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Use These 12 Habits for Texting in the Early Stages of Dating

Texting in the early stages of dating isn’t easy, especially when you don’t want to screw anything up. Here are 12 texting habits you should have.

Are you caught up in the early romance of dating? It can feel uncertain, wondering if they really like you or not. Luckily, you have all the information you need to help you develop healthy habits for texting in the early stages of dating.

The early stage is pretty sensitive because you aren’t a couple yet. Naturally, I know you want this person to like you back and want to be with you, so there are a couple of things you should do to make sure you play it cool and have them come to you.

It’s easy to get caught up in feelings and excitement. Follow these tips, and you’ll be able to text the person you’re dating with ease. [Read: How to start a conversation over text and get them texting back]

Texting in the early stages of dating: 12 texting habits to have

When I was growing up, texting wasn’t even a thing. In fact, you had to pay per text message! I remember texting for my first time, and thinking, “this is never going to become a thing.” I was so wrong. Within a year or two, I found myself texting like crazy and driving my dad’s phone bill through the roof.

It wasn’t until much later I was texting with guys I liked. And let me tell you, there wasn’t any rule book to teach you how to text someone you liked. I would write essay-length messages, ask question after question. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. I was so annoying. But that’s not the point!

Who said texting someone you like was easy?

#1 Take a deep breath. Yes, you like this person, and you’re all excited, but chill. Take a couple of deep breaths, and take it easy. If you work yourself up, it’ll get you overthinking everything you say. The person you’re dating should never be up on a pedestal. They’re human, and if they don’t like you, that’s okay. There’s someone out there who will.

#2 Don’t text obsessively. I know talking to them all day long is fun and exciting, but you also have a life outside of your phone, right? Being overly available isn’t a good look. Why? Because it’s waving the “I’m codependent” flag. Do you have anything else going on besides texting them all day long? I know you do, and they need to see that.

#3 Texting shouldn’t replace face-to-face contact. You’re in the early stages of dating; this is the time where you should spend more time with them in person than over text. You need to see the person they really are, not the one they’re showing via text or social media.

Texting can be used to talk about everyday things, but it should mainly be used to arrange in-person dates.

#4 Don’t question your messages. When we like someone, we want them to think we’re funny, smart, and all the other good qualities people have. And when you’re texting someone, you want them to see these qualities.

But that doesn’t mean you should be second-guessing every message you’re sending them, making sure it doesn’t offend them, or turns them off. Don’t question what you write, just make sure it’s honest.

#5 You both need to initiate conversation. If you’re the only one who’s doing all the texting, that’s not a great sign. I think we’re all guilty of being that person, and that never ends up well. In a healthy texting relationship, you’re both comfortable enough to initiate and carry on a conversation. If you see you’re the one putting in all the effort, stop.

#6 Reply when you have time. That’s right. You don’t need to stay glued to your phone. If you’re at work or at school, keep those activities a priority. When you have time, text the person you’re dating. You don’t need to play games, but you shouldn’t jeopardize yourself to send them a text message.

#7 Use actual grammar. I know this sounds lame, but you need to use proper grammar and spelling. A typo here and there isn’t a big deal, but people like to read sentences they don’t need to decode. You probably didn’t know this, but people are turned off by poor grammar and spelling. So, shape up.

#8 Know when to end the conversation. You don’t need to text all day and night to show the person you’re interested in them. Know when it’s okay to end the conversation. If you feel it’s dying, then end the conversation early. You can start a new conversation in a couple of hours, that’s fine. But don’t try to keep a conversation alive when it doesn’t have to be.

#9 Be mindful of your tone. If you’re someone who has a dry or sarcastic humor, it may not always come across right on text. But that doesn’t mean you can’t show off your personality. Use a couple of emojis here and there to get the point across clearly, and read your message to yourself to make sure what you want to say is actually getting across.

#10 Save the important conversations for in person. You don’t need to have a deep conversation about your childhood over a text message. There are some conversations that are better left for in-person dates.

People have a lot of time to think about what they want to say, and that’s not always a good thing. Sometimes you need to see a person’s facial expressions and their reactions for specific conversations.

#11 Move past the text message. Texting, in the beginning, is fine and dandy, but eventually, you should talk on the phone. I know! Gasp! No one talks on the phone now, but hearing someone’s voice is much different than texting each other. Plus, it shows both of you a level of comfort in the relationship.

#12 Don’t ever just text ‘hi.’ What are we, ten? Come on! If this is someone you like, you can do a little bit better than ‘hi.’ Seriously. Never send a message with ‘hi.’ Instead, add a question to the end of it. It’s too generic and lazy; it gives off the impression that they’re not good enough for anything more.

Texting in the early stages of dating isn’t easy at all! You’re nervous and want to impress your date. But don’t worry, if you follow these habits, you’ll be on the right path.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Why Does Texting Fizzle Out So Easily During Early Dating? It’s So Common

If you’ve ever been texting with someone new and it seems to be going well (the conversation is flowing, there’s mutual interest on both sides), having them suddenly taper off or go silent can be frustrating AF. It can also be hella confusing. You’re left wondering, “What happened? Did they just suddenly lose interest? Was it something I said? Were they abducted by aliens?” OK, it probably wasn’t that last one, but as frustrating as it can be to have your text conversation fizzle out quickly early on, dating experts tell Elite Daily it’s not uncommon. So, at the very least, you know you’re not in it alone. Still, it can be helpful to understand why this happens, if only so you can see it coming or even avoid the texting fade out in the future.

Here’s what the experts say about text conversations drying up in the early stages of dating — and what, in some cases, you can do to prevent it from happening next time.

They’re Talking To Multiple People.

If you’re texting with someone you met through a dating app, Julie Spira, online dating expert and author of Love in the Age of Trump: How Politics is Polarizing Relationships says it’s likely they’re chatting with multiple people at the same time. In that case, the fizzle might have resulted from their divided attention. “An app like Tinder reports 1.6 billion swipes every day. This means your latest crush on a dating app is chatting with multiple people, and early on they could focus on one person, or just be overwhelmed and let a few conversations slide,” she tells Elite Daily. “It’s hard to keep that level of conversation going with multiple people. If someone isn’t feeling it as much, their response time will increase, until you get to the point that you could get ghosted, or your digital love connection will fade away.”

While this can be discouraging, Spira counsels to not let this modern dating issue get you down. “Don’t let it get to you. There are so many singles who’d like to chat, meet, and find a meaningful relationship. Find someone who’d like to be in it for the long haul,” she says.

The Chemistry Isn’t Quite Right.

urbazon/E+/Getty Images

Texting can be a great way to start getting to know someone. Sometimes, the more you chat, the more you realize there’s a great vibe between you. But not always. As Trina Leckie, breakup coach and host of the Breakup BOOST podcast tells Elite Daily, a text conversation fizzling out might be a sign that the chemistry between you isn’t quite right. “Attraction may die down,” explains Leckie. “People [can also] realize they have less in common as time goes on.”

Eric Resnick, an online dating coach, agrees that a lack of chemistry is usually the cause for texting conversations to fade out. “It could be that the initial pull you felt toward each other wasn’t anything more than a passing attraction with no real chemistry,” he tells Elite Daily. Resnick adds, however, that it’s important not to let this experience make you try to be someone you’re not when texting. “Don’t worry about being cool and just try to be you. That will lead to much more genuine text conversations that lead somewhere, not ones that peter out because you don’t know how to outdo the last message you sent,” he says.

Over-Texting Can Be Detrimental To The “Vibe”.

When you first start texting with someone you’re attracted to, it can be easy to get caught up in the experience, and this, in turn, can lead to over-texting. Resnick warns this is another common cause for texting to fizzle out. “Early relationships can breed some over-exuberant behaviors. I’ve seen new couples where one person is so into the other that they’ll send three to five texts before even getting one back. This is a good way to push the other person away,” he warns. “If you are doing this, stop. If you send a text and don’t get a response in an hour or two, that’s fine. You don’t need to follow-up. In theory, the person you are dating has a life of their own,” Resnick explains.

It’s Just The Normal Slowdown In Texting Frequency.

Not all causes of text conversations slowing down are reasons to panic. A decrease in texting frequency may simply be a sign that your relationship has entered a new phase, explains Leckie. “It’s common to want to text non-stop when you first meet in the ‘butterfly stages,’ but naturally it will slow down as time goes on. This doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a bad thing,” she says. “It’s just a natural progression of a relationship and should only really be a cause for concern if it gets to the point where you are barely texting or feeling ignored.” That is to say, if all other signs in the relationship appear to be positive, it’s OK to just take a breath and not sweat fewer or less frequent texts.

How To Prevent The Fizzle In The Future.

ljubaphoto/E+/Getty Images

“Sometimes the text fizzle is just part of the natural cycle of things,” says Resnick. But that shouldn’t prevent you from doing something if you sense the conversation is dying out prematurely. If you think that’s the case, Resnick’s advice is fairly straightforward: “Don’t try so hard. Sometimes forcing it can kill it faster. So, relax. Don’t feel like you’ve got to send X amount of texts in a day. They don’t all have to be witty comments or hilarious memes. If you don’t give it too much power in your life, you can relax and use texting for what it’s meant to be: just a quick way to pass a periodic communication,” he says.

If you’ve been talking longer and feel like your connection is meaningful, Spira says it’s worth mentioning how you’re feeling. “Let the person know that you enjoy getting daily texts from them and that hearing from them puts a smile on your face. If they feel the same way too, they won’t let the conversation fade,” she explains.

The best approach, says Leckie, is to not sweat it too much and let nature take its course. “If two people really like each other and are a good fit, they will just automatically text more, have more to talk about, and make more of an effort. So then it really doesn’t have to be something that is thought about or worried about,” she says. “It’s important for people to make a concerted effort to touch base. It’s especially nice to reach out in the mornings and before you go to bed, if nothing else. You don’t want to start going a day or more without sending a text, because then not only will the texting be fizzling out, the relationship as a whole will as well,” she concludes.

In other words, conversation fizzle sometimes. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, it’s just a sign that this person wasn’t the right one. Just keep being yourself, stay relaxed, and when it’s right, it’s right — with no fizzle in sight.

 

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These 4 Zodiac Signs Love Texting & They’re Probably Blowing Up Your Phone Right Now

I don’t know about you, but when I hear the sound of a text message popping up on my phone, I always have a reaction. I mean, maybe it’s a friend of mine who’s got some juicy gossip to share. Maybe it’s my crush sending me heart eyes and kissing face emojis. Maybe it’s a text I’ve been dreading receiving all day long. Considering how integral texting is to the daily grind, it sure makes life an emotional roller-coaster, doesn’t it? But you know you love the rush, especially if you’re one of the zodiac signs who love texting the most. If you’ve got placements in Gemini, Cancer, Virgo, or Sagittarius, I bet you can’t keep your hands off your phone to save your life.

Some of us are just downright obsessed with texting and it’s a double-edged sword. I’m sure you’re familiar with the embarrassed feeling of knowing you’re texting someone way too much. You may have even had to wonder whether you should reply now or reply in an hour just so you don’t look like you’re always on your phone… even though you definitely are. But on the other hand, you’re always a reliable person to have a conversation with. Whenever someone has an interesting story to tell or they need someone to vent to, you’re probably the first person they think of. You use all the cutest emojis, entertain everyone with your sparkling wit, and it’s you who makes iMessages go round.

 

GEMINI: THEY WANT TO TEXT YOU EVERY THOUGHT THEY HAVE

Is it any wonder that Gemini can text up a storm? This zodiac sign is ruled by Mercury — plane of communication — so obviously Geminis are obsessed with typing away on their phone. Whether they’ve got a cool thought on their mind or some piping hot tea to spill, they’ll definitely send you a string of messages and you’ll love reading every single one of them. Geminis are just hilarious and you won’t be mad they texted you. The problem? They might forget to text you back.

 

CANCER: THEY LOVE KEEPING EVERYONE IN THE LOOP

Cancers care so much about staying up to date with their loved ones, and what better way is there to do that than through texting? They love hearing all about how your day is going and they’ll send you the most caring and thoughtful responses. The best part? They don’t text just anybody — if you’re one of the people they’ve chosen to text, they take your conversation very seriously. In fact, it’s probably rare there’s ever even a lull in it.

 

VIRGO: THEY’LL TAKE ANY CHANCE TO WRITE A BEAUTIFUL TEXT

You’re a writer at heart and you almost love texting more than you love talking in person. After all, you get to whip out your literary genius when texting. Plus, you probably get a bit shy on the phone, so texting is really your favorite thing. It’s rare that you even take all that long to reply, considering how much you hate procrastinating and watching all your texts pile up. People know they can rely on you for quick and enthralling text-versation.

 

SAGITTARIUS: THEY’LL SEND YOU MEMES ALL DAY LONG

The internet is a hilarious place and you, my friend, are a hilarious texter. Not only do you love talking and keeping the “buzz” going in your life, it’s as if you attract funny memes and tweets like a magnet. You can’t just keep them all to yourself, so naturally, you’ve got to send them out to all the people you know will appreciate your droll and clever sense of humor. You’re definitely that person sitting on your phone and laughing to yourself in public.

 

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Here’s How Texting Changes When You Define The Relationship, According To Experts

Are you getting to the point where you’re ready to define the relationship? In modern relationships, DTR typically comes after seeing each other casually for a while and before putting each other in your Instagram stories. There’s no set timeline for DTR-ing: it can be within a few weeks or after months, depending on the cadence of the relationship. No matter when it happens, definition can change things. So, you might be wondering how texting changes when you define the relationship. To get the scoop for you, I spoke to the experts.

After DTR-ing, experts say your texting volume could increase. “DTR-ing can mean so many different things, but it almost always involves increasing the quality and quantity of communication,” Sex and Relationship expert Caroline Giuliani tells Elite Daily. “Texting is a huge part of how you communicate, so it’s only natural that you will text more often and more practically once you’ve made things official.” If you’ve just DTR-ed and you notice an increased volume in texts, and that’s totally normal. And if the volume has stayed the same, that’s OK too — it’s really a matter of finding a communication style that works for both of you.

Ivan Gener/Stocksy

Your texting might settle into a rhythm that means each individual text is less surprising. You may notice that a text from your partner is more likely to be about logistics, and you don’t have quite the same rush of excitement when you see their name appear on your phone. “When you’re living your best single life, texting is a flirty, dopamine-fueled rollercoaster with the suspense of when/if/please-god-let-them text back at every turn,” Giuliani says. “It’s thrilling, distracting, addictive — all the things that make us feel oh-so-alive. In a relationship, texting gradually becomes a tool to coordinate and intertwine your lives, exchange advice, and do routine check-ins with comforting shorthands.”

As you settle into the routine of a relationship, you may notice that your heart isn’t fluttering every time you see a text from them. This doesn’t mean the relationship is any less exciting — it just means you’re confident in the partnership, so you no longer wait to see if they text you. And if your heart still does flutter when they text you, that’s wonderful as well!

Texting after DTR-ing can be even more supportive. You are there to comfort each other through difficult situations, big and small. “You’ll probably be texting to get and give support to one another during life’s challenges,” Giuliani says. “There’s nothing like a little bubble that says ‘you’re fucking awesome — you got this’ to help power through a tough situation at work. This reliable support is one of the major benefits to a partnership.” Of course, you might be giving and receiving this type of support before DTR-ing, but after the DTR, it’s normal for texting to be a form of communication for supporting and comforting each other. Part of being in a relationship is being there for your partner in whatever capacity works for the two of you, so if they (or you) prefer texting to communicate on hard days, then the way the two of you text after DTR-ing could change.

Andrey Pavlov/Stocksy

After DTR-ing, there are many ways to make sure your text habits keep things fun and exciting. For example, the two of you could sext throughout the day to spice things up (if sexting is something you both enjoy). “Use your comfort with one another as a platform to dive deeper (pun always intended) and engage in virtual fantasy and foreplay,” Giuliani says. “Surprise each other with dirty messages about what you want to do them later or what you would do right now if you could teleport under their desk. If you have trouble figuring out what to say, visualize being with your partner and focus on particular details that turn you on.” You know each other well, and this knowledge can allow you to sext with more detail and specificity, which can be a turn-on. Your text convos don’t have to be strictly logistics-based after DTR-ing — throw some sexts into the mix to remind your partner what they have to look forward to the next time they see you.

DTR-ing is exciting — you and your partner have decided you’re ready to be in an official relationship, and that’s beautiful. So many things can change when you DTR, so it makes sense that your texting styles might shift as well. You’re sharing your life with them via many means, text included. So, if you find yourself texting about plans and logistics, that’s totally normal. Throw in a sexy text whenever you like to keep things fun, and happy post-DTR dating!

 

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The Worst Rejection Text You Can Receive, According To 8 Women

One of the hardest parts of dating today can be how much of your most intimate interactions happen over text. Sometimes, people can be intimidated by the vulnerable task of turning someone down, so it makes sense that they might turn to texting. However, there are certainly ways to do it empathetically and respectfully. But when it comes to the worst rejection text you can receive, many women have memories of that one specific text that was meaner than all of the rest.

Rejection can be hard to stomach, even when you’re kept in the loop with how the other person is feeling. When you’re rejected in a way that’s cold, disrespectful, or confusing, it can feel so painful. But remember that the feelings you’re experiencing are valid and won’t last forever. This rejection has nothing to do with your intrinsic value as a person. Take this as a one-way ticket to not having to deal with this person’s pettiness any longer. It can take time to get over what you wanted the relationship to be, but at the very least, you can celebrate the fact that this person has revealed their true colors, then shown themselves out of your life.

When They Are Just Down Right Confusing…

stocksy/ Lucas Ottone

I got ghosted by a guy, but I left my watch at his house. He eventually responded with some BS, like, ‘Things have just been so busy.’ But then he mailed my watch to my work. It took like a month, but then after that he was like, ‘Wanna hang out some time?’ I lied and said I was seeing someone.

— Rochelle, 27

When They Say You Were Just Friends But…

One time I was seeing a guy, and this was back in high school, so bare with me, but we went from texting everyday all the time to nothing. Then, I saw that he and his ex-GF had posted the same photo together of their hands and the caption was, ‘forever.’ And then I texted him and he said he thought we were just friends. I don’t know about y’all, but I don’t tell my friends that I want to make out with them all the time!

— Hayley, 25

When They Clearly Can’t Be Bothered To Be Nice…

One time, someone from Tinder came over my house at like 1:00 a.m., we didn’t even hook up, only made out, and they left after forcing me to watch a French animated film with them. The next day, we were texting casually and I mentioned that they forgot their lighter at my house. Their reply was ‘Well it’s a good thing they’re not hard to come by’ and then ghosted me. But still follows me on IG two years later.

— Qualeasha, 25

When They Pull The Ex Card And It Sucks…

My worst rejection text was from a guy I had been seeing for a few weeks, but already really liked. He was the first person since my ex that I could really imagine having a future with. One day, seemingly out of the blue, he sent me this long text telling me what an amazing person I am, and that he’s been really struggling about making this decision, but he felt as if he needed to give things a shot with his ex. I was so crushed by it because he was so kind about it. It would’ve been easier to move on if he behaved like a jerk — but because he rejected me so nicely, it was somehow harder to get closure. It seriously took me a year or more to fully move on from that.

— Hannah, 26

When Things Get Kind Of Awkward…

A guy reached out to me saying I was hot and that he would pay me for foot pics, but then ghosted once I sent pics.

— Meghan, 24

When Someone Else Does The Rejecting For Them…

This guy that I was dating in college was cheating on me for a while, but I didn’t know until his other GF sent me a picture of the two of them together. She went on a whole rant about how I should stay away from her man, but I failed to see how it my fault. That was technically not a rejection from him but it sure helped me understand what was going on.

— Annie, 23

When They’re Just Straight Up Mean…

One time, a guy I went on a date with texted me that I was cat-fishing him because I am fatter IRL It was humiliating and painful, but TBH, I have grown so much since then. There are so many people out there that think fat people are hot and won’t treat us like dirt. I am glad that my partner now thinks the world of me and that guy is probably very unhappy, wherever he is.

— Jessie, 27

When They Beat Around The Bush…

One time, I got a semi-rejection from this girl I went on a date with and had a really good time with. She was like, ‘I thought that you were so great and beautiful! I hope that you have success.’ And, OK, at first that doesn’t seem like a bad rejection text, but the conversation kept being her praising me a bunch and not answering my questions about hanging out again. She didn’t want to go on another date and instead of just saying so she was just showering me with platitudes that I’m great. Like, I know I am great, I just need you to be up front with me!

— Alysia, 26

It’s clear that there are a lot of folks out there that don’t necessarily know how to turn someone down in a way that is both kind and respectful. Don’t worry: There are plenty of people out there that will treat you like the star you are. And even though a rejection can sting in the moment, you will go on to find an even stronger connection.

 

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Do People Care About Who Texts First? The Answer May Surprise You

You’re interested in someone, and you want to send them a text. One problem: You’re getting mixed messages from your friends. Some say to wait for the other person to text, and others tell you to make the first move. You want to do whatever is best for the relationship, so you may be wondering: Do people care who texts first? It’s a question I’ve asked myself many times. The only thing I know for sure is that it’s better to not send the first 80 texts (we learn by doing, you know?). To answer your burning questions about textiquette, I spoke with experts to find out if it really matters who sends the first text.

A first text can have a special meaning. “Sending the first text is along the lines of a watered down version of calling a guy first, but people just don’t call anymore. It’s slightly less because it doesn’t take much effort to text, so it isn’t quite as meaningful as being the first one to call, which is the very thing that makes it okay,” Matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking Susan Trombettitells Elite Daily. A first text is basically just putting your feelers out — you’re not asking them out yet, but you are showing that you remember them.

Ivan Gener/Stocksy

Texting someone first can show interest, which is often a good thing. “I do think it’s a matter sometimes of who is more interested, or who is more willing to show their interest first, so there is a bit of an upper hand by not sending that first text, but just a small advantage,” Trombetti says. If you want to demonstrate interest and the other person doesn’t know you well, sending the first text is a bold move to get them to pay attention. “A text that is consistent with your feelings, your intentions, the situation you are in with them and the kind of person they are absolutely can be sent first,” Dr. Joshua Klapow, Clinical Psychologist and Host of The Kurre and Klapow Show, tells Elite Daily. Showing interest first can alter the power dynamic, but it can often work in your favor.

Sending the first text can also demonstrate that you’re a confident and assertive person. “It can make you look confident but mostly it’s benign,” Trombetti says. A person who sends the first text often knows what they want and is organized enough to assert themselves. Still, it’s a simple gesture, and it probably won’t make a huge splash. “A text that is consistent with your feelings, your intentions, the situation you are in with them, and the kind of person they are absolutely can be sent first. It shows you are being thoughtful, you know what you want, and you simply are connecting,” Dr. Klapow tells us. Sending the first text can make you look confident, but someone is more likely to evaluate your compatibility based on what you say after, so don’t be afraid of that initial message.

Victor Torres/Stocksy

You don’t need to worry about turning someone off by sending the first text, as long as you’ve thought through what to say. “If you text a book, or there are a ton of emojis or grammar errors, that’s a turn-off,” Trombetti warns. Dr. Klapow echoes her sentiment. “If your intention is to acknowledge them but you come across with too long or personal of a text, ultimatums in the text, or you force them to make a choice about you, you may turn them off,” he says. So be confident in your first text, but also think about what type of text you’d like to receive from someone you didn’t know very well. A reasonable person won’t be turned off by a first text as long as it’s considerate and thoughtful.

In general, you don’t need to overthink sending the first text. “One little text doesn’t require too much effort, so you can’t read too much into it,” Trombetti says. I receive tons of texts and notifications (I’m very popular, and also I signed up for too many mailing lists), so receiving one more rarely bothers me, even if it’s from someone I’m not interested in romantically. It’s normal to worry about sending a text to someone you’re crushing on, but the initial text exchange isn’t as important as later conversations. “First or second is far less important than content, intention, tone, situation. It’s what that text says, how you say it,” Dr. Klapow says. So, take a deep breath and remember that your personality will shine through as you get to know the other person, and you don’t need to build up the first text.

Bisual Studio/Stocksy

Sending a first text can be scary, but it’s the best way to get the ball rolling with someone new. Trust me — for years, I thought liking a Facebook profile picture from 2012 was the same as “showing interest,” but it’s not. A text will get the other person’s attention, but it’s also a simple and common means of communication, so you don’t need to overthink it.

 

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Azina – 2016 – International Phone Girl

The exchange rate of the USD to their pesos is huge. $60 of our dollars is like $300 of their dollars. I could live like a king down there. But who am I kidding? I don’t even like leaving my neighborhood.

This is a little bit of an odd story. A year or so ago I started chatting with this girl on Facebook Messenger. I think it just started with her saying hello to me. I was bored and alone and started chatting with her.

She lives in the Philippines. She’s attractive and was around 27 years old at the time. (This is one of the few times I’ve used the person’s actual photos)

I’ve chatted with women in different countries on Facebook over the years. No big deal. No mail order bride stuff, just talking to people and finding out about their lives and their culture.

I once chatted with a girl in Brazil for over a year or two. Beautiful lady. I’d write about her, but it was years ago, and let’s face it. It’s just like having a pen pal that you’re never going to meet so what’s the point?

Anyway I was chatting with Azina for a while and after a couple of weeks she starts telling me personal things.

Like how she hasn’t had sex in over 5 years and she wants to see me on FaceTime and she wants us to be together, etc. I know that’s not happening. Although the exchange rate of the USD to their pesos is huge. $60 of our dollars is like $300 of their dollars. I could live like a king down there. But do I really want to even leave Rittenhouse and go to Old City here in Philly? Not really. So I can’t see myself flying to the Philippines for anybody. Especially a stranger I’ve never met.

Apparently you can call people and do FaceTime through Facebook messenger. Because one night I’m in bed and my phone rings and it’s not my normal ringtone (It’s So Easy , by Guns n’ Roses is my ringtone.) This ring is just like a regular phone ringing. I was still awake so I look at it and it’s Azina!

So I answer it and I can see her. She doesn’t say much but I’m just stunned I’m doing FaceTime with another person halfway across the planet. The technology these days!

But then she does something I didn’t expect. She takes her shirt off. She’s pretty busty and I was shocked.

I haven’t requested or promised her anything. I think this lady took a liking to me and was just horny. Plus, I think she felt safe in this relationship. She can see me and I can see her and we can do things but nobody is touching anybody.

I’ve said this before: This is a dating blog, not a sex blog. So things were done and she’s sent me photos, and let’s just say I’ve seen EVERYTHING there is to see about sweet Azina.

Again, I never asked her to do any of these things, but it was pretty hot. We had some sexy sessions there for a month or so and then she just faded away. The texting got less and the calls became less frequent.

Hopefully she’s found love on her own little island. I guess we’re all sort of on our own little islands.

Check her out. There’s some pics of her below.

Cute, right?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Annabelle – Chapter 14 – I Can’t Quit You Baby

Adults speak to one another and close the relationship. It’s wrong to put a person on a shelf like they are some sort of toy, and then think you can take them down and play with them whenever you’re confused or lonely. It’s just shitty behavior. The person you’re doing that to is a human being with feelings. You’re a rotten person if you think that sort of behavior is okay.

This is the most painful chapter I have ever written on phicklphilly. The pain and sadness Annabelle has caused me is immeasurable. But the saddest thing is she doesn’t even know it because she is so lost as a person. Just a fool running errands for others that are making fools art.

Annabelle had officially dumped me on Thursday, April 17th, 2014. She texted me a day after that, and we made arrangements for me to get what little stuff I had at her apartment. She was nice enough to tell me that she’d bring it down to me. It was just shirts and stuff so I was fine with it. I was happy I didn’t have to drag myself out to Northern Liberties to go get my shit because I hated going out there.

It was a sunny Saturday morning when she showed up and handed me a bag.  I thanked her and asked her how she was doing. She said a little sad and depressed. I told her I was too. (A bold-faced lie)

She asked me if I was hungry. I told her I was. She asked if I wanted to get something to eat. I told her I did.

It was an odd moment. She had broken up with me a few days ago and now here she was wanting to hang out with me. I didn’t mind. I eventually had a friendship with my ex before her and remain friends to this day. (See: Michelle – 2007 – Present – A Brand New Day)

It was a nice day in Spring so we walked up to DiBruno Brothers on 18th and Chestnut Streets. It’s a really nice food market and eatery. We both got some sort of salads and went upstairs to the dining room. There weren’t many people up there. Maybe just two other couples. I don’t remember what we talked about, but it was probably whatever shoot she was going on or what play she was working on.

When we were finished eating, she moved to the chair closest to me at the table. She started to kiss up on me. It was really nice. Normally we never did public displays of affection. But it was sexy and hot. It’s weird. Something’s not right about that.

But it felt good, and a day later we were eating at an Indian restaurant near my hospital and then went back to my apartment and made love. The sex was good like always and I actually said to her: “If this is what you breaking up with me feels like, you should break up with me every week!”

Be careful what you wish for. We’ve all heard that old adage. But I liked the new Annabelle. It was all the stuff I liked about her. Food, sex and spending a little time with a pretty young woman. But at that time back in the Spring of 2014, I didn’t know that I didn’t love Annabelle. I didn’t even like her. I just was in love with the idea of being in love with her. I had no idea what was happening to me at the time. Now I had the drug almost on my terms. I wouldn’t have to “put my time in at her shitty apartment”, or put up with the grinding frustration and disappointment of being in a relationship with her. All the responsibility was gone.

But if you go into a new love, (It had been 2 years since Michelle) you must go into that new relationship for the right reason. That’s why I always warn people not to “have sex on the 3rd date” and ask themselves, do they really have much in common with their partner. Like the same things, activities, shared some of the same friends, work and religious values can also come into play.

But your old pal Phicklephilly, plowed right into this relationship with this woman  25 years his junior, not thinking any of this through. All I wanted was to be romantic with a young woman and feel the rush of new love. I didn’t realize it but I had gotten hooked on a drug I had nothing in common with. The only thing Annabelle and I had was a common attraction to each other. She’d never been in love before and didn’t know how to love or what to do with her feelings. Me, I meet a friendly, tall, young blond bartender and I’m ready to go head over heels.

What a fool I was.

A week or so later, I met her at a bus station near 30th Street just to give her moral support for trip to New York to buy some lenses for camera she owned. I just wanted to make her feel calm before her trip, and it worked. You might think why wouldn’t you go with her, and spend the day?

Here’s the thing, if we could have just hooked up sexually and I didn’t have to do any grinding boring stuff I had zero interest in, the relationship could have worked. So there’s no way I wanted to go anywhere with her.

On another occasion, I met her at 30th Street Station for a quick-lunch, and I put her on a train to somewhere for a shoot. I remember her saying, “Let’s have sex tonight!”

I was fine with that at the time. We had dinner that night. It was like being back at the beginning when things were good. Then back to my apartment for passionate fun.

Here’s the problem with that. I was getting exactly what I wanted from her. I was getting the thing I liked about our relationship so for me it was perfect. I didn’t have to see her all the time and I was still being delivered the euphoric dopamine that I so craved. I had no idea how damaging this is to one’s psyche.

Then it started to become less and less. That’s when the withdrawal kicks in. I went from someone who was relieved when she ended it, and now I was really missing her. I was losing her for real now. But it wasn’t her I was losing, I just wasn’t getting my “fix” anymore. Normally I’m not like that, and I vow to never let that happen again. But I never realized the relationship was sick from the start and doomed from day one.

A month went by, and I was on that tour boat on the Delaware river with my colleague when she texted me that she wanted to meet up for dinner. I really wanted to see her, but had to do that, “don’t get right back to her” move. But when I did she got right back to me and we set it up. She wanted to go to dinner and then stop and Chris’ Jazz club after. I was down for that. Of course I wanted to see her.

We planned to meet over at Pennsylvania 6, which was a French and Southern fusion type place. I knew she’d like it.

I was actually sipping a Ketel One vodka martini straight up with a twist as I waited for her at the bar. My hands were shaking I was so nervous. Yes, this was happening to the experienced old lion. She came in and noticed it. I don’t know what I said to cover.

We had a lovely dinner and were very sweet to one another. When the meal was over, I asked her if she was still down for Chris’ Jazz. She stated that she was tired from the wine and could we just go back to my place and relax on the couch and chill in the AC. I was fine with that because I didn’t feel like hanging out at the Chris’ Jazz anyway.

We went straight to my bedroom and had sex, and she spent the night.

The dopamine drops again. We took a selfie in bed together the next morning. We went to breakfast and then I put her in a cab and off she went. She asked that I send her the selfies from earlier and I did. (It was just our two faces on the pillow. Nothing racy)

A few weeks went by.

Her Uncle came to visit one week and they were at Chris’ Jazz and I was at some food and booze festival half in the bag and she texted that she was missing me. I jumped in an UBER and hung out with them for a bit, then he left and I went back to her place. The usual acts ensued. I was so drunk that night, if she had asked me to come rob a bank with her I would have gone.

This sort of nonsense went on through the summer. But the in between times were the worst. Because she stopped planning things with me that led to sex, it was just random, drunken hook ups. The relationship was slowly being picked apart. It was like I’d get a little better hang with another chick, and then Annabelle could just swoop in whenever the mood struck her and she’d rip open the sutures of my healing love junkie heart.

All of my friends were telling me it was wrong and that I should cut her off. But I just couldn’t get off the smack.

One time I ended up drunk with her in Northern Liberties and we ended up taking a selfie of just our shadows on the ground. Ironic now how that was really all that was left of us. We both just fell into her bed and went to sleep.

The next morning I wanted to get frisky with her and when I tried to she said, “I can’t. I’ve been with someone, and I found out they were having sex with someone else. So if I have something I don’t want to give it to you.”

Well that was nice of her, but I still wish I could have had sex with her that morning as hungover as I was. I love morning sex. It just makes the rest of your day better. But you can see how reckless her life decisions are.

So I was a safe rebound after whoever she had been seeing cheated on her. I left and did the long walk of shame back to Rittenhouse.

We did meet for a really nice seafood dinner out at Doc MacGrogan’s in University City that September. I took a bus down to Old City, and then called an UBER and went to her apartment in Northern Libs. Picked her up and then had the UBER take us to the restaurant. She was once again exposed to what it’s like to be treated like a lady by a gentleman.

The dinner was nice and they were my client at the time, so I got the hookup. During dinner we talked about us. She said she missed me. I asked her if she wanted to try again. She said that she did but wanted to go slowly. I would have been okay with that with how turned around in my head I was at the time. But after I wrote it all down in these 15 chapters did I realize how wrong all of this behavior was. Adults don’t do that to each other.

I thought after dinner it would be back to the batcave for some frolicking and frivolity. I didn’t even get to ask if she wanted to come over. She feigned a headache and I got dropped off at my apartment and she went on home. She always pulled the “fake headache” move whenever she decided she didn’t want to do something. Lame, juvenile behavior.

After that she simply “ghosted” me. For those of you reading this that don’t know what that means, it’s when someone in your life simply vanishes. They don’t call or text. It all suddenly stops. Nothing. Just gone. This went on for months. I wasn’t going to contact her. She did this. I needed to heal. Adults speak to one another and close the relationship. It’s wrong to put a person on a shelf like they are just some sort of toy, and then think you can take them down and play with them whenever you’re confused or lonely. It’s just shitty behavior. The person you’re doing that to is a human being with feelings.  You’re a rotten person if you think that sort of behavior is okay.

It was a lonely, vacuous, depressing time for me, heading into winter. The darkness of depression closed around me like a black cloak.

Months passed, and I was at a toy drive to help kids in the hospital during the holidays. Me and my buddy Church do it every year for Children’s Hospital.

I get a text from Annabelle out of the blue. It sent a shock wave of anxiety searing throughout my mind and body.

After months of silence, I get this text:

“Hey! I’m in New Orleans and I’ve been thinking about you everyday. I even had a dream about you!”

Searing pain and fear. I’m trying to move on with my life.

“I’m working a Toy Drive for the holidays. Can I call you when I get home?”

“Sure!”

I proceeded to try to numb the pain of this reopening of the wound by plowing Cutty Sark Prohibition based cocktails down my gullet. Church calls it “The Babymaker” because it’s 100 proof and makes you do crazy shit.

Maybe it was just the fuel I needed that cold winter’s eve.

Later when I got home, I called her I chatted as nicely as I could and then told her that I couldn’t keep doing this. I couldn’t live like this.

“So we’re not dating anymore?”

“No, Annabelle. We’re done. We’re done. I can’t keep talking about this. It’s all too painful to go on.”

I wrapped up the conversation quietly, and hung up. Then I proceeded to unfriend and block her on my Facebook, Instagram and finally block this selfish person in my phone.

That was the end of it.

 

You too, Michelle….

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish Monday through Friday at 8am EST.

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Tammy – Crazy Baby

“You know you want to have a baby with me…”

Here’s an interesting short one that I connected with on the online dating site, Clover. I connect with many women on these dating sites, but rarely do we actually meet up. I could press and make it happen, but most of the time I’ve found that it’s a waste of time. The majority of women on these sites are just boring people that I end up buying drinks for. If they were better and more interesting people, they’d be in a meaningful relationship by now. (What does that say about me?) That or they would’ve simply given up and settled into grinding mediocrity like most people I know.

But occasionally one comes along on one of these sites that seems so nuts I have to showcase her insanity for your entertainment.

Alright. Let’s start with her profile.

Tammy

26 / Female / Straight

Stockton, NJ

Serious Relationships Only, Fitness Singles, 90’s Babies

 

That’s it. That’s all her profile says. There are 3 pics and nothing more. We matched because I just swipe right on everyone on Clover to hopefully meet some quality people.

Here is the conversation that ensued after we matched. It went on over the course of several days.

Tammy: “Hi, You have kids?”

Me: “1 daughter, 20.”

Tammy: “Wow. Where is her mom?”

Me: “She lives in New Jersey. Daughter lives with me.”

Tammy: “Wow. What happened to her mom?”

Me: “We divorced back in 2001 and once my daughter turned 18 she was out of that hell too.”

Tammy: “Well. She still see her mom? You want more kids?”

Me: “She does occasionally and no I don’t want anymore children.”

Tammy: Why? You don’t want to have any with me? I know you want one with me.”

Me: “What makes you say that?”

Tammy: “I know you want one with me, you hide it.”

Me: “Really? Well tell me a little more about yourself, Tammy.”

Tammy: “I’m a 26 year old female. 5’4″ tall. 120 lbs. I am working at TJ Maxx processing shoes.”

Me: “What do you like to do in your free time?”

Tammy: Play Wii on TV, do puzzles and watch movies and walking and shopping and cooking.”

Me: “You seem nice. What prompted you to swipe right on my profile?”

Tammy: “I want a long time relationship and to have kids.”

Me: Have you ever been married?”

Tammy: “No. I want to be married to you.”

A day goes by…

Tammy: “Why aren’t you talking to me?”

Me: “Because I’m at work.”

Tammy: “Oh, ok.”

Me: “Have you been on many dates on this site?”

Tammy: “Ok. I want to be with you.”

Me: “We should meet up and go on a date then.”

Tammy: “I will tell you when I’m free.”

 

And I never heard from her again. She also blocked me for some reason. I hope you can all imagine how heartbroken I was to find out I would never have the opportunity to marry and have children with this mentally challenged stranger that lives 80 miles away from me in New Jersey.

 

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Marisa – Aww…Come On!

I know what I said about Marisa the last time I wrote about her, but I thought I’d give her just one last chance to redeem herself. (see: Marisa – 2017 to present – The Friendly Hostess. It’s a three part story, so you should probably read them before you read this one because you’ll better understand who Marisa is) Maybe she learned her lesson and wants to be better. I left all of the grammatical errors in to keep it real. Also, pay close attention to the timeline.

Here’s the recent dialogue:

Thu. Jan 19, 9:33pm

Marisa: Hey

Sat. Jan 21, 7:58pm

Marisa: Hi

Marisa: How are you

Marisa: Good morning

Thu, Jan 26, 1:39pm

Marisa: Hi

Me: Hey (This is the first time I have responded since I last saw her)

Marisa: How’s going on

Marisa: I might go tomorrow in tanning salon

Me: I’m doing well.

Me: I’ll be at the salon from 3 to 8

Fri, Jan 27, 8:35am

Marisa: Hey morning

Me: What’s up Marisa

Marisa: What you up to lol

Me: I’m getting some breakfast and then I have a meeting at the pyramid club at 10. Meeting with my broker at 1pm then working at the salon at 3pm. What are you up to?

Me: ?

Sat, Jan 28, 8:28am

Marisa: Hi How are you?

Sat, Jan 28, 11:47am

Me: I’m good. Just woke up. Are you working today?

Sat, Jan 28, 11:37pm

Marisa: Hi

Sun, Jan 29, 9:52am

Marisa: Hey

Me: Hey

Marisa: What are you up too

Me: Going to work at the tanning salon

Marisa: Ohh

Me: What are you up to?

Marisa: Just wake up

Me: What are you doing after 4 today?

Marisa: Not much why you wanna grab a drink

Me: Yes

Marisa: Cool you must like to drink

Me: Of course

Sun, Jan 29, 12:37

Marisa: OK I’ll see you 4?

Me: Ok. Meet me at Square 1682

Sun, Jan 29, 4:14pm

Me: Where are you?

Sun, Jan 29, 4:58pm

Marisa: Where are the square

Marisa: Where im gonna meet you

Sun, Jan 29, 5:02pm

Me: You were supposed to meet me at Square 1682 an hour ago. It’s right across the street from Sofitel. I waited there for you for a half hour. and when I didn’t hear from you I went home. I couldn’t let you do what you did to me last time again.

(A bold-faced lie. I went straight home after work knowing this idiot wouldn’t be able to be at the bar right across the street from Sofitel were she works as a hostess)

Sun, Jan 29, 5:39pm

Marisa: You wanna meet

Me: I’m home now. Maybe some other time when I know you can really meet me on time. I like you but you need to be better with being reliable.

Sun, Jan 29, 6:55pm

Marisa: If you still wanna go out for drinks I’m cool

Me: Some other time, dear.

Sun, Feb 5, 2:50pm

Marisa: Hey. You wanna meet today for just dessert

Sun, Feb 5, 5:34pm

Marisa: Hey. You wanna grab some drinks

Mon, Feb 6, 5:20pm

Me: Sorry. I was out-of-town. How are you?

 

And it just ends there. Hopefully she’s finally given up. But can you believe this crazy shit? It’s like she has some sort of mental disability. She seems to have a complete inability to communicate, or accomplish even the simplest of tasks. How does this woman in her early thirties even function in this city, let alone in life? I don’t think I’ve ever had a dumber exchange with anyone ever. Look at the timeline. It goes on for weeks with no real connection. She never came to the tanning salon, and we never met up once. Can you imagine having this conversation with anyone? She almost seems insane in her behavior.

 

Update: Just got a text from her that said: ” Happy Valentine’s”

Oh maybe the love is still alive… lol

You never know…

Art imitates life imitates art.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday at 9am EST.

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