Finding Love After 40: Save Your Dating Life With These 6 Essential Tips

Surely, getting back to the dating scene after a long marriage or a lengthy period of being single could be a struggle at first for everyone. Even if you are considered a ‘master in flirting’, there could be a few bumps on the road for you.

First of all, the dating scene or ‘game’, if you wish, will most probably not be the same as the ‘good old days’.

However, because ‘you don’t have it in you’ anymore, but due to the fact that your life and expectations have, indeed, changed in your 40’s.

1. Have realistic expectations (for yourself)

If you are picturing the following scene in your head: you are going to hit the bars until late, and are going to be ‘extra sociable’, going at events non-stop…Well, that might not work out just the way you are fantasizing. While there may be some women over 40 out there capable of doing that- kudos to you, in all honesty. However, for most women, it would typically be a hard task, as they would have a difficult time managing their tight schedule- be it work or kids (if they have any), or both.

Therefore, a more convenient way to give your dating life a chance would be…well, with the help of online dating. In this way, you could be in the comfort of your own home and start up a conversation with a stranger who might just be right for you. However, you should have something important in mind…

2. Be authentic when you date online

Namely, to be truthful. It is always quite a temptation to modify your appearance on social media platforms, such as dating apps. That goes for anybody- no age limits here. However, that is not a good idea especially when you are on the lookout for a potentially steady relationship. The key message here is the following: in order to attract the right kind of person for you, you should present yourself authentically.

Dishonesty should be strayed away from, as it would not bring you anything of substance in the long run. So, say ‘no’ to the temptation of adding a picture of when you were younger, for example, and just be yourself. You’re worth it and, not to mention, you look just as great!

3. Don’t rely solely on apps 

Nonetheless, online dating shouldn’t be a restriction by no means. Whenever you feel like it or have the time you most definitely should consider going out to meet new people. Swiping left and right can become overwhelming and tedious at some point, so head out to your favorite bar, coffee shop, or whatever else your thing is and enjoy yourself.

It is important not to neglect the opportunities real-life meet-ups by chance could bring. While dating apps bring a bit of comfort, as it is so easily accessible, a lot of success always comes with the ‘traditional’ way of meeting new people. At the end of the day, it is really up to you and your preferences.

4. Be patient

You have either left a marriage that was not working out or you have been single for a while, whichever the case may be- you just have to allow yourself to be patient. There seems to be this tendency of having specific expectations and wanting to meet the ‘perfect’ one right this very second. Of course, it is understandable why a certain ‘rush’ might prevail, especially if one has been looking for a partner for a sufficient amount of time.

However, key characteristic to always preserve is patience. It is very important to remain patient and positive, as frustration would only delay your chances to find true love.

5. Don’t get ‘too attached’ to the ‘idea’ of what you want

If you are in the habit of ‘knowing’ whether your date is right for you in the first couple of minutes, even seconds…Well, you might be setting yourself up for failure. Dating in your 40’s means you most probably know what you are looking for but for some reason, a lot of women put themselves under the pressure to find it incredibly quickly.

However, making up your mind in such a fast, negative manner in actuality prolongs the experience of finding a suitable partner. So, keep in mind: there is really a fine line between being judgemental and ‘going with your gut’.

6. Resist the temptation of dating someone who reminds you of your ex

It’s kind of to be expected that you could be drawn to an individual with similar qualities as your ex-lover. This is due to the fact that there is certain comfort in ‘familiarity’. However, the logical question you’d need to ask ourselves is: if it didn’t work out with this type of person before, why would it work out now?

Therefore, you should rationally make the effort to avoid dating a person who is unhealthy for you. Working on healing and finding your inner peace is crucial for this. So, you could do this at your own pace or seek out a professional to guide you through the process. The key point here is: avoid repeating the previous negative cycles of an unhealthy partnership and allow yourself to explore beyond that in your 40’s.

In conclusion, looking for true love in your 40’s is different from when you were 20, for example, but it brings a plethora of new, exciting opportunities your way.

So, as long as you are authentic and giving yourself a fair chance, there is absolutely nothing you can’t achieve- finding a fulfilling, loving relationship is one of those things.

 

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Dating experts offer tips for lovelorn singles over 50

Carol Greenfield, 68, has had her share of bad app dates. She misses meeting people in person: Chemistry, she says, is hard to capture on a screen.

Over 50, single and ready to mingle? Here are some online dating tips, profile pointers and meetup guidelines from experts who know how to get seniors back into the matchmaking game.

Don’t fudge your profile photos

“Authentic dating profiles get the best results, and in midlife, no one expects a six-pack or perfect body,” says Julie Spira, a relationship expert with senior dating app OurTime. So opt for pics taken in 2019 that capture how you’d actually show up for a first date: in nice clothing, at your current weight and without a filter erasing your crow’s feet. A full-length body shot is essential, Spira adds — people will pass if they think you’re hiding something. And limit yourself to one group shot.

Don’t play it coy

“It used to be that once you connected with someone, you waited three days to get in touch again because you didn’t want to seem overly interested,” says Spira. “Technology has made that obsolete. If you don’t respond in three hours, your hot lead for romance is going to go cold.”

Raise your age cutoff

Many 50-plus singles vainly reject the idea of dating older, severely limiting their potential mates. Psychologist Chloe Carmichael recommends that people be open to dating those who are as much as five years their senior. That way, she says, you can greatly expand your dating pool without creating major age gaps.

Keep it brief

Most older singles have had rich life experiences, but the “About Me” section isn’t the place for your long-winded memoir, says Spira. Aim for three to five sentences that focus on your present life, possibly with a funny quote or a few emojis to quickly convey hobbies and passions.

Steer clear of TMI

Your matches are sure to ask about your relationship history, but that’s not an invitation to divulge your ex’s five-year affair with the dog walker. Be ready with a simple, blame-free sentence. For example, “The marriage ended a few years ago because we ultimately developed some trust issues, and I’ll be happy to tell you more down the line.”

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Dating experts offer tips for lovelorn singles over 50

Carol Greenfield, 68, has had her share of bad app dates. She misses meeting people in person: Chemistry, she says, is hard to capture on a screen.

Over 50, single and ready to mingle? Here are some online dating tips, profile pointers and meetup guidelines from experts who know how to get seniors back into the matchmaking game.

Don’t fudge your profile photos

“Authentic dating profiles get the best results, and in midlife, no one expects a six-pack or perfect body,” says Julie Spira, a relationship expert with senior dating app OurTime. So opt for pics taken in 2019 that capture how you’d actually show up for a first date: in nice clothing, at your current weight and without a filter erasing your crow’s feet. A full-length body shot is essential, Spira adds — people will pass if they think you’re hiding something. And limit yourself to one group shot.

Don’t play it coy

“It used to be that once you connected with someone, you waited three days to get in touch again because you didn’t want to seem overly interested,” says Spira. “Technology has made that obsolete. If you don’t respond in three hours, your hot lead for romance is going to go cold.”

Raise your age cutoff

Many 50-plus singles vainly reject the idea of dating older, severely limiting their potential mates. Psychologist Chloe Carmichael recommends that people be open to dating those who are as much as five years their senior. That way, she says, you can greatly expand your dating pool without creating major age gaps.

Keep it brief

Most older singles have had rich life experiences, but the “About Me” section isn’t the place for your long-winded memoir, says Spira. Aim for three to five sentences that focus on your present life, possibly with a funny quote or a few emojis to quickly convey hobbies and passions.

Steer clear of TMI

Your matches are sure to ask about your relationship history, but that’s not an invitation to divulge your ex’s five-year affair with the dog walker. Be ready with a simple, blame-free sentence. For example, “The marriage ended a few years ago because we ultimately developed some trust issues, and I’ll be happy to tell you more down the line.”

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Women Dating After 50: Is It Worth The Effort?

How often have you heard about women dating after 50? Do you know that over 50s dating can be just as fun and exciting as it is in your twenties?

Are you part of the crowd and wondering if it’s worth the effort? Granted, it does take effort to look your best especially if you are worried about how attractive you are at this age. And, it takes effort to meet good men.

Here’s the thing. If you like being the oddball out at a dinner party, taking yourself for a drive on a beautiful Sunday afternoon and spending Saturday night alone with a quart of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream than it is not worth the effort.

But the reality is most divorced women don’t like the ‘live alone’ lifestyle.

Let’s face it human beings are social animals and most women over fifty would at least like to spend their social time with a male companion and even better would be in a healthy committed relationship.

Lucky for you in today’s world people in their 50’s are now the fastest-growing demographic in the United States, which in and of itself makes it worth your time and energy. Being in a relationship as you head toward retirement years is a very positive way to live your life. Men and women in relationship have fewer health problems than single people.

Depression or the anxiety of dealing with today’s demands are far less if you are in a good relationship.

Having someone that cares about your well-being and happiness as well as you caring about his is a wonderful experience to have each day.

I realize that when you go through a divorce you often think… I’m better off alone. Or you may think I don’t want to take the risk of ending up with some jerk again. However, what you want to remember is today you are a very different woman from who you were when you met your ex 25 or 30 plus years ago.

You’ve paid your dues so to speak and today you are a much wiser woman then you were in your 20’s. A common mistake that women after 50 often make is not to acknowledge who they are today and how far they have come.

Remember the ad “You’ve come a long way baby!”?

Well, that’s true.

I want to encourage you to acknowledge all the life lessons you have learned and all the experiences you have had, that make you the strong and capable woman you are today.

You need to stop thinking about your age, or your horrible divorce or the extra 10 pounds you can’t get rid of. The only things you need to change are your negative thinking around the idea of dating again and turn it into a positive attitude about moving on in your life.

Actually, it is very cool to be a part of the group of women after 50 in today’s world.

In your Grandmothers or even your Mother’s time, this was not considered something a woman could do. In those days a woman was destined to live the rest of her life alone.

To celebrate the fact that you are healthy and free to find your ideal partner to share this stage of your life with.

So, Women dating after 50 is indeed worth the effort.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Meet the Mid-life Women Who Demand to be Sexually Satisfied EVERY Day

Her day has been long and arduous — a 12-hour stint at work, followed by cooking dinner, stacking the dishwasher, doing the laundry, catching up on paperwork and walking the dog.

So it may come as a surprise to other women her age that, when 52-year-old Hayley Garbutt falls into bed at midnight, she has just one thing on her mind: not sleep, but making passionate love to her husband, Maurice, 54.

For, despite the demands of her busy life, not a single day goes by when Hayley, a mother of three and grandmother of four, does not want — and have — sex.

The menopause did not dampen her desire, nor did the rigours of caring for her children. Contrary to common belief, Hayley says she is living proof that middle-aged women can enjoy soaring sexual desire more usually associated with twentysomethings.

Hayley Garbutt, 51, has sex every day - three times a day when they both have a day off work together - with her (second) husband of 10 years Maurice (pictured together)

Hayley Garbutt, 51, has sex every day – three times a day when they both have a day off work together – with her (second) husband of 10 years Maurice (pictured together)

Indeed, on days when neither she nor Maurice have to go to work, they often make love three times and, far from it being at his instigation, Hayley invariably makes the first move. ‘I love sex and, despite the myth that women my age aren’t interested, I’m always in the mood,’ says Hayley, from Hunmanby, North Yorkshire.

‘I still fancy the pants off Maurice. When I get into bed at the end of the day I can’t resist him.’

Care assistant Hayley’s sensuality contrasts starkly with the results of a study which revealed that a third of women in Britain have little or no interest in sex.

Researchers at Glasgow University analysed the answers of more than 12,000 women and men quizzed for the National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles. All were asked if they had noticed a lack of interest in sex for at least three months during the past year. While 29.1 per cent of them said they had, this was most common among those in midlife and older, when hormone levels and libido are often affected by the menopause.

Little wonder, then, that Hayley’s insatiable appetite for sex is a source of fascination to friends, who often ask how she keeps the sexual flame burning so brightly.

Women are often accused of using a headache as an excuse to avoid intimacy. To the amusement of her girlfriends, Hayley does the exact opposite.

‘If Maurice and I happen to have the same weekday off, I’ll send my friends a message saying I can’t meet them because I have ‘a headache’, then we spend the morning in bed making love,’ she says, laughing.

‘I have a higher libido than my husband, who’s always saying: ‘I don’t know where you get your energy from!’ ‘

Even more extraordinarily, theirs is not a sexual bounce of some new-found love affair. Hayley and Maurice first dated more than three decades ago, in their late teens, when he was a dairy farmer and she was a waitress. They have a daughter together, now aged 33.

They split up in their 20s and Hayley, who says Maurice was ‘too possessive’ then, went on to marry someone else and have two more children. After that marriage broke down, she and Maurice — also by then divorced — began dating again.

That was a decade ago, and they have now been married for six years. So, while theirs is not a whole-life partnership, in which desire can be difficult to sustain, the Garbutts are certainly past the honeymoon period, during which a heady mix of hormones and pheromones keep passion ignited.

Hayley admits her high sex drive means she notices other attractive men, but she has remained solidly faithful to Maurice, as she did her first husband, with whom she also had a busy sex life.

She insists monogamy need not stop any middle-aged woman feeling sexual excitement.

‘I’ve known friends who have had one-night stands for a new thrill, but I think you have to find that thrill within your relationship,’ says Hayley. ‘Rather than doing the same thing in bed every day, we like to be a bit adventurous.’ So could variety be the Garbutts’ secret?

This, together with a deep and lasting mutual attraction, certainly plays a part, according to Hayley. She says she’d worry Maurice would not find her so alluring if they were intimate only once a week — a frequency still above the national average, for all ages, of three times a month.

Hayley says Maurice’s appearance helps. ‘He dresses well. Even if we’re just going out for a bar meal he will put on a nice shirt and a smart pair of shoes because he likes to look good,’ she says. ‘It would put me off if he didn’t take care of himself.

‘I also love to feel his arms around me, to snuggle into his bare chest, and the smell of his aftershave — he mixes two colognes together —which evokes memories of when we were together as teenagers.’

But what about the reality of an ageing body? Surely it’s hard to feel sexy when previously pert becomes distinctly droopy?

Not for Hayley, it seems: ‘There’s no doubt that our bodies change as we get older. But if you’re in a loving relationship, your partner, who has no doubt changed over time too, will see beyond that.

‘It’s also important to give each other compliments. Maurice often tells me I look lovely when I put a nice dress on or do something different with my hair. But friends who don’t have much sex with their husbands tell me they are rarely complimented on their appearance.’

Helen Robinson, 56, (pictured) who ended a long-term relationship a year ago partly due to her partner's interest in sex waning while her own ardour was undiminished

Helen Robinson, 56, (pictured) who ended a long-term relationship a year ago partly due to her partner’s interest in sex waning while her own ardor was undiminished

Janice Hiller, a consultant clinical psychologist and sexologist, agrees that, while it’s unusual for women to stay as highly sexed as Hayley into their 50s, the couple’s habit of praising each other’s appearance is likely to be a big factor in keeping the passion alive.

‘It’s rare for women over 50 to want sex daily — women’s libido tends to fall as they get older and levels of testosterone, the hormone that helps maintain sexual desire, reduce,’ says Janice. ‘But different people have different needs, whether that’s for food, exercise or sex, and some women are at the higher end of the spectrum.

‘Feeling desired tends to be much more important to women than men, which is why they like their partners to give them compliments. Feeling wanted, in turn, boosts a woman’s own desire.’

This is certainly true for Carol El Hawary, 54, director of planning for an education company. Her first marriage, sexless in its later years, ended in May 2016. Then she met Atef, 49, owner of a hotel and travel agency, while she and her sister were on holiday in Egypt in 2014.

So smitten were the pair — he particularly loves her Celtic red hair — that, within six months, she had left her home in Scotland, her job in risk management at a large bank, and joined him in Cairo. They’re now married and she divides her time between the UK and Egypt.

Whenever they’re together, the couple make love daily, something Carol admits is largely due to her unquenchable desire.

‘I would like to have sex several times a day, though most days I don’t get the opportunity, because of work,’ she says. ‘We’re led to believe that, unlike men, women don’t think about sex a lot, but I do. My husband turns me on physically, so whenever I think about him I think about sex.’

She continues: ‘He doesn’t have as high a sex drive as me. He thinks he does but there are times when I would make love and he won’t because he’s too tired, or stressed about work.

‘But Atef, who is Muslim, thinks it’s great I have such a high sex drive. Islam has a much healthier attitude towards intimacy than Christianity. As long as you’re married, you’re encouraged to have a good sex life.’

On nights when staffing problems mean Atef has to stay overnight at his hotel, Carol doesn’t let this come between them. She visits him there — a bedroom is set aside for senior managers — even if she faces an early start the next day.

Before having a hysterectomy eight years ago, Carol suffered from endometriosis, a painful condition that causes excessive vaginal bleeding, which prevented her from having children but didn’t diminish her desire.

Still, as a young woman, she worried her high libido meant there was something ‘wrong’ with her.

‘Part of the reason I thought I was abnormal to want so much sex is that, as a society, we don’t talk about these things,’ says Carol.

‘I’ve since read a lot on this subject and know that any suggestion a high female sex drive is odd is actually nonsense. In fact, the older I get the more furious I get about women, unlike men, feeling that having a high sex drive makes them strange.’

It’s notable that Carol’s desire has survived the changes ageing has brought: ‘Getting older obviously gives you new things to obsess over when it comes to your body. I’m overweight, for example, and worry about my flabby stomach.

‘But this is another thing I love about Atef — he’s always made me feel totally beautiful. This improves our sex life no end — I know I’m not being judged for my body. Don’t let the lumps and bumps put you off having great sex.’

While Carol and Atef send each other suggestive texts, they have no need for ‘novelty’ in the bedroom to fuel their attraction. ‘We don’t need fluffy handcuffs or different clothes to keep things interesting,’ says Carol. ‘Sometimes it’s over quickly, and sometimes it’s not. That tends to depend on him and how tired he’s feeling.’

Carol —who is ‘not a morning person’ — rarely has sex on her mind first thing, but come the evening, or when she wakes in the middle of the night, and her need to make love is profound. Each intimate encounter leaves her feeling physically and emotionally high, ‘warm and glowing’, something she puts down to the release of the hormone oxytocin.

Janice Hiller supports her theory and agrees a regular sex life brings significant health benefits, for both women and men, by increasing pleasure chemicals and reducing those that cause stress. ‘During sex our bodies release more oxytocin, the bonding and stress-reducing hormone, and dopamine, which is the reward, pleasure and drive chemical,’ says Janice. ‘It also reduces levels of the stress chemical, cortisol.

‘Research on men, has shown that those who have regular orgasms are less likely to have heart attacks. There aren’t really any downsides.’

Mismatched libidos were, however, a major issue for Helen Robinson, 56, who ended a long-term relationship a year ago partly due to her partner’s interest in sex waning while her own ardor was undiminished.

To avoid a repeat of this, instead of looking for another man her own age, Helen made her first foray into the world of online dating, with the deliberate intention of meeting men in their 30s, and even 20s.

Carol El Hawary, pictured with her husband Atef at their wedding. 'We don't need fluffy handcuffs or different clothes to keep things interesting,' says Carol. 'Sometimes it's over quickly, and sometimes it's not. That tends to depend on him and how tired he's feeling'

Carol El Hawary, pictured with her husband Atef at their wedding. ‘We don’t need fluffy handcuffs or different clothes to keep things interesting,’ says Carol. ‘Sometimes it’s over quickly, and sometimes it’s not. That tends to depend on him and how tired he’s feeling’

She believes that they are more likely to have libidos matching her own.

The chef, from South London, makes it clear on her dating profile that she is interested in a sexual, not a committed, relationship, and often dates three men at a time, seeing them on different nights.

‘Ideally I would have sex every day, three times a day when I’m not working,’ says Helen.

‘When I first met my ex he was very similar to me, but, by the time we separated, I was lucky if he was up for it once a month.

‘It makes you feel very vulnerable when you want a sexual connection with someone who no longer wants one with you.

‘Sex is energizing and fun — it can be wild, fierce, tender. Being desired is a delicious feeling but I think people wrongly assume that post-menopausal women aren’t interested in sex because most of us moderate our behavior to fit in with society’s expectations.

‘The men in my life now know they are not my one and only.’

But Helen is keen to stress that climbing into bed is not the only thing she wants to do on a date, many of which begin in an art gallery, or the pub, chatting about literature and cooking.

Helen has been seeing one man for ten months, while other couplings have fizzled out, sometimes because the men are looking for a more serious relationship.

But what, one wonders, do these young men see in a woman who, while still attractive and in good shape thanks to exercising five times a week, is in her sixth decade?

‘I realize there’s social stigma around this, so I often ask the men I date: ‘What’s attractive to you about being with an older woman?’ ‘ says Helen.

‘I’m told it’s because fiftysomething women, like me, tend to be more confident about what we want, and are happy to say it, which men find very appealing.

‘We’re also less hung up on what people think about us.’

On the subject of judgment, what do Helen’s friends make of her passion? ‘Some of them are surprised and ask: ‘Where do you find the energy?’ ‘ she says.

‘I was embarrassed at first to tell them I was dating younger men, but they’ve mostly said: ‘That’s great.’ ‘

Still, Helen is sure that, ultimately, she will want another monogamous, long-term relationship, probably with someone close to her own age, with whom she is likely to have more in common.

However, one thing is certain: next time around, Helen will ensure that, like Hayley and Carol, she settles down with a man whose sexual appetite remains as insatiable as her own.

Is your marriage full of midlife passion? If so, what is your secret to keeping the spark alive?

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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