15 Signs That Say A Girl Only Wants Attention, Not You

Signs that your girl only wants your attention, not you

Consider this scenario: You meet a girl and you both really hit it off well. In the beginning, she keeps doing things to get your attention. You do not pay much heed to it and find it cute.

But over time, her behavior becomes desperate and intense. You start doubting her feeling towards you. It seems you are just there in her life to satisfy her ego and you do not really matter to her. If this is a situation that you are facing in your love life, then you are actually the victim of an attention seeking girlfriend.

Who is an attention seeker?

Simply put, an attention seeker is a person who only wants attention from all the people around him/her. He/she probably feels empty and disappointed if they are unable to garner the attention of others. For gaining the attention of others, an attention seeker is actually quite skilled in managing and manipulating people. Socially too, the person is able to adapt very easily.

It seems you are there in her life to just satisfy her ego and you do not really matter to her.

When you are dating an attention seeking girl, you will notice that she will have the power to draw you towards her and keep you by her side, but will never really give you the respect and value that you deserve. She will ensure that you give 100 percent to the relationship and might even make you believe that you both can have a bright future together. But in the end, she genuinely has no interest in being in a relationship with you. She wants you around just to validate her and boost her ego.

Types of attention seekers you meet in the dating world

Attention seekers usually get into relationships in order to make sure that there is someone constantly by their side to praise them and put them on a pedestal. Here are the types of attention seekers that you may find in the dating world.

Merrymaking attention seeker

When you will hang out with this kind of attention seeker, he/she will seem adventurous and fun to you. The merrymaker will instill life and enjoyment in any place or situation whatsoever. But when in a relationship, such merrymaking attention seekers tend to frustrate their partners with their boisterous and loud behavior.

Over sexualized attention seeker

He/she will seem absolutely irresistible to you because of his/her physical appearance and way of speaking. You will feel as if you are lucky to be in a relationship with such a sexy person. However, you might end up being jealous and angry most of the time due to his/her flirtatious behavior.

lady flirting with a man
Always being flirty source

Argumentative attention seeker

This kind loves to dominate others by using his/her debating skills. Partners of argumentative attention seekers generally feel annoyed and drained due to their aggressive ways.

When in a relationship, attention seekers dominate their partners, do not care about how their partners feel regarding their attention seeking attitude and they want attention from not only their partners but others as well. So if you meet a girl and feel that she wants your attention but has a boyfriend, then do not be shocked because this is how an attention seeking girl usually behaves. Better keep your distance from such a girl, because attention seeking is deeply ingrained in the minds of such people.

15 signs a girl only wants your attention and NOT you

An attention seeker is so addicted to attention that he/she can adopt any means to seek the validation and approval of others. If you want to avoid being duped by an attention seeking girlfriend, then look out for these 15 signs which will help you identify an attention seeker in no time.

1. An attention seeker thrives on compliments

A girl seeking only attention from you will work on her appearance and make herself look sexy just to get praise from you and the others around her. She will also unnecessarily make negative remarks in relation to how she looks so that you can compliment her instead. She basically lives on compliments.

2. Bragging is like her favorite hobby

She will exaggerate her achievements and good qualities. She will persistently brag about herself, her life, her job, her family, etc., not to put you down, but just to show you her importance and value. She actually feels the need to be superior to the people around her, so showing off is one way to do so.

lady bragging to get attention
Being a boss Image source

3. She loves creating a scene

Her world comes crumbling down if she has to face even a small problem like a fight with her friend or a bad day at work. She loves creating a scene out of nothing and tells everyone about it. In this way, she keeps getting the attention she wants and you keep being there for her because of genuine interest and concern.

4. An attention seeker is highly active on social media

You will notice that most of the time, the girl will be active on various social media websites like Twitter, Facebook, Instagram etc., and will keep uploading pictures and quotes on her profiles. She does so because she wants people to be in constant touch with her and keep giving her the attention she needs. She will probably not reply to your text messages or call you back. But she will definitely reply to you or tag you on social media posts. This is an absolute sign your girl is attention seeker.

5. She can easily make you and others feel jealous

If she feels that you are losing interest in her then she will bring back your attention towards her by making you feel jealous. She will flirt with your friends in front of you and might even act close with her guy friends. In addition, she can make others jealous by flaunting you in front of her friends. She will become too cozy with you in front of her friends so that they feel uncomfortable and bad. This is a sign she only wants attention.

6. She is never really there for you

She expects you to be there for her at all times. But when you will need her, she will always bail out giving you some lame excuse. She will never give you clear answers to any of the questions you ask, especially if the questions are related to commitments and your future together and will always cook up some story to keep you by her side.

7. An attention seekers opens up very fast

After she meets you and thinks you are the guy she wants attention from, she will actually become way too comfortable with you. She will start sharing her feelings and thoughts with you and behave with you like you are an old acquaintance. If a girl becomes overtly friendly with you in a short span of time then you must be careful, because she might just be an attention seeker.

Signs she is an attenion seeker
Speaking about everything Image Source

8. An attention seeker lacks maturity

At first she might seem like a mature adult to you. But eventually, you will see that she is like a child who constantly needs approval and attention from you. If you fail to do what she wants then she will throw tantrums and irritate you. She will not feel secure about herself and you will have to continuously validate her.

9. She never lets you have ‘me-time’

An attention seeking girlfriend will always want you by her side when she wants it. If you decide to spend time on your own then she will get upset very easily. If you make plans with your friends, then she will either manipulate you to cancel the plan or force you to take her with you. She wants to be the center of your world so she will never let you have me-time.

10. An attention seeker argues a lot

Without any concrete reason, she will start fighting with the others or with you. It is just her way of seeking attention and establishing her superiority over others/you. At the end of the arguments or fights, she will twist the conversations in such a way that all the blame will be on you and she will steer clear of any blame.

11. Flirting just comes naturally to her

Not a day goes by without her flirting with another guy. It is like a routine to her. Even if she is in a relationship with you, she will not shy away from making advances at another guy. This is because attention from one guy is not enough to fill the void in her.

12. She pretends to be nice

A girl thriving on attention pretends to be nice and kind-hearted because she knows this is how she will be able to get the validation from others. So she is extremely good and goes out of the way to help people, just so that they approve of her. But internally, she might not be that kind-hearted at all.

13. An attention seeker seems to know everyone

It seems that people all over the world are her friends. She has so many contacts and acquaintances that you fail to keep up and remember them. Her social media profiles have lengthy friend lists and even if she has not met someone in person, she will behave as if she knows them very well.

14. She likes hanging out in public places

Instead of going out with you for a peaceful and quiet date, she will make plans to go to a nightclub or the hottest place in town. Why? Obviously because she wants to be seen and wants to get attention, so she will prefer public places where other guys might also notice her. This is an absolute sign she is an attention seeker.

couple holding hand in public
Spending time together Image Source

15. Her friends are copies of her

Most of the time, the friends she hangs out with are just like her. They also exhibit the same attention seeking signs, because of which she might actually not let you meet with her friends as well. Very rarely will you find good friends around her and even if good friends are there, they will not able to improve her behavior.

Attention seeking girls are unable to build strong and normal relationships with others because it does not give them the ‘celebrity feel’ or any sense of stimulation. So if you are hoping to create a long lasting relationship with someone, then do not fall into the trap of an attention seeker.

How to handle an attention seeking girl?

A couple of suggestions for those who have fallen for attention seeking girls would be the following: Deal with the entire situation with a lot of patience, self-assurance and self-security, be strong enough to set boundaries in your relationship and do not let it go if she crosses those boundaries, talk to her honestly and let her know that such a behaviour will not be tolerated by you, and finally back off from the relationship. Do not give her the opportunity to use and hurt you. If there is no hope for the relationship then you must have the courage to break up with such a girl.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

Body Language Attraction – Touchy Feely Flirting

Touchy feely flirting can seem ridiculous, but in reality, you can use the secret of body language attraction and seduce someone into liking you in no time if you just know how to touch a person the right way, at the right time.

After reading the introduction, you may have figured how you can use body language attraction and build an emotional connection using touchy feely flirting.

If you just know how to tune your body language and send the right signal, you can flirt and seduce someone into liking you in no time.

The art of touchy feely flirting

Here are four points that can make all the difference if you want to flirt and make someone like you just by flirting with them and touching them at the right time.

Body language attraction and responses

This is as simple as it gets. Keep a keen eye on the body language of your date.

After you start touching your date occasionally, is your potential mate leaning in closer or sitting down in such a manner that both your feet are almost next to each other?

When your date leans in to talk from across a table, do their hands stretch out a little further than necessary?

Or if you’re at a bar counter, and you slide towards them to let others pass, does your date place their hands on you?

If your date is purring inside because of your body language attraction, they can’t help but involuntarily try getting more body contact from you.

If you see that happening, give yourself a pat on the back. You’re going great guns. If it’s not happening, ease up the frequency of touching.

How often should attract using body language?

It’s easy to get carried away while playing touchy feely. But don’t overdo yourself. Don’t let a simple positive response to touch take you all the way to the petting zoo.

Both of you may be touchy feely flirting discreetly, without actually acknowledging it. If you overdo it, you could bring things to a grinding uncomfortable halt.  Guys, don’t go rubbing the arms while flirting for the first time. And girls, don’t ever pinch a guy, that’s just annoyingly kiddish. As the date progresses, try stepping into each other’s boundaries by moving closer, instead of increasing the frequency of petting.

And you’d know if you can move in closer by the way your date responds to you. So watch out for the signs and keep the frequency of petting discreet.

Sure signs of body language attraction

Touchy feely flirting can be so much fun, and that’s not just for you. Your date would love it too! But how do know if your date is having a great time feeling you up? Well, there are a few signs that are just way too hard to miss. If your date’s enjoying the attention, it would only be a matter of time before they start touching you back. And that’s when you know you’re spot on.

Still confused? More signs include a hand on your knee, arm or shoulder for more than a second or two, which is definitely more than a casual touch. If someone positions himself or herself right behind you so that they have to reach around you to get something, that’s a sure signal. Let’s face it, if your date found you repulsive, they would find another route to get what they wanted, instead of sliding their palm across your sides, wouldn’t they?

Mutual moves in body language attraction

In addition to touching, watch for someone who follows your lead. If you lean into talk, does she lean towards you or away? If you touch him on the arm, how does he respond?

When most people really like someone, they will signal with body language, even if they are not yet comfortable with touching. And don’t give up. Some people are bad at flirting. But you can always know they like you if they seem to pay attention to you. So watch out for mutual moves.

Even if it takes time for your date to warm up, with a keen eye, you’d be able to make out a few key changes in the behavior. You will start to recognize their touchy feely flirting whether it is through touching, body language or actions.

The final word in body language attraction

All it takes to impress a hot date is an accidental touch that’s premeditated, planned and executed with grace and finesse. Remember to keep a keen eye for mutual signs and make sure you take things further, one step at a time, without overdoing it even once.

Flirting by accidental touch using the attraction of body language is like stacking up a pack of cards one on top of the other. You need to build the attraction and the tension carefully. On the other hand, one wrong move is all it takes to mess everything up, and look sleazy.

So plan your touchy feely flirting with class. You’d be much more confident to determine if that slow hand brush down your arm is a reciprocating move, or a move to push you out of their space.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

Flirting Going Unnoticed? 11 Flirting Signs Guys Miss All the Time

Men think in a different way. You might think you’re flirting up a storm, but you’re using the flirting signs guys miss. Cue frustration! What to do next…

Have you been bringing out the flirting big guns? Pretty sure that you’re letting the apple of your eye know that you’re crushing hard, but it’s not really going the way you planned? You’d be surprised with the flirting signs guys miss!

If you feel out of ideas of how to get your guy to flirt back without saying it directly, you’re not alone. Men in particular miss out on top flirting cues. It leaves those trying to catch their attention in a cycle of frustration. Maybe you’ve been there, I know I have!

According to a study by Bucknell University, men and women are programmed to flirt in completely different ways. To complicate matters, it also depends on the man himself! Perception of the fact that someone is flirting can be lost in translation. We all know that actually going up to someone and saying ‘Hey, I really like you’ isn’t something most of us want to do.

The only answer? Figure out the flirting signs guys miss. Be a little more direct. Yes, sometimes you just have to go for it, people!

11 flirting signs guy miss more than the others

Regularly use any of these flirting signs? Rethink your approach.

#1 Making the first moveThis is a big one, no matter who you are. For some very strange reason, some guys seem to completely miss the point. When someone approaches them, they take it as ‘oh, someone to talk to’, or ‘oh, this is interesting.’ It often goes completely over their head that this person is flirting!

Most of us wouldn’t approach a guy if we didn’t like them. We certainly wouldn’t be bothered about having a conversation with them. It seems plucking up the courage to start a chat with him might be completely lost in the moment!

#2 Posture correction. It’s written in our evolutionary rules that when we want to impress somebody, be it a work figure, someone we admire, or someone we’re crushing on, we correct our posture and stand up a little straighter. We’re making ourselves feel more confident. Fake it until we make it!

Guys don’t always pick up on this subtle shift. It is certainly one of the flirting signs guys miss the most.

#3 MirroringThis is subtly copying the position of the person you’re flirting with. For example, if they’re standing with their hands on their hips, you do it too. It’s a subconscious thing but quite powerful. This is a very strong flirting sign, because we have no control over it.

It’s our body’s way of shouting, ‘hey you, I like you!’ Again, it’s also about confidence and appearing more confident than you are actually feeling in the moment.

#4 FidgetingDo you ever fidget when you’re talking to someone you like? You’re trying to do your very best to flirt up a storm without embarrassing yourself? Perhaps you play with your hair, tap your hands together, brush imaginary hairs from your clothing, pick your nails, or bite your lip.

These are all signs that someone is feeling nervous energy. That nervous energy is because you’re flirting! But guys miss this sign, so all that pent up energy is going to waste.

#5 Making him jealousGuys are pretty direct overall. They don’t like signs and subtle hints. They like to be told what is going on, what is expected of them and what is going on. One of the flirting signs that guys miss in a big way is when someone who likes them tries to make them jealous, basically to get their attention.

This is usually by flirting with someone else. It’s funny how guys miss out on the signs that someone is flirting with them. They’re pretty good at noticing when someone is flirting with another person!

The problem with this tactic is that it could backfire. He could end up just being mad and not realizing that you’re doing it for another reason. Approach with caution here!

#6 Social media overloadWhile social media has some bad things, it’s made flirting a million times easier for less confident types like me! You can hide behind your keyboard and be a lot more upfront than you would be in person.

The problem is, this is another of those flirting signs guys miss. You might think that liking his pictures, commenting on funny remarks, and going out of your way to post sexy selfies of yourself is flirting. He thinks you’re just social media active. All that effort gone to waste!

#7 Dressing to impressI’m not advocating anyone dressing for someone else. Dress to impress yourself and no one else. Most of us dress in a certain way when we’re trying to flirt. Perhaps you wear that outfit they’ve complimented on before, or you wear a color you know suits your eyes. You go to all that effort, basically to impress the one you’re crushing on, and it goes completely over their head! Annoying, right? At least you look good though!

#8 Suddenly liking the things he likes. Developing a deep interest in something that he likes is a big sign that you’re trying to get his attention and impress. It’s something to talk about, an ‘in’, a way to flirt in a personal manner. Does he get it? No. He misses the point entirely. He thinks that you’re genuinely into this hobby all of a sudden. Yet more frustration!

#9 Compliments. This is a borderline one, but it is another one of those flirting signs guys miss at first. If you give out compliments here and there, he misses the point. Don’t go overboard with compliments! He might think you’re being strange. If you hit the sweet spot in the middle, he might get it. It depends on where his attention is at.

With the right middle ground, a well placed compliment can make a guy feel like he’s on top of the word. Persevere with this one!

#10 Please help me! Bless him, he has a heart of gold. When you ask for help, he thinks you genuinely need a helping hand with a task that you just can’t do alone. What he misses is that you’re doing it so you can flirt a little more and spend time with him! Yes, this is one of the most frustrating flirting signs guys miss!

#11 General mouth attention. When flirting, we focus on our mouths without realizing it. We lick our lips, bite our lips, pout, and basically try and get attention to that area. Why? Because we use our mouths for kissing and that’s what this flirting is supposed to build up to! While it works some of the time, getting him to focus on your mouth is sometimes one of the flirting signs guys miss too. Less is more and far more powerful!

 

Grabbing a guy’s attention isn’t as easy as you might think. While we shouldn’t generalize and assume that all guys miss out on certain cues, these 11 flirting signs guys miss in general are commonplace!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

11 Science-Backed Flirting Tips That Make You More Attractive

You’re welcome.

If your flirting skills are lacking, it’s time to step it up. This is, of course, if you’re looking to procure a mate. And you are, aren’t you? Isn’t everyone? Well, the thing about flirting in that whole finding a boyfriend or girlfriend department is that it works.

Studies show that not only does flirting help in the dating department, but flirting and being able to do it well are far more effective than your excessive good looks.

After conducting research regarding flirting in places where people go looking for love, psychologist Dr. Monica Moore found that “it’s not the most physically appealing people who get approached, but the ones who signal their availability and confidence through basic flirting techniques like eye contact and smiles.”

Easy peasy, right? Here are some other interesting facts about flirting and seduction that you didn’t know, but probably should.

1. There are five types of flirting.

You may have thought that a subtle arm touch or a wink might be the extent of flirting, but you’re wrong. According to the University of Kansas, there are actually five types of flirting: traditional, physical, sincere, playful and polite. While 25 percent of flirting falls into the playful category, 30 percent is intended to sincerely lure a mate into our web of desire.

2. Eye contact makes you more attractive.

Once you get that whole smiling thing down, go in for some eye contact. Not only is it a major signal that you’re interested, but eye contact can go as far as making someone even more attracted to you than they would have been. Studies have found that a “mutual unbroken gaze for two minutes with a stranger” leads to “increased feelings of passionate love.”

3. Women who touch while flirting get more dates.

While men need to play it cool when it comes to this one, if women lay it on thick, it will reel in the dates. There are three levels of touching: friendly (shoulder push or tap), plausible deniability (touching around the shoulder or waist, or on the forearm), and nuclear, which is the face touch.

When you can, without being creepy, go nuclear. Is everyone taking notes?

4. Playing hard to get really does work.

Yep, it’s true, and the studies can back it up. Making yourself appear to be a “scarce resource worth having” while maintaining your interest is the ticket. People want what they can’t have.

5. Men don’t consider age to be a factor.

When it comes to a playful night out with the ladies and flirting just for fun, 83 percent of guys say they don’t care how old (or young) you might be. And when it comes to a good time, age doesn’t weigh too heavily for dudes.

6. The sexier your voice, the better your chances.

Men don’t do so great when it comes to turning on the sexy voice, but women have all the advantages in that category. Along with being able to successfully manipulate our voices, if we’re interested we tend to talk smoothly and quickly. If we’re meh on the situation, our speech ends up being hesitant and awkward.

7. Angling your head can also determine how you come across.

Scientists at the University of Newcastle in Australia have found that you’re most alluring when you angle your head forward, so you’re forced to look ever-so-slightly upward. This creates a more feminine look, and we know how guys dig that.

Men, in order to look more masculine and more attractive to women, you’re going to tilt your head back and look a bit down your nose. Don’t go overboard and cross your eyes, though.

8. Wearing red is more attention-grabbing.

Whether you choose red lips or a red dress, the color red will bring all eyes to you. The red dress effect not only helps in attention-getting, but also makes women appear more open to sexual advances. This may or may not be what you want, but it’s something to consider before going out on the prowl.

9. Being direct is better than using cheesy pickup lines.

While women prefer boring opening lines that lack pizzazz, men want women who are direct. There’s nothing sexier than knowing what you want; however, both men and women agree that “cute” pickup lines are just awful.

10. It has amazing health benefits.

Weird, right? But those who get their flirt on and do so regularly are walking around with higher white blood cell counts, which means they’re really, really healthy.

11. It’s illegal in some places.

To engage in “lascivious banter” in Little Rock, Arkansas could lead to 30 days in jail, and in New York City, men can be fined $25 every time they “gaze suggestively” at a woman. Can you imagine what that fine would do to the endless catcalling and suggestive gazing that goes on in NYC?

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

Whether you’re single or married, everyone should know these 11 facts about flirting

  • Flirting is important for couples as well as for singles.
  • Business Insider rounded up some of the most fascinating findings about flirting, according to social scientists — just in time for Valentine’s Day.
  • Most people don’t like traditional pick-up lines, and men tend to overestimate how interested women are.

What could be more terrifying than talking to someone you’re attracted to?

As Valentine’s Day approaches, it’s time to study up on what does — or doesn’t — work when it comes to flirting.

Business Insider found some of the most intriguing facts and social science studies on the art of flirtation, so you can saunter over to the object of your affection with confidence.

People flirt for six different reasons.

flirting whispering secret couple date
Flirting. 
Bobex-73/Shutterstock

In a 2004 review of the literature on flirting, Northern Illinois University professor David Dryden Henningsen identified six different motivations for the behavior:

• Sex: trying to get in bed
• Fun: treating it like a sport
• Exploring: trying to see what it would be like to be in a relationship
• Relational: trying to increase the intimacy of a relationship
• Esteem: increasing one’s own self esteem
• Instrumental: trying to get something from the other person

In that study, Henningsen asked 101 female and 99 male students to write out a hypothetical flirty conversation between a man and a woman, then identify the motivations for the things they said.

The behaviors broke down along gender norms: Men were significantly more likely to have a sexual motivation, while women tended to have a relational one.

Couples need to flirt, too.

happy couple
A couple. 
Getty Images

Like Tinder, cats, and dying alone, flirting is usually associated with single people.

But couples need to know how to flirt, too.

After studying 164 married people for a 2012 study, University of Kentucky researcher Brandi Frisby noted that most of them flirted — by playing “footsies” or whispering in their partner’s ear, for example — as a means of maintaining and emphasizing intimacy. Oftentimes, she wrote in her paper, married couples flirted to “create a private world with the spouse.”

People feel connected when they get past the small talk.

couple talking on steps
Making a connection. 
PH888/Shutterstock

You probably already know that asking questions of the person you fancy is a good idea.

But it’s all about the kind of questions you ask.

According to a widely cited 1997 study by State University of New York psychologist Arthur Aron, people feel more closely bonded when they ask each other intimate questions, as in “What roles do love and affection play in your life?” and “What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?” 

Six months later, two of the participants (a tiny fraction of the original study group) even found themselves in love — an intriguing result, though not a significant one.

Men overestimate how interested women are.

facepalm
Fed up. 
jazbeck/Getty Images

Evidence from multiple studies supports the idea that, among heterosexual people, men tend to overperceive sexual interest from women, while women tend to underperceive sexual interest from men.

A 2014 study published in the journal Evolutionary Psychology surveyed hundreds of undergraduate students from Norway, which according to the UN is one of the world’s most “gender egalitarian nations.”

Researchers found more women had been subject to instances where men overperceive sexual interest from them than men. Young, single, and sexuality-fluid participants also experienced being over-sexualized more often.

The most attractive characteristics depend on gender.

jay beyonce
Beyonce and Jay-Z. 
Win McNamee / Getty

According to a 2011 study led by University of British Columbia psychologist Jessica Tracy, heterosexual men and women diverge greatly in the facial expressions they fancy.

After showing 1,041 people images of different facial expressions, Tracy found that:

• Happiness was the most attractive female expression, but one of the least attractive for men.
• Pride was the most attractive male expression, but one of the least attractive for women.
• Interestingly, an expression of shame was relatively attractive on both men and women.

Flirting can enhance your attraction.

woman flirting
Talking in a coffee shop. 
Ranta Images / Shutterstock

University of New Mexico evolutionary psychologist Steven W. Gangestad told Psychology Today in 2016 that flirting is a “negotiation process” that happens after the first moments of attraction.

It’s a subtle sort of testing the waters. You don’t just say, “I’m attracted to you; are you attracted to me?”

“It works much better to reveal [your attraction] and have it revealed to you in smaller doses,” Gangestad said. “The flirting then becomes something that enhances the attraction.”

It’s not about being the most attractive person in the room.

Aishwarya Rai
Aishwarya Rai. 
Reuters

It’s about signaling that you’re available.

According to research from Webster University psychologist Monica Moore (who studied people’s flirting behavior at singles bars, shopping malls, and other places where young people meet), women who smiled and made eye contact with others were more likely to be approached than those who were simply good looking.

There may be five main styles of flirting.

millennials dating apps
A couple talking. 
Shannon Fagan/Getty Images

When it comes to flirting, everyone’s got a different M.O.

In 2010, Jeffrey A. Hall and Chong Xing published research that suggests there are five different styles of flirting. In 2015, they followed up on this research by breaking down each style into a series of verbal and nonverbal behaviors.

Here are some key behaviors of each type, as described by Susan Krauss Whitbourne on Psychology Today:

• Physical flirts tend to subtly touch the person they’re interested in.
• Traditional flirts believe men should make the first move.
• Sincere flirts get other people to open up to them.
• Playful flirts see the interaction as a game and may be using the flirtation as a means to another end.

The best flirters shift their strategy depending on context.

Gay couple same sex dating flirting
A couple at a restaurant. 
Fergus Coyle/Shutterstock

If you’re flirting with someone perceived as higher status than you, being more subtle will lead to more success, according to research.

A 2014 study conducted by University of Pennsylvania professors found flirters who can adjust how overtly they flirt will have the best success. “Presence of rivals, the potential for an advance to be considered inappropriate, or the higher social status of the receiver” are all situations where you’re better off being more subtle.

If successful, flirting can lead others to think you are also funny or creative, as well as attractive.

If you’re flirting on an app, there are some words that work better than others.

dating app
Looking at a dating app. 
Shutterstock/Rawpixel.com

Compliments over text go a long way, dating website Plenty of Fish finds.

The website analyzed 60,000 messages on dating apps to find the words that got the best responses. For men, calling a woman “beautiful” led to a conversation 20% of the time. Women messaging men first receive responses less often, but using the word “nice” works best.

Flirting could be all about biology.

couple bed sex unhappy
A couple. 
Vasiliy Koval / Shutterstock

Flirting may have less to do with words or body language, and more to do with biology.

Scientists have long speculated on how pheromones, or chemicals released by your body that have an impact on people around you, contribute to physical attraction. A 2011 study out of Florida State University found men who were exposed to pheromones released by ovulating women were more likely to drink alcohol and flirt with women.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy the book, Phicklephilly now available on Amazon!

Listen to Phicklephilly LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly       Facebook: phicklephilly     Twitter: @phicklephilly

How to Get Women to Approach You

Since #MeToo a lot of men have asked me how they’re supposed to flirt with women when every first move might be interpreted as harassment. I tell them to sit tight. Men should be nervous about approaching women, but that doesn’t mean you can’t take steps to make them feel more comfortable approaching you by looking as normal and inoffensive as possible.

Like my friend Rob (not his real name).

As soon as we walk into a bar—or a Sweetgreen, or an elevator, or a CVS—the attention of the women in the room shifts, subtly, to Rob. Eyes leave conversations to dart his way. Hair is tossed. Bodies twist ever so slightly toward him in their chairs, like sunflowers. It’s like the moment in World War Z before all the zombies start climbing one another to get over the wall to where the humans are hiding. I usually lose him in a CGI anthill of women after about half an hour. But he hardly has to do anything at all.

Rob is attractive—in a down-the-middle way, like the grown-up version of the most popular guy in high school if he hadn’t let himself go in college—but more than that, he’s extremely approachable. He manages to convey that he’s single, straight, and friendly through what he wears, how he acts, and even how he stands. I studied Rob for months until I had cataloged his charms. Then I called a summit of women to help me assemble a guide to approachability. These are our findings.

STEP 1: Dress Down—But Not Casual

When I suggested to Rob that he dresses “for women,” he agreed, with one qualification: “I dress to be comfortable,” he told me. I’d argue that dressing for comfort and dressing for women are the same thing. So would my friends.

I studied Rob for months until I had cataloged his charms. Then I called a summit of women.

“I’d also probably feel more confident walking up to a guy who’s dressed more casually. Fancy businessmen can be intimidating,” said Kaila, 29. “I’ve also used an interesting piece of clothing as a means of hitting on guys. It’s an easy conversation starter.” Break out those novelty tees, gentlemen.

Shannon, 29, suggested that men’s clothes should be “comfortable but also fresh” and pointed to comedian Hasan Minhaj as a reference. I’d never investigated Minhaj’s sartorial choices, but a quick Google search revealed some spooky similarities to Rob’s (cue X-Files theme). Both men dress down, but upscale down: They often wear white sneakers, but the sneaks are very clean; they generally wear jeans, with a T-shirt or sweater, but everything fits well and is in good condition—no wrinkles, stains, or holes. Their clothes are unintimidating, but not frumpy.

STEP 2: Bring a Buddy . . .

Having a friend or two around also makes you look less like a murderer. (Although, Shannon pointed out, a man who is “comfortably alone,” reading or somehow occupying himself, is very approachable.)

“If a guy is around a bunch of guys, it’s a good sign that he has friends and isn’t just prowling around a bar like a weirdo,” said Sophia, 26, adding that she’ll usually wait for a guy to separate from the herd—by taking a solo trip to the bar, for example—before she approaches. “I’m not going to talk to four guys when I just want to talk to one.”

The smaller your group, the more approachable you’ll be. “If it’s just him and a buddy, I’d probably be more likely to chat him up than if he’s in a large group of guys,” Eliza, 32, agreed, “especially if there are women in the group.”

STEP 3: . . . But Not a Lady Buddy

Rolling with female friends definitely makes other men jealous, but it also makes women less likely to approach you: We have no way of knowing whether that beautiful woman to your left is your friend or your girlfriend, and we’re not going to risk her wrath by shooting our shot.

STEP 4: Make Yourself Physically Available

As a little woman, if I’m going to approach a man, I have to see a clear path to him. My worst fear is that I’ll try to break into a phalanx of men to talk to one and none of them will hear me, so I’ll have to say “hey” progressively louder until I shout “hey” so loudly that the whole bar goes quiet and looks at me.

Nobody wants to talk to the brooding bad boy in a bar.

“I don’t want to have to come up from behind and awkwardly tap someone on the shoulder,” Kaila said. It can feel like “Hello, it’s me. Short lady. Down here. I swear I’m an adult.” Leave some space between you and your friends, and only sit down if there’s an open seat next to yours.

STEP 5: Don’t Be Sad

Women like the brooding bad boy onscreen (call me, Marlon Brando circa 1951), but nobody wants to talk to the brooding bad boy in a bar. Almost every woman polled in my grand summit of babes said she would not approach a man unless he was smiling a lot and having a good time—unless, in other words, he looked friendly and easily charmed.

Observe Rob: He begins to disseminate friendliness as soon as he walks into a bar. He jokes with the bouncer, he smiles at the bartender, and then he just sort of cases the room, beaming, for a minute. It puts everyone at ease. “I’m not approaching a guy who isn’t smiling. It just feels too dangerous to talk to a man who is serious, quiet, and trying to be cool,” Sophia said. “I’m not trying to get murdered.”

STEP 6: Remain Alert . . .

Use your friends to look less broody, but don’t get totally caught up in their chat. “One thing that has kept me from approaching a man is the feeling that I will be interrupting a conversation, or his enjoyment of whatever game he’s watching on the bar TV,” said Ashley, 29. “When I’ve approached men, it’s usually when they’re participating in a conversation but not engrossed in it, or when they’re watching something but also frequently checking in with what’s happening elsewhere in the room.”

“It just feels too dangerous to talk to a man who is serious, quiet, and trying to be cool.”

Women are very skilled at half participating: I’ve had many long, wonderful conversations with my female friends in which we all half-assedly throw in contributions every couple seconds while scoping the room. We may have arrived at a solution to world hunger during one of these discussions. We’ll never know. Nobody was paying attention.

STEP 7: . . . But Chill

While you’re having your half-assed but very enjoyable (smile!) conversation with your small group of wingfriends, be sure not to get too loud. In middle school, being loud and boisterous was a great way to signal confidence and get girls’ attention. In adulthood, being loud and boisterous suggests immaturity. It also suggests that you’re drunk. One of the cruel contradictions of flirting is that alcohol, which makes you feel comfortable approaching someone, also makes women less likely to approach you. So order a soda with bitters and sit tight. If you create the right impression (that you’re a nonmurderer with fun friends and clean clothes), the women will come.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Listen to Phicklephilly LIVE on Spotify!

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly

22 Signs a Married Man is Flirting with You

He is married, charismatic and matured. And these signs indicate that he is flirting with you.

We all know men flirt, but don’t we at times wonder why do married men flirt? Every time a man, who is married already with a family, flirts with a woman she feels lost. She struggles to diagnose his reason and nature of attention. Is he unhappy? Is she provocative? Is it the chase or she simply looks easy to land in bed with? Is he genuine? While every human loves attention, when it comes to married men being very nice to members of opposite sex, it could mean something else. There is a thin line between him being nice and helpful to you, and flirting with you in a way that you don’t even realize being carried away.

Why complicate your life by becoming involved with a married man? He is already committed to another person and has made a promise to love his wife forever. But now he is breaking the promise by showing interest in you. He is lying to his spouse and breaching her trust. Don’t you think he will repeat the same behavior when he is in a relationship with you in the future? Think about all this carefully before reciprocating.

This married man flirting with you could be anyone in your life: he might be your work colleague or boss; he might be your neighbor or the parent of the kids you tutor. No matter how much attention he gives, you have to stand firmly and avoid getting trapped in this tricky relation. Knowing whether the married man is flirting or just being nice will help you understand how to deal with him and how to act around him.

Why do married men flirt?

For a majority of married men, flirting is just a pastime – more to feed their desire of being wanted. In any way, flirting is always an indication of a dishonest behavior, shaking the very foundation of a committed married life. Married men flirt for diverse reasons, and not always to have sex. They just want to see how attractive they are even after marriage. They want to boost their self-esteem and confidence. Some of them might be bored of their present married life, so they want variety and spice in their life. Some may want sex, while some may just flirt harmlessly to gain attention and be popular among the women. However, there might be a few married men who genuinely get attracted to another girl and flirt to develop a relationship with her.

man flirting

How to tell if a married man is attracted to you?

It is essential that you be sure of the fact that the married man is attracted to you. So that with this piece of information, you will be able to decide wisely whether you want to actually develop a relationship with him or set a limit to the interaction you have with him. The choice is ultimately up to you.

Sometimes married men just flirt with single women without crossing the line to infidelity. When it comes to flirting, actions speak louder than words. Here are certain flirting body language signs which you can look for to know what is actually going on in his mind and heart.

  • He will stare at you most of the time, hold your gaze and even look embarrassed if you notice him staring at you
  • Whenever he talks to you or vice versa, his body will be turned towards you
  • He may position himself in such a way that he looks taller than you and you get the impression of him being stronger
  • The married man will keep fidgeting unconsciously or consciously, when he is talking to you
  • He will always maintain eye contact with you
  • He may touch his hair and blink more when talking to you. In a group setting, he may fix his gaze on you again and again indicating his interest
  • He will always try to touch you to show his affection
  • The married man might also try to mirror every move that you make

These are just a few of the body language signs which might help you. However, if you are interested in other signs then please read on.

22 signs married man is flirting with you

Married men often know how to charm other women, even though their wives keep on cribbing for their attention. So how do you know and differentiate between someone nice and someone looking for an opportunity? Getting to know about the true intentions of a married man will allow you to escape a complicated relation and explore other eligible options out there. Therefore, pay heed to the following 22 signs a married man likes you more than a friend, so that appropriate action can be taken.

1. He will make excuses to be around you

Even if he has nothing to do with you, he will just try to spend as much time around you as possible. It could be helping you, or taking help from you. He may befriend your friends so that he can get into your inner circle.

2. He will always initiate conversations with you

You will notice he always talks to you politely, asking you how the day is going and what your plans are for the weekend. Married men often initiate conversations, as it is the only way in which they will get to flirt with you and know you better.

3. He will get too personal while talking to you

If a married man talks to you about your interests, family, etc. in general as a courtesy, then it is okay. But if he gets overtly interested in your personal life, then you can predict that he is interested in you.

man saying in ears

4. Your dating life will become his topic of interest

On a regular basis, he will try to ask about your dating life and whether you like anyone or not. If you have a boyfriend then he will probably be interested in how you two spend time together and so on.

5. He will compliment you frequently

A married man who is flirting with you will make it a point to praise you as and when possible. He will keep complimenting your smile, your dressing style, and your personality, etc. just to make you happy.

6. He will be humorous around you

His jokes will be aimed at making you laugh so that you are charmed by him. These jokes will be personal and you will get an idea that he is trying to flirt with you using those jokes.

7. He will laugh and attentively listen to what you have to say

There will always be a smile on his face while talking to you and he will be really attentive while listening to you. This shows that he genuinely is interested in you.

8. Texting you on a daily basis will become his habit

He will text you to know what you are doing, where you are and when will you meet him. Also he might send texts with hidden messages of love for you.

9. Your social media profile will be flooded with his comments and likes

Through comments and likes on your photos and posts on social media websites, the married man will try to subtly flirt with you so that others do not notice it.

10. He will keep gifting you things

The office flirting married man might give you a specially customized pen or key chain, anything to show you that he is thinking about you.

man giving gifts

11. He will never wear his ring when you are around

Whenever he meets, you will notice that his wedding ring is gone. By not wearing his ring when you are around, he is actually inviting you to develop a relationship with him.

12. He will change his attitude towards you in front of his wife

In front of his better half, he will act distant and show less warmth towards you. He will change the tone of his voice as well, so that his wife does not catch him flirting with you.

13. The married man will keep inviting you for dinners and luncheons

In this way, he will make sure that he can keep in touch with you and have you around him at all times. He will even suggest taking you out for lunch, snacks or dinner as and when you have free time.

14. He will value your likes and dislikes

Through his conversations with you, he will try to know your likes and dislikes. After that, he will present himself in such a way that he becomes compatible with you.

15. He will get jealous pretty easily

Since he is married and not able to commit to you openly, he will get extremely jealous if anyone else approaches you romantically.

16. Complains about his married life in front of you

If the married man happens to sulk over his married life and tells you about all his married life issues then it means he likes you.

17. His behavior is different when he is alone with you and when he is in public

Publicly, he will act all professional and cool with you. But privately when he meets you when you are alone, he will try to be touchy-feely and extra sweet.

18. He will keep checking you out

Whether you are available for a relationship or not, the married man who wants to flirt with you will keep checking you out and stare at you when you are not looking.

19. He will make you run errands for him

Just the thought of you doing something for him will give him enough satisfaction. He will ask you for favors in such a charming way that you will not be able to refuse.

20. He will try to impress you with his looks

Obviously, the married man knows that his competitors are the single eligible bachelors in the dating world. So he will keep trying to impress you with his looks and outward appearance.

21. He will get nervous around you most of the time

As he wants to avoid doing or saying something that might upset you, he will be very careful and nervous around you. He will take utmost care to avoid any talks about his family when you are around.

22. To a certain extent you will not be comfortable around him

As a girl, you will understand when he is trying to flirt with you. A sense of uneasiness may set in and you may not find his presence around pleasing. So, visibly you will not be comfortable around him.

How to handle a married man flirting with you?

Having a relationship with a married man will leave you all alone and devastated in the long run, especially if he fails to commit to you. Therefore, avoid getting involved with a married man. Once you notice the signs, keep your distance and act accordingly. If possible, have a chat with him and let him know clearly that you are not interested. It will be embarrassing and awkward, but it is a conversation you cannot avoid.

On the other hand, if you have feelings for him as well, then tell him you are not ready to be the second woman in his life. After that, wait for his actions; if he genuinely likes you, he might end his relationship for you. But ask yourself this – do you really want to break a family which has been together for years? We are sure you do not want that. However, if things really do not work out between the married man and his wife and they get a divorce, then you can think about him.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

Flirting While in a Committed Relationship: What You Need to Know

Part of being human is the need for attention, but is flirting while in a committed relationship a breach of trust, or simply a bit of fun?

No matter how you look at it, flirting while in a committed relationship is always a touchy subject – is it acceptable, or frowned upon? Can you actually define it? Or gasp, can you honestly completely avoid it or walk through life with your horse blinders on, in a world where there are a million ways to reach out and bat your eye at someone?

Picture the scene, you’re sat at a cafe with your friends, chatting and drinking coffee and suddenly someone tells you that they saw your partner flirting with someone else whilst out around town a few nights ago.

How would you feel?

Shocked, upset, betrayed?

All of those emotions would be completely right on the money, but if nothing actually happened, and it was simple flirtation, would it be wrong?

Welcome to a huge grey area!

Flirting while in a committed relationship – Wading through the grey area

Flirting while in a committed relationship is fine in some people’s eyes and totally off limits in others. Personally, I wouldn’t like it if my partner was flirting up a storm with someone else, whether they meant to do it or not. The problem is, what you might consider to be flirting, they might simply consider friendly joking. There are so many fine lines here and so many of them are different shades of red.

A story of not being right, and not being wrong

This happened to a friend of mine a short while ago and I actually witnessed the apparent flirtation. ‘Apparent’ isn’t actually the right word to use, because there was nothing apparent about it, it was as clear as day. I had a friend with me at the time and we agonized over what to do – should we tell our friend that her boyfriend had been flirting up a storm, or should we just let it go?

This actually caused a heated debate between the two of us, because I felt it was wrong to flirt the way he did, but she felt it was nothing to become that upset about, because it clearly had no intention behind it.

My argument was this – how can you tell if flirting has an intention behind it or not? You’re not in that person’s head, you can only judge the situation based on what you see and hear.

In the end, we told her. I just couldn’t not tell my friend, and do you know what her reaction was? She wasn’t bothered. She said that she knew her boyfriend was quite the flirt and she’d actually been sat with him in the past when he’d done it; apparently he doesn’t even realize he’s being flirty, he thinks he’s being friendly.

That wouldn’t have done for me, but then again, we’re all different.

What’s your take on this?

You see, the way I always look at things is to ask how I would feel if it happened to me. Before I do anything, most of the time, I think ‘if this was the other way around, how would I feel?’ That normally tells me whether what I’m doing is okay in my eyes or not.

You could argue that flirting is healthy, because it is fun, and we’re told to have as much fun in life as possible. My argument is if that’s the case, why can’t you flirt with your partner? That would still be fun!

As you can probably tell by my stand on this, I think flirting while in a committed relationship is a huge no. Am I right? I’m right in my eyes, but I don’t pretend to be the world’s last decision on rights and wrongs!

A personal choice of flirting

The best way to approach this is to figure out where you stand on it yourself. You have to live your life by your own ideas and values. Take my friend for example, she flirts whilst she’s at work, in a predominantly male environment, and she doesn’t think she’s doing anything wrong, because she loves her partner. Clearly her partner does the same, and they’re both okay with it. It works for them.

That’s great for them. Would it work for you?

Why do we need to flirt with other people?

I did a straw poll of my friends on this subject, both male and female, and they came up with these suggestions.

– Flirting while in a committed relationship can stop things getting stale and boosts excitement.

– It can stop one partner *or both* from feeling trapped in a long-term relationship.

– It gives an ego boost and makes them feel good about themselves.

– When you do it, it can keep your partner on his or her toes.

Do you agree with those reasons? I have to admit that I’m a little on the fence, if I’m honest.

Do you need a third person to excite you?

Firstly, I totally understand that in a long-term relationship things can get a little same old, same old on occasion, but surely you should be boosting excitement together, and not apart? There are plenty of ways to stop things from getting a little stale – have you not seen Fifty Shades of Grey?!

Secondly, are you supposed to feel trapped in a relationship? I personally think if you feel trapped there’s something a little wrong going on. I get that you might need an ego boost on occasion, I do, but I tend to do that by buying a new dress, rather than heading off to flirt with the nearest single male. Finally, you want to flirt with someone else to keep your partner on their toes? Seriously?! I can think of far better ways.

There are many who think that flirting is part of a healthy life and that it bears no reflection on the state of their long-term relationship. Maybe that is true, but would the flirting partner feel the same if their boyfriend or girlfriend was doing it too?

I’m inclined to think not.

The jury is out – Here’s what I think

Whether or not you deem flirting while in a committed relationship to be totally fine or a big red cross, that’s really a personal deal. I think that is the best way to address the issue. What we do need to talk about however is whether your partner feels the same about your standpoint.

For instance, maybe you see no issue with it, but maybe your partner is deeply hurt by it. In that case, it doesn’t make it right, does it? The best way to address this now is to make sure that you’re both on the same page. If you both feel the same about a little harmless flirting every now and again, well, who am I to judge? That’s fine, because you’re not hurting anyone and you’re both aware that it means nothing.

The big problem hits when one partner thinks it’s fine and the other doesn’t. If they continue to do it knowing that it hurts their partner, that’s a major, major red line. If they do it because they don’t know that their partner doesn’t like it, that’s a communication issue that needs to be fixed.

Maybe the answer to all of this is a need to sit down and actually talk to each other.

What’s the intention behind the flirting?

The other issue is how you can judge an intention. I totally get that innocent flirting without an intention to take it further and with no attached feelings whatsoever, no attraction or anything, is just that, pretty innocent flirting.

But, how do you know that is the case? Does the other person *the flirtee, if you will* know that’s the case? Or, more likely, do they think this guy or girl likes them and perhaps they’re onto something? In that case, surely another person is going to get dragged into the whole mess and will end up getting hurt too. All because you needed an ego boost.

Can you see how messy this might become?

Maybe it all comes down to what you deem flirting to be. A flirty wink, a brush of the arm *accidental, of course*, or a quick suggestive remark as a one off, is probably fine. But, repeated flirting with the same person? For me, that’s more than flirting and that has an intention of some kind behind it.

Flirting while in a committed relationship is certainly an area for debate which is likely to run and run. The only way to really answer the question is to focus on how it feels to you. Only then can you really the answer the question of whether it is a yes or a no.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly

Sun Stories: Olivia – Flirt – Part II

Another tale of one man’s journey navigating his way through the dating scene in Philadelphia.

From time to time over the summer, Olivia would come in and chat a little bit before her sessions and it was a small slice of paradise for me. Don’t get me wrong, there are dozens of women that come in the spa every day that are really good talent. But there is just something about a small percentage of them that just light me up. I think what it comes down to is, they are obviously attractive but there is something else. They have to be a little engaging. We have hundreds of active clients right now, and I would say under 20 really do it for us. Olivia would talk about her life a little and how she is dating some guy but it’s not working out. (Me, so happy when I hear that!)

One day a former colleague of mine was in town to meet me for lunch. After lunch he wanted to go to the spa. Yes, the same one where I work part-time. We get there and the waiting room is packed. The Temple girls are all going back to school, so they are all back for their treatments. He grabs the last seat and I’m just standing there surrounded by all of these women sitting around waiting. Who walks in but Olivia. She walks right up to me and hugs me. “Where have you been all of my life.” I swear she said that. We’re chatting and to me everyone in the room disappeared. I saw only her. The loveseat opened up when a few of the girls were being waited on, and Achilles from behind the counter says “Will you two sit down!” We laugh and she says “Yes Dad!” And I say, “Dad, you’re embarrassing me!” We takes a seat and she’s telling me about school, and work and stuff, and I’m loving it. This is the high point of the day. She tells me she is working this Friday, and says I should come up and visit her. She says she’s hostessing so she’ll be able to chat all night. I tell her I’ll see. She goes tanning, then off to work.

Of course I don’t go. After working at the spa until 8pm and then cleaning up, I’m ready to just go home and have a drink, and watch Netflix. I’m not getting on the train and going all the way up to Fishtown at 9pm. Not happening.

A week passes and it’s the next Friday, and who comes strolling in at 7:30. Olivia. She looks amazing as always. The great thing is, it’s dead on Friday nights and we can chat. The first thing she says is, “Somebody was supposed to come visit me last week and never did.” I apologized and explained why and she was fine with it. Her phone died and I told her I had a charger. She comes around the counter to plug-in and starts showing me all of these pictures of her family. Of course they are all Aryan greatness, and she tells me everyone has blue eyes. It’s a big family. I think like 5 kids! All good-looking. I’m looking at her beautiful face right next to me and her lashes are so long, and I simply adore her. I’m mesmerized by her beauty.

She glances past me at the other computer and asks what that is on the screen. I was working on phicklephilly on the other unit. I admit that I write this blog about people I meet in Philadelphia. She inquires deeper, and I admit that it’s about all of the women I have met in the last 10 years. She says she wants to read it and I should send her the link. I’m completely under her power at this point, but see a wonderful opportunity. I tell her I can’t do that because I don’t have any of her contact info. I give her my phone and she writes her name with some emojis next to it. A smiling sun, cherries, and a bomb. I don’t know what any of this means, but I don’t care because I am so happy. I now have her contact info. I tell her that if we meet up outside of here, I will have to write about it. I think she likes the idea of the attention. I tell her I change all of the names and use stock photos for the pics on each post. She says I should use her real picture, and I tell her I’ll think about it. She actually uses the words “Text me and we’ll go out on a date.” At that moment I was so excited, I wish I could have tied my belt around my head so that it didn’t explode like that dude in the movie, Scanners.

Ha ha ha! Yeah!!!!

Of course I say: “Are you sure? Like brunch or meet for a drink?” She says, yes. This is all very surreal, but I am overcome with euphoria. I tell her I’ll keep and eye on her phone and she goes back for her session. When she comes out she hugs me and says to reach out to her. I give her the phone, which she nearly forgot. Then off she goes into the night.

I’m super happy at this point. So as I’m closing up and settling the register, I put on some triumphant music.

The next night around 1:30am, my phone rings and it’s her. But I’m asleep! The next morning I see that she called, and there is a voicemail! I can’t imagine my luck. I wonder what she will say? I play the message and it is two and a half minutes of muffled static.

Later, I get this text: “OMGOSH I butt dialed you by accident!! I did it to like a bunch of people bc my phone was in my back pocket at work haha oops!”

I waited a few hours (because that’s the cool thing to do so it looks like you have a life)

Then I responded: “Blame your butt all you want. You know you wanted to call me! ha ha”

Crickets.

Sigh…

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly