9 Harsh Truths We Tend to Ignore at the Beginning of a Relationship, and Then Bitterly Regret It

They say that “love is blind” and they are probably right. We tend to ignore many things about our loved ones, even though these things scream that you need to get out of the relationship. As a consequence, we’re left trying to put a broken heart back together or we just get up one day realizing that we’ve wasted years in a pointless relationship.

This wouldn’t happen if we could tell from the very beginning where it might lead. And sometimes we can: here at Bright Side we came up with most common phrases your date could say to you that are actually signals that you should leave and never come back.

1. “I’m not over my previous relationship yet.”

It’s an honest truth, and you have to accept it and say goodbye — it’ll be better for the both of you. You probably don’t want to be an instrument for your date to forget their ex and constantly compete with them. And you will probably not be happy if they get back together.

Beyond that, it is not recommended for people to start a new relationship right after their previous one or until it’s all over, so it’s better to leave and give your partner some time to figure out their feelings.

2. They complain about all their exes.

Of course, people do get into toxic relationships sometimes, but if it happens all the time, maybe the problem actually has something to do with your date. You’ll probably end up being another “crazy ex” on their list and they will probably constantly stress you out. Do you need that in your life?

3. “I don’t think marriage makes sense.”

When someone says this, they definitely mean it and are implying that they are not going to get married, even to you. And since you’re grownups, this opinion is too hard to change, if even possible at all. If you think the same about marriage, than that’s okay. But it’s crucial to have similar opinions on this topic, so if you actually want to get married, then don’t waste your time.

4. “When I’m angry, I scream and break things. I can’t help it.”

This is a red flag phrase that should never be ignored. It means that your partner is emotionally unstable, and that plates aren’t the limit. You will get your dose of emotional and physical abuse too, even if you don’t think this will happen. Do yourself a favor and disappear the moment you hear (or notice) anything like that.

5. They admit that they could never make a relationship last.

You shouldn’t ignore this phrase, thinking it won’t happen with you. Don’t overestimate the chance you think you have to change your partner. If they say it, they mean it — and in addition, they can even say that they warned you. So if you’re looking for something that can become serious, you’re with the wrong person.

6. They don’t see anything wrong with being late.

When someone is late, they usually apologize for it, no matter how late they are. If your partner doesn’t see anything wrong with it, this is a bad sign. It means that they lack respect for your time, and there is a great probability that they will be selfish and have a tendency to devalue everything about other people. Take note, and find someone who will value you and your time.

7. They admit that relationships aren’t their main focus all the time.

Of course, for some people a career might be their biggest priority, and there’s nothing wrong with that. However, if your date says something like this on the spot without any context, it implies that your date wants to keep things easy. It’s a phrase to let you know that your partner isn’t going to put much effort into your relationship, so just take it as it is and decide if that’s what you want and need.

8. “A man/woman should…”

If your partner talks about their expectations, that means that they expect you to follow them in order to keep up the relationship. If you don’t share these standards, but decide to get into this relationship anyways, it will lead to a lot of stress and tension, so you’re probably better off ending it before it even starts.

9. “You don’t need someone like me.”

No, this not a challenge to prove that your date is wrong. People who are not confident always play the victim, and if you get into this game your whole relationship will turn into you constantly convincing your partner they are great and that they are worth you having to deal with infinite jealousy. In case it’s more like a confident, “Don’t fall in love with me,” you’re most likely dealing with a player. And we are not sure which one of these types is worse.

Sometimes it can also be a polite way to say that it’s your partner who doesn’t need anyone like you. Whatever the case may be, it’s just better to leave in order to not torture either of you.

Which phrases would you add to the list? Do you have your own personal red flag phrases? Let us know in the comments.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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10 Compliments You Can Give That Don’t Involve Appearance

Every day, people pass judgement.

Human beings are social creatures – it’s just simply something that we do. Some of these judgements are small and innocuous. When driving, for example, you’re constantly perceiving and judging what’s going on around you. When you’re at the store, you’re judging which fruit you should buy. When you meet someone new, you’re judging whether or not they’re someone you know.

But these small, innocuous judgements aren’t the only ones we make. At some time or another, we’ve made bigger judgements about people based on their appearance. These judgements can have a significant impact on the happiness and well-being of others.

The way a person looks on the outside is one of the easiest things to cast a judgement about, and the impacts of this on society are clear.

For example, approximately 91% of women say they are unhappy with their bodies and wish they looked the way that women are portrayed in the media. Only about 5% of women reportedly said they felt they had the body type that is portrayed in popular culture.

Of course, women aren’t the only ones impacted by these judgements. According to the Alliance for Eating Disorder Awareness, upwards of 3.6 million men are currently suffering from eating disorders.

Because we’re so easy to judge a person’s appearance, it’s sometimes easy to give compliments based on the bodies of others.

There are many compliments you can give someone that have nothing to do with the way their bodies look.

Here are 20 you can rely on to help build others up without commenting on their bodies.

1. I’m impressed by how resilient you are.

Have you ever known someone who was just so strong they could withstand a tornado of difficulty? Resilient people are awesome, and this is a great compliment to give someone who is especially resilient.

2. You’re such a good listener.

There are a lot of people in the world who don’t actually listen, instead waiting for their turn to speak. Finding a good listener can be like finding a needle in a haystack! If you know someone who you think is a good listener, tell them so!

3. I like how authentic you are.

Authentic people are on a whole different level! Authenticity means not hiding the person they are on the inside. To be authentic requires a great deal of confidence and security. If you know an authentic person, tell them how much you admire that about them.

4. I admire how hard you work.

If you’ve ever worked with someone who cuts corners and doesn’t work all that hard, it really makes people who do work hard stand out. If you’ve got a co-worker who works especially hard, forget their body – tell them how much you admire their work ethic!

5. You are dependable.

Sometimes it can seem like everyone depends on you but you can’t really depend on anyone but yourself. Still, once in a while, you meet someone who you can lean on whenever you need to and vice versa. Tell them you appreciate how dependable they are!

6. I’m lucky to know you.

This might be my favorite compliment on this list. There are a lot of people in this world. We are truly lucky to have the people we do in our lives. Tell them so! I feel so good giving out this compliment and receiving it too.

7. Your laugh is contagious.

Have you ever known someone whose laugh can just make a room erupt? They’re one of my favorite kinds of people. Telling them how contagious their laugh is will help them laugh more easily.

8. I am amazed by your progress.

Think back on those figures about body positivity I shared earlier. A lot of people are working hard to look like the person they want to. Sometimes they’re doing it for themselves, sometimes others. But regardless, if you know someone working hard to a goal, tell them how much you admire the progress they’ve made. It’ll help keep them going!

9. You’re a strong person.

Even the strongest people in the world feel weak from time to time. It helps to be reminded by others that you are, in fact, an incredibly strong person.

10. Everyone loves you.

The world can be filled with love or it can be filled with hate. It really is our choice. For me, I choose love over hate. And I like to remind the amazing people in my life that they are loved. It’s a kind thing to do.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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15 Subtle Signs a Coworker Likes You & Is Deeply Infatuated by You

Before making your move on a coworker, you want to make sure there is some interest. So, you need to know the subtle signs a coworker likes you.

Many couples meet at work, but it is always a little risky to go for it in the beginning. You don’t want to get a reputation or embarrass yourself. None of us want to put our jobs in jeopardy, so knowing the subtle signs a coworker likes you helps make this choice a whole lot simpler.

Hitting on a stranger and getting rejected at a bar stings for a minute, but knowing you’ll never see them again takes away that rejection quickly. If you were to ask out a coworker without knowing whether or not they like you, things at work could get weird.

Do you already know the subtle signs a coworker likes you?

When you are nervous about asking out a coworker, you may be psyching yourself out. There is a good chance you already know the signs a coworker likes you but are overlooking them due to fear.

Instead, reassess your interactions with this person. Sometimes you don’t even need to know the signs a coworker likes you, you just need to feel a vibe.

If you still can’t clear your judgment, ask a trusted friend at work who will tell you what they see. Sometimes an outside perspective is exactly what you need. Getting insight from a third party can give you all the answers you need before making a move. 

How to spot the subtle signs a coworker likes you

If that didn’t help, and you are still unsure whether or not a coworker likes you, amp up your observation skills.

I’m sure you are already a touch nervous during your interactions with this coworker and are focused on your flirting skills. If you want to be sure your coworker likes you, you’ll have to be hyper-aware.

Because, just like you, they are probably nervous about liking someone from work. The signs this coworker likes you will be subtle. 

The subtle signs a coworker likes you

Looking for the subtle signs a coworker likes you is not exactly hard, but takes a bit of insight. You need to be able to read between the lines and just read people in general.

The chances are this coworker is trying to hide their feelings or at least not be obvious about them. But, if you are keen on making a move and asking them out, you will want to know if they like you for sure.

Here are the subtle signs a coworker likes you.

#1 They stare. This is one of those subtle signs someone likes you since first grade. When someone stares, they like you. And it doesn’t mean they are being creepy or ogling. They just are attracted to you and get distracted by that.

So, unless you have spinach in your teeth or toilet paper on your shoe, if someone is staring discreetly, it is a sign a coworker likes you.

#2 They know what’s going on with you. When a coworker likes you, they seem to always know what is going on with you. Whether they are up to date on all your Instagram stories or know the project you’re working on, they are always interested.

Knowing what you’re doing gives them a reason to talk to you.

#3 They make time for you. When you’re at work the priority is work, right? Well, a sign a coworker likes you is when they are taking time away from that for you. Whether they take an extra few minutes to chat to you in the break room or delay heading home to spend time with you, the chances are this coworker like you.

#4 They talk to you about non-work topics. We all have work friends. Someone who is showing subtle signs they like you will be more in depth. They won’t just rant about your boss or Angie in accounting messing up your check.

They will talk to you about their family and friends. Also, they will ask you about your life outside of work.

#5 They cling to you at work events. One of the clearest subtle signs a coworker likes you is the effort they make to spend time with you. Not only will they double check that you are coming to the company picnic or holiday party, but they will be waiting for you to arrive.

Once you get there, they will get you a drink and cling to you if they can.

#6 They make you a priority. This can mean anything from making sure you’re handling your workload to reaching out if you’re late or bringing you soup when you’re sick. They always make sure you’re doing okay and regularly check in.

#7 They remember what you say. This is huge. If you’re anything like most people, you probably zone out at work a lot, especially when your coworker is talking about their aunt’s Sunday brunch. But, if a coworker likes you, they will remember every detail.

If you told them you were going to your grandmother’s birthday party over the weekend and that you bought her a sweater, they will follow-up on Monday by asking if your grandmother liked the sweater. Taking note of small things is a subtle, but strong, sign a coworker likes you.

#8 They notice any changes to your look. Did you cut your hair or buy a new suit? This is the person who will notice that. I have cut my hair many times over the years and even my own family overlooks it. But, when someone likes you, they stare, which means they know how you look to the smallest detail.

So, even if you just get a trim or style your hair differently, they will compliment it.

#9 They notice changes in your mood. If there is someone at work that knows when you’re having a bad day and tries to perk you up, chances are they are showing signs they like you.

Even if you are good at hiding your annoyance with your boss or are down for another reason, a coworker who likes you will be more in tune to your moods. 

#10 Body language. Body language is a huge sign a coworker likes you. It is subtle because it is a coworker. If someone you met at a bar likes you ,they may rub your leg. But, that is inappropriate work behavior.

So, take note of smaller and more subtle signs of body language. Do they hug you and linger? Do they put their hand on your shoulder when helping you with something? And do they make eye contact?

#11 They avoid their phone when you’re together. Most people are glued to their phones 24/7, especially at work. If you have any chance to be distracted, you take it. But, whether chatting with you, having lunch, or helping you with something and their phone is out of sight, they give you their undivided attention.

It is hard to come by undivided inattention nowadays. If your coworker keeps their phone away when with you, they are showing signs they like you.

#12 They try to impress you. I do not mean they will try to impress you with their killer presentation, but rather they will try to make you laugh or share their wild weekend plans.

They want you to like being around them, so they will do what they can to impress you. Think Jim and Pam from The Office. Jim’s practical jokes were enjoyable for all, but when he impressed Pam it meant so much more.

#13 They remember your food or coffee order. I can barely remember my own order let alone anyone else’s. If this coworker surprises you with coffee or your favorite takeout when working late, they like you.

When they don’t have to double check your favorite drink or that you like extra pickles on your sandwich and they aren’t the lunch delivery person, they like you.

#14 They are nervous. Being nervous is a telltale sign a coworker likes you. If they are flustered when you come by their office or blush when you compliment them, they probably like you. 

#15 You can feel it. The most subtle sign a coworker likes you is the feeling you get. This is not a science or even something you can explain. If you feel the chemistry, you probably already know.

You may be feeling excited and restless yourself, but take a breath and keep an eye on these signs. If these subtle signs a coworker likes you pop up, it may be time to make your move.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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How to Flirt with a Coworker Subtly & Learn How they Feel About You

Having a crush on a colleague is hard. You see them every day! Learn how to flirt with a coworker subtly, if you want to move things along.

Ah, that awkward but common situation—having a crush on someone you work with. We’ve all been there at some stage, but did you ever try to move things along and find out if they felt the same way? If so, did it work? If it didn’t, learn how to flirt with a coworker subtly.

The biggest problem with this situation is that if you flirt up a storm and it doesn’t go your way, you continue to see them on a daily basis. It may make life difficult and embarrassing, and as a result, your work may suffer.

Of course, that’s the negative side. The positive? They might feel the same way and you could find yourselves the new hottest couple on the block!

Know your office HR policies

Learning how to flirt with a coworker is about subtleness. It’s a difficult line to walk in many ways, but with a little practice and dedication, you’ll get there. But first, are you actually allowed to have relationships with coworkers?

Not every workplace allows relationships between coworkers, and it varies from place to place as to whether it’s prohibited or allowed. While most workplaces are a little more lenient these days than they were before, it’s still an unspoken rule in many cases.

It could also be that relationships or unions between different staff grades are frowned upon. You can argue until you’re blue in the face whether it’s right or not, but rules are rules. If your job is important to you *hopefully it will be*, then you need to know where you stand before you even attempt to try and flirt up a storm with the apple of your eye.

Most workplaces have a code of conduct manual or document so simply check things out beforehand, but in the most subtle of ways!

Assuming you’ve done that and you know that coworker dalliances aren’t frowned upon, what else do you need to know? Oh, the fact that you’re potentially playing with fire.

Yes, more negatives, but I want you to be armed and prepared before you go into flirting battle.

What if it goes wrong?

I hate being negative, but think about the possibility that either this person doesn’t like you back in the same way, or things go well and suddenly turns sour. Remember, relationships or not, hook up or not, you see this person on a daily basis at work and that could be excruciating for you in some situations.

Your job is important, and whether or not you see yourself staying with that company for the rest of your working days or not, it’s important to be professional and do your best while there. You’re not going to be able to do that if you cringe every time they walk into the office. This could be even worse if you must work very closely with this person.

Of course, it could be equally as excruciating if your crush turns into a full blown love that you must keep quiet because you’re working with this person, and you’re scared to make a move.

The only thing you can do is go with what feels right and what you know you can live with. I had a crush on one of my work colleagues. I told him after we’d bumped into each other in a bar and had a drunken kiss that literally made my life up until that point.

It didn’t work out for me, and it was so embarrassing for so long, but thankfully I didn’t have to work closely with him. I got over it, and while I no longer work there, that wasn’t the reason I left.

So, make your decision, and move towards the successful, but subtle, flirting plan.

How to flirt with a coworker in a subtle, yet successful way

There are four main areas to this tactic:

#1 Body language.
#2 Selective verbal clues.
#3 Creating an air of mystery and sexual tension.
#4 Taking the flirting out of the workplace.

Body language and selective verbal clues are things you can do every single day. It builds up the mystery and sexual tension, which can be taken out of the workplace. For example, suggesting you meet up for a drink after work to discuss a project. Of course, you’re not going to discuss a project, you’re going to flirt a little harder!

Remember, learning how to flirt with a coworker is all about being subtle. Whether or not relationships and unions are allowed in your workplace or not, don’t go around being blatantly obvious about what you want. You are being paid to be professional at work!

A few useful ways to use body language and selective verbal clues are:

– Make eye contact when you speak

– Gently touch them on the arm when you’re speaking

– Bite your lip when you’re listening to them talk

– Show interest in what they have to say

– Get them a coffee or a drink whenever you get one for yourself

– Ask them how their evening was on a regular basis, i.e. showing interest

– Nudge them gently in a playful manner

– Identify mutual hobbies or things of interest and focus on talking about them

As you can see, these aren’t ‘in your face’ flirting techniques. They do get you closer to your crush and show a connection you don’t have with anyone else. By doing this, you create a little tension. Take the flirting up a notch, with eye contact, gentle touching, and lip biting.

Obviously, I don’t have to tell you that you shouldn’t go around touching people if they don’t seem comfortable with it, or in a way which would be deemed inappropriate. Remember, you’re at work! A gentle, but fleeting, hand on the arm when making a point is as far as you should go.

Time to take the plunge

Once you’re sure that your coworker has grasped the idea that you’re flirting and not just being very friendly, and you see signs of flirting coming back your way, suggest a meeting outside of work. Now, as subtle as the rest of the flirting has been, continue the theme when you ask them out.

Keep work ingrained within it if you can. You can back out if they refuse. This will save your face in a big way!

For instance, suggest you meet for a coffee or a drink in the bar across the road after work to continue brainstorming ideas for the project you’re both working on. Or, mention that you’re going to a new bar and they should pop in and check it out for themselves if they’re in the area. Keep it casual. Don’t let on that it’s actually a date you’re suggesting.

Learning how to flirt with a coworker can be difficult. You might not feel you’re showing your crush that you’re interested. The subtle route lets you veil your attempts, providing you an embarrassment safety net.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new books, Phicklephilly 2 and Sun Stories: Tales from a Tanning Salon are now for sale on Amazon!

 

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How You Can Tell If You’re Putting In Too Much Work In A Relationship

Relationships are hard work. You’ve no doubt heard people say this before. But the notion of “working hard” on love can be confusing. Exactly how challenging is it supposed to be? When can you tell if you’re actually putting too much effort into a relationship and not getting enough back?

Well, if this possibility is something you’re grappling with, begin first and foremost by checking in with yourself and your needs in the partnership. And as therapist Dea Dean, who has a private practice in Mississippi, tells Bustle, there are some more obvious signs you may be in an imbalanced dynamic where emotional work is involved. For one, if the invitations you extend to your partner for connection, partnership, or communication are denied or dismissed repeatedly, this indicates a problem, Dean says.

“If your partner says they are willing to meet a need (more quality time, healthier boundaries with friends or family, equal share in household responsibilities), yet their behavior consistently reveals unwillingness and a lack of follow-through,” Dean says, that’s not a good sign.

And as Lisa Myers, 32, tells Bustle, she has found herself in unbalanced relationships where she gives things up to focus on her partner’s needs. “My biggest thing has always been ‘dumbing down’ my success or how social I am because it makes my partner’s uncomfortable,” Myers says. “Literally every one of them.”

While every relationship has its ups and downs, and the internal dynamic between the two of you might shift, in general, it should be a give-and-take that works for both of you. Below, take a look at some signs that you might be doing too much when it comes to keeping your relationship working.

1. You Feel Drained When You Hang Out

It's normal to feel confused or stressed out when your relationship is taking an inordinate amount of energy.

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Every now and then, being around your partner — or anyone, for that matter — can be draining. But as life and relationship coach Diana Venckunaite tells Bustle, hanging out with your partner should be fun, fulfilling, and relaxing for the most part. It’s the kind of dynamic that should lift you, not deplete you.

“If you feel exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally every time your partner leaves, then you may be doing too much work to please your partner and going out of your way to make sure that everything is perfect,” Venckunaite says. Are you the one who makes the plans? Takes care of the food? Tries to maintain the peace? Ask yourself what you think your “responsibilities” are, and if they are truly balanced between you both.

2. You Feel Like Your Partner’s Therapist

“A relationship needs a strong foundation of being one another’s rock during tough and stressful times, where you trade who will be the support for who on and off,” Venckunaite says.

But if you find yourself being “the rock” over and over again, then you have to sit down and think if you’re getting enough from the relationship.

You both deserve to be mutually supported, and feel safe to ask for help and let your guard down. And remember, even as a source of love and strength, you aren’t responsible for each other’s emotional issues.

3. You Feel Irritated A Lot Of The Time

It can feel very frustrating to  be putting in more emotional work than your partner.

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You might start to get irritated with your partner once you begin recognizing there are some imbalances, Venckunaite says. Maybe it’s because you always end up being the designated driver, or you can predict in advance the way your partner is going to behave in a social situation.

“You’re not a babysitter,” Venckunaite says. And you shouldn’t have to feel irritation that foreshadows the same things happening every single time you go out.

4. You Feel Your Contributions Are Unmatched

Dean says that if you are giving on an emotional, financial, or physical level and it’s not being reciprocated in some balanced way, you can easily become critical and withdrawn.

Do you pay for everything and do all the house work? Are you always providing emotional support and doing all the planning? Even if you give different things, you want to make sure you are giving to each other in an equitable way.

“In order to avoid [imbalance] partners can frequently ‘check-in’ with one another and give non- judgmental feedback about how they can better help one another and find balance in negotiating responsibilities with finances, housework, emotional care and relational preferences,” Dean says.

5. If Your Partner Asks For Something Small, You Feel Resentful

Resentments can build easily when you feel unappreciated.

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Again, if you feel like you are putting a whole lot into the relationship without much in return, you might notice yourself feeling bad in general, but that might be doubled when your partner asks you for something. For example, if you feel like you’re constantly the one giving, having them ask for that glass of water at the end of the night might be the last darn straw.

“If this is happening to you, take some time to identify if your resentment is stemming from your own needs going unmet,” Dean says.

If you do indeed find that is what’s going on for you, it’s time to communicate with your partner.

“Once you’ve informed your partner of the imbalance in your dynamic and invited them to demonstrate care for your desires, evaluate whether they show willingness to match the level and frequency of care you’re longing for,” Dean says.

Ultimately, never doubt that you deserve a supportive relationship that makes you feel respected and seen. Even when it’s a lot of work — it should be work for both of you.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing publishes of Amazon June 20th!

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Eileen – Chapter 10 – International Restaurant

I love Amelia. She is Megasun personified. Best employee ever. Achilles is completely oblivious because all he does is deal with the salon and the fitness center from 10am to 3pm.

After that is when the magic and the money happens.

He has no contact with me and the girls unless something goes wrong at the salon. My job is to make the salon sing and never call him.

I have the best staff I’ve ever had in the history of this company.

 

Achilles has lived his life with $9 an hour marginal garbage for years. But you bring me in and you’ll get better staff, because that’s what I do.

Does he appreciate it? No. He’s Greek, They work and grow and run businesses. They never trust their staff because most of them are shit and can’t be trusted.

But something magical happened in 2016. Achilles suddenly got a $50k corporate guy to come give him the fuel that professional, in the rat race, gave to corporations every day. But I drove that into a tanning salon. I was sick of corporate america and working for a bunch of weak assholes.

I can use all of my powers in this retail outlet.

What if we invest into a fitness center ?

Lets do that.

Sadly, never happened.

Let’s open another salon on the other side of Broad.

Never happened.

I’m the greatest employee you’ve ever had, and you’re still just running the last tanning salon in the city of Philadelphia.

We’ve faced our struggles and it’s all good, but here we are in our busy season.

I’m grateful for Amelia and Eileen.

They are hands down, the greatest employees I’ve ever had.

How is that possible?

Amelia, great with the clients, calm, cleaning, fun, charming, the extra stuff. Eileen, always charming, calm, and beautiful but willing to jump in whenever necessary.

I’ve some how been blessed.

Amelia and Eileen are beyond great.

I love them both in their earnest and elegance.

They run the front counter and get it right every night, and I get the luxury to run around the salon and just clean beds and do laundry. (Love it!)

That shows me that the most masterful member stands down while his best runs the ship. They’re ready and they’re better than him for this job tonight.

I have hired the best and this progression shows me that I’m right. They work independent of me and Achilles barely knows who they are. I would find that odd but I know him. He’s dealt with garbage employees for ten years, and can no longer tell the difference. I think he’s even losing sight of his very finest.

I want no credit in this, Amelia and Eileen are my best hires, and I am so very proud of them. I simply trained them and these lovely birds flew.

Oh darn…. I’ve been so caught up in how great my staff is… I promised Eileen if she got three compliments on her make up (Which is always amazing) I’d buy her dinner.

Sadly, she only got two but we did go to McDonald’s, and she loved it.

We did a group text to Amelia that I took my hire to “An International Restaurant for dinner Friday night.”

We all had a good laugh over it and I can’t wait to take Amelia for gelato as soon as possible!

 

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Sun Stories: Trinity – Chapter 2 – Ghosted

I was stoked. Trinity had this vibe she gave off that was electric. Just the way she spoke, and the way she moved in the salon.

I knew this girl was special. Maybe not for me but just special in the world. She had such great energy, I knew despite her struggles, she had risen above. Like me, an over achiever with low self-esteem, that became the cream that rose to the top. The shining star in an enormous company. I had made that journey myself and I could feel who Trinity was and what she HAD to accomplish.

I knew she had a boyfriend. He’s probably a great guy. He lives in Boston and was cool with letting Trinity go to Philly and make her way.

I like him already. (That’s a secure guy that lets his bird fly to pursue her dreams and is confident enough in himself and their relationship to let her go.)

I love this dude.

I’ve been through this scenario already with Michelle, when Delaware Dave was trying to reclaim his high school sweetheart. If you read Michelle, you’ll see how that went. (See: Michelle – A Brand New Day)

I don’t want to hurt Boston, but Trinity feels like Michelle and I love how I feel when I’m around her. It feels like Michelle without the commitment so there’s blood in the water.

Let’s see what happens. I’m happy to be alone now at my age, but the old lion is always ready to get up for a good chase. (Still hanging in there with Cherie, but because of time and distance it’s been strained)

I can’t help it.

I text her.

Trinity is new to Philly and has zero friends and has made that clear.

A gazelle on Serengeti.

We’re supposed to meet at Square 1682 for the hookup drinks, but fucking Church and Amelia want to hang. It’s cool… Bros before Hos. (See: Church – Brand Ambassador and Amelia – New Hire)

I love them both. Church is a dear friend and Amelia is my hire, and I love hanging with them both on Monday evenings.

It’s like… Our night.

I know Trinity said she’d be available Monday night for my Square 1682 hook up, but my man, Roman isn’t working so I’m screwed that night. (See: Roman – Rock and Roll Bartender)

Which is fine, I’ll push Trinity off to Tuesday or Wednesday when he’s on. I’ll go to Marathon with Church and Amelia Monday and meet up with Trinity on Tuesday or Wednesday. Easy enough. The iron is still hot, and she needs friends and social time.

I text lovely Trinity the following:

Monday

“Hey I can’t do tonight, but Tuesday or Wednesday evening would work. (Free drinks!)

Crickets.

Tuesday

“I’m sure you’re busy with all you friends… but let me know if your want to hang at Square 1682 tonight or tomorrow?”

A week goes by and it is absolutely heartbreaking crickets.

Nothing.

I have mad energy for Trinity and for her to disappear is heartbreaking to me.

It’s just how my mind works.

I’m actually angry at the salon and tell Amelia all about it. I’m so mad that I’m not getting the dopamine drop I was expecting I go through withdrawal. (This tells me something about myself)

Amelia tells me to settle and now worry about it. (She’s so chill and amazing) But I’m so pissed and confused I just decide that while she works the front counter, I’ll just run around and clean beds and do laundry.

Where’s my Trinity? What happened? I know she works a lot and I like an industrious gal, but why has she simply disappeared?

I check her visits in the system and she hasn’t been in since our last encounter and number exchange.

I always worry, (as charming as I am) that maybe I have run off one of these pretty young girls.

(Never happened)

But where is “Stranger in a strange land” Trinity?

What happened?

I really like her and we had an amazing vibe.

I just don’t know….

 

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Sun Stories: Tis’ The Season

The salon is insane. We’re busier then we’ve ever been.

Tis’ the season. It’s Spring and everybody needs to get tan. Most people think that the busy season would be the Winter. It’s cold, dark and Seasonal Affective Disorder kicks in for most of us here in Philly.

But that simply isn’t true.

Sure we have our regulars and the folks that come in to prepare for winter vacations and SAD, but Spring is our Christmas fourth quarter at our tanning salon.

People going on vacation, prom, formals, weddings, formals, and just getting your base on for the summer are in high demand. We have 140 people roll through here a day on our 10 sun beds and one spray tan unit.

Sun Myst around the corner is a failure. Old city Tans died a year ago. Hollywood Tans vanished years ago. We’re the last and best tanning salon left in Philadelphia with the best most modern equipment and best pricing.

But… for some reason, this year I have the greatest part-time staff ever.

I’ve worked my butt off month after month maintaining this salon’s excellence with my partner Achilles. We’ve been through a lot and if you’ve been reading phicklephilly you know we’ve been through the ringer with staffing.

Hell, that’s why I came here in the first place. I did his advertising when I worked at the now failed Philly Weekly. I was looking for a fun part-time gig because I like to work. I saw the lithe clients and thought it’d be fun.

I was right.

Achilles was always complaining about his staff. But you get what you get for the price you pay in the hospitality business. Staffing was the bane of his existence until I came along.

I worked a lot of shifts and brought the salon to its current level like any job I’ve had in the past.

Excellence.

That’s all I can do.

If you’re going to do a job, do your best. Period.

I’ve spent 30 years in the rat race and mired in corporate America and it sucks. Sure the money’s there…but what a price we all pay.

I see bright-eyed college girls tanning for their events and then I see them a year later pale and broken in a corporate job. $50,000 in college debt starting their lives in some shitty job.

So sad.

Not the vibrant students I met a year ago.

Shit. I was in L.A. working as a short order cook and playing in a band when I was 20.

My own daughter Lorelei doesn’t even want any part of collegian life. She’s lived with me here in Rittenhouse for the last three years and has a great job in the restaurant business. She’s kicked it since high school. She’s been promoted three times since then and is killing it in the industry. That and being in a solid relationship for the last five years with her boyfriend. I’m a huge friend of this boy. He’s a good man.

Baby’s doing well.

 

My staff is amazing this season. Amelia and Eileen. I couldn’t have dreamed better employees.

Amelia with her smarts and charm. Her work ethic simply lights me up. She’s so forward thinking and industrious at 24 yrs old. When I work with her I feel like shess an extension of me in the salon. The things I’m dealing with… laundry, customers, maintenance, new intakes, cleaning… Amelia’s on it. When I work with her it’s like working with a better,  version of myself.

I’ve worked in corporate America my whole life. I’m a deadly sales guy. I’ve done every job and I’ve murdered it.

But the biggest problem I have always faced was being a sales manager.

I’m a salesman.

Like my mother’s father before me. I live to go out and sell.

I know what makes a good salesman.

I’ll correct that in a minute…

A good salesman serves his clients with quality products that meet their needs.

To me that’s a rep.

A great salesman is a guy that gets off on closing the deal while he’s meeting the needs of his clients desires but still meeting their needs.

I was a financial broker in the late 90’s and early 2000’s.  I remember my boss asking us why we all got licensed to sell brokerage. It was during the Clinton administration and the economy was booming. It was a great spot to be in. (I like Bill, fucker that he is, but he had nothing to do with it. It was just the cyclical scale of commerce in the world and Clinton lucked out. Don’t fool yourself America.)

He said it was so we could make a lot of money.

Every guy in the room agreed with him.

I liked my boss but I silently disagreed.

I knew from my 20 years of selling VCRs,TV’s, liquor, and whatever else he was wrong.

Sales isn’t about money.

It’s about getting off on closing a deal and not about making money. It’s about providing a quality service to your client and building a relationship with them.  Providing long term wealth for their family was paramount.

The wealth you amass is not about making that money. It’s incidental to the hard work you did to provide your client with a valuable service.

That was always my goal.

I always knew, that if I did good honest work by my customer the reward would come, and it always did… automatically.

I made thousands and thousand of dollars at every job I ever I did.

Sadly, my poor life choices sucked my efforts from me.

An ex-wife I had to pay child support to for 15 years, and all of the other bills that come with wealth and possessions.

But I never minded. I paid my bills and I soldiered forward.

I love to work and I love all of the good people in my life.

Sure I worried about money, but we ALL do. That’s just part of life.

But I always knew I could make more. I can always generate more revenue. That’s what I do.

My father retired at 62.

He did zero after that.

I would have loved to seen my dad working in a deli, or a wine store or an antique store. He would have killed in any of these businesses.

Pablo Picasso was found dead at 92 working on a sculpture.

I don’t want to be that old, (I’m sure everything hurt by then!) But I want to be that.

I’m 58 years old. If I get 20 more trips around the sun I’ll consider myself blessed, but I’m cool with less. (Who gives a shit. Phicklephilly lives forever online!)

This piece was originally supposed to be Chapeter 7 for Eileen, but we’ll get to her in a second.

I never know when the blood is going to gush good emotions.

I’m going to write about Eileen and Amelia because as I said they are the best girls I’ve ever employed at our salon.

I’m so proud of both of them and cherish their dedication and friendship.

We’ve obviously got new Sun Stories to tell… so stay tuned.

Thank you!

 

Thanks. I hope this was helpful. I’d like to hear your thoughts on this piece.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Amelia – Chapter 4 – Double Agent

It’s Monday and we’re busy as hell. I’m cranking the counter at the salon and Amelia is running around cleaning beds.

Tis the season at the salon. We are in full swing and Amelia is stepping up to the challenge.

April through July is insane in here and that’s why she’s here. I’m grateful and we’re working well as a team.

New people are signing up and the regulars are rolling in. It is non-stop mayhem. This is the busy season. I’m so happy to have Amelia here now. She’s great as I’ve written before. But she’s on top of the cleaning and the laundry. She’s what I need. I must keep the customer service up.

Waves of clients come in to tan. We get hit with three waves of people. Non-stop tanning. We feel the urgency and it makes us want to tan ourselves.

We agree that when this crazy night ends we’re going tanning, which is fun.

I have been a die-hard slave to this place for two years and haven’t tanned in two months.

I hired Amelia and Eileen. Part of their deal is they get to tan for free as long as they’re employed. Both girls have jumped on the tanning wagon. I realized I couldn’t be the pale old white guy and dove into tanning with great vigor.

I started tanning like a maniac and love the results. I’m getting brown as a penny, and I’m even using a sticker to track my progress.

I hope Cherie appreciates the white heart on my pubic mound. Because that’s where it is.

Yea, I did that. A sweet white heart above my angry cock, but we are talking about my 24 year old co-worker so lets tap the brakes on tanning.

I really like working with Nicole. I actually like her better than Eileen. She’s older, and more mature and just so much greater depth that her teenage counterpart.

Plus, I spend more days with Nicole and I just like her better. I feel I can be honest with her the more I know her.

Amelia wants to start dating again.

She’s new to the city and lives in a studio with her cat. (Not good. As we know at phicklephilly!)

But if you’ve followed her series, she’s great and there’s so much hope and growth here.

She gives me a great reveal during our conversations.

“So you’re back on Bumble. That’s good.”

“I matched with this person but she seems like high maintenance.”

“You like Garret but…”

“What happened to your last relationship?”

“She didn’t trust me.”

“Wait. What?”

“I’m bisexual.”

“So is my sort of girlfriend.”

“Cool. Yea she fucked me over. We were together two years and have been split for nine months.”

“I’m sorry. So you’re even on both buckets. Your next love could be a guy or a girl?

“Yes.”

“Does your family know?”

“No.”

8th child in an Irish Catholic family based in central Pennsylvania.

Here’s a lovely girl that I absolutely adore. I love working with her. I love her work ethic in all that she does. I love her honesty and integrity.

I’m fascinated by the blessing that’s come upon our salon with these two wonderful women.

As much as I love Eileen as my hire and her savvy on the computer and her obvious beauty, I love Amelia more.

We’ve had some intimate conversations. I told her things about me. (No idea why but kind of love it.)

She told me she’s bisexual.

I instantly loved that.

Amelia is such a great employee and a wonderful person. We spoke about this at length and I’m glad she trusted me enough to confide.

I wish I knew more people like Amelia.

An elegant woman who was completely okay with her sexuality and able to love everyone.

I’m fascinated by her but do not look upon her as an oddity. A beautiful woman, born into a family of ten. They all have dark hair and baby daughter Amelia is blonde and blue-eyed.

And she’s kind of gay.

We’re all kind of gay. We just refuse to accept it.

But our Amelia has decided to tell me about her journey and I’m honored that she trusts me enough to tell her story.

I’d never do anything to hurt her or her reputation. (I’ve already told her some crazy gay shit from my childhood and she may even hook me up with a hot, passable TS)

A blog post I will celebrate on every social media site!

That’ll be amazing.

But after all of this… We went to Square 1682.

Church was there. He’s on point with burgers and insane drink recommendations. (See: Church – Brand Ambassador)

Amelia had a Sazerac and sipped a bit of it and I got her calamari.

I plowed three Chardonnays with ice like I always do and my favorite bartender Roman was on point. (See: Roman – Rock n Roll Bartender)

The night was good and its good for Church to talk to real girls. That’s all I bring. Fresh, nice girls that are fun to talk to. Church needs the practice .

Amelia’s cocktail, calamari, and my 3 Chardonnays all equal to $12 bucks. Total hookup.

I send Amelia home and tell her I got it because it’s all free. She loves this and for the first time feels the power that is the CHAZ.

We were in the salon tonight and she’s already talking about making a date for Gran Cafe La Aquila for the gelato.

Amelia wants this.

I know so much more about Amelia now. She’s equal for boys and girls. I look forward to more adventures.

It seems insane but phicklephilly writes itself…

 

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Amelia – Chapter 3 – Getting To Know You

Amelia could actually be the best employee we’ve ever had. I don’t know it for sure yet and neither does she, but that could be a trust statement.

I’ve never had two girls working with me at night during the busy season at the salon.

But I love it. I have busted my ass for 9 months on my own there. We were desperate to find some help. I hung up signs. We may have gone on Craigslist. We had a few girls apply but they were mostly alcoholics and hookers. (Not kidding) It’s hard to find quality help that’s willing to work those hours for $9 under that table.

But by some cosmic miracle I’ve been blessed with not one but two girls that are my comrades during this crazy Spring tanning season.

Initially I was apprehensive of a stranger like Amelia coming in from one of our trainers from some gym, but I have grown to adore her.

I’m so accustomed to running this entire place on my own it almost feels odd that I suddenly don’t have to be responsible for everything.

There’s someone else taking care of cleaning the beds, doing the laundry, and vacuuming.

I have the whole night mapped out in my head and now I have a helper that makes all of these chess moves without my guidance.

I love it.

Amelia is a wonderful woman. She’s the perfect hire. Beautiful, smart, fit and progressive in her approach.

It’s hard to teach her the computer when it’s mad busy. I have to do it. I know it. Fast and efficient. I don’t want Amelia to have to be baptized by fire. There’s no reason for it.

I’ve worked for shitty managers and they drop you into the fire. You learn quickly but its a painful experience. I’d rather have Amelia watch me rock and watch me and learn without the searing pressure. But if I’m at the helm and she’s cleaning beds I can cross sell and up sell more and that’s what we need right now.

It’s our busy season and I need to kill it.

I”ll train her, but cash is king right now and I need to be at the wheel.

Amelia is very utilitarian like a soldier. She’s on top of the cleaning and the laundry. That’s what I need right now. Perfect. Stay on top of the beds and let me keep the clients moving.

Amelia is on it. I like that about her.

She’s more proactive than Eileen. Both good but different. It’s something I have to deal with and Achilles can sit in his hot tub and collect the money.

The night is cranking. We have new clients and the place is making money.

 

My buddy Church rolls in to tan and hang. (See: Church – Brand Ambassador)

Normally we go to dinner after I close the salon. This time we invite Amelia.

She accepts and we all head over to Marathon. I know everybody over there and so does Church.

I’m happy to hang with my new hire and Amelia is lively. Because she’s military, she and Church connect which is good for him. He needs to get better at talking to girls.

We grab food and drinks and it’s a lovely meeting. I’m stupid happy I finally have staff and they’re actually cool. And… we can hang. Love that. (I never hung out with any of my former employees.)

Amelia could actually be the best employee we’ve ever had. I don’t know it for sure yet and neither does she, but that could be a trust statement.

The thing that really struck me about Amelia was her diversity.

I had an image of her when I met her.

Fit. Workout girl. Worked at a gym. Getting her certification in personal fitness. Air Force reserves. Uber on the weekends. A worker. (Loved that)

We’re sitting in the booth and I’m plowing a Manhattan, Rye up, with a brandied berry and she’s having a whiskey ginger. We start to talk.

She went to theater college. She wanted to be an actress. University of the Arts. She’s done acting. She’s done Stand Up.

I love her more.

She starts to sound and look like Annabelle. (See: Annablelle – Nice To Meet You) Not the bad parts of Annabelle, because there are plenty, but the good parts.

Here’s a girl who has risen from the grinding failure of show biz and has made her way out of that and worked her butt off to move forward.

She’s a bit more progressive over the salon than Eileen. More on top of the operations.

but I love Eileen and she is SO good on the computer.

This is new ground for me.

I adore them both and I’m so happy we’ve found not one, but two great women to work for our salon!

Going for drinks with Amelia at Square 1682 next Monday with or without Church!!

 

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