The 3-Day Rule Is the Worst Piece of Dating Advice, and We Should All Stop Following It

Picture it: You go on a first date, the conversation is flowing, and you can already tell you have some sort of connection with this person. They’re someone you hope to see again, and you’re pretty positive they feel the same way. However, there’s just one thing — you have to wait three days to talk to them again. Why? Well, because of the well-known and long-standing (but pretty much outdated) three-day dating “rule.”

If you like someone, tell them. If you didn’t feel a connection on the date, tell them. Talk to them when you want to talk to them instead of waiting because of some stupid rule

The guideline came about to direct people on how to handle communication following a first date. After all, you couldn’t possibly contact someone too soon without running the risk of looking desperate, especially a woman reaching out to a man first (the scandal!). Texting or calling someone the day after a date? Forget it. What about the second day? No, you still look too eager. But day three is just right, according to this rule.

This led to the mentality that you have to keep a person guessing how you feel about them, because if they knew how much you liked them, or that you even liked them at all, that would come off as unattractive. This kind of childish thinking is what can kill a potentially good relationship. These days, with social media, texting, and a culture that’s seemingly always connected, why are people still fueling an I’m-so-cool-I-didn’t-contact-you outdated game?

When I used to be on dating apps, I thought if a conversation died down for a few days, at least one of us wasn’t really feeling it. That was fine, but then if the person reappeared, well, that was just a back-and-forth situation I was not there for. The truth is, with so many options at our fingertips (thanks, Tinder), how do we know if someone is actually following the three-day rule or just forgot about you for a minute while they talked to someone new?

Let’s keep it simple: the three-day dating rule is straight up a waste of time. If you like someone, tell them. If you didn’t feel a connection on the date, tell them. Talk to them when you want to talk to them instead of waiting because of some stupid rule. There’s no benefit in playing hard to get if you, in fact, want some sort of future with the person. So let’s make a new rule: if you’re into someone, don’t be afraid to be the first person to reach out following a great first date. Life is too short to play unnecessary games. The worst that could happen is they don’t feel the same way, and if that does happen, you can rest easy knowing you didn’t waste more time thinking about someone who wasn’t right for you. It’s a win-win.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

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Love is like Cocaine: The Remarkable, Terrifying Neuroscience of Romance – Part 2

Yes, you really are addicted to love.

Beliefs and Brain Chemistry

When the systems of neurotransmitters in our brain destabilize during the early phases of a romantic relationship, our moods become unsteady too. And so does our ability to think rationally and make wise decisions. When you become truly infatuated with a person, you might make decisions you wouldn’t dream of making in a sane state of mind. Nothing really matters compared to the object of your infatuation. In extreme cases, we might max out credit cards, leave our families, move across oceans, abdicate a throne, rob banks, or even commit murder for the sake of love.

When there is a substantial imbalance in your brain chemistry, your preferences and reasoning abilities change and so do your beliefs. Research has shown that when you mess with your brain chemistry, you are more likely to have spiritual experiences, see things that are not there, and form beliefs that are not grounded in evidence.

In the 1960s, researchers experimented with the psychedelic drug psylocybin, the active ingredient in magic mushrooms, to see if it could induce spiritual experiences in healthy volunteers. The first of these experiments took place on Good Friday in 1962. Harvard researchers administered psilocybin to ten students in the basement of Marsh Chapel at Boston University. The religious setting and the drug together gave rise to religious experiences in all study participants.

(The experiments came to a halt when the US government prohibited them in the early 1970s.)

Psychedelic drugs, such as psilocybin, LSD (lysergic acid diethylamide), and mescaline, affect the dopamine system, the serotonin system, and the adrenergic system. Their effects on the adrenergic systems, which normally cause an increase in the blood concentration of adrenaline, can cause panic attacks and extreme anxiety. The drugs’ effects on the dopamine system are responsible for thoughtless decision making and irrational actions during a “trip,” such as self-mutilation or suicide. The psychedelic effects of the drugs are largely due to their affinity for the 5-HT2A receptor. This receptor is a serotonin receptor. When a psychedelic drug in the serotonin family binds to it, the drug functions just like serotonin.

In normal amounts, the feel-good chemical serotonin yields a sense of relaxation and relief. In large amounts, however, serotonin and serotonin agonists like LSD, DMT (dimethyltryptamine), and the magic mushroom ingredient psilocybin have psychedelic effects. In large amounts, these chemicals trigger the brain’s main excitatory neurotransmitter glutamate, which makes parts of the brain go into an over-excited state.

The effects of excessive amounts of serotonin can be so powerful that our critical sense is turned off. A famous, mind-boggling case illustrating this is the Dr. Fox study. In the 1970s an actor was trained to deliver a brilliant talk on mathematical game theory while saying basically nothing of substance. The actor, who bore the name Dr. Myron L. Fox, had taken a scholarly article on game theory and stripped it of its content. The talk was rife with hedging, invented words, contradictory assertions, and references to his alleged earlier articles and books. Surprisingly, his delivery so impressed the audience that nobody noticed that he didn’t really say anything. At the end of the talk the audience, which consisted primarily of experts, bombarded Fox with questions, which he answered proficiently without providing any substantial content. After the lecture, the audience was given the opportunity to evaluate the performance. Everyone was very positive, they thought the lecture had been interesting, and some noted that Dr. Fox had presented the material clearly and precisely and offered lots of illustrative examples. And these folks were academic experts on the topic of mathematical game theory! Speaking of being fooled by what you hear!

This effect of delivery on audience evaluation has come to be known as “The Dr. Fox effect.” The Dr. Fox effect can be explained by noting that a large surge in “feel good” chemicals will turn off our critical sense. Funny, charming, and persuasive people signal to our brains that everything is as it should be. Their smooth behavior boosts our serotonin levels, which turn off our critical sense and increase our feeling of satisfaction—so much so that our initial beliefs are never subjected to scrutiny in the ventromedial prefrontal cortex and the anterior insula, regions of the brain involved in reflecting critically on new information.

The effects of psychedelic drugs, such as LSD, DMT, and psilocybin, are extreme. Because these drugs cause the brain to enter an over-excited state, they can have seizure-like effects. They furthermore can give rise to hallucinations, illusory color experiences, a feeling of floating , a feeling of one’s identity disintegrating , a feeling of becoming one with the universe, and illusions of time and distance. Thoughts can become uncontrollable, rambling , and obscure, and edged in acid, old memories may blend with new experiences.

While our serotonin levels tend to be low when we fall in love or are beset by a mindless love obsession, there are also states of love that resemble LSD trips. When your passion is unrequited or when you are away from your new love, your serotonin levels drop. But if you unexpectedly bump into him or her or realize that his or her love is not unrequited after all, your brain may release a surge of serotonin, dopamine, and adrenaline, making your mind a bit like the LSD mind. In this state, you may be more likely to see things that are not there, have experiences that are mixed with old memories, and act in irrational ways.

Dopamine by itself can cause people to form beliefs that are not grounded in evidence. People whose blood levels of dopamine are higher than normal are more likely to attach meaning to sheer coincidences and find meaningful patterns in arbitrary scrambled images.

Peter Brugger, a neurologist from the University Hospital in Zurich, Switzerland, examined twenty people who claimed to believe in paranormal events and twenty who claimed they didn’t. When the participants were asked to tell which faces were real and which were scrambled among a series of briefly flashed images, people who believed in paranormal events were more likely than skeptical participants to pick out a scrambled face as real. The results were the same when the participants were tested using words instead of faces. After the initial trials, the researchers administered L-dopa, which has the same effects as dopamine, to both groups of participants. After taking this drug, skeptics made many more mistakes when looking for real words or faces than before taking the drug.

The results of the study suggest that dopamine can make you see things that aren’t there and form beliefs without solid evidential backing. These results may explain the tendency of people in love to idealize their partners and attach meaning to every little move he or she makes. When in love, your dopamine levels are high when you think of your lover. This makes your brain a less reliable instrument for forming solid beliefs or making wise decisions.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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Secret Signs a Woman Wants You

You probably already know about the obvious signs that a girl wants you such as laughing at your jokes and playing around with you. But there are more subtle signs that you may not be fast to notice.

Kezia Noble is a known dating expert for men and we got the secret signs that a woman wants you from one of her expert videos. Check them out below:

1. She seeks your validation

Couple(Hot 963)

 

If a woman is always seeking your approval, and may be altering what she had said earlier in order to be in your line of standards, then she wants you. If she had stated swimming as her hobby, she might change or say that she also likes going for movies if it’s one of your hobbies.

2. You have her full focus

We are living in the age where people pay more attention to their phones than to what the other person is saying to them. If you are talking to one of those girls who are always glued to their phones but they focus all their attention on you, Kezia notes that this is a good sign that the girl is interested in you.

3. She tries to resurrect the conversation

Couple talking

We’ve all been there and it feels awkward when you have nothing else to say to each other. According to Kezia, “If she is trying to resurrect that conversation, she is trying her best to stop the fizzle from happening, that’s another good sign.”

4. She is always hanging around you

It’s not just a coincidence that you find her around you every now and then. If you think it’s just a coincidence, try looking for more signs and you might be surprised that she actually wants you.

5. She is distracted by you

Flirting(Giphy)Flirting(Giphy)

She could be talking to other people but once in a while, she is stealing glances at you. This a sign that she probably wants you.

6. She extends a compliment

If she tries to challenge your compliment or seems like is trying to gauge it genuineness, no doubt she is interested.

7. She excuses your bad behavior

Okay gif(WiffleGif)

This is not an excuse to go acting like a jerk. But if a girl doesn’t seem to mind your bad behavior or even giggles about it, she could be interested in you.

8. She responds to your lazy text messages  

Girl texting(Fortune)

Especially if you just met her and you send her a basic ‘hi’ or ‘how are you doing’ text message, Kezia says this is a very good sign that she is interested.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy my new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is on Amazon!

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13 Signs of Strong Physical Attraction that Reveal a Mad Attraction

Signs of strong physical attraction are extremely powerful. If you’re showing any of these signs, you’re giving off seriously hot signals!

We’ve all been there. You meet someone who you simply can’t stay away from. They seem to have a certain allure and it’s like a magnet to you. To quote Edward Cullen from Twilight *of all things*, they are your own “personal brand of heroin.” It’s that magnetic, that powerful, that overwhelming. They are the signs of strong physical attraction.

You want them badly. It’s not going to go away until you’ve had them. It’s both a wonderful, exhilarating feeling. It leaves you vulnerable and open to hurt and anguish too. If you can keep it on a physical level for now, and avoid daydreaming about wedding aisles and long futures, this could be a fun way to get to know someone new. If it works out, great. If it doesn’t, well, you’ll have had a great time finding out!

13 signs of strong physical attraction you can’t miss

So, if it’s you giving off the signals, or you’re noticing them coming your way, what should you be looking out for exactly? Let’s check out 13 signs of strong physical attraction, which can only lead to one outcome: the shedding of clothes.

#1 An undeniable urge to touch them, in any way at all. If you simply want to reach out and touch them, perhaps move that stray hair from their face, or make an excuse to brush an invisible piece of fluff from their shirt, you’ve got it bad! A desire to reach out and touch is one of the main signs of strong physical attractions. You might have to sit on your hands to keep your urges to yourself!

 #2 A racing heartbeat. Does your heart rate pick up a few notches whenever this person is around? Can you hear the thumping and feel it in your chest? Does it reverberate around your entire body? Playing a special drum orchestra only you can hear? Again, a surefire sign that you want to take things to another level with this person. The attraction is super strong!

#3 Noticing your palms are sweaty. Do you get sweaty palms whenever this person is around? This the body’s natural nervous response, but it’s also linked with attraction. There is a very fine line between the two feelings. If you’re noticing that your hands become something akin to a sweat slick whenever this person pops into your space, that is one of the firm signs of strong physical attraction.

#4 You feel nervous generally. If you notice butterflies in your stomach, and a strange feeling of nervousness for no reason whatsoever, that’s your body telling you that it wants this other person, and not in a pure way! You have a true physical attraction to this other person. These nerves are your body’s fight or flight response kicking in.

#5 Dry lips. Do you notice that your mouth and lips go dry? Do you instinctively lick your lips? If you’re doing this while looking at the other person, lost in the moment and your thoughts of what might happen, you’re leaving them in no doubt about what you’re thinking! Again, one of the biggest signs of strong physical attraction, and one the other person can’t help but notice!

#6 You can’t get your words out. Do you stutter around this person, suddenly become shy and start blushing? You could be the most confident person in the world. But whenever this person is around, you turn into a bumbling mess. This can be a sign of true physical attraction, because you’re worried they can somehow read your mind and they know about the thoughts you’re having!

#7 A desire to look your best. Whenever this person is around, you want to look your very best, perhaps showing a little more skin than you would normally, and really letting them see you at your very best. This desire to look good isn’t simply for your confidence levels. It’s because you want this person to want you back.

Similarly, if you notice someone else always looking their shining best whenever you’re around, perhaps that’s a sign of them wanting something from you!

#8 You can’t tear your eyes away. Everyone knows that eye contact is a sign of desire, but if you simply can’t tear your eyes away from this person, whether you’re in conversation or you’re simply watching them walk, move, or carry out a task, you’re seriously attracted to them on a very physical level.

#9 A desire to tease them. We’ve all heard the old adage that you pull the pigtails on the playground of the one you like, and this goes back years and years, but it’s actually true. When you like someone, either emotionally or physically, you’ll probably revert to teasing them. This is a fun way to build a connection, but it’s a way to build up sexual tension at the same time.

#10 Your voice changes when you talk to them. Does your voice suddenly turn into a whisper or take on a somewhat erotic tone? If so, your voice is giving you away, and that’s one of the biggest signs of strong physical attraction. Your voice might suddenly go husky, and a little breathy, and you’re telling the other person what you’re thinking without using words.

#11 You don’t notice anyone else. The room could be full of other people but your attention will be solely on the person you have a strong physical attraction towards. You only want to look at this person, see what they are doing, and you only want them to notice you back.

A person can be talking to you, but if you’re busy gazing at your beau, all your attention will be on them, and your imagination will probably be running wild at the same time!

#12 Mirroring. Movement mirroring is one of the biggest and most obvious signs of strong physical attraction. It’s something we do without even realizing it. In this case, you will mirror the movements and standing/sitting position of the person you’re attracted to.

If they’re standing with their body angled towards you, you’ll do the same. And if they sit with their legs crossed, you’ll do the same, etc. This is a common body language trick that speaks volumes.

#13 You just can’t move away. Do you feel yourself rooted to the spot? You feel you can’t tear yourself away from this person. Almost as though you’re under a spell? That’s because you’re  physically attracted to this person. You want them badly! It’s chemistry. As we mentioned before, it’s like a drug reaction, a need, a really deep-seeded want.

How many of these signs of strong physical attraction can you agree with? Is there a person who you can’t get out of your head? Let’s hope they feel the same way and you can move onto something more!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy my new book, Angel with a Broken Wing on June 20th, on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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20 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Having a One Night Stand

1. Are you married, in a committed relationship, interested in someone, or religiously forbidden to have premarital sex?

Today’s society does not see marriage the way it seemed to be a hundred years ago. But it is the same. It is a sacred commitment between two people. The act itself will never change. How each person treats it, is what the problem is. And this should be a question you ask yourself before heading out to play in the woods. If you love the person you are with, you need to focus on that love life. Not going crazy over a few hours of pleasure that could have you losing it all. The same applies to the rest of the question, including being in a committed relationship with God. Such as a priest, nun, monk, etc.

2. Do you have an STD such as HIV, AIDS, Herpes, Warts, etc.?

Spreading this around is unacceptable. These STD’s already have a steadily increasing number in the world of sexual enjoyment. And if this is something you have, or think you might, then the partner involved you are thinking about DESERVES the right to be told. If they change their mind, that is that right, as well. With that said, you need to take care of you. What if you have one of these issues, and it flares up afterward?

3. Will you use protection?

Some do not care. They think since they are clean, all with be okay. What if you are having a random fling from someone you just met tonight, neither of you know each other, and you have to think that if they are so readily available for a good time, do you honestly think this is their first time? And are they thinking the same as you? For all safety measures, protection is best and even then, it’s not foolproof.

4. What if the condom breaks?

Name brand and how it’s never happened to you before does not matter. It can still happen. What then?

5. How well do you know this person?

This goes back to #3. A random person can bring you anything in the heat of the moment. Even a friend of twenty years can be carrying something Ajax is not able to wash off. Knowing someone does not seem to matter. In today’s day and age, everyone needs to apply for a weekly physical. With a medical form as proof.

6. What type of reputation does this person have?

This plays a part in your life. Being with someone for a moment, can greatly impact your life. Not even all men are patted on the back for taking on the local junky who does this as a lifestyle to support habits. And you girls, you know how it is harder on us. Everyone’s reputation is indeed a great concern to question.

7. Is this worth $100? (The cost of a hotel room)

That is if you do not go cheesy and use the backseat and maybe you can find a room for $55 but even then, is this two-hour adventure worth wasting your hard-earned money? Do you not have something else to buy for your car or home? Perhaps food?

8. How will I feel after?

If you are easily connected to people, you really need to stop here and do serious soul searching. To walk in, go at it, and leave with a guilty conscience, is a huge undertaking. What if you see it in their eyes that they are feeling bad?

9. How will they feel after?

As people, we are unique characters. We all proclaim we can do this and that. Walk away without looking back. The matter at hand is that most women feel scorned or used if the person they are with does not show interest in them anymore.

I know a once young man who had a one time fling with a young lady who proclaimed that is all she wanted. Turned out, she lied. She became obsessed and destroyed his truck to the metal with a set of keys.

10. What if they want more than you can give them, afterward?

This goes back to #9. Not even sure if this question should be here. Almost like a repeat. Due to the circumstances of what if, it is probably best I leave it be. This is about thinking it over before jumping. Twice, if need be. So, it stays.

11. What do you do if it’s starting but you find myself suddenly not interested?

Having no clue about a one night stand, this would end up being my luck if I attempted one. How would we all handle this? Personally, I would be stuck between a rock and a hard spot (no pun intended) but would stop it. No one should ever have to share their body if at any point their mood changes. Question is, this one-nighter, will they be as accepting? Lots of worms can fall out of this can.

12. Is this with a friend and if so, is it worth the chance?

The all too commonly heard do not mess it up friendship talk. Look, no friendship is worth losing. Good friends are rare. Why would you throw that away for? Some of us learn the hard way when making a bad decision but this one, having never touched it, can see how it could be even worse.

13. Do you work, go to church, or to school with this person?

Awkward!!!! Especially if you apply rather or not the person is married to someone you work with. Maybe your parents know their parents, and everyone joins for a Sunday dinner at the local restaurant for small chat. Wow! Now to worry if others can see what both of your faces are saying.

14. Is this person know to have an active sex life around town?

I admit. This is a wee bit redundant with this question. It can not be argued on how this question fits three others. Due to sexually transmitted diseases, it should be asked at least fourteen more times. It should be the top of the line question you ask yourself. For real. Is your body worth hurting?

15. Are they good friends with my siblings?

There is something about sleeping with your sibling’s best friend. Not only do most relationships in this area end, but it also kills the mutual friendship your brother/sister has with your one-night lover. While you may not have a broken heart about it once done, your sibling could end up not trusting you. The damage i can feel this could cause is significant.

16. Are they married?

This question is not for you only. Being as big of a question when asking if you are married, this one also goes with the risk of being caught and losing everything. Not only for you, but also them. Along with an outraged spouse from their end, chasing you down the road on foot to kick your butt.

17. Do you acknowledge them if you see them in public?

At this point, things are feeling a bit repetitive. Yet at each question, a new scenario is created. Like, for instance, what if this was not discussed and you both attend the same college together? Do you walk past each other as strangers, yet still catching a glimpse? Or maybe you turn and go the opposite direction? If this was not discussed, and they are headed to you with a huge smile, as you are holding hands with your partner, do not even attempt to run. You are busted! Might want to get to addressing this before that happens.

18. How will you feel about yourself later in life?

At the moment, you may not have any regrets. What though, if in ten years, you look back at the “mistakes” you made and place this one in that category? Maybe by now, you have heard how the person is in jail for killing their lover over jealousy, or they are now on crack due to being alone. Yes, this is a bit extreme as examples but this is an extreme decision. You must ask yourself how will you feel.

19. If asked had you ever had a one-time affair, do you tell the truth or lie?

Not talking about with a group of your same-sex friends. I am talking the partner you want to spend the rest of your life with. Do you actually come out, tell the truth, and hope it just goes away? It sounds to me like a #18 issue at this point. But if you know if you tell the truth, it will be used over your head, you have even bigger issues at bay.

20. What if you want to see them again, but they do not want to?

Truly you did not think you escaped the jaws of real emotions, now did you?

It seems no matter how strong we think we are when it comes to the intimate side of life, a crush, or infatuation, no one is exempt from feelings. And if you think it could happen, you know, falling for them … rethink what you are about to put yourself through.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy my new book, Angel with a Broken Wing on June 20th, on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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