If you really want to know how to get a guy to like you and find true love, the only way to make that happen is by dating with an open heart.
But I know what you’ve been through.
You’re tired of investing time and energy in the wrong men, only to end up frustrated, hurt, and empty-handed again and again.
You’ve worked hard to finally find peace and a sense of happiness in your life, so there’s no way you’re going to let someone come into your life and mess it all up.
And yet … you don’t want to give up on the possibility of finding your one true love.
You want to meet the right man — someone who makes you feel challenged, inspired, and adored. But understandably, you’re scared.
After everything you’ve been through, you’re not sure which dating tips to follow in order to keep from getting played or wasting valuable time.
How do you put yourself “out there” and open yourself up to love while also protecting your heart and the peace you’ve worked so hard to cultivate in your life?
The answer lies in openness coupled with boundaries. Yes, it’s possible!
If you want to know how to get a guy to like you for you and finally find true love, here are 9 things you can do to make sure it’s safe to be vulnerable opening your heart again when dating.
1. Avoid guys with obviously low self-esteem.
If he doesn’t love and value himself, he probably can’t love and value you in a healthy way.
Find someone with high self-esteem. This is so important.
2. Make sure his values regarding family and relationships match yours.
Take a close look at the life he has created. Does he have healthy long-lasting relationships with friends and family? Does he have his finances and responsibilities in order?
Does he have a good relationship with the ex and kids? Make sure his life is running smoothly before you invite him into yours.
3. Don’t accept his bad behavior.
Think about the behaviors that hurt you in past relationships, and write them down. Was your ex passive-aggressive, negative, critical, non-communicative, or cold?
If your current beau is repeating some of the same behaviors, ask him to stop. If he can’t (or won’t), move on. You deserve to be treated beautifully.
4. Pay attention to what he does not what he says.
His actions show that he cares about you, more so than his words.
Does he make time for you and stay connected when he’s not with you? Does he make promises and then follow through?
A boyfriend who’s thoughtful, caring, generous, consistent, and kind will someday be a husband who’s thoughtful, caring, generous, consistent, and kind.
5. Make sure he includes you in all aspects of his life.
Over time, he should start to include you in every aspect of his life, without exception. He welcomes you in his home and office. He invites you to spend time with his friends and family. And he’s proud to show you off!
If he’s excited to have you in his life and wants to include you in every aspect of it, he’s a keeper.
6. Be sure he’s into you.
If a man’s into you, he’ll make you a priority. He’ll ask to spend time with you consistently, and he’ll tell you what he likes about you.
You won’t have to wonder how he feels or wait anxiously for his call.
Bottom line — if he’s into you, you’ll know it. And if he’s not, go find someone who is.
7. Advocate for yourself.
If something is bothering you, tell him. If he dismisses your feelings or gets defensive, that’s a red flag.
Only date someone who’s able to assess his own behavior and make changes when necessary. Date a man who owns up to his mistakes and who values your feelings (and do the same for him).
8. Wait to have sex (the right one will wait!).
Sex is awesome, and I’m all for it. But when you’re serious about finding “the one”, it’s a good idea to wait. Waiting until you’re in a relationship gives the two of you time to create emotional intimacy first, which is a smart strategy.
If the man you’re dating is genuinely interested in you, he’ll wait until you’re ready. If he’s more concerned about sex and not you, then he doesn’t respect that boundary.
9. Make sure you feel relaxed and happy when you’re with him.
If you feel stressed, anxious, or have to walk on eggshells when you’re dating, something’s wrong. Trust your gut and keep track of how you feel. If there are more bad days than good ones, it might be time to move on.
When you’re in the right relationship, you’ll feel happy, relaxed, and comfortable. I hear this from happy couples all the time!
With strong boundaries and high expectations, you’ll know when it’s safe to open your heart.
And when you’re all in — when you’re authentic, generous, warm, and loving — that’s when love will show up. That’s when the magic will happen.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, share, and most of all, follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
Dating is hard. Maintaining your various dating profiles on The Apps is practically a full-time job in itself, and even once you meet somebody, hit it off, and make it past the first date, there’s no guarantee that it will be plain sailing. In a thread on Reddit, men and women have been sharing the warning signs that something isn’t right in a new romance, from minor quibbles to major red flags.
It can feel flattering, at first, that your new partner wants to keep you all to themselves — but jealousy often leads to controlling behavior. If your boyfriend or girlfriend acts annoyed every time your attention isn’t on them, if they insist on knowing where you are, who you’re spending time with, even who you’re texting, then you’re in an unhealthy relationship.
Another commenter cites: “When they start complaining about other people in your life and trying to get you to see how ‘bad’ these people are for you.” If the person you’re seeing starts making disparaging or “concerned” remarks about your friends and family, and suggests you’d be better off spending time with just them, well, that’s textbook abuser behavior. Abusive partners will often separate their partner from their support network in order to make them dependent on them. Here’s how to spot the signs that you’re being manipulated by your partner.
It’s disappointing if the person you’re seeing texts you to cancel a date, and extra disheartening if they do it more than once. As one commenter puts it: “To an extent life can and will get in the way, but there’s a certain level of enthusiasm you want to see from a potential partner and if they can’t muster it during the honeymoon stage of dating, it’s probably not going to improve later.”
Here’s the thing: we’re all busy. But if somebody really wants to see you, they’ll likely be able to carve out enough time in their busy schedule for a quick coffee date in between their other commitments. Remember, you’re worth other people’s time.
3. The way they interact with other people
Watch out for how your date talks about other people. Do they make harsh judgements about people they hardly know? Are they rude to waiters? Even if they’re being perfectly courteous to you in that moment, this behavior is an indicator of how they treat other people in general, and shows you that it’s possible they’ll act this way towards you at some point.
See also: people who only ever seem to talk about themselves on dates and don’t ask you any questions. “Take note of how many times they’ll say or start a sentence with my/I/me/personally,” advises one commenter, as a time-saver.
4. The way they talk about previous partners
Look, when you’re on a first or second date, the best thing to do is simply not bring up your past relationships. If the conversation ends up going there, be brief. And if somebody talks about their ex in detail, you should listen carefully: it’s entirely possible that they are not over that person, and you might find yourself cast in the role of rebound fling.
Equally concerning is if the person you’re seeing says that their ex is “crazy”: this often translates to “they behaved in a way I found inconvenient,” or even “I cheated and they responded emotionally.” And if they insist that all their exes are assholes? Well, you know what the common denominator there is. “If ALL their exes are jerks, it most likely means that they are the jerk,” says one commenter. “The two crazies I dated both spoke this way about ALL their former relationships.”
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
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Signs that your girl only wants your attention, not you
Consider this scenario: You meet a girl and you both really hit it off well. In the beginning, she keeps doing things to get your attention. You do not pay much heed to it and find it cute.
But over time, her behavior becomes desperate and intense. You start doubting her feeling towards you. It seems you are just there in her life to satisfy her ego and you do not really matter to her. If this is a situation that you are facing in your love life, then you are actually the victim of an attention seeking girlfriend.
Who is an attention seeker?
Simply put, an attention seeker is a person who only wants attention from all the people around him/her. He/she probably feels empty and disappointed if they are unable to garner the attention of others. For gaining the attention of others, an attention seeker is actually quite skilled in managing and manipulating people. Socially too, the person is able to adapt very easily.
It seems you are there in her life to just satisfy her ego and you do not really matter to her.
When you are dating an attention-seeking girl, you will notice that she will have the power to draw you towards her and keep you by her side, but will never really give you the respect and value that you deserve. She will ensure that you give 100 percent to the relationship and might even make you believe that you both can have a bright future together. But in the end, she genuinely has no interest in being in a relationship with you. She wants you around just to validate her and boost her ego.
Types of attention seekers you meet in the dating world
Attention seekers usually get into relationships in order to make sure that there is someone constantly by their side to praise them and put them on a pedestal. Here are the types of attention seekers that you may find in the dating world.
Merrymaking attention seeker
When you will hang out with this kind of attention seeker, he/she will seem adventurous and fun to you. The merrymaker will instill life and enjoyment in any place or situation whatsoever. But when in a relationship, such merrymaking attention seekers tend to frustrate their partners with their boisterous and loud behavior.
Over sexualized attention seeker
He/she will seem absolutely irresistible to you because of his/her physical appearance and way of speaking. You will feel as if you are lucky to be in a relationship with such a sexy person. However, you might end up being jealous and angry most of the time due to his/her flirtatious behavior.
Argumentative attention seeker
This kind loves to dominate others by using his/her debating skills. Partners of argumentative attention seekers generally feel annoyed and drained due to their aggressive ways.
When in a relationship, attention seekers dominate their partners, do not care about how their partners feel regarding their attention-seeking attitude and they want attention from not only their partners but others as well. So if you meet a girl and feel that she wants your attention but has a boyfriend, then do not be shocked because this is how an attention-seeking girl usually behaves. Better keep your distance from such a girl, because attention seeking is deeply ingrained in the minds of such people.
15 signs a girl only wants your attention and NOT you
An attention seeker is so addicted to the attention that he/she can adopt any means to seek the validation and approval of others. If you want to avoid being duped by an attention-seeking girlfriend, then look out for these 15 signs which will help you identify an attention seeker in no time.
1. An attention seeker thrives on compliments
A girl seeking only attention from you will work on her appearance and make herself look sexy just to get praise from you and the others around her. She will also unnecessarily make negative remarks in relation to how she looks so that you can complement her instead. She basically lives on compliments.
2. Bragging is like her favorite hobby
She will exaggerate her achievements and good qualities. She will persistently brag about herself, her life, her job, her family, etc., not to put you down, but just to show you her importance and value. She actually feels the need to be superior to the people around her, so showing off is one way to do so.
3. She loves creating a scene
Her world comes crumbling down if she has to face even a small problem like a fight with her friend or a bad day at work. She loves creating a scene out of nothing and tells everyone about it. In this way, she keeps getting the attention she wants and you keep being there for her because of genuine interest and concern.
4. An attention seeker is highly active on social media
You will notice that most of the time, the girl will be active on various social media websites like Twitter, Facebook, Instagram etc., and will keep uploading pictures and quotes on her profiles. She does so because she wants people to be in constant touch with her and keep giving her the attention she needs. She will probably not reply to your text messages or call you back. But she will definitely reply to you or tag you on social media posts. This is an absolute sign your girl is an attention seeker.
5. She can easily make you and others feel jealous
If she feels that you are losing interest in her then she will bring back your attention towards her by making you feel jealous. She will flirt with your friends in front of you and might even act close with her guy friends. In addition, she can make others jealous by flaunting you in front of her friends. She will become too cozy with you in front of her friends so that they feel uncomfortable and bad. This is a sign she only wants attention.
6. She is never really there for you
She expects you to be there for her at all times. But when you will need her, she will always bail out giving you some lame excuse. She will never give you clear answers to any of the questions you ask, especially if the questions are related to commitments and your future together and will always cook up some story to keep you by her side.
7. An attention seeker opens up very fast
After she meets you and thinks you are the guy she wants attention from, she will actually become way too comfortable with you. She will start sharing her feelings and thoughts with you and behave with you like you are an old acquaintance. If a girl becomes overtly friendly with you in a short span of time then you must be careful, because she might just be an attention seeker.
8. An attention seeker lacks maturity
At first she might seem like a mature adult to you. But eventually, you will see that she is like a child who constantly needs approval and attention from you. If you fail to do what she wants then she will throw tantrums and irritate you. She will not feel secure about herself and you will have to continuously validate her.
9. She never lets you have ‘me-time’
An attention-seeking girlfriend will always want you by her side when she wants it. If you decide to spend time on your own then she will get upset very easily. If you make plans with your friends, then she will either manipulate you to cancel the plan or force you to take her with you. She wants to be the center of your world so she will never let you have me-time.
10. An attention seeker argues a lot
Without any concrete reason, she will start fighting with the others or with you. It is just her way of seeking attention and establishing her superiority over others/you. At the end of the arguments or fights, she will twist the conversations in such a way that all the blame will be on you and she will steer clear of any blame.
11. Flirting just comes naturally to her
Not a day goes by without her flirting with another guy. It is like a routine to her. Even if she is in a relationship with you, she will not shy away from making advances at another guy. This is because attention from one guy is not enough to fill the void in her.
12. She pretends to be nice
A girl thriving on attention pretends to be nice and kind-hearted because she knows this is how she will be able to get validation from others. So she is extremely good and goes out of the way to help people, just so that they approve of her. But internally, she might not be that kind-hearted at all.
13. An attention seeker seems to know everyone
It seems that people all over the world are her friends. She has so many contacts and acquaintances that you fail to keep up and remember them. Her social media profiles have lengthy friend lists and even if she has not met someone in person, she will behave as if she knows them very well.
14. She likes hanging out in public places
Instead of going out with you for a peaceful and quiet date, she will make plans to go to a nightclub or the hottest place in town. Why? Obviously, because she wants to be seen and wants to get attention, so she will prefer public places where other guys might also notice her. This is an absolute sign she is an attention seeker.
15. Her friends are copies of her
Most of the time, the friends she hangs out with are just like her. They also exhibit the same attention-seeking signs, because of which she might actually not let you meet with her friends as well. Very rarely will you find good friends around her and even if good friends are there, they will not able to improve her behavior.
Attention seeking girls are unable to build strong and normal relationships with others because it does not give them the ‘celebrity feel’ or any sense of stimulation. So if you are hoping to create a long-lasting relationship with someone, then do not fall into the trap of an attention seeker.
How to handle an attention-seeking girl?
A couple of suggestions for those who have fallen for attention-seeking girls would be the following: Deal with the entire situation with a lot of patience, self-assurance, and self-security, be strong enough to set boundaries in your relationship and do not let it go if she crosses those boundaries, talk to her honestly and let her know that such behavior will not be tolerated by you, and finally back off from the relationship. Do not give her the opportunity to use and hurt you. If there is no hope for the relationship then you must have the courage to break up with such a girl.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
“I’ve met enough Red Flags I could paper my walls with them…”
Keep an eye out.
Dating can feel like an endless game.
Whether you spot each other across a crowded bar or take a chance and swipe right, we all begin by flying blind into the unknown. At first, it’s a game of first impressions. You take an inventory of their outfit, make a note of their drink order and use every piece of information to paint a picture of who they are.
After a couple of dates, the walls start to crumble and we begin to really learn about our new crush. Dubbed the ‘honeymoon phase’, these early weeks of dating are all about testing the waters and seeing if you both are truly compatible. Exhausting, right!
Once you’ve landed yourself a new partner, the real work begins. It means getting creative with date night, actively listening to your other half and maintaining a thriving network of besties and friends to keep your social life balanced. But, what if things don’t feel quite right? If you’re unsure about your new relationship, read on to discover the seven relationship red flags you should never sweep under the rug.
1. Lack of communication
After a hard day at work, we all need to let off some steam. And sharing our concerns with our partner is a healthy way of processing stress and building connections. When it comes to communication, we all want to share our thoughts without reservation.
If your partner seems absent, dismissive or unresponsive, this is an important red flag to take notice of. Lack of communication can mean important conversations go unspoken. When we aren’t able to speak openly and honestly about how we feel, we can feel ignored and, ultimately, resentful of the other person. In fact, these small annoyances can grow and spell disaster for your relationships in the long term.
2. Dislike for your friends or family
This next red flag can be very subtle, but it’s an important one to be aware of. How does your partner speak about your loved ones? Do they resent coming along to family get togethers? Maybe they don’t take the time to get to know your besties? Or perhaps they avoid socializing with your friends and family all together?
If you feel a disconnect between your partner and your social network, it can be difficult to sustain a healthy romantic relationship. Why? Because sharing time with our friends, family and partner shouldn’t happen in isolation. In some cases, this can also be an early warning sign of controlling behaviour. If you notice your partner withdrawing from your network, start a conversation to understand their reservations and what you can both do to address them.
3. Innocently pushing physical boundaries
Respect is the foundation of every successful relationship. When we feel valued by our partners, we’re able to build stronger and more meaningful connections. However, when the opposite is true, this can spell disaster for our relationship.
How does your partner react when you tell them to stop tickling you? Do they invade your personal space or jokingly poke you like a sibling, even when you’ve told them no? Respect begins at acknowledging and honoring each other’s boundaries. If you notice your partner doesn’t listen to your requests, this could be an essential red flag to watch out for.
4. Describing their exes as ‘crazy’
We’ve all had terrible partners and relationships that were destined to fail. It could have been your first high school fling or that crush you had when you started uni. Whatever the case, we all encounter people that just aren’t the right fit for us.
However, if you notice your new partner speaking badly about their past relationships this is something to take notice of. When terms like ‘crazy’ start to be attributed to multiple previous partners, it could be time to consider whether your partner is representing their dating past accurately. In many cases, they could lack the self-awareness to realize they were, in fact, part of the problem.
5. Refusing to make your relationship public
PDA (or public displays of affection) can be a divisive topic. For some, walking hand in hand comes as second nature. For others, they avoid displays of physical intimacy at all costs. Whatever camp your relationship falls into, it’s a wise idea to consider what is motivating this decision.
Do you notice your partner’s behaviour change when you’re around his mates? Does his social media presence appear as if you’re not together? Has he avoided ‘putting a label’ on your relationship? If your partner is keen to keep things a secret, this could be a warning sign that your relationship might not be as open and honest as it first seems.
6. Difference in values
We all have our own unique priorities. The stuff that matters most to us. It could be things like honesty or compassion, or more specific values like savings habits and big-picture parenting goals. Although we might not always see eye to eye, sharing core values are key to long term relationship success.
Does your partner play off dishonesty as ‘little white lies’? Do they make decisions without factoring in your plans or point of view? What is their relationship like with their parents and siblings? If you are noticing clear patterns of conflicting values, this could be a good indication that you might struggle to remain compatible over time.
7. Incapable of apologizing
Arrogant, entitled and patronizing behavior should never be ignored. However, when we’re falling hard for a new fling it can be difficult to see situations clearly. But, learning how to identify negative behaviors early in a relationship can prevent you from getting stuck in a toxic dynamic.
If your partner constantly refuses to apologize or admit they’ve messed up, it’s important not to ignore this. Although this might seem like an insignificant personality trait, it can indicate your partner may have an inflated sense of self-importance. Because let’s be honest, no one wants to date someone who can’t say sorry.
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Meeting people on dating apps has become the norm when it comes to finding love. Chances are, you and most of the people you know have gone on at least one first date with a match you swiped on. Although there’s no denying how much online dating has improved people’s access to nearby singles, it’s also made it trickier to identify folks who may not be compatible. Keeping an eye out for dating app profile red flags is the best way to avoid ending up in an uncomfortable or potentially dangerous situation. According to Joshua Klapow, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and host of The Kurre and Klapow Show, you can’t always accurately judge someone based on their dating profile, but it’s important to trust your gut.
“A dating app profile can absolutely provide some information on a person,” Dr. Klapow tells Elite Daily. “However, they should never be considered the definitive source of a good or bad match. They can give you a gut response (good or bad), which may be accurate or inaccurate. If you’re lukewarm, it’s a reasonable idea to proceed with a phone call or video chat to clarify your feelings. That being said, if your gut response to their profile or communication style is negative, it’s time to move on.” Here are the tell-tale signs from someone’s dating profile that you probably won’t be compatible.
1. You Have Contradicting Morals Or Beliefs.
As you move through the online dating sphere, it’s important to remember that core values and beliefs aren’t universal. So, if someone’s profile suggests fundamental incompatibilities, this is enough of a reason to swipe left. “If there’s anything in the profile that repulses you, or if you see something that is fundamentally opposed to your morals, values, or beliefs,” Dr. Klapow recommends seeking out a different match.
2. They Come Across As Self-Absorbed.
Let’s be real: Online dating is inherently designed to reward those who can present themselves well, even if the representation is technically inaccurate. However, there’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance. “If someone seems over-the-top to the point that they come across as self-absorbed, this is a red flag,” says Dr. Klapow. There’s nothing wrong with a profile that highlights someone’s accomplishments and positive attributes, but if it leaves you with a bad taste in your mouth, this could signal incompatibility.
3. Their Interests Concern You.
If you’re firmly against the Second Amendment, dating someone who’s a gun enthusiast could be problematic. Similarly, if recreational drug use is something you have a problem with, it may not be a good idea to date someone who experiments with substances. “Mystery can be attractive, but fear is not a good thing,” warns Klapow. “Although a bit of danger may seem interesting or fascinating, if their description of who they are or what they do scares you, don’t misinterpret that as attraction.”
4. Nothing About Them Entices You.
“If you have no interest in them or aren’t attracted to anything in their profile, don’t talk yourself into a date,” says Dr. Klapow. “They may be attractive, and even have objectively ‘good’ and ‘positive’ characteristics, but if you read the info, looked at the pictures, and still can’t find anything you’re drawn to, they probably aren’t a good match for you.” Even though it can be easy to let logic override your initial gut reaction, this isn’t always a good idea. Again, if you’re unsure, it might be worth having a conversation to see if your feelings change. However, if something about them makes you feel even the slightest bit uneasy, it’s probably best to keep swiping.
In the end, there is no fool-proof way to accurately judge someone purely based on their dating profile. Sure, dating profiles can provide helpful insight into who someone is, but sometimes, these depictions simply aren’t accurate. That’s why it’s important to be careful with who you decide to ultimately meet up with. And if do agree to a date, you should always meet in public until you’ve established a sense of trust.