13 Signs You Should Take Your Ex-Boyfriend Back

Here’s one from one of my female readers…

Sure, our own Erin and conventional wisdom say that in life you only get one chance. But in love, there are no rules. However, there is good advice, not to mention learning from your mistakes. That’s why I’m going to share with you the biggest relationship mistake I ever made.

I used to have a “never take an ex back” policy. It stopped me from making plenty of mistakes, like bad ex sex, dropping cash I didn’t have on a bikini wax, and becoming the victim of sheer drunken douchebaggery. Some guys you just get over and there’s no need for a do-over. But I’ve only ever loved one man and after we broke up, he tried to make it work again for months. I, on the other hand, was still in love with him too, but refused to break my own childish rule— no take-backs. Why didn’t I give us one more shot? At the very least, I wasn’t done letting him hurt me. At the very most, well, now he’s married to someone else.

Now I’m left with “what if?” questions. What if I’ll never love any other man as much? What if I never have sex as good again? What if he was THE ONE? And my personal favorite: What if I’m going to die alone now? Even more excruciating and existential is the other side of the coin: Am I inflating who he is and what we had? Has he been martyred because he was the one that got away? Not giving yourself another chance is like opening a Pandora’s Box of second-guessing yourself. OK, so I kept my pride, but so what? It didn’t get me what I wanted—him. And all I had to lose was a little bit more time spent trying to figure things out between us. Unfortunately, now I’m stuck with a lifetime of wondering “what if?”

OK, so maybe even if my ex and I had gotten back together, it probs wouldn’t have worked out. In that case, I’d have ruined the delicious fantasy of him for good. Sad, sure, but maybe that’s just what I needed to move on. And hey, makeup sex can be worth the hassle of a do-over.

I’m here to help you not make the same mistake I did. While you don’t owe every dude you’ve done a second chance, there are those select few who you just have to give it to. However, before you go re-welcoming them with open arms, you have to think about what exactly you’re going to also have to embrace about him. Is he worth a second or a third time around? Here’s how you can see if he’s worth giving another shot:

1. Day McDreamy: If you think about the dude everyday, or even a couple times a week, you’re sooooo not done with him.

2. BF & BFF: Your pals still want to be his friend. If they’re still rooting for him, maybe you should be too.

3. Black And Blue: He didn’t ever hurt you physically. In fact, he was quite gentlemanly.

4. Time Is On Your Side: You feel like you’ve got nothing to lose except maybe a couple hours for a date. Whatever happens, happens.

5. Not Co-Dependent: Beware, if he’s vengeful or even slightly manipulative, he might just be waiting to get the upper hand again.

6. Going The Distance: What’s he doing to get you back? Was it a random drunk text or did he talk to you face-to-face or phone-to-phone? Heck, he’s gotta give you at least an email you can tell he spent time on. Guys get bonus points for creativity here, i.e., love letters, getting the DJ to play your fave song, or other heart-melting rom-com-esque smooth moves.

7. Change Is Possible: It’s been a long time, so he may have actually grown up.

8. Back And Forth: If either one of you is not willing to discuss the past openly, there’s no future. Do you think you can articulate what your old problems were to him or are you afraid to go there?

9. Needy Not Greedy: Ideally, he’s single. But most importantly, he’s not trying to stick it in you while he’s still dating someone else. He has genuine feelings; he’s not just feeling up on you.

10. If It Ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix It: Can you be realistic about your expectations? Are you OK with crashing and burning, or will it send you back to relationship rehab?

11. Not So Sexy Times: If the sex was never good, forget it. Either you have it or you don’t; you can’t learn chemistry.

12. Please Forgive Me: Do you still hold a grudge? Do you want him to pay for what he did to you last time? You can’t run your love life like it’s a toll booth. If you can’t find it in your heart to forgive him, you can’t date him again.

13. Tie The Not: Could you see yourself marrying him or being with him forever? If not, why bother? If you’re just looking for a good lay, he’s not your stunt penis that can just slip in for the action scenes. You can’t have meaningless sex with an ex—there are feelings there. So, go find a new boy toy.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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7 Things You’re Doing That Make You Seem Needy & Insecure

You’re getting in your own way.

We’re all adults here and we theoretically “know” that acting desperate and needy is unattractive. The problem is that acting needy isn’t something that anyone sets out to do deliberately; rather, their low self-esteem just takes over.

Usually, people don’t realize they’re even acting that way until the person they’re dating sits them down and ends the relationship (or worse, ghosts them completely). Even then, it can seem like a total mystery why the relationship fell apart.

Whether the person ever realized it or not, at some point, they fell out of balance and started radiating insecure vibes.

Here are seven signs you’re guilty of acting needy and clingy, and have major insecurity issues.

1. You pre-clear your schedule.

Because you expect your partner to be available at a certain day or time, you block it off in advance without having set plans. While this seems good on the surface — after all, you’re making time for someone — it’s really a problem because you’re likely neglecting your own passions, friends/family, and hobbies.

Make time for each other by mutual agreement, not because you’re holding out a catcher’s mitt for your partner’s attention.

2. You dwell on and over-analyze everything your partner says or does.

Since fear makes us feel uncomfortable, like we’re out of control, sometimes we fight to regain control by analyzing every move our partner makes, believing that if we understand it, we can change it.

Unfortunately, over-analyzing usually causes us to say and do things that seem highly insecure, because we’re dwelling on all of it so heavily.

3. You view other people your partner spends time with as competition.

Do you feel jealous a lot? Angry that your boyfriend spent an hour on the phone with his brother? Or that your girlfriend had lunch with her work friends?

Getting bent out of shape over the fact that they’re spending time with other people is a sign that you’re getting clingy. It’s a huge mistake to indulge these feelings and then give your partner a hard time for sharing their attention with others.

It just makes you look (and feel) controlling and unattractive to them.

4. Your partner actually says they need more time to themselves.

If your partner is actually asking you to back off, then for heaven’s sake, back off.

For any relationship to thrive, both people need the opportunity to rest and recharge away from each other. You can’t make someone love you more by forcing them to spend every waking moment with you. Let the relationship breathe a little.

5. You shower your partner with a flurry of gifts and praise.

Because you’re feeling off-balance, it’s tempting to overcompensate by trying to give your partner everything in an attempt to show them how much you care about them and the relationship (and then hope they reciprocate in kind).

When your partner pulls away, it can feel like the right move is to draw closer, but this is actually a mistake.

6. When they don’t reciprocate, you feel resentful.

If you’re honest with yourself, you’d admit that you’re giving to get something back, be it gifts, praise or simply their attention and affection. This kind of conditional giving is not a good look for you (and you already know that), but often we do this unconsciously.

The test for whether you’re giving authentically (and in the right amount) is asking yourself: Is there balanced give and take in your relationship or does it feel like you’re doing all of the giving? If it’s the latter, you’re probably giving to get, out of a sense of fear or insecurity about the relationship’s future.

7. You try to nudge them into a bigger commitment than they’re ready for.

When we feel insecure and worry that someone is pulling away from us, often we try to pressure them to reassure us that they’ll never leave us. But this insecure behavior and attitude just causes them to want to leave us.

Have you been doing the things on this list? Or, has a past partner driven you away by doing these needy things?

We all feel needy and insecure from time to time. The secret is to face those feelings and handle them in a healthy way to avoid sabotaging our relationships.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is NOW on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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16 Signs You’re an Insufferable Attention Seeker

Are you or a friend turning into an attention whore? Use these 16 surefire signs to know if you’re craving for attention in all the wrong ways!

There’s an attention whore in all of us.

But in almost all of us, it’s just a small part of who we are.

Most of us can live without extensive attention from the world, and we can get along just fine as long as we have a few friends we can rely on.

But there are a few others who completely need the attention of everyone in the world, every ear they can possibly scream into.

Welcome to the world of the attention whores!

Who is an attention whore?

Before we go any further, let’s make sure we’re on the same page.

So who is an attention whore, and what does it really mean?

Do you have a friend who sticks up a new self portrait with her boobs almost sticking out *unintentionally, of course* on a social site like facebook or tumblr every now and then, and posts ridiculous things like “Hit like if you think I’m sexy” or “OMG, I look so friggin’ ugly!”

And then this friend waits a while until all other friends start giving her attention online and telling her she’s really pretty and sexy or that she doesn’t have to change a thing?

Or have you come across outlandish posts in social networks where a person says something ludicrous like “I’ll slash my hand if I don’t get 1000 likes, I swear!”

Well, ladies and gents, that’s the attention whore, and truth be told, that is the extreme side of attention whores.

There are other milder kinds of attention whores too. And there’s a huge chance that you know one of them already.

Types of attention whores

All of us know of at least one attention whore, be it the mild or the blatant kind. If you don’t know even one attention whore in your group of friends, *shudder* you’re probably that annoying attention seeker and don’t even realize it!

There are two kinds of attention whores, the one who really needs attention because they’re lonely. And the second kind, the ones who just need attention.

The first kind is borderline acceptable. I mean, they’re lonely and want friends. And since they’re incapable of social etiquette, they rely on threats to hold on to friends and meet new friends.

It’s the second kind that’s a pain in the rear, the kind who is whoring for attention because they thrive in it. They constantly want the world to revolve around them.

Why is it wrong to be an attention whore?

If you’re someone who loves attention and thinks no harm can ever come off it, well, you’d obviously wonder what’s wrong with it. But in reality, being a desperate attention whore can do more damage than good to you.

Unless you’re earning money off your attention seeking ways on a reality show, it won’t help you in any way. Your attention whoring ways will leave you feeling insecure, make your friends hate you, and eventually, no one will even trust you or even care for you.

Being an attention whore, you’d hurt too many friends that truly care, because you’d never really be close to any of your friends. Without realizing it, you’d find yourself using your trustworthy friends and disposing of them when you don’t need them in your life. You pretend like everyone is your best friend, and just to win over a new friend, you usually ignore an older friend who stood by you when you had no friends or support.

You’d hurt and piss off too many innocent and loving friends along the way, and eventually hurt yourself because the only people who’d stick to you would be other attention seekers who think just like you, and display fake affection to win people over, just like you.

And even if you do realize you’re wrong eventually and try to go back to your true friends who put up with you each time you treated them like trash, it may be too late because they probably don’t trust you anymore.

16 signs you’re an attention whore

Attention whoring is a way of life. Even if you are one, you may never realize it and you may assume everyone else is jealous of you because you’re getting the attention of the world and you’re so popular.

But if you find yourself losing a lot of old friends too fast, and if you feel hurt when someone you meet for the first time doesn’t like you, ask yourself if you’re relying too much on the image you’re portraying to the world and less on who you really are, to define yourself.

The ego of an attention whore is huge, and also extremely fragile. And especially with the advent of social sites, the urge to become famous could cloud your rational judgment, and the fear of losing all those facebook friends could scare you to death.

So do you want to find out if you’re an attention whore? Use these 16 signs to find out if your mind is already stepping into the glamorous and fickle world of attention whoring.

#1 Status updates. You frequently add vague status updates on facebook, knowing fully well that most of your friends won’t know what you mean or what you’re trying to say. And yet you pretend like it wasn’t meant for everyone, or worse, you wait until loads of people start asking you what you meant before you explain yourself.

#2 Problem solving. You intentionally flaunt your problems and issues to everyone, be it scars or love triangles. You share your issues with online friends you barely know even though you can’t get any real help there.

You love playing the victim and you shamelessly crave for sympathy. But really, if you truly want to feel any better, talk to a good friend over phone or in person. Flaunting your heartbreaks or scars online or in public won’t get you anything more than stares.

#3 Your new look. You upload new photos on facebook all the time, letting people know every single thing you’re doing, including hanging out in the toilet!

#4 The wannabe braggart. You brag about something when it’s not really such a big deal. I’m an emo chick… I’m a metal chick… I’m a gaming chick… Wow, really? The world doesn’t give a rat’s rear end, you know?

#5 The group photo. You don’t realize it, but you always claw your way to stand in front of the group every time someone tries to take a picture of the group.

#6 The sore loser. You just can’t accept it if a guy hits on your friend instead of you when the two of you go out. You think the guy’s a loser, because you’re so much better, and it’s his loss he can’t see that!

#7 VIP treatment. You want all the attention when you go to a new place. If your friends get more attention that you, you think the place sucks. But if the manager or the chef speaks a lot more to you, you fall in love with the place even if the food sucks.

#8 The real life. Even if it’s your best friend’s birthday and all of you are dining out or having a party, you try your best to be the life of the party and hog the attention with your antics. And even if someone brings this to your attention, you get angry *because you’re only trying to ensure that everyone has a good time*.

#9 You’re nice to everyone. Not because you love all people or you’re a politician, but because you want everyone you meet to love you and crave your attention! You go out of your way to be really nice to people you meet for the first time, and end up taking all the good friends who know you for granted.

#10 The temperamental you. Your mood swings change constantly. You could be in a heated argument with your best friend or your sister, but if a new friends walks past you or calls you over the phone, you can change your attitude almost instantly and become really nice while talking to them.

#11 The center of the world. You feel really miserable if you aren’t the center of attention with your friends. And if two friends of yours make secret plans about something without telling you about it, you feel deeply hurt.

#12 You’re important. Your problems and moments of happiness should be shared by all your friends. If you break up or get into a new relationship, all your friends have to feel your pleasure or pain, or you believe they’re terrible friends.

#13 You white lie. You make up stories about boyfriends, vacations or shopping sprees every now and then just to look cooler than everyone else. You constantly have the urge to feel superior to all your friends. [

#14 Fishing for compliments. You need others to tell you that you look good to actually feel good about yourself. You work out, strap on a revealing dress or dab yourself with makeup, click a picture and post it on facebook with the line, “Gawd, I look so ugly in this pic…”

#15 The unwanted attention. You talk about all the guys that give you so much attention, and how you so totally hate it. But surprisingly, you don’t ignore those guys either.

#16 You ignore your friends. You ignore someone who really likes you all the time, be it a friend or a crush that’s actually really nice. And when no one’s around to keep you company or when you feel bored and alone, you call these friends and try to win back their attention.

Being an attention whore could give you a lot of happiness, but you need to remember that this burst of happiness is only momentary for as long as the fifteen minutes of fame lasts.

Do you think you have a friend who’s an attention whore? Or do you think you have an attention whore in you? These 16 signs will definitely draw out the people pleaser in you, and help you change yourself for the better.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

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