5 Reasons Why Married Indian Women Are Turning To Dating Apps

When 40-year-old Manisha Agarwal (name changed) logged on to a dating app for the first time, she was paralysed with fear. Married for 15 years, she needed a distraction from her sexless and loveless marriage, but was scared she would be caught in the act. “Kolkata is such a small city. Here someone always knows you or one of your acquaintances. I knew I was taking a risk, but I had no choice,” she says.

Unhappy with her unfulfilling married life, Agarwal desperately wanted to find someone she could connect with. She knew she could not risk having an affair with a friend, so she decided to look for potential partners on a dating app.

She was looking for casual sex, and knew nobody would swipe right for her if she only mentioned her name and age. “Who would want to match with a 40-year-old mother? I had to use my photo, but that left me feeling completely vulnerable,” she says.

Agarwal is just one of the many married women in India who use dating apps to find companionship. According to a recent survey, 77% of Indian women who cheat are bored of their monotonous married life. Although affairs and meetings with men bring excitement to their lives, they also live in fear of the embarrassment and shame of being found out.

The survey, conducted by Gleeden, an online “extra-marital dating” community primarily meant for women, also found that four out of 10 women admitted flirting with a stranger helped them improve intimacy with their ‘official’ partner. Gleeden, incidentally, claims to have 5 lakh members in India, of which 30% are women. Other popular dating apps in the country include Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge.

Top 100 Hottest Indian Women

Reshmi Singhal (name changed), a 29-year-old married woman from Delhi, says she became curious about dating apps after her single friends began using them. As men started approaching her, she felt desired and enjoyed the attention, even though it stayed virtual. For her it was almost therapeutic. The problem, she says, was to know when to stop.

According to the 2019 Gleeden survey, 34% of such virtual encounters lead to a real date in the next 10 days. “These apps work like online shopping portals. You check the catalogue and choose what you want,” says Kolkata-based clinical psychologist Anindita Chowdhury, who has had clients use dating apps.

When we asked married women what they look for on dating apps these are the top reasons they cited:

Sex Without Strings Attached

Married women often use dating apps for casual, no-strings-attached sex. These apps are well suited for the purpose—they are convenient, discreet, and can be uninstalled whenever necessary.

Chowdhury says one woman, who had had a love marriage, ended up having extramarital affairs with men she met online. The woman, in her 40s, said her husband’s interest in sex had dwindled over the years, and instead of confronting him or ending the marriage, she started leading a parallel life, because it just seemed easier.

“The couple had a child and so she did not want to call the marriage off. She was very clear about what she wanted from the men she interacted with on the apps. She sought sex, mostly from younger men. Sex, attention, and time were factors missing in her marital life, and so she looked for these,” Chowdhury says.

“Later, after some soul-searching, they want to understand why they had extramarital affairs in the first place and how to prevent their marriages from failing.”

“Later, after some soul-searching, they want to understand why they had extramarital affairs in the first place and how to prevent their marriages from failing,” Chowdhury says, adding that a common thread in many cases is that the husband had sexual problems.

Top 10 Most Hot Indian Women Alive In 2020 [Updated List] - Mashtos

Kolkata resident Manisha Agarwal’s story had a similar trajectory. Her partner of 15 years was distant and had had an affair, and after making a profile on dating apps she too “hooked up a couple of times”. However, the couple decided to stay together for the sake of their children and to avoid social censure. While Agarwal says she enjoyed her “alternate life”, the fear of being recognised never left her. She recently started visiting a therapist to take better control of her life and marriage.

Kolkata-based psychotherapist Mansi Poddar, who has also encountered married clients using dating apps, says the sexuality of Indian women is viewed differently than that of men. “Women are perceived as less sexual. Thus, it adds a thick layer of guilt and shame for the woman if she is physically dissatisfied with her partner. So, instead of a heart-to-heart discussion or visiting a marriage counselor together, she opts for casual sex and secret affairs. Protecting the sanctity of her home holds greater importance for a married woman than her own emotional and physical well-being,” she says.

 

Married for six years, 35-year-old Priyanka Mehta (name changed) from Hyderabad never felt emotionally or physically satisfied with her partner. “My husband and I were totally incompatible and shared no warmth or trust in our relationship.” she says. When Mehta finally realised she could no longer live with him, she gathered courage and initiated the divorce process. But she still felt a void within.

“I joined dating apps in order to numb the pain of loneliness and for a distraction from the frustrating relationship I was in. I was not looking for a serious affair at all. I wanted someone with whom I could connect on some level, and have an exciting encounter that was not necessarily only sexual. I was looking for something light-hearted and fun, a connection that I missed having with my husband,” Mehta says.

She met a few men on these apps—men that she says were kinder, funnier, and more interesting than her husband. Mehta was completely honest with these men, and unexpectedly they were all quite understanding and empathetic. Unlike her own family members and social circle, they were not judgemental about her failed marriage. “For me it was like an emotional release and a relief to be able to interact with these men,” Mehta says.

I wanted my husband to hold or hug me, but he never initiated physical proximity. Men should understand that for women, intimacy is not always about sex.”

When Jayeeta Guha (name changed), a 36-year-old resident of Bangalore, became frustrated with the lack of intimacy with her husband, she decided to log on to a popular dating app. Although her husband was a good father to their child and a responsible family man and provider, she says he struggled with demonstrating affection.

Sexiest Indian Female!

When she logged on to the dating app, Guha was immediately flooded with attention and propositions. Soon she realized she was getting addicted to the conversations and they worked almost like a mood-enhancing drug for her. Gradually, the chats gave way to dates, a few of which then turned into physical encounters.

“I wanted my husband to hold or hug me, but he never initiated physical proximity. Men should understand that for women, intimacy is not always about sex. The lack of warmth became a constant irritant for me and I felt as if I was living with a roommate,” Guha confesses. She continues to fulfill her role as a mother and dutiful wife, while the husband provides for expenses.

New Male Friends

When 36-year-old Rachna Chatterjee (name changed) moved cities after marriage, she missed her busy social life. A management consultant, she had to travel quite a bit for her work, as did her husband, and they ended up spending only a couple of weekends a month together.

“I have always been a very social person and wanted to know more people outside my new office. I started using dating apps to connect with interesting men and often met them over a coffee or beer. Interesting conversation was my intent, although things are not always that simple on dating apps, as I soon realized,” she tells us.

While Chatterjee was upfront about her marital status, many of the men she met faked theirs. “I even received a phone call from someone’s wife! That kind of shook me,” she recalls. She says she had met him thrice and had no intention of getting physically involved with him. He was fun to be around, and she enjoyed the company. However, he had never told her that he was married.

Hot Indian Girl Stock Photos And Images - 123RF

For Chatterjee, the basis of a successful marriage is transparency and so she informed her husband that she was using dating apps to meet people. “He is not on these apps but of course he meets men and women at bars or pubs when he travels for work. I don’t think meeting someone new can be a threat to your marriage, unless you are already unhappy with your spouse,” she says.

New to Bumble BFF, a platform where you can swipe to find new friends, Chatterjee enjoys connecting with other women who live in her city or when she travels for work. “It really is a lifesaver for women like me, although I still wouldn’t mind meeting interesting men,” she says.

For Shreya Das (name changed), a 37-year-old homemaker from Bangalore, it was the gradual boredom that set in in her married life, that made her log on to dating apps. Married for 10 years and child-free by choice, her arranged marriage started losing its “spark”. “I started to feel the need to connect with more people outside my family and friends. I did not have a specific agenda when I logged on to dating apps. I had seen some of my single friends hooked on to these platforms and wanted to get the same thrill,” she says.

Das initially hid her marital status from the men she found interesting. She would disclose it only when she met them rather than during a chat. Although most dates were limited to coffee and conversation, she admits there were some grey areas. She says she had to be quite firm about not allowing these interactions to turn into sexual encounters. “Over the three years of my using these apps, I have realized that most men just want to hook up, which is absolutely their prerogative and I respect that. But the radio silence that greets you when you mention you are not interested in casual sex is strange. Still, I have been successful in making a few good friends on the apps,” she says.

Das tells us that for two years she did not tell her husband about her use of dating apps since he was “slightly traditional” and might not take kindly to the idea. However, last year she opened up to him and showed him her profile and those of some of the men she chatted with. “Of course, he was uncomfortable, but I told him of my experiences. To my surprise he gradually warmed up to the idea. He said if I had to be on these apps, I should be careful and judicious with those I interact with,” she says.

Hot Indian Woman Friday - Album on Imgur

To Feel Desired

In India, where married women are associated with certain roles and ‘virtues’, dating apps can help them discover other facets of their personality and feel desirable again. “In most Indian households, the woman is either the ‘bahu’ or wife or mother. These dating apps have opened a new world for these women, who can now openly express their desires and be new versions of themselves,” explains psychotherapist Mansi Poddar.

Devika Chauhan (name changed), a 33-year-old designer from Mumbai, confesses she started using dating apps to continue feeling desired by men. She was in a loving marriage and was emotionally and physically satisfied, but she missed the carefree days of being single and being able to meet any man she chose.

Hot Indian woman in red saree - a photo on Flickriver

Chauhan travelled a lot and used an app to find out what men in different cities and countries were looking for, and if she still fit the bill. “I was never a stickler for conventions, and I do not see why marriage should stop someone from wanting to feel desired. I would even want my husband to be the most desired man in a room full of people!” she says.

The matches and quick replies provided instant gratification and lifted her mood. She says she functioned better at work and at home when she received attention and compliments. “Who doesn’t enjoy being told they look amazing or are fun to talk to? If it doesn’t cause friction in my personal relationships, then why not use the apps?” Chauhan asks. She did meet a few men, but according to her none were interesting or engaging enough to continue being friends with. Also, with a busy work and social life, she did not have the time to invest in meeting men regularly.

While Chauhan is open about using dating apps with her husband and friends, she chooses to keep her marital status undisclosed on her profiles. “If I do match with someone, I tell them I am not single, without revealing the fact that I am married. My marital status is very personal for me and I refuse to share anything regarding my life with men I don’t know. I do not want them to assume I have an unhappy marriage or a dissatisfied life just because I have a Hinge or a Bumble profile!” she says.

Sexual Orientation

Same-sex relations in India are still a taboo, and many lesbian and bisexual women marry men due to of societal and family pressures. Since they cannot openly discuss or act on their sexual preferences, some married women take to dating apps.

Sahely Gangopadhyay, a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist from Kolkata, says, “Online dating apps have made same-sex encounters relatively easy. My clients tell me they opt for their preferred gender and keep their marital status discreet. We even have couple-friendly hotel rooms these days, that they can use, though usually I have seen women simply going out for a drink or a movie with their female friends,” she says.

Hot Indian woman in red saree - a photo on Flickriver

Gangopadhyay says she has a client who found it easier to voice her needs under the garb of an altered name and relationship status in the virtual world. Unfortunately, when the woman’s husband came to know of her secret, he turned even more violent. It is a vicious cycle, Gangopadhyay says, where the woman looks for affection outside her marriage, but then ends up suffering even more abuse at home. “We need to understand that different women have different needs and the only way to deal with them is to be able to voice them without fear or guilt,” she adds.

Most Indian women, unhappy as they may be with their conjugal life, do not want to end their marriages as that entails facing societal questions and having to feel guilt and shame. Instead, they lead parallel sex lives until they feel things have gone out of control or that the affairs are affecting their personal lives.

 

 

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Sarika – Curing Arachnophobia

After working so many days, I’ve finally gotten some free time. What better way to spend that time than in the company of the most beautiful woman you know. It’s been awhile since I saw Sarika, and she’s as gorgeous ever.

I had texted her last week but she was traveling for her job. Sarika is Lead Project Manager of a Direct Factory Shipping global re-engineering project to optimize supply chain efficiency and improve customer experience. Kaizen facilitator trained. Utilized lean six sigma principles daily for rapid planning events, Kaizen events, and long term projects. Heavy emphasis on data mining and analysis, process mapping and project management.

Sarika presented at the American Society of Cell Biology’s 49th Annual Meeting, December 5-9, 2009 in San Diego, CA. She’s pretty great.

I know in the past I’ve had some issues with Sarika but when I think back on it now, it’s all a bunch of bullshit. She’s never done anything to hurt me. I think I was just being a foolish, bitter bitch. Because Sarika is a delight to be around. She’s smart, she’s sexy, and she’s got a sharp wit. You don’t get a B.S. in Biomedical Science by being and idiot.

I entitled this piece “Curing Arachnophobia” because I need to cut the shit about Sarika being the black widow and all that nonsense. I’m evolving as I move forward on this journey. I’ve talked some smack on some people and I will in the future if I have to, but I’m done labeling people as good guys and bad guys.

Sarika lives her own life and lives very well. I should be honored she still wants to meet up with me for drinks when she’s in town. She’s more of a genuine person than half the people I know.

I recently discovered some new things about Sarika. She’s done skydiving. She’s never talked about that.

A close friend of hers in college was murdered during a botched robbery in 2013. That was about a year before I met her. That must have been horrible. The dude was a medical student that was going to be a doctor, and some piece of garbage shot the guy in the prime of his life. Sarika was even interviewed on TV about it. That’s awful. She was good friends with the guy for seven years before his life was cut short.

Other than that, she’s had the normal ups and downs of a bright girl navigating her way through her twenties. I’ve learned much writing this blog. You’ve gotta cut the static and just focus on who’s good in your life. If not for my ex friend Keila, (See: Keila – 2012 to 2017 – The Gaza Stripper) I would have never met Sarika. But Sarika has survived and I cut Keila off months ago when she betrayed my dear friend, Alice. (See: Alice – 2012 to Present – The Cute Recruiter)

I’m sitting at the bar and chatting with Roman the bartender. (See: Roman – 2012 to Present – Rock n’ Roll Bartender)

Sarika enters Square 1682 and sits next to me at the bar. She looks lovely as always, her raven hair, pulled to the side in a single braid, her creamy caramel skin glows, and she ignites the bar when she smiles.

The perfect name for this blog is phicklephilly, because I’m so fickle. Sarika’s one of the only ones left that came through Keila. I love Sarika.

She’s great.

I also find out that she has a guy she’s seeing that she likes very much. He lives in Florida I think. I checked him out on her Facebook and he looks like a good guy. He’s a little younger that Sarika, but she’s young at heart. I’m sure he loves her. He works as a plumber she said. I like that he has a trade, unlike so many people today that can’t do anything mechanical. I wish them both a lot of love and luck in their relationship.

She has the money and means to fly anywhere and meet with him. In this day and age you can pull off a long distance relationship if both parties can handle it. I certainly could. I’d probably prefer it at this point. It would be great if I could just see someone a couple of times a month and I’d be fine. I’ve just gotten to the point where I don’t need that much attention and enjoy my alone time.

After a few drinks at Square, we decide to go to Mix Pizza for a slice. I like that we did drinks and now we’re getting food together. I don’t know if we’ve ever done that before. I love Mix Pizza. She gets some sort of healthy type slice and I just go with straight up plain. It was so good I went for a 2nd slice.

After that I walked her home to Rittenhouse Square. It was a lovely evening with an even lovelier girl. I’m glad I’m still friends with the prettiest girl I know.

I’m glad she’s doing well and I hope to get to see Sarika again soon. I had a fun night with her.

 

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Sarika – Back In The Widow’s Web

Surprise, surprise!

I left the salon after a meeting with Achilles about the fitness center. I wanted to hit Dan Dan, the Asian fusion restaurant and bar where my buddy, Chet works as bartender. I just wanted to unwind after a long day of work, and toss back a few chardonnays.

I was completely out of cigs, so I headed over to the nearest newsstand at 16th and Locust Street. I stood in line while a few people ahead of me were buying their lottery tickets. (Or as I call it, 401K for the poor) I realized I didn’t have enough cash so I got out of line and headed to the little store down on Spruce.

I get my smokes and I head back up 16th street. I get to the intersection at Locust street again, and who do I see crossing the street from me but Sarika! She’s smiling and waving.

I’m wondering how this is possible and it almost seems surreal. I know she looked up at me two weeks ago at Parc and then looked away. I just assumed she had read the blogs about her and she now hated me.

But here she is smiling and looking gorgeous as always. She apologizes for being all sweaty but she says she just came from a spin class at Flywheel across the street.

She still looks sexy as hell. Sweat beading on her forehead, her raven tresses askew and curling about her shoulders. I can see her nipples poking through her wet sports bra. I think this is how she would look after a session with me.

But I digress…

She’s lively and a bit out of breath. We catch up on what’s been happening in our lives. I talk about the fitness center and she goes on about how much she has had to travel lately for her job. She says she recently got a raise. She’s obviously killing it as an engineer/scientist. Brains and beauty.

I ask her if she’d like to join me at Dan Dan for a drink, but she said she’s too sweaty and gross to go anywhere. She just wants to go home.

She says she met a guy she likes. I think she said they met in Atlanta, but he lives in Florida. All of these long distance relationships. But when you think about it, in this day and age it’s not that bad. Sarika travels so much it’s nothing for her to hop on a plane and jet down to Florida for a few days. She can afford it and she’s accustomed to traveling.

I’m happy to hear that she’s doing well and not mad at me. I guess when she said she was reading my blog a few months ago she missed the stuff about her. Bullet dodged!

She says she has to go to Boston this weekend, but will be back next week. She’d like to meet up for a drink.

So I’m happy about this little twist. I’ll let sleeping dogs lie, and we’ll move forward from here.

Sarika is back!

 

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Sarika – Out Of The Web – Update

Just another pretty face…

I was just walking home from the salon. It’s been busy and Achilles asked that I help out Trish during her shift.

It’s was really warm out today. We’ve had a chilly Spring but this week the temperature really has finally risen.

So while walking home I decided to walk through Rittenhouse Square. I knew everybody would be out and I thought I’d see a bunch of beautiful women.

There were plenty all sitting outside at the three restaurants on the east side of the square. Rouge, Devon Seafood, and Parc.

So I’m strolling down the sidewalk checking out all of the pretty faces and well turned legs, and who do I see sitting with another girl and two young men?

Sarika!

I see her and she looks up at me and then averts her eyes back to who she is talking to.

She would never do that to me. She’s always nice to me and would call me over to say hello.

So this tells me one thing.

She’s read, phicklphilly!

Game over!

She’s cut me off because I laid it out there and told the truth about the lonely Black Widow.

The truth hurts.

But I’m not sad. She’s just another pretty face.

I have no use for her in my life.

What’s the point of having her around? So I can listen to her warble on about her dates and other failed relationships? I’m sure I didn’t hurt her feelings, because you must have feelings to have them hurt.

C’est la vie!

 

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Sarika – Song of the Black Widow

God, she’s beautiful. I couldn’t find a stock picture on the internet to capture the delightful beauty of this girl. She is so pretty. Indian. Exotic. The type of beauty you’d almost pay for to be seen with at an event. She is probably one of the most beautiful women I know in Philly. But she recently reached out to me to come hang at a happy hour and a brand new place in Rittenhouse, called Scarpetta. Smith and Wolensky’s is gone and now that place is here. It’s in the Rittenhouse Hotel. She also mentioned that she wants me to come up to her apartment and check out her new place at the Dorchester. I am so glad I have reconnected with her. This vacuous she-devil is such a good character for this work. I am a huge fan of lovely Sarika.

I got to Scarpetta around 5:30. They’ve done a nice job with the place. It’s dark and intimate. The bar looks the same but they’ve opened up the place a bit. There’s only the one bar, but they have a lounge in the back and there is a dining room upstairs. I look around for Sarika but I don’t see her. I’m chatting with the manager and then I look out the window and see her walking towards the building.

Sarika looks amazing as always. We grab a couple of drinks at the bar and sit in this cool little area by ourselves near the window. Rittenhouse Square looks beautiful. It’s all decorated for the holidays.There are strings of bulbs in the trees and the whole park twinkle with light. She is having some sort of light pink beverage that I didn’t catch the name of, and I’m having the old-fashioned. Normally, cocktails are around fifteen dollars, but during happy hour they’re half price. So that’s something I can live with for now.

I ask her what she’s been up to and she says she’s been going on a lot of dates. Turns out that weasel she wanted to bring to my eighty dollar a plate New Years party last year has been gone for a while. I remember she was so into that guy. Apparently they were together off and on for two years. She says she wasted her best years on him and now she’s old. She’s 28! Come on Sarika, you are still but a child. She said he was a jerk to her and probably never loved her. I get her laughing, and start thinking that the black widow isn’t so bad after all. She may be smart as a whip, but she’s still a young woman navigating her way through love and life. I even joke that she probably has a blood-red hour-glass tattooed on her belly.

I do love pretty things, and she is no exception.

I tell her she looks great as always. She has been in some sunny destinations lately, so her skin is a darker brown than normal. I like it. It makes her look even more mysterious and exotic. I mention it and she immediately asks if I think it looks ugly. She always says things like that. She is so smart but so immature at the same time. She’s also a bit of a chatterbox. I think most men can’t handle that and don’t like a girl who talks too much. I don’t mind it. I like a girl who has things to say and experiences to share. I love to talk and entertain a woman, so it’s nice when I have a chatty girl so I don’t have to do all of the work. Women like a good listener and I grew up with three sisters. But what I can’t stand is what Carol used to do. Just babbling on nonstop like a tire spinning in the snow. (See: Carol 5/2014 to 8/2016 – There’s No Fun In Dysfunction)

I once read that women speak up to 20,000 words a day, compared to men, who speak only 12,000. So when we get home…We’re done!

It is puzzling how a woman this strikingly beautiful can’t keep a man. But the more you’re around her the more it makes sense. She says she’s been finding men on an app called J Swipe. It’s like Tinder for Jews. I asked her why that app? She said Jewish men normally appreciate women more, have good jobs, and have money. Sounds like she’s hunting for a husband. I think one of the challenges Sarika is facing is that she may be viewed more as a conquest. A creature to be captured and checked off of some list, because she’s so beautifully exotic.

She said she went out with a guy on Monday and even had a date with a pilot after our happy hour. So I assume I won’t be getting a tour of that gorgeous apartment in her building tonight. Sarika has a very busy life. She travels a great deal for her job as a scientist. I know she was formerly an engineer, but now I guess she’s a scientist. She makes great money and spends her other free time hopping on planes and taking little trips. It sounds like a fun life with all of the dating, and jet setting vacations, but it almost seems like she doesn’t want to be alone in her apartment. She’s crazy dating now. It’s good that she’s getting out there and meeting people after two years wasted with weasel man. But again, I can see men wanting her because she’s so beautiful, but she’s kind of annoying to talk to for any length of time. So if they get the opportunity to sleep with her they may not stick around.

Sarika is very intelligent and a nerd. I have taken her to Science after Hours at the Franklin Institute in the past. She loved it like a child. We went to see Jurassic World last summer, and Guardians of the Galaxy is her favorite movie. If my friend Duncan finds that up he’ll probably move up here from North Carolina. You would think guys would find that hot. A pretty girl who likes guy stuff and sci-fi, but it hasn’t worked. Maybe one of these many men that she is meeting for dates, will be rich and just marry her as a trophy wife. But sadly, people are funny about race in this country. They may want to sleep with a hot girl, but they may not want to bring and Indian woman back home to meet the family. I personally I have nothing against it. If you have been reading this blog, you know I love all different kinds of women. As Hank Moody says in the show Californication, “I got all your albums. I love you all and you and you included, Sarika.”

My buddy Church shows up at Scarpetta. I’m happy to see him. Once Sarika  goes on her date at One Tippling Place up the street, he and I can go to Square 1682 and have a drink. Church knows everybody in the restaurant and bar business in this town, so when he orders a drink and the server brings it over, she says, “This one is on Nathan.” He’s the GM there so Church got the hook up. I get another drink, but Sarika is only having the one so she doesn’t show up drunk for her date at 7:00.

While I was waiting at the bar to get my drink, Church chatted with Sarika. I was a little glad that it took the bartender a little time to get to me and make my drink. Normally I don’t like that, but I thought it would give Church a chance to talk to Sarika.

I get back to our little area by the window. We all chat a bit more. Sarika has to go soon, so she heads back to the ladies room. Church tells me she wouldn’t stop talking and it was driving him crazy. He’s been on edge lately, and listening to Sarika go on about something was annoying him. He said something to the effect, “I wanted to put a gun in my mouth.” He said she is so vacuous and self-absorbed and all she talked about was herself.

He once said that about another attractive girl who talked a lot. He was in a car with her and she was talking non stop and he said, “I wanted to leap right out of the car while it was going 70 miles per hour down the highway.”

Sarika returns, and I put her coat on for her. I tell her I will pay for the one drink she had. She tells me she’ll get me next time. I give her a kiss on the cheek good-bye and she’s off. I get the bill for my two old-fashioneds and her dainty drink. It should come to over $22 plus tax. I look at it and it’s only $15. So I got the hookup because I was with Church.

Dude certainly has the power.

I think next we’ll do a happy hour with my friend Carly.  So the night went well and again without incident.

So maybe my pretty little arachnid is finally growing up.

I love Sarika. She is beautiful, and I enjoy her company, if nobody else does, and I can’t wait to see her again.

(Oh… and if you’ve somehow found this and other stories Sarika, I’ll understand if you cut me off. The truth always hurts more than fiction)

 

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Sarika -The Return of the Stone Fox

I reached out to Sarika, not because I like her, but I wanted to find out what she was up to with her life. I was just going to meet up with her for a drink, but my buddy Rocco hooked me up with two VIP tickets to Taste of Philly. So I decided to take her to that.

Taste of Philly is a big event that two large publications put on each year at the Crystal Tea Room. The Crystal Tea Room is a big event spaced owned by Finlay Catering. It’s actually on the 9th floor of the building Macy’s is in on Market Street. They gather a large group of food and beverage companies together in a few big rooms. They sell tickets for $35 a piece and hundreds of people come and stuff their heads, and drink their faces off all night. It’s a fun event and I always run into people I know. It’s nice to see and be seen. VIP is invited to arrive at 6pm and then at 7pm they let the rest of the animals in. Normally we hang for two hours and then bolt. Where else can you drink and eat that much food and booze for $35 in Philadelphia?  But we did it for free and VIP thanks to my man, Rocco. (See: Rocco – 2015 to Present – Amanda Peet)

I go to Square 1682 and wait for her. She arrives shortly thereafter. She looks absolutely beautiful as always. Her skin actually looks a little darker. I comment about it and she says she’s been traveling. She says when she’s not working she takes little trips. So she has obviously been going to places that have lots of sunshine. But even with darker skin she actually looks more exotic and even hotter. Just a stone fox.

She has a really good job as an engineer for a scientific research company. She has been there for over a year now. She had a romantic affair with one of her co-workers at her last place of employment and it didn’t end well. So she ended up leaving and having to switch jobs. Super hot, but can’t keep a man.

She tells me she moved from her crappy apartment on 19th street. She now lives in a really posh high-rise in Rittenhouse. Initially when I asked her to meet for a drink she invited me over to her place. Now I know why. She wanted to show me her awesome new apartment. She showed me some pics of her views, and they are spectacular. It’s a one bedroom and she’s only paying $1500. Which is a great deal for the location and the amenities of living in that building. I bring her up to speed on my life and she tells me what she’s been doing.

It sounds like she has a bit of a lonely life. Works all the time, and has to travel extensively for that job. Traveling for work is exhausting. I’ve lived that life. She makes great money, but instead of coming home and resting, she’s taking these little vacations all of the time. It’s almost as if she is running away from her life. Always trying to escape something. Maybe she’s trying to forget something. All of her past brief relationships have all ended in heartbreak.

She always comes off very blunt and honest. She’s extremely bright but she’s also cunning and a bit mean.But that wasn’t the case tonight. She is perfectly well-behaved. I asked her what ever happened to that guy she was seeing. (The one she wanted to bring as a date to the $80 a plate New Years event I invited her to last year.) She dismisses me, saying, “I don’t want to talk about it.” She always says that when her relationships end badly. So he probably dumped her or cheated on her and then dumped her. It happened to Halle Berry and Jennifer Anniston. It always just amazes me that a young woman who is beautiful can’t keep a man. (Sarika is definitely one of the most gorgeous women I know) I am sure they are captivated by her beauty initially, but once her best representative falls away, she reveals her true self. A vacuous, mean-spirited girl who cares for no one but herself.

Rocco arrives with the VIP tickets. It’s great to see him because it’s been awhile. I am sipping my signature chardonnay with ice. Sarika is sticking with water because she says she’s trying to lose weight. She’s smoking hot and doesn’t need to lose any weight. But it always seems like she is on a diet. What woman isn’t? It’s kind of sad.

Rocco pounds two martinis into himself. Which surprised me, but then I thought to myself, he still works for one of the companies that puts on tonight’s event. They have recently been bought out by their distributor, and I hear the new management are a bunch of assholes. So maybe Rocco needs a little medication before he faces all of those clowns that will be there tonight.

We head over to the event. We get there around 6:20pm. But there is a huge line outside waiting to check in and get up the elevators. Apparently they are not ready upstairs and they missed the 6pm VIP opening. That is not good. But being the arrogant punks we are, we just blaze by everyone and go to the front of the line. We didn’t even get out little paper bracelets to say we were VIP. We tell the angry mob that we are VIP and work for the company that puts on the event, so technically we weren’t lying. Sarika is delighted by our attitudes.

The event was good and the food and drinks were delicious. We just kept going back to the VIP bar and getting refills. Sarika was drinking and stuffing her head with delicious treats. So there goes that supposed diet. But we’re all having a great time. I run into many people I know and we are all getting a solid buzz on. Then something extraordinary happened.

I’m walking along with Sarika by my side and I see someone I haven’t laid eyes on since 1979.

If you didn’t see someone for 35 years you may not recognize them. The same would go for you. 35 years is a long time. But with the advent of social media, I recognized him. If I hadn’t been connected to him on Facebook, we would have walked right by each other like strangers.

I say his name and he recognizes me as well. I hug him and I am so happy to see him. He was the bass player in my first rock band. I remember him as a skinny, awkward teen with long blonde hair, who wore glasses and had a shaggy little beard.

Now he’s a big fat guy with a full grey beard and short grey hair. At least he didn’t go bald. He introduces me to his average looking wife who is in her 50’s as well. I’m making a big fuss over him, and start singing lyrics to a song that he wrote. I have that kind of memory. He’s smiling and laughing. His wife asks who I am. He tells her I was the singer in the group Renegade back in the seventies. She’s amazed. He says I look the same, just a little older. He then says that he now looks like Santa Claus. (He sort of does resemble that jolly old elf) I tell him he looks great. He glances over at Sarika, and I introduce her. He looks back at me and says, “I see you haven’t changed.”

That sly compliment is better than money to me.

We go on our way and keep munching and drinking our way through the event. Michelle would have loved an event like this. We run into a few more people we know and it’s a fun night. Sarika is very well-behaved and I’m having  good time with her.

After awhile we’re getting tired, and decide we have seen everything that we wanted to and we head out. We thank Rocco for the tickets and say goodnight. I walk Sarika back to her place but don’t go up.

Sarika has redeemed herself… for now.

 

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Prova – Glow of the Sun

I met Prova at a networking event a year ago. We were drinking and chatting, and I gave her my business card. I meet so many people in my line of work, if we don’t stay in touch, I’ll probably forget all about them. That’s just how life is.

One night I was working late at my desk at my advertising gig. I either got a text or a call. I answered and it was Prova. She said that I probably didn’t remember her, but she was looking for a part-time job to supplement her real job.

Prova works as a broker for a large firm here in the city. She likes to stay busy and wanted a part-time gig. I’ve done that job. It’s stressful and tough. She asked if with all my connections, could I see if anyone was looking for a bartender. I told her I would check, and get back to her.

I called her back in a couple of days, and told her a couple of places where she should apply, and drop my name. Within a week, she circled back to me, and told me that she had landed both gigs! One at a bar and one at a beer garden. She was very grateful, and we decided to meet up for lunch.

We met at Smith’s over on 19th. She’s a beautiful, spiritual Indian woman. She has lovely thick ribbons of raven hair, and killer dimples that light up her smile. Just great energy with which I can connect. She filled me in on all of the details of her life, and I did the same.

We’ve kept in touch, and met for food and drinks several times since then.

That was about five months ago and much has changed since then. I met up with her again recently at a local pub in Rittenhouse. We went on a Monday and that is 1/2 off cheese steak day. Which is clutch. You can get a cheese steak and fries for around five bucks. So we did that, and my favorite bartender there served us. Normally I don’t have any interest in eating dessert but for some reason that day I wanted it. We settled on Smores chocolate meltdown with ice cream. Just an absolutely decadent treat. Fantastic. I don’t take pictures of my food and put it on social media, but I did this time. Best part was, we had two cheese steaks, fries, she had a beer, I had a soda and we destroyed that dessert all for $17.00.  My favorite bartender told me the dessert was on her. She’s and adorable Vietnamese girl. Her name is Anna Marie. Maybe I’ll write about her sometime.

Prova loves her bartending gig and still does it a few nights a week. She has since left the beer garden, (It’s only open in the summer anyway) but has taken another job as a shot girl for a national liquor brand. She does that a few nights a week as well, and they pay her $30 and hour! She loves this new aspect to her life. She has decided to slowly hand off her client base and eventually leave the brokerage house, where she still works during the day. Would I date her? Absolutely. She’s a beautiful, smart woman. But I wouldn’t want to screw up our friendship. Plus, there has been talk of her attending church on a regular basis. If you’ve been keeping up with this blog, you’ll know I prefer my women with a “Touch of Evil.”

She has also recently moved out of her parents house in the burbs, and got a posh apartment with a roommate down on the waterfront. She loves her roommate, and says she’s a great person with which to share a place. I’m really happy for her.

Prova was telling me a funny story about a friend of a friend, that happened down in the Gayborhood. (All around 13th & Sansom) She said we should head down there one night and have a drink, and meet some fun people. I’m down for that. Who knows what kind of new stories I can get out of that night?

 

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Lida – Innocent Exile

Another tale of one man’s journey navigating his way through the dating scene in Philadelphia.

This is going to sound like it’s not true but it is. A couple of months ago during the Democratic Convention, I met Lida. I was coming out of the Rite Aid at 17th and Chestnut. This petite woman who appeared Indian or Middle Eastern in origin came up to me on the street.  Late twenties or early thirties, caramel skin, black hair, and dark brown eyes. She asked if she had seen me yesterday out here with my wife and our dog.

I don’t have a dog, and I certainly ain’t got no wife! So I was a little taken aback. Philly is full of nuts. But she was very sweet. I told her maybe she saw me with my neighbor and her dog because we were out together with her dog a few days ago. She then asked me where the T-Mobile store was. I told her. She said she was from Northeast Philly. That she was staying with a friend here in center city for the Democratic Convention. She had taken a 2 week temporary volunteer position to help out with the influx of people. She said she didn’t know her way around Philly and asked if I could show her where the T-Mobile store was. I had nothing to do and she was very sweet, so I said yes.

So we’re walking over to the store and I’m staring to realize there is something off about this woman. She is asking me a lot of questions about my life. Am I married? Do I have a girlfriend? Do I ever want to get married? Stuff like that. Like I said, she was very sweet but seemed to lack some social skills. She almost seemed a little immature in her thinking. So we get to T-Mobile and she talks to one of the staff. She needs a charger or something. She asks me to hold her bags and I go have a seat.

After some time, she has what she needs and we leave. She says she has to go to Rite Aid and pick up a few things. She begins to tell me that she normally lives with her parents up in the Northeast. That she was bitten by a deer tick like nine years ago, and got a bad case of Lyme Disease. Bad enough that she has been on disability for the last 9 years. She has never been married. The more I listen to her the more it seems that she has somehow been locked away.

Lida takes my hand. She wants to hold hands. I love holding hands. I haven’t held hands with anyone since 2014. I did it but it felt awkward. I just met this woman.  She tells me how she found this temporary roommate through Craigslist. I needed details. She said he was man in his sixties and was letting her stay at his apartment here in center city so she could do her job.

First thing I’m thinking is, how is this young woman who seems like she has been locked in a tower since the theatrical release of the Little Mermaid know any thing about going onto Craigslist to find stuff?

Then she wants to sit in a park. So I comply. I can feel that this woman is lonely. We’re facing each other on a bench, and out of nowhere she says; “Do you want to kiss me? Because it looks like you do.” It was surreal. Nobody does that. But… If I search back through my whole history and everybody I ever dated…yes, this has probably happened before. But we didn’t kiss. I think I was so taken aback by her statement. Odd thing was, I could feel that she wanted me to kiss her. I would have but it just seemed weird. She says she has to go to the store and pick up some things. I wanted to see how this whole thing was going to play out so I agreed to join her.

She seemed simple, but like I said she was so sweet. It’s as if she had little experience connecting with people. Especially the opposite sex.

We go to Rite aid and she hands me a list. A list?  She tells me she has to get these things for the house. It’s part of the agreement. I ask her if she is fooling around with this guy in exchange for free room and board. She said she was not having sex with him and he is often out-of-town. I enjoy a challenge so I grabbed a basket and the list.

I ran a round the store getting all this stuff while she looked at mascara. I returned to her and she was very pleased at all of the stuff I got. But I think she was more pleased that she  had a guy to do domestic stuff with. Frankly dear readers, I was bored at T-Mobile, and doing this was kind of annoying, and all the questions about life and love and hand holding were actually starting to get on my nerves.

So now we’re walking back to her apartment and I’m carrying a bunch of bags. She asks me what my plans are for the rest of the day. I’m thinking, she’s nuts and I don’t really want to be around this head case much longer. I tell her I have to be at a meeting at 2pm. Which was a bold-faced lie. I had to see a friend of mine at 3pm but I wanted to get away from her sooner. If she hadn’t been insane I would have worked something out with my friend. Because she was a nice looking little chick.

We get to the building that she’s staying in. There is a security guard at the front desk. She tells him that she just has to drop all of these bags upstairs at the apartment. He says fine, but I have to wait here in the lobby. I don’t care, maybe I should just bolt while she’s upstairs and cut this nut job loose. But she seems lonely and she is really sweet. And based on past experience when I was in a band, sweet crazy can be a lot of fun. She gets on her T-Mobile phone and calls the old guy who owns the apartment. She explains to him that she got all of the stuff he wanted her to get on the list at the store, but she needs me to help her carry all the bags upstairs. She explains to him that I am her friend and not just someone she just met. She’s really selling it. I’m acting casual and looking at my phone as if uninterested. Because I kind of am! At this point I’m assuming that the guy asked to speak to the security guard. She hands her cell to him and he’s listening, says a few words that I can’t hear and then hands her back to the phone. I’m assuming he instructed the guard to time how long we’re up there in his house. Lida thanks him and says goodbye. The guard waves me through and we head to the elevator.

We arrive on her floor, and this place is nice. There’s a full gym on this floor. We walk to the end of the hall and she opens the door to the apartment. It’s nicely appointed. I put down the bags and we start putting things where they belong. She excuses herself to the bathroom. I look around. The place has no view. It faces a wall of another building. The apartment doesn’t look lived in so I figure the old guy often travels.

Lida returns from the bathroom and comes at me like a pit adder. She throws herself into my arms and pushing her body against me, kisses me deeply. I return her attack. I do nothing to resist her advances. She stops for a moment. Her lips are only an inch from mine. “I’m so horny all of time.” she hisses, producing a small square packet from her hand. She looks me dead in the eye. “Put this on. You have to be quick.” She leads me to her room and we quickly disrobe each other in a tangle of limbs and garments. I push her down onto the bed and suit up with the prophylactic.

Normally, I like this sort of thing to last for a long time. But time is of the essence. My window of time for this to work is closing, and her thighs are opening. The fear of getting caught or being found out only heightens our arousal. (insert jack hammer sound effects here)

I don’t know if it was seven minutes or five. Probably five. Felt like three.

Panting and sweating, we quickly dress. I tie off the end of the condom and take the evidence with me. (Always a good idea fellas when you hook up with some strange in another man’s house.) We jump into the elevator and get out of the building. My mind is reeling. I play it cool as I stride by the security guard and out the door. It’s a little bit before 1pm, so what just happened is technically a nooner.

Lida is giggling and holding my hand and says she wants to go and sit by the water feature over at City Hall. I’m still a bit stunned from the event so I just go with her. She asked me if I liked it and did I get what I wanted and was I satisfied and do I think she’s pretty. etc. And I’m saying yes, yes, yes Yes! We sit down in front of a bunch of little kids playing in the fountains. It’s funny. The kids are laughing and playing and having a grand time in the water. It’s funny that as long as I’m sitting here with a woman everything is cool, but remove her from the situation and…awkward!

So of course she starts going on about kids and marriage and all of the other stuff. How she wants to get married and wants kids. I feel emotional. I’ve already done all of that and don’t want to do it again.I start feeling sorry for her. Because after the Democratic Convention leaves, she’s going back to her parents house in Northeast Philly. She tells me that tonight City Hall shows movies for free outside. She asks me if I would like to see whatever is playing tonight. I’m like…sure.  Then she asks me to bring a blanket and make a picnic basket and all. How we’re going to go on dates and go to dinner while she’s here. I’m like, “Tell you what, I have to go to my meeting soon. Let me take down your number and I’ll text or call you when I’m done. I don’t know how long it will be.” She gives me her number. I ask her what she’s going to do with the rest of her afternoon and this was her response: “I’m just going to go back to the apartment and play with myself.” Really? I ask. “Yea, I told you I’m always horny. I’m just going to masturbate and think about having sex with you all afternoon.” I kind of liked that she used the words “Play with myself.” It’s such a juvenile term that sounds like something a parent would tell their child not to do, or to stop doing and somehow it made it dirtier. I liked that. I liked the idea of her just sitting back in that apartment and just going to town on herself for hours. Just ruining the upholstery throughout the house. That almost makes me want to see her again.

Almost.

I walked her back to her building. We hugged and kissed and I told her I had to go. I walked down Chancellor at 15th which is basically a filthy alley. Tears began to run down my face.

I never spoke to or saw Lida ever again.

 

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every Monday at 9am EST.

I publish new Dating content every Monday at 9am EST. I publish Updates and bios and stories about Non-Dating related characters, such as male and female friends, on Wednesdays at 9am EST.

Sarika – River of Betrayal

I was down at Harbor Park down on the Delaware River, two summers ago. I remember I was stumbling about with one of my bartender pals, Myles. We her drunk and stoned and just grooving on the lights and checking out the ladies.

I remember looking off to my two o’ clock and seeing this stunning Indian beauty in a blue and white striped shirt with white slacks. She really struck me because she was so lovely. Just an ethereal, exotic beauty. She was with a group of girls, so we just kept walking. Myles had a girlfriend at the time and I wasn’t in the market, so we just browsed.

I never really thought of that Eastern beauty again, until I was chatting with my friend, Keila. She was showing me some of her friends in her phone, and I was suddenly like, “Wait a second! Back up! Who is that?” “Oh, my friend, Sarika?”

I told her how I saw her at Harbor Park and was immediately taken by her beauty. “Can you introduce me to her?” I squeaked.

So a few weeks later I was at an event with Keila, and she had her squad with her. Sarika was there. Keila knows everybody and has tons of contacts so it stands to reason she’d be friends with hot Sarika. She introduces me, and I proceed to tell her the story of how I had noticed her at Harbor Park weeks before.

I became friends with Sarika. We would meet up for drinks, and I was just happy to be seen in public with such a deadly beauty. I would take her to fashion shows and she would be hotter than the models on stage. I kid you not.

I learned that Sarika was a nerd. As hard to believe as that may seem, it’s true. She worked as an engineer. She would rather go to the Franklin Institute after hours with me than sit in a bar or go to a club. I found that incredibly hot. Because most nerds aren’t hot. I mean my friend Trish is hot, but not “Sarika” hot. We would hang out quite a bit. I started to realize that she didn’t have many female friends. She was seeing this pretty boy type, but I think he wasn’t that into her. Which I didn’t understand. How could you not be interested in someone who lovely? The more time I spent with Sarika, the more I started to see that she was vacuous and really self-absorbed. She would say things negative about herself only so you’d say, “Oh no you’re not. You look great.” Why would she need that?

Then I heard a story from my dear friend Alice. She was in New York with Sarika, and Alice was visiting some people and one of them was an ex that she was still friends with. Alice stressed to everyone that she still had some feelings for him. Which if you were a normal person you would be careful about what you said or did around them. So they’re in a taxi, and Sarika starts flirting with Alice’s ex right in front of her. Then goes so far as to laugh and make fun of Alice. I hear this story later, and I find it hard to believe, because Sarika has never done anything to me. But I’m not a girl.

Then I hear another story about how Sarika was flirting with Keila’s then boyfriend. She would do it right in front of her. Keila knew this was breaking the code. You don’t pull that shit on your friends. Granted, at the time she was dating this rich guy that looked like Woody Harrelson’s brother with down syndrome and the HIV. I didn’t understand that mess.

So what was up with Sarika? Was she really a Black Widow? My female friends would ask me why I still hung around with that shrew, and my answer was always the same. “She’s never done anything to me.”

New Years 2016 rolls around. I have tickets at the Pyramid Club for a $70 a plate event. Who do I want to be seen with in all the pictures on New Years eve at the Pyramid Club? Exactly. I don’t even have to say her name.

Well, it’s like the day before and I get a call from her and she says, “I’m trying to get Jim a ticket but it looks like it’s sold out.”

Ok. I know she has been seeing Jim off and on for a while now. First that smacked ass wouldn’t commit to her, because he probably was still banging his ex that he said he was ‘still ung up on.’ Maybe he didn’t want to commit to a brown-skinned girl.  i don’t know. But if you are my first choice to go to an exclusive event, and you agree, I don’t expect you to bring a date. It’s just rude. I didn’t expect to be kissing Sarika at midnight. i just wanted her to go with me. Sure i would have loved to have been with her, but i knew that wasn’t happening. She was just a friend, and the best darn bit of arm candy i knew.

I jus got really pissed at the infraction and sort of cut her off. I ended up taking some other loser chick that I could get to go with me last minute. I shouldn’t call her a loser. She’s clearly not but it just wasn’t the same. It was however one of the most sober new years eves I’ve ever had.

I started to think about some other times I was out with Sarika with some other women friends there. Sarika would sometimes make fun of the other girls. It’s kind of bizarre. Here is this tragically beautiful girl, who knows she’s gorgeous and smart as a whip, and she’s kind of an asshole to those around her. But I will tell you this. In the time I’ve known her, she’s never once been in a stable loving relationship. So there’s that.

My father used to say, you should be able to be friends with men and women. It’s a good balance. He also once said, “Go through this life and hurt as little people as possible.”

So watch out for karma, Sarika.

Update: It’s been over a year but I recently ran into Sarika and we have made some amends. I am supposed to meet up with her this month, so we’ll see what’s up. Sure she’s probably still a self-absorbed asshole.

But God, she is beautiful…

Phicklephilly!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every Monday at 9am EST.

I publish new Dating content every Monday at 9am EST. I publish Updates and bios and stories about related characters, such as male and female friends and acquaintances, on Wednesdays at 9am EST.