6 Questions To Ask On A First Date, According To Experts

First dates are nerve-wracking — that’s something everyone can agree on, right? And in the age of internet dating, even though you can find out a lot of information about someone online, for better or worse, you never really get a feel for a person until you meet them. And of course, that is just the beginning! If you’re unsure of the best way to get to know a potential lover from the get-go, there are some good questions to ask on the first date that might help to figure out if you’re compatible.

“A simple question can lead to a conversation that takes its own course, with little effort from either of you,” Dr. Carissa Coulston, a clinical psychologist, and the main author of relationship articles for The Eternity Rose, tells Bustle. For the sake of nurturing an initial conversation, keep things to the basics at first. “Helpful and neutral questions revolve around work or career interests, hobbies, sport, music and family — these are typically non-contentious.”

And what you might want to avoid? Coulston says generally to steer to left of asking about ex-relationships, or probing into any problems that your date might have briefly referred to, like issues they had with their parents when they were a child.

“Of course, these more personal topics can be discussed between the two of you down the track if your relationship should progress,” Coulston says.

Ultimately, you can talk about whatever you want, and you might have much easier and deeper conversations on some first dates than on others. Below, a few experts shed light on some good initial questions that can give you a peak into a person.

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The 21 Best and Worst First Date Questions You Could Possibly Ask

Some guys have a knack for first dates. They can seamlessly navigate conversations, so topics flow from one to the next without any lulls. They effortlessly balance talking about themselves while still learning about their partner. They’re charming, funny, and quick-witted. They just really have it down.

Then there’s the rest of us, who might need a little help on first dates when the prolonged silence with our partner sounds deafening. If you find yourself in a bind on a first date, not sure of what to say, here are 20 questions that should hopefully get you and your partner talking again. These questions aren’t the boring “What do you do for work?” They’re ideal questions to ask if you really want to get to know your partner. (We also provided three bonus questions of what to definitely not ask your partner.)

The Best Questions to Ask on a First Date

1. What’s been your favorite vacation?

Why it’s good to ask: Everyone loves going on vacation and talking about what they did that made it so great,” says Maria Sullivan, Dating Expert and VP of Dating.com. “Asking this question on a first date will open up a conversation about where your date has traveled and if you are both into the same types of vacation destinations.”

2. What’s your dream travel destination?

Why it’s good to ask: “Talking travel really works,” adds Amanda Bradford, founder and CEO of the dating app, The League. “In one study, 18% of couples on first dates who discussed travel wanted to go a second date. In contrast, less than 9% of couples who talked about movies wanted to go out again.”

3. What are you most passionate about?

Why it’s good to ask: “People love discussing the hobbies and pursuits they enjoy,” says Bradford. “If you want to know who someone is, find out what they love.”

4. Are you more of a morning or night person?

Why it’s good to ask: Some people are able to wake up at the crack of dawn while other are able to stay awake until the crack of dawn,” says Sullivan. “Asking your date this question will give you an idea of their daily schedule. For example, are they up early at the gym or up late binge watching their favorite shows?” This can help determine if you two are compatible with one another.

5. Who should play you in the movie of your life?

Why it’s good to ask: “This fun ‘what-if’ question caters to their ego—and the actor they choose clues you in on how they see themselves,” says Bradford.

6. What’s the most interesting fact you know?

Why it’s good to ask: People are full of interesting facts,” says Sullivan. “This is a fun question to ask to find out what your date knows, and you might even learn something new.” Additionally, everyone loves coming across as interesting. It’s great you’re giving your date the opportunity to do so.

7. Who did you see for your first concert?

Why it’s good to ask: “Music is a great date topic,” explains Bradford. “Prepare to be impressed that they saw Beyonce, or saddened that they saw Nickelback.”

8. What was the best day of your life?

Why it’s good to ask: “This question takes your date back in time to a big life moment that they’ll love reliving,” says Bradford. “It goes much deeper than surface-level chat, and this deeper dive makes you stand out from other guys this person has been going on dates with.”

9. What’s your favorite holiday?

Why it’s good to ask: This question can give you insight into your date’s religion based on the answer, which can be an important part of a relationship,” explains Sullivan. It also opens up to conversation about religion, which yes, could be a lot on a first date, but also might not be. You’ll have to gauge to see if you should take the conversation there.

10. What’s the best gift you’ve ever given someone?

Why it’s good to ask: “They’ll get to brag a bit while feeling very generous,” Bradford says. It’s also a big red flag if they haven’t given anyone anything.

11. What do you love most about your job/career?

Why it’s good to ask: “This question lets you talk about work in a positive, emotionally evocative way, rather than boringly asking, ‘So, what do you do?’” says Bradford.

12. What were you like as a kid?

Why it’s good to ask: “Sharing stories from childhood gives them a chance to be vulnerable by giving you a glimpse of their younger self,” explains Bradford. “You’re helping them connect with you and with their younger self.”

13. What does your ultimate favorite meal consist of?

Why it’s good to ask: “Who doesn’t love food?asks Sullivan. “This question will allow you to figure out what types of food you have in common and if things go well, it can even help you decide where to go on your second date.”

14. What’s your hidden talent?

Why it’s good to ask: “This allows them to show off while sharing a secret—and sharing personal secrets can build trust and connection,” says Bradford.

15. Would you rather…?

Why it’s good to ask: “A first date should be fun, and good ‘Would You Rather’ questions get your date laughing,” Bradford says. “A 2014 study found that women are drawn to men with a sense of humor. Here are some fun examples!” Bradford recommends:

“Would you rather have a snowball fight or a food fight?”

“Would you rather walk in on your parents having sex, or they walk in on you having sex?”

“Would you rather have eight arms or be a cyclops?”

16. What do you usually do on weekends?

Why it’s good to ask: This question gives you a chance to see if you have matching lifestyles. If your partner’s weekends consist of reading in bed whereas most weekends you’re out at the club drinking with friends, then they might not be the right person for you. If you do have similar weekends, then the conversation will naturally flow from there. For example, if you both like reading, you’ll be able to discuss your favorite books. If you both like going out, you can talk about your favorite bars.

17. What’s on your bucket list?

Why it’s good to ask: This question now only gives you a sense of your partner’s interests, it also provides great ideas for date number two. If you really like them after the first date, sky diving might not be that crazy of idea if that’s something they’ve always wanted to try out.

18. Want to share an embarrassing moment?

Why it’s good to ask: On dates, we try to present the best version of ourselves, as we should, but sometimes, it can get a little too serious and even start to sound a little “braggy.” This question helps you and your partner be vulnerable with one another, breaking down any facades.

The Worst First Date Questions:

1. Why are you single?

Why you shouldn’t ask: “Although this question may seem harmless, it may leave your date feeling awkward and unsure how to answer,” she says. It also can be read as an insult. In essence, you’re asking, “So what’s wrong with you?”

2. How many exes do you have?

Why you shouldn’t ask: “Asking this personal of a question on a first date can be a big red flag,” she says. “It is important to take your dates privacy into consideration and not ask anything that might make them feel uncomfortable.”

3. How much money do you make?

Why you shouldn’t ask: “Someone’s income is not an important piece of information for a first date and may make you seem like you are more interested in money than the actual person,” she explains. “Spend the first date asking questions that will allow you to learn more about your date’s heart, not their wallet.”


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The Best Places to Go on a First Date

Picking the perfect place for a first date can be tricky. Sometimes, the perfect place can warm your date up and take it to the next date, and at other times, it can end your date midway. Find out the best places to go on a first date.

Best places to go on a first date: What’s the Verdict?

More than a third of the participants believe that the best places to go on a first date is a café or a regular hangout (34%). While a dinner date at a restaurant (21%) is the second best option, going out for lunch or watching a game or a movie seems to be a common third option, followed by a date at the park (09%), and lastly, an exotic option (04%).

From what we see, the best place for a first date seems to be unanimous, a chat over coffee. Safe and easy going!

Phicklephilly Says:

A first date over coffee is a great option for any first date, especially if you want to warm up to the person with you, without going overboard. Cafés are perfect, because you can avoid the pressures of impressing or worrying about what to do if the date goes wrong, or worse, your date mate is just way too boring. Coffee houses can make for great dates between people who know each other, or work at the same place.

Taking your date out to dinner is a classy option if you want to impress. The pressure is on, and you have to be at your best to impress. But if you’re a confident magnet, then, we’d suggest you go straight to the dinner date. Dinner dates are supposed to be like real dates, unlike a coffee date which is just having coffee. So you either win the date or you completely blow it. So choose to go out for dinner, if you don’t know your date very well, and if you know you want to get the message across immediately.

Unique dates are “wow”, but it can also be a real mess and not recommended for the best places to go on a first date. You don’t really know what your date mate wants or likes, and as much as you may impress and get lucky with skydiving off an aircraft, things can go horribly wrong if your date’s scared of heights. So play safe, and don’t go over the top on the first date.

Have a good time, and if you like your date, make sure you go home and call or text your date thanking them for a great time. And also do add in the line, “I would love to see you again very soon…”

So the next time you’re heading on a date, choose any of these best places to go on a first date, and the rest, as they say, will be history!


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Five Things to Talk About on a First Date

Ah, the first date. Could anything be more exciting? Or perhaps maybe even a little nerve racking? Almost everyone is nervous upon meeting a stranger for the first time so if you feel the tickle of butterflies in your stomach or perhaps knots, do not despair this is only natural. Making a good impression on the first day is of the utmost importance. As important as it is to look your best and be well groomed, it is equally important to be equipped with what you will say on the date. A lot of factors play into whether or not a first date will go well. Spilling your guts out on the first date can overwhelm the other person.

On the first date it’s important to keep the conversation interesting but also light and fun. Talking about the wrong topics could butcher a first date. It is important to have at minimum a mental list of questions and topics to bring up that are safe to talk about. You don’t want to arrive on a first date looking sharp but also be at a loss for words for the duration of it. Luckily, here is my go-to list of the top 5 Things to talk About on a First Date that will ensure that you get that second date.

1. What is a surprising fact about yourself?
Asking this question will provoke your date to open up without having to dig deep for their answer. It will also help to get some of that initial awkwardness to subside. This question will also prevent the conversation from dragging and becoming dull. They might share a special talent they have or a unique hobby. They might have an embarrassing habit or interest. They might be able to wiggle their ears. Maybe they collect dead bugs or play an unusual instrument? You will never know unless you ask. This question will promote closeness without asking something too personal. It is a good safe question you can use especially if you run out of things to say because you can most likely get away with asking it at any point during the date. After the two of you share the surprising facts about yourselves hopefully a natural chemistry will begin to flow between you.

2. What is something you are passionate about?
It’s important to ask this question on a first date. Having a few things in common with someone certainly does not mean that the two of you are a perfect match. However, sharing a common interest with someone does tend to make the first date go smoother. It will give you a chance to talk about something you are highly knowledgeable or at least passionate about. It will give both of you the chance to relax and talk about your passions with ease. What better way to get to know someone than to watch someone’s eyes light up while you listen to them chatter with enthusiasm about their passions. It also might give you an idea for an activity for a second date. If a hobby or interest is shared between the two of you there is a chance you might want to do that activity together. Or perhaps they have a hobby that you have not yet tried but are interested in. This will give them the opportunity to teach you and you the opportunity to learn something new. It could very well create a bonding experience between the two of you.
3. What is the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you?

If there was ever a question that would shake those first date jitters, it would be this one. I really love this question because it will cause the other person to open up and reveal a part of their genuine self and unravel any false fabrications they may have been using as a front. Every single person has at least a few embarrassing stories and while I’m sure we would all like them to stay buried, it’s an integral step in the process of opening up to someone. Being open and truthful is important even on a first date because trust is built on a foundation of honesty. Being dishonest on a first date will lay the groundwork for a rocky relationship if one is ever to develop. This question will cause both of you to expose a more vulnerable side of yourself, all while sharing a chuckle or two.
4. What are you most afraid of?
This is an interesting question. I think it is an important question because it is one that is not typically asked on a first date or first encounter. It’s a question that might lead to other interesting questions. It will force the conversation to delve a little deeper. While you can’t possibly know someone completely on a first date, this might allow you to catch a glimpse of a person’s real self. Some people have ordinary fears such as snakes, spiders or heights. Others might have a fear that might be considered more unusual such as clowns, drowning or mice. It’s interesting to hear what a person is afraid of and the stories behind the fears that they may use to justify them.

5. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
If you ever run out of things to say, talking about your past travels or dream vacation spots might be a way to get the conversation back on track. The world is wide and beautiful. Who doesn’t dream about going out and seeing it? The destinations that your date selects will also tell you valuable information about their personality. Does their dream destination involve a daring adventure or an athletic activity? Or does it involve a relaxing day at the beach with a cold drink? Knowing if your date is laid back and calm or outgoing and energetic will reveal whether or not the two of you will be compatible in the long run.



What Are Some Good First Date Questions To Get To Know Someone?

Mascara. Check! Deo. Check! Branded jacket. Check! High heels. Check! Yes, we all know first impression is the last impression and you would not leave a single stone unturned to make that impression, especially if it’s a first date. But there is much more to us beyond the clothes and make-up and if you can unveil a person on the first date – personality, humor, fears et al – then you know you got another date coming up and it’s a great feeling. What do you need to do to know a person better on the first date? Simple! Just ask the right first date questions. Yep, don’t worry about that. We are going to help you.

How Do You Get To Know Someone On A Date?

On first dates, both of you are cautious and choose your words very carefully. Of course, you follow all the first dating etiquette rules. You try to portray your best self in front of each other. But in trying to be perfect you miss out on all the fun of getting to know each other.

Getting to know someone on the first date isn’t an easy task as you don’t want to come off as clingy. Asking too many questions will scare them away. If you want to know someone on the first date itself, show them the real you. The rest will follow. Getting to know someone works both ways, you need to show that person your true self then the other person will also put his/her guard down. When they see that you are honest and genuine, it fetches you brownie points and they start opening up to you as well.

12 Good Questions To Get To Know Someone On A First Date

So, how do you get to know someone better on a first date? Whether its an online or an offline date, starting a conversation on a first date does require some skill. And once you start a conversation, you need to make the best out of it – in knowing the other person as well as making a great first impression. Here are different types of questions that you can ask on your first date to get to know someone better.

Funny First Date Questions

Girls love men who make them laugh. They remember your jokes even when you’re not with them. Men love to share a laugh too! Most celebrities, when asked what made them think that their partner is “the one”, they answered that, “He makes me laugh.” Here are some funny first date questions.

1. What is the weirdest thing you have ever done?

Sharing your weird stories with each other also helps in breaking the ice. You both feel more comfortable when you get past the weird and embarrassing things you’ve done. You can talk about embarrassing stuff like dancing in a public elevator and the door opening to a bunch of people or drunk dialing your ex only to find out you called your dad instead. The best part is that you both get to know the real you.

2. What’s the worst thing you’ve done when you were bored?

When we are bored, we get the craziest of ideas and go forward with it. One of my friends cut off her hair just because she was bored. Needless to say the cut she gave herself was rather trendy. And another actually packed his bags and took a train to a random location because boredom was killing him. This is a great conversation starter. Because you will know if the person you just met gets the best ideas out of boredom or just believes boredom and a good snooze go hand in hand.

3. What is the cheesiest pickup line someone has used on you?

“Do I know you? Cause you look a lot like my next girlfriend/boyfriend.”
Girls hate cheesy pickup lines, especially on first dates. But it is something they remember to share with their friends and laugh at. Talking about cheesy pickup lines like these can get you both talking about your worst dates. Sharing worst first date experiences can be good fun. Yes, you can go ahead and talk about the girl whose false eyelashes came off or the guy who wasn’t willing to pay the bill on a date.

Deep First Date Questions

When you really connect with someone and it’s going well, don’t feel afraid not to ask deep meaningful questions. These meaningful questions will show them that you care. Here are some deep first date questions.

4. Which parent is closer to you and why?

Ask some deep first date questions

Now this question is a simple yet effective way to know whether your date has any ‘daddy issues’. Knowing which parent is closer to your date will help you gain brownie points when you butter them up in future. Which parent she’s closer to will also help you know about her personality. For example if her father is closer to her, it means that she is pampered more by her family. If the mother is closer, it means that she could be having some daddy issues.

5. Have you ever felt that everyone around you is a stranger?

There are a thousand instances when we’ve felt this way but might have never shared it with anyone else. He/she might have many friends but not many of them may know the ‘real’ them. Asking this question will show them that you care. For example you can begin with talking about your best friend getting into a relationship and you began feeling like a stranger in their life or talk about how your friends are so involved in their lives that they seem like strangers to you at times.

Moreover, you’ll get into their inner circle.

6. Which is your biggest regret in life?

We all have regrets and your date could have them too. Asking about regrets may open a can of worms or may make them open up to you. Asking about their regrets will get them talking about the regrets in their past relationships, family matters, friendship, etc. They will begin to confide in you and which will give you pointers for your future dates with them.

Awkward First Date Questions

If you didn’t know yet, there’s a thing such as awkward first date questions. Awkward first date questions are usually asked when you pick a time to make your partner feel awkward and they end up telling the truth because their mind can’t think fast. This is a sneaky way of getting to know someone but is still effective because most of the time they spurt out the truth.

7. So, am I the same kind of person you thought I would be?

Questions for first date
This is an easy and smooth way to ask about how you performed in the date. It’s like a sugar coated way of asking for your feedback. You’ll be able to know from their reaction to the question. For example, if the person thinks too much to answer, you’ll be able to catch them in a lie. However, if that person answers instantly with a smile, higher are the chances that the date went well.

8. Why are you still single?

This question will catch them in the moment and there is a chance that it could offend them a bit. If the person gets offended, you can cover it up by saying that they are attractive, smart and any person would be lucky to have them, which is why you asked the question. This will cool them down and they will feel a bit flattered as well. After the awkward phase passes, they might even open up about their past which will help you understand them better.

9. Do you think that monogamy is possible in the 21st century?

If you are someone who is looking for exclusivity in a relationship, this question will get you your answers. Your date might feel a bit weird and awkward about you being so upfront on the first date itself, but isn’t the first date the basis of future dates? It’s better to clear things out on the first date itself instead of finding out that the entire thing was a waste of time and emotions and this question will do exactly that

Flirty First Date Questions

If the date is really going well and you both feel compatible, there’s no harm in teasing each other with some harmless flirting. Only asking deep philosophical questions may bore them to death and asking some flirty first date questions could keep them on their toes.

10. Who is hotter, your ex or me?

Flirty questions for your date

Did you just think of all the flirting mistakes you have made in the past? Well, a bit of harmless flirting on a first date isn’t too bad. It depends on the kind of person you’re dating. However, your date won’t mind you asking about who is hotter. If she/he teases you back saying that they want to keep it a secret or build the suspense, it means that they too want to play along. It also helps in building more curiosity and sexual tension between the two.

11. According to you, what is the biggest turn on?

If they weren’t thinking about anything sexual with you, this will make them think of you sexually. Ask them what their biggest turn-on is with a little touch of the hand and it will instantly spice up the chemistry between the two of you. When they will start answering your question, they will think about the biggest turn-ons and will possibly start imagining themselves being sexual with you. This is a great way of putting yourself into their head.

12. If you spent the entire day with me, what would you do?

This flirtatious question will make their heart stop for a second and make them think of a possible future. It will also help you analyse how well the date is going. If they talk about a friendly activity like going to a movie, shopping or going to a café, it means that he or she still sees you as a friend or an acquaintance. If she/he describes something more intimate, like something ending into something more intimate like a candle light dinner or a dinner date at their place, it means that the date was a success.

Even a day playing video games or watching a movie at their place is an intimate activity for some.

For many people, second dates turn out better than their first. This is because first dates are more about breaking the ice and getting past all that awkwardness. If your date asks you on the second date, Voila! You did it. Getting to know someone isn’t a one-date job. However, these first date questions will give you pointers for the future dates with them and you’ll get to know them more.


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Six Things You Shouldn’t Do On a First Date, According To Dating Psychologists

First dates can be a mixed bag. You can go into them thinking you’re going to meet the love of your life and walk out reflecting on an evening of insipid small talk, wondering why you spent your only free evening of the week discussing your respective commutes.

It has become even trickier with dating apps, when you risk meeting someone whose witty bio and filtered profile photos don’t quite match up with the person sitting across from you.

And even if you do end up liking the person, that in itself conjures up a panoply of anxieties: what if they don’t laugh at your jokes? Did you just talk about yourself too much? What happens if they hate the wine you’ve chosen?

It can all get a little bit overwhelming. Thankfully, dating experts say there are some unilateral first date don’ts that, when applied, should make things easier for everyone involved. Buckle up.

When conversation runs dry and you realise you haven’t even made it through your glass of cheap red wine, it can be tempting to call it a day or, in other words, do a runner without so much as saying goodbye.

But this tactic is best avoided, says dating and relationships psychologist Madeleine Mason Roantree.

“Unless you have a genuine emergency, this is just mean,” she tells The Independent. “I’m always amazed when people think that ghosting is a kind way of saying ‘no thanks’. It’s cowardice and pathetic. Don’t do it.”

If things are going south early on, at least have the decency to stay for one drink.

2. No ‘negging’

It’s one of the oldest tricks in the book, or, more specifically, in Neil Strauss’ controversial pickup artist handbook The Game, which famously encourages men to criticise women in order to seduce them, a hideous tactic Strauss dubbed “negging”.

Don’t do this, says Mason, who strongly advises against engaging in any sort of psychological gameplay when you’re dating someone – particularly on the first date. “This usually backfires for those looking for long-term romance,” she says.

“I have had clients of both genders who employ behaviours that try and get their date to ‘win them over’. It doesn’t work.”

3. Don’t talk about the future

When you’re on a first date and you’re getting on with someone like a house on fire, you might find yourself planning your wedding in your head when you take a toilet break.

But, as fun as fantasizing about your future with a total stranger can be, dating coach Jo Hemmings advises against letting your mind run away with you when it comes to making plans, whether it’s inviting them to your own wedding or asking them to come to a BBQ next weekend.

“Concentrate on the here and now” she tells The Independent, “rather than suggesting they might join you for an event further down the line. However much you like them initially, it’s just too much too soon.”

4. Don’t start quizzing them on their CV

Ever seen The Ugly Truth? There’s a scene when Katherine Heigl’s character is on a first date with a man she’s just met and within minutes of sitting down, Heigl is asking where he sees himself in 10 years. It’s particularly difficult to watch.

“Don’t treat the date like an interview,” says Hemmings.“You might want to know all about them, but some questions (think: “How did you choose to spend your free time during the career gap you had in 2017?” and “What attracted you to me in the first instance?”) are just a bit much to ask on a first date.

“Ask questions by all means, but first dates are about reciprocal disclosure in conversational form,” Hemmings adds.

5. Don’t bring a friend

It might sound obvious, but bringing a friend along to a date for moral support is not advised.

While it can be helpful to employ a wingman/wingwoman in the early stages of wooing to help land you a date with someone, bringing this person along on the date itself is not a wise strategy, Mason advises.

“It’s awkward and a major turn off for the person you’re meeting,” she says. “A client of mine recently did this and, needless to say, the date was cut short and no future ones were planned.”

6. Don’t ask for favors

Let’s say the date isn’t going well. But you’re an aspiring photographer, and you’ve realised that all is not lost, because the person you’re with runs a successful photography studio. Perhaps they’d make a dull romantic partner, but an exciting business one, you think, in a bid to turn lemons into lemonade.

Tempting as it may be, do not exploit someone you’re on a date with for their expertise or skills, says Mason. It’s simply not the right time.

“Before I met my husband, I had several first dates who thought they could use that time to tell me about their woes,” Mason recalls. “In one case I had to tell the person that I was not working.”


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These Are Some of the Most Common First Date Dealbreakers

First dates can be nerve-wracking. What if they don’t look like their picture? What if you can’t think of anything to talk about? People took to a Reddit thread this week to share some of the things they’ve experienced on first dates which immediately turned them off that prospective partner.

“Being constantly on their phone” was one person’s deal-breaker, which seems fair enough; you have the rest of your lives to ignore each other and scroll through Twitter, but the first date is for actually getting to know the person sitting across from you.

Phones came up elsewhere on the thread, too, with one person recalling how a date kept asking them questions about their former relationships, using clues they had gleaned from researching them on social media. While we’re on the subject of phone etiquette: Use an up to date picture in your dating profile, people will notice. And then there was this particularly egregious example: “I glanced over to see a guy arranging a hookup on his phone during a date with me. I was totally floored.” As far as deal-breakers go, “planning to sleep with somebody else while your date is still in the room” is up there.

Being rude to the server is also high up on the list; it’s seen as a red flag and a clue as to what kind of person your date really is. Similarly, one-sided conversations and self-involvement are other common turn-offs, with a number of people expressing frustration at dates who talk about themselves without ever actually asking a question.

There are also, it turns out, people out there who treat first dates as a cheap form of therapy. One person cites “suddenly unloading all their baggage on the first date” as a deal-breaker, adding: “I can’t help you. I’m not looking to get into a relationship with someone who is codependent, I want to date a man who can be a life partner.”

Playing “hard to get” is an instant deal-breaker for a lot of guys, especially when it comes from an outdated, gendered point of view. “Whatever guy told girls that we like them playing ‘hard to get’ needs to be taken behind a tool shed and shot,” one person wrote. “I have never, not once in my entire life, met a guy that liked a girl playing hard to get. Every single man (and a few lesbians) I’ve ever known has complained at least once about “hard to get” being a bunch of bullshit.”

They added: “‘Hard to get’ is also a contributor to many harassment issues. The dumbasses that play hard-to-get are the ones teaching people that ‘no doesn’t mean no’. Anyone that’s ever done this needs to be ashamed of themselves and grow up.”

Other gendered expectations have proven to be less conducive to romance than they might have been in the past; a lot of men don’t like it when a woman expects him to pay, while a few women said it’s the guys who get shirty when they want to pay for themselves. On a related note, expecting or demanding sex at the end of the night, regardless of how well or not the date has gone, isn’t a good look on anyone. These aren’t transactions, people!