Michelle – Chapter – 23 – One More After This, And Then I’m Done

I don’t really go on social media anymore.

I don’t care about your lunches, or dinners or events or your social events

It means nothing to me. I used to post everything I was doing on my social media when I was working in advertising.

But no more. I live a private life and I’m happier than I’ve ever been.

Social media’s a sad symptom of our society that gives every moron on Earth a voice.

I’m tired of you all. I see you all for who you really are and the pool is so shallow I see nothing in any of you anymore.

But for a moment I saw something that caught my eye.

My former girlfriend Michelle was pregnant with a little girl due in June. (It already happened)

She’s finally reached all of her goals of having her health, a happy marriage with her husband and now a child is on the way.

Well done.

It’s good we’re no longer in touch.

My work is done and you have no longer any use for me.

Perfect.

I’ve lifted you to the place I have hoped for you.

I think we both agree that what you have now is what we both hoped for you all along.

Well done, Michelle.

We had a great time, but you’re needed where you are now. You made it, and now you have all of the things you want.

I am honored we had the time we had together. It was the best time of my life, but now you’ve found true happiness and all of the things you wanted.

God Bless you both and I wish you all only health, happiness and the wellness of your child.

Michelle, you finally got the perfect life you always wanted. You have the perfect marriage with the man you’re supposed to be with, finally! I’m so happy for you. You live in the place you’ve always wanted to be in and have the job you always dreamed of.

Perfect.

I hope your baby girl is born happy and healthy!

God bless you all!

You did the right thing.

 

I’ll be at the bar…

 

 

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7 Dating Sites For Married People (Seriously)

As unbelievable as it may sound, it’s real.

A study led by John Cacioppo of the University of Chicago’s Department of Psychology found that “More than one third of U.S. marriages begin with online dating, and those couples may be slightly happier than couples who meet through other means.”

But there’s a darker flip side to online dating sites and popular apps like Tinder and Bumble — specifically, “married dating” sites, where cheating spouses-to-be can search for a willing partner in infidelity on the down-low.

Husbands and wives may vow to be there for each other, forsaking all others through sickness and health, until death do them part, but statistics show married men and women alike are cheating more frequently now than ever before. And naturally, online dating platforms are well aware of this fact.

While we can’t blame the online dating sites for creating this dilemma, the fact that there’s actually a decent market for dating sites dedicated to married people wanting to have affairs baffles me a little. Why even get married if you’re just going to be cruising around the dark online world of married dating sites?

Cheating is never OK, and IMO, this seems a little too far out the box, even for a social-media based society. But as unbelievable as it may sound, it’s real.

Ashley Madison isn’t the only site where you can get your cheating on, as evidenced by the following list of successful dating sites for married people.

That’s why we rounded them all up for you — because we’re helpful like that.

Here are 7 dating sites for married people that you’d have to see to believe:

1. Marital Affairs

Marital Affairs promises discretion and even gives some pointers for how to get the most effective results out of your affair.

Summary from the site itself: “Dating a married man or woman can be a dangerous and risky affair, but with us? Privacy is king. If you are looking for a secure form of adult dating then married dating with MA could be ideal. Just sign up and the risk and danger is limited to pleasurable amounts that come with the fast paced and sexy world or married dating.”

Wow.

2. Married Secrets

Married Secrets looks pretty tacky, but I don’t imagine that anyone browsing on this site would really care.

Summary from the site itself: “If you’re married, but looking, Married secrets can help you find discreet married affairs that you take as far as you want, whether just a little flirting, a passionate encounter, romantic married affairs, married dating or affectionate companionship.”

3. Victoria Milan

Simple and to the point, Victoria Milan offers some pretty snazzy features — one being the ‘panic button’ (and yes, it’s exactly what it sounds like).

Summary from the site itself: “We show you other members near you, setting you up for those delicious, spontaneous, casual encounters.”

4. Hush Affairs

While the name Hush Affair says it all, the motto says so much more: “Your desires are our secrets.”

Summary from the site itself: “Friendship and even innocent flirt [sic] are just the beginning of the unforgettable experience our site will offer you. Here, you can find yourself a Partner of your dreams! Once you complete your profile, our unique system to assess mutual compatibility guarantees the best match for you.”

But as Pretty Little Liars taught us, secrets are never kept for long.

5. Illicit Encounters

Illicit Encounters is the largest online dating site in the UK. That says quite a lot, I think, and none of it good.

Summary from the site itself: “Warning: Not everyone is suited to having an affair. They are not an alternative to working on or ending a marriage. Not all affairs have a positive effect on a marriage. Some can be very damaging. Always consider other people and if you are going to have an affair, please select your partner wisely.”

The more you know …

6. Find New Passions

Find New Passions … Because the old one died and an affair is the solution, right? Of course it is!

Summary from the site itself: “Most of us have always wanted to have a few extra-marital affairs every now and then. You need a time out from your difficult, sexless or loveless marriage … Whether you are looking forward to indulging in exciting affairs with married men or women, keep it safe and confidential with Find New Passion. Are you married and looking? Ready to turn your fantasy into reality? Why not start with a married dating website that gives you a chance to reignite the spark of passion and feel alive again?”

7. Gleeden

Gleeden is the first extramarital site made by women only. And yes, they are very proud of that fact.

Summary from the site itself: “Whether you are looking for an affair in your area or a lover miles away from you while on a trip, Gleeden.com gives you a specific platform to safely get in touch with members worldwide! Let’s go! Gleeden.com is run daily by a 100% female team: women are empowered for ultra-discreet encounters!”

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Whether you’re single or married, everyone should know these 11 facts about flirting

  • Flirting is important for couples as well as for singles.
  • Business Insider rounded up some of the most fascinating findings about flirting, according to social scientists — just in time for Valentine’s Day.
  • Most people don’t like traditional pick-up lines, and men tend to overestimate how interested women are.

What could be more terrifying than talking to someone you’re attracted to?

As Valentine’s Day approaches, it’s time to study up on what does — or doesn’t — work when it comes to flirting.

Business Insider found some of the most intriguing facts and social science studies on the art of flirtation, so you can saunter over to the object of your affection with confidence.

People flirt for six different reasons.

flirting whispering secret couple date
Flirting. 
Bobex-73/Shutterstock

In a 2004 review of the literature on flirting, Northern Illinois University professor David Dryden Henningsen identified six different motivations for the behavior:

• Sex: trying to get in bed
• Fun: treating it like a sport
• Exploring: trying to see what it would be like to be in a relationship
• Relational: trying to increase the intimacy of a relationship
• Esteem: increasing one’s own self esteem
• Instrumental: trying to get something from the other person

In that study, Henningsen asked 101 female and 99 male students to write out a hypothetical flirty conversation between a man and a woman, then identify the motivations for the things they said.

The behaviors broke down along gender norms: Men were significantly more likely to have a sexual motivation, while women tended to have a relational one.

Couples need to flirt, too.

happy couple
A couple. 
Getty Images

Like Tinder, cats, and dying alone, flirting is usually associated with single people.

But couples need to know how to flirt, too.

After studying 164 married people for a 2012 study, University of Kentucky researcher Brandi Frisby noted that most of them flirted — by playing “footsies” or whispering in their partner’s ear, for example — as a means of maintaining and emphasizing intimacy. Oftentimes, she wrote in her paper, married couples flirted to “create a private world with the spouse.”

People feel connected when they get past the small talk.

couple talking on steps
Making a connection. 
PH888/Shutterstock

You probably already know that asking questions of the person you fancy is a good idea.

But it’s all about the kind of questions you ask.

According to a widely cited 1997 study by State University of New York psychologist Arthur Aron, people feel more closely bonded when they ask each other intimate questions, as in “What roles do love and affection play in your life?” and “What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?” 

Six months later, two of the participants (a tiny fraction of the original study group) even found themselves in love — an intriguing result, though not a significant one.

Men overestimate how interested women are.

facepalm
Fed up. 
jazbeck/Getty Images

Evidence from multiple studies supports the idea that, among heterosexual people, men tend to overperceive sexual interest from women, while women tend to underperceive sexual interest from men.

A 2014 study published in the journal Evolutionary Psychology surveyed hundreds of undergraduate students from Norway, which according to the UN is one of the world’s most “gender egalitarian nations.”

Researchers found more women had been subject to instances where men overperceive sexual interest from them than men. Young, single, and sexuality-fluid participants also experienced being over-sexualized more often.

The most attractive characteristics depend on gender.

jay beyonce
Beyonce and Jay-Z. 
Win McNamee / Getty

According to a 2011 study led by University of British Columbia psychologist Jessica Tracy, heterosexual men and women diverge greatly in the facial expressions they fancy.

After showing 1,041 people images of different facial expressions, Tracy found that:

• Happiness was the most attractive female expression, but one of the least attractive for men.
• Pride was the most attractive male expression, but one of the least attractive for women.
• Interestingly, an expression of shame was relatively attractive on both men and women.

Flirting can enhance your attraction.

woman flirting
Talking in a coffee shop. 
Ranta Images / Shutterstock

University of New Mexico evolutionary psychologist Steven W. Gangestad told Psychology Today in 2016 that flirting is a “negotiation process” that happens after the first moments of attraction.

It’s a subtle sort of testing the waters. You don’t just say, “I’m attracted to you; are you attracted to me?”

“It works much better to reveal [your attraction] and have it revealed to you in smaller doses,” Gangestad said. “The flirting then becomes something that enhances the attraction.”

It’s not about being the most attractive person in the room.

Aishwarya Rai
Aishwarya Rai. 
Reuters

It’s about signaling that you’re available.

According to research from Webster University psychologist Monica Moore (who studied people’s flirting behavior at singles bars, shopping malls, and other places where young people meet), women who smiled and made eye contact with others were more likely to be approached than those who were simply good looking.

There may be five main styles of flirting.

millennials dating apps
A couple talking. 
Shannon Fagan/Getty Images

When it comes to flirting, everyone’s got a different M.O.

In 2010, Jeffrey A. Hall and Chong Xing published research that suggests there are five different styles of flirting. In 2015, they followed up on this research by breaking down each style into a series of verbal and nonverbal behaviors.

Here are some key behaviors of each type, as described by Susan Krauss Whitbourne on Psychology Today:

• Physical flirts tend to subtly touch the person they’re interested in.
• Traditional flirts believe men should make the first move.
• Sincere flirts get other people to open up to them.
• Playful flirts see the interaction as a game and may be using the flirtation as a means to another end.

The best flirters shift their strategy depending on context.

Gay couple same sex dating flirting
A couple at a restaurant. 
Fergus Coyle/Shutterstock

If you’re flirting with someone perceived as higher status than you, being more subtle will lead to more success, according to research.

A 2014 study conducted by University of Pennsylvania professors found flirters who can adjust how overtly they flirt will have the best success. “Presence of rivals, the potential for an advance to be considered inappropriate, or the higher social status of the receiver” are all situations where you’re better off being more subtle.

If successful, flirting can lead others to think you are also funny or creative, as well as attractive.

If you’re flirting on an app, there are some words that work better than others.

dating app
Looking at a dating app. 
Shutterstock/Rawpixel.com

Compliments over text go a long way, dating website Plenty of Fish finds.

The website analyzed 60,000 messages on dating apps to find the words that got the best responses. For men, calling a woman “beautiful” led to a conversation 20% of the time. Women messaging men first receive responses less often, but using the word “nice” works best.

Flirting could be all about biology.

couple bed sex unhappy
A couple. 
Vasiliy Koval / Shutterstock

Flirting may have less to do with words or body language, and more to do with biology.

Scientists have long speculated on how pheromones, or chemicals released by your body that have an impact on people around you, contribute to physical attraction. A 2011 study out of Florida State University found men who were exposed to pheromones released by ovulating women were more likely to drink alcohol and flirt with women.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy the book, Phicklephilly now available on Amazon!

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