have a good time? Oh, and if you do snap at your boy for no other reason than those nasty hormonal intrusions, a short, simple apology (“Sorry—I was in a bad state of mind yesterday”) could go a long way. No lengthy, drawn-out explanations necessary.

7. Guys care way less about your body than you think.

“If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s when a girl asks me if she looks fat,” says Stephen. “I don’t know if you’re fat.” And a lot of the boys echo his sentiment. The truth is, you’re a way harsher critic of yourself than a guy will ever be. Guys can’t tell slight differences between sizes, and honestly, they don’t really care.

All guys have different tastes when it comes to the feminine physique. Some guys like booties. Other guys like their girls thin as a fence post. Who cares? You are what you are. Worry more about your own health and happiness and less of guys’ opinions on your looks. Need some self-image pick-me-ups?

Whether you’re questioning a guy friend for his honest opinion or fishing for a compliment from a guy you like, asking about your body is usually a no-win situation. You’re just putting the guy on the spot. And, guess what—if a boy likes you, he likes you for the way you are right now, this second. A shy boy named Paul says it awesome: “Girls’ bodies are an endless mystery to me. I think you’re all beautiful.”

8. Don’t feel pressure to wear revealing or tight clothes just for guys’ attention.

“I think girls get mixed up because of how how people dress on TV,” says Matthew.

Matthew’s not wrong, fashion on TV is all about skimpy looks and attention-grabbers. But remember, the fashion you see on TV are really just costumes designed for performing. The point is, girls should wear what they feel comfortable in, not what TV or movies tells them to wear and definitely not what they think guys are looking for. If you’re still wondering what guys look for in a wardrobe, the truth is, it depends.

“I like the way my last girlfriend dressed,” says Miguel. “She wore some stuff that showed off her great athletic body, but it wasn’t like all hanging out. Sometimes she wore baggy pants and just a little of her belly showed. Or sometimes, if she wore those tight jeans girls always wear, she wouldn’t have her boobs all out.”

In other words, for a lot of guys, less is more. You don’t have to look like a pop star or a character from Riverdale, you just need to wear clothes that make you comfy and happy. And if you’re feeling yourself, the right guy will too!

It’s good to know that guys aren’t looking for runway models, but some guys just don’t get fashion altogether. I mean, you wouldn’t let your brother pick out your outfit, would you? So who needs them to tell you what to wear?

“My sister complains that boys always stare at her boobs, but she wears tight shirts that totally show off her boobs,” says Chad. “I’m confused.”

Ugh, Chad, girls’ fashion choices aren’t an invitation to stare. The truth is, a lot of guys are not fashion experts, and they won’t be impressed just because your outfit shows a ton of skin. Bottom line? You do you girl, and the rest will fall into place.

9. Most boys are looking for the right girl.

Daniel puts it so eloquently: “I would love to find a girl who’s cool.” Being “cool” does seem pretty vague, but our guess is that Daniel is looking for a girl who can be herself around him.

Whatever he means, Daniel is not the only boy looking for a girl to like! Don’t believe it? “I’m sick of everyone acting like boys aren’t as mature as girls,” says D.B. “It’s just that we also think about other stuff. If it happens, it happens, but I’m not going to talk to my friends on the phone about girls every day.” So even if a guy plays it cool about girls, it doesn’t mean he’s not interested. The truth is, a lot of guys are just as interested in finding the right person as girls.

That doesn’t mean all guys are as mature as D.B. His friend Raymond, for example, gives another, ummm, interesting perspective. “So many girls at my school are hot, but me and my friends just wait for them to figure out who they want because that’s what girls seem to do at my school. It’s like they’re all spazzed out about finding a boyfriend all the time. We just have to wait and see.” Hmm…Seems like Ray might not be ready for a relationship.

A lot of surveyed boys agree with Ray on one count, though: some girls may put too much emphasis on finding a boyfriend. As Eric says, “Do girls want any guy or the right guy?” Sending signals to the guy you like is different from going full boy-crazy. Do you and your squad constantly discuss guys? If so, maybe scale it back a bit, and not just because of what boys think. Remember, you have so much more interesting things to explore than “who-likes-who,” as fun as that can be sometimes. Plus, it wouldn’t hurt to show guys (like Ray) what’s really on girls’ minds.

10. If you like him, just tell him.

There was one major statement that kept popping up on our surveys: “Girls should not flirt and act like they like me, and then later ignore me.” Maybe the flirting thing is to girls what the phone is to boys: You’re just flirting to feel him out, and it doesn’t mean you want a relationship. We get that.

Sadly, guys are obviously confused, and sometimes take your friendliness as flirting. Can we trust guys to know the difference? “There is a big difference between just being cool and flirting,” says James. “I can tell if a girl is just talking to me or if she likes me.” A lot of surveyed guys aren’t as confident as James. You may be feeling confused if he likes you, and chances are, he’s in the exact same boat.

So what do you do when you want to make friends with a boy, but you’re worried that striking up a random convo could be misinterpreted as major flirting? Just be honest. “If you like me, just tell me. If you don’t, say you’re not into me like that,” says Ray. It may seem tough to tell a guy you’re just not into him like that, but in the long run, he’ll appreciate knowing the truth instead of feeling led on.

OK, just telling a guy you like him isn’t as easy as it sounds. But all the guys agreed on this one, which means it should work. Courage to be honest? You can do it. Plus, telling your crush how you feel can be a major confidence booster. You can offically consider yourself fearless.

What do you think girls? What surprised you the most about what guys think? Let us know in the comments!

 

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10 Stories About Dating Emotionally Unavailable People That Will Break Your Heart

Sometimes, you might end up kissing a couple of frogs before you meet your prince, princess, or genderless monarch. And while tales of heartache can be hard to hear, these stories about dating emotionally unavailable people are actually super enlightening. When you really like someone, and they seem to be a little distant, it’s totally natural to wonder what you’re doing wrong. While every relationship is different, if you’re dating someone that’s kind of reserved, that may be a them-issue. In any relationship, it’s always OK to ensure your needs are being met — don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Perhaps your date doesn’t seem to be on your emotional wavelength. If this is the case, you never need to feel bad about asking for more from the person you’re dating. Perhaps you have your own history of falling for emotionally distant people, or you’ve helped your bestie or sister through some hopelessly detached hookups. At the end of the day, listening to other people who have shared similar experiences can be everything from helpful to healing.

Phicklephilly talked with 10 people about their relationships with emotionally unavailable partners, and what they had to say is super emotional.

weedezign/Shutterstock

1. They weren’t going to change.

This spring I was dating someone for about four months, and I thought we were on the same page about getting more serious, but then he started to really pull away. When I asked him why he seemed distant, he told me he couldn’t be my boyfriend. It was really hard for me to understand that he was emotionally unavailable and wasn’t going to change, no matter how much I liked him.

— Kendra, 24

2. I always go for people who don’t like me “that way.”

I have a marked tendency to go for guys who don’t like me ‘that way. I tend to subconsciously go for the ones who aren’t literally available or interested somehow. I try to force myself to think about how these guys aren’t into me and when I’m more aware of the reality that we’ll never really be together, it burns a bit and then they seem less attractive. But sometimes, it’s still really tough to make feelings go away.

3. I was forcing a relationship.

I spent most of my twenties trying to force relationships out of things that should have ended after a couple of dates. I felt that if a relationship wasn’t going well, it wasn’t because I had picked the wrong person, it was because I wasn’t trying hard enough to fix it. I am currently in a healthy relationship with my S.O. of almost three years. At the time we met, I had cut off all the jerks I was still in contact with and decided to just date and be open to the possibility of meeting someone different. Because we’re both quite introverted, the progression of the relationship was much slower. I think I really needed that. It gave me time to consider whether I actually liked him and wanted to keep moving forward.

4. Now that I’m single, I’m happier and more relaxed.

I tried to date a couple times after my last bad breakup and realized very early on I was still picking men who were emotionally distant and very full of themselves. So I’ve stopped picking anyone. Until I fix my relationship picking skills, I won’t be trying on any new romantic relationships. That might equate to singlehood for a while. But, hey, now that I’m single I’m happier and much more relaxed. I think taking a breather to address some changes to your own patterns is smart thing to do.

5. I had never actually asked what my needs are.

I just got out of a year long relationship and afterward realized that I had only ever chosen guys who were either emotionally unavailable/never actually be able to truly get to know me and satisfy my needs. It was a crazy realization because I’ve always thought of myself as an empathetic emotionally responsive person, but I realized that I had never actually asked myself or thought much about what my needs were. The place that I’ve come to is that I need to focus on learning to identify and satisfy my own emotional needs.

6. There was an invisible wall that I couldn’t get through.

There was this one guy I was hooking up with for a while (slash still am because hookups are fun) who had just gotten out of a relationship. Anytime we hung out it would be great and there were times when banter would be next level, but I just couldn’t ever get past it with him! Like, there was this invisible wall, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get through! It was really stressful cause I started to put stuff on myself and look for reasons why I couldn’t get through to him when in reality, he wouldn’t let anyone in!

— Georgia, 22

7. She wasn’t ready to open up to someone.

I dated someone for about six months, and she seemed very emotionally available at first, but gradually as I got to know her, she slowly cut me off and pulled away. In the end, she told me she regretted opening up to me in the first place and that she wasn’t ready to be in a relationship or open up to someone. It was super painful to hear, but it helped me move on.

— Mila, 26

8. It was exhausting never knowing if he was going to cancel.

I dated someone would constantly cancel dates an hour before we were supposed to meet, saying he had to see his family or do something else he had planned. Clearly, if he had cared at all about our plans, he wouldn’t have told other people he’d do other things with them at the same time. Or he was just lying to me and trying to use his plans with other people as an excuse. Honestly, it doesn’t matter anymore. He wasn’t ready to let me into his life. For the time we were together, it was exhausting never knowing if a date that we scheduled was going to happen or not and planning my days around things that may get canceled.

— Jai, 23

9. He was too immature to talk to me.

In college, I dated this guy, and I really liked him. I was enjoying just dating, but I guess he was nervous that I was thinking we were going to be together forever or something? Honestly, he was too immature to know how to resolve that in his mind or talk to me about it. He just defaulted to this weird distant stance for a while. Eventually, I had enough and called it quits.

— Ara, 22

10. They weren’t ready to be in a relationship.

Last winter, I was hooking up with someone for a while. I had met all of their friends, and I really thought it was going well. When I asked them to meet some of my friends, they said they didn’t even know how they felt about me and thought it was “too soon.” I was so sad for a while, but then I realized that they weren’t ready or interested in being in a real relationship.

— Zoe, 19

Dating someone emotionally unavailable can be super emotionally draining. Though every relationship is different, you deserve someone that’s really ready (and excited!) to be with you. Being open and honest with someone is an important step in forming a healthy relationship. Remember: being emotionally vulnerable isn’t always easy, but it can be worth it.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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