‘Is 55 Too Old to Go on Tinder?’ What Dating Looks Like for the Middle-Aged

Here’s an interesting contribution from one of my readers!

I’ve been fielding a lot of questions about dating apps lately. There are 2 a.m. texts like: “Is 55 too old to go on Tinder?” And existential laments like: “I thought I was just leafing through photos but it turns out I was swiping yes, yes, yes, when I wanted to say maybe, maybe, maybe. Isn’t there any room for ambiguity? Not even an option to ‘save for later?”

All good questions, though I don’t have the answers. I have no experience with Tinder or any of the swiping apps—I only made it to the browser-based era of online dating. But as the first person in my friend group to divorce, nearly 10 years ago, I’m the prime confidante for questions too embarrassing to ask the happily coupled.

But I might be relieved of those duties now that we finally have an elder stateswoman of mid-life dating: Candace Bushnell, creator of Sex and the City—the book and series that tackled all the uncomfortable dilemmas of 30-something single women in the 1990s—is back with a new book and upcoming Netflix series that asks, Is There Still Sex in the City? And while she doesn’t bring back Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, or Samantha, it feels a bit like we’re at brunch with middle-aged versions of those archetypes, and they’re still talking about love and sex because, well, of course.

The book, part memoir, part fiction, is a guide to the Ides of 50, a stage of life when kids depart (along with most of the local estrogen), marriages teeter, and normally accommodating women stop being so accommodating. And because things are way more complicated now, they may also find themselves trying to figure out how to swipe maybe on a 27-year-old programmer from Connecticut.

Much like in the original SATC, Bushnell and her friends experience every romantic possibility so we don’t have to—from being courted by cubs (young men who pursue older women) to dating wealthy septuagenarians who think 59 is a bit old for them. She writes about re-dating an ex decades later and a laser procedure called the MonaLisa Touch that is supposed to rejuvenate a woman’s sex life like Viagra, except that it hurts and is almost never covered by insurance. You can hear Sarah Jessica Parker’s voice in Bushnell’s as she asks a new set of Carrie-esque questions: “Are -middle-aged women now catnip for younger men?” “Was Tinder an app for people that hated themselves?”

Bushnell, now 60, also touches on poignant aspects of what she calls “middle-aged madness”: the death of a parent, the isolation of divorce, the ache of realizing that even the most gorgeous among us will eventually become invisible.

Until recently, when we saw women in some midlife drama, it usually involved Diane Keaton in a gauzy romance set against a tasteful backdrop. No one was getting ghosted on Bumble at 49 with absolutely no explanation.

A slew of recent movies gets at the lighter side of midlife madness. Wine Country, directed by Amy Poehler and released this past spring, sees a group of old friends travel to Napa for a 50th birthday only to discover that no one escapes middle age unscathed. It has some hilarious moments, but it’s no Sideways, the 2004 Oscar-winning Napa road-trip film that was not only funny but also piercing and sad. I hate to say it, but many male midlife crisis films are often less earnest and take more fruitful risks, and we need more of that in stories about women.

And that brings me to the next beat in the 50-plus women genre: Otherhood, a good-hearted Netflix film that debuts this month. It’s about three friends, played by Patricia Arquette, Angela Bassett, and Felicity Huffman, who must rekindle their identities, separate from their roles as mothers, now that their children are adults. Arquette tells TIME she cherished the opportunity to play a mom at this stage: “I haven’t had a lot of chances to do material where the leads are all women, talking about friendship and parenting with a female director and producer.” (Director Cindy Chupack won an Emmy for her work on Sex and the City.) But Arquette really lights up when she talks about something apart from her role as a mom—her work pushing for the Equal Rights Amendment. And that’s the problem with the film: we already know these three mom archetypes too well. This is in contrast to Gloria Bell, released earlier this year and starring Julianne Moore, which gets at the complexities of existing in the in-between of young and old, a parent but not so needed, attractive but with sexual irrelevance in view.

Otherhood was also overshadowed by news of Huffman’s bout of real-life middle-aged madness when she admitted to paying $15,000 to get her daughter into college with faked achievements. The irony is that the real-life story might be a more powerful tale about mothers who need to separate from their children. It made us cringe, in part because we’ve all done things—albeit less egregious things—to help our kids, only to realize later we’d gone too far. It can be easier to see the truth in extremes.

I welcome Bushnell’s new series, so long as it’s brave enough to take us to those outer edges of female longing, insecurity, vanity, brilliance and connection. That was, after all, the beauty of the original. The SATC women were not subtle creatures. Most of us don’t have 600 pairs of shoes, nor have we left a man at the altar, but we viscerally understood Carrie’s self-destructive obsession with both the shoes and the man. And while it’s common for us to choose one of the four characters as our avatar, in many ways we are all of them at once. The challenge for the new incarnation is to be as open and complex about post-menopausal life as the last one was about everything that comes before.

Bushnell and her co-creators would do well to take a page from Season 2 of BBC’s Fleabag, which features a now Emmy-nominated guest spot from Kristin Scott Thomas. Her character gives a raw and riveting soliloquy about female aging and the liberation that comes with it. Afterward, young Fleabag, on the receiving end, says she’d been told menopause was horrendous. Thomas answers with a wink: “It is horrendous. But then it’s magnificent.”

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Celebrities You Could Actually Meet on Tinder

When Tinder appeared in app stores across the world in 2013, everyone freaked out about the possibilities. We all remember where we were when we got our first Tinder match, it was like the moon landing for Millennials. In the early days, the only problem with Tinder was that you only found regular people while you were swiping away. That makes sense if you live in Oklahoma or whatever, but what if you happened to be in Los Angeles or New York? Shouldn’t you happen across Ryan Gosling or Madonna once in a while? Well after some snooping, we’ve put together what may be our most sought-after list ever: a collection of celebrities who use Tinder.

There are a bunch of reasons why a star might want to join Tinder. Maybe they feel the aching loneliness that overtakes all of us at night when we’re alone in our beds. Or maybe they have a new product they want to promote and think that chatting with normal folks will take their grassroots marketing to the next level. Or maybe they just feel like connecting with the little people. Whatever the reason for their Tindering, we’re happy to have these celebrities on Tinder. Hopefully, if you’re lucky, one day your celebrity dream crush will end up swiping right on you.

Vote on which celebrity you’d most like to find on Tinder, and if you’ve run into someone from the silver screen on your iPhone – tell us about it in the comments.

11,068 VOTES
Hilary Duff is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list Celebrities You Could Actually Meet on Tinder
Photo:  Jason Meritt/Getty Images

When her first album in however many years was about to drop, the singer/actress took to Tinder to promote her new single meet some interesting people!

21,344 VOTES
Katy Perry is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list Celebrities You Could Actually Meet on Tinder
Photo: via Imgur

After breaking up with John Mayer (again), Katy Perry took to Tinder to meet a new ridiculously handsome and skinny boyfriend.

3923 VOTES
Leonardo DiCaprio is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list Celebrities You Could Actually Meet on Tinder
Photo: via Wikimedia Commons

Imagine coming across the King of the World on Tinder. What do you even ask him? What was it like to date Rihanna? What does Martin Scorsese smell like? Real talk, we’d swipe left.

41,053 VOTES
Ronda Rousey is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list Celebrities You Could Actually Meet on Tinder
Photo:  Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

In an interview with USA Today, the toughest nerd on the planet said that it’s hard for her to meet people on Tinder, even though her friends seem to be having plenty of luck. Thank goodness she met Turtle. 

5872 VOTES
40 people have voted onBritney Spears
Britney Spears is listed (or ranked) 5 on the list Celebrities You Could Actually Meet on Tinder
Photo: via Twitter

When she appeared on Jimmy Fallon in 2014, the boyish host convinced Ms. Spears to join the dating app. But before you get your hopes up, it looks like she’s just using it to shill her perfume.

6599 VOTES
13 people have voted on Dave Franco
Dave Franco is listed (or ranked) 6 on the list Celebrities You Could Actually Meet on Tinder
Photo: via Imgur

Even though he feigned ignorance of the dating app when he joined with Conan O’Brien for a hilarious bit on the host’s show, we’re pretty sure Dave was using Tinder before he was going by “Jangus Roundstone.”

7754 VOTES
22 people have voted on Lindsay Lohan
Lindsay Lohan is listed (or ranked) 7 on the list Celebrities You Could Actually Meet on Tinder
Photo: s_bukley/Shutterstock

We knew Lilo was a handful, but now she’s ragging on her baby bro’s Tinder use. But let’s be real, if we posted a screenshot of every friend/family member that we came across on Tinder, we’d never stop posting.

8588 VOTES
49 people have voted on Jamie Anderson
Jamie Anderson is listed (or ranked) 8 on the list Celebrities You Could Actually Meet on Tinder
Photo: via Wikimedia

We’ve heard rumors that the Olympic Village is full of athletes with raging hormones, so it makes sense that Tinder was a big part of the Sochi games. It’s a no brainer that U.S. snowboarder Jamie Anderson admitted that using Tinder in the village was “next level” during the Winter Olympics.

9403 VOTES
3 people have voted on Nana Meriwether
Nana Meriwether is listed (or ranked) 9 on the list Celebrities You Could Actually Meet on Tinder
Photo: via Wikimedia

Former Miss USA, Nana Meriweather has never hidden the fact that she’s a fan of online dating. The beauty queen revealed that she was told by a friend that she should join the dating revolution and she even said, “It’s funny — the guys I’ve said yes to have all been like: ‘Are you real?’ I’m like: ‘Yeah, of course.’ Even pageant-title-holders get lonely.”

10447 VOTES
35 people have voted on Luke Hemmings
Luke Hemmings is listed (or ranked) 10 on the list Celebrities You Could Actually Meet on Tinder
Photo: via Imgur

Those 5SOS guys sure love getting on Tinder. Maybe they get bored counting money. Our favorite thing about this celeb’s Tinder profile is how upset fans are that an 18-year-old rock star might want to have a random hook up. 

11510 VOTES
40 people have voted onLily Allen
Lily Allen is listed (or ranked) 11 on the list Celebrities You Could Actually Meet on Tinder
Photo: via Wikimedia

Hey! Remember Lily Allen? The Smile singer fueled break up rumors by taking to Twitter to tell everyone that she was signing up on Tinder. Cut to a million dudes in London also downloading the app.

12618 VOTES
37 people have voted on Chelsea Handler
Chelsea Handler is listed (or ranked) 12 on the list Celebrities You Could Actually Meet on Tinder
Photo: Tibrina Hobson/Contributor/Getty Images Entertainment

Handler has been pretty outspoken about her love of Tinder, she’s even talked about enjoying “anonymous, random men.” The gauntlet has been thrown, gentlemen. 

13302 VOTES
29 people have voted on Ryan Lochte
Ryan Lochte is listed (or ranked) 13 on the list Celebrities You Could Actually Meet on Tinder
Photo: jdlasica/flickr/CC-BY-NC 2.0

On his way to Rio for the 2016 Summer Olympics, gold medalist swimmer Ryan Lochte admitted that he joined Tinder after first hearing about the dating at app after the 2014 Games in Sochi. “I heard it took off in Sochi [at the 2014 Winter Olympics] and then people were talking about it and I was like, ‘Let me try this,'” he told Cosmopolitan. “So I got on it and I’ve been matching up with a bunch of gorgeous women who are smart, they have professional jobs and everything. I’m like, ‘Wow, this is perfect.’ So I’ve been on Tinder lately. So far I haven’t had any dates or anything. I’ve just been talking with a couple [women].”

14337 VOTES
46 people have voted onRene Swette
Rene Swette is listed (or ranked) 14 on the list Celebrities You Could Actually Meet on Tinder
Photo: via Twitter

Austrian hockey goalie Rene Swette was found on Tinder during the Winter Olympics in Sochi. Swette’s job is to stop people from scoring, hopefully, he didn’t meet any Tinder goalies on his Sochi adventure.

15367 VOTES
35 people have voted on Andy Cohen
Andy Cohen is listed (or ranked) 15 on the list Celebrities You Could Actually Meet on Tinder
Photo: via Pinterest

This Bravo talking head isn’t above using Tinder. He told Page 6“You know … Where am I going to meet an architect who lives in Brooklyn besides Tinder at this point?” he said. “It’s the modern-day singles bar.”

16352 VOTES
14 people have voted on Conan O’Brien
Conan O'Brien is listed (or ranked) 16 on the list Celebrities You Could Actually Meet on Tinder
Photo: via Reddit
Conan O’Brien is also ranked #86 of 409 on The Funniest Stand Up Comedians of All Time

Or should we say…Chip Whitley? Mr. Cone-brien joined Tinder while palling around with Dave Franco and they ended up matching with the same woman. Honestly, we’d rather match with Conan.

17308 VOTES
8 people have voted on Ronnie Radke
Ronnie Radke is listed (or ranked) 17 on the list Celebrities You Could Actually Meet on Tinder
Photo: via Wikimedia

Even world class scum bags guys that sing for terrible metalXcore bands need to find love/a one night stand every once in a while

18256 VOTES
25 people have voted on Ben Flajnik
Ben Flajnik is listed (or ranked) 18 on the list Celebrities You Could Actually Meet on Tinder
Photo: via Reddit

Former star of The Bachelor, Ben Flajnik was caught on Tinder after his relationship with fiancée Courtney Robertson fizzled. Thankfully a fan took a screenshot of his profile so we could pretend that we were playing The Bachelor home game. 

19285 VOTES
26 people have voted on Eric Andre
Eric Andre is listed (or ranked) 19 on the list Celebrities You Could Actually Meet on Tinder
Photo: via Twitter

The outrageously funny, sometimes anti-comedy comedian and talk show host Eric Andre revealed on Conan O’Brien that he was Tinder. But he admitted that he was having trouble meeting people. We wonder why.

20305 VOTES
8 people have voted on Michael Clifford
Michael Clifford is listed (or ranked) 20 on the list Celebrities You Could Actually Meet on Tinder
Photo: via Reddit

The purple-haired and perpetually tongue-wagging guitarist from Five Seconds Of Summer has been spotted on Tinder while on tour. Guess he didn’t have anything better to do while uh…(insert 5SOS lyrics here)

21279 VOTES
6 people have voted on Eric Stonestreet
Eric Stonestreet is listed (or ranked) 21 on the list Celebrities You Could Actually Meet on Tinder
Photo: via Pinterest

In a 2014 interview with Howard Stern, the Modern Family star admitted to using Tinder to hook up with girls. He even told the long-running radio show host that he changed his profile depending on what town he was in

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

What is the Hinge dating app, and how does it work?

From Tinder and Bumble to Grindr and OkCupid, there are dating apps galore for those who want love at their fingertips. Hinge is a lesser-known app that can easily get lost in the sea of options, but it’s still worth taking note of its special approach. Who knows? Maybe Hinge is the dating app for you.

For starters, Hinge is swipe-free. Focused less on mindlessly flipping through options and more on cultivating relationships, this app isn’t intended for casual hookups. It is, as the website states, “designed to be deleted.”

Here’s everything you need to know about the Hinge app and how it works.

What is the Hinge dating app?

Most dating apps are more or less set up the same way but with minor tweaks. However, Hinge boasts a pretty unique interface. Here’s a breakdown of all its features.

Hinge

Beyond the pictures

The dating app experience is nearly synonymous with swiping—so much so that “swipe left” is now slang for finding someone unattractive. But if we’re being honest with ourselves, mechanically swiping on human beings (often solely based on their looks) can be a little dehumanizing and lonely. It certainly isn’t the most ideal way to find a partner. That’s why Hinge ditched the classic swiping mechanic in 2015 in favor of scrolling through profiles. The app encourages users to focus more on personality traits rather than just photos. Judging from the fact that Hinge got more shoutouts in the New York Times wedding section in 2017 than Tinder and Bumble, this method seems to be working.

Furthermore, Hinge collects a lot more data than, say, Tinder. It allows people to emphasize which “filters,” or traits, are most important to them (e.g., religion or height). This allows the app’s algorithm to find more personalized and suitable matches. Once per day, this algorithm will pick out your “Most Compatible” match, ideally making it a teeny bit easier for you to find your soulmate.

Beyond the screen

Hinge also tries to combat the difficulties posed by a tech-based experience. The impersonal feel of an app makes it far too easy to ghost whoever’s on the other end of the algorithm. To discourage this kind of behavior and to aid the forgetful, Hinge introduced an anti-ghosting feature. “Your Turn” reminds users to respond to messages they’ve left sitting in their inboxes. The developers also made an effort to consider life beyond the app. The “We Met” feature allows users to provide valuable feedback on actual dates they went on with their matches, which aids the algorithm for future pairings.

All in all, Hinge is for people looking for a more personal dating app experience. Here’s how to actually use the app.

fizkes/Shutterstock

Is the Hinge app free?

You can use many of the Hinge app’s features and browse profiles in your area for free. But if you want to get the most out of the app, you’ll want to consider upgrading to the Preferred Hinge membership. The higher-tier option gets you all the features of the free app, plus lets you apply filters on potential matches including “height, whether someone has children, whether someone wants children, politics, drinking, smoking, marijuana, and drug use.” The paid version also saves time by giving you unlimited likes and the option to see everyone who liked you at the same time.

Preferred Hinge membership is offered for $9.99 per month, $19.99 for three months, or $29.99 for six months.

How does the Hinge dating app work?

After setting up your basic profile and photos, you’ll be given an array of personal questions to look at. Choose three of these to answer and display on your profile—keep in mind that these are what will be drawing people in, so pick wisely!

Then, choose all the filters that match up with the type of person you’re looking for, like gender, age, ethnicity, and more. While Hinge is free for everyone, paid tiers offer more filter customization if you have a specific set of desired traits in mind. If there are some filters you’re dead set on, mark those as “dealbreakers” to ensure you come across the right profiles.

Now, it’s time to actually start searching. Go to the “discover” tab on the bottom left of your screen to check out your suggested matches. Then, peruse people’s profiles, liking and commenting on what sticks out to you. If someone doesn’t float your boat, you can choose to pass. Otherwise, you can strike up a conversation and see where that takes you.

Here’s to hoping you find your happily ever after!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

14 Opening Lines To Use On Dating Apps While Quarantined

There’s nothing quite like a global pandemic to put a serious damper on your social life. But if there’s one positive thing about being in quarantine 24/7, it’s the opportunity to step up your dating app game, beginning by brushing up on your icebreakers. After all, your dating life doesn’t have to end in quarantine, it just has to adjust a little. Honestly, we could all use a laugh right now, and having a few flirty opening lines to use on dating apps while quarantined is a great way to not only to put a smile on someone’s face, but maybe even score you a FaceTime date with a cutie.

Taking that first step and reaching out to someone can sometimes be the hardest part, so if you get writer’s block when it’s time to make the first move, no worries. Here are some opening line ideas to help get you chatting.

1. Just so you know, I’m the total package: beauty, brains, and hella toilet paper.

2. Most important question ever: Team Joe Exotic or Team Carole Baskin?

3. Hey, you’re cute… wanna Netflix Party and chill?

4. Quick! What are your top three favorite things about being in quarantine? Go!

martin-dm/E+/Getty Images

5. I’m just looking for someone who enjoys sweatpants, Uber Eats, and taking long walks around the living room together.

6. If I said I wanted to quarantine together, would you hold it against me? And by it, I mean you.

7. You’re cute! I could see us getting SOCIAL in the not too DISTANT future.

8. What’s the best thing you’ve marathon-watched today?

9. I know we’re on lockdown, but I was hoping you’d want to open up to me.

10. Corny jokes are the quickest way to my heart. Tell me your best quarantine joke!

SimonSkafar/E+/Getty Images

11. It’s a good thing we’re in quarantine, because I don’t think I could stay six feet away from you otherwise.

12. I could definitely see myself practicing social ~closeness~ with you after all this.

13. What’ve you been doing to stay sane? I hit up this cutie on [insert whatever dating app you’re using here] and it’s definitely helping.

14. Hey! We should talk, because between you and me, it’s getting pretty boring having conversations with myself in here.

Get out there and start chatting — from a responsible social distance, of course.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

How Involved Should Our Friends and Family Be In Our Dating Lives?

I think we’ve all experienced a time in our lives when we dated, or even married a person that our friends and family were less than happy with.

But when the people in our lives don’t like the people we’ve chosen to date or with whom to be in a relationship, what does that do to our decision making process? Does it have some effect on us?

We all sometimes think that the decisions we make belong only to us. But in reality, our romantic connections are connected to our close friends and family lives.

Our romantic lives, and the choices we make are improved when our friends and family approve of that person. There have been times I’ve seen that if my friends and family don’t like her, that relationship can begin to deteriorate.

Many times, the approval of our friends and family members in regard to our romantic decisions, actually enhance our chances for success. If your friends and family like your current choice for a potential mate, you may actually have a more committed and sustaining relationship with that person.

This works across all types of relationships. It transcends race, same sex, religious beliefs, age gap and even national origin.

For the most part, we care about how our friends and family feel about our romantic relationships, and our perceptions of their approval or disapproval can influence how we feel about the relationship itself.

Many years ago, one of my sisters was in a relationship with a man the family sort of didn’t approve of. She has a strong sense of identity, and has always been fierce in her beliefs and her choices in life. She’s always been an independent thinker, and didn’t care what others thought of her decisions. She wasn’t affected by her family’s approval or disapproval of her romantic relationships. Sometimes we actually thought that she liked to do the opposite of what we expected her to do. (“She’s just being contrary.” my mother used to say) She remained in a committed relationship even when friends and family disapproved. The marriage worked, and we eventually grew to love him, but it was only after he proved he was industrious and became more ‘like us’ that we approved of him.

This is more of an anomaly than how things usually work out, but it bears mentioning. Most times, these types of relationships crumble under the stresses of life because they’re not a match. There’s a reason your friends and family don’t approve. But when you’re in love with someone, you don’t always see what’s obviously clear to those around you who truly care for you. (Notice how we only accepted him after he fell in line with our lifestyle and value system?)

The people we choose to spend our days and nights with aren’t really exclusive. Our friends and family’s feelings about our romantic partners can influence how we feel about our relationships. We feel more connected to partners to the extent that others approve of them, and less connected to the extent that they don’t. 

However, our personal characteristics, the ways of viewing the world around us that we inherently carry with us… can alter the extent to which our feelings for our partners are influenced by the approval of others.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly

%d bloggers like this: