The 3-Day Rule Is the Worst Piece of Dating Advice, and We Should All Stop Following It

Picture it: You go on a first date, the conversation is flowing, and you can already tell you have some sort of connection with this person. They’re someone you hope to see again, and you’re pretty positive they feel the same way. However, there’s just one thing — you have to wait three days to talk to them again. Why? Well, because of the well-known and long-standing (but pretty much outdated) three-day dating “rule.”

If you like someone, tell them. If you didn’t feel a connection on the date, tell them. Talk to them when you want to talk to them instead of waiting because of some stupid rule

The guideline came about to direct people on how to handle communication following a first date. After all, you couldn’t possibly contact someone too soon without running the risk of looking desperate, especially a woman reaching out to a man first (the scandal!). Texting or calling someone the day after a date? Forget it. What about the second day? No, you still look too eager. But day three is just right, according to this rule.

This led to the mentality that you have to keep a person guessing how you feel about them, because if they knew how much you liked them, or that you even liked them at all, that would come off as unattractive. This kind of childish thinking is what can kill a potentially good relationship. These days, with social media, texting, and a culture that’s seemingly always connected, why are people still fueling an I’m-so-cool-I-didn’t-contact-you outdated game?

When I used to be on dating apps, I thought if a conversation died down for a few days, at least one of us wasn’t really feeling it. That was fine, but then if the person reappeared, well, that was just a back-and-forth situation I was not there for. The truth is, with so many options at our fingertips (thanks, Tinder), how do we know if someone is actually following the three-day rule or just forgot about you for a minute while they talked to someone new?

Let’s keep it simple: the three-day dating rule is straight up a waste of time. If you like someone, tell them. If you didn’t feel a connection on the date, tell them. Talk to them when you want to talk to them instead of waiting because of some stupid rule. There’s no benefit in playing hard to get if you, in fact, want some sort of future with the person. So let’s make a new rule: if you’re into someone, don’t be afraid to be the first person to reach out following a great first date. Life is too short to play unnecessary games. The worst that could happen is they don’t feel the same way, and if that does happen, you can rest easy knowing you didn’t waste more time thinking about someone who wasn’t right for you. It’s a win-win.

 

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Love is like Cocaine: The Remarkable, Terrifying Neuroscience of Romance – Part 2

Yes, you really are addicted to love.

Beliefs and Brain Chemistry

When the systems of neurotransmitters in our brain destabilize during the early phases of a romantic relationship, our moods become unsteady too. And so does our ability to think rationally and make wise decisions. When you become truly infatuated with a person, you might make decisions you wouldn’t dream of making in a sane state of mind. Nothing really matters compared to the object of your infatuation. In extreme cases, we might max out credit cards, leave our families, move across oceans, abdicate a throne, rob banks, or even commit murder for the sake of love.

When there is a substantial imbalance in your brain chemistry, your preferences and reasoning abilities change and so do your beliefs. Research has shown that when you mess with your brain chemistry, you are more likely to have spiritual experiences, see things that are not there, and form beliefs that are not grounded in evidence.

In the 1960s, researchers experimented with the psychedelic drug psylocybin, the active ingredient in magic mushrooms, to see if it could induce spiritual experiences in healthy volunteers. The first of these experiments took place on Good Friday in 1962. Harvard researchers administered psilocybin to ten students in the basement of Marsh Chapel at Boston University. The religious setting and the drug together gave rise to religious experiences in all study participants.

(The experiments came to a halt when the US government prohibited them in the early 1970s.)

Psychedelic drugs, such as psilocybin, LSD (lysergic acid diethylamide), and mescaline, affect the dopamine system, the serotonin system, and the adrenergic system. Their effects on the adrenergic systems, which normally cause an increase in the blood concentration of adrenaline, can cause panic attacks and extreme anxiety. The drugs’ effects on the dopamine system are responsible for thoughtless decision making and irrational actions during a “trip,” such as self-mutilation or suicide. The psychedelic effects of the drugs are largely due to their affinity for the 5-HT2A receptor. This receptor is a serotonin receptor. When a psychedelic drug in the serotonin family binds to it, the drug functions just like serotonin.

In normal amounts, the feel-good chemical serotonin yields a sense of relaxation and relief. In large amounts, however, serotonin and serotonin agonists like LSD, DMT (dimethyltryptamine), and the magic mushroom ingredient psilocybin have psychedelic effects. In large amounts, these chemicals trigger the brain’s main excitatory neurotransmitter glutamate, which makes parts of the brain go into an over-excited state.

The effects of excessive amounts of serotonin can be so powerful that our critical sense is turned off. A famous, mind-boggling case illustrating this is the Dr. Fox study. In the 1970s an actor was trained to deliver a brilliant talk on mathematical game theory while saying basically nothing of substance. The actor, who bore the name Dr. Myron L. Fox, had taken a scholarly article on game theory and stripped it of its content. The talk was rife with hedging, invented words, contradictory assertions, and references to his alleged earlier articles and books. Surprisingly, his delivery so impressed the audience that nobody noticed that he didn’t really say anything. At the end of the talk the audience, which consisted primarily of experts, bombarded Fox with questions, which he answered proficiently without providing any substantial content. After the lecture, the audience was given the opportunity to evaluate the performance. Everyone was very positive, they thought the lecture had been interesting, and some noted that Dr. Fox had presented the material clearly and precisely and offered lots of illustrative examples. And these folks were academic experts on the topic of mathematical game theory! Speaking of being fooled by what you hear!

This effect of delivery on audience evaluation has come to be known as “The Dr. Fox effect.” The Dr. Fox effect can be explained by noting that a large surge in “feel good” chemicals will turn off our critical sense. Funny, charming, and persuasive people signal to our brains that everything is as it should be. Their smooth behavior boosts our serotonin levels, which turn off our critical sense and increase our feeling of satisfaction—so much so that our initial beliefs are never subjected to scrutiny in the ventromedial prefrontal cortex and the anterior insula, regions of the brain involved in reflecting critically on new information.

The effects of psychedelic drugs, such as LSD, DMT, and psilocybin, are extreme. Because these drugs cause the brain to enter an over-excited state, they can have seizure-like effects. They furthermore can give rise to hallucinations, illusory color experiences, a feeling of floating , a feeling of one’s identity disintegrating , a feeling of becoming one with the universe, and illusions of time and distance. Thoughts can become uncontrollable, rambling , and obscure, and edged in acid, old memories may blend with new experiences.

While our serotonin levels tend to be low when we fall in love or are beset by a mindless love obsession, there are also states of love that resemble LSD trips. When your passion is unrequited or when you are away from your new love, your serotonin levels drop. But if you unexpectedly bump into him or her or realize that his or her love is not unrequited after all, your brain may release a surge of serotonin, dopamine, and adrenaline, making your mind a bit like the LSD mind. In this state, you may be more likely to see things that are not there, have experiences that are mixed with old memories, and act in irrational ways.

Dopamine by itself can cause people to form beliefs that are not grounded in evidence. People whose blood levels of dopamine are higher than normal are more likely to attach meaning to sheer coincidences and find meaningful patterns in arbitrary scrambled images.

Peter Brugger, a neurologist from the University Hospital in Zurich, Switzerland, examined twenty people who claimed to believe in paranormal events and twenty who claimed they didn’t. When the participants were asked to tell which faces were real and which were scrambled among a series of briefly flashed images, people who believed in paranormal events were more likely than skeptical participants to pick out a scrambled face as real. The results were the same when the participants were tested using words instead of faces. After the initial trials, the researchers administered L-dopa, which has the same effects as dopamine, to both groups of participants. After taking this drug, skeptics made many more mistakes when looking for real words or faces than before taking the drug.

The results of the study suggest that dopamine can make you see things that aren’t there and form beliefs without solid evidential backing. These results may explain the tendency of people in love to idealize their partners and attach meaning to every little move he or she makes. When in love, your dopamine levels are high when you think of your lover. This makes your brain a less reliable instrument for forming solid beliefs or making wise decisions.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

 

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Wealthy Tech Exec, 30, Describes His Costly Addiction To Asian Massage-Parlor Sex: ‘I Love The Ego-Stroking’

Michael is the founder of a tech startup valued at $10 million. Living alone in a two-bedroom apartment in New York City, the 30-year-old is the picture of success.

But over the past six years, he has shelled out more than $20,000 on his weekly vice: visits to massage parlors for sex.

In light of Patriots’ owner Robert Kraft’s recent charge of solicitation at a Florida spa, Michael (who asked that his name be changed) tells Phicklephilly about what he calls his “addiction.”

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I’m a typical millennial guy. I live in the Village, work in tech, hang out with my friends — but I suppose what sets me apart is my rub-and-tug addiction:

In New York, you can get anything you want. On the same block, you can go to the hardware store, grab avocado toast and get a happy ending, all before 11 a.m. One of my go-to places is right next to a fancy sushi restaurant that charges $60 for a caviar roll. It’s so easy to get anything, that it’s also easy not to think what I’m doing is wrong.

It all started after my longtime girlfriend and I broke up six years ago. I needed instant gratification — and I found it in the massage parlor. The sex just happened. I didn’t even have to ask for it. It was so transactional, I figured it was harmless.

Within a few months, my visits became a regular thing.

It’s the same thing every time, the flirty greeting of “Hey, baby boy.” Then I lie on the bed and it’s back massage, leg massage, flip over, tug, clean up, out. Forty dollars for the house, forty for the tip. There’s a mutual understanding that this is part of the scope of services.

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If I’m being honest, my addiction has held me back in dating. I’ve never had trouble meeting women. When I started, apps like Tinder were starting to get popular, but I didn’t want to wait to meet up with a girl, go on a date and woo her. I just wanted to get to the sex.

The paid experiences have ruined me.

I went out with a woman last summer and she used her hand on me. But it was awful, and just not the same as a professional.

I love the ego-stroking I get at the massage parlor, the way they call you “big boy.” You almost trick yourself into thinking that the masseuse is into you. There’s also the illicit thrill of getting away with it. One time the masseuse gave me oral sex with a condom on. It’s exciting — kind of underground and crazy that it’s happening at all.

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I have to admit, it’s easier not to know the real-life circumstances of these women working in the massage parlors. If they’re forced to do this against their will, that’s horrible. But who wants to think about that when you’re just trying to escape for a bit?

I can’t deny that doing that job all day has to be gross, disgusting.

When I first heard about Robert Kraft, I was shocked. He’s 77. If I’m still doing this in my 70s, that’s just sad. It also really made me consider the legal consequences. I just assumed that the act isn’t technically illegal because I’ve never had to ask for it.

The expense can be easy to justify, too: Maybe the $20,000 I’ve spent helped me focus on my business, netting me 10 times that amount in productivity.

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But sometimes when I think about the money I’ve spent, I get mad at myself. I’m definitely too dependent on it. I’m addicted. Instead of going out with friends after work, I’ll go to the massage place.

I’ve been in Miami for a month for work, and I’ve done it down here three times after searching for Asian massage parlors online. You look for telltale signs like photos of hot girls. It’s also a dead giveaway when you have to ring through two doorbells just to walk in.

If I was dating someone, I like to think I would stop — but I don’t know.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy my new book, Angel with a Broken Wing on June 20th, on Amazon!

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Secret Signs a Woman Wants You

You probably already know about the obvious signs that a girl wants you such as laughing at your jokes and playing around with you. But there are more subtle signs that you may not be fast to notice.

Kezia Noble is a known dating expert for men and we got the secret signs that a woman wants you from one of her expert videos. Check them out below:

1. She seeks your validation

Couple(Hot 963)

 

If a woman is always seeking your approval, and may be altering what she had said earlier in order to be in your line of standards, then she wants you. If she had stated swimming as her hobby, she might change or say that she also likes going for movies if it’s one of your hobbies.

2. You have her full focus

We are living in the age where people pay more attention to their phones than to what the other person is saying to them. If you are talking to one of those girls who are always glued to their phones but they focus all their attention on you, Kezia notes that this is a good sign that the girl is interested in you.

3. She tries to resurrect the conversation

Couple talking

We’ve all been there and it feels awkward when you have nothing else to say to each other. According to Kezia, “If she is trying to resurrect that conversation, she is trying her best to stop the fizzle from happening, that’s another good sign.”

4. She is always hanging around you

It’s not just a coincidence that you find her around you every now and then. If you think it’s just a coincidence, try looking for more signs and you might be surprised that she actually wants you.

5. She is distracted by you

Flirting(Giphy)Flirting(Giphy)

She could be talking to other people but once in a while, she is stealing glances at you. This a sign that she probably wants you.

6. She extends a compliment

If she tries to challenge your compliment or seems like is trying to gauge it genuineness, no doubt she is interested.

7. She excuses your bad behavior

Okay gif(WiffleGif)

This is not an excuse to go acting like a jerk. But if a girl doesn’t seem to mind your bad behavior or even giggles about it, she could be interested in you.

8. She responds to your lazy text messages  

Girl texting(Fortune)

Especially if you just met her and you send her a basic ‘hi’ or ‘how are you doing’ text message, Kezia says this is a very good sign that she is interested.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy my new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is on Amazon!

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13 Signs of Strong Physical Attraction that Reveal a Mad Attraction

Signs of strong physical attraction are extremely powerful. If you’re showing any of these signs, you’re giving off seriously hot signals!

We’ve all been there. You meet someone who you simply can’t stay away from. They seem to have a certain allure and it’s like a magnet to you. To quote Edward Cullen from Twilight *of all things*, they are your own “personal brand of heroin.” It’s that magnetic, that powerful, that overwhelming. They are the signs of strong physical attraction.

You want them badly. It’s not going to go away until you’ve had them. It’s both a wonderful, exhilarating feeling. It leaves you vulnerable and open to hurt and anguish too. If you can keep it on a physical level for now, and avoid daydreaming about wedding aisles and long futures, this could be a fun way to get to know someone new. If it works out, great. If it doesn’t, well, you’ll have had a great time finding out!

13 signs of strong physical attraction you can’t miss

So, if it’s you giving off the signals, or you’re noticing them coming your way, what should you be looking out for exactly? Let’s check out 13 signs of strong physical attraction, which can only lead to one outcome: the shedding of clothes.

#1 An undeniable urge to touch them, in any way at all. If you simply want to reach out and touch them, perhaps move that stray hair from their face, or make an excuse to brush an invisible piece of fluff from their shirt, you’ve got it bad! A desire to reach out and touch is one of the main signs of strong physical attractions. You might have to sit on your hands to keep your urges to yourself!

 #2 A racing heartbeat. Does your heart rate pick up a few notches whenever this person is around? Can you hear the thumping and feel it in your chest? Does it reverberate around your entire body? Playing a special drum orchestra only you can hear? Again, a surefire sign that you want to take things to another level with this person. The attraction is super strong!

#3 Noticing your palms are sweaty. Do you get sweaty palms whenever this person is around? This the body’s natural nervous response, but it’s also linked with attraction. There is a very fine line between the two feelings. If you’re noticing that your hands become something akin to a sweat slick whenever this person pops into your space, that is one of the firm signs of strong physical attraction.

#4 You feel nervous generally. If you notice butterflies in your stomach, and a strange feeling of nervousness for no reason whatsoever, that’s your body telling you that it wants this other person, and not in a pure way! You have a true physical attraction to this other person. These nerves are your body’s fight or flight response kicking in.

#5 Dry lips. Do you notice that your mouth and lips go dry? Do you instinctively lick your lips? If you’re doing this while looking at the other person, lost in the moment and your thoughts of what might happen, you’re leaving them in no doubt about what you’re thinking! Again, one of the biggest signs of strong physical attraction, and one the other person can’t help but notice!

#6 You can’t get your words out. Do you stutter around this person, suddenly become shy and start blushing? You could be the most confident person in the world. But whenever this person is around, you turn into a bumbling mess. This can be a sign of true physical attraction, because you’re worried they can somehow read your mind and they know about the thoughts you’re having!

#7 A desire to look your best. Whenever this person is around, you want to look your very best, perhaps showing a little more skin than you would normally, and really letting them see you at your very best. This desire to look good isn’t simply for your confidence levels. It’s because you want this person to want you back.

Similarly, if you notice someone else always looking their shining best whenever you’re around, perhaps that’s a sign of them wanting something from you!

#8 You can’t tear your eyes away. Everyone knows that eye contact is a sign of desire, but if you simply can’t tear your eyes away from this person, whether you’re in conversation or you’re simply watching them walk, move, or carry out a task, you’re seriously attracted to them on a very physical level.

#9 A desire to tease them. We’ve all heard the old adage that you pull the pigtails on the playground of the one you like, and this goes back years and years, but it’s actually true. When you like someone, either emotionally or physically, you’ll probably revert to teasing them. This is a fun way to build a connection, but it’s a way to build up sexual tension at the same time.

#10 Your voice changes when you talk to them. Does your voice suddenly turn into a whisper or take on a somewhat erotic tone? If so, your voice is giving you away, and that’s one of the biggest signs of strong physical attraction. Your voice might suddenly go husky, and a little breathy, and you’re telling the other person what you’re thinking without using words.

#11 You don’t notice anyone else. The room could be full of other people but your attention will be solely on the person you have a strong physical attraction towards. You only want to look at this person, see what they are doing, and you only want them to notice you back.

A person can be talking to you, but if you’re busy gazing at your beau, all your attention will be on them, and your imagination will probably be running wild at the same time!

#12 Mirroring. Movement mirroring is one of the biggest and most obvious signs of strong physical attraction. It’s something we do without even realizing it. In this case, you will mirror the movements and standing/sitting position of the person you’re attracted to.

If they’re standing with their body angled towards you, you’ll do the same. And if they sit with their legs crossed, you’ll do the same, etc. This is a common body language trick that speaks volumes.

#13 You just can’t move away. Do you feel yourself rooted to the spot? You feel you can’t tear yourself away from this person. Almost as though you’re under a spell? That’s because you’re  physically attracted to this person. You want them badly! It’s chemistry. As we mentioned before, it’s like a drug reaction, a need, a really deep-seeded want.

How many of these signs of strong physical attraction can you agree with? Is there a person who you can’t get out of your head? Let’s hope they feel the same way and you can move onto something more!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy my new book, Angel with a Broken Wing on June 20th, on Amazon!

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