20 Easy-To-Miss Signs You’re In Love With The Wrong Person – Part 2

11. Their Behavior In Public Sometimes Embarrasses You

If you have a partner who is unable to act like an adult in public, you may be with the wrong person, Rappaport says. Maybe they have an annoying habit of getting super rowdy or maybe they don’t show respect for servers. “You don’t want to be apologizing for your partner’s bad behavior,” she says. If you find yourself in situations where you feel the need to make excuses or apologize for your partner’s behavior, you’re probably in love with the wrong person.

If this is happening in your relationship, talk to your partner about it. Don’t bring it up at the moment, and berate them like a child. Instead, wait until you’re alone together and have a serious talk. “Wait until you’re out of the situation, your emotions have neutralized and you’re in a private space to tell your partner that they embarrassed you and why,” Campana says. If it goes well, you can use this conversation as a way to understand your partner and possibly bring you closer together. If your partner can’t take the conversation seriously, it’s a telling sign that they’re not serious about you.

12. You Don’t Feel Comfortable Talking To Your Partner About What You Really Want In Bed

The definition of “good sex” varies from person to person. As Ricciardi says, “It’s unrealistic to think you’re going to be craving your partner’s body 24/7, 365 days a year like lovebirds do in the movies, but having a healthy sex life with lots of passion and desire is super important.” If you find that your partner isn’t as interested in things that you are in the bedroom or you find yourself not being sexually pleased, she says you may have fallen in love with the wrong person. Sure, many people have different libido levels or want different things in bed. Although communication is key, you need to have that level of intimacy in order to feel comfortable enough to tell your partner what you really want. “If you’re with the right person, your pleasure should be important to them,” she says.

13. You’re Having A Lot Of Sex Without Any Intimacy

If sexual compatibility is the only thing keeping you together, you may not be with the right one.

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“Most people think that regular sex with your partner means a healthy relationship, but not always,” Ponaman says. Instead, “emotional, connected sex” equates to a healthy relationship. If you’ve fallen in love with the wrong person, you may have this idea that having more sex is the key to keeping your relationship alive. According to Ponaman, many couples unconsciously shift from sex with an emotional connection to sex for necessity. “If it becomes something you pencil into your schedule, it’s no longer an act of love but a ‘to-do,'” she says. If sex is the only thing keeping the two of you together, that’s a sign you may be with the wrong one.

14. You Overthink Everything You’re Going To Say Because You Worry About What Your Partner Will Think

While it’s important to watch what you say, it’s even more important to have the freedom to express your feelings. When you’re in love with the wrong person, you will have a hard time being your true self around them. As Ellen Bolin, certified professional relationship coach, tells us, “You’ll never want to disappoint or ‘rock the boat,’ so you worry about how your partner is going to react to what you may want or need.” The right person will make you feel 100% comfortable being yourself. You’ll be able to say whatever you want without feeling like you’re going to be judged or ridiculed. If your partner triggers your deeply rooted insecurities or fears, reconsider whether this is a relationship that’s worth staying in. “Every relationship brings out different sides of our personality,” Campana says. “The most important thing is that the sides our partner brings out are the sides that we really like.”

15. They Like Having Things Go Their Way

“If you have a partner that is a bit selfish and has to have their way all the time, you may be … with someone who has not grown up sufficiently enough to be in a relationship,” Rappaport says. A healthy relationship with the right person is one where there’s compromise. You should be able to feel like your voice and your opinions truly matter to them. If you don’t, you might have fallen for someone who’s all wrong for you because they don’t respect you enough to see you as an equal.

16. You Don’t Care If Your Friends Or Family Like Them

Your friends and family can see things about your partner that you don't.

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As Samantha Daniels, Dating Expert and Founder of Samantha’s Table Matchmaking tells us, this is a big one for the majority of people in relationships. “The blessing of your friends and family can make or break any relationship,” she says. But if you find yourself thinking that you don’t care if your friends and family like the person you’re in love with, this may be a sign you’re in love with the wrong person. “This typically indicates that you might not feel as strongly about this person as you thought because if you did, then you would seek validation from your friends and family members.”

17. Being Around Their Family Makes You Uneasy

“I’m not saying this is a deal-breaker, but it certainly can be,” Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking, tells us. This is especially true if the family is super important to both of you. So if you just can’t stand their family (or vice versa), you may have picked the wrong person. “Chances are, no matter how crazy or wrong your partner’s family might be, they love them,” Trombetti says. “You may need to find someone to be in love with whose family is a better fit for you.” According to her, sometimes it happens. This is one of those things you really need to decide if you can live with.

18. They Are All About You And Your Needs Only

Having a partner who’s all about your needs may seem like a dream situation to some. But as dating coach Julie Spira says, this is an easy-to-miss sign that you’ve fallen in love with the wrong person. For example, when you and your partner are trying to choose a restaurant for dinner, your partner is the type to always (or most of the time) say, “I don’t care, you choose.” As Spira says, this constant catering to your needs could indicate that they don’t feel comfortable speaking up for their own wants or needs. “They may not feel comfortable enough to be themselves in the relationship or they struggle with their own feelings of insecurity and desire to please others,” she says. You should be with a partner, not someone who’s just going to wait and take orders from you. That is not the person you may want to be in a relationship with.

19. Your Relationship Makes You Feel Emotionally Exhausted

If your partner is emotionally exhausting, your relationship may be more trouble than it's worth.

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Nobody says relationships are easy. But it shouldn’t be so difficult to the point that you’re completely drained. As Daniels says, “a good relationship should leave you feeling energized, not drained.” If you realize that being with your significant other makes you feel emotionally exhausted, you may be in love with the wrong person. “This sign typically indicates that you don’t feel emotionally free and stable around this person, therefore you have to put up a front when you’re with them, leaving you emotionally drained,” she says.

20. You Love The Potential More Than The Reality

“​If you find yourself imaging who the person could be rather than who they actually are, this is a huge red flag,” Matlin says. ​In other words, you’re creating a fantasy scenario in your head while ignoring the realities of the situation. “Sometimes we love potential more than reality because we are actually scared of true vulnerability and commitment,” she says. “But this is self-sabotage in the making.” So if you find that your fantasy about your relationship doesn’t quite match up to reality, you may be in love with the wrong person.

It’s easy to beat yourself up when relationships fail or you keep going back to the same types of people that aren’t the best for you. But as Ponaman says, always have compassion for yourself.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, and this says nothing of your worth or ability to attract someone great,” she says. “This simply means you’ve made choices that are not aligned with who you truly are. If you want to find someone right for you, go back to square one. I know it’s hard to start over, but trust me, it’s worth it.”

Letting go of a situation that seems right but isn’t truly what you want can be hard. But if you can muster up the courage to do it, you can be in a relationship with the right person who loves you and who you love in return.

 

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Why People Cheat Even When They Know It’s Wrong, According To Psychologists

If you were to walk up to a random stranger and ask how they feel about cheating, chances are they’d say it’s not OK. In fact, 90 percent of people believe infidelity is unacceptable, and acknowledge the negative impact it can have on a relationship. And yet up to 40 percent of folks do it anyway.

Clearly, the math doesn’t add up. So why might someone go behind their partner’s back, even though they agree it’s wrong? “For some people, they appreciate the extra attention,” Dr. Christopher Ryan Jones, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and sex therapist, tells us. “This doesn’t mean that their partner at home is not giving them attention, though that is sometimes the case. But for some people they need validation from others.”

They might seek out another person’s time or attention — or even look for a hookup — as a way of feeling connected and seen. “This could be due to an improper view of self, low self-esteem, or self worth, etc.,” Jones says. “By cheating, they receive the validation they need and feel better about themselves.”

Other folks don’t set out with the goal of cheating, but instead see it happening little by little, especially if their needs aren’t being met. “Perhaps they’ve tried to communicate these needs with their partner but don’t feel heard or understood and, over time, and over multiple seemingly insignificant events, they start to fantasize about [meeting] certain needs (sexual and/or emotional) outside of the relationship,” Jaclyn Lopez Witmer, a licensed clinical psychologist at Therapy Group of NYC, tells Bustle.

Some people cheat on their partner as a way of boosting their self-esteem.

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This might mean flirting with a friend or being way too open with a coworker, and building an affair from there. “Perhaps an opportunity presents itself for a connection with someone else and, as the expression goes, one thing leads to another,” Lopez Witmer says. “This might start with ‘emotional cheating,’ [or] sharing intimate moments or vulnerable feelings with someone who is not their partner.”

Because it isn’t happening all in one fell swoop, it’s easier to get used to what’s going on, and later justify it to themselves. “There’s the moral piece to that, and also factors at play like length of time in relationship with [their] primary partner, quality of relationship, how one defines ‘cheating’ (e.g., emotional, physical, only involving sexual contact, etc.), among others,” Lopez Witmer says.

If they view their relationship as somehow flimsy or flawed, emotional cheating might not feel like a big deal — or it might even feel like it’s somehow OK due to the circumstances. “Usually, before cheating occurs there’s a shift in how the cheating partner feels about their partner and the relationship, and they (consciously or unconsciously) choose to step away from their partner,” Lopez Witmer says. “This usually happens first in their mind before any other person is involved.”

Cheating in all its forms can also be used as a way to end relationships. So while someone might not endorse cheating, they might be OK with using it as a way to break things off with their partner. “For them, its easier to just find someone else,” Jones says. “In this situation their partner breaks up with them, so they don’t have to do it, and they already have another relationship so they don’t have to be single.” In such a win-win situation, cheating can be tempting.

Expert say some people cheat, even though they know it's wrong, as a way to end a relationship they no longer want to be in.

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While someone might agree that cheating is wrong, they could find themselves doing it anyway for all these reasons and more. But it’s far less likely to happen if a couple is willing to talk it out. “This means expressing emotional needs and difficult emotions to your partner and also being open to hearing what your partner feels and needs in return that you may not be adequately providing,” Lopez Witmer says.

And this is true even if it feels tough or uncomfortable. “Often we choose not to share how we are really feeling out of fear that we will hurt the other person or that it will become a big, intense argument,” Lopez Witmer says. But the more often couples share these types of things, and support each other, the easier it becomes.

It can also help to chat about what constitutes cheating, “both emotional and physical,” Anita A. Chlipala, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist, tells us. “It’s a lot easier to cross a boundary when the boundary is blurred,” she says. But if a couple agrees on what’s OK and what isn’t, and is willing to talk about how they’re feeling and what they want on a regular basis, they’ll both be way less likely to resort to cheating.

 

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How to Flirt with a Coworker Subtly & Learn How they Feel About You

Having a crush on a colleague is hard. You see them every day! Learn how to flirt with a coworker subtly, if you want to move things along.

Ah, that awkward but common situation—having a crush on someone you work with. We’ve all been there at some stage, but did you ever try to move things along and find out if they felt the same way? If so, did it work? If it didn’t, learn how to flirt with a coworker subtly.

The biggest problem with this situation is that if you flirt up a storm and it doesn’t go your way, you continue to see them on a daily basis. It may make life difficult and embarrassing, and as a result, your work may suffer.

Of course, that’s the negative side. The positive? They might feel the same way and you could find yourselves the new hottest couple on the block!

Know your office HR policies

Learning how to flirt with a coworker is about subtleness. It’s a difficult line to walk in many ways, but with a little practice and dedication, you’ll get there. But first, are you actually allowed to have relationships with coworkers?

Not every workplace allows relationships between coworkers, and it varies from place to place as to whether it’s prohibited or allowed. While most workplaces are a little more lenient these days than they were before, it’s still an unspoken rule in many cases.

It could also be that relationships or unions between different staff grades are frowned upon. You can argue until you’re blue in the face whether it’s right or not, but rules are rules. If your job is important to you *hopefully it will be*, then you need to know where you stand before you even attempt to try and flirt up a storm with the apple of your eye.

Most workplaces have a code of conduct manual or document so simply check things out beforehand, but in the most subtle of ways!

Assuming you’ve done that and you know that coworker dalliances aren’t frowned upon, what else do you need to know? Oh, the fact that you’re potentially playing with fire.

Yes, more negatives, but I want you to be armed and prepared before you go into flirting battle.

What if it goes wrong?

I hate being negative, but think about the possibility that either this person doesn’t like you back in the same way, or things go well and suddenly turns sour. Remember, relationships or not, hook up or not, you see this person on a daily basis at work and that could be excruciating for you in some situations.

Your job is important, and whether or not you see yourself staying with that company for the rest of your working days or not, it’s important to be professional and do your best while there. You’re not going to be able to do that if you cringe every time they walk into the office. This could be even worse if you must work very closely with this person.

Of course, it could be equally as excruciating if your crush turns into a full blown love that you must keep quiet because you’re working with this person, and you’re scared to make a move.

The only thing you can do is go with what feels right and what you know you can live with. I had a crush on one of my work colleagues. I told him after we’d bumped into each other in a bar and had a drunken kiss that literally made my life up until that point.

It didn’t work out for me, and it was so embarrassing for so long, but thankfully I didn’t have to work closely with him. I got over it, and while I no longer work there, that wasn’t the reason I left.

So, make your decision, and move towards the successful, but subtle, flirting plan.

How to flirt with a coworker in a subtle, yet successful way

There are four main areas to this tactic:

#1 Body language.
#2 Selective verbal clues.
#3 Creating an air of mystery and sexual tension.
#4 Taking the flirting out of the workplace.

Body language and selective verbal clues are things you can do every single day. It builds up the mystery and sexual tension, which can be taken out of the workplace. For example, suggesting you meet up for a drink after work to discuss a project. Of course, you’re not going to discuss a project, you’re going to flirt a little harder!

Remember, learning how to flirt with a coworker is all about being subtle. Whether or not relationships and unions are allowed in your workplace or not, don’t go around being blatantly obvious about what you want. You are being paid to be professional at work!

A few useful ways to use body language and selective verbal clues are:

– Make eye contact when you speak

– Gently touch them on the arm when you’re speaking

– Bite your lip when you’re listening to them talk

– Show interest in what they have to say

– Get them a coffee or a drink whenever you get one for yourself

– Ask them how their evening was on a regular basis, i.e. showing interest

– Nudge them gently in a playful manner

– Identify mutual hobbies or things of interest and focus on talking about them

As you can see, these aren’t ‘in your face’ flirting techniques. They do get you closer to your crush and show a connection you don’t have with anyone else. By doing this, you create a little tension. Take the flirting up a notch, with eye contact, gentle touching, and lip biting.

Obviously, I don’t have to tell you that you shouldn’t go around touching people if they don’t seem comfortable with it, or in a way which would be deemed inappropriate. Remember, you’re at work! A gentle, but fleeting, hand on the arm when making a point is as far as you should go.

Time to take the plunge

Once you’re sure that your coworker has grasped the idea that you’re flirting and not just being very friendly, and you see signs of flirting coming back your way, suggest a meeting outside of work. Now, as subtle as the rest of the flirting has been, continue the theme when you ask them out.

Keep work ingrained within it if you can. You can back out if they refuse. This will save your face in a big way!

For instance, suggest you meet for a coffee or a drink in the bar across the road after work to continue brainstorming ideas for the project you’re both working on. Or, mention that you’re going to a new bar and they should pop in and check it out for themselves if they’re in the area. Keep it casual. Don’t let on that it’s actually a date you’re suggesting.

Learning how to flirt with a coworker can be difficult. You might not feel you’re showing your crush that you’re interested. The subtle route lets you veil your attempts, providing you an embarrassment safety net.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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