13 Secrets To A Happy Marriage

  • Being in a relationship brings an equal share of moments that are joyous and others that are difficult.
  • As the honeymoon phase inevitably comes to an end, there are many ways that you can work with your partner to keep your relationship exciting and fulfilling.
  • The most successful couples share equal responsibility for household chores, have similar financial habits, and support each other through the ups and downs.

Romantic relationships are challenging, rewarding, confusing, and exhilarating — sometimes all at the same time.

Should you take things slowly at the beginning or dive right in? Can things stay hot in the bedroom even after years of being together? What happens when one of you wants to use a holiday bonus to invest in Bitcoin and the other wants to go on a vacation?

The answers aren’t always clear, but when it comes to marital satisfaction, science has some interesting things to offer.

According to research, the happiest couples are those who:

1. Don’t fight over text
texting working late

What seems obvious is now backed up by science: A 2013 study out of Brigham Young University shows that couples who argue over text, apologize over text, and/or attempt to make decisions over text are less happy in their relationships.

When it comes to the big stuff, don’t let an emoji take the place of your actual face.

2. Don’t have kids
kid playing with parents

Children are one of the most fulfilling parts of life. Unfortunately, they’re hell on relationships. Numerous studies, including a 2014 survey of 5,000 people in long-term relationships, show that childless couples (married or unmarried) are happiest.

This isn’t to say you can’t be happy if you have kids — it’s just to understand that it’s normal to not feel happy sometimes. Many couples put pressure on themselves to feel perfectly fulfilled once they have what they’ve always wanted (a long-term partnership with children), but the reality of kids is that they’re very stressful on relationships.

3. Have friends who stay married
friend crying

If you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with, you’re also just as married as them.

According to research out of Brown University, you’re 75% more likely to get divorced if a friend or close relative has already done the deed. When it’s someone with one more degree of separation out (the friend of a friend), you’re 33% more likely to get divorced.

Researchers had this to say on the ramifications of the results: “We suggest that attending to the health of one’s friends’ marriages might serve to support and enhance the durability of one’s own relationship.”

4. Fight at the beginning, then not a lot
couple man woman dating friends married talking sad beach water

Psychologists like Herb Goldberg suggest that our model for relationship is backward — we tend to expect things to go smoothly at the beginning, and for problems (and conflicts) to arise later. In fact, Goldberg argues that couples should have “rough and ragged” beginnings where they work things out, and then look forward to a long and happy incline in the state of the relationship.

Research agrees: A Florida State study found that couples who are able to be openly angry in the beginning are happier long-term. According to lead researcher James McNulty, the “short-term discomfort of an angry but honest conversation” is healthy for the relationship over the long haul.

5. Are comprised of one first-born child and one last-born child
young couple walking

There’s an entire body of research on how your birth order impacts your life, including your relationships as well as professional success. One of the happiest pairings for couples? Someone who was the youngest child with someone who was the oldest.

Researchers hypothesize this may be because the relationship has one person who enjoys being taken care of, and one who’s used to taking care of others.

6. Know who does what when it comes to housework
cleaning chores

According to a 2013 UCLA study, couples who agree to share chores at home are more likely to be happier in their relationships. An important caveat: Couples who have clearly defined responsibilities are far more likely to be satisfied.

In other words, when you know what to do and what’s expected of you, you tend to be happier both yourself and with your spouse. This might be a good thing to sit down and discuss in the new year, especially if you’re newly cohabitating.

7. Are gay, or straight and feminist
gay couple hug

In a 2014 study of 5,000 people, researchers found that gay couples are “happier and more positive” about their relationships than their heterosexual counterparts. Straight couples made less time for each other and were less likely to share common interests and communicate well.

Straight couples are better off being feminists. Research out of Rutgers shows that both men and women with feminist partners are more satisfied in their (hetero) relationships. The name of the 2007 study? Feminism And Romance Go Hand In Hand.

8. If heterosexual, when husbands view wives as more attractive of the two
wedding present

Levels of attractiveness within couples have long been the subject of debate (not to mention song lyrics). According to a study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, when husbands view their wives as the more attractive of the pair, not only are they more satisfied in the relationship, but the wives are, too. The opposite was not true — when husbands thought they were better-looking, they weren’t as happy.

9. Are best friends
couple holding hands

The National Bureau of Economic Research did a study demonstrating that marriage, on the whole, leads to increased levels of happiness (they controlled for premarital happiness).

Perhaps more telling was the finding that people who consider their spouse to be their best friend are almost twice as satisfied in their marriages as other people.

“What immediately intrigued me about the results was to rethink marriage as a whole,” researcher John Helliwell said. “Maybe what is really important is friendship, and to never forget that in the push and pull of daily life.”

10. And have a lot of friends in common
friends laughing smiling

In 2013, Facebook released a report that analyzed 1.3 million of its users, looking at, among other things, relationships. The conclusion? Couples with overlapping social networks tended to be less likely to break up — especially when that closeness included “social dispersion,” or the introduction of one person’s sphere to the other, and vice versa.

In other words, the best-case scenario is when each person has their own circle, but the two also overlap.

11. Spend money in similar ways
Couple money talk from shutterstock

The two biggest things couples fight about are sex and money. When it comes to the latter, it’s well-known to psychologists as well as social scientists that for some reason, people tend to attract their spending opposite. Big spenders tend to attract thrifty people, and vice versa.

A 2009 University of Michigan study corroborated this. Researchers found that both married and unmarried people tend to select their “money opposite” — and that this causes strife in the relationship. The happiest couples tend to spend money in a similar way, whether that is saving or indulging.

12. Have sex at least once a week
couple bed

Probably the best statistic of the bunch comes from a 2004 study, which showed that upping your sexual activity from once a month to once a week can cause happiness levels to jump by as much if you made an extra $50,000 a year.

The study, entitled “Money, Sex, and Happiness: An Empirical Study” sampled 16,000 adult Americans. One of its main conclusions: “[S]exual activity enters strongly positively in happiness equations.”

13. Celebrate each other’s achievements
couple champagne balcony

Anyone who has been in a relationship can attest to this one, but now there’s research to confirm it: A 2009 study in The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology showed that when couples celebrate their partner’s accomplishments as if they were their own, they’re more satisfied in the relationship.

“In good times and bad” includes the good times — something it can be easy to forget. And it’s true; there’s nothing quite so satisfying as having your partner be loudly and enthusiastically in your corner when you do well.

Joy, after all, multiplies with love.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

10 Things All Couples in Healthy Relationships Do Every Day

Ultimately, the power to transform your marriage is in your hands.

All relationships are unique but all require one thing: hard work.

There is a lot of relationship advice out there, from articles to videos. But, after 20+ years as a marriage advisor working with executives and their families, I found that work success can also translate into martial and committed relationship success.

Healthy relationships require just as much work and effort in order to be successful. In marriage, especially, the hard work doesn’t stop at the wedding. It continues on until “death do us part”.

Whether you’re in a relationship or married, it’s important for both partners to do their fair share and lift their weight in order to last a long time.

If you can put as much effort into building your career as learning how to have a healthy relationship, you will achieve the same success.

Here are 10 ways to apply your hard-working ethics to successful and healthy relationships.

1. Take responsibility for the health of your relationship

You and your spouse are responsible for the state of your marriage.

Acknowledge that your beliefs, choices, and behaviors all play a role in your relationship, and strive to make decisions that support your bond.

2. Exhibit the behaviors you hope to see in your spouse

If you want to be with a kind, considerate, and hardworking person, you too need to adopt these attributes.

Lay the foundation for a successful marriage by acting in a way that makes you proud. Show your spouse you love and respect them to nurture your relationship.

3. Give more than you hope to receive

Treat your partner the way you would like to be treated — and then go the extra mile.

Be the example, even if you do not believe your spouse is giving back what you are putting into the marriage. Live without expecting reciprocity.

4. Determine who you are

Clarity about who you are and where you are headed brings feelings of purpose and fulfillment.

By discussing what you want and encouraging your spouse to do the same, you will build a framework to evaluate your desired outcomes.

5. Continue building your relationship skills

Few couples put in the time to actively improve their relationship skills.

It’s important, however, that you work to continually strengthen your bond.

6. Advocate for your marriage or commitment

Society conveys that spouses should consider divorce when things are no longer “fun” or “easy”.

Rather than accepting this outlook, view your marriage as the most important relationship you have. Remember that your union is sacred.

7. Commit to your partner

Marriage is an investment not only in your partner but also in your relationship.

Even when things become difficult, honor your commitment by putting in the work needed to sustain a healthy marriage.

8. Aim for personal growth

The challenges we face help us learn and grow. Couples who stay together through difficult times report that their marriages are happier and stronger.

Aim to improve yourself, and your marriage will improve too.

9. Learn from other successful relationships

Those who have not witnessed other happy marriages or committed relationships often struggle with their own relationships.

Remember that your example will give future generations a framework for their own success.

10. Remember that anything is possible

If you want to enjoy a thriving marriage, you must put in the time to nurture your relationship. This will not occur organically any more than your next raise or promotion. Pinpoint your goals and put in the work to achieve them.

Ultimately, the power to transform your marriage is in your hands. It is the result of the actions you take, for you have considerable power over your thoughts and attitudes.

 

The Absolute Dater – Making Online Dating Easy Again

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Tired Of Being Alone? 10 Ways To Enjoy Being Single

Being single has a lot more benefits than we give it credit for.

Depending on whether or not you’ve been in a relationship, being single can be a positive or negative situation. If you’ve been in relationships, then it’s easy to feel more lonely — especially after you’re used to someone being by your side. If you’ve been single for a while, then you’re more comfortable living life for yourself.

Little do we realize what a blessing it can be to be single. We are not promised to find that one person in our lives. Instead, we have to learn to love our family, friends — and most importantly, ourselves. Instead of seeing singleness as a bad thing, it’s important to use this time being alone to see the good parts of not having a partner.

Holding on to perspective can save us from feeling destructive in our season of singleness. These days on shows, finding your true love is the main mission, when in fact loving yourself can be just enough.

Single people are portrayed as someone who is sad or even pitied — but being single doesn’t mean you have to be lonely. Look to the list below to help remind you that there is a beautiful strength that comes with being single. Along with independence, there are plenty of benefits to being single than people give it credit for. Here are ten ways to enjoy being single that beat being in a relationship any day.

1. You get a chance to focus on yourself.

Being in a relationship can take up a lot of time in our lives. You begin sharing your partner’s problems, without having time to meditate on your own.

“Believe it or not, relationships are ‘mentally expensive,” Susan Winter. The amount of stress in a relationship comes as a price for love. Being single activates a self-awareness of taking time to treat ourselves.

2. You become self-sufficient.

Having to live independently forces you to find your inner strength and not have to depend on someone else to be fulfilled. You have more opportunities to chase your own dreams while facing them without a partner.

Taking risks by yourself allows you to take control of your own journey. Instead of having to constantly fit someone else’s schedule, the only one that matters is your own.

3. You prove that you can be financially stable on your own.

If your partner has financial debt, then it becomes a financial burden on you, too. Being single helps you prioritize financial budgeting, without constantly spending it on someone else. This can also help prepare you for any relationship, to notice red flags in a relationship, and to help you stay financially independent once you’re with someone else.

Take time to look up financial gurus like David Ramsey, and enjoy having control over your finances. This gives you more free time to go out with family and friends, without worrying about over-spending.

4. Self-care is a top priority.

Activities like exercising, meditating, journaling, socializing with friends and more help promote nourishment to our brain. Happy chemicals like dopamine other endorphins encourage positive energy, not only for life but for others.

The single-season refrains us from pushing time for ourselves for someone else. Instead, we’re inspired to go on an adventure of self-reflection. Our identity is essential on our journey through life. Sometimes steering away from relationships forces us, to remember our strengths and weaknesses.

5. You have time to focus on your spirituality.

After experiencing a breakup myself, I notice that getting back to being close to God has become a reality for me. My relationship had to come to an end, but having a relationship with God became the goal.

There’s a personal intimacy with God when you’re single again — where I realize my heart is healing from the separation. This was a time to work on me so that God can morph me into the strong individual woman He needs me to be.

6. You have better connections with your friends.

Yes, your girl or boyfriend might have steered you further away from friends. Take this opportunity to reconnect with them and make more memories. True friends will always be there until the end.

A good friend will always remind your strengths and encourage you to keep moving forward. They will want nothing more than to see you grow, not just in the world, but in yourself.

7. The only person you have to compare to is yourself.

Being single, you start to learn that the only person you should compare yourself to is the person you were yesterday. We all have a chance to grow in life and learn more about ourselves each day. If your partner didn’t want to try something that you were curious about, now is that time to chase after your curiosity!

Being single offers independence to build yourself, so if you meet someone new, then you’ll love yourself enough to prepare for anything. You don’t need someone to feel complete. You need to feel complete with your own life before you jump into another relationship.

8. You have the opportunity to travel whenever and wherever you want.

Waiting for your partner to be available for a trip can leave you feeling disconnected from the world. Grab a couple of close friends or family and hit the road.

Look far into the horizon, knowing you’ll be okay with whatever is on the other side of the horizon.

Traveling helps each and every one of us feel more in tune with the world. New culture, friendships, attractions, and more remind us of how beautiful and wonderful life can be.

9. You get time to figure out what you want in a partner.

Studies show that as much as fifty percent of marriages fail or end in divorce. Can you imagine how easy it would be to date a bad match? Getting to know who you are will help prepare for marriage because you’ll know what you’re looking for.

You’ll be accustomed to who you are and your system, and you’ll focus on who’s the best at compatibility. Even though in marriages you’ll have your difference, but during the seasons of singleness, you’ll have a firm ground to stand on. You’ll know who’s worth working things out and who’s better off with someone else.

10. You get to find comfort in being alone.

Being single doesn’t mean you’re lonely. Some perceptions of singles have a negative connotation to them. You can be just as lonely or secluded even if you’re married. It’s all about our perception of life, and how we feel internally.

Who’s says the ultimate goal is to be with someone in the end? Instead, it could be about the quality of relationships we build, and how well we’ve nurtured our body and mind.

I mean… look at me. I’ve fallen in love a bunch of times and it’s been great. But I love being single and not having to answer to anyone!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Study Says Single Women Are Happier Than Married Women

Most of society is geared around the idea that people should form couples, settle down, and raise a family. But is this what women really want? Studies indicate that no, it definitely isn’t.

Of course, to a certain extent, people need to make babies. Without children, society would literally disappear!

So if women are happier when they’re single, what can be done to literally keep humanity alive?

To put some context into these statements, here’s what some scientific studies are saying about the happiness of women, both in and outside of relationships.

In the UK, Mintel surveyed a range of single women and found some statistics that have shocked many people online.

The report stated that 61% of single women were happy with being single. And 75% of single women are not looking for a partner.

But in a way, these findings are nothing new. Way back in the early 70s, the sociologist Jessie Bernard produced a study that said women are happier when they’re single, but men are happier when they’re married.

Seeing as the world’s population has literally doubled since Bernard first produced her studies, it doesn’t seem as if anyone needs to worry about society disappearing any time soon.

But what does this tell us?

The statistics aren’t exactly saying that women shouldn’t settle down. But it does suggest something worrying: that women get more unhappy when they marry a partner or at least commit to being permanently with them.

 

And there is evidence to back up that statement. Psych Central for example cites a study where 707 Louisiana married couples were surveyed over seven years. At numerous points, they were asked about their levels of marital satisfaction.

The study found that both men and women became dissatisfied with marriages, but women experience declines in marital happiness much, much faster than men.

And Psych Central has also discovered that 70% of divorces are initiated by women.

This data can seem grim at first sight. It suggests that women are happy when they’re alone, but then they get into an unhappy relationship which inevitably ends in divorce.

But that isn’t necessarily the case.

What this data is saying is maybe that society has been telling women the wrong message.

Women have been fighting for equality for so many years, and yet stereotypes of the housewife abound.

In the past, perhaps more women got into those kinds of relationships, realized that it wasn’t what they wanted, and got out.

And there is evidence that states that this is changing.

While women are still the main initiators of divorce, the divorce rate in America is plummeting.

In fact, the divorce rate dropped a staggering 18% from 2008 to 2016.

This statistic, when coupled (pun intended) with the data that says that women are happy when they’re single says something very positive.

It says that women are choosing to wait for the right partners to settle down with.

Just because a woman isn’t actively looking for a relationship and is happy being single doesn’t mean that they hate the idea of a relationship.

They’re just not content with committing to someone who might not be right for them.

When people analyze the data like that, it actually points toward a positive thing for women today. They know how to be happy when they’re single, aren’t desperate to shack up with the wrong partner, and are successfully forming permanent relationships when the right person finally does come along.

And who could object to that way of living?

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

 

Lorelei – Happy 24th Birthday!

Lorelei,

I love the originality of you..

Your willingness

To stand out from the crowd.

Your unique Perspective

On what’s happening in your world

 

I love the wisdom of you…

The way you trust your intuition…

Your unfailing commitment

To doing the right thing

 

And most of all,

I love your heart…

The genuine compassion, empathy,

And friendship you offer,

To everyone you know

 

You have made me a better person,

And I’m grateful everyday you’re in my life.

 

I love you,

 

Dad

 

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=kat+wiedenmann

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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