10 Shocking Things Guys Wish Girls Knew

You’ve probably heard it before—boys love to complain about how confusing girls can be. But us girls know firsthand that understanding guys can be just as complicated. In hopes of helping girls better understand the guy’s point of view, we surveyed 150 guys about a way-worthy topic: you! What do guys wish you knew?

Here’s one from one of my female readers I thought was worth sharing…

1. Texting does not mean what you think it means.

“Please, tell me why a girl thinks texting or snapping her equals I want her to be my girlfriend,” says Mikey. Blunt, but we like blunt. Mikey is in the majority when it comes to flirting. Nearly every guy we talked to says when he texts, he’s really just trying to get you know you better. A text is just a text, not a confession of love. “It’s like texting a girl means I’m admitting I like her, but that’s not what’s up,” explains Mikey. “It’s more like I’m texting because I might like her. I hate it because the next day the girl acts like she owns me. Or, if she’s shy, suddenly she can barely talk to me because she’s scared. It’s stupid.”

Basically, a text or a snap from a guy isn’t some hidden signal to decode. “I’m just texting because you’re cute or nice or whatever,” says Jordan. “If you treat me like I’m a dog just because I think you’re cool enough to text, that’s not cool.” In other words, exchanging texts with a guy isn’t a reason to change your behavior. Just be yourself, take it slow and feel out the situation. Sure, a text could lead to something more, but for now, it’s just a text, so there’s no need to stress or DTR right away. And if you’re feeling nervous? Keep your cool. Texting your crush can be just as easy as talking to your BFF.

2. You don’t need makeup to impress guys.

Judging from our survey, boys just don’t get makeup. In fact, a lot of guys even complain about it. Sure, they all like pretty girls, but they also have a problem with a face that looks full-on painted.

“Why do girls think they need to have so much crap on their faces?” asks Billy. “Girls at my school wear all this black crap on their eyes, and their lips are, like, thick with brown goop. It’s ugly. Do they really think that will get them a guy?”

Don’t worry, we set Billy straight about one thing: Girls don’t apply makeup to “get them a guy.” We wear makeup because we like it, full stop.

Still, guys’ hatred for cosmetics is no joke. But remember, boys are not the authority on fashion and beauty. You may be a girl who prefers to go au naturel every day, or you may love using every shade of eyeshadow in your Naked palette on any given Tuesday at school. Either way, you do you, girl! Sure, it’s good to know that you don’t need to put in a ton of effort every morning to impress someone, but it’s your choice if you want to apply enough purple mascara to impair your vision. Go for it.

3. A lot of times, guys’ are at a loss with girls’ emotions.

“What is up with girls hopping up and down when they’re happy about something?” asks Pete. “I really do want to know why are girls so excited about normal stuff,” says Pete. “Every other thing, it’s like, ‘Ohmigosh! No way!’” Clearly Pete just doesn’t get that a new season of your favorite show or the return of the PSL are pretty much the best things since sliced bread. But really, what Pete’s saying is something a lot of surveyed guys struggled with: unpacking how girls are feeling, and why.

Colin, a self-described shy boy, has an interesting theory: “I think girls like attention, and being excited about something makes people look and wonder what she’s so happy about.” Hmm…While Colin the amateur psychologist has certainly thought a lot about the topic, we’re not sure he’s cracked the case yet.

Arnie, a jokester, has a theory of his own: “I think girls are just different. You’re raised to let your feelings out, even if they’re bad. I’ve never seen a guy friend cry, but I’ve seen a chick fall apart because some dude she liked didn’t pick her for his volleyball team in phys ed.” Arnie may be onto something. It’s true that because girls are viewed as more emotional, our emotions are seen as more acceptable to express in public, while phrases like, “Man up!” tell boys to keep their feelings, whether it’s sadness or excitement, hidden away.

Here’s the deal: boys are just as emotional as girls, but a lot of times, they don’t show it. That may explain why our guys are so confused about girls’ displays of emotions. Hang in there girl, and remember, there are some things guys just don’t get.

4. Gossiping and being mean to others makes *you* look bad.

“Girls are always passing notes around or texting each other in class, and it’s just so friggin’ dumb,” says Joey. “Or they’ll look right at me, then whisper to each other and laugh. Do they want me to think they’re talking about me? ’Cause I do. And if it’s really true and they are talking about me, then that’s just lame.”

Rude is the word, actually, Joey. Whispering and gossip can seem pretty immature, especially when you’re spreading rumors or being mean to another girl. “When I hear one girl talk trash about another girl, it’s like I can’t believe it,” says Dominick, “like I’m in a bad movie about how mean girls are. If I heard my friends were talking about me like that, I’d transfer schools.”

So don’t trash talk or put down other girls to seem cool. Guys certainly aren’t impressed, but more importantly, you don’t want to hurt others. Sure, people talk about other people. That’s life. But there is a big difference between gossip and character assassinations. You wouldn’t like it if the gossip was about you. It’s bad form to let anyone believe you’re saying negative things about him. If you absolutely must exchange information, be discreet. Oh, and be sure that the “information” isn’t going to hurt someone’s feelings, OK?

5. Boys worry about what you think of their hair, skin, weight and clothes.

“My best friend is a girl, and the other day she said my hair looks exactly the same every single day,” says Luis. “I couldn’t believe it because some days my hair is jacked up.”

Guys may not talk about their insecurities to girls, but they totally think about their appearance even if they don’t say it out loud. “I had to ask my mom to take me to the dermatologist because I was breaking out on my cheeks and back,” says Jay. “I couldn’t stand it.”

His friend Robert has a different issue: “Girls like guys with good bodies but, when I try to get six-pack abs, it never works. I just feel like I have a spare tire all the time.”

If you could get a view of Robert, you would tell him what we told him: He’s out of his mind—the boy is a total babe! But here he is worrying about looking like a model. Moral of the story? Boys have body image issues, too. Isn’t it a relief to know that?

6. PMS is no excuse to be mean.

“I know girls get weird when they’re on their period, but I don’t get why they have to act like I’m their worst enemy,” confides Sean. “Sometimes, my sister acts like she wishes I were dead because I won’t give her the remote control, but all that’s going on is she’s PMSing. Screaming at me and freaking out on me isn’t right.”

We know what you’re thinking: Boys just don’t understand what it feels like to wake up with serious cramps, bloating, breakouts and headaches. So, yeah, we feel your pain—and we really mean feel it. But that’s the point: Boys don’t.

Let’s face it—the hormones that come with menstruation affect moods and being cranky around your time of the month is beyond understandable. But that doesn’t mean you should take our your pain on anyone, much less a guy who doesn’t get it. The best thing you can do is take care of yourself. Just deal the best you can by taking care of yourself. Avoid things that aggravate physical and emotional symptoms like caffeine, sugar and greasy foods. Ever wondered what your cravings mean? We’ve got all the answers. But seriously, get plenty of sleep, drink loads of water, get some exercise and take lots of warm baths—yes, even in the afternoon when you get home from school. Soaking in bubbles while daydreaming is a girl’s best friend.

We’re not saying you should become a recluse just because you’re wearing a maxi-pad. But don’t feel bad for bowing out of a social opp if you’re really not up to it. What’s the point of going to a party if you’re not gonna have a good time? Oh, and if you do snap at your boy for no other reason than those nasty hormonal intrusions, a short, simple apology (“Sorry—I was in a bad state of mind yesterday”) could go a long way. No lengthy, drawn-out explanations necessary.

7. Guys care way less about your body than you think.

“If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s when a girl asks me if she looks fat,” says Stephen. “I don’t know if you’re fat.” And a lot of the boys echo his sentiment. The truth is, you’re a way harsher critic of yourself than a guy will ever be. Guys can’t tell slight differences between sizes, and honestly, they don’t really care.

All guys have different tastes when it comes to the feminine physique. Some guys like booties. Other guys like their girls thin as a fence post. Who cares? You are what you are. Worry more about your own health and happiness and less of guys’ opinions on your looks. Need some self-image pick-me-ups?

Whether you’re questioning a guy friend for his honest opinion or fishing for a compliment from a guy you like, asking about your body is usually a no-win situation. You’re just putting the guy on the spot. And, guess what—if a boy likes you, he likes you for the way you are right now, this second. A shy boy named Paul says it awesome: “Girls’ bodies are an endless mystery to me. I think you’re all beautiful.”

8. Don’t feel pressure to wear revealing or tight clothes just for guys’ attention.

“I think girls get mixed up because of how how people dress on TV,” says Matthew.

Matthew’s not wrong, fashion on TV is all about skimpy looks and attention-grabbers. But remember, the fashion you see on TV are really just costumes designed for performing. The point is, girls should wear what they feel comfortable in, not what TV or movies tells them to wear and definitely not what they think guys are looking for. If you’re still wondering what guys look for in a wardrobe, the truth is, it depends.

“I like the way my last girlfriend dressed,” says Miguel. “She wore some stuff that showed off her great athletic body, but it wasn’t like all hanging out. Sometimes she wore baggy pants and just a little of her belly showed. Or sometimes, if she wore those tight jeans girls always wear, she wouldn’t have her boobs all out.”

In other words, for a lot of guys, less is more. You don’t have to look like a pop star or a character from Riverdale, you just need to wear clothes that make you comfy and happy. And if you’re feeling yourself, the right guy will too!

It’s good to know that guys aren’t looking for runway models, but some guys just don’t get fashion altogether. I mean, you wouldn’t let your brother pick out your outfit, would you? So who needs them to tell you what to wear?

“My sister complains that boys always stare at her boobs, but she wears tight shirts that totally show off her boobs,” says Chad. “I’m confused.”

Ugh, Chad, girls’ fashion choices aren’t an invitation to stare. The truth is, a lot of guys are not fashion experts, and they won’t be impressed just because your outfit shows a ton of skin. Bottom line? You do you girl, and the rest will fall into place.

9. Most boys are looking for the right girl.

Daniel puts it so eloquently: “I would love to find a girl who’s cool.” Being “cool” does seem pretty vague, but our guess is that Daniel is looking for a girl who can be herself around him.

Whatever he means, Daniel is not the only boy looking for a girl to like! Don’t believe it? “I’m sick of everyone acting like boys aren’t as mature as girls,” says D.B. “It’s just that we also think about other stuff. If it happens, it happens, but I’m not going to talk to my friends on the phone about girls every day.” So even if a guy plays it cool about girls, it doesn’t mean he’s not interested. The truth is, a lot of guys are just as interested in finding the right person as girls.

That doesn’t mean all guys are as mature as D.B. His friend Raymond, for example, gives another, ummm, interesting perspective. “So many girls at my school are hot, but me and my friends just wait for them to figure out who they want because that’s what girls seem to do at my school. It’s like they’re all spazzed out about finding a boyfriend all the time. We just have to wait and see.” Hmm…Seems like Ray might not be ready for a relationship.

A lot of surveyed boys agree with Ray on one count, though: some girls may put too much emphasis on finding a boyfriend. As Eric says, “Do girls want any guy or the right guy?” Sending signals to the guy you like is different from going full boy-crazy. Do you and your squad constantly discuss guys? If so, maybe scale it back a bit, and not just because of what boys think. Remember, you have so much more interesting things to explore than “who-likes-who,” as fun as that can be sometimes. Plus, it wouldn’t hurt to show guys (like Ray) what’s really on girls’ minds.

10. If you like him, just tell him.

There was one major statement that kept popping up on our surveys: “Girls should not flirt and act like they like me, and then later ignore me.” Maybe the flirting thing is to girls what the phone is to boys: You’re just flirting to feel him out, and it doesn’t mean you want a relationship. We get that.

Sadly, guys are obviously confused, and sometimes take your friendliness as flirting. Can we trust guys to know the difference? “There is a big difference between just being cool and flirting,” says James. “I can tell if a girl is just talking to me or if she likes me.” A lot of surveyed guys aren’t as confident as James. You may be feeling confused if he likes you, and chances are, he’s in the exact same boat.

So what do you do when you want to make friends with a boy, but you’re worried that striking up a random convo could be misinterpreted as major flirting? Just be honest. “If you like me, just tell me. If you don’t, say you’re not into me like that,” says Ray. It may seem tough to tell a guy you’re just not into him like that, but in the long run, he’ll appreciate knowing the truth instead of feeling led on.

OK, just telling a guy you like him isn’t as easy as it sounds. But all the guys agreed on this one, which means it should work. Courage to be honest? You can do it. Plus, telling your crush how you feel can be a major confidence booster. You can offically consider yourself fearless.

What do you think girls? What surprised you the most about what guys think? Let us know in the comments!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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10 Brilliant Pick Up Lines That Work On Tinder

Here’s a cute little collection.

There are some who do underestimate the role of these messages or just fail to recognize it. However for the majority of us it is just so difficult to master those game-changing lines of online communication.

We feel pressure because we surely want to bring out our best self. Maybe you want them to think of you as confident, friendly, mysterious or funny. The challenge is how can you say so much of yourself within just a few phrases?

What you have to do is to change your view and approach about messaging on Tinder. There are surely different ways you can achieve this, but the following list of Ten Best Tinder Openers Which Work on Tinder compiled will help you get there in no time.

Do you believe in love at first swipe?

If there’s a thing that turns on every girl on this planet is definitely confidence. Girls fall for guys who are enough confident on themselves to express their feelings, opinions and intentions whatever the consequences. This message contains the word love which is related to serious long-term intentions so it will make the girl feel special and loved. Plus it is a question and questions have this potential of making someone thinking over it unintentionally. Last but not least it has a much-needed dose of humor which helps you to appear more funny and attractive.

Really dude, are you a trash because I would like to take you out?

In terms of emotions, most guys tend to be monotonous. This is to say they only prefer a certain range of emotions. Girls on the other side are prone to experience a full spectrum of emotions. They look for guys who can make them feel an emotional rollercoaster. This pickup line does exactly the same thing. At first the girl might get irritated but at an instant she will see your point and want to keep the conversation going on. Again you appear very funny which is a plus for your attractiveness. If her reaction is positive don’t hesitate to ask her for a date.

It seems God has given you everything except my number

Girls adore flirtatious guys but not at the cost of their own pride. They just don’t want to be seen as easy targets. For some girls asking them directly to go on a date might ruin your chances. In such cases, finding another alternative route is the best idea. This is why this pickup line works on Tinder. She will think of you as very committed to achieve your goals but also cautious to respect her.

I have lost my phone number so I was guessing if I can use yours

Similar to the one above, this is one of the very best pickup lines on Tinder that will get you a date. Instead of stating your intentions straight which for some girls might not work as expected getting her number first is a great deal. Think about it: you would give your phone number to somebody unless you like that person or have a feeling there might be a chemistry between you. Communication through phone will help you a lot because it engages another sense: hearing. It is a perfect way to spark an initial reciprocal interest. Once you get her phone number you can spend some time communicating through your phone and as the conversation keeps going you can ask her for a date.

Can I ask you a question? Oh sorry two questions because I already made one.

Funny, polite and bold. This is the impression she will have for you once you send her this message. Questions are a magic tool to make someone curious especially with girls. But the problem is most girls receive tons of messages of guys seeking permission to ask for something. Nobody owes you an answer. The second part of this pickup line will give you the advantage if not for anything else it’s because will make her laugh and girls love to laugh a lot.

I’ve never seen more beautiful eyes than yours. I wonder if they look the same in real life.

Compliment is a typical flirtatious behavior especially when it’s done at the right time on a proper way. Girls fall easy for compliments because it makes them feel beautiful, desired and confident. She probably hears lots of different compliments but there is hardly any thing else that can move her heart than a poetic, romantic and sexy compliment about her eyes. Because as the saying goes “eyes are a window to one’s spirit”. What’s even good about these words is that establish a sort of invisible addiction so she won’t just skip that message but we’ll keep herself engaged and you can then convince her on a date.

Hey sweetie would you like to be my Tinderella?

If you would be able to delve deeper into the mind of your Tinder crush, you would find that there still lives a little Cinderella who dreams of being the starring role on her own fairytale story. A message like this will uncounscily make her wonder if you’re the prince she’s been waiting for and will definitely agree to go on a date with. Give it a shot.

What is your ideal format for a date? Mine is DD/MM/YY.

Expressing your intentions straight is a sign of confidence, openness and sincerity. Girls do appreciate these personality traits and they would not hesitate to go on a date with a guy who is like that. In addition, when all these combine with your unique sense of humor it is almost for sure that you’re on her list of guys who she would definitely have a talk in real life.

I thought angels belong to paradise but since you’re here, let’s go on a date.

Trust your intuition. If you think she’s kind of a person who believes on first-sight love stories or those played on movies a strong romantic expression will reframe her thought patterns toward you. Pay attention to how this message is formulated. It would have a little different meaning if you would say it like “but since you’re here can we go on a date?”. That’s because her irrational thinking would start making calculations whether you would be a perfect “match” or not. You won’t appear as arrogant because the first part of the sentence is your alibi. It is a way of saying “look, I feel like we’ve been created for each other and I’m decided to make this thing happening”. Ready to love but never to give up, simple as that.

Are you a vegan? Because I would definitely like to meet you.

Just pray she’s not vegan because if otherwise then this pickup line message would make your chances of having a date with date girl disappear. If she’s not then it will create your image of funny and creative guy with whom everyone would like to spend time with. She will feel desired and might try to act like a hard-to-get chick, but a few moments later she will admit she finds you interesting and will eventually accept to go on a date with you.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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What to Text a Girl You Just Met to Ensure She Texts You Back

Congratulations! She gave you her number, but now you need to know what to text a girl you just met. Lucky for you, I have all the answers.

Before we get into what to text a girl you just met, relax for a second and congratulate yourself. You met a girl and she gave you her number. You are already doing amazing.

So, try not to freak out. There is no perfect thing to say or miracle sentence that will get her to date you or even text back. Just breathe and take a second.

This is just a text. It is not something you need to fester over for hours. 

Texting a girl you just met

When it comes to texting a girl you just met, it is not all that complicated. Relax! It is actually pretty hard to screw up.

As long as you stay true to who you are and how you were when you met, things should go swimmingly. But, just in case you need some extra guidance, there are things to avoid.

One thing you should not text a girl you just met is anything sexual. I don’t care how confident or horny you are feeling, that is never appropriate. This girl gave you her number which is a private thing, so respect that.

Next, don’t immediately ask her out. That may be your end game but have a little bit of a conversation first. You don’t have to talk for days before making your move but a brief conversation will be smoother.

Also, do not wait for days to text her. In the 80s or 90s, it was “cool” to wait three days before calling, but we’re like two decades into the new century and everything is instant. If her Uber Eats driver can get her McDonalds in under 15 minutes, you can text her within a reasonable amount of time.

It doesn’t have to be as soon as she leaves wherever you met, but maybe once you get home for the night or after work. Text her within 24 hours of meeting so that you are fresh in her mind. If you wait too long you won’t look cool, she will think you aren’t that interested.

These are just some basic essentials to stick to when figuring out what to text a girl you just met, but let’s get into some more specific options.

What to text a girl you just met.

The main goal of texting a girl you just met is to get a text back. That is the number one priority. From there, worry about asking her out and setting up a date, but for now, focus on the first text you send a girl you just met.

What should your first text say?

#1 The classic. Keep it short and sweet. This text does not define your future. You do not have to come up with something unbelievably amazing. Simply say, “Hi it’s *YOUR NAME HERE* from *LOCATION YOU MET HERE*. I had a great time talking to you today.”

It may seem boring, but it gets the point across and shows your interest. 

#2 The flirt. Jumping right into the first text with something a bit more flirtatious will definitely catch her attention. If you were doing some heavy-duty flirting when you first met, this may be the ideal way to go.

You don’t have to be over the top with this. Simply say something like, “Hey it’s *YOUR NAME HERE*. You know, the guy you couldn’t stop staring at today.”

This introduces your personality and gets the conversation off to a good start.

#3 The clever. If you are full of sarcasm and humor, introducing your texting relationship with a joke is ideal. It will give her a good idea of what’s to come, and humor is always a wonderful way to keep a conversation flowing.

Something like this is cute and clever, “This is an automated message from *YOUR NAME HERE*. Reply YES if you wish to receive future messages. Reply STOP to end all future communication with *YOUR NAME HERE*.”

If someone sent this to me after meeting I would definitely reply yes. And I know this isn’t what you want to think about, but this gives them a chance to let you know if they’re not interested without ghosting.

#4 The compliment. Go with a solid compliment, but try not to make it solely superficial. You can tell any girl she is pretty or you couldn’t help but notice her, but complimenting something deeper you noticed when you met her will show that you were really paying attention.

Try something like, “Hi, it’s *YOUR NAME HERE*. I couldn’t wait to get home to text you. I was really impressed by your positivity today.”

This can be anything from her success in business to her dedication or intelligence. She will appreciate a compliment like that more than any physical one. But, avoid saying she is not like other girls. That is not a compliment, but a dig at other girls.

#5 The continuation. Pick up where you left off. She probably gave you her number because you were having a pretty good conversation when you met, so use what works. Continue on with what you were talking about or doing when you met.

A text like, “Hey it’s *YOUR NAME HERE*. Did you end up catching that game? Crazy, right?” or “I looked up what you mentioned earlier, I can’t believe it. How did you find out about that?” should do the trick.

This really helps ensure you will get a reply because it is open-ended. 

What to text a girl you just met after she responds

If she responded to your first text, you are in the clear. Relax. She answered which means she is likely at least a little interested. You don’t need to try to impress her, just be yourself.

You can either carry out the conversation a while and get to know her better or ease into an ask out right away.

If you want her to know you are interested in dating her, make that clear. Say something like, “I would love to continue this conversation over drinks.” This will show that you don’t want a virtual pen pal, but you intend to see her again.

Not everyone is keen on meeting up again so soon so if that’s you, don’t worry. You don’t need to ask her out right now. Carry out your conversation a little, and when the time seems right, ask her out.

Maybe she said she just made dinner or came home from dinner.  Ask her what she had and then recommend a great restaurant you know that you would love to take her to. A smooth transition like that makes it less of a shock.

Texting a girl you just met does not have to be this anxiety-filled experience. Remind yourself that she gave you her number because she wanted to hear from you.

As long as you stay confident and true to yourself, you will know exactly what to text a girl you just met to ensure she responds.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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When Your Significant Other Misses You, They Send These 9 Texts To Let You Know

Validation is super important in a relationship, and when you and your partner are apart, you may want more reassurance than usual. It feels really good to know your partner wants you and cares for you, but they may not always say it so literally. You and your partner might have those deep conversations about how you feel about each other when you have some much-needed face-to-face time. However, when you’re apart, it can be harder to assess what your partner is thinking and feeling. There’s no reason to panic though. When your significant other misses you, they send these texts. Because sometimes, they show their affection in small, subtle ways.

It’s so important to feel valued in a relationship, and there’s more than one way your partner can show their appreciation for you. Sometimestheir small actions, like asking you to text them when your flight lands or putting your favorite snack in your suitcase, can show just how much they care about you. Communication is one of the most essential parts of a relationship, but when you and your partner aren’t together, things can sometimes get lost in translation. If your partner sends you some of the following texts, they’re communicating that they miss you and enjoy your company a lot.

If You’re Both At Work Or Going About Your Day…

Just the fact that they are messaging you during a busy day means they’re thinking of you. You’re on their mind, and they want to let you know it.

  • “Work is great, but is it 6 p.m. yet? I can’t wait to hang tonight.”
  • “What’s for lunch?”
  • “My coworker mentioned their dogs’ Halloween costumes, and it made me think of your cute dog obsession.”

If You Have To Be Apart For A Few Days…

If you have to leave your boo for a trip, they may try not to overwhelm you with “I miss you” texts. Smaller ways they may say it include checking in with you about when you can talk next or making sure you made it to your destination OK. Flirty things like wearing your sweatshirt are also a sign that they miss you.

  • “In case you were wondering where your sweatshirt is… *sends a selfie of self wearing it*”
  • “Let me know when your flight lands?”
  • “Would you want to FaceTime later?”

If You’re Long-Distance…

Communication in a long-distance relationship is super important. Your partner may not want to continually repeat the phrase “I miss you” just because they don’t want to say it too much. However, they can say it in other ways like sending you a gift or card, or looking forward to the next time you’re together.

  • “Hey babe, check your mailbox when you get home after work this week.”
  • “You left your perfume here, but I am low-key glad you did because it reminds me of you.”
  • “Just two more weeks until we can snuggle again.”

Hopefully, this gave you insight into how your bae shows they really care. And maybe the next time you miss your partner, you can even send them one of these.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Is It Normal To Constantly Need To Text Your Partner? The Experts Weigh In

I’m definitely guilty of texting my partner too often. Even when they are at work, if a few hours of silence have gone by, I reach out just to say “Hi!” It’s become a bit of a habit, one that, as it turns out, may not be totally healthy. After all, is it normal to constantly need to text? Or is it a sign that there may be a problem in the relationship? Or maybe (as I hope) it just means you and your partner just like to stay in contact and all that texting is just the pattern and rhythm of your relationship. How can you tell the difference between what is a healthy amount of communication and what’s a sign of a deeper problem?

To help understand which texting behaviors are typical and which are a sign of something amiss, I reached out to Diana Dorell, an intuitive dating coach and author of The Dating Mirror: Trust Again, Love Again, and Erica Gordon, a millennial dating expert, founder of The Babe Report, and author of Aren’t You Glad You Read This?. I asked for their expert opinions on if it’s normal to want to text your partner all the time, and when your need for communication becomes too much. Here is what they had to say.

When the need to text your partner all day is not healthy.

For a relationship to be a healthy one, there have to be clear and open lines of communication. So, of course wanting to talk to and text with your partner in general is fine. In fact, Dorell says it’s good to text with your SO — in moderation. “It can be really healthy for the relationship to actually text sparingly throughout the day and then anticipate seeing your SO later to share things and connect face-to-face,” she tells Elite Daily. The time to become concerned, she says, is when a lack of frequent texts negatively impacts your emotional well-being. “When you can’t function day to day if you don’t constantly text or receive texts, or need those texts for reassurance or self-esteem, that is unhealthy,” says Dorell.

Gordon says another sign that the need to text is something to be concerned about is when it causes anxiety. “[It’s] a red flag if you are anxious all the time when you’re not hearing from your partner, and constantly needing that continuous texting.” she tells Elite Daily. “This type of neediness is a red flag that your partner is your whole world. It’s not healthy if your world revolves around them,” warns Gordon.

What the desire to text all day could actually mean.

There are several reasons you may want to talk to your partner all day — and not all are unhealthy. Dorell says it could simply be a sign that affirmation is your love language. “If your love language is words of affirmation, then you may see it as a sign that you are cared for and loved more than average if your partner texts you sweet things regularly,” she says.

If your partner understands that and is happy with the frequency of texts, then great! However, if they aren’t able to keep up with your preferred pace, and you find yourself getting anxious or upset, then Gordon warns that you’ve crossed the line into unhealthy territory. “This could mean that you lack the ability to find that sense of happiness and validation within yourself,” says Gordon. “Self-validation is extremely important, as it’s very unhealthy to rely on external validation from your partner. Let attention from others enhance your mood, but don’t let it control your mood.”

She also cautions that a need for communication may be a sign of something else lacking in the relationship. “This could be a sign of distrust in the relationship,” she warns. “If you’re insecure, and you need constant texts to trust your partner, that could be a sign you should be working on yourself right now, instead of being in a relationship.”

Here’s what the experts say to do about it.

If you feel like you are texting too often and would like to slow down, both experts agree that you need to focus your energy on yourself and find ways to fill that need for validation and affirmation from within. “Instead of leaning on your partner to validate you [sic: is important] — do the things that brought you and bring you joy even when you are alone,” Dorell advises.

“Work on self-love, self-confidence and self-validation,” adds Gordon. “Discover your gift, discover hobbies that you love, and focus on your passions. Start a passion project that you truly enjoy devoting your time to, and suddenly, you simply won’t be looking at your phone or waiting on text replies as much,” she says.

Last but not least — and this may sound counter-intuitive — you should talk to your partner about what you are feeling. “Have a conversation with your partner about how it makes you feel. Let them be a part of this shift to more healthy texting,” says Dorell. After all, there is a reason you call them your partner, right? You can and should be able to lean on them when you need a little support while making a positive change.

Ultimately, the amount you text with your partner will depend on what works best for the two of you. It may be a little more or a little less than average, so long as you both are happy. If you are not, then like the experts say, it’s time to focus on you. Engage in the self-care you need to find the happiness from within that you deserve. After all, you’re amazing! You just need to put down your phone for a bit and remind yourself of that from time to time.

 

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If Your Partner Takes Forever To Text You Back, Here’s How To Talk To Them About It

I love texting. Wait, let me rephrase that: I am grateful for texting. That’s because I remember the barbaric dark ages when you used to have to actually call people. So much small talk, so many awkward moments when you would want to get off the phone but couldn’t because the other person was refusing to wrap it up. Fortunately for some, those dark days are over and now we can just skip all the chatter. However, even texting is not without little, ahem, irritating quirks, like being left “on read” or when your partner takes forever to text you back Here’s what to do when your partner takes a really long time to reply.

If you feel like your partner leaves your texts hanging regularly, it can be really frustrating. But is this something you can even address? If the two of you are in a healthy relationship, you should be able to talk to them about anything, so really the question is: How do you bring it up with them? To help with that, I reached out to NYC relationship expert Susan Winter and clinical psychologist Joshua Klapow, Ph.D., to weigh in on how long is too long to reasonably wait for a response, and what to do if your partner refuses to hear you out.

How Long Should You Reasonably Wait For A Reply?

'What's your schedule like this week?' is a 'We Need To Talk' text to send your partner that is firm, but fair

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I have to be honest — I am not exactly the most patient person. When I send a text, I really expect to hear back pretty much right away. But I also realize that’s not really fair, so the question is: How long should you wait for a reply from your partner? Winter says that all depends on a few factors. For instance, “If you’re in an exclusive relationship where there’s trust and a good sense of communication, a couple of hours would be OK — especially if your partner’s busy at work or traveling.” Winter says to only consider getting worried when you “already suspect something may be amiss in [your] relationship.” Additionally, she suggests noting when there’s “a break in the pattern. This can often be a red flag.”

Klapow too points out that circumstances and content really vary between relationships and individual messages — if someone’s in class or in an important meeting, you’re probably not going to get a response within five minutes, or possibly even an hour or two. “People text on different cadences depending on a couple of different factors,” he says, including what they’re doing and their own personal texting style. “One of the things I caution people is that there very often is a context to why they’re responding quicker or slower that may have nothing to do with you or their interest.”

But if your partner normally gets back to you pretty quickly and then starts letting hours pass, Winter says it’s understandable to get a little nervous. “This is especially the case if there’s no good reason for the delay. At this point it looks like a case of disrespect,” she says. “And anything longer than 12 hours begins to look like something far more problematic; an illness, a crisis, or direct avoidance.” Klapow, in turn, gives 24 hours as a start-to-worry mark.

How To Talk To Your Partner About It

Assuming that the delay in response is not just a one-off or isn’t accompanied by a good explanation, it’s reasonable to bring it up with your partner. Klapow advises opening the conversation in a non-accusatory way, with the purpose of seeking information. “I would communicate that you are wondering why there seems to be such a delay,” he says. He suggests questions like whether there are times that your partner just isn’t able to respond, or what they see as an appropriately timely texting response. The overall point, he says, is to understand each others’ communication style and expectations.

One thing not to do? Set a firm deadline for when they need to respond. “Before you set quotas on how much time or how quickly [to respond],” he says, “you need to understand your partner more.”

Winter offers some suggestions on how to initiate a conversation about how your partner’s “habitual problem of being tardy with their texts … makes you feel.” She suggests:

“When you don’t respond to me, I feel like a non-priority. That hurts.”

“When it takes a couple of hours to hear back from you, I feel diminished and unimportant to you.”

“It really makes me happy when you text me back right away. It makes me feel closer to you.”

Focusing on the effect it has on you, rather than coming at them with an accusatory tone, will help prevent them from going on the defensive and make them more likely to hear you out.

Another important thing to consider? How you’ve been texting them. If you’re spamming them with texts in a short time, or asking three questions all at once in a four-inch-long block, your partner might not have the ability to respond quickly or with an in-depth text. “Those are the kinds of things that sometimes are hard for people to process,” Klapow says. “And that should be part of your conversation.”

Here’s What To Do If Nothing Changes

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If nothing changes after you’ve spoken to your partner about how you feel, Winter says you may want to first try digging a little deeper in order to see if you can get at the cause of why they are lagging in getting back to you.

“Ask your partner why they don’t bother to respond,” suggests Winter. “Is it that they hate texting? Is there a reason for the conscious neglect of a response?” She adds that it’s important to “explain that you’re not trying to monitor their activity. You’re trying to establish a natural and fluid flow of communication that reflects mutual respect for each other,” adding, “Explain that a timely response acknowledges your text and makes for a happy partnership.”

“Make it about the relationship,” Klapow advises, instead of something your partner has supposedly done wrong. “This has to do with how you communicate. He points out that if someone simply ignored or didn’t reply to a question in person, it would be unacceptable. “You wouldn’t just not say anything. You might say, ‘I’m busy, can I answer you in 10 minutes?’ … Texting sort of works the same way.”

The question now is: If your partner isn’t changing their texting behavior, is it a relationship killer? Winter says it really depends. For example, “if the only place your relationship is suffering is in the ‘text realm,’ you may still be fine. Every relationship has its issues. If you know your partner loves you (yet has this quirk), you may just have to suck it up. Or, suggest they call you.” However, it can also be a symptom of a larger problem in the relationship, one worth taking a deeper look at. “A lapse in communication is only an issue when it’s the tip of the iceberg,” says Winter. “If this is one of many issues where you find yourself disrespected and marginalized, then do yourself a favor and reevaluate your partnership.”

One final thing to consider: Is this just an issue of them being a little tardy in answering you? Or is it really just another symptom of a more serious problem in the relationship? Really, only you can answer that question, but it may mean facing truths that you’ve been avoiding. But the bottom line is that you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel valued and respected. So, find that person, and you’ll likely find that all the texting stuff falls into place. But seriously though, don’t leave me “on read.”

 

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Here’s How To Respond To Your Ex’s Text From Out Of The Blue

Let’s say it’s a Saturday afternoon, and you’re having a lovely day minding your own business. You slept in, you grabbed coffee with a friend, and you even ran a couple errands on your to-do list. Now you’re curled up in bed binge-watching Succession and eating Halo Top straight from the container. Then, all of a sudden, your phone flashes with a new message from… No. It can’t be. You ex, whom you haven’t heard from in months?! Mild panic ensues. How should you respond to your ex’s text? Should you even say anything at all?

When you’re not expecting it (or even when you are), a text from your ex can ruin your whole day. Why on earth are they trying to contact you after a long period of silence? No matter how innocuous the text looks — maybe it’s something along the lines of, “How’s it going?” or, “Congrats on the new job!” — it can certainly feel like there’s something deeper going on. Before you rush to respond with something snarky, put your phone down and take a deep breath.

According to clinical psychologist and author Dr. Beth Kurland, receiving a text from an ex can fire up some of the brain chemicals that affected you when you were first in love. Dopamine is responsible for making you feel happy and carefree, and the body releases it during sex, a make-out session, or any particularly happy moments with your partner. And now, even though you’re no longer together, this text can send your brain right back to that place. “When we break up and later get a text from an ex, this can re-trigger and activate that same neural circuitry,” Kurland previously told Elite Daily. “We crave that same pleasure we once experienced with this person, which can help explain why it is so hard to let go of an old relationship and why it can even become an obsession.”

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The text can also remind you of all the pain you experienced when the relationship ended. A 2004 study in the American Journal of Psychiatry showed that remembering your ex can trigger responses in your brain that are typically associated with acute grief. In an instant, you’re transported back to those feelings of heartbreak, wondering if you’d ever be able to interact with your ex in the same way again. No wonder the text hits you hard out of nowhere.

As for how to handle the situation, it really depends on how you feel. Leigh Smith, a researcher at the University of California Davis, previously explained to Elite Daily that your brain could respond to the text in a couple of ways. “When we encounter a stressor — like a text from an ex —there are two primary ways we can react,” she said. “We can either one, believe we have the resources to cope with the demands of the task. Or two, we can feel like the demands of the task outweigh our coping resources.” If you’ve had enough time and space to heal from the breakup, maybe you’re fully confident to respond without freaking out. But if it was a messy split, or if you’re not fully over your ex, you might feel overwhelmed by the mere idea of trying to craft a message to send back.

First thing’s first: prioritize your own health and healing. If you don’t want to respond, you 100% do not need to. Kurland warned against jumping too quickly to engage with your ex again. “Our first impulse might be to follow that pull toward ‘reward’ and become re-entangled with an ex when we know this would not be good for our long term well-being,” she noted. But instead, try being mindful and intentional about what you think is best. Take as long as you need to decide about the next best step — and maybe wait until those chemicals in your brain have calmed down.

If your ex is trying to reconnect with you, and you don’t think it’s a good idea to see them, be straightforward about this over text. Dating coach Diana Dorell previously told Elite Daily that “less is more” is usually a good philosophy. “There’s no need to over-explain, to justify, or defend why you’d not want to see them, it’s really none of their business,” she assured. “What you can do is tell them, ‘I appreciate you reaching out to me, I want to let you know I’ve moved on and I wish you all the best. Take care.’ That really is all you need to say.”

Serious woman using smartphone and standing outdoors. Pretty young lady wearing jacket with trees and buildings in background. Urban lifestyle and communication concept.

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If they’re asking for a simple favor, or something that’s easy for you to respond to without stressing, you can choose if you’d like to open up conversation with them again. But remember that you do not need to give your ex your time and energy, especially if it could come at the expense of your well-being. Sure, this person was once really central to your life, but that time period is over, and your ex should respect your wishes if you want to cut off communication entirely.

Even if you do want to be friends with your ex again, it’s crucial to talk about boundaries with each other, to avoid any potential confusion or hurt feelings. “I think there is immense pressure to be chill and drama-free,” Dr. Alexandra Solomon, clinical assistant professor and staff therapist at Northwestern University, tells Elite Daily. But she notes that this pressure can keep you from speaking honestly about how you’re feeling. It is completely OK to ask your ex why they’ve reached out, and to try to clarify what they hope to gain from the interaction.

Regardless of whether you choose to respond, you should make that choice based on your needs, rather than a feeling of pressure or obligation to seem “chill” or “over it.” You’re on a forward trajectory, and the last thing you need is to feel pulled unexpectedly back into your past. Craft a response after you’ve had some time to think and determine what’s best for you. Your ex should respect your commitment to your healing — and if not, who cares? You don’t owe them a thing.

 

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If Your Ex Texts You Randomly, Here’s How To Stay Cool & Handle It

Nothing catches you off guard quite like an unexpected text from an ex. Whether you broke up three weeks ago or three years ago, seeing their name pop up on your phone screen out of the blue is sure to send you for a loop. Are you supposed to feel excited? Hopefully? Angry? An even better question: How the heck are you supposed to respond, if at all? Knowing how to react when your ex texts you randomly always depends on the situation, like the length of time that has passed since you last spoke or why exactly you two split in the first place. In any case, you’ll probably want to find a middle ground between, “I never stopped loving you,” and “New phone, who dis?”

“A text from an ex you still care about may send you into a serious session of overthinking and wondering what it means (i.e., do they want to get back together? Did they realize it was a mistake?),” licensed psychologist Dr. Joy Harden Bradford previously explained to Elite Daily. So before you fire back a response, think carefully about what it is you want from that ex, which is likely one of three things.

If You’re Open To The Idea Of Getting Back Together

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Perhaps the breakup was amicable. You decided you were better off as friends, or that you wouldn’t work out in the long run, and you mutually decided to part ways. But now that ex is suddenly hitting up your phone, and you’re wondering whether you two may have made a mistake by calling it quits. First things first: Figure out if your ex is thinking that, too, or if they’re just looking to hook up.

As Bela Gandhi, president at Smart Dating Academy, previously told Elite Daily, “If they’re texting you that they want to hang out, that they miss you, that they’ve made a mistake… then they want to get back together. If someone is only texting you between 10 p.m. and 1 a.m., this is probably not a person who’s looking to be in anything serious with you.”

If your ex’s text seems to suggest the former, go ahead and reply, but be sure to manage your expectations and keep your response (somewhat) casual. By saying, “Hey, stranger. Long time no chat. I’ve missed talking to you,” or, “It’s great to hear from you. We should catch up over coffee,” you can express your interest without coming on too strong and facing potential disappointment.

If You’d Like To Be Friends Eventually And Nothing More Than That

If the first thing you feel after receiving an old-of-the-blue message from an ex is nostalgia rather than longing, it’s possible you miss them as a friend, but not a lover. As tricky as it is to stay friends with an ex, it can be done. Even if your old partner’s text seems to suggest they want something more than friendship, you are not obligated to return the sentiment. Remember what you want, and respond in a way that makes your intentions clear.

Samantha Burns, dating coach and author of Breaking Up & Bouncing Back, agreed that “it’s definitely possible to cultivate a friendship with an ex.” As she explained it, “You’ll know you’ve moved on when you can treat texts with your ex with the same expectations of any other friendship — without all of the amped up emotional reactions.”

If you feel confident that staying on good terms with you ex is not only possible, but desirable to you, respond in a way that is friendly and free from suggestiveness. Try, “It’s so weird that you just texted — something hilarious happened the other day and I almost texted to tell you about,” or, “I’m glad you texted. I’ve been dying to discuss the new season of our fave show with someone.” Make it known that you miss the friendship aspect of your relationship, but you don’t have any desire to rekindle the romantic aspect.

If You Want Nothing To Do With Them

It’s possible that a message from an old SO pops up on your phone and the only thought you have is, “Nope.” Whether you were hurt by that person, you’re still trying to get over that person, or you’re totally over that person for good, you’ll want to find a way to shut that convo down before it can begin. I’m always in favor of taking the high road — there really isn’t anything to gain from being nasty. Just keep your respond brief, detached, and straightforward, and they’ll likely back off.

To make it known you’re not open to starting up a relationship again, platonic or romantic, text back in a way that is short but not-so-sweet. Saying, “I’m not sure it’s such a great idea for us to keep talking,” or, “I need some space, and I would be grateful if you respected that,” lets your ex know you aren’t necessarily bitter, but you’re definitely not interested.

However, as Burns told Elite Daily, you may be better not responding at all. “A breakup impacts us on a neuropsychological level similar to drug withdrawal,” she pointed out, “so sometimes even sending a short text can be like showing up to the bar when you’re trying to get sober.” If ignoring that text message is what’s best for you, then just delete that text and move on.

 

In responding to an unexpected text from an ex, you’re opening a can of worms, and no matter your intentions, you should practice caution. “I think it’s important to be gentle with yourself and your feelings,” Bradford said, “so if the text brings up some stuff for you and then the day goes downhill after that, allow it to happen and then develop a plan for how you’ll try to have a better day tomorrow.”

If responding will bring more harm than good, it’s probably better not to respond at all. But if you think you might be ready to give your relationship another try, even just as friends, then choose your response carefully and see what happens.

 

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Signs That You Love Your Boyfriend Too Much

It’s totally okay to be in the honeymoon phase and crazy for your new man, but make sure it’s healthy and not a weird obsession… Becoming obsessed with your significant other can go wrong in dozens of ways from driving them away to just being plain unhealthy for you. Here are some of the ways people say I love my boyfriend that others look at as obsession.

1.YOU DON’T TALK ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE

Everyone talks about their relationships. However, when you don’t talk about anything else, ever, it’s one of the biggest signs you are obsessed with your boyfriend or girlfriend. If your friends constantly roll their eyes because every sentence out of your mouth begins with “My boyfriend and I…” or “We had so much fun…” then you may have a problem. When everything interesting you have to say involves your significant other, you’re a little too involved. Take a look at your social media timelines as well; how many of your status updates involve your partner?

2.YOUR THUMBS ARE ON THE TRIGGER

Are you constantly texting, Facebooking, or tweeting your significant other? If you can’t go five minutes without sending a text, a selfie, a poke, or a SnapChat, you’re going overboard. This is especially true if you get upset when your partner fails to answer within five seconds. Sending messages is okay in moderation, but you have to draw the line somewhere. There’s a difference between wanting to talk to them and saying I love my boyfriend and being weird about it.

3.SERIOUS SEPARATION ANXIETY

Missing your partner is perfectly natural as well. If your boyfriend heads to band camp for a few weeks or your girlfriend goes on vacation with her family, of course you’ll feel a little lonely. However, if you suffer serious separation anxiety for long and short separations, you need to check yourself. You might actually have sweaty palms, an accelerating heartbeat, and even exhibit the symptoms of a panic attack. That’s too much, especially if all of this comes with a certainty that your partner is cheating with you or plans to break up with you, just because you’re in two different places.

4.YOU NEGLECT YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY

Obsessive behaviors often manifest outside of your relationship. For example, if you’re neglecting your family and friends in favor of spending time with your boyfriend or girlfriend, you’ve got a big problem! When your significant other takes up your entire life and you no longer have time for anyone else – and worse, when you no longer have a desire to spend time with anyone else – you’re exhibiting symptoms of obsession and not cutely wanting to say I love my boyfriend by being with him too much. Everyone needs personal space!

5.THERE’S NO PRIVACY

Do you snoop? If you find yourself sneaking peeks at your boyfriend’s phone or trying to read your girlfriend’s diary, your behavior is unmistakably obsessive. This is especially true if you’re doing it because you’re paranoid or suspicious. Everyone deserves their privacy. Don’t betray your partner’s trust by snooping through his or her things, and respect him or her enough to respect these boundaries.

6.YOU GIVE UP YOUR INDEPENDENCE

Do you define yourself by your relationship? If you willingly give up your independence because you want to spend every waking moment with your partner, there’s a problem. When you can’t do anything by yourself, or refuse to go out by yourself or with friends because your partner isn’t coming along, take a long, hard look at yourself, your relationship, and your motivations.

7.YOU’RE JEALOUS OF EVERYONE

You get jealous of random people who may or may not be looking at your partner, as well as people he or she has known forever. You always suspect your partner of cheating or worry that he will automatically return every come-on or flirtation; that’s not I love my boyfriend that’s just plain psycho… Where’s the trust? Obsession often comes from insecurity, and there’s no need to feel jealous of everyone who even glances at your boyfriend or girlfriend unless you feel extremely insecure.

You can be close to your partner; you can be affectionate, interested, and even occasionally clingy, because we all get in those moods – but “occasionally” is the keyword here, and you can’t take it too far. There’s a fine line between I love my boyfriend and obsession which isn’t healthy for anyone involved; nor does it lead to a strong, long lasting relationship. Have you ever gotten obsessed with your boyfriend or girlfriend? Has someone you’ve dated been obsessed with you?

 

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8 Rules of Texting While Dating

Did you know it was Swingers who created the law of waiting three days before texting your date? Though it potentially separates the cool ones from the clingy ones, this rule of dating texting is outdated in the current dating scenario. Considering how well connected we are now, thanks to technology, this thumb rule of dating is sort of backdated. I mean we all know how many hours we spend looking at our smartphones.

Yes, you read that right. There are rules of dating texting that can actually make of break your relationship. Texting etiquettes are ever evolving. Texting is the pre-game shenanigan. Monosyllabic replies don’t always mean disinterest. In the same time, little to no time replies does not necessarily mean they are super interested in you. Dating texting is an upgrading game you need to keep up. If you have been out of the game for a while, chances are you missed out on a few upgrades.

But not to worry. We have got you covered. We have researched far and wide to get you the 8 priceless rules of dating texting, so you know what are the right keys to press.

8 Golden rules of Dating Texting

Here are a few rules for texting-while-dating. These rules of dating texting will get you in the game and keep you there.

1. Plz do nt type lyk dis

A major turnoff. Considering how fast you are on the keyboard, you can spend a few extra minutes to type out the complete words, instd of lyk dis. Unless you are attempting to crudely execute the Thesaurus and your date’s interest in you, avoid typing abbreviations – spend a few extra minutes to spell out the entire word.

Check for your autocorrected words. Don’t let excited become irritated.

give attention to grammar while texting

Check if they are meme-friendly. If they do respond with the same enthusiasm with the millennial culture, start incorporating them slowly into your texts to keep things cool. Do not make texting an excuse to misspell words.

2. No overloading of texts, please..

Picture this:

Hey!
?
What’s up?
Busy?
Where you gone?

No one wants to open text messenger to find multiple text messages from the same person. It is suggestive of a clingy character and your date will slowly retreat to ghosting you if you flood their inbox with unread messages. Word of advice: When they don’t text back, wait. Chill. Grab a beer. Slow down, Flo Jo!

Under no circumstances are you supposed to overload them with your concerned messages. You are their date, not their mother. (Or something worse, an insecure partner!)

3. Alcohol + texting=No good

So when to text and when not to? In the initial stages of dating, you might feel like talking to your date all the time. Keep in mind, your date still does not know the neurotic, clingy person you really are yet. So, if you have alcohol in your system, texting long paragraphs with typos is not a sexy thing. Apart from the fact that you might spill some crazy details that might turn them off completely, it also shows how well you can handle alcohol.

Big rule: Do not drunk text.

drunk texting

Likewise, there are no more rules about the man making the first move after a date. 21st century do not dictate women to stay-at-home or only respond when talked to. Text first if you want to talk. But also take care not to initiate the conversation every time. Let your date do it sometimes.

But know when to text a girl. Stick to texting at daytime, rather than after 11 pm, unless you are looking for a booty call.

There is no necessity to text every day. Elite Daily points out, “Talking constantly builds co-dependency” and it’s true. You keep looking for notifications because you are so indulged in gratifying yourself when they text. Not dishing out every aspect of your day means you will have things to talk about on your dates.

4. No calls without prior notice

Just because someone is texting you at the moment, does not mean they are free to take calls. There is also no need to respond to a text by calling them. Introverts will dodge them like deadlines. Even if there is need to clarify something (like explaining which route to take to reach a club), ask them if it’s okay to call them before speed-dialling them.

5. Response to the text

Text response time etiquette is to be acquired over time. The golden rule to this is: If it takes your date one day to respond to your message, do not respond to it immediately. It just shows you have been sitting by the phone for a day for them to reply; and you don’t want to give them that power over you yet.

Likewise, you should not take hours to respond to a text, unless you are swamped throughout the day.

Also, not all texts need a response. Something like: “I am on my way to the theater. Meet you there” does not need a response. An emoji might be okay. Might.

6. Chemistry is everything

There is a thing called texting chemistry, one where you can feel the chemistry between two people while texting. If you are jumping back and forth between “Good night” and” Good night” that can get too boring too fast. If you lack in chemistry, there are ways to build it up. “I normally text a lot of people on Tinder and get a hang on before proceeding to talk to the person I really want,” says Annie.

If the conversation seems to get stagnant, you can share a bit of your personal stuff and see how they react. If they want to click with you, they might share an embarrassing public incident from when they were 10. And that’s a win!

7. No texting serious stuff

Texting is the pre-game. More of a savvy flirting before being on dates with each other. Serious, personal stuff should not be exchanged on texts. Get the information you need on the actual date. So don’t ever text: “Are you monogamous? Did you see any close person die?”

texting serious stuff

Also, put the brakes on the sarcasm or other literary devices you want to incorporate in your two worded-texts. They might not like it and will genuinely think of you as a sarcastic person. Or worse, think you are not funny or smart (sarcasm is the lowest kind of wit). Basically, keep the texts as simple as you can to convey emotions plainly. Measure the water you are dipping your feet in before being the freest self.

8. Is sexting okay?

Before you delve into the sexy world, make sure your date is comfortable with it. If a semi-nude photo is replied with an emoji, dial down on the sexting. Some people take their time to send out nudes, or get comfortable with sexting.

But semi nudes are not the only way to set the ground for sexting. You can also blame autocorrect if you are in a dilemma.

Have a few golden rules of texting to add? What do you feel the topmost rule of texting is? Let us know in the comments below.

 

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