4 Tinder Messages That Are Huge Turnoffs

It can be really hard to know exactly what someone you’re talking to on Tinder is looking for. One person may find witty banter irresistible, another may prefer straightforward chats, and someone else could want a mix of both. It can make saying and doing the right thing feels like a science experiment. While everyone is going to continue to have different preferences — we are all unicorns, blah blah — there are a couple of universal truths to keep in mind when messaging a match. Don’t say we never did anything for you.

1. Hitting them with “what’s your IG?”

If someone wants you to have access to their Instagram, they’ll link their Instagram to their profile. By asking this question, you’re 1. assuming that they want you to follow them and 2. not giving them the option to say no in a non-awkward way. Their only options are to ghost you, give you their handle reluctantly, or have to send an uncomfortable message telling you no. None of these scenarios really lend themselves to starting off on the right foot.

2. Messaging “guess not, lol”

Enough with the passive aggressiveness, please. Digitally stomping your foot like a child when someone doesn’t answer you within whatever number of hours you deem too many might stall the conversation, will probably get you unmatched, and makes you look very unattractive (is that a crimped nose hair I see?). I understand that someone not answering you can be disconcerting and anxiety-provoking. But you have to remember that not everyone is on the same schedule as you, and just because you respond ASAP doesn’t mean everyone else can or has to. Also, someone not answering your last message may mean you said something offensive or made them uncomfortable. Before trying to make your match feel bad or like they should be answering (an unfair power play), check whether you were out of line.

3. Asking for personal information too fast

If you met someone at a bar, would you walk up to them and ask for their first name, last name, and phone number without chatting with them first? No, because that would be weird, and the person would run away. The great part about matching with someone is entering the getting-to-know-you stage and figuring out if you vibe. Yes, the goal is to eventually meet up, and if and when you establish a strong enough rapport to do so, you can start in with your questions (but please still avoid the third degree).

4. Giving TMI

Being super open isn’t necessarily a bad thing — it can definitely lead to some interesting conversations and foster stronger connections. But there’s a fine line between being personable and relatable and recounting in detail every trauma you’ve ever endured. If someone told you their entire life story in one essay of a Tinder message, how would you react? You’d probably be a little freaked out, figure there was nothing left to learn about them, and bounce. I’m not saying you should be totally closed off, but if you find yourself wanting to disclose your social security number, maybe take a few — or 100 — steps back.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

How to Successfully Get A Date on Tinder: Learn How Tinder Actually Works and Put a Check Mark on Your List

Believe it or not, gentleman’s rules actually apply to Tinder! Even though you may think that Tinder is just another form of social media, it is better to think of Tinder as an actual dating platform instead of a cyber-connection between two strangers with the use of a simple app. Well, women are the same either way, but they tend to be able to put a little more thought into whom they would want to be on Tinder since they aren’t under any pressure of the environment. If men think that the majority of women on Tinder are easy, it may be best to think again!

Here are a few tips to get women on Tinder:

Make sure to be eye-catching

Do not forget that you get to pick as well, which is why your profile should be given a little more thought instead, and instead of putting up a picture of you chilling with your bros, why not put a picture that attracts your type of woman? If the type of woman you like is adventurous, put pictures of you doing crazy stuff like mountain climbing, swimming, or whatever it may be that you enjoy. If you are more into the conversational type of women, try to make your picture a little bit more melancholic and minimalistic to spark conversation regarding the mystery of your profile.

Put some thought into your photo choices

It would be nice to have an eye-catching first picture, and as the women try to search your other photos, they unravel different parts of your personality. The best way for you to get your ideal girl is to know what your ideal girl wants! Attraction begets attraction, so find some tips to make your photos stand out a little more. Limit yourself to at least four or five photos to avoid being a showoff. If ever you want to show your other pictures, link your Tinder profile to your Instagram profile.

Watch your description

Once again, your description should attract the type of women you want, which is why putting up the right description can increase the chances of you getting the girl that you want to swipe right! Tinder limits the number of characters you see unless you click the picture to view the full profile. This is a great opportunity for you to showcase what kind of person you are. Stop introducing yourself as blah blah blah with this height, working at this job, enjoying these kinds of things, and etc. Try to think of something ecstatic and something that sparks a discussion.

Be a catch at first glance.

A great example of this would be “Apples are better than oranges, prove me wrong,” something that invites conversation is always a good description as it allows you to take control of the conversation and put a check mark on the list of things you have to prepare yourself for. The entire conversation is up to you now! Have fun on Tinder!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

If You Miss Using Dating Apps Now That You’re In A Relationship, Here’s What To Do

After all of that swiping, matching, chatting, and meeting, you’ve finally landed yourself a keeper. You’re in a relationship with a great person, but sometimes, you still miss using dating apps. You may be wondering whether having the occasional urge to swipe is something you should be concerned about, which is a totally valid question. It turns out that there are a number of reasons why you might miss dating apps. The explanation may be as simple as you’re easily bored and you miss having a mindless activity to distract yourself with, or it could be more complicated — and could potentially be an indicator that you’re unhappy with some aspect of your relationship.

I spoke to Dr. QuaVaundra Perry, a licensed psychologist who specializes in couples’ therapy and relationship distress. She explains that there are a few things to consider if you’re in a relationship but find that you miss dating apps. She provided a list of questions to ask yourself, which, when answered honestly, can help determine if there is an unresolved issue within yourself or your relationship. Before you start to panic, you should ask yourself the following four questions. Then, evaluate your answers based on Dr. Perry’s expert advice.

1. What is it about dating apps that you miss?

Stocksy/Guille Faingold

This is the first and most important question to ask yourself, according to Dr. Perry. She explains that the specific type of dating app that you miss can help shed some light on your situation.

“If you miss being on sites aimed to connect people looking for long-term relationships, it may mean you are unfulfilled with respect to your partner’s goals and values,” says Dr. Perry. “However, if you miss being on dating apps that are designed to promote casual sexual hookups, it may indicate unfulfilled sexual desires in your current relationship or differing views on monogamy.”

Depending on which category you fall into, you may need to have a serious conversation with your partner about your needs that are not getting met, and how this could impact your future together.

2. When and why did you use dating apps?

Stocksy/Javier Pardina

It’s also important to evaluate when and why you visited dating apps or sites in the past because that can help explain the reasons behind your current urges to get back on them.

“Do you notice that you browse the sites mindlessly out of habit when you are bored or do you visit the sites when you feel rejected and alone?” says Dr. Perry. The former isn’t as big of an issue as the latter and can be more easily addressed and rectified. Consider downloading a few games on your phone. That way you can still be entertained, but without any consequences in terms of your relationship.

3. Are you happy in your relationship?

Stocksy/T-REX & Flower

“Another issue can be taming the mindset of finding the one,'” says Dr. Perry. “Oftentimes people are happy in their relationship but may feel compelled to continue using dating apps in case they are missing out on the perfect mate. Do you find yourself browsing out of curiosity?”

This is a common obstacle to finding a relationship on a dating app or at least getting someone to fully commit. It’s not out of the ordinary to question whether there is someone else out there for you who might be “better” than your current partner. This question of “What if?” may explain your reluctance to stop swiping.

4. Are you secure with yourself?

Stocksy/Studio Firma

Finally, ask yourself whether you are secure and confident in yourself. How is your self-esteem? Do you tend to get your confidence boosts through compliments from other people, or does that love come from within? This may be the hardest question to answer honestly, but it’s so important.

“At times, you may find yourself missing dating apps because it gave you a sense of validation and attention, even if short-lived,” says Dr. Perry. “It may be worth exploring whether you are looking outward for comfort and praise that can only be fulfilled within.”

There are a number of possible explanations why you might feel the need to use dating apps even though you’re in a committed relationship. Before you act rashly, though, consider what is missing from your relationship — and whether your current partner is able to help meet those needs.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Do You Have Chemistry In Real Life? 3 Signs It Only Works Over Text

You’ve been texting back and forth for days, and you’re already smitten by their flirty remarks and sharp wit. “Could this be the one?” you ask yourself, blushing by the glow of your phone screen — that is until you meet your date in person and your dreams are instantly crushed. Now, you’re wondering: Do I have chemistry in real life, or only over text?

I’ve witnessed this dating debacle firsthand.

“I don’t get it,” my girlfriend Angie* told me, as she lamented about yet another disappointing Tinder date. “We had this amazing back and forth banter going all week, he was super confident and funny. Then we finally meet up and it was awkward AF.”

It’s no secret that our phones play a massive role in dating nowadays — not only are we using them to meet people, but we’re also using them to get to know someone and assess whether they’re a good match. The problem with this is that our communication over text isn’t necessarily a solid indicator of our actual chemistry in person. By the time we meet up with someone, we’ve often already built up an understanding of who they are, based merely on the messages they’ve been sending — and that picture isn’t necessarily accurate.

“I have clients who spend two weeks texting because they want to get to know a person — but the only way you get to know a person is by meeting face to face,” Fran Greene, Licensed Clinical Social Worker and author of The Secret Rules of Flirting, tells Elite Daily. “It creates a sense of false intimacy, which can lead to a huge disappointment. The only way to gauge chemistry is to meet in person.”

Wondering whether your digital chemistry doesn’t quite translate when you’re face-to-face? Here are some signs that the sparks are flying on your phone screen, but not IRL.

You feel like your texting partner and your date are two different people.

You can’t count how many times your date’s texts had you sending the heart-eyes or smirk emoji. Undoubtedly, they have some serious digital game. When you meet in person, however, it’s a whole different story. That flirty charm is nowhere to be found.

“It can go from very affectionate texts to a very reserved and even distant feeling,” says Greene. “This can happen if the ‘vision of your crush’ is nothing like what you imagined even if you have exchanged photos.”

Sometimes you may have to be the one to make some moves to knock down your crush’s walls a bit. You can try breaking the touch barrier by putting a hand on their shoulder or knee while you’re laughing, and see how they respond. Still, if you feel like they were pretending to be someone they’re not, there’s a chance you fell for your texting partner and not your actual date. Maybe over time, your date will be able to open up and show their true selves, and you’ll finally be able to tell whether that chemistry is still there.

You’re doing far more of the conversational work in person.

Over text, your convo felt like a tennis match, with thought-provoking questions and clever responses being tossed back and forth — easy, natural, and equal. In-person, your conversation feels like throwing a tennis ball into the abyss, only to get nothing back. What gives?

“The conversation just flowed over text and when you meet in person, the silences are agonizing,” says Greene. “In-person, your anxiety can influence your spontaneity, and having a warm body in front of you changes everything — it becomes real!”

If it’s the first date, try to keep in mind that your date’s lackluster responses may be a matter of nerves. There’s a chance they might open up over time as they become more comfortable with you, and your in-person convos will match the ease of your texting ones. They could just be a little shyer when it comes to face-to-face interactions — or, of course, you could just have better texting chemistry than you do IRL.

They took their sweet time texting back.

When you’re texting, you have the advantage of taking a long pause to craft the perfect response. That’s not the case IRL — which is why you may feel like the chemistry that was explosive over text simply doesn’t exist in person.

“It’s often easier to text than talk,” adds Greene. “You can add and delete words and use emojis when texting.”

If your conversation is lacking in person, think back to when you were texting. Did it seem like there were some pauses in between their responses? They may have been editing their texts to perfection — and now that you’re making eye contact, they don’t have that luxury. Keep in mind that many of us can’t summon quite the same witty responses on the spot that we can come up with over text. The reality is, however, that your perceived chemistry may be rooted in their ability to edit their messages, which they can’t do IRL.

If you suspect that your texting chemistry isn’t quite matching up IRL, don’t stress. First of all, this is a super common conundrum.

“Because your expectations are off the charts, the likelihood of being disappointed even just a little is the norm,” explains Greene. “The best thing to do is to take a deep breath and don’t be so hard on yourself or your date. You both may be a little nervous because you thought you both found a match — and maybe you did!”

This common dating debacle is why Greene recommends waiting no longer than a week to meet up after you begin texting with your crush. While there may be extenuating circumstances sometimes that delay your date, it’s best not to wait weeks before you hang out IRL.

“It is a huge waste of your time to spend days texting as if you were long-lost lovers,” she added.

Remember: It’s a lot easier to be the best version of yourself over text. Not only do we tend to be more confident behind a screen, but we have plenty of time to weave together smart, quippy responses. The best thing to do is not to make any snap judgments on a first date, as there are lots of factors (mainly nerves) that can come into play and throw off your chemistry. Give your date a chance to relax, and time will tell whether or not the chemistry is still there IRL.

*Name has been changed.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please like, comment, share, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

10 Brilliant Pick Up Lines That Work On Tinder

Here’s a cute little collection.

There are some who do underestimate the role of these messages or just fail to recognize it. However for the majority of us it is just so difficult to master those game-changing lines of online communication.

We feel pressure because we surely want to bring out our best self. Maybe you want them to think of you as confident, friendly, mysterious or funny. The challenge is how can you say so much of yourself within just a few phrases?

What you have to do is to change your view and approach about messaging on Tinder. There are surely different ways you can achieve this, but the following list of Ten Best Tinder Openers Which Work on Tinder compiled will help you get there in no time.

Do you believe in love at first swipe?

If there’s a thing that turns on every girl on this planet is definitely confidence. Girls fall for guys who are enough confident on themselves to express their feelings, opinions and intentions whatever the consequences. This message contains the word love which is related to serious long-term intentions so it will make the girl feel special and loved. Plus it is a question and questions have this potential of making someone thinking over it unintentionally. Last but not least it has a much-needed dose of humor which helps you to appear more funny and attractive.

Really dude, are you a trash because I would like to take you out?

In terms of emotions, most guys tend to be monotonous. This is to say they only prefer a certain range of emotions. Girls on the other side are prone to experience a full spectrum of emotions. They look for guys who can make them feel an emotional rollercoaster. This pickup line does exactly the same thing. At first the girl might get irritated but at an instant she will see your point and want to keep the conversation going on. Again you appear very funny which is a plus for your attractiveness. If her reaction is positive don’t hesitate to ask her for a date.

It seems God has given you everything except my number

Girls adore flirtatious guys but not at the cost of their own pride. They just don’t want to be seen as easy targets. For some girls asking them directly to go on a date might ruin your chances. In such cases, finding another alternative route is the best idea. This is why this pickup line works on Tinder. She will think of you as very committed to achieve your goals but also cautious to respect her.

I have lost my phone number so I was guessing if I can use yours

Similar to the one above, this is one of the very best pickup lines on Tinder that will get you a date. Instead of stating your intentions straight which for some girls might not work as expected getting her number first is a great deal. Think about it: you would give your phone number to somebody unless you like that person or have a feeling there might be a chemistry between you. Communication through phone will help you a lot because it engages another sense: hearing. It is a perfect way to spark an initial reciprocal interest. Once you get her phone number you can spend some time communicating through your phone and as the conversation keeps going you can ask her for a date.

Can I ask you a question? Oh sorry two questions because I already made one.

Funny, polite and bold. This is the impression she will have for you once you send her this message. Questions are a magic tool to make someone curious especially with girls. But the problem is most girls receive tons of messages of guys seeking permission to ask for something. Nobody owes you an answer. The second part of this pickup line will give you the advantage if not for anything else it’s because will make her laugh and girls love to laugh a lot.

I’ve never seen more beautiful eyes than yours. I wonder if they look the same in real life.

Compliment is a typical flirtatious behavior especially when it’s done at the right time on a proper way. Girls fall easy for compliments because it makes them feel beautiful, desired and confident. She probably hears lots of different compliments but there is hardly any thing else that can move her heart than a poetic, romantic and sexy compliment about her eyes. Because as the saying goes “eyes are a window to one’s spirit”. What’s even good about these words is that establish a sort of invisible addiction so she won’t just skip that message but we’ll keep herself engaged and you can then convince her on a date.

Hey sweetie would you like to be my Tinderella?

If you would be able to delve deeper into the mind of your Tinder crush, you would find that there still lives a little Cinderella who dreams of being the starring role on her own fairytale story. A message like this will uncounscily make her wonder if you’re the prince she’s been waiting for and will definitely agree to go on a date with. Give it a shot.

What is your ideal format for a date? Mine is DD/MM/YY.

Expressing your intentions straight is a sign of confidence, openness and sincerity. Girls do appreciate these personality traits and they would not hesitate to go on a date with a guy who is like that. In addition, when all these combine with your unique sense of humor it is almost for sure that you’re on her list of guys who she would definitely have a talk in real life.

I thought angels belong to paradise but since you’re here, let’s go on a date.

Trust your intuition. If you think she’s kind of a person who believes on first-sight love stories or those played on movies a strong romantic expression will reframe her thought patterns toward you. Pay attention to how this message is formulated. It would have a little different meaning if you would say it like “but since you’re here can we go on a date?”. That’s because her irrational thinking would start making calculations whether you would be a perfect “match” or not. You won’t appear as arrogant because the first part of the sentence is your alibi. It is a way of saying “look, I feel like we’ve been created for each other and I’m decided to make this thing happening”. Ready to love but never to give up, simple as that.

Are you a vegan? Because I would definitely like to meet you.

Just pray she’s not vegan because if otherwise then this pickup line message would make your chances of having a date with date girl disappear. If she’s not then it will create your image of funny and creative guy with whom everyone would like to spend time with. She will feel desired and might try to act like a hard-to-get chick, but a few moments later she will admit she finds you interesting and will eventually accept to go on a date with you.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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