Addicted to Grief?

When time doesn’t heal, the brain’s reward system may be playing a role

When Anne Schomaker lost her husband in 2002, she did everything you’re supposed to do to heal from grief. She went to therapy, she volunteered, she traveled, she took up new hobbies, and she dated. To the outside world, she looked like she was moving on. To the outside world, it looked like she was healing the “right” way. But inside, she was frozen in mourning, unable to move forward emotionally. Nine years after the death of her husband, nightmares still haunted her in her sleep and she avoided reminders that would push her further into despair, such as the arias from the operas they had enjoyed. “I wasn’t really doing well. I had terrible pangs of sadness and despondency. I was missing my husband so badly. The pain just didn’t go away.”

Complicated bereavement is a disruption of the normal grieving process after a loss. While the loss of a loved one can be expected to be deeply painful and elicit emotional distress long after the loss has occurred, the symptoms of grief usually dissipate over time. Sometimes, however, healing does not occur. Instead, you become locked in a state of ongoing mourning; the emotional wound of your loss remains wide open and you are unable to move on. You may be preoccupied with constant thoughts of your loved one, experience intense longing, and be overwhelmed with feelings of sorrow, numbness, or anger. You may feel intense loneliness, even when you are surrounded by others, and may go out of your way to avoid reminders of the person you have lost. Or you may do the opposite—you may surround yourself with objects that make you feel close to your loved one, continuously return to the places that elicit memories of your time together, and live as if you are constantly waiting for their return. You are especially likely to experience complicated bereavement if you lost a loved one suddenly and unexpectedly, without the opportunity to emotionally prepare yourself for their death.

Many people with complicated bereavement are encouraged by well-meaning friends and family to move on, and you may feel that your emotional state is nothing more than a personal shortcoming. You’re told that you’re not grieving the right way. However, research indicates that complicated grief is actually a complex psychological illness with a neurological basis. A study by Mary-Frances O’Connor, published in NeuroImage, examined the effect of grief on brain function via functional magnetic resonance imaging. When people with complicated bereavement were shown pictures of their loved ones, “the nucleus accumbens – the part of the brain associated with rewards or longing – lighted up.” Those who experienced “normal patterns of grieving” exhibited markedly less nucleus accumbens activity.

This area of the brain is also associated with the longing for alcohol and drugs, suggesting that memories of loved ones may actually have an addictive effect on those with complicated bereavement, providing a new understanding of why you are unable to move beyond acute grief. As Dr. O’Connor says, “It’s as if the brain were saying, ‘Yes I’m anticipating seeing this person’ and yet ‘I am not getting to see this person.’ The mismatch is very painful.” Recognizing the neurological underpinnings of complicated bereavement may help researchers and clinicians develop more effective treatment protocols. More importantly, it may help you better understand your experience and reduce the feelings of self-blame and shame you may feel.

Unfortunately, the addictive qualities of your memories may also lead you to develop other addictions. In your attempt to cope with the overwhelming pain of your loss, you may have turned to drugs or alcohol or even food, compounding your emotional distress and presenting new dangers to your well-being. While using substances to escape psychological suffering is common among people experiencing grief, people with complicated bereavement are particularly vulnerable to developing substance addiction issues as they seek to soothe themselves from severe and ongoing mourning. However, any relief you find is only temporary and once the effects of the alcohol or drugs wear off, you’re back where you started or even worse off, as the effects of the substances themselves exacerbate your distress. The resulting cycle of grief and addiction can have serious implications for your ability to function, your physical health, and your fragile psychological state.

If you are suffering from complicated bereavement and a co-occurring substance addiction, healing is within reach. However, effective treatment requires specialized care designed around your unique needs to address the full scope of your emotional and behavioral health issues. In practice, this means that both your grief and addiction must be treated simultaneously to ensure that you process your state of bereavement while attending to the physical and psychological effects of your substance use.

Through comprehensive clinical care, you can develop the skills you need to move forward with your grieving process, cope with your pain in healthy, productive ways, and regain your sense of joy and possibility. Meanwhile, you will learn how to gain control over your addictive drive toward harmful substances as well as safely exploring the complex relationship between your use and your grief to give you a complete picture of your psychological state within an environment of hope and support.

The goal of treatment is never to minimize the loss of your loved one, but to discover ways of expressing, understanding, and coping with that loss in ways that are nourishing, revitalizing, and restorative. With the right therapies delivered with compassion and respect, you can begin the process of meaningful recovery to reawaken your spirit and enhance your quality of life.

 

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Here’s How It Really Feels To File For Divorce, According To 12 Men

It’s a whirlwind of emotions.

All divorces have to start somewhere.

And not just in terms of that first painful discussion, last straw argument, or moment when you and your spouse pass the point of no return.

In most cases – almost 70 percent, to be exact — women take the first legal step in filing for divorce.

So whether a husband knows it’s coming, or is about to be blindsided, chances are he’ll be left catching up in terms of emotionally processing such a monumental life change.

The moment the paperwork starts and the process becomes official, a lot of feelings hit.

So after telling your spouse you want a divorce, what does filing for divorce actually feel like?

As these 12 ex-husbands and fathers explain, the feelings can shoot the emotional gamut and bring everything from unimaginable pain to life-altering relief.

One thing’s for certain – the process comes with a lot of emotions.

1. I had a lot of regrets

“The divorce papers may as well have been a white surrender flag. That’s what it felt like. My ex-wife and I did everything we could to try and keep things together. But, we just ended up driving ourselves further apart. I guess my regret came from feeling like we – or I – had given up. Like maybe there was just one more thing I could’ve done to save us. Some ‘magic’ thing I missed. And filing for divorce was just a reminder that everything we tried just wasn’t good enough. We had to give up.” – Ken, 42, Oregon

2. I was relieved

“It was a long time coming. So, when I actually filed the papers, it was a big breath of relief. Even though there was more – much more – paperwork and legal stuff ahead, that first step was huge. I think she felt that way, too. It was just this weight of bad, unfortunate decisions that was lifted and put into the past, and would let us move forward as better people, and better parents. That was a huge part of us getting divorced – being able to function better for our kids. It’s been a little while since my divorce, but I’ll never forget that feeling.” – Andy, 37, Illinois

3. I felt so guilty

“My wife divorced me because I had an affair, so I don’t think it’s any surprise that I felt incredibly guilty once it all came out in black-and-white. The situation was complicated. There were a lot of emotions involved. Somehow, seeing your entire marriage broken down into pages and pages of legal paperwork just wipes all of those emotions away. And, for me, what filled that emptiness was guilt and shame. I wasn’t the only one who made mistakes. But, during that stage of our divorce it felt like I was.” – Gary, 36, California

4. I was shocked

“I was in shock from the second my ex-wife said she wanted a divorce. Honestly, I don’t even remember filling out most of the paperwork through the whole thing. Except the checks. I had no idea she was as unhappy as she was. We had what seemed like a great life, with wonderful children and loads of other blessings. The rug was completely pulled out from under me. The kids, too. Not one of us had any idea it was coming. It was a lot of sad, awkward conversations with them about why mommy wanted to leave, and I remember just feeling shocked the whole time words were coming out of my mouth.” – Mike, 40, Ohio

5. I felt stupid

“I actually had to Google ‘How To File A Divorce’. I had no idea. I really didn’t. And I didn’t know any lawyers, or anyone I was close with who had actually been divorced. For the most part, my ex-wife and I were on the same page about splitting up. Our kids were suffering because of our marital problems. But I’ve never felt stupider than when I cold-called a lawyer and was like, ‘Uh, Hi. I’d like to file for a divorce…?’ You don’t learn how to do that in school. Even if you know people who are divorced, you never get to see the inner workings of what it feels like. And it felt really embarrassing.” – Doug, 38, California

6. I felt angry. Very angry

“My ex-wife filed our paperwork. She was the one who wanted the divorce. When I got to see everything, I was blown away by all the reasons she listed for wanting to dissolve our marriage. She wrote down that I was neglectful, hurtful, unreasonable … just all these ridiculous claims that I’m guessing her lawyer told her to say. None of it was true. And I remember sitting there, reading it all, thinking about our kids and what a great father I thought I was, and just seething with anger. It felt like someone starting a rumor about me back in high school. I just couldn’t believe it.” – Christopher, 39, Maryland

7. I was proud

“I gave my ex way too many chances, for way too many reasons. Everyone I knew pushed me toward divorce, and they were absolutely right. So, when I actually filed the first bits of paperwork, it was like taking charge of a situation I’d let get way out of hand. It was a pat on my own back that I really needed, after the borderline abusive relationship I’d been in. It was me standing up for myself, which wasn’t something I was used to doing. To be honest, I think my divorce helped shaped the confidence I have today. If you knew me before, you’d know how grateful I am for that.” – Jimmy, 38, Virginia

8. I felt a lot of different emotions

“Throughout the whole divorce, I was constantly up one minute, and down the next. First, I’d think it was the right thing to do. Then my mind would flip-flop and I’d start thinking about all the things I’d miss. The bigger things were obvious — the house, the relationship with my kids, and stuff like that. But there was also a lot of weird, little stuff, like playing fantasy football with her uncle and cousin, that I realized I’d never be able to do that again. At least not without it being super awkward. The start of a divorce is this weird ‘whole marriage flashing before your eyes’ kind of thing. And it definitely gave me a chance to reflect on the gravity of my situation.” – Drew, 41, Pennsylvania

9. I felt very conflicted

“A lot of people will congratulate you on surviving a divorce. On one hand, you’re like, ‘Yeah. Thanks. I’m glad it’s over.’ On the other hand, it feels really icky to be congratulated about something so terrible. I’d tell people we filed the paperwork, and they’d give me an ‘atta boy’, or whatever. It didn’t feel right, at all. I’ve always thought it was weird how hunters congratulate each other for killing something, and it kinda felt like that. A lot of these people were at our wedding, and now they’re congratulating me on helping kill our marriage? It was a weird, unsettling feeling, that’s for sure.” – Anthony, 34, Tennessee

10. I was heartbroken

“I loved my ex-wife very much. She fell out of love with me, and that was just a completely devastating ordeal. The start of the paperwork was just brutal. It was just a cold reminder of what happened and, more importantly, what was about to happen. I didn’t want to finish it. I kept putting it off, probably just out of hope. I dragged it out as long as I could. Not out of spite, but because I was genuinely hoping for a miracle. Divorces are a special kind of trauma, and mine was no different.” – Josh, 35, Washington, D.C.

11. I was bitter

“When we got married, my ex-wife didn’t have much. It was my house, my car, and most of my money. Financially, it definitely wasn’t an equal partnership. I started to get really hostile toward the end, but there was nothing I could do. I just had to bend over and take it. The only thing that calmed me down was knowing that our kids would benefit from the arrangement. Maybe not benefit, but at least be taken care of financially. I didn’t think of it that way when I read her list of conditions, though. I just saw pure red.” – Gabriel, 43, Ohio

12. I felt guarded

“I didn’t want people to know. Part of it was shame, I think, but part of it was also me trying to protect myself from more pain. My trust was completely shattered leading up to our divorce, and I think that spilled over into my relationships with other people. I just didn’t know who I could count on. It felt like everyone was out to get me when, really, nothing was further from the truth. I had a lot of people wanting to help and support me, but my emotions were completely clouding my judgement. I’m so lucky they stuck by me through it all, because I was hard to deal with for those months while everything got sorted out.” – Steven, 36, Florida

 

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Cherie – Sigh… Beyond Epilogue

So in the wake of the apparent going of Cherie, I am left with no alternative.

Am I sad that my relationship with Cherie has evaporated under the weight of a myriad of reasons?

Her obligations to her job at CHOP, her family, bills, son, health issues, school issues, her financial issues, etc.

All of these issues have factored into the collective demise of our relationship.

I take responsibility for this too. I work a million hours at two jobs now and I’m rarely available either.

Cherie had to get a babysitter and travel 40 miles down here to see me. That’s a hike and hard to do. I’ve never gone to see her where she lives, and it seems that our love affair was reduced to nothing more than booty calls and some movies and meals.

Going into this, I wore armor. I was never going to let what happened to me with crazy Annabelle ever happen to me again. (See: Annabelle)

If you don’t evolve, you die. I knew I could never let my desires ever rule my life again. I needed to be clear and understand that if I got into a relationship with anyone ever again, it had to be different.

I had to be different.

For the first time in my life I didn’t let my addiction to the drug of love rule the day.

I realized after Annabelle that I could never let anyone hurt me again in the way she so easily did with her folly.

I needed to learn and evolve beyond what happened and be ready to fall in love again, but make sure certain things were in place.

When I met Cherie, it was 2016. This blog was new, and I joined these dating apps to meet women to get back in the game. I went on so many dates, and tried to date age appropriate women, and it really failed.

It gave me content for the blog, but it felt like an exercise in buying dinner and drinks for people I didn’t have any passion for.

But I had to find my way back into the dating arena.

Did I want love? Well, I guess we all want that, but 4 years ago I felt that if I was writing a dating blog, I should not only cover it all, I should try to actually find a decent mate.

I felt that I found that with Cherie.

But I was still working on my old model for meeting and dating women. Cherie matched with me on Tinder. She was 26, fit, hot, single mom, good job, and ready to get her BS in neuroscience.

Our first date was amazing. But I was still doing the same thing. But this one had a few different parts.

All of the other ones wanted marriage and kids. Cherie had a son and didn’t want any more. I thought that was perfect. I get the young hot girl on the right side of 30 who doesn’t want what every other girl I’ve met in the last 15 years has wanted.

Cherie’s great. Any drama she had in her life she kept it away from me. I loved being with her and was honored she wanted to be with an old lion like me. She was fire in the bedroom and I loved when we were together.

I actually loved when we’d burn it down and then she was gone the next day.

I realized that after my marriage and all of my failed relationships that a girl who would love me and visit occasionally was perfect for me.

I had my work, my little social life, and my alone time. I only needed to be Led Zeppelin once or twice a month with Cherie.

Because of her school, work, child responsibilities, she couldn’t be around all the time and I loved that.

I remember my father saying, “I want a woman, but I want her when I want her.”

That sounds selfish, but I understand that now. I understand a lot of things as I get older.

It’s a relief to really know who you are at my age. So many men can’t do that. If they’re friends of mine, I’ll help them with that.

Or not…

So like I said before, I would walk through Rittenhouse with hot Cherie and think, “Wife” but I know that’s not true. It was just a feeling I had because I loved her and she was beautiful.

So pretty. Her brown thighs flexing and glowing in the afternoon sun.

But I can’t be in a relationship or ever be married.

The phicklephilly guy. The dating and relationship guru, can’t be caged and has no interest in any of that.

I’ll probably lose followers but I have to tell the truth.

I love the company of people in my life. I work so much. I get my energy from people. I’m so happy you’re all in my life, but I just don’t think I can be in a relationship.

It’s hard. All of the attention. The texting. The commitment. The time. All of the stuff. I’ve done it all… and I’m done.

Don’t worry, the blog isn’t finished. I love dating, and who knows? Maybe I’ll meet a girl who turns my head around.

I believe anything can happen and love is the strongest force in the galaxy.

I normally have an agenda when I write because there’s a story to be told, but tonight I just wanted to talk to somebody about what I’m going through.

I think I’m destined to be alone.

I’m fine with that.

Sadly. It’s over between Cherie and Me.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Loving Someone You Can’t Have: 15 Ways to Handle the Pain

There are only a few things more agonizing than being in love with someone you can’t have. How can you deal with this kind of pain? Here are 15 ways.

Whether the person you secretly love is your best friend’s fiancée, your boss’s crush, or your close friend who’s clearly in love with someone else, there’s no escaping the pain of being with them and knowing that you can never have them. Whenever they’re around, you get consumed by your efforts to conceal your emotions, hoping that the way you stare at them won’t give away your real feelings. There are times when you ask yourself why you’re subjecting yourself to this kind of torture. And the answer is quite simple: they bring you joy.

How to handle the pain of loving someone you can’t have

Maybe you’ve decided that it’s better to be with someone you really love, even if you can never have them, than not have them in your life in any way. If that’s your decision, then there’s nothing much you can do, except handle the pain that goes with it. Here are some tips on coping with the pain of loving someone you can’t have.

Be cool

If you are still hanging around because you hope that the two of you will be together one day, or you’re still enjoying the happiness the person brings, even with all the pain, here are the things you can do to cope.

#1 Enjoy your time together, but don’t ask for anything more. Condition your mind to only focus on the good times and forget the rest. Don’t demand anything more than what’s given to you, because it’s likely that they’ll say no. If you’re going out to grab some coffee, enjoy those moments. Who cares if they’re going to be with their partner afterward? Not you! Acknowledge the pain, but focus on the good times.

#2 Do not ask questions that could hurt you. Asking questions that run along the lines of “Did you ever love me?” and “Am I not good enough?” will just hurt you, or cause tension in your relationship. The goal is to avoid pain, so it’s counterproductive to seek answers to these questions.

#3 Divert your attention to hobbies. Spending too much time analyzing your feelings? Roll your sleeves up and get a new hobby—right now. Just get out of bed, go to a craft shop—or wherever else you can—and get your hands movin’. Not only will this temporarily help you ease the pain, it will also make you more creative—and creativity is always a good thing. Imagine how many paintings or hats you’d make by the end of the year, if you just use the time you spend on self-pity wisely?

#4 Be a real friend, but protect your feelings. Of course, you want to be their crying shoulder. But when it comes to unrequited love, and you’re on the losing end, don’t give your all. Make sure that you’re comforting them without crushing your heart. It’s okay to listen to them talk about their frustrations with the person they love, but it’s another thing if that’s all you talk about and you’re even helping them plot the perfect surprise party for their beloved.

#5 Be surrounded by friends. During times of emotional turmoil, you need the loving arms, sound advice, and truckloads of craziness of your best buds. There’s nothing like pondering and laughing about your situation over a couple of beers. I am sure they’ve all had similar experiences, and would be very much willing to share some tips. Say “cheers” and laugh it off, at least for one night!

#6 Stay away from hurtful situations. If you know that they’re going to be with their partner at a party, don’t show up. Why would you? It’s like committing suicide. Simply decline their invitation and be at peace. Sleeping all day or binge watching your favorite TV show are so much better than seeing the person you love with somebody else

#7 Learn to compartmentalize. To cope with emotional turmoil, you have to learn how to compartmentalize. When you’re with the person you adore, be with them 100%. But make sure that when you’re working or doing something else, your mind is not wrapped around them. It takes a lot of practice, but it can be done.

#8 Devote 30 minutes every day to sulk. Set a specific time in your day to just be sentimental about your one-sided love affair. Don’t let thoughts about your beloved consume you all the time; when the thought pops in your head, tell yourself that you can only think about it from 6:00-6:30. It sounds like a crazy idea, but it’s effective!

Cool isn’t an option

Perhaps some time has passed, yet you’re still stuck in the same situation. You want things to change, or you’d rather be left alone. Here are some things you can do to eliminate and even totally get rid of the pain.

#9 Stop pretending you’re okay. If you’re really in pain, you don’t have to pretend you’re okay. Not anymore. You’ve been dealing with this for months *or years* and it is exhausting to put on a fake smile all the time.

Tell them you can’t be with them while they shop for their lover’s gift because it hurts you. Don’t laugh or smile if you really don’t feel like doing those things, either. You are entitled to express your real feelings, just like they’re entitled to theirs.

#10 Limit contact as much as possible. Yes, even if seeing them makes you “happy” on the surface. You must learn to turn away from something that only gives you temporary happiness and be okay with missing out, because here’s something you should know: if it causes you distress, you’re not missing anything! Do yourself a favor and protect your emotions.

#11 Date other people. Why not? Don’t be scared that you’ll lose the tiniest chance of having the person you can’t have. You’re the only one being sentimental about it. Trust me, they’ll even be genuinely happy for you. If they actually like you, but have been too afraid to make a move, this may give them a push to finally do so.

#12 Hide them from your feeds. You always want to see them and find out what they’re doing—that’s why you added them on Facebook. But then you also see them cuddling with their sweetheart. Ah, those photos can make you bleed! Once and for all, hide them from your timeline. They’re like an addiction. You have to cut them out of your life, by all means.

#13 Write about your feelings. Writing about our feelings can give us a clearer view of what we’re going through. This is a well-known therapy technique that won’t cost you a dime. This has the same effect as a prayer. What makes this better is that you can actually re-read what you’ve written, so you can assess yourself better. This serves as a great proof of just how crazy you are being!

#14 Write a letter to yourself. After writing about your feelings, it’s time to write a letter to yourself. Yes, it may sound cheesy, but it’s one effective way to regain your self-esteem and forgive yourself. It can help you reconnect with yourself, so you can face reality, and make new plans for your life.

#15 Finally, tell them what you feel without expecting anything. It will relieve you of all the self-inflicted tension you’ve built up over time. Simply inform them that you like them, but know you can’t have them. This will liberate you, as long as you ensure that you’re not doing this to get sympathy or love.

Be advised: if confessing your feelings would put you and your beloved in danger *i.e. if you’re in love with your future sister-in-law*, forget it. It’s not worth the trouble. Just deal with it on your own.

It’s painful to love someone you can’t have, but don’t let it take over your life. Sure, allow yourself to sulk for a time, but after that, dust off your sorrows and toughen up a little *or a lot*. When all is said and done, you’ll be glad you took care of your heart and sanity using these tips, even when in love, because those are the things that only you can protect.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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16 Quotes About Unrequited Love That Are SO Accurate, It Hurts

The French expression “la douleur exquise” literally translates to “the exquisite pain,” and refers to the pain of wanting someone you can’t have. TBH, I don’t think there’s a more eloquent, accurate way to describe the experience of a one-sided romance. But there are also numerous quotes about unrequited love that perfectly capture the agony involved.

If you caught feels for someone who doesn’t reciprocate said feels, take comfort in this: Unrequited love is so common that you can read about it in countless classic novels, hear multiple multi-platinum pop stars sing about it in current hit songs, and even watch contestants on The Bachelor and The Bachelorette deal with it IRL. In fact, a 2014 study published in the journal SAGE Open, which analyzed music over the last 40 years, found that a sizable portion of the lyrics in popular songs referred to unrequited love and romantic rejection.

When you love someone who doesn’t love you back, you may find yourself teetering between optimism that your crush will eventually feel the same way, and despair that they don’t. Longing for the unattainable can leave you feeling confused, lost, vulnerable, disheartened, and everything in between. But each and every experience with love — even, and especially, the ones that don’t end with a happily ever after — presents a learning opportunity. So, the best thing you can do is allow yourself to feel the complete spectrum of your emotions, and trust that eventually you’ll be able to glean some shred of wisdom from your one-sided romance.

Quotes about unrequited love can be hopeful — or capture the despair and the heartache.

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Knowing that you’re not alone in your heartache obviously won’t take away the pain that comes with unrequited love, but it can help to ease it somewhat. So, whether you’ve found yourself in the dreaded friend zone, or the object of your affection is inconveniently in a relationship with someone else, refer to these quotes for a quick hit of much-needed commiseration, reassurance, and hope.

1. “In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing.” — Mignon McLaughlin

2. “Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart.” — Washington Irving

3. “To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves.” — Federico García Lorca

4. “When you loved someone and had to let them go, there will always be that small part of yourself that whispers, “What was it that you wanted and why didn’t you fight for it?”― Shannon L. Alder

5. “It’s wicked to throw away so many good gifts because you can’t have the one you want.” ― Louisa May Alcott

6. “The worst feeling is falling for someone and knowing that they won’t be there to catch you.” — Rashida Rowe

7. “Living with someone you love can be lonelier than living entirely alone, if the one that you love doesn’t love you.” ― Tennessee Williams

8. “Too many of us are hung up on what we don’t have, can’t have, or won’t ever have.” ― Terry McMillan

Reading quotes about unrequited love may offer some much-needed reassurance and commiseration.

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9. “When you love something, you have to make sure it loves you back, or you’ll bring about no end of trouble chasing it.” — Patrick Rothfuss

10. “An unrequited love is so much better than a real one … As long as something is never even started, you never have to worry about it ending.” — Sarah Dessen

11. “A person doesn’t know true hurt and suffering until they’ve felt the pain of falling in love with someone whose affections lie elsewhere.” ― Rose Gordon

12. “Because, if you could love someone, and keep loving them, without being loved back … then that love had to be real. It hurt too much to be anything else.” — Sarah Cross

13. “The heart is stubborn. It holds onto love despite what sense and emotion tells it. And it is often, in the battle of those three, the most brilliant of all.” — Alessandra Torre

14. “Sometimes no matter how many eyelashes or dandelion seeds you blow, no matter how much of your heart you tear out and slap on your sleeve, it just ain’t gonna happen.” ― Melissa Jensen

15. “There comes a time in your life when you have to choose to turn the page, write another book or simply close it.”― Shannon L. Alder

16. “Let no one who loves be called unhappy. Even love unreturned has its rainbow.” — James Matthew Barrison

 

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