7 Things You’re Doing That Make You Seem Needy & Insecure

You’re getting in your own way.

We’re all adults here and we theoretically “know” that acting desperate and needy is unattractive. The problem is that acting needy isn’t something that anyone sets out to do deliberately; rather, their low self-esteem just takes over.

Usually, people don’t realize they’re even acting that way until the person they’re dating sits them down and ends the relationship (or worse, ghosts them completely). Even then, it can seem like a total mystery why the relationship fell apart.

Whether the person ever realized it or not, at some point, they fell out of balance and started radiating insecure vibes.

Here are seven signs you’re guilty of acting needy and clingy, and have major insecurity issues.

1. You pre-clear your schedule.

Because you expect your partner to be available at a certain day or time, you block it off in advance without having set plans. While this seems good on the surface — after all, you’re making time for someone — it’s really a problem because you’re likely neglecting your own passions, friends/family, and hobbies.

Make time for each other by mutual agreement, not because you’re holding out a catcher’s mitt for your partner’s attention.

2. You dwell on and over-analyze everything your partner says or does.

Since fear makes us feel uncomfortable, like we’re out of control, sometimes we fight to regain control by analyzing every move our partner makes, believing that if we understand it, we can change it.

Unfortunately, over-analyzing usually causes us to say and do things that seem highly insecure, because we’re dwelling on all of it so heavily.

3. You view other people your partner spends time with as competition.

Do you feel jealous a lot? Angry that your boyfriend spent an hour on the phone with his brother? Or that your girlfriend had lunch with her work friends?

Getting bent out of shape over the fact that they’re spending time with other people is a sign that you’re getting clingy. It’s a huge mistake to indulge these feelings and then give your partner a hard time for sharing their attention with others.

It just makes you look (and feel) controlling and unattractive to them.

4. Your partner actually says they need more time to themselves.

If your partner is actually asking you to back off, then for heaven’s sake, back off.

For any relationship to thrive, both people need the opportunity to rest and recharge away from each other. You can’t make someone love you more by forcing them to spend every waking moment with you. Let the relationship breathe a little.

5. You shower your partner with a flurry of gifts and praise.

Because you’re feeling off-balance, it’s tempting to overcompensate by trying to give your partner everything in an attempt to show them how much you care about them and the relationship (and then hope they reciprocate in kind).

When your partner pulls away, it can feel like the right move is to draw closer, but this is actually a mistake.

6. When they don’t reciprocate, you feel resentful.

If you’re honest with yourself, you’d admit that you’re giving to get something back, be it gifts, praise or simply their attention and affection. This kind of conditional giving is not a good look for you (and you already know that), but often we do this unconsciously.

The test for whether you’re giving authentically (and in the right amount) is asking yourself: Is there balanced give and take in your relationship or does it feel like you’re doing all of the giving? If it’s the latter, you’re probably giving to get, out of a sense of fear or insecurity about the relationship’s future.

7. You try to nudge them into a bigger commitment than they’re ready for.

When we feel insecure and worry that someone is pulling away from us, often we try to pressure them to reassure us that they’ll never leave us. But this insecure behavior and attitude just causes them to want to leave us.

Have you been doing the things on this list? Or, has a past partner driven you away by doing these needy things?

We all feel needy and insecure from time to time. The secret is to face those feelings and handle them in a healthy way to avoid sabotaging our relationships.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is NOW on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

Advertisements

Signs That You Love Your Boyfriend Too Much

It’s totally okay to be in the honeymoon phase and crazy for your new man, but make sure it’s healthy and not a weird obsession… Becoming obsessed with your significant other can go wrong in dozens of ways from driving them away to just being plain unhealthy for you. Here are some of the ways people say I love my boyfriend that others look at as obsession.

1.YOU DON’T TALK ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE

Everyone talks about their relationships. However, when you don’t talk about anything else, ever, it’s one of the biggest signs you are obsessed with your boyfriend or girlfriend. If your friends constantly roll their eyes because every sentence out of your mouth begins with “My boyfriend and I…” or “We had so much fun…” then you may have a problem. When everything interesting you have to say involves your significant other, you’re a little too involved. Take a look at your social media timelines as well; how many of your status updates involve your partner?

2.YOUR THUMBS ARE ON THE TRIGGER

Are you constantly texting, Facebooking, or tweeting your significant other? If you can’t go five minutes without sending a text, a selfie, a poke, or a SnapChat, you’re going overboard. This is especially true if you get upset when your partner fails to answer within five seconds. Sending messages is okay in moderation, but you have to draw the line somewhere. There’s a difference between wanting to talk to them and saying I love my boyfriend and being weird about it.

3.SERIOUS SEPARATION ANXIETY

Missing your partner is perfectly natural as well. If your boyfriend heads to band camp for a few weeks or your girlfriend goes on vacation with her family, of course you’ll feel a little lonely. However, if you suffer serious separation anxiety for long and short separations, you need to check yourself. You might actually have sweaty palms, an accelerating heartbeat, and even exhibit the symptoms of a panic attack. That’s too much, especially if all of this comes with a certainty that your partner is cheating with you or plans to break up with you, just because you’re in two different places.

4.YOU NEGLECT YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY

Obsessive behaviors often manifest outside of your relationship. For example, if you’re neglecting your family and friends in favor of spending time with your boyfriend or girlfriend, you’ve got a big problem! When your significant other takes up your entire life and you no longer have time for anyone else – and worse, when you no longer have a desire to spend time with anyone else – you’re exhibiting symptoms of obsession and not cutely wanting to say I love my boyfriend by being with him too much. Everyone needs personal space!

5.THERE’S NO PRIVACY

Do you snoop? If you find yourself sneaking peeks at your boyfriend’s phone or trying to read your girlfriend’s diary, your behavior is unmistakably obsessive. This is especially true if you’re doing it because you’re paranoid or suspicious. Everyone deserves their privacy. Don’t betray your partner’s trust by snooping through his or her things, and respect him or her enough to respect these boundaries.

6.YOU GIVE UP YOUR INDEPENDENCE

Do you define yourself by your relationship? If you willingly give up your independence because you want to spend every waking moment with your partner, there’s a problem. When you can’t do anything by yourself, or refuse to go out by yourself or with friends because your partner isn’t coming along, take a long, hard look at yourself, your relationship, and your motivations.

7.YOU’RE JEALOUS OF EVERYONE

You get jealous of random people who may or may not be looking at your partner, as well as people he or she has known forever. You always suspect your partner of cheating or worry that he will automatically return every come-on or flirtation; that’s not I love my boyfriend that’s just plain psycho… Where’s the trust? Obsession often comes from insecurity, and there’s no need to feel jealous of everyone who even glances at your boyfriend or girlfriend unless you feel extremely insecure.

You can be close to your partner; you can be affectionate, interested, and even occasionally clingy, because we all get in those moods – but “occasionally” is the keyword here, and you can’t take it too far. There’s a fine line between I love my boyfriend and obsession which isn’t healthy for anyone involved; nor does it lead to a strong, long lasting relationship. Have you ever gotten obsessed with your boyfriend or girlfriend? Has someone you’ve dated been obsessed with you?

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing publishes of Amazon June 20th!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly