9 Guys To Avoid When You’re Online Dating

Who’s worth your time?

If you’re new to online dating and you’re not sure which men are worth a right-swipe, a nod, a wink, or a message, you need to pay attention to the red flags.

Who’s not worthy of any of your attention, at all? When you learn the red flags to watch out for from the beginning, you’ll save time and heartache (or worse) later on.

When you’re in the first flush of attraction, it can be ever so easy to ignore or rationalize red flags. All the information you need is right there on the dating sites.

So, take this dating advice to heart: don’t ignore the signs that should be setting off alarms, bells, flashing lights and sending you running for the nearest exit.

Here are the 9 men you’ll find when online dating who loudly scream red flags.

1. The Flim-Flammer/Scammer

This is an important red flag: no man looking to date you should be asking you for money or favors. No. Man.

Never give money to anyone you’re chatting with on a dating site or app. If a man asks you for money, stop talking to him. These predators use online dating sites to take advantage of women who are lonely for attention and looking for love.

This guy will say anything to build your trust. He’ll try to make you fall for him. It’s all manipulation meant to get his hands on your hard-earned money.

He needs to attend a family member’s funeral. He is late with his rent because his paycheck got lost in the mail. He’s interested in moving to the U.S. from another country.

That kind of help is what friends and family are for — not the woman he’s chatting with online and hoping to date. Your wallet and bank account are not a part of the package.

2. The Love Bomber

Attraction at first sight? Sure. True love at first sight? And from a glimpse at your profile picture? Um, not so much. This guy uses excessive texting, e-mailing, or phone calls to tell you:

No one falls in love based on a picture, a profile, or a brief message.

Relationships take time to build. Players, narcissists, and sociopaths have agendas with their partners. They often appear intense and deep. They move fast and get serious way too soon.

This guy wants to convince you he’s madly in love with you. He’ll do his best to intensify the relationship so you feel breathless and swept off of your feet.

I know a guy like this. I recently cut him off.

3. The Hair Trigger/Rusher

This guy gets angry or annoyed in a hurry. If you don’t respond to his message immediately, he sulks or complains about it. Or, he may pressure you into meeting right away. Like 15 minutes after you first exchange messages. If you won’t (and you shouldn’t!) he may pout or try to wheedle you into changing your mind.

This guy may be needy, controlling or jealous. Or, he may want to get together for a brief sexual fling rather than develop a relationship.

If this man is looking for something serious, he’ll take the time to have a few conversations with you. He’ll also give you a chance to get to know him before trying to see you.

4. “Only here for the…”

When a guy states “not looking for anything serious” on his profile, believe him.

He is not here to find his soul mate. He’s not interested in a long-term relationship. He wants to casually date, and have some fun. That’s no crime.

But, unless you too are only out to have some fun and casually date, don’t waste your time. You’re going to change him.

5. The Playboy/Player

This guy will have plenty of pictures of himself on his dating profile. With other women. Lots of them.

He’s out to show the world — and you — that he gets around and is proud of it. It’s unlikely he’s looking for a serious relationship. And if he should tell you the women in the photos are friends or his relatives, .

6. Mysterio

The guy with no pictures of himself on his profile. Or, his photos are dark or blurry. He’s wearing sunglasses and a hat. What’s he hiding? Is he shy?

Mysterio may be in a relationship or married and looking to cheat. Or not, but do you want to hang around to find out?

7. The Sexter

The Sexter can hardly wait to send women nude pictures of himself or shots of specific parts of his anatomy (a.k.a. a di*k pic).

He will also ask you for the same. As the name implies, the Sexter is looking for sex.

Men who want to get to know you and form a relationship do not immediately want to show off their package. Nor are they focused on your womanly attributes.

If you’re looking for more than a casual sexual relationship, don’t waste your time with him.

8. The Party Boy

A picture or two of a man having drinks or dining out with friends is fine. More than that, and you’ll see that his profile looks as though he’s still in college, living the frat boy dream.

If you’re looking for a mature man who doesn’t party every night or every weekend, skip the Party Boy.

9. The Imaginary Lover

You can start out believing this guy is worth a second look or meeting in person. He sends interesting and witty emails and/or texts. He’s well-spoken and polite. He can talk about any subject under the sun, but he never makes plans to meet.

Unless you’re looking for a 21st-century pen-pal or you are endlessly fascinated by his spiel, move on.

For your own sanity’s sake, decide on a set number of texts or e-mails you’re prepared to exchange. It should be 4-6. This number is for you, not him. When it’s been reached, tell him you’d like to chat on the phone and make a date to meet. If he won’t or he stalls, move on.

When you’re still learning how to date, especially online, it’s important to stay safe. Be happy. Enjoy dating for what it is — a great way to get to know a person.

Online dating isn’t so different than any other kind of dating. And it’s not meant to remain online. You want time to get to know someone before you’re involved and committed.

By knowing how to spot the types of men to avoid, you can focus on meeting men who are worth getting to know. Lastly, don’t ignore your gut instincts and intuition. If something feels wrong or creepy — pay attention!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing publishes of Amazon June 20th!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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Clearing the Cache

I wanted to do this a few years ago, but NOW is the time.

Qui Gon Chaz?

Middle aged Luke Skywalker?

I’ve come to a revelation lately. The older I get, the wiser I become. I remember thinking and saying to my dad how smart he was. He would just say, “I’m just older, son.”

He was right.

He knew he wasn’t better or smarter than anyone else, he simply knew he’d been around for a bit and learned some things along the way.

He was absolutely right.

Although there were certain aspects of my father’s persona he never addressed, he still was a man who had developed cognitive intelligence along the way through experience and through books he’d read.

Socially he was a master and really perfected the art of charming people through manners and diplomacy.

My dad was a great actor and politician.

He knew it, and used it to his advantage.

I’ve met so many people along the way in my journey, and because I’m a giver and sensitive to the human condition, I give people a lot of chances.

Too many chances.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, but there’s a moment when you have to draw the line and decide to let go of certain people.

If not, you’re continuing to evolve but still have some human detritus in your cache that need to be jettisoned.

They’re not bad people, but they just aren’t a match for your life anymore.

It isn’t an event, or a day when it happens, but you just sort of have a feeling that these people don’t have a place in your life anymore.

You have nothing in common with them, and no longer align with their lifestyle or mindset.

You’ve acquired them on your journey, sometimes by accident or by choice, but there comes a point when you realize as you continue to grow, you have no use for them anymore. They’re stuck. Probably stuck when you met them you just didn’t notice.

Again, they’re not bad people, but you can no longer carry them in your life.

You continue to evolve and move forward with your life, but sadly realize they are so far behind or stuck they can no longer be in your life.

It’s hard. And if you’re kind you’ll actually think about them for awhile. But happily in time… they’ll fade away.

I wanted to cut this person off over a year and a half ago, but I knew they would only stalk me at my job. But now is the time to finally cut the very last toxic person out of my life.

Cut them loose with no remorse. You’ll feel an incredible sense of relief they can no longer live in your mind rent free.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy my new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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Toxic Friends – 10 Types of Friends to Avoid

The company we keep can make or break us. Be aware of toxic friends and avoid these ten types of friends who can do more bad than good in your life.

We’re all in quarantine. It’s time to cut out all of the losers in your life. You can come out of this with a fresh start. All of this human detritus is holding you back. Cut ’em loose!

A good lover can complete you and make you feel alive.

And just like that, a good group of friends too, can motivate you and cheer you up.

But on the other hand, a few bad friends can drag you into the pits or ruin your life too.

Choose your friends carefully, and always make sure that the friends closest to you are the ones that can make life better for you, and not worse.

Types of friends to avoid

Here is a list of ten types of friends that you really need to avoid.

These toxic friends may seem like fun at times or even feel like thrilling risk takers, but when the crap hits the fan, it’ll be you under it.

#1 The Cheater

Many friendships have been crumpled and crushed, because a best friend hit on a friend’s romantic partner.

To avoid making best friends with this type, avoid the sneaky flirts, the sweet talkers and generally, people who try flattering you and talking like you mean the world to them.

You’d be better off with someone who’s more true and down to earth with their claims.

#2 The Competitor

Any kind of competition is healthy in every relationship but when claws start to come out and things get extremely competitive between friends, things can get very ugly.

#3 The Leech

A friend who constantly borrows your stuff or money or depends too much on you is one that definitely needs to be avoided. No one wants a one sided relationship. If all your friend does is take from you, without giving anything back in the friendship, there’s no point in being friends anymore. If they’re looking for one, tell them to take a one way trip out of your life.

#4 The Copycat

Imitation is considered to be the sincerest form of flattery, but a friend who looks or behaves like your photocopy machine can be very scary.

#5 The Shrink

All of us confide in our friends and ask for advice, but when your BFF starts acting like a paid shrink who always picks flaws in your life or relationships, it can get very annoying and depressing.

#6 The Selfish Friend

This type of friend can go to any lengths for their benefit, but behaves passively when you ask for help.

#7 The Wild Child

Dangerous and unstable is how you define this type. You usually get in trouble or always end up having to save your friend from trouble.

#8 The Whiner

This type of friend is never satisfied with anything they have, and they spend all their time whining and grumbling about how the world is so darn unfair to them. Stay away!

#9 The Mood Killer

This friend intentionally or unintentionally kills the mood as soon as they enter into a conversation with you. They always seem to find a flaw in anything you do or have, be it your clothes or your love life. They are like the lone dark cloud hovering over you on a sunny day. Nothing positive ever comes out of their mouth. They are never short of sarcastic comments or depressing thoughts.

#10 The Swinger

This friend is partially bonkers because their mood swings change from being nice to totally snappy in seconds without any provocation. And this friend may just use you like a punching bag to express their feelings, be it frustrations or happiness. Who needs to be around someone whose moods swing like a pendulum?

Life can be a bed of roses when you have the perfect friends to share it with, but if you have to put up with these ten types of friends, all you’d find is frustrations. Spot the toxic friends in your life and stay away from them, for your own good.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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19 Things Unhappy People Do

Everyone has their off days, but why cause more negativity if you can avoid it? If you work on thinking positively about yourself and others, you will be that much closer to being your happiest self. Below are 19 things unhappy people do that we should all try to avoid.

Steer Clear of these Losers…

 

Fucking Number 9!

 

1. They worry about things they can’t change

We are all guilty sometimes of wondering what might have been if we had chosen or acted differently. But in most cases, this is a dead-end street. Unhappy people tend to brood about the “could’ve, should’ve, would’ves” of life, but it’s important not to worry about things we can’t change; instead, we should learn from our mistakes and simply try to do better next time! We may even end up being happy that we made some mistakes.

2. They give up when things get too hard

Unhappy people tend to back down when they are presented with a challenge. It’s easy to throw in the towel when things seem like a lost cause, but powering through and persevering will usually yield good results. Giving up just leaves you feeling defeated. Regardless of the outcome, following through boosts confidence and reassures us that when all is said and done, we did everything we could to make it happen!

3. They take themselves too seriously

People who take themselves too seriously tend to take life too seriously in general. If you are able to take a step back and laugh at yourself and the absurdity of life every now and then, things won’t seem so dire.

4. They never exercise

Exercise has countless mental and physical benefits. The more you exercise, the better you feel about yourself and the more likely you are to live a healthy lifestyle. Ditching exercise for a more sedentary way of life can have an overall negative effect on mood, health, and happiness. Here are some workouts that match different moods!

5. They set unattainable goals for themselves

We all know that setting goals for ourselves is important; it’s the only way to get things done! But it can be a problem when the goals are unrealistic and unreachable. While we think it’s great to always reach for the stars, people who hold themselves to impossible standards will be left feeling disappointed if they don’t succeed. The key is to set small and attainable goals for yourself, and you will feel great when you meet and even exceed them. Remember — nobody is perfect!

6. They eat unhealthy foods often

Everyone has their guilty food pleasure, and we fully support the occasional indulgence. However, unhappy people tend to let their indulgences become their habits. Eating healthy foods can lift your mood, give you more energy, and improve your physical health. Plus, there are so many great healthy recipes out there to try.

7. They don’t get enough sleep

Sleep is essential! The amount of sleep you get corresponds with how happy and productive you are the next day. You may think that putting in that extra hour of work is a good idea, but nine times of out 10, work — and most other things! — should take the backseat to a good night’s sleep. Check out some good bedtime habits to aid your beauty sleep.

8. They focus on their weaknesses, not their strengths

We all have our insecurities — the key is to embrace the good and try not to focus on the bad. Self-improvement is important, but unhappy people tend to dwell too much on their weaknesses instead of working on having a positive self-image. We should recognize our flaws and own them but never let them hold us back!

9. They spend too much time on social media

These days people lay out their whole lives online, and there are many drawbacks to this kind of social media over-share. For one, we can spend too much time comparing ourselves to other people. It’s great that your friend just got a new job, got married, or had a baby, but it’s OK that you are at a different — and just as important — part of your life. It’s a good idea to take a step away from the screen and get some perspective. Unhappy people tend to get caught up in social media and worry too much about how they appear to other people, which can have a negative effect on how they view themselves.

10. They stay in their comfort zones

It’s easy to stay in our comfort zones where we feel safe and where the potential for risk is low. But staying there too long means we may be missing out on some great things in life. A huge contributing factor to unhappiness is boredom — and this can be easily remedied by trying new things and taking some risks! We don’t necessarily mean that you should drop everything and go skydiving, but maybe try a new type of food, go see a show that sounds unusual, or take a weekend trip somewhere that you’ve never been.

11. They worry about what other people think

Unhappy people tend to care too much what people think. At the end of the day, there is only so much you can do to please other people, so what matters most is loving yourself.

12. They gossip or speak negatively about others

If you can’t say something nice, then there is no reason to say anything at all. People who are unhappy sometimes try to bring other people down in order to make themselves better, but this never works! A better remedy is to lift others up and work on feeling great.

13. They work too much

Everyone deserves a mental health day! People who work too much can often neglect their needs, and sometimes all you need is a day to take a break from work and focus on yourself.

14. They isolate themselves

When things get tough, it’s easy to withdraw from the people who care about you. But spending time with close friends and family when you’re unhappy is actually a great way to feel better. Sometimes being with people can take our minds off whatever is bringing us down, so surrounding ourselves with people who love us most is a great way to turn things around.

15. They never indulge themselves

Happy people know that it’s important to take a vacation, splurge on a new outfit, or enjoy a spa day now and then. People who aren’t happy sometimes forget that taking care of themselves is just as important as taking care of others. Make sure to treat yourself!

16. They’re OK with settling

People who are unhappy often stay in their comfort zones and are content to settle for things. Whether it’s staying stuck in a relationship that isn’t making us happy or settling for one job when we have our eye on another one, staying in ruts can make us feel like our lives have plateaued. Happy people work to get themselves out of these ruts and make the changes needed to start heading in the direction they want to be going.

17. They refuse to forgive

Unhappy people tend to hold on to grudges, but there is freedom and peace in letting go of things and offering forgiveness to yourself and others.

18. They avoid planning and organization

Disorganization can leave people feeling like their lives are in a state of disarray. Even if it is something as simple as rearranging your room or trying out these DIY organization hacks, restoring order can help you feel like you have regained a measure of control over things. Unhappy people who avoid organization and planning ahead tend to be less prepared to deal with life’s twists and turns.

19. They focus only on themselves

While caring for yourself is essential, unhappy people tend to only think of themselves. Treating others unkindly or constantly focusing on yourself and your own problems can be harmful to your well-being and happiness. It’s amazing what a little bit of kindness and looking at the bigger picture can do for the soul!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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Annabelle – Epilogue

“’Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” – Alfred Lord Tennyson

It was about 6 months later until I saw her again. I was working for a local publication, and my boss asked if I’d check on their booth at an event in University City. It was on a Saturday in the spring of 2015. They would normally have a booth set up at some sponsored events, and they’d have a couple of interns man it.

Since I was new no one would recognize me there, so I could see that the magazines were displayed and the swag was out, and that the interns were doing their jobs.

I met with my friend Carla for a few drinks that evening at The Continental bar in midtown. Now that I think about it, I had spent the day with Kylie, (See: Kylie – Broken Wing) and had to ditch her to go meet up with my good friend Carla.

We had a couple of drinks and wound up chatting with a couple of gals we would meet up with later. After about an hour we hopped in an UBER and headed out to University City. We got there and when you live in Rittenhouse in center city, going out to University City is like going to a different planet.

I was expecting a straight up festival, with beer and food, but all that was out there was a bunch of families, a Ben & Jerry’s ice cream cart and a big stage set up. Oh, and our little booth off to the side.

Carla and I were clearly disappointed. We thought we’d be chugging free drinks and stuffing our heads with chow. We go over to the booth and check it out. I chat with the interns and everything seems to be in order.

The show starts and it’s some sort of musical number.

“Carla. I need to get out of here now.”

“This thing sucks. I agree. But it seems like something’s bothering you.”

“See that girl right there? The one on the left in the show.”

“Yea.”

“That’s Annabelle. My ex-girlfriend.”

“Oh the girl who was standing over there before, staring at you since the minute you got here?”

“She was?”

“I didn’t even see her. How did you…?

“Women can sense these things.”

“Let’s go.”

The next time was  a month or so later when I went to a beer garden that was my account at the publication. They invited me down to their place of business for some free drinks. I can’t pass that up.

So I get there and have a few drinks at the bar, and who the hell comes out to entertain everybody?

Yep. Same musical troupe, and there’s Annabelle. I watched the show a little bit, but it was so awful, I had to get out of there. Their stuff is so silly it’s absurd. I think the only reason the troupe exists is so the lead guy can run around in public in a fucking dress.

It was killing me to see her and I needed closure. I texted her and said I wanted to meet up and chat. We set it up and I met her at a bar in Northern Liberties. (Which I hate)

I had one before she arrived. She gets there and we go to a table and sit down. She orders a drink and said her stomach has been bothering her. She says it’s from all of the junk food she’s been eating down at the beer garden where her troupe has been performing all month. I think she’s full of shit. She always pulls health issues or headaches to get out of stuff.

I begin to recount all of the stuff she did after she broke up with me, and how much it hurt me, and how adults don’t do that to each other. I told her how much that hurt me for months, having her rip open the sutures that were trying to heal in my wounded heart.

She said she was sorry she hurt me, but really didn’t show any real emotion. I believe simply because she isn’t capable of it. When you don’t know who you are, where you’re going, or what you want in life, how can you possibly know what anyone else around you is feeling? Annabelle only sees what she wants. She hasn’t a clue that her selfish actions can really hurt a person that is close with her.

She told me that she had moved, and was going to buy some shitty house but her parents told her they didn’t want her living in that neighborhood, so they bought her a nice house in a better part of town. I suppose since they’re rich and she’s the only one of their kids that’s a financial failure, they felt they had to step in. So she lives on the first floor, she has taken in a roommate who lives on the 2nd floor and uses the basement for her photography stuff.

She has the roommate because she obviously can’t afford the mortgage. Who has roommates in their thirties?

“I don’t really have to work that hard anymore or make a lot of money. Because I don’t have the bills I used to have.”

(Yea, because your parents bought you a fucking house.)

She left after the one drink and I walked her outside and she got on her bike.

“You’ll have to see my house.” she said as she rode off.

No thanks, I thought to myself.

Well, so much for closure.

Her apology was hollow.

About a year later this woman I know who works in the arts hit me up at the publication I worked for at the time. Trixie wanted some love from our magazine to promote a little art performance she had written. I asked her if there was any budget to advertise and of course she said no. These “artists” never have two shillings to rub together.

So I talk to my editor and since we support the arts, she said she’d be happy to write a little piece about it and put it in our events calendar.

I called Trixie and told her that the piece would run for the two weeks before the event. So it would be in our magazine twice. She was very happy and thanked me for the free support/advertising.

So on opening night of the show I decided to check out what I had promoted for the last two weeks. I like Trixie and I decided to take my good friend, Carly (See: Carly – 2013 to Present – The Mad Baker)

Carly always comes through for me in the clutch. She’s one of my favorite people in Philadelphia.

We plowed some vodka before the show in case it sucked. We hop in an UBER and head down to the show. We get there. It’s some little installation in South Philly. We go in and there are only maybe between and 20 or 30 people there. We grab a pair of wines (Box wine!) and head into the show.

It starts with some woman doing some sort of weird slow dance on the floor. I don’t get it. Then they have us all head upstairs for the 2nd part of the “performance.”

I have the sudden realization that it is a two woman show starring Trixie and of all the fucking people on the Earth… Annabelle.

I’m an artist. I’ve been an artist my whole life. Started drawing as a child. Art major in school. Won art shows, and drew comics. I have sold my art work and even had it stolen. So my shit must have been good. I taught myself how to play guitar. I started out as a singer in the choir and then a lead singer in my first band. Then guitarist in my 2nd and 3rd bands. Philly, Jersey and LA. I’m a writer and a huge film guy. I love all kinds of music from Sinatra to Slayer and everything in between. I love the ballet, the orchestra, the arts in general. So I have a pretty good idea what is good art and what is absolute shit.

What I witnessed that evening may as well have fallen out of a dog’s ass and hit the pavement in a steaming pile of awfulness.

It didn’t make sense. It was poorly written. Horribly acted. Trixie has a great ass though. That’s all I can say. She looked hot. Annabelle was like a scientist in the beginning and then changed into a bird of some kind. It made no sense at all. Annabelle literally wrapped in saran wrap with feathers covering her sort of non nipples and hippie bush. It was a revolting mess.

I’m grateful that I had the lovely opportunity of plying myself with alcohol before the “show.” (more like, abortion)

After that massacre, Annabelle came right up to us and I told her it was really good. It was either that or just simply throw up on her in disgust.

I introduced her to Carly and I’m sure she thought Carly was my main squeeze. Oh, by the way, Carly looked amazing. Black Versace cocktail dress, black sheer hose and black pumps. She looked smoking hot.

Annabelle told us she was going to have to get out of the polyurethane feather nightmare that she was wearing and would chat some more. We told her great job and we’d be downstairs sipping free boxed wine.

We went downstairs and grabbed more wine and went outside to smoke.

“What do we do?”

It was starting to rain.

“We get the fuck out of here. Trixie ambushed you and got free advertising for her shitty show that no one went to see. We’re going.”

I hit the UBER app and we were back in Rittenhouse in 15 minutes.

This is an entirely different epilogue that Michelle’s (See: Michelle – 2007 to Present – A Brand New Day) This is all I have to wrap up the tattered mess that was my short nine month relationship with Annabelle.

In hindsight, should I have ever gotten involved with Annabelle? No. She was too young, and too naive about herself or even the world. It was an absolute mismatch. I once made a list when it was over of all of the thing I liked and didn’t like about Annabelle.

On the GOOD list there were only 3 things. Youth, sex, and nice to be with when we were together just doing things. (ie: dates, museums, dinners, etc.)

Just think. Two of the 3 things she almost had no control over.

The BAD list had over 15 things that I didn’t like about her on it. That my friend, is a strong indicator that it was an absolute mismatch and maybe she was just with me due to her distant daddy issues and I was a novelty to her. A new toy. The latest shiny thing that had attracted her attention like a squirrel.

I remember she told me she once slept walked and went into the bathroom and cut her bangs off. When I met her that second time at that shitty bar where she worked I thought her hair looked a little weird. She had to go to a hairdresser to try to fix that mess. I think it may have something to do with stress.

One time she slept walked and got scissors and cut up a dress that she was supposed to wear to some event for her sister. This chick has real issues or maybe even a real mental disorder. When I look at my relationship with her now, I can’t even believe I stuck around as long as I did. I should have cut her loose way earlier than when it ended. I should have seen the crazy. But you know, I did. I just put up with it because I loved her.

I didn’t love her. That just sounds nice. That’s why people put up with shit. No. People put up with shit because their minds are clouded with society’s norms. If you can take a step back, (Most men can’t. Actually most people can’t) you’d see that you’re in a relationship with someone who is absolutely not right for you. I know some idiots that are doing this right now!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not bitter. But you can think about your mistakes with people. You can talk to your friends and family about your mistakes, but when you take the time to actually WRITE them down, you see the truth. The truth “that your own rod licks you the hardest.”

My mother used to say that, and it’s so true. Think of all the fucked up shit that has happened to you in your life. The bad stuff. You did that. You were probably the architect of that madness. You made that. You at least helped. You brought that nightmare into your life.

It’s okay. I’m not here to hurt anybody. I just want you to think. “Doing the same thing over and over and thinking you’re going to get a different result is madness.”

I’ve done that. We all have. I have to evolve up and out from this relationship. I will. I will never get mixed up aith a girl like Annabelle ever again. I’d rather die alone than go through something like that with such a mixed up emotionally bankrupt, lost soul like Annabelle.

You gotta cut your losses and go.

Everybody’s different and we all go through our own shit in our own way. You can tell your friend that he should leave his cheating wife who hasn’t fucked him in two years but he has to exit that burning building in his own way. All the while wasting years of living he should be enjoying and not going to fucking meetings and therapists.

Drop the clutch and GO!

It’s like telling someone they should get in better shape.

You try to change your own mind and body.

That shit’s hard. How are you going to change another person?

You can’t. They have to do it their own way in their own time.

Anyway. No more artists or failed actresses. I just can’t.

Annabelle was texting after the show and thanking me profusely for my support. Sadly, she seemed so scared and unsure of herself. I guess now that I was standing outside the gates of Annabelle Asylum, I had a different perspective. I could see clearly she was just another lost soul of the arts community here in our fair city

I had some great dinners and some decent sex with her so there’s that. But I would erase it all if I could have the opportunity to never have met Annabelle. But I’m wrong in my thinking. I had to meet her. I had to experience this so I could learn more about myself. I’m still on the journey to find real and genuine love in this city.

But now based on these experiences I’ve had I now have a clearer idea of what that should look like. I have learned much.

And for that I am grateful and I continue to evolve and grow as a man.

That show was the last time I ever saw Annabelle.

But last year on my birthday, she messaged me on Facebook.

“Happy Birthday, Charles, I hope your life is going well.”

I waited a day and thanked her and wished her a happy birthday too. (Hers is July and mine is August 9, both Leos)

 

That was the last I ever spoke to her. I’ve never seen or heard from her again. (Thank goodness!)

 

Will I ever find a girl who is a good match for me in this city that will stick around?

 

My heart is always open, and we’ll have to see what happens. Thanks to you all of my readers. We’ll get there together!

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish Monday through Friday at 8am EST.

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Annabelle – Chapter 5 – Sudden Jazz

I didn’t know The Children’s Place sold little suits and ties. He’s got little man syndrome so bad, and it’s so annoying.

I had circled back to Annabelle about plans for her birthday. I told her I would get us a pair of tickets to see Natasha Leggero at Helium Comedy Club on the Friday. Happily she agreed.

I was at a Swedish Festival during the day with my dear friend Alice. (See: Alice – 2012 to Present – The Cute Recruiter) It’s held at the Swedish Museum down on Pattison Avenue, south of the city. Good times. Free beer and delicious food. After the festival, Alice was good enough to drive me back up to center city. I was meeting my friend Marigold, and a few of her friends at Franklin Mortgage. (See: Marigold – 1997 to Present – Good German Stock)  

Franklin Mortgage is one of the first speak easy type bars that appeared in the city over ten years ago. At one point it was this super cool, exclusive hidden underground bar. But as the cocktail revolution rolled forward in Philly, it lost it’s luster. Gone was the original owner. The bartenders were snooty. It took twenty minutes to get a drink, everybody was writing about it, etc. Who cares now. I don’t want to spend $14 on a drink when I can get one that is just as potent for $6 elsewhere.

But I met them there because Marigold was in town and that’s what she wanted. I hop out of Alice’s car and thank her for a lovely day. I head into Franklin Mortgage and the girls are at a table against the wall. There is one stool at the end for me to drop my butt. I’m happy to see her and remember most of the ladies with her.

Marigold asks me about what’s happening in my life. I start telling her about Annabelle. Marigold is very protective of me. I tell her how I am working on an idea to take her out for her birthday next week. Annabelle is a Leo like me and her birthday is at the end of July, and mine is the beginning of August. Marigold tells me to be careful of my heart, and make sure that this girl knows what she wants. I assure her everything is fine. But what Marigold doesn’t know, and neither do I, is that the drug of love is coursing through my veins. I’m on a bit of a euphoric ride of infatuation with Annabelle.

Maybe after the failure of my relationship with Michelle,  (See Michelle – 2007 to Present) I think I physically missed the feeling of falling in love. It wasn’t a sexual thing, it was just that rush of someone new. You think after a couple of years you won’t love again, and then it just comes knocking on your door unexpectedly. It can sometimes overtake you. It may not even be about the person so much. It’s just that you’re one of those people who has it, and you become very emotionally invested in someone very quickly.

I’m sitting there with Marigold and her ladies, when I get a text.

It’s Annabelle. She says she’s over at Chris’ Jazz Cafe (Which is two blocks away) with her Mom and if I’d like to join, I could drop by. her Mom was visiting her for her birthday this week. Her people are from Virginia Beach. (I’d love to come over and meet her Mom!) I mention all of this to Marigold, who tells me to cool my jets.

“Wait a solid fifteen minutes, before responding.”

I hate these games, but I guess they have to be played in the beginning. I wait the full fifteen, then text her back that I am wrapping it up with some friends. I head over there. I pop some Dentyne Ice into my mouth and go inside. There is a really good three-piece jazz band playing in the corner of the room. These cats are cookin’. I find her at a table down front. There is no sign of a mother of any kind, but there is this little guy sitting at the table with her.

Annabelle is six feet tall. This guy looks to be maybe five foot two? It’s like Anton and Moore. Schwartzenegger and DeVito. Annabelle looks nice. She is wearing makeup and a pretty green dress. She tells me her mom went back to the hotel. But she also texted her little friend here, when I didn’t respond to her text right away. (Damn you, Marigold!)

This guy, I can’t even remember his name. He is an annoying piece of shit. Like a little drunken turd that won’t stop talking. It’s like he’s on coke or something. I’m very respectful of the arts as you know, and this little pig in a blanket won’t shut the fuck up.

If you want to run your goddamn mouth at a jazz club, go sit in the fucking back of the bar. But if you’re at a ringside table, you respect the musicians that are making the music and keep your festering gob shut. Listening to this bitty turd go on and on is killing me. He works in some sort of financial services. I didn’t know The Children’s Place sold little suits and ties. He’s got little man syndrome so bad, and it’s so annoying. But I did come late, and he is a friend of hers. But who you keep around as a friend, says something about you, and I suppose I should have seen this as some sort of foreshadowing of things to come.

Anyway, I’m happy to see her, and lost in my lust/euphoria or whatever it is. Happily at one point, mini maggot leaves and I am so relieved. It was like being tossed around in a midget storm and finally washed up on a warm sunny beach with Annabelle still here.

We had a few drinks and I was stupid happy to see her. She was excited about her birthday week. Which I find appalling for a twenty-six year old woman to be excited about. But That’s my opinion, and I’m into her, so she can think and be excited about anything she wants. Her mom is in town for a while, and she’ll be spending time with friends this week, and even doing a little tubing somewhere. I find all of this a bit strange. Who celebrates their birthday for a week and what sort of hillbilly goes tubing in Philly?

It’s getting late, and I walk her outside. I hail a cab for her. We hug and there is another cheek kiss. Off she goes.

I liked that she popped this little ‘extra date’ in a week before I was supposed to take her to the comedy club. Maybe she really likes me and wanted to see me sooner. She seems to like me. She said she told her mom about me. That’s a good sign. But what if she did this to slip me in real quick to keep me on the line, but maybe feels that things are moving forward and she’s unsure of what she wants or even how she really feels about me. She seems a little youthful. Sort of immature. Like someone who doesn’t have a lot of real world experience, because they have caged themselves inside the so-called “Art Community.”

Or maybe I’m just paranoid.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday at 9am EST.

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