If You’re Frustrated With Dating Apps, Try This Before Deleting Them

Depending on your history with dating apps, you may either love them or hate them. On the one hand, they’re an awesome way to connect with people you would probably never otherwise meet. However, if you’re frustrated with dating apps, either because you’re not getting any matches or because conversations with the ones you are getting end up fizzling out, dating apps can get real tired, real fast. How do some people meet the love of their life on their very first Bumble date, while others spend literal years just fruitlessly swiping? Before you rush to delete all your apps and proclaim an indefinite break from dating, try revising your dating app strategy. You’d be surprised at how small changes to your profile can make a big difference in your matching success.

The tough thing about connecting with someone through a screen is that you can’t really get a sense of their vibe. So much of chemistry is determined by how well you interact in person, on an actual date with a real, live human being. On dating apps, users have to make quick judgement calls based on a few photos and a short bio. No wonder it can feel impossible to meet that perfect person! If your profile doesn’t immediately catch people’s eye, you may lose out on potential connections that would have been great IRL.

What I’m trying to say here is that your profile matters, and it matters a lot. To get more promising matches, try revising your profile to reflect your most authentic personality. “Be specific about yourself,” says Michelle McSweeney, a linguist, and researcher who studies the way people communicate digitally. McSweeney tells Elite Daily that adding quirky details about yourself in your bio can be helpful. “It gives the person reading a much better picture of who you are,” she says. Lots of people like long walks on the beach and guacamole with margaritas — those things aren’t really what makes you you. Do you have a specific recipe you can’t get enough of? What about a favorite place to spend time outside?

McSweeney says these details help make you seem more real, not just an onscreen avatar. “Part of the profile is developing trust — at least enough to meet in person,” she notes. “These small details help establish trust by showing that you are a real person who does things in the real, physical world.” This practice is called “warranting,” and it helps ground you to others and make you more relatable.

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Avoid using your profile to highlight all your biggest accomplishments. This might seem counterintuitive, but dating apps aren’t like Instagram — more curation is not necessarily better. “By presenting only the ‘best of’ reel, it shows prospective matches that you have a more exciting life than they can likely keep up with,” McSweeney says. “If the goal is a relationship, highlight the mundane things, too, because that’s what you’ll really be doing.” Don’t proclaim that you’re always out dancing if you’d rather spend your evenings with popcorn at the movies. If your dream first date is a trip to the art museum, include that detail. The only people you need to impress are the ones you might be compatible with, so don’t worry about listing out all your major achievements. Your unfiltered personality matters more.

Everyone is on apps for a slightly different reason, so it helps to state clearly what kind of relationship you’re looking for. “We should all be honest in our bios, and if that turns people away, it’s fewer people to sift through,” McSweeney says. This doesn’t mean you have to write, “I hope to meet someone with brown hair and a shoulder tattoo, get married in three years, and settle down with two children and a golden retriever.” More generally, what type of companionship would make you happy? “The key to this is to make it about activities rather than the type of person,” McSweeney explains. “So, if you love watching movies, you’re likely looking for someone to watch movies with you.”

You’re not looking for a specific type of person, but rather a person who is willing to do specific things with you. “It’s unlikely you will like someone strictly based on one dimension of their personality, and that’s what we’re saying when we say we’re looking for “X” type of person,” McSweeney says. “When we say we’re looking for someone to do “Y” with, we’re saying that we want someone who is multidimensional.” If you write in your bio that you’re looking for a hiking buddy, you’re opening the door for someone to message you about going hiking. You two share an interest, and now you also have a great first-date idea. It’s a win-win situation.

Don’t be afraid to make your profile a little different from the average Joe’s. “I’ve seen great bios where people talk about their love of punctuation, how they enjoy a specific episode of a show or some quirky thing they like to cook,” McSweeney says. “These details are rich and help people connect to you as the interesting and multidimensional person you are.” You’re much more nuanced than an online profile can show, but if you pique people’s interests, they’ll want to learn more about you. That’s the first step toward getting matches that translate to killer chemistry.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

‘Is 55 Too Old to Go on Tinder?’ What Dating Looks Like for the Middle-Aged

Here’s an interesting contribution from one of my readers!

I’ve been fielding a lot of questions about dating apps lately. There are 2 a.m. texts like: “Is 55 too old to go on Tinder?” And existential laments like: “I thought I was just leafing through photos but it turns out I was swiping yes, yes, yes, when I wanted to say maybe, maybe, maybe. Isn’t there any room for ambiguity? Not even an option to ‘save for later?”

All good questions, though I don’t have the answers. I have no experience with Tinder or any of the swiping apps—I only made it to the browser-based era of online dating. But as the first person in my friend group to divorce, nearly 10 years ago, I’m the prime confidante for questions too embarrassing to ask the happily coupled.

But I might be relieved of those duties now that we finally have an elder stateswoman of mid-life dating: Candace Bushnell, creator of Sex and the City—the book and series that tackled all the uncomfortable dilemmas of 30-something single women in the 1990s—is back with a new book and upcoming Netflix series that asks, Is There Still Sex in the City? And while she doesn’t bring back Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, or Samantha, it feels a bit like we’re at brunch with middle-aged versions of those archetypes, and they’re still talking about love and sex because, well, of course.

The book, part memoir, part fiction, is a guide to the Ides of 50, a stage of life when kids depart (along with most of the local estrogen), marriages teeter, and normally accommodating women stop being so accommodating. And because things are way more complicated now, they may also find themselves trying to figure out how to swipe maybe on a 27-year-old programmer from Connecticut.

Much like in the original SATC, Bushnell and her friends experience every romantic possibility so we don’t have to—from being courted by cubs (young men who pursue older women) to dating wealthy septuagenarians who think 59 is a bit old for them. She writes about re-dating an ex decades later and a laser procedure called the MonaLisa Touch that is supposed to rejuvenate a woman’s sex life like Viagra, except that it hurts and is almost never covered by insurance. You can hear Sarah Jessica Parker’s voice in Bushnell’s as she asks a new set of Carrie-esque questions: “Are -middle-aged women now catnip for younger men?” “Was Tinder an app for people that hated themselves?”

Bushnell, now 60, also touches on poignant aspects of what she calls “middle-aged madness”: the death of a parent, the isolation of divorce, the ache of realizing that even the most gorgeous among us will eventually become invisible.

Until recently, when we saw women in some midlife drama, it usually involved Diane Keaton in a gauzy romance set against a tasteful backdrop. No one was getting ghosted on Bumble at 49 with absolutely no explanation.

A slew of recent movies gets at the lighter side of midlife madness. Wine Country, directed by Amy Poehler and released this past spring, sees a group of old friends travel to Napa for a 50th birthday only to discover that no one escapes middle age unscathed. It has some hilarious moments, but it’s no Sideways, the 2004 Oscar-winning Napa road-trip film that was not only funny but also piercing and sad. I hate to say it, but many male midlife crisis films are often less earnest and take more fruitful risks, and we need more of that in stories about women.

And that brings me to the next beat in the 50-plus women genre: Otherhood, a good-hearted Netflix film that debuts this month. It’s about three friends, played by Patricia Arquette, Angela Bassett, and Felicity Huffman, who must rekindle their identities, separate from their roles as mothers, now that their children are adults. Arquette tells TIME she cherished the opportunity to play a mom at this stage: “I haven’t had a lot of chances to do material where the leads are all women, talking about friendship and parenting with a female director and producer.” (Director Cindy Chupack won an Emmy for her work on Sex and the City.) But Arquette really lights up when she talks about something apart from her role as a mom—her work pushing for the Equal Rights Amendment. And that’s the problem with the film: we already know these three mom archetypes too well. This is in contrast to Gloria Bell, released earlier this year and starring Julianne Moore, which gets at the complexities of existing in the in-between of young and old, a parent but not so needed, attractive but with sexual irrelevance in view.

Otherhood was also overshadowed by news of Huffman’s bout of real-life middle-aged madness when she admitted to paying $15,000 to get her daughter into college with faked achievements. The irony is that the real-life story might be a more powerful tale about mothers who need to separate from their children. It made us cringe, in part because we’ve all done things—albeit less egregious things—to help our kids, only to realize later we’d gone too far. It can be easier to see the truth in extremes.

I welcome Bushnell’s new series, so long as it’s brave enough to take us to those outer edges of female longing, insecurity, vanity, brilliance and connection. That was, after all, the beauty of the original. The SATC women were not subtle creatures. Most of us don’t have 600 pairs of shoes, nor have we left a man at the altar, but we viscerally understood Carrie’s self-destructive obsession with both the shoes and the man. And while it’s common for us to choose one of the four characters as our avatar, in many ways we are all of them at once. The challenge for the new incarnation is to be as open and complex about post-menopausal life as the last one was about everything that comes before.

Bushnell and her co-creators would do well to take a page from Season 2 of BBC’s Fleabag, which features a now Emmy-nominated guest spot from Kristin Scott Thomas. Her character gives a raw and riveting soliloquy about female aging and the liberation that comes with it. Afterward, young Fleabag, on the receiving end, says she’d been told menopause was horrendous. Thomas answers with a wink: “It is horrendous. But then it’s magnificent.”

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Why You’re Failing At Online Dating (And The One Trick That Attracts Love)

One change can make all the difference.

You may be surprised to find out why online dating sites aren’t working for you. It’s not creeps sexting you pictures of their junk, it’s not gold-diggers out for free meals, it’s not married people secretly looking for a little action on the side, and it’s not scammers or catfish preying on lonely people in an attempt to extort money.

I’ve heard all the horror stories in my work as a relationship coach. Despite the dark side of looking for love with online dating, the reality might shock you even more because it’s unexpected.

What’s the real reason online dating isn’t working for you?

The truth is no matter what your experience or back story, the main reason dating sites don’t work for the majority of people is simple: it’s ineffective or poorly developed profiles. That’s the shock of it.

Many of the struggles are self-inflicted. Now, if that sentence offends you at all, that may be a clue for you to pay special attention. I didn’t say it’s all your fault or that you somehow deserve to suffer; on the contrary, I do this work because everyone deserves to feel more loved than they’ve felt before — and that includes you.

The reality is, one-third of all new marriages began with an online date, so there is absolutely no doubt whatsoever that online dating does work. But here’s the other interesting statistic: only about 20 percent of online daters say it’s working for them, which is defined by whether they’re dating, in a relationship, engaged, or married as a result.

If you do the quick and simple math there, that means that 80 percent of online daters are not getting the result they think they’re paying for on those sites. Too many really great people are getting frustrated and starting to doubt themselves because they might not be great writers or understand one other critical distinction that makes all the difference.

Let me explain.

Your dating profile is an advertisement. That’s because its job is to get attention, cause engagement, pique curiosity, create a favorable impression and generate a response. If your profile fails at any single one of those jobs, you fail. Game over. No click? No date. No intrigue? No sale.

The difference between a good ad and a bad ad is simple. A good ad works and gets a response, which is the intended result; a bad ad gets ignored and is a tremendous waste of time, money, and resources.

Remember, we’re talking about 80 percent of millions of people. There are a lot of great catches slipping through those nets every day and I want to change that.

The specific problem with most dating profiles is that they lack a cohesive and coherent message, so it’s no surprise that potential partners lose the thread or check out early.

That’s an automatic fail. If someone can’t get a “take away,” they will tend to “go away.”

Rather than offering crystal clarity about what the writer brings to the table for their partner, instead, they focus on self-serving, pointless, and unconvincing recitations of their own demands. That sounds more like a ransom letter than a love note to the partner you haven’t yet met, doesn’t it?

Is it any wonder that’s not working? If it wouldn’t work with you, why do you think someone else might be intrigued by that approach? 

With all due respect, do you think the fact that you’re a guy who loves sports or a woman who loves jeans and a cute little black cocktail dress really makes you stand out from the crowd? Come on! You can’t really expect to get attention if your profile blends in and sounds like every other profile, can you?

Your dating profile is failing — just like 80 percent of them do — because it’s missing some key ingredients that people need in order to see you as a viable, potential partner.

The bottom line? There’s no reason to throw away good money on dating sites when you can throw away your old, ineffective dating profile instead. What have you got to lose but your own frustration or loneliness?

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

How to Successfully Get A Date on Tinder: Learn How Tinder Actually Works and Put a Check Mark on Your List

Believe it or not, gentleman’s rules actually apply to Tinder! Even though you may think that Tinder is just another form of social media, it is better to think of Tinder as an actual dating platform instead of a cyber-connection between two strangers with the use of a simple app. Well, women are the same either way, but they tend to be able to put a little more thought into whom they would want to be on Tinder since they aren’t under any pressure of the environment. If men think that the majority of women on Tinder are easy, it may be best to think again!

Here are a few tips to get women on Tinder:

Make sure to be eye-catching

Do not forget that you get to pick as well, which is why your profile should be given a little more thought instead, and instead of putting up a picture of you chilling with your bros, why not put a picture that attracts your type of woman? If the type of woman you like is adventurous, put pictures of you doing crazy stuff like mountain climbing, swimming, or whatever it may be that you enjoy. If you are more into the conversational type of women, try to make your picture a little bit more melancholic and minimalistic to spark conversation regarding the mystery of your profile.

Put some thought into your photo choices

It would be nice to have an eye-catching first picture, and as the women try to search your other photos, they unravel different parts of your personality. The best way for you to get your ideal girl is to know what your ideal girl wants! Attraction begets attraction, so find some tips to make your photos stand out a little more. Limit yourself to at least four or five photos to avoid being a showoff. If ever you want to show your other pictures, link your Tinder profile to your Instagram profile.

Watch your description

Once again, your description should attract the type of women you want, which is why putting up the right description can increase the chances of you getting the girl that you want to swipe right! Tinder limits the number of characters you see unless you click the picture to view the full profile. This is a great opportunity for you to showcase what kind of person you are. Stop introducing yourself as blah blah blah with this height, working at this job, enjoying these kinds of things, and etc. Try to think of something ecstatic and something that sparks a discussion.

Be a catch at first glance.

A great example of this would be “Apples are better than oranges, prove me wrong,” something that invites conversation is always a good description as it allows you to take control of the conversation and put a check mark on the list of things you have to prepare yourself for. The entire conversation is up to you now! Have fun on Tinder!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

4 Things You Need To Know About Pickable, The New Dating App That’s Giving Women All The Power

When it comes to certain things — OK, maybe everything — we all benefit when women are in charge. And in our opinion, the same thing applies to dating in the digital age. That’s why our ears perked up when we got wind of Pickable, the new app that’s redefining what it means for women to be in control of their dating lives.

And trust us, we, too, have heard it ALL before. We’ve tried the websites that promise to deliver more compatible dates than a matchmaker, we’ve downloaded the apps that pair you based on your most obscure interests, but mostly, we’ve wasted time going back and forth with matches that we have no chance of actually meeting IRL.

But then we met Pickable, which checks the two most important boxes when it comes to online dating: It’s like no app experience we’ve had before (and we’ve had ’em all), AND it gives off major girl power vibes.

Yes and yes, thank you!

Here are 4 things you need to know about Pickable.

1. It’s built on anonymity.

One of the most unique aspects of Pickable is that it’s a totally anonymous experience for women, right up until they come across a guy they want to connect with. Unlike other apps, female users don’t have to worry about less-than-ideal people (i.e. coworkers, exes, the list goes on) coming across their profiles.

Women start by downloading the app and browsing anonymously. That’s right — they don’t have to include a photo, bio, or even their name. Men, on the other hand, create a simple profile with their name and photo, as well as an optional bio.

When a woman sees someone she wants to strike up a convo with, all she has to do is shoot him a photo, which he can either accept and start chatting, or skip and move along.

How easy is that?

2. It will save you time.

Dating apps are a lot of things. One thing they shouldn’t be is time-consuming.

Pickable provides an alternative to browsing profiles ’til you’re blue in the face, and it helps you avoid the dreaded ‘pen pal’ situation where you and your matches talk forever, but never actually meet up in reality.

Women may have anonymity on Pickable, but men also luck out: All they have to do is chill out and wait until they’re notified that someone wants to chat, and from there (if they’re interested) they can engage, and then take the conversation where it should be — offline, ASAP.

No more sending messages out into the void and getting shot down, or worse, not getting a response at all.

3. It cuts out the stuff that doesn’t matter.

With some apps, you’re practically encouraged to build out elaborate profiles with oh-so-clever bios and the *perfect* pictures that show you from all the right angles.

But how much does that stuff actually matter in the long run?

Not much, according to Pickable. With their minimalist profiles for men, and no profiles for women, they’re cutting out all the fluff that usually just ends up complicating things, and getting straight to what’s most important: Meeting up in real life to see if you’re actually compatible.

4. It evens the playing field.

Even though the Pickable experience differs for men and women, a couple crucial things remain the same: Neither can send unsolicited messages, and once a woman’s chat request is accepted by a man, EITHER can send the first message.

This gives both parties the ability to come up with a fun opening line, and makes unsolicited messages from people you’re not interested in a thing of the past.

Want to try out Pickable and see for yourself what all the hype is about? All you have to do is download the app for free (!); it’s available on both iOS and Android. And in the meantime, click here to learn more about how Pickable works to make real connections in the easiest, most fuss-free way possible.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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