If You’re Losing Hope About Finding Love, This Advice Is A Must-Read

As someone who spent the vast majority of her life single, I know how fun it can be. That being said, I also know firsthand what losing hope about finding love can feel like. Spoiler: It’s not great.

For those of you who haven’t been there, let me paint you a picture. You’ve been single for what feels like forever. The last person you met was really great and you even saw a future with them. The two of you continued to see each other for weeks, months, or maybe even years until you mustered up the courage to tell them how you felt. At that point, they offered up some excuse about why they’re not looking for anything serious. This wouldn’t be quite so tragic if this was the first time this ever happened. Unfortunately, that’s not the case here. In fact, different versions of this same story have happened to you so often that you’ve resigned to the idea that maybe you were just destined to be single forever. And that thought can be catastrophically painful. I mean, what’s the next step after you’ve given up on love entirely?

Well, in a recent Reddit AskWomen thread, ladies who have been there share their best advice for getting your groove back when you’re starting to lose faith in love.

Happy woman hiker doing selfie at the top of Reinebringen hike above Reine village in the Lofoten archipelago, travel to Norway

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Treat your body like the temple that it is.

Start working out, eating healthy, getting 8 hours of sleep most nights, bathing daily, brushing your teeth twice a day, start reading a book at least a little every day and join a club for something you’re interested in. Work on you, put your best foot forward. Stop looking for a man and just gobble up the best life has to offer. Men will find you. Don’t settle for the first one unless he fits. Find someone with aspirations, a good kind sense of humor, intelligence, a clear criminal background and a similar take on life as you.

/u/PhyliA_Dobe

(This advice holds true for relationships with people of all genders, as does every other piece of advice in this story!)

Try changing your perspective for what a partner should be.

My dad told me recently, “You don’t look for a soul mate, you look for a teammate”. It completely changed the way I looked at dating.

/u/Latias

Don’t put so much pressure on marriage.

Stop worrying about it. You don’t need to get married, just concentrate on you!

/u/WeeRower

Enjoy life.

Enjoy the f*ck out of your life. For all you know, you get one go on this planet and i for one would feel like i wasn’t doing that justice by being sad about not having a man.

Sure it sucks sometimes. But he’s more likely to come a long if you’re enjoying all that life has to offer. He’s more likely to be compatible with you too.

/u/LokisLocksmith

Outdoor portrait of beautiful happy mixed race biracial African American girl teenager female young woman smiling with perfect teeth wearing a blue hoodie

Shutterstock

Live in the now.

When I was going through that, I just put it in the back of my mind and did what I could to help myself be happy in the moment. I spent a lot of time with my closest friends and worked on developing those relationships.

/u/NinjaShira

Consider your alternative.

I mean I get down about it from time to time, but I do tell myself it’s better than being in a miserable relationship. That is a lot more stressful.

/u/innerjoy2

Become the best possible version of yourself.

Enjoy your own company. Make yourself the most interesting person you know and like doing things by yourself. Because you never know, even if you find a partner, if they will be around for the rest of your life so might as well make the only person you’re guaranteed to have (yourself) fun and awesome.

/u/Alexander_dgreat

Find a hobby.

Hobbies. Hobbies. Hobbies. Then finding social outlets for those hobbies. And everything else just happens on its own.

/u/anzuj

At the end of the day, all you can do is be grateful for the life you have and the people you are surrounded by. Make the most of what you’ve got.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Love is like Cocaine: The Remarkable, Terrifying Neuroscience of Romance – Part 3

Yes, you really are addicted to love.

Taking the Drug Away

“You are perfect in every way, just not for me,” “I need to find myself and I just can’t do that with you,” “I need to learn to love myself before I can love you,” “I think you feel more than I do and I don’t want to hurt you.”

We know what these are. Breakup lines, the lines of the visible breakups, the lines that put an end to something that once was. The reason a breakup can be so hard to handle, especially for the person who wanted the relationship to continue, is not that the breakup erases the past. It doesn’t. The past is as real as it ever was. When Rick (Humphrey Bogart) and Ilsa (Ingrid Bergman) leave each other in Casablanca, Rick tells Ilsa to focus on the time they fell in love, adding “We’ll always have Paris.” A breakup leaves the past intact but erases the future. It pokes a knitting needle through your expectations for the future. It doesn’t ruin what was. It ruins what was going to come. It shatters the hopes and dreams you had about the future. The losses that hurt most are those that abruptly deprive you of the future experiences you depended on. Those losses make you a different person with a different future and with too many empty spaces to fill with experiences less wonderful than those you had hoped for. A breakup is also a major rejection of you as a person, a demonic destruction of your self-esteem and your self-worth that leaves you raw, open, exposed. As Dennis Quaid once put it, “when you break up, your whole identity is shattered. It’s like death” (Food for the Soul, p. 147).

Breakups often lead to a psychological state that resembles withdrawal from an addiction. They literally take away the crack you were on. So now you experience withdrawal symptoms, making it painfully clear to you just how addicted you were to wonderboy or wondergirl. When you are addicted, you satisfy at least some of the following conditions:

  1. You need more and more of the activity or drug for you to achieve the desired effect (tolerance).
  2. You experience withdrawal symptoms when you do not engage in the addictive activity or drug.
  3. You engage in the activity or take the drug more frequently and for a longer period of time than initially intended.
  4. You have a persistent desire to quit or control the activity or drug.
  5. You spend a great deal of time ensuring that the activity or drug access can be continued.
  6. You give up or reduce important social, occupational or recreational activities because of the addiction.
  7. You continue the activity or drug despite knowledge of its physical or psychological consequences.

The severity of your addiction can be seen as a function of how many of these criteria you satisfy.

Addiction is different from obsession in the clinical sense. The main difference is that in cases of obsession, the “drug” consists of recurrent or persistent thoughts or images. In cases of obsession, the obsessive person seeks to control or avoid the thoughts or images by suppressing them or neutralizing them with other less uncomfortable thoughts or with convenient distractors. But the relief is only temporary. What we commonly call “love obsession” typically has both elements of obsession and addiction to a particular person.

A love-obsessed person is in a state of denial, believing that she is still in a relationship, or that she can convince the other person to return to or continue the liaison. The occasional increase in the brain’s levels of dopamine and norepinephrine infuses the tormented and obsessed individual with sufficient energy and motivation to refuse to relinquish. But the “energy high” doesn’t continue. It occurs in intervals. This is because an obsessed individual has widely fluctuating neurotransmitter levels, which makes her go from action-driven to bedridden.

This is the respect in which love obsession differs from drug addiction: when a cocaine addict no longer has access to the drug, his neurotransmitter levels remain low until he recovers or gives in. In love obsession, the neurotransmitters are on a roller coaster ride that makes the obsessed person hang onto the past with ferocious energ y, even when it is blatantly obvious to everyone else that there is nothing to hang onto.

Love obsession following unrequited or unfulfilled love differs from addictions to, or obsessions with, sex and being in love. In the 1979 article “Androg yny and the Art of Loving,” American psychologist Adria Schwartz describes a case of a young man addicted to the chase of women.

A man in his mid-twenties entered therapy after a series of unsuccessful relationships with women. Virtually his entire psychic life was spent in compulsive attempts to meet and seduce women. Occasional successes were followed by brief unfulfilling liaisons which he inevitably ended in explosive fits of frustrated rage, or boredom. Recurrent dreams occurred where he found himself running after a woman, catching up to her only to find some physical barrier between them. Women were “pieces of meat.” He found himself excited by the prospect of imminent sexual conquest, but he often ejaculated prematurely and was physically and emotionally anesthetized to the experience of intercourse.

Addiction to “the chase” is similar to addiction to being in love with someone (or other). People with an addiction to being in love have trouble staying in relationships. When the initial feelings of love turn into a calmer state, they get withdrawal symptoms and end the liaison. The “drug” they need is the cocktail of chemicals that floods the body during the initial stormy phases of a relationship. In the online Your Tango article “Am I Addicted to Love and Sex?” Sara Davidson, the author of “Loose Change” and “Leap,” describes her love addiction as an addiction to being in love with someone who is in love with her. The relationship that made her realize that she was a love addict was with a man she “didn’t even like.” She describes her relationship as follows:

Okay, I know, this sounds like an addiction, but I didn’t recognize it until an affair I had last year with a man I call Billy, The Bad. Billy pursued me and wouldn’t take no for an answer. He wore cowboy boots, wrote decent poetry and drove a hybrid Lexus. “I have a tux and a tractor,” he wrote in his online profile. “I can work with my head or my hands.” He said he loved me and took it back, said it again and denied it again. When he turned on the love it was bliss, and when he withdrew it was hell. When he told me again that he loved me the pain went away, only to return with greater intensity the next time he reneged. I cut things off when I couldn’t stand it anymore. I mean, I realized I was crying over a man I didn’t even like! Something deeper, more primitive was clearly going on, and I turned to books and even a 12-step program for help.

In the Psychology Today online article “Can Love Be an Addiction?” Lori Jean Glass, program director of Five Sisters Ranch, reveals that she once was diagnosed with an addiction to being in love. Unlike Davidson, Glass describes her addiction as more than just being addicted to the feeling of being in love. For her, the addiction involved being completely absorbed in someone else’s life and the feeling that someone else needed her and admired her. Someone, anyone; it didn’t matter who it was as long as it was a warm body capable of overflowing her brain with love chemicals. Glass also describes her insanely intense relationship as jumping : “I went from relationship to relationship. The idea of intimacy was foreign. God forbid, I let anyone see inside my wounded spirit. Often, I had several relationships on the back burner, just in case. Keeping the intrigue alive and active was important.”

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Love is like Cocaine: The Remarkable, Terrifying Neuroscience of Romance – Part 2

Yes, you really are addicted to love.

Beliefs and Brain Chemistry

When the systems of neurotransmitters in our brain destabilize during the early phases of a romantic relationship, our moods become unsteady too. And so does our ability to think rationally and make wise decisions. When you become truly infatuated with a person, you might make decisions you wouldn’t dream of making in a sane state of mind. Nothing really matters compared to the object of your infatuation. In extreme cases, we might max out credit cards, leave our families, move across oceans, abdicate a throne, rob banks, or even commit murder for the sake of love.

When there is a substantial imbalance in your brain chemistry, your preferences and reasoning abilities change and so do your beliefs. Research has shown that when you mess with your brain chemistry, you are more likely to have spiritual experiences, see things that are not there, and form beliefs that are not grounded in evidence.

In the 1960s, researchers experimented with the psychedelic drug psylocybin, the active ingredient in magic mushrooms, to see if it could induce spiritual experiences in healthy volunteers. The first of these experiments took place on Good Friday in 1962. Harvard researchers administered psilocybin to ten students in the basement of Marsh Chapel at Boston University. The religious setting and the drug together gave rise to religious experiences in all study participants.

(The experiments came to a halt when the US government prohibited them in the early 1970s.)

Psychedelic drugs, such as psilocybin, LSD (lysergic acid diethylamide), and mescaline, affect the dopamine system, the serotonin system, and the adrenergic system. Their effects on the adrenergic systems, which normally cause an increase in the blood concentration of adrenaline, can cause panic attacks and extreme anxiety. The drugs’ effects on the dopamine system are responsible for thoughtless decision making and irrational actions during a “trip,” such as self-mutilation or suicide. The psychedelic effects of the drugs are largely due to their affinity for the 5-HT2A receptor. This receptor is a serotonin receptor. When a psychedelic drug in the serotonin family binds to it, the drug functions just like serotonin.

In normal amounts, the feel-good chemical serotonin yields a sense of relaxation and relief. In large amounts, however, serotonin and serotonin agonists like LSD, DMT (dimethyltryptamine), and the magic mushroom ingredient psilocybin have psychedelic effects. In large amounts, these chemicals trigger the brain’s main excitatory neurotransmitter glutamate, which makes parts of the brain go into an over-excited state.

The effects of excessive amounts of serotonin can be so powerful that our critical sense is turned off. A famous, mind-boggling case illustrating this is the Dr. Fox study. In the 1970s an actor was trained to deliver a brilliant talk on mathematical game theory while saying basically nothing of substance. The actor, who bore the name Dr. Myron L. Fox, had taken a scholarly article on game theory and stripped it of its content. The talk was rife with hedging, invented words, contradictory assertions, and references to his alleged earlier articles and books. Surprisingly, his delivery so impressed the audience that nobody noticed that he didn’t really say anything. At the end of the talk the audience, which consisted primarily of experts, bombarded Fox with questions, which he answered proficiently without providing any substantial content. After the lecture, the audience was given the opportunity to evaluate the performance. Everyone was very positive, they thought the lecture had been interesting, and some noted that Dr. Fox had presented the material clearly and precisely and offered lots of illustrative examples. And these folks were academic experts on the topic of mathematical game theory! Speaking of being fooled by what you hear!

This effect of delivery on audience evaluation has come to be known as “The Dr. Fox effect.” The Dr. Fox effect can be explained by noting that a large surge in “feel good” chemicals will turn off our critical sense. Funny, charming, and persuasive people signal to our brains that everything is as it should be. Their smooth behavior boosts our serotonin levels, which turn off our critical sense and increase our feeling of satisfaction—so much so that our initial beliefs are never subjected to scrutiny in the ventromedial prefrontal cortex and the anterior insula, regions of the brain involved in reflecting critically on new information.

The effects of psychedelic drugs, such as LSD, DMT, and psilocybin, are extreme. Because these drugs cause the brain to enter an over-excited state, they can have seizure-like effects. They furthermore can give rise to hallucinations, illusory color experiences, a feeling of floating , a feeling of one’s identity disintegrating , a feeling of becoming one with the universe, and illusions of time and distance. Thoughts can become uncontrollable, rambling , and obscure, and edged in acid, old memories may blend with new experiences.

While our serotonin levels tend to be low when we fall in love or are beset by a mindless love obsession, there are also states of love that resemble LSD trips. When your passion is unrequited or when you are away from your new love, your serotonin levels drop. But if you unexpectedly bump into him or her or realize that his or her love is not unrequited after all, your brain may release a surge of serotonin, dopamine, and adrenaline, making your mind a bit like the LSD mind. In this state, you may be more likely to see things that are not there, have experiences that are mixed with old memories, and act in irrational ways.

Dopamine by itself can cause people to form beliefs that are not grounded in evidence. People whose blood levels of dopamine are higher than normal are more likely to attach meaning to sheer coincidences and find meaningful patterns in arbitrary scrambled images.

Peter Brugger, a neurologist from the University Hospital in Zurich, Switzerland, examined twenty people who claimed to believe in paranormal events and twenty who claimed they didn’t. When the participants were asked to tell which faces were real and which were scrambled among a series of briefly flashed images, people who believed in paranormal events were more likely than skeptical participants to pick out a scrambled face as real. The results were the same when the participants were tested using words instead of faces. After the initial trials, the researchers administered L-dopa, which has the same effects as dopamine, to both groups of participants. After taking this drug, skeptics made many more mistakes when looking for real words or faces than before taking the drug.

The results of the study suggest that dopamine can make you see things that aren’t there and form beliefs without solid evidential backing. These results may explain the tendency of people in love to idealize their partners and attach meaning to every little move he or she makes. When in love, your dopamine levels are high when you think of your lover. This makes your brain a less reliable instrument for forming solid beliefs or making wise decisions.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

 

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Love is like Cocaine: The Remarkable, Terrifying Neuroscience of Romance – Part 1

Yes, you really are addicted to love.

On popular websites, we read headlines such as “Scientists are finding that love really is a chemical addiction between people.” Love, of course, is not literally a chemical addiction. It’s a drive perhaps, or a feeling or an emotion, but not a chemical addiction or even a chemical state. Nonetheless, romantic love, no doubt, often has a distinct physiological, bodily, and chemical profile. When you fall in love, your body chemicals go haywire. The exciting, scary, almost paranormal and unpredictable elements of love stem, in part, from hyper-stimulation of the limbic brain’s fear center known as the amygdala. It’s a tiny, almond-shaped brain region in the temporal lobe on the side of your head. In terms of evolutionary history, this brain region is old. It developed millions of years before the neocortex, the part of the brain responsible for logical thought and reasoning.

While it has numerous biological functions, the prime role of the amagdala is to process negative emotional stimuli. Significant changes to normal amygdala activation are associated with serious psychological disorders. For example, human schizophrenics have significantly less activation in the amygdala and the memory system (the hippocampus), which is due to a substantial reduction in the size of these areas. People with depression, anxiety, and attachment insecurity, on the other hand, have significantly increased blood flow in the amygdala and memory system.

Neuroscientist Justin Feinstein and his colleagues (2010) studied a woman whose amygdala was destroyed after a rare brain condition. They exposed her to pictures of spiders and snakes, took her on a tour of the world’s scariest haunted house, and had her take notes about her emotional state when she heard a beep from a random beeper that had been attached to her. After three months of investigation, the researchers concluded that the woman could not experience fear. This is very good evidence for the idea that the amygdala is the main center for fear processing. (The chief competing hypothesis is that fear is processed in a brain region that receives its main information from the amygdala.)

Despite its tiny size, the amygdala is amazingly powerful. When its neurons fire intensely, this triggers a physical stress response in your body. Hans Selye, a Canadian endocrinologist, was the first to apply the word “stress” to physical and emotional strain. Before that, “stress” was just an engineering term. Selye, who did the bulk of his research in the 1930s, discovered that the stress hormone cortisol had detrimental health effects in rats.

Together with other adrenal gland hormones, such as epinephrine (adrenaline) and norepinephrine (noradrenaline), cortisol prepares the body for a “fight or flight” response. Stress hormones are secreted in situations of perceived danger. They can be aggressively rushing through the bloodstream, even when the danger isn’t real. For example, they run rampant in people with a fear of public speaking. They make your heart breakdance, your skeleton turn to gelatin, and your new Mickey Mouse voice make little squeaks the first time you stand in front of a hundred-person audience.

Falling in love then goes like this. Unpredictability, mystery, and sexual attraction make the amygdala go into a hyper-activation mode. Via neurotransmitters, this signals to the adrenal glands that something exciting, scary, mysterious, and unpredictable is going on. This, in turn, results in the adrenal glands pumping a surge of adrenaline, noradrenaline, and cortisol into the bloodstream. Via the bloodstream, adrenaline increases heart and breathing rates; noradrenaline produces body heat, making you sweat; and cortisol provides extra energ y for muscles to use.

Though falling in love is associated with anxiety and stress, this state—in combination with the belief that there may be reciprocation—is also at times accompanied by intensely pleasant emotions. These emotions arise from an underlying brain chemistry that resembles those triggered by cocaine use.

Your Brain on Crack

Cocaine is a serotonin/norepinephrine/dopamine reuptake inhibitor, like the most frequently prescribed antidepressants. Serotonin reuptake inhibitors block the transporter that normally carries the “feel good” neurotransmitter serotonin into the neurons. When serotonin is inside the neurons, it does not function as a neurotransmitter. To have an impact on the brain, it must be extracellular, or outside the neurons. When the transporter is blocked, less serotonin is carried back into the cell. So, the extracellular levels of serotonin increase, which stabilizes the brain’s chemistry and alleviates anxiety and depression.

Cocaine increases the brain levels of serotonin, norepinephrine, and dopamine. But unlike the selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, or SSRIs, doctors normally prescribe for depression (for example, Zoloft, Celexa, or Lexapro), cocaine works instantly. This is because cocaine is a much more potent drug. Whereas standard antidepressants only partially block neurotransporters, cocaine completely blocks them, giving rise to a steep peak in the levels of norepinephrine, dopamine, and serotonin.

Increased levels of norepinephrine make you alert and energetic, suitable levels of serotonin make you feel satiated and self-confident, and increased levels of dopamine make you go into a pleasurable manic state. Dopamine also motivates us to continue to perform certain activities by causing a feeling of profound enjoyment in response to those activities, such as sex.

Because dopamine is associated with pleasure and memory associations between certain actions and pleasure, stimulants and narcotic drugs that increase the brain’s levels of dopamine can cause addiction. The brain remembers the intense pleasure and wants it repeated. This, however, is probably not the whole story behind addiction. Though pleasurable or satisfying activities normally are necessary to initiate an addiction, it may be an overall less efficient pleasure response to ordinary events that causes addiction. It’s the pleasurable or satisfying feeling created by dopamine that entices us to try a drug a second time. But it is likely a dopamine deficiency, a smaller number of dopamine receptors, or an impairment of the function of dopamine that causes addiction. For people with an addictive personality, normal everyday activities, such as working, reading, or watching a movie, don’t lead to sufficiently intense pleasure, so they seek the drug to give them a more profound experience.

Over time, cocaine and other drug use desensitizes the brain to the drug. Desensitization happens as a result of an increased reuptake of the drug or a reduction in or desensitization of receptors. As a result, a larger amount of the drug is required to achieve the same stimulating effect.

New love can have similar effects on the brain as cocaine. Helen Fisher, an anthropologist and relationship researcher, conducted a series of fascinating brain imaging studies of the brain chemistry and brain structure underlying new love. She found that serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine are crucially involved in the initial stages of romantic love in much the same way as they are in cocaine use.

When you fall in love with someone, norepinephrine fills you with raucous energy, serotonin boosts your self-confidence, and dopamine generates a feeling of pleasure. New love is a kind of love addiction but not yet a kind of pathological love addiction. In falling in love, however, the brain is on crack—a dangerous state of mind.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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This Is What Makes A Woman Truly Beautiful To Men

“BEAUTY IS NOT IN THE FACE; BEAUTY IS A LIGHT IN THE HEART.” – KAHLIL GIBRAN

There may be various things that make a woman appear attractive to a man. But what makes a woman beautiful goes much deeper than the skin and what we can see with our eyes. It depends on what makes a man fall in love with a woman, her personality, her behavior and who she is as a person. Let’s take a look at what exactly makes women beautiful to men.

As a man with a twenty three-year-old daughter, I am sometimes quite concerned with society’s continuing obsession with beauty, more specifically about our definition and attitudes about a woman’s beauty.

The messages, for the most part, are fear-based and focused not as much on appreciating beauty as artificially preserving it and hanging onto it. The premise is that time and age make a woman less beautiful and that women must sacrifice time, money and health to conform to an externally dictated standard of beauty.

My concern is that the media has bombarded us with messages that have hypnotized us into believing that their definition of beauty is actually true. Like most of the messages we see in the media, the motivation is control and money. The beauty industry is a multi-billion dollar powerhouse that stays in business by telling us what is beautiful and who is beautiful, for their own gain.

I’m not worth nearly a billion dollars, but I am a man who’s been on the planet for over half a century, as well as a psychologist in Los Angeles, so I’ve seen and heard a lot about it, and would like to offer my perspective as a man who’s been around the block and isn’t in the pocket of the beauty business.

“THE BEST AND MOST BEAUTIFUL THINGS IN THE WORLD CANNOT BE SEEN OR EVEN TOUCHED – THEY MUST BE FELT WITH THE HEART.” – HELEN KELLER

First, a woman is not beautiful in a vacuum, there is always an observer who interprets that beauty, even if it is the woman herself. But what I’d really like to talk about is how a man creates beauty through his perception of a woman.

Yes, I firmly believe that the love and admiration of a man has a role in creating beauty in a woman. I learned that quantum physics tells us that observation affects the “reality” of what is being observed.

In making this statement, I want to make a distinction between “beautiful” and “attractive”. We are biologically disposed towards what is attractive, based upon what would make good “breeding” material in both sexes. It’s not romantic, but it’s true.

As the theory goes, classic attractiveness is based upon symmetry and proportion. The more symmetrical, the more “pure” and more prone to survival are the underlying genetics. We know and react to this deep within our DNA on a visceral, unconscious level.

This isn’t really news. The designers of the Great Pyramids of Egypt, as well as Leonardo Da Vinci and so many others of the Renaissance, used the “Golden Ratio” of 1:1.62 in creating their masterpieces. When an object or person meets this ratio, we consider it or them to be beautiful.

We can apply this to the ratio of face length to face width. We can apply it to nose-to-chin or pupil-to-nose ratios. It is endless—just ask any plastic surgeon.

“WHEN I THINK OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMEN, THEY’RE NOT SUPERMODELS.” – BECKI NEWTON

Psychologically, we find attractive someone who embodies the qualities of our primary caregivers. The people who raised us, typically our parents and extended family are our models for a relationship, emotionally as well as physically. Sometimes we choose someone who is the opposite of them, yet we are still using them as our template.

We are all drawn to certain body parts that sexually stimulate us: face, eyes, hair, breasts, belly, butt, legs, ankles. We each have different preferences, which is a good thing, as it is a rare woman who has each body part exactly as we would prefer. Again, this variation in what is attractive offers another genetic advantage through creating a more varied gene pool and is, therefore, more conducive to the survival of the species.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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15 Signs He Wants To Marry You Someday

If you really love a man, you look forward to the day when he will propose you. You start weaving dreams of your future together looking for the signs he wants to marry you someday. You can sense that he admires you, possibly loves you deeply, but whether or not he wants to settle down with you someday remains a question.

If he wants to marry you someday, even if that day is not in near future, he will give you some signs. With a bit of attention to detail, you can easily figure out that he thinks you are the one for him. And that’s exactly what you want to know right? So go through the below signs that indicate he wants to make you his wife someday.

15 Signs He Wants To Marry You Someday

Perhaps you have been seeing each other for quite some time now and it feels like you have met your soulmate. And now you want to know whether he is going to be your life-partner or not. So you want to look for clear signs that indicate he is going to marry you someday. Asking that directly may not seem plausible to you, but you can certainly look for these signs.

1. He has made you a part of his life

Affairs are usually secrets and at times two people do not share much beyond their fantasies and desires. However, when two people fall in love, they tend to make efforts to know more and more about each other. And when a couple is looking to settle in life together, they make each other part of it much before.

If your man has no qualms introducing you to his friends, colleagues, has no issues to be seen with you in public places, and he no more endorses the single life, he is definitely looking to marry you someday.

If he shares his goals with you, confides in you, and includes you in his day to day life, he surely has plans to have you in his life forever.

You are important to him

2. You have met his family

If your guy has made you meet his family and close ones, then you should consider this as a very important sign that he wants to marry you someday. His family are the other people whom he loves the most, besides you. If he is seeing a future with you, he would want you to be present at his family’s get-togethers and gatherings. He is relying on you to make a connection with his family members, plus he also wants his family to know you.

Apart from this, he will take keen interest in your family, relatives and close friends. He looks forward to spending time with them as well, as he wishes to know them better too.

3. He talks about the future with you

If your man wants to have you as his wife one day, he will discuss his future with you. He makes you a part of all his future endeavors. He may often discuss financial and personal goals with you, and how he is planning to secure the future.

In fact, one of the most prominent signs he wants to marry you someday is that he involves you in his future pursuits.

4. You hang out with his best friends as a couple

If your man sees you as his ‘plus one’, it is very likely that you are a part of his friends’ gatherings, especially the friends who are happily married. He thinks about marriage and since it is the next organic step to your relationship, he wants you to hang out with his closed group of friends.

He also wants you and them to know each other, and this is another sign that he is looking to have you in his life long term. If he invites you to gatherings and outings when his friends too come with their spouses, it is a sign that he thinks of you as his future wife too.

His friends know you

Gradually, his friends start to see you as a couple and believe that you will be married soon.

5. He doesn’t shy from acknowledging your relationship on social media

Social media has assumed a lot of importance in our lives these days. If your man tags you in cute meme’s or doesn’t hesitate to show off your relationship in public, it is evident that he is not shy to admit that you two are together.

If he is not afraid to show your relationship to the public, it is evident that he doesn’t look at this relationship as a short-term fling. He is in for the long haul and that should include marriage as well.

6. He looks to save money

If your man has suddenly started to cut down on his expenses or is looking to save money, he is definitely readying to get married and settle down with you. If he suggests opening a joint bank account, it indicates he is looking to solidify your bond. He may always be interested in planning for joint assets, or buying a property.

Money is a very fragile topic and if he shows his willingness to discuss the topic with you, it is a very good sign of him being interested in spending his life with you.

7. His children love you as much

If the man in question, is divorced or a widower with kids, he will ensure you connect with his kids if he is serious about you. If his intentions are to marry you someday, his family would already be aware about you and you may already feel the warmth and respect you deserve from his family.

He will never make you look like a stranger in front of his family and will ensure that you feel included in his life. He may not be able to spend a lot of time with you owing to his other priorities, but you will feel valued and welcomed every time.

8. He is interested in living with you

Has your guy invited you over to stay with him? Is he keen to live with you? Or are you already living-in together? Either way, if you are living together or he is keen to move in together it is a top sign he wants to marry you someday. Has he recently mentioned about getting a pet together?

He wants to live together

He may have given the keys to his apartment to you. He is ready to live with you because he probably believes marriage is just a formality. A guy who is sharing his belongings with you, lets you in his sacred space and works to resolve issues (if any), is surely looking to share his life with you.

9. He asks for and values your opinions

If your guy wants to marry you someday, it is important that he considers you important in his life. Egos and relationships do not last together and if your man can set aside his ego and ask for your opinion on something, it means he really values you. It is also an indication he looks upon you to be his advisor on things he cannot crack himself. He trusts in your abilities and feels confident in them.

The guy understands that once you get married, there will a ton of issues where in you will be taking common decisions. In a way, now that he knows your stand on different things, it becomes easier for him to decide his future with you.

10. He knows and remembers your likes and dislikes

The little things about you. Yes, so this man who is looking to make you his wife someday focuses on the little things. He knows the real you, all that you like and dislike and he pays attention to the little things. The slightest change in your looks, that little frown, that worry you are trying to mask behind a smile – he can see it all. And he will make it a point to know what’s happening right there and then.

Anything that holds relevance to you holds relevance to him. He considers you very important in his life and anything that concerns you, concerns him as well. He remembers all the important days and dates, he knows how you like your beverage and he remembers you hate those red roses. Because in the end, it’s all about little things.

11. He doesn’t shy from showing affection

He doesn't hide his love

If a man truly wants to marry you someday, he wouldn’t have any qualms about being affectionate and loving towards you. He wouldn’t hesitate to show his love for you in public or when he is with his friends. You can feel the pride he feels when he tells others that you are his girlfriend, and his gestures indicate you are his future wife as well. He may also act touchy-feely even when he is in public with you.

A man who is not hiding you and his love for you from others is a man who can be trusted.

12. He loves your family as his own

If a guy shows the same compassion, love and respect for your family as he does for his own, he is clearly looking to marry you someday. He does not think of you as just his girlfriend, but he gives it a whole big angle by taking care of your family as his own. He considers it his duty to ensure that your family is alright and becomes protective towards them.

13. He often brings up kids in his conversations

Having children is organic to many couples post marriage. If your man talks about how he wants to raise his kids or what he has planned for them in future, it indicates he is looking to have a family soon and is gathering your views on the same.

Perhaps he has already told you what he would like to name his son as, or how he wants them to grow up as. Perhaps he is loved by all kids and you can see his childish side the moment he sees a kid. This indicates he is looking to have you as the mother of his kids and that he will be a doting dad someday.

14. You are his go-person when he is in a mess

All of us get into messy situations in life. And during these phases, we turn to our most trusted friends and partners. While women are a pro at sharing things, men usually like to keep things to themselves. Yet, if your man opens up in front of you and shares his feelings, his disappointments, his triumphs and his sorrows with you, you can be certain that you are the woman he intends to spend his life with.

You are his support

During such times, you should refrain from judging him and restrain yourself from poking him too much. If he has confidence in you, be careful not to shake it as it can be a real deal breaker.

15. You can just feel it!

The last but the most important sign that a man is going to marry you someday is in the trust and belief you have in him. You can feel he treats you as his wife and you like it that way. You can feel both of you living as husband and wife in the near future. You can see it in the way he treats you, or the way your heart goes racing at the sight of him. If you feel so, it is likely to happen and your soulmate connection is just about to happen!

He may have never told it to your face rightaway, but if you are smiling reading this, you know these are exactly the things he does for you. You are also hoping to settle down with him and spend the rest of your life with him. Rest assured, you are happy and hopeful that the “Will You…” question will soon pop up.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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3 Undeniable Signs He’s Falling In Love With You

Plus signs women read completely wrong.

There is nothing worse than being in a relationship and having to figure out the “does he love me” question.

Thankfully, I’ve got your back: I’m going to show you how to find out if he loves you, as well as techniques you can use to make him fall in love with you even more.

First, how can you tell your guy is maybe, just possibly falling for you?

Here are 3 undeniable signs a man is falling in love:

1. He’s super awkward or nervous around you.

Sometimes guys are just terrible at dealing with their emotions. They simply don’t know how to be chill around girls they like.

So instead of being helpful, fun and trying to win you over, he may act completely the opposite. He may get super quiet around you, not engage you like he engages all his other friends and generally clam up and get awkward around you.

Maybe there’s been a guy you really adored and you clammed up and got awkward when you were around him? It’s almost like your love for him can strangle your ability to act normal.

Acting like he adores you or acting very nervous around you are the two big behavior signs you should look out for when asking yourself does he love me.

2. He treats you great.

This is the big obvious one that you shouldn’t miss. If your man is doing things that make it clear he loves you, like constantly staring at you, trying to make you laugh, doing really nice things for you, or helping you with things all the time, then there is a large chance that he’s also in love with you.

Note: Now if the guy is like this with everyone he meets and knows, then you can take it that he may not be in love with you. But if he clearly treats you differently to his other girl friends, then it’s a strong sign he likes you

3. He goes out of his way for you and only you.

A massive sign that he loves you is when he goes out of his way to do something for you, but he doesn’t do the same for other friends/co-workers/buddies.

Often guys can be complete jerks and totally inconsiderate to your feelings. So if you notice a guy who is normally a jerk to everyone treat you like a total princess, then it’s a pretty big sign he likes you and possibly is even in love with you.

Important note: Do not confuse small kindnesses and courtesies as a guy being interested.

Often you may be crazy about a guy and be hoping he feels the same way about you. This can often make your mind play tricks on you trying to make you believe that he feels the same way about you.

Sometimes women can look for the tiniest things guys do and try to turn them into big, massive indicators in their heads that a man is in love with them. Have you ever found yourself doing this?

Here are a few examples of what I’m talking about:

  • That guy you’re crazy about said hello this morning: It’s certainly nice, but it definitely doesn’t mean he’s in love with you.
  • He liked one of your Facebook posts: Again, it’s nice, but it’s such a small act that it certainly isn’t a sign that he’s crazy in love with you.
  • He touched you that one time you were talking to him: This guy may happen to be super touchy-feely or maybe he’s not. But touching you just once or twice while talking isn’t a big sign you should watch for when figuring out does he love me.

As you can see from these examples, just one of these things occurring should not be cause for celebration, they unfortunately aren’t signs that he loves you. However, if you find more than one of them happening every single day, then there is a much higher chance that he’s into you.

So, how can you make him fall in love with you?

I want to be really honest here. It’s a tough thing to do. I hate these articles that say you can magically make any guy fall in love with these simple three steps.

The reality is that it’s much more complicated than taking “three magic steps” to making a guy fall in love.

Some guys just aren’t ready.

Some guys have been crushed by a girl previously and are now bitter towards the idea of love.

And some guys just don’t want anything serious.

The most important thing to do is to figure out if he is ready to fall in love in the first place.

If he isn’t at that stage in his life where he is ready to fall in love, then it will be similar to attempting to make a rock fall in love with you: impossible.

But if you’re lucky and do find a guy who’s ready, then it’s a simple case of spending time together, making sure you both have shared interests and making sure that you feel a mutual attraction for each other.

But that’s not all; you also need to keep him on his toes and keep a healthy tension between you both in order to keep it fun and exciting for both of you.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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20 Signs You’re With the Woman You Should Marry

If she buys you French fries even when you say you’re not hungry, she’s a keeper.

m going to assume that if you’ve somehow landed on this article, you’re at the stage of your relationship where you’re considering marriage. Cute! Maybe you’ve been together a year or so, maybe you’ve gotten some pressure from your Aunt Lisa who loves getting into your business over Thanksgiving.

Whatever the reason, I’m sure your girlfriend has some redeeming qualities that, at the very least, made you consider marriage with her in the first place. Whether she laughs when you snort, gets you extra French fries when you say you’re not hungry, or texts back right away without leaving you on read, these are all good things that make for total wife-y material.

But if you’re looking for some sort of formula or equation that’ll make it easy for you to determine if this person is, like, your person, you should sign up for an algebra class (…and not be reading this Cosmopolitan article).

That’s because, truly, all clichés aside, you’re the only one who can determine if the woman you’re with is who you should marry. So while, yes, there are some signs this woman could be your person—whether as a wife, or serious life-long partner—it’s truly dependent on how she makes you feel. Check out the list below and see if any of it resonates with you.

1. She makes your bed in the morning. I know this sounds weird, but it’s totally a thing. Sometimes life really is about the little things, so if she takes the time to make up your bed in the morning after you’ve slept in it, just imagine all the other little things she probably does that you don’t even notice.

2. She buys you Corgi socks just because she knows corgis are your favorite. So this one is a lil specific, but you get the idea. If she thinks about you enough to notice there are some socks on sale with your favorite dog on them, it goes without saying but she’s obviously a keeper.

3. She cares how your friends are doing. She knows all your friends by name and is genuinely invested in whether or not your roommate Kate gets together with that guy she likes because they would be so cute together and she wants her to be happy.

4. You can go on trips together and not fight constantly. If you can survive being in a nightmare spa resort full of screaming children, no clean towels, and weak drinks with old pineapple on the rim without fighting constantly, you have something pretty amazing.

5. You still catch her checking you out. For no reason, really. She just thinks you are the hottest human always and is happy to let you know.

6. You share the same values. You both want the same type of relationship, you know where you both stand on having children, and your goals for the future are the same. If you want to work until you’re 90, so does she. If you want to retire early and eat only pudding for the rest of your life, she’s cool with that.

7. She loves bragging about you. To her friends, coworkers, everyone. Because she’s proud of you and thinks you are the coolest person she’s ever met. Her friends, and roommates, and coworkers know every little thing about you before you even meet them. You’re basically like a band she’s obsessed with that she also gets to date.

8. You hear your friends complain about their significant others and you can’t really relate. Just keep it to yourself that you and your girlfriend have fun staring at blank walls and she’s incredibly supportive and thoughtful and compassionate. Not the time to share that info.

9. She’s your biggest supporter. She believes you can do things even you’re not sure you can do because she has the utmost faith and confidence in you even at your lowest moments because she believes you are magic.

10. You feel comfortable planning things way, way in the future. You can buy concert tickets or book a vacation in advance without worrying if she’s going to break up with you or you’re going to break up with her before then. You trust her completely and she’s become such a part of you that your future together seems as certain as anything.

11. She makes sacrifices for you and you do the same for her. And she thinks nothing of it because she genuinely enjoys making sure you’re happy and you feel the same way about her.

12. She doesn’t try to change you. She knows every messed up, weirdo thing you do when you sleep and when you’re awake and when you’re tired and when you’re cranky, and she’s okay with all of it in a way that you weren’t sure anyone ever would be.

13. Your friends are really, genuinely happy for you. After suffering through countless drink dates and morning-after breakfasts with your horrible exes, your friends are so relieved you’re actually with someone who is as cool as you are because you’re truly right for each other, which is something they’d wanted for you for a long time now. It’s like seeing your really tall friend find workable pants, but instead of pants, it’s a person.

14. You can be completely honest with her about anything. No matter how anxious or worried or nervous or scared you’re feeling, you know you can tell her anything at all and she won’t judge you. Sexual fantasies, awkward illnesses, a fight you had with your parents; anything.

15. She’s the first person you want to talk to when something cool/funny/weird happens. You used to text your best friend all of this stuff, but your best friend isn’t even mad about that because they’re so happy you’ve found someone you’re so close and connected with.

16. She indulges your guilty pleasures. She knows you love sitting in track pants and eating an entire Funfetti cake, and not only totally accepts that, but sometimes she brings one home and lets you tear that shit up.

17. You want to protect her. Even though she totally doesn’t need protecting. It’s just an impulse because you love her so goddamn much.

18. She fights fairly. She doesn’t get excessively angry or mean-spirited, and she doesn’t bring up old issues or low blows just to hurt you. She might be mad, but she wants to work it out with you, so you talk about it like adults who love each other.

19. She has her own life outside of your relationship. She knows you two are going to function best when she does her own thing and you do your own thing, and then you both come together and forget about the rest of the world existing.

20. You tell her you miss her when she’s gone, and you really mean it. Like, you say you wish she were there because you actually wish she was there. All the time. Maybe in, like, a live-in situation. A live-in situation with wedding rings. And all of our friends there. And then someone gives you fancy kitchenware. Maybe like that.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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How To Make A Man Fall In Love With You In 9 Easy Steps (Yes, Really!)

Spoiler alert: There really is a magic formula.

You’ve met your dream guy and things are going pretty well, but how can you be sure that he’s as head over heels for you as you are for him?

If you’ve ever fallen hard for someone, you know the most frustrating (and fun) thing about it can be trying to gain their attention and earn their returned love.

If you want to know how to get a guy not only to like you, but how to make a man fall deeply in love with and want to build a life with you, you want to prove yourself as someone worthy of his time and affection.

But it’s never just as easy as casting a magic spell to make it all go well, is it?

Relationships take time, dedication, and a steady mix of patience to work out right. After all, you’re trying to build a life with someone, and that’s no easy task. However, that doesn’t mean that there isn’t a method to all of the madness or a way to get someone to notice the depth of your love and give you some of that adoration in return.

A good relationship is like a dance. It requires two people giving their all and learning the steps to work with each other so they don’t crush a lot of toes. And like a good dance, there are steps you can take in your relationship to help make it flow smoothly, and keep you from stepping all over your partner by accident.

Relationships need a lot of effort, but sometimes it’s not easy to figure out where you should be directing that effort. Want to be more successful in dating? Then you’ll want to follow these simple steps for how to make a man fall in love with you, because believe it or not, there is actually a formula. It might not be magic, but it’s as close to a magic as you can get — and it’s also far more reliable.

Just how does such a thing work?

Well, you’re going to want to remember the acronym MAGNETICS — and get ready to get loved up!

Without further ado, here’s how to make a guy fall deeply in love with you in 9 easy steps.

1. M is for Masculinity

A man wants a woman who just “gets” him. He wants her radiance and femininity to draw him in the way his masculine energy attracts her. He wants a woman who appreciates his ability to protect, provide and solve problems. He wants her to admire him for his steadiness and sense of calm under pressure. He doesn’t want to feel emasculated because he’s way more logical and analytical and doesn’t (necessarily) cry at sappy movies.

In short, he wants a woman who sees him as the hero he’s always wanted to be — and when you really get that you just might be shocked at how heroic he truly is in his heart and soul. Ladies, that is the real greatness of a man. For the right reason or cause, he would literally die for you. Now if that’s not a hero, what is?

2. A is for Acceptance

Now when it comes to “getting” your man, there is one thing you must not do if you want a man to see a future with you. Do not treat him like some kind of project that needs to be fixed because it immediately brings up the walls. If you have the urge to try to change his clothes, his circle of friends, the way he talks, what he loves to do — don’t do it!

Just move on and find someone you can respect and appreciate just the way he is right now. If he wants your help, he’ll ask for it. The right guy for you deserves to feel like he’s your hero. If you can’t offer that, he’s not your guy.

3. G is for Grateful

A man has two primary gifts he can offer a woman: his ability to protect and provide. So if he is willing to risk his life to protect yours and invest his time, talent and treasure in order provide for you, all he really wants is a little gratitude in return.

He simply wants you to appreciate that he works hard to take care of you even if he can’t give you everything he’d like. That’s really not a lot to ask. So if you want a guy to see the very best in you and fall hopelessly in love, the one thing you can’t do is take him for granted or disrespect his efforts.

4. N is for Nurturing

If it’s up to a man to protect and provide for his woman and family, what is it that he wants and needs from her in return? Simply put, a woman’s beauty and grace attracts a man and is often demonstrated in her innate ability as a nurturer or caretaker.

Now before you attack that idea as sexist, we’re really just talking about two people who come together to love, care for and make each other’s life even better by forming a cooperative partnership here. The real beauty of a relationship is when two people come together with a desire to give rather than just take. That’s when the magic is unleashed.

5. E is for Easy-Going

Despite what you may think or your past experience — you may never know just how much a man really does want to please you if he is able. In fact, the problems show up when he no longer thinks he can please you. Men are very simple creatures. They demonstrate their value by solving problems and fixing things (and occasionally they may make the mistake of trying to fix you).

Plus, nothing makes a man feel worse than to feel stuck in a problem he just can’t solve so if you’re unhappy too often, at some level, he’s failed and he will try to distance himself from feeling like a failure. By contrast, nothing makes a man feel successful like you when you are happy — which is why a positive, happy and radiant woman is so appealing.

6. T is for Trustworthy

When it comes to true demonstrations of masculine energy and the code it lives by, the concept of honor is practically inseparable from the ideal. Whether it’s warriors on the battlefield or symbolic “warriors” on the playing field, having your partner’s back is the difference between winning and losing or even life and death. A man has got to trust that you’re on his team and have his back, otherwise, he will never commit.

7. I Is For Independence

If there is one area I see women mess up time and again, it’s in trying to define a relationship or tie a man down too soon. That’s because her need to feel “safe” is in direct contrast to his innate desire for freedom and not being tied down. If you think about it, every soldier anywhere who has ever been killed in action has died trying to defend their idea of freedom.

When you realize that simple fact, you’ll understand why he’ll feel reluctant to just give it away, but don’t worry. The good news is he will trade his freedom for something better, so just be better and don’t try to force him into a decision too soon.

8. C is for Captivate

When you really get what I’ve just shared and exude these nine traits, you will officially be in your man’s head — and in his heart as well. That’s because he will notice all the “logical” benefits of your wonderful traits right about the time his heart opens and “emotion” slowly enters the equation.

Oh, and there’s one other thing that gets a man to act in the captivation stage: his competitive nature won’t tolerate losing the greatest woman he’s ever met to another man.

9. S is for Soulmates

When you follow this as outlined, it all adds up to something magical. When you embody a love of his Masculinity with your Appreciation for who he is, add in some Gratitude, a Nurturing spirit, an Easy-going nature, an ability to be Trustworthy, and honor his Independence all while captivating him — it all adds up to one thing. The final S is for Soulmate because that’s what you’ll have found.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

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10 Things That Make a Man Fall Head Over Heels in Love With You

If you have stumbled upon this article, I assume you must already be falling hard and fast in love with a man.

Am I right?

If you are, then you might also be fervently praying for your love to get reciprocated. But Wait! How do you go about that?

Is it possible to make a man fall in love with you? You would be thrilled to know, but yes, you absolutely can.

You don’t have to be a psychology graduate to apply these psychological tricks in which you will basically put the idea of love into the subconscious mind of the person (yes! The one you are thinking of right now). Don’t get too excited already.

Patience; we will get to it but remember being original is the key. Don’t push things off the cliff. Apply these practical strategies, but do not overdo it or you might come off as a trickster. And you definitely don’t want these tips to backfire. Butts, boobs and all that is sexy, but there’s nothing that beats authenticity.

Once you get a grip on how the law of attraction works (and it doesn’t always work according to rules), you will be able to use it to your advantage.

Okay, let’s start.

How to make a man fall in love with you?

Here’s a 10 cheat-sheet on how to make a man catch feelings for you:

1. Eye contact

No doubt, you are transfixed on his charming smile and his wholesome face. You can’t have enough of him. And now you must be jumping with joy as all you have to do is eye-gaze at him. It’s not as easy and thrilling as it sounds as people often admit to finding it overwhelming to make eye contact with their love object.

Eye contact is a powerful way to stimulate love and affection. When two people look deeply, passionately into the eyes of each other their body produces a chemical called phenylethylamine that has been found to multiply the chances of making you fall in love.

Take about incredible scientific facts.

How does it work?

I am not asking you to sit across him and blankly stare into his eyes.

When you both are conversing, hold his gaze, for a few seconds. Bring about the empathetic look in your eyes like you are consciously present in the moment, completely engrossed in the conversation and is giving him the undivided attention he deserves. Give him the ‘thoughtful look’. Convey with your eyes that you care and are there for him.

This art is best applied with a number of other body languages (which we will discuss in the next point.)

2. Make use of body language to express yourself

Our bodies have the incredible power to subconsciously pick up very subtle stimuli from our surroundings which we are completely unaware of. These signs from your bodies convey and communicate messages with another person’s body. Visualize two bodies conveying secret messages without you having any clue.

How does it work?

When you are within his physical proximity, try to strike a conversation. While doing so, slightly lean forward if you are sitting across the table. Avoid stooping too low or behaving overtly seductively. Some people find it offending.

Gather your hair and set it to one side, exposing the tenderness of your neck. Pull back your sleeves and expose that wrist.

If you happen to sit beside him, make sure you slightly turn your body, pointing your feet towards his direction. Sit physically close to him, but take care not to make it look desperate.

This way you are intentionally displaying signs of attraction to instigate his brain to pick up the signal that you are genuinely interested in.

3. Divulge intimate details about yourself

Small talks are brief, easy and fun but a tad too superficial. Save those for casual flings at the bar. If you want your object of love to connect with you at a profoundly deep level (leading to love) you are to let the mess out.

Talk about your failures, your hurdles, and how you overcame them. Talk about topics that are of utmost significance to you and to him. Talk of loss and hope. Talk of pain and darkness. Do not fear to open those chambers of your hearts which have held the secret to your resilience and strength.

While there could be numerous topics of conversation, why choose to talk about our scarred parts?

How does it work?

It works on various degrees:

  • Talking to him about your intimate life experiences will reveal crucial details about your personality, about how you handle problems, what your value system is, your attitudes, about your weaknesses and strengths.
  • It helps enhance trust between you both.
  • It opens up grounds for him to reveal his share of life experiences and this helps you both to connect better, foster understanding and create moments to cherish.
  • Doing so, you come off as a simple-minded, genuine person because you are sharing vulnerable details about yourself.

4. Actively listen to him when he speaks

There is nothing sexier than a person who actually devotes her undivided attention to you when you are talking about something close to your heart. On the contrary, there is no better turn-off than someone who interrupts you every time you speak, distracting you and setting you off the track. Hijacking conversation is utterly disrespectful.

How does it work?

Active listening involves a listener to acutely focus on the speakers changing behavior and body language which in turn greatly enhances the quality of communication.

Nod slightly in agreement with what he says. Hold brief eye contact when required (comfort through your eyes “I am here to understand and your words will be safe with me”.).
This technique not only involves listening skills but also the skill to express your emotions aligned to the other person’s. When you listen with your body, when you listen to understand, you are actually making this point home that you genuinely care to receive whatever he is confiding in you. This provides a sense of being understood.

Practice this technique and see how it works wonders.

5. Hold his hand

Yes, definitely as a romantic gesture and sometimes in a platonic sense of care. Touch (not the ones that kindle lust) can portray feelings in a very subtle manner without overbearing him.

How does it work?

Hold his hand in a manner that covers his entire palm, keeping the pressure moderate. It should illustrate the fact that you are taking the responsibility to care, protect and stick to him through thick and thin alike. Hold his hand, look into his eyes and send across a smile of reassurance and witness him melt like a popsicle.

6. Let him miss you

Oh! The pangs of separation. Making a man fall in love also involves making him realize your value. Always clinging on to him, giving the best of yourself and making him the center of your world might spoil things. Such actions show you are desperate to have him in your life and that you are emotionally dependent.

He will tend to take you for granted unless you balance between your availability and unavailability.

How does it work?

Make yourself scarce. Show up, but not always and not immediately. Let him miss you before you reach out to him. If he texts you, do not reply to him right away. Let him dial your number. Do not pick up even if you are dying to talk to him. Let it ring for a while.

If he wants to meet you, do so but not by adjusting your schedule. Let him wait for the exclusively amazing person that you are.

7. Cook for him

This is a major turn-on for boys; something that he might carry in his heart for the rest of his life.
Andrea Miller, the CEO of Yourtango has to say, “We were thrilled to discover that almost 80% of people felt preparing a meal for someone is a significant act of love!”
Every single word of the saying ‘A way to a man’s heart is through his stomach’ is true.

Don’t believe me? See it for yourself.

How does it work?

By now you must be knowing what the foodie in him craves for. If it happens to be your favorite food too, what are you waiting for? Make the meal and share it with him. Don’t forget to have fun while you both relish the dish. Also, don’t miss out on the look of appreciation in his eyes.

You are almost in!

8. Be humorous

Have your funny side up. Being too serious all the time might get him into the shell. Frequently take things lightly and have a good laugh with him. Make him laugh. Men love women who have a funny bone and don’t scare away from having a hearty laugh.

How does it work?

The only rule to have fun is to have no rules. Open yourself up. Don’t be hesitant to portray your authentic self. Your ability to crack intellectual jokes shows that you are smart and also gives you both a chance to make merry.

Brownie point:  You look a zillion times better when you smile.

9. Spend time with him

This goes without saying. The more time you spend with him, the more you are exposed to him. Meet him in person whenever possible. This strengthens the emotional bond more than spending time talking over the phone or texting each other.

How does it work?

Try making the time you spend with him worthwhile. Avoid discussing conflictual topics. Talk about positive, and refreshing things. You could tell each other stories of your childhood and also listen to his stories.

Spending memorable times with him works like pavlovian conditioning. The next time he sees you, he will cheer up, not knowing why he so.

But you know what you did there! *wink wink*

10. Communicate your feelings

Men love things to be straight across their faces. They hate to be left guessing.
So if you are cultivating his thoughts in your mind, let him know it. But avoid going overboard with the expression.

How does it work?

Make it obvious that you are interested in him, more than casually. Compliment him on his attire, on his qualities and appreciate him for his achievements. Mention his name while you do so. The name makes it sound more intimate.

Like: 
“John, this shirt looks really great on you.”
“My God, John, you are so damn funny!”
“I must say, John, you did great at that concert.”

Bottom line.

While it’s obvious that love cannot be coaxed, but you sure can apply these tips to increase the chances of it. I hope and pray you to get the man you are thinking of to fall in love with you.

Let us know in the comments section about how you made your man fall in love with you. Happy loving.

 

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