27 Things Guys Said That Totally Turned Us Off

Here’s an awesome list sent to me by one of my female readers.

Thank you! Take it away, Sasha.

Guess who I’m not hopping into to bed with? The guy who just moments ago confessed that his dream in life is to “live in a yurt.” No offense to his dream, but my dream is never to go camping, never to interface with wild animals, and never go without running water or poop in a hole unless emergency dictates it. Just moments earlier, I was digging this fellow and now all I can see when I look at him is a vision of what he will look after a few years in his yurt — a little bit like Tom Hanks in “Castaway.” “No thanks,” says my vagina. After the jump, some things that guys have said to us that killed our attraction to them in two seconds flat.

  1. “I don’t need anyone as long as I have my cat.” Well let me just pack up my things and go.
  2. “It’s a woman’s job to change diapers.” Yes. It. Is. Check please!
  3. “I borrowed money from my cousin to take you out to dinner.” How, um, sweet (?) of you.
  4. “Let me shave you.” Let me run screaming from your apartment.
  5. “I live with my mom, and she eats all of my ice cream.” I can’t wait to have a slumber party at your place!
  6. “My last girlfriend and I went to sex therapy because I can’t orgasm.” I look forward to learning more about your sexual dysfunction.
  7. “I have no faith in humanity.” Misanthropy isn’t exactly an aphrodisiac.
  8. “Jesus Christ was a loser.” I don’t care what religious beliefs you subscribe to, there’s no reason to knock JC.
  9. “I want to write a book for young people about how to live.” The world thanks you, oh humble guru.
  10. “Who’s your daddy?” Not you, dude.
  11. “You mean you actually wear a bikini at the beach?” No, I wear a wetsuit so not an inch of my skin sees sunlight.
  12. “I believe in the power of touch.” And I believe in the power of never touching you.
  13. “Lesbians always hate me and I don’t know why.” I do, you’re a homophobe!
  14. “I’m really good at getting women pregnant.” This is a selling point? Exactly how many spawns do you have out there floating around?
  15. “You want to have kids even though there are crazy people in your family?” Not with you, you judge-y bastard.
  16. “I’m really glad you’re not one of those man-hating feminists.” You might have just turned me into one.
  17. “I’m really in touch with my feminine side.” Gold star for you, lady boy.
  18. “You really touch my heart chakra.” Is this some New Age way of saying, “I love you”?
  19. “My mother sells herbal weight loss supplements, if you’d like to lose a few.” Thanks so much for the tip, but I’m all stocked up on Xenadrine. What’s good enough for Ronnie from “Jersey Shore” is good enough for me.
  20. “I’ve got to go to my mani/pedi appointment.” Shall I fetch you some rag mags to look at while you’re getting primped and pampered?
  21. “I think you’re beautiful. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t hang out with you.” That is awfully kind of you.
  22. “I can’t go that restaurant, my ex works there and she has a restraining order against me.” Oh yeah … sure no problem. Let’s take a raincheck on dinner. Like forever.
  23. “I’ll let you be my official girlfriend.” How many women are your unofficial girlfriends?
  24. “I’m attaching a new crystal to my scepter.” Gotta love a man who keeps his magic wand all blinged out.
  25. “Check out my new Storm Trooper costume for Comic Con.” Nope.
  26. “I can’t sleep with you in my bed.” Well then, I will kindly get out of it and let you get your beauty rest.
  27. “If I was capable of loving someone, it would be you. But I’m not. So I don’t.” Nothing more charming than an emotionally bankrupt man.

 

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If Your Partner Is Really In Love, They’ll Never Do These 15 Small Things

When you’re happily in love, it’s so easy to miss signs that your partner isn’t exactly on the same page. While things like name calling and cheating are obvious red flags, it’s the little things you should pay attention to. Because according to experts, the small things can clue you in to how in love your partner really is.

“The reason why it’s so important to watch out for these seemingly small things is for the sake of kindness,” Julia McCurley, Professional Matchmaker and founder of Something More, tells Bustle. “Kindness, along with emotional stability, is the most important predictor of satisfaction and stability in a marriage.”

Small gestures of kindness are what make people feel cared for, understood, validated, and loved in a relationship. “Maybe you are OK with taking an Uber to the airport,” McCurley says. “But if it’s important for your partner to have you drive them, then you’re spending $100 of your time to make them feel like a million bucks.”

Although kind gestures are great and can make you feel loved, you don’t want to overlook the small signs of disrespect either. So if you’re curious about how your partner truly feels about you, here are some small things they likely won’t do if they love you, according to experts.

1. Say No To Driving You To The Airport

Ashley Batz/Bustle

In a true partnership, McCurley says both people should consider their partner a top priority. That means your partner should always be there to support you and try to meet your needs. If your partner really loves you, they won’t flat out refuse favors, like taking you to the airport, without a legitimately good excuse. If something is important to you, then your partner should find it important too, she says. “No questions asked.”

2. Tell You When They Think Someone Else Is Attractive, Even If You Feel Uncomfortable

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

There’s nothing wrong with finding other people attractive and talking about celebrity crushes once and a while. But if your partner actively comments on how attractive your friend, their friend or the server is when it makes you uncomfortable, they’re likely not thinking about your feelings. “When we’re in love, we tend to have tunnel vision for the person we’re with,” Amica Graber, a relationship expert with TruthFinder, tells us. “If the eyes are wandering, it’s a bad sign.”

3. Pick Petty Fights With You Regularly

Ashley Batz/Bustle

One petty fight may not make a huge impact on your relationship. But over time, “frequent fighting can take a serious toll on your relationship,” Graber says. These little fights over why someone didn’t do this or why someone always does that can really add up. If your partner constantly finds ways to argue with you over the smallest things, there may be a deeper reason behind it.

4. Forget The Details

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

When we’re in love, Graber says it’s a lot easier to remember the details about someone like the color of their eyes, the names of their siblings, or their favorite pizza toppings. “But if someone can’t remember any of the little details about you, they may not be 100 percent invested,” she says.

5. Air Your Issues Out In Public

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

You may do something that frustrates your partner, but that is no excuse for them to be putting you down in front of other people. “If you’re having a dispute about something, a loving partner will discuss it with you privately, and not in front of your friends,” Graber says. That means no passive aggressive social media posts either.

6. Criticize Your Lifestyle Choices

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

“Encouraging a healthy lifestyle is part of loving someone,” life coach Rebekah Storm, tells us. After all, when you love someone you’ll obviously want them to live a long and healthy life. But that doesn’t mean anyone should be criticizing what someone eats, drinks, or does to stay healthy. A partner who loves you will never make you feel bad for the choices you make in your life. According to Storm, shaming in any way is a sign of someone trying to feel superior, which can mean they feel insecure.

7. Compare You To Other People

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

A partner who truly loves you won’t compare you to anyone else. Even seemingly positive comparison like, “You’re way better than my ex,” can be problematic. “Someone who loves you will not be thinking about ways you measure up against other people,” Storm says. You exist independently of anyone they know or have known in the past, and creating a comparison may show your partner’s mind is partially elsewhere.

8. Lie To Avoid Hurting Your Feelings

Ashley Batz/Bustle

“A partner who loves you will respect you enough to be honest, even when it might hurt a little,” Storm says. When you ask your partner for their honest opinion, you should be able to trust that they’re telling the truth and not just what you want to hear. Even though the truth is not always easy to tell, trust is important in a loving relationship.

9. Keep You A Secret

Ashley Batz/Bustle

“In my experience, partners who have never truly loved me have actively hidden me from their social media,” relationship expert and writer, Gina Daniel, tells us. “If someone loves you enough to want to be with you, they should at least let people know you are involved, even if it’s just at your request.” It isn’t “needy” or unreasonable for you to want to feel like your partner is proud to be with you. Even if your partner likes to keep it fairly private online, Daniel says they should still respect your desire to be seen with you, and you both can compromise to figure out what form that will take.

10. Be Too Busy If You Really Need Them

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

“If your partner loves you, they’re going to be there for you no matter what,” Bethany Ricciardi, relationship expert with TooTimid, tells us. Someone who truly cares about you and wants you to be part of their life will never be too “busy” to be there for you. “Don’t think just because they missed a call while at work that they don’t love you,” Ricciardi says. “You have to be respectful to their time and boundaries too.” They don’t need to drop whatever they’re doing to be with you at any given time. But if you feel like you can truly count on them during your time of need, you have a keeper.

11. Discourage You

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

“They might be realistic with you, and give an honest opinion about how they feel when it comes to what you’re doing, but they’ll never try and break your confidence,” Ricciardi says. A person who loves you may challenge you in order to help you grow, but they’ll always be your biggest cheerleader.

12. Say Things That Put You Down

Ashley Batz/Bustle

When you’re super close to someone, it’s easy to make a critique “out of love.” But as Ricciardi says, a partner who’s truly in love will appreciate you for who you are. They wouldn’t want you to change yourself because that’s who they fell in love with.

13. Make You Feel Alone

Ashley Batz/Bustle

“Surprisingly enough, many individuals feel like they’re in a relationship by themselves,” Ricciardi says. “If your partner cares about you, they’re going to make sure you’re drowning in their love.” They’ll make the effort to check in with you on a regular basis and you’ll never be left wondering when they’re finally going to see you. In short, they’ll be putting in the effort.

14. Monopolize Your Time

Ashley Batz/Bustle

If you’re in a healthy relationship, there’s room in your life for the other important people you love like your family and friends. “If your partner loves you, they won’t try and keep you to themselves,” Ricciardi says. “They’ll want to be happy in and outside of the relationship.” They might miss you when you’re spending time apart, but they’ll never try to make you feel bad about spending time with other people.

15. Make You Feel Like An Inconvenience

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

If someone loves you, they won’t you feel like you’re “just another chore getting checked off the list,” Ricciardi says. When you’re with them, they’ll be present. They won’t be scrolling through their phone or thinking about other things. They’ll be with you, 100 percent because they genuinely enjoy spending time with you.

When it comes to your relationship, the small things are extremely important to pay attention to. It’s the everyday stuff that makes up your relationship. If you can say that your partner doesn’t do any of these things, you can be sure they really do love you.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Exactly What Men Want To Hear From Women (But Would Never Admit)

“It is the differences between men and women, not the sameness, that creates the tension and the delight.” – Edward Abbey

Men and women are, undeniably, different. While these differences are something to be celebrated, it can make communication a challenge. It takes empathy and a desire for connection to break through these barriers.

You can’t routinely expect a man to want to hear the same things as you do. What makes you feel happy and loved is not always going to be what does the equivalent for him.

If you’re feeling a little lost about what your man wants to hear, here’s a list of suggestions to get started.

1. Compliments

It’s a well-understood fact that women appreciate compliments. After all, it’s more common for a man to tell a woman she looks beautiful than for a woman to tell a man he looks handsome. But while men often present a tougher exterior, they feel the same desire to be complimented.

Don’t think you’re going to embarrass your man by recognizing his qualities. If he gets a new haircut, tell him you think it looks super flattering. Comment on how sexy he looks in those jeans. You can even just take a moment on an average day and say, “Wow, you look great today.”

Men need this self-esteem boost just as much as women, but it’s less socially acceptable for them to admit it. Make your guy’s day by complimenting him genuinely.

2. That you appreciate him

“Women need to feel loved, and men need to feel needed.” – Rita Mae Brown

Men are hardwired to want to feel useful to you. This can be in something as simple as helping you with an odd job around the house, but it can be deeper than that, too. If you look relieved or immediately pleased when he walks in the door, he’ll feel like you truly crave his presence.

Always thank him for the little efforts he makes to assist you, but go further than that. Let him know that you appreciate his mere existence, who he is as a person. Give him a big hug or kiss as soon as you see him. At the end of the day, straight-up saying, “I appreciate you” can have a profound effect.

 

3. What you like

You’re reading this article because you’re aware of the differences between how men and women communicate. Just like you weren’t born instinctively knowing what a man needs to hear, a man needs help understanding what a woman wants.

Women tend to pick up on the subtler cues in facial responses or conversations faster than men. For this reason, you may need to be more direct than you would with a woman when expressing yourself. Don’t drop a sly hint about what you want for your birthday and expect him to decipher your meaning. If you say “I’m fine” in a tense tone, he’s probably just going to take your words at face value.

This kind of miscommunication builds wildly unnecessary resentment between the two of you. Save yourself some grief by telling him bluntly what you want and how you feel. Maybe you think he should just “know,” but he doesn’t, so don’t set him up to fail.

4. Transparency

A man feels safe with a woman who is honest. This builds trust. If you play mind games or try to manipulate him, he’s going to feel on guard around you. That kind of relationship is not one that will last.

A man wants to come home to someone who is reliably on his side. If he has to jump through hoops to figure you out, being around you will be a chore instead of a reprieve. Be his beautiful confidante by being truthful and trustworthy at all times.

Occasionally it’s hard to be honest with the person you love, but if they are important to you then you have to find a way to do it.

5. That you accept him

Every human craves acceptance. Conditional love that comes with strings is not real love.

If you constantly criticize him, he’ll never be able to relax. He may try and change for you, but he’ll feel terrible about himself. There’s always going to be resentment lingering under the surface. If you always feel the need to change him, you’re probably not with the right person.

A real, loving relationship will not include one person trying to change or “fix” the other. There’s nothing wrong with having the ambition to become a better version of yourself, but the right person will make you want to do that without saying a single word.

 

6. That everything’s cool

You have to learn to choose your battles. If something isn’t that big of a deal, don’t make it one. If you’re constantly on the verge of hysterics, he’ll feel like he’s walking on eggshells. That’s no way to thrive in a relationship.

Try to be easy going. This doesn’t mean you should be a pushover if something upsets you. It just means that you shouldn’t sweat the small stuff. If you can laugh about something instead of getting wound up, that’s always the best option. This isn’t just to put him at ease – it will make you a more content person as well.

Like I said earlier, men move toward what feels good. If he senses drama in the vicinity, he won’t want any part of it. I know it’s fun to be dramatic, but men don’t bond over drama the way a lot of women do. Men bond when everything is cool and there are no problems.

7. Be real

You can try to fake parts of your personality, and it may work for a while, but it’s never going to pan out long-term. People have an innate ability to sniff out insincerity. Something about you will seem “off.” It’s going to be exhausting for you, too. The superior approach is to just be yourself and let the chips fall where they may.

Speaking honestly and authentically is key to a healthy relationship. Passive aggressive or snarky comments will get you nowhere. Before you begin a conversation, think about what your goal is. Speak with that target in mind. This will help you avoid pointless conversation circles that succeed only in draining both of you.

8.That you respect him

Having legitimate respect for a man doesn’t mean you are being submissive to him. Respect is a crucial part of any real relationship, including non-romantic ones. It has to be mutual, and it has to be sincere.

This means that whatever his ambitions, opinions, or needs are – you treat them with dignity. Regarding his thoughts with patience and kindness doesn’t mean you have to agree with them. It does mean that you never mock or belittle him for them. Be careful of doing this even in jest, because it would be easy to accidentally wound his ego if you went even a little too far.

9. How he’s different

This is another area where people are quick to recognize a woman’s need, but are dismissive of a man’s. If you don’t point out how he is valued and different in comparison to other men, he’ll feel like he could be replaced.

Have fun making him feel irresistible. Fuss him even if he acts like he doesn’t need to hear it. Observe his specific quirks and delight in them. Even if he doesn’t outright confirm it, this will make him feel special.

Men want to feel chosen because of how great and amazing and special they are, not because you were lonely and he’s a dude with a pulse. So let him know what he’s the man that captured your heart and stood out from all the rest.

 

10.That you admire him

Nothing is more motivating to a man than hearing: “I admire the man you are.” Compliments and admissions of love are great, but being admired ranks at the top. It means you are proud of him.

Showing him your admiration in private is one thing, but it’s even better to also show it publicly. You can do this by praising him in front of your friends. If you’re at a family dinner, brag about his recent accomplishments. He might shake his head or roll his eyes, but inside he will be thrilled that you are so proud of him.

11.That he enhances your life

Any time you observe a way your man adds to your life, tell him. He might be doing it absent-mindedly, or he may not even realize you noticed. Giving him credit for the way he enriches your life will be beneficial to both of you.

Making a habit of expressing yourself in this way will also encourage him to do the same. Two people who feel free to openly describe their adoration for each other are two people in a very satisfying relationship.

A man doesn’t always know that just his presence makes you happy, so tell him!

12.That you feel safe with him

It might sound cliché, but a man craves feeling like your protector. This can manifest itself in multiple ways. For example, it’ll feel good if you have faith in him defending you against physical dangers.

But it’s also meaningful when you indicate that you feel emotionally safe with him. If you seem on edge and guarded, he’ll feel like he is coming up incomplete. He’ll probably feel like he still hasn’t proved himself to you. When you demonstrate your comfort and security in him, he will be able to relax as well.

13.That you believe in him

There’s just about nothing worse than feeling like someone who you care about doesn’t believe in you. When this kind of attack comes from a stranger, you can use it as fuel to prove them wrong. But you never want that kind of skepticism to come from the woman you love.

Assuring your man that you have full confidence in him will change the way he carries himself. He’ll wear that loyalty like a badge of honor. Knowing that you support him no matter what will make him feel equipped to reach his full potential in life.

I hope this article helped you better understand what men want to hear and what really activates him and reaches him deeply. But there is more you need to know. There is one defining moment in every relationship that determines if it will last, or if you will be left heartbroken. At some point, he will ask himself: Is this the woman I want to commit myself to? The answer will determine whether the relationship deepens or ends. Do you know how a man decides a woman is girlfriend or wife material?

Here is another big problem most will face: He seems to be losing interest, withdrawing, or going cold. Do you know what to do? If not, read this next: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…
In summary…

What Men Want to Hear:

  1. Compliments
  2. That you appreciate him
  3. What you like
  4. Transparency
  5. That you accept him
  6. That everything’s cool
  7. Be real
  8. That you respect him
  9. How he’s different
  10. That you admire him
  11. That he enhances your life
  12. That you feel safe with him
  13. That you believe in him

what men want to hear from women

 

7 Things Guys Say That Spell Trouble

We here at The phicklephilly love men. In fact, we adore them. We like their bodies, their brains, and their strange way of doing things. So it’s always a tricky tightrope when you’re dealing with a dude to know when to be there for him—and when to cut and run. Since we’re here to help the ladies, we’ve created a handy guide that will help you know when your guy is just being a guy—or if you’ve got a dud on your hands who needs to be dumped.

1. “I’m going into therapy.”

Your dude’s got issues. He’s moody. He’s unhappy. He can’t get it together. So, you’d think it’d be a good thing when he finally says, “I’ve decided to start seeing someone … in the therapeutic sense.” You’d think. Only, that’s not how it turns out. How it does turn out is that it’s like he’s got an ally who’s pro-him and anti-you, and now he’s coming home once a week with lots of things to tell you about how he feels, and it’s not all good when it comes to your end of things. In the end, you wish you’d just told him to go to the gym.

2. “I don’t feel like having sex.”

Sure, every man has an off day. But you know what? Most guys want to have sex all the time. And if you’re not getting it on on a regular basis, especially because your guy is claiming that he’s just “not feeling it,” you can bet that your problems are going to turn out to be bigger than a case of the sex blues. In this particular situation, you may want to get to the root of the problem before this supposed dry spell kills your love, too.

3. “I can’t stop crying.”

Sure, sure, the new man is a metrosexual who is really in touch with his inner-self, does yoga, and gets waxed more than you do. But there’s a limit to how much a woman can tolerate seemingly unmanly behaviors. Crying because there was a death in the family? Feel free. Prone to weeping at romantic comedies? Not so much. If your man can’t control his emotions, and you find yourself feeling like you’re the one wearing the pants in the relationship, you should ask yourself if that’s what you want—a guy who’s a real tearjerker.

4. “I’m thinking about quitting my job.”

There are two ways this one can go. He’s dissatisfied with his current work situation, he wants to try something else, and this statement is a prelude to telling you all about his big plans for his next career move. That’s fine. On the other hand, if you’re living together, and one day he declares he’s going to give two-weeks notice today, and so far as you can tell he doesn’t have any idea what he’ll be doing after that, or how he’ll be paying for his part of your shared bills, this isn’t someone who has a work issue. This is someone who has an I-want-my-mommy-to-take-care-of-me issue.

5. “I need to tell you something.”

This one never, ever ends well. If he has to prepare you for what he’s going to say next, you best brace yourself for what’s coming because it ain’t good.

6. “I think we need to take a break.”

Hey, guess what? This isn’t school, and there will be no recess. Relationships are not like a Lego set: created to be dismantled and put back together again. “Breaks” are what guys who are too weak, scared, or lame suggest because they’re too much of a you-know-what to go ahead and break up with you. Make it easy for this guy. Give him a break from the relationship. A permanent one.

7. “My last girlfriend was crazy.”

True, your ex probably said the same thing to his new girlfriend, but you might want to keep an eye on the man whose history includes a long string of relationships with women who are totally temperamental, out of their gourds, or recently released from the state mental hospital. Guys who go out with lunatics think the crazy chick is the issue, but all too frequently he’s the one with the problems. Whether he craves drama, mistakes insanity for passion, or prefers to hook up with ladies who can never truly be intimate, you’re better off letting him move on to the next one—the next crazy one, that is.

 

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