How to Avoid the Friend Zone and Make Her Desire You

Afraid you’ll end up being just a friend with the girl you like? Use these tips on how to avoid the friend zone if you want to get into her pants.

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The friend zone is a tricky place to fall in.

You may be trying hard to get close to a girl, close enough to tell her that you like her, but one fine day she turns around and tells you that you’re such a great friend, or worse, you’re just like a brother to her.

Ever been there?

I hope you haven’t.

Guys find themselves falling into the friend zone almost all the time.

It’s frustrating and demeaning, and at times, inevitable.

You may get really close to a girl with all the hopes of getting into her pants, but somewhere along the way, you may have taken a few detours that led you right into the friend zone.

What is a friend zone?

A friend zone is a happy place for a girl. It’s a place where she and a guy can sit together and talk about anything and get real friendly with each other.

For a guy, a friend zone is the worst place to be in, especially when he likes the girl who behaves like a friend.

In a friend zone, the two involved friends of the opposite sex are just friends and nothing more. They project no sexual interest towards each other and behave in a completely platonic manner.

But can any guy ever be friends with a girl he finds sexually attractive? Or course not. He can try to be a friend with the hope of getting an occasional cuddle or a warm boob pressing hug now and then, but he’s always going to be just be a friend while she dates every other guy in the yearbook.

How do guys end up falling into the friend zone?

A guy falls into a friend zone for very obvious reasons. He behaves like a friend. And he never lets the girl know that he has more than friendly intentions on his mind.

And soon enough, the girl loses all realization of the fact that this guy has a package down there. And he just becomes another sexless thing she hangs out with all the time as a platonic friend.

So why do some guys end up as friends instead of boyfriends or sex buddies? Here’s why.

#1 They get too close. Getting too close to a girl on platonic grounds will never help you. You may assume that it’s the easiest way to get a girl to know you better. She’ll definitely get to know you better, but only as a friend.

#2 No sexual chemistry. If a guy likes a girl, he has to make it subtly obvious that he’s sexually interested in her. If a guy behaves like a pushover and a doormat, no girl will feel even a tingle of sexual chemistry.

#3 The girl’s not attracted to the guy. This sucks, but this is the most common scenario. The guy’s probably creepy, annoying or just not good enough to be her boyfriend.

#4 The guy thinks she’s too good for him. At times, a guy may genuinely believe that the girl he likes is way too good for him. And instead of hitting on her, he secretly lusts for her, but gives up on pursuing her. Could you ever live with yourself by just being the friend of a sexy girl who dates every other guy but you?

#5 He plays the true friend card. It works in the movies all the time. The girl has a best friend who’s always there for her. She goes ahead and dates every single guy in the world, and finally, at the end of the movie she sees her true love in the form of her best friend. How touching! And that’s why they call it the movies. In real life, you can’t become a girl’s boyfriend just by behaving like a best friend.

How to avoid getting into the friend zone

It’s really easy to avoid the friend zone. All you need to do is drop a few hints now and then to let her know that you’re really into her. Use these easy tips to get the message across and get her to desire you while you’re at it.

#1 Be a friend without behaving like her other friends. Don’t talk nonsense for hours or spend time talking about her problems in life. Talk about places she visits, movies she’s watched, and her plans for the weekend. Talk date talk and she’ll sense the chemistry in the air.

#2 Try to talk to her when she’s alone. If her other friends are around, talk to her if you must or just avoid her. You can’t really hit on a girl when she’s surrounded by a bevy of friends.

But when you find her alone, make sure you turn on your charm and impress her. See her alone? Chat her up. And if one of her friends come by, grumble audibly in a funny manner and say something like “just when I thought I was going to get some alone time with you, this guy pops up out of nowhere!” and just laugh. She’ll be confused and wonder if you’re being serious or just joking.

But she’ll get the hint that you like spending time with her alone. Make it obvious that you like spending time with her in whatever way possible, but don’t ask her out or tell her you like her just yet.

#3 Compliment her when she deserves it. Flatter her pants off. If she looks good, tell her she looks hot. If you see a hint of cleavage and she catches you staring, just laugh, apologize and tell it you couldn’t resist it. Add a few funny sexual remarks and you’ll never get into the friend zone.

#4 Touch her and treat her like your girlfriend. But do it respectfully though. Clasp her hand while crossing the street and open doors for her when it’s just the both of you. Make her feel like a queen, and she’ll love the attention. But when her friends are around, don’t give her any preferential treatment. Let her realize that you’re special to her only when it’s just the two of you.

#5 Make her feel special and exclusive. Gift her something small and personal, but tell her to keep it a secret. When you create secrets, you build sexual chemistry and suspense which leads to romance.

#6 Ask her out and change the topic. When you’re talking to her for a while, ask her out for lunch or coffee. See how she responds. But within a second, change the topic. Don’t wait for her to answer. It’ll seem like a joke, but it’ll still make her wonder if you really do want to date her. Don’t make things awkward by waiting a while before saying something else. Keep it simple, keep it funny and yet reveal all the dirty thoughts in your mind, and change the topic immediately.

Wondering how to avoid the friend zone? Just understand these pointers and use these tips. You’ll never fall into the friend zone with any girl ever again.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

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Reasons Why You Can’t Find a Decent Girlfriend

Let’s say you’re a good guy who knows his way around women. But for some reason, dating doesn’t go too well for you. Maybe you have it all: good looks, charisma, a nice job, and the natural ability to be a gentleman. And still, pretty single girls seem to flee from you. There are several reasons why this happens. And not everything is your fault here.

Let’s say you’re a good guy who knows his way around women. But for some reason, dating doesn’t go too well for you. Maybe you have it all: good looks, charisma, a nice job, and the natural ability to be a gentleman. And still, pretty single girls seem to flee from you. There are several reasons why this happens. And not everything is your fault here.

1. You seek for girls in wrong places

I doubt that a woman who wants serious commitment will go to a club to find a husband. The same goes for Tinder and similar apps. Yes, of course, there are some rare cases when people just happen to be in a certain location, for example, with friends. But you still need to change the tactics and start finding people in places you like to be in. For example, why don’t you meet girls at theme parties, festivals, or friends meetings?

2. You come across as too serious

Maybe you are aimed for a serious relationship, marriage, and kids, but there is no need to share it during your first date (especially if you don’t know each other that well). Don’t be that desperate and clingy. Don’t take it too fast. First, you need to get to know each other, then you can think about starting a family. Girls are scared of guys who want to get married on a first date and talk about kids. Paradoxically, but not only guys are afraid of commitment.

3. You seem stuck up

Maybe you are so serious and self-conscious that you want to compensate it by looking tough and snappy. But all people see is you being conceited. One thing is knowing your coolness, but projecting it on other people by intimidating them is another thing. Make sure you don’t come across as too self-absorbed, try to be simpler.

4. You seem too perfect

Girls can be scared of you by proximity. When you look and act perfectly, they can be intimidated. Girls are just scared you will reveal all of their insecurities, and after all, you’ll break up. They want to start a relationship as equal players and see a normal human being with mild flaws. If you look unattainable she will feel unworthy of this relationship and back down.

5. Your career is less bright

Yes, these are the small things that don’t matter that much. But still, some women want a man to be the main breadwinner, staying by the side and not taking so much responsibility. This works both ways because often guys don’t like girls who are too successful.

6. You have a type

Don’t you have a feeling all of your exes are somewhat similar? Maybe they behave or look the same? If the answer is positive than I know what is your problem. You just have a type. It’s neither good nor bad. You’ll just be stuck in a neverending circle of patterns that won’t leave you for years until you decide to break it and find an unexpected type. Try to date a woman who isn’t your cup of tea. Maybe you didn’t pay attention or were too scared to approach this type of girl? It’s a chance to take a risk.

7. You don’t know how to talk to women

Maybe you are rich, successful, and handsome, but just don’t know how to approach a girl you like. You don’t know how to make a woman interested, how to behave during a date, which courtesy moves to choose, what to tell her, what gifts to give. And, most importantly, maybe you don’t know when it’s time to stop talking.

8. You haven’t found your destiny

Yes, maybe you just haven’t found a girl who’s meant for you. I believe that we all have a soul mate in this life, waiting for us. Maybe the Universe tries to keep you away from mistakes and wrong relationships, saving that dessert for last. Anyway, it’s worth waiting for it.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now on Amazon!

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13 Signs Your Ex Is Confused about Your Breakup: What About You?

Breakups aren’t easy. Usually, we end up more confused after the relationship. What do the signs your ex is confused mean for you and your relationship?

If your ex is telling you they want you back, don’t rush into it. You need to take a step back and see the signs your ex is confused. That way, you’ll know what to do next.

After my long term relationship *four years!*, it took me a while to get over my ex. Throughout the relationship, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be with him, and my emotions and self-esteem got the best of me. I didn’t think I could find someone who would love me the same way and make me feel happy, even though I knew my ex wasn’t the one for me. So, I stuck it out and stayed in the relationship.

But, eventually, it came to an end. Going through a breakup is really hard, and during the process, it makes you think about your ex in a different light. On the nights where you’re sad and lonely, you think about the good times you had—and it sucks you back in.

How to interpret the signs your ex is confused

My ex and I were off-and-on for a couple of months after the breakup. Even though we both knew the breakup must happen, you struggle with separating for good. This was someone you called your best friend; someone you shared laughs and memories with. I was definitely confused and highly emotional when wanting to go back to my ex.

And these emotions just made the breakup even harder for both of us. Don’t get played by emotions if it isn’t the right thing for you.

#1 What does your gut instinct say? When it comes to your gut instinct, your body knows when something isn’t right. If your ex gives you all the right words, but you feel something is off, then listen to your gut. If what they’re saying or doing isn’t making you feel good, then it’s not for you.

#2 They’re hot and cold. When you talk to them, they’ll be happy and flirty one day, and the next, moody and antisocial. They’re clearly confused with how they’re feeling about the breakup. They’re not sure what to do and struggling emotionally to make a decision.

#3 They mention how much they’ve invested in you. When you talk with them, they bring up how much they invested in the relationship. This could be seen as a positive, but also negative. If they feel they’re invested a lot, getting back together could be because they don’t want to waste what they put into the relationship.

#4 They’re angry. Anger is usually a common emotion after a breakup. If your ex feels indifference, then that’s a sign they’re over the relationship. But anger shows that they’re not over the breakup; they’re not over you. Although, it doesn’t mean you should get back together. 

#5 They don’t try to reconcile. It doesn’t matter who’s at fault for the breakup, the point is, they don’t push to reconcile. They won’t even bring up the reason why you broke up. If they’re not willing to work on reconciling the relationship, then they’re not ready to be in one. 

#6 They tell you they want you back. But when it comes to committing, they don’t jump right in. This is because they’re unsure about the relationship. They may tell you they want you back, but if they’re not ready to commit, they’re just confused.

#7 They make up reasons to talk to you. Your ex always has an excuse to talk to you. Even though they don’t directly bring up getting back together, they focus on talking about memories or things you like.

#8 They’re dating other people. Even though they’re casually dating others, how can they get back together with you at the same time? If they really wanted to be with you, they wouldn’t be dating other people too.

#9 You’re getting mixed messages. They’ll drop subtle hints about wanting to get back together with you, but then the next day they mention wanting to move on. And every day, it’s something different. The messages you get aren’t clear, if anything, you’re more confused now than you’ve ever been. Well, if you’re confused, they’re confused.

#10 They attempt to make you jealous. Your ex does their best to make you jealous, and sometimes it works. When you confront them on what they do, instead of taking action, they play games. See, they’re not really interested in getting back together with you; they just don’t want your attention to move from them to someone else.

#11 They keep communication open. When someone is ready to move on, they cut ties with their ex, at least, until they’ve moved on. But your ex still lingers around, liking your posts and chatting with you via text. They want to keep the line of communication open, just in case.

#12 They try to publicly humiliate you. When your ex tries to put you down in public, they’re hurting. This isn’t an excuse for their actions. All this shows you is their immaturity and they’re confused with their emotions.

They don’t know how to handle their emotions, so they put their anger onto you. If this happens, it’s a clear red flag.

#13 They tell you they’re confused. If you’ve confronted them about their actions, good for you! If you’re confused, talk to them about it and see how they feel. If they tell you they’re confused, you now know where they stand. And if they’re confused about their feelings for you, then they don’t want to be with you. They just don’t know how to move on.

Now that you know the signs your ex is confused, what do you think? Is your ex really confused or do they genuinely want to get back together with you?

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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Cherie – Sigh… Beyond Epilogue

So in the wake of the apparent going of Cherie, I am left with no alternative.

Am I sad that my relationship with Cherie has evaporated under the weight of a myriad of reasons?

Her obligations to her job at CHOP, her family, bills, son, health issues, school issues, her financial issues, etc.

All of these issues have factored into the collective demise of our relationship.

I take responsibility for this too. I work a million hours at two jobs now and I’m rarely available either.

Cherie had to get a babysitter and travel 40 miles down here to see me. That’s a hike and hard to do. I’ve never gone to see her where she lives, and it seems that our love affair was reduced to nothing more than booty calls and some movies and meals.

Going into this, I wore armor. I was never going to let what happened to me with crazy Annabelle ever happen to me again. (See: Annabelle)

If you don’t evolve, you die. I knew I could never let my desires ever rule my life again. I needed to be clear and understand that if I got into a relationship with anyone ever again, it had to be different.

I had to be different.

For the first time in my life I didn’t let my addiction to the drug of love rule the day.

I realized after Annabelle that I could never let anyone hurt me again in the way she so easily did with her folly.

I needed to learn and evolve beyond what happened and be ready to fall in love again, but make sure certain things were in place.

When I met Cherie, it was 2016. This blog was new, and I joined these dating apps to meet women to get back in the game. I went on so many dates, and tried to date age appropriate women, and it really failed.

It gave me content for the blog, but it felt like an exercise in buying dinner and drinks for people I didn’t have any passion for.

But I had to find my way back into the dating arena.

Did I want love? Well, I guess we all want that, but 4 years ago I felt that if I was writing a dating blog, I should not only cover it all, I should try to actually find a decent mate.

I felt that I found that with Cherie.

But I was still working on my old model for meeting and dating women. Cherie matched with me on Tinder. She was 26, fit, hot, single mom, good job, and ready to get her BS in neuroscience.

Our first date was amazing. But I was still doing the same thing. But this one had a few different parts.

All of the other ones wanted marriage and kids. Cherie had a son and didn’t want any more. I thought that was perfect. I get the young hot girl on the right side of 30 who doesn’t want what every other girl I’ve met in the last 15 years has wanted.

Cherie’s great. Any drama she had in her life she kept it away from me. I loved being with her and was honored she wanted to be with an old lion like me. She was fire in the bedroom and I loved when we were together.

I actually loved when we’d burn it down and then she was gone the next day.

I realized that after my marriage and all of my failed relationships that a girl who would love me and visit occasionally was perfect for me.

I had my work, my little social life, and my alone time. I only needed to be Led Zeppelin once or twice a month with Cherie.

Because of her school, work, child responsibilities, she couldn’t be around all the time and I loved that.

I remember my father saying, “I want a woman, but I want her when I want her.”

That sounds selfish, but I understand that now. I understand a lot of things as I get older.

It’s a relief to really know who you are at my age. So many men can’t do that. If they’re friends of mine, I’ll help them with that.

Or not…

So like I said before, I would walk through Rittenhouse with hot Cherie and think, “Wife” but I know that’s not true. It was just a feeling I had because I loved her and she was beautiful.

So pretty. Her brown thighs flexing and glowing in the afternoon sun.

But I can’t be in a relationship or ever be married.

The phicklephilly guy. The dating and relationship guru, can’t be caged and has no interest in any of that.

I’ll probably lose followers but I have to tell the truth.

I love the company of people in my life. I work so much. I get my energy from people. I’m so happy you’re all in my life, but I just don’t think I can be in a relationship.

It’s hard. All of the attention. The texting. The commitment. The time. All of the stuff. I’ve done it all… and I’m done.

Don’t worry, the blog isn’t finished. I love dating, and who knows? Maybe I’ll meet a girl who turns my head around.

I believe anything can happen and love is the strongest force in the galaxy.

I normally have an agenda when I write because there’s a story to be told, but tonight I just wanted to talk to somebody about what I’m going through.

I think I’m destined to be alone.

I’m fine with that.

Sadly. It’s over between Cherie and Me.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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How To Get A Boyfriend

Do you feel like you’ve been single forever? Do you feel like you scroll through social media and find yourself sad and envious of those in relationships, engaged, getting married, etc. and you feel stagnate in life? If you ever sit and think I want a boyfriend, you’ve come to the right place. Here are my top ten tips on how to get a boyfriend…

1.REMEMBER THAT BEING SINGLE IS OKAY

If you are frantically waiting for that special someone, you might be coming across as desperate and that is instantly off-putting to guys. Take some time to enjoy yourself, and remember why you are so amazing. If you love yourself you make it much easier for others to love you too.

2.THINK ABOUT WHO YOU WANT

Now you know who you are, think about what you want. Write down what is really important out of a mate and what can be negotiated. This will stop you settling for anything, and ensure that you look for people who you could actually have a future with!↓

3.SPREAD YOUR WINGS!

Join a club that you love, get involved in a sport, learn a new skill. Don’t join just because you expect to meet people, join to enjoy yourself, boost your confidence, and act as a distraction while you are waiting for Mr. Right!

4.BE CONFIDENT

Been checking out that guy for a while? Go and introduce yourself. No other way to stop saying I want a boyfriend than just go out and get one. It might be scary, but you’ll demonstrate confidence and self reliance which are both very attractive qualities!

5.GET TO KNOW THEM

Before you fall in love with every guy you meet, talk to them and see if they match your list. Look for similarities and differences and see how you get on together. Just because he matches your list verbatim doesn’t mean the chemistry is there. It’s important that you know the man himself so you know whether or not you need to readjust your list.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Listen to Phicklephilly LIVE on Spotify!

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly

Cherie Chapter 69 – I Don’t Know What to Do

“I don’t know what to do at this point so I don’t know what what to say to you.

“I know we’re both busy and you’re under a lot of pressure right now. But just know that I love you and I’ll provide you with all of the time and space you need. I’m patient. I love you, Cherie.

“I love you too but I honestly just don’t know what to say anymore.”

A week later…

“If you can take off I’d like you to come to my graduation next Friday at 9:30.

“What’s the date?”

“May 11″

Where is it being held?”

Liacouras Center.”

“And that’s at 9:30am?

“Yes”

Final transmission….

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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Cherie – Chapter 68 – So Here We Are

“I don’t know what to do at this point, so I don’t know what to say to you.”

As bad as things are between me and Cherie. This week of Phicklephilly is chock filled with fun, frolic, and frivolity!

Stay indoors!

And as my mom would say… Wash your damn hands!

Enjoy!

 

“I don’t know what to say at this point, so I don’t know what to say to you.”

This is the wrong response for Cherie. She has the opportunity to be mature and accept that we have chemistry. There is the distance factor. There is the extreme differences in our lives, ages, and lifestyles.

But we’re good together, but maybe the strain of her life and the stresses of being a parent and coupled with work and school, has become too much.

“I know we’re both busy and you’re under a lot of pressure right now. But just know that I love you and I’ll provide you all the time and space you need. I’m patient, Cherie. I love you.”

“I love you too, but I honestly just don’t know what to say anymore.”

I don’t understand this. How does an adult in a relationship have no words? This tells me something about my mate.

Then there’s this sudden reveal.

“If you can take off I’d like you to come to my graduation next Friday at 9:30.”

“What’s the date?”

“May 11.”

“Where’s it being held?”

“Liacouras Center.”

“And that’s at 9:30?”

“Yes.”

And then it’s just radio silence from there.

Should I go see her graduate from Temple with her BS in Psychology?

It hasn’t been going well. The sex is always amazing, but what else do we have? She’s beautiful and sweet but we’re in two different places in our lives.

Should I be proud that a 28 year old woman loves me and rocked my world and my bed? I am that the old horse still had some great races left in him, but do I want this?

When I started writing phicklephilly, it began as a tome about the crazy women and dates in my life. Then it grew into settling the relationships in my past. Then I started telling stories about my life and it felt so good. By writing about everything I settled everything in my mind and expressed it in my art.

It was incredibly liberating in a way I never suspected. It brought me a clarity and peace I had never experienced in my life.

I’ve enjoyed my time with all of these people and there’s so many more stories to come. My life is rich in history and I’m glad I’m making new exciting memories everyday. I truly am blessed with a life that’s fun to wake up to every day.

Two years ago I started writing a dating blog. It was about how fickle I am and how I fall in love every day. But that’s not true. I fall in love with being alive every day. To no longer cling to the bars of anxiety, depression, low self esteem, bad relationships, child support, debt, and all of the rest of the horrors of adult life for some us.

I live a simple and elegant life now in middle age. I don’t want anything.

We come from a dark and embarrassing past in this country. My current girlfriend (for the moment) is black. All of her ancestors came here as slaves.

At least they knew they were slaves.

Today we don’t even see that we’re all slaves.

We can’t live without our cell phones without having a panic attack. We have 20 different products that were once separate items we had to buy at Radio Shack in our cell phones now.

Social media is obnoxious and self absorbed. It’s all nonsense. Why do you need to see what I ate for lunch today or where I am on vacation?

None of it brings you joy. I know for a fact that all of this technology had dumbed down all of us as a culture.

People still call the salon and can’t find it. They’re calling me from the greatest piece of personal affordable technology homo sapiens have ever possessed and they still can’t find the place.

I come from an analog world and I’m proud of my mind. I work hard and came from a place where you never got a pat on the back or a trophy for participating. You failed and you felt the consequences of that failure. That’s evolution.

Now everybody’s so buried in their phones, they can barely communicate with the people around them of navigate their own lives, (Don’t even get me started on spatial awareness)

But I digress…

Once I started writing phicklephilly, I knew I had to start dating again. I needed content.

If you go back to the early posts you’ll see me struggling on shitty dates with sad leftovers.

I didn’t know. I tried the dating game, but at my age met a bunch of women that I didn’t really feel a spark for.

I met Cherie and all of that changed.

But it was because I was trying again. Like I did with Michelle, Annabelle, and others.

I’ve learned something along the way, and I think I’ve finally arrived at the elegant answer.

So many men never evolve and are stuck in their development. I know a couple that I haven’t cut off and it’s pathetic. You really need to come to know yourself as a man as you grow older. If you don’t you’re a fucking asshole.

No, you really are and you’ve squandered your life and those around you because they hate you or secretly hate you.

Here’s my revelation.

I absolutely adore women. I’m great at charming and courting women. I’m great at dating. I’m a gentleman, and know how to treat a lady to make her feel special. I’m a good father. I know that based on how Lorelei has turned out and my relationship with her.

But I like to be alone. I enjoy your company but I need my alone time. I’m not good at being a boyfriend or being in a relationship. I can’t do it.

I can write a dating blog, and dole out relationship advice but I can’t be in a relationship.

I want to be alone.

I realized that this last relationship worked because Cherie was never around.

Even my close friends said it was the perfect relationship for me because of my personality.

Cherie is young, beautiful and often unavailable. Me too. It was perfect. The sex was mind bending, and then I take her to breakfast and she’s off the property.

I tried to be married and be in relationships but I just don’t like it. I like to be free. To come and go as I wish with no ties.

When I’m with you, you’re the only person on Earth and I’ll give you a show you won’t forget, but I need you to go after a few hours.

Sorry. That’s me.

Not sorry. That’s Chaz.

I’ve found in middle-age I want to work. I love to work. Not in a shitty job where I make high 5 figures and am beholden to some asshole that is only there to justify his shitty existence, just to simply work.

I get my energy from people.

Picasso was found dead at 92 working on a sculpture. I want that in my 70’s! (If I make it)

My social life is so rich. I have so many wonderful people in my life that I do my best to squeeze in around my work. (Thank you one and all that you still want to spend time with me)

I was always prepared for Cherie to leave me. I established that on our very first date. I vowed to never fall into the dopamine induced stupor I fell into with Annabelle (See: Annabelle – Guy walks into a bar)

I have a friend that’s a workaholic. He’s a millionaire at 50 but he has squandered real living for really living. He’s my best friend and I love him, but he’s on his own journey. (See: Duncan)

I just what my simple happy life here in Philly.

I don’t know what’s going to happen with Cherie, but it looks like it’s dead.

I’ll have to see if I’m going to attend her graduation.

I’ve never met her family and I’m sure they’ll all be there. (Meet the old white guy)

I think the saddest thing about all of this after 60 plus chapters, is that I feel nothing.

I think her indifference killed it in the end. How she was chilly to me during our last two encounters.

Normally I’m sad for a long time after the demise of a relationship, but not this time. Maybe because I went into it with my eyes open and my dopamine in check.

 

I never flew too close to sun, but loved I her just the same.

 

 

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15 Things to Know Before Moving in With Your Boyfriend

Are you moving in with your boyfriend? Well, good for you! But here are a few things you need to keep in mind to have that perfect romantic start.

Moving in with your boyfriend can seem more like fun and less like a big life altering decision.

While moving in is fun, it’s also something you need to give a lot of thought.

So do you know if he’s a great guy?

Do you think both of you will have a perfect relationship after you move in?

Will you moving in lead to a proposal and babies soon?

The only way to really know for sure is to try it, right?

Moving in with your boyfriend

No relationship is the same, and when it comes to moving in too, no experience will ever be the same.

But there are a few things that are common while moving in together.

There are right moves. And then, there are a few wrong moves.

If you want to make sure that both of you set off on a perfectly romantic start after moving in together, here are a few things you need to talk about with your boyfriend, and ask yourself the real answers.

5 THINGS TO THINK ABOUT BEFORE MOVING IN

If you haven’t moved in just yet, give these pointers a deep thought. Sometimes, it’s the little things you overlook that can play the biggest part.

#1 Set ground rules. It may seem trivial and unnecessary, but it’ll save both of you from confusions and frustrations later. Setting clear ground rules can help both of you talk about faults and confusions without arguments. Unless you make rules, there’s no way to tell why the frustrations began in the first place.

#2 Be sure of your decision. Are you completely sure you want to move in with your boyfriend? Take time to decide about it and weigh all the options. It’s alright to feel confused as long as you’re excited about moving in together. Don’t let infatuation cloud your judgment though.

#3 Consider your independence. Moving in together is something that is inevitable when you’re in love. It can happen now or it can happen a few years down the lane. You may be in love with your sweetheart, but are you in the right frame of mind and have the intellectual maturity to give up on your own freedom just to share some bedroom space with your lover?

#4 How is your boyfriend really? Is he a great guy? Do you really see yourself walking down the aisle with him years from now? If your boyfriend’s gentle and considerate of your feelings, it’s a safe plunge. But if he’s domineering or wants things his way, ask yourself if he’s really the one for you.

#5 Can both of you take joint decisions? The decisions in the relationship have to be taken jointly no matter what. Both of you should agree on that before moving in. Everything from deciding on monthly expenses to hanging out with friends has to be taken jointly without arguments.

10 THINGS TO THINK ABOUT AFTER MOVING IN

Have you moved in already? It’s not too late. Here are a few more things you should consider to have a perfectly romantic relationship.

#1 Be prepared to see his not-so-nice side. All of us show off our good sides when we’re with someone. But it takes living with someone to see their real side. Your boyfriend may have a few flaws or differences from your behavior. It’s not weird. He’s just being himself.

#2 Split the household chores. Give this a serious thought even if it’s toe curling and awkward to talk about. Create a list of necessary chores and split the chores right down the middle unless one of you is willing to take on more responsibility. But unless there’s a real good reason to unfairly split the chores like one working partner and one homemaker, try to keep it balanced.

#3 Take time to settle in. Dating is very different from moving in together. When you move in, you’re practically living with each other 24/7. Accept the fact that the relationship can feel different at the beginning. He may have pampered you like a princess until now, but now that you’ve both moved in, he may expect you to be more handy and less like a damsel in distress.

#4 Talk about the differences. You and your boyfriend are not two peas in a pod. Both of you are two individuals with different wants and interests. So talk about your differences and lifestyle choices with your boyfriend. When you move in together, both of you have to make a few compromises, be it watching a favorite show on the television or deciding how many times to go out in a week.

#5 Learn to forgive. When you move in together, there are bound to be a few differences and misunderstandings at the beginning. You and your boyfriend have to take the pains to go out of your ways to help the other person feel comfortable in the new environment. And if mistakes do happen, learn to forgive.

#6 Always communicate. Talk about your feelings, it’s really the right thing to do after moving in together. Forgive those little mistakes, but talk about it with your boyfriend and let him know what’s on your mind. Misunderstandings are good, because they help your boyfriend understand you better. But conflicts just aren’t any help in the relationship. Avoid conflicts, but communicate each other’s thoughts.

#7 His friends and yours. Both of you have to avoid bringing friends over to your place often for a couple of weeks or months. Take time to understand each other and live with each other before bringing confusions and new people into the house.

#8 Avoid creating insecurities. You may be dating for a while, but moving in together is a fragile stage in the relationship. Can you stop calling or texting other guys late into the night if it makes your boyfriend uncomfortable? Sometimes, insecurities in a relationship increase when people move in together. It takes a few sacrifices, reassurances and communication to test the waters of moving in together.

#9 Talk about money. Talk about money, individual savings and expenditures. Some things are better left out in the open than brushed under the carpet. Moving in is like a little marriage experiment. It can help both of you experience the reality of marriage before taking the plunge.

#10 Be serious. Living together with your boyfriend is no joke, and it shouldn’t be taken lightly. It’s better to consider it seriously and live seriously than look at it as an easy way to spend more time with each other or have more sex. Making any mistakes here will only force both of you apart. Be serious about the relationship and work together as a couple instead of two individuals.

Moving in with your boyfriend is just like getting married, without the license. Keep these 15 tips in mind and your next step together will be a walk in the clouds. Get these wrong, and one of you could nip a perfect relationship in the bud.

 

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Cherie – Chapter 65 – Words and Feelings

“I feel like we’re getting lost.”

“I never feel lost but it seems you’ve lost interest in me. The last two times I’ve seen you you’ve been cold to me even though I’ve tried to be warm. It’s been hard to be with you when I saw you. I was doing all I could and you were cold. I tried to take you on dates (because I love dating you love!) but you were cold. If I could put this in basic terms… if you and I were making love on the regular, things would be better. When we’re together on a regular basis our relationship sings. But we’re both so busy with school and work it’s been killing our face time. Cherie, I love you. Since we shared an umbrella in the rain. Club Quarters. You’re my mate. I’m so happy with you in my life. I’m working my ass off and I don’t know what to do. I would be honored just to eat some tacos with my pretty baby. I miss you everyday. I love you. I hope you can hang in there with me dear.”

” I love you and miss you and I do enjoy our time together, but this distance with both of our schedules is killing me. I tried not to be cold but couldn’t because I’ve just been so annoyed that we’ve been apart and I’m not used to it and I don’t like it.”

“So when can I see you again Cherie?”

“I don’t know. I work Saturday.”

“Me too.”

“Yea. I don’t know then.”

 

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Cherie – Chapter 64 – Unsteady

It’s so hard now. But it’s not.

Cherie is incredibly frustrated sexually.

After her chilly behavior last time I saw her she’s warmed up to a boil.

I actually don’t like this behavior.

She’s pissed at me and is very reserved and then when we work it out she’s angry, frustrated and horny.

I can’t see her for two weeks and there’s nothing I can do about it. Why say it if there’s NOTHING I can do to satisfy you for two weeks?

It’s just nonsense.

We met up two weeks ago but she was on shark week and she won’t let this shark swim, because I would. I have never minded if a girl was a her period. If she was willing to be with me I was always happy to accommodate. Just low self-esteem and happy to have sex.

I’ve always been okay with the human condition and anomaly. I learned it early from my dad from all of the books he made me read.

I’m really fine with all human functionality no matter how gross. I’ve always adored women and I find no aspect of them gross. I embrace their strength to deal with the monthly aches and pains of sloughing off the walls of their uterus as another precious egg goes to waste.

Men have millions of sperm their whole life. Women on the other hand are born with a finite number of eggs and that’s it. That’s why the clock starts to chime in their late twenties. It’s just human nature.

I totally get it. That’s why my last three relationships ended.

They just needed to settle on some guys that were willing to commit to them for the rest of their lives and roll the dice of marriage and parenthood.

I’ve already been to that table in the casino of life and I lost big time. I won a beautiful daughter that I absolutely adore but it cost me a fortune in money and pain for decades. I will never go through it again.

 

I had taken her to the movies and did everything I could to warm her to me but she was chilly again.

She later texted me and apologized for being cold to me.

I’ve done all that I can to be sweet to her.

I called her and we spoke on the phone and I did everything to iron it out.

I think it worked, because we seemed to be back in gear again.

She was supposed to come down in two weeks. I knew what I needed to do to satisfy her and re-connect.

There were texts and sweet words. I knew we’d be fine if I could just get there and satisfy her.

Achilles called me Friday night and asked if I could work on my day off from 11 to 1pm. I checked with Cherie and she said she wouldn’t be down until 2pm so I told him yes. He had two new clients coming in for the gym so that would be great and we need that. I told him it would be fine. I’d see Cherie after that when she came down and make love to her like she was the last woman on Earth.

I’m texting Cherie and it’s all good.

But then she says the Saab is shaking. I don’t know what that means but it can’t be good.

She says she’s worried about the car and that it could be its end. That’s not good. But she says that she could possibly borrow her folks car and come down.

I’m fine with all of this and tell Achilles that I can stay the afternoon if he needs me on Saturday.

Achilles trained his new clients and it went well. But the best part was, for the first time in many months we got to just hang out. I worked until 3pm before I clocked out.

Cherie said she’d be down by 6:30.

So I basically spent the day with Achilles and we got to talk and have a fun day together. We’re remodeling the bathroom so we were focused on that. A father and son team came in and bought the two urinals we don’t need. They plugged the pipes and took the two units and cleaned up.

We want to clear the space and put a shower in there for the gym so it was perfect.

It felt like the old days just hanging with my friend and working at the salon on a Saturday during the busy season with nothing to do other than take good care of my beloved that night for a few hours.

I actually for the first time told him about Cherie. Normally we are pretty private about our romantic lives but I figured it was time.

He said it sounded like the perfect relationship for me.

Which it is.

A beautiful fit girl who’s so sweet and sexual and isn’t around all the time. I know that may seem alien to some of you, but I have so many failed relationships, this life with Cherie has been perfect for me. The very best.

Distance. Time. Lust. Satisfaction. Love. Distance. Distance. Time. I really love her and the dynamic.

What man wouldn’t want a hot young wanton woman to come see you and tear you to pieces and then leave? Then you can go back to your life of work and social life with out the trappings of the clingy relationship.

Even my female friends agree this is the perfect relationship for me.

I adore Cherie. She’s truly the apex of any woman I’ve ever know. But will it work long-term?

Probably not based on my past but I have to try. I’ve done everything I can to sustain this relationship but lately it’s been strained.

I get a text in the afternoon that her son’s father has bailed on spending time with him today.

That’s not good, but I really don’t know the full scope of the situation up there in Pottstown, 40 miles away.

I spend the whole day with Achilles and we actually have a great day just hanging and working at the salon together just like old times. I clocked out at 3 but continue to work for free until closing.

I’m just happy we can hang and work and chat.

I finally go home. I clean up the house and make everything fresh for the arrival of my love.

I text her.

“How are things going?”

“I’m ready to jump off a ledge these kids are making me lose my mind.”

“I thought you were coming down at 6:30.”

“OMG. no, I said I might be able to because of my kid. his dad canceled so I don’t have a babysitter.”

“Oh fuck. I’m sorry honey.”

“OMG it’s my fault WTF I’m an idiot.”

So I cracked open a bottle of Burnett’s and some club soda and watched Netflix.

*Sigh. I don’t know if Cherie and I are going to make it.

We both work so much I don’t know if this love can sustain itself.

I love her so…

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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