Men Describe The Creepiest Girl They’ve Ever Met – Part 2

The world is full of creeps, and if you’re not careful then you might end up being the unwilling object of a particular creep’s affection. Check out these Reddit-approved stories of possibly insane women who creeped dudes out. Some of these stories will make you afraid to ever talk to another human being again.
Drinking Games Don’t Have To Be PG
“Was out in San Fran for GDC a few years back. Stayed in a hostel with a whole bunch of my classmates since it was much cheaper than a hotel.

First few nights we were hanging out in the common room, playing drinking games, and meeting people from around the world. However, there was this older Asian woman who would float from group to group trying to join in and steal a beer or two. No one really complained at first.

On the third night, five of my buddies and these four Aussies decide to play Kings (or Kings Cup). Well, this lady joined and we tried to be nice and teach her the game. She pulled a king, which is rule master. We explained the rule and gave her some examples: must have your drink in hand at all times, laugh a certain way, no eye contact, etc.

She takes a few seconds to think and looks directly at me and says ‘Take off your pants!’ I just sit in disbelief and my buddy right away starts laughing. One of the Aussie chicks explains it doesn’t work that way. The woman then starts yelling other things at me. ‘Show me your butt! Let me see c*ck! Give me dance!’

At this point, I am trying to laugh it off, but I’m super embarrassed too. We ended up kicking her out of the game and then she was kicked out of the hostel the next day because she was found to be sneaking into other people’s rooms at night.”

The Choke And Vomit Experience Gets Zero Stars
“Well, I was at a party when this girl that I went to university with (and I only treated as a classmate) tried to choke me into telling her the name of the girl that I was seeing so that she could in her words ‘help’ me, and only let go when she threw up on herself.

That was pretty traumatic and creepy, 0/10 would not do again.”

Friend’s girlfriend randomly shows up for sex

“My buddy’s girlfriend showed up at my front door drunk and ready to bang. She professed her love for me and had built up this secret relationship between the two of us in her head. Like, we had our song and stuff like that. She said that the only reason that she was still with him was so that she could see me. I was pretty creeped out.

I was polite but told her that I wasn’t interested in any way. I made sure that she got home safe and then called my friend to tell him what happened. When he confronted her, she said that we had slept together that night. He called me on speakerphone in front of her and asked what happened. I told him the same story I told him the night before. He broke up with her right there and threw her out of his house.

She emailed me about six months later to tell me that she missed me. I did not respond.”

A Narrow Escape From An Unspeakable Crime
“So the other day I’m casually sitting in the cafe inside my gym, waiting for my friend who was just showering. I was literally just sitting at a table with some coffee and playing games on my phone.

Then out of nowhere this woman comes and sits next to me, I look up at her, and she stares intently into my eyes. ‘Hey honey do you mind if I sit here?’ she asks. ‘Umm, yeah sure go ahead’ I told her rather confused.

Now, I should let you know, I’m a 17-year-old white Jewish kid and she’s a black woman in her 30s. I could never see what she’d want with me.

She slowly stares me up and down and asks if I want to join her for her workout, I declined, telling her that I just finished actually. She says something along the lines of ‘I can sure see that,’ with a wink. Now it’s getting even creepier as she tries to nudge closer to me and as she stares deeply into my eyes. I just nervously smile.

Then out of nowhere, this hulking black guy appears behind her, my first thought is that this guy is about to fuck me up. He’s about to open a can of whoop-ass on me. He extends his hand. Whelp. Then he shakes my hand and says to what I have now figured is his client, ‘Is this young man joining us today?’ Before she can even answer another woman joins the duo, she too is staring intently into my eyes.

For a few moments, they all just stand there, smiling at me, then staring only to look at each other and smile more. This is beyond awkward.

Then they all just nod at me and leave.

I have no idea what they wanted, but something tells me they were scouting for someone to join their threesomes, someone ironic, and they all wanted me.”

Mom Pulls A Mrs. Robinson — On Two 11-Year-Olds
“I was 11 and at a friend’s place when his mother came from the tanning bed, opened up her robe and asked if we boys thought her tan was nice (she was nude beneath the robe).

Really creepy.”

You Can’t Be Too Careful When You Live In A #MeToo World
“A female coworker had a crush on me, and ‘accidentally’ ran into me (literally) at the public mall when I was in the middle of a conversation with a friend. She then proceeded to ask me if I was going to rape her. Specifically, she said ‘So are you going to rape me now?’

No context, or even sexual talk having ever occurred between us that might justify it, or make it potentially an (unfunny) joke, or anything. It was just out of nowhere.”

Self-Mutilation Doesn’t Hurt When You Do It For Love

“I had a girlfriend when I was young who carved a heart with my first initial inside it into the flesh of her hip.”

A Terrifying Gesture Of Goodwill
“One time I went shopping at my local goodwill. When I got home I had a friend request from my cashier. I never gave her my name…

Stop asking if she was hot. It doesn’t matter, it’s still not ok.”

Only A Creeper Would Say That

I was 26 or something at the time, the girl was 31 and hot for me – she was reasonably good looking – we worked at the same company. I was thinking of sealing the deal at least casually.

So we were drunk at a pub (every Friday after work) – she started telling me about someone her mum knows that has cancer. She ends it by saying ‘he deserves it anyway.’

I said, ‘WHOA? what the f*ck does that mean? Did he do something wrong to you or your mum?’

She says, ‘Nope, everyone that gets cancer has done something evil in their past to deserve it. It’s like bad karma.’

Knowing the perfect comeback that logic can’t defeat I say:

‘Bullsh*t. What about sweet, innocent two-year-old kids with leukemia? They haven’t been able to do anything evil to get cancer.’

She says: ‘No, they have done something evil also.’

I say: ‘You mean in a past life?’ (think she may be Buddhist with the karma talk).

She says: ‘No.’

So I nope’d the f*ck out of there.”

Someone Got A Little Carried Away With The Twilight Series
“Not exactly romantic, but the first night I was hooking up with this beautiful girl, she wanted to prove how dirty she could be. I had told her that I liked to try interesting things in bed, and she said ‘Yeah well, I’m up for anything. See this scar?’ (Points to her left clavicle.) ‘That’s where I cut myself so my last boyfriend could drink my blood.’

But… she was still super hot so I pretended that was totally normal.”

Can’t Hang With Dead People — Or People Who Can See Dead People

“My ex says she saw dead people. At a party, she said there was a dead man in the house wanting us to get out. She sat on the bathroom floor for 20 minutes staring into nothing. Then she let out a big breath, lowered her head, and started crying… then we left.

She was a really nice girl but that particular side of her was creepy.”

Let Them Have Cake With Their Erotic Literature
“I met a girl on a bus in Manchester, UK. She approached me and asked if she could have a Jaffa Cake (she saw the box protruding from my grocery bag), so I said sure. As I leaned down to get the box and open it she proceeded to tell me she wrote erotic fiction, as I offered her the Jaffa Cake she handed me a notebook filled with filth.

I quickly made my excuses and got off at the wrong stop just to get out of the situation.”

Will Do Anything For Booze
“Not so creepy, just sadder: Was at my local pub a while back and a young woman came and sat down with me. She has obviously drunk already but while entertaining her small talk she kept trying to steal my pint, which I didn’t let happen.

Over the course of about the next 15 minutes she still tries to go after my pint, then keeps asking me to buy her a drink (I declined), then offered to ‘service’ me for a drink (definitely declined), then started to get upset with me and telling everyone near that I was her boyfriend and was being an asshole and violent. Luckily it’s my friend’s pub. We called her a cab and sent her on her way.

She wandered back in 15 minutes later and started the same routine with another man sitting a few stools down from me who had witnessed the previous incident…”

What You Lookin’ At?
“One time at work I was outside pushing carts when this middle-aged woman in her car with a glass of wine in hand said ‘Are you wearing underwear?’

I replied, ‘Umm yea.’

Then she said, ‘Huh doesn’t look like it,’ and drove off.

Men Describe The Creepiest Girl They’ve Ever Met – Part 1

The world is full of creeps, and if you’re not careful then you might end up being the unwilling object of a particular creep’s affection. Check out these Reddit-approved stories of possibly insane women who creeped dudes out. Some of these stories will make you afraid to ever talk to another human being again.
A Long, Unhealthy Obsession Can Only Predict A Terrible Ending
“When I was 19 I moved out of my parents’ house and got an apartment. It was in a relatively safe neighborhood, but still affordable. One bedroom, one bath. Very modest. Nothing fancy.

Anyway, I was on the second floor, above an old man who couldn’t hear anything and below a couple in their early 20s who fought and screamed all the f*cking time, and when they weren’t fighting they took turns having loud, obnoxious sex in the wee morning hours or rolling giant f*cking boulders around the floor at all times of day apparently.

One day, the boyfriend gets violent and the cops take him away. The girl continues living there, but she comes down to me to let me know he’s gone and because I was a relatively big guy then (300+ lbs) she said he’s not supposed to come by, but can I have your number in case he does? This was before cell phones, so I gave it to her.

I should mention that I had a girlfriend (Sue) at this time, and she did not like upstairs girl (Jen).

Anyway, Jen calls me one night right before midnight. ‘Are you okay?’ I ask. ‘Yeah. What you doing?’ She asks. ‘Getting to bed, I have to be at work at 7. I work early.’ ‘Wanna come f*ck me?’ She says. Very direct.

‘Uh, I’ve got a girlfriend Jen. Talk to you later.’

Two hours later, she calls me and wakes me up. She’s crying. ‘Why don’t you think I’m attractive? Why don’t you want to f*ck me? I saw your girlfriend and she’s fat. Why don’t you want to fuck me? I swear I won’t tell anybody. But you have to break up with her. It won’t work. She doesn’t love you like I do.’

Keep in mind all those words came out at lightning speed and she was drunk. She just kept prattling on like that, I couldn’t get a word in edgewise. Finally, I ended up just hanging up. 30 seconds later she’s banging on my door. I decided to ignore it. She starts yelling. It’s almost two AM. She’s screaming. Crying. Banging on the door.

I do the only thing I can think of – I call the police. They say it’ll be 45 minutes.

It took them an hour, and she was banging on the door screaming and crying for the entire hour. They take her back to her apartment and calm her down. An officer takes a statement. He keeps asking ‘Was she ever in this apartment?’ and questions like that. ‘At no point did you allow her to enter the premises?’

She’d never, ever been inside my place. She told the cops a very different story – that we’d been intimate, that I’d kicked her out in the middle of sex without her keys or her wallet. I told the cop he was free to search. He looked around for about 10 minutes, seemed satisfied, and then thanked me and left. At this point, it’s near four AM.

4:30 rolls around, and she calls me and wakes me up. She’s apologizing. She’s crying. She’s so sorry she got like that, but she just misses him SO MUCH. At this point, I tell her I think it’s a bad idea that we talk anymore. I tell her I understand how hard it is, but that I’m going to miss work and I can’t afford to miss a day’s pay.

She seems to get that and hangs up.

I go to work after getting maybe 2 hours of sleep in total. I’m a zombie all day. I get home at 4:30, ready to crash. Sue, my girlfriend, was going to bring dinner by after she got off work at eight. I have 4 or so hours to sleep.

My apartment is completely spotless. Somebody came in and cleaned it. Better yet, they vacuumed, and I still didn’t even own one yet. There are freshly made cookies on the table. Sue must have gotten off early, I think. ‘Sue!?’ I say and walk to the bedroom. There, of course, is Jen. Naked except for thigh-high stockings and a hair tie. She’s lying on her back, and as I come in she pulls her knees back to her shoulders, smiles at me, and says ‘Shove your f*cking cock in me until I cry.’

I just turned around and ran out of my own apartment. Scared like a little boy. I would have run all the way to the office but I was in terrible shape so I walked. In the lobby I called the police again, they came and arrested her. Charged her with some minor things like B&E or trespassing (forget which) and she spends a couple nights in jail since her parents/friends don’t bail her out.

Behavior like this happens for weeks. I have some friends stay at my house, including Sue, during this time so I’m never alone because I’m worried she’s crazy and might do something weird.

She’s constantly knocking on the door and arguing with the people staying at my place. She offers to ‘Share me’ with Sue, offers to go down on Sue, then eventually tries to get Sue to leave me and move in with her and that they’ll be like the lesbian Bonnie and Clyde.

A week or two later she is being evicted (I guess they were late on rent already by like two months and eviction had begun) and as some form of weird protest, she paints her upper torso and face bright pink with some kind of body paint and wears a green bikini top as they drag her kicking and screaming out of the place. Police end up arresting her again for something.

My six months lease is up and I’m uncomfortable with her knowing where I live, so I move. I get an unlisted number/address. I am about 10 miles from the old place. A couple of months after I move in, there’s a knock at the door on a Saturday afternoon. It’s Jen. She followed me from my work during the week, then waited until Sue left and now she wants to apologize. She says she’s medicated, she wants to apologize. I tell her I can’t let her in, and that she needs to leave. I tell her I hope she’s better, but I can’t let her in.

Predictably, she goes nuts. Another call to the cops as I lean on my own door to keep her from pushing it in. Another arrest.

For a while, I didn’t hear from her. Six months, a year. I moved three states away, broke up with Sue (unrelated to this), and was single. It’s been about three to four years, and suddenly I get a MySpace friend request from her. I ignore it. Then I get a tirade of emails. Long-winded, lacking punctuation. Stream of consciousness. Clearly mentally ill. I just ignore them, what else can I do?

This is about 2002.

It dies down a bit. 2005, I hear back from her on Facebook. Same thing. I ignore it again.

2006, Sue messages me out of the blue. Haven’t talked to her in like eight years. She says Jen came into her work and wanted info on me, where I was, what I was doing. She was dragged out by security.

2008, Jen finds my little brother’s Facebook while he’s in college. Makes a road trip across three states to find him at school. Finds his dorm and goes to talk to him. He has no idea who she is. She threatens him, he and two friends kick her out of the dorm. He calls me, I explain. He calls the cops. They do nothing.

Six months later she accosts him at his work – a bar – his boss (female) punches her square in the mouth during a fight to get her out of the building and Jen loses two teeth. She sues the bar, the owner counter-sues, and Jen is found mentally incompetent and placed under some form of mental hold in a facility.

2012 – Jen is out of the mental illness facility and heavily medicated. Her ‘counselor’ contacts me on Facebook. ‘Would I like to help her put her past behind her?’ she asks. She wants to set up a face-to-face. I have a wife, I have a kid. I say no thank you. ‘Counselor’ gets very frustrated and tells me I’m a terrible person.

2013 – Jen commits suicide by jumping off a cliff somewhere in Arizona. Her body is found months after the fact and identified by a wallet.

Part of me wonders what I did to cause this? I literally never did anything out of the ordinary or said anything out of the ordinary to her. I was her downstairs neighbor for a couple of months by the time this started – and it caused over a decade of fixation. Mental illness is a hell of a thing.”

What, You Don’t Think A Boiling Oil Enema Sounds Sexy?
“I’m a pretty easy-going guy and make friends easily. There was a 45-55-year-old woman that got friendly with me and would talk with me almost daily at lunch. She said some pretty odd stuff at times…

For instance one day she told me she murdered a man. Totally seriously and dead pan delivery. I really didn’t know what to say and probably made the mistake of continuing speaking to her asking her questions about why the f*ck she killed someone and how. I didn’t believe her. Well, basically she told me that it was her ex-husband and he was abusive to her and she killed him with a shovel and buried him in the woods. She claimed no one ever found his body.. Weird right? F*cking threw me for a loop.

About two sentences later she tells me, ‘I want to take you home, tie you upside down between two metal poles and pour hot oil up your ass.’

It made me so uncomfortable hearing this… needless to say when I told my girl what happened she refused to let me keep working there.

A Violent Nose Lick Shows The Most Affection, Right?
“I was having lunch with a couple of friends when a woman my mother’s age sat down next to me at our table and started rambling about how beautiful she thought my face was. I was weirded out but flattered until she asked me if she could touch my face. She claimed to be a sculptor. She said it would help her recreating my face for an art piece she was doing. I told her no, but she proceeded to grope my face anyway. My friends [burst] out in hysterical laughter as I was trying to get her off of me.

Suddenly she started to violently lick my nose and trying to tongue f*ck me in my nostrils. This is when a waiter pulled her off me and dragged her out of the restaurant. She waited for me outside in her car, took a picture of me when I left the restaurant over an hour later, and quickly drove off.”

A Fairy Creeper
“There was this girl, we’ll call her Cherry, I was in a dance class with. Very attractive, lots of tattoos, incredibly flirty, but she had a boyfriend so I brushed it off.

Well, the story starts when I broke her boyfriend’s ribs (by accident). She starts texting me later saying she thought it was super hot (should’ve been the first clue). We start texting back and forth, it’s getting more aggressive. Then I find out they’re in an open relationship and she has permission from her boyfriend to do whatever with me. Weird, but being a 20-something guy I’m okay with it.

So we’re fooling around for a few weeks and it starts becoming clear that something weird is going on. I came home a few times to find Cherry and her boyfriend drunk on my porch writing me weird love notes.

Then one night she’s trying to get me to go to her boyfriend’s birthday party. I had other plans so I just said no but she was being very persistent. I go do my thing, ignore her texts, go home and pass out around 1am.

I wake up around five am and there’s someone standing at the foot of my bed. I can see the outline of fairy wings. At first I think I’m hallucinating but then the figure moves a little. Obviously it’s Cherry. She had decided to come to see why I had stopped responding and climbed up into my second-story bathroom window. wtf possesses someone to do that?!?

I escorted her out of the house, double and triple checked that every door and window was locked, and never talked to her again. Luckily I also moved halfway across the country later that week. Crazy fairy girl with boyfriend climbs into my second story bathroom window at five am to find out why I stopped responding to texts.”

Just Show Up On My Doorstep, Why Don’t You
“A girl I knew from the class got my phone number somehow (I didn’t give it to her) and started texting me incessantly. Constantly asked to hang out, no matter what. Now, though I wasn’t particularly fond of her, I didn’t want to be rude, so I would make excuses. I once told her that I had lots of families over, so I was too busy to hang out with her.

10 minutes later I get a text. It was a picture. Of my empty driveway. At my house. She found out where I lived, drove to my house, and took a picture to prove that I was lying.

I came outside to tell her that I didn’t have time and that she should go home. She refused to accept that, going so far as to sit in front of my door, not allowing me to go back inside my own home.

I walked around the house, went in a back door, and texted her that I never wanted her to contact me again.

She sat there for about 20 minutes before she left.”

One Day Feels Like A Lifetime When I’m With You
“This happened when I was 16.

I worked at a grocery store and on my first day on the job this girl, who I only said three sentences to handed me a note before she left for the day and told me not to read it until she was gone.

Well, I thought a note was a bit weird since that was grade school stuff but whatever. I open the note and it says things like:

‘I love you, I want to be with you, we need to have children together even though we’re both only teenagers’ and it just prattled on and on. My overly attached girlfriend has nothing on this chick.

So the next day at work she asks sheepishly if I’ve read her note and I said yes but I wasn’t really looking for a relationship at the time. Her face lost all expression for a second and then she smiled and said something to the effect of ‘No worries, I thought I’d try’ and we continued on working.

That night, when I left work there were about 50 notes taped to my Jeep. LONG notes too! I have no clue how she wrote this much in a day. The notes said things like ‘I hate you you’re a fucking asshole I hope you die’ and other notes said things like ‘I’m sorry for writing that note that called you an asshole. I really like you and want to be with you <3 <3 <3’

She would then try luring me with innuendos. When she was on her lunch break she would do things like buy these huge dill pickles that we sold (making sure to come through my line) and say things like ‘Do you think this pickle is for lunch or personal pleasure?’ gag

She would also still put notes all over my Jeep. Eventually, after a few months, she lost interest in me and started chasing a new guy that started.”

Creepy Stranger On A Train
“I’m on the train. This girl behind me is having the most boring phone conversation I’ve ever heard. Some guy she thinks is cute or something. I keep listening though, mostly because she’s too loud to block out… And things get weird. The guy she’s describing sounds pretty physically identical to me.

So I turn around, and this girl says ‘Oh. He’s looking at me now. I wonder what he’ll do. I wonder if he likes me.’

She also DOESN’T HAVE A F*CKING PHONE.

Yeah, I got off at the next stop and put a whole train between me and that weirdo.”

This Guy Survived An Attempted Kidnapping By A Girl

“When I was at a party a few years ago, it was right after I’d had a fight with my then-girlfriend and I was drinking kind of heavily (I’m generally a heavyweight but I was drinking a lot and fast). This one girl was constantly around me all night and I was warned by a couple of people that she was going to hit on me. Whatever I can deal with it. She was flirting with me a little bit and I made sure to add my girlfriend to the conversation topic so there was no misunderstanding. Didn’t matter. Every time I went to talk to someone else I would feel a small butt grab, and when I looked around she was backing up giggling. Once it started getting not-so-lightly I straight up told her to stop, I had a girlfriend.

Anyway later in the night when I was significantly drunk I was sitting down on a chair while most people were off in another room doing something else. Well, she comes in and I guess decides this is the perfect chance. She sits on my lap and starts trying to kiss me and every time I move away she bites my neck. She starts to grab at my crotch too, and even after I hit her hand away it goes right back (remember I’m significantly drunk so not all my coordination is all there).

The last thing I remember is trying to get up to get her off my lap and then I wake up the next morning in a friend of mine’s room on the floor (one of the hosts). I walk out and ask her what happened and she told me the girl was trying to walk me out of the door, telling the others she was just taking me back to ‘take care of me’ at her apartment. My friend said no dice and locked me in her room (while checking on me relatively often) so that the girl couldn’t sneak in and try anything. The girl apparently got very upset when this happened and stormed out.”

A Stranger’s Armpit By Any Other Girl Wouldn’t Smell As Sweet
“As you can imagine, the subway was used by everyone and it’s always packed. Like a permanent peak hour. I’m tall and skinny so I don’t take much space and always manage to get in. So the train arrives, I get in…

A girl ends up between me and the [door]. I always take care of not rubbing other people but it was very packed. I was wearing a shirt with rolled-up sleeves and nice cologne girls said it smelled good on me before.

So the girl was facing forward with me behind her with my extended arm next to her. Then she puts her face next to my forearm but I think nothing of it since there was no free space to move around.

This is where things get weird. The girl turns her head towards my arm and starts vigorously sniffing my forearm. Like she is tasting my skin and the cologne through her nostrils. I freak out a little but say nothing, after all, there is nowhere I can go and it would just make things weirder.

I get off the train in the next station while wiping her nasal mucus off my arm and wondering wtf just happened.  A crazy woman sniffs imaginary lines of coke from my forearm on the subway.”

Microbiology Class Is A Petri Dish Of Oddities
I dunno if she suffered from 2edgy4uitis or what, but I sat behind the creepiest chick in my Microbiology class. Some of her greatest hits include:

Invading people’s personal space and softly growling.

Disrupting lectures with anecdotes completely unrelated to Microbiology. For example, she interrupted our professor discussing necrotizing fasciitis to talk about her fanfiction.

Began wearing cat ears and this tail thing and meowing at people.

Wore a bazillion bracelets on each arm because ‘they cover up all my scars. People can’t handle me.’

Licked a petri dish that had strep culturing and then claimed she got cancer.

She also smelled like she had never bathed or showered. A musty, nauseating aroma of bo, rancid vag and unwashed ass.

When confronted about her weirdness or when told to knock her behavior off, she would start breathing hard and saying, ‘I’m so triggered by this.’

There’s more if anyone is interested.”

More tomorrow!

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Tales of Rock – 5 Songs That Only Became Popular Because We Missed Their Meanings

Ronald Reagan famously misinterpreted “Born in the U.S.A.,” thinking it was about how awesome America was, spacing out during the lyrics about out-of-work vets hounded by memories of dead friends lost in a pointless war. The Gipper wasn’t the only one to miss the point. Pop music can be deceptively deep, and so some songs are only beloved and remembered due to us being completely oblivious.

Funny enough, when those smash hits make millions of dollars, artists generally don’t seem in too much of a hurry to correct us …

“Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” Is About A Father Destroying His Family’s Lives For Money

Commissioned for the musical Meet Me In St. Louis, Ralph Blane & Hugh Martin churned out one of the most memorable Christmas songs ever written and one of Judy Garland’s signature numbers. Everybody loves a warm, cozy Christmas song. Too bad “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” isn’t one.

It’s actually about hard times and the economic necessity to pack up and take your family away from your small, close-knit little community to relocate to New York City, left only with pale memories of better times. Near the end of the film, Garland sings of friends and memories that are lost and might never be recovered, echoed in the line, “Until then we’ll have to muddle through somehow,” with the scene culminating in a child’s emotional breakdown. Not to mention that when Judy Garland sings of trauma, alienation, and lost innocence, she speaks as an authority.

Loew’s Inc.
“Hey, I think you lost your whiskey flask in that mound of asbestos, Judy.”

The song was so depressing that it was altered twice. First changed only superficially, altering the breathtakingly-nihilistic line: “Have yourself a merry little Christmas, It may be your last,” to the slightly less pathetic: “Have yourself a merry little Christmas. Let your heart be light,” the song remaining very downbeat. And then a second time, the song altered by Frank Sinatra, who made it a habit of changing other songwriter’s lyrics, turning it saccharine and easily digestible. While Garland’s rendition remains the more iconic, the melancholy truth has been wiped away by a cheery erasure … which is probably the most on-point message for child stardom imaginable.

“The Clown Song” Was Written as an Epic, Heroic Theme

Nobody knows what it is called, but once you hear “clown music,” you’ll know it immediately.

If you have coulrophobia, shoot, we probably should have given you a trigger warning or something before we dropped that song. Sorry.

The disconnect between intent and interpretation apparent when you learn that the goofy-sounding tune was originally titled: “Entrance of the Gladiators.” And, no, the title is in no way being sarcastic; this was intended to be a grandiose, dramatic, awe-inspiring march to be played by a real military band or orchestra instead of an organ grinder in a circus.

The piece was written in the era when marches were the hottest genre of music, with no shortage of wars to play it during. Tonally, it was conceived to summon the pomp and life-and-death struggle that was armed combat in the Coliseum to life. It was composed by Czech military bandleader and prolific composer Julius Fucik, who, in all certainty, did not have a fez-bedecked simian sidekick.

Library of Congress
His monkey wore miniature gladiator armor.

Fucik approached his craft with great pride, studying under the tutelage of master Antonin Dvorak and touring across Europe, a respected figure. All well and good until one day, his song, also known as “Grande Marche Chromatique,” was reworked by a Canadian arranger as “Thunder and Blazes,” forever destroying Fucik’s creation. The tune would never be taken seriously by anyone not wearing greasepaint and a red nose ever again.

“Baba O’Riley” Is an Ode to Meditation and Warding off Peer Pressure

The Who’s “Baba O’Riley” — or as it is usually referred to by everyone who isn’t a Rolling Stone writer, “Teenage Wasteland” — quickly attained status as a stoner classic. It’s a go-to title or reference for anything involving kids experimenting with drugs and rebelling against their parents.

Need background music to illustrate the generation gap while you give attention-seeking adolescents national TV coverage? Got ya covered:

“What are your kids doing in a back alley when you’re at work? Footage at 11!”

However, The Who’s Pete Townshend was not a dropout nor a casual-drug enthusiast like every other rock idol when he wrote “Baba O’Riley.” He penned the song when he was fed up with the cliched rock persona, making a point about drug dependency as a literal case of wasted potential. Townshend was really interested in trying to persuade us to open ourselves up to love and nourish our consciousness in a land of spiritual desolation. He failed, drowned out by the sound of a million bubbling bongs.

“Baba” refers to mute guru and avowed living god Meher Baba, of who Townshend was a zealous adherent. The mystic preached abstinence from drugs, with The Who songwriter gushing, “I felt more keen about getting into Meher Baba than I felt about being stoned all my life.” Listeners? They just wanted an awesome keyboard riff and refrain they could blast out a car window as they peeled out of the high school parking lot to pick up munchies.

“Song 2” Is a Smug Criticism of American Musical Tastes

The English “Brit-pop” outfit Blur was mostly overlooked by America in the mid-90s, with the grunge bands stealing all the spotlight. In response, “Song 2,” off their fifth studio album, was conceived as a joke. It imitates American grunge groups’ distorted, wailing guitar sound while also mocking their fan bases’ hyperactive antics, whom the band perceived as having trash taste. Even the title reminiscent of a hunk of molded plastic that rolls off an assembly line.

“Song 2” was a rebuke of everything that grunge stood for and a celebration of Blur’s Brit Pop genre. But, just like today, no one in America gave a shit about British musical pretensions, with listeners blasting it alongside grunge band de jour. Joining the pantheon of incoherent but catchy rock staples, the song was locked in at sports arenas and frat-party playlists.

Sounding like nothing the band had made to date …

… nobody understood the joke, assuming Blur were altering their sound and trying to appeal to Americans, yet more identical, skinny white dudes wailing over electric guitars. Their hit came to represent everything the singers were opposed to, as it became the most requested rock song on MTV. In America, it remains their only recognizable song despite a sizable back catalog. Blur seemed to forget about their message too and embraced it as their career-defining hit:

“Stayin’ Alive” Details Escaping a Depressing, Crumbling Dump

 

Soaring into the zeitgeist, fresh off the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack, “Stayin’ Alive” was the biggest hit and most recognizable single of the Bee Gees, the song emblematic of the disco era and decade. As the lyrics: “Somebody help me,” and “Life goin’ nowhere,” clearly hints at, the song was not designed to chronicle the local discotheque’s joys.

The Gibb Brothers were Brits, raised in Australia, and the song recorded in France. Their knowledge of America was limited to hotel rooms, buses, and newspapers. “The lyrics very obviously state the scenario of survival in the city, and it’s not about disco dancing at all,” Robin Gibb said. The city is New York, and survival is used quite literally. In 1977 the Big Apple was a laughingstock. If you know anything about its reputation as a failed, crime-ridden, miserable dump, you can figure it out what reality the song was really getting at…

The Bee Gees were trying to be profound, and we didn’t give them a chance. The line “New York Time’s effect on man,” is explained by the co-writer Barry Gibb, describing the song as bleak and intended for “desperate” people “crying out for help,” explaining why the music video was shot in a rubble-laden slum. There is a line about “dancing shoes,” but considering the rest of the song’s content, it’s metaphorical at best; according to Robin Gibb, the band completed “Stayin’ Alive” without even knowing the John Travolta film’s plot.

Wanna be a better guitarist? Click this link to learn the secret!

https://beginnerguitarhq.com/guitar-exercises/

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

The Weirdest, Creepiest and Most Annoying Songs of the 70’s – Part 10

This is the final chapter of this series! Thanks so much for reading it and following me on this strange journey.

If you were like me in the 1970’s you listened to top 40 radio most of the time. You heard a lot of great songs and instant classics. But among them were many unforgettable songs that were just weird or strange. I’ve tried from memory to remember the ones that stand out in my mind.

For weird reasons they became hits. They either made no sense or having any musical merit. Just a bizarre era of story songs.

Of course, this stuff is all pretty subjective but I did have a few criteria for what should be here. I decided to include a song if it:

    • made me sick without even listening to it again
    • made me want to break my radio
    • made my stomach turn
    • brought out violent thoughts of hatred, revenge, etc.
    • reminded me how lame the radio and record companies are
    • could make me want to break my stereo
    • would make me leave a bar or club if they started playing it
    • would make me boo a band who started playing it
    • suspended my belief in a divine force that governs the universe

I’m not saying that there weren’t ANY good songs during the 70s but there was just a truck-load of waste back then. If anybody’s stupid enough to think that ALL disco sucks, remember that it’s just a bastard son of rhythm & blues just like rock’n’roll is- so they’re related, see? Also, the 1970s definitely didn’t have a monopoly on shitty music- there was tons of crap unleashed on us in the decade before and after and now also (there’s a future article there somewhere). Clothes-pin anyone?

The 70’s was an interesting time for music. There was a lot of experimentation and creativity from that decade, but there was also plenty of crap as well. Here is my list of the worst and most irritating songs of the 70’s.

Paper Lace, a British group – 1974

The Night Chicago Died. A fictional shootout between members of Al Capone’s gang and police. Based on The Valentine’s Day Massacre between Capone’s men and Bugs Moran’s gang. Police weren’t involved, and no one died. There was never a showdown where 100 officers were killed. They also mention the East Side of Chicago, which isn’t really a thing. Just like the girl born and raised in South Detroit, in the Journey song Don’t Stop Believing’. But the guys in Paper Lace just figured there was an East Side to everywhere. It’s a catchy song, and well done, but it’s a strange song.

Billy Don’t Be a Hero – Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods  – 1974

I think because of its anti-war sentiment, a lot of people thought this was about the Vietnam War. This song went to number 1 on the charts. I think it’s about the Civil War. Rolling Stone has voted it as one of the worst songs ever made. I remember hearing this song on the radio back then. One of the girls in my class sang along with it at an assembly at school one day. Her version was worse because she seemed to be terrified to be on stage in front of everyone, but the song is an odd choice.

Look at the ridiculous outfits on these guys. Mummer’s Parade much? Elvis called, he wants his wacky sequined jumpsuits back.

Angie Baby – Helen Reddy – 1974

Was 1974 the year of weird songs? Helen Reddy already had two huge hits with I Am Woman and Delta Dawn. Written by Alan O’Day. Who knows why she did this song. This song is about a weird girl who gets kicked out of school who stays in her room and listens to the radio all day. Imagining boyfriends who come and visit and dance with her. One day a boy comes to visit her and gets absorbed into the music. Does he shrink? Does he disappear? Does Angie kill him? Does he become her forever lover? I guess we’ll never know because Helen Reddy never said and now she’s passed away.

Another awful outfit. I never realized how bad some of the 70s fashions were.

Leo Sayer – Long tall glasses – 1974

I always hated Leo Sayer. He reminded me of a skinny version of that workout guy, Richard Simmons. It was Leo’s first US top 10. He later had hits with, You Make Me Feel Like Dancin’ and When I Need You. The story in this song is, some guy wanders into a fantasy bar or magical pub, but before he can eat he has to dance like Fred Astaire. He doesn’t think he can dance at all, but he somehow figures it out and everything works out. I really couldn’t stand Leo Sayer in the ’70s. I had zero tolerance for anything that wasn’t guitar-driven rock back then. This performance just looks like old vaudeville to me. Complete with that barbershop banjo in the background. Watch his performance in this video. His choreography and him acting out the lyrics is ridiculous.

Back when I was in a band if someone told me I could only become famous if I did this act and this kind of music, I would have jumped into a tree shredder.

God, I hate him.

Cher – Dark Lady – 1974

Cher was at the time on the hit TV show Sonny & Cher. I’m sure that was a great place for her to break any new material. I get why the LGBTQ community has always embraced Cher. Even though she’s an attractive lady, she always resembled a guy doing a drag act. Even her voice has the limited range of some dude singing songs in a bar in a dress doing karaoke on 13th street in Philly.

The dark lady in the title is a gypsy fortune teller in New Orleans. The protagonist of this song follows the fortune teller’s limousine back to her lair and gets her fortune told. She learns her lover has been unfaithful to her with as the gypsy tells her, someone who is very close to her. The dark lady tells her to leave and never return. But when she gets home she smells the very perfume that the gypsy had been wearing. So she sneaks back to the fortune teller’s shop with a gun and catches her lover with the gypsy. They’re laughing and kissing. She shoots them both killing them. Cher hit number 1 with Dark Lady and she wouldn’t have another number 1 until 25 years later, with Believe.

It’s a crazy story song, which was popular in the 70s.

One Tin Soldier – 1969 – Coven – 1973

This song tells the tale of two neighboring tribes, the warlike valley people and the peaceful mountain kingdom. The mountain people possess a great treasure buried under a stone, which the valley people demand. The mountain people offer to share it with their brothers but the valley people invade and slaughter them all. When they turn the stone over they find nothing but the words, Peace on Earth. It was this kind of thing that was a radio hit in my youth. Insane!

It feels like a statement about God and country and how man kills in the name of religion and for whatever else.

Go ahead and hate your neighbor, go ahead and kill/cheat your friend all in the name of heaven you can justify it in the end.

What???

The Night The Lights Went Out in Georgia –  Vicky Lawrence- 1974

Bobby Russell was a grammy-winning songwriter who wrote songs for Frank Sinatra and Elvis. When he wrote this next song,  he disliked it so much he didn’t even want to cut a demo. His wife, Vicky Lawrence who was a cast member on The Carol Burnett Show thought it was a hit. But after Liza Minnelli and Cher both turned it down, Vicky decided to record it. I’m not even going to get into the details of this complicated ridiculous plot, but let’s just say that the narrator accidentally frames her own brother for murder and gets him hanged, while killing two people herself and hiding the bodies, but the whole time she blames the crooked criminal justice system for her brother’s death.

It makes no sense. But it was a number 1 hit. It was later recorded by Reba MacIntyre and Tanya Tucker, and was even turned into a feature film starring Kristy McNicol! She won two Emmy Awards for her portrayal of teenage daughter Letitia “Buddy” Lawrence in the TV drama Family.

Insane! All of this and a pre-Star Wars Mark Hamill too!

 

Here’s this crazy song!

Go Away Little Girl – Donny Osmond -1971

is a popular song written by Gerry Goffin and Carole King. It was first recorded by Bobby Vee for Liberty Records on March 28, 1962. The lyrics consist of a young man asking a young attractive woman to stay away from him so that he will not be tempted to betray his steady girlfriend by kissing her. The song is notable for making the American Top 20 three times: for Steve Lawrence in 1963 (US number 1), for The Happenings in 1966 (US number 12), and for Donny Osmond in 1971 (US number 1). It is also the first song, and one of only nine, to reach US number 1 by two different artists.

The song almost didn’t get recorded, because according to the Mormon laws, one had to be 16 for double dating and 18 to date alone, however, as long as this was an innocent song, the Mormon faith allowed the song to be sung and recorded. Donny was 13 at the time the song was recorded. Listen to that voice. Is our Donny a little late getting to puberty?

Say hello to white bread America’s version of Michael Jackson and the Jackson 5. Michael had sass, talent, and pipes. Donny is a little, strained, shrill, knock-off of the obvious King of Pop.

Just sayin’…

I hope you enjoyed this series. I had fun compiling this stuff and writing about it. Maybe I should do the worst films of the 70s next!

Just want to say Hi to my sister Gail, for reading and listening to this whole series!

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

 

Supremely Cringy First Date Horror Stories

You probably swapped as many pretty awful first date horror stories with your friends as potential mates you’ve swiped left on Tinder. When it comes to horrible first dates, they’re no different than taxes or puberty: everyone hates them, but everyone’s gotta get through them. Thankfully, the very worst first dates often become hilarious stories in hindsight, though some remain, complete terrors, even years after the fact. Plus, many horrible first dates provide you excellent excuses to end a creepy-ass date before it goes too far. The people of Reddit shared their worst first dates and they definitely do not disappoint. You might have thought you had a date from Hell, but did you ever date somebody who claimed to know the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse? Didn’t think so.

“Eh?”
“He asks me out to dinner, but instead of a restaurant he pulls into an empty parking lot and pulls out his half flaccid dick. He looks at me with a shrug and goes ‘Eh!?’ I look him in the eye all stern like for a good minute before he zips up his pants and he drives me back home in complete silence. Only when we pull into my driveway he said ‘Your eyes are too big for your face…’ I just get out and start walking to my door, but he gets out too, I figure to apologize. But no, he tries to kiss me goodnight.”
“You Like Being Daddy’s Little Sl*t”

“So I matched with this dude who seemed nice, and we agree to meet up at a coffee shop. Talking is awkward, but from the get-go, he was giving me some neck-beardy vibes. Example: I complimented his American traditional style tattoo and his response was: ‘Huh I didn’t think girls would know anything about tattoos.’ Note that this was after me talking about the tattoos I have. He also tried to forcefully order for me, which I brushed off like ‘Lol no,’ figuring it was all whatever, he’s just nervous and trying to show off or some sh*t.

Everything was still going okay until he walked me to my car. We hugged, and he leaned in for a kiss. I think ‘Whatever, I don’t care, that’s fine.’ We were making out a little and I felt his hand moving up to my face, and I thought ‘Oh, okay, he’s just going to put his hand on the back of my neck or my chin or in my hair or whatever.

NOPE. I WAS WRONG. SO WRONG. This mother*cker decided it was a swell idea to start choking me. At this point, it would be pertinent to mention I’m a 5’8″ female of average size, and he was a 6’2″ stocky dude. I froze, because that’s my response to threatening situations, and he leaned over and whispered in my ear ‘Yeah, you like that? You like being daddy’s little sl*t.’ I was just sitting there waiting for him to let go of my neck because I am pinned against the car. I finally managed to stammer out a ‘Wuh-what’ and he proceeded to tighten his grip and repeat the question, to which my survival instincts are screaming “SAY WHAT YOU NEED TO” so I just managed to choke out ‘Yes sir’ and he let me go. I proceeded to get the f*ck out of there and chewed him out after the fact.”

Their Date “Knew” The Four Horseman Of The Apocalypse

“This was by far the most terrifying/hilarious date I had ever been on. Years ago, I was a junior in high school and he was in college. We had been texting casually for a few weeks. One weekend, he met my friend and me at a local concert. When it was over, the friend I got a ride from had to leave urgently, so this guy offered to drive me home. No big deal, I thought, I needed a ride. We went to dinner and it was very nice. Nothing weird nothing suspicious.

Then came the ride home. My house was about 45 minutes away through isolated freeways in the desert. (Accepting a ride was not my proudest moment, I admit) He talked the entire ride and it went from normal small talk to him saying that he has superpowers. He said that when he was in high school he went to an alternate dimension and couldn’t find his way back. The only way for him to find his way was to sell his soul to a merchant he found in this other dimension. When he got back to this dimension he had superpowers and could control people’s emotions. He then creepily leaned over and said ‘I can make you feel anything right now…’

He also said he knew the four horsemen of the apocalypse and that he was going to help me during the end of the world. At this point, I was convinced I was going to end up in a garbage bag on the side of the road. But I got home safe. Never talked to him again until he was my server at a restaurant years later and was extremely awkward.”

His Dead Cold Eyes

“A coworker who asked me out for a drink after work. He wasn’t really my usual type but always seemed sweet so I figured I’d give it a shot. We hit a bar, and all seems well until he apparently has one too many. He starts telling me stories about his past and how he was basically a knee-breaker/hitman for some crime organization out of Mexico. He gives me tons of details about methods and the going rates for XYZ. The stories get progressively worse and more graphic, but still, I’m not really believing any of this. I think he’s trying to (very weirdly) impress me.

He’s quiet for a minute, stares off into space, and then leans over to me and his eyes just go dead cold. He tells me that if someone paid him $5,000, he would cut off one of my hands. But since we’re friends, he would do it quick and clean at the wrist and put the hand on ice so I could possibly save it.

I start believing him then. I tell him I’m feeling sick and have to go home. I stayed ‘friendly’ with him at work until he eventually got fired for stealing from the bar – I was very concerned about the ramifications of no longer being on his good side.

I still don’t know if I believe his stories about being a hired killer, but I do believe that he fantasized about it deeply enough to scare the sh*t out of me. I’ve never been happier to see someone disappear.”

MJ In The House

“It was with a guy I worked with. He picked me up from my desk dressed up like Michael Jackson, including tape around his fingers and a surgical mask on his face. He was a plump, 5’6″ white guy with blond hair, making it somehow even weirder that he was trying to look like Michael Jackson.”

He Wanted Violence

“This one guy complained about how he resented that nobody would let him talk to them about the dark side of life, including violence. I mentioned that I have a hard time watching violence against animals on TV. (I meant reality TV shows that show stories of animals who have been abused.) His face perked up, and he asked which TV show had violence against animals. There was an eagerness in how he asked which creeped me the f*ck out. I left quickly.”

Seriously, Dude?

“I went to the cinema and I felt very uncomfortable with my date, so said I wanted to leave. He then proceeds to say, ‘Let me guess, nerves, overprotective parent, wanting to leave, have you been raped before?’ The date ended right there.”

Illuminati

“I have one that’s more ‘weird’ than it was terrible. It’s a doozy. When I was 19, I was working at a shop in a less-traveled part of downtown. It was wintertime, and my hometown is dead in the winter, so there was very little foot traffic. I was working alone on a Saturday night.

A cute backpacker guy came into the shop. At the time, I considered myself to have hippie leanings, so he was just my type (yeah, I had one long skirt and wore jewelry I bought from street vendors. That’s as far as that went. Totally pretentious and naive).

We got to chatting, and he said he’d just gotten into town and was looking for suggestions on ‘fun things to do.’ I directed him to the nearest nightclubs on the next block, and he left while I went about my business. He came back sometime later to tell me that the clubs weren’t really his scene, and invited me to hang out with him at his grandparents’ place, which was on lakefront property. I agreed to it, like an idiot, all excited and flattered that this hot scruffy guy had asked me ‘out,’ thinking it was romantic or some sh*t.

Well, I went there after I closed the shop down at 10 PM. I got to the address he had given me, and it looked like a nice enough place but there were no grandparents to be seen. I wondered briefly if he had just broken in to some random property, but he seemed familiar with a few key things. I stayed, and he made me Kraft Dinner, which was pretty cool.

Then, we sat inside and he began talking about all the occult/Illuminati symbols on the American dollar bill, that everything in the U.S. is a giant conspiracy run by them, etc., etc. At this point, I was feeling uncomfortable. He told me about some experience he had in Tofino (a small, hippie-ish town on Vancouver Island) where he was on the beach and apparently saw hippies come out of the forest, draw a big circle in the sand, and then dance and chant around it in the moon/candlelight (honestly, this one could have been true). He told me about some spooky supernatural experiences he had in Stanley Park in Vancouver that also cemented his belief in ghosts. Then – the kicker – he told me he could see auras. So far, all of this could be just some hippie/free-spirit guy talking about his beliefs, yes? But he said that he believed that he was descended from the wizard Merlin since Merlin had a grey aura and so did he. He believed he was a wizard and had some kind of powers and that’s why all these weird things kept happening to him.

I had to go.

I told him I had to work early. Then, I get outside and it was the first snowstorm of the year – hooray! I could barely get my car up the driveway but finally did (no way was I going back inside or considering staying the night). At the time, I thought he was weird but was more worried about driving in the snow or waking up my parents after being out so late. He texted me once or twice after that, but I kept telling him I was busy.

I should have known better. Way better. That was so, so dangerous. Nobody knew where I was, so I was extremely lucky that he was harmless. When I tell the story to friends, they laugh about my date with a wizard, but I shudder to think of how dumb I was – it’s more about that than about some kooky dude.”

Lick It Right Up

“When I was a senior in high school, I went out with this guy after school. We grabbed some smoothies, smoked a blunt, and were planning on doing the boop, until he picked a zit when he thought I wasn’t looking, and while his face bled he LICKED HIS FINGER. I thought I was going to puke”

Straight-Up Stabbed

“Got straight-up stabbed.’ Friends set me up on a blind date and swore I’d ‘totally love her.’ She was weird at the beginning of the date and just kept getting weirder – clingy and possessive, even though we’d just met, etc.

I excused myself to hit the restroom (the joys of beer) and she hauled to the back and stabbed me in the arm with her knife, claiming I was ‘totally running off on her to make out with the cute waitress.’

I got three stitches, she got an extensive psych hold.

There was no second date.”

Oh, Mario

“On a first date: ‘My great-grandfather’s name is Mario, my grandfather’s name is Mario, my dad’s Mario, I’m Mario, and if you don’t mind, I’ll be naming our child Mario.'”

Fingers Off

“He picked me up at my house and had flowers and a bottle of wine, which for me was way too formal and awkward (I was 18 and he was 27). Then we went to the movies and he would not stop trying to finger me. I finally got so fed up about that I had him drive me home mid-movie .”

Private Time But Not In Private

“The guy kept touching himself. He also ran across the street and didn’t wait for me.”

Just A Little Casual Racism

“‘You’re definitely Chinese. How are you not Chinese?!’

I’m 100% Irish and no matter how many times I stressed this, he would not give up.”

A Parting Gift

“Picked up girl.

Drove to dinner, nice place.

Asks if it’s cool if she smokes.

She pulls out a blunt.

I get pissed off.

She blows smoke in my face.

I kick her out.

She stuck a bloody tampon to my car.”

Meet The Parents

“Dude I matched with online. I was really bored and I like to drive.

He lived about 45 minutes away, but it was up in Big Bear which is really pretty, and did I mention I was bored? He said his truck was broken so I said what the hell, I’ll drive up.

I finally found the place and he meets me outside. He doesn’t have a plan, just says we can go out to the marina by the lake and look at the stars. Ok, I’m hungry, but whatever. Well, the part of the marina we went to was not pretty. It was the backside, the creepy side with construction going on and no one around. I was freaking out a bit but had my knife on me and thought to myself not everyone is bad.

We looked at the stars, talk a bit, and then went back to his place. We walked in the door and his freaking parents were standing at the back door in their underwear looking at raccoons on the back patio. He even introduced me to them and I shook his dad’s hand while he was in nothing but his boxers!

I am too polite of a person and can’t believe it, but I actually went up to the dude’s room. Then he fell asleep on me and I snuck out.

The next day he wouldn’t stop calling me and sending me dick picks at work.”

A Point And A Wink

“I went on a date with a guy I had met online. He wanted to meet for drinks, so I went to the pub and waited. He showed up 20 minutes late on his bicycle, proceeded to come into the bar and down two pints after giving me a point and a wink. I overheard him tell the waitress to “put it on his tab” and then he came over to the table with another beer.

He proceeded to tell me about his two boys (no mention of them in our previous conversation) and how his mom wanted to take them all to Disney World. He told her that would be too expensive, so he left his boys at home and he and his mom went to Disney World instead. Then he proceeded to tell me that he rode his bike everywhere because after his sixth DUI, “those dumb cops” took his license away. He mocked me for drinking water, then in his next breath told me that he could really see falling in love with me. In 20 minutes, I got about ten words out, and most of them were me telling him I had to go.

I later found out that he worked for a friend’s father, and that he was married.”

Mystery Dating

“Got a call from a friend of a friend who I thought I’d met once before asking if I wanted to go out tomorrow (Saturday) night. Sure. I went out to her place about 40 mins away. I realized upon arrival that I didn’t actually know her name. We had dinner, talked, made out a bit, talked about going out again, made out some more, called it a night at around 1 am. I tried several ways to get her to reveal her name, to no avail. I dropped her off at her place, drove home, went to bed.

I realized the following morning that she had never spoken my name either, not on the phone or in person. I further realized that I didn’t have her phone number and called the mutual friend to ask for her number. A mutual friend had no idea who I was talking about. I gave him the address of the girl. He said he didn’t know anyone from that town and the address wasn’t familiar.

Never heard from her again.”

The Cats Out Of The Bag

“Date was dinner and a movie with a girl. We got the movie time wrong so went to dinner first. After ordering she starts looking at her phone a lot and has this weird look on her face. I ask what’s wrong she says her cat has gone missing. She goes outside to make a phone call and comes back 5 minutes later saying we have to go.

I get our food boxed and pay the bill. I drive her back to her dorm and she runs inside with no goodbye. I shrug it off and go eat my boxed cold dinner. Later that night I check Facebook and see her on a date with another guy. I send her a message asking how her cat is.”

Takeout To Take Her Out

“The girl asked if I could buy her something for takeout, mainly because her boyfriend only lets her see other people if he can get a meal out of it when she gets back home.”

https://www.theabsolutedater.com/

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

%d bloggers like this: