6 Questions To Ask On A First Date, According To Experts

First dates are nerve-wracking — that’s something everyone can agree on, right? And in the age of internet dating, even though you can find out a lot of information about someone online, for better or worse, you never really get a feel for a person until you meet them. And of course, that is just the beginning! If you’re unsure of the best way to get to know a potential lover from the get-go, there are some good questions to ask on the first date that might help to figure out if you’re compatible.

“A simple question can lead to a conversation that takes its own course, with little effort from either of you,” Dr. Carissa Coulston, a clinical psychologist, and the main author of relationship articles for The Eternity Rose, tells Bustle. For the sake of nurturing an initial conversation, keep things to the basics at first. “Helpful and neutral questions revolve around work or career interests, hobbies, sport, music and family — these are typically non-contentious.”

And what you might want to avoid? Coulston says generally to steer to left of asking about ex-relationships, or probing into any problems that your date might have briefly referred to, like issues they had with their parents when they were a child.

“Of course, these more personal topics can be discussed between the two of you down the track if your relationship should progress,” Coulston says.

Ultimately, you can talk about whatever you want, and you might have much easier and deeper conversations on some first dates than on others. Below, a few experts shed light on some good initial questions that can give you a peak into a person.

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Is My Partner In Love With Me? 9 Unconscious Things They’ll Do If They Are

It can be fun to look for signs your partner is in love, especially if they aren’t really the type to say it out loud. Not everyone, after all, feels comfortable expressing those three big words — “I love you” — or sharing their feelings. And that’s OK.

These can also come in handy at the very start of a relationship, before you both come out and say how you feel. There might be clues that mean your partner is in love, including the little unconscious things they’re likely do and say throughout the day.

Whether it’s the way they look at you, the questions they ask, or the ways they help you out, it can all point to love. You can still confirm it in other ways, however, if you’re wondering how they truly feel, in order to ensure you’re both on the same page regarding the status of your relationship.

“It’s always fine to ask what your partner is feeling in a relationship, especially if you are reading signs, but receiving very little direct communication,” Jonathan Bennett, relationship and dating expert at Double Trust Dating, tells us. Sometimes, you just need to say it out loud so you both know. But until then, keep an eye out for the unconscious things your partner might do if they’re in love, according to experts.

1. They’re More Affectionate


“A partner who is truly falling in love might unconsciously be more affectionate in very tender ways,” Dr. Carla Marie Manly, PhD, a clinical psychologist, relationship expert, and author of Joy from Fear, tells us. “As defenses are reduced by emotional connection, physical displays of affection often naturally — and unconsciously — increase.”

They might lean in for kisses more often, tenderly brush your hair back from your face, or even wipe food off your lip. And you’ll probably feel compelled to do the same. These gestures show you’re comfortable around each other, and want to make each other feel secure and happy.

2. They Like To Be Close

In a similar vein, you might notice that they look for ways to be closer to you physically, in sweet ways. “This isn’t just during sexual contact, but even casually and subconsciously, like holding your hand while sitting, putting an arm around you when walking, and so on,” Bennett says.

If you two kept some distance before — possibly by walking side by side or feeling nervous about holding hands — you might be more into the idea of closing that gap, simply because you both want to.

3. They Help You Out In Small Ways

LightField Studio/Shutterstock

You know someone’s in love if they suddenly want to run boring errands with you, just because it means spending time together. But the same can be true if you notice a shift from your partner focusing solely on themselves to focusing more on your needs, too.

“Love can be unconsciously displayed through increased awareness of the other person’s needs — both emotional and physical,” Manly says. “True love for another person unconsciously changes one’s orientation away from the self and toward the other person, and this results in thoughtful actions that are reflective of loving awareness.”

Instead of just making coffee for themselves, for example, they’ll begin to unconsciously pour two cups. Simple moments like these can reveal a lot.

4. They Start Saying “We”

“Love often translates unconsciously into inclusive, couple-type actions that generate more of a sense of ‘we’ rather than ‘I’,” Manly says. So if you notice that your partner starts speaking about you as a unit, take it as a sign.

“Vocabulary may unconsciously shift accordingly to reflect an orientation toward partnership,” Manly says, “such as ‘Maybe we can plan on going camping this fall?’ or ‘Wouldn’t it be great if we could find a dog to adopt someday?'”

This shows they’re thinking about you as a duo as well as looking towards the future, which is a path you’ll be way more likely to head down as a couple, if you’re both madly in love.

5. They Make More Eye Contact

Alexander Ishchenko/Shutterstock

Eye contact can be pretty intense between two people who love each other, so if you notice your partner staring deeply into your eyes, there’s a good chance they’re in love.

“This can include making eye contact, but also simply looking at you randomly,” Bennett says. “If your partner can’t stop looking at you and even can’t seem to help staring, it’s a clear sign of intense attraction and love.”

You might catch them gazing at you from across the room, even when you aren’t doing anything particularly interesting. If they have feelings, their eyes will naturally settle on you more often, without them even realizing it.

6. They Prioritize Hanging Out

People want to hang out with those they care about, Bennett says, so if your partner wants to be around you more often — even if it’s just to do nothing — that can be a sign of love. And the same is true if they start choosing to hang out as a couple over other activities.

While it’s always good to have your own lives and hobbies going on outside the relationship, being in love can mean wanting to spend all your time together and prioritizing the relationship, especially in those early days.

7. They Call With Big News


Whether it’s good or bad, it shows you mean a lot to your partner if you’re one of the first people they call with big news, and that’s because it’s a sign “they feel connected and safe to be vulnerable with you,” Christine Scott-Hudson, MA, MFT, ATR, a licensed psychotherapist who specializes in creative healing and art therapy, and owner of Create Your Life Studio, tells us. “If your partner makes you and your relationship a priority and treats it as such, they likely value you and what you have together.”

8. They Ask Lots Of Questions

You might also notice a shift in the conversation leaning more towards what you want and what you think. And that can be yet another sign your partner is focused on you, wants to know more about your inner world, and that they’re making you a priority.

“If your partner wants to know everything from your favorite color to your deepest secrets, it’s pretty clear that they can’t get enough of you,” Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking, tells us.

9. They Light Up When They See You

Dean Drobot/Shutterstock

“Whether or not your partner realizes it, the way they react to seeing you walk into a room says a ton about the way they really feel about being around you,” Trombetti says. “It can be something as big as a hug or as simple as a smile. All that matters is that they show some enthusiasm to see you.”

Without even realizing it, your partner may start to do these things as they fall in love, and as your relationship grows. Holding hands, making more eye contact, and putting you first can all point to how they feel, even if they haven’t said it out loud.

You can, however, always confirm your hunch by asking, as well as talking about where your relationship is going, in order to make sure you both share strong feelings — and want the same things.


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The 21 Best and Worst First Date Questions You Could Possibly Ask

Some guys have a knack for first dates. They can seamlessly navigate conversations, so topics flow from one to the next without any lulls. They effortlessly balance talking about themselves while still learning about their partner. They’re charming, funny, and quick-witted. They just really have it down.

Then there’s the rest of us, who might need a little help on first dates when the prolonged silence with our partner sounds deafening. If you find yourself in a bind on a first date, not sure of what to say, here are 20 questions that should hopefully get you and your partner talking again. These questions aren’t the boring “What do you do for work?” They’re ideal questions to ask if you really want to get to know your partner. (We also provided three bonus questions of what to definitely not ask your partner.)

The Best Questions to Ask on a First Date

1. What’s been your favorite vacation?

Why it’s good to ask: Everyone loves going on vacation and talking about what they did that made it so great,” says Maria Sullivan, Dating Expert and VP of Dating.com. “Asking this question on a first date will open up a conversation about where your date has traveled and if you are both into the same types of vacation destinations.”

2. What’s your dream travel destination?

Why it’s good to ask: “Talking travel really works,” adds Amanda Bradford, founder and CEO of the dating app, The League. “In one study, 18% of couples on first dates who discussed travel wanted to go a second date. In contrast, less than 9% of couples who talked about movies wanted to go out again.”

3. What are you most passionate about?

Why it’s good to ask: “People love discussing the hobbies and pursuits they enjoy,” says Bradford. “If you want to know who someone is, find out what they love.”

4. Are you more of a morning or night person?

Why it’s good to ask: Some people are able to wake up at the crack of dawn while other are able to stay awake until the crack of dawn,” says Sullivan. “Asking your date this question will give you an idea of their daily schedule. For example, are they up early at the gym or up late binge watching their favorite shows?” This can help determine if you two are compatible with one another.

5. Who should play you in the movie of your life?

Why it’s good to ask: “This fun ‘what-if’ question caters to their ego—and the actor they choose clues you in on how they see themselves,” says Bradford.

6. What’s the most interesting fact you know?

Why it’s good to ask: People are full of interesting facts,” says Sullivan. “This is a fun question to ask to find out what your date knows, and you might even learn something new.” Additionally, everyone loves coming across as interesting. It’s great you’re giving your date the opportunity to do so.

7. Who did you see for your first concert?

Why it’s good to ask: “Music is a great date topic,” explains Bradford. “Prepare to be impressed that they saw Beyonce, or saddened that they saw Nickelback.”

8. What was the best day of your life?

Why it’s good to ask: “This question takes your date back in time to a big life moment that they’ll love reliving,” says Bradford. “It goes much deeper than surface-level chat, and this deeper dive makes you stand out from other guys this person has been going on dates with.”

9. What’s your favorite holiday?

Why it’s good to ask: This question can give you insight into your date’s religion based on the answer, which can be an important part of a relationship,” explains Sullivan. It also opens up to conversation about religion, which yes, could be a lot on a first date, but also might not be. You’ll have to gauge to see if you should take the conversation there.

10. What’s the best gift you’ve ever given someone?

Why it’s good to ask: “They’ll get to brag a bit while feeling very generous,” Bradford says. It’s also a big red flag if they haven’t given anyone anything.

11. What do you love most about your job/career?

Why it’s good to ask: “This question lets you talk about work in a positive, emotionally evocative way, rather than boringly asking, ‘So, what do you do?’” says Bradford.

12. What were you like as a kid?

Why it’s good to ask: “Sharing stories from childhood gives them a chance to be vulnerable by giving you a glimpse of their younger self,” explains Bradford. “You’re helping them connect with you and with their younger self.”

13. What does your ultimate favorite meal consist of?

Why it’s good to ask: “Who doesn’t love food?asks Sullivan. “This question will allow you to figure out what types of food you have in common and if things go well, it can even help you decide where to go on your second date.”

14. What’s your hidden talent?

Why it’s good to ask: “This allows them to show off while sharing a secret—and sharing personal secrets can build trust and connection,” says Bradford.

15. Would you rather…?

Why it’s good to ask: “A first date should be fun, and good ‘Would You Rather’ questions get your date laughing,” Bradford says. “A 2014 study found that women are drawn to men with a sense of humor. Here are some fun examples!” Bradford recommends:

“Would you rather have a snowball fight or a food fight?”

“Would you rather walk in on your parents having sex, or they walk in on you having sex?”

“Would you rather have eight arms or be a cyclops?”

16. What do you usually do on weekends?

Why it’s good to ask: This question gives you a chance to see if you have matching lifestyles. If your partner’s weekends consist of reading in bed whereas most weekends you’re out at the club drinking with friends, then they might not be the right person for you. If you do have similar weekends, then the conversation will naturally flow from there. For example, if you both like reading, you’ll be able to discuss your favorite books. If you both like going out, you can talk about your favorite bars.

17. What’s on your bucket list?

Why it’s good to ask: This question now only gives you a sense of your partner’s interests, it also provides great ideas for date number two. If you really like them after the first date, sky diving might not be that crazy of idea if that’s something they’ve always wanted to try out.

18. Want to share an embarrassing moment?

Why it’s good to ask: On dates, we try to present the best version of ourselves, as we should, but sometimes, it can get a little too serious and even start to sound a little “braggy.” This question helps you and your partner be vulnerable with one another, breaking down any facades.

The Worst First Date Questions:

1. Why are you single?

Why you shouldn’t ask: “Although this question may seem harmless, it may leave your date feeling awkward and unsure how to answer,” she says. It also can be read as an insult. In essence, you’re asking, “So what’s wrong with you?”

2. How many exes do you have?

Why you shouldn’t ask: “Asking this personal of a question on a first date can be a big red flag,” she says. “It is important to take your dates privacy into consideration and not ask anything that might make them feel uncomfortable.”

3. How much money do you make?

Why you shouldn’t ask: “Someone’s income is not an important piece of information for a first date and may make you seem like you are more interested in money than the actual person,” she explains. “Spend the first date asking questions that will allow you to learn more about your date’s heart, not their wallet.”


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What Are Some Good First Date Questions To Get To Know Someone?

Mascara. Check! Deo. Check! Branded jacket. Check! High heels. Check! Yes, we all know first impression is the last impression and you would not leave a single stone unturned to make that impression, especially if it’s a first date. But there is much more to us beyond the clothes and make-up and if you can unveil a person on the first date – personality, humor, fears et al – then you know you got another date coming up and it’s a great feeling. What do you need to do to know a person better on the first date? Simple! Just ask the right first date questions. Yep, don’t worry about that. We are going to help you.

How Do You Get To Know Someone On A Date?

On first dates, both of you are cautious and choose your words very carefully. Of course, you follow all the first dating etiquette rules. You try to portray your best self in front of each other. But in trying to be perfect you miss out on all the fun of getting to know each other.

Getting to know someone on the first date isn’t an easy task as you don’t want to come off as clingy. Asking too many questions will scare them away. If you want to know someone on the first date itself, show them the real you. The rest will follow. Getting to know someone works both ways, you need to show that person your true self then the other person will also put his/her guard down. When they see that you are honest and genuine, it fetches you brownie points and they start opening up to you as well.

12 Good Questions To Get To Know Someone On A First Date

So, how do you get to know someone better on a first date? Whether its an online or an offline date, starting a conversation on a first date does require some skill. And once you start a conversation, you need to make the best out of it – in knowing the other person as well as making a great first impression. Here are different types of questions that you can ask on your first date to get to know someone better.

Funny First Date Questions

Girls love men who make them laugh. They remember your jokes even when you’re not with them. Men love to share a laugh too! Most celebrities, when asked what made them think that their partner is “the one”, they answered that, “He makes me laugh.” Here are some funny first date questions.

1. What is the weirdest thing you have ever done?

Sharing your weird stories with each other also helps in breaking the ice. You both feel more comfortable when you get past the weird and embarrassing things you’ve done. You can talk about embarrassing stuff like dancing in a public elevator and the door opening to a bunch of people or drunk dialing your ex only to find out you called your dad instead. The best part is that you both get to know the real you.

2. What’s the worst thing you’ve done when you were bored?

When we are bored, we get the craziest of ideas and go forward with it. One of my friends cut off her hair just because she was bored. Needless to say the cut she gave herself was rather trendy. And another actually packed his bags and took a train to a random location because boredom was killing him. This is a great conversation starter. Because you will know if the person you just met gets the best ideas out of boredom or just believes boredom and a good snooze go hand in hand.

3. What is the cheesiest pickup line someone has used on you?

“Do I know you? Cause you look a lot like my next girlfriend/boyfriend.”
Girls hate cheesy pickup lines, especially on first dates. But it is something they remember to share with their friends and laugh at. Talking about cheesy pickup lines like these can get you both talking about your worst dates. Sharing worst first date experiences can be good fun. Yes, you can go ahead and talk about the girl whose false eyelashes came off or the guy who wasn’t willing to pay the bill on a date.

Deep First Date Questions

When you really connect with someone and it’s going well, don’t feel afraid not to ask deep meaningful questions. These meaningful questions will show them that you care. Here are some deep first date questions.

4. Which parent is closer to you and why?

Ask some deep first date questions

Now this question is a simple yet effective way to know whether your date has any ‘daddy issues’. Knowing which parent is closer to your date will help you gain brownie points when you butter them up in future. Which parent she’s closer to will also help you know about her personality. For example if her father is closer to her, it means that she is pampered more by her family. If the mother is closer, it means that she could be having some daddy issues.

5. Have you ever felt that everyone around you is a stranger?

There are a thousand instances when we’ve felt this way but might have never shared it with anyone else. He/she might have many friends but not many of them may know the ‘real’ them. Asking this question will show them that you care. For example you can begin with talking about your best friend getting into a relationship and you began feeling like a stranger in their life or talk about how your friends are so involved in their lives that they seem like strangers to you at times.

Moreover, you’ll get into their inner circle.

6. Which is your biggest regret in life?

We all have regrets and your date could have them too. Asking about regrets may open a can of worms or may make them open up to you. Asking about their regrets will get them talking about the regrets in their past relationships, family matters, friendship, etc. They will begin to confide in you and which will give you pointers for your future dates with them.

Awkward First Date Questions

If you didn’t know yet, there’s a thing such as awkward first date questions. Awkward first date questions are usually asked when you pick a time to make your partner feel awkward and they end up telling the truth because their mind can’t think fast. This is a sneaky way of getting to know someone but is still effective because most of the time they spurt out the truth.

7. So, am I the same kind of person you thought I would be?

Questions for first date
This is an easy and smooth way to ask about how you performed in the date. It’s like a sugar coated way of asking for your feedback. You’ll be able to know from their reaction to the question. For example, if the person thinks too much to answer, you’ll be able to catch them in a lie. However, if that person answers instantly with a smile, higher are the chances that the date went well.

8. Why are you still single?

This question will catch them in the moment and there is a chance that it could offend them a bit. If the person gets offended, you can cover it up by saying that they are attractive, smart and any person would be lucky to have them, which is why you asked the question. This will cool them down and they will feel a bit flattered as well. After the awkward phase passes, they might even open up about their past which will help you understand them better.

9. Do you think that monogamy is possible in the 21st century?

If you are someone who is looking for exclusivity in a relationship, this question will get you your answers. Your date might feel a bit weird and awkward about you being so upfront on the first date itself, but isn’t the first date the basis of future dates? It’s better to clear things out on the first date itself instead of finding out that the entire thing was a waste of time and emotions and this question will do exactly that

Flirty First Date Questions

If the date is really going well and you both feel compatible, there’s no harm in teasing each other with some harmless flirting. Only asking deep philosophical questions may bore them to death and asking some flirty first date questions could keep them on their toes.

10. Who is hotter, your ex or me?

Flirty questions for your date

Did you just think of all the flirting mistakes you have made in the past? Well, a bit of harmless flirting on a first date isn’t too bad. It depends on the kind of person you’re dating. However, your date won’t mind you asking about who is hotter. If she/he teases you back saying that they want to keep it a secret or build the suspense, it means that they too want to play along. It also helps in building more curiosity and sexual tension between the two.

11. According to you, what is the biggest turn on?

If they weren’t thinking about anything sexual with you, this will make them think of you sexually. Ask them what their biggest turn-on is with a little touch of the hand and it will instantly spice up the chemistry between the two of you. When they will start answering your question, they will think about the biggest turn-ons and will possibly start imagining themselves being sexual with you. This is a great way of putting yourself into their head.

12. If you spent the entire day with me, what would you do?

This flirtatious question will make their heart stop for a second and make them think of a possible future. It will also help you analyse how well the date is going. If they talk about a friendly activity like going to a movie, shopping or going to a café, it means that he or she still sees you as a friend or an acquaintance. If she/he describes something more intimate, like something ending into something more intimate like a candle light dinner or a dinner date at their place, it means that the date was a success.

Even a day playing video games or watching a movie at their place is an intimate activity for some.

For many people, second dates turn out better than their first. This is because first dates are more about breaking the ice and getting past all that awkwardness. If your date asks you on the second date, Voila! You did it. Getting to know someone isn’t a one-date job. However, these first date questions will give you pointers for the future dates with them and you’ll get to know them more.


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