9 Harsh Truths We Tend to Ignore at the Beginning of a Relationship, and Then Bitterly Regret It

They say that “love is blind” and they are probably right. We tend to ignore many things about our loved ones, even though these things scream that you need to get out of the relationship. As a consequence, we’re left trying to put a broken heart back together or we just get up one day realizing that we’ve wasted years in a pointless relationship.

This wouldn’t happen if we could tell from the very beginning where it might lead. And sometimes we can: here at Bright Side we came up with most common phrases your date could say to you that are actually signals that you should leave and never come back.

1. “I’m not over my previous relationship yet.”

It’s an honest truth, and you have to accept it and say goodbye — it’ll be better for the both of you. You probably don’t want to be an instrument for your date to forget their ex and constantly compete with them. And you will probably not be happy if they get back together.

Beyond that, it is not recommended for people to start a new relationship right after their previous one or until it’s all over, so it’s better to leave and give your partner some time to figure out their feelings.

2. They complain about all their exes.

Of course, people do get into toxic relationships sometimes, but if it happens all the time, maybe the problem actually has something to do with your date. You’ll probably end up being another “crazy ex” on their list and they will probably constantly stress you out. Do you need that in your life?

3. “I don’t think marriage makes sense.”

When someone says this, they definitely mean it and are implying that they are not going to get married, even to you. And since you’re grownups, this opinion is too hard to change, if even possible at all. If you think the same about marriage, than that’s okay. But it’s crucial to have similar opinions on this topic, so if you actually want to get married, then don’t waste your time.

4. “When I’m angry, I scream and break things. I can’t help it.”

This is a red flag phrase that should never be ignored. It means that your partner is emotionally unstable, and that plates aren’t the limit. You will get your dose of emotional and physical abuse too, even if you don’t think this will happen. Do yourself a favor and disappear the moment you hear (or notice) anything like that.

5. They admit that they could never make a relationship last.

You shouldn’t ignore this phrase, thinking it won’t happen with you. Don’t overestimate the chance you think you have to change your partner. If they say it, they mean it — and in addition, they can even say that they warned you. So if you’re looking for something that can become serious, you’re with the wrong person.

6. They don’t see anything wrong with being late.

When someone is late, they usually apologize for it, no matter how late they are. If your partner doesn’t see anything wrong with it, this is a bad sign. It means that they lack respect for your time, and there is a great probability that they will be selfish and have a tendency to devalue everything about other people. Take note, and find someone who will value you and your time.

7. They admit that relationships aren’t their main focus all the time.

Of course, for some people a career might be their biggest priority, and there’s nothing wrong with that. However, if your date says something like this on the spot without any context, it implies that your date wants to keep things easy. It’s a phrase to let you know that your partner isn’t going to put much effort into your relationship, so just take it as it is and decide if that’s what you want and need.

8. “A man/woman should…”

If your partner talks about their expectations, that means that they expect you to follow them in order to keep up the relationship. If you don’t share these standards, but decide to get into this relationship anyways, it will lead to a lot of stress and tension, so you’re probably better off ending it before it even starts.

9. “You don’t need someone like me.”

No, this not a challenge to prove that your date is wrong. People who are not confident always play the victim, and if you get into this game your whole relationship will turn into you constantly convincing your partner they are great and that they are worth you having to deal with infinite jealousy. In case it’s more like a confident, “Don’t fall in love with me,” you’re most likely dealing with a player. And we are not sure which one of these types is worse.

Sometimes it can also be a polite way to say that it’s your partner who doesn’t need anyone like you. Whatever the case may be, it’s just better to leave in order to not torture either of you.

Which phrases would you add to the list? Do you have your own personal red flag phrases? Let us know in the comments.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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10 Compliments You Can Give That Don’t Involve Appearance

Every day, people pass judgement.

Human beings are social creatures – it’s just simply something that we do. Some of these judgements are small and innocuous. When driving, for example, you’re constantly perceiving and judging what’s going on around you. When you’re at the store, you’re judging which fruit you should buy. When you meet someone new, you’re judging whether or not they’re someone you know.

But these small, innocuous judgements aren’t the only ones we make. At some time or another, we’ve made bigger judgements about people based on their appearance. These judgements can have a significant impact on the happiness and well-being of others.

The way a person looks on the outside is one of the easiest things to cast a judgement about, and the impacts of this on society are clear.

For example, approximately 91% of women say they are unhappy with their bodies and wish they looked the way that women are portrayed in the media. Only about 5% of women reportedly said they felt they had the body type that is portrayed in popular culture.

Of course, women aren’t the only ones impacted by these judgements. According to the Alliance for Eating Disorder Awareness, upwards of 3.6 million men are currently suffering from eating disorders.

Because we’re so easy to judge a person’s appearance, it’s sometimes easy to give compliments based on the bodies of others.

There are many compliments you can give someone that have nothing to do with the way their bodies look.

Here are 20 you can rely on to help build others up without commenting on their bodies.

1. I’m impressed by how resilient you are.

Have you ever known someone who was just so strong they could withstand a tornado of difficulty? Resilient people are awesome, and this is a great compliment to give someone who is especially resilient.

2. You’re such a good listener.

There are a lot of people in the world who don’t actually listen, instead waiting for their turn to speak. Finding a good listener can be like finding a needle in a haystack! If you know someone who you think is a good listener, tell them so!

3. I like how authentic you are.

Authentic people are on a whole different level! Authenticity means not hiding the person they are on the inside. To be authentic requires a great deal of confidence and security. If you know an authentic person, tell them how much you admire that about them.

4. I admire how hard you work.

If you’ve ever worked with someone who cuts corners and doesn’t work all that hard, it really makes people who do work hard stand out. If you’ve got a co-worker who works especially hard, forget their body – tell them how much you admire their work ethic!

5. You are dependable.

Sometimes it can seem like everyone depends on you but you can’t really depend on anyone but yourself. Still, once in a while, you meet someone who you can lean on whenever you need to and vice versa. Tell them you appreciate how dependable they are!

6. I’m lucky to know you.

This might be my favorite compliment on this list. There are a lot of people in this world. We are truly lucky to have the people we do in our lives. Tell them so! I feel so good giving out this compliment and receiving it too.

7. Your laugh is contagious.

Have you ever known someone whose laugh can just make a room erupt? They’re one of my favorite kinds of people. Telling them how contagious their laugh is will help them laugh more easily.

8. I am amazed by your progress.

Think back on those figures about body positivity I shared earlier. A lot of people are working hard to look like the person they want to. Sometimes they’re doing it for themselves, sometimes others. But regardless, if you know someone working hard to a goal, tell them how much you admire the progress they’ve made. It’ll help keep them going!

9. You’re a strong person.

Even the strongest people in the world feel weak from time to time. It helps to be reminded by others that you are, in fact, an incredibly strong person.

10. Everyone loves you.

The world can be filled with love or it can be filled with hate. It really is our choice. For me, I choose love over hate. And I like to remind the amazing people in my life that they are loved. It’s a kind thing to do.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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15 Subtle Signs a Coworker Likes You & Is Deeply Infatuated by You

Before making your move on a coworker, you want to make sure there is some interest. So, you need to know the subtle signs a coworker likes you.

Many couples meet at work, but it is always a little risky to go for it in the beginning. You don’t want to get a reputation or embarrass yourself. None of us want to put our jobs in jeopardy, so knowing the subtle signs a coworker likes you helps make this choice a whole lot simpler.

Hitting on a stranger and getting rejected at a bar stings for a minute, but knowing you’ll never see them again takes away that rejection quickly. If you were to ask out a coworker without knowing whether or not they like you, things at work could get weird.

Do you already know the subtle signs a coworker likes you?

When you are nervous about asking out a coworker, you may be psyching yourself out. There is a good chance you already know the signs a coworker likes you but are overlooking them due to fear.

Instead, reassess your interactions with this person. Sometimes you don’t even need to know the signs a coworker likes you, you just need to feel a vibe.

If you still can’t clear your judgment, ask a trusted friend at work who will tell you what they see. Sometimes an outside perspective is exactly what you need. Getting insight from a third party can give you all the answers you need before making a move. 

How to spot the subtle signs a coworker likes you

If that didn’t help, and you are still unsure whether or not a coworker likes you, amp up your observation skills.

I’m sure you are already a touch nervous during your interactions with this coworker and are focused on your flirting skills. If you want to be sure your coworker likes you, you’ll have to be hyper-aware.

Because, just like you, they are probably nervous about liking someone from work. The signs this coworker likes you will be subtle. 

The subtle signs a coworker likes you

Looking for the subtle signs a coworker likes you is not exactly hard, but takes a bit of insight. You need to be able to read between the lines and just read people in general.

The chances are this coworker is trying to hide their feelings or at least not be obvious about them. But, if you are keen on making a move and asking them out, you will want to know if they like you for sure.

Here are the subtle signs a coworker likes you.

#1 They stare. This is one of those subtle signs someone likes you since first grade. When someone stares, they like you. And it doesn’t mean they are being creepy or ogling. They just are attracted to you and get distracted by that.

So, unless you have spinach in your teeth or toilet paper on your shoe, if someone is staring discreetly, it is a sign a coworker likes you.

#2 They know what’s going on with you. When a coworker likes you, they seem to always know what is going on with you. Whether they are up to date on all your Instagram stories or know the project you’re working on, they are always interested.

Knowing what you’re doing gives them a reason to talk to you.

#3 They make time for you. When you’re at work the priority is work, right? Well, a sign a coworker likes you is when they are taking time away from that for you. Whether they take an extra few minutes to chat to you in the break room or delay heading home to spend time with you, the chances are this coworker like you.

#4 They talk to you about non-work topics. We all have work friends. Someone who is showing subtle signs they like you will be more in depth. They won’t just rant about your boss or Angie in accounting messing up your check.

They will talk to you about their family and friends. Also, they will ask you about your life outside of work.

#5 They cling to you at work events. One of the clearest subtle signs a coworker likes you is the effort they make to spend time with you. Not only will they double check that you are coming to the company picnic or holiday party, but they will be waiting for you to arrive.

Once you get there, they will get you a drink and cling to you if they can.

#6 They make you a priority. This can mean anything from making sure you’re handling your workload to reaching out if you’re late or bringing you soup when you’re sick. They always make sure you’re doing okay and regularly check in.

#7 They remember what you say. This is huge. If you’re anything like most people, you probably zone out at work a lot, especially when your coworker is talking about their aunt’s Sunday brunch. But, if a coworker likes you, they will remember every detail.

If you told them you were going to your grandmother’s birthday party over the weekend and that you bought her a sweater, they will follow-up on Monday by asking if your grandmother liked the sweater. Taking note of small things is a subtle, but strong, sign a coworker likes you.

#8 They notice any changes to your look. Did you cut your hair or buy a new suit? This is the person who will notice that. I have cut my hair many times over the years and even my own family overlooks it. But, when someone likes you, they stare, which means they know how you look to the smallest detail.

So, even if you just get a trim or style your hair differently, they will compliment it.

#9 They notice changes in your mood. If there is someone at work that knows when you’re having a bad day and tries to perk you up, chances are they are showing signs they like you.

Even if you are good at hiding your annoyance with your boss or are down for another reason, a coworker who likes you will be more in tune to your moods. 

#10 Body language. Body language is a huge sign a coworker likes you. It is subtle because it is a coworker. If someone you met at a bar likes you ,they may rub your leg. But, that is inappropriate work behavior.

So, take note of smaller and more subtle signs of body language. Do they hug you and linger? Do they put their hand on your shoulder when helping you with something? And do they make eye contact?

#11 They avoid their phone when you’re together. Most people are glued to their phones 24/7, especially at work. If you have any chance to be distracted, you take it. But, whether chatting with you, having lunch, or helping you with something and their phone is out of sight, they give you their undivided attention.

It is hard to come by undivided inattention nowadays. If your coworker keeps their phone away when with you, they are showing signs they like you.

#12 They try to impress you. I do not mean they will try to impress you with their killer presentation, but rather they will try to make you laugh or share their wild weekend plans.

They want you to like being around them, so they will do what they can to impress you. Think Jim and Pam from The Office. Jim’s practical jokes were enjoyable for all, but when he impressed Pam it meant so much more.

#13 They remember your food or coffee order. I can barely remember my own order let alone anyone else’s. If this coworker surprises you with coffee or your favorite takeout when working late, they like you.

When they don’t have to double check your favorite drink or that you like extra pickles on your sandwich and they aren’t the lunch delivery person, they like you.

#14 They are nervous. Being nervous is a telltale sign a coworker likes you. If they are flustered when you come by their office or blush when you compliment them, they probably like you. 

#15 You can feel it. The most subtle sign a coworker likes you is the feeling you get. This is not a science or even something you can explain. If you feel the chemistry, you probably already know.

You may be feeling excited and restless yourself, but take a breath and keep an eye on these signs. If these subtle signs a coworker likes you pop up, it may be time to make your move.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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How to Flirt with a Coworker Subtly & Learn How they Feel About You

Having a crush on a colleague is hard. You see them every day! Learn how to flirt with a coworker subtly, if you want to move things along.

Ah, that awkward but common situation—having a crush on someone you work with. We’ve all been there at some stage, but did you ever try to move things along and find out if they felt the same way? If so, did it work? If it didn’t, learn how to flirt with a coworker subtly.

The biggest problem with this situation is that if you flirt up a storm and it doesn’t go your way, you continue to see them on a daily basis. It may make life difficult and embarrassing, and as a result, your work may suffer.

Of course, that’s the negative side. The positive? They might feel the same way and you could find yourselves the new hottest couple on the block!

Know your office HR policies

Learning how to flirt with a coworker is about subtleness. It’s a difficult line to walk in many ways, but with a little practice and dedication, you’ll get there. But first, are you actually allowed to have relationships with coworkers?

Not every workplace allows relationships between coworkers, and it varies from place to place as to whether it’s prohibited or allowed. While most workplaces are a little more lenient these days than they were before, it’s still an unspoken rule in many cases.

It could also be that relationships or unions between different staff grades are frowned upon. You can argue until you’re blue in the face whether it’s right or not, but rules are rules. If your job is important to you *hopefully it will be*, then you need to know where you stand before you even attempt to try and flirt up a storm with the apple of your eye.

Most workplaces have a code of conduct manual or document so simply check things out beforehand, but in the most subtle of ways!

Assuming you’ve done that and you know that coworker dalliances aren’t frowned upon, what else do you need to know? Oh, the fact that you’re potentially playing with fire.

Yes, more negatives, but I want you to be armed and prepared before you go into flirting battle.

What if it goes wrong?

I hate being negative, but think about the possibility that either this person doesn’t like you back in the same way, or things go well and suddenly turns sour. Remember, relationships or not, hook up or not, you see this person on a daily basis at work and that could be excruciating for you in some situations.

Your job is important, and whether or not you see yourself staying with that company for the rest of your working days or not, it’s important to be professional and do your best while there. You’re not going to be able to do that if you cringe every time they walk into the office. This could be even worse if you must work very closely with this person.

Of course, it could be equally as excruciating if your crush turns into a full blown love that you must keep quiet because you’re working with this person, and you’re scared to make a move.

The only thing you can do is go with what feels right and what you know you can live with. I had a crush on one of my work colleagues. I told him after we’d bumped into each other in a bar and had a drunken kiss that literally made my life up until that point.

It didn’t work out for me, and it was so embarrassing for so long, but thankfully I didn’t have to work closely with him. I got over it, and while I no longer work there, that wasn’t the reason I left.

So, make your decision, and move towards the successful, but subtle, flirting plan.

How to flirt with a coworker in a subtle, yet successful way

There are four main areas to this tactic:

#1 Body language.
#2 Selective verbal clues.
#3 Creating an air of mystery and sexual tension.
#4 Taking the flirting out of the workplace.

Body language and selective verbal clues are things you can do every single day. It builds up the mystery and sexual tension, which can be taken out of the workplace. For example, suggesting you meet up for a drink after work to discuss a project. Of course, you’re not going to discuss a project, you’re going to flirt a little harder!

Remember, learning how to flirt with a coworker is all about being subtle. Whether or not relationships and unions are allowed in your workplace or not, don’t go around being blatantly obvious about what you want. You are being paid to be professional at work!

A few useful ways to use body language and selective verbal clues are:

– Make eye contact when you speak

– Gently touch them on the arm when you’re speaking

– Bite your lip when you’re listening to them talk

– Show interest in what they have to say

– Get them a coffee or a drink whenever you get one for yourself

– Ask them how their evening was on a regular basis, i.e. showing interest

– Nudge them gently in a playful manner

– Identify mutual hobbies or things of interest and focus on talking about them

As you can see, these aren’t ‘in your face’ flirting techniques. They do get you closer to your crush and show a connection you don’t have with anyone else. By doing this, you create a little tension. Take the flirting up a notch, with eye contact, gentle touching, and lip biting.

Obviously, I don’t have to tell you that you shouldn’t go around touching people if they don’t seem comfortable with it, or in a way which would be deemed inappropriate. Remember, you’re at work! A gentle, but fleeting, hand on the arm when making a point is as far as you should go.

Time to take the plunge

Once you’re sure that your coworker has grasped the idea that you’re flirting and not just being very friendly, and you see signs of flirting coming back your way, suggest a meeting outside of work. Now, as subtle as the rest of the flirting has been, continue the theme when you ask them out.

Keep work ingrained within it if you can. You can back out if they refuse. This will save your face in a big way!

For instance, suggest you meet for a coffee or a drink in the bar across the road after work to continue brainstorming ideas for the project you’re both working on. Or, mention that you’re going to a new bar and they should pop in and check it out for themselves if they’re in the area. Keep it casual. Don’t let on that it’s actually a date you’re suggesting.

Learning how to flirt with a coworker can be difficult. You might not feel you’re showing your crush that you’re interested. The subtle route lets you veil your attempts, providing you an embarrassment safety net.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new books, Phicklephilly 2 and Sun Stories: Tales from a Tanning Salon are now for sale on Amazon!

 

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How You Can Tell If You’re Putting In Too Much Work In A Relationship

Relationships are hard work. You’ve no doubt heard people say this before. But the notion of “working hard” on love can be confusing. Exactly how challenging is it supposed to be? When can you tell if you’re actually putting too much effort into a relationship and not getting enough back?

Well, if this possibility is something you’re grappling with, begin first and foremost by checking in with yourself and your needs in the partnership. And as therapist Dea Dean, who has a private practice in Mississippi, tells Bustle, there are some more obvious signs you may be in an imbalanced dynamic where emotional work is involved. For one, if the invitations you extend to your partner for connection, partnership, or communication are denied or dismissed repeatedly, this indicates a problem, Dean says.

“If your partner says they are willing to meet a need (more quality time, healthier boundaries with friends or family, equal share in household responsibilities), yet their behavior consistently reveals unwillingness and a lack of follow-through,” Dean says, that’s not a good sign.

And as Lisa Myers, 32, tells Bustle, she has found herself in unbalanced relationships where she gives things up to focus on her partner’s needs. “My biggest thing has always been ‘dumbing down’ my success or how social I am because it makes my partner’s uncomfortable,” Myers says. “Literally every one of them.”

While every relationship has its ups and downs, and the internal dynamic between the two of you might shift, in general, it should be a give-and-take that works for both of you. Below, take a look at some signs that you might be doing too much when it comes to keeping your relationship working.

1. You Feel Drained When You Hang Out

It's normal to feel confused or stressed out when your relationship is taking an inordinate amount of energy.

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Every now and then, being around your partner — or anyone, for that matter — can be draining. But as life and relationship coach Diana Venckunaite tells Bustle, hanging out with your partner should be fun, fulfilling, and relaxing for the most part. It’s the kind of dynamic that should lift you, not deplete you.

“If you feel exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally every time your partner leaves, then you may be doing too much work to please your partner and going out of your way to make sure that everything is perfect,” Venckunaite says. Are you the one who makes the plans? Takes care of the food? Tries to maintain the peace? Ask yourself what you think your “responsibilities” are, and if they are truly balanced between you both.

2. You Feel Like Your Partner’s Therapist

“A relationship needs a strong foundation of being one another’s rock during tough and stressful times, where you trade who will be the support for who on and off,” Venckunaite says.

But if you find yourself being “the rock” over and over again, then you have to sit down and think if you’re getting enough from the relationship.

You both deserve to be mutually supported, and feel safe to ask for help and let your guard down. And remember, even as a source of love and strength, you aren’t responsible for each other’s emotional issues.

3. You Feel Irritated A Lot Of The Time

It can feel very frustrating to  be putting in more emotional work than your partner.

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You might start to get irritated with your partner once you begin recognizing there are some imbalances, Venckunaite says. Maybe it’s because you always end up being the designated driver, or you can predict in advance the way your partner is going to behave in a social situation.

“You’re not a babysitter,” Venckunaite says. And you shouldn’t have to feel irritation that foreshadows the same things happening every single time you go out.

4. You Feel Your Contributions Are Unmatched

Dean says that if you are giving on an emotional, financial, or physical level and it’s not being reciprocated in some balanced way, you can easily become critical and withdrawn.

Do you pay for everything and do all the house work? Are you always providing emotional support and doing all the planning? Even if you give different things, you want to make sure you are giving to each other in an equitable way.

“In order to avoid [imbalance] partners can frequently ‘check-in’ with one another and give non- judgmental feedback about how they can better help one another and find balance in negotiating responsibilities with finances, housework, emotional care and relational preferences,” Dean says.

5. If Your Partner Asks For Something Small, You Feel Resentful

Resentments can build easily when you feel unappreciated.

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Again, if you feel like you are putting a whole lot into the relationship without much in return, you might notice yourself feeling bad in general, but that might be doubled when your partner asks you for something. For example, if you feel like you’re constantly the one giving, having them ask for that glass of water at the end of the night might be the last darn straw.

“If this is happening to you, take some time to identify if your resentment is stemming from your own needs going unmet,” Dean says.

If you do indeed find that is what’s going on for you, it’s time to communicate with your partner.

“Once you’ve informed your partner of the imbalance in your dynamic and invited them to demonstrate care for your desires, evaluate whether they show willingness to match the level and frequency of care you’re longing for,” Dean says.

Ultimately, never doubt that you deserve a supportive relationship that makes you feel respected and seen. Even when it’s a lot of work — it should be work for both of you.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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