If Your Partner Takes Forever To Text You Back, Here’s How To Talk To Them About It

I love texting. Wait, let me rephrase that: I am grateful for texting. That’s because I remember the barbaric dark ages when you used to have to actually call people. So much small talk, so many awkward moments when you would want to get off the phone but couldn’t because the other person was refusing to wrap it up. Fortunately for some, those dark days are over and now we can just skip all the chatter. However, even texting is not without little, ahem, irritating quirks, like being left “on read” or when your partner takes forever to text you back Here’s what to do when your partner takes a really long time to reply.

If you feel like your partner leaves your texts hanging regularly, it can be really frustrating. But is this something you can even address? If the two of you are in a healthy relationship, you should be able to talk to them about anything, so really the question is: How do you bring it up with them? To help with that, I reached out to NYC relationship expert Susan Winter and clinical psychologist Joshua Klapow, Ph.D., to weigh in on how long is too long to reasonably wait for a response, and what to do if your partner refuses to hear you out.

How Long Should You Reasonably Wait For A Reply?

'What's your schedule like this week?' is a 'We Need To Talk' text to send your partner that is firm, but fair

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I have to be honest — I am not exactly the most patient person. When I send a text, I really expect to hear back pretty much right away. But I also realize that’s not really fair, so the question is: How long should you wait for a reply from your partner? Winter says that all depends on a few factors. For instance, “If you’re in an exclusive relationship where there’s trust and a good sense of communication, a couple of hours would be OK — especially if your partner’s busy at work or traveling.” Winter says to only consider getting worried when you “already suspect something may be amiss in [your] relationship.” Additionally, she suggests noting when there’s “a break in the pattern. This can often be a red flag.”

Klapow too points out that circumstances and content really vary between relationships and individual messages — if someone’s in class or in an important meeting, you’re probably not going to get a response within five minutes, or possibly even an hour or two. “People text on different cadences depending on a couple of different factors,” he says, including what they’re doing and their own personal texting style. “One of the things I caution people is that there very often is a context to why they’re responding quicker or slower that may have nothing to do with you or their interest.”

But if your partner normally gets back to you pretty quickly and then starts letting hours pass, Winter says it’s understandable to get a little nervous. “This is especially the case if there’s no good reason for the delay. At this point it looks like a case of disrespect,” she says. “And anything longer than 12 hours begins to look like something far more problematic; an illness, a crisis, or direct avoidance.” Klapow, in turn, gives 24 hours as a start-to-worry mark.

How To Talk To Your Partner About It

Assuming that the delay in response is not just a one-off or isn’t accompanied by a good explanation, it’s reasonable to bring it up with your partner. Klapow advises opening the conversation in a non-accusatory way, with the purpose of seeking information. “I would communicate that you are wondering why there seems to be such a delay,” he says. He suggests questions like whether there are times that your partner just isn’t able to respond, or what they see as an appropriately timely texting response. The overall point, he says, is to understand each others’ communication style and expectations.

One thing not to do? Set a firm deadline for when they need to respond. “Before you set quotas on how much time or how quickly [to respond],” he says, “you need to understand your partner more.”

Winter offers some suggestions on how to initiate a conversation about how your partner’s “habitual problem of being tardy with their texts … makes you feel.” She suggests:

“When you don’t respond to me, I feel like a non-priority. That hurts.”

“When it takes a couple of hours to hear back from you, I feel diminished and unimportant to you.”

“It really makes me happy when you text me back right away. It makes me feel closer to you.”

Focusing on the effect it has on you, rather than coming at them with an accusatory tone, will help prevent them from going on the defensive and make them more likely to hear you out.

Another important thing to consider? How you’ve been texting them. If you’re spamming them with texts in a short time, or asking three questions all at once in a four-inch-long block, your partner might not have the ability to respond quickly or with an in-depth text. “Those are the kinds of things that sometimes are hard for people to process,” Klapow says. “And that should be part of your conversation.”

Here’s What To Do If Nothing Changes

Attractive man wears hoodie, ignores live communication with wife, focused in modern smart phone, reads news online, sad dark skinned woman feels jealous as her husabnd messages with someone

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If nothing changes after you’ve spoken to your partner about how you feel, Winter says you may want to first try digging a little deeper in order to see if you can get at the cause of why they are lagging in getting back to you.

“Ask your partner why they don’t bother to respond,” suggests Winter. “Is it that they hate texting? Is there a reason for the conscious neglect of a response?” She adds that it’s important to “explain that you’re not trying to monitor their activity. You’re trying to establish a natural and fluid flow of communication that reflects mutual respect for each other,” adding, “Explain that a timely response acknowledges your text and makes for a happy partnership.”

“Make it about the relationship,” Klapow advises, instead of something your partner has supposedly done wrong. “This has to do with how you communicate. He points out that if someone simply ignored or didn’t reply to a question in person, it would be unacceptable. “You wouldn’t just not say anything. You might say, ‘I’m busy, can I answer you in 10 minutes?’ … Texting sort of works the same way.”

The question now is: If your partner isn’t changing their texting behavior, is it a relationship killer? Winter says it really depends. For example, “if the only place your relationship is suffering is in the ‘text realm,’ you may still be fine. Every relationship has its issues. If you know your partner loves you (yet has this quirk), you may just have to suck it up. Or, suggest they call you.” However, it can also be a symptom of a larger problem in the relationship, one worth taking a deeper look at. “A lapse in communication is only an issue when it’s the tip of the iceberg,” says Winter. “If this is one of many issues where you find yourself disrespected and marginalized, then do yourself a favor and reevaluate your partnership.”

One final thing to consider: Is this just an issue of them being a little tardy in answering you? Or is it really just another symptom of a more serious problem in the relationship? Really, only you can answer that question, but it may mean facing truths that you’ve been avoiding. But the bottom line is that you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel valued and respected. So, find that person, and you’ll likely find that all the texting stuff falls into place. But seriously though, don’t leave me “on read.”

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Here’s How To Respond To Your Ex’s Text From Out Of The Blue

Let’s say it’s a Saturday afternoon, and you’re having a lovely day minding your own business. You slept in, you grabbed coffee with a friend, and you even ran a couple errands on your to-do list. Now you’re curled up in bed binge-watching Succession and eating Halo Top straight from the container. Then, all of a sudden, your phone flashes with a new message from… No. It can’t be. You ex, whom you haven’t heard from in months?! Mild panic ensues. How should you respond to your ex’s text? Should you even say anything at all?

When you’re not expecting it (or even when you are), a text from your ex can ruin your whole day. Why on earth are they trying to contact you after a long period of silence? No matter how innocuous the text looks — maybe it’s something along the lines of, “How’s it going?” or, “Congrats on the new job!” — it can certainly feel like there’s something deeper going on. Before you rush to respond with something snarky, put your phone down and take a deep breath.

According to clinical psychologist and author Dr. Beth Kurland, receiving a text from an ex can fire up some of the brain chemicals that affected you when you were first in love. Dopamine is responsible for making you feel happy and carefree, and the body releases it during sex, a make-out session, or any particularly happy moments with your partner. And now, even though you’re no longer together, this text can send your brain right back to that place. “When we break up and later get a text from an ex, this can re-trigger and activate that same neural circuitry,” Kurland previously told Elite Daily. “We crave that same pleasure we once experienced with this person, which can help explain why it is so hard to let go of an old relationship and why it can even become an obsession.”

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The text can also remind you of all the pain you experienced when the relationship ended. A 2004 study in the American Journal of Psychiatry showed that remembering your ex can trigger responses in your brain that are typically associated with acute grief. In an instant, you’re transported back to those feelings of heartbreak, wondering if you’d ever be able to interact with your ex in the same way again. No wonder the text hits you hard out of nowhere.

As for how to handle the situation, it really depends on how you feel. Leigh Smith, a researcher at the University of California Davis, previously explained to Elite Daily that your brain could respond to the text in a couple of ways. “When we encounter a stressor — like a text from an ex —there are two primary ways we can react,” she said. “We can either one, believe we have the resources to cope with the demands of the task. Or two, we can feel like the demands of the task outweigh our coping resources.” If you’ve had enough time and space to heal from the breakup, maybe you’re fully confident to respond without freaking out. But if it was a messy split, or if you’re not fully over your ex, you might feel overwhelmed by the mere idea of trying to craft a message to send back.

First thing’s first: prioritize your own health and healing. If you don’t want to respond, you 100% do not need to. Kurland warned against jumping too quickly to engage with your ex again. “Our first impulse might be to follow that pull toward ‘reward’ and become re-entangled with an ex when we know this would not be good for our long term well-being,” she noted. But instead, try being mindful and intentional about what you think is best. Take as long as you need to decide about the next best step — and maybe wait until those chemicals in your brain have calmed down.

If your ex is trying to reconnect with you, and you don’t think it’s a good idea to see them, be straightforward about this over text. Dating coach Diana Dorell previously told Elite Daily that “less is more” is usually a good philosophy. “There’s no need to over-explain, to justify, or defend why you’d not want to see them, it’s really none of their business,” she assured. “What you can do is tell them, ‘I appreciate you reaching out to me, I want to let you know I’ve moved on and I wish you all the best. Take care.’ That really is all you need to say.”

Serious woman using smartphone and standing outdoors. Pretty young lady wearing jacket with trees and buildings in background. Urban lifestyle and communication concept.

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If they’re asking for a simple favor, or something that’s easy for you to respond to without stressing, you can choose if you’d like to open up conversation with them again. But remember that you do not need to give your ex your time and energy, especially if it could come at the expense of your well-being. Sure, this person was once really central to your life, but that time period is over, and your ex should respect your wishes if you want to cut off communication entirely.

Even if you do want to be friends with your ex again, it’s crucial to talk about boundaries with each other, to avoid any potential confusion or hurt feelings. “I think there is immense pressure to be chill and drama-free,” Dr. Alexandra Solomon, clinical assistant professor and staff therapist at Northwestern University, tells Elite Daily. But she notes that this pressure can keep you from speaking honestly about how you’re feeling. It is completely OK to ask your ex why they’ve reached out, and to try to clarify what they hope to gain from the interaction.

Regardless of whether you choose to respond, you should make that choice based on your needs, rather than a feeling of pressure or obligation to seem “chill” or “over it.” You’re on a forward trajectory, and the last thing you need is to feel pulled unexpectedly back into your past. Craft a response after you’ve had some time to think and determine what’s best for you. Your ex should respect your commitment to your healing — and if not, who cares? You don’t owe them a thing.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

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If Your Ex Texts You Randomly, Here’s How To Stay Cool & Handle It

Nothing catches you off guard quite like an unexpected text from an ex. Whether you broke up three weeks ago or three years ago, seeing their name pop up on your phone screen out of the blue is sure to send you for a loop. Are you supposed to feel excited? Hopefully? Angry? An even better question: How the heck are you supposed to respond, if at all? Knowing how to react when your ex texts you randomly always depends on the situation, like the length of time that has passed since you last spoke or why exactly you two split in the first place. In any case, you’ll probably want to find a middle ground between, “I never stopped loving you,” and “New phone, who dis?”

“A text from an ex you still care about may send you into a serious session of overthinking and wondering what it means (i.e., do they want to get back together? Did they realize it was a mistake?),” licensed psychologist Dr. Joy Harden Bradford previously explained to Elite Daily. So before you fire back a response, think carefully about what it is you want from that ex, which is likely one of three things.

If You’re Open To The Idea Of Getting Back Together

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Perhaps the breakup was amicable. You decided you were better off as friends, or that you wouldn’t work out in the long run, and you mutually decided to part ways. But now that ex is suddenly hitting up your phone, and you’re wondering whether you two may have made a mistake by calling it quits. First things first: Figure out if your ex is thinking that, too, or if they’re just looking to hook up.

As Bela Gandhi, president at Smart Dating Academy, previously told Elite Daily, “If they’re texting you that they want to hang out, that they miss you, that they’ve made a mistake… then they want to get back together. If someone is only texting you between 10 p.m. and 1 a.m., this is probably not a person who’s looking to be in anything serious with you.”

If your ex’s text seems to suggest the former, go ahead and reply, but be sure to manage your expectations and keep your response (somewhat) casual. By saying, “Hey, stranger. Long time no chat. I’ve missed talking to you,” or, “It’s great to hear from you. We should catch up over coffee,” you can express your interest without coming on too strong and facing potential disappointment.

If You’d Like To Be Friends Eventually And Nothing More Than That

If the first thing you feel after receiving an old-of-the-blue message from an ex is nostalgia rather than longing, it’s possible you miss them as a friend, but not a lover. As tricky as it is to stay friends with an ex, it can be done. Even if your old partner’s text seems to suggest they want something more than friendship, you are not obligated to return the sentiment. Remember what you want, and respond in a way that makes your intentions clear.

Samantha Burns, dating coach and author of Breaking Up & Bouncing Back, agreed that “it’s definitely possible to cultivate a friendship with an ex.” As she explained it, “You’ll know you’ve moved on when you can treat texts with your ex with the same expectations of any other friendship — without all of the amped up emotional reactions.”

If you feel confident that staying on good terms with you ex is not only possible, but desirable to you, respond in a way that is friendly and free from suggestiveness. Try, “It’s so weird that you just texted — something hilarious happened the other day and I almost texted to tell you about,” or, “I’m glad you texted. I’ve been dying to discuss the new season of our fave show with someone.” Make it known that you miss the friendship aspect of your relationship, but you don’t have any desire to rekindle the romantic aspect.

If You Want Nothing To Do With Them

It’s possible that a message from an old SO pops up on your phone and the only thought you have is, “Nope.” Whether you were hurt by that person, you’re still trying to get over that person, or you’re totally over that person for good, you’ll want to find a way to shut that convo down before it can begin. I’m always in favor of taking the high road — there really isn’t anything to gain from being nasty. Just keep your respond brief, detached, and straightforward, and they’ll likely back off.

To make it known you’re not open to starting up a relationship again, platonic or romantic, text back in a way that is short but not-so-sweet. Saying, “I’m not sure it’s such a great idea for us to keep talking,” or, “I need some space, and I would be grateful if you respected that,” lets your ex know you aren’t necessarily bitter, but you’re definitely not interested.

However, as Burns told Elite Daily, you may be better not responding at all. “A breakup impacts us on a neuropsychological level similar to drug withdrawal,” she pointed out, “so sometimes even sending a short text can be like showing up to the bar when you’re trying to get sober.” If ignoring that text message is what’s best for you, then just delete that text and move on.

 

In responding to an unexpected text from an ex, you’re opening a can of worms, and no matter your intentions, you should practice caution. “I think it’s important to be gentle with yourself and your feelings,” Bradford said, “so if the text brings up some stuff for you and then the day goes downhill after that, allow it to happen and then develop a plan for how you’ll try to have a better day tomorrow.”

If responding will bring more harm than good, it’s probably better not to respond at all. But if you think you might be ready to give your relationship another try, even just as friends, then choose your response carefully and see what happens.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Signs That You Love Your Boyfriend Too Much

It’s totally okay to be in the honeymoon phase and crazy for your new man, but make sure it’s healthy and not a weird obsession… Becoming obsessed with your significant other can go wrong in dozens of ways from driving them away to just being plain unhealthy for you. Here are some of the ways people say I love my boyfriend that others look at as obsession.

1.YOU DON’T TALK ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE

Everyone talks about their relationships. However, when you don’t talk about anything else, ever, it’s one of the biggest signs you are obsessed with your boyfriend or girlfriend. If your friends constantly roll their eyes because every sentence out of your mouth begins with “My boyfriend and I…” or “We had so much fun…” then you may have a problem. When everything interesting you have to say involves your significant other, you’re a little too involved. Take a look at your social media timelines as well; how many of your status updates involve your partner?

2.YOUR THUMBS ARE ON THE TRIGGER

Are you constantly texting, Facebooking, or tweeting your significant other? If you can’t go five minutes without sending a text, a selfie, a poke, or a SnapChat, you’re going overboard. This is especially true if you get upset when your partner fails to answer within five seconds. Sending messages is okay in moderation, but you have to draw the line somewhere. There’s a difference between wanting to talk to them and saying I love my boyfriend and being weird about it.

3.SERIOUS SEPARATION ANXIETY

Missing your partner is perfectly natural as well. If your boyfriend heads to band camp for a few weeks or your girlfriend goes on vacation with her family, of course you’ll feel a little lonely. However, if you suffer serious separation anxiety for long and short separations, you need to check yourself. You might actually have sweaty palms, an accelerating heartbeat, and even exhibit the symptoms of a panic attack. That’s too much, especially if all of this comes with a certainty that your partner is cheating with you or plans to break up with you, just because you’re in two different places.

4.YOU NEGLECT YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY

Obsessive behaviors often manifest outside of your relationship. For example, if you’re neglecting your family and friends in favor of spending time with your boyfriend or girlfriend, you’ve got a big problem! When your significant other takes up your entire life and you no longer have time for anyone else – and worse, when you no longer have a desire to spend time with anyone else – you’re exhibiting symptoms of obsession and not cutely wanting to say I love my boyfriend by being with him too much. Everyone needs personal space!

5.THERE’S NO PRIVACY

Do you snoop? If you find yourself sneaking peeks at your boyfriend’s phone or trying to read your girlfriend’s diary, your behavior is unmistakably obsessive. This is especially true if you’re doing it because you’re paranoid or suspicious. Everyone deserves their privacy. Don’t betray your partner’s trust by snooping through his or her things, and respect him or her enough to respect these boundaries.

6.YOU GIVE UP YOUR INDEPENDENCE

Do you define yourself by your relationship? If you willingly give up your independence because you want to spend every waking moment with your partner, there’s a problem. When you can’t do anything by yourself, or refuse to go out by yourself or with friends because your partner isn’t coming along, take a long, hard look at yourself, your relationship, and your motivations.

7.YOU’RE JEALOUS OF EVERYONE

You get jealous of random people who may or may not be looking at your partner, as well as people he or she has known forever. You always suspect your partner of cheating or worry that he will automatically return every come-on or flirtation; that’s not I love my boyfriend that’s just plain psycho… Where’s the trust? Obsession often comes from insecurity, and there’s no need to feel jealous of everyone who even glances at your boyfriend or girlfriend unless you feel extremely insecure.

You can be close to your partner; you can be affectionate, interested, and even occasionally clingy, because we all get in those moods – but “occasionally” is the keyword here, and you can’t take it too far. There’s a fine line between I love my boyfriend and obsession which isn’t healthy for anyone involved; nor does it lead to a strong, long lasting relationship. Have you ever gotten obsessed with your boyfriend or girlfriend? Has someone you’ve dated been obsessed with you?

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing publishes of Amazon June 20th!

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8 Rules of Texting While Dating

Did you know it was Swingers who created the law of waiting three days before texting your date? Though it potentially separates the cool ones from the clingy ones, this rule of dating texting is outdated in the current dating scenario. Considering how well connected we are now, thanks to technology, this thumb rule of dating is sort of backdated. I mean we all know how many hours we spend looking at our smartphones.

Yes, you read that right. There are rules of dating texting that can actually make of break your relationship. Texting etiquettes are ever evolving. Texting is the pre-game shenanigan. Monosyllabic replies don’t always mean disinterest. In the same time, little to no time replies does not necessarily mean they are super interested in you. Dating texting is an upgrading game you need to keep up. If you have been out of the game for a while, chances are you missed out on a few upgrades.

But not to worry. We have got you covered. We have researched far and wide to get you the 8 priceless rules of dating texting, so you know what are the right keys to press.

8 Golden rules of Dating Texting

Here are a few rules for texting-while-dating. These rules of dating texting will get you in the game and keep you there.

1. Plz do nt type lyk dis

A major turnoff. Considering how fast you are on the keyboard, you can spend a few extra minutes to type out the complete words, instd of lyk dis. Unless you are attempting to crudely execute the Thesaurus and your date’s interest in you, avoid typing abbreviations – spend a few extra minutes to spell out the entire word.

Check for your autocorrected words. Don’t let excited become irritated.

give attention to grammar while texting

Check if they are meme-friendly. If they do respond with the same enthusiasm with the millennial culture, start incorporating them slowly into your texts to keep things cool. Do not make texting an excuse to misspell words.

2. No overloading of texts, please..

Picture this:

Hey!
?
What’s up?
Busy?
Where you gone?

No one wants to open text messenger to find multiple text messages from the same person. It is suggestive of a clingy character and your date will slowly retreat to ghosting you if you flood their inbox with unread messages. Word of advice: When they don’t text back, wait. Chill. Grab a beer. Slow down, Flo Jo!

Under no circumstances are you supposed to overload them with your concerned messages. You are their date, not their mother. (Or something worse, an insecure partner!)

3. Alcohol + texting=No good

So when to text and when not to? In the initial stages of dating, you might feel like talking to your date all the time. Keep in mind, your date still does not know the neurotic, clingy person you really are yet. So, if you have alcohol in your system, texting long paragraphs with typos is not a sexy thing. Apart from the fact that you might spill some crazy details that might turn them off completely, it also shows how well you can handle alcohol.

Big rule: Do not drunk text.

drunk texting

Likewise, there are no more rules about the man making the first move after a date. 21st century do not dictate women to stay-at-home or only respond when talked to. Text first if you want to talk. But also take care not to initiate the conversation every time. Let your date do it sometimes.

But know when to text a girl. Stick to texting at daytime, rather than after 11 pm, unless you are looking for a booty call.

There is no necessity to text every day. Elite Daily points out, “Talking constantly builds co-dependency” and it’s true. You keep looking for notifications because you are so indulged in gratifying yourself when they text. Not dishing out every aspect of your day means you will have things to talk about on your dates.

4. No calls without prior notice

Just because someone is texting you at the moment, does not mean they are free to take calls. There is also no need to respond to a text by calling them. Introverts will dodge them like deadlines. Even if there is need to clarify something (like explaining which route to take to reach a club), ask them if it’s okay to call them before speed-dialling them.

5. Response to the text

Text response time etiquette is to be acquired over time. The golden rule to this is: If it takes your date one day to respond to your message, do not respond to it immediately. It just shows you have been sitting by the phone for a day for them to reply; and you don’t want to give them that power over you yet.

Likewise, you should not take hours to respond to a text, unless you are swamped throughout the day.

Also, not all texts need a response. Something like: “I am on my way to the theater. Meet you there” does not need a response. An emoji might be okay. Might.

6. Chemistry is everything

There is a thing called texting chemistry, one where you can feel the chemistry between two people while texting. If you are jumping back and forth between “Good night” and” Good night” that can get too boring too fast. If you lack in chemistry, there are ways to build it up. “I normally text a lot of people on Tinder and get a hang on before proceeding to talk to the person I really want,” says Annie.

If the conversation seems to get stagnant, you can share a bit of your personal stuff and see how they react. If they want to click with you, they might share an embarrassing public incident from when they were 10. And that’s a win!

7. No texting serious stuff

Texting is the pre-game. More of a savvy flirting before being on dates with each other. Serious, personal stuff should not be exchanged on texts. Get the information you need on the actual date. So don’t ever text: “Are you monogamous? Did you see any close person die?”

texting serious stuff

Also, put the brakes on the sarcasm or other literary devices you want to incorporate in your two worded-texts. They might not like it and will genuinely think of you as a sarcastic person. Or worse, think you are not funny or smart (sarcasm is the lowest kind of wit). Basically, keep the texts as simple as you can to convey emotions plainly. Measure the water you are dipping your feet in before being the freest self.

8. Is sexting okay?

Before you delve into the sexy world, make sure your date is comfortable with it. If a semi-nude photo is replied with an emoji, dial down on the sexting. Some people take their time to send out nudes, or get comfortable with sexting.

But semi nudes are not the only way to set the ground for sexting. You can also blame autocorrect if you are in a dilemma.

Have a few golden rules of texting to add? What do you feel the topmost rule of texting is? Let us know in the comments below.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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25 Open-Ended Questions To Text Your Crush & Start A Conversation

So, you’ve got a crush on someone new. OMG! Those nervous, excited feelings are fun, but they can also be kind of stressful. How do you make a good impression? How do you get them to see you as more than a friend? It’s time to step up the flirting game, and open-ended questions to text your crush will help you learn more about each other. Hopefully, you can start a meaningful conversation that eventually turns into something more.

Like a lot of people, you might have some extra time on your hands lately — the perfect excuse to put your energy into a new flirtationship. Texting your crush can be scary, but it’s also the first step toward building a strong connection with them. You’d be surprised at how easy it is to open up when you’re not face-to-face (hello, Love Is Blind!) And hey, you never know where this conversation could go. Before you overthink it, go ahead and send one of these open-ended questions to pique your crush’s interest and get them talking.

1. Who are you closest to?

2. How do you feel about [world event]?

3. What are you most proud of?

4. What are you like as a travel partner?

5. What’s one thing you dream of accomplishing?

6. What does a typical morning look like for you?

7. What’s one thing you’ll never do again?

8. What’s your favorite place in the world?

9. Who do you look up to?

10. What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve done lately?

11. What’s the most surprising thing about you?

12. What’s something totally dumb that makes you laugh?

13. How do you deal with stressful situations?

14. What’s one thing you couldn’t live without?

15. How would you want someone to describe you?

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16. What would you do if you won the lottery?

17. What’s one controversial opinion you have?

18. Do you have any hidden talents?

19. What’s the last thing you listened to?

20. What skill do you wish you had?

21. What’s the luckiest thing that’s ever happened to you?

22. What book or movie has influenced you most?

23. What’s your biggest pet peeve?

24. If you could have anybody else’s life, whose would you want?

25. What’s your funniest memory from high school?

Before you know it, you’ll be engaged in a conversation you and your crush will both find super enlightening. It might help you realize things you have in common, which could lay the groundwork for even deeper life talks later on. Who knows? You could even have your own Lauren and Cameron love story in the works. You’ve totally got this!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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17 Questions To Ask Your Partner During Quarantine To Fight Off Boredom

If the anxiety stoked by the coronavirus wasn’t stressful enough, you’re probably also dealing with the pesky boredom of quarantine life. At the beginning of the pandemic, more time to read, relax, and be creative probably felt like an unexpected gift. But after awhile, the endless rounds of learning TikTok dances, baking bread, and watching Instagram Lives can start to feel monotonous. A meaningful way to mix up your routine is to reconnect with loved ones — DM old pals, jump on Houseparty with your crew, call your grandma, and spend time asking your partner thoughtful questions during quarantine.

It’s easy to forget that feeling bored during a pandemic is a privilege. Thousands of essential workers are still risking their lives to keep society afloat. So if you find yourself looking for ways to pass the time, try to make the most of it. Depending on your circumstances, you might be hanging out your SO via FaceTime, or you might be quarantining together. Whichever scenario you find yourself in, the following questions can help you get to know each other a little better. They can serve as insightful conversation-starters, and prime opportunities for you and your partner to feel more connected.

1. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?

2. What would you do if you won $1,000,000 right now?

3. Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

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4. If you could write a letter to your younger self, what would you say?

5. What’s something you want to do that we’ve never done before?

6. If you could change one thing about your childhood, what would it be?

7. When is the last time you cried?

8. If you could visit anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?

9. When did you know you were in love with me?

10. What’s your favorite thing about me?

11. If you could have dinner with one person, dead or alive, who would it be?

12. What’s something that no one else knows about you?

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13. What is the most vulnerable you’ve been in our relationship?

14. What’s the most valuable thing you’ve learned from your ex?

15. What are the three things you’d save if your apartment caught on fire?

16. What’s one thing you want to cross off your bucket list as soon as social distancing is over?

17. What accomplishment are you most proud of?

Not only can these questions help keep you and your partner engaged during quarantine, but they can also help you get to know each other more intimately and intentionally in the process. Who knows? You might even end up emerging from this crisis a stronger couple than you were before.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Here’s How To Show Your Partner You’re Thinking About Them If You’re Apart

Whether you’re in a long-distance relationship or just away for the weekend, learning to cope with periods of separation is an important part of maintaining a healthy partnership. When you can’t be together, figuring out ways to show your partner you’re thinking about them will not only put a smile on their face, but it can also give them peace of mind by making them feel more secure in the relationship. Simply taking the time to make the person you love feel appreciated, even when you’re not in the same room, can separate a good relationship from a great one.

Although it’s easy to overlook the impact small details can have on overall relationship satisfaction, going the extra mile demonstrates to your partner that they’re a top priority. After all, who doesn’t want to be reminded that they’re important? However, all too often, in an effort to seem “chill” it can be tempting to downplay your true feelings to avoid seeming clingy. Fortunately, there are plenty of ways to send your SO some love without feeling like a stage five clinger. Here are some thoughtful things you can do to make it clear to your partner that you can’t get them out of your head.

1. Send Them A Selfie.

I can almost guarantee you that there’s nothing your partner would rather see on their phone screen than a sweet (or sexy) picture of their favorite person: You.

2. Send Them A Voice Memo

For couples who keep in touch mainly via text, missing the sound of your partner’s voice can be a huge bummer. If differing time zones has made it tough to have satisfying talks on the phone, consider sending them a voice memo the next time they cross your mind.

3. Text Them A Funny Meme.

Few things can tackle separation sadness like a deep belly laugh. Since you aren’t able to make your partner laugh in person, texting them a hilarious meme is a fun alternative. But beware, a marathon meme exchange may ensue.

4. Send Them Flowers.

When it comes to expressing how you feel, sometimes words just don’t feel like enough. For situations like these, sending your partner their favorite flowers will speak volumes.

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5. Have Their Favorite Food Delivered.

If you’re dating a foodie, then chances are you’ve already learned that being fed might as well be a love language. So, arranging for your partner’s favorite treat to be delivered to their door will make it clear that you can’t get them out of your head.

Even though being apart can be a bit of a bummer, it’s also the perfect excuse to come up with creative ways to show each other you care. So, the next time you’re missing your partner, don’t be afraid to come up with a cute way to let them know.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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These 16 Flirty Texts Will Keep You On His Mind 24/7

He’ll be begging for more.

Keeping your sex life fun, exciting and hot is crucial if you never want the initial spark in your relationship to fade.

To help you out, I put together this list of flirty texts to send your partner whenever you feel like things between you could use a little jolt.

And this isn’t just a bunch of flirty text message examples, but also a handy guide on how to flirt with a guy over text in general.

You can also use as ideas to try sending him over Facebook Messenger, email, Instagram, Snapchat, or even when talking to him on the phone.

Before I actually get to the list of flirty texts for him, I need to first give you three little disclaimers about sending flirty texts. This is so that when you use them, they are super effective — and also in oder to make sure you don’t accidentally misuse them.

The most important thing to know when learning how to flirt over text messages is that flirty texts should be used as a spice, not as the main course.

What I mean by this is that you should use them sparingly.

If every other text message you send him is a sexy text, it’s quickly going to get boring, and they will lose their intended effect.

The next thing that you must understand is that “flirty” doesn’t necessarily mean “filthy”.

Sure, some flirty text messages you can send will sound a little risqué, but they don’t have to.

In fact, you are going to quickly discover that the more subtle your messages are and the more that they’re filled with innuendo, the more powerful their effects will be on your man.

Lastly, you will find that sending your man a flirty text message can be the perfect way to build anticipation.

Doing this will keep him thinking about you for a long, long time even if it will be awhile until you’re able to hang out together.

So now that we’ve covered some of the important things to keep in mind if you want these flirty text messages to be effective, let’s learn exactly what to send.

Here are 16 examples of flirty texts to send him when you when to flirt with a guy over text.

1. Why do I always think of you when I’m trying to concentrate on studying … Grrr, hate you so much right now!

2. What would you do if I told you that I have an identical twin sister?

3. Had trouble sleeping last night, needed you there snuggling me.

5. Should I wear a short skirt tonight or a really short skirt?

6. If you could only do one thing sexually with me for the rest of your life, what would it be?

7. I think I just saw you or someone that looked just like you, are you wearing a green turtleneck today?

8. I’m thinking about becoming celibate for the rest of my life, what do you think?

9. What would you like me to wear tonight?

10. I had a dream about you last night, it was hot!

11. Do you think you could beat me in an arm wrestle?

12. I’ve got a surprise for you later, I think you’re going to really like it 😉

13. I was thinking of dressing up in something hot tonight, what would you prefer, maid or nurse?

14. I’m wearing a colored bra today, guess which color …

15. Explain something to me — what’s the big deal with threesomes?

16. Stop thinking about me! (I know. It’s hard, isn’t it …)

Please don’t think you have to use every single one of these flirty messages on your man.

Just pick and choose the ones that you like and use them.

If you are just starting a relationship with your man, then you probably don’t want to use any of the more risqué or sexual text messages at first.

Lastly don’t be afraid to change, adapt and modify these messages slightly to fit your life and your man. For example, you could change ‘studying’ to ‘working,’ etc.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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3 Texting Signals That Your Partner’s Playing Games, So Hang Up

So much of getting to know someone new can feel like playing games. Whether it’s how long you wait to text each other back or how many exclamation points you add, texting someone new can feel like one big mystery. Once you define the relationship with your partner, it can be relieving to feel like that weird tension is behind you, but that might not always be the case. If you find that they’re still being unnecessarily weird over text, texting signals your partner’s playing games can be glaringly obvious, and have the potential to make anyone feel insecure about their connection.

Turns out, there’s a reason your partner may still be texting you as if you were still dating, and it has more to do with them than it does with you. “If your partner is playing games, it may be a sign of their personal insecurities,” Claudia Cox, relationship coach and founder of Text Weapon, tells Elite Daily. “It’s not about you. It’s not because you aren’t exciting, attractive, or amazing enough. It’s about them and their insecurities.”

According to Cox, if your partner has trust issues or is a self-professed commitment-phobe, playing games may be their way of not getting too connected to you or dealing with their own relationship fears. Although you may love your boo, you never need to put up with shadiness or miscommunication, IRL or on the phone. And if you feel your partner is being dishonest, you might want to communicate your fears to them directly before jumping to any conclusions.

If you’re thinking your partner might be playing games, Cox breaks down the three texting signs to look out for.

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1. It Feels Like They’re Intentionally Not Replying

If you’re constantly waiting to hear back from your partner, or they haven’t replied to you but you know they’re on their phone, it may be time for a check-in. “Not texting or calling you back in a reasonable amount of time, even when they are obviously not busy, is something to look out for,” Cox says. You and your boo may have your own way of talking to each other, but if you’re starting to feel ignored or uncomfortable, it’s always OK to say so.

You and your partner certainly don’t need to be texting every second of every day, but if you’ve been trying to reach them for a week and when you finally hear back, they pretend they haven’t been leaving you on read, it may be time to chat. Cox shares that them dodging you for a while and then hitting you with a “What’s up?” text like nothing happened can also be a sign they’re playing games. “If you find someone being unnecessarily unresponsive, don’t make excuses for their lack of good communication or politeness,” Cox says. “Don’t bother chasing them or over-analyzing their behavior.”

2. They’re Making You Question Yourself

Texting is tricky because you have no idea how someone is saying whatever it is they’re texting you. Although it’s easy to misinterpret a message, if your partner always makes you feel bad about your texts or they completely twist your words around, it may be time to talk IRL.

“Look out for people who create drama by purposefully misinterpreting your texts,” Cox says. “For example, if you send them a sweet, ‘Good morning!’ text message after not hearing from them for a few days and they respond with something passive-aggressive such as, ‘Sorry, I don’t have time to text you every five minutes, I’ve been really busy.'” There’s nothing more frustrating than having your words be misinterpreted. Although needing to clarify something can just mean your partner is confused about your tone, your partner intentionally making you question your words on a regular basis can be a sign you’re not on the same page.

If you and your partner have different texting preferences, try talking in person about the ways you best communicate. You should never have to feel bad for being yourself or expressing your needs. “Stop yourself from being dragged into their manipulative mind games,” Cox says. “At a certain point, it gets boring.”

3. They’re Constantly Talking About Other People

As iconic comedian and general queen Ali Wong will tell you, one of the best parts of having a partner is getting to gossip with them. But if your boo is constantly talking about their ex or generally trying to make you jealous, Cox says that it may be time to check in. Additionally, if your partner is “always being vague about what they are doing or where the relationship is going,” Cox says that can also signal shady behavior.

Ultimately, when you’re trying to build a real connection with someone, and you’re being met with shadiness and vagueness, the best solution is to talk about it. “Sometimes it hurts, but if someone really wants to talk to you, they will,” says Cox. “And if they don’t, they won’t,” Cox says. “You can’t force communication or make someone like you.” If you find yourself questioning your partner’s texting, try talking to them in person about it. You deserve someone who’s going to be straight up with you all the time, IRL and on the phone.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

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