Finding Love After 40: Save Your Dating Life With These 6 Essential Tips

Surely, getting back to the dating scene after a long marriage or a lengthy period of being single could be a struggle at first for everyone. Even if you are considered a ‘master in flirting’, there could be a few bumps on the road for you.

First of all, the dating scene or ‘game’, if you wish, will most probably not be the same as the ‘good old days’.

However, because ‘you don’t have it in you’ anymore, but due to the fact that your life and expectations have, indeed, changed in your 40’s.

1. Have realistic expectations (for yourself)

If you are picturing the following scene in your head: you are going to hit the bars until late, and are going to be ‘extra sociable’, going at events non-stop…Well, that might not work out just the way you are fantasizing. While there may be some women over 40 out there capable of doing that- kudos to you, in all honesty. However, for most women, it would typically be a hard task, as they would have a difficult time managing their tight schedule- be it work or kids (if they have any), or both.

Therefore, a more convenient way to give your dating life a chance would be…well, with the help of online dating. In this way, you could be in the comfort of your own home and start up a conversation with a stranger who might just be right for you. However, you should have something important in mind…

2. Be authentic when you date online

Namely, to be truthful. It is always quite a temptation to modify your appearance on social media platforms, such as dating apps. That goes for anybody- no age limits here. However, that is not a good idea especially when you are on the lookout for a potentially steady relationship. The key message here is the following: in order to attract the right kind of person for you, you should present yourself authentically.

Dishonesty should be strayed away from, as it would not bring you anything of substance in the long run. So, say ‘no’ to the temptation of adding a picture of when you were younger, for example, and just be yourself. You’re worth it and, not to mention, you look just as great!

3. Don’t rely solely on apps 

Nonetheless, online dating shouldn’t be a restriction by no means. Whenever you feel like it or have the time you most definitely should consider going out to meet new people. Swiping left and right can become overwhelming and tedious at some point, so head out to your favorite bar, coffee shop, or whatever else your thing is and enjoy yourself.

It is important not to neglect the opportunities real-life meet-ups by chance could bring. While dating apps bring a bit of comfort, as it is so easily accessible, a lot of success always comes with the ‘traditional’ way of meeting new people. At the end of the day, it is really up to you and your preferences.

4. Be patient

You have either left a marriage that was not working out or you have been single for a while, whichever the case may be- you just have to allow yourself to be patient. There seems to be this tendency of having specific expectations and wanting to meet the ‘perfect’ one right this very second. Of course, it is understandable why a certain ‘rush’ might prevail, especially if one has been looking for a partner for a sufficient amount of time.

However, key characteristic to always preserve is patience. It is very important to remain patient and positive, as frustration would only delay your chances to find true love.

5. Don’t get ‘too attached’ to the ‘idea’ of what you want

If you are in the habit of ‘knowing’ whether your date is right for you in the first couple of minutes, even seconds…Well, you might be setting yourself up for failure. Dating in your 40’s means you most probably know what you are looking for but for some reason, a lot of women put themselves under the pressure to find it incredibly quickly.

However, making up your mind in such a fast, negative manner in actuality prolongs the experience of finding a suitable partner. So, keep in mind: there is really a fine line between being judgemental and ‘going with your gut’.

6. Resist the temptation of dating someone who reminds you of your ex

It’s kind of to be expected that you could be drawn to an individual with similar qualities as your ex-lover. This is due to the fact that there is certain comfort in ‘familiarity’. However, the logical question you’d need to ask ourselves is: if it didn’t work out with this type of person before, why would it work out now?

Therefore, you should rationally make the effort to avoid dating a person who is unhealthy for you. Working on healing and finding your inner peace is crucial for this. So, you could do this at your own pace or seek out a professional to guide you through the process. The key point here is: avoid repeating the previous negative cycles of an unhealthy partnership and allow yourself to explore beyond that in your 40’s.

In conclusion, looking for true love in your 40’s is different from when you were 20, for example, but it brings a plethora of new, exciting opportunities your way.

So, as long as you are authentic and giving yourself a fair chance, there is absolutely nothing you can’t achieve- finding a fulfilling, loving relationship is one of those things.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Dating experts offer tips for lovelorn singles over 50

Carol Greenfield, 68, has had her share of bad app dates. She misses meeting people in person: Chemistry, she says, is hard to capture on a screen.

Over 50, single and ready to mingle? Here are some online dating tips, profile pointers and meetup guidelines from experts who know how to get seniors back into the matchmaking game.

Don’t fudge your profile photos

“Authentic dating profiles get the best results, and in midlife, no one expects a six-pack or perfect body,” says Julie Spira, a relationship expert with senior dating app OurTime. So opt for pics taken in 2019 that capture how you’d actually show up for a first date: in nice clothing, at your current weight and without a filter erasing your crow’s feet. A full-length body shot is essential, Spira adds — people will pass if they think you’re hiding something. And limit yourself to one group shot.

Don’t play it coy

“It used to be that once you connected with someone, you waited three days to get in touch again because you didn’t want to seem overly interested,” says Spira. “Technology has made that obsolete. If you don’t respond in three hours, your hot lead for romance is going to go cold.”

Raise your age cutoff

Many 50-plus singles vainly reject the idea of dating older, severely limiting their potential mates. Psychologist Chloe Carmichael recommends that people be open to dating those who are as much as five years their senior. That way, she says, you can greatly expand your dating pool without creating major age gaps.

Keep it brief

Most older singles have had rich life experiences, but the “About Me” section isn’t the place for your long-winded memoir, says Spira. Aim for three to five sentences that focus on your present life, possibly with a funny quote or a few emojis to quickly convey hobbies and passions.

Steer clear of TMI

Your matches are sure to ask about your relationship history, but that’s not an invitation to divulge your ex’s five-year affair with the dog walker. Be ready with a simple, blame-free sentence. For example, “The marriage ended a few years ago because we ultimately developed some trust issues, and I’ll be happy to tell you more down the line.”

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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Dating experts offer tips for lovelorn singles over 50

Carol Greenfield, 68, has had her share of bad app dates. She misses meeting people in person: Chemistry, she says, is hard to capture on a screen.

Over 50, single and ready to mingle? Here are some online dating tips, profile pointers and meetup guidelines from experts who know how to get seniors back into the matchmaking game.

Don’t fudge your profile photos

“Authentic dating profiles get the best results, and in midlife, no one expects a six-pack or perfect body,” says Julie Spira, a relationship expert with senior dating app OurTime. So opt for pics taken in 2019 that capture how you’d actually show up for a first date: in nice clothing, at your current weight and without a filter erasing your crow’s feet. A full-length body shot is essential, Spira adds — people will pass if they think you’re hiding something. And limit yourself to one group shot.

Don’t play it coy

“It used to be that once you connected with someone, you waited three days to get in touch again because you didn’t want to seem overly interested,” says Spira. “Technology has made that obsolete. If you don’t respond in three hours, your hot lead for romance is going to go cold.”

Raise your age cutoff

Many 50-plus singles vainly reject the idea of dating older, severely limiting their potential mates. Psychologist Chloe Carmichael recommends that people be open to dating those who are as much as five years their senior. That way, she says, you can greatly expand your dating pool without creating major age gaps.

Keep it brief

Most older singles have had rich life experiences, but the “About Me” section isn’t the place for your long-winded memoir, says Spira. Aim for three to five sentences that focus on your present life, possibly with a funny quote or a few emojis to quickly convey hobbies and passions.

Steer clear of TMI

Your matches are sure to ask about your relationship history, but that’s not an invitation to divulge your ex’s five-year affair with the dog walker. Be ready with a simple, blame-free sentence. For example, “The marriage ended a few years ago because we ultimately developed some trust issues, and I’ll be happy to tell you more down the line.”

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

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Women Dating After 50: Is It Worth The Effort?

How often have you heard about women dating after 50? Do you know that over 50s dating can be just as fun and exciting as it is in your twenties?

Are you part of the crowd and wondering if it’s worth the effort? Granted, it does take effort to look your best especially if you are worried about how attractive you are at this age. And, it takes effort to meet good men.

Here’s the thing. If you like being the oddball out at a dinner party, taking yourself for a drive on a beautiful Sunday afternoon and spending Saturday night alone with a quart of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream than it is not worth the effort.

But the reality is most divorced women don’t like the ‘live alone’ lifestyle.

Let’s face it human beings are social animals and most women over fifty would at least like to spend their social time with a male companion and even better would be in a healthy committed relationship.

Lucky for you in today’s world people in their 50’s are now the fastest-growing demographic in the United States, which in and of itself makes it worth your time and energy. Being in a relationship as you head toward retirement years is a very positive way to live your life. Men and women in relationship have fewer health problems than single people.

Depression or the anxiety of dealing with today’s demands are far less if you are in a good relationship.

Having someone that cares about your well-being and happiness as well as you caring about his is a wonderful experience to have each day.

I realize that when you go through a divorce you often think… I’m better off alone. Or you may think I don’t want to take the risk of ending up with some jerk again. However, what you want to remember is today you are a very different woman from who you were when you met your ex 25 or 30 plus years ago.

You’ve paid your dues so to speak and today you are a much wiser woman then you were in your 20’s. A common mistake that women after 50 often make is not to acknowledge who they are today and how far they have come.

Remember the ad “You’ve come a long way baby!”?

Well, that’s true.

I want to encourage you to acknowledge all the life lessons you have learned and all the experiences you have had, that make you the strong and capable woman you are today.

You need to stop thinking about your age, or your horrible divorce or the extra 10 pounds you can’t get rid of. The only things you need to change are your negative thinking around the idea of dating again and turn it into a positive attitude about moving on in your life.

Actually, it is very cool to be a part of the group of women after 50 in today’s world.

In your Grandmothers or even your Mother’s time, this was not considered something a woman could do. In those days a woman was destined to live the rest of her life alone.

To celebrate the fact that you are healthy and free to find your ideal partner to share this stage of your life with.

So, Women dating after 50 is indeed worth the effort.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Meet the Mid-life Women Who Demand to be Sexually Satisfied EVERY Day

Her day has been long and arduous — a 12-hour stint at work, followed by cooking dinner, stacking the dishwasher, doing the laundry, catching up on paperwork and walking the dog.

So it may come as a surprise to other women her age that, when 52-year-old Hayley Garbutt falls into bed at midnight, she has just one thing on her mind: not sleep, but making passionate love to her husband, Maurice, 54.

For, despite the demands of her busy life, not a single day goes by when Hayley, a mother of three and grandmother of four, does not want — and have — sex.

The menopause did not dampen her desire, nor did the rigours of caring for her children. Contrary to common belief, Hayley says she is living proof that middle-aged women can enjoy soaring sexual desire more usually associated with twentysomethings.

Hayley Garbutt, 51, has sex every day - three times a day when they both have a day off work together - with her (second) husband of 10 years Maurice (pictured together)

Hayley Garbutt, 51, has sex every day – three times a day when they both have a day off work together – with her (second) husband of 10 years Maurice (pictured together)

Indeed, on days when neither she nor Maurice have to go to work, they often make love three times and, far from it being at his instigation, Hayley invariably makes the first move. ‘I love sex and, despite the myth that women my age aren’t interested, I’m always in the mood,’ says Hayley, from Hunmanby, North Yorkshire.

‘I still fancy the pants off Maurice. When I get into bed at the end of the day I can’t resist him.’

Care assistant Hayley’s sensuality contrasts starkly with the results of a study which revealed that a third of women in Britain have little or no interest in sex.

Researchers at Glasgow University analysed the answers of more than 12,000 women and men quizzed for the National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles. All were asked if they had noticed a lack of interest in sex for at least three months during the past year. While 29.1 per cent of them said they had, this was most common among those in midlife and older, when hormone levels and libido are often affected by the menopause.

Little wonder, then, that Hayley’s insatiable appetite for sex is a source of fascination to friends, who often ask how she keeps the sexual flame burning so brightly.

Women are often accused of using a headache as an excuse to avoid intimacy. To the amusement of her girlfriends, Hayley does the exact opposite.

‘If Maurice and I happen to have the same weekday off, I’ll send my friends a message saying I can’t meet them because I have ‘a headache’, then we spend the morning in bed making love,’ she says, laughing.

‘I have a higher libido than my husband, who’s always saying: ‘I don’t know where you get your energy from!’ ‘

Even more extraordinarily, theirs is not a sexual bounce of some new-found love affair. Hayley and Maurice first dated more than three decades ago, in their late teens, when he was a dairy farmer and she was a waitress. They have a daughter together, now aged 33.

They split up in their 20s and Hayley, who says Maurice was ‘too possessive’ then, went on to marry someone else and have two more children. After that marriage broke down, she and Maurice — also by then divorced — began dating again.

That was a decade ago, and they have now been married for six years. So, while theirs is not a whole-life partnership, in which desire can be difficult to sustain, the Garbutts are certainly past the honeymoon period, during which a heady mix of hormones and pheromones keep passion ignited.

Hayley admits her high sex drive means she notices other attractive men, but she has remained solidly faithful to Maurice, as she did her first husband, with whom she also had a busy sex life.

She insists monogamy need not stop any middle-aged woman feeling sexual excitement.

‘I’ve known friends who have had one-night stands for a new thrill, but I think you have to find that thrill within your relationship,’ says Hayley. ‘Rather than doing the same thing in bed every day, we like to be a bit adventurous.’ So could variety be the Garbutts’ secret?

This, together with a deep and lasting mutual attraction, certainly plays a part, according to Hayley. She says she’d worry Maurice would not find her so alluring if they were intimate only once a week — a frequency still above the national average, for all ages, of three times a month.

Hayley says Maurice’s appearance helps. ‘He dresses well. Even if we’re just going out for a bar meal he will put on a nice shirt and a smart pair of shoes because he likes to look good,’ she says. ‘It would put me off if he didn’t take care of himself.

‘I also love to feel his arms around me, to snuggle into his bare chest, and the smell of his aftershave — he mixes two colognes together —which evokes memories of when we were together as teenagers.’

But what about the reality of an ageing body? Surely it’s hard to feel sexy when previously pert becomes distinctly droopy?

Not for Hayley, it seems: ‘There’s no doubt that our bodies change as we get older. But if you’re in a loving relationship, your partner, who has no doubt changed over time too, will see beyond that.

‘It’s also important to give each other compliments. Maurice often tells me I look lovely when I put a nice dress on or do something different with my hair. But friends who don’t have much sex with their husbands tell me they are rarely complimented on their appearance.’

Helen Robinson, 56, (pictured) who ended a long-term relationship a year ago partly due to her partner's interest in sex waning while her own ardour was undiminished

Helen Robinson, 56, (pictured) who ended a long-term relationship a year ago partly due to her partner’s interest in sex waning while her own ardor was undiminished

Janice Hiller, a consultant clinical psychologist and sexologist, agrees that, while it’s unusual for women to stay as highly sexed as Hayley into their 50s, the couple’s habit of praising each other’s appearance is likely to be a big factor in keeping the passion alive.

‘It’s rare for women over 50 to want sex daily — women’s libido tends to fall as they get older and levels of testosterone, the hormone that helps maintain sexual desire, reduce,’ says Janice. ‘But different people have different needs, whether that’s for food, exercise or sex, and some women are at the higher end of the spectrum.

‘Feeling desired tends to be much more important to women than men, which is why they like their partners to give them compliments. Feeling wanted, in turn, boosts a woman’s own desire.’

This is certainly true for Carol El Hawary, 54, director of planning for an education company. Her first marriage, sexless in its later years, ended in May 2016. Then she met Atef, 49, owner of a hotel and travel agency, while she and her sister were on holiday in Egypt in 2014.

So smitten were the pair — he particularly loves her Celtic red hair — that, within six months, she had left her home in Scotland, her job in risk management at a large bank, and joined him in Cairo. They’re now married and she divides her time between the UK and Egypt.

Whenever they’re together, the couple make love daily, something Carol admits is largely due to her unquenchable desire.

‘I would like to have sex several times a day, though most days I don’t get the opportunity, because of work,’ she says. ‘We’re led to believe that, unlike men, women don’t think about sex a lot, but I do. My husband turns me on physically, so whenever I think about him I think about sex.’

She continues: ‘He doesn’t have as high a sex drive as me. He thinks he does but there are times when I would make love and he won’t because he’s too tired, or stressed about work.

‘But Atef, who is Muslim, thinks it’s great I have such a high sex drive. Islam has a much healthier attitude towards intimacy than Christianity. As long as you’re married, you’re encouraged to have a good sex life.’

On nights when staffing problems mean Atef has to stay overnight at his hotel, Carol doesn’t let this come between them. She visits him there — a bedroom is set aside for senior managers — even if she faces an early start the next day.

Before having a hysterectomy eight years ago, Carol suffered from endometriosis, a painful condition that causes excessive vaginal bleeding, which prevented her from having children but didn’t diminish her desire.

Still, as a young woman, she worried her high libido meant there was something ‘wrong’ with her.

‘Part of the reason I thought I was abnormal to want so much sex is that, as a society, we don’t talk about these things,’ says Carol.

‘I’ve since read a lot on this subject and know that any suggestion a high female sex drive is odd is actually nonsense. In fact, the older I get the more furious I get about women, unlike men, feeling that having a high sex drive makes them strange.’

It’s notable that Carol’s desire has survived the changes ageing has brought: ‘Getting older obviously gives you new things to obsess over when it comes to your body. I’m overweight, for example, and worry about my flabby stomach.

‘But this is another thing I love about Atef — he’s always made me feel totally beautiful. This improves our sex life no end — I know I’m not being judged for my body. Don’t let the lumps and bumps put you off having great sex.’

While Carol and Atef send each other suggestive texts, they have no need for ‘novelty’ in the bedroom to fuel their attraction. ‘We don’t need fluffy handcuffs or different clothes to keep things interesting,’ says Carol. ‘Sometimes it’s over quickly, and sometimes it’s not. That tends to depend on him and how tired he’s feeling.’

Carol —who is ‘not a morning person’ — rarely has sex on her mind first thing, but come the evening, or when she wakes in the middle of the night, and her need to make love is profound. Each intimate encounter leaves her feeling physically and emotionally high, ‘warm and glowing’, something she puts down to the release of the hormone oxytocin.

Janice Hiller supports her theory and agrees a regular sex life brings significant health benefits, for both women and men, by increasing pleasure chemicals and reducing those that cause stress. ‘During sex our bodies release more oxytocin, the bonding and stress-reducing hormone, and dopamine, which is the reward, pleasure and drive chemical,’ says Janice. ‘It also reduces levels of the stress chemical, cortisol.

‘Research on men, has shown that those who have regular orgasms are less likely to have heart attacks. There aren’t really any downsides.’

Mismatched libidos were, however, a major issue for Helen Robinson, 56, who ended a long-term relationship a year ago partly due to her partner’s interest in sex waning while her own ardor was undiminished.

To avoid a repeat of this, instead of looking for another man her own age, Helen made her first foray into the world of online dating, with the deliberate intention of meeting men in their 30s, and even 20s.

Carol El Hawary, pictured with her husband Atef at their wedding. 'We don't need fluffy handcuffs or different clothes to keep things interesting,' says Carol. 'Sometimes it's over quickly, and sometimes it's not. That tends to depend on him and how tired he's feeling'

Carol El Hawary, pictured with her husband Atef at their wedding. ‘We don’t need fluffy handcuffs or different clothes to keep things interesting,’ says Carol. ‘Sometimes it’s over quickly, and sometimes it’s not. That tends to depend on him and how tired he’s feeling’

She believes that they are more likely to have libidos matching her own.

The chef, from South London, makes it clear on her dating profile that she is interested in a sexual, not a committed, relationship, and often dates three men at a time, seeing them on different nights.

‘Ideally I would have sex every day, three times a day when I’m not working,’ says Helen.

‘When I first met my ex he was very similar to me, but, by the time we separated, I was lucky if he was up for it once a month.

‘It makes you feel very vulnerable when you want a sexual connection with someone who no longer wants one with you.

‘Sex is energizing and fun — it can be wild, fierce, tender. Being desired is a delicious feeling but I think people wrongly assume that post-menopausal women aren’t interested in sex because most of us moderate our behavior to fit in with society’s expectations.

‘The men in my life now know they are not my one and only.’

But Helen is keen to stress that climbing into bed is not the only thing she wants to do on a date, many of which begin in an art gallery, or the pub, chatting about literature and cooking.

Helen has been seeing one man for ten months, while other couplings have fizzled out, sometimes because the men are looking for a more serious relationship.

But what, one wonders, do these young men see in a woman who, while still attractive and in good shape thanks to exercising five times a week, is in her sixth decade?

‘I realize there’s social stigma around this, so I often ask the men I date: ‘What’s attractive to you about being with an older woman?’ ‘ says Helen.

‘I’m told it’s because fiftysomething women, like me, tend to be more confident about what we want, and are happy to say it, which men find very appealing.

‘We’re also less hung up on what people think about us.’

On the subject of judgment, what do Helen’s friends make of her passion? ‘Some of them are surprised and ask: ‘Where do you find the energy?’ ‘ she says.

‘I was embarrassed at first to tell them I was dating younger men, but they’ve mostly said: ‘That’s great.’ ‘

Still, Helen is sure that, ultimately, she will want another monogamous, long-term relationship, probably with someone close to her own age, with whom she is likely to have more in common.

However, one thing is certain: next time around, Helen will ensure that, like Hayley and Carol, she settles down with a man whose sexual appetite remains as insatiable as her own.

Is your marriage full of midlife passion? If so, what is your secret to keeping the spark alive?

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

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Proposal Tragedy

Louisiana Man Drowns During Underwater Proposal At Island Resort
http://va.topbuzz.com/s/TUyQhc

Tales of Rock – Kurt Cobain Kills Himself Twice

“Like Robert Johnson, Brian Jones, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin and Jim Morrison, he was 27 years old when he died.

And let us not forget Amy Winehouse who also died at age 27.”

Few musicians’ experiences with drug abuse have been as complex and intense as Kurt Cobain’s. For proof of this, see the index of Charles Cross’ 2001 Cobain biography Heavier Than Heaven. If you check, “Cobain, Kurt Donald; drug use of…” you’ll basically be instructed to read the entire book. He started off heavily averse to heroin; during his formative years, a friend suggested they try it and he stopped hanging out with him in response. He eventually tried the drug; when asked how it was by Nirvana bassist Krist Novoselic, he shrugged, “Oh, it was all right.” But his habit escalated.

By the time Nirvana appeared on Saturday Night Live in 1992, Cobain was so deep in heroin addiction that he was vomiting and barely able to stand right until the time came to perform. He somehow pulled it together long enough to play “Smells Like Teen Spirit” and “Territorial Pissings” on live television. In March 1994, Cobain attempted suicide for the first time by washing down a large dose of flunitrazepam with champagne while in Rome. He nearly died and ended up in a coma for a day (Novoselic claimed that, mentally, he was never the same after this).

Within weeks he was back in Seattle, crashing on his daughter’s junkie nanny’s girlfriend’s couch and popping out occasionally to purchase speedballs and burritos. Cross quotes the girlfriend as saying, “He’d sit in my living room with the hat with the ear coverings, and read magazines. People came and went; there was always a lot of activity going on. Nobody knew he was there or recognized him.” By the end of the month, Cobain was given an intervention and packed off to rehab in California. But he soon escaped the facility by scaling a six-foot wall and, improbably, found a seat on a flight back to Seattle next to Guns N’ Roses bassist Duff McKagan.

Despite beef between Nirvana and Guns N’ Roses, the two bonded, finding a great deal of common ground as famous musicians from the Pacific Northwest with heroin problems. Once back at his house, Cobain reattempted suicide and this time he meant business. He injected a lethal dose of heroin and then blasted himself in the head with a shotgun, effectively killing himself twice. Like Robert Johnson, Brian Jones, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin and Jim Morrison, he was 27 years old when he died.

And let us not forget Amy Winehouse who also died at age 27.

Another sad rock and roll tragedy. Showbiz is the only industry that eats it’s young.

Check this out:  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/27_Club

A footnote from phicklephilly: “I never understood suicide. You get one chance to be here, why leave early if you don’t have to? Suicide’s for quitters. I’ve suffered with anxiety and depression my whole life. I’ve beaten the shit out of them both (without drugs) and now we’re all on the same side. Suicide is always a long term solution to usually a temporary problem. I just don’t get it, Kurt. I was in a band when I was younger. It was an amazing experience. Kurt, you play music for a living. You’re in a famous genre inspiring band. You’re surrounded by a gaggle of moist women. Your bank account is full and your nuts are empty. WTF?”

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am EST.

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Cherie – Chapter 9 – Misconduct on your Birthday

“You’re hot like coffee, but sweet like chocolate”

The Wednesday before her 27th birthday arrives. The day before I had called my friend Keila, who is great at all things party and presents. I tell her my dilemma in regard to what I could get Cherie for her birthday. She offers some good suggestions.

I head to Starbucks. I get in line and ask the guy behind me what’s a good dollar amount for a gift card. He says go with $20 because Starbucks is expensive coffee. I get the card and then head to my next destination.  I walk into the shops at Liberty Place. I know Cherie likes milk chocolate so I scope out a little something of that variety. The girl working is very nice and guides me to a little box of six different kinds of truffles. Looks perfect and I know Cherie will love it. Cherie isn’t expecting anything so it’ll make it even better when I surprise her. I ask the girl if she can wrap it up and she says she can put some fancy birthday ribbon on it. I pay for it and she puts it in a fancy Godiva gift bag with some nice tissue paper around it. She asks me if I want a little card and I agree. It’s blank, which I like. I always have to put my words in cards, none of that store-bought nonsense.

I move out to the center of the mall and sit at a quiet table. I have about 30 minutes to kill so I can get things set up. I write a little witty prose in the card and put her name on the envelope. I slide the Starbucks gift card under the ribbon. Now I’ve got a great little gift for my lady.

I head over to Misconduct restaurant at 18th and JFK Blvd. I’m early, and my favorite hostess is there. (See: Mary – Unexpected Table for Two) I tell her what I’m up to and she’s down. She says she’ll hold the gift under the hostess stand next to her purse and we’ll use a code phrase when I want her to bring it to the table. She also reserves my favorite table, #12.

Cherie is texting me that she’s leaving Temple University. I know it’s going to be a nightmare for her to get down here and park. Septa has recently gone on strike again, and that always causes a great deal of major problems for the city and it’s commuters. There’ll be heavier traffic, little parking on the streets, and full parking lots. I recently spoke with an UBER driver, assuming they would be killing it during the strike, but he said no. There are so many more cars on the streets because everybody has to drive in to the city, that they aren’t getting enough fares fast enough to break even. So even the alternative taxi services are screwed when Septa strikes.

Lunch is at 12:30 but I know that Cherie won’t make it until after 1:00pm with all of this nonsense going on. I’m sitting at my table, sipping my water, looking at my phone, and chatting with the staff. I have my little surprise gift hidden and I don’t care how long it takes her to get down here, I’m just happy I’m going to see her.

She’s texting me and getting frustrated. She doesn’t want to be late, but I assure her I understand and to just be safe. She finally finds parking and says she’ll be there shortly. The server jokes that she thinks I’ve been stood up, or this is all just a lie so I could come in and chat with her and the hostess.

“You work for tips, right?”

She laughs.

Cherie arrives. She looks lovely. Custom fit black leather jacket over what appears to be a burgundy top that is low-cut in the front. As she approaches the table, I stand. Her skirt is short and grey. She is wearing black leather ankle boots. That combination showcases her shapely legs. We hug, but avoid the PDA. (Public Display of Affection) She apologizes for being late and compliments me on my patience as always. I really don’t mind waiting for her. I know she comes from a great distance most of the time. Septa has screwed up the city, and finding parking in center city is brutal. It’s not that she’s recklessly late every time. There are just extenuating circumstances that she’s constantly up against to see me.

So baby gets a pass.

She orders some crazy Cowboy Burger that I’ve never ordered and I get my usual Chicken tenders and a little bowl of mac and cheese to share.

Lunch is lovely, and the conversation and laughter are lively. The staff is on point, and the food is great as always. We get the check, and I give them my card. When the server brings it back for me to sign, I give them the code phrase. “Can you tell me when tea time is?” I didn’t come up with this line, the hostess did. She comes over and places the Godiva bag down on the table. Cherie seems really surprised.

“Happy Birthday, Cher. I know you said you didn’t want anything but me for your birthday, but I had to get you a little something.”

“What’s this? You’re so sweet!” She exclaims.  She’s looking at the candy and Starbucks card, but then goes for the little card with her name on it. Opening it quickly she reads it, and starts smiling. It reads:

“Cherie, You’re hot like coffee, but sweet like chocolate” Love, Me XO”

“Thank you so much. You didn’t have to do this.” She’s holding the little card. “I like this…”

We leave the restaurant. We’ve been there for about two hours. Her car is parked all the way down at 20th and Bainbridge. A little bit of a hike from Misconduct. She made better time than I thought. We get to the Saab and hop in. Her skirt is riding up a little. Her thighs are tantalizing. Some kissing ensues. But like I said, it’s still light out, and people are walking by, some with strollers. Her window is open, so if I’m smooching her, and I see someone with kids or a stroller approaching in the rearview mirror, I start talking about church or some bible reference. Hoping they see that we are just good christians having a heartfelt conversation about God. But once they are past, I’m back at her.

We both realize, this whole making out in the car is an invitation to the C-Blockers. We know where this relationship is heading like a speeding train. It’s inevitable. Then I get an idea. I tell her to drive. We go a few blocks east and I have her hang a left.

“When you see a parking spot anywhere up here just hop in it.” We find one right in front of a restaurant. Perfect.

“Where are we going?”

“You’ll see. Trust me. You’ll like it.”

It’s getting dark now. I take her to the tanning salon. We walk up the stairs, but instead of going in, we throw a left and open a door to the space in the front of the building that’s unlocked and un-rented This is the spot where Achilles and I were going to open our spin bike gym. It should have been open for three months by now, but the owner decided to sell the building. That put everything on hold. Sadly, the space still remains empty. The one whole wall is glass from floor to ceiling. Great view of the night street below. People are bustling by and the street is filled with angry motorists, blowing their horns and gridlocked because of the Septa strike. The space is quiet and if feels safe above the street. I kill the ceiling fans, and throw the switch to turn off the overhead lights. Now the space is dark. There’s a leather love seat by the window. I push it across the hardwood floor to the back corner. There’s no way anyone can see us from the street. I text my co-worker and friend, Trish, (See: Trish – The She Wolf) who is next door working at the salon that I am in the empty space out front. I decide it’s better if I stop over with Cherie, and make an appearance.

We go next door. Trish is happy to see us. I introduce Cherie to Trish, and I can see they are hitting it off. I tell Trish that we don’t want to sit in a bar somewhere, so we’re just going to be next door enjoying the view and chilling. We go back to our leather love seat next door. I lock the door behind us. So no one can see us coming to the salon and no one can see us from the street.

The romance ensues. It’s such a great space. if someone said to me a year ago, that I’d be not only working at this salon, but I’d be next door in the space where I was supposed to open a spin bike gym, making out with a beautiful young woman, I’d think they were nuts. But here we were. It all felt so illicit. I knew we weren’t doing anything wrong. The space is empty, it’s 7pm at night, no one can see us, and my buddy Trish knows we’re there.

I have vowed to try to keep these stories PG-13, but the limits are slowly being pushed into R rated territory. I don’t know how I can continue to write this story about Cherie, without including some sort of 18+ warning. But maybe I can share a few things that were said over the next hour or so. (Or I will at least embellish so you get it.)

Cherie: “I like your new jeans. Have you tested the zipper enough?”

Me: What? Ohhhhh…. Who are you, Monica Lewinski?

Me: “Okay, so the top you’re wearing is just a one piece jumpsuit? Do you have to take the whole thing down to use the restroom?”

Cherie: “No. There are two snaps right here at the bottom, see?” *Snap! *Snap!

Me: “So from the eyebrows down…no hair?”

Cherie: “Oh my God… You’re incredible. That feels amazing!

You get the picture. It was just a little preview for the coming days, so to speak. It was like we had been shopping for a car for the last few dates. We took a couple out for a little test drive that night, and were ready to make a purchase the next time we we’re together. It was simply inevitable. We literally couldn’t take it anymore. The great thing was. She’s not much of a drinker, so after all of our dates, I have never had one drop of alcohol or smoked a cigarette around her. I don’t mind, because when I’m with Cherie, I want for nothing but her and her alone. It feels great.

So after that bit of third base activity, we decide to get out of there. I walk her to her car and kiss her goodnight. I’m only a few blocks from my house so I head home. It feels nice to walk in the cool October night and reflect on our passion. Cherie said she wants me for her birthday and I want to grant her wish. I just need to figure where and how I can make that happen.

Cherie and I have reached critical mass and something has to be done.

 

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Cherie – Chapter 8 – Lion and the Scorpion – Part II

Two weeks ago this story left off with the following cliffhanger:

…But here’s the best part of all of that. She works in a pediatrician’s office as one of her two jobs. She says she loves children. She wants to be a doctor that practices pediatric neurosis when she finishes her education. That’s awesome. So I’m assuming, young woman, loves kids, already has one would probably want another one or two to round out the dinner table. Based on these stories you know that my last 3 relationships all ended for that reason. I’ve already been married. I have a child. I have paid over $120,000 in tax-free money to someone who is not a nice person and hurts those around her. My ex-wife has already burned through her second marriage and has another kid. But I digress.

Oh sure, I could get married and have another kid and live happily ever after. Sure that could happen. But based on my track record, it’s a sucker bet. If I did that and somehow fucked it up again. My child support payments would be coming out of my Social Security checks. No. Just place the gun in my mouth and gently curl your finger so that everything I ever was ends up on the wall behind me.

So I pull the trigger on this lovely, seemingly perfect romance. Because this way I don’t have to say my last 4 relationships ended for the same reason. I can still say 3, because this beautiful flower that has grown between Cherie myself in the last few weeks will be stomped into the earth under the hob nail boot of reality. Doomed from the start. Destroyed before it could ever flourish.

“Do you want more children, Cherie?”

“No. I don’t want anymore children. I told you that on our first date.”

How the fuck could I have missed this incredibly earth shattering piece of information? This is incredible news. Groundbreaking stuff. If she really doesn’t want kids, we could actually sustain a long-term relationship.

Maybe.

She knows my situation. Well, I’ll just play it cool and try to fly level. We’ll see where this goes. I won’t lose my mind and rush into anything. My last girlfriend has been gone for two years. Cherie’s been split from her son’s father for two years as well. Maybe the stars have aligned. She’s really laid back. Getting her education. Working two jobs in her field of endeavor. I’m not going to think about all of this. I’m just going to enjoy our time together. Let the universe unfold as it should.

We decide to get something to eat. She’s come all the way down here. I should at least feed the girl. We walk South on 22nd street. Down to Sansom. We head East and I look through the window at Cavanaugh’s. Too noisy on a Saturday night. We round the corner at 18th and I peek in Wrap Shack. Looks too crowded. Then I get an idea. She once said she liked breakfast for dinner. I know just where to take her.

We hit the Midtown Diner up the street. It’s dead. Which I think is odd, but then I speak to the hostess. She says this is the calm before the storm. They watch all of the people walking South to the bars, and then around 11:30 to 2am they all come back. Then the place gets busy again.

This 24 hour diner has been here a long time. It’s a Philly classic. All of the waitresses are old. They’ve all worked there for many years. That says a lot about a place.  The servers are the kind of old dolls that call everyone “Hon.” The whole dining room is empty. We can pick any booth we want. We take a seat and check out the menus.

“Remember that black lace top I wore on our second date?” Cherie asks.

“How can I forget? I reprimanded you for dressing like that for school.” I respond.

“Well, I had a T-shirt in my car. I wore that top for you. I was all covered with mosquito bites and covered up, but I wanted to show you my body. I changed into the T-shirt before I went to class.”

Wow. I had no idea. I need to pay close attention to this one. She was into me by our second date at El Rey. That little minx. She’s playing footsie with me under the table. She reaches under the table and rubs my leg. I’m trying to concentrate on the menu but it’s useless. This is how she is when she’s sober. I’m sober too. I don’t even think about drinking or smoking when I’m with her. Cherie is the drug I’m on. Just like the song by Roxy Music.

But don’t you know, this couple comes in shortly after and sits in the booth right next to us. I mean right next to us. I turn my head to the right, and they’re right there! C-Blocked again!

Everything is liquid between us and everybody is doing everything they can to stop us from attacking each other. We actually feel a little angry about this. I just laugh and tell her that humans are for the most part social animals. They can’t help but be near each other. We discuss moving to the back, but decide against it. We’d look rude. It’s not that important. We’ll have plenty of time together. The game is afoot and I love it.

“Cherie. Your birthday’s Thursday. What are you doing for your birthday?”

“Nothing. I have to work. I don’t really care about my birthday.”

“Don’t you want anything?”  I know it’s early in the game, but I’m trying to be nice.

“You know what I want?”

“What?”

“I want you. I want to be with you. You know… in that way.”

Okay…. Okay…. This lady knows what she wants. I’m almost find it a bit intimidating but arousing. Man… This is going to be good. I need to plan something soon.

I’m attracted to Cherie, and think she’s a great girl. I love making her laugh and she also has a great sense of humor. I like when she just looks at me with her dark dreamy eyes. I feel so lucky. At my age, to have a lovely girl like this attracted to me is wonderful. I’m not experiencing the intoxicating rush I felt with my last girlfriend, Annabelle, but I feel safer this time around. (See:Annabelle – Nice To Meet You) Cherie knows who she is and what she wants. She’s already been a parent for six years. She’s grounded and responsible. I’m actually relieved that I’m falling for this woman, and I’m not on an emotional rollercoaster like I was with the highly unstable Annabelle. I’m not wondering what she’ll do next, or what crazy decision she’ll make about her life. That poor impulsive fool.

This feels much better. I’m happy that Cherie’s in my life. I’m not a spiritual person, but this feels like some sort of blessing.

The waitress approaches. “Hey there. It’s been awhile since you two have been in here.”

I’m thinking, it certainly has been awhile, since we’ve never been there together. But her sentiment is sweet. Maybe it’s just me that looks familiar. Or that my daughter has mysteriously become a black woman. We order some food and are chatting. Already deciding that we’d like to meetup on Wednesday for lunch. I know just where I’m going to take her. We’re also planning on seeing each other on Saturday too. This is getting serious. Technically, this is only our fourth date, but we’ve had very long dates. It just flows naturally.

My friend Carly said she may be able to hook me up with a room at the Club Quarters for Saturday. She said that if the hotel isn’t 95% full, they’ll hook me up with a room for $50. Which is incredible. If not, Carly said she can still hook me up with a room for $129, which still isn’t bad. Think about what I’m getting. Spend the night with a beautiful young woman? Totally worth whatever it costs. I could also take her down to the shore house. But that’s a hike, and I have to be back Sunday morning to run that salon. So simply for the sake of geography and time, Club Quarters works for me. I’ve already cleared it with my sister that no one will be at the shore house just in case. I won’t have to get a zip car. We’ll cruise down in the Saab.

I think about how frustrating and confounding my courtship was with Michelle, and also with Annabelle. All the back and forth. Flip flopping with their choices. Not really knowing what they wanted. Cherie is direct and clear on what she likes and what she wants. It just makes for a happier more calm relationship.

We finish eating and those C-Blocking losers next to us have already left, so we have a little personal time before the bill comes. Remember how I used to complain about all those senior citizens I was dating and how the wallets never came out? This is so different from that. Cherie drives an hour to come down here to see me. Pays $25 to put her car in a lot. Doesn’t want anything. The bill is only $17. I’ve been with her for seven hours. $17 is what the whole date cost me.

We walk back to the lot at 23rd and Cherry. Isn’t that cop still sitting in his SUV in the same exact spot? It’s been hours!  What is he on, stake out?  We decide to just leave. She drives down to around 21st and Lombard and finds a quiet spot. People are walking by in Halloween costumes. It’s fun to watch. We’re talking and more kissing ensues. It’s really nice.

It’s getting late, and I know she has to make the hour drive back to Pottstown. It’s really great that she comes to me. She said her personality is that of a pleaser. That’s funny. Me too. I certainly am looking forward to pleasing her at some point.

She drives me back to my place and we say our good nights. I ask her to please text me when she safely arrives home. She says she will. I go upstairs and fix myself a vodka club on the rocks and light a cigarette. It feels good to be home in my chair after a wonderful evening with Cherie. I think about our lunch date coming up on Wednesday. I’ll call the hostess ahead of time and reserve my favorite table. I know Cherie has made it clear what she wants for her birthday, but that’s inevitable. I’m going to give that gift to her a lot. That really seems like a gift for me. Again, I cannot believe my good fortune here.

I feel like I should get her a little something, and give it to her on Wednesday. I’ll think on this. Talk to my female friends. I can’t go with jewelry, it’s too early. Huge mistake. That sets the bar too high if we make it to Christmas. God, then there’s Valentine’s Day after that. I’m getting ahead of myself. I’ve got a few days to plot what I’ll do. Something small and sweet.

My phone pings and she is home safe.

I wish her sweet dreams.

 

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