Three Months Of Salary For An Engagement Ring? How About Go F*ck Yourself?

Here’s a re-post from one of my readers…

Felt it was worth sharing.

Engagement rings have become my cause de guerre. I’m thirty and well over half of my closest friends are either engaged or married, so these puppies seem to smack me in the face on Instagram every week now. Sure, I’m a hopeless romantic at heart. Notting Hill, No Strings Attached, You’ve Got Mail, When Marry Met Sally, the first 70 minutes of La La Land… if TV Guide magazine tells me any of these movies will be on TBS superstation, my night is booked. But when it comes to engagement rings, my mouth fills with acrid bile.

Engagement rings are a massive industry. Some people blame DeBeers; I blame women. Dangerous words in these delicate times, I know. But at some point, we need to realize that women are capable of being terrible people, just like men. That’s equality. That’s progress. To illustrate this thesis, we look to Instagram.

As wedding ring/engagement photos have proliferated across my Instagram feed, I’ve noticed a disturbing trend: many women post a photo of the ring and write “he did such a good job!” It’s a deflection, a humble downplay, like posting a shredded bikini pic while pretending to eat a hot dog with a caption like “empty calories, full stomach, can’t lose!” It’s meant to throw us off the scent of what it really is: a vagina-measuring contest. Because what’s really happening here is that she’s posting a photo of a commodity, the price of which we immediately start to estimate. And by we, I mostly mean other women, because they know the ring market.

An olive branch: if women just owned what they were doing with these posts, I’d applaud them for it. Remember ’90s hip hop videos, where rappers would flex in backwards football jerseys as a strobe light hit their $60,000 Jesus piece, triggering epileptic fits for unmedicated children? It was a flex, and they relished it. You didn’t see Diddy brandishing his new spinning Sprewell pendant with a disclaimer like “my friend bought me this, and he knows me so well! Thanks dude!” Today, similarly, these ladies are flexing their new ice on Instagram; but they couch it with deferential words to their buyer fiancé. I would have nothing but respect for a ring post with a caption like “Look at the size of this fucking thing! He spent more than I thought he would!”

But that would be too obvious. That would violate the weird, unspoken decorum of ringstagramming. Thus, we’re left with these thinly-veiled humblebrags that credit some hapless fellow who simply brandished six credit cards and held his breath. Not only do these dudes probably not give a shit about credit, they’re not worthy of it! When it comes to rings, you know who actually did a good job? Sam and Frodo. The ’72 Dolphins. The Motorola Razr. Heidi Fleiss. The Undertaker. Barnum and Bailey. These are first ballot ring HOFers; not your Dave.

I have a family ring from my late grandmother. As a family, we believe in heirlooms and preserving memories. Also, my grandmother was a powerful wizard who learned the dark art of splitting her soul, a portion of which lives on in the horcrux I plan to give my lady someday. The ring is beautiful, too. It’s a far nicer ring than I could buy right now from Zales or Adam Sandler.

Still, I can’t help but wonder how an Instagram post of this ring will be received. Do I somehow love her less because I didn’t spend three months of my salary on it? Do I need to buy her something to supplement the ring, to emphasize this promise?

Maybe. Or maybe I’ll take the money I saved on a ring and put it towards something nice for myself. After all, I saved. I was fiscally responsible. Dare I say… I did such a good job.

 

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How to Save the Most Money at Bars, According to Bartenders

Did those cocktails from last night leave a few extra, unexpected digits on your credit card?

(And, uh, maybe those drinks merrily offered to your friends — hey, put it on my tab! — didn’t help.)

Navigating the cost of going out, whether to a sophisticated cocktail bar or your favorite dive down the street, isn’t as easy as it might seem.

This is especially true if you’re ultimately trying to have fun and not think about finances, and if you’re not seasoned at figuring out the maze of a drinks menu, which somehow always looks a little fuzzier as the night rolls on.

To see if it’s possible to save money on one of most people’s biggest expenses (without swearing off drinking altogether, which is always an option), we talked to those who know best: bartenders themselves. Here, they share their own tips and strategies for going out — without going over-budget.

Well, well, well.

“Happy hour of course is the first thing that comes to everyone’s mind, but there are other ways to find good deals,” says Meredith Hayman, cocktail director at R6 Distillery in El Segundo, California, who’s also worked behind the bar in the Los Angeles area for over 13 years.

“Check out the well offerings [also known as house or rail liquors because they’re the go-to spirits used by staff],” she says. “Every bar offers these and they are typically around $10 and often what they use in their cocktails anyway. Talk to them and ask what’s in their well.”

Be honest, and servers will frequently be honest in return about which well options are worthwhile or not — and when you land on a promising option, you can request it in a standard cocktail.

Happy hour doesn’t have to be so obvious.

Happy hour mostly exists to lure in new customers and increase foot traffic during off-peak hours with large-volume orders. It has advantages (the discounts!) and disadvantages (the crowds!), but one perk is the ability to squeeze a few dollars off more experimental items.

“There are some interesting takes on [happy hour], especially in wine bars, where they use reduced pricing as a means to have their guests try different grape varietals and move out of their comfort zones, which I am all for,” says Frank Caiafa, beverage director at The Stayton Room at New York City’s Lexington Hotel. This can also apply to new tap beers or a house cocktail the head bartender is tweaking. If you’re willing to try something new, resist going to your default order and read the list from top to bottom.

Fall back on the shot-and-beer specials — or the wine bottle list.

“In more divey spots, where I am wary that I will get a good cocktail, a shot and beer can go a long way,” Hayman advises. Otherwise known as boilermakers, these supreme deals deliver exactly what’s listed and pack an alcoholic punch. They may or may not be advertised, but just ask your bartender to see what’s available.

Also “check out the wine bottle list,” Hayman adds, especially if you’re a discerning wine fan at a place with a decent list. “Don’t be scared. You can get a bottle for $40, and that is four drinks right there.” It’s not always easy, but estimating what you might drink at the beginning of the night — and what your drinking partner’s plan is, too — can save you both some money.

Go with draft beer…

Draft beer, or beer delivered directly from the keg, is the prize of any brew fan. It also makes the most monetary sense. “Choose draft when you can. There’s less overhead for the bar and the brewery,” Hayman advises, so the quality is higher for the price. “You also get a better beer, since it’s been dispensed from the tap. Think tap soda over bottled soda.”

…but don’t limit yourself anywhere on the menu.

If the draft list is sparse, look into all the offerings including canned and bottled beers (especially the former, which cost less to produce and can present amazing deals) to find something you think you’ll love.

The same goes for spirits. You may find that the standard liquor pour and that premium brand you’ve wanted to try are only separated by a few dollars.

Remember that you’re allowed to ask questions.

A nice cocktail bar is more expensive than a sports bar, and that’s by design. In a high-end establishment, especially in a city with a high cost of living, “be prepared to spend $13 to $18 a cocktail,” says Hayman.

But there’s a bonus: “You tend to get an expert along with it. Here you find the cocktails geeks, the hospitality experts, the ones that make this their career, their focus, their purpose,” Hayman says. “There is no question they can’t answer and you leave feeling that the cost was well worth it.” And while it’s not reflected that way in your checking account, isn’t it true a cocktail you adore at least feels less expensive?

About that infamous “buyback.”

The “buyback,” or the practice of getting a drink for free from your bartender, is mythical and poorly understood. You should never expect it just because you bought three beers or unloaded your thoughts about the latest season of Succession. But it can feel like a gift for those who do get it — and those people are always good patrons.

“The best way to get a buyback is to smile, be patient, and use your manners. At the end of the day, bartenders are human beings with feelings and emotions,” says Justin Campbell, bar director of The H.Wood Group, which is behind LA spots like Bootsy Bellows and The Nice Guy.

So don’t annoy your bartender by bragging about who you know. Don’t touch the garnish dishes. And don’t be obnoxious. Instead, be an amiable regular, because as Hayman succinctly puts it, “Many places reward you for your loyalty.”

 

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Habits That Keep You Broke

It is becoming more and more common for people to complain about their finances openly. It is no longer uncommon to hear your friends, family or acquaintances tell you that they are “too broke” for a specific event or purchase. Admitting that inflation has made life extremely expensive for the common man, there are some habits that tend to keep you broke perpetually. This is a state of being that exists regardless of how much wealth you inherit or how much money you earn that arises from consistently maintaining these financially terrible decisions.

Living Above Your Means

In a world where appearing rich has become more important than being rich, most people tend to live above their means. They manage their extravagant expenses on credit cards and other forms of debt, thus leaving them paying a substantial sum towards interest payments while living in constant worry over meeting bill payments.

You Don’t Track Your Money

If you constantly find yourself wondering where all your money went, then you fall into this category. A common mistake people make is not keeping track of their cash flow. Several apps are now available to help you keep track of this by noting your inflow sources, your outflow sources and presenting you with a composite chart of where your money is spent. It is important to know where you spend more of your money in order to be able to know where you can cut down on your spending.

You Remain Lazy About Your Finances

It is common for people to procrastinate with regard to those activities which do not excite them or which do not require immediate attention. Understanding and working about with your personal finances tends to fall into this category and gets pushed over to a stage in life where you’re in financial pain already or have too little money for savings. Keeping track of your finances on a weekly basis is our recommendation.

You Spend Before You Save

A common saying in the Finance World is “Pay yourself first”. This talks about the importance of your first chunk of income being set aside for savings and emergency cushions and the balance amount being used to pay bills and debt. This helps to keep you afloat in all situations as opposed to the strategy of spending lavishly while saving scarcely and erratically.

You Expect Quick Results

Another common mistake you make is that you’re trying to get rich quick. This leads to getting caught up in quick-money scams or dissolving investments at the slightest of losses. Building wealth takes time, patience and perseverance.

You Live In A Consumer’s Mind-set

Consumer Mentality focuses on extravagant purchases of items such as clothing, accessories, cars, boats, etc. However, focus on such purchases leads away from purchases in appreciating assets such as Real Estate, Commodities, Stocks, ad so on. Constantly focusing on consumer purchases rather than investor purchases leaves you happy in the moment but unhappy in the long run. A balance between the two is required in order to live a happy and financially healthy life.

You Are Trying To Impress The World

Thanks to social media and a consumer mentality, everyone’s trying to one-up their followers on Instagram and Twitter with materialistic purchases. Instead of spending wisely, you’d rather post pictures of the expensive shopping spree you went on or the luxury vacation you took, etc. Focusing on your own money goals is more important than impressing others who in turn are trying to impress you with their posts!

You Rely On Your Credit Card Wrongly

Credit cards give you access to purchases even when you don’t have money in hand. One of the biggest mistakes we can make is using our credit cards to purchase items which we cannot afford. This essentially helps us fall into debt traps and keeps us constantly broke.

You Have No Financial Goals

Setting financial goals is crucial as that is what provides you with incentive to implement your financial plans. Choosing to save over spending requires us to prioritize a future need in lieu of today’s desire. This isn’t an easy choice to stick to but can be made easier by knowing that the money you’re keeping aside is for a new house, higher education, a comfortable retirement, etc.

You Don’t Know Basic Finance

No matter how many experts you get on board for help, you must be able to take charge of your money. Knowing the basics of investing, saving and personal finance can make all the difference in your thinking and spending habits.

 

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13 Things Rich People Don’t Spend Their Money On, While Poor People Are Ready to Take Out Loans for Them

There are things that speak to a person’s financial wealth. Usually, they are things like fur coats, fine jewelry, and expensive watches. Some poor people are ready to save their money for years or even take out loans to be able to buy these things. However, rich people around the world have gradually stopped indicating their social status this way.

We at Bright Side are big supporters of sensible spending and that’s why we want to highlight symbols of wealth that are not trendy anymore. There are still many people who haven’t realized this yet.

1. Gold jewelry

Stylish and wealthy women usually wear a moderate amount of gold jewelry when attending events. In addition, the quality of these items is the biggest priority for them. Some of them even prefer large jewelry.

For those whose financial position is not stable, buying gold is still considered an investment. It is believed that by buying a gold item, you create a stash for rainy days in the form of a gold chain or a ring. That’s why poor girls prefer to wear jewelry with the mantra: “I’m wearing the best of what I have.”

2. Clothes and shoes from expensive brands

Oftentimes, even very wealthy people are indifferent to branded clothing and wear ordinary, mass-market jeans and sweaters that are basic items in their wardrobe and in their everyday life. In one of his interviews, Bill Gates outlined that the watch on his wrist cost $10, despite the fact that he could afford millions of watches from the most famous brands. Instead of shopping, rich people try to explore the other pleasures that life has to offer, like entertainment and travel. This means more to them than a brand new bag.

3. Plastic surgery

Earlier, plastic surgery was pretty popular around the world — everyone wanted to have a perfect body and a flawless face. Rich men would even offer to pay for the transformation of their “chosen ones,” while the girls didn’t mind at all. Today more and more celebrities and wealthy people are against plastic surgery and are promoting having love for one’s body and wrinkles.

Meanwhile, many girls are still ready to cut back on a lot of things in order to save enough money for lip and breast surgeries, as well as other procedures that could help them look young and meet the current understanding of beauty ideals, which are actually fading into the past.

4. Fur coats

Famous designers and their wealthy clients are refusing to wear fur coats, since they believe that it is unethical to wear them. There were cases when animal advocates poured paint on girls who were wearing fur coats. In addition, California state has a law banning the wearing and selling of natural fur.

But fur coats are still considered a luxury item and an indicator of social status for some girls. However, theoretically, they can be easily replaced by frost-resistant down jackets, winter coats, or warm fur coats that are made of artificial fur.

5. Flying in business class

Rational people around the world want to travel modestly, even if they have the financial ability to pay more. For example, the founder of IKEA, Ingvar Kamprad, believes that flying business class is an unnecessary luxury, that’s why all IKEA employees, despite their level, fly in economy class and stay in inexpensive hotels.

However, many people with a moderate income are ready to overpay for a trip in business class, despite the fact that prices for air tickets continue to rise and business class tickets have seen the highest increases. In fact, thanks to the existence of expensive business class fares, airlines can keep affordable fares for economy class. When we know about this fact, business class flights stop looking so attractive.

6. Home appliances

Wealthy people don’t strive to buy the latest models of home appliances. If the previous model they bought still works perfectly, they see no need to buy a new one. At the same time, this rule is constantly broken by people with an average income — consumer loans are taken out for any household appliances and gadgets.

This also relates to “one-time” home appliances like waffle irons, pancake makers, ice cream makers, and fondue pots, as well as massagers with 15 nozzles. Most often, people use these super devices only one or 2 times, and afterward they just lie on a shelf and “stare” at their owners with dumb reproach for insensibly spent money.

7. A lot of knick-knacks

Successful people try to keep minimalism in their home’s design. Rich people increasingly prefer simplicity in their interiors, so as not to be distracted by household items and so they don’t waste time choosing and buying furniture, or repairing it. It helps them free up time for family, relationships, meeting friends, and work.

Oftentimes, the middle class try to fill their houses with various interior details and the latest trendy things. They strive to constantly improve their interior, distracting themselves from the really important immaterial things.

8. A big house

Wealthy people prefer to buy promising real estate, for little money, in order to make a profit when it grows in price. For example, billionaire Warren Buffett still lives in the same modest house that he bought in 1958. His cozy house in Nebraska state only cost him $30,000, today it’s estimated to be worth $650,000.

A Mexican billionaire whose fortune is estimated at $50 billion, also lives in a modest house that was bought long ago and avoids expensive things. Amancio Ortega, the founder of the Zara clothing store chain, also didn’t let his success infatuate him — he and his wife live in an ordinary house in Spain. A professor at Stanford University, David Cheriton, who owns $1.3 billion in Google shares, once said in his interview, “These people who build houses with 13 bathrooms and so on, there’s something wrong with them.”

The middle class, in contrast, is mainly driven by the saying, “Every man should plant a tree, build a house, and give birth to a son.” That’s why the life of many people starts to center around the construction of a big house, that sometimes doesn’t stop until the kids grow up. It takes a lot of money, time, and energy, while the expenses for maintaining the house itself and its territory take a big part of their income.

9. Luxury cars

Nowadays, wealthy people don’t buy new car brands if their own car is in good condition and meets all their needs. Even Facebook owner, Mark Zuckerberg, drives a Volkswagen with a manual transmission and says he never cared about “looking” rich.

However, many people around the world use expensive cars to boost their self-esteem and even not having the money to buy or maintain a vehicle like this doesn’t prevent them from getting one. They just take out car loans.

10. An expensive education

Millionaires know that a free education doesn’t differ much from an expensive one, while success in life is obtained by discipline, determination, and perseverance. In addition, nowadays big international companies are ready to hire young people for work, if they have the necessary knowledge. This means that professional experience and real skills are becoming more important than a college diploma.

At the same time, many people believe that if they pay for an education and get a diploma, they are buying a ticket to a successful life. As a result, young people take out huge loans to pay for their education, but after graduation, they have to work outside of their specialty for the next 5-10 years to pay back the loan to the bank, which means they spend the most precious years of their life doing this.

11. Buying lots of toys for their kids

Successful people came to the conclusion that they could harm their children by buying toys in unlimited quantities. Research proves it too: 36 children were offered the chance to play for half an hour with 4 or 16 toys. It was found that the kids from the first group (the ones who had 4 toys) showed more creativity and came up with more interesting ideas using fewer objects. If parents spend time with their kids and pay more attention to them, they will develop faster than if they are simply playing with a lot of toys.

At the same time, most parents admit that their kids are literally snowed under toys: their stuffed toys are so big that they require a separate apartment, their amount of dolls is so big that they could build a doll army, there are so many Legos that it’s possible to build a 2-story house out of them. Kids don’t have time to dream — they have everything and all their wishes come true too quickly. That’s the way parents show their love to their kids and give them the things they themselves didn’t have in their childhood.

12. Training and courses

Personal growth courses are a business, and the coaches there are not interested in the effective development of their clients. Because of this, it is impossible to transform your life drastically with the help of a training session like this. Successful people know that you can only change your life by continuously working on yourself and your goals.

At the same time, these courses have become incredibly popular among people who are planning to become successful. Even though their cost is pretty high, tickets are still sold really quickly. Poor people are often trying to find a magic pill that will change their life for the better. When one pill doesn’t work, they start to seek help from another coach.

13. The beauty sphere

Today, the natural color of nails speaks to privilege and wealth. Successful women prefer a neat, natural nail, in a modest pastel or nude shade that looks nice.

But many girls want to be sure that their manicure is noticeable by everyone around them, which is why they often opt for brighter colors of nail polish, unique designs with rhinestones, and extreme lengths. If the length is not enough, they go for artificial nails. This style is often chosen by middle class women who want to show that they have an idle and relaxed lifestyle.

Which things do you consider a part of your social status and are you not ready to give up?

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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10 Ways To Stop Worrying About Money And Attract More Of It

It can feel unnatural to relax when you have bills pending and a dwindling bank account. But giving in to your fears won’t do anything to attract more money. In reality, giving in to your anxiety will generate negative energy that stops you from bringing more money into your life.

How to Stop Worrying and Attract More Money

Money comes and money goes, but worrying about it won’t make it come any faster. If you’d like to attract more money, keep reading to learn how to stop worrying and how to become the money magnet you really are.

1. Identify Any Negative Beliefs You Have About Money

Stop worrying about your bank account by recognizing your fears and any other negative beliefs you may have about money. Many people admit they are taught to never discuss money. Additionally, they believe that having a lot of money is evil, and that they should feel bad when spending money. These beliefs all stem from insecurity and need to be done away with if you hope to attract more money into your life.

Start becoming the money magnet you deserve to be by unlearning all these negative beliefs and replacing them with positive energy. It’s time for you to accept the idea that you deserve to have wealth.

2. Build a New Money Mindset with Positivity

The next step in learning how to stop worrying about money is the start of rebuilding your money mindset using positive affirmations. According to the law of attraction, what you think, you become. Thus, what you speak into your life will come to pass.

Start speaking positivity into your finances by using positive money affirmations on a regular basis. Begin every day by looking into a mirror and speaking the following types of affirmations to yourself:

  • I am a winner.
  • I‘m stepping into a new financial future.
  • My blessings and wealth are overflowing.
  • I deserve all the money I will make.

Positive affirmations like those above that tap into the law of attraction and your ability to bring about a change in your life with the type of energy you exude. By already believing that you deserve money and that you’re already building the wealth that you’re working towards, your life will automatically align to reach these goals.

3. Learn What You Deserve in Life

What stops many people from going after what they want is the fact that they don’t believe that they deserve it.

Want to get out of debt? Want to build generational wealth? While these may seem like lofty goals right now, the moment you already know that you deserve these things in your life is the moment that you start attracting them towards yourself.

The best thing about this obstacle of feeling undeserving is that you are fully in control of it. Stop worrying that you’ll never be financially stable and begin stepping into what you deserve.

Your dreams are only as big as you allow them to be and you deserve to dream big. Don’t give in to the insecurity that makes you feel undeserving. You are worthy of living the best life.

Start working on attracting what you deserve in life by realizing new goals. Do you hope to buy a house? Are you planning to build your savings? Write down all of your financial goals and understand that you deserve every single one of them.

4. Love Your Bills to Attract More Money

We have all been guilty of hating having to pay our bills. However, avoiding or hating your bills only adds more negative energy to your finances.

While it may seem absurd to try to love your bills, this little bit of love will go a long way. The key to attracting more money when paying your bills is to be confident, grateful, and happy as you pay the bills.

This is why part of learning how to stop worrying about money is to stop seeing bills as a black hole for your earnings. Your bills are a symbol of the life that you live, the blessings you enjoy, and your ability to finance your quality of life.

Additionally, the happier you are about getting to pay these bills, the more you will value the money you earn that you use to pay your bills. This positive energy and happiness will translate to you feeling more positive about the work you do and how you earn your money.

5. Be Happy for Others’ Financial Success

Jealousy and the feeling of missing out are strong motivators. We’ve all experienced feeling a certain sense of insecurity when we see others sharing about their luxury lifestyles or abundant lives. While these feelings can be inescapable at times, feeling this way isn’t effective if you’re hoping to stop worrying about your own finances.

Instead of feeling negative about yourself and financial situation when you see others doing well, start rejoicing for them. As you feel happier for the wealth that others are enjoying, the more the same energy will return to you.

Start destroying these negative and envious feelings by genuinely expressing excitement when you see someone else thriving. Speak the same into your life by telling yourself, “You deserve the same. You will have the same.”

This simple shift from jealousy to hopeful positivity will immediately affect how money flows into your life. Instead of being unhappy with where you are in your finances, your new happiness for others will spill over to your current situation, ultimately leading you to attract more money into your life.

6. Visualize Financial Abundance

Visualization is a powerful tool to bring about a change in your life. Do you want to increase your finances and live the lifestyle you’ve always dreamed of? Start visualizing it.

Visualize the life you want, deserve, and will have by writing out what you hope to see. And, imagine that you are living that life right now. While this may seem like a strange exercise, it will help to ease any fears you feel and help you to believe are already leading the life you long for.

To make visualization part of your daily life, commit to spending a few moments in the morning or at night to meditate on your money affirmations and visualize the life you long for. This will help you keep your goals fresh in your mind as you actively work to make them a reality each day.

7. Recognize Prosperity in Your Life

Prosperity is everywhere you go, if you know what to look for. By recognizing prosperity, you’ll be inviting it into your life.

Too often, we’re programmed to seek out poverty and notice what’s lacking in life. From your bank account to the world around you, you may be naturally inclined to see what’s wrong rather than look for what’s right.

Start transforming the way you look at life by automatically seeking out prosperity. In order for you to prosper, you must first be able to recognize prosperity.

 

 

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What Jeff and MacKenzie Bezos’ Divorce Could Mean for Amazon

https://www.cnn.com/2019/01/10/tech/jeff-bezos-divorce-amazon/index.html

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Paying For Dates In A Long-Term Relationship is Tricky & Here’s How To Do It

Paying at the end of dates (especially in the beginning of the “courtship”) is always a touchy subject, with varied opinions on how to handle it. Some people believe the person who invites the other out should pay; some think splitting is the way to go; and sometimes, people dictate who pays based on how the date is going. But what happens when you’ve been dating for years? Paying for dates in a long-term relationship is definitely something you should figure out with your partner, and see what works best for you both. And as your finances may fluctuate, your regular go-to paying practice may change, too.

To get down to the best methods for paying for dates in a relationship, I spoke with matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking Susan Trombetti and founder of Crated with Love Tyler Turk. Here’s what you need to know to navigate paying, avoid awkwardness, and get directly to the romance.

Have a conversation about what you’re comfortable with.

If you’re in a relationship with someone who makes significantly more or less money than you, you may want to discuss how to work out paying for dates in a way that makes financial sense for both of you.

“If one person is in need of some financial support… the best thing to do is to have an open and honest conversation about [it],” Turk tells Elite Daily. “It may seem awkward at first, but it will help your relationship in the long run. When it doubt, talk it out.”

In a long-term partnership, if one person makes less money and therefore pays less for dates, or less often than the other, as long as that person “does what they can do financially, it is all fine,” Trombetti tells Elite Daily.

Trombetti says that in a relationship, both people should contribute, even if on the earlier dates it didn’t start that way. She also doesn’t think splitting the bill – or “going Dutch” – is the best route to take. “It’s practical but doesn’t lend to the romance,” Trombetti says.

Depending on how serious you are, “my” money may become “our” money.

Some people do prefer “going Dutch” though – at least in their bank accounts. After some time in a long-term relationship, your finances may no longer be separate, which can factor into how you view paying for checks.

“If you’re at the point in your relationship where it’s ‘our’ money, then splitting the bill is probably irrelevant and cumbersome,” Turk says.

At that point, if you have a shared checking account and your finances are all pooled in the same place, you’re technically splitting the bill anyway.

Do what feels natural for the two of you.

For some couples, just doing what feels right could work best. Turk attests that this works for him and his wife – they developed an “unwritten code” in which they’d remember who paid for what, and take turns paying.

“Whenever she picked something up, she’d pay, whenever I picked something up, I paid,” Turk says. “If we were out to dinner, we typically kept an internal recollection, and just switched off. It was an easy transition once we got serious.”

At the end of the day, what works best for you as a couple is up to you two. Be sure you talk out your financial concerns with your partner, so you don’t harbor any ill-will regarding money between you in the long-run.

 

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How People Change Their Love Lives According to Money

How People Change Their Love Lives According to Money

The relationship between love and money, which has always been rocky, may have suffered another blow in early 2018, when British psychologists proved they could change the way people felt about dating by directing their attention to shiny wealth-related objects. Single people, upon being prompted to think about luxury items, expressed a preference for more short-term flings than they had beforehand.

Researchers at Swansea University showed 75 men and 75 women pictures of 50 potential love-interests and asked them if they would be interested in a long, short or non-existent relationship with that person. They then showed some of the participants photos of fancy cars, high-end jewelry, big houses or actual cash. After the viewers had seen those images, they were shown the photos of the opposite sex again and compared to the group that were not shown any luxury photos, they chose 16% more short-term partners.

Contrary to stereotype — and the researchers’ expectations — there was no discernible difference between the genders. Moreover, lest we start to feel bad about the human species’ gold-digging tendencies, most participants were not switching prospective long-term partners to short-term because of money. The study group just opted for a more fling-heavy mix. They were also shown images of dangerous animals and videos of children. After seeing those, both men and women chose a higher rate of long-term partners, but some women showed a greater preference for short-term partners as well.

The psychologists did not actually set out to prove anything about the effect of money (or danger or kids) on love. Instead, they were trying to ascertain whether human mating preferences switch in real-time according to the environment. “Our main aim with the paper was to try to demonstrate the existence of a ‘mating calibration’ mechanism,” says Andrew G. Thomas, a psychology lecturer at Swansea University and the lead author of the study.

The theory is that what he calls “a psychological organ” (which is like a regular organ except it exists in the brain) evolved over time to assess the environment and adjust mating preferences accordingly. In other words, humans have developed a flexible mating strategy; we are neither wholly monogamists nor inveterate players. Each person’s approach can change according to circumstances. This study demonstrated this change in behavior, its authors say, within an experimental setting for the first time.

“Short- and long-term mating preferences are sometimes presented as opposites, like two sides of the same coin: If you have a preference for one, then you don’t for the other,” says Thomas. “However, what we believe is that humans evolved the capacity to pursue both types of mating conditionally. People have separate degrees of preference for both short-term and long-term relationships, and which one is ultimately pursued depends on their relative strengths. So individuals may find themselves in a committed relationship because their preference for long-term mating overshadows their preference for casual mating — though a preference for the latter may still be there, lurking in the background.”

Why does wealth change partnering preferences, then? It’s all about offspring. When people are in an environment of plenty, the theory holds, they are more inclined to short-term mating relationships because they can imagine raising young on their own. “For example, in environments which have lots of resources, it would have been easier for ancestral mothers to raise children without the fathers’ help,” writes Thomas. “This made short-term mating a viable option for both sexes during times of resource abundance.” In more straitened eras, men and women need each other to stick around and contribute.

However, there are other theories for why humans change their romantic behavior around money. A 2014 study out of Singapore found that those with materialistic values had a more negative attitude towards marriage and children generally. And an earlier British study suggested that women exposed to photos of fast cars become more impulsive.

If humans can change mating preferences that quickly, there are new questions. Do we have to worry that a partner who watches a lot of Keeping up With the Kardashians might change his or her level of commitment? And how do we set up a dating profile that encourages the right kind of mate? “It’s unlikely that showing your partner pictures of jewelry and fast cars will cause them to become promiscuous,” says Thomas. “If our mate preferences were that fragile, then enduring relationships wouldn’t exist. However, if someone were to be exposed to strong and persistent signals that their environment had changed in some way (following a job promotion, or during an economic recession for example), then this might cause them to change the type of relationship they want.”

So those who just want to have fun should continue to pose beside Ferraris wielding bottles of Dom Perignon in their dating-app photos. And those who are looking for something more serious might want to wrangle a shot with a friend’s baby or a tiger. Probably not both at once, however.

 

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your feedback on this subject!

 

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Dating and Relationship Advice: Eight Wallet Friendly Date Ideas

Apparently dating is for the emotionally, physically, spiritually and financially ready. Emphasis on financially. Dating costs money but that doesn’t mean it has to break your bank. There are different activities you can enjoy with your partner that will leave you both happy and your wallet smiling. Fancy dress up and expensive dates are lovely but they certainly can’t be an everyday thing, sometimes all you need is to get back to the basics with that special someone in your life.

I have a list of 8 different ideas that I think you should try out. You know I recommend nothing but exciting things so make sure you try out at least one of them; you can thank me later!

  1. Picnic. You can do this from anywhere actually, just let your creative juices flow. Picnic on the back of a truck, the balcony of your house, at the local park or depending on how daring you are; on a roof top. I suggest you try out a sunset picnic which can later turn into a star-gazing date. I’m such a romantic, I know!
  2. Movie. Alyways a good move for the gent that isn’t a good talker or lacks game. You enjoy a film for two hours and you don’t have to talk!
  3. Coffee. It’s winter this part of the world and any date that guarantees to keep you warm is more than welcome. Cake at my favorite coffee place is USD3 a slice for any cake of your choice and coffee is USD2. It will give you a chance to enjoy as many cups of coffee as you please because the cake slices are huge and one cup of coffee will not do justice to it.
  4. Cook. Nothing like a home cooked meal made with tender loving care. The plus side of cooking together is that you and your partner get to bond and have some intimate time together. Instead of spending a lot of money eating out you can get your favorite ingredients and prepare your favorite meal plus dessert!
  5. Ice cream. Now this is the best date idea ever because ice cream doesn’t cost much. You will just have to make sure it’s a sunny day so that you get to enjoy the beautiful weather together with your ice cream and get to take a nice stroll together and hold hands. When was the last time you did that?
  6. Fun Run. There is always a run of sort taking place. Just so you know, I host Fitness In The Park events every month and they are FREE. Exercise will give you a chance to challenge each other and also release those feel good hormones. And, I read somewhere that exercise and great sex are best friends
  7. Drinks. Become a mixologist for the night. Take a trip to the liquor store and get your rite alcoholic beverages. Instead of going out on that Friday night stay at home and experiment with different alcohol mixtures. Make sure you create a music playlist that will have you dance the night away. The great thing is that if you pass out you will be in the comfort of your home.
  8. Comedy. There is no excuse not to go for something that will leave you in stitches. Comedy is a sure way to look at life from the fun side and if you two are trying to bring some laughter back into your relationship this is a sure way to forget about the fighting and get some humor into the mix.

I hope you try out these ideas and let me know how they work out for you. By the way, the ideas are open to both men and women. Ladies, surprise your man with one of these dates sometime soon and men, if you have not been taking out your girlfriend perhaps this list might help.

What activities do you get up to in your area that don’t break your budget? I would love to hear them.

 

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My Family – Down the Shore with Trains! – Part 3

Cabinets are loaded in and everybody is pretty drained from this day. Zane and Blair go out to meet with friends for a tour of a local brewery.

Now it’s time to talk turkey. The brothers come back in and we’re back to negotiating product. We go back and forth on several pieces and it appears they are interested in more than what we initially thought.

They go back upstairs and look over the sets up there and we slowly wear them down. It’s become somewhat of a feeding frenzy. They start snapping up sets and we’re prepared to let them go for the fair prices.

These guys are hardcore collectors and I suspect dealers. They know they’re getting good collectibles and we really don’t want the trains. So it could all work.

In yesterday’s blog I had a picture of the Texas Special. In sales you don’t talk about numbers or rarity, but the value of the object you’re selling. Sell the value and you’ll get the right price.

But most important thing is to tell the story. People don’t think in facts and figures and dollars and cents. But in desire and the story. It’s not what you said or what you did. It’s how you made people feel. That’s my strong suit. I’m telling stories the whole time they’ve been here. If they feel the heart and love and memories that are in these trains with this family, no matter how bad they want them, they won’t be able to rip us off.

They wouldn’t do that anyway, but once they feel the stories and the rich family histories in these antiquities it gives them more value and the buyer will feel the loss of the seller when he acquires it, so he may be more fair in his price.

My partner Achilles always says “Make it easy for people to spend their money. Don’t be greedy.”

We’re really excited that this final piece is falling into place today. They’re making offers and we’re adding up the dollars.

When we are separated from our buyers I can see how excited Janice is about these transactions. I stay calm from my years of selling things. I’m not going to get happy until the contract is signed and the deal is finalized.

This could be our last shot with these whales. I don’t really want to leave any money on the table. I’d like to move everything if we can.

It’s like an elegant dance between my sister and I and two fat guys. We’re going to win this contest.

By the end of an exhausting day, this entire lot of trains has been negotiated, sold, wrapped and put into boxes.

Yes. They bought everything. Did we throw in a few freebies? Sure we did, but that sweetened the deal and we didn’t want that stuff anyway.

We were all sitting around the empty dining room table and they were counting out one hundred-dollar bills to us. It was like a huge drug deal. Big unmarked van outside and piles of cash on the table. It was glorious but I had to stay cool until they left.

I was extremely pleased with my take, and Jan was too. She offered them a couple of beers and we all had a sweet repose. The deal was done and now we just needed to get them off the property. She offered to buy them some sandwiches at the local market but I kind of wanted the clients gone once I had closed them.

Rob said he wanted to get back on the road and they had a long drive back to Maryland.

Then it got weird.

Somebody was talking about how they had a swimming pool. Then somebody else brought up the story of a little girl who had recently drowned in pool and was dead for over 20 minutes. (I know right?) Apparently there is some new procedure where they do som esort of cryo thing to the brain cells and it preserves and revives the brain and they brought her back to life and she has full mobility and is completely fine. A miracle of modern science. Janice even says this could be a breakthrough for victims of stroke.

Then Rob starts saying that we have all of this amazing technology because of aliens.

Wait…what?

“Yea. All of this technology we have is because the military and the Government has been working with aliens. That’s when the President says we can incinerate North Korea it’s because of alien technology like laser beams and shit.”

WTF? I can’t even look over at my sister at this point because I know we’ll lose our shit and there is thousands of dollars in cash just sitting on the dining room table.

Ray chimes in: “The Navy has been working with aliens for years. The aliens were like 9 feet tall, wore sunglasses and had white hair. No one was allowed to tak to them. I saw it on YouTube.”

Wait…what? Is this really happening? I can hang with any wacko. I’ll play along.

“Yea, the Minister of Defense in Canada admitted that they’ve been working with aliens for years. Someone that high up wouldn’t say something like that to Parliament if it weren’t true. I saw it on YouTube. He even say that there are different kind of aliens. There’s like ones that are nice and then there’s bad guys too.”

“Okay…okay.” (I gotta hold it together. We’re so close!)

“Stephen Hawking even admitted it but he doesn’t think the aliens should talk to us.”

“Right, because if they have greater technology it could ruin our culture like it has on this planet with our own civilizations.” I say.

“Right. There are so many planets and stars out there must be other beings out there.”

I actually agree with him about that, but everything he said before that is absolutely bonkers.

Still not looking over at Janice.

“Well guys, I’m with you on all of that and I used to be a card-carrying member of MUFON.”

“What’s that?”

“You don’t know? The Mutual UFO Network. I was a member for years. I even have a manual that instructs you what to do if there’s an invasion.”

(I’m not lying. I’ve read just about everything on the subject of UFO’s, aliens, Roswell, Area 51, back engineering exotic propulsion systems, bending time and space, abductions, SETI, and the work being at the JPL. Oh, and I really was a member of MUFON and have attended conventions. I know it ALL. They don’t know what I know. So as insane as this turn of events has been I know a great deal about this subject. I’ll write about it sometime.)

We wrap it up on that note and walk them out to their spacecraft, er… I mean rented van. I look up and down our street to see if  Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith are parked in a black sedan somewhere.

They say goodbye and tell us we are always welcome to come and visit and hang whenever we’re in DC.  I’m sure Janice and I would be happy to swing by in a flying saucer and beam ourselves down for a barbecue.

The boys leave and Janice and I are laughing our asses off but are giddy that we made a pile of cash and got rid of the things we no longer need.

“They bought EVERYTHING!” She kept repeating until it sunk in. We were giddy with the way this surreal day turned out but now it was time for more important matters.

Drive to Bubba’s Liquors and get some wine and beer and order some delicious cheese steaks for dinner.

Zane and Blair returned later with another couple. (I love to see young good-looking people out having fun in Wildwood. Nostalgia for my sweet days on this sandy stage!)

We told them what happened and they all laughed histerically.

May The Force Be With You!

We have to get to the bank Monday!

Thank you for everything Janice! I feel closer to my big sister than ever in my life. I’m grateful for everything you’ve done for me and this family that continues to live on through love, laughter and just being the Gang!

All Aboard!

 

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