The Truth About Dating Significantly Younger Women

(Hey, my sister gave me that scarf for Christmas!)

OPINION: Twenty-eight-year-old Lady Kitty Spencer, Diana, Princess of Wales’s niece, has been seen strolling through the streets of New York with her arm draped around the shoulder of her 60-year-old boyfriend, fashion millionaire Michael Lewis.

It’s the first public acknowledgment that she is indeed with a man twice her age, a man who is even older than her own father, Earl Spencer, 54.

Romantics will say, why shouldn’t they date? After all, age is just a number. To which cynics like me will retort: yeah, a big zero!

For having dated women much younger than me – the biggest gap was 25 years – I hope Mr Lewis won’t mind me offering a little bit of caring and concerned advice: don’t do it!

Lady Kitty Spencer, 28, has just gone public with her romance with her 60-year-old boyfriend.

The pleasures of dating young women like Kitty Spencer are pretty obvious from an older male perspective: youth, beauty, and sexiness. But often, young women are just arm candy; visual Viagra for the older, sagging male ego.

Of course, we older men never admit that preferring to claim that they are “terrific fun” and “terribly bright” – even when they’re thick as two planks.

But what are the pitfalls of dating young women for the older man?

I gave up going out on dates with young women when I turned 50. (I’m 64 now.) There’s something I call the “yuck factor”; that is, the spectacle of an older man trying to woo or seduce a young woman is just a bit… yucky.

Is this pure ageism? Perhaps. My dad was always chasing young women – actually, he was always chasing any woman with a pulse – so I swore I would never be that way.

There are more practical and rational reasons why I gave up dating young women. They’re a bloody nightmare to go out with.

Many years ago I squired a woman 19 years younger than me who worked in PR. She would always turn up late for dinner – saying: “Sorry, I’m such a flake!” – and then spend ages on her phone: “Sorry, I need to get this…” In the middle of my funniest anecdote, she’d tell me: “Sorry, I need to just send this one text.” Eventually, I said: “Sorry, this isn’t working!”

I know men are from Mars, but what planet are young women from?

You send them a beautifully crafted love letter and they send you a text consisting of three Xs and three heart emojis. (And they say romance is dead.)

I had a brief fling with a young woman who was an aspiring novelist and 20 years younger than me. I would bring her flowers and champagne; she would bring me her best gay friend and her dog.

Princess Diana’s niece Lady Kitty Spencer, 28, and 60-year-old $100m fashion tycoon go public with their romance. One of the biggest gaps between older men and younger women is not just age, but culture. They don’t get your references. Classic lines from Casablanca are greeted with silence or puzzlement; when a young woman asked me if Gone with the Wind was a rom-com, I knew we were in trouble.

Unlike Michael Lewis and other men of his kind, I never felt comfortable indulging in public displays of affection with a young woman. I tried it once and got age-shamed. We’d had a few cocktails in Soho and out on the street I was staring into my date’s eyes, getting ready for that first kiss, when a voice cried out: “Go on, Grandad, give ‘er one for me!”

Funny how little helpful comments like that can kill the moment.

That sad little story raises the biggest obstacle of all: sex. You can be a rich, powerful, successful older man that beautiful young women adore – but naked, you’re just another old bloke with chin wobble, belly spread, and buttocks that hang like drooping breasts.

There was a hilarious episode of Sex and the City when Samantha was dating a very rich 70-year-old man who plied her with diamond jewelry. She claimed that it was just as easy to have sex with an older man as a young man – if the lights were out. Everything was going fine for Samantha until her lover went to the loo and she spotted his backside… and she took instant flight.

I was told by the author Dolly Alderton that a man should always “carry his naked body” – no matter how old or fat – “with confidence”, because, she claimed, it was “so terribly sexy!”

I tried that once. My young companion took one look at the naked me and suggested we watch telly instead.

There are young women who actually prefer older men. Kitty Spencer’s last boyfriend, another rich chap, was older than her, too.

Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas have clearly found a way to make it work.

When I went out with younger women, I always wondered: are they really into me, or do they just have daddy issues? By that I mean they want from older men the love and admiration they never got from their fathers.

I’m not saying the age gap can’t be overcome. Harrison Ford was 38 years older than Calista Flockhart when they first dated, and Michael Douglas was 56 when he hooked up with 31-year-old Catherine Zeta-Jones – and both couples are still going strong.

So, good luck to Kitty and Michael – they’re going to need it. Me, I’m just glad my days of dating much younger women are over.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Stop Stigmatizing Age-Gap Relationships

‘Love is love’ should include all healthy relationships

Have you ever been out to dinner and glanced at another table and noticed an older man dining with a younger woman? Did you judge that man? Did you judge that woman? For many, the first thought is “he’s a pervert,” or “she’s probably a gold digger.” These are said far too often when people encounter individuals involved in an age-gap relationship.

Are friendships, relationships, rapports not respected if those involved are not the same age or undergoing the same phase of life? Today, people are so quick to shame relationships if the individuals involved are not of similar ages. People seem to lose their minds over anything above a seven-year age difference. Without any background information, people everywhere are constantly judging relationships they don’t know anything about.

It is important to note that I am not encouraging older men or women to pursue children. The age-gap relationships I am discussing are those that involve two consenting adults. In other words, both individuals must be over the age of eighteen and out of high school. At this point in people’s lives, they are able to process their thoughts and decisions, and dictate their own lives.

Now, when it comes to relationships in general, the business between the two individuals involved is personal to them, not anyone else. Why do people feel the need to step in and make their opinions known when they see a couple that may be over a decade apart? It is still a relationship, and it is still personal to them. Therefore, they deserve the same respect and privacy all other couples receive.

Advice From A Cougar: The Older Woman Younger Man Relationship

A common argument against age-gap relationships is that different phases of life are detrimental to the overall well being of those involved in these relationships. Being in different phases of life can lead to challenges in relationships among these individuals. However, we should leave it up to those involved to decide what works for them, what is right for them and what ultimately makes them the happiest. I think we often forget that we are only given so much time on this planet. If one finds themselves deeply in love with a person, regardless of the difference in age between them, who is to say they should not go for it and experience the love and joy that the relationship brings them.

Additionally, our current society does a solid job in advocating for “love is love.” Though this phrase has been traditionally utilized to defend and support homosexual relationships, it should be applied to age-gap relationships. Simply put, if two people are in love, let them bask in it, embrace it and fully experience its depth.

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Love is intangible. People do not get to decide when they fall in love or who they are going to fall in love with. Often, love reveals itself at the most unexpected times, not every time love is realized it is wanted. Again, we do not have a choice when it comes to love and natural human connection. When it happens, it should be appreciated to the fullest extent. As long as neither is experiencing unhealthy or inhibitory consequences of the relationship, then the relationship is fine.

Differences in appearance should not matter. Differences in backgrounds should not matter. Differences in age definitely should not matter. So, next time you come into contact with a couple in an age-gap relationship, swallow the judgement, evaluate why you even feel justified to judge and let people enjoy the people that bring them the most joy.

 

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Couple With 45-Year Age Gap Defend Their Relationship Despite Backlash From Family

A husband and wife with a 45-year age gap have defended their relationship, asking the world why they should have to hide their love.

Stefani Walper, 25, and her 70-year-old husband Don have been together for five years, and even have a two-year-old son called Lachlan together.

The couple met at the bar Stefani works at, when Don came in to drink with friends.

Speaking to The Mirror, Stefani – from Armstrong in British Columbia, Canada – recalled: “I loved him like the second I saw his face. It was super weird because everyone was like, ‘Oh my God, this guy’s like, at least 30 years older’.

“I just thought he was so handsome and he was charming and super flirty. And, I don’t know, it just made me happy every time he came in.”

 

Stef, 25, and Don, 70. Credit: Jiri Bakala/Barcroft Media via Getty Images
Stef, 25, and Don, 70. Credit: Jiri Bakala/Barcroft Media via Getty Images

Don eventually asked her out for drinks, and the rest is history – although that’s not to say it’s been plain-sailing ever since.

Stefani, who was just 20 when she first met Don, who is the same age as her late father, said most of her family have been unhappy about the unusual match.

She explained: “My mom was not a fan at all, my dad was not a fan, my brother was absolutely not a fan as well. So nobody was really on Don’s team.

“I had just turned 20, like just. So I think for my side of the family, they were a little bit like, ‘Whoa, what are you doing?’ They thought I was making a mistake, I got myself into a situation.”

By the time the two married a year and a half ago, Stefani’s family had thankfully warmed to Don, but the couple admitted they still get odd looks when in public.

Don said: “People on the street, they do that second take or third take or whatever it is or make a comment if I have Lachlan out for a walk or something and someone says, ‘oh, grandpa’s got the little boy today’, I don’t even correct them.”

 

Stef, 25, and Don, 70. Credit: Jiri Bakala/Barcroft Media via Getty Images
Stef, 25, and Don, 70. Credit: Jiri Bakala/Barcroft Media via Getty Images

But they refuse to let strangers’ judgement hold them back, with Stefani adding: “We choose, I guess, not to hide our relationship because why would you hide yours? Would anybody hide their relationship?”

She continued: “People always told me: ‘I’ll pray for you, like you’re in a really scary situation, he’s gaslighting you, he’s grooming you, you need to talk to somebody and get help and get out; like you’re in a really toxic relationship’.

“And I was like, all right, so here’s a guy who puts gas in my car when he’s got it, puts gas in our car, he brings me home flowers, he puts cute little sticky notes on my mirror, he rubs my feet or my back every night after work.”

It’s a sentiment Don shares, saying he doesn’t think they should worry about anything other than each other and their son.

He added: “I don’t think we have to prove it, we just show them by living your life the best you can and raise our son the best we can.”

 

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Why Women Find Older Men So Attractive

(That’s yours truly with then Philly TV weather girl, Sheena Parveen!)

 

It seems that there are quite a few women who want to spend their lives with much older men. There is even a special term created for this type of relationship, the May—December romance. It sounds pretty romantic, but some people still look down on couples whose age differs significantly. This happens because they don’t realize that there are amazing reasons why women are attracted to silver foxes.

Now Bright Side knows at least 10 valuable reasons why this happens. And we are going to tell you about them right now.

10. They’re more mature.

It’s common knowledge that women tend to mature earlier than men. That’s why younger guys who are usually at the age where they still want to try different things and explore the world before entering a serious relationship, are just not the right partners for them.

Older men may seem more reliable and attractive to women who are ready for deeper commitments and family. Because these men are more likely to have passed their wild phase and want to settle down.

9. They know stuff.

We all heard that with age comes great wisdom. But there is also an ending of this saying, “but sometimes age comes alone.” It seems that Oscar Wilde was wrong, as studies prove that older men are more intelligent than younger men. And the possible reason is their broader life experience.

Women confirm this finding. They are sure that older men have gone through plenty of life experience that has effectively taught them various lessons. You can see this through their conversations.

8. They know what they want.

Another valuable trait some women highlight is that older men have less mess in their lives — and this means stability. They know exactly what they want, how to get it, and how meaningful it is. That’s why they usually don’t waste anyone’s time playing games. And that’s why they have no barriers when it comes to approaching anyone whose help or advice they need.

7. They’re more financially stable.

Most of women really want to be financially secure. Because when you start a family, you need to make sure that your man has enough money and assets to provide the support you and your kids need. And this is where older men are usually ahead of the game.

An average Joe in his late 20s tends to have fewer assets and less savings compared to older men. Younger guys still have to develop themselves and their careers. They’re looking for financial opportunities, and family is not something they care about in the first place.

6. They are partners.

Mature love is about patience, care, trust, and sometimes independence rather than anything else. But youth is known by its “all-or-nothing” mindset, storms of feelings, and standing ground. If there is at least one person who is wisely ready to take a back seat or at least to initiate the discussion of issues, there is hope for the relationship to last.

That’s why women appreciate when their men are able to be partners and not someone who wants to make the world revolve around him. Women do not need to be told what to do or even “allowed” to do something. Being equal is the thing that actually matters.

5. They have no problem with helping women around the house.

Women do need help with their household chores, and it seems that older men have less biases when it comes to this point. We can see this in a lot of comments from women on Reddit, they say that their older significant others never claimed that household chores were only a woman’s job. For example, some men do the dishes after meals or even wash their own clothes. Of course, it doesn’t mean that they have to do it all the time, but they can be helpful when there is a need.

4. They know how to treat women.

It seems that women appreciate all the relationship experience older men might have had. And it is no wonder since they really have had enough time to develop and practice their skills for treating women right.

The knowledge of what makes love fail or go on gives them a bit of advantage. They understand what women usually need and what will make them happy. They know how to avoid (or at least try to avoid) the same problems they have already been through. And this makes the relationship that much easier.

Older men have a unique attractiveness that triggers something in women. First of all, it’s in their appearance — noble wrinkles around their eyes, salt and pepper hair, light stubble in some of them. They also have their own way of presenting themselves, and women like the way they act, laugh, and behave. They stand out thanks to their unique sense of style because they don’t usually follow fashion trends as closely as college aged boys.

2. They don’t seek out drama.

Let’s face it, women are pretty emotional creatures. They can easily exaggerate things and act without thinking. That’s why it is important for them to have men who are able to make them stop and breathe. And it appears that older men tend to have this skill.

We believe that they just don’t look for any drama or conflict anymore. They prefer not to argue over ordinary problems. And even if there is an issue they can sit down and talk it out like adults and come up with a solution that will be beneficial for all parties.

1. They provide a feeling of security.

Some women mentioned security in their comments, and we can’t omit this point either. In fact, security is one of our basic needs, according to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. And what can make women secure and comfortable in their everyday lives? We believe that all the things we’ve discussed above can do this.

You need money and other assets to be financially secure. You need a reliable partner to spend your life with. And you need to know where your life is going. It seems that older men are better able to provide all of these things and make us feel safe.

Do you find older men attractive? Why do you like them?

 

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Expectations vs. Reality: Dating Somebody Older Than You

It sounds good in theory. After years of toiling in the shallow end of the dating pool, the idea of going out with an older (and presumably more mature) person seems enticing. The media doesn’t help this notion. Movies and television shows have gone to great lengths to portray May-December relationships as the holy grail. Whether it’s films like The Graduate or Wedding Crashers, or even songs on the radio (yes, Stacy’s mom has got it goin’ on), the idea of dating somebody older has constantly been portrayed as a mystical, passionate opportunity you’d be a fool to miss out on. In reality, these relationships are more complicated than you might assume. These are the expectations and realities of dating somebody older than you.

Photo Credit: CBS Studios

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Expectation: Older Means Wiser and More Mature

Reality: Older Means Same Maturity and Fewer Excuses

Expectations say that when somebody is dating a person who is older than them, usually the older person will be the more mature of the two. In reality, this is hardly the case. Most of the time, older people will date younger people because of their own immaturity. Have you ever heard the idea that girls mature faster than boys? It’s true and these relationships are proof of that.

Expectation: Spending All Day in Bed in the Throes of Passion

Reality: Spending All Day in Bed….Period

It’s an old joke. Dating somebody who is older (aka a “cougar”) results in lots of great sex, right? That’s what all the movies and television shows say. Unfortunately for our hormonally-charged friends, this is rarely the case. Yes, older people like sex just as much as younger people do, but it’s not their lifeblood. There’s no magic trick one develops as they grow older that makes sex better. They might become less selfish, for sure. But that’s the only “trick” there is.

If you find yourself spending an exorbitant amount of time in bed, it’s probably because you’re both too tired to do anything but binge Netflix shows or Lifetime movies.

Expectation: A Lifestyle of the Rich and Famous

Reality: Nobody Can Even Retire Anymore

Our economy kind of sucks right now. The idea of “marrying for money” isn’t totally obsolete (yet), but it’s not as easy as the movies make it out to be. Very few people are actually super rich. The assumption that younger people marry older people for the money is not necessarily the case. Many of the older people in a relationship can’t even afford to properly retire these days, so those who date older people likely do so out of love.

Expectation: Trophy Dates and Gala Events

Reality: Local Bars and Passing Judgment

We’ve all seen this scene, or something like it: Anna Nicole Smith pushing her wheelchair-bound husband down a red carpet, or Ashton Kutcher sharing a kiss with Demi Moore at a movie premiere. Younger people at the arm of somebody older makes for an unusual but extremely photogenic moment.

Unfortunately, for most of us, it’s not red carpets or fashion shows that serve as our evening’s entertainment. Most of the time, it’s a local bar and the lights are dim and nobody actually even really cares.

And that’s the biggest reality check we can take from these relationships: nobody actually cares. So feel free to love who you want.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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