What is the Hinge dating app, and how does it work?

From Tinder and Bumble to Grindr and OkCupid, there are dating apps galore for those who want love at their fingertips. Hinge is a lesser-known app that can easily get lost in the sea of options, but it’s still worth taking note of its special approach. Who knows? Maybe Hinge is the dating app for you.

For starters, Hinge is swipe-free. Focused less on mindlessly flipping through options and more on cultivating relationships, this app isn’t intended for casual hookups. It is, as the website states, “designed to be deleted.”

Here’s everything you need to know about the Hinge app and how it works.

What is the Hinge dating app?

Most dating apps are more or less set up the same way but with minor tweaks. However, Hinge boasts a pretty unique interface. Here’s a breakdown of all its features.

Hinge

Beyond the pictures

The dating app experience is nearly synonymous with swiping—so much so that “swipe left” is now slang for finding someone unattractive. But if we’re being honest with ourselves, mechanically swiping on human beings (often solely based on their looks) can be a little dehumanizing and lonely. It certainly isn’t the most ideal way to find a partner. That’s why Hinge ditched the classic swiping mechanic in 2015 in favor of scrolling through profiles. The app encourages users to focus more on personality traits rather than just photos. Judging from the fact that Hinge got more shoutouts in the New York Times wedding section in 2017 than Tinder and Bumble, this method seems to be working.

Furthermore, Hinge collects a lot more data than, say, Tinder. It allows people to emphasize which “filters,” or traits, are most important to them (e.g., religion or height). This allows the app’s algorithm to find more personalized and suitable matches. Once per day, this algorithm will pick out your “Most Compatible” match, ideally making it a teeny bit easier for you to find your soulmate.

Beyond the screen

Hinge also tries to combat the difficulties posed by a tech-based experience. The impersonal feel of an app makes it far too easy to ghost whoever’s on the other end of the algorithm. To discourage this kind of behavior and to aid the forgetful, Hinge introduced an anti-ghosting feature. “Your Turn” reminds users to respond to messages they’ve left sitting in their inboxes. The developers also made an effort to consider life beyond the app. The “We Met” feature allows users to provide valuable feedback on actual dates they went on with their matches, which aids the algorithm for future pairings.

All in all, Hinge is for people looking for a more personal dating app experience. Here’s how to actually use the app.

fizkes/Shutterstock

Is the Hinge app free?

You can use many of the Hinge app’s features and browse profiles in your area for free. But if you want to get the most out of the app, you’ll want to consider upgrading to the Preferred Hinge membership. The higher-tier option gets you all the features of the free app, plus lets you apply filters on potential matches including “height, whether someone has children, whether someone wants children, politics, drinking, smoking, marijuana, and drug use.” The paid version also saves time by giving you unlimited likes and the option to see everyone who liked you at the same time.

Preferred Hinge membership is offered for $9.99 per month, $19.99 for three months, or $29.99 for six months.

How does the Hinge dating app work?

After setting up your basic profile and photos, you’ll be given an array of personal questions to look at. Choose three of these to answer and display on your profile—keep in mind that these are what will be drawing people in, so pick wisely!

Then, choose all the filters that match up with the type of person you’re looking for, like gender, age, ethnicity, and more. While Hinge is free for everyone, paid tiers offer more filter customization if you have a specific set of desired traits in mind. If there are some filters you’re dead set on, mark those as “dealbreakers” to ensure you come across the right profiles.

Now, it’s time to actually start searching. Go to the “discover” tab on the bottom left of your screen to check out your suggested matches. Then, peruse people’s profiles, liking and commenting on what sticks out to you. If someone doesn’t float your boat, you can choose to pass. Otherwise, you can strike up a conversation and see where that takes you.

Here’s to hoping you find your happily ever after!

 

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Tinder Is A Waste Of Time For Most People

Dating apps won’t help you much if your goal is to have more relationships. You would probably succeed just as well—or poorly—without it.

“For people who don’t pull off one-night stands without using Tinder, Tinder doesn’t offer much in the way of new opportunities,” says postdoctoral fellow Trond Viggo Grøntvedt in NTNU’s Department of Psychology.

He is the first author of a new article in Evolutionary Psychological Science that deals with the use of Tinder. If you’re failing outside Tinder, then you don’t have much to gain from using Tinder, either.

“For people who actually have sexual relations outside Tinder, Tinder use only provides a limited increase in the number of one-night stands,” Grøntvedt says.

Same people succeed both ways

“Most of the people who succeed on Tinder have casual sex and hook-ups otherwise, too,” says Professor Leif Edward Ottesen Kennair at the Department of Psychology at NTNU.

The researchers have previously found that Tinder use did not lead to an increase in one-night stands.

“We have found little reason to claim that dating apps lead to more short-term sexual relationships than before,” says Associate Professor Mons Bendixen, also in NTNU’s Department of Psychology.

There is thus no reason for any moral outrage from anyone.

Swiping

Tinder is one of several match-making apps. It uses location services to find other users nearby and then tries to match users with each other.

Selecting someone is simple and effective: candidates pop up with a picture and some information on the screen. Swiping to the left means you’re not interested in a meet-up. Swiping to the right means you would like to meet the person. If two people swipe right on each other, the app can help them meet.

But sweeping and searching on Tinder has very limited effectiveness for the vast majority of users, who will probably succeed just as well by meeting live people instead.

Lots of hits needed

A lot of hits are needed on Tinder before any lead to a meeting. And even more hits are required before any kind of relationship can happen, whether we’re talking about a one-night stand or a meeting a partner with the aim of having a long-term committed relationship.

Men and women tend to use Tinder and other dating apps differently. Most women take more time to evaluate potential matches and are more often looking for a relationship, whereas most men are quicker in their assessments and swipe to the right far more often in the hope that a high enough number will result in at least one hit.

80 percent achieve nothing

About 20 percent of users had one-night stands after using Tinder. The vast majority of them had only experienced this once. Thus, eight of ten users never have sex after using the app.

“Tinder may offer new sexual opportunities, but these appear to be very limited,” says Kennair.

Only a tiny group of seven people, between two and three percent of the study participants, had one-night stands exclusively after meeting someone through Tinder. The rest achieved this by traditional dating methods as well.

Age and attitudes matter

Participants were asked to evaluate how physically attractive they found themselves to be. How physically attractive users are can predict the extent to which they succeed in having short-term sex when using Tinder.

“But this also applies when you’re not using dating apps. Some people get a lot, and a lot get none,” says Kennair.

“Both age and attitudes towards casual sex affect how often you actually achieve a one-night stand after using Tinder. But these are the same factors that play in elsewhere as well,” Grøntvedt says.

If you are more comfortable with casual sex, you’ll also have it more often.

“But there’s also a connection between a high interest in short-term sex encounters and less chance of meeting someone interested in a long-term relationship through the use of the dating app,” says Bendixen.

Not effective for long-term relationships either

Female Tinder users are, on average, more interested in finding long-term relationships than men are. This also applies to encounters without using dating apps.

But according to this and previous studies, Tinder is not a very effective way to meet a long-term partner, either.

Ernst Olav Botnen had the idea for this study. He is currently a clinical psychologist at Lovisenberg Diakonale Hospital in Oslo.

“It’s interesting to see how the behavior we see in other arenas, like bars and nightclubs, is reflected in dating apps,” says Botnen.

Of the 269 study participants who were active or former Tinder users, 62 percent were women.

“Since the participants in our selection are university students in their early 20s, it will be interesting to see if our findings apply to other groups and age ranges in future research,” Botnen says.

 

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25 Opening Lines To Use On Dating Apps In 2020 To Win Everyone Over

It goes without saying that your opening line has the potential to make or break a match on a dating app. If you totally knock it out of the park with a cute or clever opener, you can not only land a date, but also spark some flirtatious vibes from the get-go. No pressure or anything, right? If you’re feeling uninspired (or just tired of using the same ol’ conversation starters), fret not: There are a slew of opening lines to use on dating apps in 2020 that will make a stellar first impression.

There’s an art to crafting the perfect opener. For one, you want to be yourself — that’s the only way to tell if you have a genuine connection with someone. It’s also a good idea to scope their profile and look for little tidbits worth commenting on, like the fact that they traveled somewhere that’s on your wanderlust wishlist, or have an interesting tattoo. Be on the lookout for anything you have in common — if you both majored in child psychology, quoted Dwight Schrute, or live for folk-rock music, those are all things you can point out in a smooth opening line.

Ultimately, a winning first message is unique, easy to respond to, and makes the recipient smile, laugh, or smirk (or some combination of the three). Here are a few foolproof lines that are bound to stand out in a sea of matches and messages.

The best opening lines to use on dating apps in 2020 have a little bit of humor.
Shutterstock

1. “Pop quiz: What are your thoughts on pineapple pizza? No pressure, but this could seal our fate.”

2. “I think there’s something wrong with my phone… because I can’t find your number in it.”

3. “[Insert GIF of Titanic splitting in half] An icebreaker. There, I did the thing.”

4. “In case you were wondering, dad jokes are the way to my heart. Anddd fire away! The cornier, the better.”

5. “Two truths and one lie — go. Fair warning: I”m pretty good at this.”

6. “Looking for the Pam to my Jim [or Rachel to my Ross]… know anyone who might be interested?”

7. “I have this rule where I only talk to strangers on the Internet about pizza. So, thin crust or deep dish?”

8. “You can tell a lot about a person by their Netflix queue. So, what’s the last thing you watched?”

Some of the best opening lines to use on dating apps in 2020 involve open-ended questions.
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9. “I’m going to make this real easy. If you want to make me swoon, send me the best animal GIF you can find.”

10. “Be honest: Did you swipe right for me or my fur baby?”

11. “What size bowling shoes should I get for you? You know, for our date at the bowling alley this weekend.”

12. “If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber.”

13. “If you were a fruit, you’d be a fine-apple.”

14. “When your mom told you she wanted the best for you, I’m pretty sure she was talking about me.”

15. “My grandparents met on [insert dating app name], so I’m feeling really good about this.”

16. “I’ve heard that flattery will get you everywhere, so has anyone ever told you that you look like [insert celeb’s name]?”

17. “I don’t mean to brag but I happen to be really good at overthinking my dating app messages. What about you?”

These opening lines to use on dating apps in 2020 are sure to get a convo started.
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18. “Wanna send memes back and forth until we finally feel comfortable enough to meet up IRL?”

19. “I’m from the future and we need to be together because our child will achieve world peace.”

20. “Let’s just skip to the important stuff: Chunky or smooth peanut butter?”

21. “Sorry it took me so long to message you, I was at Trader Joe’s trying to figure out what to buy you for breakfast.”

22. Serious question. Best invention: tacos or [insert dating app you matched on]?”

23. “Here’s my life story in five emojis. I’d love to hear your interpretation of that. Better yet, what’s yours?”

24. “I call big spoon. Is that gonna be a problem?”

25. “Real talk. Is that actually your cute dog or did you borrow him for bait? (BTW, it’s totally working).”

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Singaporean Women Share Their Worst Tinder Date Stories

It’s no secret that dating apps like Tinder have made meeting new people easier than ever.

But every right swipe comes with the potential for something to go seriously wrong-particularly since it’s not uncommon to hear about a match made in online dating heaven become a first date from hell.

On the app?

Beware.

Because going by these Tinder nightmare stories from these six Singaporean women, it’s possible to hit it off with a guy over text but find yourself in a really uncomfortable situation when meeting him IRL.

1. WHEN HE WAS A CHEAPSKATE

He was late for half an hour, and long story short, he ended up ordering a tower of beer-which is crazy for two people on a weekday night.

When it came to settling the bill, the bar staff charged it all on my card because I had it on tab… and he didn’t offer to pay.

The bill came up to more than $200.

He still had the gall to try to get me to go back to his place after.

He later offered to pay his share of the bill when I asked the next morning, but the process of getting the money back took more than a month.

Apparently, he had issues with his bank account and what not, so we had to meet up again for him to pass me back in cash.

Needless to say, we never had a second date.

2. WHEN HE KEPT TALKING ABOUT HIS EX

We actually hit it off pretty well at first.

After a couple of beers, we started talking about our past relationships, which is quite normal, but thereafter he just wouldn’t stop talking about his ex.

I tried to change the subject a couple of times but he somehow find a way to continue talking about her even though I was clearly uninterested.

It became clear that he wasn’t over her and I started feeling really awkward.

I’m not sure if he knew what he did wrong; but when I didn’t reply his text the day after, he didn’t bother following up either.

3. WHEN HE WAS NOT WHAT HE SEEMED

He seemed like my type, worked for Google then burnt out and became a digital nomad.

He had a hippy style, curly hair and loves surfing. Best part he was literally 1km distance away from me so I was super excited to meet.

He also swiped right, so we started chatting.

He invited me to a beach park for a sunset picnic – how romantic, right?

3 Singaporean women share their worst first-date stories

So I went, and discovered he has been living in a tent for one month on the beach.

The beach picnic was pretty much how he ate all the time.

We had interesting conversations about his journey, but of course when he offered to get hot and heavy in his tent, I said KTHXBYE.

Squeezing into a tent? It’s a no for me.

4. WHEN HE WAS JUST BAD NEWS

I met this guy at a bar.

It was a disaster from the beginning.

He was very rude and demanding to the server at our table, which was immediately a red flag.

And boy was he handsy.

When I asked him about the martial arts photo I saw on his profile, he proceeded to show me how he would block my attacker … by demonstrating it on me.

Then, as the date progressed, he put his hand on my knee.

And his arm around my shoulders.

I kept trying to gently pull away, but he didn’t seem to get the hint.

Eventually, I just said I was tired (thankfully it was a work day) and wanted to leave.

That’s when he offered that I come to his house-which was just across the road.

Obviously he always had the intention of inviting me back after the date.

Bonus? I was chatting with a friend about said bad date and it turns out, she went out with him once before!

And he made the exact same moves on us – at the same bar!

5. WHEN HE WAS MORE INTO SOCIAL MEDIA

There was a live band playing so we couldn’t talk much.

What’s worse, he started a Facebook Live video to film the band playing (apparently they were playing his favorite Metallica songs) which I thought was pretty rude.

He also checked in at the location, and when his friends came to the same place, he just left me behind to say hi to them.

I was so tempted to just pay and leave!

Needless to say, it wasn’t a very pleasant experience and I didn’t reply his messages after that.

6. WHEN HE WAS NOT AN ANIMAL LOVER

We were out on a date and I told him about my new rescue dog, which I had only just adopted at the time.

I told him all about her, such as how she had been abused and was still very skittish.

I also told him that she sleeps with me in the same room, sometimes on the same bed, and it provides us both comfort.

His response? That he cannot date a girl who does that, and that I should kick the dog out of the room.

His defense is that it was unhygienic.

I thought it was a really cocky thing to say on a first date and I was so annoyed.

That was a deal-breaker for me.

Never spoke to him again.

 

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Tinder Moments: 13 Trashy Tinder Moments From People With No Shame

The place where self-respect goes to DIE.

I used to collect these all the time and run them here on the blog. I don’t do these anymore, but I’ve recently dug out a few of these nuggets for your enjoyment!
    • 1
      Clothing - Mir, 23 18 miles away Baby daddy decided he needed tinder so mama decided she should to0

  • 2
    Text - Maggie, 21 UC San Diego 16 miles away The only thing more open than 24/7 convenience stores are my legs If you buy me dinner, 'll make you breakfast I'll give you more happy endings than a children's storybook

  • 3
    Hair - Kristen, 25 10 miles away Who wants to practice their Australian kiss. It's like the French except you go down under

  • 4
    Hair - Abby, 21 Penn State 27 miles away 100% guarantee I will call you Daddy and cry after sex

  • 5
    Text - Catherine, 22 New England Institute of Technology 35 miles away at least my dad is dead so you don't have to worry about getting his approval

  • 6
    Eyewear - Jasmine, 20 27 miles away Fresh university drop out! Hobbies are: singing, drawing, reading, crying myself to sleep after thinking too hard about my future, and long walks up and down the luxurious Mall Looking for: someone kind, smart, funny, that can financially support another person and potentially help that person get out of debt, and is easy to talk to.

  • 7
    Product - Isabell, 22 3 miles away Our relationship should be like Nintendo 64- classic, fun to spend hours with, and every issue easily fixed by blowing on it then shoving it back in.

  • 8
    Hair - Kiya, 19 Victoria's Secret PINK University of Leth bridge 18 kilometers away I will kill spiders for you gag reflex as absent as my dad and the only thing lower than my standards is my self esteem

  • 9
    Text - Zane, 24 Funeral home Earlham College less than a mile away Winter is coming and heated blankets are getting pricey. Save money and cut down on your heating bill by taking home this big guy. He's polite, funny, house broken and a good listener that can binge watch Netflix for hours on end. So stop stressing over thread counts or dry clean only quilts and hunker down with a large pizza and this hunk. Get you a big guy today!!

  • 10
    Product - BEER DOWN Denée, 26 e The University of Arizona 5 miles away Boys call me Dumbledore because I'm the headmaster

  • 11
    Hair - Jordan, 19 89 miles away Tinder needs a filter: -no ugly guys -not too short sexy voice - tan - strong and muscles and abs not too much of a douche And if you're uglier then your tinder profile, I'm gonna stop talking to you

  • 12
    Face - Katelyn, 28 10 miles away Let's see what trash tinder brings to my doorstep... Don't have over 100k in your savings yet? Don't make over 300k/year? Then go away. Made enough to never work again? You're on the top of the list Long term ONLY I am a gold digger AND a men's rights activist Nerds preferred but not mandatory

  • 13
    Product - Hannah, 21 4 miles away Got a bf but looking for some side action

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15 Smooth Pickup Lines For Dating App Matches That’ll Get Replies

One of the toughest parts of the dating game is keeping the apps feeling fresh. It’s difficult to come up with smooth pickup lines for dating app matches that would actually get replies. Luckily for you and I both, I was on the apps for long enough that I managed to master the art. And now I feel as though it’s my duty to you, dear reader, to share some of my best pieces of wisdom.

The trick to crafting an absolutely perfect opening message on a dating app is to understand first what you’re looking for with this experience. Some pickup lines work extremely well if you’re trying to just hook up with someone. Others are great if you’re trying to just start a conversation and see where it goes. Then, finally, there are the ones that could lead you towards something a little more substantial — they’re relationship-material and shouldn’t be deployed unless you’re open to a potentially deep connection. No matter what you’re looking for, I have got you totally and completely covered, my friend. Charge your phone before you read these because it’s about to start blowing up. Ready?

If you’re looking to get to know them better…

Indoor photo of satisfied teenage girl texts on cellular, reads interesting article online, wears casual outfit, creats new publication on own web page, isolated over brown studio wall with free space

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OK, let’s say you’re attracted to this person but you’re not getting a whole lot of intel on who they are based on the two grainy group pics from college and the empty bio that comprise their entire profile. You’d like to get a better sense of who this person is before you commit to spending (at least!) an hour of your life hanging out with them IRL, so I’d suggest you initiate a conversation with one of the following questions to give you some more intel on their personality:

1. “Ready for a game of ‘F*ck, Marry, Kill?'” Games are a great, light-hearted way to get to know someone a little better.

2. “It’s Friday and you just got off work after a long week. What’s next?” This question can be a huge character tell and, honestly, a great way to weed out people who may not be a great match for you right off the bat. If you’re a super social person, you’re probably not going to do well in a relationship with someone who wants to spend the weekend in their apartment binge-watching shows alone. Might as well get it all out there from the start.

3. “If you could quit your job and do anything with your life, what would your next move be?” This is a great way to tap into someone’s dreams to see if they at all align with yours. Your dreams, of course, don’t have to be the same but it’s a great way to see what the person is truly passionate about.

4. “What would you do if you won the lottery?” This question helps you get to know the person on so many levels. First, you get to see how they handle money (are they savers or spenders?). Second, you get to see what they choose to spend their money on, which can offer you some pretty great insight on what their values are.

5. “Where was that third pic taken? It looks amazing.” Asking about your match’s adventures is a surefire way to get them talking.

If you’re looking for a quick hookup…

Let’s say you want some no-strings-attached fun. You’re not looking for anything serious, you just want to get laid. Or, at the very least, get a solid make-out sesh in. Your best mode of operation here is to be as up front as possible with one of these straight-forward messages:

1. “You’re hot.” This is not the sort of message you send someone when you’re trying to build a lasting, meaningful relationship. It’s saying you’re only interested in one thing about them and it largely has to do with appearances. But it’s also making your intention clear while also flattering them. Win, win.

2. “So, what are you looking for on here?” Rather than blurting out, “Are you DTF?” this opening line puts the ball in your match’s court. It implies that you’re pretty direct and have a goal in mind. If you want your hookups delivered almost as quickly as your Seamless orders, this line could be a winner for you.

3. “You wanna come over and not watch a movie?” This is funny but it also makes it clear that you’re not just trying to, like, go on a date.

4. “I’d love to kiss your lips.” Kinda sweet, no?

5. “Hey sexy.” This strikes up a conversation with your mutual physical attraction right at the top. Warning: It might get steamy.

If you’re looking for something more substantial…

Whether it’s because you’ve just never been a casual dater or because you’ve casually dated so much that you’ve finally hit your limit, the fact of the matter is you’re no longer looking for something light and easy. You’re officially now only interested in finding the real deal and you can find partners who are also interested in finding that by sending the following messages:

1. “What’s your schedule looking like this week? You seem like someone I’d want to hang with IRL.” First of all, hanging out IRL is no easy feat these days — so that’s impressive. Second, this message is cutting to the chase. It’s not dilly-dallying and it’s not getting you in the dreaded text loop where the two of you chat for weeks on end but never ask each other out. If the person is down, you’ll go on a date. If not, you’ll move forward without having wasted your time.

2. “You free [day of the week you have something going on with friends]? I’m going to this [event] and would love a date if you’re down!” If this person is going to be a serious partner, you’re going to have to make sure they’re able to keep up with your friends and family. So why not throw them in the line of fire right off the bat? Invite them to an event you have going on and see how they react. If they’re down to tag along and act as a great date, you may have just found yourself a great potential partner.

3. “I’m looking for something serious, does that at all interest you?” If you’re looking for something serious, it’s important that you’re only talking to people who are also looking for something serious. One of the best ways to do that is by just asking right off the bat. If someone doesn’t respond, avoids the question, or just blatantly responds that they want something casual, then you can move on with minimal time wasted.

4. “It’s this exact day in the year 2045. What are you up to?” A huge part of being in a serious relationship is having similar goals and values. There’s no quicker way to find out what a person’s goals and values are than asking them what their life is going to look like almost 25 years from now. Are they married? Do they have kids? Do they think they’re going to be dead because the world is ending? Get a feel for whether or not they’re worthy of a substantial relationship by asking this question.

5. “Favorite Netflix show? GO.” I mean, let’s face it. If you wind up dating this person, a lot of what the two of you will be doing together is lounging on the couch watching shows. So why not make sure you’re into the same stuff right off the bat?

OK, now go forth and swipe!

 

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48 Women Share Things Men Write On Their Dating Profiles That Are Instant Deal-Breakers

Consider this an unapologetically brutal crash course in how NOT to carry yourself on dating apps.

    • 1
      Face - Chlaramydia, 21 Aidy, 26 less than a kilometer away less than a kilometer away

  • 2
    Text - Picture of guy flipping off the camera "Swipe left if..." The use of words or phrases that imply a lot of previous drama (petty, sick of games, etc) "I never message first..." Guys who throw themselves a pity party in their bio/obviously have no self confidence

  • 3
    Text - "Is every woman on here shallow? Prove me wrong!" "Just a super nice guy looking for his one true love" Or if they write an entire profile full of spelling mistakes. "I'm hear 4 a good tiem, hmu"

  • 4
    Cheezburger Image 9055564544

  • 5
    Text - "I'm probably more awesome than you." A friend wanted to know why he was never getting girls. This was on his page. I told him if I saw this I'd see it as a major red flag and indication of negging to come.

  • 6
    Cheezburger Image 9055565056

  • 7
    Text - pictures of your children or even worse, someone else's kids. I get it that people want to be upfront about having kids, but I find it extremely weird that people post pictures of their children on dating sites. And other peoples kids? Even weirder and much more creepy. Just don't...we can read from your ile if you have kids or not.

  • 8
    Text - Of course this doesn't just go for guys - but people in general. Saying, "I'm funny, nice, motivated", etc., is a huge turn off. Instead, say something funny in your profile, make yourself come off nice - don't self proclaim yourself positive adjectives - let others be the judge of that. That's not humble, 'nice', or funny. There's a lot of that in profiles around my area.

  • 9
    Text - A list of NO NO fatties NO feminists No uglies NO asians NO tattoos NO piercings NO trannies NO Cool. Coolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcool. Clearly you're a catch. Gonna move on and faaaar away And the ones who brag about alpha male red pill meninist bull. Hello red flag! Not written but when the only pictures are blurry shots of multiple men drinking beer? Nope

  • 10
    Text - Complaining about having gone on dates with women who didn't "look as good" as their profile pictures, or demanding proof that profile pictures are up-to-date or pictures are not taken by a professional photographer. Basically being presumptuous /bitter/ accusatory that women misrepresent themselves in their profiles, which wastes his time. So entitled and dehumanizing! Yet surprisingly common.

  • 11
    Text - The use of emojis in the profile or conversation. "Just a super down to guy..." "I don't really read much because I'm so busy at the gym....does men's fitness count? Lol" "Looking for a step mom for my kids." "Suuuuuuuuper sarcastic so if you don't get my humor, oh well." The worst is if we ever get to the point of talking and my military career comes up - "oh yeah? I wanted to join the army, but I would punch a guy if he started yelling at me like they do." No, ass hat, you wouldn't. You

  • 12
    Text - "I'm a King looking for my Queen." Run. Do not walk. Run, from profiles that have this line or some version of this.

  • 13
    Text - School of Hard Knocks (just sounds like zero education for me), General Manager at "None of your Business".... just leave them blank Partner in crime, Tinderella, Unicorn (or any of the other tired phrases) Smoking in your pictures. One single picture, or super low quality, unflattering pictures... or several pictures that aren't you (like your food, memes, making fun of sports teams/politicians.... your vehicle... scenery) 420 friendly (I don't care if you smoke, but if you have 10 words

  • 14
    Text - Not a woman but I'm sure this one isn't gender exclusive. "I love to laugh." No shit? Bumme... I was really hoping to find my female Ben Stein. It's like saying "I'm a nice guy." If you can't think of enough about yourself that you feel the need to point out something you share with literally 99.9% of humanity you're probably REALLY boring.

  • 15
    Text - Once had some guy message me. Checked his profile and it was a lot of ranting about how women never give him a chance, are all sluts looking to date assholes, etc. A couple of his profile pictures contained pictures of him showing off various weapons. reply

  • 16
    Text - Men of Reddit, how many of you deleted your shirtless selfies and fixed the "your"s in your profile after reading this thread?

  • 17
    Text - Honestly I saw this once: God and Jesus are my life. Looking for my future helpmeet. If you think you're strong and independent, keep moving. Women like that will never submit to their godly husbands as the Bible commands. And on the other end of the spectrum, some guy messaged me to tell me that he WOULD carry on a conversation with me but my belief in a higher power shows a lack of intelligence on a deep level that "can't be fixed." Then why the FUCK would you message me at all??

  • 18
    Text - One guy who once copy-pasted the same creepy message (don't remember the contents as this was many years ago) to me and a friend complained about "high standards bitches" on his profile He didn't like me calling out his copypaste thing so he called me "another high standards bitch." General life pro tip, don't refer to women by derogatory names on a dating site profile.

  • 19
    Text - Making an inappropriate joke about my race on their profile/to me. Examples: "Praising the 'asain!. " "Darker the berry the sweeter the juice. "[A]sian persuasion " (<one i recieved yesterday on okcupid) no, please. no

  • 20
    Text - "I just want someone who can hold an intelligent conversation." Every single guy I've come across that says this usually means "I want to talk about things I'm interested in and nothing else."

  • 21
    Text - Anything along the lines of "just tired of games" or "looking for someone who is real" You sound like a whiney person who has some serious baggage.

  • 22
    Text - "over 6' since apparently that fucking matters" "Just in town for x days" "Tacos and beer and whiskey" Emoji lists Pointing out that you're into fitness as if I couldn't tell by the fact that all your photos are gym selfies

  • 23
    Text - I once saw a profile where the dude literally threatened to find you online and post all the raunchy selfies you shared with him if things went sour. Like seriously? Who exactly is your target audience? But mostly it's just blank profiles. I always skip them

  • 24
    Text - For me it was when they said yes to "drinks often" I always wanted and alcoholic. also never messaged anyone back who posted pictures of their kids on their profile. I am proud of mine and I love him but I would never put his picture on my page. Hell, no one even got to meet him until weeks or months in. Those sites are for adults and believe me, there are a lot of weirdos. Keep your kids pics private.

  • 25
    Text - "No fatties" I have no issue with peoples personal preference but that is just rude. If you are uninterested in overweight people just don't talk or engage with those people

  • 26
    Text - Maybe it's because of my advanced age (late 30's), but MOST of the men wait until we are on our first date before admitting that they are actually older than what they stated on their profile. I even state CLEARLY on my profile for men to not message me if they are lying about their age. Don't waste our time. Sheesh

  • 27
    Text - Late to the party but I have seen SO many guys put things like "RIP Grandma 6.2.17" Yes, Tinder is totally the place to remember your deceased grandmother.

  • 28
    Text - "Djrtjenfrognsskganfkdsnfsjdkfbdnd" I'll fill that bit in later. (never does) "Nobody ever reads this part" "Loves to go out partying every weekend with the boys" Any topless picture, bad spelling, bad grammar, text talk, complaining about what kind of woman he doesn't want, pictures of his car, pictures of a random expensive item of clothing, pictures of himself at the gym" "Wants to date but nothing serious"

  • 29
    Text - "Not into weird stuff" Probably most definitely is into weird stuff.

  • 30
    Text - I'm a happily married woman but reading this treasure trove of horror stories makes my husband and me want to create a dummy profile just to look through all this. At the same time, I'm terrified of who I know that we'd see.

  • 31
    Text - Bad grammar. OMG. Put your best foot forward. Not you're

  • 32
    Text - This is what happens when you've been together too long... I asked my wife what I could put on my dating profile that would make her not want to date me. She put down her book, lowered her reading glasses, looked me straight in the eye and said "Stop surfing reddit and take out the damn garbage!"

  • 33
    Text - After reading this: I found out I'm doing a pretty good job with my dating profile and I do the conversation thing pretty well too. It's too bad I'm ugly EDIT: THANK YOU FOR THE GOLD, KIND STRANGER! First time ever!

  • 34
    Text - For pictures: When all of your tinder pictures are with other girls or poor attempts to crop your ex out. Edit: I'm taking about every single photo here people.... Either A) you have no good pictures of yourself without your ex. (Which is a frequent case unfortunately) B) you are trying to portray yourself as being able to get a lot of girls, so you deliberately post pictures of yourself with only groups of girls.

  • 35
    Text - "Fluent in sarcasm." I think this one's unisex Translation-- I'm not funny, but I've convinced myself that the reason nobody laughs at my jokes is that they're just too intellectual and edgy for a mainstream audience. I'm also put off by a huge wall of "favorites." Maybe this isn't as much of an issue in the Tinder age (I've been out of the game for a couple of years) but I used to see a ton of guys who would list, like, two hundred favorite movies or bands. It's a good sign that he's goi

  • 36
    Text - I'm most turned off by men that have a very specific set of "rules" or "priorities". It makes it sound like they're saying "this is the space in my life that you are expected to fill, don't deviate from this" I was most attracted to a man that had a profile that described himself humbly and with humour. I was also very drawn to the profile picture with a big friendly smile. It felt like he was showing me his authentic self. Getting married next year. :)

  • 37
    Text - Really any list of people you don't want to date. It just makes you look like an asshole...just filter out who you don't want. Admittedly I haven't been single in two years so I'm not sure if men are still doing that, but if they are, stop it.

  • 38
    Text - The shirtless pic of you in your bathroom mirror. The group picture with no indication of who you are I'll assume you are the least attractive person in that picture and you are trying to use your more attractive friends to get me to click on your profile (frequently that seems to be the case). That irritates me since it feels like you are trying to pull a bait and switch edit: So apparently the group thing is something women are also guilty of. I'm sure it is irritating regardless of gen

  • 39
    Text - Okay I haven't seen this yet but when guys take a picture of themselves where the camera is angled UP at their face from their lap...?? Nothing is more unattractive than a guys sudden double chin and uninterested glare, it's the worst angle for anyone! It's the same look women get if they look up while giving a blow job. It's not the best way to show off your face, guys.

  • 40
    Text - Personally, I can't stand the "Bet $20 you swiped left" or "What's the point, you'll swipe left anyway" I will not end up pity swiping right or because I want to prove you wrong. And anything about dogs always being "number one" or "must love dogs" is so overused it seems pretentious. Jokes on them because cats are the true overlords anyway.

  • 41
    Text - I think it's hilarious that 40+ guys are reporting they don't have kids but want them in the future. They clearly are interested in women that are 10 years their junior. Swipe left I also read.... "no drama" it leads me to believe if you have to state you don't want drama your life is already filled with it. Swipe left. When did so many men become near professional athletes? So many talented mountain bikers, triathletes, yogis, extreme marathoner, ski, hike etc. I get tired just reading t

  • 42
    Text - About me: "Just ask" Likes: "Idk, lots of stuff lol" Either that, or "I'm a true gentleman just looking for a real lady." Self-proclaimed gentleman are usually damaged, doormats, or wish reality was like TV-1950s. But the worst - the actual worst - only reveal themselves after you start messaging. The ones who make you carry the whole conversation. They never ask questions, even when they were the ones who initiated, and they give one-sentence answers. The worst.

  • 43
    Text - Blank profiles. Profiles that make it clear you are deeply full of yourself. Ones with shirtless mirror photos. Edit: Wow. First comment over 10k upvotes Thanks, all!

  • 44
    Text - Complaining about exes on the profile is a big deal breaker for me.

  • 45
    Text - god family ball grind gains goals hmu) for you geezers... hmu stands for "hit me up"

  • 46
    Text - Bad grammar. Saying you like to party as if that's your favourite hobby. That weird review thing they do like "best guy ever - the times" or something.

  • 47
    Text - "Get at me!" "Just chillin hmu" A list of emojis I'm supposed to decipher that explain who you are "420 is my middle name" (not against it, just don't care for it IMO) "I'm really 19 not sure why it says 26 haha )" Edit: Oh, and I just saw one that simply says, "My dick is 9" l'll prove it ;)"

  • 48
    Text - Anything that insinuates you're too good to be on [insert dating site here]. If you were really too good for Tinder, you wouldn't be on Tinder.

  • 49
    Text - Not on the profile, but when they msg you out of nowhere and the first thing they say is sexual. I legitimately had a guy msg me, "I want to shoot in your mouth" as a first msg Never saw or heard from the guy before and THAT'S how he thinks it would be appropriate to start a conversation. I mean really. Edit: this did not happen on tinder

 

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Rebecca – Chapter 1 – Dark Wings of Destiny – Part 1

Out of all of the posts I’ve written, this one is by far my favorite.

I met Rebecca 3 years ago on a date. Rebecca has recently made an appearance in my life so I thought I’d re-run this series so everyone won’t have to go back and search for her series to catch up. Enjoy!

 

Fall of 2016

Here is still another Tinder date. It’s like I’ve been on a Tinder bender! What if we call that a “Binder” from now on? Do you think that could catch on? I can’t take credit for that SNL winning catch phrase. That honor goes to my ex-girlfriend, Michelle. She came up with that bit. It’s really good. There are girls that say they’re funny and there are girls that are funny. Michelle doesn’t have time for bullshit so she sees the truth and the irony in the same minute. (See: Michelle – A Brand New Day) Great series!

Out of all of the posts I’ve written, this one is by far my favorite.

So I’ve been swiping right a lot lately. I look at this way, if I say yes to everyone it improves my odds of making more contacts. It’s like sales, if you just call on the clients who have stuff you like, you won’t close as many deals. But if you call on as many clients as possible, your close rate will rise. Sure, I get some women whose profiles scream swipe left, but I just never reach out to them when it comes up a match. I hope I never hear from them but if I do I simply ignore them. Fickle bastard that I am.

So Rebecca came up as a match. She’s much younger than I am so I immediately think she’s looking for a sugar daddy. There are several girls looking for that on Tinder. It’s really just a nice way to say prostitute. So my guard is up and I’m ready for the inevitable. So if I’m even the slightest bit interested in a woman I’ll simply say hello and wait.

She got back to me in under an hour.

I always ask the same question. “What prompted you to swipe right on my profile?” Her response was, “I like gentlemen, I’m an aspiring artist, writer and musician, and I love exploring Philadelphia.” Normally that sounds like the perfect girl for me. But I’m still prepared for the red flags that could unfurl at any moment. I tell her about myself and ask her another one of my classic questions: “What do you like to do in your free time?” If the answer is shopping, sleeping, or getting drunk with her friends, she’s probably a crazy loser, or simply a young person. But she says: “I like to go to the museums here. I enjoy the theater. I draw and sing, mostly opera. I’m also in grad school at UPenn.” She says the Barnes is amazing. Agreed. Who doesn’t want to see a billion dollar art collection all procured by one guy? That place once won me the interest of my last girlfriend. Took her there on our first date. (See: Annabelle)

So, I ask her if she’d like to tour a museum with me sometime.

She responds: “Gladly!”

The next thing I wrote was my cell number. Within a few minutes she text me: “Hi, it’s Rebecca.” So I’m thinking maybe this is where she solicits me to be her sugar daddy. I asked her what her schedule is like and she responds that it is a bit of a disaster. I’m like, here we go. She said she was on her way back to New Jersey to go to her nursing job that she works on Saturdays and Sundays. She works as a nurse in an emergency room.

Impressive.

We hammer out our schedules and settle on Wednesday 9/14 at 4:30pm at the Philadelphia Museum of Art. I think Wednesdays are still ‘Pay as you wish’ so that’s a good thing. I asked if I should just text her that day to confirm, and she said yes, but wanted to still talk between now and then. I loved that. She also said she wanted to hear more about me and wanted to know about my writing. I told her about what I’ve written in the past and how I currently write a blog. But of course I didn’t tell her what the blog was about. So we chatted back and forth over the next few days. I basically hear from her everyday. It’s refreshing and I like the attention because it’s not overkill. So she gave me her email and I sent her a copy of a screenplay I wrote a few years ago. Well… a lot of years ago!

Even over the weekend she was texting me about her shifts at the hospital and how she had begun reading it. Now that I’m reading her texts on my phone it looks like she has texted me everyday since we connected. She even said that it was so nice to meet a man who appreciates a lady of culture. I told her she is a ‘rare flower’ these days, just to sink the hook.

So we’ve been chatting all the way up to today when she texted me this morning with “Hey! See you tonight!” So it’s on, people. I pray that she isn’t crazy or a hooker, but this seems too smooth. If she is nuts or eccentric, I’ll be disappointed. All this contact and chatter, I hope she is what I hope her to be. But if this blog suddenly stops, please call the authorities because maybe I’ve been murdered and I’m floating face down in the Schuylkill like a kid home from college on Thanksgiving in Manayunk.

I’m going to go hop in the shower and get into character. I’ll finish this after tonight’s date.

 

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6 Worst Opening Lines On Dating Apps That Women Have Actually Gotten

Be they corny, crappy, or creepy, the worst opening lines on dating apps are always the ones that make you go, “Wow, I really matched with this person? Goodbye!” Coming up with the perfect opening line on a dating app is a science and an art. Yes, you’ve got to be intriguing — quirky, even if that’s your dating app vibe. But there’s a difference between being a bit offbeat or unconventional in your opening message, and straight-up uncomfortable.

If you’re not super experienced when it comes to crafting dating app openers, all you need to do is sit down and brainstorm some cute, clever things to say. Even a quick glance at a match’s profile is a good start: Ask about their city or about favorite foods, or even a “Would you rather?” type question. A nicely filled out dating app bio is literally an open book! It’s filled in with information so you can find the appropriate topics to broach with your potential f*ck buddy and/or love of your life. What you don’t do is skip over the socially acceptable realm of dating app small talk and skip straight to strange feelings, sh*tty compliments, or niche fantasies — sexual or otherwise. Here are six women on the most cringe-worthy dating app openers they’ve received.

Courtesy of Haley, 24

Unfortunately, the line — “Girl, you’re [looking] thicker than a bowl of oatmeal.” — is a reference to viral, heavily memed court case video, where the defendant was literally caught saying that to an undercover police officer. Not only does it have wack origin, it’s super forward! Clearly this man is horny on main. Haley, 24, literally had the right response.

“ARE YOU FROM MCDONALD’S? BECAUSE I’M LOVIN’ IT.”

Haley, 19, got this opener on Bumble. When asked if she had a screenshot, Haley said, “No, because I unmatched his *ss after he said he deserves my body.”

THE ONE ABOUT ONIONS

Courtesy of Bea*, 22

Apart from her love of indie music and rosé, Bea*, 22, did have a reference to onions in her Tinder profile. She included this cute, quippy little tidbit: “You know that part in Shrek where he said he was an onion because he had layers? Me A/F.” But she never said she liked onions. And what’s up with being worried about whether your Tinder match to make you cry?

A REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE COMPARISON

Courtesy of Ariana*, 25

“Love men who immediately go from negging to horny,” says Ariana*, 25. For those of you who don’t know, “negging” is the practice of offering someone a backhanded compliment. It’s often a tool to make someone vulnerable and get the upper hand in romantic or sexual endeavors.

“It is dismissive and degrading to the other person and can eventually undermine their self-confidence. Usually the person doing the negging is insecure in their ability to attract [someone] without putting them down,” dating coach Christine Baumgartner told Bustle.

“I WANT TO PAINT YOU GREEN AND SPANK YOU LIKE A DISOBEDIENT AVOCADO 🥑 😏”

This opener Charlotte, 22, received is truly the kind of sh*t that you can’t make up. There’s so much to unpack here. Why an avocado? Why not any other fruit? Or was he really just going for a millennial food? And in that case, there’s questions about whether he has sexual desires for oat milk, charcoal ice cream cones, hot wings, or anything sprinkled with turmeric, too. “Literally, so weird,” Charlotte says.

A REALLY INVOLVED COP SAGA

Courtesy of Kathryn, 23

Not only did this man slide into Kathryn’s, 23, DMs with the modern-day Bonnie and Clyde visuals. He later messaged her this: “You’re [student newspaper] writer… here’s a tip. The shooting TN: cop pulled over, man (non-SU student) started a confrontation, gun fight ensured, suspect dead, cop in stable condition.” Um, OK! “These may have been a few weeks apart, but the first one was awful and the second one was hilarious,” Kathryn says. Either way, maybe homeboy needs to tune into a police scanner for his kicks and get off Tinder.

While weird dating app openers are few and far in-between, here’s hoping they can give you a few laughs when you encounter them — and not make you swear off dating apps for life.

 

 

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I Really Wish I Didn’t Have to Date in the Age of Apps

“Dating is hard” is something I hear all the time. And I get it. Meeting a new person, trying to get through small talk, and hoping to make a lasting connection can be extremely daunting and scary. But we do it to find our person — the one we’re meant to be with and who makes us want to be better. So all the other stuff — the awkward beginnings, the swiping left and right, the bad dates — is worth it, right?

In theory, dating apps seem like the perfect solution to help with not only finding the one, but also finding the “perfect” one. You can choose whatever physical qualities and values you look for and swipe until you find it. However, I think they’ve made it even harder to find someone, let alone date them.

It’s easy to match with a lot of people, but it’s even easier to keep swiping for a “better” option rather than focusing on one person.

Yes, they provide lots of options for you to choose from, and it allows you to vet a person before actually having to go out with them, but sometimes, too many choices can be a bad thing. I personally find myself getting bored with people I match with and vice versa. It’s easy to match with a lot of people and start talking to them, but it’s even easier to keep swiping for an even “better” option rather than focusing on one person and trying to build something with them.

The first date I ever went on was with a guy I met through OkCupid, and I thought it went really well for a first date. We talked for almost three hours, flirting back and forth with one another. I didn’t mind that he didn’t kiss me at the end of it, and I started to think that dating apps maybe weren’t as bad as I thought. That is until he unmatched and ghosted me without explanation. It really messed with my self-esteem for awhile, but I eventually realized that this was part of dating in the age of apps. We can be with someone great now, but the possibility that someone better could be out there can be thrilling to some. Only, it’s detrimental in the long run. Nobody should ever settle, but always looking for more can make you miss out on something (or someone) that’s right in front of you.

I think a lot about the fact that I’m almost 24 years old and have only gone on that one real date. It makes me afraid that I’m destined to be alone. Growing up, I was never the girl guys thought to ask out. They would ask me to help them ask out my friends and that was it. I always thought I would really start to date in college and meet the love of my life, like my parents did. I was raised to be independent and comfortable in my own skin without the validation of other people, but I still couldn’t help but dream about finally meeting my person in college. But the reality is I went through all four years without going on any dates because, like a lot of others, I didn’t take risks. I missed out on connecting with some really great people because I wanted to find someone perfect, when the truth is that nobody’s perfect.

When you’re face to face with someone, yeah, you might be attracted to their physical qualities, but the emotional connection you build with that person, whether it’s instant or over time, is something no dating app can replicate. There’s something thrilling and exciting about meeting a new person for the first time without any expectations or thoughts of the other 12 people you matched with that day. Sometimes I feel like dating apps discourage us from taking those risks — saying hi to someone in a coffee shop, asking for directions on the train, or just jumping right in and asking someone out because they caught your eye — because people are so buried in their phones. But are we really living if we don’t take a leap of faith once in awhile?

Dating apps are great for a lot of people. I know people who have found their person because of them. But I just wish sometimes that dating wasn’t so consumed by them, because human connections — at least the ones I wish to have — can’t be manufactured by technology, no matter how advanced we’re able to develop it.

 

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