Gone are the days when fostering a romantic connection with someone online was considered taboo. Dating apps have normalized using the internet to find love, but anyone who’s seen Catfish — the documentary-turned-reality series — knows that opening yourself up to love online can also come with some serious risks. So, can you fall in love online before meeting someone face-to-face? And if so, is it safe to open up to them without ever having been in the same room together? According to Diana Dorell, intuitive dating coach and author of The Dating Mirror: Trust Again, Love Again, without real-life contact, you run the risk of developing strong feelings for the idea of someone, not the person themselves.
“Without being able to spend time with someone in person [in] real life, it could be easier to fall in lust or fall in love with an idea of who they are [versus] who they actually are,” Dorell previously told Elite Daily. “It’s also an idealized version of love because without meeting in real life, you also conveniently skip the everyday nuances and challenges that arise when you share a life together.” Although this doesn’t necessarily mean that the person you’re falling for is lying or purposely trying to mislead you, it can mean you’re basing your connection on feelings that haven’t been reinforced by IRL experiences — making it more likely that you’re not seeing the full picture of who they are.
That said, Dorell explained that it is possible to experience falling in love virtually, especially if you’ve been communicating via video chat. “It’s possible to form a strong emotional connection, and even spiritual connection, to someone you’ve never met in real life — particularly now with things like FaceTime or Skype, it’s also possible to feel a physical attraction to someone,” she added. But it’s important to keep in mind that if all of your conversations have been through messaging, this can be a major red flag that the person you’re becoming invested in may have something to hide.
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Unfortunately, finding love can be hard, which makes it tempting to pursue connections that might not be as sound as you think they are. Behavioral scientist and relationship coach Clarissa Silva believes that the frustration of dating apps could be part of the problem. “Dating apps are creating a paradox effect: Giving off the illusion of many choices while making it harder to find viable options,” she said. “For many, the attachment to a person despite never meeting them is really about the desire to be loved.” Silva went on to explain that this type of relationship can lead to very real emotional responses, but it can also make it hard to know if you’re investing in a relationship that has IRL potential.
Although it’s easy to focus on the positives and ignore the red flags, proceed with caution if you’re getting close to someone who you’ve never met — especially if you haven’t even seen them via video chat. If they’re sincere, they’re probably just as eager as you are to set a date to meet in person, or to Skype if you’re long-distance or stuck at home.
There’s nothing wrong with meeting someone and developing an attachment to them online, but make sure you’re not rationalizing an irrational situation. “The idea [of someone] can create illusions that you’re in a healthy relationship because it is what we choose not to see,” says Silva. “Even though we might not be aware of it consciously, subconsciously we are compensating for the elements that are missing. So, it becomes a perfectly fine relationship.”
“If you find yourself rationalizing that it is a perfectly fine relationship to your family and friends, it may not be true love,” said Silva. And as scary as it may be to think that this person could be catfishing you, don’t let your fear get in the way of following your gut. Anyone who has good intentions will be more than willing to come out from behind their screen to solidify your relationship face-to-face.
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Happy New Year! I’ve been writing this blog for over two and a half years now! I appreciate all of my readers that have stayed with me on this journey of dating and discovery. I want to thank all of my followers who have helped grow the site and I love all of your comments! Keep them coming!
2018 has been an amazing year of dating, relationships, friends, family, self discovery and most of all, love.
I found a girlfriend! (If you’ve been reading this blog I know what you’re thinking, but bear with me. The blog is called Phicklephilly for a reason! See: Cherie)
Also…. I had a goal to reach 50,000 views by Christmas 2018. Thanks to all of you I achieved that number on Christmas day!
Thank you so much!!!
Here’s some of the things you can expect to see in 2019!
Murder Mystery Weekend
I’ve finally decided to try my hand at writing Erotica. It won’t be the usual intense in and out action like most erotic stories. I’ve been working on this idea for a while, and I want it to be a rich and satisfying tale. This series has already begun! Because it’s NSFW (Not Safe for Work) I’ve decided to publish it on my new sister site to Phicklephilly called, La Petite Mort. (There is a link to get to that sight that is live right now!)
The first few chapters will set up the situation and introduce the characters. If you’re looking for the sex, there’s some steam, but you’ll have to be patient. I like a story and character development.
I also have another series starting over there entitled….
Another Life
Have you ever wondered if you exist in another world living Another Life?
I have, and I decided to explore another world that I could have possibly inhabited. In this series I’m a teenager in the late 70’s. My parents are divorced. My stepmom is a bitch. I have roommates. I work at an auto repair shop. I’m close to my uncle and my cousins. I go to college. I navigate this other world and see how this alternate path turns out.
This is part one of a new series I want to write that mixes mind control with transformation elements. This is the first time I have written something primarily based on mind control and while this first part is very smut heavy later parts will have more focus on the mind control aspects for other purposes (as well as smut). I hope you enjoy and please give me feedback, it would really help!
There will also be some exclusive erotic series that I’ll only publish on La Petite Mort so for now they’re a secret. You’ll have to visit the site if you want to read those!
You can find all the goodies there starting in January 2019:
Let me know what you think because this is all new literary ground for me.
Enjoy!
(Read at your own risk, and praying none of my sisters read it!)
As always, your comments and suggestions are most welcome.
Remember, this is my first foray into erotica, so any positive and negative feedback will be very welcome!
California Dreamin’
If you’ve been following this blog for the last year, (and I hope you have!) You read about how I began to tell random stories from my past. (Search: My Young Life) (Wildwood Daze) Many were very personal and I needed to get them out. I was comfortable enough with the regular content and strength of phicklephilly to tell those stories. The feedback and outpouring of assurance was glorious and I thank you all for your words and support!
But I also had the opportunity to write about my young life playing as a musician in several rock and roll bands. Those series ran every Friday in 2018. (Search: Renegade) Wildwood Daze) (Union Jacks)
Now it’s time to tell the crazy, winding tale of my journey from New Jersey to Los Angeles in the early 80’s. It was a mad time to be a young, good-looking musician in a rock band in L.A. So get ready for the real insanity to begin in 2019!!
These stories are some of, if not the most crazy events that I have ever experienced. I’m sure I’m going to be laughing out loud writing them.
And there are plenty!
Cherie
My lovely girlfriend Cherie will continue to appear every Monday at 8am. We’ve been together for a while now and she has well-earned the number 1 spot on my blog. Strap in… it’s going to be a bumpy ride in 2019!
Dating and Relationship Advice
This series really caught on last year. I originally wrote and published it once a week. I just wanted something to fill the Saturday slot. But when a friend of mine ran into some problems in his relationship, I decided to write more. I made a pact with myself that I would write a piece every day and publish every day at noon and twice on Saturday! This way when I didn’t see him he would always have my words to help him through his struggle.
I frankly don’t enjoy writing Dating and Relationship Advice as much as everything else I compose, but people seem to like it. I’m a big purveyor of, “Give the people what they want” So I’ll march on to bring you the best and most up to dating and relationship advice I can come up with! Thanks for making that column a hit!
UPDATE: The more I’ve thought about this the more I want to kill it. I hate writing it and editing it so I’m going to take a break from it at some point. If my traffic drops dramatically I’ll resume it, but if not I’ll stop publishing it. I’d much rather publish content I really love and believe in that’s fun to create, rather than just pounding out content simply for traffic..
UPDATE 2.0: I found a way to keep it going and I hope it works. It will save me a ton of time in the editing process and in the same moment I can support other writers.
I love the idea of Dating and Relationship advice on phicklephilly, but it takes so much time to create and edit, it’s eating up the time when I should be creating fresh content that IS phicklephilly.
But here I am on New Years Eve and I think I came up with a way to make it work.
So for now it’s on for 2019!
Bear with me!
Crazy Dating Stories
These posts have become a bi-monthly staple of the phicklephilly universe. They’re the funniest and most cringe worthy posts on the site’s history. But like I said… my readers love them. Everybody likes a bad dating story, and I have so many to tell. Crazy Dating Stories are like catnip to my loyal following. I love writing them so I’ll do my best to remember them and keep cranking out the trash!
Enjoy!
Sun Stories
Sun Stories have been a monthly series that have appeared on phicklephilly since it’s beginning. There have been so many great tales that have come out of the tanning salon. I have enough to publish an entire book. (I plan to once again try to get Phicklephilly and Sun Stories published as books on Amazon in 2019!)
Highlights to appear this year in Sun Stories will be the introduction of a couple of new characters. (Some enduring, some fleeting)
Chanel – The nerve-wracking and sexy two-part story of the pretty Romanian gypsy that came in from the cold to tan at the salon one night.
Kita – She’s a cute, naive, 20-year-old Asian girl who goes to college in Philly, but lives in Florida with her sister and parents. She loves to tan and is a unique character. I can’t reveal too much, but I’m interested to see how this story plays out.
Jazmin – She’s an exotic, smoking hot Middle Eastern girl who works across the street from the salon at the Guess retail outlet. This is an intense and jarring story about a girl who knew too much… but not enough about one thing.
Tales of Rock
This is my favorite series to write on phicklephilly. As a former musician and rock trivia buff, I love writing these stories. I get a thrill out of telling stories about musicians, sex, drugs and rock n’ roll in general. This enduring series will continue to own the 8am slot every Sunday morning through 2019!
A couple of highlights this year in Tales of Rock:
There will be several disturbing stories about underage girls getting involved with some of the most beloved of rock’s musicians. It’s a lurid series, but someone has to tell these tales. (It might as well be me.)
The Theory of the 13 Year Rock vs. Pop Cycle
This is a 5 part series that runs every Sunday for a little over a month. I did tons of research for this one and I am proud to present this interesting series to my readers! The cycle spans over half a century of Rock and Pop!
Enjoy!
In Search of the Forgotten Heroes of 70’s Rock
I loved writing this post because I grew up listening to these icons in the 1970’s.
Steppenwolf
This one came straight from my heart and soul.
Celebrity Sightings
I’ll continue to crank out stories about local and global celebrities I’ve met in my life. I may even write a few about some actors and actresses I simply adore but haven’t met!
Tinder Moments
I’m sick of these. They’re funny and weird but hard to collect and assemble. They’ll appear monthly through 2019, but after that I’m cancelling this series. (I think online dating sites have been played out anyway.)
Sensuality, Sex & Something Else
I will continue to promote my friend Jad’s blog every Sunday at 3pm. She’s a great lady and her stuff is always a fun read. Whether her series will continue on phicklephilly in 2020 is anybody’s guess at this point. I’ll have to see what the site looks like by then.
Update! Jad has since reached out to me to tell me that she’s met someone special and will not be writing that series anymore. However, she has told me that she will continue to write her blog but it will be private and for her eyes only.
Please join me in wishing her health and happiness in her life!
Thank you Jad for your great stories!
Racquel Writes!
I met the effervescent Racquel on word press. I love her writing and her stories. I decided to feature her every Saturday (Or i it Sunday?) at 3pm on phicklephilly in 2019. She’s a great lady and I hope you enjoy her journey. Please read, comment and follow this wonderful lady’s work! Her series begins next Saturday on January 5th at 3pm EST!
Thank you!
Later in the year I’ve decided to rerun the Rebecca series from 2016. There may be some new developments brewing in that lost relationship this year…
Stay tuned!
So thank you again, one and all for your wonderful support. I’ll continue to deliver quality, unique content this year. I hope you continue the journey with me.
It’s going to be a fun ride!
Life is fleeting and fragile. Enjoy yourself!
I work a lot and when this post publishes I’ll be asleep on New Years Day.
I will arise at some point tomorrow and make my way to the Mummers Parade for a moment.
Thank you one and all for your ongoing support!
Zoolon Forever!
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
Online dating has turned people into numbers and it can suck the fun out of the process of dating if you let it.
Online dating has become everyone’s go-to when it comes to meeting romantic prospects. We program our entire lives via apps—from health and wellness to money management, so it’d make sense that our dating lives are also manipulated by the results generated by apps. For me, I found that a bit too contrived and problematic.
You want to meet them right away because things feel easy and there’s magic behind the comfort of your phone screen. Then once you’re sitting across from each other, you find out that there’s no magic at all.
For one, the bulk of dating apps don’t take into consideration where others are in their lives. When you put together your profile, you’re stating your intentions and your desires. “I’m looking for…” And based on what people aimlessly check off on their profile, you’re matched up. Except most people leave profiles open-ended to cast a wide net. Depending on the app or site you’re using, you’re going to have to do a lot of sifting through before you find any good candidates. In most cases, the best candidates are going to be selected based on criteria that make sense on paper. However, physically or intellectually, the matches wouldn’t be people you’d pick in real life.
Online dating isn’t always that extreme although it operates under a level of immediacy that can feel overwhelming. You want to meet them right away because things feel easy and there’s magic behind the comfort of your phone screen. Then once you’re sitting across from each other, you find out that there’s no magic at all. It’s a letdown. On the other side, you can be pleasantly surprised by someone that didn’t wow you exchanging messages. After a few dates, though, things fizzle out. You’re back to square one without as much as an explanation other than assuming that they’re just busy.
If a healthy relationship is near the top of your list for 2018, I’d suggest looking into your social circles.
The biggest reason why I think people should give up the vicious cycle of dating online is because there are better, more reliable ways to meet people. Depending on apps and social media can get exhausting. For the most part, you’re living in your head so much. There’s very little open communication because we’ve gotten used to moving on to the next thing. There are tons of options at our disposal. The risk of any type of accountability or investment is low. Online dating has turned people into numbers and it can suck the fun out of the process of dating if you let it.
If a healthy relationship is near the top of your list for 2018, I’d suggest looking into your social circles. Look at the places where you spend the bulk of your time. This year, I met a few great women through friends of mine and at church. My friends were invested in trying to fix me up (sometimes a little too invested) and knew enough about me that they picked good women for me. The people you trust likely are on your side and want to see your happy ending as much as you want to have it.
I’d also advise that you sit down and be honest with yourself about what is it that you want. Oftentimes we say we want a serious relationship when what we really want is companionship. Those two aren’t the same things. You can have one and not the other and that’s OK. But it’s important to not conflate them and to find someone who’s on the same page.
Dating is supposed to be enjoyable. Online dating apps have their place. That shouldn’t be your sole source for romantic quests though. If you’ve had more failures with it, I challenge you to get back to the basics of meeting people the way our parents and grandparents did it. Be bold and actually say hello to real, live people once in awhile.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.
Online dating is a divisive topic. Some see it as detrimental to the whole process of meeting and getting to know people, while others think it’s the best thing ever; in both cases it’s kinda the same reasoning though, because never before have singletons had quick access to talk to and date such a vast collection of people. Mobile dating, the portable smartphone spin-off of online dating, has also surged in recent years, and unless you’ve been living under a rock you’ll no doubt have heard of the most successful contender in this race – Tinder.
Tinder has given the somewhat laborious online dating world a shot of adrenaline and upped the pace tenfold. The app allows you to sync with your Facebook profile and flick through potential-dates until you find a match. The aim of the game with Tinder is to flick through your potential matches saying either yes (a flick to the right) or no (a flick to the left). Then the potential date does the same thing, if you both flick to the right, you’re a match and you can begin messaging inside the app.
It’s difficult to keep a concise and interesting profile which will grab the attention of your potential matches within a matter of seconds. We’ve put together a bunch of tips so you can get ahead in the world of flicking left and right.
For now though here’s a guide detailing exactly how to set up a Tinder profile.
Tinder is free to download and is available on all the major platforms. You’ll be able to download it from the Apple App Store, Google Play Store or even from Tinder’s very own website. Sadly there’s no Windows Phone version just yet.
2. Log In With Your Facebook
At the moment there’s only one way to sign into your Tinder account: Facebook. Tinder claims it does this to access photos for your profile and ensure you’re a real human being. Tinder also uses your location and interests when populating the app with potential matches.
The good news is you can keep your Tinder account as private as possible from your Facebook account by following these easy steps.
3. Edit Your Facebook Account
As Tinder is about to start using your Facebook details, be sure to update it with better photos and include all your interests to ensure some good matches.
If you don’t want your friends to know you’re using the app, check out our guide on how to keep Facebook entirely separate from Tinder.
4. Edit Your Tinder Profile
Now you’ve worked on your Facebook profile, let’s get started on your blank canvas. There’s a bunch of different settings you can set up to give you a good experience using the app including putting in a short profile statement and choose which photos you want to use.
5. Edit The Settings
The settings are the most important step. In the Tinder app, head into the Settings menu so you can choose your preferences. Within here you can choose your gender, your proximity to potential matches and your preferred age range. Remember with the proximity you should have your GPS enabled.
From there you can pick which gender you’re after – you can even choose both if you wish. You can also fiddle with your notification settings. Want a push notification when you’ve had a match? Here’s where you decide.
Tinder is all about pictures. That’s all you got going for you; well, that and a brief description about yourself. But mostly it’s all about pictures, and this means you NEED to have a good set of pictures, highlighting your best attributes.
Also, guys, most girls do not like guys that take selfies, so stay clear of using these if at all possible.
What kind of picture should you use? Simple: one that shows your face, without sunglasses, smiling. Leave the trout pouting to the Essex girls. A full body shot –– fully clothed, obviously –– is also advisable, as plenty of girls/boys like to know what they’re dealing with. Tinder is full of interacting strangers and potential Catfishes, after all.
NEVER LEAVE YOUR BIO EMPTY
Unless you look like Megan Fox or Chris Pratt, never leave your bio empty. Mystery is one thing, but most people, again, like to know who they’re dealing with and whether you’re interests/lifestyles are compatible. It doesn’t need to be too exhaustive, just a bit about yourself, your interests and what you like to do at the weekends, for instance.
Tinder Moments Detailed
You can now share pictures with your matches using Tinder Moments. It’s channelling some features which made the instant photo sharing app Snapchat so successful. And it seems it intends to become more than just an app for dating.
Now you can share photos with all your Tinder matches and your matches can even press “nope” or “like” and even comment if they wish. On the company’s official blog Tinder says: “With Moments you can swipe through fun Moments shared by your matches and get a glimpse into each others lives.”
It’s much more like sharing a story on Snapchat as the images disappear within 24 hours. It’s private between only you and your matches as well so you can post whatever you wish.
The blog continues, “Capturing and sharing a Moment is designed to be really quick and less intimidating. Tinder Moments expire in 24 hours, so you can be yourself without the pressure of making it perfect. You can just share it raw or apply filters, draw, and add text to you make the most of the moment.”
Tinder insists it’s all for some clean photos to help you decide whether to go on a date, we’re not so certain. The update to Tinder should be on your smartphone before the day is out.
More Tinder Guides
The world of Tinder is complicated and fully of terrors. We’ve written a bunch of different user guides to help you get ahead in the swiping game including how to make sure your friends aren’t seeing what you’re doing. We also teach you how to stop an awful bug that means you might not be getting the matches you really deserve.
Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments on this post!
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am and 12pm EST.
