New Car – Part 2

1984

I remember when my dad and I went to the dealership to look at the car. At that time they had a few white ones and a couple of blue ones. I really liked the white one. I had never seen a car like this before. I loved that it looked like a spaceship and had flip-up headlights like a Corvette.

We worked out the financing and my father basically made the deal. I was too busy drooling over the car. I had the VW minibus, and then the Fiesta, but this was a brand new car.

My car.

I remember when they made delivery of the car, I was so excited. I clearly remember this exchange with my dad.

“I love this car! It’s so beautiful! I can’t believe it’s mine!”

“You will when you start making the payments on it.”

My dad being the banker, made the deal on the financing, and didn’t want me married to a car payment for a long period of time. The sooner I could get it paid off, the sooner I’d have equity in the car, and be free of the payments.

But what that caused me was an incredible financial hardship. The payments were around $300 a month and I really wasn’t making much money back then. I was married to that car for years. It sucked. I wished he would have done a 60-month deal, but what did I know back then? Zilch. I just wanted to drive a cool car.

When you’re a young man and you get your first new car it’s like a rite of passage. It’s like the car becomes an extension of yourself. It becomes part of your identity because you don’t have much of one yet. It’s like someone handing you a box full of cool. It’s your chariot. The stereo booming, while you speed down the road in your machine of metal is a feeling like no other.

I know that many men never get past the importance of owning a cool car. Sadly, there are so many underdeveloped men that feel that they are defined my driving an exotic and/or expensive automobile.

I’ve known men that think that if they drive a high-performance car they’re successful or powerful. When in reality, most women don’t care about cars, and they’ve invested their money into a depreciating asset.

The moment you drive your car off the lot it begins to lose value. Why would you want to invest your money in something that’s a money pit? I remember talking to a man with real wealth who told me this: “Don’t look at what kind of car the guy drives… look at his house. Anybody can lease a nice car and live in their mom’s basement.

But at age 23 it was an incredible rush to own a cutting edge, never seen before, cool car. I remember it being described as the “technological flagship” of the Subaru line.

I found these photos in an old album of mine.

There’s my baby right in front of the house in Wildwood, NJ!

Loved that car!

I remember I was working at Circle Liquor in Somer’s Point, NJ. There was a girl named Lori that worked there that I was in love with. I don’t think she held the same feelings for me, but I did go out on a couple of dates with her. Her dad worked at the Showboat Casino, and I think she just worked there until her dad could get her a job at the casino.

I went to pick her up one night, and it was snowing and I cleaned all the snow off my car out front of her house so she could see the car. But she didn’t really care about what I was driving or me for that matter.

She was really pretty, and I just couldn’t get her to fall for me. She ended up going to work at the Showboat, but I stayed in touch with her.

I remember one night I was supposed to meet her for dinner in Somer’s Point. I drove up there and was at the restaurant. She was supposed to meet me there and didn’t show up when she was supposed to. I called my friend Ferd as to what to do. “Order Johnny Walker Black on the rocks and stay cool. She’ll show up.”

I was an anxiety-ridden mess as usual back then and my nerves were shattered. I ended up calling her on a payphone and talking to her. I may have spoken to her two times that night while I was waiting. She eventually bailed on our date and I knew I was dead in the water.

I sadly drove home in my iron steed.

I talked to my father about it, and he said the following. “Maybe she doesn’t want a guy who works at a liquor store. A warehouse type. She works at the Showboat now. She probably wants a better class of man.”

Thanks for grinding my self-esteem even lower than it already was, dad.

Snowstorm!

Those kinds of statements are what propelled me to get a job in a bank like him. I figured if I had a good job, I would be able to get a quality woman.

Little did I know that that would be the beginning of some of the worst decisions of my life. 20 years in banking. Marrying a girl who came from a nice family for all the wrong reasons. It was the beginning of me losing my true self. But millions of men have made the same choices and been miserable for decades.

I remember describing my future wife to my dad and why I wanted to marry her. His response was, “That sounds like very republican thinking.”

But you’re the one that told me to be more than a warehouse worker, dad!

They’re all equal now, and none of it means anything to me from where I stand in my present life, but these were defining moments.

I loved everything about the car. I just felt so good when I was in it and driving around. I remember when it was new I’d be stopped at a light and people in the car next to me would look at it and say, “What is that?”

It was that cool in the mid-eighties. I loved being that guy.

 

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8 Things Guys Worry About – But Shouldn’t Tips

Guys aren’t immune to entertaining silly, irrational thoughts on occasion. Unlike women, we’re just generally better at hiding the things that we needlessly worry about.

From the size of our package to our perfectly-adequate incomes, guys regularly stress over things that would probably make women laugh. So, if you’re a guy reading this, start taking notes: Here are eight things that you probably worry about, but shouldn’t.

Finding a Solution to Everything

Generally speaking, guys are known for being problem solvers. We see a problem and we naturally want to fix it. Because why else would you complain if you don’t seek a solution?

Though it sounds logical enough, this practical approach may not be what your girlfriend is looking for when she unleashes her problems on you. Sometimes, she just wants to let her frustrations out—that’s it.

Don’t stress so much about finding a solution anytime she comes to you with a problem. Instead, ask her whether she wants advice or not. If she doesn’t, then you can sit back and not worry about coming up with a solution she clearly doesn’t want to hear.

Showing Emotion

It’s not unmanly to show emotion and talk about your feelings. In fact, showing emotion and being vulnerable may be more important for men than it is for women.

Studies have shown that guys who regularly suppress their emotions and don’t seek out help when they need it may turn to harmful coping strategies instead, such as substance abuse and risk-taking behaviors. In a 2008 study published in Alcoholism: Clinical & Experimental Research, men were more likely to crave alcohol when they experienced negative emotions compared to women.

So, go ahead: Let it all out. If anyone calls you a sissy for crying or admitting that you’re depressed, feel free to show them the door.

Having Perfect Skin All the Time

Some guys are lucky enough to never experience adult acne, while others just aren’t so fortunate. If your face is breaking out all of a sudden, it’s truly not the end of the world.

If you’re seriously stressing over the pimple in your nose, then you might just be making the problem worse. In a 2017 study published in Acta Dermato-Venereologica, researchers found a strong association between stress levels and the severity of acne in subjects with mild to moderate acne.

Bottom line? Try to relax! Get some exercise, practice meditation and listen to soothing music. It will do both you and your skin some good.

And Having the Perfect Body

We won’t lie to you: Many women do enjoy rippling abs and bulging biceps on a guy. However, women might be more attracted to your body flaws than you might think.

Your dad bod in particular could be a hit with some women. Several surveys have indicated that the popularity of the dad bod is on the rise, with many women reportedly finding it more attractive than washboard abs.

You don’t need to look like you just got done with a Men’s Health photoshoot to land the girl of your dreams. Just focus on treating your body with kindness and improving the things that are in your power to change.

Other Guys Stealing Your Girl

If you’re seriously worried that some handsome guy is going to swoop in and steal your girl out of the blue, then there are two possible reasons for your concern. You either have serious relationship anxiety and need to work out your deep-rooted insecurities or your relationship is already on shaky ground to begin with.

In both cases, it probably wouldn’t hurt to try therapy. There’s no shame in seeking professional help. It could potentially save a perfectly good relationship and make you much happier in the long-term.

The Size of Your Male Member

Admit it, you’ve probably worried about your penis size at some point in your life. But once you take a good, hard look (pun intended) at the research, you’ll quickly see that you have nothing to worry about at all.

A 2007 study published in BJU International surveyed more than 50,000 heterosexual men and women. In the survey, a whopping 85 percent of women were satisfied with their partner’s penis size, while only 55 percent of men were satisfied. Two of the studies found that women preferred wider penises to longer ones.

Furthermore, studies have shown that few women can orgasm from vaginal penetration alone. Rather than mope about your completely average penis size, you should instead be focusing on giving her the best clitoral orgasm of her life.

Impressing Everyone Around You

Who doesn’t want to be liked? It’s common for younger guys to go out of their way to impress their girlfriend, coworkers, boss and even random people on the street.

But let’s face it, trying to impress everyone is absolutely exhausting. Life is much too short to constantly be worrying about what everyone and their mother thinks about you.

The only thoughts that should matter to you are from the people who love you no matter what. Once you realize that and finally let go of your constant need to impress, you’ll likely feel a huge weight lifted off your shoulders.

Your Income

No matter what your current income, you probably wish it was higher. How do we know? Because apart from perhaps Bill Gates, there is no guy on the planet who doesn’t want more money.

By all means, ask for a raise at work and climb the career ladder. Just don’t fall into the trap of believing that a higher income will magically solve your problems or land you a girlfriend.

Besides, think about how many guys are living happy lives and have super-hot girlfriends, despite living on salary that’s barely above minimum wage. The only difference between these guys and you is your gratitude—or lack thereof.

Worry Less, Live More

We all have anxieties that get the best of us at times. The key is to not allow them to steal your happiness. None of the things on this list are worth the space they potentially take up in your brain. So, kick them to the curb, focus on the things that truly matter and you’ll likely be much happier for it.

 

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50 Words Of Sympathy & Condolences For The Loss Of A Mother

Simply saying “I’m sorry for your loss.” isn’t enough sometimes.

Death is never an easy topic to discuss ― even if it’s a natural part of life. Experiencing the loss of a loved one is so much harder. “Expected” deaths hurt just as bad as the ones that come out of the blue.

What makes death so difficult is realizing that you’ll never get to see them again or create new memories, and knowing what to say — what condolence messages to send for the loss of a mother — can be an impossible task.

I can only begin to imagine how traumatic it is to lose a mother. I know nothing compares to the loss of a mother. Moms are irreplaceable in our lives, because of the large role they play in our childhoods, adulthood, and beyond.

Mothers are undoubtedly real-life superheroes who sacrifice a multitude for our well being. Her sacrifices begin at the moment of our conception and continue for what seems like forever.

I send my condolences to those who have lost their mothers. I know sympathy quotes and condolence messages won’t make the pain go away, but they do provide a sense of temporary comfort.

Although I have not experienced the loss of my mother, I know a thing or two about loss. During loss we all grieve, feel sorrow, and sometimes even feel regret. Loss is truly an indescribable, overwhelming feeling. When you experience loss you feel so many emotions rolled into one.

These emotions are natural they come with a passing of a loved one, especially a mother. It’s really important that you allow yourself to feel your emotions ― no matter how painful and draining it maybe. Bottling up your emotions is a disservice to your healing process.

The only way to learn to live with the loss is to go through it and use the passing time to heal. I don’t know your mother, but I’m sure she’d want you to be happy again and continue to live your life to the fullest.

Thankfully, in our time of sorrow and loss, we don’t have to grief and heal alone. Many are willing to send their condolences and give a helping hand.

As you go through the healing process, I want you to meditate on these words of sympathy that express condolences for the loss of a mother.

1. Your mom will always be with you in spirit.

condolences for loss of mother

“Those we love don’t go away, they walk beside us every day.”

2. Your memories make you stronger.

“A family is a circle of love, not broken by a loss, but made stronger by the memories. We are forever blessed that God connected us to you.”

3. Be comforted by the fact that she was in your life.

“I know for certain that we never lose the people we love, even to death. They continue to participate in every act, thought, and decision we make. Their love leaves an indelible imprint in our memories. We find comfort in knowing that our lives have been enriched by having shared their love.” ― Leo Buscaglia

4. There is power in your tears.

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power.” ― Washington Irving

5. Losing her will never be easy.

“Losing a member of the family is never easy, especially one who offered such unconditional love.” ― Rike Ninja

6. She will bring people together even in her passing.

“A great soul serves everyone all the time. A great soul never dies. It brings us together again and again.”― Maya Angelou

7. It’s okay to be sad.

“We should feel sorrow, but not sink under its oppression.” ― Confucius

8. She will live on forever.

“Unable are the loved to die, for love is immortality.” ― Emily Dickinson

9. You’re sad because she added happiness to your life.

“When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.” ― Khalil Gibran

10. Love is worth grief.

condolences for loss of mother

“Grief is the price we pay for love.” ― Queen Elizabeth II

11. Crying heals you.

“Tears are God’s gift to us. Our holy water. They heal us as they flow.” ― Rita Schiano

12. Be grateful for the memories.

“Like a bird singing in the rain, let grateful memories survive in time of sorrow” ― Robert Louis Stevenson

13. Speak of her with comfort.

“When you speak of her, speak not with tears, for thoughts of her should not be sad. Let memories of the times you shared give you comfort, for her life was rich because of you.”

14. She has found peace.

“The sun, the moon, the wind, the stars, will forever be around, reminding you of the love you shared, and the peace she’s finally found.”

15. It’s okay not to be prepared for a loss.

“No matter how prepared you think you are for the death of a loved one, it still comes as a shock, and it still hurts very deeply.” ― Billy Graham

16. It’s your right to grief.

“I believe that everyone can appreciate the right of a family to grieve the loss of a loved one in peace.” ― Dave Reichert

17. Surviving loss may be hard, but it’s not impossible.

“When you lose a person you love so much, surviving the loss is difficult.” ― Cristiano Ronaldo

18. Your relationship is not dead.

“Death ends a life, not a relationship.”― Mitch Albom

19. Death is a natural part of life.

“It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know.” ― Lemony Snicket.

20. Her impact on your life will last forever.

condolences for loss of mother

“We all die. The goal isn’t to live forever, the goal is to create something that will.” ― Chuck Palahniuk

21. No one looks forward to death.

“No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it.” ― Steve Jobs

22. Celebrate her life.

“I’ve told my children that when I die, to release balloons in the sky to celebrate that I graduated. For me, death is a graduation.” ― Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

23. Your love keeps her alive, even if she’s gone.

“Love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone.”― Mitch Albom

24. Your tears show that your heart is pure.

“Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of a pure heart.”― José N. Harris

25. Your mother’s love will always protect you.

“Love as powerful as your mother’s for you leaves it’s own mark. To have been loved so deeply, even though the person who loved us is gone, will give us some protection forever.”― J.K. Rowling

26. Everything happens for a reason.

“God is never cruel, there is a reason for all things. We must know the pain of loss; because if we never knew it, we would have no compassion for others, and we would become monsters of self-regard, creatures of unalloyed self-interest. The terrible pain of loss teaches humility to our prideful kind, has the power to soften uncaring hearts, to make a better person of a good one.”― Dean Koontz

27. It’s okay not to know when you’ll be done grieving.

“Everyone keeps telling me that time heals all wounds, but no one can tell me what I’m supposed to do right now. Right now I can’t sleep. It’s right now that I can’t eat. Right now I still hear his voice and sense his presence even though I know he’s not here. Right now all I seem to do is cry. I know all about time and wounds healing, but even if I had all the time in the world, I still don’t know what to do with all this hurt right now.”― Nina Guilbeau

28. Her legacy will live on.

“A mother’s love is always with her children. Losing a mother is one of the deepest sorrows a heart can know. But her goodness, her caring, and her wisdom live on-like a legacy of love that will always be with you. May that love surround you now and bring you peace.”

29. You will not sink, you will survive this.

“Mother was comfort. Mother was home. A girl who lost her mother was suddenly a tiny boat on an angry ocean. Some boats eventually floated ashore. And some boats, like me, seemed to float farther and farther from land.”― Ruta Sepetys

30. What we deeply love becomes a part of us.

condolences for loss of mother

“What we have once enjoyed deeply we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes part of us.” ― Helen Keller

31. You eventually get into the acceptance stage.

“Any natural, normal human being, when faced with any kind of loss, will go from shock all the way through acceptance.” ― Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

32. You will always be connected to her.

“Those we love and lose are always connected by heartstrings into infinity.” ― Terri Guillemets

33. Family is worth the risk of loss.

“A family is a risky venture, because the greater the love, the greater the loss… That’s the trade-off. But I’ll take it all.” ― Brad Pitt

34. You won’t forget the way she made you feel.

“My mother is a never-ending song in my heart of comfort, happiness and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune.” ― Graycie Harmon

35. It’s a blessing to have known and be loved by your mother.

“Though sorrow may impede my heart. It is of great love to have known you.”― C. Elizabeth

36. Your love for her matters more than anything.

“Losing you is most difficult for me, but the nature of my love for you is what matters.” ― Haruki Murakami

37. She’s always going to be at your side.

“Mother, you left us beautiful memories, your love is still our guide, although we cannot see you, you’re always at our side.”

38. Your grief won’t always be this intense.

“Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.”― Vicki Harrison

39. A loss of a mother is a different kind of loss.

“I’ve lost lots of men in my life, besides my mother, which is a whole different loss.” ― Patti Smith

40. She will live on in your heart.

condolences for loss of mother

“There are no goodbyes for us. Wherever you are, you will always be in my heart.” ― Mahatma Gandhi

41. You can continue to love her.

“In life, we loved you dearly, in death, we love you still. In our hearts you hold a place, no one else will ever fill.”

42. This loss will make you a stronger person.

“Losing my mother at such an early age is the scar of my soul. But I feel like it ultimately made me into the person I am today; I understand the journey of life. I had to go through what I did to be here.” ― Mariska Hargitay

43. Your memories of her will never pass.

“The world changes from year to year, our lives from day to day, but the love and memory of you shall never pass away.”

44. Growth is coming.

“With loss comes growth.” ― Julie Foudy

45. Remember how fortunate you were to have her in your life.

“Whenever I am missing you, I also remember how fortunate I was that you were in my life. I wouldn’t trade those moments for the world.” — Cindy Adkins

46. Her hugs will last.

“A mom’s hug lasts long after she lets go.”

47. A mother’s love is powerful, even in her absence.

“Love as powerful as your mother’s for you leaves its own mark. To have been loved so deeply, even though the person who loved us is gone, will give us some protection forever.”– J.K. Rowling

48. She’ll always have your heart.

“Mothers hold their children’s hands for a while, but their hearts forever.”

49. It’s okay to miss her, just know she’s still with you.

“Mom, I am missing you today but I know that you will always be with me in my heart.” — Karen Kostyla

50. Mothers never really die.

condolences for loss of mother

“Mothers never really die, they just keep the house up in the sky, They polish the sun by day and light the stars that shine at night, keep the moonbeams silvery bright and in the heavenly home above they wait to welcome those they love.” — Helen Steiner Rice

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Life Before Quarantine – Part 6

During quarantine I’ve been fairly productive. I get my energy from people but I really enjoy my alone time. My daughter agrees. We’re both perfectly happy being on our own. I was looking through some photos the other day and I got some great memories of when we were all allowed to come out and play. I thought I’d share some of them with you. I’ll run this series every week until I run out of photos! If you see yourself, hit me up!

I’m very fortunate to have met you all and enjoyed the times we had together. Thank you!

Enjoy!

 

Two Face takes a wife…

 

 

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Life Before Quarantine – Part 5

During quarantine I’ve been fairly productive. I get my energy from people but I really enjoy my alone time. My daughter agrees. We’re both perfectly happy being on our own. I was looking through some photos the other day and I got some great memories of when we were all allowed to come out and play. I thought I’d share some of them with you. I’ll run this series every week until I run out of photos! If you see yourself, hit me up!

I’m very fortunate to have met you all and enjoyed the times we had together. Thank you!

Enjoy!

 

 

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

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