No, Nice Guys Don’t Finish Last. Here’s The Truth

“Nice guys finish last” is a phrase that has always made me feel a lot of negative emotions. Frustration comes to mind. Disgust. Exhaustion. Do women have a phrase like that? Do we say that, “Nice women finish last?” No way. That’s a very complex topic in and of itself since women have been told for centuries to just “be nice,” which really did hold us back, but we were told was a good thing. And now you have empowered, fabulous “nasty women” who make some gains due to it, but are also chastised for it. We don’t get this clean and convenient relationship with the word “nice” that men have. But I digress. I’m tired of men saying “nice guys finish last” and, quite frankly, I’ve never met one who said it that was really all that nice. Here’s the truth about that twisted idea.

Being nice for a reward isn’t nice

Often, when men say this, it’s because they were very nice to a woman for a long time, in the hopes that, in return, she’d sleep with them. Then she didn’t. She slept with someone else. And they complain it’s because they were “nice.” So, to be clear: doing something nice purely because you want something in return is not nice. That’s called being selfish.

Neither is being dishonest

Also, while we’re on the topic of being nice to a woman in the hopes that she’ll sleep with you, it’s dishonest. She believes you just want to be her friend because you’ve never stated otherwise, and all the while you have an agenda. You’re a guy who wants to sleep with her, in disguise of a man who doesn’t. You’re pretending to be happy in the friend zone. That’s dishonest, and that’s not nice.

I typically see men who will let women walk all over them—they’ll take the woman’s car to be washed while she has lunch with another man and dog sit for her while she goes on a trip with another man—and then they’ll say they didn’t get her because they were nice. What they were was a doormat and that’s a different category.

When men complain that they were so nice to a woman and got nothing return, it really angers me because nobody made them do that. They are grown*ss men with free will who don’t have to do anything for anybody that they don’t want to do. They have nobody but themselves to blame if they did a bunch of things they didn’t enjoy.

Your values should be for you

You know what’s really attractive? Sticking to your values because they matter to you and not because they may attract or impress someone else. When men are just nice in the hopes that women will take notice, that’s just sad. Does that mean they aren’t nice when women aren’t watching?

If she truly prefers jerks…

Sometimes, a man is correct in that the woman he is after just likes jerks. Okay. Fine. I can concede that sometimes women do like jerks. But to that “nice” guy I ask: so, um, why do you like women who like jerks? That really says something more about that guy than that woman.

But sometimes, that’s just your perception

The reality is that a lot of times when a guy loses out on a woman who chooses another guy, the “loser” makes himself feel better by just telling himself that the other guy is a jerk and the woman likes jerks. But, sometimes, that’s just his perception. The winner is often a nice guy, too.

What we really like is confidence

What “nice guys” mistake as cockiness is really just confidence. That’s what women tend to respond to in men. Some men who struggle to exhibit confidence have to tell themselves that confidence always equals cockiness in order to console themselves.

Confidence, combined with kindness

And, for the record, confident men can be kind. In fact, that’s the combination of traits we like the most. It’s not as simple as men breaking down into two categories of meek but nice men and confident jerks. Hybrids exist. Oh, and there are meek jerks, too.

Being assertive doesn’t= being a jerk

The story many “nice guys” lean on is that the guy who got the girl was pushy, while the nice guy was “polite and patient.” What really happened, often, is the guy who got the girl was just assertive. He let his intentions be known.

Sitting and waiting doesn’t make you nice

Sitting around, quietly waiting for someone to notice you and give you what you want without you ever having to ask for it doesn’t make you nice. It’s actually the opposite of that because, you’re setting others up to fail. A woman who might have said yes if you’d asked her out is now the devil in your eyes because she dated someone else. But you never asked her out.

In fact, it makes you a little pathetic

Truly, just sitting around hoping somebody hands you what you want without having to fight for it or ask for it makes a man rather pathetic. There seem to be a lot of self-proclaimed “nice guys” out there who, quite frankly, are just being pathetic. They’re sitting around feeling sorry for themselves.

Becoming resentful is so petty

Let’s not forget about the men who get fed up with being “nice” for so long that then they intentionally become jerks. Ugh. What a delusional, stupid, and misguided path.

Plenty of jerks finish last

There are jerks who finish last, by the way. Jerks finish last all of the time, because they’re jerks!

They just don’t sit around pitying themselves

You know what the jerks have over the “nice guys”? Well, at least they don’t sit around pitying themselves for not getting what they wanted. They just go out and try again.


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Why You Need To Stop Chasing That Hot-And-Cold Guy (And Get Him To Chase You, Instead)

How to handle that mixed-signals man.

A reader wonders if she should contact a guy who always runs hot and cold, and who recently dropped off the face of the planet.

“We’ve been close for about eight months. And yes, of course, he used to act hot and cold in those periods, but I was cool, that’s not a big deal for me. Until he starts getting busy and leaves me on read for two days. Then I send another text saying ‘Are you okay?’ — and he replies, saying he’s fine, just so busy at work, no apology. Now, three weeks have passed with no more texts.

I don’t know why, but I hope he’ll text me again. Should I just hold myself back and never text him again?”

Let me start by saying I’m sorry you’re going through this.

You didn’t say if you had an established, continuous relationship with this man, so I’ll assume that you didn’t, because normally there would be a breakup conversation or something when a serious relationship ends.

Here’s the thing: He is not pursuing you. You said that he’ll let your texts hang for two days before you reached out and asked if he was okay, which is chasing behavior on your part.

If you want any chance of being with him, you have to learn how to make him chase you instead.

What you’ve described is not the behavior of anyone who really likes you and deeply wants to talk to you.

To answer your question directly — yes, continue not to contact him. Perhaps forever. Let him do his thing and get out there and meet some new men.

By chasing him in the past, you have effectively taught him that you will make sure he doesn’t go anywhere if he chooses not to respond to you.

Now, he’s been gone for three weeks.

Three weeks is actually early days in the world of male disappearances. But you have to decide if you want to deal with trying to draw him closer to you by requiring him to actually date and court you, or if you want to set him loose, move on and find another guy who will be more attentive to you.

I understand why you have allowed him to act like this so far. But at this point, it sounds like you’ve fallen prey to the dreaded “fantasy relationship” where one person wants more and is encouraged when the guy gets in touch or even tosses out a vague “hey” — but he’s largely killing time or responding out of guilt.

If he seemed into you at some point, these crumbs are even worse, because research shows we’re more attracted to people whose feelings for us are unclear.

This man does seem like he was vaguely interested in you at some point. The problem is that “some point” has moved to a distant spot in the past.

This often happens when women over-contact a man in hopes that he’ll ask them out more — which always backfires, since trying to “win a man over” requires a lot of masculine conquering energy.

Feminine energy receives — so when you chase him, he isn’t able to give you his attention, time, and affection.​

To fall in love, men need to think about you and decide whether they want to see you.

Men fall in love when they give.

By being the one to regularly initiate contact with him and try to see him, you put yourself into the masculine role in your interactions — which appears to have turned him off.

Given that he has usually found the time to text you eventually, he probably will again…sometime. But given his actions so far, he’s largely ambivalent toward you. He doesn’t care too much about what happens with you one way or another.

Ambivalence is the kiss of death for romance.

The mystery has gone from the flirtation you shared because he knows he can count on you to be there waiting around like a doormat.

You said that the last time he popped up, he didn’t say “sorry” like he usually does. This tells me that he’s tossed you vague excuses about why he didn’t respond to you before — but now it’s only gotten worse since now he’s quit bothering to give you even a lukewarm “sorry” for falling off the face of the Earth.

You don’t have to give up completely on him, but since he has been rude in the past by not responding to you at all, you can learn how to make him chase you, instead. Let him make all the forward motion towards you if you want anything more than a casual text flirtation.

This means let him initiate all conversation, dates, and contact.

If he wants to talk to you, he will. If not, losing an ambivalent man is not a big loss.


Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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10 Things That Make a Man Fall Head Over Heels in Love With You

If you have stumbled upon this article, I assume you must already be falling hard and fast in love with a man.

Am I right?

If you are, then you might also be fervently praying for your love to get reciprocated. But Wait! How do you go about that?

Is it possible to make a man fall in love with you? You would be thrilled to know, but yes, you absolutely can.

You don’t have to be a psychology graduate to apply these psychological tricks in which you will basically put the idea of love into the subconscious mind of the person (yes! The one you are thinking of right now). Don’t get too excited already.

Patience; we will get to it but remember being original is the key. Don’t push things off the cliff. Apply these practical strategies, but do not overdo it or you might come off as a trickster. And you definitely don’t want these tips to backfire. Butts, boobs and all that is sexy, but there’s nothing that beats authenticity.

Once you get a grip on how the law of attraction works (and it doesn’t always work according to rules), you will be able to use it to your advantage.

Okay, let’s start.

How to make a man fall in love with you?

Here’s a 10 cheat-sheet on how to make a man catch feelings for you:

1. Eye contact

No doubt, you are transfixed on his charming smile and his wholesome face. You can’t have enough of him. And now you must be jumping with joy as all you have to do is eye-gaze at him. It’s not as easy and thrilling as it sounds as people often admit to finding it overwhelming to make eye contact with their love object.

Eye contact is a powerful way to stimulate love and affection. When two people look deeply, passionately into the eyes of each other their body produces a chemical called phenylethylamine that has been found to multiply the chances of making you fall in love.

Take about incredible scientific facts.

How does it work?

I am not asking you to sit across him and blankly stare into his eyes.

When you both are conversing, hold his gaze, for a few seconds. Bring about the empathetic look in your eyes like you are consciously present in the moment, completely engrossed in the conversation and is giving him the undivided attention he deserves. Give him the ‘thoughtful look’. Convey with your eyes that you care and are there for him.

This art is best applied with a number of other body languages (which we will discuss in the next point.)

2. Make use of body language to express yourself

Our bodies have the incredible power to subconsciously pick up very subtle stimuli from our surroundings which we are completely unaware of. These signs from your bodies convey and communicate messages with another person’s body. Visualize two bodies conveying secret messages without you having any clue.

How does it work?

When you are within his physical proximity, try to strike a conversation. While doing so, slightly lean forward if you are sitting across the table. Avoid stooping too low or behaving overtly seductively. Some people find it offending.

Gather your hair and set it to one side, exposing the tenderness of your neck. Pull back your sleeves and expose that wrist.

If you happen to sit beside him, make sure you slightly turn your body, pointing your feet towards his direction. Sit physically close to him, but take care not to make it look desperate.

This way you are intentionally displaying signs of attraction to instigate his brain to pick up the signal that you are genuinely interested in.

3. Divulge intimate details about yourself

Small talks are brief, easy and fun but a tad too superficial. Save those for casual flings at the bar. If you want your object of love to connect with you at a profoundly deep level (leading to love) you are to let the mess out.

Talk about your failures, your hurdles, and how you overcame them. Talk about topics that are of utmost significance to you and to him. Talk of loss and hope. Talk of pain and darkness. Do not fear to open those chambers of your hearts which have held the secret to your resilience and strength.

While there could be numerous topics of conversation, why choose to talk about our scarred parts?

How does it work?

It works on various degrees:

  • Talking to him about your intimate life experiences will reveal crucial details about your personality, about how you handle problems, what your value system is, your attitudes, about your weaknesses and strengths.
  • It helps enhance trust between you both.
  • It opens up grounds for him to reveal his share of life experiences and this helps you both to connect better, foster understanding and create moments to cherish.
  • Doing so, you come off as a simple-minded, genuine person because you are sharing vulnerable details about yourself.

4. Actively listen to him when he speaks

There is nothing sexier than a person who actually devotes her undivided attention to you when you are talking about something close to your heart. On the contrary, there is no better turn-off than someone who interrupts you every time you speak, distracting you and setting you off the track. Hijacking conversation is utterly disrespectful.

How does it work?

Active listening involves a listener to acutely focus on the speakers changing behavior and body language which in turn greatly enhances the quality of communication.

Nod slightly in agreement with what he says. Hold brief eye contact when required (comfort through your eyes “I am here to understand and your words will be safe with me”.).
This technique not only involves listening skills but also the skill to express your emotions aligned to the other person’s. When you listen with your body, when you listen to understand, you are actually making this point home that you genuinely care to receive whatever he is confiding in you. This provides a sense of being understood.

Practice this technique and see how it works wonders.

5. Hold his hand

Yes, definitely as a romantic gesture and sometimes in a platonic sense of care. Touch (not the ones that kindle lust) can portray feelings in a very subtle manner without overbearing him.

How does it work?

Hold his hand in a manner that covers his entire palm, keeping the pressure moderate. It should illustrate the fact that you are taking the responsibility to care, protect and stick to him through thick and thin alike. Hold his hand, look into his eyes and send across a smile of reassurance and witness him melt like a popsicle.

6. Let him miss you

Oh! The pangs of separation. Making a man fall in love also involves making him realize your value. Always clinging on to him, giving the best of yourself and making him the center of your world might spoil things. Such actions show you are desperate to have him in your life and that you are emotionally dependent.

He will tend to take you for granted unless you balance between your availability and unavailability.

How does it work?

Make yourself scarce. Show up, but not always and not immediately. Let him miss you before you reach out to him. If he texts you, do not reply to him right away. Let him dial your number. Do not pick up even if you are dying to talk to him. Let it ring for a while.

If he wants to meet you, do so but not by adjusting your schedule. Let him wait for the exclusively amazing person that you are.

7. Cook for him

This is a major turn-on for boys; something that he might carry in his heart for the rest of his life.
Andrea Miller, the CEO of Yourtango has to say, “We were thrilled to discover that almost 80% of people felt preparing a meal for someone is a significant act of love!”
Every single word of the saying ‘A way to a man’s heart is through his stomach’ is true.

Don’t believe me? See it for yourself.

How does it work?

By now you must be knowing what the foodie in him craves for. If it happens to be your favorite food too, what are you waiting for? Make the meal and share it with him. Don’t forget to have fun while you both relish the dish. Also, don’t miss out on the look of appreciation in his eyes.

You are almost in!

8. Be humorous

Have your funny side up. Being too serious all the time might get him into the shell. Frequently take things lightly and have a good laugh with him. Make him laugh. Men love women who have a funny bone and don’t scare away from having a hearty laugh.

How does it work?

The only rule to have fun is to have no rules. Open yourself up. Don’t be hesitant to portray your authentic self. Your ability to crack intellectual jokes shows that you are smart and also gives you both a chance to make merry.

Brownie point:  You look a zillion times better when you smile.

9. Spend time with him

This goes without saying. The more time you spend with him, the more you are exposed to him. Meet him in person whenever possible. This strengthens the emotional bond more than spending time talking over the phone or texting each other.

How does it work?

Try making the time you spend with him worthwhile. Avoid discussing conflictual topics. Talk about positive, and refreshing things. You could tell each other stories of your childhood and also listen to his stories.

Spending memorable times with him works like pavlovian conditioning. The next time he sees you, he will cheer up, not knowing why he so.

But you know what you did there! *wink wink*

10. Communicate your feelings

Men love things to be straight across their faces. They hate to be left guessing.
So if you are cultivating his thoughts in your mind, let him know it. But avoid going overboard with the expression.

How does it work?

Make it obvious that you are interested in him, more than casually. Compliment him on his attire, on his qualities and appreciate him for his achievements. Mention his name while you do so. The name makes it sound more intimate.

“John, this shirt looks really great on you.”
“My God, John, you are so damn funny!”
“I must say, John, you did great at that concert.”

Bottom line.

While it’s obvious that love cannot be coaxed, but you sure can apply these tips to increase the chances of it. I hope and pray you to get the man you are thinking of to fall in love with you.

Let us know in the comments section about how you made your man fall in love with you. Happy loving.


Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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The 8 Guys You’re Probably-Sort-Of-Definitely Dating During Quarantine

Look, just because you can’t go outside right now doesn’t mean you can’t put yourself out there…like, on apps, that is. And although it’s clear you haven’t left your apartment in weeks based on your “uh-is-that-chocolate?” sweatpants stain and fifth day of dry shampoo (no judgement), chances are you’ve still encountered one of these, um, Prince Charmings in one way or another.

If you’re at home on lockdown, now that you have all the time in the world to swipe, text, DM memes, and try out a taste of FaceTime and/or Zoom dates, you’re getting more action than you ever did—even pre-social distancing.

So behold (or feel personally attacked—how you see it is your choice) the eight guys you didn’t even realize you were dating right now.



You were texting for a solid four, maybe five days, with ping-pong conversations that made you actually laugh out loud. Your heart skipped a beat when he asked you out… for a FaceTime date. You even put on your fave going-out top, but kept on your staying-in bottoms (the same boxers you’ve been wearing since mid-March).

Then, seconds into your FT date, you couldn’t even pay attention to his patchy beard because you were too distracted by all the dirty dishes piled up on his nightstand. Um, please don’t tell me that’s ketchup. You don’t think you’ll wait for an IRL date to find out.



You started off strong—you even had daily, virtual Animal Crossing playdates together. Now every day it’s taking him longer and longer to text you back. His response rate used to be 32 seconds, now it feels like the longest three minutes of your life (and you’ve waited for a pregnancy test before).

You know you’re not exclusive, but, um, is he busy video chatting someone else? Does he play Animal Crossing with ALL his matches? A deep Instagram dive might answer these burning questions… just don’t double-tap.



This is the dude you went out with right before social distancing hit. After your date, you were feeling meh about him—maybe you even logged right back into Tinder. But now that you’ve had some time to think about it, the more and more you text him, the more you convince yourself that the date was actually ~magical~. (You forget he brought up his ex before your drinks even arrived).

At this point, you can’t tell the difference between actually, legitimately longing for a second date with him, or just longing to order Frosé at a bar on a date with anyone. Alas, now you have a 36-day SnapChat streak with someone that would suggest your first date wasn’t a total disaster.



He. Wasn’t. Even. Your. Last. Date. Before. This. Shit. Started. When things were normal, you kept rescheduling your second date, then blowing it off, and then rescheduling again. You’d think he’d get the message by now—but every single morning, like clockwork, he texts you: “Good morning.”

You’re bored, so you’ll chat throughout the day (“Wyd?” and “Nm, u?”), and he never forgets to send that “Sweet dreams 😴” as you fall asleep. The textual companionship is nice—but he already seems ready to make things offish with plans to cook you dinner, introduce you to all his friends at Trivia night, and take you on a weekend getaway when this is all over. You know you should really tell him you’re not interested, but you low-key like the attention.



This bro doesn’t understand the whole concept of “social distancing” when it affects how often he is getting laid. I mean, he literally invited you over to his place twenty minutes after you matched on a dating app. When you told him that you’re not meeting up with anyone rn because, duh, pandemic, he responds: “Don’t act like you don’t like breaking the rules every so often ;)” and also that he knows “there’s no way he could be COVID positive.”

FWIW, when all this is over, this is the same dude who’s going to pretend like he doesn’t know what a condom is. Run, do not walk, to your nearest exit.



Just like The Bachelor’s Listen To Your Heart, there is no way you’d be into this if it wasn’t for the quarantine. He lives too far away, doesn’t meet your height requirement, and/or was posing with a sedated tiger in one of his Hinge photos. Since lockdown, your standards have dropped so low that you’re even starting to see the sex appeal in Joe Exotic’s bleached mullet (this also might explain why you swiped right on his tiger pic).

But you keep him on rotation for the sexting because, yeah, okay, it’s pretty good—which is the other reason you for sure will not keep this up once the quarantine is lifted. How could you ever go on a first date with someone who’s already sent you a (solicited) dick pic?



You really have no idea. Your conversations are always light, friendly, and usually revolve around what you’re doing (nothing) and watching (everything). He started calling you “Buddy”…but he also texts you “sup” at 2 a.m. He may even use the iPhone audio feature because he’s too busy to text you anything more than, “WYD?” Is he just bored or is he actually into you? Unclear. And unfortunately for you, this is someone whose time you’d def like to occupy—pandemic or not.



Yeah, he’s been keeping tabs on you. He’s notoriously the first one to watch all your Instagram stories, and finds just about every opportunity to text you. From updating you on what one of your mutual friends posted on the ‘gram, to asking you easily Google-able questions like “What are the best seasons of The Simpsons to binge RN?” He’s annoying, but you secretly love that he has to result in texting his ex during this time. Who knows, maybe it’ll be different this time? (It probably won’t).


Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Take It From Him: 4 Compliments That Guys Take As Insults

Men can be remarkably thin-skinned. Sometimes even a compliment will send us reeling. We think things through too much (which might not ring true with what you think of guys, but stay with me here). Even the nicest thing can be misconstrued as an attack on our manhood and genitalia, which are inextricably linked, and we’ll retire to hours of crying on the couch while drinking and watching football, thinking about the horrible, horrible things that you’ve said.

Well, maybe not to that extreme. I can promise you that we will drink and watch football though. Here’s a look at some common compliments that guys will often take as insults.

1. “You’re not like my old boyfriend.” It doesn’t matter if your last boyfriend was Jeffrey Dahmer, guys just hear this compliment as “I was interested in this other guy, but now you’re here.” The more specific you get with the compliment, the more our little self-conscious minds will read into it. Especially avoid any sexual comparisons—even if you say something nice, we’ll wonder why the hell you brought it up in the first place. Never compare our anatomy (out loud, anyways). If you haven’t figured it out by now, men are overly sensitive about their private parts.

2. “You’re so sensitive.” Guys don’t want to be thought of as sensitive, especially, ironically, the sensitive guys. We want to be tough badasses. We want to be Patrick Swayze in “Road House,” not Patrick Swayze in “Ghost.” If you call us sensitive, we’re just going to cry about it. Try tempering the compliment with this instead: “Oh, you’re really sensitive underneath that rugged exterior and those strong arms that could probably disembowel a man in about two seconds if given the chance! I’m really sexually attracted to you.”

3. “You’re very thin.” This seems backhanded to guys. We don’t want to be thin; we want to be big, rippling, bulging sacks of muscle and grit, regardless of how unappealing that might seem. We don’t want to be a stick. Even if you’re just trying to tell us that we look pretty good with our shirts off, it’s better to say that we’re “fit.” That way, we can look in the mirror after you leave the room and try to look at our scrawny biceps and think about how we could conceivably make a play for the UFC featherweight title.

4. “I enjoy sex with you, even if I don’t have a big O.” Guys are incapable of believing that sex can be good without that O moment. It’s how we approach sex, as a means to an end, and most guys can’t get it through their heads that sex is fulfilling by itself for many women. If you’ve had great sex, but you didn’t get there, just don’t bring it up. Guys won’t read into it unless you call attention to what they’ll see as a “lack of satisfaction.” And by the way, I apologize for our lack of biological knowledge. We’re really trying. Really.

What compliments have you given guys that backfired? Post below.


Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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How To Know If a Guy is Wasting Your Time: Signs He Won’t Commit

1. He tells you he doesn’t want to be in a relationship

I’ve said it many times before and I’ll say it many times more: if a guy says he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, believe him!


The reasons don’t matter, the facts do. Most likely he means he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you. It’s also possible he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone right now. Maybe he wants to focus on his career, maybe he’s not emotionally ready to settle down, maybe he likes being single and free, it really doesn’t matter.

He may have some really great reasons, but again, it doesn’t change things. He probably also does have feelings for you. Again, it doesn’t change anything if he doesn’t want to be with you.

2. He’s wishy-washy

One day he’s super into you, the next he’s cold and distant. You guys are attached at the hip one week, and then he disappears for days or weeks at a time.

Sometimes he seems like he’s in love with you, other times you feel like a nuisance to him. So what’s going on?

Wishy-washy behavior, or sending “mixed signals” is usually a sign of uncertainty. He’s just unsure of you.

He likes you, he’s attracted to you, he has fun with you, but he’s just not sure if he wants to be in a relationship with you.

3. He is still active on dating apps

He might be sneaky about this and tell you he deactivated his account … and you believe him until one of your friends comes across him while swiping …

Maybe he makes excuses and tells you, “Well, I never log in so what’s the big deal?”

Or maybe he’s honest with you and says yeah, he still uses his account because you guys aren’t official so he isn’t doing anything wrong.

Either way, if he’s active on dating apps it’s a sign that he hasn’t quite found what he’s looking for.

4. He openly flirts with other women in front of you

A lot of the times we say how we feel through actions more than words, this is especially true of men.

A man might not come out and tell you: “I don’t want to be in a serious relationship with you,” but he’ll show you he’s not serious through his actions. One way to get the point across loud and clear is to flirt with other women in front of you.

Now you might make the mistake of thinking he’s just trying to make you jealous because he likes you so much (at least, that’s a mistake, or rather a self-imposed delusion, that I’ve made in the past!) but what’s more likely is he’s showing and affirming that he is a free man who can do as he pleases.

5. He talks about the future … and you’re not in it

He might talk about how he wants to go live in Europe for a few years, or he wants to move away and change jobs or get out of the city and live a suburban life.

That’s all well and good, but he doesn’t seem to be factoring you into any of these plans, he doesn’t even ask for your opinion on city versus suburbs, he just tells you this is his plan and doesn’t really seem to care if you’re there for this imagined future or not.

6. The relationship is stagnant

You’ve been in the same spot for months or years. You’re not growing closer in any way, or he refuses to take the next step, whether it’s to be an “official” couple, to move in together, to get engaged, set a date, and so forth.

You just have no idea where this is going and when you try to talk to him about it he deflects or gives you vague answers.

7. He doesn’t share his true self with you

When a man is truly invested in a woman, he will share his true self with her. He will allow her to really see him, to see the man beneath the mask.

If your conversations are all surface level and he doesn’t really open up or show vulnerability, then he might not be truly invested in you.

At the same time, don’t mistake a guy who is all feelings and emotions and vulnerability with a guy who is serious about you. This can also sometimes be a sign of a guy wasting your time because this guy is a mess and just looking for a crutch to lean on while he gets himself together

8. You just know this isn’t how it’s supposed to be

You know that this isn’t what true love is supposed to feel like. You know something is off, you just don’t want to admit it because you don’t want to have to leave and start all over again with someone new. You’re already in this so you try to just make it work and figure it out even if that means wasting more of your precious time!

Inaccurate Signs He’s Wasting Your Time

1. He’s taking space

Sometimes men need space, it’s how they deal with stress and emotional turmoil. If your guy is backing away a bit and not as attentive, it doesn’t mean he’s wasting your time. He’s most likely dealing with something and he wants to work it through on his own so he can come back into the relationship better than ever.

2. He texts less often

At the beginning of a relationship, you’re on a high. You can’t stop thinking about the other person and want to talk to them all day every day. And in the beginning, you may engage in these marathon chat sessions. But this isn’t sustainable long term. People have jobs and school and lives! You can’t just be pinging back and forth all day long.

As things get more settled, he may not text as voraciously but that’s a good thing. First, it’s too much to do that all day! Next, it means he is settling back into a more normal rhythm because he’s getting more comfortable with you.

3. He says he can’t commit right now but….

… he plans on committing to you and he gives you a concrete timeline. Or he explains to you that he wants to wait until he’s more established at his job or until the busy season is over, and he means it. He doesn’t just keep coming up with one excuse after the next.  And not only that- he follows through. He doesn’t leave you in no man’s land. You know he’s committed to you. He doesn’t just tell you, he shows you (remember: men communicate through actions more than words).

What to Do If He’s Wasting Your Time

So you’ve read our roundup and have deduced that he is wasting your time and you’re in a dead-end relationship. What now?

Do you pull away and try to make him chase you? If he doesn’t reply to your text for an hour should you wait three hours before responding to him?

No and no. If a guy is wasting your time there is only one thing to do: leave.

That’s it. Don’t wait around. Don’t try to prove your worth. Don’t pretend to be something you think he wants.

Look, if you walk away and he lets you go, then at least you know it was never going to work out. Men don’t just let women they love walk away without a fight.

And if you leave and he comes after you, and not only that, he actually steps up and takes some next step, then great! You have a chance.

Just beware of guys who come after you and then don’t change and fall back into the same pattern. If he begs for you back and you give him another chance … but then he comes up with a whole new slew of excuses about why he can’t commit, then let it go for real. As they say, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

How to Never Waste Time Again

The antidote here is to have high self-worth. It’s to know what you want and know that you deserve to have it. If you want a commitment, don’t settle for the scraps some guy is willing to throw your way.

And don’t tell yourself that you should hold onto this because you’ll never find better. Or that this is better than being alone.

Being alone might be lonely at times, but being in the wrong relationship can be damaging – which would you choose?

You can get the love you want, you just need to be clear on what it is that you want and stop wasting time on what you don’t want.

If the guy you’re involved with checks multiple items on this list, then I’m sorry. I know it’s a bummer when something promising never comes to be but believe me when I say it’s for the best. Conversely, maybe this article made you realize that the guy you’re with is a keeper … however, you feel like you may be pushing him away.


Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Flirting Going Unnoticed? 11 Flirting Signs Guys Miss All the Time

Men think in a different way. You might think you’re flirting up a storm, but you’re using the flirting signs guys miss. Cue frustration! What to do next…

Have you been bringing out the flirting big guns? Pretty sure that you’re letting the apple of your eye know that you’re crushing hard, but it’s not really going the way you planned? You’d be surprised with the flirting signs guys miss!

If you feel out of ideas of how to get your guy to flirt back without saying it directly, you’re not alone. Men in particular miss out on top flirting cues. It leaves those trying to catch their attention in a cycle of frustration. Maybe you’ve been there, I know I have!

According to a study by Bucknell University, men and women are programmed to flirt in completely different ways. To complicate matters, it also depends on the man himself! Perception of the fact that someone is flirting can be lost in translation. We all know that actually going up to someone and saying ‘Hey, I really like you’ isn’t something most of us want to do.

The only answer? Figure out the flirting signs guys miss. Be a little more direct. Yes, sometimes you just have to go for it, people!

11 flirting signs guy miss more than the others

Regularly use any of these flirting signs? Rethink your approach.

#1 Making the first moveThis is a big one, no matter who you are. For some very strange reason, some guys seem to completely miss the point. When someone approaches them, they take it as ‘oh, someone to talk to’, or ‘oh, this is interesting.’ It often goes completely over their head that this person is flirting!

Most of us wouldn’t approach a guy if we didn’t like them. We certainly wouldn’t be bothered about having a conversation with them. It seems plucking up the courage to start a chat with him might be completely lost in the moment!

#2 Posture correction. It’s written in our evolutionary rules that when we want to impress somebody, be it a work figure, someone we admire, or someone we’re crushing on, we correct our posture and stand up a little straighter. We’re making ourselves feel more confident. Fake it until we make it!

Guys don’t always pick up on this subtle shift. It is certainly one of the flirting signs guys miss the most.

#3 MirroringThis is subtly copying the position of the person you’re flirting with. For example, if they’re standing with their hands on their hips, you do it too. It’s a subconscious thing but quite powerful. This is a very strong flirting sign, because we have no control over it.

It’s our body’s way of shouting, ‘hey you, I like you!’ Again, it’s also about confidence and appearing more confident than you are actually feeling in the moment.

#4 FidgetingDo you ever fidget when you’re talking to someone you like? You’re trying to do your very best to flirt up a storm without embarrassing yourself? Perhaps you play with your hair, tap your hands together, brush imaginary hairs from your clothing, pick your nails, or bite your lip.

These are all signs that someone is feeling nervous energy. That nervous energy is because you’re flirting! But guys miss this sign, so all that pent up energy is going to waste.

#5 Making him jealousGuys are pretty direct overall. They don’t like signs and subtle hints. They like to be told what is going on, what is expected of them and what is going on. One of the flirting signs that guys miss in a big way is when someone who likes them tries to make them jealous, basically to get their attention.

This is usually by flirting with someone else. It’s funny how guys miss out on the signs that someone is flirting with them. They’re pretty good at noticing when someone is flirting with another person!

The problem with this tactic is that it could backfire. He could end up just being mad and not realizing that you’re doing it for another reason. Approach with caution here!

#6 Social media overloadWhile social media has some bad things, it’s made flirting a million times easier for less confident types like me! You can hide behind your keyboard and be a lot more upfront than you would be in person.

The problem is, this is another of those flirting signs guys miss. You might think that liking his pictures, commenting on funny remarks, and going out of your way to post sexy selfies of yourself is flirting. He thinks you’re just social media active. All that effort gone to waste!

#7 Dressing to impressI’m not advocating anyone dressing for someone else. Dress to impress yourself and no one else. Most of us dress in a certain way when we’re trying to flirt. Perhaps you wear that outfit they’ve complimented on before, or you wear a color you know suits your eyes. You go to all that effort, basically to impress the one you’re crushing on, and it goes completely over their head! Annoying, right? At least you look good though!

#8 Suddenly liking the things he likes. Developing a deep interest in something that he likes is a big sign that you’re trying to get his attention and impress. It’s something to talk about, an ‘in’, a way to flirt in a personal manner. Does he get it? No. He misses the point entirely. He thinks that you’re genuinely into this hobby all of a sudden. Yet more frustration!

#9 Compliments. This is a borderline one, but it is another one of those flirting signs guys miss at first. If you give out compliments here and there, he misses the point. Don’t go overboard with compliments! He might think you’re being strange. If you hit the sweet spot in the middle, he might get it. It depends on where his attention is at.

With the right middle ground, a well placed compliment can make a guy feel like he’s on top of the word. Persevere with this one!

#10 Please help me! Bless him, he has a heart of gold. When you ask for help, he thinks you genuinely need a helping hand with a task that you just can’t do alone. What he misses is that you’re doing it so you can flirt a little more and spend time with him! Yes, this is one of the most frustrating flirting signs guys miss!

#11 General mouth attention. When flirting, we focus on our mouths without realizing it. We lick our lips, bite our lips, pout, and basically try and get attention to that area. Why? Because we use our mouths for kissing and that’s what this flirting is supposed to build up to! While it works some of the time, getting him to focus on your mouth is sometimes one of the flirting signs guys miss too. Less is more and far more powerful!


Grabbing a guy’s attention isn’t as easy as you might think. While we shouldn’t generalize and assume that all guys miss out on certain cues, these 11 flirting signs guys miss in general are commonplace!


Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Cringe-Inducing ‘Nice Guy’ Moments Straight From The Gutter

If we took the internet seriously, we’d all believe that women are out to get all the “nice guys” of the world. We’re happy to be smarter than that. What these guys really need to do is get a grip.


  • 1
    Text - 09 December, 10:07 PM Saw you on tinder, had to add, hope to hang out sometime in HK:) Yesterday, 3:22 AM You dont neee to answer but i saw that if you remove photoshop eyes and make up you are a 4/10, and as i am among the top 1 % i am unfollowing:) your loss wants to send you a message 150 followers 8 posts asend you messages from now Do you want to let on? They'll only know that you've seen their request if you choose Allow. Decline Allow

  • 2
    Text - 4 hours ago -11 points I'll be gentle to her also 3 points 2 hours ago now im jealous of a wolf thanks reddit Reply Share Report Save Give Award Reply Share Report Save Give Award |-6 points 1 hour ago I would lick her gace too Reply Share Report Save Give Award -21 points 9 hours ago Yes, yes she is. Oh you meant the canine. Reply Share Report Save Give Award

  • 3
    Text - Eh u come gimme a hug МЕ No Why not? МЕ |Because I don't wan to Want to Aight hoe. Go die МЕ Wait, what? Who says that? GODS do МЕ Honey, you're not a God. You're crazy. Going to block you like I should've done a long time ago.
  • 5
    Door handle - "Send nudes)" Haha my friend took my phone म

  • 6
    Text - 6/28/11 Elvir Heyy how u doing beautiful. 7/2/11 Elvir Heyy how u doing beautiful. 7/9/11 Heyy how u doing. U beautiful Elvir Elvir 7/12/11 Heyy how u doin.beautiful 9:23 PM Elvir heyyyy 9:23 PM Elvir u ugluyyy

  • 7
    Text - Idont get whyall these Women say they want a gpod, real, loyal, blah blah, guy.then continue todate douchebags, and cry when Cheyget played Like STFU, gou chose douchey mcdouche, your Fault. Heart Reply Chat

  • 8
    Text - 1 100% AT&T 17:28 Wayne Jackson Canal Winchester, Ohio, US - 1 min The biggest discrimination in Americaisagainst single, ntce gentlemen Suchas LAll we want are ladies to not be abese and providle daily intercourse. SMH HMU ladies. Me in pic Reply Heart Chat NO REPLIES, BE THE FIRST!

  • 9
    Text - J5 in Baltimore, Maryland, US Ihate that girls don't like nice quys no more. |Thate being mean &rude , but i guess that's what they want. Reply 2 Chat SWIPE UP TO VIEW 4 REPLIES

  • 10
    Facial expression - What's the best way to make friends? Tell a woman that you love her, and she says "...i think we're just friends"

  • 11
    Line art - Leave the lady be.

  • 12
    Product - Gave her a kiss, a sip of drank, 32% 1:02 PM and leaned over to see her nails.. Thread That man is in love. Replying to he probally does more for her and treats her well & someday she'll still cheat. the good dudes always get shitted on, cant tell me im 's wrong. tl12 19 121 Fernly Grass Pit @ You got that from this? i... 1d 2.2M views PTS F JIMMY 21 BUTLER 11 10 4 ASSTS STLS 313 L1.49.2K 182K GIF Show this thread Ll10 734 3 Matt @ L 1d r/niceguys

  • 13
    Text - Verizon 10:17 PM 21% Pet CHAT PROFILE Why aren't you in a relationship right now? Too picky? Self sabotaging? Too jaded? Let's talk about it. I'm just looking to hidden motives! ked your photo Wed, Dec 19, 10:16PM I'm only responding in the hopes you learn something & don't continue to embarrass yourself. Those are absurd things to ask someone. Sometimes relationships end bc people grow apart. Sometimes, it's because of unexpected life changes. Your questions clearly demonstrate

  • 14
    Text - 81% 12:31 Q Search Women constantly get sent disgusting pictures to their inbox, get called horrible things and get terrible things wished upon them just for not replying to guys or telling them to leave them alone. So, I wrote this brief parody to all the morons that won't show women respect: You're not so brilliant Your love isn't pure you think you'll win her over of that you're sure she accepted your friend request you don't care if she's with another man you'll just blow up her inbox

  • 15
    Plant - MURDER LACI PETERSON abc #Peterson 1 month ago (edited) Beautiful women like Laci wouldn't give guys like me the time of day because we don't meet their criteria, while entitled, unappreciative, superficial jerks like this fkstick murder them and the child they're carrying in the coldest blood -just like that! Way things turn out, I guess... 1 2

  • 16
    Mode of transport - When you keep the door open for a girl and she just passes right away "Not even a blow

  • 17
    Face - When you give her everything & she still cheats with fkboys: Man gets plastic surgery and name change to date his ex-girlfriend after she obtains restraining order

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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8 Types Of Guys Women Avoid

You may not realize it, but your behavior on a single date could be what’s keeping you from landing another.

Women are often frustrated by men who have no idea how to treat them properly, and once they’ve dealt with one or two of these guys, they often make mental notes to avoid similar ones in the future.

Even if you’re not the worst of the worst, exhibiting pretty unpleasant traits will get you written off from the get-go. Want to boost your chances in the dating game? Here are eight types of guy you should try not to be (and how to fix things if the description sounds a little too familiar).

1. Arguers

Why? Talking to them is an exhausting chore

Under the right circumstances, arguing can be fun for everyone involved. That’s the premise of debate clubs, more or less, but it can happen outside of a structured scenario, too. A good conversation with intense back-and-forth and logical pirouettes can leave both parties impressed with the other’s intellect, even if they never reach an agreement.

However, arguing is only fun if both people are on the same page, and there are tons of guys out there who missed the memo. If your preferred mode of flirtation is correcting women about stuff, challenging them to debates and asking them to prove you wrong, you’re just pissing them off.

How to Fix It: Don’t argue with a woman unless you know her well enough to know she’s up for the debate. That also means refraining from making your entire social media personality “guy who picks fights with women in the comments.” Nobody likes that guy, and he’s definitely single.

2. Braggarts

Why? They’re too self-obsessed to treat anyone else with respect

Want to guarantee you’ll never get a second date? Spend the whole first date bragging about yourself. That might sound like a silly proposition, but it’s something that guys manage to pull off all too often. Men are often taught that the way to woo women is to impress them, leaving them to talk about how awesome they think they are.

Problem is, sitting there while someone shouts about their list of accomplishments really boring. Women can often spot these guys a mile away, but if they mistakenly end up on a date with one, it won’t lead to a second one (and it might even get cancelled mid-date).

How to Fix It: So you’ve got lots to be proud of — that’s awesome! But even more impressive than that is asking them questions, too. A guy with not much going on who makes his date feel special will have better luck nine times out of ten than a super-successful guy who makes his date feel invisible.

3. Mopers

Why? They’re too focused on their own problems to help you with yours

Lots of shy guys tell themselves that they’re better than the braggarts, only to go and make the exact same mistake — dominating the conversation. Just because you’re not football-captain material doesn’t mean you can’t still end up making the other person feel invisible. Yes, it gets boring listening to a guy who can’t stop being self-deprecating.

Women might initially fall for mopers thinking that they’re more sensitive than their macho peers, only to discover that having to listen to a sad-sack complain all the time isn’t any better than listening to a bodybuilder brag about his personal bests all the time. If every conversation comes back to your feelings, that’s going to get old real soon.

How to Fix It: Having feelings, and being able to express them, is a great thing. But you need to leave room in the conversation for moments of levity, too — and if you don’t feel up for supplying them, maybe you should let her do it.

4. Creeps

Why? They’re too obsessed with sex to see her as a full person

Sex talk too early on on a date is almost certainly going to creep a woman out. Even women with high sex drives are usually on high alert for guys who can’t pretend to be a gentleman for even one date, let alone a few minutes of conversation on a dating app.

The reality of the situation is, the majority of women have a host of bad experiences with being sexually objectified (or worse) by gross and pervy guys by their 20s, and if you do something to remind them of those creeps, you’re quickly going to get classified as one, too.

How to Fix It: So you’re horny — big whoop. Hold your tongue in the early going until your crush shows you how she wants to talk about sex. And if she doesn’t? Well, maybe that’s a sign that she doesn’t want to talk about sex with you, pal.

5. Liars

Why? If they’ll lie about small things, what won’t they lie about?

Lying is pretty common practice in human communication, but if you don’t know how to differentiate between little white lies done in the name of politeness and more dangerous lies done to cover up unpleasant realities, you’re going to start burning bridges pretty quickly.

It might be tempting to lie to make yourself seem more impressive, or to make certain interactions simpler, but starting a pattern of lies in a dating context is likely to lead to a bad outcome sooner or later once your untruths start to come to light.

How to Fix It: Come to terms with what you’re lying about. Are you ashamed? Are you afraid? Are you jealous? Being honest might feel scary in the short term, but if you can get over the hurdle of admitting something you’re a little bit ashamed of, you’ll feel a lot stronger in the long run.

6. Jerks

Why? It’s only a matter of time before the cruelty comes out

Lots of guys think they’re alpha males, when they’re actually just bullies. If your stock in trade is throwing your weight around, making sure other people know how big and bad you are, you’re going to earn a reputation as a jerk among people of all genders. As a result, women might be especially unwilling to give you the time of day.

Sure, it can be freeing to dispense with social niceties and “tell it like it is,” but if you get in a pattern of being cruel to other people, women will start avoiding you, guaranteed.

How to Fix It: You need to recognize that being aggressive isn’t the desirable trait that you were taught it was. It might feel strange to be polite, deferential and let other people take the spotlight, but the emotional maturity that comes with being flexible, willing to compromise and comfortable in your skin is dead sexy, and women will see that.

7. Stalkers

Why? Guys who can’t take no for an answer are terrifying

Lots of guys grow up thinking that persistence is a sexy quality, or at least a valuable and desirable one. And yes, refusing to settle for failure can be great in lots of ways — persistent guys might be more likely to get a job, a promotion or to make significant gains in areas of personal growth or success.

But persistence in a romantic context is rarely likely to lead to success. If she says she’s not interested but you still keep on messaging her, it’s more likely to lead to you being labeled creepy, dangerous or worse.

Ignoring signals that a woman isn’t interested in you and pursuing her nonetheless isn’t romantic, it’s stalking. And if you can’t take “no” for an answer, that’s a really bad sign. How can any woman trust a guy who’s going to ignore her desires and decide what he wants is more important?

How to Fix It: Learning to back off and accept that you can’t always get what you want might mean you lose out on someone you’re crazy about right now, but that maturity will mean you’ll have a much better shot with your future crushes.

8. Sexists

Why? Would you date someone who thought of you as sub-human?

Some guys don’t realize that they hate women. They spend their lives talking to other men, watching movies about men made by men, reading books and articles by men, and only find women interesting when they need a date or a hookup.

If you don’t respect women, women will be able to tell. They’ll hear the jokes you tell, they’ll see the company you keep, they’ll read your comments. And they’ll avoid you like the plague.

How to Fix It: It’s not easy to stop being a sexist necessarily, but it is possible. Start by doing some soul-searching — try to recognize why you don’t respect women as much as men. Consider therapy. Talk to the women in your life about this. Once you start down that path, you’ll realize that fewer and fewer of them want to avoid you.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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7 Things Guys Say That Spell Trouble

We here at The phicklephilly love men. In fact, we adore them. We like their bodies, their brains, and their strange way of doing things. So it’s always a tricky tightrope when you’re dealing with a dude to know when to be there for him—and when to cut and run. Since we’re here to help the ladies, we’ve created a handy guide that will help you know when your guy is just being a guy—or if you’ve got a dud on your hands who needs to be dumped.

1. “I’m going into therapy.”

Your dude’s got issues. He’s moody. He’s unhappy. He can’t get it together. So, you’d think it’d be a good thing when he finally says, “I’ve decided to start seeing someone … in the therapeutic sense.” You’d think. Only, that’s not how it turns out. How it does turn out is that it’s like he’s got an ally who’s pro-him and anti-you, and now he’s coming home once a week with lots of things to tell you about how he feels, and it’s not all good when it comes to your end of things. In the end, you wish you’d just told him to go to the gym.

2. “I don’t feel like having sex.”

Sure, every man has an off day. But you know what? Most guys want to have sex all the time. And if you’re not getting it on on a regular basis, especially because your guy is claiming that he’s just “not feeling it,” you can bet that your problems are going to turn out to be bigger than a case of the sex blues. In this particular situation, you may want to get to the root of the problem before this supposed dry spell kills your love, too.

3. “I can’t stop crying.”

Sure, sure, the new man is a metrosexual who is really in touch with his inner-self, does yoga, and gets waxed more than you do. But there’s a limit to how much a woman can tolerate seemingly unmanly behaviors. Crying because there was a death in the family? Feel free. Prone to weeping at romantic comedies? Not so much. If your man can’t control his emotions, and you find yourself feeling like you’re the one wearing the pants in the relationship, you should ask yourself if that’s what you want—a guy who’s a real tearjerker.

4. “I’m thinking about quitting my job.”

There are two ways this one can go. He’s dissatisfied with his current work situation, he wants to try something else, and this statement is a prelude to telling you all about his big plans for his next career move. That’s fine. On the other hand, if you’re living together, and one day he declares he’s going to give two-weeks notice today, and so far as you can tell he doesn’t have any idea what he’ll be doing after that, or how he’ll be paying for his part of your shared bills, this isn’t someone who has a work issue. This is someone who has an I-want-my-mommy-to-take-care-of-me issue.

5. “I need to tell you something.”

This one never, ever ends well. If he has to prepare you for what he’s going to say next, you best brace yourself for what’s coming because it ain’t good.

6. “I think we need to take a break.”

Hey, guess what? This isn’t school, and there will be no recess. Relationships are not like a Lego set: created to be dismantled and put back together again. “Breaks” are what guys who are too weak, scared, or lame suggest because they’re too much of a you-know-what to go ahead and break up with you. Make it easy for this guy. Give him a break from the relationship. A permanent one.

7. “My last girlfriend was crazy.”

True, your ex probably said the same thing to his new girlfriend, but you might want to keep an eye on the man whose history includes a long string of relationships with women who are totally temperamental, out of their gourds, or recently released from the state mental hospital. Guys who go out with lunatics think the crazy chick is the issue, but all too frequently he’s the one with the problems. Whether he craves drama, mistakes insanity for passion, or prefers to hook up with ladies who can never truly be intimate, you’re better off letting him move on to the next one—the next crazy one, that is.


Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy the book, Phicklephilly now available on Amazon!

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